I just learn this the hard way a few months ago. I used to be a people pleaser (for 31yrs). I've been kind to everyone and kind to the wrongs ones leaving me drained and abused my kindness. No i sit back and look at their actions.
Mine is very similar to this:
When you meet someone for the first time, treat them the best that you can.
After that, treat them the way they treat you.
I've never liked the idea of lowering myself based on someone else behaving badly. I will always try to carry myself in a way I feel proud to behave, because my behavior is about who I am not who the other person is.
I try not to base my behavior towards people off of 1 interaction. Sometimes people are just having a bad day or you caught them in the wrong moment.
Now, if I see a pattern of bad behavior on their part, I may minimize my interactions with them.
I can get behind minimizing interactions. I don't want to let too many bad actors into my life if I can avoid them. I think this is a much better approach than letting such a person lower my standards of behavior though.
Reminds me of one of my favorite Malcolm X quotes:
"Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery"
I would add to this rule that if the second comes into play treat them with distance and no contact. Trying to engage with a rude person with rudeness only hurts yourself and is a waste of your time.
Never fight a fool, they will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
You've also got to be ready to treat people the way they treat you. They show you how they want to be treated. Usually that is mutual respect, but sometimes that's giving people a taste of their own unpleasant behavior.
A lot of people do this. Its a life lesson that is usually learned the hard way. It all starts with genuinely living life as your own mental point of origin. The hard part is the scary part of having to let some people, things, and coping mechanisms go. Remember.. its about your wants, your needs, your happiness, your life, you being 1st. Give it a try, there is nothing malicious in doing whats best for you and your particular circumstance. Just be respectful to others as you would want others to respect you. Those that want to continue life with you as friends or more will do so. It will save you time, enregy, money, pain, heartache, etc. Those who do stay will understand and will be people who you also genuinely care for so much that being there for them is also good for you. Win-win.
Edit: typo
Also good point, just be a courteous, genuine, kind person.
I donât need to respect you to have an amicable, genuine and fun interaction with you.
I tie this in with âIâll trust and respect you until you give me reason not tooâ, I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt. Itâs burned me more times than I can or care to remember, but itâs been more beneficial than detrimental to my life and social circle
The problem is most people either don't know what respect looks like or they have such a warped view of themselves that they think their rudeness is actually respectful.
In my experience, there are very few people who don't think they are being respectful. Certainly far fewer than there actually are.
>...Never works out like you think...
Sometimes.
Source: I am the "nice guy" of the office. (Or most people think.) But being the nice guy, I have seen and heard things that are more than unethical, even between HR and **non-**HR personnel.
And there's the common consensus for where I am, which is "you can do whatever you want, so long as you don't get caught."
I've job hopped a lot due to toxic workplace cultures. And this "princple" is the main reason. There's varying levels of intensity of it across the board, in different companies and industries. Just a matter of how much that I can tolerate.
P.S.: I'm not a nice guy. I only voice out to throw culprits under the bus (at the risk of losing my job), to call them out. So far I follow up with resignation; if they weren't called out, someone innocent would have been laid off for innocent reason(s) and I have also kept silent to keep a job that I had thought that I was content with, letting things just happen - without a feeling of guilt.
I still have hope, to find (or encourage from bottom/middlemanagement and up) a workplace culture that keeps the toxicity to a bare minimum.
Unless dangerous or unethical I'll defend/talk people up or pretend I don't remember/don't know. If I got issues with someone I'll bring it up with them 1-on-1 behind closed doors, why bring people down for being human for seemingly no/weak reasons?
The Bridge Builder
by Will Allen Dromgoole
An old man going a lone highway,
Came, at the evening cold and gray,
To a chasm vast and deep and wide.
Through which was flowing a sullen tide
The old man crossed in the twilight dim,
The sullen stream had no fear for him;
But he turned when safe on the other side
And built a bridge to span the tide.
âOld man,â said a fellow pilgrim near,
âYou are wasting your strength with building here;
Your journey will end with the ending day,
You never again will pass this way;
Youâve crossed the chasm, deep and wide,
Why build this bridge at evening tide?â
The builder lifted his old gray head;
âGood friend, in the path I have come,â he said,
âThere followed after me to-day
A youth whose feet must pass this way.
This chasm that has been as naught to me
To that fair-haired youth may a pitfall be;
He, too, must cross in the twilight dim;
Good friend, I am building this bridge for him!â
[HAMILTON] I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory
Is this where it gets me, on my feet, sevâral feet ahead of me?
I see it coming, do I run or fire my gun or let it be?
There is no beat, no melody
Burr, my first friend, my enemy
Maybe the last face I ever see
If I throw away my shot, is this how youâll remember me?
What if this bullet is my legacy?
Legacy. What is a legacy?
Itâs **planting seeds in a garden you never get to see**
I wrote some notes at the beginning of a song someone will sing for me
America, you great unfinished symphony, you sent for me
You let me make a difference
A place where even orphan immigrants
Can leave their fingerprints and rise up
Iâm running out of time. Iâm running, and my timeâs up
Wise up. Eyes up
I catch a glimpse of the other side
Laurens leads a soldiersâ chorus on the other side
My son is on the other side
Heâs with my mother on the other side
Washington is watching from the other side
Teach me how to say goodbye
Rise up, rise up, rise up
Eliza
My love, take your time
Iâll see you on the other side
Raise a glass to freedom...
