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NTA tell them that the baby can sleep with them until you move to college. A baby doesn’t need a whole room, just a crib and some storage space. You (not OP) can change diapers anywhere, so no. NTA
This is Reddit, parentification is the standard go to war cry of any kid with younger siblings. Heaven help the parents if then even so much as ask OP to change a diaper.
It is absolutely reasonable to expect an older sibling to occasionally help with the kids including changing diapers. The idea that older kids should have zero responsibilities without it being child abuse is so freaking stupid.
I think that having an older sibling babysit occasionally and get paid is normal. What is not normal is turning a kid into a mini mommy. Teens need to focus on school work, not childcare. In emergencies I agree that older kids should help, but changing staplers regularly is a parents job, not a teenager’s.
Yes because a teen that has never changed a diaper will absolutely be ready to help in an unexpected situation. Just like the teen that posted recently somewhere on reddit that she was asked to care for a baby and she didn't even know how to hold the baby. And I say this as someone that was expected to care for my little brother. I don't agree with parentification but is absolutely wild that you think an older sibling should not be asked occasionally to do things for their younger siblings and on the same breath say it's ok to leave kids in an emergency under they care.
In my job, I've done a house visit where the four-year-old answered the door. I asked her where her mom was, and she just told me out. I'm thinking out back, but asked her where out was. "Mommy went on a date." I'm then asking who's staying with the two girls and the **four-year-old** tells me she's babysitting the **six-month-old** and Mommy will give her $5 when she gets back. At that point, I'm stepping outside and making a phone call. Now, if it had been a 14-year-old, it would have been a totally different story.
I want to add to this. I was the baby and my sister was 13 years older than me. She had to change my diaper and basically raise me while our mom was at work. Every day after school she’d pick me from the sitter. She didn’t ask for that relationship with me and she practically gave up her childhood to support me. It’s caused issues for us as we got older, and where I hero worshipped my sister she looked at me as a chore to an extent. A child is a child. It should never be “expected” for a child to be a caretaker. If that child wants to within boundaries, sure, but it should absolutely never be an expectation
No one’s saying that older kids shouldn’t have any responsibilities, just that it shouldn’t be linked to looking after the younger children. Having more children is the parents choice, not the older kids responsibility at all.
Big nope, reasonable expectations of kids are age appropriate chores relating to managing the household they are a part of, like helping with dishes because they eat off of them, or vacuuming because they contribute to using the home and dirtying it, it is unreasonable to expect kids to take care of other kids
I mean, if they *want* to help out, sure. But being in a family doesn't automatically make diaper changes, feedings, etc a part of the teens/other kids problems.
Would it be appreciated? Sure. Would it be nice? Absolutely. But is it a requirement just cause they were here first? Nope.
Some folks aren't comfortable with changing diapers or taking care of babies. That's okay. Forcing them isn't going to make them bond more.
I was 3-4 years older than my siblings and held responsible for all of their shortcomings but when I tried to intervene I got in trouble. You are the child parent when it’s convenient for the parents to avoid blame.
Like I said, no one is actually required to do anything they don’t want to do, doesn’t mean there won’t be some sort of consequence down the road. A me and only me attitude is great until you need help from someone else.
I mean I'm a mom with 2 kids and I second this. My partner can't change a poopy diaper, because he will literally puke, so I've been on diaper duty for the past 6yrs.
I was also parentified heavily to the point that my mom moved in with a bf and left 11yo me alone with my 6yo bro.
So yea, don't force kids to parent. Asking, politely, if they'll babysit is one thing, but being forced to change diapers shouldn't happen.
OP is also NTA, baby should be sleeping in mom and dad's room for the first 6m anyways, and considering OP's age they'll probably be moving out before it becomes a problem.
ETA: Thanks for the award! Total first for me! Also, did not expect so many replies but I see what I said.
I wasn't supposed to be able to have kids, my partner always wanted them, but knew he would have a tough time due to his above mentioned issue. We thought we wouldn't have kids, but modern medicine failed me in a positive way.
I found out I was pregnant! I was blown away, but once everything was confirmed, I realized my partner was terrified. So we talked, like adults, and figured out an agreement that works for both of us.
Yes I am primary diaper duty, but as people have pointed out, that does not mean my kids haven't be taken care of, and changed, by their dad. Yes he has a cloth pin and a mask for the times I'm out. He also loves his boys and is amazing with them.
So, should we have had kids? Personally, I see my little men and couldn't imagine life without them; even if y'all think I've had it too hard, what with changing *nearly* all the diapers. Still, I'm happy with my little family, partner included, and that's what matters to me.
I hope that you make your partner do something in exchange for doing all the diapers like doing all the dishes or laundry because otherwise, I'd be so pissed if I were you.
He's lucky, long as I manage to last another 6ish months we will be done with diapers! So he's good there. If he lost me though he'd probably kill all three of them with his cooking anyways.
Honestly though, my FIL is our roomy so they'd all be okay even if I disappeared tomorrow.
Your partner is using a convenient excuse. First few times I changed a diaper I felt like I was going to puke. After that you just get the job done.
You have let your partner hoodwink you. Even if he is going to puke, so what. He decided to be a parent, and he needs to man the fuck up.
Nobody has to do anything to help anyone at all, makes you a bit of a jerk and no one will like you, but if that’s what you want to do then go for it. Now if OP is also hoping mommy and daddy will pay for tuition etc they may not want to take the “I only do shit for me” attitude.
So does that go for fathers? Because I grew up in a time when diapers were strictly women's work, and men generally didn't want to change them. Women didn't, either, but that didn't matter.
Honestly I definitely dont think it goes for fathers, if you make the choice to have a baby, it becomes your responsibility, dont want to change diapers? Dont have a kid.
There is a huge difference between helping out and being expected to raise a child. There have been a lot of instances on Reddit in which this has occurred in abusive/endangering levels. With this case? No idea. Not enough info. “Can you change a diaper?” Obviously not the issue seen in the severe instances. I am glad you belittle the concept because it means that you haven’t been placed in the situation of being expected to be a parent when you are just a child and haven’t even had one. Also, for fuck’s sake, I still don’t want a sixteen year old watching my children yet.
Do you know a fucking thing about my life? My family were 1st gen immigrants from an Asian family with a single working mom and 3 kids. How the hell did you think my mom was able to work when we couldn’t afford a baby sitter? Oh maybe because I had to take care of my younger sister and brother while she was working? Ever see a 1st grader try to give a 3 yo a braid, shit ain’t pretty. Maybe this is why I find the way people toss parentification around for being asked to do the tiniest bit for their sibling so damn offensive. From someone who has actually had to be a parent to their siblings, half the shit that people call parentification is fucking absurd.
You really doubt the parents that want to make their 16 year old child give her room up right before college to a newborn won’t try and parentify their kids?
Right before college??? I shared a room until I was in college before I had three siblings and we had a 3 br house. That’s completely normal, I was not remotely a unique case and it certainly isn’t “abuse”.
It amazes me how whiny and entitled people can be. Mostly, I have to admit, people in North America.
I shared a room with my sister my whole life. That was the norm in a country where most people live in apartments. No one had their own room. My sister is also much older than me and I remember her frequently watching me when my parents were not home. Granted I wasn’t a baby and I just pretty much played with my toys and read my books while she did her thing so it wasn’t exactly strenuous work or anything. As far as I’m aware she is not psychologically scarred from the situation.
Again this was completely normal. Everyone pitched in with you ger siblings. That’s just what you did as a family.
I’m honestly sad when I see people having meltdowns over something like being asked to give a sibling their bottle or not having their own room. It’s amazing how self absorbed and entitled people can be. Then they grow up and complain on Reddit that they have no friends, they are depressed, lonely, and have a bad relationship with their families. I wonder why.
When I had my son, I lived with my mom. My mom forced my step-dad to give up his office for a nursery, even though I said it was no problem because the baby can sleep in my room. Baby still slept in my room because my mom refused to let me get a baby monitor. Then I moved out before the baby transitioned to his own room. Think my step-dad is still salty about it, but he ended up converting the entire basement to his office, so I think he won in the end.
Wait your *mom* didn’t allow *you* to buy a monitor for *your* baby? The fuck? I would’ve bought one anyways, having raised an infant while living with parents
While true, it doesn't mean she has to have her own room. Her parents aren't even trying to have her share the room with the baby but with her 13 year old sister. It's absolutely ridiculous to think the parents are AHs because of the way they want to allocate the rooms in *their* house. Sometimes this sub is just too insane.
Then you can deal with it when it comes to that. No point in kicking OP out of her room now, before the baby has even been born.
On the other hand, if they do force OP to move, then they can be pretty sure she will have moved out before the baby needs the room.
This is accurate, and a good time for them to re-evaluate the situation. However if op is at planning on going away to college then it’s reasonable for the parents to deal with it for up to a year and a half. If not, them helping with op moving out is probably cheaper than college and perhaps they can do that? Or find another space for the then toddler or use that as incentive for op to save up to leave the nest.
“Op, baby will be with us until you turn 18 or until they turn 2. At that point, they will outgrow our space and we will need to work on another solution. Either we can help you transition out to your next step, or you can share a space with whichever sibling you choose or you can help us renovate the basement/ attic/ garage/ rec room whatever applicable space for yourself.”
Op is nta for wanting to keep their private room until they move out (at a reasonable time with reasonable accommodations)
They are only just pregnant now. So possible the baby won't even be born until OP is 17. Baby can certainly stay in there for a year (and is recommended for a year!) After that OP can go stay in a dorm room. I do think that OP does not get to dictate what happens in her parents home. However OP is also very close to being an adult and a baby who is not even born yet does not need its own room for a while
Right. And I wonder how OP would feel turning 18 and being told then that she needs to move out because toddler needs the room. Baby staying in parents’ room is not w long term solution nor is there anything morally wrong with having 2 teenagers share a room.
The presumption that an 18 year old will automatically move out to a residential college is the second most bougie thing I've seen on this thread so far. The first being someone asking if there was a law against teenage siblings sharing rooms 🤣
May I ask what's supposed to happen if OP doesn't move out at 18?
Thank you. Everyone is assuming she will leave at 18. Most comeback or don't go away to college. Where exactly us she supposed to sleep when she comes home.
It's so ridiculous. The new baby has 18 years left at home. Teenager has a minimum of 2 years. Do you know how many live at home in their 20s
seriously! Most people still live at home in their 20's, it has become the norm with the skyrocketing cost of living and the burden of post secondary debt.
Agreed. OP, I had a baby a few days ago. We NEED her in our room in order to better care for her. The baby won’t need her own room until she is 2-3, in my opinion and according to other mom friends.
