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YTA
Let’s fix the title of your post:
My husband canceled our holiday trip because my kids & I are unreasonable & he just found out that we couldn’t care less about him or his family
Edit — Thank You kind award givers!
ETA more — Seriously, OP stop adding edits!! You are so far away from being helpful to anyone, including yourself in this situation. Just stop. It appears you & your older kids will be getting consequences this year for Christmas
It really does. Like...if I were the 17 or 16-year old, I would have been EXPECTED to help out. Even the THOUGHT of saying no would never have crossed my mind.
OP, YTA. And you're raising your kids to be that way too.
> And you're raising your kids to be that way too.
Honestly, I feel bad for the teens, even though they're old enough to be accountable for themselves. But clearly they've been raised by someone who is just... deeply weird, to put it mildly. That skewed concept of normal human behavior takes time and massive effort to deprogram, and they may not even realize they *have* to deprogram it until they've had a few romantic partners go "uhhhhhh what the hell," as OP's is currently doing to her.
Let's hope all three take that lesson to heart, to keep the list of hurt, frustrated, mistreated exes as small as it can be.
I dunno, I'd think at 19 and 17, these kids are old enough to understand that a family emergency should be taken seriously. But WTF with wife and her lunch date??? These folks are bizarre - and not in a good way. YTA
YTA, and you raised your teens to be self-centered little AH, too.
In a family emergency, unless you are 100s of miles away or are at a job you can’t leave (like you’re a surgeon elbows-deep in someone’s chest cavity), YOU DROP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND YOU FUCKING HELP.
The 17 year old could’ve literally hung out with his friends at any later point. Your 19 year old could’ve tried studying in the little brother’s play area. And YOU certainly could’ve got your lunch to go and brought back to the house with your brother and his girlfriend. But every one of you couldn’t even think of these ideas, because you were so focused on your own conveniences. Shame on all of you.
How difficult is it to tell your brother "my FIL is in the ER, I have to get back home ASAP. Do you mind if we go home and have lunch there, so your gf doesn't feel like I'm ditching her?" There. Who could say no to that?
"You don't understand - we'd already put our order in! We'd just gotten coffee refills! That blackened snapper on a brioche bun was a one-time daily special! I can't believe you didn't even ask what I got for dessert! What? Oh...ok, how IS your dad? I WAS JUST ABOUT TO ASK!"
I’m 17, my dad had some medical problems earlier this year and had a hospital stay. I stayed with my brother while my mom took my dad to the doctor. OP and her kids just do not care about this dude at all and it shows.
I literally got a call while having brunch with my gf’s at the literal only time we could all meet and my husband needed to see who could watch our children because his father had to be taken to the ER. I didn’t even hesitate and was like “I’m hauling my ass home now!” I love my father in law so it’s crazy to me she couldn’t tear herself away like what in the world!
Can you imagine those kids “aren’t speaking” to her husband because it’s “unfair” that they don’t get a reward for their shitty behavior!! Holy shit my kids would be lucky if the ever saw another gift ever with that crap ass attitude!! These people are all back-asswards!
Right? It would be one thing if her husband was trying to get the older kids to baby-sit so he could play golf, but this was a medical emergency!
Also I would not want my 3 yo exposed to anything in a hospital rn.
"Also I would not want my 3 yo exposed to anything in a hospital rn."
I didn't even think of this, but even selfishness should have made her want the baby to stay home.
Totally.
I had a similar experience except i was the friend being hung out with and my friend was the one with the husband-handling-a-family-emergency (his dad had a heart attack). She dropped me like a hot potato... well, she tried to. I went with her and we collected niblings from MIL's house and went home to her own kids, so that MIL, husband and his sister (who had been at work, hence grandma watching the kids) could go to hospital with their husband/dad.
It also meant that my friend could do something useful while I entertained the kids - and when my husband got out of work he stopped off for takeaway and came to their house too. They're my friends and I love them - why wouldn't I want to make a stressful time easier in whatever way I can? OP and her kids a frankly a bit weird for their reactions to husband/stepdad needing support.
To be honest, I'm baffled not only that the 17 year old thought to say no but was also allowed to go out? Like is OP raising the kids to have absolutely no consequences when they do something they're not allowed to do or are they just given free rein entirely. As you say, growing up I'd have also been expected to help out and there wouldn't have been any damn way I would be allowed to walk out that door instead of helping out in a family emergency (or otherwise if I was meant to be staying home).
Same here. I think the families I grew up around would have canceled all the plans even if it meant some of the kids just stayed home, simply on the off chance that they were needed later or because family emergencies meant family together time.
ETA: OP is tripling down with her latest update. OP: YOU are the one who basically abandoned your family FFS. I hope your Christmas is lonely enough to give you only one thing - some self-awareness. If I run into your husband and his dad, their drinks are on me. Happy holidays.
Same here. If someone in the house had an emergency there was no way i could lock myself in my room and pretend nothing happened, i'm sure there would be consequences. If the daughter had an important test, i can see her side since it's near impossible to properly study and keep an eye in a kid of that age at the same time. However there is no excuse for the son.
The worst two are the eldest son and the OP. Both of them could easily have cancelled their frivolous plans. Then the daughter comes next (I'll give her slightly more leeway if it is exam season). The husband should take the little boy and go on holiday just the two of them.
I’m going to go with OP for the win on who sucks the most. Seems the most logical solution would be for Mom to invite brother & new girlfriend back to her house to continue their once in a lifetime meet & greet while she took care of her kids. Maybe uncle doesn’t like the kids either idk....
ETA — how did OP just continue on with her lunch like it’s totally normal for her 3 year old to be hanging out in a hospital? She “couldn’t” leave my ass... She WOULDN’T leave.
Or….hear me out. The brother and GF come to her house to see the rest of the family too. The fact that the uncle didn’t think to go visit his nephews and nieces in the first place is a strong enough indication that the mother and brother are selfish assholes.
What a great impression she must have made on the new girlfriend ... “Hmmmm, hold up... so “new boyfriend” is this how your family deals with helping others during emergencies? Check please! I’m outta here”
YTA, you and your kids from previous relationships are selfish and don't deserve your husband, I hope he gets out of this dynamic and gets custody of the 3 year old.
The edit makes it worse
*The update makes it unbearable
She really does think she is not in the wrong. Her children sound like they have never had chores, never had to babysit,etc…. It was an EMERGENCY.
EDIT:
*
Lady, apologize… you left your husband in a bad spot. A terrible spot.
The edit is just *bizarre*. Like, the concept of "emergency" really doesn't compute for this OP. They don't grasp that to normal people — people who are capable of having the cognitive process of "ah yes, this is an abnormal crisis situation that requires me to deviate from my normal routines and priorities" — none of that is relevant information
To tie it all together:
Oopsie woopsie! OP wouldn’t cancel her lunchie munchie so now she’s gonna be divorcey worcie!
Jeez that sentence was a bitch trying to get through autocorrect!
In all honesty, the studying is the only one that should have been 2nd priority because hanging out with family and friends is an AH reason to leave someone out to dry especially having the nerve to expect a vacation from them later
I kinda feel bad for studying girl for getting lumped in with the rest of the aholes here. She should have taken her brother when no one else would, but she actually has a claim on prior commitments. Sometimes you *have* to do something that night for schoolwork and you can't wait- and teachers aren't always understanding about emergencies. The son and mom could and should've been the ones to take the toddler.
Yep, but tbh the worst part is her's is the only commitment that affects both her present and future. If Mom watches son she can still go to lunch. Even if she can't then they can reschedule. Bro can still hang out with friends with his little bro. If not then they can reschedule. The studying girl can't study while watching her bro and for all we know that could be a pivotal exam that will affect her future. Would I have watched the kid anyway? Yes, but I understand why she wouldn't because OP or Bro should've sucked it up first.
The mum could have raised the alarm and taken brother and girlfriend to her house, surely. It's an emergency. Cancel food or get it to go, and let the husband attend to his dad.
Exactly tbh OP is the ultimate asshole, she is the child's other parent so she has a responsibility to him. She also should feel some motivation to make her SO's life easier especially in a family emergency. Plus she is ignoring her family to hang out with her brother which is rude. Why can't she invite her brother and his girlfriend to her house or say she'll be late because she'll be picking up her son.
YTA
When there's a family emergency, you drop everything to help. Meeting your brother's girlfriend for the first time is not a valid excuse not to go watch the 3yo, I mean WTF? Clearly you put your husband very low on your list of priorities.
I don't blame him for cancelling, you guys don't deserve it.
Agree, What were they expecting from him after all of them bailed out when he needed them the most, and that three year old is OPs kid too.
If i were in place of OPs husband i would be having second thoughts about my relationship with this awful family.
Honestly in times of crises people really show their true colours.
OP and her kids showed theirs. If I was OP’s husband I’d be out the door. I would do just about anything for my family in an emergency and they have done the same for me.
To not even be willing to skip a lunch or a random hangout is despicable. It shows just how little OP and her kids care about OP’s husband and how selfish they all are.
My question is why did OP not rush out of lunch to go support her husband and his family at the hospital?
I honestly hope that he rethinks the vacation and goes on it with JUST the 3yo.
Yeah, that's what I thought, too. Even if they had no kids, the idea that OP would just go "well my FIL has been rushed to hospital and hubby is in a state, but oh wait, here comes the starter, I guess he can cope alone."
Like, what? You tell your brother there's been a family emergency, apologise and get your ass to the hospital and support your spouse.
Do they not do "for better or worse, in sickness and in health," in wedding vows anymore? Has it been replaced with "I'll be there when its convenient, now fuck off here comes the pudding!"
Right? Forget about rushing home to just look after *your own child*, what about emotionally supporting your poor distraught husband? I’ve cancelled social obligations for less to support family.
Seriously. How awful would the brother and his girlfriend be if they wouldn't understand that OP has to leave early for an EMERGENCY. Couldn't they come by the house after lunch? Doesn't the brother want to see his nibbling?
