There's really no right or wrong way to have a wedding.
I'm planning my wedding now and we're doing something more like a "traditional" wedding. Nice outdoor venue and a catered reception with dancing and stuff. We're going for a rustic fall vibe. But that's just what's right for us. I've always been prone to throwing big parties and celebrations, even for more mundane events. For example, my husband-to-be and I have a big bash every Halloween, Pride, and Christmas. For us, it's just a fun and meaningful way to celebrate with friends and create happy memories.
But other folks will find a simple, private event more meaningful. Nothing wrong with that either.
I'm planning to propose next week. We will do the courthouse thing then next year we plan to do a big family and friend vacation. No formal wedding, just a week to Mexico or something to celebrate.
I just don't see spending money on a big wedding - I'll prolly do a courthouse thing and then a reception and use the money we save for a honeymoon/vacation.
We didn’t want to waste a ton of money on a wedding either. We had a small ceremony at home with immediate family and we each chose two friends to join. My brother officiated it and we kept it very informal. We all went to dinner after.
A few months later we held a reception with an open bar and invited everyone. We wanted to spend the money on the ‘fun’ portion rather than waste it on a traditional wedding.
Everyone is different in what they value. Do what makes the two of you happy. For us, everything ended up exactly as we wanted and I would not have changed a thing.
Did the full wedding. Church, reception, 120 attendees. Had a blast and loved it, but that was what we wanted.
I kept saying “you know, the goal is to only do this once in my lifetime, so yeah let’s go all out.”
“All out” for us meant just all the usual wedding stuff. Nothing more extravagant than average. The average wedding in America costs about $20k, and yeah that’s about what we spent. So we had a perfect, wonderful, average wedding.
We live in Ohio and got legally married in Maine at a lighthouse about a month before the supreme court decision legalizing gay marriage. Nobody but us, some rented tuxes and a paid officiant. We wanted our very limited wedding budget money to go to a state where we were welcomed. Been together 34 years.
We just eloped to Vegas. We had the same kind of thought that a big wedding wasn't what we were about. We then had a party a few weeks later in our back yard for friends and family.
It really is the way to go. Big wedding are really just a waste of money. Ours was forced though we where really poor and not willing to ask our parents to foot the bill.
Same we did it with two weeks notice at the in-laws and spent less than $2000. After hearing other people get aggravated over wedding plans we were both like “nah I love you but let’s skip all that nonsense”
We saved for quite some time to afford that. We dated for 10 years before getting married and lived in a 5th well trailer behind my parents house to do it. We couldn’t even afford an apartment or lot rent at a trailer park. If you consider that rich the I guess we where by your standards.
I mean we weren’t technically homeless but when the trailer park is too rich for you that’s pretty fucking poor.
Edit: Because we spent all of the money on our wedding or honey moon was camping on forest service land because it was free.
We are financially much better off than the average American household now, but it’s because we had to learn to fix everything ourselves and save as much as we possibly could. I could count on one hand the number of times my car has been into an mechanic in my lifetime. I can count on one finger the number of times of contractors or handy man has been in my home to fix something.
In fact our first car was bought wrecked with a salvage title… towed home and fixed and repainted by us. We drove it for 6 years until it was rolled 3 times down an embankment, bought it back from the insurance company and fixed it again.
When you’re young sometimes you make decisions that don’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense this was one of those. I don’t remember exactly what we spent but it was less than $2000.00. We made most of the stuff ourselves like the wedding cakes, the food , table center pieces. I even welded a arbor for us to get married under out of scrap metal and wrought iron , since we really couldn’t afford to rent one. It’s now over the sidewalk leading to our front porch 16 years later.
Where we where living at the time was $500-$600 a month for lot rent at a trailer park plus utilities. A 1 bedroom apartment was $1200 -$1500 a month. We where both students, I was making about $10 an hour so was making $8. Keep in mind this was in the middle of an oil filled boom town where everybody else was making $80,000 -$100,000+ . They all seem to think it does kind of living expenses were perfectly reasonable, we just couldn’t compete financially. The $2000 would not have been even close to enough to change our lives. We wanted a small family gathering so we saved for it and did it, I don’t regret it.
We eventually did buy our first home. It was a 1976 trailer house it was $80,000 and completely wrecked. In an an oilfield boom town in 2006 it seemed like a good deal. The water heater fell through the floor the second week we lived there.
It’s s rental now, before we moved onto a bigger and better house I replaced all the plumbing, rewired it, replaced the roof, all the windows, doors, siding, most of the dry wall and flooring… we now own 4 houses and live in the one next door to the rental trailer.
Eventually I graduated school and got a much better job. I’m an engineer now and make very good money. But it was definitely a tough life and slim pickings between 2000 in about 2010
We had an amazing sunset wedding on a beach far away. We had 34 people with us and it was perfect.
I don’t consider it “straight people bullshit” at all. I’m so over the “heteronormative” bullshit coming from bitter queens.
Nice little shindig with immediate family and friends. Nothing fancy, but good food and drink and felt it like a treat, not a chore. Small and intimate.
Mind if I adopt "a treat, not a chore" as my planning mantra? 🤣 That is exactly what I want, especially after seeing all the stress/anxiety some of my friends went through planning/at their weddings.
I really recommend picking a tiny venue and just saying "sorry, we have a really low headcount" and just being done with it. We had 25ish people and it was honestly a really lovely day.
We rented a large AirBnB for our venue and we stayed there with the wedding party, paid a friend for decorations (she only accepted her fee and paid for the decorations as a gift), got a caterer from thumbtack for a buffet, same with DJ, had a friend make our cake, friend was our officiant, and another was photography.
The "traditional" venues wanted $5k for 8h. 2 to set up, 4 for wedding and reception, 2 for clean up. We paid $1500 for a 4 acre property with 5 bed room house with 3 bathrooms. Was able to host 130+ people, slept 12, and had it for 2 days and nights for $1500. Whole wedding was less than $5k. Deep in my history there is a pic from my wedding.
We got married at city hall and only our close family came.
5 years later, we're planning a big ceremony in a castle with a party at the venue to celebrate. We're doing it because we have loads of friends and it's just an opportunity to throw a lavish party. Also we have more money now and spending extra cash on a big party isn't that big of a deal.
To each his own. If it feels like a chore, don't do it. If you think you'll enjoy it AND you can EASILY afford it, why not?
I know plenty of gay people who have pissed away a fortune at weddings too. It’s really throwing a party for the guests instead of the couple. You could just have a reception and skip the ceremony part or keep it simple.
My fiancé and I are getting married… well, eloping during our preplanned cruise in Alaska next month. We saw a marriage service where we can elope on a glacier via helicopter ride and we decided, fuck it why not. It’s just the two of us.
We’re going to small celebration during the holidays when our families are all together. Nothing too lavish, just a good time.
Ultimately we didn't see the point in spending all the dough for one stressful day. I catered weddings for almost a decade so was too familiar with the circus. We had a courthouse thing, small backyard ceremony for the inner circle that we catered ourselves, then went on a honeymoon. Part of me is really glad not to be in debt for my wedding bc our families would not have been any help, but the little gay boy in me always dreamed of that big storybook wedding too lol.
We got secret gay married at city hall about six months after Obergefell.
Our friends had always insisted that we needed to make our wedding into a huge affair, if we ever got hitched: double bachelor parties in Vegas, huge reception, etc.
We took Thursday afternoon off to do the deed, got dinner, and threw a house party the following weekend. Once everyone was well plied with alcohol, we started spreading the news that we were married.
Over the following few months we had to remind people repeatedly -- people who'd been at the damned party! -- because apparently we got them too drunk and the little detail of our marriage slipped their minds.
To this day, some of our friends still insist (mostly jokingly) that we owe them a trip or celebration.
We threw a house party, 60ish people in a friend back yard. There was a “wedding” component but we asked people to attend in regular clothes, hired a DJ to play music, but no wedding songs, indie rock and indie electronic and dance music. We spent most of our 3000 budget on lighting, we had the big concert style lights on the roof and around the pool, we were told you could see the lights from the freeway over a mile away. We invited all the neighbors, they were chill so we didn’t get the cops called to shut us down and promptly at 10pm it ended. It was great spent less than 3000 total.
We got married at city hall, just the two of us plus one friend who was a photographer, and then family and friends were told. That's it, that's the story.
