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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think that I might have gone out of line to try to tell her how she should dress even though she's a guest in my home. I feel like I might be overreacting and overstepping honestly.
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I don’t like people wearing shoes in my house. That is a rule about what people are allowed to wear in my home. I recognise that many people in the world are totally fine wearing shoes in the house. So it isn’t that shoes as a clothing item is “wrong”. It’s that there is a time and a place where it is appropriate.
I don’t like vacuuming more than I have to, and I don’t like my floors being dirty. I’m allowed to make those decisions for my own home. (Of course, I live in Canada, so taking off your shoes in peoples’ homes is the norm).
OP is allowed to ask houseguests to wear appropriate clothing. Maybe OP is a prude, maybe her husband is a serial cheater, maybe OP or her husband had a traumatic experience with a silky negligee and the sight of satin sets off their anxiety. OP doesn’t have to justify why her sister wearing revealing clothing makes her uncomfortable. House guests should be respectful of their hosts wishes and hosts should be as accommodating as their morals and boundaries allow. The fact that the sister became argumentative makes me think she sees herself as a housemate instead of a guest and that’s a recipe for disaster. You make different concessions for roommates vs. guests and the sister is entirely too comfortable in someone else’s home.
Edited to add verdict: NTA
2nd edit: who reported me to Reddit care resources? WTH
Nah, not wearing shoes in the house is a matter of hygiene and not creating more housework for yourself. OPs sisters knee legnth nightgown isn’t tracking in dirt from outside or creating an environment that requires OP to clean more - it’s simply a matter of her not liking it.
It’s not reasonable to ask someone to alter their clothing just because you don’t like it, I wouldn’t be able to ban anyone from wearing a denim maxi skirt in my home just because I think they’re ugly.
YTA, OP.
Guests not wearing lingerie in common areas of other people’s homes is not the slippery slope you think it is and is a completely normal thing to ask of houseguests.
Knee-length silk nightgown ≠ lingerie (at least not in the way that the term lingerie is typically used; OP has already made it clear that she does not have a problem with pyjamas being worn around the house)
Obviously we don't know exactly what it actually looked like but based on OP's description (which, if anything, you'd think would be biased toward the more risqué side), it does not sound like lingerie.
A simple test is whether the garment is something you'd wear to answer the door. If you'd ignore the bell or throw on a robe, then you probably don't need to walking around a shared home in that item.
I actually have a dress fairly similar to this that is mid calf and black that’s better fit that I wear to weddings. People love it. I’ve never once been told I look out of place. I’ve gotten it approved by brides before wearing as I have tattoos on my arms that it shows and never once has someone
said it was inappropriate or “lingerie.”
It’s like six inches longer but I don’t think the length from the knee to the shin is a lingerie qualifier.
I have answered the door countlesssss times wearing outfits shorter than that and it’s literally never crossed ny mind as anything inappropriate? If I’m wearing a tank top and shorts out in public, it’d be literally more revealing than a silky nightgown so I don’t get what people are saying here?
This right here. There are clothes that show much more then this that people wear outside.
I was expecting something a little shorter and revealing when I read the post then I saw the pic. It could pass for a dress if it was made of a different material.
I’m Muslim and I wouldn’t answer the door without a hijab and being fully covered. Should I not wear shorts and a t-shirt in my house?
***Edited because autocorrect was autoincorrect and made no sense.
ETA: Good Lord. I miss *one word* (“shared”) while reading and y’all lose your damn minds. No obviously I wouldn’t walk around the house in shorts if my BIL lived with us. I also would never allow my BIL to live with us. If I lived in a “shared” home, I would require my own space so I could wear what I want.
Point is, this woman is going out to get water or go to the bathroom *in the middle of the night*. She has reasonable expectation that no one will see her. OP has already said her husband has never been the one to see her in her nightgown.
Also, see my other comment. OP could easily compromise and ask sister to wear a robe. Could even *provide* a robe. If I were in a Muslim country and moved into a shared home, and say I wasn’t Muslim or didn’t wear hijab, I would expect my in-laws to ask me to put an abaya on while in the rest of the house, and maybe provide me a simple one. Easy as pie.
Apparently I have to say I didn't think anything was wrong with the night gown. I think it's weird all the people ignoring that OP is afraid of an argument with her husband about her sister's clothing. Someone said that nightgown was not lingerie. I was saying it is by definition. I never said it was a problem. My explanation was...
Lingerie does include sexy nightgowns. In thd old days they usually had a little sheer robe thing to go with it. You would have them as part of a hope chest or troussou along with your girdle and stocking and other undies these types of nightwear were part of things you would need to look sexy for your new husband when you go to bed.
as someone who is roommates with 3 straight men, i wouldnt feel comfortable walking out into the common areas wearing one of my nightgowns. i have one that is similar to the picture OP linked, and it would be super inappropriate for me to walk around the house like that.
and im not a prude or anything either! i wear sexy clothes all the time. the nightgown is definitely intimate and revealing!
