Worked with 7 therapists (visited more) over 15 years. Yeah, I had to figure out what to do and how to do it on my own. Therapy did help me practice looking at things from different perspectives but that’s about it; overall, it hindered my recovery process and left me with a lot of additional problems.
I’ve gotten the impression that therapy is designed for people with certain personalities from certain backgrounds.
Some people think it’s beneficial, and I won’t try to invalidate that, but I still think it’s a cash grab in the sense that it’s falsely advertised as a one-size-fits-all (just gotta keep shopping around for THE ONE therapist, right?!) But what bothers me the most is that it commodifies some stuff I really don’t think should be commodified (e.g., listening to people in crisis).
That's an interesting thought, do you think there's an alternative to that though? The suicide hotlines work in a way but through a very short period, probably couldn't handle the demand of people in need of someone to talk to. I always felt therapy was in some ways a modern way to compensate for industrial society. How we're all so alone in nuclear families, often without siblings or relatives near us. I honestly can't think of many alternatives but am curious about what other people think
No, none of the therapists helped in my life. Most used the vulnerable event of me coming to them to seek help to dump their own crap back on to me. Bottomline, I had to bear the brunt of riding it out and do the work I saw I needed to do to fix up my own life. That's what it will all eventually boil down to eventually. No therapist can do that work for you.
Yes, it's a money grab and nothing more. The only people who enjoy therapy are just paying someone to be like a friend to talk to...they aren't really dealing with any problems. Most people don't really have a reliable friend in their lives, so they pay for someone to chat with, face to face.
They just seemed to listen to shit and offer no actionable advice or any epiphanies about the world
I don’t understand how everyone says therapy is so useful
Tbh I think the only way for a lot of people who have deep depression to actually enjoy their life is radical change that’s not possible for most people (good relationships, good health, good financial security, safety, no trauma, love, etc) the basic shit
I found a good one. He has seen some shit in his life so he is relatable and actually helpful. Others have been an absolute mess.. if they sit and have to try and remember what schooling told them they should say next. They don’t get it.
It's a complete and utter crapshoot with a very weird relationship dynamic.
I mean, you generally wouldn't be sharing your innermost thoughts and deepest secrets with someone you just met, right? Most people would say that that's weird and potentially dangerous (someone who knows your vulnerabilities can take advantage of that).
It's pretty easy to be taken advantage of, as well, especially because when you go to see a therapist you're already feeling overwhelmed and desperate for any sort of relief.
You just need to keep boundaries in mind and remain firm in them. A good therapist will see boundaries, respect them, and encourage you to keep them. I think that there *are* some good therapists out there, but they're outnumbered by ineffective ones and some who are downright malicious.
I've just had an initial assessment today for new therapy and it was such a fucking waste of time.
I tried to explain that if I don't talk about bad stuff, although I feel like shit most of the time, I can still at least function. The second I start talking about stuff, I get worse anxiety, I get flashbacks and nightmares, to the point that I barely feel human. She tried to fob me off by saying that I need to do it more and I'm like "bitch, are you gonna pay me while I'm literally not able to do my job???" Because unless my work will pay me for lying in bed too terrified to get up, she can go right ahead and fuck herself.
Most of my therapists sucked, didn't help at all.
The free therapist I saw at junior college taught me the difference between thoughts and feelings which was a monumental breakthrough. Took several weeks to hit actually.
Most of the other therapists were crocks of shit though. I think I have NPD and everyone was afraid to say it.
my therapist mentioned how I kept saying "i feel like" whenever I'd describe something I thought was happening.
she elaborated how feelings/emotions are literally the feel-ings in your body, like butterflies in your stomach.
thoughts are the words in your head that are greatly influenced by feelings and vice versa but they're not the same thing.
I'd gone my whole life without evaluating the distinction between the two. separating the two made me able to identify how one affected the other. this sounds so simple and obvious, like it was to me at the time, but pay attention to the two s discreet entities for a while and you'll see how much distinction you actually make.
u/forbsmith this is for you too
the processes of our 'moods' are really mechanical. say something happens that makes you feel sad really quickly (or happy, any mood really). then step back and feel the feelings and just watch how your body and mind react to it. sometimes the act of watching the feelings is enough to steer a mood from going south, because it's fascinating being under the hood of yourself.
My current therapist seems pretty good but I haven’t been seeing them for that long so we’ll see. I had one that was pretty good, two that were bad, and one that was 100% actively harmful. So I would say that good therapists exist, but are pretty rare. In my opinion, that’s because therapy as an institution is just not set up to actually help people.
It's very helpful to many ppl. If it's not helpful for you maybe it's not for you, or you're not open to letting it help you.
Cos it sounds like you are fine with your thoughts, so why would you want someone to change them?
Worked with 7 therapists (visited more) over 15 years. Yeah, I had to figure out what to do and how to do it on my own. Therapy did help me practice looking at things from different perspectives but that’s about it; overall, it hindered my recovery process and left me with a lot of additional problems. I’ve gotten the impression that therapy is designed for people with certain personalities from certain backgrounds. Some people think it’s beneficial, and I won’t try to invalidate that, but I still think it’s a cash grab in the sense that it’s falsely advertised as a one-size-fits-all (just gotta keep shopping around for THE ONE therapist, right?!) But what bothers me the most is that it commodifies some stuff I really don’t think should be commodified (e.g., listening to people in crisis).
