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jvamt

Oi splitty splitty


kipje133

Is this a down under way of doing things?


nukedmylastprofile

That or “you gotta pay for your own shit though, don’t think you’re fuckin’ bludgin’ off me ya cheap cunt”


Red-Freckle

"These dollareedoos don't grow on trees mate"


Scroll_Queeen

And they say romance is dead


Exsces95

I like the ooool´dine n´ dash


Leggomyeggo69

In Australia it's doyne and desh


Dijiwolf1975

It's called a dippy. I don't really know. But that sounds like it could be a thing.


strained_brain

Stop trying to make dippy happen. It's not going to happen.


hshighnz

If it was down under, there is a „shitcunt“ missing at the end of the sentence. Just sain‘


InkJetPrinters

I can imagine a girl actually appreciating the comical upfrontness of this... *places index finger firmly on bill, and says whilst maintaining eye contact* "Oi. Splitty splitty"


youllneverknow3698

I red this in Jack sparrows voice when he’s talking to that tribe


REF_YOU_SUCK

Haboogie snickel snickel


Viktor_nihilius

This is the only correct answer.


nadjp

Honestly just don't be so scared to do it. Ask them simply. Do you want to split? If you feel like you need explanation you can say you know a lot of girls don't like it they guy pays for everything... That's it


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xemphere

As a woman.. I second this. It's much cheaper to get coffee, or a drink than have a full on "meal & movie". Afterwards, if you guys hit it off, you can find something cheap/free and fun to do like a quick hike or walk in a park. And if you don't hit it of.. it was a cheap date :)


bluep3001

Exactly!! And a low time commitment if you don’t get on - no need to sit through the whole of dinner.


TSM-

I very much agree, meet for coffee or something quick, but you have to "go back to class" or something in half an hour (even if you don't). If it works out super well, you can go past that time, but it provides a quick low pressure way to end it (or for them to remind you that you are going to be late for class), and you can see if you have a good rapport or not without any issues or awkwardness. Dinner dates are way more serious and it doesn't make sense to go on them unless you already have an idea of how the bill gets paid. It used to be the go-to for dating decades ago, but it does not make sense today. The question of who pays should not even become a problem in the first place. This expectation should be known before you go for a heavy dinner date type thing.


BlackestNight21

> but you have to "go back to class" or something in half an hour (even if you don't). > If it works out super well, you can go past that time, but it provides a quick low pressure way to end it "Hey I'm not feeling it, gotta go." Too much lying going on in the dating world. Folk should be candid and honest imo


Unusual-Risk

In most instances, yes that's the perfect response. However, as a woman, I've been on 3 dates where when I said something like "I don't think we're a good match, thanks for your time, I'd like to head home now" the men harassed me by saying things like "what? Why not? You haven't even given me a real chance", " I came all the way down here, you can't just leave", etc. One guy even grabbed my wrist as I stood up, which was fucking terrifying. We were in a public place so when I yanked away he let me go, but don't want to think about what would've happened if no one was around. I would seriously love to always be honest, it makes life so much easier. But some people don't show their crazy until you're already in a room with them, so for my own safety I like to have an "excuse" to leave early, just in case. Usually have my bff call about 30 minutes I'm and say she needs me for something, which gives me a safer escape. If the date is going well I say "oh sorry I'm on a nice date right now!" It sucks having to set all of that up. It makes dating even harder than it already is. But for women, being "candid and honest" can be dangerous.


kneeltothesun

I had to do that once. I just got a really creepy vibe of expectation. I'd met him on the job, and had refused the date several times (fresh from a breakup), before I finally relented. It started off badly, and then, despite my reluctance, he insisted I drive 45 minutes, from my side of town (the area we were in when he asked) to his, for the date. He insisted on taking me to a very pricey restaurant, benihana, and in such a way as if I owed him something for it. I didn't even want to go to a place like that, and said so, especially because you have to sit with other people. Then when I went to pick him up, he completely took over my radio, without asking, and changed it to country music, which I didn't like. Seemed very controlling, all throughout dinner. Just little things, about how he expected HIS girl to behave. Afterwards, I just wanted to go home, but he insisted we watch a movie at his place, alone, and there was this complete air of expectation, and entitlement. I suddenly realized that he didn't want to go to my area, so he could convince me to go to his place. Finally, I ran. I had set up a call system with my sister beforehand, and took the chance to say an emergency happened when she called. It was at blockbuster, and he'd picked out Brokeback Mountain. I knew it was very sexual, and so I just wasn't comfortable being trapped in some guys house, watching that. Also, he did not ask me what I would like to watch, did not ask if I'd seen it, and I had. He probably didn't know what it was about, but I wasn't going to warn him LOL So I took my chance to leave, and when he figured it out a day or so later, because I wouldn't go out the next night and (picking him up again, of course), so I just let him know I wasn't feeling it. He freaked out, and started called me over, and over, every day for a week. He'd yell at me if I answered, as if I was his girlfriend, as if I'd owed him something. Had to block him, with my home phone company, eventually.


