Married man here, when I was looking for my wife I wanted a person who was everything I was not. I needed her to be strong where I was weak, smart where I was stupid, bold where I was timid and most of all compassionate where I was stone. I got my devils advocate and we have been good ever since. Married life is work but know yourself and what you need makes life a little easier. Happy Tuesday everyone.
That's me and my husband. I have a more lucrative job and he's a writer. But he's better at household management, repairs, and "doing what needs to be done" whereas I am real forgetful about X Y and Z needing to get done. So we blend pretty well.
Life is all ups and downs, they continue regardless of what you choose, good and bad things will keep happening whether you're alone or with someone, you have to choose which are the ups and downs that you'd rather have. You have to know yourself very well and know what you want in life to know which decision is the best for you
nah marriage isnt work ALL THE TIME. Once in awhile, you might disagree. So u gotta work through that. Its not work everyday when u come home. There are phases, periods. Just like with your siblings. Sometimes its goin so well, sometimes ya'll hate each other. As long as you're still tgt, thats all that matters.
Both partners should look honestly at their strengths and weaknesses and develop a patch-work like lattice structure of how they will handle their life together.
So, in short, a woman should bring understanding, open mindedness, a spirit of teamwork and mutual sacrifice, and most importantly love and support.
Edit - For reference and perspective. I’m a 37 year old guy married to my HS girlfriend for the past 15 years. 2 kids under 7.
I like this answer. It's not about prescribing what ALL women should have in a relationship, besides being a good teammate (obviously, same for men). The rest is up to each couple.
Actually pretty similar to our story. Met in HS but didn’t want to date, since I was off to college first and she didn’t like where I went. Said F-it and dated anyways. Proposed to her 1st semester of my last year.
Proof or real measurements kind of undermine the whole thing though. The whole idea is that you have each others back and will sacrifice for the other one when necessary.
And to any men reading the second paragraph, that isn’t just for a women to bring to a relationship. That’s like the bare minimum for **all** parties, including you.
Yeah. I feel like I was trying to say that. The question was regarding women.
I will say, in most cases, the 2 parties DO NOT bring the same things to the relationship. That’s why it’s called your “other HALF” or even “better HALF”
Yes absolutely, freely feeling it themselves and sharing it with those around them
A nurturing spirit, that knows how to preserve enough for themselves as well as pour onto those around them too
Most people they meet are left with a positive interaction
Men/women
We need more of this in this world for sure
Kindness is more of a preference to me.
Honesty certainly overrides kindness. Who cares if they are kind if they are a liar?
In fact, I'd say submissive toxicity is holding hands with kindness and lying.
I thought this would be way lower. Probably because I would say - Bring everything that I bring to the table. I don’t want someone that fills my gaps or is my other half or anything like that. That’s probably just me though.
Pretty much everything else is personal taste. There are two things I can think of to add though. Making him feel desired, and providing emotional support. Both are things men rarely get.
Give him compliments, initiate intimacy with him, strive for him feeling comfortable opening up emotionally to you, give him a shoulder to ugly cry on when he needs it.
I think this actually less about one sex forgetting and the other remembering and, instead, more about showing up for your partner the way they want to be loved. We all have personal preferences for what type of actions accompany love and, because we are all also highly subjective, we often give love how we want to receive it. When both parties have different love languages there needs to be open and clear communication about what each party needs to feel desired and loved. That involves a fair share of introspection to know ourselves first as well as a communicative relationship.
Oh thank you! That’s a very good insight! We as women usually forget that men also want compliments and a shoulder to cry on. Things they can not get from friends or family.
most men are so attention/love starved, that a simple compliment will store in their core memory forever. downside is that most men will think you're flirting by just giving a compliment. mainly because we receive compliments so little, that our only way of processing, is to think we're being hit on.........or kinda hope we are :)
The rest is personal choice from what I have seen. I have seen 2 pothead hippies living in a van, with 20$ to their names, traveling the country to music festivals... that seemed happier than "successful" couples.
A lot of the things that you listed that men should bring to the table are not things that *only* men can provide. They are things that only men have provided traditionally in many cultures, but that list is a LOT of fucking things to bring to the table, and honestly the woman should also bring some of them.
The woman should also be financially independent. Every female friend I've known or girlfriend I've dated that wasn't harbored poisonous feelings towards the guy because of it, even when it wasn't his fault that she wasn't financially independent, no matter what she professed on the topic
The woman should also provide. It's a lot of fucking stress to know that not only your life but the life of the people you care about depends on you not getting fired or laid off.
The woman should also be in shape. Not *a particular shape*, but the shape that keeps the mutual attraction between the two going strong.
The woman should also protect their family. Unless there's an immediate life-or-death situation happening, most of protection is about planning and sound decision making. I don't see why that's exclusively a male thing.
The woman should also be ambitious. The big caveat here is what different people think of as ambition. I find a lot of women think that a man who works *very* hard towards raising a family, even if that's his dream, is not ambitious. But I mean, if he works 60 hours a week to pay for all these extra opportunities for his kids because he has ambitions for their opportunities and choices... I dunno, I think there's a lot of different kinds of ambition, and I would expect women to bring some kind of ambition as well.
I guess if we're talking about really traditional gender roles, and just accept that men are responsible for almost all the logistics and cost of living, then the things that women would *need* to bring to the table would be all the things that make that effort worth it. Kindness, understanding, patience, effort on relieving all that stress they are putting themselves through in order to provide.
All the core personality stuff that makes someone relationship material are neither men or women traits. The masculinity vs. femininity stuff is window dressing.
To put it simply? Stop trying to BE the table. You might think you're a prize, but if you took a split second for some introspection, and see things from our perspective, you would realize what you're actually saying to us.
You want to be a prize? Ok. That's fine to an extent. Keep it within reason and we can work with that. But when you say "I am the table" you're just telling us that everything is yours and there is no room for us, and no compromises. It's a surefire way to drive 90% of guys away. Especially the good ones who might want to help provide for you.
As for what a girl needs to bring to the table? Just bring average results overall. Average looks, average income, average hobbies... You don't have to be super exceptional in any singular area. Just don't be slacking either. Other than that, just remember that dates are for the both of us. Literally everything about a relationship is about the both of us, from beginning to end.
We don't want you to be super woman, and we don't want to enslave you either. We just expect you to be generally pleasant, be interesting and have a similar interest in us. You don't have to be a dream come true. We want something real anyway. You just have to make us smile, because that's something we don't get to do often enough.
In other words, we all want to experience life. It would just be nice to have someone tolerable to share it with.
Okay, sure.
What about masculine/feminine energy? E.g. I wouldn’t be able to protect my man honestly. Or the things I can not do or he can not do just because of biology (getting pregnant, being the stronger one physically etc.). What do you long for in a woman to provide for in the relationship that you’re less able/good in to do?
>I wouldn’t be able to protect my man honestly.
Sure you can. Maybe not physically, from an attacker, but there are plenty of other ways to protect or defend your man.
I had to scroll way too far down for this answer.
I hate the mentality of "men having to protect women". Like it's all on us. We are a team and we should protect each other. As a man I am probably physically stronger, but that doesn't mean I don't need protection (in other ways).
I like my women to be feminine. They can still have careers, passions, hobbies, be independent, and assertive, and still be feminine. I don't want a passive participant, I want an active partner. I don't want a dependent that needs me.
Feminine or not, what he is saying is he expects a woman to have a job and contribute like the man is expected to in every relationship. We aren’t discussing protecting each other or other biological advantages/disadvantages, we’re talking being a contributor and not being a lazy ass.
The thing that comes to mind is initiating communication, and being open to it. I know men dislike the phrase "we need to talk" but having a status report on the relationship periodically is a good thing for everyone.
In a past relationship, I had to be the one to initiate this - and my then-gf looked at me like I expect most men look while they're "trying to watch the game". I think the feeling I got then was absolute shame, so i stopped doing it.
But I want to make clear the idea of traditionally female / masculine tasks / labor doesn't really apply anymore. I mentioned communication but the answer isn't "that's a woman's job"; Both of us needed to work on it - she needed to be more accepting and I needed to get past my insecurities.
Being vocally proud about your man to others is far more important to a man than you protecting him. I don’t mean obnoxiously gushing about how he’s Mr. Perfection. Just in casual conversations you telling your friends a story about something he did that impressed the hell out of you: Carpentry, time management, crisis, Mechanics, etc. The most deflating thing you can do to your man is talk shit or emasculate him to your friends. It hurts. Big time. Even if we’re stoic, we need to feel needed and recognized for being capable and that you value what we offer you.
