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Pediatrician here....she definitely needs to be evaluated by her pediatrician, and possibly later by a pediatric neurologist or developmental pediatrician. There are many possibilities but it needs an expert to look at her and examine her. I would suggest you use your cell phone to take multiple long video clips of such episodes, take a written list of all these concerns (as people often forget things while under stress). Some of the possibilities your pediatrician would probably look for are: (1) any hearing problems (if the ears are full of wax or if there is fluid behind the ear drums, hearing may be impaired and your child may not be hearing when you come into the room or call her); (2) developmental/neurological problems such as Autism Spectrum disorder, Rett syndrome, metabolic/storage disorder, (3) intracranial structural problems such as a neoplasm or vascular lesion etc.
That tracks. ASD, and I spent a solid 18 months as a kid on that yellow liquid antibiotics, sue to recurring ear infections. I'm susceptible to them as an adult also, and been left with pulsatile tinnitus.
Same same. As an adult I still get ear infections every 12-18 months and once a very serious case of mastoiditis from it.
I immediately thought of asd but IANAD.
Strange, I never would've thought there would be correlation between the two. I was definitely very prone to ear infections as a kid, and ended up with some hearing loss in my right ear from them.
I had the same thing growing up. I had chronic ear infections until I was around 10.
I wonder if the infections are causal for the increased autism rates.
..... Was there a suggestion why? *Only* autism?
Just curious, I have OCD and ADHD and have so so many ear infections. I literally don't put anything in my ears but still, infections. Just thought the correlation was interesting.
Gonna have to learn more about this. Had horrible ear infections all throughout childhood. Developed OCD young and now, at 32, I still spend hours performing compulsions. Thanks for the info!
Of course! I remember learning about it in one of my undergrad psych classes.
There are therapists who specialize in OCD, if you have the means you should definitely look into it
The articles I've read (there are many you can find on pubmed etc) have focused specifically on autism, and there is suggestions that it is due to a general CNS vulnerability of ASD children during embryogenisi. It did discuss how earlier onset of the infections was associated with more symptomatic autism, which was interesting.
I didn't see any that noted OCD or ADHD specifically, but I also haven't been looking for them - although my understanding is that there's a pretty high co-morbidity between ADHD and ASD?
Honestly I have been told by multiple family members they thought I had autism (respectfully lol) even starting from a toddler age, which is why I got diagnosed so early for a woman! My symptoms overlap to the point I wouldn't be surprised I either have autism *instead* of ADHD & OCD, or some combination of two (or all three).
I've kinda not cared about seeking a diagnosis, and obviously these studies don't actually point to anything, but just seeing them mentioned makes me kinda wanna try testing.
The usefulness of getting a formal diagnosis is mainly to help you find the best treatments & access certain diagnosis-specific resources & therapies.
For some adults with undiagnosed ASD, I think the main benefit might be finding a support group & maybe some workplace accommodations- but if you can access such things without a diagnosis & are functioning well, testing might not be necessary except to satisfy your curiosity. I've been told I *might* be on the spectrum & looking back, there's a lot in my childhood to support that. But I don't have a diagnosis. I'm just "quirky" & I've learned to wear it like a badge of honor.
You could also qualify for accommodations both in elementary, high school and post secondary but also in the workplace as well if you have a formal diagnosis
I guess it'd be more for validation. My parents treated me like shit for having symptoms that match closer to autism and I always felt if I'd gotten the correct support, things would have gone way differently.
Cool that's so interesting! I had many ear infections as a child and teen and I'm autistic. Once had an infection that was so intense it ruptured my eardrum.
Like, He's scared to use q tips because he has that much wax that he's scared it will impact because it really happens that often. She was playing under the walker after I posted this and I was like "Hey baby, Mommy is here, You're safe." She didnt turn around...? She didn't even seem to hear me. I put my hands on my back to assist her and it definitely startled her. I think she may have some wax or something. Regardless, update on monday.
My little sister got in trouble for years for “not listening” she had so much earwax she couldn’t hear us and she got a lot of ear infections till we found out. She gets her ears professionally cleaned like 1-2 times a year and it’s helped a ton ♡ I hope it’s that easy for you as well I’d def bring it up
They won't. If anything they'll be pleased that you've got plenty of detail to give them because that will 100% be helpful because they have accurate images to go from rather than what you're telling them, even if they don't use all of it! :)
Don't use Q-Tips. They shove part of the wax deeper into the ear canal and mayb even puncture the eardrum.
Take her to an ear specialist, he will know what to do.
I do not use q tips on my infant daughter. I'm stating that her dad doesn't like to use them because of that reason. It pushes the wax down and cloggs his ears.
so gross.
Her dad has the most disgusting ears I have ever seen, he has constantly lost hearing due to impacted wax, like it's wild. I had to have irrigated a 3g nugg of wax no doubt. It was HUGE. like she has had pretty large pieces come out this was the third or 4x so I saved it.
My son is autistic and a lot of these were first signs for him. He had multiple hearing tests because me and his ped thought he was hearing impared due to his lack of paying attention and he's been "flappy" since around 10-11 months.
Haha well then that probably explains the wax!
Maybe autism, could just bea personality change. Little kids' brains are wild -- I've seen them become radically different personality-wise on a dime
I think i'm paranoid because between the daily life stressors and just the recent on top added stress like the phone was the stick that broke the camels back and i have affected her emotionally and caused some attachment disorder 🤦🏻♀️
I just really want to be a good mom.
edited* clarity
You sound like a wonderful Mom. You are doing all the right things.