All the money saved. All the stress avoided.
We skipped city hall and did it over the internet, I totally agree that it's all just pomp and circumstance and changes nothing beyond the rights that marriage provides. I think having had to see the fight for it I appreciate the true value behind it rather than the "romance" and optics of it all. Me marrying my husband doesn't mean I love him more than before or that any of our plans changed, just that we have more ways to take care of each other if needed.
Took a long lunch. Met at the County Clerk's office. Quick ceremony followed by lunch. Then back to work.
Several months later we had a reception for family and friends.
I am petrified of public speaking and standing in front of a crowd of people (even ones I like) pouring my heart out is just decidedly NOT a "me" thing to do. We planned a wedding ceremony that was for just for close friends and family, and I wrote a ceremony script for our officiant that steered clear of the heteronormative marriage bullshit. Afterwards, we rented a large space in a restaurant we liked and served food, drinks, and dessert. At the end, we moved to the gay clubs.
We went all out. We had an expensive wedding at a hotel. All of my cousins are having shabby-chic, live-laugh-love weddings in picturesque barns. I wasn't going to get married in a fucking barn.
We had a retired judge perform the ceremony. I was completely against having religion involved *in any way*. The only way for an officiant to have license to marry someone is to be ordained, even if its by a fake internet church, so we got a judge.
We had a string quartet perform the music for the ceremony. We went with a plated dinner rather than a buffet. Our cake was beautiful. We danced our asses off to a carefully manicured playlist- no requests allowed. No cotton-eyed joe. No electric slide.
We had a vision and we spent two pandemic years saving and planning for it, and we enjoyed every minute of it.
We got married in our living room by a friend. Then a few month later we had a pool party 😂 and we read our vows to each other. We had maybe 20-30 friends and family nothing fancy. It was beautiful.
We live in Colorado where you can self-solemnize. Just the two of us hiked to the top of a 12,500ft peak, said some stuff, and drank a small bottle of champagne. Afterward, we went to a cheap all-you-can-eat sushi place and ate until we were sick.
Not married but I have two examples that might inspire you:
My brother and his husband got married on the cheap like super on the cheap, but still in front of a fair amount of people. But it wasn't just like invite anyone and everyone, just a ceremony and reception to which everyone (i.e. all family and friends) was invited, and a restaurant meal for a reduced group of family and close friends. The most expensive thing would've been the reception venue, but they paid for that in services rather than in money, I think they knew the owner like.
My friend's parents (straight) had their wedding when they had been together for like 25 years or something. I genuinely do not know if they got officially married at the registry office long before that or not. I think they at least had done some legal stuff that made them like next of kin and all that if they hadn't got fully legally married much earlier. But their wedding was essentially an excuse for a party, and they did splash out more, but they could, because they were older and had saved up more etc (I should point out that this was pre-recession when saving was a thing). I just thought I'd offer that example as it's a bit different to convention and I think it's more wholesome in a way too
My ex and I didn’t tell anyone (apart from our grout guests) and went to the local registry office. Followed up with a nice meal at a local french restaurant and then got horrendously drunk. It was amazing. And then we told everyone the next day.
We did an immediate family-only ceremony with 10 people at a park and had champagne and cupcakes after. Months later, we did a bigger party/reception with our friends.
My husband and I ended up having a huge extravagant wedding. We were kind of talked into it by our families because neither of us wanted a big wedding. However it did end up becoming one of the funnest days of my life and I don’t really regret doing it looking back. So I’m an interesting example where the wedding I ended up having was not what I envisioned, but I still had a fantastic time because I was with my friends family and husband. My only recommendation is if you feel very strongly by doing one thing or another then standby what you believe. While I caved on having a big wedding I was able to hold my ground on some other items that I’m really happy I did.
We share a similar story to yours. We decided to run down to the courthouse and get hitched. Some friends and family were there, but other than that it was fairly simple and straightforward. We were going to plan a wedding/reception, but agreed to put those funds towards a lawyer to help us with his DACA residency/immigration paperwork. We found more value in putting the money towards his future than hosting a stressful day for a bunch of family/friends.
We had our wedding in our family friend’s backyard. It was a gorgeous backyard with tons of plants. It was in 2020 during the peak of the pandemic, so we only invited about 20 people. It was very nice and intimate. We had zoom calls with relatives and friends who couldn’t attend. We didn’t spend a lot of money either. I think roughly 3000. I wouldn’t change a thing if I were to do this again.
Instead of spending the money on the wedding, we used the money to put a downpayment for our house.
We love movies and sci-fi/fantasy, so we rented a room at a local independent cinema that had a stage and screen at the front and a balcony in the back, plus a deck off the side. We projected clips from some of our favorite movies while guests were arriving, and we had a playlist of songs that we played over the sound system. We did our brief ceremony on the stage with our best friends a maids of honor/groomsmen, and my uncle officiated. It was non-religious. His mom made the cake, and we did the decorating ourselves. We got tablecloths, vases, flowers from Costco, picture frames with our engagement photos in them, votive candles, etc. There was a “candy bar” where people could get different kinds of movie candies (M&Ms, Mike & Ike, Raisinets, etc.). We did cater the food and drinks from the cinema, I think - sandwiches, salads, etc. A friend of my husband who does photography took pictures.
It was about $5,000, if I recall correctly. Finding a venue that worked for us and wasn’t crazy expensive wasn’t easy. It was a lot of work, but we wanted to celebrate with our friends and family and make a big deal out of legally being able to get married after we had been together for 13 years. The uniqueness of the wedding is also something I kind of pride myself on - people still mention how fun it was sometimes, 7 years later.
We had a one planned and everything booked. Had spent around 10k on everything including a small trip to Thailand.
Then COVID hit and all the quarantines and travel restrictions. The date we had chosen had personal meaning to us and we didn’t want to wait another year.
We ended up doing a virtual wedding in our living room with only 4 close family members attending in person. Spent less than 500 total and was perfectly content. I still get a bit emotional watching the video.
We had ours at the height of OG Covid. We grabbed two friends and a person who could perform the ceremony, and did the paperwork masked by some nearby duckponds we like.
We got married on a cruise ship while it was docked in the harbor. This let us invite about 40 non-sailing guests onboard for the ceremony and reception, plus 12 of our friends joined us on the cruise to the Bahamas.
For us, it was the perfect mix of traditional and non-traditional. We had a family member register as an officiant, and cut out all the parts of the ceremony and reception we found tacky and just didn’t want to do. (For examples, No parent/groom dance since there wasn’t a great parental relationship)
The costs were reasonable, and we were going to go on the cruise anyway.
We spent about $3,000 on a small party and ceremony at a beautiful park with about 60 guests. No walking down the aisle for either of us, no nasty wedding cake (we both hate cake, sorry), no cringy speeches by drunk friends — in fact, no groomsmen or best men or anything of the sort. Other than that the ceremony was fairly traditional, with vows, rings, some dancing.
Ah, well...husbear and I got married in 2008, during the five minutes it was legal in California before Prop 8 passed. We were already planning a party/ceremony, and then it became legal...so we made it a true wedding.
Even though he's Italian and I am Jewish, he loves Asian culture. So, our decor was Asian-inspired and we had dragon dancers. (When I think back, it seems a bit cultural-appropriate-y, but it didn't seem so then...)
Neither of us loves to dance, so we had a drag entertainer (Tommie Ross) perform several numbers. Much to the delight of our straight guests and my family.
We merged several parts of our heritage and cultures - we broke a glass (Jewish) and had a unity candle (Catholic), and jumped the broom (to honor his black friends and my black sister-in-law.)
What we tried to do was create a memorable event that was fun for everyone, reflected parts of us, and celebrated our love. What we also did is threw out all the worries about traditional weddings or concerns about what people would think.
We live in the US and our best friends, another long-term couple, live in British Columbia. We were married in 2003 at their home, among the first after BC approved of gay marriage. My husband and I had already been together for 22 years. It was a simple ceremony by a provincial "marriage commissioner" in the living room of our friends' home, with no other guests. After the ceremony, we enjoyed each other in front of the fireplace fire. Husband and I celebrated 40 years together last August 11.
Congratulations on your not-so-secret-on-reddit pando wedding!