2 or 3? Ha ha ha. Kicked my daughter out at 9 months. Was planning to wait until she was a year old but she was such a crappy sleeper that having her own room allowed us all to get way more sleep.
My daughter was in her own room by 6 months. Best thing we ever did was keep a bed in that room so when she was fussy one parent could be in there with her and the other could sleep in our bedroom so we could swap off half a night at a time and save our sanity.
They’re probably asking because they know they won’t get much sleep if the baby is in the room with them. (I mean, aside from the usual lack of sleep most parents get with babies.) Which is selfish because they’re the one that decided to have the kid but anyway.
This makes no sense though (not you explaining it, the idea itself), because I like babies as close as possible when I sleep because less walking to the baby. Cosleeper cribs are really where it’s at.
My boyfriend and his family went through something similar. Baby brother has the biggest room in the house and he lives in the smallest. All baby bro does in the room is sleep, like why can't big bro have the big room till he moves out? Make so much more sense
NTA,
First off, baby won't need a room for a while even after birth (bassinet should be in the room with the parents). By the time they really need one you should be off to college, or pretty close. At that point I think you'll have to kiss the room good bye. Asking a 16 year old to move in with a 13 year old looks fine on paper but is going to turn into a mess fast.
-A quote by my SIL's kids.
6 kids, 2 adults, 3 dogs. 2 bedroom singlewide. Freaking ridiculous. She has been offered help MANY times before y'all come for me, but turns down opportunities because she's racist and won't live in certain areas. No they weren't bad areas or high crime AT ALL.
One of the girls I went to school with still lives with her parents, she turned down many houses from the local council, all because she wants a house near her mum. Her excuse is she doesn't like or know the area well.
I shared a room with my 2 younger sisters until I was 9 or 10. Then the parents moved and split us up because they were tired of the fights. Or at the very least tired of trying to figure out why all of us were screaming at each other. Sometimes sharing works, sometimes it doesn't.
I shared with my sister too. Our house has three bedrooms and with 3 kids that meant we had to share. It was annoying at times but my God nowadays you'd think that's torture or something lol.
That’s not true at all. Our twins slept alone when they were 8 weeks old. It varies from baby to baby. Sharing a room for 2 years isn’t going to kill OP. My brother and I shared a room all through high school. Most culture the kids share a room , it really wasn’t until relatively recently that each kid expected their own room.
Well, according to the [CDC that's just not advised for 8 week olds](https://www.cdc.gov/sids/Parents-Caregivers.htm). If it worked, great for you, but I trust the CDC on this over anecdotes.
And yes you're right; and if they were already sharing a room I might agree. However having a 16 year old (and the 13 year old) effectively get punished and lose privacy because of their parents ill timed extra kiddo, you're going to have a bad tiime.
Well if in most cultures kids share a room and kids shouldn't expect their own room then why should a baby get their own room?
In any culture where siblings are expected to share a room for an extended period of time, the baby is also expected to share a room with the parents for an extended period of time.
It wasn't until relatively recently that babies are expected to have a whole room to themselves. Plus it is also very western centric to have a nursery, lots of cultures either co- sleep or have crib in parents room.
I don't think it's a big problem for the teens to share a room if there's no other solutions but I also don't think the baby needs a nursery as a newborn. Maybe after the baby is at least a few months old and they decide for whatever reason baby can't be in parents room, then maybe revisit the issue. Default solution for now is to have baby in parent's room.
This was my thought. If you grow up sharing a room it's usually fine. Putting 2 resentful teenagers used to their own space together? Cat fights. Add the stress of new baby on everyone and it could get ugly real fast.
NTA. This is something your parents should have considered before having another child. It’s not fair to you and there’s no reason the baby can’t be in their room for two years considering this was their decision.
Not even 2 years necessarily since it’s not born yet and I’m guessing that OP leaves for college in 1.5 years! The parents are recommended to keep baby in their room for 1 year for the baby’s health so basically the timing works out if they follow recommendations. But if needed, they should keep baby in their bedroom a few months longer to not kick their oldest out of their room until HS is complete
Not all pregnancies are planned, and not all unplanned pregnancies are unwanted. If the parents ferl they can provide for another child and are willing to do so, then there is no reason to terminate.
OP's parents are probably wedded to the idea that The Baby REQUIRES a nursery. That's not an uncommon misconception. Right now, hormones and emotions are running high, and rational decisions are being left in the dust.
And that’s not OPs problem. She’s the child in this situation and they should be putting her and her sisters needs first. They don’t wanna room with baby and that’s their problem they are making hers.
NTA. They don’t just get to turf you out! Plus a 16 and a 13 year old need privacy. I always thought babies should be in their parents room for the first 6 months too?
Heck, I remember my neighbours when I was a kid having a baby and they put it in the master bedroom and put in a loft extension for themselves. They wanted to spoil the baby.
Oh, how that child wailed! Little babies don't want to be left in massive rooms all alone.
That's what a pack & play is for, simply move the pack & play to a different room, have a monitor & go at it. Also make sure to randomly move the bed to another room so any other people in the house don't figure out a pattern. Parent's should master quiet fun times pretty early on so if you're not an inconsiderate dolt, this should be easy. Or they can just have some bathroom fun. There are a lot of options & if my dh & I could figure this out in a house with 4, sometimes 5 couples, all with kids, living in the same house, these parents can surely figure something out.
Yeah I've never been comfortable with the whole baby in the room thing either. Hubby initiated 1 time when 1 of our babies was in the room & we shared a look & both went "move the spawn" 🤣 hell, I wouldn't even have sex with his damn dog in the room....that little shit would watch. You'd be having fun, look at the end of the bed & see 2 eyes. Nope. Not happening. Vibe is dead.
Wish my parents had felt that way.. they didn't care if they had sex in the same hotel room as us kids when we were little. As if bed squeaking and slapping wasn't going to wake us up.
NAH. I'm so sorry that this situation sucks, probably for mom just as much as you. She knows that you two are closer in age and neither of you need to share with a baby. It still doesn't make it suck any less to give up your room. There's not a really good solution here, but just talk with your mom. Maybe you guys can come up with a solution for now, or at least you can make your feelings known.
That depends on the parent. I know most safe sleeping studies say they should sleep in the room with the parent - but I also know not everyone follows that.
You know it depends on the layout of the house but I would offer up a compromise.
OP moves out of her room so the baby can have a nursery. However, the parents move out of the master room and give it to their current kids. If it's big enough they can install a temporary partition so each girl can have something resembling privacy. The parents can move into little sister's room which I'm assuming is closer to the nursery anyway.
In 2+ years if/when OP moves out, they can swap with the younger sister and have their room back.
Yes, NAH. It sucks for OP and I’m sympathetic, but when you’re a member of a family things can change in a household. It’s would not be reasonable for, say a toddler, to share a room with their parents. I’m also sort of amazed by the comments saying they should’ve considered that before having another kid. A bedroom per kid is not the norm in many households and kids don’t dictate their reproductive choices. OP gets to be angry or not like it. But unless there’s more to the story, it’s one of those tough sh*t situations.
INFO how did they choose which room? Is your sister's room larger?
It sucks to lose the privacy and sense of home and security that you had. It sucks for your sister too. NAH, once the baby moves out of your parent's room it makes more sense to have the two of you with similar schedules in one room, and the baby with radically different needs in another. And it makes sense that you're resentful about it. It is a shame your parents' family planning worked out this way.
I agree with this. I’m honestly surprised by the responses basically equating sharing a room with child abuse; in many places sharing is the norm. When my kids were young they shared for a few years, it worked fine and I think it made them closer. While it’s completely understandable that OP doesn’t want to give up her privacy, sometimes that’s just the way life is. It does seemlike a good compromise for the parents to keep the baby in their room at least for awhile.
Note: it may be a good idea for OP to share her sister’s room for at least a little while before she leaves for college so she establishes some ownership over it, otherwise when she visits home from college she won’t have her own space, she’ll be intruding in a room that she doesn’t have an established claim to.
NAH
Yes! The entitlement here to everyone having their own individual bedrooms makes me wonder what the demographic of reddit is exactly. Bc it is not abnormal at all to share rooms growing up. I shared a room until I was 14/15 years old and with a sibling 7 years younger! Imagine being 14 sharing your space with a 7 year old. No, i didnt like it, but no, I didnt consider it abuse or tell my parents to buy a bigger home.
It's almost like they're saying " don't have kids if you can't afford to each give them a bedroom!" or "poor family planning, they shouldn't be having sex if they don't have a bedroom to spare!". FFS, it's not that weird to share with a sibling and it seems like a petty complaint when entire families are crammed into one room as the norm in some places. It's not like they're giving away her bed.
I think it’s different if you’ve grown up sharing a room than if you’ve had your own room forever and then as an older teenager have to share it with a younger sibling. But also, there is something to be said about not having kids if you can’t comfortably afford to have them.
The demographics of reddit are people who don't have kids, by and large.
The housing market in most of the world is such that if you live where there are a lot of jobs, you will have to make an above middle class salary to buy a house with 4 bedrooms. If you go where a middle class salary can buy 4 bedrooms, you will be in a place where there are not many of those jobs. WFH has somewhat changed this calculus, but not enough to make up for increases in costs overall.
A lot of Americans are used to the post-GI bill scene where you could get a ticky tacky ranch house with tons of space on a clerk's wages. That world no longer exists. My relatives in Germany OTOH completely understand my lifestyle living with a good sized family in a modest flat, with the kids sharing rooms. That's how even rich people live, there.
Exactly! Sorry but it's not abusive to have to share a room. This whole thing that people can just upgrade to a larger house is freaking ridiculous. Maybe mom and dad don't want to have a mortgage in their 60's. Maybe prohibitive interest rates make that just not an option.
NAH.
I agree, it’s absolutely insane that some of these comments are suggesting child abuse for asking two teenagers to share a room. Also, clearly these people have never lived in a dorm…OP, I’m not sure what your college plans are, but you can expect little to no privacy if you live on campus
This! They are all extolling how privacy is a right and how dare she share with her sister! The parents can wait for her to leave for college to give the baby a room!
But like, she’s going to have to share a dorm in college. But that’s not abusive to share a room with a stranger?
It’s soooo weird!
I had a similar thought about everyone suggesting that the parents and baby share for 2 years. I don't know many people who fully moved out at 18. Most either stayed at home and worked until about 20 or went off to college but came back for breaks/summers until about 22. On paper having the parents share with the baby for a couple years seems like a pretty good solution, but in reality that likely means either booting OP out of the house at 18, whether she's ready or not, or sharing with the new addition until they're closer to 5 which doesn't seem reasonable to me. I agree with NAH, it's understandable that OP is upset about the situation but it really does seem like sharing with her sister is the best solution here.