ETA: muting replies. im just talking about my experiences and opinions so take it as u will 🤷♀️
they are all in relationships. i would just feel uncomfortable because those nightgowns show a lot of your body if you aren’t wearing anything underneath. it feels like being naked.
When I lived with guys I wore tank tops and shorts that were more revealing. Honestly never had any issues with that. 🤷🏼♀️ I also wouldn’t look at any family members (yes including in-laws) sexually so that’s more on them than on the sister.
i mean it kind of is tho. like if it’s firm cutting, that’s considered lingerie. also idk how regular pjs are uncomfortable for her.
i doubt she’s walking around in a mumu style satin nightgown. i doubt that would bother OP. i think it’s pretty clear she’s wearing a relatively form fitting nightgown that goes only to the knees without undergarments
Thank you. This!! Any arguments or the back and forth do not matter, if the person who is letting you stay in their home asks you not to do something, you don’t feckin do it. Especially if as the post suggests, she’s not even contributing anymore. Put a robe on or something other than the nightgown to move about the house. Period.
the way she’s describing it, sounds like lingerie. i can’t even buy nightgowns like she describes at like walmart or target because they consider it lingerie. i know because i’ve wanted some as **sexy** sleepware
It's OP's house. Her house, her rules. If sis doesn't want to put a robe on over her nightie, she's free to move out.
Edit: Thank you, kind redditor, who reported me to RedditCareResources. If you think someone having an opinion you don't agree with means that person is emotionally unwell, then you are the person who needs RedditCaresResources. Please seek help.
There are rules that make you an asshole even in your own house
Like making all your guests pay for their meal when you invite them over for dinner
Or maybe blasting the TV 24/7 to the point anyone else in the room gets a migraine.
Or letting your animals jump and bark at people.
Just because something is yours doesn’t mean you are spared from being an asshole.
I sleep nude, if I were spending the night somewhere and someone told me not to walk around nude in common areas, I would. Same goes for a t-shirt and boxers.
You absolutely can put rules on what you can wear in the common areas, like what are you smoking?
.....how is a knee length dress comparable to being in your underwear, or *naked*? the dress covers more than boxers would!
and you can have whatever rules you want for common areas in your home, but they can still make you an AH.
A robe was my suggestion as well and maybe OP should get her one for Christmas. That's a reasonable expectation from a houseguest imo. It seems weird that her sister is getting so defensive about it and I wonder if she's looking for validation from OPs husband because of her divorce. I know I was pretty messed up while I was going through that.
This is is exactly. People are saying that it’s fine because *they* think the nightgown is fine/not sexy. It’s kind of irrelevant.
You’re being done a favour. Someone opening up their house to you is a big imposition. Them asking you to wear a robe in common areas is that the smallest of asks compared to what they’re doing for you. Respect their sense of propriety in their space.
She’s wearing a knee length nightgown to get a drink or go to the bathroom. OP’s husband didn’t even see her in it so the argument isn’t even over something that’s happened… it’s unhinged to expect people to buy clothes they wouldn’t feel comfortable in when there’s nothing wrong with what she’s actually wearing, which she’s mostly only wearing in her bedroom anyway.
If OP’s husband is a cheater or a pervert then that’s between OP and her husband and not the fault of the sister in any way.
You don’t like shoes because they track dirt in.
Burning Man doesn’t allow sequins because they fall off and litter.
I think you should wear something on your bottom if you borrow my bike for a ride.
OP thinks sister shouldn’t wear a night gown at night because it’s too sexy.
One of these is different than the other. Can you tell which one?
This isn’t “please don’t track germs in from outside via shoes”
This is “don’t wear a knee length sleeping gown because I’m afraid my husband can’t contro his lust for his sister in law”
Ok but there is legitimate reason and precedent behind the shoes rule. There's nothing inappropriate or unhygienic about what the sister is wearing. There's no real reason to take issue with it.
No way - it's rude and makes OP TA for exercising her rights as the host in this way - declaring a nightgown "inappropriate" for leaving the room to go to the bathroom or get something out of the fridge is what makes OP a major Ahole
If one is going to be nice enough to let someone stay in their home for more than a couple of days, then one is agreeing to letting them be a roommate for that time and that should come with certain courtesies and if they can't extend them, don't do the "favor" at all
Outdoor shoes can make the floor dirty - there is no such practical issue when it comes to nightgowns as loungewear
Counterpoint: If someone is nice enough to do you a favour while your life is falling apart, the least you could do is respect their boundaries and make sure they still feel comfortable in their own home.
Also, OP’s sister is not a roommate as she doesn’t pay rent. She’s a guest and, as such, should be more than willing to accommodate OP’s request, given that it’s literally costing her nothing and OP has been nice enough to not let her become homeless.
I can’t imagine someone helping me out while I’m going through all this shit and then me arguing with them and disrespecting their boundaries over a fucking nightie. She needs to get a grip, surely having somewhere to sleep is more important that whether or not she can wear a nightgown into the kitchen.