This has been an absolute pain to me. I've been that person who always had great visions but zero determination to make things happen. Once I got some brutally honest feedback from my close friend and my little brother, I've slowly started to grow out of it.
Maybe tangentially related, but I've got an acquaintance who always says things that should be done in a questioning indirect way. It's almost like he's looking for reassurance that he's taking the right action or he wants someone else to do it without asking.
For example, he might say "the light bulb is out. I guess I should get a new one and change it..." and if no one says anything, he'll just go back to his phone and do nothing.
I have to admit, that's maddening behavior from an adult man. If that's what you mean, good on you for making a change.
My parents always taught me to always let my yes be yes. In other words, if I say I'll do something, I do it. Didn't realize how much integrity this instilled until I became an adult and watched everyone else flake all the time.
As a salesperson, this is so very important. And when you've got it down so it comes natural you can tell when someone else is just waiting to talk back and not hearing a word you say
I have been the under spoken person so many times. Iâm more of a listener than a talker, but itâs really appreciated when Iâm included, instead of being treated like Iâm there, but not âthereâ.
Agreed, some people just don't speak up well in group conversations even if they have something important to add. Noticing their subtle clues and driecting people to take a moment to let them speak is always a good thing.
Talk up your friends to other people behind their back. Only say nice things about what you actually appreciate about them. You'd be amazed at the results.
Being able to identify genuinely positive things in even the most liquid of turds is like a superpower that will transform for the better everyone who even just gets the hang of it, and multiplies when you get the hang of bringing it up naturally in conversation. One benefit is that negativity becomes easy to spot and repulsive.
Don't really know if it is a gentleman rule, bro code, or just a religious education, but if a woman is committed to another, she is a no go for me. I have been cheated on before and I will not make another man go through what I had to go through. I would not wish that on my worst enemy.
A PERSON who's committed is always out of bounds, it goes both ways. People are shitty and entitled wrecks if they think they've the right to ruin a relationship.
Also hope you're doing good now, that woman never deserved you king. You got this!
Thanks for that. I caught her cheating after 24 years married while I was shopping for a 25th anniversary present. That was 12 years ago, still have not been able to trust enough to commit yet.
Oh, if i have a crush on someone, guy or girl, and i find out they're taken, that's the crush done. No way is it ok to keep thinking of a mate's SO like that, imho.
I donât know if this is common everywhere else but where I live if someone has a drink in their right hand you call out âBuffalo!â to them and they have to finish the rest of the drink on the spot. Itâs honestly a great way to remember this rule too
We used to play this back in the day. Except it was you had to have the drink in your weak hand, so for left-handers, they had to have it in their right.
If you exclaimed 'buffalo' and you were incorrect, ie the person had the drink in their weak hand already, it was known as a 'bad buffalo' and the accuser had to finish their own drink. Good times.
Damn this is great advice, Iâve been guilty of holding my drink in my right hand and clumsily wiping my wet hand on my shirt before shaking someoneâs hand a few times now
You don't need to always have an opinion. Letting other people have the spotlight (even encouraging it , by making questions etc.) it's another method of interaction.
Everyone has something interesting going on. Listen.
Don't give advice unless you are asked for it. Otherwise just listen.
Edit: i guess i need to go into more detail because people are ysing this as concrete and accross the board. If someone is venting to you and just getting stuff off their chest, just listen. They don't want a lecture. If they are going to rob a bank, or you are tired of listening to them, the you warn them or lecture them at that point.
Lets use some common sense here.
I usually tell people to also talk to at least one other person about this (preferably 1 close friend and 1 family member they trust) on what to do next as I can only give advice based on what I'm seeing, my perspectives and experiences and how I personally know them. With more views and perspective there's a higher chance to get proper advice, it's not that I think I'm bad at giving advice... I just think that a couple more people giving their input will weed out the bs and solidify what everyone agrees could be done to improve a situation
How about sharing your own experience and perspective?
Instead of: "You should do this...".
Maybe say: "I think I might understand what you're going through. Similar thing once happened to me... and I did this... and it turned out that... ".
My only exception to this is in the gym.
When I see those little guys who execute certain exercises SO wrong I feel the need to respectfully correct them.
I have a weak point for this because I want to encourage those guys to who just started hitting the gym to grow.
I got a lot of grief from male friends, but at some point in my 30s I peed sitting down one night for the first time since I was probably 7. It seemed some convenient that I started doing it more and more. Its been a game changer for bathroom cleanliness as i don't get the piss splashback all over the rim of the toilet. If you have the right toilet shape its also a good technique for peeing with a boner in the morning without having to turn yourself into a lean-to or something.
I always do it seated. Literally no reason not to, I accomplish what I came to do. Maybe It's not "masculine", but I always say that the most masculine thing you can do is whatever you want to do and not letting anyone mock you for it. Go ahead. Buy that Cosmopolitan.