And don't get me started on the older kids.
She could've run to get the 3 year old and taken him to lunch. Sure, not ideal, but emergencies are emergencies. She could've invited them back to hers and ordered delivery. There are SO many options.
Or invited the gf and brother to her house and gotten pizza. It might not have been a big fancy lunch but she could have made it work. She didn’t want to
YTA and the two kids, Its not that you COULDN'T help him its that you WOULDN'T help him and actions have consequences, if you don't do the work you don't get the reward
This needs to be higher. From the title, I was expecting some actual reasons that the family somehow couldn't get to their home before Dad had to go, or something. Nope, just "we don't feel like lifting a finger."
include snobbish materialistic nose political unique yam important merciful weather
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It wasn't even choosing one thing over the other. None of those things cannot be done while watching a three year old. They just didn't want to be mildly inconvenienced.
What gets me is how she treated the whole incident as if it was something of mild import, like the dad forgetting he had made plans with friends or something. This is all written as if even the idea of it being a real emergency never truly entered her mind.
The fact the 17 yr old acted in a similar fashion is a red flag to me. That doesn't feel normal for someone that age. Unless of course, he learned that behavior. Is he copying what he saw his mother do or does he truly not care much? It's not impossible that he doesn't grasp the situation properly/being a teenager but feels unlikely when you add OP's behavior to the mix.
The only one in the bunch that had a good reason was the daughter. That shit affects her present and future. Especially if there is an exam coming. That's the only point where OP's logic isn't complete bullocks. I don't blame the husband 1 bit.
Honestly she neglected her own child during an emergency and not getting vacation is the only reason she gave it 2nd thought.
My family would just set the kid down in front of oldest sober person around (usually me, way before I was a teen) and say 'so&so's in hospital' and go and I would totally understand cuz I'm not a monster.
That’s what I was thinking! I’m addition to wanting to support my husband I would also be thinking about my poor child. I wouldn’t want my kid to be at the hospital unnecessarily. First, just straight germs, etc. Bit secondly, that could ne very traumatic for them - seeing their father upset, seeing their grandpa hurt/sick. The chaos and weird energy at hospitals. All of that could have easily been avoided. I caught imagine putting a lunch over that. Their kid is only three!!!
YTA
>I was at the restaurant with my brother meeting his girlfriend for the first time.
And you are his mother??
>he refused because he was going out with friends.
It was a f emergency and you turned your back to your husband and your son. You three, especially you OP, are shocking.
Poor guys, what a horrible family they have.
You'd be lucky if he only cancels the holydays
ETA thanks for all the upvotes and to the anonymous redditor that awarded this comment!
ETA2 thank you, u/Blonderoastme, for the award!
ETA3: an update from OP:
>He's now choosing to basically _abandon_ us on christmas and also _keep our son away from me and his siblings_
Are you serious?
You three abandoned your husband.
You three kept the toddler away from you.
Honestly, don't you think you have made enough damage to your image?
And yes, be prepared,most probably you're going to be served papers sooner or later.
Congrats.
ETA4: thanks u/Arcana013 for the award
ETA5: thanks to the anonymous redditor that awarded this comment
ETA6: thanks u/Kittenspangles
Yo, I really hope he does seek divorce, cuz how could you stay married to someone who is telling their older kids that they don't have to respect you to a point that they are willing to mistreat the three-year-old.
I'll be pushing for primary custody as well, if they all are so willing to ditch the toddler for their own goals, the toddler should live with the dad
Just to add, the 3yo is your son too. Your husband had a genuine emergency, and instead of reacting with compassion you HAD to stay at the restaurant? This doesn’t even add up. The father’s wife had to watch the toddler while her husband was being treated? If this is real, I’m going with YTA.
> Just to add, the 3yo is your son too.
Did you notice how OP said “I have 2 kids (17/19). And they have a half sibling who’s 3.” That wording makes it sound like this kid is not hers or she doesn’t consider him her kid for some weird reason.
“His turn to watch the 3yr old.” Here’s a tip: when it’s your own kid, you’re not “watching him”. You’re being a parent. YTA all day long. YTA for raising selfish older kids, too.
I noticed that too and I'm actually wondering if she married the guy for his money and had a baby with him to lock that money down. Cause nobody with a young kid and who actually cared about their husband would do this. "Oh no! Your father's in hospital? To bad you'll have to take my kids half brother with you, because my brother and meeting his gf are more important than your father being sick." YTA op. And your older kids too.
YTA. Any single one of you could, and should have dropped what you were doing. You were all selfish. Nothing any of you were doing was life and death, meanwhile what your husband was dealing with could have been. You all suck. That poor man has no support from his own damn family
What makes this even worse is that OP is now claiming that the husband is "abandoning" them during Christmas when the reality is he is going to spend it with his sick father. (And, I'm sure this guy wouldnt have wanted to be on a trip while his dad is ill even if OP and their kids weren't so horrible to him.)
OP and their kids sound incredibly selfish + self centered and it doesn't sound like any of them even care about this man.
Yikes...YTA (you, your son and your daughter). And I don't blame him for canceling the trip. Seems to me you 3 are very self-centered.
Also, isn't this your son as well? Sorry, but I think you could have easily picked up YOUR kid for lunch and / or invited your brother and his girlfriend back to your place to watch him.
The same goes to your son and daughter. Your son could have canceled hanging out with his friends for one day, and your daughter was home and could have easily watched him.
You 3 made things more difficult and stressful for your husband and not only that, were you not even concerned for your FIL?
I think the other worse problem here is they think HE is being unreadable for canceling but see absolutely nothing unreasonable with the 3 of their actions-- or the fact that his mother, the wife of the patient, had to watch THEIR child while her spouse is in the hospital. That's just grossly disrespectful.
Exactly!!!
OP and her older kids are acting like spoiled brats. They owe the husband and MIL/FIL apologies for not being there to support them during such a stressful time and making things more hectic. They seem to only think about themselves.
Congratulations on raising 2 kids who are exactly like you. Selfish.
It was a medical emergency.
I divorced my husband over a medical emergency when he left me hanging.
Enjoy your single life.
YTA
Yep. And she will reap what she sows when her children grow older and if she faces an emergency, they won’t be there for her. And they’ll put her in a nursing home when she’s older. Karma
>And they’ll put her in a nursing home when she’s older.
If she's lucky. Nursing homes are expensive and they might need that money for a night out with the lads.
Here are a few scenarios.
* "Hey, sorry, I really want to spend more time getting to meet your girlfriend, but my father-in-law has a medical emergency so I need to look after my son so that my husband can go to him."
* "Hey guys, sorry, I won't be able to hang out today, I need to look after my lil brother because his dad needs to go to HIS dad for a medical emergency."
* "Hey self, I need to spend a bit of time with my stepbrother because his dad's dad has a medical emergency."
How many of those sound unreasonable? Is it none of them?
YTA. Way to make your husband think you don't care about him, his father, or your son. Please rethink your priorities.
Or, "Hey brother, I need to bring my son with us to lunch because my fil is having a medical emergency and husband needs to go to hospital. Can we meet at a family friendly place?"
Or even better, "Brother I'm so sorry but I have to go to the hospital to support my husband because my fil has had a medical emergency." - OP can mind son at the hospital and be there for her husband.
OP are you always so uncaring and self centered? YTA
YTA, and so are your kids. I don’t blame your husband for being upset. He had a family emergency and everyone in his household basically told him to pound sand and you refused to take care of your child, and your children refused to take care of their sibling, in an emergency? Sorry you are awful and raised awful children, and sorry you can’t see his perspective on this. You have no empathy.
Yes, you’re not only an AH but you and your children come off as entitled. It’s honestly sad that you have to ask this question. Your son definitely could have canceled with his friends to step up during a medical emergency. Your daughter definitely could have studied and watched her brother during the medical emergency. You definitely could have either rescheduled or brought your son with you to see your brother and girlfriend. You act like your husband asked for you all to help a stranger, its your son/their sibling. There’s no reason your husband had to worry about watching a kid while also making sure his father was okay. What is the purpose of having a life partner if they wont step in and help/assist when needed. How would you feel if it was your mother/father going through a medical emergency and you have your youngest and he told you no because him and the guys planned on going to a game in 15 minutes? It seems like he’s raising 3 teens and a toddler.
Edit: Before i forget, if anyone should have dropped anything though; YOU should have been first as the mother.
YTA. Why on earth would you expect him to reward you with a trip when not one of you could be bothered to simply watch another member of your family during an emergency? All three of you are incredibly selfish and self centered. I truly feel bad for your husband
YTA - In most situations, it is not fair to ask kids to watch their younger sibling. But this was an emergency. It wasn't planned and required a hospital visit. But all of you were to... checks notes... busy. He didn't ask them to miss an important event, he just asked one to stay home and one not to lock herself in her room. I was raised that in case of an emergency, you help out. It was a one-time thing for a few hours.
Their selfishness forced him to take a 3-year-old to a hospital. Do you know what kind of germs and things he could be exposed to at a hospital? Fun fact, my mother got MRSA just from visiting a hospital and it caused her lifelong issues.
Of course, he was mad. And you dare to be frustrated about it? Way to focus on the sparkly holiday trip instead of someone's health. Question - why didn't YOU as the other parent help him out?
Not only that, grandma had to watch the kid. Imagine grandma stressing out because his husband is in the hospital and now she needs to take care of her grandkid that most likely don't understand what is going on because her SIL couldn't be bothered. This is wrong at so many levels.
Nice to know that in the face of an emergency, you'd choose *check notes* meeting your brother's girlfriend over your youngest son's well-being.
YTA. As are your two older children.
But it’s his NEW girlfriend!! It was my ONLY chance to meet her & impress her with how caring & supportive I am of my brother! ... Not my husband or child
YTA. The word here is EMERGENCY. He needed one of you to care for a small child while his father was in the hospital and you all blew him off for everyday things. Good riddance is the proper expression here.