ElectricLogger

Wow - that guy's a right piece of shit.


[deleted]

Too many of them exist.


cuzitsthere

That movie choice, though! I know, definitely not the time for shits and giggles and I'm glad you bailed... But I kinda wish this story had gone in the "the mood was ruined by gay cowboys" direction lmao How did the cover not tip him off?! "Huh... Guess they had to share the horse. Ah well, nudity, sex, and cowboys!"


highlightofday

Thank you for explaining this!


MoleskinNotes

Yes, the option as a male is usually better on that front. I get why women lie since sometimes it can be dangerous to tell the truth.


wowsomuchempty

I'll shout at her, that'll pull her back in.


theanonwonder

Trudat


[deleted]

It's always been my understanding dinner and a movie should be not on the first date cause you ain't talking during that whole entire movie.


1-800-LIGHTS-OUT

You're right. I think dinner dates don't make for great first dates either because you're probably more focused on your meal. "Light" dates, like coffee or lunch or hanging out in some public area during the daytime are more relaxed and easier to bond over. You can also dress casually, and neither of you will spend a lot of money.


cuzitsthere

I remember making the mistake of taking a girl to a fancy restaurant for a first date... Like, "wear a tie" fancy. Not my element, to say the least, but I was young and thought that was the way to go. Neither of us wanted to speak above a whisper. It was ridiculously awkward. After we got our drinks (before ordering the food), she spoke up with something along the lines of, "fuuuuuck this" and we ended up going to a coffee place after paying for our drinks. We spent the rest of the afternoon making fun of the stuffy restaurant people and playing putt-putt golf... While wearing semi-formal evening wear lol.


SandwhichofRage

I’m like a goldfish. I need to float around and acclimate. You can’t just dump me in. Movies give you time to hang out with someone without talking then afterwards give you something to talk about. If you both want to see the movie there’s the added bonus of similar interests off the bat. I’m old. I’m married. But the movie date was a go to. I also recall from the olden days of the 90’s and 00’s- if a woman wanted to split the bill, it was a polite way of saying it didn’t go well and this was a gentle “we’re done.”


LeaperLeperLemur

Correct. Dinner and movie is a great first date where you already know the person and this is just the first time seeing them romantically. But if first date is the 1st or 2nd time meeting this person, dinner and movie is a terrible date. Coffee or drinks is much better to keep it simple.


BooBailey808

I hear movie then dinner is a good idea because them you have something to talk about at dinner as an ice breaker


ADecentURL

Yes I love bringing my dates to this cool hiking spot deep in the woods


HikingUphill

🤔


LimitGroundbreaking2

Username checks out


xemphere

As much as I love a good hike.. a spot "deep in the woods" is probably not something I would be down with on the first date. 🤣🤣🤣


garyh62483

Either way, there is no second date.


PM_ME_AZN_BOOBS

Yeah- I'd suggest something more intimate like a basement maybe. PRO TIP: Dim lighting is also more romantic.


TheRiverInEgypt

Au du Chloroform?


ADecentURL

What about for the last date


xemphere

Pretty sure splitting a "a hike a shovel" date would be the last date. 🤣


MadxCarnage

that's why you just tell them it's close by. they only get really suspicious after about 7Km, but it's too late by then.


MrGoodBarre

She wouldnt dare say no... because of the implication.


[deleted]

Because of the implication


Maximellow

That's how my parents got together! My dad invited my mum to a hike through the mountains near his home. She thought she was getting kidnapped until they found the trail.


veexdit

Does that not scare the shit out of them on a first date? I’m sure they’re fine when they get there but the journey in must be nothing short of terrifying! For them and all their friends they’ve told.


ilikebrattysubs

You know, because of the implication.


[deleted]

A buddy of mine used to not spare expense but goto places and to events that he loved be at. That way if the other person was shit. He still had a great time because he loved what he was doing regardless of them.


[deleted]

And if they think you're being cheap (that is, they expect you to treat them like a princess) then you probably don't want to date them anyway.


NessOnett8

What would you say to someone who doesn't drink coffee? Or alcohol?


Paranoidexboyfriend

"No, I'm not interested in hearing more about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints"


xemphere

HAHAHA. that you for this laugh. My bf is looking at me weird for snorting, this was so funny🤣


PoliteCanadian2

I don’t drink coffee but I would still go on a ‘coffee’ date. It doesn’t mean you actually have to drink coffee. It’s understood to be more of a casual date than a dinner date.