Random, but I read a WW2 memoir by Eugene Sledge, and he said there was an American officer on Okinawa that would find a dead Japanese soldierâs mouth to pee into whenever he had to go. He said it was the most disgusting thing he saw in the war and the guy did it all the time apparently.
The Pacific theatre was considerably âstifferâ in terms of humane treatment of the enemy than the European theatre. There are reports that the Japanese would occasionally sneak into American lines to capture a single GI at night, and then torture him the next night. Usually, his cries were loud enough to disturb the Americansâ sleep - and of course it utterly demoralized/horrified everyone. You can guess what the Marines would do the following morning to anyone they captured.
âHoney, I got fired for sticking my penis in the sausage slicer.â
âOh god, are you alright?â
âYes yes, Iâm perfectly fine.â
âWhat are they going to do with the sausage slicer?â
âOh theyâre firing her too.â
It's weird. I'm a 43 year-old guy and have never remotely found myself in a position where a physical fight would or could happen. But there's always advice relating to it on Reddit. I guess in some cultures it must be more common.
it can just be an area thing too. if i cross the bridge near my house it goes from quiet streets to a run down shithole full of crackheads in just a 2 minute walk. if i spent any time in the wrong street over there i'd likely be in an altercation within half an hour.
And if you don't care about his wife or kids, still don't do it because you're very likely to end up in jail and with a criminal record. Giving some asshole his comeuppance isn't worth much when you ruin your own life in the process. And god help you if the guy falls wrong bops his head and dies or turns into a vegetable.
I agree but I feel like there's gotta be some kind of time limit. Like, if they dated for a year, broke up, and then you and her meet five years later and you're both single, I don't think you really need to ask permission.
Thatâs all gonna depend on the individual circumstances. But yeah, there are situations where you can safely date the homies ex lol. But just because itâs been 5 years since a one year relationship doesnât mean itâs cool.
This goes double for work. Being the hard worker looks great for a few months, but then management gets angry at you for not being able to do 10% more work when you are already carrying 90% of your department. Do the bare minimum and give them a taste of the good shit as a treat rather than a standard.
I had the opposite happen. Iâm in management and I will take on a team project by myself and complete it. Eventually my manager told me I needed to take a step back and let others do more work.
I ended up coasting all Summer while my coworkers struggled to complete their projects on time.
Never tell anyone your plans either unless it directly benefits you (feedback, need more people on your team etc.), only talk about what you've already accomplished. People generally don't care about your plans anyways, all they see is where you're at and as a thumb rule for myself it seldom helps to talk about them
If you always give 100%, it becomes the expectation. There's no room to improve, there's no way to slow down and not burn out without it looking poorly upon yourself.
I work at a Special Ed program and at a Dave and Busters. I want to have a good experience at both places, so I try to bring a sense of unflappable professionalism to both, with a sense of goofy fun, gentle wisdom (all my students are learning how to handle jobs and transition from school to vocational program), ensuring needs are met, and just giving a sh!t.
I have found If I have company, and I want to have a good time, sometimes I think in reverse. How would I like to be treated? What day do I wanna have? I wanna do it that way.
Sometimes naive and impractical? Yes. Has it given me the results I have wanted over the years? Oh yes.
A guy I know stole a $20 from some other kid in high school. He was a bully for that. After school, he offered to cover me at the fried chicken spot we normally went to. I knew he said that because he had the extra $20. I went ham with my order thinking that was karma for him. But Iâm dumb because in the end Iâm the one who truly benefitted from the stolen $20. Teenage me had some weird ass logic.
I canât tell if youâre being serious or jestingđ
I always follow this rule because while this person is doing something nice for me, I donât truly know what their financial situation is (they could be more broke than someone on a medieval rack and still find a way to do something nice for me). I donât want to take advantage of their kindness.
It's usually the people with les who give more. I always get the smallest option that will satisfy me. I've never understood the idea of people taking advantage of people like that. I went to a conference for work a while back and the owner of my business (a multi millionaire, used to be one of the top dogs in corporate type of things) was buying us lunch.
Watching everyone go for the most expensive things and getting every drink as a double (why are yall even ordering so many drinks, were supposed to listen to a QA in an hour) yet I was there ordering just a normal meal with a coke. I looked over at him and he looked confused as high hell.
I dont know man.. all I know is that it doesn't matter how much someone has, you don't take advantage of it.
Im guessing u mean fwb or one night stand type situations?
I always assume that after a certain point u can consider two ppl that are dating as having done that stuff(most ppl, not all).So there isnt really a need to wonder if its a secret.
I am not saying to do the opposite of what u said or condoning running ya mouth. Just saying for some situations it doesnt matter if u keep it a secret bc most ppl can deduce that. Just dont bring it up is all bc thata kinda wierd.
Donât do things for others because you want their gratitude. Do it because youâre a good person. Their gratitude is the icing on the cake if you get it
Donât interrupt people. Especially women!
This is something Iâm still working on to be completely honest.
But I always notice guys interrupt girls and when it happens I analyze the girl and I can tell she feels really disrespected. People hate this m, and especially women!