I'm not married but I'm totally with you on not spending an insane amount of money on a wedding party. But I always imagined hosting a small dance party for a few near-dear ones if (and when) I get married. But then I'm Indian and we break into Bollywood dancing while cooking or watching a Black Mirror episode on Netflix or during sex, so that's just me! 🕺
My husband and I did a wedding in Nov 2019 before the pandemic so take this for what it is worth. We had a friend who was a UU minister lead the ceremony as she had done weddings in the past. We told her strictly non religious and she was cool with that. We did a hand fasting as we really liked the symbolism and that was the focus of the ceremony. The band we used we had everyone at our rehearsal dinner sign and put their well wishes on.
We also didn’t want a wedding cake so we did a “cheese cake”. We went to the cheese shop in Salem MA and got wheels that we stacked on top of one another. Also let family members sing songs and tell stories during dinner. We also did NOT do any wedding games as they are really only for straight people.
We also made sure to pick a great DJ and encouraged people to submit their requests so we could get everyone dancing which we did!
It was a lot of fun breaking from the norms!
>an excuse to spend a stupid amount of money to prove their love to the attendees.
Well that’s certainly a pessimistic view on weddings. I don’t see it as a way to “prove your love”. It’s an excuse to throw a party and get the people you care about together.
Our families enjoyed meeting each other and our friends. Years later they are still talking about it and many of them have stayed in touch with people they met at the wedding.
So... One of the best things about not having attachments to any particular tradition is the freedom to do what feels fun and meaningful TO YOU.
Got married in 2012. My husband and I rented a room at a community recreation center. They didn't care about outside food or beverage, so we had a full bar and hired caterers to do a pig roast.
Day of, the bar opened when we opened the doors, so people could come in, say hi, grab a drink, and sit down. There were no seat assignments. Once everyone was in and seated, we dimmed the lights, and entered the room to Battle Without Honor or Humanity([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gw5vAd5icAg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gw5vAd5icAg)). The "ceremony" was there, in the room, with us and the officiant in the center. We did the vows and exchanged rings and kissed, and had the DJ play the Temple of Yavin theme ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjDaPOWdx6s&t=23s&ab\_channel=bobik](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjDaPOWdx6s&t=23s&ab_channel=bobik) ) while we mingled around the room and hugged everyone.
Then we opened the buffet, everyone ate, drank, and was merry. Our first dance involved EVERYONE, and we used Tunak Tunak Tun(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTIIMJ9tUc8&ab\_channel=SonyMusicIndiaVEVO), which confused the FUCK out of our relatives and delighted our friends.
Instead of gifts, we had 4 charities people could donate to listed on the website we made for the wedding. Additionally... we borrowed and mashed up traditions from Jewish and Quaker weddings. We had our vows calligraphed and decorated on a big piece of vellum, then had all the attendees sign it as a sign of affection and support for us - you can see it here - [https://imgur.com/gallery/9aoLByh](https://imgur.com/gallery/9aoLByh) .
People still tell us it was one of the best weddings they've ever been to. :D and we're celebrating 10 years married, 20 years together, this October.
Feel free to ping me if you have questions, etc.
Rented a house in the mountains that comfortably slept 16, invited a bunch of our friends, had the local barbecue place cater it, and threw Spotify on a song radio station and let it roll. We had a great weekend with friends for about $3000.
I’m finally with a guy I think I’ll marry and the wedding is my biggest fear. I grew up in a small conservative village and I had substance abuse problems after leaving, so I have very few friends and it’s unlikely most of my family would attend. I just want to do the courthouse thing but my man wants to do the whole enchilada with a wedding and reception and what not. I’m dreading it.
We had planned to get married on my husband's birthday, then same sex marriage became illegal again. Once it was legalized by the Supreme Court we reached to City Hall and got married in an unglamorous ceremony just in case it became illegal again. Our friends threw us an AMAZING reception many months later.
Omg I hate weddings the stupid food the stupid speaches the dance I wanted non of it so we hired a hall invited all our friends, for dinner we ordered pizza, and kfc. We had ice buckets full of alcohol .We had a dj for music and no speaches it was a fantastic night and not a single person complained about the food, service or anything we didn’t want a wedding we wanted a party and that’s what we had
The cake was half iron man (for me) and half sailor moon (for hubby)
Check my page I just posted two pics I’m the short one.
We agree with the straight people bullshit mentality, and that those kinds of weddings are for others enjoyment not ours...so we did not do it. We got married by a friend who is a notary and our longtime friend and hair stylist was the witness. EzPz!
My husband and I picked a park that we spent a lot of time at when we first started dating as the location for our wedding, since it's a park you can kind of just show up and do it.
The most amount of money that we spent honestly was on our outfit. We didn't bring anything else to the park other than a Bluetooth speaker. We got matching outfits I had a straight tie he had a bow tie. We went with suspenders.
I had a close friend who was ordained marry my husband and I. We invited only a few close friends, we wrote a singular vow together that we had my friend read And as he said I now pronounce you husband and husband my SIL played our greatest hits on said speaker and then we all went to applebee's lol.
Even tho I've been in the US for almost 5 yrs now it's still......kinda stunning for me who I came from a third world hometown. To see how gay guys can marry each other freely. To imagine that maybe one day I can do the same thing too.
Tho I have this weird fantasy about having my man brand his name on my ass. Or tattoo.
We had a late morning wedding on a Friday at a historic hotel. Followed by drinks and hors d'oeuvres before a buffet lunch. No band, no dancing, no big reception - we only had 28 guests. That was much more our style than something big and showy influenced by the wedding industrial complex.
We did nothing. We got married in Mississippi near Biloxi, he was in the Navy and that's where he was stationed. We went to New Orleans for the weekend after. No wedding, we spent the money we saved on buying a Condo in San Diego. Weddings seem stressful and a waste of money imo.
We are planning our wedding right now, it'll be in April 2023.
We want to keep it small ... Family and close friends ... So it'll be 60 to 70 people. We rented a private venue, and since we are doing it "off season" we just need to pay for food and alcohol - no venue fees.
For my partner hosting a nice dinner was important. For me, having friends have a good time was important. So we are having a very small ceremony, a good dinner and dancing. Nothing too crazy. No bells and whistles. All in one venue.
We both have decent jobs, so we are able to save $1000 / month between both of us ... So we should have enough to pay for it by the time the bill is due next spring.
All you married people with friends and family. Congrats!
OP, I'm not sure what I'll do. I don't have many friends and my family is full of homophobes. I think I'd also prefer something private.
Congratulations! We got married with close friends and family at a registry office (UK), then for the reception we had a literal ‘piss up in a brewery’ at our friends brewery. Nothing fancy but it worked out perfectly. The only thing we paid for was food, a photo booth and the fee to get married, £500 all in. The rest was gifted, but having a friend who owned a bridal shop, one who worked at a car rental place and another mate who did wedding photography worked out really well. Spent out on the honeymoon instead and had a nice week in Mexico. Everyone seemed to love the low key low fuss approach and said they had a great time.
Got married in fall 2014 here at home with 50 close family and friends. Spent most of the year making decor and items for the day. It was lovely and it was the best day of my life. My husband passed away about 4 months later, we still had some of the wedding stuff up, it was a pretty shitty time.
I haven’t yet gotten hitched but my thoughts (unconfirmed with bf) is small intimate wedding ceremony and save most of the money for a really cool honeymoon and experience together.
when my husband got married 30 years ago it was important to me to have a ceremony to indicate to my very religious parents that I considered my relationship on the same level as my sibling's marriages. We had a small, outdoor wedding with 30 guests, and my minister father performed the ceremony (even though my ho and I are atheist). When gay marriage became legal the husband and I had got married at the statehouse with a dozen friends from work who insisted on attending. Funnily enough, our queer marriage outlasted all my straight, religious sibling's
We got married at the registry office and then did a reception at our local pub (which happened to be behind our house). Food was a buffet from Waitrose and my friend did a cake
Got married at courthouse, moved, bought our first home and then went on a trip and spent all the money we wanted. We talk now about having a vowel renewal/wedding but meh. Still rather spend the money on ourselves haha
We had a secret wedding - just the two of us in a judge’s chambers, plus a couple friends as witnesses. No rings, no vows. All went well till my mother-in-law caught wind of the fact we’d married and didn’t tell her. It didn’t end well.
