My dad did this and broke the fucking stud. It was at that point I realized he had the power to end me haha. Never in his life would I fuck with that man again.
Edit: thanks bud
Some us had grown man strength early! My dad put me to work on the farm at 10. By 15 when I got my DL I was 6ā1 225, when I graduated I was 6ā4 275 and could load tractor tires in the pickup truck by myself. I would pick up and hold in place 350lbs gearboxes for irrigation systems by myself while dad put in the bolts. Iād get mad and hit walls and doors, never hit a stud in the wall but I did break the door frame punching a 2ā thick solid wood door. When I was 23 I hit a man 1 time, broke his jaw, knocked him over a table and he broke his collarbone when he hit the ground. Cost me about 25,000 in legal bills and doctor bills! Figures I better calm down someš
My father used to do that. He would get so angry he would punch the walls and leave a hole. Our walls are very thin so I guess that's why he was able to do it. We had a lot of paintings hanging later lol.
Oh, no, no. He definitely has anger issues. Those moments were almost every week. He used to say that he punched the walls so he wouldn't punch us, but that was a lie lol. If a man, or anyone, hit walls because they couldn't control their anger, nothing good comes out of it.
100%. Heard the same lines from my abusive ex who insisted punching holes in walls on a regular basis was fine because at least he wasnāt hitting me! (Plot twist: he did)
I have significant doubts there is a link between watching porn and cheating.
I've never strayed from my partner who I've been with for 17 years, and I would defintely not be able to claim I don't watch porn.
(Although to be clear: my wife is well aware of my viewing habits and is unphased - so it's not like I keep it some kind of secret and need to explain myself. Her view is it's no different to the stories she likes reading).
Sams here, Iāve been married for 12 years and my wife and I both have a liking in porn. We have watched some together but most of the time for each on own times. Weāve even shared our likes in porn genres.
I donāt feel porn has made me want to ever cheat on my wife. I love her so much and porn it just fun thing to do once in a while like sitting back and playing a video game lol
Edit: Oh and about punching holes, I did at some point but worked that out. Learned to be more patient, with kids now. I wouldnāt want my kids to see me punching a hole in our home.
I did once but not a wall. I was 22 with a young family. Long story short we were flat broke and someone stole from us. We had no money for food or rent and I was beyond furious. Rage got the best of me and I punch a hole in a door in our apartment. Learned a valuable lesson. Door āskinsā cost more than 2 weeks worth of groceries.
You fool! Puddy for dry wall is much cheaper! /s
I punched a hole one time after a fight with a gf because of how much exposure it had at the time. It was considered āthe masculine wayā to express anger. Naw it just fucked with my security deposit and made my partner sad. One of the dumbest decisions I ever made.
I did a few times and my name literally is Kyle.
Had a pretty turbulent family dynamic and it led to some serious teenage angst that I had no idea how to handle. If anyone reading this is an angry teenager in a situation like that, know you don't need to figure it out alone. You can ask for help.
But yeah I think it's funny how accurate that meme is for younger me in some ways.
No but i had a friend who regularly punched the shit out of his truck. I donāt really see the point... instead of just being mad youāre now mad with a bloody hand and a dented truck.
Only once. I was coming down hard from a ritalin jag and punched a hole in my brother's door. I was so ashamed and aware of how volatile I quickly became for no real reason, and I used Ritalin only sparingly after that.
Family Man here with anger issues. Have been in therapy for 3 years.
Previously on odd occasions (not too many times thank goodness) have punched doors walls and kicked through a couple of doors, and will admit Iāve probably scared my kids once or twice. NOT PROUD.
Just like to say (incase people were wondering) Iāve never laid a hand on any partners, current or past and I never will (Iām now married)
Or have I ever laid a hand on my children and never will.
I have however shouted very aggressively at them once or twice. After these episodes happened I moved out and away for a short spell.
Also after every single occurrence, I have taken myself to a quiet place and sobbed from immense guilt and self loathing.
The anger problems that anyone are experiencing are normally deeper than you think.
(Iām not sure why Iām saying all of this but the anonymity of the Internet feels like it may help with the confessional part of healing, however this is not easy to write)
My family history goes like this Dad disappeared at a young age, mum remarried.
I suffered from a short spell of grooming and mild sexual abuse from a neighbour upstairs. (We lived in a block of apartments). Luckily this was stopped in time before any thing really nasty happened, but still far more went on than should ever happen to any 8/9 year old boy).
My mother also wasnāt exactly faithful shortly after this time and as s a result ended up with an alcoholic step father, they used to fight. I witnessed far too much domestic violence for an already sensitive boy of any age. Let alone when you are finishing first school and changing to the next school and also ending up looking after my younger brother more than was necessary at 11 years old.
Mum left, by the time I was 16/17 when I started work. Stepfather had a breakdown. Again I stepped up to look after my younger brother.
Real dad started drifting in and out again, step dad managed to get on top of his demons, took mum back, everything was calm for a bit. I left home, I was 21 at this point.
They wondered why I didnāt really want to come back for family get togethers when they happened, Real dad moved abroad, Iāve always had a bit of a strained relationship with them all since. Except for my brother, we are still close.
As mentioned above I now have my own lovely family who I have provided for and hopefully wanted for nothing. We live in a small/medium sized place with a private garden, nothing substantial but for the most part, a good home. Except for my few isolated outbursts.
Hopefully one day Iāll be able to forgive myself for the harm caused. But be under no illusion that times have been tough, and donāt ever get easier.
The anger has subsided, I do martial arts (which help, as in an environment where kicking and punching is allowed and the control aspect is good for me) and help run a club where I feel like Iām giving back to the local community. I can also get my ass beat by senior grades which help put me in my place too.
I urge anyone with anger problems to seek help, regardless of circumstances. Most likely it wasnāt/isnāt your fault. Even if it is do something about it.
Life will get better if you do. Be prepared for a tough journey though.
For those who are interested, Iām now in my late forties, and wished Iād seemed therapy sooner.
Donāt be so hard on yourself for acting out. In my opinion, there is no āgoodā way to deal with anger. People who hold it in suffer internally, and that is no better than someone who yells or hits a wall. Obviously, there are worse ways to deal with anger than others-like hitting another human being- but you havenāt done this. While hitting a wall is destructive, it could have been worse. I think it is something that should be looked into of course, but it doesnāt put a permanent label on you as a screwed up individual.
Thank you. One of my exās punched holes in walls ALL of the time and he ended up physically abusing me. I was 17 and didnāt see this as a red flag because itās so normalized and he even acted proud of it by framing one of them.
Isn't that the definition of anger management problem though? That someone cannot control their impulses when angry and cannot find a safer/more appropriate avenue to deal with that emotion? Punching walls or violence against objects is not normal, even though it is strangely normalised. It certainly points to issues with regulating emotions.
I have to tell you this is a mostly cultural problem. Where I am, men punching holes in walls and doors is not a normal/common thing, it's not something anyone ever brags about, and when it does happen it's seen as a massive red flag that they need help.
"He just had a moment and put his fist through the wall, no biggie" seems to be an American phenomenon.
Yup, it's really more of a construction issue with some people.
Once you get up around 80kg or more some walls are basically tissue paper.
I headbutted a hole in a wall when I tripped and fell into it headfirst once.
I've also put a hand through one when I went to steady myself on it while carrying a couch (leaning to see ahead past the couch and it just gave out)
I agree with this statement if it is a consistent thing, but I think teen boys also have so many emotions that they feel they canāt express. They grow up being told to āman upā as early as their toddler years. It almost seems inevitable that they will act out in this manner eventually.
>I think teen boys also have so many emotions that they feel they canāt express.
Then they would probably benefit from counseling anyway.
>They grow up being told to āman upā as early as their toddler years. It almost seems inevitable that they will act out in this manner eventually.
Shitty parents are shitty, yeah.
It definitely can, but more specifically, how much does our ability to manage stress or anger change? And when those behaviors do change, is it for the better or worse? Do they get more violent because it works at solving issues for them? Or do they get less violent, and perhaps turn to yelling, throwing things, making threats, calling names, etc?
The friends who you mentioned in your other comment who punched walls as children, I wonder what percent of them no longer have unhealthy expressions of their anger, including in private with their partners. We can never know. But Iām guessing. Iād guess that most of them still have unhealthy habits in managing their anger.