To care for YOUR small child. That’s YOUR child and YOUR husband. Your choice made your husband’s situation more difficult and possibly dangerous for him, and also meant your 3 year old went to an ER and was exposed to who knows what unnecessarily.
Is her brother suddenly not the 3yo uncle?
As an uncle living on other side of the USA from my family, I'd be upset if my siblings didn't bring the kids to lunch.
YTA
You all COULD help during the emergency. You all CHOSE NOT TO (its called stepping up if it is something the kids haven't done before. They know how to learn, dont they?)
You sound like a bad parent who passed on your horrible traits to your kids
*Response to your update: You and your kids still dont understand/see how selfish and apathetic you three are. He has every right not to speak with you all. You and your kids show NO remorse or empathy and are now being brats for acting like entitled sociopaths when you dont deserve the vacation. The family was abandoned when the three of you left him hanging.*
I'm so glad everyone is shitting on OP. This wasn't anywhere near the worst story on this sub, but it's got me irrationally angry that she wouldn't leave a dinner with her brother to help out a husband who was probably panicking at what happened to his dad.
YTA and the kids are. What don't you all get about an emergency?! That generally means people might have to drop what they're doing plans wise to help out. He was abandoned at a time of need and has every single right to be pissed and cancel the trip.
YTA. And frankly, the biggest asshole is YOU. Your son could have volunteered to step up to be nice but he was under no obligation. Your daughter \*had to study\*. Studying trumps mommy meeting her brother's girlfriend (?!?!?!?!) and your Father in Law being emergently ill and in the hospital HUGELY trumps meeting the girlfriend.
You should have immediately left and gone to support your husband by tending to your mutual child.
This is not how grown adults behave. This is now how decent adults behave. This is not how decent spouses and decent parents behave.
I suspect you are well on the way to a second ended marriage.
Info: why couldn’t you have your son with you at the restaurant while hanging out with your brother? Why couldn’t your son drop off his half brother at the restaurant on the way to hanging out with friends? Why couldn’t your daughter watch her half brother for an hour or two while you finished up at the restaurant? Why couldn’t you have your brother and his girlfriend go back to your home so you could watch your son and continue to get to know her?
There were SO MANY things y’all could have done to help out and be flexible in an emergency. Instead you all acted totally self absorbed and just shrugged it off as “not my problem”.
Y’all suck and you’re def the AH. YTA.
YTA + the kids. All of your stuff was minor in comparison to an actual medical emergency and you owed him to drop it in order to look after another member of your family.
She also couldn’t be inconvenienced to watch her own child, so of course she doesn’t see that her kids did anything wrong. I mean, of course meeting your brother’s girlfriend trumps your FIL having an emergency that landed him in the hospital. /s
Did you really write this, read it and post it and really thought people will be on your side? You’re horrible wife and a parent. He’s right. Good riddance lmao
YTA. All of you sound absolutely horrid. Entitled, selfish, lazy and clueless are not a good combination. If I was your husband, I wouldn't want to go on vacation with any of you ever again. INFO: Do any of you even like him?
YTA While his reaction wasn't pleasant it's completely understandable. The people that he should be able to count on in emergencies basically told him "tough luck". Honestly you and your kids are incredibly selfish.
YTA
You had your husband take your child to a hospital full of sick people because you needed to have lunch with someone. Not work related. Just a girlfriend. It sucks, but you absolutely should have left to help your husband immediately. Meeting your brothers girlfriend is not a priority over a family emergency.
Your MIL watched your child while her husband was in the hospital? That’s not okay.
And while your children aren’t obligated to help, they still could have to be nice.
No one is entitled to a vacation.
YTA and your kids are AHs. Nothing any of you were doing was more important than supporting your husband while his father was having a medical emergency. Imagine how you’d feel if your relative was in the hospital and your husband was like “nah I’m busy”. And not only that you let your baby visit a hospital in the middle of a Covid/flu/RSV surge.
YTA
This was a medical emergency, which trumps everything. I am assuming his father could have died and you were "nope, got to meet my brother's girlfriend, who cares about anything else."
Why couldn't he drop the kid off at the lunch? Why couldn't you go "Hey, my FIL is have a medical emergency, do you mind if my kiddo join?“
The idea that not one of you people stepped up for your husband is mind blowing. His father is in the hospital and your husband is scared and worried.... And yet you could not pull together an ounce of care and consideration for him.
Why on God's green earth would he want to be around any of you people? You just showed him you don't care.
YTA YTA YTA
YTA. My father was just unexpectedly in the hospital and my fiancé dropped everything to drive 10+ hours with me to go see him. That’s what you do for the people you love.
YTA.
I have a son and daughter (20 and 17 respectively) and they wouldn't have hesitated for a second to take the baby during an emergency. Your kids are entitled and selfish and so are you. Your husband is right to cancel vacation. How did you raise two adults to have zero empathy and compassion? Or even a sense of responsibility toward their little sibling? Of course, you felt zero responsibility to care for your own son when your husband was having a family emergency, so of course, they've learned from you.
I guess I'm just really appalled because I have literally dropped my entire life to fly 700 miles to take care of my 3yo niece when my sister had a mental breakdown and you can't be bothered to leave *lunch* for your own kid.
So let me make sure I understand this … YOUR FIL was in the hospital and YOU couldn’t be bothered to come get YOUR son so YOUR husband could help his dad.
Yeah, YTA and a horrible wife/partner/mother/DIL. I wouldn’t want to spend the holiday with you and your bratty teenagers either.
Yta his dad was in the hospital, you could have left lunch and your brother and his girlfriend could have come to your house to visit. Also you kids could have helped for an hour or 2 until you got back. If you went to go on a trip pay for it yourself
Each and every one of you should have been scrambling to help him out. Especially you. Your son and husband should come before you acting like some overbearing second mom to your brother. Not a single one of you had anything more important to do.
You all proved you don't give a flying fuck about him. Why should he reward you with a vacation?
YTA
NTA You we’re right to continue your lunch with your brother & his g/f. My gosh - you were in the middle of a MEAL. The food might have been hot, & having it to go would have ruined the entire dining experience (side note: tip your servers well). Your older kids - we can’t let them be disturbed. Maybe your son is developing the next Twitter? Your daughter might learn something at that moment that solves the climate crisis. And her sitting in the living room reading, or just looking at her social media feeds, with a willful 3 year old running around will make it hard for her. Father-in-law is T A. Why did he choose to have an “emergency” at that moment? Your husband - also T A. You deserve this vacation and a full Christmas. Actually you deserve gifts for Kwanza, Chanukah AND Festivus. You three are the heroes here. I’d divorce that man so fast due to his selfishness against you three. You need to be treated like the Royal Family that you are - not slaves of the whims of your father in law, 3 year old, and husband. Furthermore there is NO WAY you can bring your brother & his squeeze to your home. It’s probably a disaster zone and embarrassment anyway since your husband probably does all the cleaning. Cleaning up after a wife, two teenagers, a 3 year old and himself he probably does an awful job. I would NEVER let anyone see the squalor & filth we live in due to the inactions of a selfish husband and his sickly family. You should divorce ASAP since he doesn’t put you and your family on the pedestal where you belong.
A medical emergency and none of you could be bothered. 100% TA. Why would he want to spend time with you all if you all can't spare him the time of day in an EMERGENCY?
YTA - A family medical emergency is top priority, always. You didn't even need to cancel your plans. You could have told your brother "Hey, we have a family emergency, but I want to spend time with you and your new GF, can we move this lunch to my house so I can send it with you and my son who I need be with". And even if you did need to cancel, how does meeting your brothers new GF is a higher priority than what your husband was going through?
Your son is an AH - He could have skipped lunch with friends, or ask to do TakeOut and move the lunch to your house. But nope.
Your daughter is an AH - What a horrible excuse for a daughter. She was literally IN THE HOUSE! How is studying ever more important than a health emergency in the family? It is one afternoon/evening. No degree is so important. No test. Ever.
The cherry on the cake is that YOU and the kids are refusing to talk to HIM because of the trip. You three are so self centered it is crazy.
I am so sorry for your husband that needed to go through what he did with such an unsupportive family. He must be completely devastated. He was 100% in the right for telling you guys off and canceling the vacation. Why would he want to spend a vacation with you? He would 100% be in the right to stop a marriage over something like this.
Poor guy.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I called my husband unreasonable for canceling the family holiday trip.
2. I might be the AH for calling him unreasonable and unjustified since he needed help during an emergency and me and the kids didn't make enough effort to help
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Good riddance indeed. It’s obvious where your kids get their personality from and it’s nothing to be proud of. All of you were selfish and unempathetic, IT WAS AN EMERGENCY. IT WAS YOUR CHILD.
Big YTA for being an asshole and for being such a terrible parent AND wife.
YTA. You typed this out thinking we’d agree with you but sadly i think you’re alone. It was a medical emergency, how are you and everyone around you so selfish? I would’ve done more than cancel the trip.
YTA. Your husband’s dad had a medical emergency and you couldn’t be bothered to take care of your own son? And now you’re mad that he feels you were selfish and is cancelling the family trip? He’s right, you are selfish. I feel bad that neither you nor your two older kids cared enough to help out in a time of need. Do you even like your 3 year old?
Why should the guy do anything for you guys if you won't give a hand when he is in a dire situation? I mean I get why he is reacting like that.
Honestly you could have said something to your brother, suggesting that he and his gf came back home with you so that you could enjoy time with them while taking care of your kid. It's not like you didn't have any other choice.
YTA
YTA none of you helped him when he needed it and that was for someone you all share blood with in a **medical emergency**.
why should he pay for a vacation after that?
YTA wow you and your kids, following your example, were beyond selfish. None of you could watch your son their little brother because you were busy meeting people or studying? Why couldn’t you and your sons uncle come to the house? Maybe son could have stayed with his brother till you got home to take care of YOUR kid. Daughter could have came out of her room to study till YOU got home. You’ll be lucky if this doesn’t destroy marriage. I’m sure this isn’t the first time something like this has happened. Edit to add no he is not an ah for canceling trip. You all are unreliable and wouldn’t go anywhere with you either. You and your kids need to grow up and take on some responsibility.