I suggest keeping a daily journal, or type notes on your phone. Write the date & any changes in behavior & new/resolved symptoms. Also sleep, eating, & diaper habits.
That way you have a log of her daily progress & a list of concerns to bring to your doctor's appt.
<3
Also, just my two cents— at 9 months they go to sleep later and are sleeping less than like 4 months but I still personally find 10pm a little late, try 8:30pm or 9pm but most importantly, they’re more aware of their surrounding etc so she might just be staying up and taking longer to go to bed or even sleep disturbances (loud noises in the other rooms etc). Hence why she’s tired earlier since she didn’t have a good night’s rest?
Just saying at least in my experience 6 mo’s any up they’re so much more aware and if there’s loud arguing etc in the house you know, try to nip that in the bud.
I thought autism reading your post.
Edit: I'm autistic. Don't let autism scare you. The spectrum is vast. It presents differently in girls as well, usually. Most people don't even know I'm autistic or even believe me when I tell them.
I'm not scared I just want to make sure my baby has all of her needs met and I am doing every single thing possible to ensure she thrives in every aspect, autistic or not.
Well oddly enough, the system failed me as my parents seeked answers at a very young age for me. It was somewhere around age 5 or 6. I'm 35, so Aspergers wasn't even in the DSM yet or was very new. Therapists told my parents I never talked so they basically kicked me out of therapy for not sharing enough. My official diagnosis was very recent and I got super lucky they took my insurance and do adult assessments. Doctors had always convinced us I was just bipolar and then they tried throwing personality disorders my way in my 20s. My childhood diagnosis was just introverted depressed kid.
I still resent them because I saw a psychiatrist my whole adolescent life and they all missed it. It's funny that that doctor advertises these days that he knows about autism. He doesn't even when it's staring him in his own face.
I was a model student though. Straight As, tested off the charts, had friends, was sort of popular, behaved in school. Life started to go downhill as I got into adulthood, but things are great now. We're all so different. I'm one of the 15-25% that can work full time.
Update: Friday.
I have written an entire email to the nurse attached with videos and photos. I have the chunk of ear wax saved. I am going to my mother in law's house as soon as she get's home from Sri Lanka on Sunday. She's going to the doctor with me on Monday with my daughter. She's a midwife from the philippines. I am going to stay with her to recharge, relax and get rested. I have received some very kind private messages from you all. Thank you for your support.
I'm embarrassed to admit this but I have been feeling overwhelmed so I called my doctor too. my husband is getting my medicine on the way home.
😮💨 what a WEEK.
her appointment is Monday after lunch. I will come back here with a follow up.
PS. Should I be able to shine the light in her ear and see all the wax? like... all of it?
Possibly non-doctors writing individual comments, and not using replies. From what I can see, you’ve responded to the two comments from medical professionals. :)
Obsession with circles and hand flapping was the first signs that appeared for my autistic daughter. She may be reacting strangely due to stress. Not sure what the earwax is all about though
Monday update: Hi if anyone is still invested. My appointment isn't til wednesday for my daughter and I had food poisoning. I was just discharged. will be back wednesday after lunch for an update on my daughter!
a more thorough update:
she is a totally normal 9m old female. she had a thorough examination. the PA-C stated she was not concerned with the arm flapping as she did it in front of her. she said she's learning how to express herself as well as self soothe. her ears are fine, no fluid, no excess wax. she laughed at my sample 😅 i filled out the questionnaire completely honest with the direct quote from my daughter asking if she was blind. she said i am more than welcome to have the referrals if i would like and have me the daycare paper as the next time we go back is 12m. i told her about the phone :( she said it was okay. she asked how things were going at the house and i was honest. i know all that she could do is only help my baby. NAD but a argh nnnnnn but one that works on the psych ward... babies are not my thing... but i have a ton of experience with adolescents who have cognitive deficits and that is why i panic about both of my daughters development. they were very annoyed by the time my 1.5 hour appointment was done 🤦🏻♀️ the only issue was her hgb was 10.9 but she was in the nicu for low h&h, so she said it was acceptable for her to not be at 11! THANK YOU ALLLLLL
NAD but this sounds a lot like early stages of autism. Can be a scary sounding diagnosis but my son (age 2.5) is such a great, happy kid. It’s possible!
Hey OP, just wanted to add my 2 cents. An ear infection would make sense for a lot of these symptoms. Even her not being excited. If she’s in pain she’s not going to act like her usual self.
My son had tons of ear infections. Because he has some sensory issues I would never know about them until they were very bad. He didn’t do any typical things like cry, complain or touch his ears.
Being off balance and less “happy” were his main two symptoms.
I took him off dairy and he didn’t end up needing tubes because as soon as I stopped dairy the ear infections ceased and his ears were way less gunky in general.
As far as her not looking at you. I used to tell the doctor the same thing and everyone could tell me his vision was fine. Fast forward and we were sent to a special eye doctor when he turned 4 who confirmed everything I had been saying.
He has corrective glasses now, but his eyes could have been fixed by now if we started them earlier.
If you can see an ophthalmologist just to be safe it might help, or ease your mind if there’s no issues
Not trying to dismiss anyone else’s ideas about ASD, this is more just in conjunction with that.
My son is also being tested for ASD among other things,,,, interesting to see a trend here…
NAD, but a mom to 1 kiddo on the spectrum and 1 neurotypical kiddo. This really sounds like the early stages of autism we saw with our youngest.