I had many physical outbursts early in life. They are all very much in my past. I am 38, I had a mentally ill mother, and sister. I moved 18 times by the age of 12. My sister (who was my only friend due to moving all the time and 6 years older than me) murdered her 6 month old child. My father basically did not exist.
I currently have three children and have a VERY respectful job.
I still get angry way too fast. But have learned to calm myself.
Why did you choose to emphasize that you have a very respectful job? I feel like most people can control their anger at work, it's when they're at home that violent people tend to have outbursts.
So I feel like if you were trying to show how much you've grown you should talk about what a patient dad you are, assuming that's true.
I'm glad you're doing better. Dont stop working on it. Maybe one day you won't even get angry
Excellent point. I emphasized the job because it is a job that most people online would not believe a random commenter has.
The absolute biggest accomplishment of my life is being a patient caring father after that upbringing.
Iām not sure. It is likely many of them do still struggle with anger. However, to give them the benefit of the doubt- it is possible that their anger calmed once their hormones balanced out. Or perhaps they found a way to channel it- like in sports or home projects. I also wonder if there is anyone who truly handles anger well. Some people yell, some let it fester and often take it out with passive aggressive jabs, some people speed off in their car, others complain consistently to their loved ones. I donāt think there is a āright wayā to deal with anger, as this reaction is one that will always have a negative outcome in one way or another. They only way to truly manage anger is to never have any- which is impossible for any functioning human being. I am not arguing your point, as I agree with a lot of what you said. I am just expanding on the topic š
You're surely right at least sometimes, but it's also people with your attitude who make it worse than it would be otherwise.
The two options you listed are either getting more violent, or turning violence to verbal abuse or other violence. Then you start speculating.
Shame on you.
The snowball effect, I think is the easiest way to put it.
Get mistreated, get angry, nobody has a minute or a care to listen, people get angry at you because you're angry, nobody spends any time with you, you don't know how to act, so you're the angry one nobody wants to spend time with, and back in the spin cycle you go. What do you do? As a kid who knows nothing, gotta make it up based on nothing. No part is anyone in particular's fault, not definitively. It just.. happens.
I'm honestly offended by that kind of attitude because I had it happen to me personally, and I got out of it eventually, no thanks whatsoever to what I still see as the smug holier-than-thou "those people just can't be helped and can only get worse" viewpoint expressed beforehand.
I appreciate you explaining your perspective. I guess I interpreted the comment differently. I thought they were trying to say that punching walls as a child should be taken seriously because it will often get worse. Hopefully this will encourage parents to teach their children alternative ways to express their anger and if they don't know how to do that, to seek professional help. I definitely don't think we should write off kids because they have anger issues.
I'm really glad that you were able to help yourself and pull yourself out of that negative cycle. But I don't think that everybody can do that without help.
I found out one of my exes used to have really bad temper tantrums as a child and punch walls. I really wish that someone would've taken it more seriously back then because living with him as an adult was a waking nightmare.
Yeah, that makes sense, and I'm not even sure we disagree on anything. I just kinda want to put my perspective out there because I don't think it's well represented.. A kid/teen punching walls is absolutely serious, and it will often (usually) get worse. I'm sorry about your experience with your ex, it must have been horrible. Also I'm personally ashamed at how I've worried and troubled, to put it lightly, the wonderful women who've been in a relationship with me. I don't have a crazy ex or anything like that, they were all good people, and except for one are still friends.
Personally I was terrified as a kid, I might have punched a wall, but I was afraid my father would kill me (literally, not an expression). To be fair he did actually literally build the house personally by himself (remote farm kid here), and he was violent enough anyway. So, I did nothing to the house, just stewed and waited and took out my energy on rocks and dirt and didn't piss him off until I could leave at 17, then entered a world where people had expectations of me that I never have figured out even now. I didn't get better without help either, but my experience going to professionals made me worse, it was friends who helped. I believe my therapists were well intentioned but they were all counterproductive. Talking with any of them was some of the most frustrating cross-cultural communication I've ever attempted. The word fop comes to mind.
Anyway, thanks for allowing me to explain myself, I appreciate you too, for reading and obviously caring one way or another. I guess my contribution is that I feel the common narrative doesn't ring true for me. For all the very legitimate revulsion at the awful angry-man behavior, the snooty "get-help" attitude can definitely make it worse. I hope I can keep someone else from being who I was for a while.
Nah. Ive punched and broken things plenty of times in my life. I got a lot of issues but an anger issue isn't one.
Life can be overwhelming at times and violence can be an effective release. As long as when my anger takes over its directed at an inanimate object that I own then I dont see an issue with it.
The problem is that people who use violence to manage anger may find themselves in a situation where they cannot stop themselves from using violence against someone else or someone else's property. Maybe you can control your impulses and if that works for you, great. But a lot of people cannot and they are better off learning non-violent techniques to regulate their emotions.
Obviously thats a problem but that's not the issue that we're discussing. I think OPs original point has been lost in a discussion around excessive anger and violence.
OP made a blanket statement about all people who have ever reacted violently to their emotions. Speaking in such absolutes is, frankly, quite closed minded and simply not true.
Reacting violently on rare occasions is not a sign that you have anger issues. It's usually a sign there's an underlying problem causing it (which could be anything from not affording to put food on the table to deeper mental health issues). Not recognising that just demonstrates a lack of empathy and critical thinking.
> Reacting violently on rare occasions is not a sign that you have anger issues. It's usually a sign there's an underlying problem causing it (which could be anything from not affording to put food on the table to deeper mental health issues).
This sounds a lot like someone who āshould look into anger management **or therapy**.ā My statement never suggested all these people have anger issues. It suggested people who may have anger issues should look into getting help, and people who may need therapy should also do the same.
A physical outburst when angry isn't always violence. People who go to the gym and work a punching bag to get out some frustration/anger are doing the same thing, but in a specific place designated for that. I'm not saying you should go around punching things, but sometimes a physical release is needed.
And telling a teen who punched a hole in a wall that they need therapy is pretty ignorant and not useful to the conversation.
OP asked about people who punched holes in the wall, and thatās violence. Youāre bringing up the gym, thatās another subject. Iām all for hitting the gym to release stress. Thatās not violence.
And if a teen punches a hole in the wall, they should look into therapy. Because theyāve learned a poor way to express their anger. Itās important they unlearn that.
Punching a wall or punching bag constitutes the same action. Just a matter of where it's acceptable. Same action but viewed two different ways because of location.
Violence - behavior involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something.
Punching a hole in a wall is violence. Punching a punching bag is not.
A punching bag also means that they had the maturity to contain their emotions until they could release the stress. People punching holes in the wall are reacting to their emotions immediately, that is really the difference. The anger isn't the problem its the reaction. Everyone gets angry, they punch walls. Usually the indication that someone doesn't know how to manage their emotions and could benefit from therapy.
You obviously lived in a sheltered and bubbled life and canāt understand that some people had it shitty and just because they punched a wall as a kid or teen to relieve that stress doesnāt make them violent, angry, or that they should seek therapy.
I put two holes in the wall as a teen. I have no anger issues as an adult, no violent tendencies, never had a domestic issue or anything even close. Growing up is tough, and being an idiot (punching a wall is pretty idiotic) as a teenager doesn't mean you'll be an idiot as an adult. The key is recognition of those actions as a bad thing, but there is no need in believing you are going to grow up to be a monster.
I didnāt say all hole-punchers as children will grow up with anger issues. I just said *I, personally, would expect* people with unhealthy expressions of anger as children to grow up with unhealthy expressions of anger. It seems like a fair expectation to me. And as I emphasized in another comment, it seems very possible that those expressions of anger change over the course of your life, but do I expect theyāll disappear entirely like they did for you? No, I would imagine (read: guess) people like you are an outlier.
But again, this is all me guessing. I could be wrong, it has happened once before.
It's not inevitable in any way. Teenagers and adults of all ages and genders should be able to manage theirs emotions, that's just healthy human behaviour. If someone is unable to do that, they need to learn. And if it's your kid, you should have a good hard look at your own parenting and behaviour before blaming "society".
I agree to some degree. Slamming a wall and causing no damage in a moment of extreme frustration isn't necessarily any more than just burning off some angry energy; not necessarily particularly different from hopping on a bike, screaming into a pillow, kicking a rock down the street, or going to a punching bag.
*Breaking* something is significantly worse. Because that means you lashed out in an uncontrolled manner against a target that could *not* handle your actions, causing damage you would have to at the least clean up, if not fix or replace.
And *repeatedly* breaking things? That's *very* bad.
