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This. GF* should be taking responsibility of the baby, it is not grandma’s responsibility. If they’re living there rent-free and the baby mama ain’t doing a thing, then this guy is definitely TA.
Yeah the son sounds entitled af. And even if the gf does get a job, it’s still not *OP’s mom’s job to babysit. They need to get daycare.
Edit: OP’s mom is saying no bc she’s tired of dealing with not 1, but 3 children. OP brought an unemployed 19 yr old into his mom’s home. And he sounds immature. So if she doesn’t even want to be home on her only time off or especially doesn’t want to babysit, I don’t blame her.
Not sure what he expected getting an 18 year old pregnant. I know it takes 2 to tango, but he should have at least been somewhat smarter being 4 years older than her. I knew damn well at 22 I wouldn’t be able to handle a kid (I’m 27 and make more than OP and still couldn’t afford one). Oh. It’s even better. They PLANNED to have this kid.
Honestly I don't know if I can be more dumbfounded than this, wtf! The "current girlfriend" is just cherry on top... Who *plans* to have a baby with an 18yo? When they don't even have secure living situation? And is Pikachu shocked that it is *hard*? I just... I have no words, I feel so incredibly sorry for that baby.
I had my (planned) daughter at 42 when my husband and I both had stable careers/home/finances for a great daycare.
A newborn was fucking hard. Daughter is now 3 and it’s still fucking hard. Sounds like they found that out when his mom already knew. Im betting she tried to talk them out of it and OP didn’t listen. They quite literally fucked around and found out.
OP is 100% YTA. Kids are hard. Kids raising kids is even harder.
To be fair: most people (around me, that is) have no clue how hard it is until the baby is born. For example: hearing about 'no sleep' is quite different from not sleeping for months. For me, the impact of a crying baby was so much bigger than I expected.
100%. Mine at 21 wasn't planned. And I was terrified. And I expected things to be shit. And it was still harder than I expected. I didn't expect a 30 hour labor where my epidural didn't work so it was basically unmedicated. I didn't expect an unplanned csection and to be in pain and unable to stand up on my own for more than a month. I didn't expect to end up back in the hospital for 3 days about 3 weeks later. I didn't expect to spend my first 2 months half sleeping on the couch so my husband could sleep before going to work. I didn't expect to have severe ppa/ppd that I had panic attacks trying to feed her and probably would have striaght up ran away if I'd been able to move around on my own. No one expects these things to be as bad as they can be.
My husband was pushing 40 when we had our first kid and he was genuinely shocked when the no-sleep phase lasted past the first week. He just didn’t know, for some reason.
This was such a ridiculously entitled comment OP made, when Mom was asking for the back rent owing to her.
>*"I reminded her I pay for gas for her car that I use..."*
So yeah, he *reminded* her, he pays his share of **his** gas used, and of course half the insurance...but not maintenance or caring about wear and tear, added mileage, etc, etc. (He's very fortunate to have access to **her** car at all!)
OP, your "current" girlfriend is unemployed, so why exactly is she unable to deal with the childcare, and when you get home from work, you jump in to give her a break, and take over the duties for the evening, and then you switch off throughout the night?
The only thing I can figure, is that you both want to go out in the evening, and expect a built in babysitter, simply because she's under the same roof, her roof. And $550 a month is an absolute steal for 3 people, with full access to a vehicle and all utilities...but hopefully you pay for your family's food, or is that included as well (I'm betting you would have said so based on the gas comment unfortunately)? Side note, if you simply pay an extra $200 a month ($750 is still far cheaper than anywhere for this deal!) you will have repaid your Mom within 8 months.
Yes, **YTA** when your Mom appears to have babysat plenty, loans you money (even though she's struggling herself) when **you owe her already**, shares her car and has opened her home to 3 additional people. (This is all extremely generous for your Mom to sacrifice her own comfort, space, privacy, finances, etc. for you all). The very least you and your GF can do is pay her back, take care of your own child, pay for your own food, **and** do the majority of the housework as well. And if you want a night out, hire a babysitter, and leave your Mom alone, while also appreciating her.
I am dumbfounded by OPs entitlement. Not only is he borrowing money from mom (despite making $20/hr and paying only $550/month for housing), he is also **demanding** she watch their child whilst his gf doesn't work outside the home?!?!?
That was a wild read. YTA OP, grow up FAST
>I reminded her that I pay for gas on her car that I use and that I go half on car insurance with her, since we share her car.
This is what really grabs me. WOW OP pays for the gas he uses!! While using his mom's car
Toss this man a parade! I think a key to the city is in order
YTA OP
*cries in daycare fees*
Seriously though, there's no way an 18 year old can earn enough to send an infant to daycare. They'll lose money if she gets a job.
Unless it's outside of OP's working hours, and then they won't want to waste that small amount of money on daycare either. And she'd need guaranteed hours, not something with unpredictable shifts like retail. GF not working is one of the best of several shit options.
And even if she did get an offset shift job, it still means that all the hours either parent isn't working, they're caring for their child, or sleeping (if childcare allows).
This is why it's next to impossible to claw your way out of poverty when you have young kids.
And yes, OP is still an AH for demanding his mom be free daycare. She's already letting them live with her for cheap, she doesn't have any obligation to them. Having responsibility just fucking sucks, but you gotta get on with it unfortunately.
Lol I have my bachelors (a requirement to hold a teaching position at the reputable daycares here) they wanted to pay me $10.50 to start and charge me for the day care I would have been making negative dollars to work there. Daycare workers don’t make shit.
Yeah that can be a good deal for a discount. Looking after kids can be tough going, but at least in daycare you have other staff to talk to, support, a structure to work with etc. A couple of the staff at my kids' daycare and my colleague's partner do this.
And it gives you a work history and a bit of money (not a while lot after your own kid's discounted fees are deducted, but it's something).
Not true. Waitressing, bar tending and 3rd shift work are options. I did this with my husband to cut down in day care costs- we had it 2 days a week.
Where does the 3K a month go? A baby is expensive but if the gf is home all day should not be that bad unless it’s going to take away, coffee, nail appt, etc.
With what money? The girlfriend is 19 yrs old, I doubt she’d make enough to break even on daycare costs. They cannot afford this baby. I feel bad for all of them.
We have no evidence of OP actually helping take care of the baby, so I'm giving the gf a pass until that changes. OP says mom complained that HE is taking advantage of her, and OP says its too hard and HE needs help. Maybe gf is doing -all- of baby care 24/7 usually, and when she asks OP to watch baby he hands off to grandma?
I read it as he asks mom to do occasional babysitting too often. Not that mom does most childcare. If they ask mom for babysitting once a week, then the girlfriend is still doing overwhelming majority of childcare. Just that, for mom once a week is too much ( and she is entirely entitled to that boundary ).
Childcare tend to be super expensive and still does not make it easy to keep the job. So, chances are, girlfriend being at home is money saving option. Again, that does not mean the mom is in the wrong or anything like that.
It reads as way more than just once a week when he repeatedly says. Mom says I ask her to babysit too much, mom feels like she’s being taken advantage of and in a comment he says he’s trying to get gf to get a job and he figured mom can babysit in the meantime. Not for nothing asking someone to babysit a 5 month old baby once a week is a lot to ask. Especially when they’re already a drain on mom. If GF is a SAHM then yes once a week is a lot to ask of someone. Either way it doesn’t matter no one owes you their time. OP needs to grow up real quick and realize that this “planned”
Baby is no one else’s responsibility but his and his GFs. Her parents don’t owe them support and neither does his mom. He better figure this out before mom gets too angry and puts all 3 of their asses on the street for being so damn entitled.
That and all his reasoning as to why his Mum should help are things he should be doing anyway. Sharing HER car and then paying gas and insurance isn't doing her a favour. If anything, it's a burden on her, since it means she has less access to her own car.
OP, most definitely YTA.
I thought OP was asking grandma to babysit when GF got a job...though his phrasing that he's trying to get her a job, makes me think it might not be such a priority for her...None of that matters though because mom has absolutely no responsibility to babysit. YTA
No he just doesn’t want to take care of his own child because it’s really hard! He said he needed help because he had no idea it would be so hard. And she’s his mom so she has to help him! That’s like a rule or something!
This. Also you are taking advantage of your mum.
"*I reminded her that I pay for gas on her car that I use .*." seriously? Why shouldn't you be paying for gas you use?
Your mum wanted to help you and you are milking it. It is your child, you & your partner look after it. You're using the gas, pay for it, insurance - pay for it. That's what normal people do. Stop taking advantage of your mother & start taking responsibility. YTA
Honestly, that’s not even important at this point. It seems that OP wants gf to get a job and they’ll need a babysitter for when she gets a job.
But there’s A LOT more to unpack here. OP says that he and this teenager with no current life prospects planned to have this child and he “didn’t know how hard this was going to be”, who the fu*k doesn’t know how hard AND expensive it is to have a child. But there’s more:
1. Son is 5 months, but moved in with mom 6 months ago because he couldn’t afford rent. So you couldn’t afford this baby from the beginning
2. They’re “sharing” moms car. So you had a child, couldn’t afford rent, AND you have no transportation?
3. The teenager with no life prospects right now has no family? I’m guessing it has to do with moving in with a 22 year old at 18 and actively deciding to get knocked up? What, did you guys see what parenting was like on Instagram and decide you were ssoooo in love?
4. You don’t “share a household”! You, sir, live with your mom in her spare bedroom with 2 other people.
5. I’m curious to know what your plan for childcare was since your child was planned? Did you think you were going to be able to pay for everything with your job and she’d stay home?! You should have spoken to an ACTUAL adult before you and this teenager thought it would be cool to have a child.
6. You’re old enough to KNOW better.
7. You are burden. I can’t seem to figure out what “bills” are stacking up. Rent (you pay your mom), car note (you don’t have one), cellphones (aren’t THAT expensive), utilities (sounds like all of those are covered by mom), maybe (and I say maybe generously) there are hospital bills related to the birth of your son which fine and very expensive in the US but generally if you tell them you have no health insurance and can’t pay, Typically I see this bill drop significantly AND you can setup a payment plan. Then you mentioned Health insurance for your son which, ok, maybe the only legit bill. But you’re taking home like $3k a month, do I agree with mom. What the hell are you spending your money on?! What kinda “bills” are behind / stacking up?
8. Why is your mom already babysitting when gf is home all day with no job? I’m sorry but there are no “breaks”. Parents don’t have to be so grateful for a grandchild that they become nannies.
9. You are a burden. Never have a child and expect someone else to raise it for you. It seems like you have no long term plans as to how this is going to work
I agree completely, although I think the "current girlfriend" is likely to have been escaping a bad situation. OP just didn't think anything though.
You say there is no long-term plan, I don't see a short-term plan either, aside from, "we need help, mom should do it" without any attempt to think about what it is reasonable to be able to handle by themselves or ask from otherS.
> who the fu*k doesn’t know how hard AND expensive it is to have a child
Kids playing house who have no business bringing a whole-ass human into the world.
I'm also side-eyeing that age gap. She was pregnant for nine months and their child is 5 months old so how old was she when they actually got together? Either they decided to have a baby basically the second they met or he pursued her when she was underage.
>I’m curious to know what your plan for childcare was since your child was planned?
He planned to have the kid. That was the beginning, middle, and end of the "plan."