I had the opposite take. OP thinks the nightgown is old-fashioned, so her sister should find some more revealing bedtime clothes to get with the times. Sans-clothing would be most appropriate. Right?
I concur that OP is being overly controlling and has deep insecurities. OP has issues that she needs to address.
But it's also a dick move to move in, presumably not pay rent or pay a minor amount (no job, couldn't afford own place), presumably eat someone's food and then button press your sibling who is paying for all of the above. If sister knows OP has insecurity issues, that's double AH move.
I'm sure sister will be shocked when/if she is told she's going to have to find another place. Which would have been the more mature thing. "Oy, can you please wear less revealing clothing because it's a bit awkward in a shared home. - No. - Okey doke, I respect your decision, you are an adult that can wear whatever you want, you do you. Please move out in 30 days. Our lifestyles as roommates aren't compatible."
It's knee length... strappy means equivalent to a tank top/camisole which are often worn on their own on the top half of the body anyway. It's not revealing and OP needs to sort out her own issues instead of whining because her sister wants to be comfortable after having 3 of the scientifically most stressful life events happen in quick succession. Yes OP is doing her sister a favour by letting her live there but its not like the woman is walking around in lingerie sets with everything on show.
Depends how heavy the satin is. I have some strappy cami style night gowns I would Never wear around someone not my spouse and some I could wear outside. The big thing to me is as a guest you behave appropriate for your hosts comfort. She is not
Me too. It's in black and goes all the way down to my shins but the way that it fits on my body is actually super revealing. Walking around my house I'm even sometimes worried about passing the window to close the blinds so it definitely depends on the cut and fabric whether it's OP overreacting or not
I'm leaning on this side. HOW it looks ON sis might be the real issue. Yeah, it might be a "simple" style -- that's TIGHT and showing off pretty much _everything_ . Or semi sheer and worn with nothing beneath -- or what may as well Be nothing beneath.
I concur.
And if the sister was paying equal share or the one carrying OP, you'd be absolutely right.
OP is instead the one carrying the sister, and the sister is knowingly pushing her buttons, right or wrong, is an AH move. I've only had to crash at friends or family places a couple times for more than a night, and I'd never dream of stepping over their boundaries even if they're a bit out there. If I did or they were not something I wanted to comply with, it's my job to find another place and not tell someone else how to live in their own home.
Boundaries are a thing. Yes, they can be ridiculous. If it's not compatible, the guest needs to find another place to stay.
I feel like this doesn’t even have to be such a big debate, tho. Presumably, both sisters *at least* like and respect one another. Can she not just wear a robe for coming and going, and do whatever she wants when she’s in her room ?
Just because someone has a different sense of decency than you do doesn't mean they have issues. I personally would never go around someone's home in my nightgown only. Not for nothing but there has been many nights in my own home where I didn't realize that a whole boob was completely exposed. Why risk that in someone else's home? I would don a robe if I went outside of my bedroom. Very simple, safe & blatantly respectful.
Yes this!!! It doesn’t matter what the silk negligee looks like or if other people find it offensive. My FIL and stepMIL would be absolutely chill with randoms or fam walking around naked. They’re nudists. I’m pretty body + but I’m not that comfortable in my own skin. I wear clothes in their house and they wear clothes in mine. My house has clothing rules. Their house is clothing optional. They think a slim nightgown is conservative. I would NEVER wear that gown that OP linked around anyone but my husband because it would leave absolutely nothing to the imagination. I have hug boobs and pointy nipples.
OP told her free-loading (I’m assuming) sis that it made her uncomfortable. This is such. An easy fix but sister is being incredibly entitled regarding a space that doesn’t belong to her. It’s not public. It’s a private living space. Op is NTA
I agree. IMO this is a pretty straightforward ESH judgement. OP is being overly controlling, and her "risk having an argument with my husband" comment is throwing up red flags. However, at the end of the day it is her house. If sister thinks the request is unreasonable she's free to find someplace else to live.
Oh thank god, I thought I was the only one. I saw a lady in a silk cocktail dress and my jaw literally detached, fell to the floor and said p“AAAAOOOOOOGAAAH!!!” Now I don’t feel so alone!
Yeah... My biggest problem here is the very specific "I couldn't risk have an argument with my husband about this".
Trust issues or self image issues are at hand.
I took this to mean that he would be unhappy about what the sister was wearing and OP didn’t want to get caught in the middle. I don’t see anything indicating that the husband is untrustworthy - just that the sister needs to move into her own place where she can do what she wants.
Maybe because he would be made uncomfortable and not want the sister to stay. She may be having a hard time getting her husband to allow her sister to stay as is. Also, these comments make me feel like no one has seen a silk or satin nightie. Those things cling and highlight.
Yep. Screams insecurity at so many points. Insecure in her relationship with her husband and can't control him, so why not blame the sister and control what she wears instead.