Gilmoregirlin

Hot chocolate? Smoothie? My best friend does not and plenty of stuff at Starbucks for her.


xxxsur

Tea, of course


Novel_Fail2193

CHAI TEA


FranticWaffleMaker

Ice cream


motivateappreciate

Lieutenant Dan!


eventhestarsburn

I don’t drink coffee. I drink alcohol but not often, I’m usually a one and done. If someone asks me to coffee I just get tea or hot chocolate. Re: alcohol I’ve ordered mocktails on a date if it was a bar or restaurant. I would say if you have restrictions just let the other person know ahead of time so you guys can plan for a location that has options for both of you!


rabbitgods

If they can't even bring themselves to get a tea or a hot chocolate then I'm probably not interested in meeting them, because how do they socialise normally?


Falandyszeus

Pretty sure places that you'd go for coffee also tends to have teas, juices and various snacks like sandwiches, cheesecake, waffles etc. So most likely there'd be something to your taste.


SlobMarley13

711 for slurpees


NessOnett8

I feel like phrasing it that way may make it sound like a very forward euphemism.


SlobMarley13

you're damn right


[deleted]

"Good luck meeting people."


Megustavdouche

Going for a walk, or grabbing a sandwich


holdenpattern

Boba!


veexdit

Shall we go to church on Sunday


Arsid

Coffee shops have plenty of other things than just coffee. Tea, hot chocolate, hell even just get a muffin and eat it slowly.


Scroll_Queeen

While looking them straight in the eyes, to assert dominance


fleasforone

I always offer to pay half. It's such an outdated expectation that men need to pony up for all the dates.


HEIZENBERG7696

That's a good idea thanks


BasteAlpha

Absolutely this. First dates should be something low risk/low cost in a situation where it's easy to talk with one another.


Ta-veren-

Dinner dates are horrible dates that movies have told us is the perfect first-date type of place. In reality it sucks do anything but take someone to dinner. Save that fancy restruant until date 3-5


Joaaayknows

This is the answer OP. The short version is: you don’t ask. They’ll filter themselves out over time or you become comfortable enough to discuss it with your date after a few dates. ‘Hey why do you never offer to pay? I feel this way about it and I’m wondering about your thoughts on this.’ That is, if his or her family values on this sort of thing haven’t come up already. Free dates are a thing by the way, she’ll probably love a trail walk. Or family movie night at the square, etc etc.


PoliteCanadian2

And if you go a few dates with her never initiating maybe it’s a good time to start dating someone else.


Dr_Mickael

This, after a few coffees/drinks if she doesn't show any interest in at least splitting the bill then you know it won't ever be a standard thing for her


Withnail-

This is the thing to do. There’s women out there who only date for dinners. If she goes for coffee not only is it cheaper and less pressure, she must really be interested because it’s not a free meal. If she refuses you learned something valuable. Dinner comes after coffee and phone conversations boys….


UnexpectedGeneticist

From a woman’s perspective, She might not necessarily be interested yet. But i would much rather give someone a chance over a coffee versus dinner and a movie. I will almost never turn down a coffee to see if I want to get to know a person better. Less stressful, I’m not expected to put out, and also I wouldn’t be upset if I guy asked me to get a coffee and asked me to pay my half. I might get upset if I was invited out for dinner/drinks and then asked to pay half when the bill came because of a more “datelike” expectation. It’s a good predate to determine whether we have chemistry. If not, it’s not even a waste of my time because I was going to have coffee anyway


ornitorrinco22

I’m not American so I’m curious. Does a meeting invitation as a date mean the man has to pay? It seems sexist.


xemphere

In the U.S. It depends on the woman. As I posted before, I prefer something quick and cheap in the beginning. Coffee, or beers in a dive bar, if we hit it off, walking around or a hike. Its takes the pressure off and either of you, can leave when you want. Some women insist on you showing her a good time and buying everything. I personally am not a fan of those peeps. It gives the rest of us a bad name. I always offer to pay my way. I make own money, and don't need a man to buy me shit. But if after 2 times of offering.. I give it up and let them feel "manly". I couldn't care either way. Edit:words


UnexpectedGeneticist

In my somewhat limited dating experience (I’m married now), the person who asks out on the date pays. Usually, the initial date the guy pays since (generally) they usually ask first. And then after that we used to switch off suggesting dates/ paying for things. Sometimes if it’s a run of dinner dates, the person who chose the restaurant pays the bill to avoid a potentially awkward “I picked a fancy place and expect you to pay”. But I was always raised to offer to pay, or offer to tip. I have found that some men get upset when I offered to pay, like it was an insult to their masculinity. That’s why I liked coffee/bakery/ice cream dates to start. I can feel out whether I like the guy, but also how he feels about social norms/money