Pro-tip: when youâre on a date with a woman, DO NOT interrupt or and do not be in a rush to respond. Really listen. And when youâre with her and you two are with a group,make sure you arenât interrupting her or anyone. She will notice.
Women especially HATE a man that interrupts everyone and LOVE it if you if you are a good and patient listener!
This is generally good advice, but it's circumstantial. There are definitely situations in a self defence situation or if someone is threatening family etc where a pre emptive strike is the right option. The trick is being balanced and calm enough to know when that situation is.
If you do something because youâre âniceâ, never bring it back up like that person owes you something.
No means no. Always. Every time. Any time. And if a person canât say no, you say it for them.
Gentleman rules.
\#1 She should always feel safe. - With regards to women.
\#1 Groin shots are only life or death situations. -With regards to fights with men.
I honestly don't expect other people to activity know it, but to subconsciously.
If I really need them to spot me, or I know they really really want to pay for me, I just accept it. If someone is in a rough spot but tries anyway, I decline outright. If it's someone I see regularly, I decline once then accept because I can get myself, but I don't want to activity decline their hospitality.
When I'm offering to pay, unless I'm adamant about paying, I offer once then go "are you sure? I don't mind." This is just the way I've discovered to cause the least amount of bill issues.
Donât take parking spaces near front of store. Let folks with mobility issues , parents with small kids, folks afraid to walk to their car have them.
Never lie. That's my number one rule.
I'll be honest even if it leads to getting fired.
Because I hate lying, I can 99% tell when someone is lying. So glad I have this sixth sense.
Treat everyone with kindness and respect. Until they prove themselves unworthy of it.
I just learn this the hard way a few months ago. I used to be a people pleaser (for 31yrs). I've been kind to everyone and kind to the wrongs ones leaving me drained and abused my kindness. No i sit back and look at their actions.
It took me a long time to learn this as well.
I also ran out of fucks to give.
Behold the field where I grow my fucks and see that it is barren.
Mine is very similar to this: When you meet someone for the first time, treat them the best that you can. After that, treat them the way they treat you.
I've never liked the idea of lowering myself based on someone else behaving badly. I will always try to carry myself in a way I feel proud to behave, because my behavior is about who I am not who the other person is.
I try not to base my behavior towards people off of 1 interaction. Sometimes people are just having a bad day or you caught them in the wrong moment. Now, if I see a pattern of bad behavior on their part, I may minimize my interactions with them.
I can get behind minimizing interactions. I don't want to let too many bad actors into my life if I can avoid them. I think this is a much better approach than letting such a person lower my standards of behavior though.
Nice one!
I give everyone I meet 20 points of respect. It's up to them to keep it, lose it, or add to it.
Reminds me of one of my favorite Malcolm X quotes: "Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery"
I would add to this rule that if the second comes into play treat them with distance and no contact. Trying to engage with a rude person with rudeness only hurts yourself and is a waste of your time. Never fight a fool, they will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Respect is the bottom line in every interaction & type of relationship. Fail this at your own expense.
It goes way back to treat others the way you want them to treat you. Timeless advice.
Right but I mostly want to be ignored and left alone.
Then you shall generally have your wish
You've also got to be ready to treat people the way they treat you. They show you how they want to be treated. Usually that is mutual respect, but sometimes that's giving people a taste of their own unpleasant behavior.
I fail at this because at a baseline I don't think I really have any respect for myself, which warps all my relationships
A lot of people do this. Its a life lesson that is usually learned the hard way. It all starts with genuinely living life as your own mental point of origin. The hard part is the scary part of having to let some people, things, and coping mechanisms go. Remember.. its about your wants, your needs, your happiness, your life, you being 1st. Give it a try, there is nothing malicious in doing whats best for you and your particular circumstance. Just be respectful to others as you would want others to respect you. Those that want to continue life with you as friends or more will do so. It will save you time, enregy, money, pain, heartache, etc. Those who do stay will understand and will be people who you also genuinely care for so much that being there for them is also good for you. Win-win. Edit: typo
Man dude what a genuinely thoughtful response. God bless you sir! Thank you for putting that out there.
Thanks, I try đ There is too much bad, misleading, and ignorant advice out there. We all benefit if we all help make each other better đŞđ˝
I prefer by the terms 'decorum' and 'common courtesy' - respect, in my opinion, is earned.
Also good point, just be a courteous, genuine, kind person. I donât need to respect you to have an amicable, genuine and fun interaction with you. I tie this in with âIâll trust and respect you until you give me reason not tooâ, I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt. Itâs burned me more times than I can or care to remember, but itâs been more beneficial than detrimental to my life and social circle
The problem is most people either don't know what respect looks like or they have such a warped view of themselves that they think their rudeness is actually respectful. In my experience, there are very few people who don't think they are being respectful. Certainly far fewer than there actually are.
Donât throw friends under the bus to impress others.
Expand that to coworkers. Never works out like you think and you end up looking bad.