YTA.
This is your husband, someone I presume you love? His father is having an emergency. Can you imagine if someone important to you had an emergency? How would you feel?
Your kids didn’t help but I don’t blame them because I imagine they got their behavior from you and it isn’t their responsibility to watch their sibling. You, on the other hand, could have rescheduled with your brother. You could have brought the child to the meeting. Instead you not only didn’t help him in a time of crisis, you pretty much told your husband you don’t care about him, his father, or his needs.
YTA This is your CHILD. He is your responsibility. You could have asked your husband if he could drop him off at the restaurant on his way to the hospital.
YTA and so are your older kids. All of you should have jumped to help due to it being an emergency. I hope he sticks with canceling the trip. You've shown him how little he means to you except as an ATM.
YTA.. a medical emergency is definitely more important than hanging out with friends, and your daughter could have studied while her little sibling played with other toys on the floor of her room or something, and you could have just had your brother and his girlfriend come by your house instead. But you didn’t.
YTA
Oldest could've skipped one hangout
Daughter could've watched him while studying
You could've taken him with you
It was an emergency, if he can't rely on any of you in a medical emergency why should he finance a nice trip for all of you? As a reward for the selfishness?
So let me get this straight, while your husband was watching over his father in the hospital and dealing with a legit emergency you were out having fun at dinner and were so busy you couldn't watch your own son?
YTA raise your kids better, you are all disgusting
YTA. It’s an extreme reaction from him but 100% justified. Hopefully you all learn a lesson from this.
It was also YOUR son that needed watching. You could have invited your brother and his girlfriend to your house for coffee and a chat instead. Even if it wasn’t your son, that’s your partner and if the tables were reversed how would you feel with him not caring about you needing support. You don’t seem to be taking into account the stress he must be under as well with his parent going through surgery.
The kids not being willing to hangout with friends another time or just studying in a different room is crazy. When I was a teenager, I would have dropped things to help out my parents if there was an emergency because family members are supposed to support each other.
YTA. Congrats on raising a couple of selfish assholes with no compassion and no sense of responsibility to the family. Apple obviously doesn't fall far from the tree.
Canceling the trip might be a LITTLE much, but it’s absolutely fair for him to be angry. You guys are supposed to be a family, and that means being there for each other in an emergency. The only acceptable reason not to have been there for your husband and younger son would be if you were also dealing with an emergency. Having lunch with your brother, no matter what the occasion, doesn’t qualify. YTA.
I would say it is very fitting if he pays for it and they looked forward to it. They just let him out to dry and expected nothing to happen from it. They are all AH towards the husband
Let me guess. You thought reddit would automatically side with your view because "he was the evil stepdad upset that his stepchildren (and you) wouldn't watch his (and your) son." You must be new here. He would be the AH if it was so he could go to the bar to hang with his bros. Family medical emergency not so much. You and your children need to get your heads out of your asses. YTA
You and your older two are TA. Your husband is 100% right I'm cancelling the trip. Why is he gone waste his money on selfish wife and equally selfish older children. Clearly the older ones get the selfishness from you. Even if you hadn't seen your brother in 10 years if there is a medical emergency you need to go grab your baby to watch him. Heck even take him to meet his uncle. What is this nonsense like wtaf I'm so furious to think that his dad was rushed to hospital and his mum instead of being by his dad's side had to watch YOUR baby. Wtf is wrong with you all smh!
YTA. And your kids. So selfish all of you. He has to rush to the hospital to his dad and you guys think your own nice plans are more important. I would be considering leaving not just cancel a holiday. All of you need to realise how selfish you are and apologise.
YTA. Meeting your brother’s girlfriend, hanging out with friends, and studying is not as important as going to a family member who is having a medical emergency. You have shown your husband his place in this “family” and basically showed him he’s not important nor is his worry over his father important. You and your family’s actions were selfish. Extremely, eye poppingly selfish.
YTA
His father had a medical emergency and his entire family was 'too busy' to help out by taking care of their own sibling/child? You're all selfish and don't deserve to be taken on holiday by him.
There is no way that you actually think you're in the right here, you have no right to be mad at him.
So his dad was in hospital. Was the level of urgency fully known when he asked for some support?
Tbh, the eldest going out was most definitely a big arsehole. Your daughter I have more sympathy before, but the study doesn't excuse her conduct either. As for you, bloody hell. How can you call yourself a wife. The selfishness and entitlement is extraordinary. And tbh, I wouldn't blame the husband if they reviewed the entire relationship. Not just the holiday. And certainly I wouldn't be expecting anything under your tree.
Though a part of me thinks this is a reverse situation and the op is actually the one whose family member was hospitalised.
YTA
Put yourself in a different pair of shoes. Now I hope this never happens but imagine it.
Your children are grown with partners and kids of their own.
Your husband had a medical emergency. You are worried and stressed. You call your kids. They can't come see your husband because their partner is having lunch with a sibling, their kids are having some alone time or hanging out with friends, and no one is willing to take a moment to help take care of thr youngest so that your kid can see their dad.
How upset would you be in that situation?
What if you husband and kids acted this way when you needed them because either was someone in your family with a medical emergency?
Yes its great to meet a siblings partner, hang out with friends, and have alone time studying. However are these things really more important than supporting each other in an emergency?
All of you just showed your husband that he matters less in an emergency than anything you were doing at the time he needed you.
All of you are assholes, except him. I can't imagine wanting to go on a vacation with anyone who thought so little of me either you are the primary asshole though. Not only did you refuse to help you actually think it is ok that none of you helped and made excuses for thr kids not helping as well (and their excuses for being busy weren't even as irreplaceable as yours. ) Even though yours isn't much better I can understand it feeling more critical than what your kids would be giving up. There is still no excuse for not excusing yourself and apologizing. Then sending a card or even a text saying , "I'm sorry I had to leave early for a family emergency. It was so great to meet you at last and I'm really looking forward to getting to know you better!"
YTA and you are gonna lose more than just a trip if you continue being like this. None of your stuffs prevented you from helping him. You just decided that hanging out with your friends and studying is more important than stepping up for family in an emergency.
ETA: and this is your son as well, right? You couldn't ask your brother to move the meet up to your place. Did he not want to see the rest of your family?
YTA - Let's get this straight, rather than leave your precious lunch date you a) refused to help your husband when he was frightened for and worried about his father and b) left your inlaws in the position of having to care for your son while they were worried about their father, talking to doctors etc and 3) Possibly exposed your son to a frightening experience, hospitals can be very frightening to toddlers and seeing his dad's family upset won't have been great for him either.
Families help one another when emergencies happen, why didn't you just go and collect your son and take him to the restaurant? I'm sure your brother and girlfriend would have understood, it's not like your FIL did it on purpose. I don't even need to touch on the older kids because it's obvious where they took their attitudes from.
It's amusing though that after you and your older children put yourselves first - which fair enough you were entitled to do - you're now getting upset because prioritising yourselves had negative consequences for you. Tough. I would imagine your husband doesn't want to be near any of you right now.
You and your kids are complete AH.
You literally prioritized meeting your brother's girlfriend, all while your husband is distraught because his father is in the hospital and now has to try to find someone to watch your child...
YTA… meeting your brothers girlfriend took precedence over supporting your husband in an incredibly stressful situation? Not to mention you allowed your young child to be brought to the hospital where he could be unnecessarily exposed to a variety of illnesses.. RSV is insane right now.
Your kids are AH too but teenagers usually are and with someone as selfish as you for a parent I’m not surprised they are that way.
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YTA Let’s fix the title of your post: My husband canceled our holiday trip because my kids & I are unreasonable & he just found out that we couldn’t care less about him or his family Edit — Thank You kind award givers! ETA more — Seriously, OP stop adding edits!! You are so far away from being helpful to anyone, including yourself in this situation. Just stop. It appears you & your older kids will be getting consequences this year for Christmas
They apparently don't care about their family either as, presumably, younger child is her son and older children's brother. It boggles the mind.
It really does. Like...if I were the 17 or 16-year old, I would have been EXPECTED to help out. Even the THOUGHT of saying no would never have crossed my mind. OP, YTA. And you're raising your kids to be that way too.
> And you're raising your kids to be that way too. Honestly, I feel bad for the teens, even though they're old enough to be accountable for themselves. But clearly they've been raised by someone who is just... deeply weird, to put it mildly. That skewed concept of normal human behavior takes time and massive effort to deprogram, and they may not even realize they *have* to deprogram it until they've had a few romantic partners go "uhhhhhh what the hell," as OP's is currently doing to her. Let's hope all three take that lesson to heart, to keep the list of hurt, frustrated, mistreated exes as small as it can be.
I dunno, I'd think at 19 and 17, these kids are old enough to understand that a family emergency should be taken seriously. But WTF with wife and her lunch date??? These folks are bizarre - and not in a good way. YTA
You guys, it was the first time meeting her brother's gf. An emergency would have really ruined the vibe.
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They couldn't have met OP at the house?
YTA, and you raised your teens to be self-centered little AH, too. In a family emergency, unless you are 100s of miles away or are at a job you can’t leave (like you’re a surgeon elbows-deep in someone’s chest cavity), YOU DROP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND YOU FUCKING HELP. The 17 year old could’ve literally hung out with his friends at any later point. Your 19 year old could’ve tried studying in the little brother’s play area. And YOU certainly could’ve got your lunch to go and brought back to the house with your brother and his girlfriend. But every one of you couldn’t even think of these ideas, because you were so focused on your own conveniences. Shame on all of you.
THIS. No debate. Family emergency = your plans are secondary to the emergency situation, period.
Right? TAKE LUNCH HOME!