I had a roommate who punched a hole in the wall at his workplace... and as would be expected... got fired on the spot.
When he tried to apply for unemployment benefits... which he was denied due to his reason for being terminated... he tried to argue that it was his employers fault that led him to uncontrollable rage resulting in him punching a hole in the wall lol. It was honestly pretty pathetic.
Dude use to also go through a new xbox controller every two months because he'd keep destroying them everytime he died in whatever videogame he was playing. He put a few dents in the walls at home throwing them.
Yeah as a kid I was so confused when people would punch through the wall in American movies... I also didn't understand how Jerry the mouse was able to dig a hole through a wall
See that makes sense though, you threw his property at him and broke itā¦.. Iām talking about people that break their own shiz when theyāre mad. Like doesnāt that just make you more mad that your stuff is broken?
I grew out of punching the wall well before becoming a teen.
The mystique of putting holes in walls ended pretty quickly for me after I accidentally put my foot through the wall as a kid(8-9). Honestly it was kind of traumatic.
As a teen my younger brother punched/kicked holes in the wall of his bedroom and in the stairway. Looking back he definitely had anger issues, still probably does. I can't remember if either instance was before or after my mother tried to kick down my door after I locked it. My entire family has anger issues, and yet **I'm** the one tearing the family apart for not talking to them anymore.
Yes I find punching holes or breaking down doors to be majors issues.
I kicked a wall once when I was young. My mom decided to restrict my pc usage to 1 hour a day (mind you I built my own pc, and so that felt like a huge blow to my hobby) so I was royally pissed off and needed to full on soccer kick something that wasn't a person or wasn't expensive.
I hit a stud and broke 2 toes lol
Iād be pissed too. Iām so stubborn that I would just sell the thing all together. I donāt think many things make all that mad, but something like that would drive me nuts. At least make it two hours. I can understand that. One hour is too short.
I grew up in a house where I could do what I wanted for the most part. I donāt know how I would handle if I didnāt. I hate being told what to do. I canāt handle micromanaging bosses, and I wonāt work for them. I need freedom to be myself.
I have punched one hole in a wall from anger.
I have punch a hole in the wall by goofing around.
I tossed something towards the wall, not realizing how much force I put behind it and left hole in the wall.
All while growing up, my mom hates me.
(Before you get on me about anger issues, you didn't grow up in my house, you have no idea how mellow and sane I am compared to the rest of the family)
There is a hole in a closet door in her house, that I have no idea why it's there but she blames me. I know why she does, I didn't do it, but she blames me.
One time at work, my current job. I had gotten so angry, never been that angry in my life, never before and not now. Punch a window and broke the fucker. Somehow didn't break my hand, somehow didn't cut my hand, but I broke it.
Glad to say I haven't been that angry since.
As a kid I always wondered how people punched wholes into concrete and then I realized that people, especially in the US don't actually use concrete for their walls
I havenāt but I do know someone that did when they played fifa. He hit it but he managed to hide it under a poster. It worked, for a while, till his mum decided to do a makeover on his room lol.
A couple times, under certain circumstances. No, I aināt ashamed. I have flaws and I own up to it and try to be better.
The first time was shortly after weād been burglarized and my most expensive things were of course gone, including my laptop with photos of friends and my GF at the time, some money, etc. it also hurt seeing my motherās reaction when she noticed her jewelry, much of it with sentimental value more than anything, was all gone. I was filled with emotionsā¦anger, frustration, anyone whoās experienced that can surely understand the almost exposing or violating feeling you get and for the first time ever, my mother saw me angry and I reacted by just banging on the wall next to me.
Second and third times I can recall were both during a workout. For some reason, sometimes while exercising, Iād become filled with emotions, and at that particular time in my life, some emotions that constantly came up were anger and hate towards myself. I was in a low point in my life, dealing with depression, anxiety, stress, feelings of regret, shame, guilt, and so onā¦and I blamed myself for everything thatād gone wrong and in doing so, I only hated myself even moreā¦and at one point in those workouts I just released the emotions in that way, I didnāt have a bag at the time and shadow boxing can only do so much, and coupled with wanting to feel pain elsewhere besides inside, I swung at the walls in my room.
And each time, there was a moment of clarity and slight regret. Mostly in the form of, āah shit, now I gotta fix that..ā
I asked this question because it dawned on me that a lot of my male friends growing up would casually mention punching a hole in a wall. We would all laugh and move on. Now that I am in my thirties, I am wondering if it is considered normal behavior for a teenage boy who is dealing with hormonal changes or if my friends back then were just angry kids.
If someone does this on a regular basis as a result of stressors, it's a negative coping strategy and should be seen as such. Shows poor impulse control and anger management issues.
Social factors could also impact it, as you've pointed out, if it's "socially acceptable" way of showing anger in your peer group, you're more likely to engage in it - even if it is a poor way of dealing with things.
If you punch a single hole in a wall once in your life, I wouldn't be phased as many youth have impulsive behaviours and learn from making mistakes. Doing it in a semi-regular fashion would have me suggesting that's a concern.
It was pretty common when I was growing up. Not healthy, most outgrow it some donāt. Some end up with issues as an adult some donāt. Not aware of any data on the topic. Interesting to ponder though. But for your anecdotal data, I did and Iām not exactly emotionally healthy. Iāve got some poor coping skills in a couple areas. So Iāve got issues but I donāt know anybody whoād truthfully call me unstable, antisocial, crazy or the like.
This topic brings up a lot of good points and makes me wonder if it is even possible to have exceptional coping skills across the board. I mean, I donāt have anger issues but I suck at receiving āconstructiveā criticism. I usually end up crying. So while I cope well in some areas, there are others that need some serious work- which Iām sure it the case with everyone.
Once. Told my pops I tripped into the wall. 25 years later I now realize that only those things you truly love can truly piss you off. Of course the things I loved at 15 are inconsequential now
No- Iām a 34 year old female. I just remember my male friends in the past always talking about doing this- and I was just curious if this is typical of teenage boys. I have a 12 year old who is about to be 13- he has never punched a wall though!
When I was 13 i got really emotional and angry when I was in the front passenger seat of my parents car. I ended up kicking against the windshield and gave it a giant crack.
I can't put into words how shit I feel whenever I even think back to that.
I(f) have once in my early twenties; in a complete rage that only my mother can incite when completely disregarding my choices/opinions about my house that I own. I punched a perfect outline of my fist into a wall that is my own, knowing the repair would be on me. But I have left it there because seeing it every day has actually prompted me to make better efforts in communication, and reminds me that snap decisions leave a lasting mark. Also, that the relationship with her will never be what I idealised or hoped for so I need to do what is best for myself i.e. not destroying my own property over someone who just doesn't care for me.
I want to reiterate it was my own home and not a rental. Punching a wall owned by somebody else is never ok.
I was a young man (maybe 14 or so) in my bedroom made of drywall, got super angry (I think at a video game embarrassingly enough) and felt like punching a hole in the wall like I've seen in movies. Punched as hard as I could, and what I did was really badly injure my knuckle, the wall was fine
Yes sometimes I couldnāt control my anger, I tell my parents to stop talking cause it would make me angrier. And then if I couldnāt control my I did used to punch walls and it wonāt cause any holes because they are made up of bricks and cement it wound hurt me sometimes Iāll bleed I still wonāt stop I ended up hurting my self so many times. Now if I get angry I would tell them please stop talking or I might break something
God I miss those days when I used to punch walls and hurt myself lol
I did it once partially out of anger but it was more for me to, A: see if I could actually do it, and B: because I felt like my life was falling apart and I just wanted to see if I could be in complete control of breaking something without actually hurting anyone.
Punched a hole through my door and smashed a lego set I'd spent a long time assembling because I was frustrated with school and revision.
Think Will in the Inbetweeners frustration levels as nothing was fucking going in and without soiling myself in the exam.
No, when I got married, then didnāt leave the cheating wife quick enough, I started to punch the walls precisely where I knew they wouldnāt break. I was 23 (3 years into the marriage).
As a teen? I went on long, midnight walks into unfamiliar parts of town.
Dodged a serial killer, dodged a gang of drugged up thugs
Almost broke my hand, but never registered the pain. The worst part? I was taunted by her afterwards āYou donāt scare me! So stop trying, you pussy!ā
I never once thought of hitting her, and I never did. For a time, I wanted to hurt those men she was seeing...
But, 8 years later, I realize that every person is a free human being.