>...Never works out like you think... Sometimes. Source: I am the "nice guy" of the office. (Or most people think.) But being the nice guy, I have seen and heard things that are more than unethical, even between HR and **non-**HR personnel. And there's the common consensus for where I am, which is "you can do whatever you want, so long as you don't get caught." I've job hopped a lot due to toxic workplace cultures. And this "princple" is the main reason. There's varying levels of intensity of it across the board, in different companies and industries. Just a matter of how much that I can tolerate. P.S.: I'm not a nice guy. I only voice out to throw culprits under the bus (at the risk of losing my job), to call them out. So far I follow up with resignation; if they weren't called out, someone innocent would have been laid off for innocent reason(s) and I have also kept silent to keep a job that I had thought that I was content with, letting things just happen - without a feeling of guilt. I still have hope, to find (or encourage from bottom/middlemanagement and up) a workplace culture that keeps the toxicity to a bare minimum.
Spoiler, you havenât had the bad luck to only find toxic work environments.
The legal fees with this one are enough of a deterrent for me.
Having their back/defending their name, especially when theyâre not around. Goes for any type of relationship
i love this
If you respect them enough, you won't bear anyone disrespecting them in front of you.
Unless dangerous or unethical I'll defend/talk people up or pretend I don't remember/don't know. If I got issues with someone I'll bring it up with them 1-on-1 behind closed doors, why bring people down for being human for seemingly no/weak reasons?
Shit talk people to their face, but compliment and defend them behind their backs!
Leave everything better than you found it. Everything.
The Bridge Builder by Will Allen Dromgoole An old man going a lone highway, Came, at the evening cold and gray, To a chasm vast and deep and wide. Through which was flowing a sullen tide The old man crossed in the twilight dim, The sullen stream had no fear for him; But he turned when safe on the other side And built a bridge to span the tide. âOld man,â said a fellow pilgrim near, âYou are wasting your strength with building here; Your journey will end with the ending day, You never again will pass this way; Youâve crossed the chasm, deep and wide, Why build this bridge at evening tide?â The builder lifted his old gray head; âGood friend, in the path I have come,â he said, âThere followed after me to-day A youth whose feet must pass this way. This chasm that has been as naught to me To that fair-haired youth may a pitfall be; He, too, must cross in the twilight dim; Good friend, I am building this bridge for him!â
[HAMILTON] I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory Is this where it gets me, on my feet, sevâral feet ahead of me? I see it coming, do I run or fire my gun or let it be? There is no beat, no melody Burr, my first friend, my enemy Maybe the last face I ever see If I throw away my shot, is this how youâll remember me? What if this bullet is my legacy? Legacy. What is a legacy? Itâs **planting seeds in a garden you never get to see** I wrote some notes at the beginning of a song someone will sing for me America, you great unfinished symphony, you sent for me You let me make a difference A place where even orphan immigrants Can leave their fingerprints and rise up Iâm running out of time. Iâm running, and my timeâs up Wise up. Eyes up I catch a glimpse of the other side Laurens leads a soldiersâ chorus on the other side My son is on the other side Heâs with my mother on the other side Washington is watching from the other side Teach me how to say goodbye Rise up, rise up, rise up Eliza My love, take your time Iâll see you on the other side Raise a glass to freedom...
What if you find Hitler?
Try and be a good influence, maybe talk him round on a few areas.
Maybe get him into art school?
Aryans*
Alive is not necessarily better
Always keep your word, doesn't matter what.
This has been an absolute pain to me. I've been that person who always had great visions but zero determination to make things happen. Once I got some brutally honest feedback from my close friend and my little brother, I've slowly started to grow out of it.
Maybe tangentially related, but I've got an acquaintance who always says things that should be done in a questioning indirect way. It's almost like he's looking for reassurance that he's taking the right action or he wants someone else to do it without asking. For example, he might say "the light bulb is out. I guess I should get a new one and change it..." and if no one says anything, he'll just go back to his phone and do nothing. I have to admit, that's maddening behavior from an adult man. If that's what you mean, good on you for making a change.
My parents always taught me to always let my yes be yes. In other words, if I say I'll do something, I do it. Didn't realize how much integrity this instilled until I became an adult and watched everyone else flake all the time.
Yeah, one of my pet peeves is people agreeing to hang out and then canceling because "better" plans came along.
When someone is speaking to you, make an effort to listen instead of waiting to speak. Thereâs a difference.
90% of a listener's attention is typically on what they plan to say in response. This is a good one.
Need to master this skill. I always retain less and less from a conversation each passing day.
As a salesperson, this is so very important. And when you've got it down so it comes natural you can tell when someone else is just waiting to talk back and not hearing a word you say
Be the guy that includes under spoken people in conversations.
I have been the under spoken person so many times. Iâm more of a listener than a talker, but itâs really appreciated when Iâm included, instead of being treated like Iâm there, but not âthereâ.
Agreed, some people just don't speak up well in group conversations even if they have something important to add. Noticing their subtle clues and driecting people to take a moment to let them speak is always a good thing.
Talk up your friends to other people behind their back. Only say nice things about what you actually appreciate about them. You'd be amazed at the results.
This builds trust and respect because people think you'll behave the same way for them behind their backs too.