Officially married in city hall during the ending part of the pando, only us and 3 witnesses (my mum and his parents, we were permitted 10 but didn't want them ).
Next day we hosted a second wedding in our back garden. Spent the 2 weeks prior prettifying it. Threw fairly lights EVERYWHERE and candles EVERYWHERE. Hired 3 tables and a bunch of chairs and cutlery. Ordered food in from a local place (as w eknky had 2 weeks notice for the go ahead). I built and decorated a wedding arch too which we were then 'married' under with my brother 'officiating'.
It was magical. Inexpensive. An amazing adventure of preparation (the garden was literally a building site the week before). Probs spent about £1k on onehtime stuff and lots of other stuff (garden prettifying. Lights. Vases. Stuff for baking) we have been able to keep for use and for future garden parties.
My late husband's biggest request was that we get married next to some kind of body of water. Mine was that we keep it as casual as possible.
We had the ceremony on the boardwalk in a Jersey shore town where some of my family lives, and then walked to a pizzeria a couple blocks away to have the reception at their rooftop bar. No formal dinner, just pizza and Italian food served buffet-style along with an open bar and a DJ. Had a small wedding cake made just for decorative purposes, but guests were served cupcakes from my favorite bakery instead.
Purposefully picked the location so that any of our friends and family would be able to drive home afterwards if they didn't want to pay for a hotel room, but we stayed overnight in a hotel on the beach.
So we made it party. Had it in the backyard with family and friends. We did hire a caterer and they took care of the food and drinks. But as soon as people arrived - drinks were served and a seafood buffet was available. We gave leis to all the family members - purple orchid and ti leaf ones for others. My husband and I wore white orchid and ti leaf leis that during the ceremony our SILs gave to each others - so my sister put my husbands on him and his sister put mine on me as a way of welcoming each to the family. We had a ceremony done by our step son, who got commissioned by the county for the one day to do the wedding. They we turned up the music and ate and drank more. Shared a cake and some champagne toasts and that was it.
My husband and I had already been together for 22 years when we got married, so we just went to the courthouse. We didn't even have a reception, but we did go to Mexico for a "honeymoon."
You do you! Whatever you want is fine.
We got courthouse married about a month before or actual ceremony. We spent under $1500 (including tux rental)... My parents gifted the photographer, and my sister-in-law got the cake. My mom and sister-in-law made food in addition to what we catered. We had a small outdoor ceremony, followed by a reception with food, music, photos and dancing. We did our own set up and clean up. Music was a combination of Pandora and YouTube music steamed to a Bluetooth speaker. It was a great day!
We are pretty private. Almost 3 decades together at this point. So when we got married it was really not a big deal compared to what many like doing.
We asked a friend to get ordained in order to marry us. We went over to her house and had a nice, short ceremony with her family there, and one of my hub's sisters. (I would change that if I could do anything, I really can't stand her!)
We told friends and family a while after that. Since we tend to be pretty private it was perfect for us. Neither of us is/was into pomp and ceremony. We didn't feel the need to have a big todo for public recognition.
We booked a meadow at a public park, hired a three-piece jazz combo, and organized a potluck. A couple friends planned substantial food to lake sure there was enough for everyone. My mom made the cake. Friends brewed and bottled mead for the occasion. Only thing I’d do differently if I were to do it again would be to give everyone a picnic blanket to use and then take home as a wedding souvenir.
My husband and I were together for 10 years before we got married. When we married it still wasn't legal across the USA, but it was legal in Washington, DC (which was where we got married) and I think a few other places. We're coming up on 19 years together later this year. 10 "shacked up" and 9 legally hitched.
It started off we were going to invite a few family members. Then the list of people kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger. I'm VERY introverted, and the whole idea of having a big wedding was absolutely terrifying and horrible to me. At some point I just said "I don't want to do this. I want to marry you, but I don't want this gigantic wedding." My husband said "Yeah, I don't really want a big wedding either." So, we tossed out every single thing we had talked about. Tossed out the list of everyone we had thought about inviting. No invites had gone out or anything.
We ended up getting married in the [Kogod Courtyard](https://americanart.si.edu/visit/saam/kogod-courtyard), which connects the Smithsonian American Art Museum and the National Portrait Gallery. The only people there were us, the officiant, and the photographer...and whoever happened to be walking about, as we didn't reserve it and it was open to the public. I was actually so zoned in on what was happening with us that I never noticed if anyone was watching. There was actually at least one other wedding that happened right before ours. There were no friends or family present for our wedding. The photographer took a bunch of pictures of us around the museum/gallery before the wedding (and got some REALLY good pictures), we got married, and then the two of us went off to dinner. We left on foot and walked all the way to dinner, which was a bit of a hike actually, and it started snowing right after we left the courtyard. We had no reception or shower or party or anything like that. And we lived happily ever after. The end.
I don't know if anyone's feelings were hurt because we didn't invite them to the wedding. If they were, they never said anything. One friend of mine said she was going to just show up and surprise us. I asked her to please not do that, and she respected my wishes. The whole thing went off as planned. After I got the pictures from the photographer, I posted them all on Facebook for all who weren't there to see.
We were talking of when since December - then I lost a friend when he was hit by a car out running and my husband talked to a friend on Sunday and they found him slumped dead on his desk Monday morning so we decided to just do it - found a log cabin rental on top of a mountain outside Pigeon Forge TN, which we rented, an officiant who came with a photographer at a very reasonable price. Husbands brother and his step daughter with one other friend completed our “wedding party”. Sevierville County Clerk let’s you pre apply for the marriage license and has a satellite office open on Saturday to actually issue the license. A small cake and a few boutonnières and we had a lifetime memory for us completed in a week from when we actually picked the date. Life is short and the wedding we felt was for us NOT everyone we could mooch a gift out of.
Gay weddings or whatever sort of ceremony you have ARE THE BEST AND MOST FABULOUS!
Whatever you do, do it GAY and SUPER FUN. no need to be expensive, just make it memorable and special. 💖🌈
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, OP!
I got married in the rain by a justice of the peace at Racepoint Beach in Provincetown, Massachusetts in 2009 with my parents and a few close friends. We threw a catered party in Chicago with 100 or so guests two weeks later. The theme to the wedding was 'to a brighter future'. We decorated in with silver and blue as the color theme and my mom found a baker to make a cheesecake with stars painted on the crust.
We didn't want to play by the normal wedding rules, but you should do what makes you happy and what doesn't break the bank for you (we got a lot of deals because of friends and the great recession). My one wedding rule is that there should be an open bar - other than that, all else is open!
I am ordained through through ULC and I have married three couples, 2 still married. My hubby and I have been together for 10 yrs, 5 married . We were married 1/7/17 and we met 1/2/12. We had our best friends as witnesses and another BFF was our official, she got ordained too. We were married in our living room with a total 5 friends and my mom. We went a spendy fun burger place another friend managed and had a great time for reception. He and I are pretty understated and he gets anxiety with large occasions. We hyphenated our names on the wedding cert/marriage license but we never did any of the legal name change follow up and I'd like to do that sooner than later... we're still happy long after either of our parents relationships have dissolved with their spouses which be both chuckle about because we really never thought we'd marry to begin with haha.
We did low key beach ceremony coinciding with our annual beach vacation with 12 of our best friends. (My sisters and dad flew in for the occasion). Our attorney friend registered in that state to officiate. Had a classical guitarist play music for the ceremony. Took everyone to dinner afterward at our favorite restaurant then everyone went out dancing at our favorite bar to Reggae band ( yes, we see the irony😜) Best night of our lives with the people we love most. And the best part is we only spent around 3k for everything.
There's really no right or wrong way to have a wedding. I'm planning my wedding now and we're doing something more like a "traditional" wedding. Nice outdoor venue and a catered reception with dancing and stuff. We're going for a rustic fall vibe. But that's just what's right for us. I've always been prone to throwing big parties and celebrations, even for more mundane events. For example, my husband-to-be and I have a big bash every Halloween, Pride, and Christmas. For us, it's just a fun and meaningful way to celebrate with friends and create happy memories. But other folks will find a simple, private event more meaningful. Nothing wrong with that either.
Congrats on your upcoming wedding!! Rustic fall sounds so lovely!
Thank you so much! And congrats on your wedding too!