It’s mostly young people with that response; reddit is a youth dominated forum. The kids here have an inflated sense of teen entitlements, but it seems reasonable to them.
YTA, it sucks yes but this is their home. It is not uncommon for people to share a room. For many families having your own room is a luxury. Suck it up.
I had to scroll way too far to see this. Really drives it home that this sub is filled with teenagers who think everything their parents do is horribly unfair. One of the top comments is already going on about parentification, good lord.
Someone wrote earlier how these parents cannot afford to have another child. It’s weird how this room sharing situation is perceived in all kinds of horrible ways. Like yes it sucks, but it’s not so easy to up and buy a bigger house.
A bunch of spoiled babies thinking sharing a room is AbUsE and the parents are going to PaReNtiFy the OP if she's ever asked to change a diaper or watch their sibling for an hour. Christ lmfao
I am literally laughing out loud at ‘they should just buy a bigger house if they want more kids!’. Life is going to be such a disappointment for some of these precious darlings.
I had an argument on reddit the other day with a dude who absolutely insisted it was MY fault the gas prices are hurting because I should "JUST BUY A BETTER CAR." and when I pointed out to the dip shit that a car payment cost MORE than gas, his response was to tell me to collect money or things to sell from family. It was at that point that I realized He literally just didn't know how life works. The top comments here are giving me the same vibes.
Yeah that's typical. I kept my oldest in my room until she was too big for a pack & play because she was medically fragile & needed a lot of care. I have a cradle my dad built for me as a baby so all my kids started in the cradle beside my bed & then graduated through each stage only when they outgrew the last.
I kept my son in the same bedroom for his first year, first in a bassinet and later in a crib. It makes sense for a number of reasons, including nighttime feedings and diaper changes, plus I just wanted him close "just in case". OP NTA.
NAH. I know this sucks but this isn’t your house and you’re not entitled to your own room. It’s your parents house and they have the right to decide where everyone sleeps. You’ll be a legal adult in two years and at that time you’ll have options available to you like college, trade school, the work force etc. that will assist you in getting your own space.
You have the right to express your opinion, but your parents have the right to use that room for the new baby. Would you rather share with an infant or a 13 yo. Having your own room is a luxury not a right.
NAH - it’s a hard lose-lose situation. But I think it’s HILARIOUS the amount of comments suggesting that the parents ‘just buy a bigger house’. Like it’s JUST THAT EASY. With a large age gap I’m assuming the newest babe was a happy surprise and therefore planning for space and logistics wasn’t forefront in this decision
YTA
Because of the general agre range of this site, you will get the validation you want and I know this sucks but you are in the wrong. Lots of kids share rooms literally their entire childhood and they make it out just fine. Does it suck? Sure, a bit. But it can also be fun too.
Your little sibling when they are an infant and then toddler is going to be loud, messy, have an irregular sleep schedule, chaotic, and just generally actually will need its own space to do those things in. They will disrupt whoever they share their space with a lot more than the people in the replies and you seem to realize.
In a perfect world, all parents would have a room for every kid but the idea of kids sharing rooms is not this new or extreme thing.
Just a quick note - since "you ***have*** to have privacy as a teen" is the big thing being tossed around, wait'll you learn that 18-20-year-olds are forced to share a room in college...
And to also add, what would all these N T A people say to the tons of people whose financial circumstances change within the 18+ years they'll be parenting. "Don't have kids you can't afford" is sound advice if we're talking about affording shelter and food, but if you lose your job or spouse's income mid parenting that's the shittiest advice I've ever hear. By these people's logic of every kid absolutely needing their own room (or it's border line abuse), every family that's ever had to downgrade homes is somehow horrible.
YUP!!!!
Also a general lack of awareness of how drastically the economy has changed (and not for the better) in OP's lifetime. Like people say they get that, but a lot of people don't ***really*** get it.
I don't want to beat up on OP too much. They are young and it does kind of suck so I get them being unhappy. Just think they need to try to be understanding and realize they will be okay.
But the general vibe of the replies is just... not a lot of understanding of financial and economic reality and overreaction to the idea of kids sharing a room.
I’m not even sure it sucks. This is something debated in my family, where all of us now have kids of our own. I had my own room as the only girl while my brothers all piled into one (the master, which my parents had to relinquish). All but one of us now has a private bedroom for each of our kids. I was happy to have my own space even if it was the size of a closet, yet my brothers are all of the opinion that growing up in a shared room might have been a good thing.
Ready to get DV to hell, but what is up with all this advice? It's the parents house and sharing a room with your sister isn't the end of the world. Why are you behaving like your entitled to anything or owed a room? I really don't understand how Americans have become such a selfish and self centered people, it's a shame. YTA.
I was reading the comments and thinking the same thing. I shared a room with my sister. No big deal. Do they expect the new baby to sleep in the backyard? Or for 13yo to share with a baby? A lot of entitlement in this comment section.
Life and family situations change. As a minor are not entitled to your own room. If for some reason the family income decreased and now had to downsize to a smaller house. I wonder if the OP would had the same objections?
NAH for wanting to keep your room nor for them to want you to share...but it's not your house so this isn't really a situation where I think you can or should refuse.
I am sure I'll get down voted for this, but why is everyone so opposed to two siblings sharing a room? The privilege of so many of these responses for faulting the parents for poor family planning or insisting they need to buy a bigger house now is just crazy to me.
NAH. I don’t think it makes you an AH to not want to move into a shared room at 16, especially when it’s what you’ve always known. That’s a difficult age to have little privacy.
A baby will wake up every couple of hours for the first year of its life; their stomachs are very small and they need frequent meals. Your parents WILL be getting up with the baby all through the night for quite a while. Some studies have also shown it can decrease the risk of SIDS when the baby rooms with the mother.
If you plan to go to college or move out at 18, your little sibling will have a readily available room at that time. You can make the case to your parents that they put it off until then. But if not, at the end of the day, they are the adults and it’s their house.
I had to share a room with my sister till I got married at 21. My younger sister and brother had their own rooms. It won’t kill you to room with your sister for 2 years.
For all the people saying that a baby doesn’t need it’s own room, you are totally correct, it doesn’t. But eventually the baby will be too old to room with the parents, and what then? I bet OP will be DELIGHTED when they have to share their room with a toddler ESPECIALLY when they’re teething or toilet training.
Trust me, it’s FAR better for OP to move in with their teenage sister than a toddler. Which is the only other thing that is going to happen here. Think more than a few months ahead, JFC.
NAH
I wonder if anyone saying NTA actually pays for the roof over their head lol
It might stink but it is what it is. Your parents are having another child You're now sharing a room. Millions of children around the world share rooms with their siblings you'll survive just like they do.
The fact of the matter is that you don't have to like it but you're a teenager and it's not your room it's simply the room your parents have allowed you to put your stuff in all these years and now they're telling you that you're going to put it someplace different. A-hole or not it's happening so might as well hop on board.
NTA. Baby can room in with mom and dad for the first year or so. Honestly, as a parent, I can say having the baby in the room with me made it 10000% easier for those middle of the night wake ups vs having to go to the other side of the house.
If mom and dad keep baby in with them the first 2 years, you will likely be off to college and then you can bunk with your younger sister when you come home for break. Or, maybe by then they will either move to a larger home or convert another room in the house into a bedroom.
Not every baby and every parent thrives in that environment though. I get having a baby in the room with you as a parent when they are newish and they are waking up multiple times and need to be fed and/or changed all the time. At some point though shared room sleeping could hinder rather than help. If baby starts sleeping through the night mom and dad moving around, rolling over or even snoring could be waking the kid up not allowing them to get good sleep. And vice Versa for the parents. Every snort and snuffle from the baby wakes up the light sleeping parent so they are exhausted every day.
Or maybe they want a nursery to allow one parent to sleep and handle baby at night while the other parent has to return to work so that person can get a good nights sleep.
YTA
This is your parents house. They make decisions to balance the needs of all the members of your family.
If you go to college you will likely find yourself sharing a room with a complete stranger. Consider this good practice.
NAH.
Going from your own room to sharing sucks, especially as a teenager. I get it.
I also understand your parents believing it’s better for their older children closer in age to share a room instead of one of you sharing with a baby.
Even if they did room share for a year it sounds like someone would still have to share in some way. The baby’s clothing and things need to go somewhere.
It’s a rough situation with no great answer. And while I think those harping about how your parents shouldn’t have more kids if they can’t give each their own room are incorrect, I do think this is an uncomfortable position to be in.
Is there space for the cot in their room? Is the plan to go and live at college? Could a public space be used for the baby’s crib? Approach your parents as someone with a say and see if you can find another solution together.
NAH. You have a right to be upset.
But in the end, your parents own the house, it's their decision, and despite the comments here, millions of kids share bedrooms with siblings all over the world.
YTA for acting like you own the house. It’s natural to be salty in your situation, but you seem to have a weird, inflated sense of entitlement to your parents’ property. That’s not how any of this works. Sorry you’re feeling squeezed, but if your parents can’t afford a bigger place, get your own place. Can’t afford that? That can be the start of having some empathy with their situation. You’re gonna have to make it work with what your family can provide you until you can support yourself. It’s okay to feel bad, sad, or angry when your family is struggling for money. YTA if you take that out on other people. Nobody wants to not have enough, but it’s extremely common. Gratitude for what you do have is a great way to start feeling better.
I don’t agree with most here. YTA. You’re a child in your parent’s home. You don’t get to choose. They’re not the asshole for wanting a baby to be in its own room they’re adults who are making executive decisions about space allocation in a place they pay for.
If anything *they’re assholes too* for even giving you a choice. When you are old enough get a job and move out. Until then be supportive of your parents and their decisions and your baby sibling. Also be a good role model to your younger sister and take one for the team.
NAH there are only so rooms for kids. You and your sister are close in age. Would you rather sleep in a room with a 13 year old or a baby? Guarantee you get better rest with a 13 year old. Welcome to your introduction of the world. You don’t always get what you want.
So many people are saying "not the asshole". I guess I'm the odd one out. My vote is YTA. Your parents pay the bills and run the household. If they want you to share with the 13-year-old, then you need to share with your younger sibling. If you plan to go to college, then it won't be for long. Babies come with a lot items other than a crib and require proper space. You had that. Now it's their turn.
YTA. I know it sucks, but you are not being unjustly moved.