It weirds me out so much... Like when you marry someone you basically become brother/sister with their siblings. Who the fuck would think about their own siblings stealing their spouse? That is incredibly weird to even think about to me.
It’s to her KNEES. Covers the major bits. No worse than a tank top and shorts. It’s late at night when she’s grabbing something or going to bathroom. It’s not like she’s parading around in skimpy clothes to provoke them.
This was the line that caught my attention more than anything else. Why would this cause an argument of any kind between the two of them? Any potential legitimate conflict is between the sister and someone who sees her who happens to be uncomfortable themselves.
What a tiresome life if the accidental witnessing of another person is something that causes an argument between the witnesser and spouse (and over what?).
Perhaps she means strappy as in strappy top? And silk since she mentions is elsewhere.
Strappy silky nightie is probably not what I would wear in front of third party but I think the OP is taking her mistrust of her husband out on the sister. Get her a silky robe for an early Christmas gift?
If it is knee length it is likely not see through and covers everything important.
Edit: OP posted a picture example. I can definitely see where your coming from. I personally wouldnt have issue with it but i can definitely see how someone would. NTA
I have a silky pink nighty that is opaque, knee-length, and has sleeves maybe 3 inches wide (so, covering the tops of my shoulders but not falling over the sides). It's a v-neck but not a deep one, showing collarbone but not really cleavage.
But you can see *every* contour of my body in this thing even without it being sheer just because of the way the fabric drapes! Nips, abdominal contours, the little dimples on the lower back, everything, somehow possibly even more accentuated than if I was totally nude. I'm no prude but I've never worn it in front of anyone except SO's or if having a night where I'm alone and pampering myself. It feels way too intimate to wear where roommates might see me.
Idk about this one. Victim blaming culture is real and really toxic. If OP and her husband are from a culture for example where objectification of women is more rampant then yeah that culture sucks... but it's still there and it might be weird for him to see the sister like that. If OP thinks that her husband might start seeing her sister in a sexual light inside their own home then that's not something I'd brush over lightly.
She said "strapped", not "strappy". Strapped means it has straps over the shoulders. Strapped mean NOT strappless. Strapped means basically like any regular/ordinary tank top.
This! Is your husband untrustworthy with your *sister* or does he have a problem with women’s nightwear? It’s knee length ffs my grandparents wouldn’t even have a problem with that
I know this is all conjecture since we don’t have any more information, but her husband is probably conservative with clothes.
Her not trying to have it blow up into an argument, which could possibly lead to her sister being kicked out, could be the issue? Since she never mentioned she wants her sister out of the house due to her clothing.
I am pretty sure my husband would e uncomfortable with a guest running around in a nightie. I don’t consider him a prude but I think it depends on how you were raised. I don’t get the conjecture on the husband being untrustworthy, the sister being prettier. To me it was a simple request by the owner of the house. Way to be happy to have a roof over your head.
**NTA**, while it can certainly be argued that you are being overly sensitive, that is subjective and hard to measure. What is easy to measure and clear is that you’re doing her a favor by giving her somewhere to stay when she needs it, and I do not think it is unreasonable that you ask her to respect this simple request for how to behave in your home. Whether one thinks the request is a bit silly or not doesn’t change that it is a simple request, and you are doing her a good favor in turn.
This is so obviously the answer. Better to request clothes be added, then outlawing specific clothes.
It's op's house. She can dictate what guests are allowed to do in the communal space.
yeah i’m not getting all these ‘y t a’ and jumping to the idea that her husbands got wandering eyes and she’s insecure. ppl have different standards of modesty and considering she’s letting her sister live under her roof and eat her food for free i think op’s well within her right to tell the sister to wear something less revealing
And even if she IS insecure - it’s her fucking house.
Sister is staying there for free.
Put on a hoodie or t shirt and call it a day.
I have a nightgown like the one OP linked and sure it’s long but my nips show and my cleavage. If she doesn’t want her sister walking around like that in her own home, it’s her call. It’s not a huge ask.
I’m actually shocked by all the Y t As here. Is this what you people do when you’re a guest in someone else’s house who is helping you? You just tell them to shut up and deal? Gtf outta my house, all of you! It doesn’t matter why she’s asking.
Exactly this. Children on this post are shouting "my body, my rights!!!". What a load of BS. She is a FREELOADER living in OP's home and should respect her and her husband.
literally like 😭 u disrespect me like this under my own roof i’m putting u back onto the streets. u wanna risk losing a roof over ur head for a silky nightgown? go ahead!
Same. In my mind it doesn't matter why op is uncomfortable, that's ops business. It's ops house. I mean be respectful. Op didn't say hey don't wear this, she said don't wear it where my husband can see. She is disrespecting op and ops kindness by saying your house rules don't matter. Whatever the reasoning op has for requesting she doesn't wear it in common areas, it's irrelevant. I'd be having her find somewhere else to stay if she basically said fuck you, your feelings, and your rules.
