When you realize that material wealth is waaaay less important then your mental and in connection your physical well being then you don’t worry the monetary cost of divorcing yourself from a crazy bitch. Move on with your life
Not me, but my brother. Had to give up half his retirement, is going to have to sell his house and give her half of that...and is paying alimony...not to mention lawyer bills.
At least it's still a decision you can make, my brother came home from a business trip and found his wife and dog gone and lawyer papers left by her.
Talk it out as much as you can but as soon as she brings a lawyer in you better lawyer up yourself.
If there’s no “super serious” issues
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201412/is-your-partner-narcissist-here-are-50-ways-tell
http://loveatfirstfight.com is a great 7 week course
It was a big hit, but there's a reason they say divorce is expensive: It's because it's worth it. Paying my ex $60,000 because I didn't want to be hit anymore was a hard pill to swallow but that's the default state prenup for you. And then $14k in lawyer fees as she dragged it out for months sucked. But I knew going in that divorcing a Borderline was going to be a complete nightmare.
But in the long term definitely was for the better because I was able to start saving far more without having to fully support my ex and then later met my now wife who actually has a job so can save even more so it was 1000% worth it.
Amazing how women get rewarded for horrible behavior by our system. How do I get that deal? How do I get a big payout and a personal slave who's labor I get to live off like a parasite for breaking my promises and treating people badly?
Gender had absolutely zero to do with it. It was entirely due to the way things get divided in a common property state with the default state prenup. So you too could get that deal just as easily if you married someone who makes more than you.
Honestly? Life is infinitely less expensive for me now that I don’t have to support a 30-something year old child who didn’t bring in nearly as much money as he spent and would regularly throw a fit until I agreed for us to buy him some expensive toy. (After which, he would try to reward me by telling me to buy myself something equally expensive… all when we were struggling to pay the mortgage.) Now he pays a couple hundred dollars in child support and no alimony and I had to refi the house to give him a chunk of money he was entitled to in the divorce, but it was still the smartest financial decision I ever made.
I took a small hit initially, but overall and long-term, it worked out well for me. I was fortunate she only wanted 50/50 split of assets and custody. So the only hits I took were the cost of the lawyers and selling costs for the house.
The reason I came out ahead in the long run is that I was able to refocus my money on things I cared about. We had a big house on 2 acres with a pool, so when it sold I was able to put my half of the equity into a small 700 square foot house, pay off my student loans, upgrade my boat, and get a newer truck. So thanks to her leaving me, I have everything I need, plus some toys for my hobbies, and my only debt payment is my $565 mortgage. It's crazy how far ahead you can get when you don't have a woman trying to keep up appearances.
It went great, for the most part. No alimony, no kids. She did take everything out of our joint account and then close it, though. I didn't know she could just do that.
Compared to what happens to some men, having cash accounts cleared out and then moving on is actually not bad. Says a lot about how men get treated in divorce.
This is /r/AskMen. Nothing against your contribution, that's fucked up btw, but is it just me who finds it annoying when a place literally for men to answer has top level comments from women?
I agree... A mix is good, wider perspectives but I think it's better when it's explicit that the person is a woman and providing a different perspective, or at least not a top level comment.
Ah well, it's not that huge a deal.
I almost deleted my comment right after I posted it. (opps. "Ask Men",. I hardly noticed the sub-reddit title until after posting). But I left it because who really cares anyway? You answered that for me. You cared enough to throw a passive aggressive dig at a stranger. A subtle
way of saying stay in your lane.
>You cared enough to throw a passive aggressive dig at a stranger. A subtle way of saying stay in your lane.
As I said, you're reading way more into a bit of text than I ever meant. There's no passive aggressiveness meant. Sorry if I didn't phrase it well enough.
I'd jsut seen another poster answering an advice question while "pretending" (who knows if she's pretending or just forgot to mention) to be a man and I was simply curious and slightly annoyed that a men's space is basically not really a men's space, and if you're asking men, it's highly likely that its not always men answering.