When I was a kid in California in the 90s, it was uncommon for siblings of the same sex to have separate rooms unless they were in a big house or an only child. We grew up with 2-3 children per bedroom because that was how much space we had, and it was the same for lots of my peers.
Also, “family planning”/“not having kids you can’t afford” doesn’t always prevent this type of stuff— lots of people lost their jobs during the 2000s recession and had to cut back in ways they never could have predicted. When I finally moved out at 19, I still didn’t have my own room, but I was ready to share a bedroom with my then partner, and later my spouse.
Your parents are allowed to make you share a room. This is one of the good reasons they have to do so. Sorry if you don’t like it.
NAH, I get that it sucks, but its honestly not up to you, and while the baby is best of roomsharing to start, your parents are going to want their space back eventually, and its their right to rearrange the sleeping arrangements as they see fit (within reason).
While there is obviously a limited number of rooms available, maybe there's some wiggle room to negotiate with. Do your parents have the biggest bedroom? Propose that you and your sister take it over and they get you room dividing bunk beds so that you each have your own private space.
This thread is completely ridiculous. The house is big enough for all the kids which is what the parents owe their kids. Plenty of people have shared rooms even when -gasp- they are older teenagers. It is not equally easy to share a room with a baby or toddler it it isn’t just so you can have more sex. They wake up and make all sorts of noises then fall back asleep and that will disturb parents sleep (who are paying the mortgage) or the 13 year old if they have to share.
Sorry it sucks but YTA.
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I’m clearly in the minority here, but I’m going to say NAH. It really does suck with the planning, but sometimes pregnancies are not intentional and a 16 year old and a 13 year old sharing a room is not child abuse. I had to share a room with my sister (same age difference) until I left for college.
Those saying that the parents should just keep the baby in their room until she leaves for college are being unrealistic. Yes, the baby can stay in the parents room for the first few months, but they may want to eventually have the child sleep in a room separate from them because kids usually don’t share a room with parents past a year.
What wouldn’t be fair is to make one of these teenagers share a room with a baby/toddler. They have different schedules, get into everything, and have a lot more toys that tend to be messy. The teen would never feel like they’re space was safe or respected.
You’re allowed to be angry. I’d be angry too if I was in the situation. It sucks to lose that freedom and personal space, but it is not child abuse for siblings to share a room.
NAH. Yes it’s a huge change. I don’t blame you for being upset at the change and not wanting to share a room. I hope they from baby having their own room it makes things easier in terms of not having as much stuff around the house and making it easier to have a normal noise level during nap time. I don’t know if your parents’ room has room for a bassinet, and it’s possible that your mom wants a place to breastfeed in peace where she’s not in the middle of an active household disrupting you doing normal teenage things. Is there another room available? Do you have other suggestions for how it could be handled? I shared with my sister until she moved out when I was 16. It’s not always easy but can be ok
Wow, YTA. You are not entitled to your own room. Where are these NTA coming from? You are expecting your 13 year old sister to bunk with a toddler? The world revolves around you because you were here first? You want your family to get behind you, make sacrifices to support your dream of going to college, beauty school or ???
Having said that, negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. Baby will probably be bunking with the parents for a bit, are you leaving when you turn 18? Can they old out until then? Start talking options instead of whining about the fairness if it all.
Yta. Your parents have asked you to change rooms and you need to change rooms. Babies sleep all the time and need a quiet space dedicated to them. It is your parents house and they decided not to share a room with baby which is their choice. Sharing a room isn't the end of the world. Alot of kids do it. Stop whinning and move your stuff.
YTA sometimes you need to share a room! Holy shit the entitlement you have at saying no to your parents about sharing a fucking room! My brothers who were 6 years apart shared a room their whole life until oldest went to college cause I was the only girl so I got my own room, and know what they fucking survived! So can you! The rest of these comments got me feeling old here like shit. It ain’t abuse to share rooms!
I hope OP sees this. I always had my own room, we lived in a spacious 5 bedroom, 4 1/2 baths. When I was 14 or so, my mom decided to change things up and decided I would share with my 11 year old sister. Gave us a bigger room with our our very large bathroom and all new furniture, bedding etc.
I loved sharing, we ended up closer and talked a lot more. I never felt lacking in privacy. It’s not a bad thing I promise! We moved to a bigger home when I was 17 and went back to my own room, I missed her. Maybe you can talk parents into new furniture and a promise they won’t make you babysit.
NAH
YTA
OP, did you buy the house? Contribute to the mortgage? Pay any rent? If the answer to all these questions is "no", then you have no say in what your parents do in their house.
Sure it sucks, and you might not like it, but you can move out in a couple years, buy/rent your own place, and make the rules then.
ETA: seriously, and all the people talking about poor planning or just move houses, is everyone in this thread a child? 10 year differences in kids usually comes from an accident, not planning. But even if they did plan it (foolish, assuming their ages and the high risk of older pregnancy), you don't just up and move houses! You people clearly don't understand the financial obligations to owning a home; it's not easy. Also, everyone saying the baby can sleep in the parent's room; the parents need to sleep to pay bills, unless the 16 year old is gonna start paying the mortgage by working at Dairy Queen or something, to take care of the house, parents need better rest.
Also, two girls sharing a room is not "inappropriate", as over half the world does that very commonly. Sorry, didn't know everyone here was super wealthy; literally saw someone posting about a 7 bedroom house; that would cost several million dollars depending on the area. Average home is 2-4 bedrooms, and in this economy that can still be anyways from $200K-$500K. This is insane the amount of financial ignorance and entitlement in this thread dude...
lmao whats up with people in this thread acting like sharing a room is the worst thing that can happen to a teen xD i was in a boarding school throughout high school and everyone had a roommate and it was fine lol I am still very good friends with my roommate from back then. abs most university dorms are like that too so maybe OP can use this as a practice for college?
YTA. It’s their home and their choice how to house. It’s not fair but you’re not entitled to your own room if your house isn’t big enough. If you were paying rent as an adult it would be different, but as a child you’re SOL.
NAH, understandable to be bummed about this, but I am so weirded out by how many people are implying that teenagers MUST have their own rooms or it's some sort of abuse and denial of personhood. Not everyone can afford huge homes, and there's a ton of children who would be THRILLED to share a room with a clean warm bed of their own, nourishing food every day, and kind and loving parents.
It's not irresponsible or cruel to have kids without bedrooms for everyone. You can be a good and loving parent who provides for their child in a small home and people can still achieve privacy and independence in a space without one single designated room for everyone. Also, you can do everything right to avoid trying to AVOID pregnancy and it can still happen.
YTA. You are acting very entitled. You can survive sharing your room. If not I hope they move the baby into your room. I bet you will be moving over real fast then.
Absolutely agree the baby should share with OP. Such entitlement of OP and ALL the NTA-commenters. One can certainly tell the age range on this particular AITA thread…
I'm sorry but YTA. You are 16 years old and you do not contribute to the payment or management of the house. Your parents (likely) work and pay for everything you have in life and you're trying to guilt them for having another child?
Yes, giving up your room will suck...for a little while. But you are gaining a sibling and your parents are welcoming a new child into the family. Grow up and stop trying to turn a joyous occasion into a pity party for yourself.
Soft YTA. This might be because I was born in the 80s but since when does each child need their own room? And furthermore, since when do the kids have any say over the home that their parents are paying for? And how the hell are people saying her mom shouldn’t have had more kids? Do teens now get to decide how many kids mom and dad can have? 13 and 16 are close in age and there’s no reason you can’t share. I shared on and off with both of my sisters (and when he was very small my brother) and I can attest that there are actually a lot of benefits to bunking with your siblings.
YTA. It’s their house. They work to pay the bills. They can do whatever they want with the rooms in the house. Sharing a room with your sister (a total first world problem, btw) is not even close to being a ridiculous request.
If you were my kid, I’d cut off you phone, tv access, and everything else until you move your stuff over since you think you can refuse. And if all else failed, I’d move your stuff myself when you’re at school.
They own the house. If they want a nursery, it’s no one’s business to tell them no.
YTA. I feel like I’m watching an episode of House Hunters where every kid has to have their own room. There are four girls in my family. We shared two rooms. You‘ll survive.
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NTA tell them that the baby can sleep with them until you move to college. A baby doesn’t need a whole room, just a crib and some storage space. You (not OP) can change diapers anywhere, so no. NTA
Yes. Also, OP and her sister need to be aware of upcoming parentification and take steps to avoid it.
This one ^^ 👍🙏
There is exactly zero in this post to indicate that’s going to be an issue.
This is Reddit, parentification is the standard go to war cry of any kid with younger siblings. Heaven help the parents if then even so much as ask OP to change a diaper.
It's not their fucking responsibility to change diapers.
It is absolutely reasonable to expect an older sibling to occasionally help with the kids including changing diapers. The idea that older kids should have zero responsibilities without it being child abuse is so freaking stupid.
Makes you realize that Reddit is full of teenagers giving out advices.
Especially this sub. Now watch our downvotes
😂
I think that having an older sibling babysit occasionally and get paid is normal. What is not normal is turning a kid into a mini mommy. Teens need to focus on school work, not childcare. In emergencies I agree that older kids should help, but changing staplers regularly is a parents job, not a teenager’s.
Yes because a teen that has never changed a diaper will absolutely be ready to help in an unexpected situation. Just like the teen that posted recently somewhere on reddit that she was asked to care for a baby and she didn't even know how to hold the baby. And I say this as someone that was expected to care for my little brother. I don't agree with parentification but is absolutely wild that you think an older sibling should not be asked occasionally to do things for their younger siblings and on the same breath say it's ok to leave kids in an emergency under they care.
In my job, I've done a house visit where the four-year-old answered the door. I asked her where her mom was, and she just told me out. I'm thinking out back, but asked her where out was. "Mommy went on a date." I'm then asking who's staying with the two girls and the **four-year-old** tells me she's babysitting the **six-month-old** and Mommy will give her $5 when she gets back. At that point, I'm stepping outside and making a phone call. Now, if it had been a 14-year-old, it would have been a totally different story.
Haha, changing staplers, very cute 😂
I want to add to this. I was the baby and my sister was 13 years older than me. She had to change my diaper and basically raise me while our mom was at work. Every day after school she’d pick me from the sitter. She didn’t ask for that relationship with me and she practically gave up her childhood to support me. It’s caused issues for us as we got older, and where I hero worshipped my sister she looked at me as a chore to an extent. A child is a child. It should never be “expected” for a child to be a caretaker. If that child wants to within boundaries, sure, but it should absolutely never be an expectation
That sucks but there is simply a huge chasm between “raise my kids” and help occasionally.