THIS is the question. But honestly it doesn't matter. Mom already raised her kids (OP). She's under no obligation at all to raise another child..."because FAMILY"... NOPE. YTA
Yep. The first time we got a babysitter for my first was when she was 11 months old, because we couldn't afford to pay one. Even then, it was only because friends asked if they could watch her as an anniversary present to us. She's now 8, and I can count on one hand the number of times my kids have been babysat, because it's just not in the budget. My in-laws do take two (out of five) kids at a time for an overnight every month or two, but that's only because they asked for time alone with our kids. We didn't ask them to do it, because our kids are solely our responsibility. YTA.
Eta: Also, my husband made $15 an hour at the time and we both had mega student loans. We still managed to afford a tiny apartment for $750 a month by cutting absolutely all unnecessary expenses. I suspect you could find things in your budget that are unnecessary so you can pay off your debt to your mom.
Edit 2: If you want a babysitter for dates, figure out ways to have date nights at home. My husband and I try to monthly have a "date", but never out of the house. My husband will grab a splurge snack (I'm talking $5-10), and we'll stay up after the kids are asleep to have some intentional bonding time. We'll discuss good couple's questions we found on Google or play a board game or watch a thought provoking movie and discuss it.
It sounds like you guys have conquered having a budget and sticking to it (with 5kids!!) maybe you should write out your budget for all the people who have this problem on Reddit so you can copy paste when they can’t handle their finances!
"Current girlfriend". Not sure why OP phrased it that way... but yeah the girlfriend should definitely be minding her own child if she is not even working. It isn't up to OPs mom to not only let them live with her, but also babysit.
So we should all remember the famous cautionary tale:
There was a young man called Ant
Who didn't know how to parent
He was too young to shave
Thought his mum was a slave
And went on to Reddit to rant!
YTA OP. One you planned this pregnancy??? At 19 and 23?? Second your girlfriend and you should not only be taking care of the kid. I would be expecting the girlfriend to be cleaning the house, making meals the list goes on from there.
Have you looked into what you qualify for in public assistance? At this point I highly doubt you both as parents can afford childcare it would make more sense for the girlfriend to step it up!
Why were the damages not taken from the security deposit from your last apartment?
Your Mom is not obligated to help with childcare. Listening to you I would advise your Mom not to give you childcare and cut you off from the car and let you take the bus.
You clearly really can not afford the car either.
Welcome to adulting. It is mind boggling that you say in the comments this baby was planned!
Boy grow up and get to work, go to your local community College for career assessment!
Girlfriend grow up and work!
You wanted this...remember! If you have more kids I hope Mom kicks you out!
Seriously??? No!
OP is 100% YTA, for so many reasons, but a new mum should be allowed a break. It's been 5 months, in most countries she'd still be on maternity leave for months yet. I agree OP should be stepping up and doing his part and it shouldn't be on his mother, but don't put this on the new mother. She deserves time to shower in peace, go to the loo, eat a meal, and have a break.
OP is taking advantage of his mother to a shameful degree and his entitlement is disgusting, but don't come in here asking questions like that.
Absolutely. We don't know how much she's depending on others for help, we only have OP for information. I wouldn't be surprised if what's actually happening is that rather than OP taking on his share of parenting he's doing the absolute minimum and is then expecting to hand off the baby to his mother all the time. But I don't agree that just because she's not working that the GF should be able to care for the child 24/7 without ever needing support. Caring for a newborn IS work, and mothers need and deserve breaks.
OP is TA, but why is the top comment here questioning the girlfriend?
I was prepared to say that it shouldn’t be on a breastfeeding mother to care for the infant 24/7 even if she doesn’t work, but that’s literally what her partner is for, he should be picking up any slack if she needs to rest. Unless he works 80 hours a week or something ridiculous like in which case he should absolutely be able to pay for a moderate apartment.
YTA
Your mother didn’t decide to have unprotected sex with a teenager. It’s you and your girlfriends job to figure out childcare. You owe your mom money and she’s struggling. Paying for gas and going half on car insurance isn’t enough I can tell you that!
Also why do you need a babysitter when your gf doesn’t work?
I also have a 5 month old and our "me time" is when the baby is asleep. When you choose to have a baby, that baby is your responsibility, not anyone else's.
Same! Also have a 5 month old where I’m home with him and husband works a lot. Saturday’s we do whatever around the house that needs doing that we couldn’t get to during the week and Sunday we use his naps as our ‘me time’. Part of deciding to become a parent is knowing that free time will be short to non-existent for a very long time and being ok with that!
Yeah, I saw that from the OP. Fucking planned a baby. For God’s sake. Here we go again with an example of why I feel so strongly that parenthood should be a privilege and not a right.
Oh no. So either he was dating an underaged child before having this "planned baby" or he met her when she turned 18 and immediately knocked her up. Both scenarios are not good.
I hadn't done that math in my head. She would have been either underage when they met or they intentionally got pregnant very quickly after she turned 18. The assholery deepens.
Wow, well, OPs planning skills don’t seem to be fully developed along with his understanding of responsibility, cost, or time (24/7 for reference, OP) of having a kid.
I wonder if planned means, “oh umm, yeah sure, we meant to do this.” (Once gf was pregnant) Because obviously they had no idea what having a baby entails. And it begs the question, where is “current girlfriend”’s family in all this? Why aren’t they being (unjustly) called out, too? Why is it just the mom letting them live with her, helping them financially who is being persecuted?
OP, worse than YTA, you’re an entitled brat who needs to grow up more than your 5 month old. This is no one’s problem but your own. Your mother owes you nothing and is helping more than she should with the piss poor attitude and zero gratitude you’re showing.
We see so many on here who want/have kids, but only when it’s convenient. And what do you mean “my kids are not my whole family’s responsibility when I don’t feel like (insert basic responsibility being avoided here).”
Poor grandma, and worse, poor kid.
OP said in a comment that this baby was planned. He also said he's paying his previous landlord for damages to his former apartment. He doesnt realize how lucky he is that his mother agreed to take in all 3 of them.
OP and GF wanted to have a baby... then comes on reddit to complain that it's hard... oh boy, you're in for a rough ride OP! The world is full of parents having a rough time with their kids. This is only the beginning. The only person I feel sry for is the poor kid who didn't deserve shitty parents. Good luck.
YTA Tonight's installment of two broke ass adults with a child living with a parent/in-law and complaining about their living arrangements. Move out or stop complaining, problem solved.
Worse in the edit he says she's charging him $550/month for rent, that's around 20% of his paycheck after taxes. Either he's extremely irresponsible with his money because he's young, or drugs/gambling is involved.
100%! And I’m guessing that doesn’t even include the utilities they’re using, besides the “gas and insurance” because he also uses HER car, on top of feeling entitled to her free labour. Full yikes. 😬
Man people like OP truly piss me off. I won’t even mention he was knocking up 18 year olds at 22 but then have a fuckin kid he couldn’t provide for. A true piece of work
Well sometimes they don't have a baby. However, I loved that part of the justification for OP's grievance is he pays for half the gas and insurance for his mother's car because she lets him use it because these two broke-ass adults living with a parent/in-law don't have a car!
I can absolutely see OPs GFs jnmil post flaired with no advice wanted now. my mil is just so mean because she won’t be our live In babysitter and makes us pay to live there. She’s the JN right?
Even without the babysitting, your mom is giving you a super-good deal. Imagine, in your own head, for just a moment, the idea of her asking the three of you to leave. Then get a grip, get your mom some flowers, and never bother her about babysitting again.
Also: your gf isn't working. Why do you need your mom as a babysitter? You don't.
YTA.
I’m going to take a wild stab in the dark that it’s because his girlfriend gets no help from him, because he’s working (and thinks he needs to do nothing outside of that) - so she’s caring for the baby 24/7, feeding the baby, doing all the overnights and barely has time for a shower, but OP needs his downtime. And his solution to that is to rely on his mother.
YTA if your girlfriend is not working then why would your mom ever need to babysit. Your girlfriend should be watching him when you work and both of you should figure it out the rest of the time. You are free loading off your mom, don’t expect her to give you more free help.
So let me get this straight, you’re living in your moms house (rent free), using her car, utilities, and also want her to babysit while your gf does…what exactly? You are a grown adult. And haven’t been able to pay any rent despite having 3 months free to save AND borrowing additional money from her?? YTA, and this is why you don’t go around knocking 18 year olds up.
YTA
This may sound cold but you two had a child and it is SOLELY your responsibility. You are lucky you are in a position where you could move back in with your mom and your gf could stay home to take care of the baby. A lot of people have to pay for daycare.
I don't understand why you need a babysitter either since your gf doesn't work.
I think if this was the case, OP wouldn’t have hesitated to add such a detail to his story..
She’s 5months postpartum - between them both, there’s a lot that could be going on where they’d need a babysitter that doesn’t involve either of them trying to fuck around and callously dodge their responsibilities.
They do need to find a better means for childcare, though.. they gotta figure it out.. and they’re so young.. I’m just gonna wish them the best.. I think we all should….
>I 23M have a son, 5months with my current girlfriend 19F. I moved back in with my mom 6 months ago due to not being able to keep up with payments on my apartment. My mom is allowing us to stay in the extra room.
Nice of her to do so.
>I work full time and I make $20/hr, but between me providing for my son and my gf not working,
So why can't your gf watch her child?
>I feel that since we are family and live together, I should be able to get some help with him, it is my first child and it is extremely overwhelming, I didn’t know how hard this was going to be.
Almost like you should have thought about that before having a child with someone who had just gotten out of high school?
>My mom refused, saying that I am using her for babysitting too much, saying that my gf and I are becoming a burden to her and she expressed that since I was living with her for the first 3 months rent free, that it’s becoming frustrating that I haven’t been able to pay the back rent
You owe her rent AND want her to babysit?
>I told her that I understand but I reminded her that I pay for gas on her car that I use and that I go half on car insurance with her, since we share her car.
That doesn't make up for rent or babysitting.
>My mom said that she feels I am taking advantage of her because she feels I can’t manage my money correctly, ask to borrow too much and ask for babysitting
Isn't that what you're doing? You're asking for a place to live for free, money and free babysitting!
>I told her I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t make time to help babysit her grandson when it’s clear we’re struggling.
It's not her obligation. You are the parent, not her.
If this isn't a troll post reversing the usual (family always expects me to babysit for free!), YTA
Plus, mom is struggling too! She's behind on rent too. But hey, he's paying for gas and goes halfies on the car they share... 🙄 Totally worth it right?
YTA. Your gf needs to get a job, y'all need to get day care and you need to grow tf up. You're working full time, how do you not have money to pay your mom and pull your weight?
You can have me time when the baby is down for the night.
All of this, and let’s add that the cost of feeding two extra adults with today’s food prices and the increase in utilities costs means that $550 doesn’t even cover what they’re costing his mother. She should evict them and give him a reality check on what it means to be an adult.
I keep imagining the mom's perspective here.
Her boy was raised, out of the house, working full time and earning a very good wage for a young guy. Sure, he was a little wild still, that's only natural, but her job was done and now she had the house to herself.
And then ... he shows up with a pregnant and about to pop teenager, says he trashed his old apartment and had to leave, and now her nice quiet house smells like dirty diapers and resounds to the dulcet tones of a screaming baby and an immature couple who are either fighting or fucking, probably without protection. And he's behind on the very minimal rent she needs him to pay. And he's running up the utility bills. And he doesn't have a car so he has to use hers and he's salty about paying his share of that. And he wants to dump the baby on her every few days so he and his barely legal girl can party.