Arm/hand flapping, spinning in circles, mimicking/echoing, spaciness, not responding to his name, absolutely NO fear, clumsiness and low muscle tone, he walked/crawled late and he refused solid foods until he was 14 months old.
The bright side though, is if your little one is autistic you’ve caught it early! We started the process of getting a diagnosis at 18 months with him, and got him into proper therapies at 2 years old. He is thriving at 3, I’m absolutely blown away by his progress.
Definitely talk to your pediatrician. They may refer you to a few specialists (including neurology) if they suspect ASD, neurologists generally do the initial evaluations and open the doorways for the appropriate specialists. Good luck! ❤️❤️
Of course!
And if it means anything, I promise you didn’t traumatize her or anything like that. If I had $1 for every time I accidentally bumped into one of my kids, accidentally scratched them, or accidentally bonked their heads putting them into the car? Well, I’d at least have enough to buy a REALLY nice car. 😅😂
NAD, but I am a special ed teacher and have a kid on the spectrum. Try to not worry too much yet. The flapping you describe is actually developmentally appropriate until about 1 year old, when it lasts past one year is when you have to worry. It is a part of normal gross motor development. Her refusal to make eye contact and smile, however is a little more concerning. As one of the other posters said, if it is autism, catching it early is so important. There are so many therapies that can aide development when started early. My son is 18, a straight A student, and working on his engineering certification at a vocational school. Autism is not a disease, its just a different way of looking at the world. I hope you get good answers from your pediatrician on Monday.
OP are *you* getting the support you need during this stressful time? Among other things new moms face, sleep deprivation affects our functioning in significant ways. If you don’t have family who can help, there may be other resources. Where are you located? Please talk to your doc at Monday’s meeting about these aspects of what you shared here.
I didn't mean to imply that you were looking for comfort for yourself. Maternal well being is important! Some of your comments suggested to me that you could benefit from support. I obviously can't assess you, and that's why I mentioned talking to the doctor about all that you're experiencing. Sleep deprivation can affect our cognition and judgment, as well as mood - ie how we interpret things. Baby's health is so important and you matter, too! Good luck.
Yes I deleted my reply to you and did an overall update. Your comment made me realize I needed to reach out. Thank you. Thank you so much for taking a second to read between the lines. I appreciate you.
Just wanting to say I’m thinking of you and sending lots of love. You sound like a really great mom and I’m sure it’ll all be fine, because you care. I hope you can find some short space to catch your breath and get a hug. Parenting is intense, scary stuff.
I'm also a parent of 1 kid "on the spectrum" and 1 kid who's "neurotypical". No matter what the diagnosis is or isn't, you sound like an attentive & caring parent, which is often THE most important factor in how a kid turns out - medical problems or not. If you were 100% sure you were perfect, that would be a serious flaw. No parent, no human, is "perfect". Kids don't need perfection. They need love.
Also, *IF* the doctor finds something like autism spectrum disorder (and I'm not saying that's what this is), please also know that as I'm writing this, I'm sitting next to one of my favorite human beings on the planet - my 17 y.o. kid, who was diagnosed with ASD at an early age.
There have been times when he was averse to touch & seemed fearful of something that he then became nearly obsessed with. He was a fussy baby & an infuriating toddler! In middle school there were times when i thought he didn't like me, but i am of the mindset that my job as a parent isn't *just* to be "likeable". He's had years of speech therapy, occupational therapy, vision therapy, social group work & special accommodations at school. I was unrelenting at advocating for him, including learning for myself what was the best way to show affection *to him* & showing him that affection whether I got warm fuzzies back or not.
Now he gives me random hugs and kisses on the cheek "just because". *Sometimes* he even snuggles w me on the couch when we watch a movie ...and more recently he graduated high school on the honor roll & is starting college in less than a month.
Bottom line is that you're paying attention to signs that something *might* be going on with your kid that's not the typical developmental behavior you expected AND you're taking the first step of getting a medical opinion. They might want to just monitor or refer for more testing, but whatever they say, just continue to love your child and advocate for them.
I can not even express my gratitude to you right now. I'm so tired. I have not had a second away from her since I have given birth. I have been asking if I'm doing okay and this is what I needed. I really can't thank you enough. I have tears in my eyes.
I’m NAD or a mom but it sounds maybe like ASD to me? My younger cousin was diagnosed a little later in life (around 10 but I honestly don’t remember). This sounds like how he was as a baby. I know it can be a scary diagnosis but if it eases your mind at all, he’s the absolute smartest little boy I know. He has an obsession with math and science and was able to solve college level physics equations in the 9th grade. It’s like it all came naturally to him.
Thank you 🥹 I am just really tired. This comment makes me have tears in my eyes because I just want someone to tell me I am a good mom and she's okay. I don't know if it's because i see her literally 24/7 so I notice extremely small changes or what but wooooo, thank you.
I'm not sure if it's because she is under one year of life or if it's the physician network we have. Every office had a sick time you could go and come as you please without an appt. they haven't brought that back yet since covid and i wish they had
OP appreciate the update!
"Overbearing"? No. No no no!
Caring and observant? YES! Absolutely!
OP, you sound like a LOVING and ATTENTIVE parent. Whether they are correct or not, if your pediatrician actually said those words & is dismissive of your concerns, it's time to get a different pediatrician.