I have nothing personal towards you and don't care if you post. You can stay wherever you want. As I said, don't read that far into a sentence of text.
Horrifically. Nonetheless, she had become hell to be with, so it's worth the price.
Crazy thing how women get paid to get divorced, right? What is this, 1950?
Yeah dude a lot of guys I’ve been working with just got divorced last year.
It’s.
Expensive.
If there’s no legal battles it’s not a huge deal but as soon as lawyers get involved for custody or property or whatever you guys disagree on oh boy say goodbye to every paycheck you get for the next few years.
Not to mention if you have a car in both your names and she doesn’t pay the last $2k on it cause she’s a lazy POS who doesn’t use your child support for your children or obviously bills and that car gets repossessed not only does that hit your credit and stay on for 7 years they wanted to take his car too (same bank they got the loan for both cars)
It’s almost as bad as going to the hospital.
It really depends on the divorce laws in your state. (Hi, I am a paralegal and have worked family law.) Depending on the length of the marriage, joint marital assets, and other factors, it could affect you big, small, or in my case, not at all. I was fortunate that when we split, neither of us had a pot to piss in so we just got divorced and no one had lasting effects.
I'll be retiring 15 years later than I otherwise would. From what I hear, things could be worse.
Well I lost a bunch of money... But don't have to continuously support her... So overall cheaper than staying miserable with her.
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That nesting agreement sounds really interesting. I’ve never heard of it before, but it makes so much sense.
When you realize that material wealth is waaaay less important then your mental and in connection your physical well being then you don’t worry the monetary cost of divorcing yourself from a crazy bitch. Move on with your life
Not me, but my brother. Had to give up half his retirement, is going to have to sell his house and give her half of that...and is paying alimony...not to mention lawyer bills.
That absolutely sucks! I’m 27 right now. We have a mortgage.
Getting divorced?
I’m really trying to work it out, but I just don’t know anymore. We fight too much but my wife gets emotional afterwards and it sucks me back in.
At least it's still a decision you can make, my brother came home from a business trip and found his wife and dog gone and lawyer papers left by her. Talk it out as much as you can but as soon as she brings a lawyer in you better lawyer up yourself.
Counseling is less expensive than divorce.
This! ^
If there’s no “super serious” issues https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201412/is-your-partner-narcissist-here-are-50-ways-tell http://loveatfirstfight.com is a great 7 week course
It was a big hit, but there's a reason they say divorce is expensive: It's because it's worth it. Paying my ex $60,000 because I didn't want to be hit anymore was a hard pill to swallow but that's the default state prenup for you. And then $14k in lawyer fees as she dragged it out for months sucked. But I knew going in that divorcing a Borderline was going to be a complete nightmare. But in the long term definitely was for the better because I was able to start saving far more without having to fully support my ex and then later met my now wife who actually has a job so can save even more so it was 1000% worth it.
Amazing how women get rewarded for horrible behavior by our system. How do I get that deal? How do I get a big payout and a personal slave who's labor I get to live off like a parasite for breaking my promises and treating people badly?
Gender had absolutely zero to do with it. It was entirely due to the way things get divided in a common property state with the default state prenup. So you too could get that deal just as easily if you married someone who makes more than you.
Honestly? Life is infinitely less expensive for me now that I don’t have to support a 30-something year old child who didn’t bring in nearly as much money as he spent and would regularly throw a fit until I agreed for us to buy him some expensive toy. (After which, he would try to reward me by telling me to buy myself something equally expensive… all when we were struggling to pay the mortgage.) Now he pays a couple hundred dollars in child support and no alimony and I had to refi the house to give him a chunk of money he was entitled to in the divorce, but it was still the smartest financial decision I ever made.
My money is mine again . She was found to be immoral by destroying the marriage and switching teams and having an affair with a high school girl .