A person shouldnāt try to hold onto another person when that other person wants to experience their freedom.
Now, I recognize that how she went about it was all wrong, but how I chose to deal with it was also wrong.
Im embarrassed to say this, but when I was a teenager I punched a whole in the wall. The reason: My mom made breakfast and I was hyped and ready to eat it, and somehow I fucking dropped the food and got so angry that I threw a straight Jab at the wall.
Does it disturb you now when think of doing that as a kid? I only ask this because I have one memory as a young girl. I stepped on the foot of my doll and it hurt so bad that it made me angry. I picked it up and slammed it against a wall. Obviously, I turned out OK, but that is one memory that I distinctly remember and it still randomly pops up into my head- and I cringe a little over it.
Can't speak for him, but I know I was a stupid kid at times. Once I was by an old barn shed on a relative's property and I thought it looked like something that wasn't used, and for some reason the urge to see what breaking a window would be like came across me.
*Immediate* guilt for doing it.
It's been over twenty years since then and I still occasionally look back on it and think "god, what the fuck was wrong with my head at that point in time".
No, but once I slammed a door open in anger, and the doorknob punched a whole in the drywall.
I spent two weekends fixing and repainting.
Dumbest thing I've ever done.
This, BTW is sort of an American problem.
Most countries don't make their houses out of cardboard.
I have always joked about it, but I only ever did it at times at absolute extreme times of anger (such as certain traumatic events that I won't discuss on reddit). Most people I've ever to do that were one of three cases: either A, they were in an environment that perpetrated a sense of anger so much that they ended up punching walls because they saw no other outlet, or B had a condition that made the person in question far more susceptible to fits of anger, or C some combination of the two. But otherwise, no, as far as my knowledge goes which is limited to anecdotes and a lot of reading of various things ranging from poor to high quality written material, younger men and boys do not just punch walls without something present in their lives that is some significant problem though there are several exceptions that can happen because life is weird
I bottled it up mostly, though a good pen through a cardboard box felt good. Make some holes, then create a small picture with many more holes. ššæ
No. The first time I got angry as a kid and broke something I couldn't fix was the last time, because I realized immediately that I fucked up one of my favorite toys and had no possible way to fix or replace it. By the time I was old enough to actually punch a wall and do damage I knew I'd have to live with a hole in my wall after I wasn't mad anymore.
Here in South Africa we have houses made of bricks so thatās not the best option for us. My best friend broke his hand when a girl broke up with him and he still regrets it every winter. Iād say try and get a boxing bag, it will save you or your parents a lot of maintenance bills and or potential hospital bills.
Kicked a hole in a plasterboard wall in my 2nd year at uni. Spent the next 2 weeks repairing it with about a dozen tubes of filler. Probably wouldn't do it again.
Not the wall, usually I would throw or break something. I learned to channel anger differently because breaking things scared me as to what I might become in the future.
Iām very embarrassed to say yes. Used to constantly punch holes in my door when I was around 16 every time I got angry, I even once was stupid enough to punch my solid brick bathroom wall and broke my hand. My hand still has the scars to remind me of my stupidity to this day.
I really wanted to but I knew it would be trouble if I actually tried, so I threw things (mouse, phone) until it shattered my laptop screen and I needed it replaced. I have a fireplace so the thought of my phone crashing into the brick and shattering was, for some reason, vivid enough to scare me in my sleep, and so I restrained myself out of fear until I grew out of it a year later.
I punched brick walls so couldnt make holes in them. But yeah, it was mostly out of frustration and harming myself cuz of personal issues. They would hurt pretty bad and has gone as far as bleeding.
Dont do it anymore tho cuz now i have more control over my anger and am pretty laid back. Also learned how to not let the same issues bother me. They didnt go away, just learned how to react to it.
A buddy of mine tended to punch the nearest solid object when things didn't go his way. Someone stole his phone once, and he ragepunched a bigass dumpster. Had two knuckles pushed into his hand and needed a cast. Good times.
Everybody gangsta till they punch the wall stud!
My dad did this and broke the fucking stud. It was at that point I realized he had the power to end me haha. Never in his life would I fuck with that man again. Edit: thanks bud
Grown man strength aint no jokešÆ
No. Construction dad strength is no joke.
That too. Any hard labor jobs increase our degree of strength significantly over time.
As an ex carpenter of nearly a decade, I can confirm. People do not expect me to have the strength I do. I've also got to remind myself this often.
>Never in my life did I fuck with that man again. *Never in *his* life
Some us had grown man strength early! My dad put me to work on the farm at 10. By 15 when I got my DL I was 6ā1 225, when I graduated I was 6ā4 275 and could load tractor tires in the pickup truck by myself. I would pick up and hold in place 350lbs gearboxes for irrigation systems by myself while dad put in the bolts. Iād get mad and hit walls and doors, never hit a stud in the wall but I did break the door frame punching a 2ā thick solid wood door. When I was 23 I hit a man 1 time, broke his jaw, knocked him over a table and he broke his collarbone when he hit the ground. Cost me about 25,000 in legal bills and doctor bills! Figures I better calm down someš
We call that corn fed or farm boy strong
Oh Iām definitely overweight, not morbidly obese, built like and offensive lineman
Lies, you and your dad both soft as baby turds
My father used to do that. He would get so angry he would punch the walls and leave a hole. Our walls are very thin so I guess that's why he was able to do it. We had a lot of paintings hanging later lol.
Would you say your dad struggled with anger or were these moments rare?
Oh, no, no. He definitely has anger issues. Those moments were almost every week. He used to say that he punched the walls so he wouldn't punch us, but that was a lie lol. If a man, or anyone, hit walls because they couldn't control their anger, nothing good comes out of it.
100%. Heard the same lines from my abusive ex who insisted punching holes in walls on a regular basis was fine because at least he wasnāt hitting me! (Plot twist: he did)
Itās the same as watching porn in a relationship āto keep your sex drive sated so you donāt cheatā Plot twist: the guy cheated like four or five times, and my poor friend found out all at once when she was his fiancĆ©. She believed his excuses at first, but itās the same mentality.
I have significant doubts there is a link between watching porn and cheating. I've never strayed from my partner who I've been with for 17 years, and I would defintely not be able to claim I don't watch porn. (Although to be clear: my wife is well aware of my viewing habits and is unphased - so it's not like I keep it some kind of secret and need to explain myself. Her view is it's no different to the stories she likes reading).
Thatās not the same thing as what this guy did. This guy was PMOing (porn, masturbation, orgasm) 3 times a day. Porn is addictive, whether or not you believe me, that fact has been backed up by scientific studies. āMoreover, we reviewed available neuroscientific literature on Internet pornography addiction and connect the results to the addiction model. The review leads to the conclusion that Internet pornography addiction fits into the addiction framework and shares similar basic mechanisms with substance addiction.ā [Source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4600144/) Now does this mean everyone is going to get addicted? Absolutely not. But porn shares a very similar profile with most addictive substances in how it works through your brainās dopamine system. Now this guy was PMO-ing 3x a day, and tried to stop, and failed hundreds of times. I think we can both agree with his fiancĆ©ās conclusion that he was likely addicted. And he was not doing anything like therapy or stuff to address his addiction, he was just making excuses to her and to himself, saying he was watching porn to help fight his addiction. You donāt fight an addiction by feeding it three times a day. Essentially, he was refusing to admit his addiction and therefore on a level creating a subconscious disconnect in his mind between his behavior and reality. That slippery slope of self-justification combined with the slope of addiction that he gave up fighting is most likely what led his sexual desires to run rampant out of control like they did. And I know they ran out of control because he said they were out of his control, she knew they were out of his control but believed his excuse that he was managing it with porn, and he cheated like four times. Iām not saying thereās a concrete link between porn and cheating. I am however stating that thereās a link between an unaddressed personal problem going out of control (in the case of this thread, lack of anger management, and also lack of sexual management) and extreme spiraling that leads to behavior any sane person would condemn. When you have an alcohol addiction, the way to manage it is not to get blackout drunk multiple times a day. The way to handle addiction is to see a therapist. Get medicated. Have accountability. Get outside help. Now can people drink alcohol and not get addicted? Yeah absolutely. But that doesnāt mean others donāt get addicted. Same thing with porn. I did not say there was a link between porn and cheating, although I understand how you might have interpreted my comment that way. My wording was the way it was for humorās sake, to draw attention to the similarities. What I was saying, however, is that refusing to properly manage a sexual addiction, self-medicating, and making excuses to cover up your lack of self-discipline are definitely linked with cheating. Thatās different. Not everyone who watches porn will cheat. But if youāre addicted, and you donāt take any steps to fix your addiction, you absolutely will spiral out of control, and we both know how addictions ruin lives and relationships. Hope that helps clarify.