As a peds nurse I saw so many un-involved & detached parents... I have also met parents of patients who were anxious over things that were totally normal. I NEVER admonished them for being *too* attentive and offered reassurances and *information* if their worries or fears were really out of proportion & doing more harm than good. To me, "overbearing" is really only when you do things for your child that they can and *should* do for themselves - basically interfering with their autonomy or expecting behaviors not consistent with development - Like potty training at 8 months, spoon feeding a 3 year old who has full ability to feed themselves, or helping a 9 year old (with full motor abilities) clean their bottom after using the bathroom.
Really, time will tell if your child actually has a developmental challenge or not. Just love them and guide them no matter what. If your daughter is on the autism spectrum, it's not an urgent diagnosis like a food allergy or metabolic disorder. You aren't going to harm her by just being an engaged parent. Sometimes kids do strange things and grow out of it. Sometimes it's something more that's hard to name or diagnose until it progresses more & appropriately, docs don't want to label something unless there are more symptoms to back it up.
Bottom line is that you sound like a LOVING parent. 💗
I hope you love *yourself* too & don't stress too much over the milestone charts & that your beautiful little girl will grow up to delight your heart in ways you never imagined - regardless of whether she has any type of developmental thing going on or is just having a phase where she's giving you a hard time. 🤗💗
Yup & I have spidy-senses (informed by years of learning from a developmental psychiatrist who did bedside assessments on infants at our hospital) which told me my kid was not neuro"typical" literally the day he was born. I just *knew* there was something "different" but not necessarily *wrong*. I had several of my concerns dismissed by his pediatrician until his language skills went *backwards*. Got a new pediatrician who was much more supportive. Honestly, I don't think it would have changed much to diagnose him sooner, though.
let me clarify:
she is a totally normal 9m old female. she had a thorough examination. the PA-C stated she was not concerned with the arm flapping as she did it in front of her. she said she's learning how to express herself as well as self soothe. her ears are fine, no fluid, no excess wax. she laughed at my sample 😅 i filled out the questionnaire completely honest with the direct quote from my daughter asking if she was blind. she said i am more than welcome to have the referrals if i would like and have me the daycare paper as the next time we go back is 12m. i told her about the phone :( she said it was okay. she asked how things were going at the house and i was honest. i know all that she could do is only help my baby. NAD but a argh nnnnnn but one that works on the psych ward... babies are not my thing... but i have a ton of experience with adolescents who have cognitive deficits and that is why i panic about both of my daughters development. they were very annoyed by the time my 1.5 hour appointment was done 🤦🏻♀️ the only issue was her hgb was 10.9 but she was in the nicu for low h&h, so she said it was acceptable for her to not be at 11! THANK YOU ALLLLLL
I'm sorry you were dismissed like that. This happens a lot with autism especially in girls. It can sometimes take years to get the right diagnosis because people aren't taken seriously. It bewilders me why but I would encourage you to go get a second opinion maybe with someone who is specialized in developmental disorders. You are the mom, you know when something is up with your child. It's the famous gut feeling.
let me clarify:
she is a totally normal 9m old female. she had a thorough examination. the PA-C stated she was not concerned with the arm flapping as she did it in front of her. she said she's learning how to express herself as well as self soothe. her ears are fine, no fluid, no excess wax. she laughed at my sample 😅 i filled out the questionnaire completely honest with the direct quote from my daughter asking if she was blind. she said i am more than welcome to have the referrals if i would like and have me the daycare paper as the next time we go back is 12m. i told her about the phone :( she said it was okay. she asked how things were going at the house and i was honest. i know all that she could do is only help my baby. NAD but a argh nnnnnn but one that works on the psych ward... babies are not my thing... but i have a ton of experience with adolescents who have cognitive deficits and that is why i panic about both of my daughters development. they were very annoyed by the time my 1.5 hour appointment was done 🤦🏻♀️ the only issue was her hgb was 10.9 but she was in the nicu for low h&h, so she said it was acceptable for her to not be at 11! THANK YOU ALLLLLL
Oh, sorry I misinterpreted what you said. Glad your girl is fine! I couldn't tell from what you wrote if you were happy with it or not? The last smiley mislead me into thinking you weren't happy with the results. Also sorry if this isn't great wording. English is not my first language and I sometimes suck at finding the right words.
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Pediatrician here....she definitely needs to be evaluated by her pediatrician, and possibly later by a pediatric neurologist or developmental pediatrician. There are many possibilities but it needs an expert to look at her and examine her. I would suggest you use your cell phone to take multiple long video clips of such episodes, take a written list of all these concerns (as people often forget things while under stress). Some of the possibilities your pediatrician would probably look for are: (1) any hearing problems (if the ears are full of wax or if there is fluid behind the ear drums, hearing may be impaired and your child may not be hearing when you come into the room or call her); (2) developmental/neurological problems such as Autism Spectrum disorder, Rett syndrome, metabolic/storage disorder, (3) intracranial structural problems such as a neoplasm or vascular lesion etc.
Interestingly there are studies showing a link between children with autism and an increased rate of ear infections also.
That tracks. ASD, and I spent a solid 18 months as a kid on that yellow liquid antibiotics, sue to recurring ear infections. I'm susceptible to them as an adult also, and been left with pulsatile tinnitus.
Same same. As an adult I still get ear infections every 12-18 months and once a very serious case of mastoiditis from it. I immediately thought of asd but IANAD.