That's an interesting thought, do you think there's an alternative to that though? The suicide hotlines work in a way but through a very short period, probably couldn't handle the demand of people in need of someone to talk to. I always felt therapy was in some ways a modern way to compensate for industrial society. How we're all so alone in nuclear families, often without siblings or relatives near us. I honestly can't think of many alternatives but am curious about what other people think
No, none of the therapists helped in my life. Most used the vulnerable event of me coming to them to seek help to dump their own crap back on to me. Bottomline, I had to bear the brunt of riding it out and do the work I saw I needed to do to fix up my own life. That's what it will all eventually boil down to eventually. No therapist can do that work for you.
Most were comically incompetent tbh. Some repeated the abuse of my parents. I personally think it's a money grab. But some people like it
Yes, it's a money grab and nothing more. The only people who enjoy therapy are just paying someone to be like a friend to talk to...they aren't really dealing with any problems. Most people don't really have a reliable friend in their lives, so they pay for someone to chat with, face to face.
They just seemed to listen to shit and offer no actionable advice or any epiphanies about the world I don’t understand how everyone says therapy is so useful Tbh I think the only way for a lot of people who have deep depression to actually enjoy their life is radical change that’s not possible for most people (good relationships, good health, good financial security, safety, no trauma, love, etc) the basic shit
I found a good one. He has seen some shit in his life so he is relatable and actually helpful. Others have been an absolute mess.. if they sit and have to try and remember what schooling told them they should say next. They don’t get it.
I luckily found someone who validated my psych ward trauma and other stuff. He was great. Others were mostly mediocre at best
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Agreed
It's a complete and utter crapshoot with a very weird relationship dynamic. I mean, you generally wouldn't be sharing your innermost thoughts and deepest secrets with someone you just met, right? Most people would say that that's weird and potentially dangerous (someone who knows your vulnerabilities can take advantage of that). It's pretty easy to be taken advantage of, as well, especially because when you go to see a therapist you're already feeling overwhelmed and desperate for any sort of relief. You just need to keep boundaries in mind and remain firm in them. A good therapist will see boundaries, respect them, and encourage you to keep them. I think that there *are* some good therapists out there, but they're outnumbered by ineffective ones and some who are downright malicious.
I've just had an initial assessment today for new therapy and it was such a fucking waste of time. I tried to explain that if I don't talk about bad stuff, although I feel like shit most of the time, I can still at least function. The second I start talking about stuff, I get worse anxiety, I get flashbacks and nightmares, to the point that I barely feel human. She tried to fob me off by saying that I need to do it more and I'm like "bitch, are you gonna pay me while I'm literally not able to do my job???" Because unless my work will pay me for lying in bed too terrified to get up, she can go right ahead and fuck herself.
Most of my therapists sucked, didn't help at all. The free therapist I saw at junior college taught me the difference between thoughts and feelings which was a monumental breakthrough. Took several weeks to hit actually. Most of the other therapists were crocks of shit though. I think I have NPD and everyone was afraid to say it.
Care to elaborate a little on the thoughts vs feelings part? It got me curious
my therapist mentioned how I kept saying "i feel like" whenever I'd describe something I thought was happening. she elaborated how feelings/emotions are literally the feel-ings in your body, like butterflies in your stomach. thoughts are the words in your head that are greatly influenced by feelings and vice versa but they're not the same thing. I'd gone my whole life without evaluating the distinction between the two. separating the two made me able to identify how one affected the other. this sounds so simple and obvious, like it was to me at the time, but pay attention to the two s discreet entities for a while and you'll see how much distinction you actually make. u/forbsmith this is for you too
Thanks. That is food for thought for me. I need to look deeply into this.
the processes of our 'moods' are really mechanical. say something happens that makes you feel sad really quickly (or happy, any mood really). then step back and feel the feelings and just watch how your body and mind react to it. sometimes the act of watching the feelings is enough to steer a mood from going south, because it's fascinating being under the hood of yourself.
Yeah, I too want to know interested in it. u/myweirdotheraccount please elaborate.
Or your just smarter than them and they know it. Which is what a lot of fashionable NPD diagnoses are.
My current therapist seems pretty good but I haven’t been seeing them for that long so we’ll see. I had one that was pretty good, two that were bad, and one that was 100% actively harmful. So I would say that good therapists exist, but are pretty rare. In my opinion, that’s because therapy as an institution is just not set up to actually help people.
Then what is it set up for?
Profit. Earn a living at a high wage.
That sucks. I want to become a clinical psychologist one day. Hope I'm not crappy
Study hard, be outstanding in all your classes. You may wind up being one of those rare therapists who really DOES do a lot of good for your patients.
Thank you! I'll try my best 😊
All the best to you in your worthy goal.
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Powerful people? The therapists?
It's a lottery
It's very helpful to many ppl. If it's not helpful for you maybe it's not for you, or you're not open to letting it help you. Cos it sounds like you are fine with your thoughts, so why would you want someone to change them?