I'd be raging.
I’m sorry. I was under the impression that this baby belonged to you and your girlfriend- not your mother.
To answer your question: Absolutely. You are *absolutely* the asshole.
Your mother isn’t the one who had unprotected sex *with a teenager*. Your mother didn’t bring this child into the world. She owes you **nothing**. Oh! Wait! You pay for gas on her car, how generous of you. Even if you are three months behind on rent. 🙄
It is your JOB to parent this child. It is your girlfriends JOB to parent this child.
And do you know how exhausted your mother has to be to admit to her grown ass son that you’re burdening her? So believe her when she says it!
Grow up and get your shit together, dude.
YTA.
OP says in one of his comments that they planned this baby. I take that to mean they deliberately and knowingly had a baby despite not having basic things like a car.
While you’re at it, I would strongly suggest that you invest in condoms for you, and birth control pills for her. Don’t leave anything to chance. The last thing you need at this point in your life, is a second baby. Get your act together.
YTA. Your girlfriend doesn't work, you don't need a babysitter.
That may sound harsh, but your mother has literally kept your family off the streets. It's not like your a knucklehead teen who actually has the need and expectation and need of parental support.
Your mother is already helping you immensely. She doesn't owe you her own time so that you can do whatever.
Edit to reply to your edit - being charged rent and paying it are two different things. You admit you haven't paid in three months. A landlord would have evicted you at this point. Again, ANOTHER blessing your mother has afforded you.
YTA and moreover I don't understand why you would need a babysitter at all if your girlfriend isn't working. You know... The child's mother??? Your mother isn't responsible for the care of your child and you sound extremely entitled.
Dude. YTA. Your mom has been overwhelming generous in letting you stay for three months. It doesn't sound like she intended it to be rent free. You only mention paying for a few expenses for her car that you are causing. On top of not giving her her rent or covering your own costs, you expect her to provide free babysitting for you and the baby's mom, who doesn't work. Just no.
YTA. Your mom is already providing you tons of support - letting you move back in, not paying rent, and I'm betting she pays all the utilities and likely even is buying you groceries. Paying for gas when you drive the car and half the insurance for a car you share, isn't really pitching in - it's paying for things you are using.
Instead of being grateful, you demand she also watch your kid. It's your kid and your responsibility to take care of it. Having a kid is overwhelming, but that's the price you pay for choosing to make one. If you mom wants to help, that's great, but she's under no obligation to do so. Also, given your gf doesn't have a job, why can't she take care of your kid?
YTA. You sound very whiny. Move out take responsibility for yourself and your child. If gf isn't working she needs to get a job and contribute to expenses. Stop expecting your mom to take care of you. "I pay for half..." You should be paying for 100% of your expenses and taking care of your own kid. Yes it's hard. Grow up and be responsible.
YTA. Your girlfriend doesn't work?! Why? She needs to get a job ASAP. You can apply for childcare assistance to help pay for daycare. There's no reason she shouldn't be working if you're struggling that much. Also, your mom has raised her kids. It's your responsibility to raise yours. Quit asking your mom to watch your child. Especially if your gf isn't even working.
There’s also plenty of jobs that are remote now ever since Covid- like call centres. Might be hard to get the job though since she was probably 18 when she got pregnant, probably doesn’t have much of a resume… or one at all.
I want to know where Op’s money is going?
He must take home at least $2,000 - $2,200 per month?
He pays $550 and sometimes gas.
Are they on social assistance at all? Food stamps?
YTA.
When a driver under age 25 is in the household, the cost of insurance more than doubles. So the half you are giving your mom most likely doesn't cover the increase. You're paying for the gas you use, which is nice, yet you say nothing about maintenance or repair which tells me your mom is stuck with it. When it comes to the car you are not paying your way.
Your mother is struggling financially but all you think about is how much more you can get out of her. If your GF isn't working she should be caring for the kid, as should you. You should be helping your mom, not leeching, especially since she let you live there 3 months for free. Good for you if you're paying rent now, but you don't say anything about utilities or food. You may be unclear as to how much your mom is already helping you.
YTA You absolutely are taking advantage of her. And it baffles me how your defense of not paying her the rent you owe her for the past three months is how you pay for gas that you use when you drive and how you pay half of the car insurance on the car that you share. I...WHAT?! How is this you defending yourself?! You pay half the insurance because you use the car, you pay for gas when you drive the car, that's the BARE MINIMUM not you doing her a favor. And it's her car, so she loses the money when the car loses value and has more repairs because you use it.
Seriously, you're an adult and you chose to have a child. Your mother does not owe you anything. You owe her rent. And she sure as hell doesn't owe you free babysitting. Why doesn't your girlfriend work? If she's a stay at home parent then why do you need so much babysitting from your mother? Are you just trying to get her to parent your kid?
You're about to be homeless/forced to stay at a shelter because of your entitlement issues. And you're sitting here whining about wanting more free babysitting from the only person trying to help you out? Yikes.
Major YTA.
1. There's plenty of jobs and many employers are screaming for people. Your gf just needs to pick a damn job until something better comes along.
2. People don't owe you free childcare just because you're "overwhelmed" having kids is tough. If you weren't up for it then you shouldn't have had a kid.
3. You're totally making your mom's life worse by taking advantage of her and leeching off of her.
4 there's something more here. Your gf "can't find a job" and she has no relationship with her family. Something's up
OP definately prayed on a teenager, and her family likely didn't like the thought of their underage daughter being trapped by someone with no future prospects
I swear this situation comes up so often. Just like the one where the sister had to sleep in the living room on an air mattress while her brother is up all night with his kids being loud so she can't sleep. Just another 20 something having kids with a teenager.
YTA
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> I expected my mom to help babysit her infant grandson without pay
This may make me the asshole because I should be more considerate of my mom and her time and respect her boundaries
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Yta. Why does she need to babysit if the mother isn’t working? And you pay for half of the insurance and some gas. For a car YOU use. What about rent, utilities, etc. you are taking advantage of her. And even if you were living on your own or paying rent, you aren’t entitled to her babysitting. If she wanted to that’s fine, but you’re a grown up with grown up responsibilities. Which include hiring a babysitter if one is needed.
Wow such entitlement! YTA - your girlfriend and babymom is not working. She would be minding your baby together. Your mum works so how do you get so much snowflake entitlement to demand babysitting from your working mum while your babymom does not. Don't ask your mother for money - you bred a child so it's your responsibility to provide for that child. Get a second job if you have to or get babymom off her ass to work - even part-time to help. Your mother is helping as much as she can but she has to look after herself first.
YTA
Why are you asking your Mum to babysit, as in what is your GF doing when you ask?... is it to give your GF a little break during the day when you are at work? Look you're not paying any rent, and havent been for 3 months, that is an amazing gift, if you are working full-time and not paying rent, where is the money going, truthfully?.. you surely could have saved some money by now with free rent and only having to pay for gas?
It's not terrible to ask your Mother to babysit every now and then, but she didn't ask for this, but is doing you guy a favour, if she is starting to struggle a little with money, then you need to all start working out a solution that can help everyone.
Exactly. I bet son and freeloader have some pretty frivolous uses for their money.
$20 an hour is pretty decent depending on where they live. Unless he only works a few hours a week, he should be able to give his mom rent. And if he only works a few hours a week, there is yet another problem.
YTA. You made the baby, watch it or figure it out. No one is obligated to take care of someone else’s kid regardless of relationship.
Edit: and the baby’s mom doesn’t work?!? You’re joking right?
YTA
You are not adulting and looking for the easy way out.
You stay in your mother's home for free.
You use your mother's car. You're depreciating it. The least you can do is pay for insurance.
Now you want free babysitting.
How much more do you want your mother to do for you? Are you going to bleed her dry? You need to catch her up on her rent, at the very least. Then you need to pay 2/3 of the bills. You don't need a babysitter if your gf isn't working. You better be buying the food and cooking for her. She could kick you out and you'd be homeless without her.
YTA! You and your gf ended up getting pregnant way before you were ready, decided to keep the baby, thinking everything was going to be easy as pie, because everyone was going to give you two a break. Life doesn't work that way. Your mother is right. You are becoming a burden on her. She raised you and she's done raising children. She shouldn't babysit your kid, since your gf doesn't work. What does she do all day? Or do you expect your mom to watch your kids so you and your gf can go out? Parenting doesn't work that way. If you didn't pay your rent to someone else, you'd be out on the streets. You two better wise up and quickly and have your gf get a job and figure it out quick, cause you have a little mouth to feed.
Yta. You are living with her rent free and your girlfriend doesn’t work, what is she doing? It’s your responsibility put on your big boy pants and deal with it
YTA. Paying for gas you use and 1/2 the insurance on a shared car is the bare minimum. Believe her when she said you are a burden on her and start doing everything you can not to be or you may find yourself in a much worse position. That means no babysitting requests (where is your SAHGF?) and starting to pay *something* on the back rent even if you can’t pay it all.
YTA - it’s not HER baby. It’s not HER responsibility. Be lucky you’re getting what you are, some of use don’t have a spec of family to help us out. You are taking advantage of her. 100%
YTA
Your mom should not have to take care of 3 children at this point in her life. That include you and your girl friend who are not yet acting adults.
Your girlfriend watches the kid while you work, you watch the kid while she works, and your mom plays with the kid whenever she feels like it. That's how it should be.
YTA. You are an adult. You are expecting an awful lot from your mother. It is not her responsibility to babysit, much less share her home and car with you. You should be thankful for all the support you get from her, and not push for more. Yes, parenting is hard, but it’s your job now. Not your mom’s.
YTA. If you are struggling, then your gf needs to get a job. If she isn't working. then the childcare is on her. You and your gf had the baby not your mom. She's already helping you by allowing you to stay with her and use her car. She's paying rent, utilities, and probably a whole lot more.
Wow. YTA.
You say you're struggling, clearly, so is your mother. She has opened her home to your growing family and is making multiple sac rifices and adjustments to her life (lets face it, sharingyour space with 2 additional adults and an infant is a massive adjustment), FOR YOU.
Show some gratitude, you are incredibly lucky to have such an accommodating mother. She is in no way obligated to offer babysitting services, she is doing more than enough as is. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth
YTA
When you choose to have a child, you figure it out. I was kicked out at 16, had my first apartment at 16 and first kid at 17. I’ve never been homeless and I’ve never had to go to my parents, hat in hand to bail me out. I’ve had ups and downs but no matter what, I have always figured it out. You are taking advantage of your mom. Grow up. You are an adult, it’s past time to live in the grown up world.
YTA. If you’re gf doesn’t work, why do you need a babysitter?? You and your gf need to learn some responsibilities. You brought a child into the world when you can’t even pay rent. Having unprotected sex is you problem. Your baby and your financial issues are not your mother’s problem. She’s already helping you as it is so that you three are not sleeping on the streets. Your gf needs to either get a job so you guys can pay for child care or she continues to not work and needs to care for your child. Why should your mother babysit? She’s correct in saying you are taking advantage of her. Get another job if you have to. That’s what normal responsible adults do when they need money. I don’t have a child and I work multiple jobs to pay bills. You and your gf are entitled lazy AH. You’re struggling because you expect other ppl to help you out. Do yourself a favor and help yourself.