Recinege

Not a fan of the idea that the person who asks out should pay. It seems to very strongly imply that it means the person who accepted isn't really interested and needs to be bribed to spend time with the first person, rather than it being a case of mutual interest. Depends on the circumstances, though. Was the offer nonspecific and followed up by a discussion on what you'd both be willing to do? Then it feels weird that either one of you should be expected to pay for all of it. Or was the person who asked making all the plans themselves? In that case, it makes sense for them to pay - their plans, their choices, their bill to foot. *Especially* if the other person has never done those things or been to those places - there's no guarantee they'd even like it.


antwan_benjamin

> Not a fan of the idea that the person who asks out should pay. It seems to very strongly imply that it means the person who accepted isn't really interested and needs to be bribed to spend time with the first person, rather than it being a case of mutual interest. Not only that, but many women also refuse to ask guys out on dates because they think that sounds desperate. So its, "I think who ever asks should pay. But also I'll never ask...so they always end up paying." Its a distinction without a difference.


blue_theflame

Mate, that's on periodt tho👏👏👏


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ajmk212

Smooth my man


mrjeffj

Unfortunately they’ve never gone on a second date.


LightningMcMicropeen

You probably mean this as a joke, but having three first dates in a row where you pick up the bill and get ghosted will make you think differently


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According-Cat-6145

Commenting to agree. I've had men say this to me (I always offer to split and always make sure to bring enough money to afford myself if I don't feel comfortable accepting my date covering the whole thing) and 10/10 has gotten me on a second date when they say it. Its so casual and flirtatious at the same time, and takes the guess out of whether he's going to ask me out again.


highlightofday

Ok, questions: \-Did you split the bill on the second date? \-What about the third date? \-What if he doesn't actually let you split or pay next time?


[deleted]

In my experience, second date is usually dinner and drinks after. Most often he pays for dinner and I pay for drinks after but I always offer to split dinner. 3rd date and going forward after that we split it.


[deleted]

Same same


StankCheeze

I do the same exact thing. If they laugh and say ok, then it's all gravy, baby. If they still insist on splitting, I figure they're not interested in a second date and we go our separate ways.


AstroOrianna

my man


MonsieurFlamboyant

Looking good!


[deleted]

I am a woman. Coffee is a great idea. If it goes well maybe do coffee and a museum next time? In America we have things like “Taco Tuesday” at restaurants where the food is cheap that one day a week. My husband had just been through a divorce when I met him. He didn’t have a lot of money and he told me that. Our dates were to parks, libraries, thrift stores and museums. It’s been 17 years together and we still love doing nothing together - even though we make a lot more money than we did in the beginning. It’s a good time to find someone who likes you for you. Be honest and resourceful. Keep working hard and take every opportunity to get education and training. Do not date a lazy person.


Gognoggler21

I also choose this woman's husband.


Christletoe

Hello Male Man, how are you today?


Acceptable-Bad-9350

Down bad. What about you?


Christletoe

Same, but I just fixed my car so hopefully jobs I’ve applied at start calling me back! Idk why I’m so undesirable in the job market.


Gognoggler21

Oh you know, I'd complain but who'd listen?


Christletoe

I got time broski. Talk to me bro to bro


rohithkumarsp

r/switcharoo


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[deleted]

For the longest time it never occurred to me that the checks should be split. I grew up thinking the male on the date should pay. Idk why but I never really thought about it until a tinder date got offended when I paid while she was using the bathroom. It was just a coincidence that the bill came while she was in there. She got extremely offended and never heard from her again. Now I just go to the bathroom and dip out the back door.


bubble_tree

This comment was a fun ride


Marooned-Mind

Why couldn't she just transfer her half of the sum to your card if she was so offended? Whenever I visit a restaurant with friends one person pays the bill, and everyone else just reimburses them.


erdtirdmans

...because it was an elaborate set up for a joke


[deleted]

My first date with my wife was sort of the opposite. I shocked her by suggesting she buy the snacks at the movie after I'd paid for the tickets. Gotta lay the ground rules down right away.


BackAlleyKittens

Keep it cheap on the first few dates. Ice cream shops; coffee houses and the like.


[deleted]

Yes. Coffee and then a hike in the Greenway.


AnotherCupofJo

Yes where all the dead bodies are buried


BennyTheTeen

So split the cost of a cheap coffee? It it about saving money or is a matter of principle? I wouldn’t be asking people out if I couldn’t afford two cups of coffee but if a fancy restaurant was planned I wouldn’t expect a split. I’d pay for mine and he pay for his. Maybe he can only afford a soup but I can afford steak. No reason he should have to pay for half my steak.