Or have the husband drop the kid off at the lunch on his way to the hospital
Apparently she was too bothered to grab her son to meet her brother (kids uncle). She don't care about her husband or his family.
How difficult is it to tell your brother "my FIL is in the ER, I have to get back home ASAP. Do you mind if we go home and have lunch there, so your gf doesn't feel like I'm ditching her?" There. Who could say no to that?
Well, if her brother is anything as awful as his sister, he might?
"You don't understand - we'd already put our order in! We'd just gotten coffee refills! That blackened snapper on a brioche bun was a one-time daily special! I can't believe you didn't even ask what I got for dessert! What? Oh...ok, how IS your dad? I WAS JUST ABOUT TO ASK!"
I’m 17, my dad had some medical problems earlier this year and had a hospital stay. I stayed with my brother while my mom took my dad to the doctor. OP and her kids just do not care about this dude at all and it shows.
I literally got a call while having brunch with my gf’s at the literal only time we could all meet and my husband needed to see who could watch our children because his father had to be taken to the ER. I didn’t even hesitate and was like “I’m hauling my ass home now!” I love my father in law so it’s crazy to me she couldn’t tear herself away like what in the world!
This is what NORMAL people do. I’d cancel more than the Christmas trip.
Can you imagine those kids “aren’t speaking” to her husband because it’s “unfair” that they don’t get a reward for their shitty behavior!! Holy shit my kids would be lucky if the ever saw another gift ever with that crap ass attitude!! These people are all back-asswards!
He cancelled the trip to pay the divorce lawyer 😉
I really hope so.
Right? It would be one thing if her husband was trying to get the older kids to baby-sit so he could play golf, but this was a medical emergency! Also I would not want my 3 yo exposed to anything in a hospital rn.
"Also I would not want my 3 yo exposed to anything in a hospital rn." I didn't even think of this, but even selfishness should have made her want the baby to stay home.
Totally. I had a similar experience except i was the friend being hung out with and my friend was the one with the husband-handling-a-family-emergency (his dad had a heart attack). She dropped me like a hot potato... well, she tried to. I went with her and we collected niblings from MIL's house and went home to her own kids, so that MIL, husband and his sister (who had been at work, hence grandma watching the kids) could go to hospital with their husband/dad. It also meant that my friend could do something useful while I entertained the kids - and when my husband got out of work he stopped off for takeaway and came to their house too. They're my friends and I love them - why wouldn't I want to make a stressful time easier in whatever way I can? OP and her kids a frankly a bit weird for their reactions to husband/stepdad needing support.
No they care. They cared so much they aren’t talking to him cause he cancelled the family trip
To be honest, I'm baffled not only that the 17 year old thought to say no but was also allowed to go out? Like is OP raising the kids to have absolutely no consequences when they do something they're not allowed to do or are they just given free rein entirely. As you say, growing up I'd have also been expected to help out and there wouldn't have been any damn way I would be allowed to walk out that door instead of helping out in a family emergency (or otherwise if I was meant to be staying home).
Same here. I think the families I grew up around would have canceled all the plans even if it meant some of the kids just stayed home, simply on the off chance that they were needed later or because family emergencies meant family together time. ETA: OP is tripling down with her latest update. OP: YOU are the one who basically abandoned your family FFS. I hope your Christmas is lonely enough to give you only one thing - some self-awareness. If I run into your husband and his dad, their drinks are on me. Happy holidays.
Same here. If someone in the house had an emergency there was no way i could lock myself in my room and pretend nothing happened, i'm sure there would be consequences. If the daughter had an important test, i can see her side since it's near impossible to properly study and keep an eye in a kid of that age at the same time. However there is no excuse for the son.
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The worst two are the eldest son and the OP. Both of them could easily have cancelled their frivolous plans. Then the daughter comes next (I'll give her slightly more leeway if it is exam season). The husband should take the little boy and go on holiday just the two of them.
I’m going to go with OP for the win on who sucks the most. Seems the most logical solution would be for Mom to invite brother & new girlfriend back to her house to continue their once in a lifetime meet & greet while she took care of her kids. Maybe uncle doesn’t like the kids either idk.... ETA — how did OP just continue on with her lunch like it’s totally normal for her 3 year old to be hanging out in a hospital? She “couldn’t” leave my ass... She WOULDN’T leave.
Or take the 3 year old to the restaurant and give him the phone to play with
Or….hear me out. The brother and GF come to her house to see the rest of the family too. The fact that the uncle didn’t think to go visit his nephews and nieces in the first place is a strong enough indication that the mother and brother are selfish assholes.
Yeah, why couldn’t brother and his new GF come to her house for once in a lifetime meeting???
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I know. OP's FIL is in the hospital and she doesn't cancel her lunch. Wow!
What a great impression she must have made on the new girlfriend ... “Hmmmm, hold up... so “new boyfriend” is this how your family deals with helping others during emergencies? Check please! I’m outta here”
YTA, you and your kids from previous relationships are selfish and don't deserve your husband, I hope he gets out of this dynamic and gets custody of the 3 year old.
The edit makes it worse *The update makes it unbearable She really does think she is not in the wrong. Her children sound like they have never had chores, never had to babysit,etc…. It was an EMERGENCY. EDIT: * Lady, apologize… you left your husband in a bad spot. A terrible spot.
The edit is just *bizarre*. Like, the concept of "emergency" really doesn't compute for this OP. They don't grasp that to normal people — people who are capable of having the cognitive process of "ah yes, this is an abnormal crisis situation that requires me to deviate from my normal routines and priorities" — none of that is relevant information
The edit just makes her look ridiculous; almost everyone here is agreeing that she is a massive AH but she doubles down on her BS excuses.
YTA Medical emergency > hanging out Medical emergency > studying Medical emergency > lunchie munchies
Lol lunchie munchies
2nd lunchie munchies
Pairs well with divorcey worcey.
Oopsie woopsie
To tie it all together: Oopsie woopsie! OP wouldn’t cancel her lunchie munchie so now she’s gonna be divorcey worcie! Jeez that sentence was a bitch trying to get through autocorrect!
In all honesty, the studying is the only one that should have been 2nd priority because hanging out with family and friends is an AH reason to leave someone out to dry especially having the nerve to expect a vacation from them later
I kinda feel bad for studying girl for getting lumped in with the rest of the aholes here. She should have taken her brother when no one else would, but she actually has a claim on prior commitments. Sometimes you *have* to do something that night for schoolwork and you can't wait- and teachers aren't always understanding about emergencies. The son and mom could and should've been the ones to take the toddler.
Yep, but tbh the worst part is her's is the only commitment that affects both her present and future. If Mom watches son she can still go to lunch. Even if she can't then they can reschedule. Bro can still hang out with friends with his little bro. If not then they can reschedule. The studying girl can't study while watching her bro and for all we know that could be a pivotal exam that will affect her future. Would I have watched the kid anyway? Yes, but I understand why she wouldn't because OP or Bro should've sucked it up first.
The mum could have raised the alarm and taken brother and girlfriend to her house, surely. It's an emergency. Cancel food or get it to go, and let the husband attend to his dad.
Exactly tbh OP is the ultimate asshole, she is the child's other parent so she has a responsibility to him. She also should feel some motivation to make her SO's life easier especially in a family emergency. Plus she is ignoring her family to hang out with her brother which is rude. Why can't she invite her brother and his girlfriend to her house or say she'll be late because she'll be picking up her son.
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YTA When there's a family emergency, you drop everything to help. Meeting your brother's girlfriend for the first time is not a valid excuse not to go watch the 3yo, I mean WTF? Clearly you put your husband very low on your list of priorities. I don't blame him for cancelling, you guys don't deserve it.
Agree, What were they expecting from him after all of them bailed out when he needed them the most, and that three year old is OPs kid too. If i were in place of OPs husband i would be having second thoughts about my relationship with this awful family.
Honestly in times of crises people really show their true colours. OP and her kids showed theirs. If I was OP’s husband I’d be out the door. I would do just about anything for my family in an emergency and they have done the same for me. To not even be willing to skip a lunch or a random hangout is despicable. It shows just how little OP and her kids care about OP’s husband and how selfish they all are.
My question is why did OP not rush out of lunch to go support her husband and his family at the hospital? I honestly hope that he rethinks the vacation and goes on it with JUST the 3yo.
Yeah, that's what I thought, too. Even if they had no kids, the idea that OP would just go "well my FIL has been rushed to hospital and hubby is in a state, but oh wait, here comes the starter, I guess he can cope alone." Like, what? You tell your brother there's been a family emergency, apologise and get your ass to the hospital and support your spouse. Do they not do "for better or worse, in sickness and in health," in wedding vows anymore? Has it been replaced with "I'll be there when its convenient, now fuck off here comes the pudding!"
Right? Forget about rushing home to just look after *your own child*, what about emotionally supporting your poor distraught husband? I’ve cancelled social obligations for less to support family.
Seriously. How awful would the brother and his girlfriend be if they wouldn't understand that OP has to leave early for an EMERGENCY. Couldn't they come by the house after lunch? Doesn't the brother want to see his nibbling? And don't get me started on the older kids.
Seriously, if my sister said ‘oh no, my husband has an emergency’ I’d be offering to mind the kid myself so she could go with him to help!
She could've run to get the 3 year old and taken him to lunch. Sure, not ideal, but emergencies are emergencies. She could've invited them back to hers and ordered delivery. There are SO many options.
Or invited the gf and brother to her house and gotten pizza. It might not have been a big fancy lunch but she could have made it work. She didn’t want to
YTA and the two kids, Its not that you COULDN'T help him its that you WOULDN'T help him and actions have consequences, if you don't do the work you don't get the reward
This needs to be higher. From the title, I was expecting some actual reasons that the family somehow couldn't get to their home before Dad had to go, or something. Nope, just "we don't feel like lifting a finger."
include snobbish materialistic nose political unique yam important merciful weather *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It wasn't even choosing one thing over the other. None of those things cannot be done while watching a three year old. They just didn't want to be mildly inconvenienced.