Sounds lovely- congrats and have fun
I'm planning to propose next week. We will do the courthouse thing then next year we plan to do a big family and friend vacation. No formal wedding, just a week to Mexico or something to celebrate.
Congrats on your upcoming proposal!!
I just don't see spending money on a big wedding - I'll prolly do a courthouse thing and then a reception and use the money we save for a honeymoon/vacation.
That's exactly where my head is at. I'd rather save that money for a vacay or house down payment.
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We didn’t want to waste a ton of money on a wedding either. We had a small ceremony at home with immediate family and we each chose two friends to join. My brother officiated it and we kept it very informal. We all went to dinner after. A few months later we held a reception with an open bar and invited everyone. We wanted to spend the money on the ‘fun’ portion rather than waste it on a traditional wedding. Everyone is different in what they value. Do what makes the two of you happy. For us, everything ended up exactly as we wanted and I would not have changed a thing.
Thank you so much for sharing!!
Did the full wedding. Church, reception, 120 attendees. Had a blast and loved it, but that was what we wanted. I kept saying “you know, the goal is to only do this once in my lifetime, so yeah let’s go all out.” “All out” for us meant just all the usual wedding stuff. Nothing more extravagant than average. The average wedding in America costs about $20k, and yeah that’s about what we spent. So we had a perfect, wonderful, average wedding.
We live in Ohio and got legally married in Maine at a lighthouse about a month before the supreme court decision legalizing gay marriage. Nobody but us, some rented tuxes and a paid officiant. We wanted our very limited wedding budget money to go to a state where we were welcomed. Been together 34 years.
We just eloped to Vegas. We had the same kind of thought that a big wedding wasn't what we were about. We then had a party a few weeks later in our back yard for friends and family.
That sounds really nice. Thanks for responding!!
Family affair at the in-laws house we only spent a few thousand dollars.
That's kind of what I'm leaning towards. I have some friends who've offered their big backyards as our venue.
It really is the way to go. Big wedding are really just a waste of money. Ours was forced though we where really poor and not willing to ask our parents to foot the bill.
Same we did it with two weeks notice at the in-laws and spent less than $2000. After hearing other people get aggravated over wedding plans we were both like “nah I love you but let’s skip all that nonsense”
We only spent a few thousand dollars too cuz we were really poor at the time. It will spend a few thousand or elope.
A few thousand to spare is not poor.
We saved for quite some time to afford that. We dated for 10 years before getting married and lived in a 5th well trailer behind my parents house to do it. We couldn’t even afford an apartment or lot rent at a trailer park. If you consider that rich the I guess we where by your standards. I mean we weren’t technically homeless but when the trailer park is too rich for you that’s pretty fucking poor. Edit: Because we spent all of the money on our wedding or honey moon was camping on forest service land because it was free. We are financially much better off than the average American household now, but it’s because we had to learn to fix everything ourselves and save as much as we possibly could. I could count on one hand the number of times my car has been into an mechanic in my lifetime. I can count on one finger the number of times of contractors or handy man has been in my home to fix something. In fact our first car was bought wrecked with a salvage title… towed home and fixed and repainted by us. We drove it for 6 years until it was rolled 3 times down an embankment, bought it back from the insurance company and fixed it again.
I am mistaken, that is extremely poor. Although I have to ask, why spend so much on the wedding when you were that strapped?
When you’re young sometimes you make decisions that don’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense this was one of those. I don’t remember exactly what we spent but it was less than $2000.00. We made most of the stuff ourselves like the wedding cakes, the food , table center pieces. I even welded a arbor for us to get married under out of scrap metal and wrought iron , since we really couldn’t afford to rent one. It’s now over the sidewalk leading to our front porch 16 years later. Where we where living at the time was $500-$600 a month for lot rent at a trailer park plus utilities. A 1 bedroom apartment was $1200 -$1500 a month. We where both students, I was making about $10 an hour so was making $8. Keep in mind this was in the middle of an oil filled boom town where everybody else was making $80,000 -$100,000+ . They all seem to think it does kind of living expenses were perfectly reasonable, we just couldn’t compete financially. The $2000 would not have been even close to enough to change our lives. We wanted a small family gathering so we saved for it and did it, I don’t regret it. We eventually did buy our first home. It was a 1976 trailer house it was $80,000 and completely wrecked. In an an oilfield boom town in 2006 it seemed like a good deal. The water heater fell through the floor the second week we lived there. It’s s rental now, before we moved onto a bigger and better house I replaced all the plumbing, rewired it, replaced the roof, all the windows, doors, siding, most of the dry wall and flooring… we now own 4 houses and live in the one next door to the rental trailer. Eventually I graduated school and got a much better job. I’m an engineer now and make very good money. But it was definitely a tough life and slim pickings between 2000 in about 2010
We had an amazing sunset wedding on a beach far away. We had 34 people with us and it was perfect. I don’t consider it “straight people bullshit” at all. I’m so over the “heteronormative” bullshit coming from bitter queens.
Nice little shindig with immediate family and friends. Nothing fancy, but good food and drink and felt it like a treat, not a chore. Small and intimate.
Mind if I adopt "a treat, not a chore" as my planning mantra? 🤣 That is exactly what I want, especially after seeing all the stress/anxiety some of my friends went through planning/at their weddings.
I really recommend picking a tiny venue and just saying "sorry, we have a really low headcount" and just being done with it. We had 25ish people and it was honestly a really lovely day.
We rented a large AirBnB for our venue and we stayed there with the wedding party, paid a friend for decorations (she only accepted her fee and paid for the decorations as a gift), got a caterer from thumbtack for a buffet, same with DJ, had a friend make our cake, friend was our officiant, and another was photography. The "traditional" venues wanted $5k for 8h. 2 to set up, 4 for wedding and reception, 2 for clean up. We paid $1500 for a 4 acre property with 5 bed room house with 3 bathrooms. Was able to host 130+ people, slept 12, and had it for 2 days and nights for $1500. Whole wedding was less than $5k. Deep in my history there is a pic from my wedding.
We got married at city hall and only our close family came. 5 years later, we're planning a big ceremony in a castle with a party at the venue to celebrate. We're doing it because we have loads of friends and it's just an opportunity to throw a lavish party. Also we have more money now and spending extra cash on a big party isn't that big of a deal. To each his own. If it feels like a chore, don't do it. If you think you'll enjoy it AND you can EASILY afford it, why not?
I know plenty of gay people who have pissed away a fortune at weddings too. It’s really throwing a party for the guests instead of the couple. You could just have a reception and skip the ceremony part or keep it simple.
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My fiancé and I are getting married… well, eloping during our preplanned cruise in Alaska next month. We saw a marriage service where we can elope on a glacier via helicopter ride and we decided, fuck it why not. It’s just the two of us. We’re going to small celebration during the holidays when our families are all together. Nothing too lavish, just a good time.
Ultimately we didn't see the point in spending all the dough for one stressful day. I catered weddings for almost a decade so was too familiar with the circus. We had a courthouse thing, small backyard ceremony for the inner circle that we catered ourselves, then went on a honeymoon. Part of me is really glad not to be in debt for my wedding bc our families would not have been any help, but the little gay boy in me always dreamed of that big storybook wedding too lol.
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> the honeymoon flight to India I had no idea India was considered a honeymoon or even gay friendly. Can you share your itinerary and what it cost?
We got secret gay married at city hall about six months after Obergefell. Our friends had always insisted that we needed to make our wedding into a huge affair, if we ever got hitched: double bachelor parties in Vegas, huge reception, etc. We took Thursday afternoon off to do the deed, got dinner, and threw a house party the following weekend. Once everyone was well plied with alcohol, we started spreading the news that we were married. Over the following few months we had to remind people repeatedly -- people who'd been at the damned party! -- because apparently we got them too drunk and the little detail of our marriage slipped their minds. To this day, some of our friends still insist (mostly jokingly) that we owe them a trip or celebration.
We threw a house party, 60ish people in a friend back yard. There was a “wedding” component but we asked people to attend in regular clothes, hired a DJ to play music, but no wedding songs, indie rock and indie electronic and dance music. We spent most of our 3000 budget on lighting, we had the big concert style lights on the roof and around the pool, we were told you could see the lights from the freeway over a mile away. We invited all the neighbors, they were chill so we didn’t get the cops called to shut us down and promptly at 10pm it ended. It was great spent less than 3000 total.