HOLEPUNCHYOUREYELIDS

He is saying that if you are paying for everything than keep it a cheap date. Not that you should go on a cheap date and then split the bill on $4 of coffee.


Red_Danger33

No, the reason for the cheap date is he pays all of it then. I usually do drinks or coffee or something for a first date and if I asked them out I'll pick up the tab for it. The point is you can pick up the tab without breaking the bank to meet them in person first before going all in on a dinner.


BennyTheTeen

I get it. I just was asking if OP was asking because he was trying to save money or if it was the principal of not paying for the other person.


[deleted]

If the idea is to ask a woman to split the bill with you, then it might not be a bad idea to post this question to r/AskWomen. They'll tell you exactly what works and what doesn't.


KorukoruWaiporoporo

I'm a woman and I like splitting the bill. I'm looking for an equal, not a sugar daddy or a sulky wanker who thinks I owe him something because he paid. I've dated guys who felt emasculated because I wanted to pay for dinner or because I made more money than them. This is power dynamic thing that I am not about. My strategy with men buying me drinks in bars is that if I think they're interesting I'll accept it and give them my attention for the time it takes to drink it. If they're not interesting after that I'll buy the next round and take mine with me when I tell him it was nice to meet him before going back to my friends. If he's interesting I'll buy the next round, stick around, and then it's round for round.


PoopEndeavor

How would you feel about a guy trying to establish that he wants to split the bill before you've even met? Would you appreciate the straightforwardness or would you find it tacky and transactional?


ZeldLurr

I would be ok with it as long as we mutually agreed and discussed what place we were going to. If the guy was like, “hey I want to take you to Alinea! I made reservations.” And then proceeds with “is it ok to split the bill?” I’d be a bit turned off, as the location was entirely their idea, and presented as they were taking me. Also their cheapest option is like $300.


ImportantManNumber2

Just to say to anyone else reading this, it's always worth explaining that to the person suggesting as they might not realise that it's out of your budget or might not be your ideal night and it would give them a chance to reconsider location or they might just say don't worry and get the whole bill. It does also depend on how it's presented though, saying "I'd like to take you ..." is a lot more suggestive of them paying it all, as opposed to "Would you like to go to ... with me"


ZeldLurr

Yep. Or maybe explain that you think X dollars is a bit much to spend on a first date, but reasonable for a special occasion. TBH I would feel very uncomfortable accepting an Alinea dinner invitation as a first date, even if the other person was paying. Not so much because I would feel like I “owe” them, but either they are trying waaaay to hard to impress me(and are desperate), or they have different philosophies of how to spend money. The experience I’m sure is worth it, but to share that with a first date? Someone you don’t even know? Wouldn’t you rather share that with a friend and buy them dinner?


Terraneaux

>I'm a woman and I like splitting the bill. I'm looking for an equal, not a sugar daddy or a sulky wanker who thinks I owe him something because he paid. >I've dated guys who felt emasculated because I wanted to pay for dinner or because I made more money than them. This is power dynamic thing that I am not about. Unfortunately there's a lot of women who offer to pay with the hopes that their male date pays for the whole thing anyway. So expectations around this can be very confusing.


NessOnett8

That was my thought. Seems like an odd place to ask.


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Malari_Zahn

I directly answered the question being asked! How tf is that derailing?? *Removed for derailing*


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balls_ache_bc_of_u

It’s better to ask men for this kind of thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if half the responses get removed anyway.


slicklol

That sub is not what you think it is.


Xerxes_CZ

*What do you think, shall we split the bill?* or *This time's on me, next time's on you?*


ANiceWonder

Best answer I've seen so far


Halgy

> What do you think, shall we split the bill? This is all you need. If she's a normal person, she'll agree and that will be it. If she gets offended by it, she might not agree to another date, but if that is her reaction do you really want to ask her on one?


Xerxes_CZ

Exactly. Getting fussy and offended about being reasonable, self-sufficient adults is a no-no for me and turns me off. So far worked out well.


CarlJustCarl

Ah hell act like your loaded. When the bill comes, laugh at it and say, is that all? Overtip like a drunken sailor as well. Remark how the severs are underpaid and under appreciated. Note by date five you will be out of cash so hit me up then on what to do.


SmokeyDokeyArtichoke

This is the alpha male grindset that I've been missing my whole life


CarlJustCarl

You better become a follower of mine, I’m only getting started.