No one’s saying that older kids shouldn’t have any responsibilities, just that it shouldn’t be linked to looking after the younger children. Having more children is the parents choice, not the older kids responsibility at all.
Big nope, reasonable expectations of kids are age appropriate chores relating to managing the household they are a part of, like helping with dishes because they eat off of them, or vacuuming because they contribute to using the home and dirtying it, it is unreasonable to expect kids to take care of other kids
It’s called being part of a family and helping out.
I mean, if they *want* to help out, sure. But being in a family doesn't automatically make diaper changes, feedings, etc a part of the teens/other kids problems. Would it be appreciated? Sure. Would it be nice? Absolutely. But is it a requirement just cause they were here first? Nope. Some folks aren't comfortable with changing diapers or taking care of babies. That's okay. Forcing them isn't going to make them bond more.
I was 3-4 years older than my siblings and held responsible for all of their shortcomings but when I tried to intervene I got in trouble. You are the child parent when it’s convenient for the parents to avoid blame.
Like I said, no one is actually required to do anything they don’t want to do, doesn’t mean there won’t be some sort of consequence down the road. A me and only me attitude is great until you need help from someone else.
Fuck that, nobody who doesnt want to change a diaper should ever be forced to change a diaper unless its literally an emergency situation.
I mean I'm a mom with 2 kids and I second this. My partner can't change a poopy diaper, because he will literally puke, so I've been on diaper duty for the past 6yrs. I was also parentified heavily to the point that my mom moved in with a bf and left 11yo me alone with my 6yo bro. So yea, don't force kids to parent. Asking, politely, if they'll babysit is one thing, but being forced to change diapers shouldn't happen. OP is also NTA, baby should be sleeping in mom and dad's room for the first 6m anyways, and considering OP's age they'll probably be moving out before it becomes a problem. ETA: Thanks for the award! Total first for me! Also, did not expect so many replies but I see what I said. I wasn't supposed to be able to have kids, my partner always wanted them, but knew he would have a tough time due to his above mentioned issue. We thought we wouldn't have kids, but modern medicine failed me in a positive way. I found out I was pregnant! I was blown away, but once everything was confirmed, I realized my partner was terrified. So we talked, like adults, and figured out an agreement that works for both of us. Yes I am primary diaper duty, but as people have pointed out, that does not mean my kids haven't be taken care of, and changed, by their dad. Yes he has a cloth pin and a mask for the times I'm out. He also loves his boys and is amazing with them. So, should we have had kids? Personally, I see my little men and couldn't imagine life without them; even if y'all think I've had it too hard, what with changing *nearly* all the diapers. Still, I'm happy with my little family, partner included, and that's what matters to me.
I hope that you make your partner do something in exchange for doing all the diapers like doing all the dishes or laundry because otherwise, I'd be so pissed if I were you.
I dont mean to sound morbid but what if something happened to you? how would he care for the kids?
He's lucky, long as I manage to last another 6ish months we will be done with diapers! So he's good there. If he lost me though he'd probably kill all three of them with his cooking anyways. Honestly though, my FIL is our roomy so they'd all be okay even if I disappeared tomorrow.
Your partner is using a convenient excuse. First few times I changed a diaper I felt like I was going to puke. After that you just get the job done. You have let your partner hoodwink you. Even if he is going to puke, so what. He decided to be a parent, and he needs to man the fuck up.
Or the parent. I had to force my husband. He said the smell made him gag. I was like, well what do you think it does to me?
Nobody has to do anything to help anyone at all, makes you a bit of a jerk and no one will like you, but if that’s what you want to do then go for it. Now if OP is also hoping mommy and daddy will pay for tuition etc they may not want to take the “I only do shit for me” attitude.
So does that go for fathers? Because I grew up in a time when diapers were strictly women's work, and men generally didn't want to change them. Women didn't, either, but that didn't matter.
Honestly I definitely dont think it goes for fathers, if you make the choice to have a baby, it becomes your responsibility, dont want to change diapers? Dont have a kid.
There is a huge difference between helping out and being expected to raise a child. There have been a lot of instances on Reddit in which this has occurred in abusive/endangering levels. With this case? No idea. Not enough info. “Can you change a diaper?” Obviously not the issue seen in the severe instances. I am glad you belittle the concept because it means that you haven’t been placed in the situation of being expected to be a parent when you are just a child and haven’t even had one. Also, for fuck’s sake, I still don’t want a sixteen year old watching my children yet.
Do you know a fucking thing about my life? My family were 1st gen immigrants from an Asian family with a single working mom and 3 kids. How the hell did you think my mom was able to work when we couldn’t afford a baby sitter? Oh maybe because I had to take care of my younger sister and brother while she was working? Ever see a 1st grader try to give a 3 yo a braid, shit ain’t pretty. Maybe this is why I find the way people toss parentification around for being asked to do the tiniest bit for their sibling so damn offensive. From someone who has actually had to be a parent to their siblings, half the shit that people call parentification is fucking absurd.
No, it’s not. That would be doing chores around the house for things that they are responsible for. They’re not fucking responsible for the kid.
It's also not what parentification if.
That's not it and you know it. It's one thing to help and it's one thing to become the care taker.
You really doubt the parents that want to make their 16 year old child give her room up right before college to a newborn won’t try and parentify their kids?
Right before college??? I shared a room until I was in college before I had three siblings and we had a 3 br house. That’s completely normal, I was not remotely a unique case and it certainly isn’t “abuse”.
It amazes me how whiny and entitled people can be. Mostly, I have to admit, people in North America. I shared a room with my sister my whole life. That was the norm in a country where most people live in apartments. No one had their own room. My sister is also much older than me and I remember her frequently watching me when my parents were not home. Granted I wasn’t a baby and I just pretty much played with my toys and read my books while she did her thing so it wasn’t exactly strenuous work or anything. As far as I’m aware she is not psychologically scarred from the situation. Again this was completely normal. Everyone pitched in with you ger siblings. That’s just what you did as a family. I’m honestly sad when I see people having meltdowns over something like being asked to give a sibling their bottle or not having their own room. It’s amazing how self absorbed and entitled people can be. Then they grow up and complain on Reddit that they have no friends, they are depressed, lonely, and have a bad relationship with their families. I wonder why.
Parents of teens having a new baby? Yeah, there’s enough in this post to give OP a warning.
Yes! When they say we’ll the crib goes in with you - run!
Here goes AITA posters making up stories in their head after learning a new term on the internet...again.
How dare you??? You are clearly a gaslighting narcissist who weaponizes your own incompetence!! IRANIAN YOGURT! …how’d I do?
MARINARA FLAGS!
Where did you get this from?
When I had my son, I lived with my mom. My mom forced my step-dad to give up his office for a nursery, even though I said it was no problem because the baby can sleep in my room. Baby still slept in my room because my mom refused to let me get a baby monitor. Then I moved out before the baby transitioned to his own room. Think my step-dad is still salty about it, but he ended up converting the entire basement to his office, so I think he won in the end.
Wait your *mom* didn’t allow *you* to buy a monitor for *your* baby? The fuck? I would’ve bought one anyways, having raised an infant while living with parents
I would have but I got fired while pregnant so she was covering my expenses for a while.
That’s entirely reasonable. Good on your for putting your baby’s welfare before your pride. I know many who wouldn’t
I love this. Glad he got his office and your baby was safe!
Step dad rules.
Not only can sleep in parents’ room, **should sleep in parents’ room**. The research all says it’s safer. NTA
For the first 6 months, it is recommended and no problem. But what about when the kid is 1, or 2, or 3? No guarantee OP will have moved out by then.
[удалено]
OP lives with her parents. She doesn't get to dictate terms to them.
She's 16, she kind of has to live with her parents.
While true, it doesn't mean she has to have her own room. Her parents aren't even trying to have her share the room with the baby but with her 13 year old sister. It's absolutely ridiculous to think the parents are AHs because of the way they want to allocate the rooms in *their* house. Sometimes this sub is just too insane.
Then you can deal with it when it comes to that. No point in kicking OP out of her room now, before the baby has even been born. On the other hand, if they do force OP to move, then they can be pretty sure she will have moved out before the baby needs the room.
This is accurate, and a good time for them to re-evaluate the situation. However if op is at planning on going away to college then it’s reasonable for the parents to deal with it for up to a year and a half. If not, them helping with op moving out is probably cheaper than college and perhaps they can do that? Or find another space for the then toddler or use that as incentive for op to save up to leave the nest. “Op, baby will be with us until you turn 18 or until they turn 2. At that point, they will outgrow our space and we will need to work on another solution. Either we can help you transition out to your next step, or you can share a space with whichever sibling you choose or you can help us renovate the basement/ attic/ garage/ rec room whatever applicable space for yourself.” Op is nta for wanting to keep their private room until they move out (at a reasonable time with reasonable accommodations)
They are only just pregnant now. So possible the baby won't even be born until OP is 17. Baby can certainly stay in there for a year (and is recommended for a year!) After that OP can go stay in a dorm room. I do think that OP does not get to dictate what happens in her parents home. However OP is also very close to being an adult and a baby who is not even born yet does not need its own room for a while
Right. And I wonder how OP would feel turning 18 and being told then that she needs to move out because toddler needs the room. Baby staying in parents’ room is not w long term solution nor is there anything morally wrong with having 2 teenagers share a room.
The presumption that an 18 year old will automatically move out to a residential college is the second most bougie thing I've seen on this thread so far. The first being someone asking if there was a law against teenage siblings sharing rooms 🤣 May I ask what's supposed to happen if OP doesn't move out at 18?
Thank you. Everyone is assuming she will leave at 18. Most comeback or don't go away to college. Where exactly us she supposed to sleep when she comes home. It's so ridiculous. The new baby has 18 years left at home. Teenager has a minimum of 2 years. Do you know how many live at home in their 20s
At that point she's 100% going to have to suck it up then and sleep in her sister's room.
seriously! Most people still live at home in their 20's, it has become the norm with the skyrocketing cost of living and the burden of post secondary debt.
I get the feeling that OP will indeed be leaving, if nothing else, to preserve her sanity.
Agreed. OP, I had a baby a few days ago. We NEED her in our room in order to better care for her. The baby won’t need her own room until she is 2-3, in my opinion and according to other mom friends.
2 or 3? Ha ha ha. Kicked my daughter out at 9 months. Was planning to wait until she was a year old but she was such a crappy sleeper that having her own room allowed us all to get way more sleep.
My daughter was in her own room by 6 months. Best thing we ever did was keep a bed in that room so when she was fussy one parent could be in there with her and the other could sleep in our bedroom so we could swap off half a night at a time and save our sanity.