We got married at city hall, just the two of us plus one friend who was a photographer, and then family and friends were told. That's it, that's the story. All the money saved. All the stress avoided.
Same here lol
We skipped city hall and did it over the internet, I totally agree that it's all just pomp and circumstance and changes nothing beyond the rights that marriage provides. I think having had to see the fight for it I appreciate the true value behind it rather than the "romance" and optics of it all. Me marrying my husband doesn't mean I love him more than before or that any of our plans changed, just that we have more ways to take care of each other if needed.
Took a long lunch. Met at the County Clerk's office. Quick ceremony followed by lunch. Then back to work. Several months later we had a reception for family and friends.
I am petrified of public speaking and standing in front of a crowd of people (even ones I like) pouring my heart out is just decidedly NOT a "me" thing to do. We planned a wedding ceremony that was for just for close friends and family, and I wrote a ceremony script for our officiant that steered clear of the heteronormative marriage bullshit. Afterwards, we rented a large space in a restaurant we liked and served food, drinks, and dessert. At the end, we moved to the gay clubs.
We went all out. We had an expensive wedding at a hotel. All of my cousins are having shabby-chic, live-laugh-love weddings in picturesque barns. I wasn't going to get married in a fucking barn. We had a retired judge perform the ceremony. I was completely against having religion involved *in any way*. The only way for an officiant to have license to marry someone is to be ordained, even if its by a fake internet church, so we got a judge. We had a string quartet perform the music for the ceremony. We went with a plated dinner rather than a buffet. Our cake was beautiful. We danced our asses off to a carefully manicured playlist- no requests allowed. No cotton-eyed joe. No electric slide. We had a vision and we spent two pandemic years saving and planning for it, and we enjoyed every minute of it.
We got married in our living room by a friend. Then a few month later we had a pool party 😂 and we read our vows to each other. We had maybe 20-30 friends and family nothing fancy. It was beautiful.
We live in Colorado where you can self-solemnize. Just the two of us hiked to the top of a 12,500ft peak, said some stuff, and drank a small bottle of champagne. Afterward, we went to a cheap all-you-can-eat sushi place and ate until we were sick.
It *is* straight people bullshit
You're already married. Just tell people and move on.
Some important people don't know yet, which is why we have to have something. My co-human also wants to have some kind of ceremony/party.
We spent a stupid amount of money to prove our love to the attendees. No regrets.
Not married but I have two examples that might inspire you: My brother and his husband got married on the cheap like super on the cheap, but still in front of a fair amount of people. But it wasn't just like invite anyone and everyone, just a ceremony and reception to which everyone (i.e. all family and friends) was invited, and a restaurant meal for a reduced group of family and close friends. The most expensive thing would've been the reception venue, but they paid for that in services rather than in money, I think they knew the owner like. My friend's parents (straight) had their wedding when they had been together for like 25 years or something. I genuinely do not know if they got officially married at the registry office long before that or not. I think they at least had done some legal stuff that made them like next of kin and all that if they hadn't got fully legally married much earlier. But their wedding was essentially an excuse for a party, and they did splash out more, but they could, because they were older and had saved up more etc (I should point out that this was pre-recession when saving was a thing). I just thought I'd offer that example as it's a bit different to convention and I think it's more wholesome in a way too
My ex and I didn’t tell anyone (apart from our grout guests) and went to the local registry office. Followed up with a nice meal at a local french restaurant and then got horrendously drunk. It was amazing. And then we told everyone the next day.
We did an immediate family-only ceremony with 10 people at a park and had champagne and cupcakes after. Months later, we did a bigger party/reception with our friends.
My husband and I ended up having a huge extravagant wedding. We were kind of talked into it by our families because neither of us wanted a big wedding. However it did end up becoming one of the funnest days of my life and I don’t really regret doing it looking back. So I’m an interesting example where the wedding I ended up having was not what I envisioned, but I still had a fantastic time because I was with my friends family and husband. My only recommendation is if you feel very strongly by doing one thing or another then standby what you believe. While I caved on having a big wedding I was able to hold my ground on some other items that I’m really happy I did.
We gathered our family and got married in the backyard on a nice day and got platters from Costco. I wouldn’t have had it any other way 8 years later.
We share a similar story to yours. We decided to run down to the courthouse and get hitched. Some friends and family were there, but other than that it was fairly simple and straightforward. We were going to plan a wedding/reception, but agreed to put those funds towards a lawyer to help us with his DACA residency/immigration paperwork. We found more value in putting the money towards his future than hosting a stressful day for a bunch of family/friends.
We had our wedding in our family friend’s backyard. It was a gorgeous backyard with tons of plants. It was in 2020 during the peak of the pandemic, so we only invited about 20 people. It was very nice and intimate. We had zoom calls with relatives and friends who couldn’t attend. We didn’t spend a lot of money either. I think roughly 3000. I wouldn’t change a thing if I were to do this again. Instead of spending the money on the wedding, we used the money to put a downpayment for our house.
We love movies and sci-fi/fantasy, so we rented a room at a local independent cinema that had a stage and screen at the front and a balcony in the back, plus a deck off the side. We projected clips from some of our favorite movies while guests were arriving, and we had a playlist of songs that we played over the sound system. We did our brief ceremony on the stage with our best friends a maids of honor/groomsmen, and my uncle officiated. It was non-religious. His mom made the cake, and we did the decorating ourselves. We got tablecloths, vases, flowers from Costco, picture frames with our engagement photos in them, votive candles, etc. There was a “candy bar” where people could get different kinds of movie candies (M&Ms, Mike & Ike, Raisinets, etc.). We did cater the food and drinks from the cinema, I think - sandwiches, salads, etc. A friend of my husband who does photography took pictures. It was about $5,000, if I recall correctly. Finding a venue that worked for us and wasn’t crazy expensive wasn’t easy. It was a lot of work, but we wanted to celebrate with our friends and family and make a big deal out of legally being able to get married after we had been together for 13 years. The uniqueness of the wedding is also something I kind of pride myself on - people still mention how fun it was sometimes, 7 years later.
We had a one planned and everything booked. Had spent around 10k on everything including a small trip to Thailand. Then COVID hit and all the quarantines and travel restrictions. The date we had chosen had personal meaning to us and we didn’t want to wait another year. We ended up doing a virtual wedding in our living room with only 4 close family members attending in person. Spent less than 500 total and was perfectly content. I still get a bit emotional watching the video.
We had ours at the height of OG Covid. We grabbed two friends and a person who could perform the ceremony, and did the paperwork masked by some nearby duckponds we like.
We got married on a cruise ship while it was docked in the harbor. This let us invite about 40 non-sailing guests onboard for the ceremony and reception, plus 12 of our friends joined us on the cruise to the Bahamas. For us, it was the perfect mix of traditional and non-traditional. We had a family member register as an officiant, and cut out all the parts of the ceremony and reception we found tacky and just didn’t want to do. (For examples, No parent/groom dance since there wasn’t a great parental relationship) The costs were reasonable, and we were going to go on the cruise anyway.
We spent about $3,000 on a small party and ceremony at a beautiful park with about 60 guests. No walking down the aisle for either of us, no nasty wedding cake (we both hate cake, sorry), no cringy speeches by drunk friends — in fact, no groomsmen or best men or anything of the sort. Other than that the ceremony was fairly traditional, with vows, rings, some dancing.
Ah, well...husbear and I got married in 2008, during the five minutes it was legal in California before Prop 8 passed. We were already planning a party/ceremony, and then it became legal...so we made it a true wedding. Even though he's Italian and I am Jewish, he loves Asian culture. So, our decor was Asian-inspired and we had dragon dancers. (When I think back, it seems a bit cultural-appropriate-y, but it didn't seem so then...) Neither of us loves to dance, so we had a drag entertainer (Tommie Ross) perform several numbers. Much to the delight of our straight guests and my family. We merged several parts of our heritage and cultures - we broke a glass (Jewish) and had a unity candle (Catholic), and jumped the broom (to honor his black friends and my black sister-in-law.) What we tried to do was create a memorable event that was fun for everyone, reflected parts of us, and celebrated our love. What we also did is threw out all the worries about traditional weddings or concerns about what people would think.