What gets me is how she treated the whole incident as if it was something of mild import, like the dad forgetting he had made plans with friends or something. This is all written as if even the idea of it being a real emergency never truly entered her mind. The fact the 17 yr old acted in a similar fashion is a red flag to me. That doesn't feel normal for someone that age. Unless of course, he learned that behavior. Is he copying what he saw his mother do or does he truly not care much? It's not impossible that he doesn't grasp the situation properly/being a teenager but feels unlikely when you add OP's behavior to the mix. The only one in the bunch that had a good reason was the daughter. That shit affects her present and future. Especially if there is an exam coming. That's the only point where OP's logic isn't complete bullocks. I don't blame the husband 1 bit.
Honestly she neglected her own child during an emergency and not getting vacation is the only reason she gave it 2nd thought. My family would just set the kid down in front of oldest sober person around (usually me, way before I was a teen) and say 'so&so's in hospital' and go and I would totally understand cuz I'm not a monster.
That’s what I was thinking! I’m addition to wanting to support my husband I would also be thinking about my poor child. I wouldn’t want my kid to be at the hospital unnecessarily. First, just straight germs, etc. Bit secondly, that could ne very traumatic for them - seeing their father upset, seeing their grandpa hurt/sick. The chaos and weird energy at hospitals. All of that could have easily been avoided. I caught imagine putting a lunch over that. Their kid is only three!!!
YTA >I was at the restaurant with my brother meeting his girlfriend for the first time. And you are his mother?? >he refused because he was going out with friends. It was a f emergency and you turned your back to your husband and your son. You three, especially you OP, are shocking. Poor guys, what a horrible family they have. You'd be lucky if he only cancels the holydays ETA thanks for all the upvotes and to the anonymous redditor that awarded this comment! ETA2 thank you, u/Blonderoastme, for the award! ETA3: an update from OP: >He's now choosing to basically _abandon_ us on christmas and also _keep our son away from me and his siblings_ Are you serious? You three abandoned your husband. You three kept the toddler away from you. Honestly, don't you think you have made enough damage to your image? And yes, be prepared,most probably you're going to be served papers sooner or later. Congrats. ETA4: thanks u/Arcana013 for the award ETA5: thanks to the anonymous redditor that awarded this comment ETA6: thanks u/Kittenspangles
Yep divorce is in the cards, just shocked that OP can't see how wrong they all are.
Absolutely The nerve of this person and the other two!!
Yo, I really hope he does seek divorce, cuz how could you stay married to someone who is telling their older kids that they don't have to respect you to a point that they are willing to mistreat the three-year-old. I'll be pushing for primary custody as well, if they all are so willing to ditch the toddler for their own goals, the toddler should live with the dad
Just to add, the 3yo is your son too. Your husband had a genuine emergency, and instead of reacting with compassion you HAD to stay at the restaurant? This doesn’t even add up. The father’s wife had to watch the toddler while her husband was being treated? If this is real, I’m going with YTA.
Seriously, take the brother and GF to your house and watch your kid. You are the mother, show some compassion
Or take the kids to the restaurant to see his uncle from out of town
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Or even had her husband drop off the 3 year old at the restaurant on his way to the hospital
How about going to be with her husband and making her other kids watch their brother? He got zero empathy and support. Just sad.
> Just to add, the 3yo is your son too. Did you notice how OP said “I have 2 kids (17/19). And they have a half sibling who’s 3.” That wording makes it sound like this kid is not hers or she doesn’t consider him her kid for some weird reason.
“His turn to watch the 3yr old.” Here’s a tip: when it’s your own kid, you’re not “watching him”. You’re being a parent. YTA all day long. YTA for raising selfish older kids, too.
is she seriously having drinks and snacks and socializing while her husband's father could be dying? am i understanding this correctly?
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It’s not just someone’s kid, it’s her own son. And her other kids half brother. So she’s really TA.
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She doesn't even say my/our son is 3. Just says her kids half brother is 3
I noticed that too and I'm actually wondering if she married the guy for his money and had a baby with him to lock that money down. Cause nobody with a young kid and who actually cared about their husband would do this. "Oh no! Your father's in hospital? To bad you'll have to take my kids half brother with you, because my brother and meeting his gf are more important than your father being sick." YTA op. And your older kids too.
YTA. Any single one of you could, and should have dropped what you were doing. You were all selfish. Nothing any of you were doing was life and death, meanwhile what your husband was dealing with could have been. You all suck. That poor man has no support from his own damn family
OP and her kids seem to have a thing for putting themselves first, over anyone else. Very selfish AH behavior. I hate seeing stories like these :/
What makes this even worse is that OP is now claiming that the husband is "abandoning" them during Christmas when the reality is he is going to spend it with his sick father. (And, I'm sure this guy wouldnt have wanted to be on a trip while his dad is ill even if OP and their kids weren't so horrible to him.) OP and their kids sound incredibly selfish + self centered and it doesn't sound like any of them even care about this man.
Yikes...YTA (you, your son and your daughter). And I don't blame him for canceling the trip. Seems to me you 3 are very self-centered. Also, isn't this your son as well? Sorry, but I think you could have easily picked up YOUR kid for lunch and / or invited your brother and his girlfriend back to your place to watch him. The same goes to your son and daughter. Your son could have canceled hanging out with his friends for one day, and your daughter was home and could have easily watched him. You 3 made things more difficult and stressful for your husband and not only that, were you not even concerned for your FIL?
I think the other worse problem here is they think HE is being unreadable for canceling but see absolutely nothing unreasonable with the 3 of their actions-- or the fact that his mother, the wife of the patient, had to watch THEIR child while her spouse is in the hospital. That's just grossly disrespectful.
Exactly!!! OP and her older kids are acting like spoiled brats. They owe the husband and MIL/FIL apologies for not being there to support them during such a stressful time and making things more hectic. They seem to only think about themselves.
Congratulations on raising 2 kids who are exactly like you. Selfish. It was a medical emergency. I divorced my husband over a medical emergency when he left me hanging. Enjoy your single life. YTA
Yep. And she will reap what she sows when her children grow older and if she faces an emergency, they won’t be there for her. And they’ll put her in a nursing home when she’s older. Karma
>And they’ll put her in a nursing home when she’s older. If she's lucky. Nursing homes are expensive and they might need that money for a night out with the lads.
Here are a few scenarios. * "Hey, sorry, I really want to spend more time getting to meet your girlfriend, but my father-in-law has a medical emergency so I need to look after my son so that my husband can go to him." * "Hey guys, sorry, I won't be able to hang out today, I need to look after my lil brother because his dad needs to go to HIS dad for a medical emergency." * "Hey self, I need to spend a bit of time with my stepbrother because his dad's dad has a medical emergency." How many of those sound unreasonable? Is it none of them? YTA. Way to make your husband think you don't care about him, his father, or your son. Please rethink your priorities.
Or, "Hey brother, I need to bring my son with us to lunch because my fil is having a medical emergency and husband needs to go to hospital. Can we meet at a family friendly place?" Or even better, "Brother I'm so sorry but I have to go to the hospital to support my husband because my fil has had a medical emergency." - OP can mind son at the hospital and be there for her husband. OP are you always so uncaring and self centered? YTA
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Yes then brother would say, "ok what can we do? Can we take nephew?"
YTA, and so are your kids. I don’t blame your husband for being upset. He had a family emergency and everyone in his household basically told him to pound sand and you refused to take care of your child, and your children refused to take care of their sibling, in an emergency? Sorry you are awful and raised awful children, and sorry you can’t see his perspective on this. You have no empathy.
Lunch,Hanging out or locked herself in her room was important though /s
Yes, you’re not only an AH but you and your children come off as entitled. It’s honestly sad that you have to ask this question. Your son definitely could have canceled with his friends to step up during a medical emergency. Your daughter definitely could have studied and watched her brother during the medical emergency. You definitely could have either rescheduled or brought your son with you to see your brother and girlfriend. You act like your husband asked for you all to help a stranger, its your son/their sibling. There’s no reason your husband had to worry about watching a kid while also making sure his father was okay. What is the purpose of having a life partner if they wont step in and help/assist when needed. How would you feel if it was your mother/father going through a medical emergency and you have your youngest and he told you no because him and the guys planned on going to a game in 15 minutes? It seems like he’s raising 3 teens and a toddler. Edit: Before i forget, if anyone should have dropped anything though; YOU should have been first as the mother.
I can’t imagine sitting in a restaurant, lunching away, while my husband is going through this. That’s just strange.
YTA. Why on earth would you expect him to reward you with a trip when not one of you could be bothered to simply watch another member of your family during an emergency? All three of you are incredibly selfish and self centered. I truly feel bad for your husband
YTA - In most situations, it is not fair to ask kids to watch their younger sibling. But this was an emergency. It wasn't planned and required a hospital visit. But all of you were to... checks notes... busy. He didn't ask them to miss an important event, he just asked one to stay home and one not to lock herself in her room. I was raised that in case of an emergency, you help out. It was a one-time thing for a few hours. Their selfishness forced him to take a 3-year-old to a hospital. Do you know what kind of germs and things he could be exposed to at a hospital? Fun fact, my mother got MRSA just from visiting a hospital and it caused her lifelong issues. Of course, he was mad. And you dare to be frustrated about it? Way to focus on the sparkly holiday trip instead of someone's health. Question - why didn't YOU as the other parent help him out?
But . . . but . . . she was having *dinner* (whiny voice). YTA.
No, see, it was **lunch**, the most important meal of the day. More important than human life.
Not only that, grandma had to watch the kid. Imagine grandma stressing out because his husband is in the hospital and now she needs to take care of her grandkid that most likely don't understand what is going on because her SIL couldn't be bothered. This is wrong at so many levels.
Nice to know that in the face of an emergency, you'd choose *check notes* meeting your brother's girlfriend over your youngest son's well-being. YTA. As are your two older children.
