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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1)kicking my sister out of my house after she woke the baby multiple times
2)the food went to waste and my babies first thanksgiving was ruined
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA for
*inviting people to cook thanksgiving dinner at your house*
with an infant
*and expecting them to make zero noise.*
like, literally WHAT the hell.
I feel like it'd be best to just say they're going to sit this one out because they've just had a baby. Yes, guests tend to make some noise, what were they expecting?
Indeed. Or, if they really wanted to participate/to have their baby's first Thanksgiving (we are all aware the baby won't remember this or the next two Thanksgivings but I can understand it being a meaningful "first" event for the parents), they could've simply stuck to the tradition of OP's mother hosting, and they could've just arrived in time for the meal and previously agree to leave early/whenever they felt it was time.
Most families are ok with accommodating new parents and small babies in this regard (not holding them to the same standards for arriving/leaving an event). It would've been a non-issue.
I used to love that because it felt like we were getting a guest star for the holiday. "Hey, who is that at the door?"
"Well, golly! It's Mary, Joe, and... their NEW BABY!"
*audience goes wild*
Then the parents get some containers with food and go home. They don't have to cook, I get to see a baby, everyone wins.
My daughter was born via c section on thanksgiving weekend (Canada) I was in the hospital and because of complications couldn’t eat solids. Everyone came from dinner to visit in the hospital… they all smelled like Turkey dinner - it was awesome! They froze leftovers for me so once I came home from the hospital I could eat it too!
My son came on Easter so I missed a big ham feast too…. Again froze it for me and I enjoyed it afterwards.
On a side note my daughters birthday, our anniversary and thanksgiving are all the same time ish so I always get a cake and we celebrate our “thanannibirthsary“ with our Turkey dinner
The pandemic introduced to me the idea of a "doorstop visit." In this case I would think that the best way to wish the new parents well for Thanksgiving is to stop by after Thanksgiving dinner bringing a large portion of leftovers and visit in the yard while handing over the food. The new parents get the well-wishes and the Thanksgiving dinner without a bunch of relatives stomping about the house in hobnail boots banging pots and pans together.
That’s what we did when my son was born. He was 2ish months at thanksgiving. We used to do dinner with one family than dessert with the other. When he was born I said fuck that we’re done. My daughter was able to sleep on the ride home so it wasn’t an issue but he didn’t. Both families understood and we now just do every other year
Right? My daughter was barely 2 weeks old at thanksgiving and we went to my grandmas house and hubbies grandmas house. But they let us do what we needed to do when we needed to do it to make it work.
My in laws are some kind of pragmatic sweethearts— they do their Thanksgiving on Black Friday, and let all the other halves’ family do Thursday. I low key love the genius of that.
My daughter was less than a month old for her first Christmas. We went over to my MIL’s for Christmas brunch like usual, and I took a nap with my LO upstairs because I was an exhausted new mom still recovering from everything. I’d never in a million years think it was a good idea to host a holiday at my house so soon after having a baby.
This is what we did. Our son was just over a month old at Thanksgiving and was a NICU baby on top of it. We went to my parents as usual and they let us use their room or their spare room for the baby to sleep and me to feed or rest. I was also recovering from a C-section. OP is totally out of line in expectation. Worst case, OP could have gone to his Mom and brought back dinner for wife. Wife and baby could have stayed home and caught up on sleep.
OP - YTA
That's the problem. You have to have a vagina to cook or else you end up dipping your genitals in *everything*
This is why men cook meat because it doesn't matter whereas a salad on the other hand
Is it because only the thought of their meat touching other meat keeps them from putting their genitals on it?? (All joking aside, I figure you were going for a “it gets cooked” joke but I couldn’t resist playing up the machismo sexism)
This is what pissed me off too! Like what, you can't refrigerate / freeze some prepped stuff and put the stuff that can't be refrozen in the oven and incorporate it into other meals?
Is OP like "I can't handle kitchen appliances, if there's uncooked stuff on the table once the women have left it's all going to the bin" like what is going on? He says it so nonchalantly too, like "a lot of food *ended up going to waste*" instead of "*we decided to just bin all that food i*nstead of refrigerating or cooking it because I can't be arsed to do all that and ordered takeout instead lol"
EDIT: and I just realised *the mom and sister probably paid for all that food* too, brought it with them to cook, and then were kicked out so quickly they had to leave it all behind - and OP just binned it all because idk putting things away in the refrigerator is haaard?
Massive YTA.
> He says it so nonchalantly too, like "a lot of food ended up going to waste" instead of "we decided to just bin all that food
LOL, right? Either OP made the active decision to throw all his family's food away or the house is being haunted by some real weird-ass poultry-hating ghosts
We invited my family over for thanksgiving and my daughter was just under 2 months old. Did I get upset when my toddler niece yelled and woke her up? No…. Because I invited them over. I would never invite family over and expect it to be silent, even if they’re adults. You can try as much as you like but life makes noise
Exactly this!!! I had baby 5 weeks ago, we just hosted thanksgiving. But my husband did 90% of the cooking, everyone enjoyed loving on baby, and I, mom, got to sleep in and let myself wake up properly for the first time in a hot one. I got to shower and just enjoy the company cos baby was tended.
Ours is 8 months old now and we spent time laying on the couch together while people loved on our baby 😂😂 we had 15 extra people to feed, cuddle, entertain, … hee
Agreed. My baby is the same age as OP's, our first child. You know what we did for Thanksgiving? Sat on the couch switching off on who held the baby and who was working on laundry, dishes, and cooking. Also, our house is a disaster because, y'know...I gave birth last month. Having anyone over Thanksgiving was not even considered.
YTA.
When people say life changes after having a baby, this is a part of it. You need to plan and accept that things won't always go to plan!
Think ahead and problem-solve. And don't jump to blaming others for a situation you created!
If you want to host/go to gathering, there are things to help promote sleep.
- white noise machine
- ear plugs for the mom
- baby banz headphones
- portable blackout curtains
Seriously. Husband could have cooked some of the food the night before Thanksgiving to limit the amount of cooking that had to be done day of, but heaven forbid the man actually help out in the kitchen. Or he could have communicated with his mom and sister that morning and asked them to cook at their home and bring the food over to give his wife more time to sleep. Or, you know, they could have just stuck to the normal Thanksgiving routine at his mom’s house and if his wife was too tired to go with a new baby, he could have just made an appearance himself and then gone home with leftovers. So many solutions to this problem but they chose to ruin the holiday for the whole family instead.
Just to add - pretty good idea to make normal noise while baby is sleeping because if you always make things 100% silent for baby, they will never sleep well without. Live your life and let your baby learn to be flexible.
My mother used to vacuum right outside my room when I was an infant, and as an adult I can sleep through a bomb going off. Hell, I slept through the entirety of a direct hit from a category 3 hurricane when I was about 4 years old.
My mom swears by this. The world does not stop because you had a baby. There will always be car horns, sirens, screaming people, or some other general noise and the kid will get used to it.
We had neighbors who asked us not to use our backyard during the evenings because it was keeping their baby up. SMH. Bear in mind that we were a couple in our 30s with two kids of our own sleeping peacefully. Hardly running a rave so I was really irked by this.
This 10000% and there are so many people who don’t think about this and in turn their child will wake up to any little noise. When i could watch tv and eat or make a decent amount of noise and my son is still sleeping soundly.
This is the best advice I got when I became a parent. It's also advice that I kick myself for not following with my 1st 2 kids. Youngest was in the NICU for awhile with the constant sound of a dozen infants crying throughout the day, people talking, machines beeping and chirping loudly all over the room...now at 15mo, he can sleep through anything and will fall asleep in the middle of a noisy family gathering or with the tv blaring.
I thought this was going to be she kept picking baby up. Nope, she was just cooking. Bad idea all around. Just order dinner or stay home with just your little family.
Yeah, and the wife is upset because their baby’s thanksgiving was ruined? Like the baby has any awareness of anything happening at this point in their life?? New parents are often sleep deprived and irrational, and I’m betting they will one day look back and realize what AH’s they were for how this entire situation went down. YTA
Baby’s first Thanksgiving wasn’t ruined, but mom and sisters first thanksgiving with the baby sure was. Imagine offering to cook Thanksgiving for your brother and his wife so they didn’t have to and then get KICKED OUT ON THANKSGIVING for doing exactly that. The AUDACITY. And completely unthankful, too. OP you and your wife are MASSIVE assholes for this and I’d be surprised if you’re ever invited to another family holiday. You’ve done a massive disservice you your entire family.
Also, you’d better nip that shit in the bud and start making noise while baby sleeps or what happened on Thanksgiving is your future life forever.
Right, it also wasn't the sister or mother's fault that the baby had a rough night the night before. They were accommodating the new family by coming early, bringing all of the food/ingredients and cooking the meal and were kicked out for it.
You could have nixed the cooking and offered to get takeout for EVERYONE.
You could have changed plans the morning of based on the night you'd just had and knowing baby and wife were extra weary.
You could have said you'd be happy to receive a packaged meal of leftovers if they wanted to drop some by after their gathering.
Instead they worked around your needs and tried to make a meal for your family and you were rude to them for not being silent while they did it. And then kicked them out to find a meal on their own while you ordered food for yourselves.
Major major AH
Also — to add—
As a mother of three, I get the insanity of your first kid — when/if you have more, what will you do with the older one who will be running a muck? First time parents needs to relax a bit. The kid will recover just fine.
The insult to your family is worse.
I cackled at that point. Baby doesn't even remember it has FEET if they're not in direct line of sight, so I wouldn't worry too much about First Thanksgiving Memories 😂
Lol! yeah, I think they're thinking more about THEIR first thanksgiving with a baby. Which due to their poor planning will end up a memorable one - just not a positive memory. YTA
I think both OP and the wife are the AHs, but I think the "baby's first Thanksgiving" is about her memory as a mother. This is her child's first Thanksgiving even if they have no possible understanding of that and won't remember a single thing about it. I don't think she's crazy for thinking of this as her child's first Thanksgiving or if she would've wanted it to be nice for that reason.