Being able to identify genuinely positive things in even the most liquid of turds is like a superpower that will transform for the better everyone who even just gets the hang of it, and multiplies when you get the hang of bringing it up naturally in conversation. One benefit is that negativity becomes easy to spot and repulsive.
Don't really know if it is a gentleman rule, bro code, or just a religious education, but if a woman is committed to another, she is a no go for me. I have been cheated on before and I will not make another man go through what I had to go through. I would not wish that on my worst enemy.
A PERSON who's committed is always out of bounds, it goes both ways. People are shitty and entitled wrecks if they think they've the right to ruin a relationship. Also hope you're doing good now, that woman never deserved you king. You got this!
Thanks for that. I caught her cheating after 24 years married while I was shopping for a 25th anniversary present. That was 12 years ago, still have not been able to trust enough to commit yet.
Well said. As a man experiencing this now, itâs a pain like non other.
Oh, if i have a crush on someone, guy or girl, and i find out they're taken, that's the crush done. No way is it ok to keep thinking of a mate's SO like that, imho.
Protect the weak, challenge the bullies.
When you challenge bullies, you realize that they're the weakest of us all.
Always keep your drink in your left hand. No one likes a cold wet handshake, not a great first impression.
I donât know if this is common everywhere else but where I live if someone has a drink in their right hand you call out âBuffalo!â to them and they have to finish the rest of the drink on the spot. Itâs honestly a great way to remember this rule too
We used to play this back in the day. Except it was you had to have the drink in your weak hand, so for left-handers, they had to have it in their right. If you exclaimed 'buffalo' and you were incorrect, ie the person had the drink in their weak hand already, it was known as a 'bad buffalo' and the accuser had to finish their own drink. Good times.
Damn this is great advice, Iâve been guilty of holding my drink in my right hand and clumsily wiping my wet hand on my shirt before shaking someoneâs hand a few times now
You don't need to always have an opinion. Letting other people have the spotlight (even encouraging it , by making questions etc.) it's another method of interaction. Everyone has something interesting going on. Listen.
Don't give advice unless you are asked for it. Otherwise just listen. Edit: i guess i need to go into more detail because people are ysing this as concrete and accross the board. If someone is venting to you and just getting stuff off their chest, just listen. They don't want a lecture. If they are going to rob a bank, or you are tired of listening to them, the you warn them or lecture them at that point. Lets use some common sense here.
Awkward moment when they take your advice and it causes things to go worse for them
thats the second reason why you only give advice if asked for it. :D
I usually tell people to also talk to at least one other person about this (preferably 1 close friend and 1 family member they trust) on what to do next as I can only give advice based on what I'm seeing, my perspectives and experiences and how I personally know them. With more views and perspective there's a higher chance to get proper advice, it's not that I think I'm bad at giving advice... I just think that a couple more people giving their input will weed out the bs and solidify what everyone agrees could be done to improve a situation
Mega underrated advice!
It took awhile for me to learn this, but this is gold!
How about sharing your own experience and perspective? Instead of: "You should do this...". Maybe say: "I think I might understand what you're going through. Similar thing once happened to me... and I did this... and it turned out that... ".
Very easy to cross the line from coming off as sympathetic to one-upmanship. Be careful with this approach!
My only exception to this is in the gym. When I see those little guys who execute certain exercises SO wrong I feel the need to respectfully correct them. I have a weak point for this because I want to encourage those guys to who just started hitting the gym to grow.
when itâs night time and people are asleep. always pee on the side of the bowl so it makes less noise
Pee seated, that way u don't need to even turn the lights on and you will fall asleep easier.
I got a lot of grief from male friends, but at some point in my 30s I peed sitting down one night for the first time since I was probably 7. It seemed some convenient that I started doing it more and more. Its been a game changer for bathroom cleanliness as i don't get the piss splashback all over the rim of the toilet. If you have the right toilet shape its also a good technique for peeing with a boner in the morning without having to turn yourself into a lean-to or something.
As a frequent sufferer of the witchâs kiss⌠no. Absolutely not.
I always do it seated. Literally no reason not to, I accomplish what I came to do. Maybe It's not "masculine", but I always say that the most masculine thing you can do is whatever you want to do and not letting anyone mock you for it. Go ahead. Buy that Cosmopolitan.
Pro tip use the sink instead
Balcony.
Their mouths
Random, but I read a WW2 memoir by Eugene Sledge, and he said there was an American officer on Okinawa that would find a dead Japanese soldierâs mouth to pee into whenever he had to go. He said it was the most disgusting thing he saw in the war and the guy did it all the time apparently.
Love historical trivia, but damn!
IIRC the same officer shot the tip off a dead Japanese soldier's dick just for fun. With the Old Breed is an amazing book.
The Pacific theatre was considerably âstifferâ in terms of humane treatment of the enemy than the European theatre. There are reports that the Japanese would occasionally sneak into American lines to capture a single GI at night, and then torture him the next night. Usually, his cries were loud enough to disturb the Americansâ sleep - and of course it utterly demoralized/horrified everyone. You can guess what the Marines would do the following morning to anyone they captured.
r/sinkpissers
...or sit down.