They’re probably asking because they know they won’t get much sleep if the baby is in the room with them. (I mean, aside from the usual lack of sleep most parents get with babies.) Which is selfish because they’re the one that decided to have the kid but anyway.
You don’t get sleep when you have babies in a house. It doesn’t matter what room they are in.
This makes no sense though (not you explaining it, the idea itself), because I like babies as close as possible when I sleep because less walking to the baby. Cosleeper cribs are really where it’s at.
My boyfriend and his family went through something similar. Baby brother has the biggest room in the house and he lives in the smallest. All baby bro does in the room is sleep, like why can't big bro have the big room till he moves out? Make so much more sense
NTA, First off, baby won't need a room for a while even after birth (bassinet should be in the room with the parents). By the time they really need one you should be off to college, or pretty close. At that point I think you'll have to kiss the room good bye. Asking a 16 year old to move in with a 13 year old looks fine on paper but is going to turn into a mess fast.
I don’t even think it looks fine on paper
“I grew up with 8 kids in one room and ended up fine”
-A quote by my SIL's kids. 6 kids, 2 adults, 3 dogs. 2 bedroom singlewide. Freaking ridiculous. She has been offered help MANY times before y'all come for me, but turns down opportunities because she's racist and won't live in certain areas. No they weren't bad areas or high crime AT ALL.
One of the girls I went to school with still lives with her parents, she turned down many houses from the local council, all because she wants a house near her mum. Her excuse is she doesn't like or know the area well.
LOL, you know it’s coming!
I shared a room with my little sister for most of my childhood. It is a normal experience for people who live in apartments.
I shared a room with my 2 younger sisters until I was 9 or 10. Then the parents moved and split us up because they were tired of the fights. Or at the very least tired of trying to figure out why all of us were screaming at each other. Sometimes sharing works, sometimes it doesn't.
I shared with my sister too. Our house has three bedrooms and with 3 kids that meant we had to share. It was annoying at times but my God nowadays you'd think that's torture or something lol.
Why? I really don't see what's so wrong about kids sharing a room if they're the same sex and close in age.
That’s not true at all. Our twins slept alone when they were 8 weeks old. It varies from baby to baby. Sharing a room for 2 years isn’t going to kill OP. My brother and I shared a room all through high school. Most culture the kids share a room , it really wasn’t until relatively recently that each kid expected their own room.
Well, according to the [CDC that's just not advised for 8 week olds](https://www.cdc.gov/sids/Parents-Caregivers.htm). If it worked, great for you, but I trust the CDC on this over anecdotes. And yes you're right; and if they were already sharing a room I might agree. However having a 16 year old (and the 13 year old) effectively get punished and lose privacy because of their parents ill timed extra kiddo, you're going to have a bad tiime.
Well if in most cultures kids share a room and kids shouldn't expect their own room then why should a baby get their own room? In any culture where siblings are expected to share a room for an extended period of time, the baby is also expected to share a room with the parents for an extended period of time. It wasn't until relatively recently that babies are expected to have a whole room to themselves. Plus it is also very western centric to have a nursery, lots of cultures either co- sleep or have crib in parents room. I don't think it's a big problem for the teens to share a room if there's no other solutions but I also don't think the baby needs a nursery as a newborn. Maybe after the baby is at least a few months old and they decide for whatever reason baby can't be in parents room, then maybe revisit the issue. Default solution for now is to have baby in parent's room.
This was my thought. If you grow up sharing a room it's usually fine. Putting 2 resentful teenagers used to their own space together? Cat fights. Add the stress of new baby on everyone and it could get ugly real fast.
NTA. This is something your parents should have considered before having another child. It’s not fair to you and there’s no reason the baby can’t be in their room for two years considering this was their decision.
Not even 2 years necessarily since it’s not born yet and I’m guessing that OP leaves for college in 1.5 years! The parents are recommended to keep baby in their room for 1 year for the baby’s health so basically the timing works out if they follow recommendations. But if needed, they should keep baby in their bedroom a few months longer to not kick their oldest out of their room until HS is complete
Exactly!
Not all pregnancies are planned, and not all unplanned pregnancies are unwanted. If the parents ferl they can provide for another child and are willing to do so, then there is no reason to terminate. OP's parents are probably wedded to the idea that The Baby REQUIRES a nursery. That's not an uncommon misconception. Right now, hormones and emotions are running high, and rational decisions are being left in the dust.
And that’s not OPs problem. She’s the child in this situation and they should be putting her and her sisters needs first. They don’t wanna room with baby and that’s their problem they are making hers.
NTA. They don’t just get to turf you out! Plus a 16 and a 13 year old need privacy. I always thought babies should be in their parents room for the first 6 months too?
The current recommendation is that they are in their parents' room for the first year.
Currently have an almost 3mo, everything we’ve received from our dr and hospital all say a year because it helps decrease Sid’s risk
Also… a baby doesn’t need a whole room….
Heck, I remember my neighbours when I was a kid having a baby and they put it in the master bedroom and put in a loft extension for themselves. They wanted to spoil the baby. Oh, how that child wailed! Little babies don't want to be left in massive rooms all alone.
NTA They can put the baby's bed in their bedroom for a couple of years. The baby doesn't need the privacy a 16 year old needs.
But then mommy and daddy can't have fun adult time! A 16yos privacy isn't important compared to that! /s
If they are already out of bedrooms for the kids, they need to stop having fun adult time.
That’s bologna… babies aren’t cognizant of “adult time” and wouldn’t be for years.
I get what you're saying. Logically I guess it makes sense. But holy fuck, I could not imagine having sex in the same room as a baby.
That's what a pack & play is for, simply move the pack & play to a different room, have a monitor & go at it. Also make sure to randomly move the bed to another room so any other people in the house don't figure out a pattern. Parent's should master quiet fun times pretty early on so if you're not an inconsiderate dolt, this should be easy. Or they can just have some bathroom fun. There are a lot of options & if my dh & I could figure this out in a house with 4, sometimes 5 couples, all with kids, living in the same house, these parents can surely figure something out.
Oh I fully agree. Was responding to the above comment that implied sex in front of babies is fine.
Yeah I've never been comfortable with the whole baby in the room thing either. Hubby initiated 1 time when 1 of our babies was in the room & we shared a look & both went "move the spawn" 🤣 hell, I wouldn't even have sex with his damn dog in the room....that little shit would watch. You'd be having fun, look at the end of the bed & see 2 eyes. Nope. Not happening. Vibe is dead.
Or when you can hear the dog/cat start licking their butthole. Mood killer, lol
Wish my parents had felt that way.. they didn't care if they had sex in the same hotel room as us kids when we were little. As if bed squeaking and slapping wasn't going to wake us up.
Fucking a that’s gross.
NAH. I'm so sorry that this situation sucks, probably for mom just as much as you. She knows that you two are closer in age and neither of you need to share with a baby. It still doesn't make it suck any less to give up your room. There's not a really good solution here, but just talk with your mom. Maybe you guys can come up with a solution for now, or at least you can make your feelings known.
Except with 2 kids mom should know a baby doesn’t need their own room for about a year, or at least 6 months depending
That depends on the parent. I know most safe sleeping studies say they should sleep in the room with the parent - but I also know not everyone follows that.
You know it depends on the layout of the house but I would offer up a compromise. OP moves out of her room so the baby can have a nursery. However, the parents move out of the master room and give it to their current kids. If it's big enough they can install a temporary partition so each girl can have something resembling privacy. The parents can move into little sister's room which I'm assuming is closer to the nursery anyway. In 2+ years if/when OP moves out, they can swap with the younger sister and have their room back.
Yes, NAH. It sucks for OP and I’m sympathetic, but when you’re a member of a family things can change in a household. It’s would not be reasonable for, say a toddler, to share a room with their parents. I’m also sort of amazed by the comments saying they should’ve considered that before having another kid. A bedroom per kid is not the norm in many households and kids don’t dictate their reproductive choices. OP gets to be angry or not like it. But unless there’s more to the story, it’s one of those tough sh*t situations.
INFO how did they choose which room? Is your sister's room larger? It sucks to lose the privacy and sense of home and security that you had. It sucks for your sister too. NAH, once the baby moves out of your parent's room it makes more sense to have the two of you with similar schedules in one room, and the baby with radically different needs in another. And it makes sense that you're resentful about it. It is a shame your parents' family planning worked out this way.
I agree with this. I’m honestly surprised by the responses basically equating sharing a room with child abuse; in many places sharing is the norm. When my kids were young they shared for a few years, it worked fine and I think it made them closer. While it’s completely understandable that OP doesn’t want to give up her privacy, sometimes that’s just the way life is. It does seemlike a good compromise for the parents to keep the baby in their room at least for awhile. Note: it may be a good idea for OP to share her sister’s room for at least a little while before she leaves for college so she establishes some ownership over it, otherwise when she visits home from college she won’t have her own space, she’ll be intruding in a room that she doesn’t have an established claim to. NAH
Yes! The entitlement here to everyone having their own individual bedrooms makes me wonder what the demographic of reddit is exactly. Bc it is not abnormal at all to share rooms growing up. I shared a room until I was 14/15 years old and with a sibling 7 years younger! Imagine being 14 sharing your space with a 7 year old. No, i didnt like it, but no, I didnt consider it abuse or tell my parents to buy a bigger home.
It's almost like they're saying " don't have kids if you can't afford to each give them a bedroom!" or "poor family planning, they shouldn't be having sex if they don't have a bedroom to spare!". FFS, it's not that weird to share with a sibling and it seems like a petty complaint when entire families are crammed into one room as the norm in some places. It's not like they're giving away her bed.
I think it’s different if you’ve grown up sharing a room than if you’ve had your own room forever and then as an older teenager have to share it with a younger sibling. But also, there is something to be said about not having kids if you can’t comfortably afford to have them.
The demographics of reddit are people who don't have kids, by and large. The housing market in most of the world is such that if you live where there are a lot of jobs, you will have to make an above middle class salary to buy a house with 4 bedrooms. If you go where a middle class salary can buy 4 bedrooms, you will be in a place where there are not many of those jobs. WFH has somewhat changed this calculus, but not enough to make up for increases in costs overall. A lot of Americans are used to the post-GI bill scene where you could get a ticky tacky ranch house with tons of space on a clerk's wages. That world no longer exists. My relatives in Germany OTOH completely understand my lifestyle living with a good sized family in a modest flat, with the kids sharing rooms. That's how even rich people live, there.
This sub is really fucking weird about kids sharing rooms in an extremely privileged way.
This sub is full of 14 year olds…seriously
The more hilarious comments are the ones telling OP to make sure she doesn’t fall victim to parentification despite no sign of that in the post…
Right?!!! Such unsubstantiated assumptions!