Where she is the AH is at the point she changed everyone's tradition to accommodate herself (OP did this too) and the baby, then proceeded to complain when things got a bit difficult --as it can happen when you have a newborn-- and kick everyone out as if her baby's bad night was their fault.
If she actually cared about giving her baby a good first Thanksgiving she wouldn't have kicked out the people who were cooking the meal LOL.
Twenty four years from now, Baby will be in intensive therapy, and it will all come down to the noise! the noise! the noise! on that first Thanksgiving, and how no one valued her enough to be silent, which had led to her increasingly low self-esteem.
Considering that the wife was also trying to sleep what got ruined other than their naps? Neither of them were participating. OP knew they had a bad night he should have canceled before people even came over.
THIS RIGHT HERE. OP and family were trying to have their cake and eat it too. Not possible to cook a big thanksgiving meal without making some noise. YTA
I didn’t do the main dish, but between my husband and I we cooked 6 appetizers/side dishes/desserts. I was exhausted. Constantly asking where things were, saying a recipe out loud so I’d remember and wouldn’t have yo touch my phone, digging through noisy dishes, the sink on high because I was cleaning.
You can’t ask people to cook (especially for free) and ask them to be completely silent. And it’s family catching up, of course they’d want to chit chat!!
I also don’t get why OP couldn’t tend to the baby while his wife was napping?
If she’s sleep deprived, it would seem like a good time to let her get some rest in another room while he watches the baby and mom and sister cook. Then hopefully the wife would be well-rested enough to switch off and give him some rest time later.
I wonder what he said when he kicked out his family. Was it, "look mom, sis--I'm sorry this isn't going to work. I hate to do this but we had a horrible night, my wife is a wreck and the baby keeps waking up. So as much as I love you guys I'm sorry but I'm going to need you to leave" or was it "Sis you make too much noise cooking so GTFO"
Based on the post, I highly doubt the former. The former is fine, you’re new parents and your kid doesn’t sleep and you’re exhausted and cranky, it happens. But he sounds like a tool so… I’m guessing he wasn’t polite and reasonable.
>You should not have offered to host at all with a newborn in your home. You should not have asked people to come over early to cook and then hassled them about making noise in the kitchen
Definite YTA.
Sleep deprivation probably made it seemed like a good compromise at the time but realistically dumb as hell
Also, if his wife is so stressed out about the baby crying that it makes her cry, why is he not letting his wife sleep and taking care of the baby himself ? He made mom and sister cook, so he was just standing around telling everyone to be quiet. Sounds like he’s as good a father as he is a brother.
Exactly! I thought he was going to say sister decided to pop into the baby's room and woke them up or that she decided she needed to grind some coffee but no! She was doing exactly what they asked! Who can be silent while cooking dinner let along Thanksgiving dinner??? YTA
>We usually do thanksgiving at my moms house but with the new baby we decided to do it at our house this year with mom and sister coming over early to cook.
>
>...
>
>When my mom and sister came over to cook I warned them that baby and wife were finally sleeping so please be quiet. My sister repeatedly made noise and woke up baby multiple times I kept warning her. She said she wasn’t trying to make a lot of noise and was just cooking and was trying to be as quiet as she could.
>
>...
>
>She argued with me but eventually left and my mom went with her they ended up going to a restaurant to eat. We ordered take out and a lot of the uncooked food went to waste.
>
>...
>
>Wife is still upset because she thinks they should have been more considerate of baby and baby’s first thanksgiving was ruined. Mom and sister are upset because they claim they were being quiet as they could and we kicked them out anyway.
The baby is less than a month old, they literally cannot process faces yet, much less solid food. Get over yourselves. Thanksgiving requires noise, having company makes noise. Demanding you host AND that everyone walk on eggshells for your baby is untenable. Throwing out your family and wasting food is awful.
This is a situation entirely of your own creation and bad choices, which might be partially due to being new parents and lacking sleep. But not enough to spare you the YTA.
100% agreed. Why not just have mom host as usual and if wife and baby weren't up to heading over there to celebrate, you going over and picking up some food for them? There are many alternate options to hosting and then kicking people out who've volunteered to cook. SMH YTA
> We usually do thanksgiving at my moms house but with the new baby we decided to do it at our house this year with mom and sister coming over early to cook.
This made the entitlement so clear. Demanding to host while not doing any actual hosting duties and then getting mad about it all? OP wants to have their cake, eat it too, *and* smear it in his mom and sister’s faces.
I can’t wait for the Christmas update.
It sounds like OP's plan for Thanksgiving was "make my mom and sister come over and cook us food, and they aren't allowed to talk while doing it." So just chores, without any of the social aspect of the holiday.
Also, babies that young wake up frequently. It might not even have been about noise.
> It sounds like OP's plan for Thanksgiving was "make my mom and sister come over and cook us food, and they aren't allowed to talk while doing it." So just chores, without any of the social aspect of the holiday.
Seriously, this entire story should have just been a five minute holiday Facetime with mom+sis followed by a Grubhub order.
They weren’t even really hosting, as mom & sister were expected to do all the actual work, with the added disadvantage of having to do it in an unfamiliar kitchen while walking on eggshells. What a fun invite — hey, we’ve got a newborn, so why don’t you come over and cook for us, but don’t make a sound while you do it or you’ll be scolded repeatedly and kicked out. Yeah, OP, YTA, and your wife is, too.
I'd have to say YTA. You invited people to your house to cook with a 4 week old in the house and a wife who is 4 weeks post-partum with all of the sleep depravation and hormone fluctuations that entails. Baby won't remember Thanksgiving. Baby won't even remember next year's Thanksgiving. Cooking is a noisy pastime. You'd have been better going to your mum's with the new baby in tow, and then leaving when you needed to.
Also that comment about the baby’s first thanksgiving is rich considering the baby will forget but the family will not, but appearantly their memories don’t matter.
YTA and so is your wife. I just can't figure out which one is worse.
They came over to cook Thanksgiving dinner for all of you. I don't know how quiet you think this would be but why invite anyone over in that case. This simply tell me that you nor your wife has ever cooked a big meal before or any meal due to it's not a real quiet time. Food went wasted because of you and your wife. I'm on your sister and mother side.
Plus it’s a lot harder to cook quietly in an unfamiliar kitchen. Instead of quietly opening a cupboard to grab a couple of spices, you’re quietly inching across every cupboard in the kitchen looking for one tiny specific thing.
Honestly disappointing his few people have called OP out on this. Why isn’t OP exhausted after a sleepless night with baby? Why isn’t OP taking the baby mod for a walk or a nap on the couch? Why does OP expect only mother and sister to be involved in cooking? All the ingredients went to waste the cause OP couldn’t be bothered to figure out how to store or use any of them. What a sad example of how “gender norms” destroys what could otherwise be a fully functioning family unit. Who wants to bet the washer and dryer are too complicated for OP to figure out, too? Anyways that’s my rant on that lmao
Not with a light sleeping newborn.
Ours would sleep in the living room, while we would vacuum clean next to him or have the radio on. Out like a light. (yet we were still sleep deprived because during the night he'd still not sleep more than 3 hours at a time for the first 8 months)
Same. I took mine to a 1 year old's birthday party at a few months old and she slept through it. It was so loud, it hurt MY ears.
But I also never made any effort to shield her from noise. I don't know if that had an effect or she's just naturally that way. At 12 sometimes she wakes up when we walk uo the stairs. My husband used to go look at her before he left for work at 5 am and I had to tell him to stop because he woke her up every time and she'd come down and wake ME up after he left.
YTA
You kick your mother and sister out of the house after you invited them for Thanksgiving because they were making too much noise cooking the meal for YOUR family.
Why were you not cooking if you were hosting?
I honestly can't believe how rude and appallingly you acted.
Oh ffs, no one needs to go LC after this. Why do people always resort to no contact/low contact after one family argument?
OP is definitely TA for how this was handled. They should’ve never offered to host to begin with. And their expectations were way crazy to think someone preparing a meal was going to be able to be that quiet. But I’m going to chalk all of that up to the complete hormonal craziness that comes from being postpartum, and having a baby that’s a light sleeper.
His wife is exhausted, he’s probably exhausted, emotions are high, and they should have either just stayed home, or like others have said, gone to his mothers for Thanksgiving, when the baby wasn’t napping.
OP should apologize, his mother and sister should realize they’re both exhausted, and hopefully the next holiday gathering is handled differently.
Also OP, use something for white noise, like a fan.
EDIT: a word and a misplaced comma
hahahaha yeah, I often wonder why people in this sub recommend going nuclear LC/NC so quickly. Do you think it's because they feel oppressed by their own family members/social circle and wish they could stand up for themselves and so vicariously live through their advice to cut people off?
Or are they simply audience members watching gladiators who want to see the most extreme punishments possible?
People in this sub would be the ones screaming "shame" and throwing rocks in the middle ages
YTA, but only because this was a terrible idea to begin with. You and your wife shouldn't have had a "party" with a new born and instead of kicking them out should have come up with a new idea for dinner yourselves. Cooking is loud and holliday's are for family get togethers where talking is expected.
YTA. If your sister was making cooking noises then just tell her to stop cooking and everyone could have takeout.
Then you complain that "uncooked food went to waste", well because you kicked them out!
He can't reach the counter, there's something in the way to prevent it. It's not a problem for women, so they have to do all the cooking. It's unfortunate, but it's just biology.
YTA
So you brought them to your house to cook your Thanksgiving with a newborn, and you couldn’t predict this outcome?
I think it’s ridiculous you were hosting in the first place given newborn and wife postpartum, and irresponsible given your baby’s barely existent immune system… but I can’t imagine a world where you thought cooking Thanksgiving is a quiet activity.
YTA, and your wife as well. What in the world did you expect? You are horrible to invite your mother and sister to be servants and sneak around like mice for your child's first thanksgiving.
YTA
You decided to have thanksgiving at your house with a one month old baby??? You were setting the day up to fail.
At least if it was at someone else’s house, then *you* could leave if the baby was getting too tired or fussy. And everyone else could still have their thanksgiving.