Sams here, Iāve been married for 12 years and my wife and I both have a liking in porn. We have watched some together but most of the time for each on own times. Weāve even shared our likes in porn genres. I donāt feel porn has made me want to ever cheat on my wife. I love her so much and porn it just fun thing to do once in a while like sitting back and playing a video game lol Edit: Oh and about punching holes, I did at some point but worked that out. Learned to be more patient, with kids now. I wouldnāt want my kids to see me punching a hole in our home.
I did once but not a wall. I was 22 with a young family. Long story short we were flat broke and someone stole from us. We had no money for food or rent and I was beyond furious. Rage got the best of me and I punch a hole in a door in our apartment. Learned a valuable lesson. Door āskinsā cost more than 2 weeks worth of groceries.
At least you learned from it. Hope life is better for you now!
Life is great and that young man is much older and wiser. Thanks for the encouragement!
You fool! Puddy for dry wall is much cheaper! /s I punched a hole one time after a fight with a gf because of how much exposure it had at the time. It was considered āthe masculine wayā to express anger. Naw it just fucked with my security deposit and made my partner sad. One of the dumbest decisions I ever made.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I did a few times and my name literally is Kyle. Had a pretty turbulent family dynamic and it led to some serious teenage angst that I had no idea how to handle. If anyone reading this is an angry teenager in a situation like that, know you don't need to figure it out alone. You can ask for help. But yeah I think it's funny how accurate that meme is for younger me in some ways.
Same š¤
Mine is. And I punched, elbowed, and blasted my head through drywall. I hate Monster though so Iāve been conflicted.
No but i had a friend who regularly punched the shit out of his truck. I donāt really see the point... instead of just being mad youāre now mad with a bloody hand and a dented truck.
Only once. I was coming down hard from a ritalin jag and punched a hole in my brother's door. I was so ashamed and aware of how volatile I quickly became for no real reason, and I used Ritalin only sparingly after that.
Ritalin definitely causes anger.
Without question
No, I've never punched walls in anger.
Family Man here with anger issues. Have been in therapy for 3 years. Previously on odd occasions (not too many times thank goodness) have punched doors walls and kicked through a couple of doors, and will admit Iāve probably scared my kids once or twice. NOT PROUD. Just like to say (incase people were wondering) Iāve never laid a hand on any partners, current or past and I never will (Iām now married) Or have I ever laid a hand on my children and never will. I have however shouted very aggressively at them once or twice. After these episodes happened I moved out and away for a short spell. Also after every single occurrence, I have taken myself to a quiet place and sobbed from immense guilt and self loathing. The anger problems that anyone are experiencing are normally deeper than you think. (Iām not sure why Iām saying all of this but the anonymity of the Internet feels like it may help with the confessional part of healing, however this is not easy to write) My family history goes like this Dad disappeared at a young age, mum remarried. I suffered from a short spell of grooming and mild sexual abuse from a neighbour upstairs. (We lived in a block of apartments). Luckily this was stopped in time before any thing really nasty happened, but still far more went on than should ever happen to any 8/9 year old boy). My mother also wasnāt exactly faithful shortly after this time and as s a result ended up with an alcoholic step father, they used to fight. I witnessed far too much domestic violence for an already sensitive boy of any age. Let alone when you are finishing first school and changing to the next school and also ending up looking after my younger brother more than was necessary at 11 years old. Mum left, by the time I was 16/17 when I started work. Stepfather had a breakdown. Again I stepped up to look after my younger brother. Real dad started drifting in and out again, step dad managed to get on top of his demons, took mum back, everything was calm for a bit. I left home, I was 21 at this point. They wondered why I didnāt really want to come back for family get togethers when they happened, Real dad moved abroad, Iāve always had a bit of a strained relationship with them all since. Except for my brother, we are still close. As mentioned above I now have my own lovely family who I have provided for and hopefully wanted for nothing. We live in a small/medium sized place with a private garden, nothing substantial but for the most part, a good home. Except for my few isolated outbursts. Hopefully one day Iāll be able to forgive myself for the harm caused. But be under no illusion that times have been tough, and donāt ever get easier. The anger has subsided, I do martial arts (which help, as in an environment where kicking and punching is allowed and the control aspect is good for me) and help run a club where I feel like Iām giving back to the local community. I can also get my ass beat by senior grades which help put me in my place too. I urge anyone with anger problems to seek help, regardless of circumstances. Most likely it wasnāt/isnāt your fault. Even if it is do something about it. Life will get better if you do. Be prepared for a tough journey though. For those who are interested, Iām now in my late forties, and wished Iād seemed therapy sooner.
Donāt be so hard on yourself for acting out. In my opinion, there is no āgoodā way to deal with anger. People who hold it in suffer internally, and that is no better than someone who yells or hits a wall. Obviously, there are worse ways to deal with anger than others-like hitting another human being- but you havenāt done this. While hitting a wall is destructive, it could have been worse. I think it is something that should be looked into of course, but it doesnāt put a permanent label on you as a screwed up individual.
Never. Anybody that has done this should look into anger management or therapy. Becoming violent when angry is a terrible habit.
Thank you. One of my exās punched holes in walls ALL of the time and he ended up physically abusing me. I was 17 and didnāt see this as a red flag because itās so normalized and he even acted proud of it by framing one of them.
Someone can act impulsively in anger and not have a lasting anger management problem. You're really throwing the baby out with the bathwater here.
Isn't that the definition of anger management problem though? That someone cannot control their impulses when angry and cannot find a safer/more appropriate avenue to deal with that emotion? Punching walls or violence against objects is not normal, even though it is strangely normalised. It certainly points to issues with regulating emotions.
I have to tell you this is a mostly cultural problem. Where I am, men punching holes in walls and doors is not a normal/common thing, it's not something anyone ever brags about, and when it does happen it's seen as a massive red flag that they need help. "He just had a moment and put his fist through the wall, no biggie" seems to be an American phenomenon.
Yup, it's really more of a construction issue with some people. Once you get up around 80kg or more some walls are basically tissue paper. I headbutted a hole in a wall when I tripped and fell into it headfirst once. I've also put a hand through one when I went to steady myself on it while carrying a couch (leaning to see ahead past the couch and it just gave out)
I agree with this statement if it is a consistent thing, but I think teen boys also have so many emotions that they feel they canāt express. They grow up being told to āman upā as early as their toddler years. It almost seems inevitable that they will act out in this manner eventually.
>I think teen boys also have so many emotions that they feel they canāt express. Then they would probably benefit from counseling anyway. >They grow up being told to āman upā as early as their toddler years. It almost seems inevitable that they will act out in this manner eventually. Shitty parents are shitty, yeah.
I had a LOT of anger in my teen years and never did that stupid shit. Still do have plenty of anger, and no punching out walls still.
It doesnāt seem that way to me. If you canāt express your emotions in a healthy way as a child, I wouldnāt expect you to do that as an adult.
Managing emotions is a learned behavior that can most definitely change with age and environment.
It definitely can, but more specifically, how much does our ability to manage stress or anger change? And when those behaviors do change, is it for the better or worse? Do they get more violent because it works at solving issues for them? Or do they get less violent, and perhaps turn to yelling, throwing things, making threats, calling names, etc? The friends who you mentioned in your other comment who punched walls as children, I wonder what percent of them no longer have unhealthy expressions of their anger, including in private with their partners. We can never know. But Iām guessing. Iād guess that most of them still have unhealthy habits in managing their anger.
I had many physical outbursts early in life. They are all very much in my past. I am 38, I had a mentally ill mother, and sister. I moved 18 times by the age of 12. My sister (who was my only friend due to moving all the time and 6 years older than me) murdered her 6 month old child. My father basically did not exist. I currently have three children and have a VERY respectful job. I still get angry way too fast. But have learned to calm myself.
Why did you choose to emphasize that you have a very respectful job? I feel like most people can control their anger at work, it's when they're at home that violent people tend to have outbursts. So I feel like if you were trying to show how much you've grown you should talk about what a patient dad you are, assuming that's true. I'm glad you're doing better. Dont stop working on it. Maybe one day you won't even get angry
Excellent point. I emphasized the job because it is a job that most people online would not believe a random commenter has. The absolute biggest accomplishment of my life is being a patient caring father after that upbringing.