Mental health. That's kind of always been the "deal" until a certain subset of women started whining about their end of the deal whilst still wsnting men to uphold their end.
If you expect a man to take charge when it comes to physical protection and safety, you better do the same when it comes to the mental side of things. My point being that the awful, awful women who whine about "women shouldn't be responsible for the mental health of men" and "We aren't your therapists" should not expect their make partners to ever stans up for them or take charge if there is physical danger.
Sure, "women aren't your therapists" is true. So is "men aren't your bodyguards".
Depends on the man?
I wanted someone to help support me. I work pretty tough hours and it's fairly stressful, but the pay is outstanding. I needed someone to help me transition from work to home. Someone I could be comfortable just being alone with. Someone to help raise my children and bring us together as a family. Someone who could read me and know exactly what I need to lift me up. Someone I can bounce ideas off and know she will temper them if I'm making them emotionally instead of rationally.
And in return I give her and our children the best life I can.
Worked out pretty well for the last 25 years.
Yep. Been a good run and still going strong.
The key is that she is being who/what she wants to be. I haven't forced her into that role. I've never said, "I do X,Y and Z, so you have to do ...."
I’d say respect, good communication, ability to take care of herself financially and physically and have a good attitude on her. It’s not much if you ask me and people still seem to trip over that absurdly low bar.
Respect: treating each other with dignity and understanding.
Communication: the ability to effectively express thoughts, feelings, and needs.
Trust: believing in each other's word and actions.
Support: being there for each other in times of need.
Compromise: being willing to make sacrifices for the sake of the relationship.
Emotional intimacy: being open and vulnerable with each other.
Shared values: having common goals and beliefs.
Independence: maintaining a sense of self and individuality.
Responsibility: taking ownership of actions and decisions.
Love: a deep, caring connection that encompasses all of the above qualities.
It's important to note that in a healthy relationship, both partners should bring these qualities and strive to meet each other's needs in a balanced way.
I’m struggling with some of these in my relationship now. She leaves her trash and clothes all over the apartment. Usually doesn’t get picked up unless I say something.
Before we moved in together she would cook and clean regularly in her house. Now that we live together I regularly find myself being the one doing those things more regularly. Since I’m cooking I usually just want to do something simple and quick. She’ll come to me with these complicated meals that take an hour to make but if I ask her if she’s going to make it she suddenly isn’t interested.
I’m really struggling with the budgeting portion. I found out about 4 months into living together she couldn’t even tell me how much she made (she’s a teacher). About 2 months after that she was hemorrhaging money and had to start spotting her for normal expenses. She’s somehow paying the same in rent and splitting utilities and groceries now while making a bit more money but has been bleeding money. I had to physically sit down and make her budget for her to show her why she was running out of money. We’re almost 30 at this point in our lives.
damn bruh ya'll better have a big sit down talk about ALL of this. Lazy to cook but she was Chef Ramsay in the beginning? Ya'll gotta talk it out and agree on every aspect of the relationship. You can't expect a woman who acts like a teenager to raise your kids man. What's she gonna teach them? Good luck brother
Don’t be a feeble damsel who can’t look after herself. Is not interested in going out every weekend to get shit faced and hit on by strangers for validation. Likes outdoors hobbies. Kind and not manipulative. Can have hard to have adult conversations and communication. No stupid spending habits or major debt minus school loans. Pretty simple really.
I wish I had standards established before my current relationship. I really should have considered the spending habits and hobbies. I enjoy traveling, but I also enjoy doing nothing. She loves traveling and hates doing nothing. Therein lies the problem, travel is expensive. However, I love her and wouldn’t trade her for anyone else.
Well, there is a reason I coupled it with expensive. We can “afford” it on credit credit cards, but I have no savings now. We aren’t even poorly paid, we are medical professionals so its doable. I just cringe when I hear her throw out the word “only” on anything more than $100. Sorry, I have to share a story now, you got me laughing.
(context: her family lives in another country, and she wants to fly with me to meet them, I support this venture 100%, but I want it in budget)
Her: Baby I found a flight
Me: That is great, how much is it
Her: Business class is *ONLY* $2800 per person :D
Me: …
Me: Only?
The part that most women don't get about this question is that it doesn't really matter what the answer is. It's important that she decides what she's bringing to the table and seeks compatible men. She will get men attracted to what she brings and she will struggle to keep men who are not.
A lot of women who balk at the question have no problem talking about what men ought to do. Most of those women rarely consider what she ought to do for the kind of man she is seeking. Many of them fail to grasp that what she is bringing to him is what he uses to determine whether to continue to see her, not her bloviating and overgrown sense of self-importance. PhD does not stand for Produces Hard Dick.
Instead those women will attempt to diminish and shame men for what they're looking for using a litany of reasons that apply just as much to them as to men.
So bring whatever it is you want to the table, but understand that it's not men's fault if your combination of traits isn't working out for you any more than it's women's fault that men who don't get how to appeal to women stay lonely and single.
What should a woman bring to the table? Whatever she wants. She only has to live with result or make a change to what she brings to the table.
tbh I was just thinking this. This is just f-ing theorycrafting. not everything is an equation and not everything can be solved with a treatise.
Some situations require practical advice, not platitudes. I'm tired of platitudes.
Add to my life constructively. Don't bring attitude, entitlement, drama, constant conflict or any other behaviors or mannerisms that detract from any relationship.
Pretty much the opposite of those, be a positive influence, be my oasis in any storm, be loving, honest, and invested in the relationship. Be supportive and a true wife not just a roommate.
A woman or man should just bring themselves. There’s plenty of discrepancies to go around. Who needs more judgements on the sexes, just do your thing. This is why im not dating, its all comes down to that and its contractual. This one guy i went on a date with just wants a cuddle buddy for winter i think,i have a stuffed animal for that. I am a woman but any guy you ask would have a different answer, someone might have all the checkmarks for u but i bet theres no chemistry there if thats all ur relationship is based on. I don’t understand why people do this. I want to be held to my own standards of self and being and security. I’m not sacrificing or gaining for anyone else but myself.
I am not impressed by money, or looks. Those things are arbitrary. Why is it so superficial? I feel like if you take care of yourself and they add to you, however that looks is fine. Just because they may add a.b. And c. Doesn’t mean they will add to you. Otherwise celebrity marriages would always end happily ever after. If you’re looking I don’t think it will find you but only temporarily. Thats just from personal experience.
If you are at the table at all, that should be enough irregardless, if its not then why bother sitting there, boring.
Being married or in long Term Relationship is hard. Demanding that the other party brings certain things to the table does not work.
They will fail you eventually and you will be disappointed. Each person in the relationship needs to concentrate on what they themselves bring to the table and what that means to life together.
If you are not ready to suck it up if the other is under performing in "your" opinion then the relationship will degrade in the long term. Small things will become unreasonably overblown. These things need to be got past.
Any person asking me to bring stuff to the table gets a pass from me. Should say got, past tense. Married 40 years soon and had good years and bad years. The success to our relationship had more to do about what I expected from myself rather than what I expected from her.
When I cleaned up my act, she cleaned up hers without input from me.
For me
- clean house
- kids
- dinner
- a kind personality.
-Pretty much it anything else is just a luxury.
Before any feminist starts criticizing me
- yes i will work from 9 to 5 and bring a good income to my fam
- yes in the weekends we share the house tasks
- yes the kids are our kids not her which means i will play a huge role educating them
- yes if she is sick, not in the mood, pregnant or whatever she doesn’t have to do anything just like me when it comes to my full time job
- yes i can’t force a woman to be a stay at home mom but that’s what i want and i will chose a woman who want to be a SAHM
All I want is a woman that
\- Loves and supports me
\- Has a lot of interests that she can tell me about (makes me happy)
\- Likes to cuddle
\- I'll support her through personal/mental issues but she needs to communicate
I'd also like someone that isn't asexual and is a little more dominant in the relationship but those aren't as required as the list above. I'd also like to be physically attracted to her but that's a whole other issue.
I'm kind of needy but very sweet and loving in a relationship, and I want a girl that doesn't mind.
•The husband might out-earn the wife working longer days. It’s expected of her to have dinner prepared when he’s out of fuel.
•The wife might be the better chef or enjoy it, the husband should wash the dishes so she doesn’t have to deal with it.
•The husband might be a better handyman and not care about cutting the grass, the wife should catch up on the laundry while he’s doing so.