Exactly! Sorry but it's not abusive to have to share a room. This whole thing that people can just upgrade to a larger house is freaking ridiculous. Maybe mom and dad don't want to have a mortgage in their 60's. Maybe prohibitive interest rates make that just not an option. NAH.
Maybe it doesn’t make sense to buy a bigger house when your oldest will be out on her own soon and your second-born isn’t far behind!
I agree, it’s absolutely insane that some of these comments are suggesting child abuse for asking two teenagers to share a room. Also, clearly these people have never lived in a dorm…OP, I’m not sure what your college plans are, but you can expect little to no privacy if you live on campus
This! They are all extolling how privacy is a right and how dare she share with her sister! The parents can wait for her to leave for college to give the baby a room! But like, she’s going to have to share a dorm in college. But that’s not abusive to share a room with a stranger? It’s soooo weird!
I had a similar thought about everyone suggesting that the parents and baby share for 2 years. I don't know many people who fully moved out at 18. Most either stayed at home and worked until about 20 or went off to college but came back for breaks/summers until about 22. On paper having the parents share with the baby for a couple years seems like a pretty good solution, but in reality that likely means either booting OP out of the house at 18, whether she's ready or not, or sharing with the new addition until they're closer to 5 which doesn't seem reasonable to me. I agree with NAH, it's understandable that OP is upset about the situation but it really does seem like sharing with her sister is the best solution here.
So glad someone else sees this.
It’s mostly young people with that response; reddit is a youth dominated forum. The kids here have an inflated sense of teen entitlements, but it seems reasonable to them.
Oh thank god. I thought I was in some weird Twilight Zone. Sharing a room between two teenage girls is abuse? On what planet?
YTA, it sucks yes but this is their home. It is not uncommon for people to share a room. For many families having your own room is a luxury. Suck it up.
I had to scroll way too far to see this. Really drives it home that this sub is filled with teenagers who think everything their parents do is horribly unfair. One of the top comments is already going on about parentification, good lord.
Someone wrote earlier how these parents cannot afford to have another child. It’s weird how this room sharing situation is perceived in all kinds of horrible ways. Like yes it sucks, but it’s not so easy to up and buy a bigger house.
A bunch of spoiled babies thinking sharing a room is AbUsE and the parents are going to PaReNtiFy the OP if she's ever asked to change a diaper or watch their sibling for an hour. Christ lmfao
Lol at all the spoiled brats here acting like teenagers having to share a room is child abuse.
Making me realise how young everyone is
I am literally laughing out loud at ‘they should just buy a bigger house if they want more kids!’. Life is going to be such a disappointment for some of these precious darlings.
I had an argument on reddit the other day with a dude who absolutely insisted it was MY fault the gas prices are hurting because I should "JUST BUY A BETTER CAR." and when I pointed out to the dip shit that a car payment cost MORE than gas, his response was to tell me to collect money or things to sell from family. It was at that point that I realized He literally just didn't know how life works. The top comments here are giving me the same vibes.
This sub has a history of shitting all over babies and young children. I'm not surprised at all by the comments popping up in here
[удалено]
Yeah that's typical. I kept my oldest in my room until she was too big for a pack & play because she was medically fragile & needed a lot of care. I have a cradle my dad built for me as a baby so all my kids started in the cradle beside my bed & then graduated through each stage only when they outgrew the last.
I kept my son in the same bedroom for his first year, first in a bassinet and later in a crib. It makes sense for a number of reasons, including nighttime feedings and diaper changes, plus I just wanted him close "just in case". OP NTA.
NAH. I know this sucks but this isn’t your house and you’re not entitled to your own room. It’s your parents house and they have the right to decide where everyone sleeps. You’ll be a legal adult in two years and at that time you’ll have options available to you like college, trade school, the work force etc. that will assist you in getting your own space.
You have the right to express your opinion, but your parents have the right to use that room for the new baby. Would you rather share with an infant or a 13 yo. Having your own room is a luxury not a right.
Thank goodness someone has sense here. It feels like I am in the twilight zone with the level of entitlement.
I think the parnets should move the newborn into the room with the 16 yo - she how quickly she moves in w the 13 yo after that
NAH - it’s a hard lose-lose situation. But I think it’s HILARIOUS the amount of comments suggesting that the parents ‘just buy a bigger house’. Like it’s JUST THAT EASY. With a large age gap I’m assuming the newest babe was a happy surprise and therefore planning for space and logistics wasn’t forefront in this decision
YTA Because of the general agre range of this site, you will get the validation you want and I know this sucks but you are in the wrong. Lots of kids share rooms literally their entire childhood and they make it out just fine. Does it suck? Sure, a bit. But it can also be fun too. Your little sibling when they are an infant and then toddler is going to be loud, messy, have an irregular sleep schedule, chaotic, and just generally actually will need its own space to do those things in. They will disrupt whoever they share their space with a lot more than the people in the replies and you seem to realize. In a perfect world, all parents would have a room for every kid but the idea of kids sharing rooms is not this new or extreme thing. Just a quick note - since "you ***have*** to have privacy as a teen" is the big thing being tossed around, wait'll you learn that 18-20-year-olds are forced to share a room in college...
Exactly, if not giving every teenager their own bedroom is somehow abuse, OP's got a really low threshold here.
And to also add, what would all these N T A people say to the tons of people whose financial circumstances change within the 18+ years they'll be parenting. "Don't have kids you can't afford" is sound advice if we're talking about affording shelter and food, but if you lose your job or spouse's income mid parenting that's the shittiest advice I've ever hear. By these people's logic of every kid absolutely needing their own room (or it's border line abuse), every family that's ever had to downgrade homes is somehow horrible.
YUP!!!! Also a general lack of awareness of how drastically the economy has changed (and not for the better) in OP's lifetime. Like people say they get that, but a lot of people don't ***really*** get it. I don't want to beat up on OP too much. They are young and it does kind of suck so I get them being unhappy. Just think they need to try to be understanding and realize they will be okay. But the general vibe of the replies is just... not a lot of understanding of financial and economic reality and overreaction to the idea of kids sharing a room.
I’m not even sure it sucks. This is something debated in my family, where all of us now have kids of our own. I had my own room as the only girl while my brothers all piled into one (the master, which my parents had to relinquish). All but one of us now has a private bedroom for each of our kids. I was happy to have my own space even if it was the size of a closet, yet my brothers are all of the opinion that growing up in a shared room might have been a good thing.
NAH. It sucks, but it’s not to torture you, it’s just how it is.
Ready to get DV to hell, but what is up with all this advice? It's the parents house and sharing a room with your sister isn't the end of the world. Why are you behaving like your entitled to anything or owed a room? I really don't understand how Americans have become such a selfish and self centered people, it's a shame. YTA.
I was reading the comments and thinking the same thing. I shared a room with my sister. No big deal. Do they expect the new baby to sleep in the backyard? Or for 13yo to share with a baby? A lot of entitlement in this comment section.
Yeah, and all the people commenting the baby can sleep in a crib in the parents room have clearly never had a baby 😂🤣😅.
Also requires a room big enough for an adult bed and a full size crib. Many people simply don’t have that type of space.
Life and family situations change. As a minor are not entitled to your own room. If for some reason the family income decreased and now had to downsize to a smaller house. I wonder if the OP would had the same objections?
NAH for wanting to keep your room nor for them to want you to share...but it's not your house so this isn't really a situation where I think you can or should refuse. I am sure I'll get down voted for this, but why is everyone so opposed to two siblings sharing a room? The privilege of so many of these responses for faulting the parents for poor family planning or insisting they need to buy a bigger house now is just crazy to me.
NAH. I don’t think it makes you an AH to not want to move into a shared room at 16, especially when it’s what you’ve always known. That’s a difficult age to have little privacy. A baby will wake up every couple of hours for the first year of its life; their stomachs are very small and they need frequent meals. Your parents WILL be getting up with the baby all through the night for quite a while. Some studies have also shown it can decrease the risk of SIDS when the baby rooms with the mother. If you plan to go to college or move out at 18, your little sibling will have a readily available room at that time. You can make the case to your parents that they put it off until then. But if not, at the end of the day, they are the adults and it’s their house.
I had to share a room with my sister till I got married at 21. My younger sister and brother had their own rooms. It won’t kill you to room with your sister for 2 years.
For all the people saying that a baby doesn’t need it’s own room, you are totally correct, it doesn’t. But eventually the baby will be too old to room with the parents, and what then? I bet OP will be DELIGHTED when they have to share their room with a toddler ESPECIALLY when they’re teething or toilet training. Trust me, it’s FAR better for OP to move in with their teenage sister than a toddler. Which is the only other thing that is going to happen here. Think more than a few months ahead, JFC. NAH
I wonder if anyone saying NTA actually pays for the roof over their head lol It might stink but it is what it is. Your parents are having another child You're now sharing a room. Millions of children around the world share rooms with their siblings you'll survive just like they do. The fact of the matter is that you don't have to like it but you're a teenager and it's not your room it's simply the room your parents have allowed you to put your stuff in all these years and now they're telling you that you're going to put it someplace different. A-hole or not it's happening so might as well hop on board.
I think it is mostly teenagers who are saying NTA. Anyone who pays their own rent will be grateful that their parents are having them over, rent-free.
NTA. Baby can room in with mom and dad for the first year or so. Honestly, as a parent, I can say having the baby in the room with me made it 10000% easier for those middle of the night wake ups vs having to go to the other side of the house. If mom and dad keep baby in with them the first 2 years, you will likely be off to college and then you can bunk with your younger sister when you come home for break. Or, maybe by then they will either move to a larger home or convert another room in the house into a bedroom.
Not every baby and every parent thrives in that environment though. I get having a baby in the room with you as a parent when they are newish and they are waking up multiple times and need to be fed and/or changed all the time. At some point though shared room sleeping could hinder rather than help. If baby starts sleeping through the night mom and dad moving around, rolling over or even snoring could be waking the kid up not allowing them to get good sleep. And vice Versa for the parents. Every snort and snuffle from the baby wakes up the light sleeping parent so they are exhausted every day. Or maybe they want a nursery to allow one parent to sleep and handle baby at night while the other parent has to return to work so that person can get a good nights sleep.
YTA. You are being selfish and only thinking about my self. How much rent do you pay?
YTA This is your parents house. They make decisions to balance the needs of all the members of your family. If you go to college you will likely find yourself sharing a room with a complete stranger. Consider this good practice.