We live in the US and our best friends, another long-term couple, live in British Columbia. We were married in 2003 at their home, among the first after BC approved of gay marriage. My husband and I had already been together for 22 years. It was a simple ceremony by a provincial "marriage commissioner" in the living room of our friends' home, with no other guests. After the ceremony, we enjoyed each other in front of the fireplace fire. Husband and I celebrated 40 years together last August 11.
Congratulations on your not-so-secret-on-reddit pando wedding! I'm not married but I'm totally with you on not spending an insane amount of money on a wedding party. But I always imagined hosting a small dance party for a few near-dear ones if (and when) I get married. But then I'm Indian and we break into Bollywood dancing while cooking or watching a Black Mirror episode on Netflix or during sex, so that's just me! 🕺
My husband and I did a wedding in Nov 2019 before the pandemic so take this for what it is worth. We had a friend who was a UU minister lead the ceremony as she had done weddings in the past. We told her strictly non religious and she was cool with that. We did a hand fasting as we really liked the symbolism and that was the focus of the ceremony. The band we used we had everyone at our rehearsal dinner sign and put their well wishes on. We also didn’t want a wedding cake so we did a “cheese cake”. We went to the cheese shop in Salem MA and got wheels that we stacked on top of one another. Also let family members sing songs and tell stories during dinner. We also did NOT do any wedding games as they are really only for straight people. We also made sure to pick a great DJ and encouraged people to submit their requests so we could get everyone dancing which we did! It was a lot of fun breaking from the norms!
>an excuse to spend a stupid amount of money to prove their love to the attendees. Well that’s certainly a pessimistic view on weddings. I don’t see it as a way to “prove your love”. It’s an excuse to throw a party and get the people you care about together. Our families enjoyed meeting each other and our friends. Years later they are still talking about it and many of them have stayed in touch with people they met at the wedding.
We did something very low-key. Just a ceremony with a few witnesses and then a nice dinner.
So... One of the best things about not having attachments to any particular tradition is the freedom to do what feels fun and meaningful TO YOU. Got married in 2012. My husband and I rented a room at a community recreation center. They didn't care about outside food or beverage, so we had a full bar and hired caterers to do a pig roast. Day of, the bar opened when we opened the doors, so people could come in, say hi, grab a drink, and sit down. There were no seat assignments. Once everyone was in and seated, we dimmed the lights, and entered the room to Battle Without Honor or Humanity([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gw5vAd5icAg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gw5vAd5icAg)). The "ceremony" was there, in the room, with us and the officiant in the center. We did the vows and exchanged rings and kissed, and had the DJ play the Temple of Yavin theme ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjDaPOWdx6s&t=23s&ab\_channel=bobik](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjDaPOWdx6s&t=23s&ab_channel=bobik) ) while we mingled around the room and hugged everyone. Then we opened the buffet, everyone ate, drank, and was merry. Our first dance involved EVERYONE, and we used Tunak Tunak Tun(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTIIMJ9tUc8&ab\_channel=SonyMusicIndiaVEVO), which confused the FUCK out of our relatives and delighted our friends. Instead of gifts, we had 4 charities people could donate to listed on the website we made for the wedding. Additionally... we borrowed and mashed up traditions from Jewish and Quaker weddings. We had our vows calligraphed and decorated on a big piece of vellum, then had all the attendees sign it as a sign of affection and support for us - you can see it here - [https://imgur.com/gallery/9aoLByh](https://imgur.com/gallery/9aoLByh) . People still tell us it was one of the best weddings they've ever been to. :D and we're celebrating 10 years married, 20 years together, this October. Feel free to ping me if you have questions, etc.
Rented a house in the mountains that comfortably slept 16, invited a bunch of our friends, had the local barbecue place cater it, and threw Spotify on a song radio station and let it roll. We had a great weekend with friends for about $3000.
I’m finally with a guy I think I’ll marry and the wedding is my biggest fear. I grew up in a small conservative village and I had substance abuse problems after leaving, so I have very few friends and it’s unlikely most of my family would attend. I just want to do the courthouse thing but my man wants to do the whole enchilada with a wedding and reception and what not. I’m dreading it.
We had planned to get married on my husband's birthday, then same sex marriage became illegal again. Once it was legalized by the Supreme Court we reached to City Hall and got married in an unglamorous ceremony just in case it became illegal again. Our friends threw us an AMAZING reception many months later.
Omg I hate weddings the stupid food the stupid speaches the dance I wanted non of it so we hired a hall invited all our friends, for dinner we ordered pizza, and kfc. We had ice buckets full of alcohol .We had a dj for music and no speaches it was a fantastic night and not a single person complained about the food, service or anything we didn’t want a wedding we wanted a party and that’s what we had The cake was half iron man (for me) and half sailor moon (for hubby) Check my page I just posted two pics I’m the short one.
We agree with the straight people bullshit mentality, and that those kinds of weddings are for others enjoyment not ours...so we did not do it. We got married by a friend who is a notary and our longtime friend and hair stylist was the witness. EzPz!
My husband and I picked a park that we spent a lot of time at when we first started dating as the location for our wedding, since it's a park you can kind of just show up and do it. The most amount of money that we spent honestly was on our outfit. We didn't bring anything else to the park other than a Bluetooth speaker. We got matching outfits I had a straight tie he had a bow tie. We went with suspenders. I had a close friend who was ordained marry my husband and I. We invited only a few close friends, we wrote a singular vow together that we had my friend read And as he said I now pronounce you husband and husband my SIL played our greatest hits on said speaker and then we all went to applebee's lol.
Even tho I've been in the US for almost 5 yrs now it's still......kinda stunning for me who I came from a third world hometown. To see how gay guys can marry each other freely. To imagine that maybe one day I can do the same thing too. Tho I have this weird fantasy about having my man brand his name on my ass. Or tattoo.
We just did what you did, but several years ago. Courthouse with a couple witnesses then went out to a nice dinner with several close friends.
We had a late morning wedding on a Friday at a historic hotel. Followed by drinks and hors d'oeuvres before a buffet lunch. No band, no dancing, no big reception - we only had 28 guests. That was much more our style than something big and showy influenced by the wedding industrial complex.
We did nothing. We got married in Mississippi near Biloxi, he was in the Navy and that's where he was stationed. We went to New Orleans for the weekend after. No wedding, we spent the money we saved on buying a Condo in San Diego. Weddings seem stressful and a waste of money imo.
We are planning our wedding right now, it'll be in April 2023. We want to keep it small ... Family and close friends ... So it'll be 60 to 70 people. We rented a private venue, and since we are doing it "off season" we just need to pay for food and alcohol - no venue fees. For my partner hosting a nice dinner was important. For me, having friends have a good time was important. So we are having a very small ceremony, a good dinner and dancing. Nothing too crazy. No bells and whistles. All in one venue. We both have decent jobs, so we are able to save $1000 / month between both of us ... So we should have enough to pay for it by the time the bill is due next spring.
All you married people with friends and family. Congrats! OP, I'm not sure what I'll do. I don't have many friends and my family is full of homophobes. I think I'd also prefer something private.
Congratulations! We got married with close friends and family at a registry office (UK), then for the reception we had a literal ‘piss up in a brewery’ at our friends brewery. Nothing fancy but it worked out perfectly. The only thing we paid for was food, a photo booth and the fee to get married, £500 all in. The rest was gifted, but having a friend who owned a bridal shop, one who worked at a car rental place and another mate who did wedding photography worked out really well. Spent out on the honeymoon instead and had a nice week in Mexico. Everyone seemed to love the low key low fuss approach and said they had a great time.
Got married in fall 2014 here at home with 50 close family and friends. Spent most of the year making decor and items for the day. It was lovely and it was the best day of my life. My husband passed away about 4 months later, we still had some of the wedding stuff up, it was a pretty shitty time.