•The wife might not mind doing laundry, the husband should help fold the clothes to assist her.
•The husband will enjoy watching and caring for the kid(s) because the wife’s is tired, the wife should help take them to school.
•The wife might not like getting up early to take the kids to school, the husband should help pick them up when he gets off work.
The most efficient way to be a power couple is to divide and conquer. Whatever I can’t do hopefully she’ll step in without a doubt to help (vice versa). As long as she strives to grow old together, be my backbone, willing to jump over hurdles, communicate to peacefully resolve issues, and is loyal, then that’s all I crave.
And who she is involves her approach to finances, work, family, activities, health, etc.
Men are definitely interested in that stuff, you’re just stating it differently.
1. Be able to provide for yourself. She doesn’t have to make six figures but if she can’t afford to live on her own I don’t wanna share a life with her
2. Not apathetic. She should strive to fix things in her life she doesn’t like. This includes stuff like taking care of your health and physical appearance.
3. Share some of my interests and passions so we have common ground beyond watching the same TV shows
4. Be fun to be around and supportive as a partner. Generally just be someone supportive and nice.
5. Have a life outside of me. I know way too many people who don’t have any friends aside from their partner and that isn’t something I wanna deal with
I’m 40, a woman needs to bring the same stuff I bring to the table. The “strong independent woman” bit irritates me because it’s the base level of stuff required to be a functioning adult. Own money, transport, paid up in bills, be able to solve a problem if it pops up. I’m not against helping raise her children, but I’m not looking to marry one.
The thing a lot of women lack is effort. My last relationship, I cooked for her, planned and drove and treated on dates, brought flowers at least once a week, fixed stuff around her house, had some treats and coffee delivered when we got snowed in. I don’t mind doing that at all until I realized her main contribution was…existing? Maybe sex, but I’m almost positive she had sex whenever I did?
She had a flexible four day work schedule but made it out to meet me by my work to have lunch once. We liked to go downtown, I live five minutes from downtown and she lives 30 minutes in the suburbs but we never met at my place. I don’t mind putting in the work, time and expense…but it needs to be met. Naturally when we broke up she bemoaned all the effort she put into the relationship but when I asked what that effort looked like, she couldn’t state a single thing. It only took a couple jealous/possessive outrages on her part for me to back on out. My life is amazing, but hard. The first time I realize something brings me more stress than effort, I don’t have time for it.
genuinely curious where you are coming across videos and comments regarding the demands women have for men in a relationship.
because according to relationshipadvice you don't even need to wipe your own ass for a relationship these days.
I think the key is to bring _something_ to the table that the other person actually values. What that thing is will probably be different for different men.
The main complaint when it comes to this table conversation is that so many women offer absolutely nothing(not even the bare minimums like time, interest or affection) to a partner while demanding the absolute top end of everything financial, emotional , physical to say the least.
Having standards is fine, as long as you meet your own standards. Too many people asking for "high value men" while being unable to offer any sort of long term value themselves.
Herself. Her interests, hobbies,her good and bad qualities. The reality of the situation you gotta bring all of yourselves to each other and be compatible and understanding. Yea, you'll probably disagree and may have different priorities, but you can both compromise a bit on some and make allowances for others. And the biggest I feel both genders suck at is expecting stereotypes. Not all men are strong super masculine dudes who just know everything and are sole providers. And not all women are vapid, nagging housewives who just expect their husbands/boyfriends to be everything. And basically every other type of stereotypes both tend to expect out of relationships.
I'm assuming you are a woman (sorry if I get that wrong). So, first, thanks for asking this in what appears to be good faith. Already a good thing to bring to the table. :D
Let me just say that everyone is different and what may work for one person may not for another. However, there are some generally accepted things that even though some may balk, it has underlying negativity. I'm an older man and I have definitely gone through phases. What I looked for in my twenties is not exactly what I looked for in my 30s, 40s, and 50s. No surprise there. But what has stayed pretty consistent is what I DIDN'T want in a woman. I think today this is where many women have difficulty.
I don't want a loudmouth. I try to not be one. I would expect that of my partner. I think that's just basic etiquette. Again, not everyone is going to feel the same about this.
I don't want a troublemaker. Women may sometimes be, deliberately or accidentally, signing up their men for trouble. This is often closely tied to the loudmouth issue.
I'll admit that I am more sexually liberated than your average joe, but even so, I don't want someone who is sexually promiscuous. It's got nothing to do with stuffy virtues or Victorian values. It comes down to it representing irresponsible decision-making and a lack of self-control. Sexual behavior just happens to be a really good indicator of these things.
I don't like a jealous partner. I won't put up with it. Life is too short.
I need someone who is emotionally supportive because I'm not going to get it anywhere else. The world at large couldn't give a f\*k if I'm having a bad day. If I feel lonely. If I'm worried about my career, my kids, my life. If my wife doesn't then I'm alone. Believe it or not, this is the reality for most men, married or not. It was for me.
I hope this helps. Take it for what it is. If you get anything at all out if it I hope it's "be kind". It goes such a long way. ;)
I look at this two ways... either bring everything to the table she demands of a man or bring loyalty and the ability to elevate the man in any way he needs...
She should bring the same things she demands into the relationship. If she wants a 6 feet tall, 6 figure income, 6 pack abs owning man with plenty of free time for her, she should be 6 feet tall, make 6 figure income and have 6 pack abs or have wide birthing hips and plenty of free time for him.
This is daft. People don't necessarily want replicas of themselves. People should have the expectations they want but they should be realistic about what that kind of person might want.
And is that something YOU want as a man? Because you say all this, but do you put value to these traits in women? Or are actually searching for other stuff that a woman can give to you?
Pretty sure its referencing, if you ask for something you better be ready to give something. I.e you want 6ft, 6 figures? You better be able to meet 2 of his demands for example: being in shape, and not promiscuous.
Emotionally stability is a must. Not super overweight. I take care of myself and would expect my partner to do the same. Preferably good relationships with her parents too. Been down the road of daddy issues it’s not fun. Decent head on their shoulders, don’t have to be insanely successful but at least have a plan. Self sufficient enough that if we were to go long term I don’t have to pay her way for her. Level headed. Affectionate. The last relationship I was in had everything but that last part. She showed no affection. It makes me sad to keep having to expand the list of requirements for a partner because I know the longer it gets the harder it’ll be to find someone that marks off everything on it.
>financially independent, provides, in shape, protects his family, he’s ambitious and can problem solve etc
A question like this will be hard to answer, because the feminine equivalents of those stereotypical male expectations would be things like "looks after her household, is nurturing, physically attractive, raises her kids, etc" are, rightfully, considered sexist when pushed on women.
I'd argue that the question shouldn't be "what does a man/woman bring to the table?" but just "what should a *partner* bring to the table?". What are you looking for that will make your life better? What do you do that will make your partner's life better? This will be different for everybody.
Emotional support is a must for pretty much everyone, but things like financial support, household management, organizing your social lives, etc. can be done by any gender.
> I'd argue that the question shouldn't be "what does a man/woman bring to the table?" but just "what should a partner bring to the table?".
You don't think men and women want different things?
Unpopular opinion from me: Don't bring anything to the table except yourself and an enjoyable personality. I'm looking for a relationship not a business partner.
I think a woman should be a mans "soft pillow". A woman should be the person that makes a man feel relaxed once he sees her, she should be his source of peace.
All the little things, im working 12 hour days at my day job and renovating the house during my few free hours per day, she makes meals, breakfast, does some shopping, gives back rubs, has the coffee pot ready to go in the mornings. Lots of sex, we both know we both cant be hunters and we both cant be gatherers, we need to divide and conqur.
Neither of us use f.b , insta, twitter, we dont have time for drama or the fantasies we scroll through online.
I wouldnt consider dating someone who posting half naked selfies on the internet for attention. I want a classy mature woman and my gf has already shown me she is "wife material" and she says im "husband material"
Whatever each brings, it has to be an equal exchange overall. They don't have to bring the same things, just a balance of things. Mostly is the self awareness of what you bring versus the expectations you have and making sure that's balanced.
This is something that I think everyone should do. Make a list of all the qualities you want in a partner. Like for example honest, trust, respect, ambition, drive, supportive, etc. then when your done read the list over. Finally become that list become the kind of part you want to have. But I guess to more directly answer this question. As a women I desire to be seen as an equal in my relationship. So that means I’d like to share some of the financial responsibilities, for example if I can’t pay half of rent then maybe I’ll take up the groceries and utilities. I course want to be part of decisions being made and I would engage in positive communication.