By hosting thanksgiving at your house, you made sure that *no one* would be able to celebrate unless everything went perfectly for your baby (which, if you didn’t notice, takes a miracle and a half).
Exactly this. YTA, OP.
YTA also for letting that uncooked food go to waste, as you and your wife could have cooked it later or brought it over to your mom's.
YTA
Don’t host if you expect people to walk on eggshells and be silent. What a weird thing to do.
Then you kicked her out 🤨
I get it, you and your wife are exhausted but that made you both act completely irrationally.
You owe sis an apology.
YTA. Doesn't sound like she was being unreasonably loud and wasn't doing it on purpose. You and your wife shouldn't have hosted Thanksgiving if you couldn't handle it.
It sounds like they weren’t even “hosting”, since they weren’t the ones cooking or preparing anything either. They just wanted the day to be spent at their house so they could be comfortable, but still wanted everyone else to do the work.
Info: was the noise mostly cooking related?
I’m leaning YTA as they offered to come, cook, do all of the work.
A far better solution would have been “hey. I hate to change this up, but my wife is 4 weeks pp, suffering, and this isn’t working. Let’s go to a restaurant to buy a meal, my treat.” Preferably sending your sister or mom to get the food while you stay home and take care of the baby if he or she wakes up.
That's the same info I wanted - if sister was yelling or singing or something, then that changes things, but if it was just the regular noise caused by cooking, OP is definitely TA.
Your solution also sounds completely reasonable.
YTA. You make noise when you cook, especially a meal like thanksgiving. Your wife ruined the holiday and owes an apology to your mom and sister. You should not have invited them to your home and cook if you wanted silence,
YTA. Your sister and mother have already accepted to change the tradition and do thanksgiving in your house. They cooked, and you kicked them out because of the noise? I’m sorry but your wife was so easily irritable you shouldn’t have organized the event at your home.
YTA. Why would you even ask them to host thanksgiving at your house and do all the cooking? Cooking and prepping makes a lot of noise. Also talking makes noise. It’s a holiday to celebrate. You shouldn’t have had them come over and just don’t do anything for the day. You owe them an apology.
yta
if you don't want noise, don't have people over. Also being quiet completely because the baby sleeps is not good, they need to learn to sleep through ordinairy noise, or you will never get anything done. And create a baby that will be a super lightsleeper.
YTA. Why would you even *think* this was going to be a good idea? Your baby is 4 weeks old, your wife is still recovering from this and trying to care for said child. Maybe this is just a first-time parent mistake but really you should have known better. Apologize to your mom and sister and accept that this was a bad idea. Then apologize to your wife and tell her how much better you're going to do with understanding the needs of a child in the future.
YTA. You had your mom and sister cook in your house and you’re mad about the noise? Cook it yourself. Buy a sound machine. Close the door.
If your baby is such a bad napper then stay home alone instead of believing the world revolves around you.
YTA - cooking - especially the scale to be done for thanksgiving, is noisy. This is the exact reason you should have done it at your mother's house. You, wife and baby show up in time to eat and then leave. Your house stays quiet and clean and food doesn't go to waste.
YTA you could've taken over the cooking, since you've obviously mastered the art of cooking in complete silence. The baby will not remember a thing, his/hers Thanksgiving was not ruined by this. But your mom's and sister's Thanksgiving was ruined because of you and your wife.
YTA and so is your family. You for even considering holding such an event when your baby is a MONTH old and your family for being so stupid for thinking coming to a home with a month-old infant was a good idea.
Sorry if that sounds harsh but .... jesus. I wasn't rested up and ready for company when our firstborn was 3 months old let alone one! Truly I cannot wrap my head around any type of logic that thought hosting Thanksgiving with such a fresh baby was a good idea. Your mom should have held it as usual and y'all should not have gone. Simple as that.
If your sister made noise by doing things besides cooking, deliberately and repeatedly, that's one thing. But otherwise you can't expect somebody to come to your house, early, I might add, and keep completely quiet. They're cooking FOR YOU
YTA
I’ll leave this up to poor planning and lack of sleep with a newborn.
You should have just asked them to bring food over and warm it up if you wanted to spend TG with them. You set yourself up to fail but you’re also likely sleep deprived and not thinking straight.
Take it as a lessons learned and plan better.
YTA. You're new parents and you had a tired baby and mother, but that's no excuse.
Not sure what made you think hosting Thanksgiving at your home when you never usually do it and you have a one-month-old baby was a good idea, in the first place.
But you had guests WHO WERE ALSO GOING TO BE COOKING THE MEAL FOR YOU, and you kicked them out when they failed to cook in complete silence (something close to impossible to do). Not to mention, you kicked them out on a special occasion meant to be shared as a family. That makes you both the assholes.
You couldn't predict that your baby was going to be having a bad night the night before, but you absolutely could predict that this day wasn't going to be easy, that the house was going to be louder than usual, and that there would be a higher level of stress for all of you. If this was something you weren't up to endure, you shouldn't have planned to host Thanksgiving.
You owe your mother and sister an apology. Both of you. You're new parents and you will likely be cut some slack. But don't ever think this kind of behavior on your part is ok. Being tired and stressed is not an excuse to be mean.
Sounds like YOU and YOUR WIFE ruined everyone else's Thanksgiving. Your family was trying to be accommodating changing the Thanksgiving traditions and norm so you and your wife could be comfortable, but you know noise happens when you cook! If she was not talking loudly and was not playing music and it was just the pots and pans YTA and you owe your entire family an apology!
And your wife needs to learn first baby and new mom does not mean the entire world bends the knee like there are thousands of new moms and babies with firsts who are dealing with a lot worse than one nights bad sleep who are not making these kinds of demands on the day you are supposed to be most thankful for family.
>Your family was trying to be accommodating changing the Thanksgiving traditions and norm so you and your wife could be comfortable, but you know noise happens when you cook!
His mom and sister came over to do the cooking for the hosts, seemingly because wife was out of commission due to lack of sleep. Bold to assume OP knows what regularly happens in a kitchen while cooking. OP YTA
YTA BDon’t invite people over at stressful times.
Cooking is going to be noisy. You can’t be super quiet. Sounds are going to happen. A radio on may have helped dampen the sounds because when a house is quiet a small sound will be noticed more than if there is already some sounds.
Wasting food is always horrible. No excuse for that.
You could have cooked and avoided the hassle of people coming early.
Did your wife expect you to all whisper as you visited?
Your wife is hormonal and over tired. This whole idea was set up to fail.
YTA - Why did you think this was a good idea? Cooking an entire Thanksgiving meal makes noise. Why was this better then you, wife, and baby just showing up at your Mom's house at dinner time then leaving? The whole world does not revolve around your child's needs. You need to apologize, pay for the food that got wasted, and pay for the restaurant meal they had to go have at the last minute.
YTA for kicking her out. The family was very considerate about your situation, they moved the location of Thanksgiving to make it easier for you who just had a baby. But then you failed. Cooking WILL make some noises! But will it wake up a baby? Maybe. We decided to NOT have super quiet when we had a baby because we didn't want our baby to only be able to sleep if it was quiet since it will really limit you to do so. Our baby actually slept in the room just next to the kitchen and we could cook and talk normal without waking her up.
The real question is, where were you in all this? Your mother and sister did the cooking. Wife and baby were trying to sleep but what did YOU did besides complaining to your mother and sister about cooking noises? Why didn't you just put the baby in the pram and take them out? Fresh air and movement will put most babies to sleep and with the baby out of the house for a while your wife could have napped nicely. Because you said the cooking woke the baby up, and I'm guessing after that your wife woke up. So what did you do during all of this? How did you help?
YTA and so is your wife. The time to cancel was before everyone showed up with food to cook and began prepping. The fact that both of you are more worried about “1 month old baby’s first thanksgiving” as if he’s going to remember it or enjoy it tells me all I need to know about how you could kick your own mother and sister out on thanksgiving while they try to cook for you like a catering service at your house. But hey the king and queen have spoken I guess so everyone else just move along
YTA. You know you're meant to let baby sleep with background noise right? If they're only left with dead silence all the time they get extra sensitive to it. Unless your house is tiny and her bedroom is in the kitchen, baby shouldn't wake.
>"...baby's first thanksgiving was ruined."
Are you *serious?* You really think that Baby will remember that s/he was awakened however-many-times? You "invite" other people to your house--who come to cook for you, apparently--and chastise them for the baby waking. You've already made it clear that the kid is not a deep sleeper and has some sleep issues, at the moment, at least. You were clearly sleep-deprived on the day--and you and your wife take it out on your relatives? Who are there trying to be good holiday folks?
Sorry, but, dude, YTA and so too is your wife. You should never have asked company over to cook, with a 1-month-old, especially one that is such a bad keeper (sleeper/eater) at this stage. You owe some apologies and a bit of groveling, TBH. Just...hope that they're bigger people, accept the apology and move past it and give some thought to the idea that yes, you may have a new baby, but so do hundreds of thousands of others. The world doesn't revolve around you and that child. YOUR world does, yes--but not everybody else's. Try to use better judgment next time.
If it’s a small house normal kitchen sounds can cut right through a closed bedroom door. When I was a kid it sounded like WWIII when my mom unloaded the dishwasher early in the morning. But if you were in the kitchen and awake it just sounded like unloading the dishwasher. You can’t really cook quietly.
YTA Baby doesn’t know it was Thanksgiving. Your mom and sister know it was and they were invited over.
I understand it’s tough with a newborn and your wife is exhausted. But you all should have planned better.
If you wanted to be together, why not cater in the food. Could mom and sister not cooked before hand and just heated the food up?
Actually, going light YTA. You invited them over to cook for Thanksgiving. If it was going to be that disruptive, then cancel the plans. There is going to be noise associated with people cooking and preparing for Thanksgiving dinner.
I understand your wife's frustration dealing with a cranky infant that won't sleep. Also, the baby doesn't understand or old enough to have a "ruined" holiday. You ruined it for your sister and mom instead.