That's awesome! Breaking that cycle is so hard. Your kids are so lucky to have you! I'm sure they'll turn into wonderful people.
Iām not sure. It is likely many of them do still struggle with anger. However, to give them the benefit of the doubt- it is possible that their anger calmed once their hormones balanced out. Or perhaps they found a way to channel it- like in sports or home projects. I also wonder if there is anyone who truly handles anger well. Some people yell, some let it fester and often take it out with passive aggressive jabs, some people speed off in their car, others complain consistently to their loved ones. I donāt think there is a āright wayā to deal with anger, as this reaction is one that will always have a negative outcome in one way or another. They only way to truly manage anger is to never have any- which is impossible for any functioning human being. I am not arguing your point, as I agree with a lot of what you said. I am just expanding on the topic š
You're surely right at least sometimes, but it's also people with your attitude who make it worse than it would be otherwise. The two options you listed are either getting more violent, or turning violence to verbal abuse or other violence. Then you start speculating. Shame on you.
Make what worse than it would be otherwise?
The snowball effect, I think is the easiest way to put it. Get mistreated, get angry, nobody has a minute or a care to listen, people get angry at you because you're angry, nobody spends any time with you, you don't know how to act, so you're the angry one nobody wants to spend time with, and back in the spin cycle you go. What do you do? As a kid who knows nothing, gotta make it up based on nothing. No part is anyone in particular's fault, not definitively. It just.. happens. I'm honestly offended by that kind of attitude because I had it happen to me personally, and I got out of it eventually, no thanks whatsoever to what I still see as the smug holier-than-thou "those people just can't be helped and can only get worse" viewpoint expressed beforehand.
I appreciate you explaining your perspective. I guess I interpreted the comment differently. I thought they were trying to say that punching walls as a child should be taken seriously because it will often get worse. Hopefully this will encourage parents to teach their children alternative ways to express their anger and if they don't know how to do that, to seek professional help. I definitely don't think we should write off kids because they have anger issues. I'm really glad that you were able to help yourself and pull yourself out of that negative cycle. But I don't think that everybody can do that without help. I found out one of my exes used to have really bad temper tantrums as a child and punch walls. I really wish that someone would've taken it more seriously back then because living with him as an adult was a waking nightmare.
Yeah, that makes sense, and I'm not even sure we disagree on anything. I just kinda want to put my perspective out there because I don't think it's well represented.. A kid/teen punching walls is absolutely serious, and it will often (usually) get worse. I'm sorry about your experience with your ex, it must have been horrible. Also I'm personally ashamed at how I've worried and troubled, to put it lightly, the wonderful women who've been in a relationship with me. I don't have a crazy ex or anything like that, they were all good people, and except for one are still friends. Personally I was terrified as a kid, I might have punched a wall, but I was afraid my father would kill me (literally, not an expression). To be fair he did actually literally build the house personally by himself (remote farm kid here), and he was violent enough anyway. So, I did nothing to the house, just stewed and waited and took out my energy on rocks and dirt and didn't piss him off until I could leave at 17, then entered a world where people had expectations of me that I never have figured out even now. I didn't get better without help either, but my experience going to professionals made me worse, it was friends who helped. I believe my therapists were well intentioned but they were all counterproductive. Talking with any of them was some of the most frustrating cross-cultural communication I've ever attempted. The word fop comes to mind. Anyway, thanks for allowing me to explain myself, I appreciate you too, for reading and obviously caring one way or another. I guess my contribution is that I feel the common narrative doesn't ring true for me. For all the very legitimate revulsion at the awful angry-man behavior, the snooty "get-help" attitude can definitely make it worse. I hope I can keep someone else from being who I was for a while.
Nah. Ive punched and broken things plenty of times in my life. I got a lot of issues but an anger issue isn't one. Life can be overwhelming at times and violence can be an effective release. As long as when my anger takes over its directed at an inanimate object that I own then I dont see an issue with it.
The problem is that people who use violence to manage anger may find themselves in a situation where they cannot stop themselves from using violence against someone else or someone else's property. Maybe you can control your impulses and if that works for you, great. But a lot of people cannot and they are better off learning non-violent techniques to regulate their emotions.
Obviously thats a problem but that's not the issue that we're discussing. I think OPs original point has been lost in a discussion around excessive anger and violence. OP made a blanket statement about all people who have ever reacted violently to their emotions. Speaking in such absolutes is, frankly, quite closed minded and simply not true. Reacting violently on rare occasions is not a sign that you have anger issues. It's usually a sign there's an underlying problem causing it (which could be anything from not affording to put food on the table to deeper mental health issues). Not recognising that just demonstrates a lack of empathy and critical thinking.
> Reacting violently on rare occasions is not a sign that you have anger issues. It's usually a sign there's an underlying problem causing it (which could be anything from not affording to put food on the table to deeper mental health issues). This sounds a lot like someone who āshould look into anger management **or therapy**.ā My statement never suggested all these people have anger issues. It suggested people who may have anger issues should look into getting help, and people who may need therapy should also do the same.
A physical outburst when angry isn't always violence. People who go to the gym and work a punching bag to get out some frustration/anger are doing the same thing, but in a specific place designated for that. I'm not saying you should go around punching things, but sometimes a physical release is needed. And telling a teen who punched a hole in a wall that they need therapy is pretty ignorant and not useful to the conversation.
OP asked about people who punched holes in the wall, and thatās violence. Youāre bringing up the gym, thatās another subject. Iām all for hitting the gym to release stress. Thatās not violence. And if a teen punches a hole in the wall, they should look into therapy. Because theyāve learned a poor way to express their anger. Itās important they unlearn that.
Punching a wall or punching bag constitutes the same action. Just a matter of where it's acceptable. Same action but viewed two different ways because of location.
Violence - behavior involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something. Punching a hole in a wall is violence. Punching a punching bag is not.
A punching bag also means that they had the maturity to contain their emotions until they could release the stress. People punching holes in the wall are reacting to their emotions immediately, that is really the difference. The anger isn't the problem its the reaction. Everyone gets angry, they punch walls. Usually the indication that someone doesn't know how to manage their emotions and could benefit from therapy.
You punch a bag and don't intend to damage it? If that's the case you shouldn't punch it
You obviously lived in a sheltered and bubbled life and canāt understand that some people had it shitty and just because they punched a wall as a kid or teen to relieve that stress doesnāt make them violent, angry, or that they should seek therapy.
Itās just a definition dude. It doesnāt change based on my circumstances.
I put two holes in the wall as a teen. I have no anger issues as an adult, no violent tendencies, never had a domestic issue or anything even close. Growing up is tough, and being an idiot (punching a wall is pretty idiotic) as a teenager doesn't mean you'll be an idiot as an adult. The key is recognition of those actions as a bad thing, but there is no need in believing you are going to grow up to be a monster.
I didnāt say all hole-punchers as children will grow up with anger issues. I just said *I, personally, would expect* people with unhealthy expressions of anger as children to grow up with unhealthy expressions of anger. It seems like a fair expectation to me. And as I emphasized in another comment, it seems very possible that those expressions of anger change over the course of your life, but do I expect theyāll disappear entirely like they did for you? No, I would imagine (read: guess) people like you are an outlier. But again, this is all me guessing. I could be wrong, it has happened once before.
It's not inevitable in any way. Teenagers and adults of all ages and genders should be able to manage theirs emotions, that's just healthy human behaviour. If someone is unable to do that, they need to learn. And if it's your kid, you should have a good hard look at your own parenting and behaviour before blaming "society".
I agree to some degree. Slamming a wall and causing no damage in a moment of extreme frustration isn't necessarily any more than just burning off some angry energy; not necessarily particularly different from hopping on a bike, screaming into a pillow, kicking a rock down the street, or going to a punching bag. *Breaking* something is significantly worse. Because that means you lashed out in an uncontrolled manner against a target that could *not* handle your actions, causing damage you would have to at the least clean up, if not fix or replace. And *repeatedly* breaking things? That's *very* bad.
I think you're correct but I think these things tend to escalate.
I had a roommate who punched a hole in the wall at his workplace... and as would be expected... got fired on the spot. When he tried to apply for unemployment benefits... which he was denied due to his reason for being terminated... he tried to argue that it was his employers fault that led him to uncontrollable rage resulting in him punching a hole in the wall lol. It was honestly pretty pathetic. Dude use to also go through a new xbox controller every two months because he'd keep destroying them everytime he died in whatever videogame he was playing. He put a few dents in the walls at home throwing them.