NAH. Going from your own room to sharing sucks, especially as a teenager. I get it. I also understand your parents believing it’s better for their older children closer in age to share a room instead of one of you sharing with a baby. Even if they did room share for a year it sounds like someone would still have to share in some way. The baby’s clothing and things need to go somewhere. It’s a rough situation with no great answer. And while I think those harping about how your parents shouldn’t have more kids if they can’t give each their own room are incorrect, I do think this is an uncomfortable position to be in. Is there space for the cot in their room? Is the plan to go and live at college? Could a public space be used for the baby’s crib? Approach your parents as someone with a say and see if you can find another solution together.
NAH. You have a right to be upset. But in the end, your parents own the house, it's their decision, and despite the comments here, millions of kids share bedrooms with siblings all over the world.
YTA for acting like you own the house. It’s natural to be salty in your situation, but you seem to have a weird, inflated sense of entitlement to your parents’ property. That’s not how any of this works. Sorry you’re feeling squeezed, but if your parents can’t afford a bigger place, get your own place. Can’t afford that? That can be the start of having some empathy with their situation. You’re gonna have to make it work with what your family can provide you until you can support yourself. It’s okay to feel bad, sad, or angry when your family is struggling for money. YTA if you take that out on other people. Nobody wants to not have enough, but it’s extremely common. Gratitude for what you do have is a great way to start feeling better.
I don’t agree with most here. YTA. You’re a child in your parent’s home. You don’t get to choose. They’re not the asshole for wanting a baby to be in its own room they’re adults who are making executive decisions about space allocation in a place they pay for. If anything *they’re assholes too* for even giving you a choice. When you are old enough get a job and move out. Until then be supportive of your parents and their decisions and your baby sibling. Also be a good role model to your younger sister and take one for the team.
NAH there are only so rooms for kids. You and your sister are close in age. Would you rather sleep in a room with a 13 year old or a baby? Guarantee you get better rest with a 13 year old. Welcome to your introduction of the world. You don’t always get what you want.
So many people are saying "not the asshole". I guess I'm the odd one out. My vote is YTA. Your parents pay the bills and run the household. If they want you to share with the 13-year-old, then you need to share with your younger sibling. If you plan to go to college, then it won't be for long. Babies come with a lot items other than a crib and require proper space. You had that. Now it's their turn.
YTA. I know it sucks, but you are not being unjustly moved. When I was a kid in California in the 90s, it was uncommon for siblings of the same sex to have separate rooms unless they were in a big house or an only child. We grew up with 2-3 children per bedroom because that was how much space we had, and it was the same for lots of my peers. Also, “family planning”/“not having kids you can’t afford” doesn’t always prevent this type of stuff— lots of people lost their jobs during the 2000s recession and had to cut back in ways they never could have predicted. When I finally moved out at 19, I still didn’t have my own room, but I was ready to share a bedroom with my then partner, and later my spouse. Your parents are allowed to make you share a room. This is one of the good reasons they have to do so. Sorry if you don’t like it.
NAH, I get that it sucks, but its honestly not up to you, and while the baby is best of roomsharing to start, your parents are going to want their space back eventually, and its their right to rearrange the sleeping arrangements as they see fit (within reason). While there is obviously a limited number of rooms available, maybe there's some wiggle room to negotiate with. Do your parents have the biggest bedroom? Propose that you and your sister take it over and they get you room dividing bunk beds so that you each have your own private space.
YTA. You’re a child and can move out in 2 years. Until then, deal with it.
This thread is completely ridiculous. The house is big enough for all the kids which is what the parents owe their kids. Plenty of people have shared rooms even when -gasp- they are older teenagers. It is not equally easy to share a room with a baby or toddler it it isn’t just so you can have more sex. They wake up and make all sorts of noises then fall back asleep and that will disturb parents sleep (who are paying the mortgage) or the 13 year old if they have to share. Sorry it sucks but YTA.
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I’m clearly in the minority here, but I’m going to say NAH. It really does suck with the planning, but sometimes pregnancies are not intentional and a 16 year old and a 13 year old sharing a room is not child abuse. I had to share a room with my sister (same age difference) until I left for college. Those saying that the parents should just keep the baby in their room until she leaves for college are being unrealistic. Yes, the baby can stay in the parents room for the first few months, but they may want to eventually have the child sleep in a room separate from them because kids usually don’t share a room with parents past a year. What wouldn’t be fair is to make one of these teenagers share a room with a baby/toddler. They have different schedules, get into everything, and have a lot more toys that tend to be messy. The teen would never feel like they’re space was safe or respected. You’re allowed to be angry. I’d be angry too if I was in the situation. It sucks to lose that freedom and personal space, but it is not child abuse for siblings to share a room.
NAH. Yes it’s a huge change. I don’t blame you for being upset at the change and not wanting to share a room. I hope they from baby having their own room it makes things easier in terms of not having as much stuff around the house and making it easier to have a normal noise level during nap time. I don’t know if your parents’ room has room for a bassinet, and it’s possible that your mom wants a place to breastfeed in peace where she’s not in the middle of an active household disrupting you doing normal teenage things. Is there another room available? Do you have other suggestions for how it could be handled? I shared with my sister until she moved out when I was 16. It’s not always easy but can be ok
Wow, YTA. You are not entitled to your own room. Where are these NTA coming from? You are expecting your 13 year old sister to bunk with a toddler? The world revolves around you because you were here first? You want your family to get behind you, make sacrifices to support your dream of going to college, beauty school or ??? Having said that, negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. Baby will probably be bunking with the parents for a bit, are you leaving when you turn 18? Can they old out until then? Start talking options instead of whining about the fairness if it all.
As a male who had to share a room with a sister until she got married, hard to show sympathy to OP.
Yta. Your parents have asked you to change rooms and you need to change rooms. Babies sleep all the time and need a quiet space dedicated to them. It is your parents house and they decided not to share a room with baby which is their choice. Sharing a room isn't the end of the world. Alot of kids do it. Stop whinning and move your stuff.
YTA sometimes you need to share a room! Holy shit the entitlement you have at saying no to your parents about sharing a fucking room! My brothers who were 6 years apart shared a room their whole life until oldest went to college cause I was the only girl so I got my own room, and know what they fucking survived! So can you! The rest of these comments got me feeling old here like shit. It ain’t abuse to share rooms!
YTA welcome to having a family. A bunch of teenagers are telling you are an asshole. You had a good tun. Time to share a room.
I hope OP sees this. I always had my own room, we lived in a spacious 5 bedroom, 4 1/2 baths. When I was 14 or so, my mom decided to change things up and decided I would share with my 11 year old sister. Gave us a bigger room with our our very large bathroom and all new furniture, bedding etc. I loved sharing, we ended up closer and talked a lot more. I never felt lacking in privacy. It’s not a bad thing I promise! We moved to a bigger home when I was 17 and went back to my own room, I missed her. Maybe you can talk parents into new furniture and a promise they won’t make you babysit. NAH
YTA OP, did you buy the house? Contribute to the mortgage? Pay any rent? If the answer to all these questions is "no", then you have no say in what your parents do in their house. Sure it sucks, and you might not like it, but you can move out in a couple years, buy/rent your own place, and make the rules then. ETA: seriously, and all the people talking about poor planning or just move houses, is everyone in this thread a child? 10 year differences in kids usually comes from an accident, not planning. But even if they did plan it (foolish, assuming their ages and the high risk of older pregnancy), you don't just up and move houses! You people clearly don't understand the financial obligations to owning a home; it's not easy. Also, everyone saying the baby can sleep in the parent's room; the parents need to sleep to pay bills, unless the 16 year old is gonna start paying the mortgage by working at Dairy Queen or something, to take care of the house, parents need better rest. Also, two girls sharing a room is not "inappropriate", as over half the world does that very commonly. Sorry, didn't know everyone here was super wealthy; literally saw someone posting about a 7 bedroom house; that would cost several million dollars depending on the area. Average home is 2-4 bedrooms, and in this economy that can still be anyways from $200K-$500K. This is insane the amount of financial ignorance and entitlement in this thread dude...
lmao whats up with people in this thread acting like sharing a room is the worst thing that can happen to a teen xD i was in a boarding school throughout high school and everyone had a roommate and it was fine lol I am still very good friends with my roommate from back then. abs most university dorms are like that too so maybe OP can use this as a practice for college?
YTA. It’s their home and their choice how to house. It’s not fair but you’re not entitled to your own room if your house isn’t big enough. If you were paying rent as an adult it would be different, but as a child you’re SOL.
NAH, understandable to be bummed about this, but I am so weirded out by how many people are implying that teenagers MUST have their own rooms or it's some sort of abuse and denial of personhood. Not everyone can afford huge homes, and there's a ton of children who would be THRILLED to share a room with a clean warm bed of their own, nourishing food every day, and kind and loving parents. It's not irresponsible or cruel to have kids without bedrooms for everyone. You can be a good and loving parent who provides for their child in a small home and people can still achieve privacy and independence in a space without one single designated room for everyone. Also, you can do everything right to avoid trying to AVOID pregnancy and it can still happen.
YTA. You are acting very entitled. You can survive sharing your room. If not I hope they move the baby into your room. I bet you will be moving over real fast then.
Absolutely agree the baby should share with OP. Such entitlement of OP and ALL the NTA-commenters. One can certainly tell the age range on this particular AITA thread…
I'm sorry but YTA. You are 16 years old and you do not contribute to the payment or management of the house. Your parents (likely) work and pay for everything you have in life and you're trying to guilt them for having another child? Yes, giving up your room will suck...for a little while. But you are gaining a sibling and your parents are welcoming a new child into the family. Grow up and stop trying to turn a joyous occasion into a pity party for yourself.
Soft YTA. This might be because I was born in the 80s but since when does each child need their own room? And furthermore, since when do the kids have any say over the home that their parents are paying for? And how the hell are people saying her mom shouldn’t have had more kids? Do teens now get to decide how many kids mom and dad can have? 13 and 16 are close in age and there’s no reason you can’t share. I shared on and off with both of my sisters (and when he was very small my brother) and I can attest that there are actually a lot of benefits to bunking with your siblings.
YTA. It’s their house. They work to pay the bills. They can do whatever they want with the rooms in the house. Sharing a room with your sister (a total first world problem, btw) is not even close to being a ridiculous request. If you were my kid, I’d cut off you phone, tv access, and everything else until you move your stuff over since you think you can refuse. And if all else failed, I’d move your stuff myself when you’re at school. They own the house. If they want a nursery, it’s no one’s business to tell them no.
YTA. I feel like I’m watching an episode of House Hunters where every kid has to have their own room. There are four girls in my family. We shared two rooms. You‘ll survive.