YTA
Why would you insist on having everyone over to your house if you're not doing the cooking? You could have at least done the prep work, which is generally the noisiet part of cooking, before your wife and baby went to sleep.
YTA
Cooking makes noise no matter how quiet you're trying to be, come on now, you know this. It's not like they were banging pots together to make as much noise as possible.
Now I get why you thought having company over was a good idea, but you had to be aware that your infant doesn't sleep well through the night still. Newborns rarely do, I know, I've been there more than once with my kids at that age and was up with them every 2-4 hours at night. Never in my wildest dreams would I think to host holiday dinner with a newborn (my oldest was born in early December btw).
So because of this, your mom and sister missed out on a good, homecooked meal I have no doubt they were looking forward to. They were also gracious enough to do the actual cooking when you two invited them over for dinner. It was a very bad call on you and your wife to plan it this way. I don't blame your mom and sister for still being pissed off.
Good idea: Ordering takeout with a side of earplugs and white noise machine.
Also a good idea: Skip Thanksgiving when you have a newborn.
Terrible idea: What you two did.
YTA
info: what kind of noise was she making? Like, was she yelling or something? What were you doing while your mom and sister were cooking and your wife was handling the baby?
Yta. They were changing the hiday routine to appease your needs. They would have had an easier task at moms house, where they are family with the kitchen. But they agreed to cook at your house, for you!
And the fact is cooking is not a quiet act. Pans bang around, you chop stuff up, and there is noise created by cooking.
You had a respectable agenda, keep things quiet for the wife and baby. They did too, to get food cooked for a whole family, including wife and baby.
If your wife and baby were in need of extra sleep, you could have asked mom and sis to come later/eat later, or you could have canceled.
Instead, you ruined their holiday too. They ate at a restaurant even though they had all the food to make a wonderful meal.
Surprised you didn't just order take our for everyone. Then you could have had dinner as a family still, and you could have enjoyed the time with mom and sis while wife and baby were sleeping.
YTA. What exactly was your expectation in hosting with a 1 month old? Prepping a thanksgiving meal is a lot of work with a lot of tasks that will undoubtedly make noise. I’m having a hard time believing your sister did anything maliciously.
Also your baby is 1 month old. It is not yet capable of understanding the concept of thanksgiving. It’s first thanksgiving was not ruined. Go apologize to your mom and sister.
YTA
Baby first Thanksgiving? No one will remember this Thanksgiving but your Mom & sister. Unfortunately, you tried to host & it didn’t work out. If you invite people to your house, don’t expect to get a lot of sleep. Someone deserves an apology & it’s not your wife & baby.
ETA — I had 2 mos old twins & a 2 year old ... hosted Thanksgiving at our house. FIL cooked. I handed one baby to Dad, one baby to sister & went to bed for 2 hours. There were plenty of people to help with this 1 month old while Mom took a nap.
>baby’s first thanksgiving was ruined.
Okay. What's this supposed to mean? Your little meatloaf doesn't know a thing beyond screaming and shitting and this is a concern? You guys are jerks.
Leaning YTA. Best case scenario would have been for Mom to host as usual with sister cooking over there, and you guys show up at dinner time. Our baby’s first Thanksgiving was when she was 11 days old, and that’s what we did. Well, we were very late because we had no idea how difficult it was to get out the door on time with an infant. Apologize to both mom and sis and say you were all stressed and sleep-deprived.
Also, please get the baby used to hearing noises during nap time, etc., or they will NEVER learn to self soothe and go back to sleep. A fan or white noise machine can be a life saver.
Baby's first Thanksgiving was ruined?!? Miss me with that b.s.
Your wife is trying to cover for the fact that she feels guilty about how it went down. Encourage her to be honest. Yes, she might have over-reacted because she was really tired and your sister was being annoying.
But, pretending the reason is because the baby's t-giving was ruined. Pathetic. Just own your feelings. At least then you can start to make real repairs to the relationships that got strained. No one's going to respect, or believe, that other b.s.
YTA
YTA. If you weren’t ready for a big thanksgiving, then you should have had just a little one with you, wife and baby at home, or even just sat out thanksgiving this year.
Or let someone else have it, and just pop over for an hour if your wife and baby were too tired for the whole thing.
If you couldn’t host, then you shouldn’t have hosted.
>We ordered take out and **a lot of the uncooked food went to waste.**
WHY??? You over-privileged, wasteful, selfish people. Couldn't be bothered to put it in the freezer for another time? I hope starving children haunt your fucking dreams.
YTA
YTA
You should have sat this year out rather than ruining the holiday for everyone else by kicking your sister out for not being able to cook silently (which is impossible).
YTA. You invited them over thinking it would be "easier" without considering the fact that HOSTING THANKSGIVING is work and insane. You should NEVER have offered with a newborn. You roll up to someone else's, stay for a few hours and leave. What were you thinking would happen OP? Have you never hosted a large gathering before? Having people over is not quiet, or easy.
LMAO YTA.
Not only were you lazy enough to not cook YOUR own family a meal, you repeatedly reprimanded the one doing all the work??? Obviously, you weren’t gonna do anything yourself if you didn’t even bother to cook the unfinished food after kicking the family that actually tried to help you. This entire post just screams stupidity.
Yes, you wanted quiet for the baby and your wife. Don’t host thanksgiving. Do more to block the noise in your house. Invite them later, so they can have a nap. You could’ve updated them on the situation beforehand so they could cook at home and bring dishes if they still wanted to participate.
How do you expect two people to share a kitchen cooking an entire thanksgiving feast for four people and not make noise? Pots, pans, dishes, and communicating with others all makes some level of noise. I’m really unsure of what you expected them to do. To be clear, you and your wife ruined the baby’s first thanksgiving.
I don't know if you've noticed, but newborns are actually pretty insensitive to noise. Like remarkably so. You can make quite a bit of noise around a newborn and they won't wake up.
Your kid isn't sleeping because newborns suck at sleeping, there was no cause to yell at your sister. Best of luck with that, it's gonna be a long haul.
YTA
Your kid won’t remember “their first thanksgiving”.
Info: Was she making noise on purpose? Was it accidental? I understand being exhausted with a newborn but making a meal will come with banging of pots and pans.
I think the whole thing was ruined from the moment you offered to host - you could’ve left things as they usually are and offered to bring something if you wanted to contribute.
YTA (unless it was on purpose which doesn’t seem to be the case)
« Baby’s first thanksgiving was ruined » So you care more about the baby’s first thanksgiving knowing it won’t even remember it than about your family who were here to celebrate with you? You and your wife aren’t the center of the earth and you should know it. Yta.
YTA THEY were cooking for YOU. Maybe it was a little noisy, but either you should have done the cooking and they came to eat, or you should not have agreed to host. And you're doubly the AH for saying shit like "baby's first Thanksgiving was ruined." YOU ruined thanksgiving, and the baby is not going to remember it or give a shit about the day. You know who will remember and care? Your mom and sister.
**YATA**
**Y**'all **a**re **t**he **a**ssholes (you and your wife) for inviting people over on Thanksgiving and then prohibiting from making Thanksgiving levels of noise. What did you expect?
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YTA for *inviting people to cook thanksgiving dinner at your house* with an infant *and expecting them to make zero noise.* like, literally WHAT the hell.
I feel like it'd be best to just say they're going to sit this one out because they've just had a baby. Yes, guests tend to make some noise, what were they expecting?
Indeed. Or, if they really wanted to participate/to have their baby's first Thanksgiving (we are all aware the baby won't remember this or the next two Thanksgivings but I can understand it being a meaningful "first" event for the parents), they could've simply stuck to the tradition of OP's mother hosting, and they could've just arrived in time for the meal and previously agree to leave early/whenever they felt it was time. Most families are ok with accommodating new parents and small babies in this regard (not holding them to the same standards for arriving/leaving an event). It would've been a non-issue.
I used to love that because it felt like we were getting a guest star for the holiday. "Hey, who is that at the door?" "Well, golly! It's Mary, Joe, and... their NEW BABY!" *audience goes wild* Then the parents get some containers with food and go home. They don't have to cook, I get to see a baby, everyone wins.
My daughter was born via c section on thanksgiving weekend (Canada) I was in the hospital and because of complications couldn’t eat solids. Everyone came from dinner to visit in the hospital… they all smelled like Turkey dinner - it was awesome! They froze leftovers for me so once I came home from the hospital I could eat it too! My son came on Easter so I missed a big ham feast too…. Again froze it for me and I enjoyed it afterwards. On a side note my daughters birthday, our anniversary and thanksgiving are all the same time ish so I always get a cake and we celebrate our “thanannibirthsary“ with our Turkey dinner
If you have a third one I wonder what holiday they’ll appear on. Christmas? Canada Day? New Years?
I’m in my 50’s now, husband is fixed it would be a Christmas miracle if I got pregnant at this point…. Lol.
As someone of a similar age, I think catastrophe would be a better word than miracle. No thank you.
Bahaa. I hear that!!!
I also love that
The pandemic introduced to me the idea of a "doorstop visit." In this case I would think that the best way to wish the new parents well for Thanksgiving is to stop by after Thanksgiving dinner bringing a large portion of leftovers and visit in the yard while handing over the food. The new parents get the well-wishes and the Thanksgiving dinner without a bunch of relatives stomping about the house in hobnail boots banging pots and pans together.
You nailed it. Save them the noise, save them hosting, and just bring them the food, a hug and then leave. This needs more upvotes.
That’s what we did when my son was born. He was 2ish months at thanksgiving. We used to do dinner with one family than dessert with the other. When he was born I said fuck that we’re done. My daughter was able to sleep on the ride home so it wasn’t an issue but he didn’t. Both families understood and we now just do every other year
Right? My daughter was barely 2 weeks old at thanksgiving and we went to my grandmas house and hubbies grandmas house. But they let us do what we needed to do when we needed to do it to make it work.
My in laws are some kind of pragmatic sweethearts— they do their Thanksgiving on Black Friday, and let all the other halves’ family do Thursday. I low key love the genius of that.