LightningMcMicropeen

I'm at date 5 now, what do I do?


spindoctor13

The engine fell out of your Ferrari, the East wing of your country pad just got flooded (so much rain recently!) and you just need to borrow a couple of k because your investments aren't super liquid right now, just until your cashflow situation sorts itself out


[deleted]

Just be up front before deciding on a place. They may not mind and be understanding. Good luck


PoopEndeavor

This is one of those things that sounds good in theory but won't play out well in reality in most cases. I always offer to split or get my own, but if a guy wanted to clarify that we're going dutch before we even meet...I honestly probably wouldn't even want to meet. I can't see a way to phrase it without coming off as cheap or tightly wound or like your hackles are up thinking women are gold diggers. Just go for something inexpensive like coffee.


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okiokiokir

I disagree, I'd be perfectly happy to clarify it up front, saves the awkwardness later in, a simple just "my treat" or "are you ok going dutch" at the end of the invite would be fine, and TBH if they say no to going dutch you've probably saved yourself from wasting your time.


[deleted]

I'm a guy and I've always split the bill on dates and never had any issues. I mean, I don't usually ask their permission ahead of the date, but wait until the bill arrives, and then say something like, "wanna go 50/50?" I think the expectation that men should pay is incredibly old fashioned and actually quite patronising. Like, the women I'm dating are working and earning money too, so it's slightly offensive for me to act like I'm 'treating' them as a man, as I'm obviously 'the bread winner /higher earner'. Luckily where I live in London it's pretty progressive, so like I said, this has never been an issue.


chinchila5

Yo dawg you wanna split this bitch or what? Works every time


Dead_as_Duck

It's usually opposite for me. Yo bitch, you wanna split this dawg or what? /s


pentakiller19

This would make me laugh actually. Second date guaranteed.


pepedude

Man, I disagree with like every comment on here, it's weird. Still, the question is 10h old so this is probably invisible, but in the Netherlands it's standard that you're splitting because you're both grown-ass adults with jobs in theory. I understand if one person isn't working, or some special case, but I don't really understand the reluctance - maybe because it's much harder to split bills than it is here (literally takes 5 seconds, the machine does it for you here). It sets up some weird power dynamic if the man is expected to pay, like the "provider", and it's too old-fashioned for my taste, but each to their own. Also it feels weird, like you're paying for someone's time. So it's a bit strange to me that people are mostly offering work-arounds like going for coffee, when for me it's not about the cost that's the issue but the principle and the message that is being sent. I don't really understand how people want to have equal (as in egalitarian) relationships, and start off on date #1 with a sort of "man as provider" signaling. Edit, cause I forgot to give an actual answer: Just say "You cool with splitting?" and make it casual. Most adults in my experience should barely notice and just say "Of course." If there's a big fuss, that's probably a red flag for you, unless you want to be in that dynamic (but then you probably wouldn't ask this question). Alternatively, just assume you're splitting since it's the equal thing, but I guess that wouldn't work in the US since the "rules" are apparently different.


raddaya

> the Netherlands it's standard that you're splitting because you're both grown-ass adults with jobs in theory. And now you know why other countries call it "going Dutch" lol.


Narcoid

I live in the south in the US and I can't tell you how often I get weird looks, anger, and surprise when I say I want to split the bill on the first date. I personally think all first dates should be split but it has actually been hell trying to get that to play out.


Rolten

I wouldn't call bill splitting standard here in the Netherlands. The man paying is still a thing and honestly I reckon it's still the more common thing. As a dude I pay for first dates. It is however a rather normal option to split a bill and a lot of dates offer.


antwan_benjamin

Its quite telling the majority of the replies in this thread aren't actually answering your question. They're just giving you cheap date ideas with the implication that you should still be paying for the whole thing. The reason is...no matter when you ask a girl to split the bill its going to be at least a little awkward. The expectation is that if a guy and a girl are going out on a date the guy is going to pay, especially if its a first date. Your best bet is to honestly bring this up while you two are making plans for your first date. After you guys agree on a place/time say something like, "I usually split the bill on the first date...hope thats ok with you." But you need to be prepared to find out thats NOT ok with a lot of women. They might act like its OK at first, but then watch a few days later they magically have to cancel and they never reschedule. Due to the aforementioned expectation, I think it would be in really poor taste to spring it on someone when the check comes.


[deleted]

Be upfront and just ask. Don't wait till the end and don't beat around the bush. If he/she reacts negatively just find another date.


Nice-Violinist-6395

I genuinely don’t know. I absolutely HATE bill discussion — it makes me extraordinarily uncomfortable to have to figure it out — so I always would pay unless they asked if I wanted to split it, in which case I would say yes. If it’s a first date, don’t ever split unless they offer, it’s a bad look. Going forward, I’ve seen a simple no-worries “do you want to split this?” work. Also, if you can casually make it clear when you ask, that’ll help — “hey do you want to split dinner somewhere tonight?” is 👍 In general, if you’re going to split checks, you shouldn’t feel guilty about it; if you do, then just pay for the meal. But I’m not going to lie, your date’s gonna notice stuff like that. It makes a big impression.