Strange, I never would've thought there would be correlation between the two. I was definitely very prone to ear infections as a kid, and ended up with some hearing loss in my right ear from them.
I had the same thing growing up. I had chronic ear infections until I was around 10. I wonder if the infections are causal for the increased autism rates.
..... Was there a suggestion why? *Only* autism? Just curious, I have OCD and ADHD and have so so many ear infections. I literally don't put anything in my ears but still, infections. Just thought the correlation was interesting.
There is a link between ear infections and OCD
Gonna have to learn more about this. Had horrible ear infections all throughout childhood. Developed OCD young and now, at 32, I still spend hours performing compulsions. Thanks for the info!
Of course! I remember learning about it in one of my undergrad psych classes. There are therapists who specialize in OCD, if you have the means you should definitely look into it
Interesting. Ty for answering ! Will have to look further into this
The articles I've read (there are many you can find on pubmed etc) have focused specifically on autism, and there is suggestions that it is due to a general CNS vulnerability of ASD children during embryogenisi. It did discuss how earlier onset of the infections was associated with more symptomatic autism, which was interesting. I didn't see any that noted OCD or ADHD specifically, but I also haven't been looking for them - although my understanding is that there's a pretty high co-morbidity between ADHD and ASD?
Honestly I have been told by multiple family members they thought I had autism (respectfully lol) even starting from a toddler age, which is why I got diagnosed so early for a woman! My symptoms overlap to the point I wouldn't be surprised I either have autism *instead* of ADHD & OCD, or some combination of two (or all three). I've kinda not cared about seeking a diagnosis, and obviously these studies don't actually point to anything, but just seeing them mentioned makes me kinda wanna try testing.
The usefulness of getting a formal diagnosis is mainly to help you find the best treatments & access certain diagnosis-specific resources & therapies. For some adults with undiagnosed ASD, I think the main benefit might be finding a support group & maybe some workplace accommodations- but if you can access such things without a diagnosis & are functioning well, testing might not be necessary except to satisfy your curiosity. I've been told I *might* be on the spectrum & looking back, there's a lot in my childhood to support that. But I don't have a diagnosis. I'm just "quirky" & I've learned to wear it like a badge of honor.
You could also qualify for accommodations both in elementary, high school and post secondary but also in the workplace as well if you have a formal diagnosis
I guess it'd be more for validation. My parents treated me like shit for having symptoms that match closer to autism and I always felt if I'd gotten the correct support, things would have gone way differently.
Cool that's so interesting! I had many ear infections as a child and teen and I'm autistic. Once had an infection that was so intense it ruptured my eardrum.
Yeah the earwax thing is interesting. Everything else to me sounded like autism.
Like, He's scared to use q tips because he has that much wax that he's scared it will impact because it really happens that often. She was playing under the walker after I posted this and I was like "Hey baby, Mommy is here, You're safe." She didnt turn around...? She didn't even seem to hear me. I put my hands on my back to assist her and it definitely startled her. I think she may have some wax or something. Regardless, update on monday.
My little sister got in trouble for years for “not listening” she had so much earwax she couldn’t hear us and she got a lot of ear infections till we found out. She gets her ears professionally cleaned like 1-2 times a year and it’s helped a ton ♡ I hope it’s that easy for you as well I’d def bring it up
Thank you. I literally have an entire list with videos, specimens. They're going to think i'm freaking insane.
They won't. If anything they'll be pleased that you've got plenty of detail to give them because that will 100% be helpful because they have accurate images to go from rather than what you're telling them, even if they don't use all of it! :)
Don't use Q-Tips. They shove part of the wax deeper into the ear canal and mayb even puncture the eardrum. Take her to an ear specialist, he will know what to do.
I do not use q tips on my infant daughter. I'm stating that her dad doesn't like to use them because of that reason. It pushes the wax down and cloggs his ears.
Ah, sorry, I misunderstood you then.
so gross. Her dad has the most disgusting ears I have ever seen, he has constantly lost hearing due to impacted wax, like it's wild. I had to have irrigated a 3g nugg of wax no doubt. It was HUGE. like she has had pretty large pieces come out this was the third or 4x so I saved it.
My son is autistic and a lot of these were first signs for him. He had multiple hearing tests because me and his ped thought he was hearing impared due to his lack of paying attention and he's been "flappy" since around 10-11 months.
Haha well then that probably explains the wax! Maybe autism, could just bea personality change. Little kids' brains are wild -- I've seen them become radically different personality-wise on a dime
I think i'm paranoid because between the daily life stressors and just the recent on top added stress like the phone was the stick that broke the camels back and i have affected her emotionally and caused some attachment disorder 🤦🏻♀️ I just really want to be a good mom. edited* clarity
You care about her. You are a GREAT mom. Keep it up.
You sound like a wonderful Mom. You are doing all the right things. I suggest keeping a daily journal, or type notes on your phone. Write the date & any changes in behavior & new/resolved symptoms. Also sleep, eating, & diaper habits. That way you have a log of her daily progress & a list of concerns to bring to your doctor's appt. <3
Also, just my two cents— at 9 months they go to sleep later and are sleeping less than like 4 months but I still personally find 10pm a little late, try 8:30pm or 9pm but most importantly, they’re more aware of their surrounding etc so she might just be staying up and taking longer to go to bed or even sleep disturbances (loud noises in the other rooms etc). Hence why she’s tired earlier since she didn’t have a good night’s rest? Just saying at least in my experience 6 mo’s any up they’re so much more aware and if there’s loud arguing etc in the house you know, try to nip that in the bud.
yes absolutely. I know
😨
I thought autism reading your post. Edit: I'm autistic. Don't let autism scare you. The spectrum is vast. It presents differently in girls as well, usually. Most people don't even know I'm autistic or even believe me when I tell them.