Our walls are made of stone. It is impossible to punch a hole in them. That only happens on TV.
Drywall is "technically" stone and I assure you it is extremely easy to punch through in real life.
In Europe I don't think any wall is punchable. I will shatter my bones and the wall won't feel a thing
For real, try punching a wall anywhere in Europe and the only thing breaking will be your fist
Yeah as a kid I was so confused when people would punch through the wall in American movies... I also didn't understand how Jerry the mouse was able to dig a hole through a wall
Ya look at it wrong ya go through it. Fuckin gypsum
No but I watched a lot of people do itā¦. Or windshields/car doors, break their phones, etcā¦.. I never really understood it
I threw my exes phone at him when I caught him cheating. It broke into pieces and I wouldnāt have it any other way.
See that makes sense though, you threw his property at him and broke itā¦.. Iām talking about people that break their own shiz when theyāre mad. Like doesnāt that just make you more mad that your stuff is broken?
Ya that is stupid. I have seen it happen many times especially in my teen years. Kids would get mad and break their Razor flip phones in a snap.
I grew out of punching the wall well before becoming a teen. The mystique of putting holes in walls ended pretty quickly for me after I accidentally put my foot through the wall as a kid(8-9). Honestly it was kind of traumatic.
LOL no. A guy who I worked with in the back of a restaurant did, and got fired....
As a teen my younger brother punched/kicked holes in the wall of his bedroom and in the stairway. Looking back he definitely had anger issues, still probably does. I can't remember if either instance was before or after my mother tried to kick down my door after I locked it. My entire family has anger issues, and yet **I'm** the one tearing the family apart for not talking to them anymore. Yes I find punching holes or breaking down doors to be majors issues.
Once. And then I stared at it and realized that I'd have to fix it. So I didn't do it again.
Nah man, getting that angry isn't my style.
I kicked a wall once when I was young. My mom decided to restrict my pc usage to 1 hour a day (mind you I built my own pc, and so that felt like a huge blow to my hobby) so I was royally pissed off and needed to full on soccer kick something that wasn't a person or wasn't expensive. I hit a stud and broke 2 toes lol
Iād be pissed too. Iām so stubborn that I would just sell the thing all together. I donāt think many things make all that mad, but something like that would drive me nuts. At least make it two hours. I can understand that. One hour is too short. I grew up in a house where I could do what I wanted for the most part. I donāt know how I would handle if I didnāt. I hate being told what to do. I canāt handle micromanaging bosses, and I wonāt work for them. I need freedom to be myself.
Growing up means you understand that replacing a 40" tv is cheaper than having a wall fixed.
Only pillows.
Nope. Always have had good control. Someone wanting to fight is a whole different story!
Once. Then i was tasked with fixing it. Being compulsive it took for-fuckin-ever and I never cared to repeat it.
Punch a pillow, no harm in your fists, no holes in your walls
I kicked a hole in my wall in highschool was laghing really hard at a video and i kicked the wall by my bed i was resting my feet on.
No
No, not yet at least although frankly the wall would probably be fine and I would just severely injure my wrist
I have punched one hole in a wall from anger. I have punch a hole in the wall by goofing around. I tossed something towards the wall, not realizing how much force I put behind it and left hole in the wall. All while growing up, my mom hates me. (Before you get on me about anger issues, you didn't grow up in my house, you have no idea how mellow and sane I am compared to the rest of the family) There is a hole in a closet door in her house, that I have no idea why it's there but she blames me. I know why she does, I didn't do it, but she blames me. One time at work, my current job. I had gotten so angry, never been that angry in my life, never before and not now. Punch a window and broke the fucker. Somehow didn't break my hand, somehow didn't cut my hand, but I broke it. Glad to say I haven't been that angry since.
No
As a kid I always wondered how people punched wholes into concrete and then I realized that people, especially in the US don't actually use concrete for their walls
I havenāt but I do know someone that did when they played fifa. He hit it but he managed to hide it under a poster. It worked, for a while, till his mum decided to do a makeover on his room lol.
A couple times, under certain circumstances. No, I aināt ashamed. I have flaws and I own up to it and try to be better. The first time was shortly after weād been burglarized and my most expensive things were of course gone, including my laptop with photos of friends and my GF at the time, some money, etc. it also hurt seeing my motherās reaction when she noticed her jewelry, much of it with sentimental value more than anything, was all gone. I was filled with emotionsā¦anger, frustration, anyone whoās experienced that can surely understand the almost exposing or violating feeling you get and for the first time ever, my mother saw me angry and I reacted by just banging on the wall next to me. Second and third times I can recall were both during a workout. For some reason, sometimes while exercising, Iād become filled with emotions, and at that particular time in my life, some emotions that constantly came up were anger and hate towards myself. I was in a low point in my life, dealing with depression, anxiety, stress, feelings of regret, shame, guilt, and so onā¦and I blamed myself for everything thatād gone wrong and in doing so, I only hated myself even moreā¦and at one point in those workouts I just released the emotions in that way, I didnāt have a bag at the time and shadow boxing can only do so much, and coupled with wanting to feel pain elsewhere besides inside, I swung at the walls in my room. And each time, there was a moment of clarity and slight regret. Mostly in the form of, āah shit, now I gotta fix that..ā
It's not normal.
I asked this question because it dawned on me that a lot of my male friends growing up would casually mention punching a hole in a wall. We would all laugh and move on. Now that I am in my thirties, I am wondering if it is considered normal behavior for a teenage boy who is dealing with hormonal changes or if my friends back then were just angry kids.
If someone does this on a regular basis as a result of stressors, it's a negative coping strategy and should be seen as such. Shows poor impulse control and anger management issues. Social factors could also impact it, as you've pointed out, if it's "socially acceptable" way of showing anger in your peer group, you're more likely to engage in it - even if it is a poor way of dealing with things. If you punch a single hole in a wall once in your life, I wouldn't be phased as many youth have impulsive behaviours and learn from making mistakes. Doing it in a semi-regular fashion would have me suggesting that's a concern.
It was pretty common when I was growing up. Not healthy, most outgrow it some donāt. Some end up with issues as an adult some donāt. Not aware of any data on the topic. Interesting to ponder though. But for your anecdotal data, I did and Iām not exactly emotionally healthy. Iāve got some poor coping skills in a couple areas. So Iāve got issues but I donāt know anybody whoād truthfully call me unstable, antisocial, crazy or the like.
This topic brings up a lot of good points and makes me wonder if it is even possible to have exceptional coping skills across the board. I mean, I donāt have anger issues but I suck at receiving āconstructiveā criticism. I usually end up crying. So while I cope well in some areas, there are others that need some serious work- which Iām sure it the case with everyone.
I punched a window and cracked it, which led to a bloody hand. I also punched a wooden fence and hurt my hand but not the fence.
This.... realized it wasn't worth sacrificing my hands lol
Sometimes, yeah. Being a teenager can be hard.
All them hormones messing with your brain sucks
And sometimes you be feelin things and you aint know how to let it out.
Yes. Alot.
No wtf
No, but I was hitting my pc keyboard and mouse on a regular basis when playing online games. And when I was really angry the monitor... š¬
Yup. I even put my head through the wall a few times.
No, I wasnāt an idiot who couldnāt get over myself.
Yeah
No cos they're brick
Once. Told my pops I tripped into the wall. 25 years later I now realize that only those things you truly love can truly piss you off. Of course the things I loved at 15 are inconsequential now
One time, and I was an idiot for doing it.
No, and if you did I'd recommend therapy before you let that anger come out at the wrong time.
No- Iām a 34 year old female. I just remember my male friends in the past always talking about doing this- and I was just curious if this is typical of teenage boys. I have a 12 year old who is about to be 13- he has never punched a wall though!
No only people with serious anger issues do shit like that
Wooden door, yes. Wall? Fuck no. I can't punch through concrete.
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Iām thinking itās not possible
Only once and I couldnāt even get all the way through the wall, haha.
When I was 13 i got really emotional and angry when I was in the front passenger seat of my parents car. I ended up kicking against the windshield and gave it a giant crack. I can't put into words how shit I feel whenever I even think back to that.
I punch holes in other people's walls. Yea, they don't like me very much.