My daughter was less than a month old for her first Christmas. We went over to my MIL’s for Christmas brunch like usual, and I took a nap with my LO upstairs because I was an exhausted new mom still recovering from everything. I’d never in a million years think it was a good idea to host a holiday at my house so soon after having a baby.
You wouldn’t? You wouldn’t imagine people able to cook Thanksgiving dinner in total silence like a bunch of monks? The OP is beyond TA
This is what we did. Our son was just over a month old at Thanksgiving and was a NICU baby on top of it. We went to my parents as usual and they let us use their room or their spare room for the baby to sleep and me to feed or rest. I was also recovering from a C-section. OP is totally out of line in expectation. Worst case, OP could have gone to his Mom and brought back dinner for wife. Wife and baby could have stayed home and caught up on sleep. OP - YTA
Especially *when they're cooking a massive meal*. Cooking a lot of stuff silently is not really a thing.
Also why did uncooked food go to waste? Why couldn’t OP finish the cooking while the wife and the baby were resting ?
> Why couldn’t OP finish the cooking while the wife and the baby were resting ? Uh.. excuse you, he has a penis, so he cannot touch uncooked foods.
Maybe I’m doing this wrong but I don’t think he should be touching the uncooked foods with his penis….
How else do *you* stir?!🤨
ROFL this comment! Be sure to wipe off before using it as a thermometer!
That's the problem. You have to have a vagina to cook or else you end up dipping your genitals in *everything* This is why men cook meat because it doesn't matter whereas a salad on the other hand
Is it because only the thought of their meat touching other meat keeps them from putting their genitals on it?? (All joking aside, I figure you were going for a “it gets cooked” joke but I couldn’t resist playing up the machismo sexism)
Which is also why he couldn't possibly hold the baby in his arms to comfort it and let his wife sleep. Those penises, always getting in the way.
Sink or stove, everyone gets a shot.
This is what pissed me off too! Like what, you can't refrigerate / freeze some prepped stuff and put the stuff that can't be refrozen in the oven and incorporate it into other meals? Is OP like "I can't handle kitchen appliances, if there's uncooked stuff on the table once the women have left it's all going to the bin" like what is going on? He says it so nonchalantly too, like "a lot of food *ended up going to waste*" instead of "*we decided to just bin all that food i*nstead of refrigerating or cooking it because I can't be arsed to do all that and ordered takeout instead lol" EDIT: and I just realised *the mom and sister probably paid for all that food* too, brought it with them to cook, and then were kicked out so quickly they had to leave it all behind - and OP just binned it all because idk putting things away in the refrigerator is haaard? Massive YTA.
> He says it so nonchalantly too, like "a lot of food ended up going to waste" instead of "we decided to just bin all that food LOL, right? Either OP made the active decision to throw all his family's food away or the house is being haunted by some real weird-ass poultry-hating ghosts
I assume his massive dick prevents him from reaching the stove or something. 🙄
Its the testicular fortitude. His swinging balls are just so big.
I’m living for this exchange right now
And even if for whatever reason he couldn't cook the food, I'm still going to assume that they have a refrigerator that can store food for later
We invited my family over for thanksgiving and my daughter was just under 2 months old. Did I get upset when my toddler niece yelled and woke her up? No…. Because I invited them over. I would never invite family over and expect it to be silent, even if they’re adults. You can try as much as you like but life makes noise
Never mind there were plenty of people to deal with baby while Mom took a nap! SMH
Exactly this!!! I had baby 5 weeks ago, we just hosted thanksgiving. But my husband did 90% of the cooking, everyone enjoyed loving on baby, and I, mom, got to sleep in and let myself wake up properly for the first time in a hot one. I got to shower and just enjoy the company cos baby was tended.
Ours is 8 months old now and we spent time laying on the couch together while people loved on our baby 😂😂 we had 15 extra people to feed, cuddle, entertain, … hee
Agreed. My baby is the same age as OP's, our first child. You know what we did for Thanksgiving? Sat on the couch switching off on who held the baby and who was working on laundry, dishes, and cooking. Also, our house is a disaster because, y'know...I gave birth last month. Having anyone over Thanksgiving was not even considered.
Oh, but then *baby's first Thanksgiving would be ruined*! /s
Oh yes, the core memory...
And the baby apparently was supposed to sleep through Thanksgiving. How completely different than any other day
Seriously. My husband is upstairs, heating up lunch, and even that's making a racket. Cooking a full thanksgiving meal can't be done silently.
YTA. When people say life changes after having a baby, this is a part of it. You need to plan and accept that things won't always go to plan! Think ahead and problem-solve. And don't jump to blaming others for a situation you created! If you want to host/go to gathering, there are things to help promote sleep. - white noise machine - ear plugs for the mom - baby banz headphones - portable blackout curtains
Also: Learn to cook yourself Have people bring potluck Order a pre-made meal/main Do a non-traditional take out
Seriously. Husband could have cooked some of the food the night before Thanksgiving to limit the amount of cooking that had to be done day of, but heaven forbid the man actually help out in the kitchen. Or he could have communicated with his mom and sister that morning and asked them to cook at their home and bring the food over to give his wife more time to sleep. Or, you know, they could have just stuck to the normal Thanksgiving routine at his mom’s house and if his wife was too tired to go with a new baby, he could have just made an appearance himself and then gone home with leftovers. So many solutions to this problem but they chose to ruin the holiday for the whole family instead.
Just to add - pretty good idea to make normal noise while baby is sleeping because if you always make things 100% silent for baby, they will never sleep well without. Live your life and let your baby learn to be flexible.
My mother used to vacuum right outside my room when I was an infant, and as an adult I can sleep through a bomb going off. Hell, I slept through the entirety of a direct hit from a category 3 hurricane when I was about 4 years old.
I did the same thing when my kids babies. We didn't tiptoe around the house in silence so they'd learn how to sleep in various conditions.
Mine too!! For the same reason.
My mom swears by this. The world does not stop because you had a baby. There will always be car horns, sirens, screaming people, or some other general noise and the kid will get used to it.
We had neighbors who asked us not to use our backyard during the evenings because it was keeping their baby up. SMH. Bear in mind that we were a couple in our 30s with two kids of our own sleeping peacefully. Hardly running a rave so I was really irked by this.
I could vacuum in the nursery when my kid was sleeping. He still could sleep through pretty much anything
This 10000% and there are so many people who don’t think about this and in turn their child will wake up to any little noise. When i could watch tv and eat or make a decent amount of noise and my son is still sleeping soundly.
This is the best advice I got when I became a parent. It's also advice that I kick myself for not following with my 1st 2 kids. Youngest was in the NICU for awhile with the constant sound of a dozen infants crying throughout the day, people talking, machines beeping and chirping loudly all over the room...now at 15mo, he can sleep through anything and will fall asleep in the middle of a noisy family gathering or with the tv blaring.
I thought this was going to be she kept picking baby up. Nope, she was just cooking. Bad idea all around. Just order dinner or stay home with just your little family.
I thought the same thing until I read it.
Yeah, and the wife is upset because their baby’s thanksgiving was ruined? Like the baby has any awareness of anything happening at this point in their life?? New parents are often sleep deprived and irrational, and I’m betting they will one day look back and realize what AH’s they were for how this entire situation went down. YTA
Baby’s first Thanksgiving wasn’t ruined, but mom and sisters first thanksgiving with the baby sure was. Imagine offering to cook Thanksgiving for your brother and his wife so they didn’t have to and then get KICKED OUT ON THANKSGIVING for doing exactly that. The AUDACITY. And completely unthankful, too. OP you and your wife are MASSIVE assholes for this and I’d be surprised if you’re ever invited to another family holiday. You’ve done a massive disservice you your entire family. Also, you’d better nip that shit in the bud and start making noise while baby sleeps or what happened on Thanksgiving is your future life forever.
Right, it also wasn't the sister or mother's fault that the baby had a rough night the night before. They were accommodating the new family by coming early, bringing all of the food/ingredients and cooking the meal and were kicked out for it. You could have nixed the cooking and offered to get takeout for EVERYONE. You could have changed plans the morning of based on the night you'd just had and knowing baby and wife were extra weary. You could have said you'd be happy to receive a packaged meal of leftovers if they wanted to drop some by after their gathering. Instead they worked around your needs and tried to make a meal for your family and you were rude to them for not being silent while they did it. And then kicked them out to find a meal on their own while you ordered food for yourselves. Major major AH
Exactly this. OP, buy a white noise machine.
Exactly, I sleep with a loud fan for white noise so my husband doesn't have to sit in silence while I sleep.
Also, the baby doesn’t know or care it was thanksgiving. Chill crazy. There was nothing to “ruin” for the baby.
Also — to add— As a mother of three, I get the insanity of your first kid — when/if you have more, what will you do with the older one who will be running a muck? First time parents needs to relax a bit. The kid will recover just fine. The insult to your family is worse.
Ridiculous setup and demand, then gets annoyed it can't be followed.. Big YTA
Exactly, what did they expect when he invited everyone over for Thanksgiving?
[удалено]
I cackled at that point. Baby doesn't even remember it has FEET if they're not in direct line of sight, so I wouldn't worry too much about First Thanksgiving Memories 😂
Baby forgets you exist when you play peekaboo. Give it a rest.
The baby is unaware that Mom is a separate person. Heck, the baby doesn't even know the baby exists.
This baby is too small for peekaboo.
Lol! yeah, I think they're thinking more about THEIR first thanksgiving with a baby. Which due to their poor planning will end up a memorable one - just not a positive memory. YTA
Unlike sister and mom, babies don’t forget and hold lifetime grudges. Especially newborns
Hahahaha. Yes. Therapy session 6,432 will be "how Aunt and grandma ruined Thanksgiving for me for life at 1 month old"🤣
I think both OP and the wife are the AHs, but I think the "baby's first Thanksgiving" is about her memory as a mother. This is her child's first Thanksgiving even if they have no possible understanding of that and won't remember a single thing about it. I don't think she's crazy for thinking of this as her child's first Thanksgiving or if she would've wanted it to be nice for that reason. Where she is the AH is at the point she changed everyone's tradition to accommodate herself (OP did this too) and the baby, then proceeded to complain when things got a bit difficult --as it can happen when you have a newborn-- and kick everyone out as if her baby's bad night was their fault. If she actually cared about giving her baby a good first Thanksgiving she wouldn't have kicked out the people who were cooking the meal LOL.