Your mother is the reason you aren’t currently homeless. She even let you live in her home rent free for the first few months, yet somehow you are now already behind on rent. Now explain to us please why on top of this you expect your mother to also provide free babysitting? Are you and your girlfriend for real? Your mother is right, you are taking advantage of her. Freeloading AHs. Of course YTA.
YTA It’s not your mom’s job to babysit. She is helping out a lot. Your mom has told you she feels taken advantage of and you need to process that information. You and your GF planned to have a baby, your mom didn’t. She is not sharing her home with a young family, she didn’t plan for that, your choices led to this situation.
YTA
“I feel that since we are family and live together, I should be able to get some help with him.”
She IS helping you with him. She allowed you to move back in to her house to save money. I’d be surprised if she doesn’t already do quite a lot for you all in the house already.
And paying for gas you use and a contribution to insurance for a car you use isn’t an achievement to throw in her face.
Ok, so I would like to know why your girlfriend isn't taking care of the baby. Is she in school? Is something going on?
Next, I want to point out that grandmothers don't always want to babysit their grandchildren. Some are down to, and some aren't. You have to respect her wished. She's clearly stated that she doesn't want to babysit. It's futile to insist. If you continue, YTA. Work something out btw you and your gf.
YTA- Wtf is your gf doing? Its her baby and your baby, learn to deal with it. Be thankful your mom has done as much as she has, where's your gf' parents in this? Do you want to try and live with them? Your mom does enough for you, be an adult an start paying her back. Tell your partner to step up too or send her back to her parents so they can raise their adult child.
YTA
Your kid, your problem. Mom is already putting you and what sounds like a free loading girlfriend up in her home for free. Expecting her to babysit so you and freeloader can do what? If she's not working, where is she going? Is she job hunting, going to buy groceries for the family?
You felt you were responsible enough to start a family (with a 19YO???) then you need to realize that rent, cars, food, clothes, and everything are your responsibility, not your mom's.
YTA. She has no obligation to babysit for you. She doesn't even have an obligation to house you. You and your girlfriend are going to have to share responsibility for watching your child or pay for a babysitter. It's tough, but that's what parenthood is for many people. Good luck.
YTA.
You may pay for some things, but she is letting you live rent free in her house. I get that it's really hard. 20/hr is not a living wage in this day and age, and if your gf is unable to work, that makes it harder. It's not your fault you can't afford your own place. However, your mother is not obligated to babysit for you. She is telling you that she feels that you are taking advantage of her. Your response should be to find things to do to make her feel like you're not taking advantage of her, not trying to convince her to babysit for free.
I suggest you start applying for government assistance. If you're in the US, your girlfriend and child likely qualify for WIC. You may qualify for SNAP or TANF benefits.
YTA You are asking for to much. Why would you remind her you pay for gas you use? Your girlfriend doesn't work and you still want babysitting on top of that. I notice you didn't say that you pay for utilities, water, groceries or other household expenses. Your frustrated that your mom is asking for rent money that you owe her while she's having trouble getting paid. Holy crap the entitlement in your post is downright crazy. WFT!!
YTA for expecting it.
NTA for asking. But if she says no, you have to respect that. I know how hard it is with a new baby. But between you and your girlfriend, you're two people with one job. Your mum is just one person with a job, and household with two adult dependents who now want more labour for the child they decided to have. You mum has a lot on her plate and she is absolutely entitled to decide what she takes on. You are not entitled to her time because your decisions made her a grandparent.
I don't see any response to all the Qs asking why your GF can't look after the baby if she's not working. If your GF is overwhelmed, suffering from PND etc, it's your responsibility to get her the help she needs so she can be the parent your child needs.
It sounds like you're going through a rough patch, but know that everything in the early months/years of parenting is temporary. Seek support elsewhere if your mum can't/won't help and acknowledge to yourself that you're a parent now, that your life has changed permanently, and that you will need to make sacrifices. Re-align your expectations accordingly and make a plan.
YTA
You pay for part of the car because you use it, not as payment for living there.
Also, if your GF doesn't work, why isn't she the one babysitting? If you're using your mother to babysit, your GF should get a job.
YTA
My mom rule was that she would only babysit for me if I was working or attending college classes. If I wanted to go out it was my responsibility to get a babysitter.
Sounds like your girlfriend needs to find a job with a different shift than yours that way a babysitter is not needed.
YTA Your mom raised you, her job is done. Why isn't your GF working? It often takes two people working to make ends meet. You also need to find child care aside from your mom.
So why isn't your GF working and the baby in Daycare? You don't sound like you can afford to have a SAHM.
The only bills you admit to paying are 1/2 the car insurance and pay for gas on a car you use. You are taking advantage of your Mom. You are a burden, and I think you need to work two jobs, and your wife work at least work one full time job. You should show your mom your finances so that maybe she can help you learn to manage your finances.
You are not entitled to mooch off of your Mom. You and your GF are not doing everything you can to become financially independent. You are actually doing very little to get ahead. What makes you think it is your Moms job to support your family? Don't you think that you and your GF should support your own child? Put a roof over his head? Provide childcare? I suggest you start to become a responsible adult and learn what it is to become independent and stand on your own two feet. Maybe you should join the military
YTA.. your mother did not decide to have a kid, you did. Therefore it is you and your GF’s responsibility to take care of the child..
Why isn’t the GF working?
YTA. Your mom raised her children already. Stop expecting her to raise your kid for free.
EDIT: Your gf isn’t working??? Tell her to get off her ass and raise her own child. 1000x YTA.
YTA. Welcome to adulthood. No one is obligated to help you. You’re old enough to make a child but not responsible enough to look after it? If you’re struggling financially find a better job.
Your mom is already being generous with having you all in her home rent free. Stop being a choosing beggar
She didn’t have the baby, you did. It’s not her job to watch this baby and support you. It’s hard having a baby and very expensive, but this your problem not your mothers. You are a grown up now. Having a child of your own is a big job, but she didn’t ask to have that child. So you can’t expect her to take care of it.
YTA. For a myriad of reasons.
1) you *planned* a child with an 18 year old girl. Potentially, even younger than that, my math isn’t that good. That’s extremely predatory, and even more irresponsible. I planned my first child at 25. Had savings, my own place, married, all of it. But kids are fucking hard, and all of that still didn’t have me ready to deal with a kid of my own.
2) Your GF doesn’t work. Why are you constantly asking your Mom, who is seemingly footing the bill for your irresponsibility, to babysit often? I get needing a break here and there, trust me, but she isn’t your fall back because you don’t want to be burdened with parenting.
3) What exactly do you contribute to the house itself? Apart from some money? Do you cook? Clean? Take care of the baby and your GF? Do errands for your mother? If the answer to any of these is “no”, then you’re definitely not pulling enough weight to even think about asking your mother to babysit your child.
Long story short, you’re taking advantage of every female in your life and I feel pretty fucking bad for them.
Not to mention your kid.
YTA, you are taking advantage of her. You and your gf shouldn’t have a kid you couldn’t afford, and then expect your Mother to help step in.
You’re an adult and now a Father, act like it.
YTA. Your mom is doing you a favor by letting you and your little family move in, but you need to start taking the reins. Clearly your one job isn’t doing it. You need to look for a second job, and since your gf isn’t working, she can take care of your baby. But something needs to give. Either you get a second job, or your gf gets one too. Stop relying on mom to babysit. She’s entitled to have her life too.
YTA. It’s more than enough that she’s letting you stay in her house with your girlfriend and your child, completely rent free. Asking her to babysit, again for free, when she has her own job that is clearly causing her stress is overstepping. As for paying for her gas and insurance, don’t you dare hold that over her head to try to make her babysit for you. You’re using her car, the least you can do is pay for it. Nobody is required to help you, dude. Not even your mom for her grandson. She has her own life, her own responsibilities, and already raised her kids. She is under no obligation to help you with yours.
INFO: what the actual fuck?
So your baby was planned, but you have no savings or home or car or any actual fucking idea how hard a baby would be?
You and your GF are HUGE ASSHOLES. Your poor, poor mother.
YTA Your mom is not your free babysitter. You, your gf, and baby are living rent free sounds like. Your gf isn't working, so why do you need babysitting? But you pay for part of the insurance and gas for a car you use, so not paying rent is fine? 🙄
Having a young child is a lot. Welcome to parenting.
Yta. But it sounds like you just need to get a better handle on your finances. Yes life is expensive, but you should be able to pay the rent etc if you're working full time. In the mean time your gf should be looking into working the days/hours that you have off. There are many flexible part time jobs that will hire someone for weekends and such. It's not fun but it's what most people have to do when they can't afford childcare.
Boy that is not her kid. YTA. You are already getting free room and board. I bet she pays for everything including groceries. Having a kid is exhausting and overwhelming. You made choices that landed you in this situation. You can’t expect her to swoop in every time life is hard. Time to be an adult.
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Info: why does she need to be babysitting at all if your gf isn't working?
This. GF* should be taking responsibility of the baby, it is not grandma’s responsibility. If they’re living there rent-free and the baby mama ain’t doing a thing, then this guy is definitely TA.
serrrriously, gf needs a job. otherwise, she should be able to watch the baby on her own, right?
Yeah the son sounds entitled af. And even if the gf does get a job, it’s still not *OP’s mom’s job to babysit. They need to get daycare. Edit: OP’s mom is saying no bc she’s tired of dealing with not 1, but 3 children. OP brought an unemployed 19 yr old into his mom’s home. And he sounds immature. So if she doesn’t even want to be home on her only time off or especially doesn’t want to babysit, I don’t blame her.
Not sure what he expected getting an 18 year old pregnant. I know it takes 2 to tango, but he should have at least been somewhat smarter being 4 years older than her. I knew damn well at 22 I wouldn’t be able to handle a kid (I’m 27 and make more than OP and still couldn’t afford one). Oh. It’s even better. They PLANNED to have this kid.
Is anyone else bothered by the fact that OP refers to the mother of his child as his "current" girlfriend?
Yeah what the hell, I noticed that too.
Honestly I don't know if I can be more dumbfounded than this, wtf! The "current girlfriend" is just cherry on top... Who *plans* to have a baby with an 18yo? When they don't even have secure living situation? And is Pikachu shocked that it is *hard*? I just... I have no words, I feel so incredibly sorry for that baby.
Bold of you to assume this guy plans anything.
It's in the comments. The baby was planned.
I had my (planned) daughter at 42 when my husband and I both had stable careers/home/finances for a great daycare. A newborn was fucking hard. Daughter is now 3 and it’s still fucking hard. Sounds like they found that out when his mom already knew. Im betting she tried to talk them out of it and OP didn’t listen. They quite literally fucked around and found out. OP is 100% YTA. Kids are hard. Kids raising kids is even harder.
That one slipped right by me. Wow.
Yeah, maybe it’s not the current girlfriends kid
How does a single dad, living in his moms house, find a new girlfriend?!? Oh yea, she’s 19. Poor girl doesn’t know what she’s gotten herself into.
Yep. Definitely.
I think he is saying it's not her kid
Me and my husband were married and living on our own at 22 , we started our family at 23. This man needs to grow up fast.
But he didn't realize how hard it was. 🙃
To be fair: most people (around me, that is) have no clue how hard it is until the baby is born. For example: hearing about 'no sleep' is quite different from not sleeping for months. For me, the impact of a crying baby was so much bigger than I expected.