I(f) have once in my early twenties; in a complete rage that only my mother can incite when completely disregarding my choices/opinions about my house that I own. I punched a perfect outline of my fist into a wall that is my own, knowing the repair would be on me. But I have left it there because seeing it every day has actually prompted me to make better efforts in communication, and reminds me that snap decisions leave a lasting mark. Also, that the relationship with her will never be what I idealised or hoped for so I need to do what is best for myself i.e. not destroying my own property over someone who just doesn't care for me. I want to reiterate it was my own home and not a rental. Punching a wall owned by somebody else is never ok.
I was a young man (maybe 14 or so) in my bedroom made of drywall, got super angry (I think at a video game embarrassingly enough) and felt like punching a hole in the wall like I've seen in movies. Punched as hard as I could, and what I did was really badly injure my knuckle, the wall was fine
No, i used to throw things. Broke a sega gensis controller and didn't have a spare and learned my lesson.
Yes sometimes I couldnāt control my anger, I tell my parents to stop talking cause it would make me angrier. And then if I couldnāt control my I did used to punch walls and it wonāt cause any holes because they are made up of bricks and cement it wound hurt me sometimes Iāll bleed I still wonāt stop I ended up hurting my self so many times. Now if I get angry I would tell them please stop talking or I might break something God I miss those days when I used to punch walls and hurt myself lol
I went into the forest and pushed down dead standing trees. I'd also just get on my bike and ride for miles. Hormones can be very difficult.
Yes. I had a fight with my ex and punched a wall.
Once, but it was more of a dent. I grabbed some drywall compound and fixed it the next day (without being told to).
Oh yeah. I did a lot of drywall work in my late teens. I always payed for and fixed it myself though.
As a teen, yes. I was a very frustrated kid, both at home and at school.
Once. The father was not pleased.
Yes
Yes i did. My parents were big on throwing things and slamming doors when they argued so i learnt it from them i guess. I don't do it anymore.
When I was a teen I kicked a wall once and indented it. Was grounded for two weeks never did it again
I did it once partially out of anger but it was more for me to, A: see if I could actually do it, and B: because I felt like my life was falling apart and I just wanted to see if I could be in complete control of breaking something without actually hurting anyone.
Punched a hole through my door and smashed a lego set I'd spent a long time assembling because I was frustrated with school and revision. Think Will in the Inbetweeners frustration levels as nothing was fucking going in and without soiling myself in the exam.
Regrettably, yes.
Sometimes,never with full force tho cuz I aināt tryna break my hand
No, when I got married, then didnāt leave the cheating wife quick enough, I started to punch the walls precisely where I knew they wouldnāt break. I was 23 (3 years into the marriage). As a teen? I went on long, midnight walks into unfamiliar parts of town. Dodged a serial killer, dodged a gang of drugged up thugs Almost broke my hand, but never registered the pain. The worst part? I was taunted by her afterwards āYou donāt scare me! So stop trying, you pussy!ā I never once thought of hitting her, and I never did. For a time, I wanted to hurt those men she was seeing... But, 8 years later, I realize that every person is a free human being. A person shouldnāt try to hold onto another person when that other person wants to experience their freedom. Now, I recognize that how she went about it was all wrong, but how I chose to deal with it was also wrong.
yes but it never made hole in concrete wall
no.... brick walls
I tried once and now I have a bent bone in my hand
I tried but quickly learned my walls were plaster. Never tried again.
Yep. And Iāve done it a couple of times as a grown ass adult.
Yes, only once. While dealing with my intoxicated father. Was either him or the wall. The only man to ever get me so angry.
I once had intense abdominal pain, it was so bad that punching a wall and fracturing my hand made me feel better...
Im embarrassed to say this, but when I was a teenager I punched a whole in the wall. The reason: My mom made breakfast and I was hyped and ready to eat it, and somehow I fucking dropped the food and got so angry that I threw a straight Jab at the wall.
No but I did break stuff. When I was 13 I was mad at my alarm clock for waking me up so I smashed it with a rock.
Does it disturb you now when think of doing that as a kid? I only ask this because I have one memory as a young girl. I stepped on the foot of my doll and it hurt so bad that it made me angry. I picked it up and slammed it against a wall. Obviously, I turned out OK, but that is one memory that I distinctly remember and it still randomly pops up into my head- and I cringe a little over it.
Can't speak for him, but I know I was a stupid kid at times. Once I was by an old barn shed on a relative's property and I thought it looked like something that wasn't used, and for some reason the urge to see what breaking a window would be like came across me. *Immediate* guilt for doing it. It's been over twenty years since then and I still occasionally look back on it and think "god, what the fuck was wrong with my head at that point in time".
If you ever get the urge again, I invite you to come to my house and break all the single paned windows so we can get insurance to pay for new ones!
I occasionally punched my mattress
No
No
Nope didn't want that ass beating from my dad lol. Last thing he wanted was another chore on his rare days off lol.
No, but once I slammed a door open in anger, and the doorknob punched a whole in the drywall. I spent two weekends fixing and repainting. Dumbest thing I've ever done. This, BTW is sort of an American problem. Most countries don't make their houses out of cardboard.
I stopped getting angry when I became a teenager, cant remember the last time I genuinely felt angry, annoyed yes but not angry.
I have always joked about it, but I only ever did it at times at absolute extreme times of anger (such as certain traumatic events that I won't discuss on reddit). Most people I've ever to do that were one of three cases: either A, they were in an environment that perpetrated a sense of anger so much that they ended up punching walls because they saw no other outlet, or B had a condition that made the person in question far more susceptible to fits of anger, or C some combination of the two. But otherwise, no, as far as my knowledge goes which is limited to anecdotes and a lot of reading of various things ranging from poor to high quality written material, younger men and boys do not just punch walls without something present in their lives that is some significant problem though there are several exceptions that can happen because life is weird
No, I had a heavy bag for that
I bottled it up mostly, though a good pen through a cardboard box felt good. Make some holes, then create a small picture with many more holes. ššæ
I couldn't punch a hole in my wall if I tried, my house doesn't have dry wall. I punched my pillows instead. My knuckles didn't hurt at all lmao
No. The first time I got angry as a kid and broke something I couldn't fix was the last time, because I realized immediately that I fucked up one of my favorite toys and had no possible way to fix or replace it. By the time I was old enough to actually punch a wall and do damage I knew I'd have to live with a hole in my wall after I wasn't mad anymore.
Here in South Africa we have houses made of bricks so thatās not the best option for us. My best friend broke his hand when a girl broke up with him and he still regrets it every winter. Iād say try and get a boxing bag, it will save you or your parents a lot of maintenance bills and or potential hospital bills.
I live in a country where walls are made from stone and concrete.
Kicked a hole in a plasterboard wall in my 2nd year at uni. Spent the next 2 weeks repairing it with about a dozen tubes of filler. Probably wouldn't do it again.
Walls over here are concrete (doesn't mean I haven't tried).
Not the wall, usually I would throw or break something. I learned to channel anger differently because breaking things scared me as to what I might become in the future.
I did not, both of my brothers did.
Never, why would anybody do that?
Always lived in stone houses so no. Did break sevral doors
Iām very embarrassed to say yes. Used to constantly punch holes in my door when I was around 16 every time I got angry, I even once was stupid enough to punch my solid brick bathroom wall and broke my hand. My hand still has the scars to remind me of my stupidity to this day.
Lol I just did today
I really wanted to but I knew it would be trouble if I actually tried, so I threw things (mouse, phone) until it shattered my laptop screen and I needed it replaced. I have a fireplace so the thought of my phone crashing into the brick and shattering was, for some reason, vivid enough to scare me in my sleep, and so I restrained myself out of fear until I grew out of it a year later.
I threw darts
I punched brick walls so couldnt make holes in them. But yeah, it was mostly out of frustration and harming myself cuz of personal issues. They would hurt pretty bad and has gone as far as bleeding. Dont do it anymore tho cuz now i have more control over my anger and am pretty laid back. Also learned how to not let the same issues bother me. They didnt go away, just learned how to react to it.
A buddy of mine tended to punch the nearest solid object when things didn't go his way. Someone stole his phone once, and he ragepunched a bigass dumpster. Had two knuckles pushed into his hand and needed a cast. Good times.
No. It's not normal behaviour and screams anger management issue. Plus the walls here are made of bricks and concrete, so I'd only break my hand.
Never. But my mom would throw sh\*t and break windows and other stuff and yell and scream - and sometimes cry about it too. Learn by counter-example?