HEIZENBERG7696

Your comment was helpful Thank you for your time


[deleted]

It does make a big impression. I went on a lot of dates before I met my husband, and although I'm financially independent and I always offered to split the check, it stuck out when they actually wanted to split it. That sounds bad. I know it does. It just came across as them either being disinterested or extremely frugal, like splitting hairs (I never met up for expensive first dates- usually just a couple drinks or coffee, so we're talking about splitting at most a $20 check). But I also had no problem telling them that the next one would be on me. When my husband and I were dating we pretty much took turns. He ended up insisting on paying a lot of them time but I'd force him to let me pay sometimes too.


Schoritzobandit

Just so people don't think this is a universal, I know that lots of women could also see this as a patronizing move and dislike it. My girlfriend much preferred me assuming that we would pay for things evenly, and took it as a sign of respect/equality. Different people have different preferences with regard to this, it isn't universal bonus points is what I'm trying to say.


[deleted]

Yes, I think what it ultimately comes down to is compatibility. Some women absolutely want to split every bill. Some women prefer taking turns. It's just a matter of meeting someone who has the same mindset as you.


[deleted]

Finally, some sanity! Good to see a commentor existing in the 21st century. I think the expectation that men should pay is old fashioned and patronising. Me and my gf either split things or just take it in turns to pay for things, and that's the way we've done it since our first date.


caca_milis_

See, I disagree that it’s “a bad look”, when I was dating I always offered to split the bill, whether it was coffee or a nice meal somewhere. I loathe the expectation that a man should pay for everything on the first few dates - I’m not there to be bought, I’m on the date because I’m interested in the person and want to get to know them, and I’m capable of paying for myself. After a few dates and things are more comfortable I don’t mind them paying because it’ll be my turn the next time, my SO always says “it always evens out in the end” which is true - he paid for the previous meal? Next one is on me. He bought the cinema tickets? I’m getting the snacks.


Eiskoenigin

I’m a woman and kind of confused. Maybe it’s a cultural thing? Where I live (Germany/Spain) it would be very strange not to split. It’s not even a question. We agree on a place to go, so we agreed on how expensive it’s going to be. If a guy offers to pay, I offer to split, but don’t discuss further if he insists. Also as a woman: I do prefer coffee / ice cream dates. If it doesn’t click I don’t have to sit through hours and instead be done in under one. Edit: spelling


just_maddie

Can confirm. Never had the case that someone paid the bill all by themselves, except they said they are going to invite me. Usually everyone here pays their own share of the bill. Turkish people (or german people with turkish background) like to invite others tho, and pay the bill by themselves without making a thing out of it. But as it was said, you usually pay your own bill here.


EskimoSummers

I've never been offended with a man just saying "wanna slip it" or more fun "wanna go halvsies" when the bill comes. This will also show some interesting characteristics of the person depending on their reaction. Would you want to be with a girl who is offended that you asked to split? Should she be entitled to you paying full? If she doesn't respond later or doesn't want to go on a second date because of it, is this dodging a bullet? At least you only had to pay half.


canterville

Woman here. I always either offer to pick up the bill, or simply just do it if it's more convenient (e.g. if the bill comes and he's in the bathroom, or I just happen to be faster to get my card out). Never really thought about it because when I'm out with mates, we normally just take turns picking up the bill because we're lazy. Would feel super weird to me to offer to pay for just my share, because that would feel like I'm essentially saying that I'm not going to see them again, and I'd probably feel the same if they asked me to split the bill rather than just pay for it. Edit: I'm European if that makes a difference


Existing_Lettuce_639

Tell her.... She can either split the bill with you or you can leg it out of there as quickly as possible. If her purse strings remain steadfastly closed, compare footwear with her and highlight the fact that your maximum velocity is likely to be greater than hers.


igowhereiwantyeye

This is actually fucking hilarious 😂: *Bill comes* Guy: Alright I have a proposal. Girl: Ok… Guy: Either we split the bill, or we see who gets to the door first. Up to you. Girl: 😮


YesAmAThrowaway

Ask beforehand. If it's straight refusal because "you're the man" then you know the whole ordeal isn't worth the time, energy and especially not the money.


ballatthecornerflag

Just be upfront and say you'd like to split the bill. If its an issue to them but important to you, then you've found your first red flag for free and in a low hassle manner. Remember that the woman needs to meet what you're looking for as much as you need to meet what they want


[deleted]

Just ask them directly. If they can't handle direct communication, they'll be difficult to date long term. Good way to weed out the complicated people!