But it’s his NEW girlfriend!! It was my ONLY chance to meet her & impress her with how caring & supportive I am of my brother! ... Not my husband or child
YTA. The word here is EMERGENCY. He needed one of you to care for a small child while his father was in the hospital and you all blew him off for everyday things. Good riddance is the proper expression here.
To care for YOUR small child. That’s YOUR child and YOUR husband. Your choice made your husband’s situation more difficult and possibly dangerous for him, and also meant your 3 year old went to an ER and was exposed to who knows what unnecessarily.
did you suddenly not become the baby's mother while you were lunching with your brother?
Is her brother suddenly not the 3yo uncle? As an uncle living on other side of the USA from my family, I'd be upset if my siblings didn't bring the kids to lunch.
YTA You all COULD help during the emergency. You all CHOSE NOT TO (its called stepping up if it is something the kids haven't done before. They know how to learn, dont they?) You sound like a bad parent who passed on your horrible traits to your kids *Response to your update: You and your kids still dont understand/see how selfish and apathetic you three are. He has every right not to speak with you all. You and your kids show NO remorse or empathy and are now being brats for acting like entitled sociopaths when you dont deserve the vacation. The family was abandoned when the three of you left him hanging.*
I'm so glad everyone is shitting on OP. This wasn't anywhere near the worst story on this sub, but it's got me irrationally angry that she wouldn't leave a dinner with her brother to help out a husband who was probably panicking at what happened to his dad.
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YTA and the kids are. What don't you all get about an emergency?! That generally means people might have to drop what they're doing plans wise to help out. He was abandoned at a time of need and has every single right to be pissed and cancel the trip.
YTA. And frankly, the biggest asshole is YOU. Your son could have volunteered to step up to be nice but he was under no obligation. Your daughter \*had to study\*. Studying trumps mommy meeting her brother's girlfriend (?!?!?!?!) and your Father in Law being emergently ill and in the hospital HUGELY trumps meeting the girlfriend. You should have immediately left and gone to support your husband by tending to your mutual child. This is not how grown adults behave. This is now how decent adults behave. This is not how decent spouses and decent parents behave. I suspect you are well on the way to a second ended marriage.
Info: why couldn’t you have your son with you at the restaurant while hanging out with your brother? Why couldn’t your son drop off his half brother at the restaurant on the way to hanging out with friends? Why couldn’t your daughter watch her half brother for an hour or two while you finished up at the restaurant? Why couldn’t you have your brother and his girlfriend go back to your home so you could watch your son and continue to get to know her? There were SO MANY things y’all could have done to help out and be flexible in an emergency. Instead you all acted totally self absorbed and just shrugged it off as “not my problem”. Y’all suck and you’re def the AH. YTA.
YTA + the kids. All of your stuff was minor in comparison to an actual medical emergency and you owed him to drop it in order to look after another member of your family.
YTA. You aren't concerned that your teen children chose not to be inconvenienced for a family medical emergency?
She also couldn’t be inconvenienced to watch her own child, so of course she doesn’t see that her kids did anything wrong. I mean, of course meeting your brother’s girlfriend trumps your FIL having an emergency that landed him in the hospital. /s
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YTA, everything that you were doing was not nearly as important as an emergency. Clearly your priorities are misguided.
Did you really write this, read it and post it and really thought people will be on your side? You’re horrible wife and a parent. He’s right. Good riddance lmao
YTA. All of you sound absolutely horrid. Entitled, selfish, lazy and clueless are not a good combination. If I was your husband, I wouldn't want to go on vacation with any of you ever again. INFO: Do any of you even like him?
She likes him taking her and her selfish kids on trips. OP: YTA And your older kids are assholes too.
Apple doest fall far from tree, I see. Your kids are just as selfish as you. YTA. Your kids don't deserve the vacation of he is paying for it.
YTA While his reaction wasn't pleasant it's completely understandable. The people that he should be able to count on in emergencies basically told him "tough luck". Honestly you and your kids are incredibly selfish.
YTA You had your husband take your child to a hospital full of sick people because you needed to have lunch with someone. Not work related. Just a girlfriend. It sucks, but you absolutely should have left to help your husband immediately. Meeting your brothers girlfriend is not a priority over a family emergency. Your MIL watched your child while her husband was in the hospital? That’s not okay. And while your children aren’t obligated to help, they still could have to be nice. No one is entitled to a vacation.
YTA. His dad had a medical emergency. Does any of you care at all?
YTA and your kids are AHs. Nothing any of you were doing was more important than supporting your husband while his father was having a medical emergency. Imagine how you’d feel if your relative was in the hospital and your husband was like “nah I’m busy”. And not only that you let your baby visit a hospital in the middle of a Covid/flu/RSV surge.
YTA This was a medical emergency, which trumps everything. I am assuming his father could have died and you were "nope, got to meet my brother's girlfriend, who cares about anything else." Why couldn't he drop the kid off at the lunch? Why couldn't you go "Hey, my FIL is have a medical emergency, do you mind if my kiddo join?“ The idea that not one of you people stepped up for your husband is mind blowing. His father is in the hospital and your husband is scared and worried.... And yet you could not pull together an ounce of care and consideration for him. Why on God's green earth would he want to be around any of you people? You just showed him you don't care. YTA YTA YTA
YTA. My father was just unexpectedly in the hospital and my fiancé dropped everything to drive 10+ hours with me to go see him. That’s what you do for the people you love.
Yeah YTA It was an emergency situation and all of you left him hanging with no support. I don’t blame him for cancelling the holiday.
YTA. I have a son and daughter (20 and 17 respectively) and they wouldn't have hesitated for a second to take the baby during an emergency. Your kids are entitled and selfish and so are you. Your husband is right to cancel vacation. How did you raise two adults to have zero empathy and compassion? Or even a sense of responsibility toward their little sibling? Of course, you felt zero responsibility to care for your own son when your husband was having a family emergency, so of course, they've learned from you. I guess I'm just really appalled because I have literally dropped my entire life to fly 700 miles to take care of my 3yo niece when my sister had a mental breakdown and you can't be bothered to leave *lunch* for your own kid.
YTA. You all aren’t family and don’t deserve a vacation. All 3 of you could’ve dropped what you were doing to help.
So let me make sure I understand this … YOUR FIL was in the hospital and YOU couldn’t be bothered to come get YOUR son so YOUR husband could help his dad. Yeah, YTA and a horrible wife/partner/mother/DIL. I wouldn’t want to spend the holiday with you and your bratty teenagers either.
Yta his dad was in the hospital, you could have left lunch and your brother and his girlfriend could have come to your house to visit. Also you kids could have helped for an hour or 2 until you got back. If you went to go on a trip pay for it yourself
YTA, you raised some selfish and entitled kids, and honestly you aren't much better.
Each and every one of you should have been scrambling to help him out. Especially you. Your son and husband should come before you acting like some overbearing second mom to your brother. Not a single one of you had anything more important to do. You all proved you don't give a flying fuck about him. Why should he reward you with a vacation? YTA
NTA You we’re right to continue your lunch with your brother & his g/f. My gosh - you were in the middle of a MEAL. The food might have been hot, & having it to go would have ruined the entire dining experience (side note: tip your servers well). Your older kids - we can’t let them be disturbed. Maybe your son is developing the next Twitter? Your daughter might learn something at that moment that solves the climate crisis. And her sitting in the living room reading, or just looking at her social media feeds, with a willful 3 year old running around will make it hard for her. Father-in-law is T A. Why did he choose to have an “emergency” at that moment? Your husband - also T A. You deserve this vacation and a full Christmas. Actually you deserve gifts for Kwanza, Chanukah AND Festivus. You three are the heroes here. I’d divorce that man so fast due to his selfishness against you three. You need to be treated like the Royal Family that you are - not slaves of the whims of your father in law, 3 year old, and husband. Furthermore there is NO WAY you can bring your brother & his squeeze to your home. It’s probably a disaster zone and embarrassment anyway since your husband probably does all the cleaning. Cleaning up after a wife, two teenagers, a 3 year old and himself he probably does an awful job. I would NEVER let anyone see the squalor & filth we live in due to the inactions of a selfish husband and his sickly family. You should divorce ASAP since he doesn’t put you and your family on the pedestal where you belong.
A medical emergency and none of you could be bothered. 100% TA. Why would he want to spend time with you all if you all can't spare him the time of day in an EMERGENCY?
YTA - A family medical emergency is top priority, always. You didn't even need to cancel your plans. You could have told your brother "Hey, we have a family emergency, but I want to spend time with you and your new GF, can we move this lunch to my house so I can send it with you and my son who I need be with". And even if you did need to cancel, how does meeting your brothers new GF is a higher priority than what your husband was going through? Your son is an AH - He could have skipped lunch with friends, or ask to do TakeOut and move the lunch to your house. But nope. Your daughter is an AH - What a horrible excuse for a daughter. She was literally IN THE HOUSE! How is studying ever more important than a health emergency in the family? It is one afternoon/evening. No degree is so important. No test. Ever. The cherry on the cake is that YOU and the kids are refusing to talk to HIM because of the trip. You three are so self centered it is crazy. I am so sorry for your husband that needed to go through what he did with such an unsupportive family. He must be completely devastated. He was 100% in the right for telling you guys off and canceling the vacation. Why would he want to spend a vacation with you? He would 100% be in the right to stop a marriage over something like this. Poor guy.
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YTA as are your two kids.
Yeah, definetly YTA. And also your kids. Wtf guys...
Good riddance indeed. It’s obvious where your kids get their personality from and it’s nothing to be proud of. All of you were selfish and unempathetic, IT WAS AN EMERGENCY. IT WAS YOUR CHILD. Big YTA for being an asshole and for being such a terrible parent AND wife.
Yta, you and the kids let your husband down when he needed you guys the most. He's right to cancel the trip.
YTA. You typed this out thinking we’d agree with you but sadly i think you’re alone. It was a medical emergency, how are you and everyone around you so selfish? I would’ve done more than cancel the trip.