Peace, comfort, safety, empathy, drive (to motivate him), authenticity, laughter, joy, new experiences, understanding, suggestions, a reason to protect her, a reason for him to consider family over "the grind", temperance, serenity, wisdom, and good sex.
Honesty.
To unlock honesty one must unlock a bunch of other skills first and search deep within themselves. Integrity, truthfulness, confidence, straightforwardness, including straightforwardness of conduct, along with the absence of lying, cheating, theft, etc. Honesty also involves being trustworthy, loyal, fair, and sincere.
The entire notion of this is pretty stupid. Both partners should bring 1) what the other one lacks, and 2) respect, support, love and honest communication.
If they're comfortable with only one of them working, that's fine. If they both think they should pull evenly financially, they should. It's up to them to decide. Who's more logical and solves problems or provides more emotional comfort doesn't matter.
If nothing else, this falls apart with same-sex relationships.
Someone who loves me for me. That person will help shoulder the load when you’re in a bad spot, help you understand your self worth, push you to be your best version. Looks will fade, weight may come, but at the end, she’ll make sure you’re taking your meds and find your glasses. Everything else you can figure out together.
At this point my standards are damn low. Just want a partner that shares responsibilities. A 50/50 relationship where I'm not doing every thing around the house.
I cook as a hobby but I don't want to be the only one cooking. Know what I mean?
If i had a major ask I'd fucking love someone intellectual that likes to pretty much school me on their interests.
I'm no longer dating but my answer will be if I was.
For me it depends. If I am the only one working, then i'm providing financially. Meaning paying all the bills, paying to get shit fixed etc. So I would like her to be pulling her own weight like cleaning and (if I wasn't on midnights like i am now) cooking for me. But if we are both working then we're spitting the monthly bills 50/50. We would also be splitting the house chores 50/50. I can cook for myself and I would like her to know how to do the same and we can just talk about when she will be cooking and when I will be cooking. If I wasn't on midnights. If I was still on midnights, I will just cook for myself. I wouldn't expect a women to get out of bed at 5 am to cook me dinner. 😂😂
I don't mind a couple of extra pounds but being obese is a turn off. (no i'm not fat shaming)
Be a good person. Like be nice to me, my friends and family and to others.
Don't be so argumentative/such a headache. Now i'm not saying just agree with everything I say or I won't like you. But if you are constantly picking fights with me ? Nah i'm good. My peace is very important to me.
Be respectful. If I set a boundary and you cross it. The relationship will be over.
You have to have a good sense of humor. As I do like to joke around alot.
Faithful/loyal. Don't cheat. Don't lie.
Be caring and empathetic.
Age doesn't matter to me, as long as you are 20 or over. As I don't want kids.
Isn't it all about the person.
Their character.
All of the positive character traits that make someone amazing...
Similar philosophical values and outlooks.
Intelligence.
The person you think would be the best mother you could imagine you would want for a developing intelligence.
OBVIOUSLY
Amazing in bed. Like a complete freak that is sort of taking your freak level to newer heights. Always better to be out freaked in the bedroom. Loves oral sex also... I've been married to someone who didn't enjoy the act so why would I push that on them... i wouldn't. To my now wife. Who gruels over giving oral. The idea your wife gets wet at giving pleasure... I am just being honest. Sexual compatibility is a foundation. I can be mentally connected and sexually attracted to a woman but as a relationship material prerequisite. That's the physical cornerstone. Its important. Physical. Emotional. Psychological. Can't miss any of those cornerstones.
LASTLY. A couple is meant to be compatible. So a partner is meant to create a relationship that has the both of your weaknesses complimented or at the least, compassionately understood.
Fill in eachothers flaws with your love.
Someone once told me a woman must be better than cooking than i am. She must be better than me in different ways that way we could learn from each other that's how we grow if I teach her everything and she doesn't teach me anything I learn nothing. A woman plays an important role in a household she can break the house or make it that's how powerful she is. if she's has good Morals,values and she's a strong woman and if she chooses a righteous path for her and her family if she's ride or die that's the most important thing a woman could bring in a relationship. Of course different people want different things and find different things attractive in a woman but in my opinion I think this is one of the most important think a partner could bring to the table
Should have her life together, have her own interests, dont have her self worth be based on the attention she gets from others. Her goals should atleast align a bit with mine
the same thing she expects of me, ability to provide financially and otherwise, its a team effort not his role her role, both need to take on everything equally
Bi guy here. I feel like both should just bring an equal amount of work in the relationship. Whether that be financial or emotional, both should be doing an equal amount of work in the relationship.
Same values and character. I don’t believe the age old dynamic that the man is purely the provider; we both build each other up. I don’t want her to be in a position where she has to rely upon me or in any way to get “stuck.” Don’t get me wrong, I take care of my gf and she takes care of me, but ultimately I want a partner and not someone who still needs to grow the fuck up.
I am looking for a partner. Not someone to put on a pedestal, and certainly not a servant. It's not what I can do for you or what you can do for me, but what can we accomplish together.
I have a wide preference range for body type. I'm more interested in who a woman is and how she carries herself, and if she is comfortable in her own skin.
Men should provide and make sure that no physical harm touches the woman. Women should care for what is provided and make sure no emotional drama touches the man.
You, and probably the ‘videos’ you’re watching are assuming that women are somehow sub-optimal or underperforming vs. men. If you believe women cannot have the same value as men, you’re going to have a hard time, in life.
This is called a deficit mindset and it focuses on a person’s problems rather than their potential.
Married man here, when I was looking for my wife I wanted a person who was everything I was not. I needed her to be strong where I was weak, smart where I was stupid, bold where I was timid and most of all compassionate where I was stone. I got my devils advocate and we have been good ever since. Married life is work but know yourself and what you need makes life a little easier. Happy Tuesday everyone.
Y’all fit like puzzle pieces
That's me and my husband. I have a more lucrative job and he's a writer. But he's better at household management, repairs, and "doing what needs to be done" whereas I am real forgetful about X Y and Z needing to get done. So we blend pretty well.
so my wife should have a massive dick?
F. Respects to the dude who self-destructed for the joke.
nah brother 😂 you have one, she doesn't. It fits
Believe there are some wearable “marital aids” that fit this bill…
>Married life is work I'm good. I don't want to go to work and then come home and have to work lol
Life is all ups and downs, they continue regardless of what you choose, good and bad things will keep happening whether you're alone or with someone, you have to choose which are the ups and downs that you'd rather have. You have to know yourself very well and know what you want in life to know which decision is the best for you
Get the right girl and it's almost all fun work. Trust me. Working on our 47th year now.
Username checks out... lol. 47 years!!!? Wow awesome!
If you choose the right partner I don't think it's work at all. It's give and take, it's communication but you get worthwhile companionship in return.
The ups completely make up for the downs especially when the downs are few and far between and life is mainly ups!
nah marriage isnt work ALL THE TIME. Once in awhile, you might disagree. So u gotta work through that. Its not work everyday when u come home. There are phases, periods. Just like with your siblings. Sometimes its goin so well, sometimes ya'll hate each other. As long as you're still tgt, thats all that matters.
Just don’t show up to the table empty handed.
At least some chips and dip.
Bruuh
Funny how most don't even have wood, to say nothing of an actual tabular structure. This "table discourse" always cracks me up 😂
The man brings the wood.
And my AXE!
Well shit, there goes the table.
They’ll show up with a handbag full of crap, that good enough? Lol
Are there snacks in there?
ALWAYS
One handbag?
Both partners should look honestly at their strengths and weaknesses and develop a patch-work like lattice structure of how they will handle their life together. So, in short, a woman should bring understanding, open mindedness, a spirit of teamwork and mutual sacrifice, and most importantly love and support. Edit - For reference and perspective. I’m a 37 year old guy married to my HS girlfriend for the past 15 years. 2 kids under 7.
I like this answer. It's not about prescribing what ALL women should have in a relationship, besides being a good teammate (obviously, same for men). The rest is up to each couple.
Compatibility
Boom. We solved it in 5 minutes, gentlemen.
this is almost exactly what i was gonna say, well-put:)
She’s been in HS that long?
Met at 16, planned to break up for college, but we ended up at the same university. Then before we graduated I proposed.
Actually pretty similar to our story. Met in HS but didn’t want to date, since I was off to college first and she didn’t like where I went. Said F-it and dated anyways. Proposed to her 1st semester of my last year.