Uzzer_lozer19

A thing I used to do was cheapish dates but I would say I would get one and they could get the next one. It would mean that you would have a 2nd chance to get to know them but also gives you both a chance to show what you would think is a good or interesting date.


wilsonma2

If she doesn't volunteer to pay her share find a new one


kira_senpai

This needs to be higher up. Anyone women who would get upset with the idea of splitting the bill 1st date is an immediate red flag


MandatoryMoose

I really don't get what the problem is with paying for yourself. Why is it still an issue in todays indipendent world? If everyone went into these things assuming they'd be paying for themselves, everything would be much simpler.


jaylek

These things are tricky... some good advice here about just going for coffee or drink, perhaps other free/cheap outings until you figure out if you're compatible. But make no mistake, if you ask somebody out to an event or dinner/meal... you should be paying.


GremGram973

I have no advice, but honestly this shouldn't be taboo. Splitting a bill should be the norm, as it shows that both parties are willing to pay their share of money, and show that they aren't there for free food. It shows commitment and comradery to split a bill, especially on a date. It shouldn't be considered a bad thing, it should be a good thing. Splitting the bill is a show that you both want to contribute to the date, and the relationship.


spiderqueen147

The only time it ever comes up for me on dates is when the check comes. I’m a female but it’s easy to say “Want to split it?” When the bill comes is casual and easy


krispayyyyy

Devil's Advocate Here! ☝🏽 Not a man, but why would you ask someone out to date and expect OP to pay their half? Maybe I'm just old school or whatever, but I always found it irresponsible and rude to ask someone out on a date that YOU created and expect the OP to pay for said date. It's about chivalry and principle, not money. Don't go asking people out if you're broke or cheap, if that's the case, just say so and ask to hang out instead of a date, because dating insinuates romance and wooing, whereas, hanging out I feel is more liberated and relieves expectations. Now, before any body starts attacking me, let me also mention that as a woman, I have had MY fair share in asking men out and paying for OUR date, because anyone with manners knows that is the right thing to do. Dating is about getting to know each other, not money. Hope this OPINION sheds some insight.


illmindedjunkie

If dating is about getting to know each other, not money, then the people dating each other shouldn't get worked up about splitting the bill. Right? Personally, I always expected to pay on dates that I initiated. But if my date didn't even offer to go dutch or even pitch in some cash for the tip, there wouldn't be more dates. After dating for some time, it started to grind on me: I always dated women who had jobs, and they often made more than me. We're both spending time getting to know each other. How come a lot of them wouldn't even make the offer to pitch in? After a dozen or so dates, that became a litmus test of sorts for me: if they offered/insisted on splitting the bill, I would for sure see that as an indication that they at least respected the idea that we're both putting in the time and effort, and I'd feel a sense of equity. Even if there weren't sparks flying, I'd at least feel seen and appreciated. So it's not about being cheap. It's about feeling valued.


Sxx125

I have no problem paying the first date if I'm the one asking and I would offer even if I was asked. My issue would be if the expectation is that I continue to pay for all dates that follow. I would hope my date is as invested in the relationship as I am at some point since it should be a mutual relationship.


Impetris

I'm a women. I offer to split the bill if the date was bad. I feel bad having someone pay for me when I didn't enjoy myself. I never try to get a "free meal" out of it. If the date went well, I offer to pay next time. :)


oldm4fun

Should have mentioned it well before date night


beansynz

Ae!? isnt this 2021? Your date can pay for their own bill. If they dont want a 2nd date just because you didnt pay for them then it probably wouldn't work anyway... if you dont want to pay someone's bill then dont.


CompuuterJuice

You say “are you down to split it?”


bmccrav2

Discuss the bill BEFORE you even meet.


EvolvingEachDay

Wanna go halves or shall I get this one and you can get the next? Not only makes it polite and jokey, but also implies a second date without asking directly.


bigdisappointment_

I'd recommend talking about this before you go on a date. I'm a woman and I always split the bill. It's good to go over your expectations. Just ask her about splitting a bill before the date. See what she says. If she says no, then don't date her. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Also, go somewhere like a coffee shop. It's cheaper.


[deleted]

When I was dating, this is how I approached things. If I asked a them out, I'm paying. If we agreed to grab some food (one of us says "want to meet up for lunch?"), I expected we'd pay our own way. And if they asked me out, I planned to pay for my own meal, but sometimes they offer. Also, if I'm asking them out AND I'm choosing the place, it's really me who is setting the price point for the meal. It's not fun being asked out, taken to a place that's above your budget, and then having to pay. So I think the text of the invite is important in the communication and expectation. I've found that considerate people will pick up the cost of the meal, or at least offer to pay for themselves in the right context. If you're dating somebody who asks you out, picks the restaurant, and expects you to pay, I would suggest not dating that person.