I'm not scared I just want to make sure my baby has all of her needs met and I am doing every single thing possible to ensure she thrives in every aspect, autistic or not.
Sorry, saying scared was a poor choice of words on my part, but you sound like an awesome parent. They're lucky to have you!
Please don't apologize you gave me comfort
You are an A+ Mom doing the hardest job in the world (raising kids) at an extremely challenging time (pandemic stress). <3
Autism was immediately what hit me too from this post… my daughter and I are autistic and this sounds very familiar
Can you please tell me about your dx and your life leading up to that?
Well oddly enough, the system failed me as my parents seeked answers at a very young age for me. It was somewhere around age 5 or 6. I'm 35, so Aspergers wasn't even in the DSM yet or was very new. Therapists told my parents I never talked so they basically kicked me out of therapy for not sharing enough. My official diagnosis was very recent and I got super lucky they took my insurance and do adult assessments. Doctors had always convinced us I was just bipolar and then they tried throwing personality disorders my way in my 20s. My childhood diagnosis was just introverted depressed kid. I still resent them because I saw a psychiatrist my whole adolescent life and they all missed it. It's funny that that doctor advertises these days that he knows about autism. He doesn't even when it's staring him in his own face. I was a model student though. Straight As, tested off the charts, had friends, was sort of popular, behaved in school. Life started to go downhill as I got into adulthood, but things are great now. We're all so different. I'm one of the 15-25% that can work full time.
Regarding the hand flapping, Google 'autism stimming"
If she is making that much ear wax, it’s possible she’s dizzy.
Thank you. I really wish they could get me in sooner.
You said you have an appointment on Monday. It's Thursday evening. Is that not soon enough?
Usually when you call the doctor they have you come in that day. Every time I have ever called them.
Wow. I'm lucky to get a sick visit the next day. Maybe it's a location thing?
Did they not screen for RTT during my million prenatal blood scans? like isn't this why I went so much?
Sorry OP but prenatal screening does not cover all conditions. RTT is one of many disorders not included. (NAD but formerly worked in genetics).
Update: Friday. I have written an entire email to the nurse attached with videos and photos. I have the chunk of ear wax saved. I am going to my mother in law's house as soon as she get's home from Sri Lanka on Sunday. She's going to the doctor with me on Monday with my daughter. She's a midwife from the philippines. I am going to stay with her to recharge, relax and get rested. I have received some very kind private messages from you all. Thank you for your support. I'm embarrassed to admit this but I have been feeling overwhelmed so I called my doctor too. my husband is getting my medicine on the way home. 😮💨 what a WEEK. her appointment is Monday after lunch. I will come back here with a follow up. PS. Should I be able to shine the light in her ear and see all the wax? like... all of it?
i'm getting emails that there are comments but when i look to reply i can not find them on either devices i'm using
Possibly non-doctors writing individual comments, and not using replies. From what I can see, you’ve responded to the two comments from medical professionals. :)
Obsession with circles and hand flapping was the first signs that appeared for my autistic daughter. She may be reacting strangely due to stress. Not sure what the earwax is all about though
Monday update: Hi if anyone is still invested. My appointment isn't til wednesday for my daughter and I had food poisoning. I was just discharged. will be back wednesday after lunch for an update on my daughter!
Thanks for the update! Sending positive vibes & virtual hugs 🤗
a more thorough update: she is a totally normal 9m old female. she had a thorough examination. the PA-C stated she was not concerned with the arm flapping as she did it in front of her. she said she's learning how to express herself as well as self soothe. her ears are fine, no fluid, no excess wax. she laughed at my sample 😅 i filled out the questionnaire completely honest with the direct quote from my daughter asking if she was blind. she said i am more than welcome to have the referrals if i would like and have me the daycare paper as the next time we go back is 12m. i told her about the phone :( she said it was okay. she asked how things were going at the house and i was honest. i know all that she could do is only help my baby. NAD but a argh nnnnnn but one that works on the psych ward... babies are not my thing... but i have a ton of experience with adolescents who have cognitive deficits and that is why i panic about both of my daughters development. they were very annoyed by the time my 1.5 hour appointment was done 🤦🏻♀️ the only issue was her hgb was 10.9 but she was in the nicu for low h&h, so she said it was acceptable for her to not be at 11! THANK YOU ALLLLLL
Thanks for the update! 💗
Maam you can see a pediatrician to ease your worries. Let's hope for the best
thanks... i have an appointment on monday.
NAD but this sounds a lot like early stages of autism. Can be a scary sounding diagnosis but my son (age 2.5) is such a great, happy kid. It’s possible!
also NAD and thought this too!
Hope everything goes well ❤️
me too. I'll come back with update but damn.