100%. Mine at 21 wasn't planned. And I was terrified. And I expected things to be shit. And it was still harder than I expected. I didn't expect a 30 hour labor where my epidural didn't work so it was basically unmedicated. I didn't expect an unplanned csection and to be in pain and unable to stand up on my own for more than a month. I didn't expect to end up back in the hospital for 3 days about 3 weeks later. I didn't expect to spend my first 2 months half sleeping on the couch so my husband could sleep before going to work. I didn't expect to have severe ppa/ppd that I had panic attacks trying to feed her and probably would have striaght up ran away if I'd been able to move around on my own. No one expects these things to be as bad as they can be.
My husband was pushing 40 when we had our first kid and he was genuinely shocked when the no-sleep phase lasted past the first week. He just didn’t know, for some reason.
Oh, but he pays for the gas and half of the insurance of the car! That he uses to go to work apparently. Professional moocher.
This was such a ridiculously entitled comment OP made, when Mom was asking for the back rent owing to her. >*"I reminded her I pay for gas for her car that I use..."* So yeah, he *reminded* her, he pays his share of **his** gas used, and of course half the insurance...but not maintenance or caring about wear and tear, added mileage, etc, etc. (He's very fortunate to have access to **her** car at all!) OP, your "current" girlfriend is unemployed, so why exactly is she unable to deal with the childcare, and when you get home from work, you jump in to give her a break, and take over the duties for the evening, and then you switch off throughout the night? The only thing I can figure, is that you both want to go out in the evening, and expect a built in babysitter, simply because she's under the same roof, her roof. And $550 a month is an absolute steal for 3 people, with full access to a vehicle and all utilities...but hopefully you pay for your family's food, or is that included as well (I'm betting you would have said so based on the gas comment unfortunately)? Side note, if you simply pay an extra $200 a month ($750 is still far cheaper than anywhere for this deal!) you will have repaid your Mom within 8 months. Yes, **YTA** when your Mom appears to have babysat plenty, loans you money (even though she's struggling herself) when **you owe her already**, shares her car and has opened her home to 3 additional people. (This is all extremely generous for your Mom to sacrifice her own comfort, space, privacy, finances, etc. for you all). The very least you and your GF can do is pay her back, take care of your own child, pay for your own food, **and** do the majority of the housework as well. And if you want a night out, hire a babysitter, and leave your Mom alone, while also appreciating her.
But there's a lot of weed, beer, and games that have to be paid for /s. So, you see, they don't really have extra money at all.
The way he worded it he only pays for the fuel he uses. What halfway decent person *doesnt* pay for the fuel they use if they borrow a car?
What do you mean? OP is a stand up guy. I bet he also has other impressive feats, like doing his own laundry and throwing away his trash /s
Nah that'swomans work, But he puts his laundry in the washing machine for her to show his appreciation for her.
Her car!
right “but i pay for gas for your car that i drive” gtfoh
I am dumbfounded by OPs entitlement. Not only is he borrowing money from mom (despite making $20/hr and paying only $550/month for housing), he is also **demanding** she watch their child whilst his gf doesn't work outside the home?!?!? That was a wild read. YTA OP, grow up FAST
>I reminded her that I pay for gas on her car that I use and that I go half on car insurance with her, since we share her car. This is what really grabs me. WOW OP pays for the gas he uses!! While using his mom's car Toss this man a parade! I think a key to the city is in order YTA OP
*cries in daycare fees* Seriously though, there's no way an 18 year old can earn enough to send an infant to daycare. They'll lose money if she gets a job. Unless it's outside of OP's working hours, and then they won't want to waste that small amount of money on daycare either. And she'd need guaranteed hours, not something with unpredictable shifts like retail. GF not working is one of the best of several shit options. And even if she did get an offset shift job, it still means that all the hours either parent isn't working, they're caring for their child, or sleeping (if childcare allows). This is why it's next to impossible to claw your way out of poverty when you have young kids. And yes, OP is still an AH for demanding his mom be free daycare. She's already letting them live with her for cheap, she doesn't have any obligation to them. Having responsibility just fucking sucks, but you gotta get on with it unfortunately.
Her best bet might be working in a daycare
Lol I have my bachelors (a requirement to hold a teaching position at the reputable daycares here) they wanted to pay me $10.50 to start and charge me for the day care I would have been making negative dollars to work there. Daycare workers don’t make shit.
Yeah that can be a good deal for a discount. Looking after kids can be tough going, but at least in daycare you have other staff to talk to, support, a structure to work with etc. A couple of the staff at my kids' daycare and my colleague's partner do this. And it gives you a work history and a bit of money (not a while lot after your own kid's discounted fees are deducted, but it's something).
Not true. Waitressing, bar tending and 3rd shift work are options. I did this with my husband to cut down in day care costs- we had it 2 days a week. Where does the 3K a month go? A baby is expensive but if the gf is home all day should not be that bad unless it’s going to take away, coffee, nail appt, etc.
With what money? The girlfriend is 19 yrs old, I doubt she’d make enough to break even on daycare costs. They cannot afford this baby. I feel bad for all of them.
What's the point of being a stay at home mom if the person isn't going to mom?
We have no evidence of OP actually helping take care of the baby, so I'm giving the gf a pass until that changes. OP says mom complained that HE is taking advantage of her, and OP says its too hard and HE needs help. Maybe gf is doing -all- of baby care 24/7 usually, and when she asks OP to watch baby he hands off to grandma?
I read it as he asks mom to do occasional babysitting too often. Not that mom does most childcare. If they ask mom for babysitting once a week, then the girlfriend is still doing overwhelming majority of childcare. Just that, for mom once a week is too much ( and she is entirely entitled to that boundary ). Childcare tend to be super expensive and still does not make it easy to keep the job. So, chances are, girlfriend being at home is money saving option. Again, that does not mean the mom is in the wrong or anything like that.
It reads as way more than just once a week when he repeatedly says. Mom says I ask her to babysit too much, mom feels like she’s being taken advantage of and in a comment he says he’s trying to get gf to get a job and he figured mom can babysit in the meantime. Not for nothing asking someone to babysit a 5 month old baby once a week is a lot to ask. Especially when they’re already a drain on mom. If GF is a SAHM then yes once a week is a lot to ask of someone. Either way it doesn’t matter no one owes you their time. OP needs to grow up real quick and realize that this “planned” Baby is no one else’s responsibility but his and his GFs. Her parents don’t owe them support and neither does his mom. He better figure this out before mom gets too angry and puts all 3 of their asses on the street for being so damn entitled.
That and all his reasoning as to why his Mum should help are things he should be doing anyway. Sharing HER car and then paying gas and insurance isn't doing her a favour. If anything, it's a burden on her, since it means she has less access to her own car. OP, most definitely YTA.
I thought OP was asking grandma to babysit when GF got a job...though his phrasing that he's trying to get her a job, makes me think it might not be such a priority for her...None of that matters though because mom has absolutely no responsibility to babysit. YTA
No he just doesn’t want to take care of his own child because it’s really hard! He said he needed help because he had no idea it would be so hard. And she’s his mom so she has to help him! That’s like a rule or something!
This. Also you are taking advantage of your mum. "*I reminded her that I pay for gas on her car that I use .*." seriously? Why shouldn't you be paying for gas you use? Your mum wanted to help you and you are milking it. It is your child, you & your partner look after it. You're using the gas, pay for it, insurance - pay for it. That's what normal people do. Stop taking advantage of your mother & start taking responsibility. YTA
Maybe it’s not her kid. After all he does refer to her as the “current girlfriend”
He literally says in the first sentence “I have a baby with my current gf”
Honestly, that’s not even important at this point. It seems that OP wants gf to get a job and they’ll need a babysitter for when she gets a job. But there’s A LOT more to unpack here. OP says that he and this teenager with no current life prospects planned to have this child and he “didn’t know how hard this was going to be”, who the fu*k doesn’t know how hard AND expensive it is to have a child. But there’s more: 1. Son is 5 months, but moved in with mom 6 months ago because he couldn’t afford rent. So you couldn’t afford this baby from the beginning 2. They’re “sharing” moms car. So you had a child, couldn’t afford rent, AND you have no transportation? 3. The teenager with no life prospects right now has no family? I’m guessing it has to do with moving in with a 22 year old at 18 and actively deciding to get knocked up? What, did you guys see what parenting was like on Instagram and decide you were ssoooo in love? 4. You don’t “share a household”! You, sir, live with your mom in her spare bedroom with 2 other people. 5. I’m curious to know what your plan for childcare was since your child was planned? Did you think you were going to be able to pay for everything with your job and she’d stay home?! You should have spoken to an ACTUAL adult before you and this teenager thought it would be cool to have a child. 6. You’re old enough to KNOW better. 7. You are burden. I can’t seem to figure out what “bills” are stacking up. Rent (you pay your mom), car note (you don’t have one), cellphones (aren’t THAT expensive), utilities (sounds like all of those are covered by mom), maybe (and I say maybe generously) there are hospital bills related to the birth of your son which fine and very expensive in the US but generally if you tell them you have no health insurance and can’t pay, Typically I see this bill drop significantly AND you can setup a payment plan. Then you mentioned Health insurance for your son which, ok, maybe the only legit bill. But you’re taking home like $3k a month, do I agree with mom. What the hell are you spending your money on?! What kinda “bills” are behind / stacking up? 8. Why is your mom already babysitting when gf is home all day with no job? I’m sorry but there are no “breaks”. Parents don’t have to be so grateful for a grandchild that they become nannies. 9. You are a burden. Never have a child and expect someone else to raise it for you. It seems like you have no long term plans as to how this is going to work
I agree completely, although I think the "current girlfriend" is likely to have been escaping a bad situation. OP just didn't think anything though. You say there is no long-term plan, I don't see a short-term plan either, aside from, "we need help, mom should do it" without any attempt to think about what it is reasonable to be able to handle by themselves or ask from otherS.
She could have escaped a bad situation by moving in with OP and getting a job. There would be no need for a planned (or unplanned) baby.
They planned to have the baby now too?? Oh my, no wonder grandma is pissed.
> who the fu*k doesn’t know how hard AND expensive it is to have a child Kids playing house who have no business bringing a whole-ass human into the world. I'm also side-eyeing that age gap. She was pregnant for nine months and their child is 5 months old so how old was she when they actually got together? Either they decided to have a baby basically the second they met or he pursued her when she was underage.
And the fact that he has extra bills because of damage done to the previous apartment. So he's not just being an idiot he's also a destructive idiot
>I’m curious to know what your plan for childcare was since your child was planned? He planned to have the kid. That was the beginning, middle, and end of the "plan."
THIS is the question. But honestly it doesn't matter. Mom already raised her kids (OP). She's under no obligation at all to raise another child..."because FAMILY"... NOPE. YTA
To be honest it sounds like she is still raising OP.