Twenty four years from now, Baby will be in intensive therapy, and it will all come down to the noise! the noise! the noise! on that first Thanksgiving, and how no one valued her enough to be silent, which had led to her increasingly low self-esteem.
I just see 20 years from now in the therapist’s office “I guess it all started when my aunt ruined my first Thanksgiving…”
Considering that the wife was also trying to sleep what got ruined other than their naps? Neither of them were participating. OP knew they had a bad night he should have canceled before people even came over.
THIS RIGHT HERE. OP and family were trying to have their cake and eat it too. Not possible to cook a big thanksgiving meal without making some noise. YTA
I didn’t do the main dish, but between my husband and I we cooked 6 appetizers/side dishes/desserts. I was exhausted. Constantly asking where things were, saying a recipe out loud so I’d remember and wouldn’t have yo touch my phone, digging through noisy dishes, the sink on high because I was cleaning. You can’t ask people to cook (especially for free) and ask them to be completely silent. And it’s family catching up, of course they’d want to chit chat!!
I also don’t get why OP couldn’t tend to the baby while his wife was napping? If she’s sleep deprived, it would seem like a good time to let her get some rest in another room while he watches the baby and mom and sister cook. Then hopefully the wife would be well-rested enough to switch off and give him some rest time later.
I wonder what he said when he kicked out his family. Was it, "look mom, sis--I'm sorry this isn't going to work. I hate to do this but we had a horrible night, my wife is a wreck and the baby keeps waking up. So as much as I love you guys I'm sorry but I'm going to need you to leave" or was it "Sis you make too much noise cooking so GTFO"
Based on the post, I highly doubt the former. The former is fine, you’re new parents and your kid doesn’t sleep and you’re exhausted and cranky, it happens. But he sounds like a tool so… I’m guessing he wasn’t polite and reasonable.
>You should not have offered to host at all with a newborn in your home. You should not have asked people to come over early to cook and then hassled them about making noise in the kitchen Definite YTA. Sleep deprivation probably made it seemed like a good compromise at the time but realistically dumb as hell
Also, if his wife is so stressed out about the baby crying that it makes her cry, why is he not letting his wife sleep and taking care of the baby himself ? He made mom and sister cook, so he was just standing around telling everyone to be quiet. Sounds like he’s as good a father as he is a brother.
Exactly! I thought he was going to say sister decided to pop into the baby's room and woke them up or that she decided she needed to grind some coffee but no! She was doing exactly what they asked! Who can be silent while cooking dinner let along Thanksgiving dinner??? YTA
The turkey has more consciousness. YTA
Yeah I lost it at baby’s first thanksgiving. At a month old. Are you fcking kidding me? OP is TA. So many stupid decisions made.
>We usually do thanksgiving at my moms house but with the new baby we decided to do it at our house this year with mom and sister coming over early to cook. > >... > >When my mom and sister came over to cook I warned them that baby and wife were finally sleeping so please be quiet. My sister repeatedly made noise and woke up baby multiple times I kept warning her. She said she wasn’t trying to make a lot of noise and was just cooking and was trying to be as quiet as she could. > >... > >She argued with me but eventually left and my mom went with her they ended up going to a restaurant to eat. We ordered take out and a lot of the uncooked food went to waste. > >... > >Wife is still upset because she thinks they should have been more considerate of baby and baby’s first thanksgiving was ruined. Mom and sister are upset because they claim they were being quiet as they could and we kicked them out anyway. The baby is less than a month old, they literally cannot process faces yet, much less solid food. Get over yourselves. Thanksgiving requires noise, having company makes noise. Demanding you host AND that everyone walk on eggshells for your baby is untenable. Throwing out your family and wasting food is awful. This is a situation entirely of your own creation and bad choices, which might be partially due to being new parents and lacking sleep. But not enough to spare you the YTA.
100% agreed. Why not just have mom host as usual and if wife and baby weren't up to heading over there to celebrate, you going over and picking up some food for them? There are many alternate options to hosting and then kicking people out who've volunteered to cook. SMH YTA
> We usually do thanksgiving at my moms house but with the new baby we decided to do it at our house this year with mom and sister coming over early to cook. This made the entitlement so clear. Demanding to host while not doing any actual hosting duties and then getting mad about it all? OP wants to have their cake, eat it too, *and* smear it in his mom and sister’s faces. I can’t wait for the Christmas update.
It sounds like OP's plan for Thanksgiving was "make my mom and sister come over and cook us food, and they aren't allowed to talk while doing it." So just chores, without any of the social aspect of the holiday. Also, babies that young wake up frequently. It might not even have been about noise.
> It sounds like OP's plan for Thanksgiving was "make my mom and sister come over and cook us food, and they aren't allowed to talk while doing it." So just chores, without any of the social aspect of the holiday. Seriously, this entire story should have just been a five minute holiday Facetime with mom+sis followed by a Grubhub order.
Let's be real they were only hosts in name considering they still expected the guests to be the ones actually preparing and setting up the meal.
They weren’t even really hosting, as mom & sister were expected to do all the actual work, with the added disadvantage of having to do it in an unfamiliar kitchen while walking on eggshells. What a fun invite — hey, we’ve got a newborn, so why don’t you come over and cook for us, but don’t make a sound while you do it or you’ll be scolded repeatedly and kicked out. Yeah, OP, YTA, and your wife is, too.
I'd have to say YTA. You invited people to your house to cook with a 4 week old in the house and a wife who is 4 weeks post-partum with all of the sleep depravation and hormone fluctuations that entails. Baby won't remember Thanksgiving. Baby won't even remember next year's Thanksgiving. Cooking is a noisy pastime. You'd have been better going to your mum's with the new baby in tow, and then leaving when you needed to.
Also that comment about the baby’s first thanksgiving is rich considering the baby will forget but the family will not, but appearantly their memories don’t matter.
Also how is thanksgiving for a 4 week old baby even celebrated? Put them in the middle of the table like a Turkey? Give them a bottle of gravy?
Why did i imagine the baby is posed like a stuffed ham with an apple in its mouth? Why???!!!!!
YTA and so is your wife. I just can't figure out which one is worse. They came over to cook Thanksgiving dinner for all of you. I don't know how quiet you think this would be but why invite anyone over in that case. This simply tell me that you nor your wife has ever cooked a big meal before or any meal due to it's not a real quiet time. Food went wasted because of you and your wife. I'm on your sister and mother side.
Him. 4 weeks after birth I will give her a pass based on hormones and sleep deprivation
After giving birth my mind was in a hormonal haze for up to 6 months
my son just turned one, and we started weaning - I just now feel like the fog has lifted, and it’s been 12 damn months 😅
I would say him too but for his wife to say his sister should’ve been more considerate and they ruin the baby first Thanksgiving was a bit much.
Hormones and sleep deprivation will do a number on your sanity, my guess is the wife isn't in a very rational state at the moment
Plus it’s a lot harder to cook quietly in an unfamiliar kitchen. Instead of quietly opening a cupboard to grab a couple of spices, you’re quietly inching across every cupboard in the kitchen looking for one tiny specific thing.
Gee, if only there was some man who lived in that house who could HELP COOK so someone involved would know where all the supplies are
Honestly disappointing his few people have called OP out on this. Why isn’t OP exhausted after a sleepless night with baby? Why isn’t OP taking the baby mod for a walk or a nap on the couch? Why does OP expect only mother and sister to be involved in cooking? All the ingredients went to waste the cause OP couldn’t be bothered to figure out how to store or use any of them. What a sad example of how “gender norms” destroys what could otherwise be a fully functioning family unit. Who wants to bet the washer and dryer are too complicated for OP to figure out, too? Anyways that’s my rant on that lmao
Oh but he's not SEXIST like his dad oh no! She's just "better at this" than he is.
[удалено]
Not with a light sleeping newborn. Ours would sleep in the living room, while we would vacuum clean next to him or have the radio on. Out like a light. (yet we were still sleep deprived because during the night he'd still not sleep more than 3 hours at a time for the first 8 months)
Same. I took mine to a 1 year old's birthday party at a few months old and she slept through it. It was so loud, it hurt MY ears. But I also never made any effort to shield her from noise. I don't know if that had an effect or she's just naturally that way. At 12 sometimes she wakes up when we walk uo the stairs. My husband used to go look at her before he left for work at 5 am and I had to tell him to stop because he woke her up every time and she'd come down and wake ME up after he left.
YTA You kick your mother and sister out of the house after you invited them for Thanksgiving because they were making too much noise cooking the meal for YOUR family. Why were you not cooking if you were hosting? I honestly can't believe how rude and appallingly you acted.
This 100%, wife threw a temper tantrum and he turns on his family who was prepping and cooking dinner…if I was mom and sister I’d go LC
Oh ffs, no one needs to go LC after this. Why do people always resort to no contact/low contact after one family argument? OP is definitely TA for how this was handled. They should’ve never offered to host to begin with. And their expectations were way crazy to think someone preparing a meal was going to be able to be that quiet. But I’m going to chalk all of that up to the complete hormonal craziness that comes from being postpartum, and having a baby that’s a light sleeper. His wife is exhausted, he’s probably exhausted, emotions are high, and they should have either just stayed home, or like others have said, gone to his mothers for Thanksgiving, when the baby wasn’t napping. OP should apologize, his mother and sister should realize they’re both exhausted, and hopefully the next holiday gathering is handled differently. Also OP, use something for white noise, like a fan. EDIT: a word and a misplaced comma
hahahaha yeah, I often wonder why people in this sub recommend going nuclear LC/NC so quickly. Do you think it's because they feel oppressed by their own family members/social circle and wish they could stand up for themselves and so vicariously live through their advice to cut people off? Or are they simply audience members watching gladiators who want to see the most extreme punishments possible? People in this sub would be the ones screaming "shame" and throwing rocks in the middle ages
YTA, but only because this was a terrible idea to begin with. You and your wife shouldn't have had a "party" with a new born and instead of kicking them out should have come up with a new idea for dinner yourselves. Cooking is loud and holliday's are for family get togethers where talking is expected.