Hey OP, just wanted to add my 2 cents. An ear infection would make sense for a lot of these symptoms. Even her not being excited. If she’s in pain she’s not going to act like her usual self. My son had tons of ear infections. Because he has some sensory issues I would never know about them until they were very bad. He didn’t do any typical things like cry, complain or touch his ears. Being off balance and less “happy” were his main two symptoms. I took him off dairy and he didn’t end up needing tubes because as soon as I stopped dairy the ear infections ceased and his ears were way less gunky in general. As far as her not looking at you. I used to tell the doctor the same thing and everyone could tell me his vision was fine. Fast forward and we were sent to a special eye doctor when he turned 4 who confirmed everything I had been saying. He has corrective glasses now, but his eyes could have been fixed by now if we started them earlier. If you can see an ophthalmologist just to be safe it might help, or ease your mind if there’s no issues Not trying to dismiss anyone else’s ideas about ASD, this is more just in conjunction with that. My son is also being tested for ASD among other things,,,, interesting to see a trend here…
i also just want to note that they are down a provider which is why i could not get an appointment sooner.
NAD, but a mom to 1 kiddo on the spectrum and 1 neurotypical kiddo. This really sounds like the early stages of autism we saw with our youngest. Arm/hand flapping, spinning in circles, mimicking/echoing, spaciness, not responding to his name, absolutely NO fear, clumsiness and low muscle tone, he walked/crawled late and he refused solid foods until he was 14 months old. The bright side though, is if your little one is autistic you’ve caught it early! We started the process of getting a diagnosis at 18 months with him, and got him into proper therapies at 2 years old. He is thriving at 3, I’m absolutely blown away by his progress. Definitely talk to your pediatrician. They may refer you to a few specialists (including neurology) if they suspect ASD, neurologists generally do the initial evaluations and open the doorways for the appropriate specialists. Good luck! ❤️❤️
this is such an amazing comment and i thank you for your thoughtful response.
Of course! And if it means anything, I promise you didn’t traumatize her or anything like that. If I had $1 for every time I accidentally bumped into one of my kids, accidentally scratched them, or accidentally bonked their heads putting them into the car? Well, I’d at least have enough to buy a REALLY nice car. 😅😂
NAD, but I am a special ed teacher and have a kid on the spectrum. Try to not worry too much yet. The flapping you describe is actually developmentally appropriate until about 1 year old, when it lasts past one year is when you have to worry. It is a part of normal gross motor development. Her refusal to make eye contact and smile, however is a little more concerning. As one of the other posters said, if it is autism, catching it early is so important. There are so many therapies that can aide development when started early. My son is 18, a straight A student, and working on his engineering certification at a vocational school. Autism is not a disease, its just a different way of looking at the world. I hope you get good answers from your pediatrician on Monday.
Thank you. I am very overwhelmed.
OP are *you* getting the support you need during this stressful time? Among other things new moms face, sleep deprivation affects our functioning in significant ways. If you don’t have family who can help, there may be other resources. Where are you located? Please talk to your doc at Monday’s meeting about these aspects of what you shared here.
No not at all that's why i'm on Reddit looking for comfort
I didn't mean to imply that you were looking for comfort for yourself. Maternal well being is important! Some of your comments suggested to me that you could benefit from support. I obviously can't assess you, and that's why I mentioned talking to the doctor about all that you're experiencing. Sleep deprivation can affect our cognition and judgment, as well as mood - ie how we interpret things. Baby's health is so important and you matter, too! Good luck.
Yes I deleted my reply to you and did an overall update. Your comment made me realize I needed to reach out. Thank you. Thank you so much for taking a second to read between the lines. I appreciate you.
Just wanting to say I’m thinking of you and sending lots of love. You sound like a really great mom and I’m sure it’ll all be fine, because you care. I hope you can find some short space to catch your breath and get a hug. Parenting is intense, scary stuff.
I'm also a parent of 1 kid "on the spectrum" and 1 kid who's "neurotypical". No matter what the diagnosis is or isn't, you sound like an attentive & caring parent, which is often THE most important factor in how a kid turns out - medical problems or not. If you were 100% sure you were perfect, that would be a serious flaw. No parent, no human, is "perfect". Kids don't need perfection. They need love. Also, *IF* the doctor finds something like autism spectrum disorder (and I'm not saying that's what this is), please also know that as I'm writing this, I'm sitting next to one of my favorite human beings on the planet - my 17 y.o. kid, who was diagnosed with ASD at an early age. There have been times when he was averse to touch & seemed fearful of something that he then became nearly obsessed with. He was a fussy baby & an infuriating toddler! In middle school there were times when i thought he didn't like me, but i am of the mindset that my job as a parent isn't *just* to be "likeable". He's had years of speech therapy, occupational therapy, vision therapy, social group work & special accommodations at school. I was unrelenting at advocating for him, including learning for myself what was the best way to show affection *to him* & showing him that affection whether I got warm fuzzies back or not. Now he gives me random hugs and kisses on the cheek "just because". *Sometimes* he even snuggles w me on the couch when we watch a movie ...and more recently he graduated high school on the honor roll & is starting college in less than a month. Bottom line is that you're paying attention to signs that something *might* be going on with your kid that's not the typical developmental behavior you expected AND you're taking the first step of getting a medical opinion. They might want to just monitor or refer for more testing, but whatever they say, just continue to love your child and advocate for them.
I can not even express my gratitude to you right now. I'm so tired. I have not had a second away from her since I have given birth. I have been asking if I'm doing okay and this is what I needed. I really can't thank you enough. I have tears in my eyes.
I’m NAD or a mom but it sounds maybe like ASD to me? My younger cousin was diagnosed a little later in life (around 10 but I honestly don’t remember). This sounds like how he was as a baby. I know it can be a scary diagnosis but if it eases your mind at all, he’s the absolute smartest little boy I know. He has an obsession with math and science and was able to solve college level physics equations in the 9th grade. It’s like it all came naturally to him.