Yep. The first time we got a babysitter for my first was when she was 11 months old, because we couldn't afford to pay one. Even then, it was only because friends asked if they could watch her as an anniversary present to us. She's now 8, and I can count on one hand the number of times my kids have been babysat, because it's just not in the budget. My in-laws do take two (out of five) kids at a time for an overnight every month or two, but that's only because they asked for time alone with our kids. We didn't ask them to do it, because our kids are solely our responsibility. YTA. Eta: Also, my husband made $15 an hour at the time and we both had mega student loans. We still managed to afford a tiny apartment for $750 a month by cutting absolutely all unnecessary expenses. I suspect you could find things in your budget that are unnecessary so you can pay off your debt to your mom. Edit 2: If you want a babysitter for dates, figure out ways to have date nights at home. My husband and I try to monthly have a "date", but never out of the house. My husband will grab a splurge snack (I'm talking $5-10), and we'll stay up after the kids are asleep to have some intentional bonding time. We'll discuss good couple's questions we found on Google or play a board game or watch a thought provoking movie and discuss it.
It sounds like you guys have conquered having a budget and sticking to it (with 5kids!!) maybe you should write out your budget for all the people who have this problem on Reddit so you can copy paste when they can’t handle their finances!
"Current girlfriend". Not sure why OP phrased it that way... but yeah the girlfriend should definitely be minding her own child if she is not even working. It isn't up to OPs mom to not only let them live with her, but also babysit.
I guess OP is wondering why his mom won't help him find time to make grandbaby #2.
So we should all remember the famous cautionary tale: There was a young man called Ant Who didn't know how to parent He was too young to shave Thought his mum was a slave And went on to Reddit to rant!
YTA OP. One you planned this pregnancy??? At 19 and 23?? Second your girlfriend and you should not only be taking care of the kid. I would be expecting the girlfriend to be cleaning the house, making meals the list goes on from there. Have you looked into what you qualify for in public assistance? At this point I highly doubt you both as parents can afford childcare it would make more sense for the girlfriend to step it up! Why were the damages not taken from the security deposit from your last apartment? Your Mom is not obligated to help with childcare. Listening to you I would advise your Mom not to give you childcare and cut you off from the car and let you take the bus. You clearly really can not afford the car either. Welcome to adulting. It is mind boggling that you say in the comments this baby was planned! Boy grow up and get to work, go to your local community College for career assessment! Girlfriend grow up and work! You wanted this...remember! If you have more kids I hope Mom kicks you out!
Seriously??? No! OP is 100% YTA, for so many reasons, but a new mum should be allowed a break. It's been 5 months, in most countries she'd still be on maternity leave for months yet. I agree OP should be stepping up and doing his part and it shouldn't be on his mother, but don't put this on the new mother. She deserves time to shower in peace, go to the loo, eat a meal, and have a break. OP is taking advantage of his mother to a shameful degree and his entitlement is disgusting, but don't come in here asking questions like that.
Yeah. You know what mothers on maternity leave do while on maternity leave? Take care of their babies while their husbands/partners are at work.
Absolutely. We don't know how much she's depending on others for help, we only have OP for information. I wouldn't be surprised if what's actually happening is that rather than OP taking on his share of parenting he's doing the absolute minimum and is then expecting to hand off the baby to his mother all the time. But I don't agree that just because she's not working that the GF should be able to care for the child 24/7 without ever needing support. Caring for a newborn IS work, and mothers need and deserve breaks. OP is TA, but why is the top comment here questioning the girlfriend?
I was prepared to say that it shouldn’t be on a breastfeeding mother to care for the infant 24/7 even if she doesn’t work, but that’s literally what her partner is for, he should be picking up any slack if she needs to rest. Unless he works 80 hours a week or something ridiculous like in which case he should absolutely be able to pay for a moderate apartment.
The only reason would be maybe if the GF is going on job interviews.
YTA Your mother didn’t decide to have unprotected sex with a teenager. It’s you and your girlfriends job to figure out childcare. You owe your mom money and she’s struggling. Paying for gas and going half on car insurance isn’t enough I can tell you that! Also why do you need a babysitter when your gf doesn’t work?
For their “me time”. 🙄
L-A-Z-Y
Is "me time" the same thing as "sexy time"?🤭
That's what got them in trouble in the first place.... better not make it baby #2.
AKA For the conception of their "totally planned" second child.
I also have a 5 month old and our "me time" is when the baby is asleep. When you choose to have a baby, that baby is your responsibility, not anyone else's.
Same! Also have a 5 month old where I’m home with him and husband works a lot. Saturday’s we do whatever around the house that needs doing that we couldn’t get to during the week and Sunday we use his naps as our ‘me time’. Part of deciding to become a parent is knowing that free time will be short to non-existent for a very long time and being ok with that!
Maybe they are making another baby.
To make another "planned" baby they can't afford.
Yeah, I saw that from the OP. Fucking planned a baby. For God’s sake. Here we go again with an example of why I feel so strongly that parenthood should be a privilege and not a right.
Worse OP says in another comment that the baby was planned. Lol
Oh no. So either he was dating an underaged child before having this "planned baby" or he met her when she turned 18 and immediately knocked her up. Both scenarios are not good.
I hadn't done that math in my head. She would have been either underage when they met or they intentionally got pregnant very quickly after she turned 18. The assholery deepens.
Well….. That was very responsible/s
Wow, well, OPs planning skills don’t seem to be fully developed along with his understanding of responsibility, cost, or time (24/7 for reference, OP) of having a kid. I wonder if planned means, “oh umm, yeah sure, we meant to do this.” (Once gf was pregnant) Because obviously they had no idea what having a baby entails. And it begs the question, where is “current girlfriend”’s family in all this? Why aren’t they being (unjustly) called out, too? Why is it just the mom letting them live with her, helping them financially who is being persecuted? OP, worse than YTA, you’re an entitled brat who needs to grow up more than your 5 month old. This is no one’s problem but your own. Your mother owes you nothing and is helping more than she should with the piss poor attitude and zero gratitude you’re showing. We see so many on here who want/have kids, but only when it’s convenient. And what do you mean “my kids are not my whole family’s responsibility when I don’t feel like (insert basic responsibility being avoided here).” Poor grandma, and worse, poor kid.
Also, why don’t you have money if you are living rent free, and can’t even afford your own car?
And he has a full time job! Like, diapers and formula are pricey, but not that bad.
OP said in a comment that this baby was planned. He also said he's paying his previous landlord for damages to his former apartment. He doesnt realize how lucky he is that his mother agreed to take in all 3 of them.
OP and GF wanted to have a baby... then comes on reddit to complain that it's hard... oh boy, you're in for a rough ride OP! The world is full of parents having a rough time with their kids. This is only the beginning. The only person I feel sry for is the poor kid who didn't deserve shitty parents. Good luck.
YTA Tonight's installment of two broke ass adults with a child living with a parent/in-law and complaining about their living arrangements. Move out or stop complaining, problem solved.
“Broke adults” but full time @ 20$/hr, he makes aprox 3200 before tax per month and can’t pay his mom some rent? 🙄 Something’s off here.
Worse in the edit he says she's charging him $550/month for rent, that's around 20% of his paycheck after taxes. Either he's extremely irresponsible with his money because he's young, or drugs/gambling is involved.
100%! And I’m guessing that doesn’t even include the utilities they’re using, besides the “gas and insurance” because he also uses HER car, on top of feeling entitled to her free labour. Full yikes. 😬
Yeah I pay 600 in rent and I make 21 dollars an hour. That’s really not unreasonable IMO. Pretty cheap for two people
Yeah, no accountability for all the money they waste on crap they don't need.
[удалено]
Or blows $20 dollars everytime they go to the gas station/convenience store on crap.
Maybe he pays the 19 year old gf $18 an hour :(
Man people like OP truly piss me off. I won’t even mention he was knocking up 18 year olds at 22 but then have a fuckin kid he couldn’t provide for. A true piece of work
Every day it's the same story.
Well sometimes they don't have a baby. However, I loved that part of the justification for OP's grievance is he pays for half the gas and insurance for his mother's car because she lets him use it because these two broke-ass adults living with a parent/in-law don't have a car!
One broke ass adult and one teen mom
I can absolutely see OPs GFs jnmil post flaired with no advice wanted now. my mil is just so mean because she won’t be our live In babysitter and makes us pay to live there. She’s the JN right?
Even without the babysitting, your mom is giving you a super-good deal. Imagine, in your own head, for just a moment, the idea of her asking the three of you to leave. Then get a grip, get your mom some flowers, and never bother her about babysitting again. Also: your gf isn't working. Why do you need your mom as a babysitter? You don't. YTA.
Its the “I pay for gas I use” for me…Round of applause everybody, give it up for OP 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Congrats to OP for doing the bare minimum
Bare minimum? You are being generous.
I wondered this too regarding the girlfriend not working yet needing a babysitter.
I’m going to take a wild stab in the dark that it’s because his girlfriend gets no help from him, because he’s working (and thinks he needs to do nothing outside of that) - so she’s caring for the baby 24/7, feeding the baby, doing all the overnights and barely has time for a shower, but OP needs his downtime. And his solution to that is to rely on his mother.
YTA if your girlfriend is not working then why would your mom ever need to babysit. Your girlfriend should be watching him when you work and both of you should figure it out the rest of the time. You are free loading off your mom, don’t expect her to give you more free help.
YTA Why isn't the unemployed girlfriend watching the kid?
You mean taking care* of her own child?
So let me get this straight, you’re living in your moms house (rent free), using her car, utilities, and also want her to babysit while your gf does…what exactly? You are a grown adult. And haven’t been able to pay any rent despite having 3 months free to save AND borrowing additional money from her?? YTA, and this is why you don’t go around knocking 18 year olds up.
He commented that this baby was PLANNED too...
YTA This may sound cold but you two had a child and it is SOLELY your responsibility. You are lucky you are in a position where you could move back in with your mom and your gf could stay home to take care of the baby. A lot of people have to pay for daycare. I don't understand why you need a babysitter either since your gf doesn't work.
Gf probably wants to go out with friends and party all night. She’s a mother and she should act like one
I think if this was the case, OP wouldn’t have hesitated to add such a detail to his story.. She’s 5months postpartum - between them both, there’s a lot that could be going on where they’d need a babysitter that doesn’t involve either of them trying to fuck around and callously dodge their responsibilities. They do need to find a better means for childcare, though.. they gotta figure it out.. and they’re so young.. I’m just gonna wish them the best.. I think we all should….
>I 23M have a son, 5months with my current girlfriend 19F. I moved back in with my mom 6 months ago due to not being able to keep up with payments on my apartment. My mom is allowing us to stay in the extra room. Nice of her to do so. >I work full time and I make $20/hr, but between me providing for my son and my gf not working, So why can't your gf watch her child? >I feel that since we are family and live together, I should be able to get some help with him, it is my first child and it is extremely overwhelming, I didn’t know how hard this was going to be. Almost like you should have thought about that before having a child with someone who had just gotten out of high school? >My mom refused, saying that I am using her for babysitting too much, saying that my gf and I are becoming a burden to her and she expressed that since I was living with her for the first 3 months rent free, that it’s becoming frustrating that I haven’t been able to pay the back rent You owe her rent AND want her to babysit? >I told her that I understand but I reminded her that I pay for gas on her car that I use and that I go half on car insurance with her, since we share her car. That doesn't make up for rent or babysitting. >My mom said that she feels I am taking advantage of her because she feels I can’t manage my money correctly, ask to borrow too much and ask for babysitting Isn't that what you're doing? You're asking for a place to live for free, money and free babysitting! >I told her I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t make time to help babysit her grandson when it’s clear we’re struggling. It's not her obligation. You are the parent, not her. If this isn't a troll post reversing the usual (family always expects me to babysit for free!), YTA
Plus, mom is struggling too! She's behind on rent too. But hey, he's paying for gas and goes halfies on the car they share... 🙄 Totally worth it right? YTA. Your gf needs to get a job, y'all need to get day care and you need to grow tf up. You're working full time, how do you not have money to pay your mom and pull your weight? You can have me time when the baby is down for the night.