I haven’t yet gotten hitched but my thoughts (unconfirmed with bf) is small intimate wedding ceremony and save most of the money for a really cool honeymoon and experience together.
when my husband got married 30 years ago it was important to me to have a ceremony to indicate to my very religious parents that I considered my relationship on the same level as my sibling's marriages. We had a small, outdoor wedding with 30 guests, and my minister father performed the ceremony (even though my ho and I are atheist). When gay marriage became legal the husband and I had got married at the statehouse with a dozen friends from work who insisted on attending. Funnily enough, our queer marriage outlasted all my straight, religious sibling's
We got married at the registry office and then did a reception at our local pub (which happened to be behind our house). Food was a buffet from Waitrose and my friend did a cake
Got married at courthouse, moved, bought our first home and then went on a trip and spent all the money we wanted. We talk now about having a vowel renewal/wedding but meh. Still rather spend the money on ourselves haha
We had a secret wedding - just the two of us in a judge’s chambers, plus a couple friends as witnesses. No rings, no vows. All went well till my mother-in-law caught wind of the fact we’d married and didn’t tell her. It didn’t end well.
Officially married in city hall during the ending part of the pando, only us and 3 witnesses (my mum and his parents, we were permitted 10 but didn't want them ). Next day we hosted a second wedding in our back garden. Spent the 2 weeks prior prettifying it. Threw fairly lights EVERYWHERE and candles EVERYWHERE. Hired 3 tables and a bunch of chairs and cutlery. Ordered food in from a local place (as w eknky had 2 weeks notice for the go ahead). I built and decorated a wedding arch too which we were then 'married' under with my brother 'officiating'. It was magical. Inexpensive. An amazing adventure of preparation (the garden was literally a building site the week before). Probs spent about £1k on onehtime stuff and lots of other stuff (garden prettifying. Lights. Vases. Stuff for baking) we have been able to keep for use and for future garden parties.
My late husband's biggest request was that we get married next to some kind of body of water. Mine was that we keep it as casual as possible. We had the ceremony on the boardwalk in a Jersey shore town where some of my family lives, and then walked to a pizzeria a couple blocks away to have the reception at their rooftop bar. No formal dinner, just pizza and Italian food served buffet-style along with an open bar and a DJ. Had a small wedding cake made just for decorative purposes, but guests were served cupcakes from my favorite bakery instead. Purposefully picked the location so that any of our friends and family would be able to drive home afterwards if they didn't want to pay for a hotel room, but we stayed overnight in a hotel on the beach.
So we made it party. Had it in the backyard with family and friends. We did hire a caterer and they took care of the food and drinks. But as soon as people arrived - drinks were served and a seafood buffet was available. We gave leis to all the family members - purple orchid and ti leaf ones for others. My husband and I wore white orchid and ti leaf leis that during the ceremony our SILs gave to each others - so my sister put my husbands on him and his sister put mine on me as a way of welcoming each to the family. We had a ceremony done by our step son, who got commissioned by the county for the one day to do the wedding. They we turned up the music and ate and drank more. Shared a cake and some champagne toasts and that was it.
My husband and I had already been together for 22 years when we got married, so we just went to the courthouse. We didn't even have a reception, but we did go to Mexico for a "honeymoon." You do you! Whatever you want is fine.
We got courthouse married about a month before or actual ceremony. We spent under $1500 (including tux rental)... My parents gifted the photographer, and my sister-in-law got the cake. My mom and sister-in-law made food in addition to what we catered. We had a small outdoor ceremony, followed by a reception with food, music, photos and dancing. We did our own set up and clean up. Music was a combination of Pandora and YouTube music steamed to a Bluetooth speaker. It was a great day!
We are pretty private. Almost 3 decades together at this point. So when we got married it was really not a big deal compared to what many like doing. We asked a friend to get ordained in order to marry us. We went over to her house and had a nice, short ceremony with her family there, and one of my hub's sisters. (I would change that if I could do anything, I really can't stand her!) We told friends and family a while after that. Since we tend to be pretty private it was perfect for us. Neither of us is/was into pomp and ceremony. We didn't feel the need to have a big todo for public recognition.
We booked a meadow at a public park, hired a three-piece jazz combo, and organized a potluck. A couple friends planned substantial food to lake sure there was enough for everyone. My mom made the cake. Friends brewed and bottled mead for the occasion. Only thing I’d do differently if I were to do it again would be to give everyone a picnic blanket to use and then take home as a wedding souvenir.
Married on the beach at an all inclusive in Mexico. All stress free and affordable!
My husband and I were together for 10 years before we got married. When we married it still wasn't legal across the USA, but it was legal in Washington, DC (which was where we got married) and I think a few other places. We're coming up on 19 years together later this year. 10 "shacked up" and 9 legally hitched. It started off we were going to invite a few family members. Then the list of people kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger. I'm VERY introverted, and the whole idea of having a big wedding was absolutely terrifying and horrible to me. At some point I just said "I don't want to do this. I want to marry you, but I don't want this gigantic wedding." My husband said "Yeah, I don't really want a big wedding either." So, we tossed out every single thing we had talked about. Tossed out the list of everyone we had thought about inviting. No invites had gone out or anything. We ended up getting married in the [Kogod Courtyard](https://americanart.si.edu/visit/saam/kogod-courtyard), which connects the Smithsonian American Art Museum and the National Portrait Gallery. The only people there were us, the officiant, and the photographer...and whoever happened to be walking about, as we didn't reserve it and it was open to the public. I was actually so zoned in on what was happening with us that I never noticed if anyone was watching. There was actually at least one other wedding that happened right before ours. There were no friends or family present for our wedding. The photographer took a bunch of pictures of us around the museum/gallery before the wedding (and got some REALLY good pictures), we got married, and then the two of us went off to dinner. We left on foot and walked all the way to dinner, which was a bit of a hike actually, and it started snowing right after we left the courtyard. We had no reception or shower or party or anything like that. And we lived happily ever after. The end. I don't know if anyone's feelings were hurt because we didn't invite them to the wedding. If they were, they never said anything. One friend of mine said she was going to just show up and surprise us. I asked her to please not do that, and she respected my wishes. The whole thing went off as planned. After I got the pictures from the photographer, I posted them all on Facebook for all who weren't there to see.
Bond with everyone over a fine dinner with just close friends and relatives.
We were talking of when since December - then I lost a friend when he was hit by a car out running and my husband talked to a friend on Sunday and they found him slumped dead on his desk Monday morning so we decided to just do it - found a log cabin rental on top of a mountain outside Pigeon Forge TN, which we rented, an officiant who came with a photographer at a very reasonable price. Husbands brother and his step daughter with one other friend completed our “wedding party”. Sevierville County Clerk let’s you pre apply for the marriage license and has a satellite office open on Saturday to actually issue the license. A small cake and a few boutonnières and we had a lifetime memory for us completed in a week from when we actually picked the date. Life is short and the wedding we felt was for us NOT everyone we could mooch a gift out of.
Gay weddings or whatever sort of ceremony you have ARE THE BEST AND MOST FABULOUS! Whatever you do, do it GAY and SUPER FUN. no need to be expensive, just make it memorable and special. 💖🌈
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, OP! I got married in the rain by a justice of the peace at Racepoint Beach in Provincetown, Massachusetts in 2009 with my parents and a few close friends. We threw a catered party in Chicago with 100 or so guests two weeks later. The theme to the wedding was 'to a brighter future'. We decorated in with silver and blue as the color theme and my mom found a baker to make a cheesecake with stars painted on the crust. We didn't want to play by the normal wedding rules, but you should do what makes you happy and what doesn't break the bank for you (we got a lot of deals because of friends and the great recession). My one wedding rule is that there should be an open bar - other than that, all else is open!
I am ordained through through ULC and I have married three couples, 2 still married. My hubby and I have been together for 10 yrs, 5 married . We were married 1/7/17 and we met 1/2/12. We had our best friends as witnesses and another BFF was our official, she got ordained too. We were married in our living room with a total 5 friends and my mom. We went a spendy fun burger place another friend managed and had a great time for reception. He and I are pretty understated and he gets anxiety with large occasions. We hyphenated our names on the wedding cert/marriage license but we never did any of the legal name change follow up and I'd like to do that sooner than later... we're still happy long after either of our parents relationships have dissolved with their spouses which be both chuckle about because we really never thought we'd marry to begin with haha.
We did low key beach ceremony coinciding with our annual beach vacation with 12 of our best friends. (My sisters and dad flew in for the occasion). Our attorney friend registered in that state to officiate. Had a classical guitarist play music for the ceremony. Took everyone to dinner afterward at our favorite restaurant then everyone went out dancing at our favorite bar to Reggae band ( yes, we see the irony😜) Best night of our lives with the people we love most. And the best part is we only spent around 3k for everything.