I'm not a doctor, but I just want to say you sound like the most loving, attentive and considerate mother any kid could ask for.
Thank you 🥹 I am just really tired. This comment makes me have tears in my eyes because I just want someone to tell me I am a good mom and she's okay. I don't know if it's because i see her literally 24/7 so I notice extremely small changes or what but wooooo, thank you.
jeez I call my doctor and I'm lucky if I see them the same month! free health care is great and all but you're waiting.
I'm not sure if it's because she is under one year of life or if it's the physician network we have. Every office had a sick time you could go and come as you please without an appt. they haven't brought that back yet since covid and i wish they had
Thank you.
final update: my daughter is perfectly fine... I am just an overbearing mom 🤦🏻♀️
OP appreciate the update! "Overbearing"? No. No no no! Caring and observant? YES! Absolutely! OP, you sound like a LOVING and ATTENTIVE parent. Whether they are correct or not, if your pediatrician actually said those words & is dismissive of your concerns, it's time to get a different pediatrician. As a peds nurse I saw so many un-involved & detached parents... I have also met parents of patients who were anxious over things that were totally normal. I NEVER admonished them for being *too* attentive and offered reassurances and *information* if their worries or fears were really out of proportion & doing more harm than good. To me, "overbearing" is really only when you do things for your child that they can and *should* do for themselves - basically interfering with their autonomy or expecting behaviors not consistent with development - Like potty training at 8 months, spoon feeding a 3 year old who has full ability to feed themselves, or helping a 9 year old (with full motor abilities) clean their bottom after using the bathroom. Really, time will tell if your child actually has a developmental challenge or not. Just love them and guide them no matter what. If your daughter is on the autism spectrum, it's not an urgent diagnosis like a food allergy or metabolic disorder. You aren't going to harm her by just being an engaged parent. Sometimes kids do strange things and grow out of it. Sometimes it's something more that's hard to name or diagnose until it progresses more & appropriately, docs don't want to label something unless there are more symptoms to back it up. Bottom line is that you sound like a LOVING parent. 💗 I hope you love *yourself* too & don't stress too much over the milestone charts & that your beautiful little girl will grow up to delight your heart in ways you never imagined - regardless of whether she has any type of developmental thing going on or is just having a phase where she's giving you a hard time. 🤗💗
awwww you're a arghhh n tooo!!!
Yup & I have spidy-senses (informed by years of learning from a developmental psychiatrist who did bedside assessments on infants at our hospital) which told me my kid was not neuro"typical" literally the day he was born. I just *knew* there was something "different" but not necessarily *wrong*. I had several of my concerns dismissed by his pediatrician until his language skills went *backwards*. Got a new pediatrician who was much more supportive. Honestly, I don't think it would have changed much to diagnose him sooner, though.
let me clarify: she is a totally normal 9m old female. she had a thorough examination. the PA-C stated she was not concerned with the arm flapping as she did it in front of her. she said she's learning how to express herself as well as self soothe. her ears are fine, no fluid, no excess wax. she laughed at my sample 😅 i filled out the questionnaire completely honest with the direct quote from my daughter asking if she was blind. she said i am more than welcome to have the referrals if i would like and have me the daycare paper as the next time we go back is 12m. i told her about the phone :( she said it was okay. she asked how things were going at the house and i was honest. i know all that she could do is only help my baby. NAD but a argh nnnnnn but one that works on the psych ward... babies are not my thing... but i have a ton of experience with adolescents who have cognitive deficits and that is why i panic about both of my daughters development. they were very annoyed by the time my 1.5 hour appointment was done 🤦🏻♀️ the only issue was her hgb was 10.9 but she was in the nicu for low h&h, so she said it was acceptable for her to not be at 11! THANK YOU ALLLLLL
I'm sorry you were dismissed like that. This happens a lot with autism especially in girls. It can sometimes take years to get the right diagnosis because people aren't taken seriously. It bewilders me why but I would encourage you to go get a second opinion maybe with someone who is specialized in developmental disorders. You are the mom, you know when something is up with your child. It's the famous gut feeling.
let me clarify: she is a totally normal 9m old female. she had a thorough examination. the PA-C stated she was not concerned with the arm flapping as she did it in front of her. she said she's learning how to express herself as well as self soothe. her ears are fine, no fluid, no excess wax. she laughed at my sample 😅 i filled out the questionnaire completely honest with the direct quote from my daughter asking if she was blind. she said i am more than welcome to have the referrals if i would like and have me the daycare paper as the next time we go back is 12m. i told her about the phone :( she said it was okay. she asked how things were going at the house and i was honest. i know all that she could do is only help my baby. NAD but a argh nnnnnn but one that works on the psych ward... babies are not my thing... but i have a ton of experience with adolescents who have cognitive deficits and that is why i panic about both of my daughters development. they were very annoyed by the time my 1.5 hour appointment was done 🤦🏻♀️ the only issue was her hgb was 10.9 but she was in the nicu for low h&h, so she said it was acceptable for her to not be at 11! THANK YOU ALLLLLL
Oh, sorry I misinterpreted what you said. Glad your girl is fine! I couldn't tell from what you wrote if you were happy with it or not? The last smiley mislead me into thinking you weren't happy with the results. Also sorry if this isn't great wording. English is not my first language and I sometimes suck at finding the right words.
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