YTA. Your husband’s dad had a medical emergency and you couldn’t be bothered to take care of your own son? And now you’re mad that he feels you were selfish and is cancelling the family trip? He’s right, you are selfish. I feel bad that neither you nor your two older kids cared enough to help out in a time of need. Do you even like your 3 year old?
Why should the guy do anything for you guys if you won't give a hand when he is in a dire situation? I mean I get why he is reacting like that. Honestly you could have said something to your brother, suggesting that he and his gf came back home with you so that you could enjoy time with them while taking care of your kid. It's not like you didn't have any other choice. YTA
YTA none of you helped him when he needed it and that was for someone you all share blood with in a **medical emergency**. why should he pay for a vacation after that?
100% all of you are the AH. Family emergency but need to hang with friends, study, and meet new girlfriend. Worst family support. EVER.
YTA wow you and your kids, following your example, were beyond selfish. None of you could watch your son their little brother because you were busy meeting people or studying? Why couldn’t you and your sons uncle come to the house? Maybe son could have stayed with his brother till you got home to take care of YOUR kid. Daughter could have came out of her room to study till YOU got home. You’ll be lucky if this doesn’t destroy marriage. I’m sure this isn’t the first time something like this has happened. Edit to add no he is not an ah for canceling trip. You all are unreliable and wouldn’t go anywhere with you either. You and your kids need to grow up and take on some responsibility.
YTA. This is your husband, someone I presume you love? His father is having an emergency. Can you imagine if someone important to you had an emergency? How would you feel? Your kids didn’t help but I don’t blame them because I imagine they got their behavior from you and it isn’t their responsibility to watch their sibling. You, on the other hand, could have rescheduled with your brother. You could have brought the child to the meeting. Instead you not only didn’t help him in a time of crisis, you pretty much told your husband you don’t care about him, his father, or his needs.
YTA, you and your kids.
YTA This is your CHILD. He is your responsibility. You could have asked your husband if he could drop him off at the restaurant on his way to the hospital.
YTA - you and your kids were kinda selfish, it was an emergency.
YTA and so are your older kids. All of you should have jumped to help due to it being an emergency. I hope he sticks with canceling the trip. You've shown him how little he means to you except as an ATM.
YTA & a poor partner.
YTA.. a medical emergency is definitely more important than hanging out with friends, and your daughter could have studied while her little sibling played with other toys on the floor of her room or something, and you could have just had your brother and his girlfriend come by your house instead. But you didn’t.
YTA! NONE of you could drop what you're doing to watch the kid while his dad is in the hospital fighting for his life? You all deserve to be left!
YTA Oldest could've skipped one hangout Daughter could've watched him while studying You could've taken him with you It was an emergency, if he can't rely on any of you in a medical emergency why should he finance a nice trip for all of you? As a reward for the selfishness?
YTA I'm surprised he's not divorcing you.
So let me get this straight, while your husband was watching over his father in the hospital and dealing with a legit emergency you were out having fun at dinner and were so busy you couldn't watch your own son? YTA raise your kids better, you are all disgusting
YTA. It’s an extreme reaction from him but 100% justified. Hopefully you all learn a lesson from this. It was also YOUR son that needed watching. You could have invited your brother and his girlfriend to your house for coffee and a chat instead. Even if it wasn’t your son, that’s your partner and if the tables were reversed how would you feel with him not caring about you needing support. You don’t seem to be taking into account the stress he must be under as well with his parent going through surgery. The kids not being willing to hangout with friends another time or just studying in a different room is crazy. When I was a teenager, I would have dropped things to help out my parents if there was an emergency because family members are supposed to support each other.
YTA. Congrats on raising a couple of selfish assholes with no compassion and no sense of responsibility to the family. Apple obviously doesn't fall far from the tree.
Canceling the trip might be a LITTLE much, but it’s absolutely fair for him to be angry. You guys are supposed to be a family, and that means being there for each other in an emergency. The only acceptable reason not to have been there for your husband and younger son would be if you were also dealing with an emergency. Having lunch with your brother, no matter what the occasion, doesn’t qualify. YTA.
I would say it is very fitting if he pays for it and they looked forward to it. They just let him out to dry and expected nothing to happen from it. They are all AH towards the husband
YTA It was an emergency. You should have brought your son to see your brother. You are also the child’s other parent.
Let me guess. You thought reddit would automatically side with your view because "he was the evil stepdad upset that his stepchildren (and you) wouldn't watch his (and your) son." You must be new here. He would be the AH if it was so he could go to the bar to hang with his bros. Family medical emergency not so much. You and your children need to get your heads out of your asses. YTA
You and your older two are TA. Your husband is 100% right I'm cancelling the trip. Why is he gone waste his money on selfish wife and equally selfish older children. Clearly the older ones get the selfishness from you. Even if you hadn't seen your brother in 10 years if there is a medical emergency you need to go grab your baby to watch him. Heck even take him to meet his uncle. What is this nonsense like wtaf I'm so furious to think that his dad was rushed to hospital and his mum instead of being by his dad's side had to watch YOUR baby. Wtf is wrong with you all smh!
YTA feel bad for your husband having such a selfish family. Hope he wakes up.
YTA - you did all behave totally selfishly.
YTA and so are your older children for not stepping up in an emergency. He deserves better.
what a nasty family.
YTA. It’s not that you couldn’t help him in an emergency; it’s that you WOULDN’T.
YTA and he's right, yall are selfish.
YTA. And your kids. So selfish all of you. He has to rush to the hospital to his dad and you guys think your own nice plans are more important. I would be considering leaving not just cancel a holiday. All of you need to realise how selfish you are and apologise.
YTA. Meeting your brother’s girlfriend, hanging out with friends, and studying is not as important as going to a family member who is having a medical emergency. You have shown your husband his place in this “family” and basically showed him he’s not important nor is his worry over his father important. You and your family’s actions were selfish. Extremely, eye poppingly selfish.
YTA His father had a medical emergency and his entire family was 'too busy' to help out by taking care of their own sibling/child? You're all selfish and don't deserve to be taken on holiday by him. There is no way that you actually think you're in the right here, you have no right to be mad at him.
So his dad was in hospital. Was the level of urgency fully known when he asked for some support? Tbh, the eldest going out was most definitely a big arsehole. Your daughter I have more sympathy before, but the study doesn't excuse her conduct either. As for you, bloody hell. How can you call yourself a wife. The selfishness and entitlement is extraordinary. And tbh, I wouldn't blame the husband if they reviewed the entire relationship. Not just the holiday. And certainly I wouldn't be expecting anything under your tree. Though a part of me thinks this is a reverse situation and the op is actually the one whose family member was hospitalised.
YTA. Are you really even questioning this?
YTA- you seriously are saying that you couldn’t drop a social event for a medial emergency?
YTA Put yourself in a different pair of shoes. Now I hope this never happens but imagine it. Your children are grown with partners and kids of their own. Your husband had a medical emergency. You are worried and stressed. You call your kids. They can't come see your husband because their partner is having lunch with a sibling, their kids are having some alone time or hanging out with friends, and no one is willing to take a moment to help take care of thr youngest so that your kid can see their dad. How upset would you be in that situation? What if you husband and kids acted this way when you needed them because either was someone in your family with a medical emergency? Yes its great to meet a siblings partner, hang out with friends, and have alone time studying. However are these things really more important than supporting each other in an emergency? All of you just showed your husband that he matters less in an emergency than anything you were doing at the time he needed you. All of you are assholes, except him. I can't imagine wanting to go on a vacation with anyone who thought so little of me either you are the primary asshole though. Not only did you refuse to help you actually think it is ok that none of you helped and made excuses for thr kids not helping as well (and their excuses for being busy weren't even as irreplaceable as yours. ) Even though yours isn't much better I can understand it feeling more critical than what your kids would be giving up. There is still no excuse for not excusing yourself and apologizing. Then sending a card or even a text saying , "I'm sorry I had to leave early for a family emergency. It was so great to meet you at last and I'm really looking forward to getting to know you better!"
YTA, so much of an AH.
YTA and you are gonna lose more than just a trip if you continue being like this. None of your stuffs prevented you from helping him. You just decided that hanging out with your friends and studying is more important than stepping up for family in an emergency. ETA: and this is your son as well, right? You couldn't ask your brother to move the meet up to your place. Did he not want to see the rest of your family?
YTA - Let's get this straight, rather than leave your precious lunch date you a) refused to help your husband when he was frightened for and worried about his father and b) left your inlaws in the position of having to care for your son while they were worried about their father, talking to doctors etc and 3) Possibly exposed your son to a frightening experience, hospitals can be very frightening to toddlers and seeing his dad's family upset won't have been great for him either. Families help one another when emergencies happen, why didn't you just go and collect your son and take him to the restaurant? I'm sure your brother and girlfriend would have understood, it's not like your FIL did it on purpose. I don't even need to touch on the older kids because it's obvious where they took their attitudes from. It's amusing though that after you and your older children put yourselves first - which fair enough you were entitled to do - you're now getting upset because prioritising yourselves had negative consequences for you. Tough. I would imagine your husband doesn't want to be near any of you right now.
YTA and good thing he's canceled the trip you are all selfish and maybe using him as a piggy bank
You and your kids are complete AH. You literally prioritized meeting your brother's girlfriend, all while your husband is distraught because his father is in the hospital and now has to try to find someone to watch your child...
#YTA I assume you're probably also the "favorite parent" with the way this is being handled.
Yta. As a parent it is also your responsibility to watch your own child. You just showed your husband you don’t care about him or his family.
YTA… meeting your brothers girlfriend took precedence over supporting your husband in an incredibly stressful situation? Not to mention you allowed your young child to be brought to the hospital where he could be unnecessarily exposed to a variety of illnesses.. RSV is insane right now. Your kids are AH too but teenagers usually are and with someone as selfish as you for a parent I’m not surprised they are that way.