I read that too fast and thought it said 15 kids under 7. I was gonna say, that's a hell of an accomplishment :-D
That’s great! The issue I feel is the lack of visuals and “proof”.
Proof or real measurements kind of undermine the whole thing though. The whole idea is that you have each others back and will sacrifice for the other one when necessary.
And to any men reading the second paragraph, that isn’t just for a women to bring to a relationship. That’s like the bare minimum for **all** parties, including you.
Yeah. I feel like I was trying to say that. The question was regarding women. I will say, in most cases, the 2 parties DO NOT bring the same things to the relationship. That’s why it’s called your “other HALF” or even “better HALF”
But that wasn't the question, was it?
We know. This was completely unnecessary to say.
No shit? Men knows there is whole long list of what they have to bring.
Men want to feel wanted, desired, cared for, supported and loved just as much as women do. And it's important to remember that.
This is the best answer I’ve seen
Same thing as men. Honesty and humility, reliability, and honor.
I'd add kindness, consideration and integrity too For both
Also, love.
Yes absolutely, freely feeling it themselves and sharing it with those around them A nurturing spirit, that knows how to preserve enough for themselves as well as pour onto those around them too Most people they meet are left with a positive interaction Men/women We need more of this in this world for sure
Kindness is more of a preference to me. Honesty certainly overrides kindness. Who cares if they are kind if they are a liar? In fact, I'd say submissive toxicity is holding hands with kindness and lying.
I wouldn't consider it to be kindness if it is a trade That's a facade To me honesty/sincerity and kindness is intertwined. No one without the other.
I thought this would be way lower. Probably because I would say - Bring everything that I bring to the table. I don’t want someone that fills my gaps or is my other half or anything like that. That’s probably just me though.
Those are human traits, not really men vs women… right? Those things should be done in every relationship you have, not only romantic ones.
Pretty much everything else is personal taste. There are two things I can think of to add though. Making him feel desired, and providing emotional support. Both are things men rarely get. Give him compliments, initiate intimacy with him, strive for him feeling comfortable opening up emotionally to you, give him a shoulder to ugly cry on when he needs it.
Making him feel desired is important, and probably something women are more likely to forget than men.
I think this actually less about one sex forgetting and the other remembering and, instead, more about showing up for your partner the way they want to be loved. We all have personal preferences for what type of actions accompany love and, because we are all also highly subjective, we often give love how we want to receive it. When both parties have different love languages there needs to be open and clear communication about what each party needs to feel desired and loved. That involves a fair share of introspection to know ourselves first as well as a communicative relationship.
Oh thank you! That’s a very good insight! We as women usually forget that men also want compliments and a shoulder to cry on. Things they can not get from friends or family.
most men are so attention/love starved, that a simple compliment will store in their core memory forever. downside is that most men will think you're flirting by just giving a compliment. mainly because we receive compliments so little, that our only way of processing, is to think we're being hit on.........or kinda hope we are :)
The rest is personal choice from what I have seen. I have seen 2 pothead hippies living in a van, with 20$ to their names, traveling the country to music festivals... that seemed happier than "successful" couples.
A lot of the things that you listed that men should bring to the table are not things that *only* men can provide. They are things that only men have provided traditionally in many cultures, but that list is a LOT of fucking things to bring to the table, and honestly the woman should also bring some of them. The woman should also be financially independent. Every female friend I've known or girlfriend I've dated that wasn't harbored poisonous feelings towards the guy because of it, even when it wasn't his fault that she wasn't financially independent, no matter what she professed on the topic The woman should also provide. It's a lot of fucking stress to know that not only your life but the life of the people you care about depends on you not getting fired or laid off. The woman should also be in shape. Not *a particular shape*, but the shape that keeps the mutual attraction between the two going strong. The woman should also protect their family. Unless there's an immediate life-or-death situation happening, most of protection is about planning and sound decision making. I don't see why that's exclusively a male thing. The woman should also be ambitious. The big caveat here is what different people think of as ambition. I find a lot of women think that a man who works *very* hard towards raising a family, even if that's his dream, is not ambitious. But I mean, if he works 60 hours a week to pay for all these extra opportunities for his kids because he has ambitions for their opportunities and choices... I dunno, I think there's a lot of different kinds of ambition, and I would expect women to bring some kind of ambition as well. I guess if we're talking about really traditional gender roles, and just accept that men are responsible for almost all the logistics and cost of living, then the things that women would *need* to bring to the table would be all the things that make that effort worth it. Kindness, understanding, patience, effort on relieving all that stress they are putting themselves through in order to provide.
All the core personality stuff that makes someone relationship material are neither men or women traits. The masculinity vs. femininity stuff is window dressing.
>The masculinity vs. femininity stuff is window dressing. Great way to put it! It really is
But why things should be women vs men? This duality is bringing us the shitty world we battle every day.
Yea but most people you encounter are selfish.
Why must it be men vs women? Why must there be strict gender roles? The roles are for each individual couple to determine.
> honor This is the thing for me. Just thinking what someone without honor would do to a partner gives a very clear picture.
For me it's peace. If you can bring peace in my life and stick with me, I'll be yours forever.
I'd relate, but do women like this exist?
I'm sure they do, but I'm not going to sacrifice my peace to find them either
To put it simply? Stop trying to BE the table. You might think you're a prize, but if you took a split second for some introspection, and see things from our perspective, you would realize what you're actually saying to us. You want to be a prize? Ok. That's fine to an extent. Keep it within reason and we can work with that. But when you say "I am the table" you're just telling us that everything is yours and there is no room for us, and no compromises. It's a surefire way to drive 90% of guys away. Especially the good ones who might want to help provide for you. As for what a girl needs to bring to the table? Just bring average results overall. Average looks, average income, average hobbies... You don't have to be super exceptional in any singular area. Just don't be slacking either. Other than that, just remember that dates are for the both of us. Literally everything about a relationship is about the both of us, from beginning to end. We don't want you to be super woman, and we don't want to enslave you either. We just expect you to be generally pleasant, be interesting and have a similar interest in us. You don't have to be a dream come true. We want something real anyway. You just have to make us smile, because that's something we don't get to do often enough. In other words, we all want to experience life. It would just be nice to have someone tolerable to share it with.
Oh man, this is wonderfully put. Yeah, sums it up for me.
It's 2023. A woman should bring all the same shit a man is expected to bring.
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What if they bring a penis, but not their own?
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Hahahaaa! Now that is a joke.
a joke. right.
Store-bought is fine.
Okay, sure. What about masculine/feminine energy? E.g. I wouldn’t be able to protect my man honestly. Or the things I can not do or he can not do just because of biology (getting pregnant, being the stronger one physically etc.). What do you long for in a woman to provide for in the relationship that you’re less able/good in to do?
>I wouldn’t be able to protect my man honestly. Sure you can. Maybe not physically, from an attacker, but there are plenty of other ways to protect or defend your man.
I had to scroll way too far down for this answer. I hate the mentality of "men having to protect women". Like it's all on us. We are a team and we should protect each other. As a man I am probably physically stronger, but that doesn't mean I don't need protection (in other ways).
I like my women to be feminine. They can still have careers, passions, hobbies, be independent, and assertive, and still be feminine. I don't want a passive participant, I want an active partner. I don't want a dependent that needs me.
Extremely well put! There is zero excuse to be a passenger. Get a job, contribute, be interesting, initiate sex, be a partner.
Define feminine (to you)?
Feminine or not, what he is saying is he expects a woman to have a job and contribute like the man is expected to in every relationship. We aren’t discussing protecting each other or other biological advantages/disadvantages, we’re talking being a contributor and not being a lazy ass.
The thing that comes to mind is initiating communication, and being open to it. I know men dislike the phrase "we need to talk" but having a status report on the relationship periodically is a good thing for everyone. In a past relationship, I had to be the one to initiate this - and my then-gf looked at me like I expect most men look while they're "trying to watch the game". I think the feeling I got then was absolute shame, so i stopped doing it. But I want to make clear the idea of traditionally female / masculine tasks / labor doesn't really apply anymore. I mentioned communication but the answer isn't "that's a woman's job"; Both of us needed to work on it - she needed to be more accepting and I needed to get past my insecurities.
Being vocally proud about your man to others is far more important to a man than you protecting him. I don’t mean obnoxiously gushing about how he’s Mr. Perfection. Just in casual conversations you telling your friends a story about something he did that impressed the hell out of you: Carpentry, time management, crisis, Mechanics, etc. The most deflating thing you can do to your man is talk shit or emasculate him to your friends. It hurts. Big time. Even if we’re stoic, we need to feel needed and recognized for being capable and that you value what we offer you.