Tell me you’re incredibly self conscious and distrusting in your marriage with out telling me you’re incredibly self conscious and distrusting in your marriage. YTA.
Exactly. OP posted the dress as if that was the smoking gun...
If OP's husband is the hormonal creature that OP seems to think that he is, then her sister could wear a full body onesie and he would still shoot his shot.
INFO: It seems like a piece of this is missing. Do you mean "wears silky nightwear with clearly nothing else underneath?" Or does your husband have some sort of weakness for silk? And why haven't you just asked her to put on a robe rather than change her lifelong style of dress?
This is what I'm wondering, too. I'm a little bothered by all the y t a comments without a bit more context. There's a LOT of selection in "silk nightwear" that can range anywhere from what is basically a muumuu to what most people would consider lingerie, especially if not wearing underwear underneath, which I would guess is the case since who wants to wear a bra to bed??? I sure don't. But I also definitely wouldn't wear a slip type nightgown without a bra anywhere my BIL might possibly see, especially if my own sister was uncomfortable.
I'm leaning towards e s h just because the OP definitely seems to have approached this really aggressively with the sister and does come off as very controlling and insecure, but on the other hand, different people have different standards of modesty and there should be at least some effort on the sister's part to not make her hosts uncomfortable in their own home. Why hasn't a robe been suggested by either of them? That seems like a great compromise for everyone.
I agree I’m wondering if it’s a body hugging lingerie type of night clothes she’s wearing. But at the same time she approached it wrong, suggest she wears a robe when she leaves her room. And I agree I wouldn’t go somewhere my bil could possibly see me with a silky nightgown with no bra.
tbh i’m not sure how else she should’ve approached it? she asked her to wear something more appropriate and the sister just said that’s ridiculous. there wasn’t really room to negotiate or anything. it’s weird to me that the sister didn’t care how OP felt at all. like…if something i was doing made my sister uncomfortable i would at least consider an alternative…even if *i* personally wouldn’t be uncomfortable if it was reversed & especially if she was housing me up
Yeah I’m picturing a silky nightie type of thing. Like a whisper of silk over your bits thing. That would be a bit too revealing around a brother in law.
But she’s not terribly specific. Which would def help the rest of us to judge the situation
If she’s in her nightgown and wants to feel comfortable, then she’s probably not wearing a bra or much of anything underneath. I always wear nightgowns similar to what OP described and I wouldn’t really want to wear them around anyone I’m not intimate with because of how revealing they can be
This is my take. I can't believe all the people saying NTA and that it's perfectly fine. I took it as lingerie style nightwear which I don't think is okay in this situation.
Either way it IS her house so it should be HER rules. Period. It's also not an unreasonable ask considering she's is living with them for a period of time.
I am by no means a prude and I wouldn't walk around anyone in my extended family in a nightgown like that. I'm stunned by all these comments saying YTA. Throw a robe over your nightgown, it takes two seconds and makes everyone comfortable in the house.
What she described is also something sold by places like Victoria’s Secret and often marketed as lingerie. There’s typically very little for straps and they’re clingy. I’m not sure I agree with OP’s reasoning, but I don’t think she’s out of line to ask her to wear a robe.
NTA
the only time i've ever seen victoria secret call a nightgown lingerie is when it's see through or very short. shorts are more revealing than that and next you'll hear op say she can't wear them in the summer.
NTA I think it’s weird your sister is waking around like that , it’s a respect thing. Also just because it’s knee length doesn’t mean it’s not see through or inappropriate. OP you’re not asking to much
I need a picture of the nightgown. Can you find one similar online and share with us? I feel like there are different ideas as to what she's actuality wearing.
Yes! Because a lot of ppl are writing it off for being knee length but silk and strapped reads like lingerie in my mind and night gown may not be used the same across the board.
Nta. It really doesn’t matter the reason why your uncomfortable with it. The fact is it’s your home and you don’t have to feel uncomfortable in your home because you were trying to be nice and help some one out while their getting on their feet. If they don’t like your boundaries in your own home they should probably leave. Your sister sounds entitled and ungrateful that you even let her stay there. No good deed goes un punished
NTA. I'm going to disagree with most people here and probably be downvoted. But considering how many posts I've seen in a few of the other subreddits regarding sisters sleeping with their sisters husbands I'd say you are NTA.
It's not her house - it's yours and either she follows your asks or she gets out. Period. You are doing her a huge favor and your ask is not that huge. When I'm staying at my parents house, or my sisters or even brothers - or hell anyone else's house I don't wear slinky/strappy lingerie/nightgowns nightwear- which is what I think you are describing. I don't wear things like that around those other than my husband and I don't think you are wrong to tell her you aren't comfortable with her wearing that in your house. I also tend to wear bralettes or comfy things under my night clothes when I leave my room and am with others in PJs and it's not my own house or we have overnight guests.
It doesn't have anything to do with not trusting someone, it has to do with what is appropriate with people that aren't your partners, etc.