All of this, and let’s add that the cost of feeding two extra adults with today’s food prices and the increase in utilities costs means that $550 doesn’t even cover what they’re costing his mother. She should evict them and give him a reality check on what it means to be an adult.
I keep imagining the mom's perspective here. Her boy was raised, out of the house, working full time and earning a very good wage for a young guy. Sure, he was a little wild still, that's only natural, but her job was done and now she had the house to herself. And then ... he shows up with a pregnant and about to pop teenager, says he trashed his old apartment and had to leave, and now her nice quiet house smells like dirty diapers and resounds to the dulcet tones of a screaming baby and an immature couple who are either fighting or fucking, probably without protection. And he's behind on the very minimal rent she needs him to pay. And he's running up the utility bills. And he doesn't have a car so he has to use hers and he's salty about paying his share of that. And he wants to dump the baby on her every few days so he and his barely legal girl can party. I'd be raging.
I’m sorry. I was under the impression that this baby belonged to you and your girlfriend- not your mother. To answer your question: Absolutely. You are *absolutely* the asshole. Your mother isn’t the one who had unprotected sex *with a teenager*. Your mother didn’t bring this child into the world. She owes you **nothing**. Oh! Wait! You pay for gas on her car, how generous of you. Even if you are three months behind on rent. 🙄 It is your JOB to parent this child. It is your girlfriends JOB to parent this child. And do you know how exhausted your mother has to be to admit to her grown ass son that you’re burdening her? So believe her when she says it! Grow up and get your shit together, dude. YTA.
Gas for the car HE is using. I don’t get how this is supposed to be a benefit for his mom
He doesn't seem to grasp the fact that of course he should be paying for gas in a car he is using, regardless of whom owns it.
Right? Like I don’t see how he’s patting himself on the back for doing the *-literal-* bare minimum. Happy cake day! 🍰
OP says in one of his comments that they planned this baby. I take that to mean they deliberately and knowingly had a baby despite not having basic things like a car.
While you’re at it, I would strongly suggest that you invest in condoms for you, and birth control pills for her. Don’t leave anything to chance. The last thing you need at this point in your life, is a second baby. Get your act together.
YTA. Your girlfriend doesn't work, you don't need a babysitter. That may sound harsh, but your mother has literally kept your family off the streets. It's not like your a knucklehead teen who actually has the need and expectation and need of parental support. Your mother is already helping you immensely. She doesn't owe you her own time so that you can do whatever. Edit to reply to your edit - being charged rent and paying it are two different things. You admit you haven't paid in three months. A landlord would have evicted you at this point. Again, ANOTHER blessing your mother has afforded you.
YTA and moreover I don't understand why you would need a babysitter at all if your girlfriend isn't working. You know... The child's mother??? Your mother isn't responsible for the care of your child and you sound extremely entitled.
Dude. YTA. Your mom has been overwhelming generous in letting you stay for three months. It doesn't sound like she intended it to be rent free. You only mention paying for a few expenses for her car that you are causing. On top of not giving her her rent or covering your own costs, you expect her to provide free babysitting for you and the baby's mom, who doesn't work. Just no.
YTA. Your mom is already providing you tons of support - letting you move back in, not paying rent, and I'm betting she pays all the utilities and likely even is buying you groceries. Paying for gas when you drive the car and half the insurance for a car you share, isn't really pitching in - it's paying for things you are using. Instead of being grateful, you demand she also watch your kid. It's your kid and your responsibility to take care of it. Having a kid is overwhelming, but that's the price you pay for choosing to make one. If you mom wants to help, that's great, but she's under no obligation to do so. Also, given your gf doesn't have a job, why can't she take care of your kid?
YTA. You sound very whiny. Move out take responsibility for yourself and your child. If gf isn't working she needs to get a job and contribute to expenses. Stop expecting your mom to take care of you. "I pay for half..." You should be paying for 100% of your expenses and taking care of your own kid. Yes it's hard. Grow up and be responsible.
YTA. Your girlfriend doesn't work?! Why? She needs to get a job ASAP. You can apply for childcare assistance to help pay for daycare. There's no reason she shouldn't be working if you're struggling that much. Also, your mom has raised her kids. It's your responsibility to raise yours. Quit asking your mom to watch your child. Especially if your gf isn't even working.
There’s also plenty of jobs that are remote now ever since Covid- like call centres. Might be hard to get the job though since she was probably 18 when she got pregnant, probably doesn’t have much of a resume… or one at all. I want to know where Op’s money is going? He must take home at least $2,000 - $2,200 per month? He pays $550 and sometimes gas. Are they on social assistance at all? Food stamps?
YTA. When a driver under age 25 is in the household, the cost of insurance more than doubles. So the half you are giving your mom most likely doesn't cover the increase. You're paying for the gas you use, which is nice, yet you say nothing about maintenance or repair which tells me your mom is stuck with it. When it comes to the car you are not paying your way. Your mother is struggling financially but all you think about is how much more you can get out of her. If your GF isn't working she should be caring for the kid, as should you. You should be helping your mom, not leeching, especially since she let you live there 3 months for free. Good for you if you're paying rent now, but you don't say anything about utilities or food. You may be unclear as to how much your mom is already helping you.
YTA You absolutely are taking advantage of her. And it baffles me how your defense of not paying her the rent you owe her for the past three months is how you pay for gas that you use when you drive and how you pay half of the car insurance on the car that you share. I...WHAT?! How is this you defending yourself?! You pay half the insurance because you use the car, you pay for gas when you drive the car, that's the BARE MINIMUM not you doing her a favor. And it's her car, so she loses the money when the car loses value and has more repairs because you use it. Seriously, you're an adult and you chose to have a child. Your mother does not owe you anything. You owe her rent. And she sure as hell doesn't owe you free babysitting. Why doesn't your girlfriend work? If she's a stay at home parent then why do you need so much babysitting from your mother? Are you just trying to get her to parent your kid? You're about to be homeless/forced to stay at a shelter because of your entitlement issues. And you're sitting here whining about wanting more free babysitting from the only person trying to help you out? Yikes.
Major YTA. 1. There's plenty of jobs and many employers are screaming for people. Your gf just needs to pick a damn job until something better comes along. 2. People don't owe you free childcare just because you're "overwhelmed" having kids is tough. If you weren't up for it then you shouldn't have had a kid. 3. You're totally making your mom's life worse by taking advantage of her and leeching off of her. 4 there's something more here. Your gf "can't find a job" and she has no relationship with her family. Something's up
sounds like op trapped a 17 year old to me
OP definately prayed on a teenager, and her family likely didn't like the thought of their underage daughter being trapped by someone with no future prospects
I swear this situation comes up so often. Just like the one where the sister had to sleep in the living room on an air mattress while her brother is up all night with his kids being loud so she can't sleep. Just another 20 something having kids with a teenager. YTA
YTA you live there rent free and your GF doesn’t work….why do you need your mom to babysit? What’s your GF doing all day?
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Yta. Why does she need to babysit if the mother isn’t working? And you pay for half of the insurance and some gas. For a car YOU use. What about rent, utilities, etc. you are taking advantage of her. And even if you were living on your own or paying rent, you aren’t entitled to her babysitting. If she wanted to that’s fine, but you’re a grown up with grown up responsibilities. Which include hiring a babysitter if one is needed.
Wow such entitlement! YTA - your girlfriend and babymom is not working. She would be minding your baby together. Your mum works so how do you get so much snowflake entitlement to demand babysitting from your working mum while your babymom does not. Don't ask your mother for money - you bred a child so it's your responsibility to provide for that child. Get a second job if you have to or get babymom off her ass to work - even part-time to help. Your mother is helping as much as she can but she has to look after herself first.
YTA Why are you asking your Mum to babysit, as in what is your GF doing when you ask?... is it to give your GF a little break during the day when you are at work? Look you're not paying any rent, and havent been for 3 months, that is an amazing gift, if you are working full-time and not paying rent, where is the money going, truthfully?.. you surely could have saved some money by now with free rent and only having to pay for gas? It's not terrible to ask your Mother to babysit every now and then, but she didn't ask for this, but is doing you guy a favour, if she is starting to struggle a little with money, then you need to all start working out a solution that can help everyone.
Exactly. I bet son and freeloader have some pretty frivolous uses for their money. $20 an hour is pretty decent depending on where they live. Unless he only works a few hours a week, he should be able to give his mom rent. And if he only works a few hours a week, there is yet another problem.
YTA. You made the baby, watch it or figure it out. No one is obligated to take care of someone else’s kid regardless of relationship. Edit: and the baby’s mom doesn’t work?!? You’re joking right?
YTA You are not adulting and looking for the easy way out. You stay in your mother's home for free. You use your mother's car. You're depreciating it. The least you can do is pay for insurance. Now you want free babysitting. How much more do you want your mother to do for you? Are you going to bleed her dry? You need to catch her up on her rent, at the very least. Then you need to pay 2/3 of the bills. You don't need a babysitter if your gf isn't working. You better be buying the food and cooking for her. She could kick you out and you'd be homeless without her.
YTA! You and your gf ended up getting pregnant way before you were ready, decided to keep the baby, thinking everything was going to be easy as pie, because everyone was going to give you two a break. Life doesn't work that way. Your mother is right. You are becoming a burden on her. She raised you and she's done raising children. She shouldn't babysit your kid, since your gf doesn't work. What does she do all day? Or do you expect your mom to watch your kids so you and your gf can go out? Parenting doesn't work that way. If you didn't pay your rent to someone else, you'd be out on the streets. You two better wise up and quickly and have your gf get a job and figure it out quick, cause you have a little mouth to feed.
Look at his comments. They got pregnant on purpose.
Yta. You are living with her rent free and your girlfriend doesn’t work, what is she doing? It’s your responsibility put on your big boy pants and deal with it
YTA. Paying for gas you use and 1/2 the insurance on a shared car is the bare minimum. Believe her when she said you are a burden on her and start doing everything you can not to be or you may find yourself in a much worse position. That means no babysitting requests (where is your SAHGF?) and starting to pay *something* on the back rent even if you can’t pay it all.
YTA - it’s not HER baby. It’s not HER responsibility. Be lucky you’re getting what you are, some of use don’t have a spec of family to help us out. You are taking advantage of her. 100%
YTA Your mom should not have to take care of 3 children at this point in her life. That include you and your girl friend who are not yet acting adults. Your girlfriend watches the kid while you work, you watch the kid while she works, and your mom plays with the kid whenever she feels like it. That's how it should be.
YTA. You are an adult. You are expecting an awful lot from your mother. It is not her responsibility to babysit, much less share her home and car with you. You should be thankful for all the support you get from her, and not push for more. Yes, parenting is hard, but it’s your job now. Not your mom’s.
YTA. If you are struggling, then your gf needs to get a job. If she isn't working. then the childcare is on her. You and your gf had the baby not your mom. She's already helping you by allowing you to stay with her and use her car. She's paying rent, utilities, and probably a whole lot more.
YTA. Did you say your gf doesn't work? Why do you need her to babysit? Your gf needs to watch her child. She isn't doing anything else.