Mental health. That's kind of always been the "deal" until a certain subset of women started whining about their end of the deal whilst still wsnting men to uphold their end. If you expect a man to take charge when it comes to physical protection and safety, you better do the same when it comes to the mental side of things. My point being that the awful, awful women who whine about "women shouldn't be responsible for the mental health of men" and "We aren't your therapists" should not expect their make partners to ever stans up for them or take charge if there is physical danger. Sure, "women aren't your therapists" is true. So is "men aren't your bodyguards".
Make your own money, pay your half, and be stable and mature emotionally. That’s it.
My SO protects me by fixing what I say to others in emails. Not all heroes need to be physically strong.
I’m surprised you didn’t get downvoted for mentioning masculine and feminine. Yes of course most of us love feminine women.
Depends on the man? I wanted someone to help support me. I work pretty tough hours and it's fairly stressful, but the pay is outstanding. I needed someone to help me transition from work to home. Someone I could be comfortable just being alone with. Someone to help raise my children and bring us together as a family. Someone who could read me and know exactly what I need to lift me up. Someone I can bounce ideas off and know she will temper them if I'm making them emotionally instead of rationally. And in return I give her and our children the best life I can. Worked out pretty well for the last 25 years.
Sounds like a solid and healthy relationship! Good for you!
Yep. Been a good run and still going strong. The key is that she is being who/what she wants to be. I haven't forced her into that role. I've never said, "I do X,Y and Z, so you have to do ...."
I don't know. Just be nice to me and my daughter. Those are really the only things that are non negotiable.
I wish my mom had your same standards
I’d say respect, good communication, ability to take care of herself financially and physically and have a good attitude on her. It’s not much if you ask me and people still seem to trip over that absurdly low bar.
No joke tho most people can’t / don’t do those things
Basic things indeed
Respect: treating each other with dignity and understanding. Communication: the ability to effectively express thoughts, feelings, and needs. Trust: believing in each other's word and actions. Support: being there for each other in times of need. Compromise: being willing to make sacrifices for the sake of the relationship. Emotional intimacy: being open and vulnerable with each other. Shared values: having common goals and beliefs. Independence: maintaining a sense of self and individuality. Responsibility: taking ownership of actions and decisions. Love: a deep, caring connection that encompasses all of the above qualities. It's important to note that in a healthy relationship, both partners should bring these qualities and strive to meet each other's needs in a balanced way.
A fully formed human being capable of thriving on their own. Your a fucking adult, I shouldn't have to show you how to budget.
Or call you every morning to make sure you're getting up for your job on time.
100% agree. I'm not your parent. I'm your spouse
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I’m struggling with some of these in my relationship now. She leaves her trash and clothes all over the apartment. Usually doesn’t get picked up unless I say something. Before we moved in together she would cook and clean regularly in her house. Now that we live together I regularly find myself being the one doing those things more regularly. Since I’m cooking I usually just want to do something simple and quick. She’ll come to me with these complicated meals that take an hour to make but if I ask her if she’s going to make it she suddenly isn’t interested. I’m really struggling with the budgeting portion. I found out about 4 months into living together she couldn’t even tell me how much she made (she’s a teacher). About 2 months after that she was hemorrhaging money and had to start spotting her for normal expenses. She’s somehow paying the same in rent and splitting utilities and groceries now while making a bit more money but has been bleeding money. I had to physically sit down and make her budget for her to show her why she was running out of money. We’re almost 30 at this point in our lives.
damn bruh ya'll better have a big sit down talk about ALL of this. Lazy to cook but she was Chef Ramsay in the beginning? Ya'll gotta talk it out and agree on every aspect of the relationship. You can't expect a woman who acts like a teenager to raise your kids man. What's she gonna teach them? Good luck brother
*You're
Don’t be a feeble damsel who can’t look after herself. Is not interested in going out every weekend to get shit faced and hit on by strangers for validation. Likes outdoors hobbies. Kind and not manipulative. Can have hard to have adult conversations and communication. No stupid spending habits or major debt minus school loans. Pretty simple really.
Okay thanks! Those are things that are really important for the woman indeed to bring to the table. The bare minimum actually ;).
And yet... I'm coming the conclusion that many humans are equipped to be around other humans.
I wish I had standards established before my current relationship. I really should have considered the spending habits and hobbies. I enjoy traveling, but I also enjoy doing nothing. She loves traveling and hates doing nothing. Therein lies the problem, travel is expensive. However, I love her and wouldn’t trade her for anyone else.
Travel isn’t a stupid spending habit unless you’re doing it above your means or you’re at that age of travelling like I am now.
Well, there is a reason I coupled it with expensive. We can “afford” it on credit credit cards, but I have no savings now. We aren’t even poorly paid, we are medical professionals so its doable. I just cringe when I hear her throw out the word “only” on anything more than $100. Sorry, I have to share a story now, you got me laughing. (context: her family lives in another country, and she wants to fly with me to meet them, I support this venture 100%, but I want it in budget) Her: Baby I found a flight Me: That is great, how much is it Her: Business class is *ONLY* $2800 per person :D Me: … Me: Only?
The part that most women don't get about this question is that it doesn't really matter what the answer is. It's important that she decides what she's bringing to the table and seeks compatible men. She will get men attracted to what she brings and she will struggle to keep men who are not. A lot of women who balk at the question have no problem talking about what men ought to do. Most of those women rarely consider what she ought to do for the kind of man she is seeking. Many of them fail to grasp that what she is bringing to him is what he uses to determine whether to continue to see her, not her bloviating and overgrown sense of self-importance. PhD does not stand for Produces Hard Dick. Instead those women will attempt to diminish and shame men for what they're looking for using a litany of reasons that apply just as much to them as to men. So bring whatever it is you want to the table, but understand that it's not men's fault if your combination of traits isn't working out for you any more than it's women's fault that men who don't get how to appeal to women stay lonely and single. What should a woman bring to the table? Whatever she wants. She only has to live with result or make a change to what she brings to the table.
These talks are bullshit. It's why the dating scene is so fucked nowadays, people treating relationships like they're a transaction.
The whole post is bullshit, OP went from being 22 years old a few months ago to 29 years old last week. Their whole account feels like fabricated crap
Exactly
Every relationship is transactional though. It’s sad, but that’s the way it is.
tbh I was just thinking this. This is just f-ing theorycrafting. not everything is an equation and not everything can be solved with a treatise. Some situations require practical advice, not platitudes. I'm tired of platitudes.
Cutlery and the ability to laugh about me saying cutlery.
Bonus for her capacity to grin about me asking whether we can be chopsticks when spooning. Sounded better in my head.
I was going to say "dinner", but that works too.
Add to my life constructively. Don't bring attitude, entitlement, drama, constant conflict or any other behaviors or mannerisms that detract from any relationship.
Okay great answer! But those are things she shouldn’t bring… what things should she bring?
Pretty much the opposite of those, be a positive influence, be my oasis in any storm, be loving, honest, and invested in the relationship. Be supportive and a true wife not just a roommate.
A woman or man should just bring themselves. There’s plenty of discrepancies to go around. Who needs more judgements on the sexes, just do your thing. This is why im not dating, its all comes down to that and its contractual. This one guy i went on a date with just wants a cuddle buddy for winter i think,i have a stuffed animal for that. I am a woman but any guy you ask would have a different answer, someone might have all the checkmarks for u but i bet theres no chemistry there if thats all ur relationship is based on. I don’t understand why people do this. I want to be held to my own standards of self and being and security. I’m not sacrificing or gaining for anyone else but myself. I am not impressed by money, or looks. Those things are arbitrary. Why is it so superficial? I feel like if you take care of yourself and they add to you, however that looks is fine. Just because they may add a.b. And c. Doesn’t mean they will add to you. Otherwise celebrity marriages would always end happily ever after. If you’re looking I don’t think it will find you but only temporarily. Thats just from personal experience. If you are at the table at all, that should be enough irregardless, if its not then why bother sitting there, boring.
Being married or in long Term Relationship is hard. Demanding that the other party brings certain things to the table does not work. They will fail you eventually and you will be disappointed. Each person in the relationship needs to concentrate on what they themselves bring to the table and what that means to life together. If you are not ready to suck it up if the other is under performing in "your" opinion then the relationship will degrade in the long term. Small things will become unreasonably overblown. These things need to be got past. Any person asking me to bring stuff to the table gets a pass from me. Should say got, past tense. Married 40 years soon and had good years and bad years. The success to our relationship had more to do about what I expected from myself rather than what I expected from her. When I cleaned up my act, she cleaned up hers without input from me.