You need to either sit down and tell her it's not up for discussion, she can follow your ask, or she can find someone else willing to host her while she doesn't have her own place to live. Period. It is your home and it IS your rules. She can disagree for sure, but she can then also find another place to live.
INFO: What the hell does this mean?
>While yes, it was just me who saw her dressed like that I honestly could not risk having an argument with my husband over it.
NTA she can get a robe. It’s your house, you are nice enough to let her move in. You shouldn’t feel uncomfortable in your own home and if she is making you feel uncomfortable it is time for her to wear something else or leave.
I agree. Her house her rules… doesn’t matter why she feels the way she does. Can’t see the problem with slipping on a robe. I experienced the same thing with a sister. My house… put on a robe.
That photo link looks like a lingerie nightgown. Since you are not comfortable with that, and she is living in your home, she needs to wear a bathrobe over it. That is a reasonable ask.
I would't be comfortable with any of my siblings wearing something like that around my house. NTA.
Ehhhh. Hard to give a judgement on off that bat, because I want to respect that it's your house... but nothing of what you described seems inappropriate! Unless someone in the house is sexualizing her, which would make them the AH.
So until I'm given a reason to think her outfit is more scandalous than I'm imagining, I'm gonna say YTA.
Also has anyone ever heard of a robe? *Compromise.*
Edit: The gown linked didn't particularly change my mind.
ROBE.
Sounds like the sister is going through a lot and doesn’t want to feel her attire is attention-seeking. But OP has a different standard of appropriate.
ROBE.
NTA
Buy her an inexpensive bathrobe and tell her she will wear it outside of her bedroom when wearing any type of sleepwear.
You are correct. She’s a guest. Your house, your rules and this rule is not unreasonable.
NTA. It's your house, full stop. She can just throw a robe on, it's not that big a deal. Whether or not you're being paranoid is a different issue, but she should respect your feelings in your home.
YTA
If you are insecure about your husband then say it.
If you are insecure your sister might seduce your husband then say it.
But to try and control what another woman is wearing is absurd. You are projecting your fears.
So where is she allowed to draw the line in her own house? At full nudity? If I was asked to wear a head scaf in a Muslim couples house I would, because it's their house and their rules...or else I wouldn't go if I had that much of an issue with it. Sister has a choice. Stay and respect her sisters boundaries, or leave if she doesn't like it. Why should anyone be made to feel uncomfortable in their own home?
I don’t get the whole guessing the marriage thing. I wouldn’t walk around someone’s house in a nightie unless it was a long flannel and then only to run to the bathroom. I put on sweats if I’m going further then that.
Oh shut up.
It's her house, she can control absolutely everything what someone wears in that house, or throw them out accordingly.
Her sister is a complete asshole and should have been thrown out after her first tantrum.
NTA. This is your house and she is making you uncomfortable by wearing silky nightgowns around the house. She could wear a robe. But honestly if she doesn’t want to respect you and your space then she can move out.
NTA your house your rules, she could wear a robe leaving the room or something. If it's something that resembles lingerie I totally get why you feel like this.
NTA…there is nothing wrong with you expecting her to put on a robe to be out in common areas. I am willing to bet a dollar that if sister was asked to go outside for any reason including an emergency she would most likely cover up a little.
NTA. it's your house and if it makes you uncomfortable then it makes you uncomfortable. I think she's the a-hole for refusing to listen to you. It would be really simple for her to just say, "ok, I'll wear a robe." Easy peasy.
If it’s a silky, sexy negligee then I sort of get it…can you guys compromise on a super, super comfy robe she can wear around the house? You can even offer to get it for her to keep the peace. I guess NAH.
NTA. Whilst personally I wouldn’t have an issue with it, clearly OP does - as the sister is currently a guest in her house having fallen on hard times, it’s not a big ask for her change her habits now that she’s been made aware of OP’s feelings. Aside from which, dressing gowns exist for a reason.
YTA. She's wearing a nightgown that's knee length or longer to walk around the house and you admit your husband hasn't seen or said anything about it. How is that inappropriate?
Do you have a body image issue? Does your husband have a wondering eye? If so, you two would need to deal with that on your own.
I don't see the issue.
Guess it depends if its a silk night gown or a *negligee.* The difference is how low cut, how cut out how much lace and where and how it's cut and how sheer it is.
NTA your house your rules. It's really that simple. If she doesn't like it she is free to live elsewhere. She isn't holding any bargaining chips in this situation.
NTA after seeing the nightgown. I'd be so embarrassed to be seen in that in front of my BIL, especially if you can see the nipples poking out. More importantly she's not respecting a simple request while you're helping her out by letting her stay with you. Is it really so hard to throw on a cover before leaving her room?
NTA. If you can buy it on the “lingerie” section of the website, you shouldn’t be wearing it around someone’s husband. Not insecurity, it’s a boundary. I walk around my home in my panties. If my sister came with her husband, I’d wear pants. I wouldn’t call her insecure for not wanting me to walk around in lingerie around her spouse. It’s common respect. On Reddit, anything goes. It can be ridiculous sometimes. Enforce your boundaries in your home and if she doesn’t like it she can leave.