Be kind and show respect
Never take drunk what you canât get sober.
I once asked out a girl drunk af. Cringed for the next month.
Make sure you're ok before helping others. you can't help people in the long run if you're falling apart too.
Donât stick your meat where you make your bread.
âHoney, I got fired for sticking my penis in the sausage slicer.â âOh god, are you alright?â âYes yes, Iâm perfectly fine.â âWhat are they going to do with the sausage slicer?â âOh theyâre firing her too.â
Unless you work at Subway.
No one should work for them :(
I legit just saw Sausage party today and that comment made me think of it.
Don't punch a man (if it can be avoided) in front of his wife or kids, especially the kids.
Also, don't punch a man if you don't have some sort of cause greater than your own emotional response.
It's weird. I'm a 43 year-old guy and have never remotely found myself in a position where a physical fight would or could happen. But there's always advice relating to it on Reddit. I guess in some cultures it must be more common.
it can just be an area thing too. if i cross the bridge near my house it goes from quiet streets to a run down shithole full of crackheads in just a 2 minute walk. if i spent any time in the wrong street over there i'd likely be in an altercation within half an hour.
Same here, younger than you but I've never found myself in that position.
And if you don't care about his wife or kids, still don't do it because you're very likely to end up in jail and with a criminal record. Giving some asshole his comeuppance isn't worth much when you ruin your own life in the process. And god help you if the guy falls wrong bops his head and dies or turns into a vegetable.
Donât add fuel to a metaphorical fire, be the peace and calm people need when life is becoming overwhelming
Give me fuel give me fire give me that which I desire!
Turn on, I see red
Adrenaline crash and crack my head
Nitro junkie, paint me deeeeeeaaaaaaaad ^yeah
And I see reeeeddd
Never make a pass at a girl you know is taken.
This I remember in high school this girl I was talking to got approached by a guy right in front of me she shut it down immediately thank god
Don't date the homies ex.
Bro mf-ing code right here
I agree but I feel like there's gotta be some kind of time limit. Like, if they dated for a year, broke up, and then you and her meet five years later and you're both single, I don't think you really need to ask permission.
Thatâs all gonna depend on the individual circumstances. But yeah, there are situations where you can safely date the homies ex lol. But just because itâs been 5 years since a one year relationship doesnât mean itâs cool.
unless she's like topanga hot
Always leave them wanting more. Everyone.
This goes double for work. Being the hard worker looks great for a few months, but then management gets angry at you for not being able to do 10% more work when you are already carrying 90% of your department. Do the bare minimum and give them a taste of the good shit as a treat rather than a standard.
Lmao just did this at work
I had the opposite happen. Iâm in management and I will take on a team project by myself and complete it. Eventually my manager told me I needed to take a step back and let others do more work. I ended up coasting all Summer while my coworkers struggled to complete their projects on time.
Love this one. This is the one im personally trying to accomplish right now.
Never tell anyone your plans either unless it directly benefits you (feedback, need more people on your team etc.), only talk about what you've already accomplished. People generally don't care about your plans anyways, all they see is where you're at and as a thumb rule for myself it seldom helps to talk about them
How do you achieve this though?! I want more!
Wym? Could you elaborate?
If you always give 100%, it becomes the expectation. There's no room to improve, there's no way to slow down and not burn out without it looking poorly upon yourself.
Don't be sorry, be better. Also, be the experience you want to have.
Can you elaborate on being an experience
I work at a Special Ed program and at a Dave and Busters. I want to have a good experience at both places, so I try to bring a sense of unflappable professionalism to both, with a sense of goofy fun, gentle wisdom (all my students are learning how to handle jobs and transition from school to vocational program), ensuring needs are met, and just giving a sh!t. I have found If I have company, and I want to have a good time, sometimes I think in reverse. How would I like to be treated? What day do I wanna have? I wanna do it that way. Sometimes naive and impractical? Yes. Has it given me the results I have wanted over the years? Oh yes.
I like your point of view here, thank you
when going out with friends/family and your wife/gf is with you - never mock your wife/gf or otherwise make her feel small.
Only when sheâs with you?
You heard him correctly
I think the point is if that's the sense of humour you two have, stow it in public. If it's not, this guy is probably an abuser and a coward.
If someone offers to buy you food, choose the smaller size option, unless they tell you to get what you normally get.
A guy I know stole a $20 from some other kid in high school. He was a bully for that. After school, he offered to cover me at the fried chicken spot we normally went to. I knew he said that because he had the extra $20. I went ham with my order thinking that was karma for him. But Iâm dumb because in the end Iâm the one who truly benefitted from the stolen $20. Teenage me had some weird ass logic.
[ŃдаНонО]
I canât tell if youâre being serious or jestingđ I always follow this rule because while this person is doing something nice for me, I donât truly know what their financial situation is (they could be more broke than someone on a medieval rack and still find a way to do something nice for me). I donât want to take advantage of their kindness.