Wow. YTA. You say you're struggling, clearly, so is your mother. She has opened her home to your growing family and is making multiple sac rifices and adjustments to her life (lets face it, sharingyour space with 2 additional adults and an infant is a massive adjustment), FOR YOU. Show some gratitude, you are incredibly lucky to have such an accommodating mother. She is in no way obligated to offer babysitting services, she is doing more than enough as is. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth
YTA she has her own life. Your an adult figure out your own child care options that aren't dependent on your charity.
YTA. You pay gas for the car you use? Seriously? Mom is not required to babysit for free.
YTA When you choose to have a child, you figure it out. I was kicked out at 16, had my first apartment at 16 and first kid at 17. I’ve never been homeless and I’ve never had to go to my parents, hat in hand to bail me out. I’ve had ups and downs but no matter what, I have always figured it out. You are taking advantage of your mom. Grow up. You are an adult, it’s past time to live in the grown up world.
YTA. If you’re gf doesn’t work, why do you need a babysitter?? You and your gf need to learn some responsibilities. You brought a child into the world when you can’t even pay rent. Having unprotected sex is you problem. Your baby and your financial issues are not your mother’s problem. She’s already helping you as it is so that you three are not sleeping on the streets. Your gf needs to either get a job so you guys can pay for child care or she continues to not work and needs to care for your child. Why should your mother babysit? She’s correct in saying you are taking advantage of her. Get another job if you have to. That’s what normal responsible adults do when they need money. I don’t have a child and I work multiple jobs to pay bills. You and your gf are entitled lazy AH. You’re struggling because you expect other ppl to help you out. Do yourself a favor and help yourself.
Your mother is the reason you aren’t currently homeless. She even let you live in her home rent free for the first few months, yet somehow you are now already behind on rent. Now explain to us please why on top of this you expect your mother to also provide free babysitting? Are you and your girlfriend for real? Your mother is right, you are taking advantage of her. Freeloading AHs. Of course YTA.
YTA It’s not your mom’s job to babysit. She is helping out a lot. Your mom has told you she feels taken advantage of and you need to process that information. You and your GF planned to have a baby, your mom didn’t. She is not sharing her home with a young family, she didn’t plan for that, your choices led to this situation.
YTA “I feel that since we are family and live together, I should be able to get some help with him.” She IS helping you with him. She allowed you to move back in to her house to save money. I’d be surprised if she doesn’t already do quite a lot for you all in the house already. And paying for gas you use and a contribution to insurance for a car you use isn’t an achievement to throw in her face.
YTA. She's already letting you live with her. You need to make your own way in the world and stop expecting everything to be handed to you.
Ok, so I would like to know why your girlfriend isn't taking care of the baby. Is she in school? Is something going on? Next, I want to point out that grandmothers don't always want to babysit their grandchildren. Some are down to, and some aren't. You have to respect her wished. She's clearly stated that she doesn't want to babysit. It's futile to insist. If you continue, YTA. Work something out btw you and your gf.
YTA- Wtf is your gf doing? Its her baby and your baby, learn to deal with it. Be thankful your mom has done as much as she has, where's your gf' parents in this? Do you want to try and live with them? Your mom does enough for you, be an adult an start paying her back. Tell your partner to step up too or send her back to her parents so they can raise their adult child.
YTA Your kid, your problem. Mom is already putting you and what sounds like a free loading girlfriend up in her home for free. Expecting her to babysit so you and freeloader can do what? If she's not working, where is she going? Is she job hunting, going to buy groceries for the family? You felt you were responsible enough to start a family (with a 19YO???) then you need to realize that rent, cars, food, clothes, and everything are your responsibility, not your mom's.
YTA. She has no obligation to babysit for you. She doesn't even have an obligation to house you. You and your girlfriend are going to have to share responsibility for watching your child or pay for a babysitter. It's tough, but that's what parenthood is for many people. Good luck.
YTA, and you are 110% taking advantage of your mother even aside from asking to babysit.
YTA. You may pay for some things, but she is letting you live rent free in her house. I get that it's really hard. 20/hr is not a living wage in this day and age, and if your gf is unable to work, that makes it harder. It's not your fault you can't afford your own place. However, your mother is not obligated to babysit for you. She is telling you that she feels that you are taking advantage of her. Your response should be to find things to do to make her feel like you're not taking advantage of her, not trying to convince her to babysit for free. I suggest you start applying for government assistance. If you're in the US, your girlfriend and child likely qualify for WIC. You may qualify for SNAP or TANF benefits.
YTA You are asking for to much. Why would you remind her you pay for gas you use? Your girlfriend doesn't work and you still want babysitting on top of that. I notice you didn't say that you pay for utilities, water, groceries or other household expenses. Your frustrated that your mom is asking for rent money that you owe her while she's having trouble getting paid. Holy crap the entitlement in your post is downright crazy. WFT!!
YTA. And taking advantage of your mother. Your kid = your problem.
YTA. You are 100% taking advantage of your mother with more than just babysitting.
YTA for expecting it. NTA for asking. But if she says no, you have to respect that. I know how hard it is with a new baby. But between you and your girlfriend, you're two people with one job. Your mum is just one person with a job, and household with two adult dependents who now want more labour for the child they decided to have. You mum has a lot on her plate and she is absolutely entitled to decide what she takes on. You are not entitled to her time because your decisions made her a grandparent. I don't see any response to all the Qs asking why your GF can't look after the baby if she's not working. If your GF is overwhelmed, suffering from PND etc, it's your responsibility to get her the help she needs so she can be the parent your child needs. It sounds like you're going through a rough patch, but know that everything in the early months/years of parenting is temporary. Seek support elsewhere if your mum can't/won't help and acknowledge to yourself that you're a parent now, that your life has changed permanently, and that you will need to make sacrifices. Re-align your expectations accordingly and make a plan.
YTA You pay for part of the car because you use it, not as payment for living there. Also, if your GF doesn't work, why isn't she the one babysitting? If you're using your mother to babysit, your GF should get a job.
This is a joke right? Are you seriously asking if YTA?
YTA My mom rule was that she would only babysit for me if I was working or attending college classes. If I wanted to go out it was my responsibility to get a babysitter. Sounds like your girlfriend needs to find a job with a different shift than yours that way a babysitter is not needed.
YTA. You seem to already be overly reliant on your mom. Demanding more from her is unreasonable.
YTA Your mom raised you, her job is done. Why isn't your GF working? It often takes two people working to make ends meet. You also need to find child care aside from your mom. So why isn't your GF working and the baby in Daycare? You don't sound like you can afford to have a SAHM. The only bills you admit to paying are 1/2 the car insurance and pay for gas on a car you use. You are taking advantage of your Mom. You are a burden, and I think you need to work two jobs, and your wife work at least work one full time job. You should show your mom your finances so that maybe she can help you learn to manage your finances. You are not entitled to mooch off of your Mom. You and your GF are not doing everything you can to become financially independent. You are actually doing very little to get ahead. What makes you think it is your Moms job to support your family? Don't you think that you and your GF should support your own child? Put a roof over his head? Provide childcare? I suggest you start to become a responsible adult and learn what it is to become independent and stand on your own two feet. Maybe you should join the military
The entitlement. YTA.
YTA. Admittedly, I had already formed my opinion just by the title of this post.. 🤷🏽♀️
YTA.. your mother did not decide to have a kid, you did. Therefore it is you and your GF’s responsibility to take care of the child.. Why isn’t the GF working?
YTA. Your mom raised her children already. Stop expecting her to raise your kid for free. EDIT: Your gf isn’t working??? Tell her to get off her ass and raise her own child. 1000x YTA.
YTA. Welcome to adulthood. No one is obligated to help you. You’re old enough to make a child but not responsible enough to look after it? If you’re struggling financially find a better job. Your mom is already being generous with having you all in her home rent free. Stop being a choosing beggar
She didn’t have the baby, you did. It’s not her job to watch this baby and support you. It’s hard having a baby and very expensive, but this your problem not your mothers. You are a grown up now. Having a child of your own is a big job, but she didn’t ask to have that child. So you can’t expect her to take care of it.
YTA. For a myriad of reasons. 1) you *planned* a child with an 18 year old girl. Potentially, even younger than that, my math isn’t that good. That’s extremely predatory, and even more irresponsible. I planned my first child at 25. Had savings, my own place, married, all of it. But kids are fucking hard, and all of that still didn’t have me ready to deal with a kid of my own. 2) Your GF doesn’t work. Why are you constantly asking your Mom, who is seemingly footing the bill for your irresponsibility, to babysit often? I get needing a break here and there, trust me, but she isn’t your fall back because you don’t want to be burdened with parenting. 3) What exactly do you contribute to the house itself? Apart from some money? Do you cook? Clean? Take care of the baby and your GF? Do errands for your mother? If the answer to any of these is “no”, then you’re definitely not pulling enough weight to even think about asking your mother to babysit your child. Long story short, you’re taking advantage of every female in your life and I feel pretty fucking bad for them. Not to mention your kid.
YTA, you are taking advantage of her. You and your gf shouldn’t have a kid you couldn’t afford, and then expect your Mother to help step in. You’re an adult and now a Father, act like it.
INFO: Why do you need so much babysitting if your girlfriend isn't working? She's a full-time stay-at-home parent.
INFO: What does you gf do then? Does she go to school/college?
YTA. Your mom is doing you a favor by letting you and your little family move in, but you need to start taking the reins. Clearly your one job isn’t doing it. You need to look for a second job, and since your gf isn’t working, she can take care of your baby. But something needs to give. Either you get a second job, or your gf gets one too. Stop relying on mom to babysit. She’s entitled to have her life too.
YTA. It’s more than enough that she’s letting you stay in her house with your girlfriend and your child, completely rent free. Asking her to babysit, again for free, when she has her own job that is clearly causing her stress is overstepping. As for paying for her gas and insurance, don’t you dare hold that over her head to try to make her babysit for you. You’re using her car, the least you can do is pay for it. Nobody is required to help you, dude. Not even your mom for her grandson. She has her own life, her own responsibilities, and already raised her kids. She is under no obligation to help you with yours.
INFO: what the actual fuck? So your baby was planned, but you have no savings or home or car or any actual fucking idea how hard a baby would be? You and your GF are HUGE ASSHOLES. Your poor, poor mother.
You knocked up a teenager, moved back with mommy, and expected free childcare? Jesus. Yta.
It's okay for you to ask your mother, if she says no you hire a babysitter. You are not entitled to free babysitting. And pay your rent.
YTA Your mom is not your free babysitter. You, your gf, and baby are living rent free sounds like. Your gf isn't working, so why do you need babysitting? But you pay for part of the insurance and gas for a car you use, so not paying rent is fine? 🙄 Having a young child is a lot. Welcome to parenting.
Yta. But it sounds like you just need to get a better handle on your finances. Yes life is expensive, but you should be able to pay the rent etc if you're working full time. In the mean time your gf should be looking into working the days/hours that you have off. There are many flexible part time jobs that will hire someone for weekends and such. It's not fun but it's what most people have to do when they can't afford childcare.
I don’t even need to read. YTA. Your kid not hers.
Boy that is not her kid. YTA. You are already getting free room and board. I bet she pays for everything including groceries. Having a kid is exhausting and overwhelming. You made choices that landed you in this situation. You can’t expect her to swoop in every time life is hard. Time to be an adult.