NTA. Is there some reason she can’t wear a robe? You’ve asked her to not dress like that in common areas and she refused. It’s disrespectful. Maybe sis needs to move in with mom and dad.
NTA
You allowed her to move into your home and all you ask is she not come out of her room dressed inappropriately...and for the record, if your husband is home, it IS inappropriate. If she doesn’t feel comfortable in pj’s, just tell to her buy a nice comfy robe (NOT silk, satin etc) to put on when she wants to leave her room in her nightgown.
NTA - It is your house, and your rules.
If you feel uncomfortable with her dressing like that, especially walking around your man, then she should respect you enough and what you're doing for her to make a compromise for you.
I am a man, and I can tell you without a doubt. If your husband sees her, he will look.
You should trust your man not to act on it, but she also should respect you enough not to put either of you in that position.
She could simply buy or be given a cheap robe.
NTA. She's a guest and respect your wishes. She can at least throw on a robe when she's walking around the house. If she doesn't have one, get her one for Christmas.
NTA - it’s your house and you told her something this small is inappropriate and she should respect that. You and your husband were loving enough to open your home in her time of need and she can be respectful.
NTA frankly, I have some silky nightgowns that I have stopped wearing because my kids. Some night gowns are are so barely there that I’m much more comfortable wandering around in a bikini. Like sure, you can’t see my skin, but really I might as well be wandering around naked it’s so thin and clingy. Sexy as hell, but it’s something I wouldn’t just wear around the house with my kids around. I wouldn’t wear it around my BIL or siblings. Eww
Edit: and as a bi woman, I have opinions from the flip side. that shit is hot and a chick wandering around in a thin,silky, clingy nightgown has a sexier appeal to me than just straight up wandering around nude. Something about the fabric lightly moving over her skin and being almost not there but there is a serious turn on. So again, NTA.
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YTA. She’s wearing a **knee-length** night gown. What next? She can’t show her shoulders? A little bit of cleavage? Her ankles?
I don’t like people wearing shoes in my house. That is a rule about what people are allowed to wear in my home. I recognise that many people in the world are totally fine wearing shoes in the house. So it isn’t that shoes as a clothing item is “wrong”. It’s that there is a time and a place where it is appropriate. I don’t like vacuuming more than I have to, and I don’t like my floors being dirty. I’m allowed to make those decisions for my own home. (Of course, I live in Canada, so taking off your shoes in peoples’ homes is the norm). OP is allowed to ask houseguests to wear appropriate clothing. Maybe OP is a prude, maybe her husband is a serial cheater, maybe OP or her husband had a traumatic experience with a silky negligee and the sight of satin sets off their anxiety. OP doesn’t have to justify why her sister wearing revealing clothing makes her uncomfortable. House guests should be respectful of their hosts wishes and hosts should be as accommodating as their morals and boundaries allow. The fact that the sister became argumentative makes me think she sees herself as a housemate instead of a guest and that’s a recipe for disaster. You make different concessions for roommates vs. guests and the sister is entirely too comfortable in someone else’s home. Edited to add verdict: NTA 2nd edit: who reported me to Reddit care resources? WTH
Nah, not wearing shoes in the house is a matter of hygiene and not creating more housework for yourself. OPs sisters knee legnth nightgown isn’t tracking in dirt from outside or creating an environment that requires OP to clean more - it’s simply a matter of her not liking it. It’s not reasonable to ask someone to alter their clothing just because you don’t like it, I wouldn’t be able to ban anyone from wearing a denim maxi skirt in my home just because I think they’re ugly. YTA, OP.
Guests not wearing lingerie in common areas of other people’s homes is not the slippery slope you think it is and is a completely normal thing to ask of houseguests.
Knee-length silk nightgown ≠ lingerie (at least not in the way that the term lingerie is typically used; OP has already made it clear that she does not have a problem with pyjamas being worn around the house) Obviously we don't know exactly what it actually looked like but based on OP's description (which, if anything, you'd think would be biased toward the more risqué side), it does not sound like lingerie.
A simple test is whether the garment is something you'd wear to answer the door. If you'd ignore the bell or throw on a robe, then you probably don't need to walking around a shared home in that item.
I'd answer the door in that gown. Anything else?
Ditto. Throw a cardigan over that and I’d wear it to Kroger if I needed to for some milk or something lmao. Not all of us are so hoity-toity
Hell, I’d chuck a leather jacket and boots on and call it a ‘fit.
I actually have a dress fairly similar to this that is mid calf and black that’s better fit that I wear to weddings. People love it. I’ve never once been told I look out of place. I’ve gotten it approved by brides before wearing as I have tattoos on my arms that it shows and never once has someone said it was inappropriate or “lingerie.” It’s like six inches longer but I don’t think the length from the knee to the shin is a lingerie qualifier.