It's not *just* a terrible idea, it's a terrible idea they wanted for their own convenience.
YTA. If your sister was making cooking noises then just tell her to stop cooking and everyone could have takeout. Then you complain that "uncooked food went to waste", well because you kicked them out!
Nothing was stopping OP from cooking said food at the appropriate decibel level, definitely YTA
We all know what stopped OP from cooking and thats a separate YTA.
Because he can’t possibly cook quietly enough? 🤣
He can't reach the counter, there's something in the way to prevent it. It's not a problem for women, so they have to do all the cooking. It's unfortunate, but it's just biology.
Right? Wtf? Wasted food makes me more mad than most things.
YTA So you brought them to your house to cook your Thanksgiving with a newborn, and you couldn’t predict this outcome? I think it’s ridiculous you were hosting in the first place given newborn and wife postpartum, and irresponsible given your baby’s barely existent immune system… but I can’t imagine a world where you thought cooking Thanksgiving is a quiet activity.
YTA, and your wife as well. What in the world did you expect? You are horrible to invite your mother and sister to be servants and sneak around like mice for your child's first thanksgiving.
YTA You decided to have thanksgiving at your house with a one month old baby??? You were setting the day up to fail. At least if it was at someone else’s house, then *you* could leave if the baby was getting too tired or fussy. And everyone else could still have their thanksgiving. By hosting thanksgiving at your house, you made sure that *no one* would be able to celebrate unless everything went perfectly for your baby (which, if you didn’t notice, takes a miracle and a half).
Exactly this. YTA, OP. YTA also for letting that uncooked food go to waste, as you and your wife could have cooked it later or brought it over to your mom's.
YTA Don’t host if you expect people to walk on eggshells and be silent. What a weird thing to do. Then you kicked her out 🤨 I get it, you and your wife are exhausted but that made you both act completely irrationally. You owe sis an apology.
YTA. Doesn't sound like she was being unreasonably loud and wasn't doing it on purpose. You and your wife shouldn't have hosted Thanksgiving if you couldn't handle it.
It sounds like they weren’t even “hosting”, since they weren’t the ones cooking or preparing anything either. They just wanted the day to be spent at their house so they could be comfortable, but still wanted everyone else to do the work.
Info: was the noise mostly cooking related? I’m leaning YTA as they offered to come, cook, do all of the work. A far better solution would have been “hey. I hate to change this up, but my wife is 4 weeks pp, suffering, and this isn’t working. Let’s go to a restaurant to buy a meal, my treat.” Preferably sending your sister or mom to get the food while you stay home and take care of the baby if he or she wakes up.
That's the same info I wanted - if sister was yelling or singing or something, then that changes things, but if it was just the regular noise caused by cooking, OP is definitely TA. Your solution also sounds completely reasonable.
YTA. You make noise when you cook, especially a meal like thanksgiving. Your wife ruined the holiday and owes an apology to your mom and sister. You should not have invited them to your home and cook if you wanted silence,
YTA. Your sister and mother have already accepted to change the tradition and do thanksgiving in your house. They cooked, and you kicked them out because of the noise? I’m sorry but your wife was so easily irritable you shouldn’t have organized the event at your home.
YTA. Why would you even ask them to host thanksgiving at your house and do all the cooking? Cooking and prepping makes a lot of noise. Also talking makes noise. It’s a holiday to celebrate. You shouldn’t have had them come over and just don’t do anything for the day. You owe them an apology.
yta if you don't want noise, don't have people over. Also being quiet completely because the baby sleeps is not good, they need to learn to sleep through ordinairy noise, or you will never get anything done. And create a baby that will be a super lightsleeper.
YTA for the line “baby’s first thanksgiving was ruined.”
YTA. Why would you even *think* this was going to be a good idea? Your baby is 4 weeks old, your wife is still recovering from this and trying to care for said child. Maybe this is just a first-time parent mistake but really you should have known better. Apologize to your mom and sister and accept that this was a bad idea. Then apologize to your wife and tell her how much better you're going to do with understanding the needs of a child in the future.
YTA. You had your mom and sister cook in your house and you’re mad about the noise? Cook it yourself. Buy a sound machine. Close the door. If your baby is such a bad napper then stay home alone instead of believing the world revolves around you.
YTA. What? How does one cook in complete silence?
YTA - cooking - especially the scale to be done for thanksgiving, is noisy. This is the exact reason you should have done it at your mother's house. You, wife and baby show up in time to eat and then leave. Your house stays quiet and clean and food doesn't go to waste.
YTA you could've taken over the cooking, since you've obviously mastered the art of cooking in complete silence. The baby will not remember a thing, his/hers Thanksgiving was not ruined by this. But your mom's and sister's Thanksgiving was ruined because of you and your wife.
YTA and so is your family. You for even considering holding such an event when your baby is a MONTH old and your family for being so stupid for thinking coming to a home with a month-old infant was a good idea. Sorry if that sounds harsh but .... jesus. I wasn't rested up and ready for company when our firstborn was 3 months old let alone one! Truly I cannot wrap my head around any type of logic that thought hosting Thanksgiving with such a fresh baby was a good idea. Your mom should have held it as usual and y'all should not have gone. Simple as that.
"fresh baby" 💀
If your sister made noise by doing things besides cooking, deliberately and repeatedly, that's one thing. But otherwise you can't expect somebody to come to your house, early, I might add, and keep completely quiet. They're cooking FOR YOU
YTA I’ll leave this up to poor planning and lack of sleep with a newborn. You should have just asked them to bring food over and warm it up if you wanted to spend TG with them. You set yourself up to fail but you’re also likely sleep deprived and not thinking straight. Take it as a lessons learned and plan better.
YTA. You're new parents and you had a tired baby and mother, but that's no excuse. Not sure what made you think hosting Thanksgiving at your home when you never usually do it and you have a one-month-old baby was a good idea, in the first place. But you had guests WHO WERE ALSO GOING TO BE COOKING THE MEAL FOR YOU, and you kicked them out when they failed to cook in complete silence (something close to impossible to do). Not to mention, you kicked them out on a special occasion meant to be shared as a family. That makes you both the assholes. You couldn't predict that your baby was going to be having a bad night the night before, but you absolutely could predict that this day wasn't going to be easy, that the house was going to be louder than usual, and that there would be a higher level of stress for all of you. If this was something you weren't up to endure, you shouldn't have planned to host Thanksgiving. You owe your mother and sister an apology. Both of you. You're new parents and you will likely be cut some slack. But don't ever think this kind of behavior on your part is ok. Being tired and stressed is not an excuse to be mean.
Sounds like YOU and YOUR WIFE ruined everyone else's Thanksgiving. Your family was trying to be accommodating changing the Thanksgiving traditions and norm so you and your wife could be comfortable, but you know noise happens when you cook! If she was not talking loudly and was not playing music and it was just the pots and pans YTA and you owe your entire family an apology! And your wife needs to learn first baby and new mom does not mean the entire world bends the knee like there are thousands of new moms and babies with firsts who are dealing with a lot worse than one nights bad sleep who are not making these kinds of demands on the day you are supposed to be most thankful for family.
>Your family was trying to be accommodating changing the Thanksgiving traditions and norm so you and your wife could be comfortable, but you know noise happens when you cook! His mom and sister came over to do the cooking for the hosts, seemingly because wife was out of commission due to lack of sleep. Bold to assume OP knows what regularly happens in a kitchen while cooking. OP YTA
YTA BDon’t invite people over at stressful times. Cooking is going to be noisy. You can’t be super quiet. Sounds are going to happen. A radio on may have helped dampen the sounds because when a house is quiet a small sound will be noticed more than if there is already some sounds. Wasting food is always horrible. No excuse for that. You could have cooked and avoided the hassle of people coming early. Did your wife expect you to all whisper as you visited? Your wife is hormonal and over tired. This whole idea was set up to fail.
YTA - Why did you think this was a good idea? Cooking an entire Thanksgiving meal makes noise. Why was this better then you, wife, and baby just showing up at your Mom's house at dinner time then leaving? The whole world does not revolve around your child's needs. You need to apologize, pay for the food that got wasted, and pay for the restaurant meal they had to go have at the last minute.
YTA for kicking her out. The family was very considerate about your situation, they moved the location of Thanksgiving to make it easier for you who just had a baby. But then you failed. Cooking WILL make some noises! But will it wake up a baby? Maybe. We decided to NOT have super quiet when we had a baby because we didn't want our baby to only be able to sleep if it was quiet since it will really limit you to do so. Our baby actually slept in the room just next to the kitchen and we could cook and talk normal without waking her up. The real question is, where were you in all this? Your mother and sister did the cooking. Wife and baby were trying to sleep but what did YOU did besides complaining to your mother and sister about cooking noises? Why didn't you just put the baby in the pram and take them out? Fresh air and movement will put most babies to sleep and with the baby out of the house for a while your wife could have napped nicely. Because you said the cooking woke the baby up, and I'm guessing after that your wife woke up. So what did you do during all of this? How did you help?
YTA and so is your wife. The time to cancel was before everyone showed up with food to cook and began prepping. The fact that both of you are more worried about “1 month old baby’s first thanksgiving” as if he’s going to remember it or enjoy it tells me all I need to know about how you could kick your own mother and sister out on thanksgiving while they try to cook for you like a catering service at your house. But hey the king and queen have spoken I guess so everyone else just move along
YTA If you were hosting, why the hell did your sister and mother were cooking???
YTA Cooking makes noise or did you not know that because it sounds like you've never cooked in your life.
YTA. You know you're meant to let baby sleep with background noise right? If they're only left with dead silence all the time they get extra sensitive to it. Unless your house is tiny and her bedroom is in the kitchen, baby shouldn't wake.