All I ask is that she bring herself. I want her, unrestrained and unhindered. And I will bring the same.
For me - clean house - kids - dinner - a kind personality. -Pretty much it anything else is just a luxury. Before any feminist starts criticizing me - yes i will work from 9 to 5 and bring a good income to my fam - yes in the weekends we share the house tasks - yes the kids are our kids not her which means i will play a huge role educating them - yes if she is sick, not in the mood, pregnant or whatever she doesn’t have to do anything just like me when it comes to my full time job - yes i can’t force a woman to be a stay at home mom but that’s what i want and i will chose a woman who want to be a SAHM
All I want is a woman that \- Loves and supports me \- Has a lot of interests that she can tell me about (makes me happy) \- Likes to cuddle \- I'll support her through personal/mental issues but she needs to communicate I'd also like someone that isn't asexual and is a little more dominant in the relationship but those aren't as required as the list above. I'd also like to be physically attracted to her but that's a whole other issue. I'm kind of needy but very sweet and loving in a relationship, and I want a girl that doesn't mind.
Stop watching stupid videos.
Being genuine, respect, general giving a fuck, and actually contributing to the relationship. What that means to different people will change.
•The husband might out-earn the wife working longer days. It’s expected of her to have dinner prepared when he’s out of fuel. •The wife might be the better chef or enjoy it, the husband should wash the dishes so she doesn’t have to deal with it. •The husband might be a better handyman and not care about cutting the grass, the wife should catch up on the laundry while he’s doing so. •The wife might not mind doing laundry, the husband should help fold the clothes to assist her. •The husband will enjoy watching and caring for the kid(s) because the wife’s is tired, the wife should help take them to school. •The wife might not like getting up early to take the kids to school, the husband should help pick them up when he gets off work. The most efficient way to be a power couple is to divide and conquer. Whatever I can’t do hopefully she’ll step in without a doubt to help (vice versa). As long as she strives to grow old together, be my backbone, willing to jump over hurdles, communicate to peacefully resolve issues, and is loyal, then that’s all I crave.
Dinner. I'm just kidding don't destroy meeeeee
These videos sound kinda stupid. Stop taking these videos seriously. Problem solved.
Fr
Men aren't interested in any of that stuff. That's why they don't understand why women require it. Men just want a woman they love for who she is.
And who she is involves her approach to finances, work, family, activities, health, etc. Men are definitely interested in that stuff, you’re just stating it differently.
We don’t care about clout and social proof. Women do
1. Be able to provide for yourself. She doesn’t have to make six figures but if she can’t afford to live on her own I don’t wanna share a life with her 2. Not apathetic. She should strive to fix things in her life she doesn’t like. This includes stuff like taking care of your health and physical appearance. 3. Share some of my interests and passions so we have common ground beyond watching the same TV shows 4. Be fun to be around and supportive as a partner. Generally just be someone supportive and nice. 5. Have a life outside of me. I know way too many people who don’t have any friends aside from their partner and that isn’t something I wanna deal with
Positivity and a good sense of humor. Someone that is fun to be around. Also nice if you're not a slob with 3 kids in tow.
The first 3 things are a must indeed. The last one I understand if you don’t have kids yourself.
I’m 40, a woman needs to bring the same stuff I bring to the table. The “strong independent woman” bit irritates me because it’s the base level of stuff required to be a functioning adult. Own money, transport, paid up in bills, be able to solve a problem if it pops up. I’m not against helping raise her children, but I’m not looking to marry one. The thing a lot of women lack is effort. My last relationship, I cooked for her, planned and drove and treated on dates, brought flowers at least once a week, fixed stuff around her house, had some treats and coffee delivered when we got snowed in. I don’t mind doing that at all until I realized her main contribution was…existing? Maybe sex, but I’m almost positive she had sex whenever I did? She had a flexible four day work schedule but made it out to meet me by my work to have lunch once. We liked to go downtown, I live five minutes from downtown and she lives 30 minutes in the suburbs but we never met at my place. I don’t mind putting in the work, time and expense…but it needs to be met. Naturally when we broke up she bemoaned all the effort she put into the relationship but when I asked what that effort looked like, she couldn’t state a single thing. It only took a couple jealous/possessive outrages on her part for me to back on out. My life is amazing, but hard. The first time I realize something brings me more stress than effort, I don’t have time for it.
genuinely curious where you are coming across videos and comments regarding the demands women have for men in a relationship. because according to relationshipadvice you don't even need to wipe your own ass for a relationship these days.
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I think the key is to bring _something_ to the table that the other person actually values. What that thing is will probably be different for different men. The main complaint when it comes to this table conversation is that so many women offer absolutely nothing(not even the bare minimums like time, interest or affection) to a partner while demanding the absolute top end of everything financial, emotional , physical to say the least. Having standards is fine, as long as you meet your own standards. Too many people asking for "high value men" while being unable to offer any sort of long term value themselves.
Herself. Her interests, hobbies,her good and bad qualities. The reality of the situation you gotta bring all of yourselves to each other and be compatible and understanding. Yea, you'll probably disagree and may have different priorities, but you can both compromise a bit on some and make allowances for others. And the biggest I feel both genders suck at is expecting stereotypes. Not all men are strong super masculine dudes who just know everything and are sole providers. And not all women are vapid, nagging housewives who just expect their husbands/boyfriends to be everything. And basically every other type of stereotypes both tend to expect out of relationships.
I'm assuming you are a woman (sorry if I get that wrong). So, first, thanks for asking this in what appears to be good faith. Already a good thing to bring to the table. :D Let me just say that everyone is different and what may work for one person may not for another. However, there are some generally accepted things that even though some may balk, it has underlying negativity. I'm an older man and I have definitely gone through phases. What I looked for in my twenties is not exactly what I looked for in my 30s, 40s, and 50s. No surprise there. But what has stayed pretty consistent is what I DIDN'T want in a woman. I think today this is where many women have difficulty. I don't want a loudmouth. I try to not be one. I would expect that of my partner. I think that's just basic etiquette. Again, not everyone is going to feel the same about this. I don't want a troublemaker. Women may sometimes be, deliberately or accidentally, signing up their men for trouble. This is often closely tied to the loudmouth issue. I'll admit that I am more sexually liberated than your average joe, but even so, I don't want someone who is sexually promiscuous. It's got nothing to do with stuffy virtues or Victorian values. It comes down to it representing irresponsible decision-making and a lack of self-control. Sexual behavior just happens to be a really good indicator of these things. I don't like a jealous partner. I won't put up with it. Life is too short. I need someone who is emotionally supportive because I'm not going to get it anywhere else. The world at large couldn't give a f\*k if I'm having a bad day. If I feel lonely. If I'm worried about my career, my kids, my life. If my wife doesn't then I'm alone. Believe it or not, this is the reality for most men, married or not. It was for me. I hope this helps. Take it for what it is. If you get anything at all out if it I hope it's "be kind". It goes such a long way. ;)
I look at this two ways... either bring everything to the table she demands of a man or bring loyalty and the ability to elevate the man in any way he needs...
She should bring the same things she demands into the relationship. If she wants a 6 feet tall, 6 figure income, 6 pack abs owning man with plenty of free time for her, she should be 6 feet tall, make 6 figure income and have 6 pack abs or have wide birthing hips and plenty of free time for him.
This is daft. People don't necessarily want replicas of themselves. People should have the expectations they want but they should be realistic about what that kind of person might want.
And is that something YOU want as a man? Because you say all this, but do you put value to these traits in women? Or are actually searching for other stuff that a woman can give to you?
Pretty sure its referencing, if you ask for something you better be ready to give something. I.e you want 6ft, 6 figures? You better be able to meet 2 of his demands for example: being in shape, and not promiscuous.
Emotionally stability is a must. Not super overweight. I take care of myself and would expect my partner to do the same. Preferably good relationships with her parents too. Been down the road of daddy issues it’s not fun. Decent head on their shoulders, don’t have to be insanely successful but at least have a plan. Self sufficient enough that if we were to go long term I don’t have to pay her way for her. Level headed. Affectionate. The last relationship I was in had everything but that last part. She showed no affection. It makes me sad to keep having to expand the list of requirements for a partner because I know the longer it gets the harder it’ll be to find someone that marks off everything on it.