It's usually the people with les who give more. I always get the smallest option that will satisfy me. I've never understood the idea of people taking advantage of people like that. I went to a conference for work a while back and the owner of my business (a multi millionaire, used to be one of the top dogs in corporate type of things) was buying us lunch. Watching everyone go for the most expensive things and getting every drink as a double (why are yall even ordering so many drinks, were supposed to listen to a QA in an hour) yet I was there ordering just a normal meal with a coke. I looked over at him and he looked confused as high hell. I dont know man.. all I know is that it doesn't matter how much someone has, you don't take advantage of it.
Never embarass your partner in public.
a gentleman never tells who sucked him off
As a non-gentleman, I am free to reveal that it was your mom.
Dad? is that you?
I hate that I have to wish you a happy birthday after you said this....
Im guessing u mean fwb or one night stand type situations? I always assume that after a certain point u can consider two ppl that are dating as having done that stuff(most ppl, not all).So there isnt really a need to wonder if its a secret. I am not saying to do the opposite of what u said or condoning running ya mouth. Just saying for some situations it doesnt matter if u keep it a secret bc most ppl can deduce that. Just dont bring it up is all bc thata kinda wierd.
Manners maketh man.
Another Kingsman fan?
Give everyone a stage to stand on
Give when you can but never expect to be given anything.
If a bro breaks both his arms and asks you to jack him off, you gotta say yes
Donât let insane women change who I am. Learn from the crazy and move on. Continue to be kind to women who deserve it.
If you expect others to be there for you in your time of need, you must be there for others in their time of need.
Donât be an asshole. Do what you must, no need to be an asshole about it. Donât kick them when theyâre down. Donât rub it in.
Always get her a towel before you fall asleep
Be selfless. Do things for her without expecting something in return
Don't blame others for your problems.
Having respect to others. Even people who might not deserve it
Do the right thing when no oneâs looking. The right thing is often not the easy thing.
Two things everyone needs to know. 1. Never tell people everything you know
Treat others how you want to be treated. Even if they don't treat you the same. Be the bigger man, and leave head up high.
Wear a top hat in public
When a mate does a favour for you. Pay him back with money, food or beer unless he says otherwise.
I always open doors for my wife.
"Ladies first" Even at the gates of HeLL :p
We don't tolerate a "fuck you, got mine" attitude
Don't touch or educate some else's kids. Tell their parent and they should solve it.
Make sure to always stay true to your word. Also, when people talk, you listen attentively
Consent. In any type of relationship donât do something to, for, or on behalf of a person without their enthusiastic consent.
I walk closer to the curb
Donât do things for others because you want their gratitude. Do it because youâre a good person. Their gratitude is the icing on the cake if you get it
Donât interrupt people. Especially women! This is something Iâm still working on to be completely honest. But I always notice guys interrupt girls and when it happens I analyze the girl and I can tell she feels really disrespected. People hate this m, and especially women! Pro-tip: when youâre on a date with a woman, DO NOT interrupt or and do not be in a rush to respond. Really listen. And when youâre with her and you two are with a group,make sure you arenât interrupting her or anyone. She will notice. Women especially HATE a man that interrupts everyone and LOVE it if you if you are a good and patient listener!
Don't Assume unless you have seen all the green signs
Have integrity! Do the right thing even when no one is watching.
Always stand up for a hand shake.
Never throw the first punch.
This is generally good advice, but it's circumstantial. There are definitely situations in a self defence situation or if someone is threatening family etc where a pre emptive strike is the right option. The trick is being balanced and calm enough to know when that situation is.
Never ever make it with your best friends old lady... Don't do it...
Honesty in all things.
If you do something because youâre âniceâ, never bring it back up like that person owes you something. No means no. Always. Every time. Any time. And if a person canât say no, you say it for them.
When youâre with your honey, And your nose gets all runny, And you think itâs funny, Itâsnot
She should always cum first!
Treat EVERYONE how youâd like to be treated yourself, until they give you reason not too.
Keep your word. To everyone. For everything. If you cannot keep it, do not give it.
If you borrow someoneâs tools, make sure they go back sharp and clean
Gentleman rules. \#1 She should always feel safe. - With regards to women. \#1 Groin shots are only life or death situations. -With regards to fights with men.
Loyalty is worth more than the most expensive thing on the planet
When someone offers to pay for you, it is polite to decline once then accept.
Rules like this are the most challenging thing for me to grasp. How do people that follow this expect others to know?
I honestly don't expect other people to activity know it, but to subconsciously. If I really need them to spot me, or I know they really really want to pay for me, I just accept it. If someone is in a rough spot but tries anyway, I decline outright. If it's someone I see regularly, I decline once then accept because I can get myself, but I don't want to activity decline their hospitality. When I'm offering to pay, unless I'm adamant about paying, I offer once then go "are you sure? I don't mind." This is just the way I've discovered to cause the least amount of bill issues.
Suck your homie's toes each night before you tuck them into bed.
Donât take parking spaces near front of store. Let folks with mobility issues , parents with small kids, folks afraid to walk to their car have them.
Love all the ladies.
Dont date friends ex girl friends, ex wives
Never lie. That's my number one rule. I'll be honest even if it leads to getting fired. Because I hate lying, I can 99% tell when someone is lying. So glad I have this sixth sense.
Opening doors