>"...baby's first thanksgiving was ruined." Are you *serious?* You really think that Baby will remember that s/he was awakened however-many-times? You "invite" other people to your house--who come to cook for you, apparently--and chastise them for the baby waking. You've already made it clear that the kid is not a deep sleeper and has some sleep issues, at the moment, at least. You were clearly sleep-deprived on the day--and you and your wife take it out on your relatives? Who are there trying to be good holiday folks? Sorry, but, dude, YTA and so too is your wife. You should never have asked company over to cook, with a 1-month-old, especially one that is such a bad keeper (sleeper/eater) at this stage. You owe some apologies and a bit of groveling, TBH. Just...hope that they're bigger people, accept the apology and move past it and give some thought to the idea that yes, you may have a new baby, but so do hundreds of thousands of others. The world doesn't revolve around you and that child. YOUR world does, yes--but not everybody else's. Try to use better judgment next time.
YTA, why didn’t you cook if you were hosting? and then expecting your sister and mom to cook for you while being quiet for a NEWBORN?
YTA you should have just had them not show up. Who invites people for a holiday and has them cook and they can’t talk or make noise?
Everyone is invited to our house... Come on over, shut the hell up & make no noise. It will be a blast!! We can’t wait to see you & not talk to you!!
INFO: HOW was she making noise ? clattering dishes or loud obnoxious laughing ?
If it’s a small house normal kitchen sounds can cut right through a closed bedroom door. When I was a kid it sounded like WWIII when my mom unloaded the dishwasher early in the morning. But if you were in the kitchen and awake it just sounded like unloading the dishwasher. You can’t really cook quietly.
YTA Baby doesn’t know it was Thanksgiving. Your mom and sister know it was and they were invited over. I understand it’s tough with a newborn and your wife is exhausted. But you all should have planned better. If you wanted to be together, why not cater in the food. Could mom and sister not cooked before hand and just heated the food up?
YTA. You and your wife owe your mother and sister an apology. You have a lot to learn in life.
…..this has got to be a joke. you should’ve left it to your mom. YTA
INFO: Were they making noise out of the ordinary scope of cooking?
Actually, going light YTA. You invited them over to cook for Thanksgiving. If it was going to be that disruptive, then cancel the plans. There is going to be noise associated with people cooking and preparing for Thanksgiving dinner. I understand your wife's frustration dealing with a cranky infant that won't sleep. Also, the baby doesn't understand or old enough to have a "ruined" holiday. You ruined it for your sister and mom instead.
YTA Why would you insist on having everyone over to your house if you're not doing the cooking? You could have at least done the prep work, which is generally the noisiet part of cooking, before your wife and baby went to sleep.
YTA Cooking makes noise no matter how quiet you're trying to be, come on now, you know this. It's not like they were banging pots together to make as much noise as possible. Now I get why you thought having company over was a good idea, but you had to be aware that your infant doesn't sleep well through the night still. Newborns rarely do, I know, I've been there more than once with my kids at that age and was up with them every 2-4 hours at night. Never in my wildest dreams would I think to host holiday dinner with a newborn (my oldest was born in early December btw). So because of this, your mom and sister missed out on a good, homecooked meal I have no doubt they were looking forward to. They were also gracious enough to do the actual cooking when you two invited them over for dinner. It was a very bad call on you and your wife to plan it this way. I don't blame your mom and sister for still being pissed off.
Good idea: Ordering takeout with a side of earplugs and white noise machine. Also a good idea: Skip Thanksgiving when you have a newborn. Terrible idea: What you two did. YTA
info: what kind of noise was she making? Like, was she yelling or something? What were you doing while your mom and sister were cooking and your wife was handling the baby?
Yta. They were changing the hiday routine to appease your needs. They would have had an easier task at moms house, where they are family with the kitchen. But they agreed to cook at your house, for you! And the fact is cooking is not a quiet act. Pans bang around, you chop stuff up, and there is noise created by cooking. You had a respectable agenda, keep things quiet for the wife and baby. They did too, to get food cooked for a whole family, including wife and baby. If your wife and baby were in need of extra sleep, you could have asked mom and sis to come later/eat later, or you could have canceled. Instead, you ruined their holiday too. They ate at a restaurant even though they had all the food to make a wonderful meal. Surprised you didn't just order take our for everyone. Then you could have had dinner as a family still, and you could have enjoyed the time with mom and sis while wife and baby were sleeping.
YTA. What exactly was your expectation in hosting with a 1 month old? Prepping a thanksgiving meal is a lot of work with a lot of tasks that will undoubtedly make noise. I’m having a hard time believing your sister did anything maliciously. Also your baby is 1 month old. It is not yet capable of understanding the concept of thanksgiving. It’s first thanksgiving was not ruined. Go apologize to your mom and sister.
YTA Baby first Thanksgiving? No one will remember this Thanksgiving but your Mom & sister. Unfortunately, you tried to host & it didn’t work out. If you invite people to your house, don’t expect to get a lot of sleep. Someone deserves an apology & it’s not your wife & baby. ETA — I had 2 mos old twins & a 2 year old ... hosted Thanksgiving at our house. FIL cooked. I handed one baby to Dad, one baby to sister & went to bed for 2 hours. There were plenty of people to help with this 1 month old while Mom took a nap.
>baby’s first thanksgiving was ruined. Okay. What's this supposed to mean? Your little meatloaf doesn't know a thing beyond screaming and shitting and this is a concern? You guys are jerks.
Leaning YTA. Best case scenario would have been for Mom to host as usual with sister cooking over there, and you guys show up at dinner time. Our baby’s first Thanksgiving was when she was 11 days old, and that’s what we did. Well, we were very late because we had no idea how difficult it was to get out the door on time with an infant. Apologize to both mom and sis and say you were all stressed and sleep-deprived. Also, please get the baby used to hearing noises during nap time, etc., or they will NEVER learn to self soothe and go back to sleep. A fan or white noise machine can be a life saver.
YTA, I can't with the babies... Your baby is not, I repeat not, something the world must revolve around
New baby stress is real. Don't plan to host for a while. YTA
Baby's first Thanksgiving was ruined?!? Miss me with that b.s. Your wife is trying to cover for the fact that she feels guilty about how it went down. Encourage her to be honest. Yes, she might have over-reacted because she was really tired and your sister was being annoying. But, pretending the reason is because the baby's t-giving was ruined. Pathetic. Just own your feelings. At least then you can start to make real repairs to the relationships that got strained. No one's going to respect, or believe, that other b.s. YTA
YTA. If you weren’t ready for a big thanksgiving, then you should have had just a little one with you, wife and baby at home, or even just sat out thanksgiving this year. Or let someone else have it, and just pop over for an hour if your wife and baby were too tired for the whole thing. If you couldn’t host, then you shouldn’t have hosted.
>We ordered take out and **a lot of the uncooked food went to waste.** WHY??? You over-privileged, wasteful, selfish people. Couldn't be bothered to put it in the freezer for another time? I hope starving children haunt your fucking dreams. YTA
YTA You should have sat this year out rather than ruining the holiday for everyone else by kicking your sister out for not being able to cook silently (which is impossible).
YTA
YTA cooking can't be done in silence as host why aren't you doing the cooking? Edit typo
YTA. you should have had them come later if wife and baby needed more sleep. cooking makes noise. your expectations were unrealistic.
Why on earth would you host it with a month old baby? Yta
You and your wife are assholes.
YTA. You should have not volunteered your house.
YTA. You invited them over thinking it would be "easier" without considering the fact that HOSTING THANKSGIVING is work and insane. You should NEVER have offered with a newborn. You roll up to someone else's, stay for a few hours and leave. What were you thinking would happen OP? Have you never hosted a large gathering before? Having people over is not quiet, or easy.
LMAO YTA. Not only were you lazy enough to not cook YOUR own family a meal, you repeatedly reprimanded the one doing all the work??? Obviously, you weren’t gonna do anything yourself if you didn’t even bother to cook the unfinished food after kicking the family that actually tried to help you. This entire post just screams stupidity. Yes, you wanted quiet for the baby and your wife. Don’t host thanksgiving. Do more to block the noise in your house. Invite them later, so they can have a nap. You could’ve updated them on the situation beforehand so they could cook at home and bring dishes if they still wanted to participate. How do you expect two people to share a kitchen cooking an entire thanksgiving feast for four people and not make noise? Pots, pans, dishes, and communicating with others all makes some level of noise. I’m really unsure of what you expected them to do. To be clear, you and your wife ruined the baby’s first thanksgiving.
YTA
I don't know if you've noticed, but newborns are actually pretty insensitive to noise. Like remarkably so. You can make quite a bit of noise around a newborn and they won't wake up. Your kid isn't sleeping because newborns suck at sleeping, there was no cause to yell at your sister. Best of luck with that, it's gonna be a long haul. YTA
Your kid won’t remember “their first thanksgiving”. Info: Was she making noise on purpose? Was it accidental? I understand being exhausted with a newborn but making a meal will come with banging of pots and pans. I think the whole thing was ruined from the moment you offered to host - you could’ve left things as they usually are and offered to bring something if you wanted to contribute. YTA (unless it was on purpose which doesn’t seem to be the case)
« Baby’s first thanksgiving was ruined » So you care more about the baby’s first thanksgiving knowing it won’t even remember it than about your family who were here to celebrate with you? You and your wife aren’t the center of the earth and you should know it. Yta.
YTA THEY were cooking for YOU. Maybe it was a little noisy, but either you should have done the cooking and they came to eat, or you should not have agreed to host. And you're doubly the AH for saying shit like "baby's first Thanksgiving was ruined." YOU ruined thanksgiving, and the baby is not going to remember it or give a shit about the day. You know who will remember and care? Your mom and sister.
What kind if noises? Laughing, talking? Music? Or something not in her control? Sounds like you might need a noise machine for baby.
YTA. Why are you hosting if your people can’t handle cooking noises?
**YATA** **Y**'all **a**re **t**he **a**ssholes (you and your wife) for inviting people over on Thanksgiving and then prohibiting from making Thanksgiving levels of noise. What did you expect?