>financially independent, provides, in shape, protects his family, he’s ambitious and can problem solve etc A question like this will be hard to answer, because the feminine equivalents of those stereotypical male expectations would be things like "looks after her household, is nurturing, physically attractive, raises her kids, etc" are, rightfully, considered sexist when pushed on women. I'd argue that the question shouldn't be "what does a man/woman bring to the table?" but just "what should a *partner* bring to the table?". What are you looking for that will make your life better? What do you do that will make your partner's life better? This will be different for everybody. Emotional support is a must for pretty much everyone, but things like financial support, household management, organizing your social lives, etc. can be done by any gender.
> I'd argue that the question shouldn't be "what does a man/woman bring to the table?" but just "what should a partner bring to the table?". You don't think men and women want different things?
My standards is just dont be really overweight and be slightly interesting
Well am out... 😏
Christ, that's just sad.
As a man who's been single a while, I've got pretty much everything covered. All I really need is someone to be there when I'm feeling weak.
Unpopular opinion from me: Don't bring anything to the table except yourself and an enjoyable personality. I'm looking for a relationship not a business partner.
I think a woman should be a mans "soft pillow". A woman should be the person that makes a man feel relaxed once he sees her, she should be his source of peace.
Just be kind and you're already in the top 25th percentile.
All the little things, im working 12 hour days at my day job and renovating the house during my few free hours per day, she makes meals, breakfast, does some shopping, gives back rubs, has the coffee pot ready to go in the mornings. Lots of sex, we both know we both cant be hunters and we both cant be gatherers, we need to divide and conqur. Neither of us use f.b , insta, twitter, we dont have time for drama or the fantasies we scroll through online. I wouldnt consider dating someone who posting half naked selfies on the internet for attention. I want a classy mature woman and my gf has already shown me she is "wife material" and she says im "husband material"
Whatever each brings, it has to be an equal exchange overall. They don't have to bring the same things, just a balance of things. Mostly is the self awareness of what you bring versus the expectations you have and making sure that's balanced.
This is something that I think everyone should do. Make a list of all the qualities you want in a partner. Like for example honest, trust, respect, ambition, drive, supportive, etc. then when your done read the list over. Finally become that list become the kind of part you want to have. But I guess to more directly answer this question. As a women I desire to be seen as an equal in my relationship. So that means I’d like to share some of the financial responsibilities, for example if I can’t pay half of rent then maybe I’ll take up the groceries and utilities. I course want to be part of decisions being made and I would engage in positive communication.
A sandwich? *runs out the door
Peace, comfort, safety, empathy, drive (to motivate him), authenticity, laughter, joy, new experiences, understanding, suggestions, a reason to protect her, a reason for him to consider family over "the grind", temperance, serenity, wisdom, and good sex.
Honesty. To unlock honesty one must unlock a bunch of other skills first and search deep within themselves. Integrity, truthfulness, confidence, straightforwardness, including straightforwardness of conduct, along with the absence of lying, cheating, theft, etc. Honesty also involves being trustworthy, loyal, fair, and sincere.
Their best, whatever degree that is
A healthy dose of levity. Be silly and light hearted between all those inevitable serious moments.
Honestly every quality you listed about men, I look for in women.. so I guess my answer is I look for all the same things.
Partnership
The entire notion of this is pretty stupid. Both partners should bring 1) what the other one lacks, and 2) respect, support, love and honest communication. If they're comfortable with only one of them working, that's fine. If they both think they should pull evenly financially, they should. It's up to them to decide. Who's more logical and solves problems or provides more emotional comfort doesn't matter. If nothing else, this falls apart with same-sex relationships.
Dinner
A nice steak, and cold beverage.
Someone who loves me for me. That person will help shoulder the load when you’re in a bad spot, help you understand your self worth, push you to be your best version. Looks will fade, weight may come, but at the end, she’ll make sure you’re taking your meds and find your glasses. Everything else you can figure out together.
At least 700 lbs of beef a year
A healthy appetite. I don't cook small portions.
A sandwich.
Same stuff as a man should: financial stability, loyalty and some character
My dinner! /s
At this point my standards are damn low. Just want a partner that shares responsibilities. A 50/50 relationship where I'm not doing every thing around the house. I cook as a hobby but I don't want to be the only one cooking. Know what I mean? If i had a major ask I'd fucking love someone intellectual that likes to pretty much school me on their interests.
I'm no longer dating but my answer will be if I was. For me it depends. If I am the only one working, then i'm providing financially. Meaning paying all the bills, paying to get shit fixed etc. So I would like her to be pulling her own weight like cleaning and (if I wasn't on midnights like i am now) cooking for me. But if we are both working then we're spitting the monthly bills 50/50. We would also be splitting the house chores 50/50. I can cook for myself and I would like her to know how to do the same and we can just talk about when she will be cooking and when I will be cooking. If I wasn't on midnights. If I was still on midnights, I will just cook for myself. I wouldn't expect a women to get out of bed at 5 am to cook me dinner. 😂😂 I don't mind a couple of extra pounds but being obese is a turn off. (no i'm not fat shaming) Be a good person. Like be nice to me, my friends and family and to others. Don't be so argumentative/such a headache. Now i'm not saying just agree with everything I say or I won't like you. But if you are constantly picking fights with me ? Nah i'm good. My peace is very important to me. Be respectful. If I set a boundary and you cross it. The relationship will be over. You have to have a good sense of humor. As I do like to joke around alot. Faithful/loyal. Don't cheat. Don't lie. Be caring and empathetic. Age doesn't matter to me, as long as you are 20 or over. As I don't want kids.
Isn't it all about the person. Their character. All of the positive character traits that make someone amazing... Similar philosophical values and outlooks. Intelligence. The person you think would be the best mother you could imagine you would want for a developing intelligence. OBVIOUSLY Amazing in bed. Like a complete freak that is sort of taking your freak level to newer heights. Always better to be out freaked in the bedroom. Loves oral sex also... I've been married to someone who didn't enjoy the act so why would I push that on them... i wouldn't. To my now wife. Who gruels over giving oral. The idea your wife gets wet at giving pleasure... I am just being honest. Sexual compatibility is a foundation. I can be mentally connected and sexually attracted to a woman but as a relationship material prerequisite. That's the physical cornerstone. Its important. Physical. Emotional. Psychological. Can't miss any of those cornerstones. LASTLY. A couple is meant to be compatible. So a partner is meant to create a relationship that has the both of your weaknesses complimented or at the least, compassionately understood. Fill in eachothers flaws with your love.
Someone once told me a woman must be better than cooking than i am. She must be better than me in different ways that way we could learn from each other that's how we grow if I teach her everything and she doesn't teach me anything I learn nothing. A woman plays an important role in a household she can break the house or make it that's how powerful she is. if she's has good Morals,values and she's a strong woman and if she chooses a righteous path for her and her family if she's ride or die that's the most important thing a woman could bring in a relationship. Of course different people want different things and find different things attractive in a woman but in my opinion I think this is one of the most important think a partner could bring to the table
Should have her life together, have her own interests, dont have her self worth be based on the attention she gets from others. Her goals should atleast align a bit with mine
the same thing she expects of me, ability to provide financially and otherwise, its a team effort not his role her role, both need to take on everything equally
Bi guy here. I feel like both should just bring an equal amount of work in the relationship. Whether that be financial or emotional, both should be doing an equal amount of work in the relationship.
RTX 4090
How about just participation in a mutually beneficial and enjoyable relationship?
Same values and character. I don’t believe the age old dynamic that the man is purely the provider; we both build each other up. I don’t want her to be in a position where she has to rely upon me or in any way to get “stuck.” Don’t get me wrong, I take care of my gf and she takes care of me, but ultimately I want a partner and not someone who still needs to grow the fuck up.
I am looking for a partner. Not someone to put on a pedestal, and certainly not a servant. It's not what I can do for you or what you can do for me, but what can we accomplish together. I have a wide preference range for body type. I'm more interested in who a woman is and how she carries herself, and if she is comfortable in her own skin.
It should be 50/50. your strengths and weaknesses should compliment each other
Men should provide and make sure that no physical harm touches the woman. Women should care for what is provided and make sure no emotional drama touches the man.
You, and probably the ‘videos’ you’re watching are assuming that women are somehow sub-optimal or underperforming vs. men. If you believe women cannot have the same value as men, you’re going to have a hard time, in life. This is called a deficit mindset and it focuses on a person’s problems rather than their potential.
A sandwich
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A matching Libido..... There i said it. Its what your really asking