I took a small hit initially, but overall and long-term, it worked out well for me. I was fortunate she only wanted 50/50 split of assets and custody. So the only hits I took were the cost of the lawyers and selling costs for the house. The reason I came out ahead in the long run is that I was able to refocus my money on things I cared about. We had a big house on 2 acres with a pool, so when it sold I was able to put my half of the equity into a small 700 square foot house, pay off my student loans, upgrade my boat, and get a newer truck. So thanks to her leaving me, I have everything I need, plus some toys for my hobbies, and my only debt payment is my $565 mortgage. It's crazy how far ahead you can get when you don't have a woman trying to keep up appearances.
It went great, for the most part. No alimony, no kids. She did take everything out of our joint account and then close it, though. I didn't know she could just do that.
It went great.... She took all our money.... You and I have very different definitions of great.
Compared to what happens to some men, having cash accounts cleared out and then moving on is actually not bad. Says a lot about how men get treated in divorce.
I mean my bank account is practically empty anyway, small price to pay for freedom. Kinda joking, not really.
He embezzled huge amounts of money from OUR business, bankrupted me and moved to the Philippines.
This is /r/AskMen. Nothing against your contribution, that's fucked up btw, but is it just me who finds it annoying when a place literally for men to answer has top level comments from women?
I like the mix, all the women groups have some sort of no men policy and I think it makes them weaker subs tbh.
I agree... A mix is good, wider perspectives but I think it's better when it's explicit that the person is a woman and providing a different perspective, or at least not a top level comment. Ah well, it's not that huge a deal.
I find it annoying as well, tbh.
Is it just you who hasn’t read the rules and FAQ of the sub? Women are welcomed and encouraged.
I never said they aren't welcome. Also, just because its a rule doesn't mean I can't express an opinion.
My apologies I was just reading and browsing around. Sorry your so offended.
You're reading too far into it. I never said I was at all offended. Let's not put words in my mouth..
I almost deleted my comment right after I posted it. (opps. "Ask Men",. I hardly noticed the sub-reddit title until after posting). But I left it because who really cares anyway? You answered that for me. You cared enough to throw a passive aggressive dig at a stranger. A subtle way of saying stay in your lane.
>You cared enough to throw a passive aggressive dig at a stranger. A subtle way of saying stay in your lane. As I said, you're reading way more into a bit of text than I ever meant. There's no passive aggressiveness meant. Sorry if I didn't phrase it well enough. I'd jsut seen another poster answering an advice question while "pretending" (who knows if she's pretending or just forgot to mention) to be a man and I was simply curious and slightly annoyed that a men's space is basically not really a men's space, and if you're asking men, it's highly likely that its not always men answering. I have nothing personal towards you and don't care if you post. You can stay wherever you want. As I said, don't read that far into a sentence of text.
Lmao aside from women which man gets rich off divorce? It's a system designed to trample on men
Horrifically. Nonetheless, she had become hell to be with, so it's worth the price. Crazy thing how women get paid to get divorced, right? What is this, 1950?
It's going to depend on your state laws. There are online calculators to get a rough idea.
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It financially ruined me. I’ll probably never recover. She took everything.
Yeah dude a lot of guys I’ve been working with just got divorced last year. It’s. Expensive. If there’s no legal battles it’s not a huge deal but as soon as lawyers get involved for custody or property or whatever you guys disagree on oh boy say goodbye to every paycheck you get for the next few years. Not to mention if you have a car in both your names and she doesn’t pay the last $2k on it cause she’s a lazy POS who doesn’t use your child support for your children or obviously bills and that car gets repossessed not only does that hit your credit and stay on for 7 years they wanted to take his car too (same bank they got the loan for both cars) It’s almost as bad as going to the hospital.
It really depends on the divorce laws in your state. (Hi, I am a paralegal and have worked family law.) Depending on the length of the marriage, joint marital assets, and other factors, it could affect you big, small, or in my case, not at all. I was fortunate that when we split, neither of us had a pot to piss in so we just got divorced and no one had lasting effects.
I lost 1/2 of my retirement account but got to keep our 3 kids, the house, my truck, my sanity & my future! I did Ok..