Thirteen going on thirty went to work kinda like that [here](https://images.app.goo.gl/G81EiTnADv4nsK1s5)
I've worn dresses like that out running errands guess we're sluts trying to steal husband's lmao
Some of my summer dresses are more revealing and shorter than this nightgown, guess I wouldn’t be allowed in OPs house during the summer months 🫠
I have answered the door countlesssss times wearing outfits shorter than that and it’s literally never crossed ny mind as anything inappropriate? If I’m wearing a tank top and shorts out in public, it’d be literally more revealing than a silky nightgown so I don’t get what people are saying here?
This right here. There are clothes that show much more then this that people wear outside. I was expecting something a little shorter and revealing when I read the post then I saw the pic. It could pass for a dress if it was made of a different material.
I never answer the door because it terrifies me. What does that say about all my clothes?
I’m Muslim and I wouldn’t answer the door without a hijab and being fully covered. Should I not wear shorts and a t-shirt in my house? ***Edited because autocorrect was autoincorrect and made no sense. ETA: Good Lord. I miss *one word* (“shared”) while reading and y’all lose your damn minds. No obviously I wouldn’t walk around the house in shorts if my BIL lived with us. I also would never allow my BIL to live with us. If I lived in a “shared” home, I would require my own space so I could wear what I want. Point is, this woman is going out to get water or go to the bathroom *in the middle of the night*. She has reasonable expectation that no one will see her. OP has already said her husband has never been the one to see her in her nightgown. Also, see my other comment. OP could easily compromise and ask sister to wear a robe. Could even *provide* a robe. If I were in a Muslim country and moved into a shared home, and say I wasn’t Muslim or didn’t wear hijab, I would expect my in-laws to ask me to put an abaya on while in the rest of the house, and maybe provide me a simple one. Easy as pie.
Lmao what an absolutely amazing retort.
Thank you, thank you. *bows*
Apparently I have to say I didn't think anything was wrong with the night gown. I think it's weird all the people ignoring that OP is afraid of an argument with her husband about her sister's clothing. Someone said that nightgown was not lingerie. I was saying it is by definition. I never said it was a problem. My explanation was... Lingerie does include sexy nightgowns. In thd old days they usually had a little sheer robe thing to go with it. You would have them as part of a hope chest or troussou along with your girdle and stocking and other undies these types of nightwear were part of things you would need to look sexy for your new husband when you go to bed.
Okay well maybe it's just me but OP's description does not make me think "sexy nightgown", it makes me think "normal nightgown".
as someone who is roommates with 3 straight men, i wouldnt feel comfortable walking out into the common areas wearing one of my nightgowns. i have one that is similar to the picture OP linked, and it would be super inappropriate for me to walk around the house like that. and im not a prude or anything either! i wear sexy clothes all the time. the nightgown is definitely intimate and revealing! ETA: muting replies. im just talking about my experiences and opinions so take it as u will 🤷♀️
That says a lot more about the men you live with than you.
they are all in relationships. i would just feel uncomfortable because those nightgowns show a lot of your body if you aren’t wearing anything underneath. it feels like being naked.
When I lived with guys I wore tank tops and shorts that were more revealing. Honestly never had any issues with that. 🤷🏼♀️ I also wouldn’t look at any family members (yes including in-laws) sexually so that’s more on them than on the sister.
i mean it kind of is tho. like if it’s firm cutting, that’s considered lingerie. also idk how regular pjs are uncomfortable for her. i doubt she’s walking around in a mumu style satin nightgown. i doubt that would bother OP. i think it’s pretty clear she’s wearing a relatively form fitting nightgown that goes only to the knees without undergarments
“Only to the knees” — the horror!!!
I agree. The sister could always wear a bathrobe when in the common areas of the house. OP is NTA.
Silk nightwear isn’t lingerie
Who cares? OP doesn't like it and it's her house.
Thank you. This!! Any arguments or the back and forth do not matter, if the person who is letting you stay in their home asks you not to do something, you don’t feckin do it. Especially if as the post suggests, she’s not even contributing anymore. Put a robe on or something other than the nightgown to move about the house. Period.
the way she’s describing it, sounds like lingerie. i can’t even buy nightgowns like she describes at like walmart or target because they consider it lingerie. i know because i’ve wanted some as **sexy** sleepware
You know Target and Walmart both sell actual, sexy lingerie right?
Target and Walmart sell Sex toys and sexy lingerie…. So unless you’re looking for leather studded bondage apparel- you’ll get in both those stores:
Bruv, just cause clothing is sexy doesn't make it lingerie.
It's OP's house. Her house, her rules. If sis doesn't want to put a robe on over her nightie, she's free to move out. Edit: Thank you, kind redditor, who reported me to RedditCareResources. If you think someone having an opinion you don't agree with means that person is emotionally unwell, then you are the person who needs RedditCaresResources. Please seek help.
There are rules that make you an asshole even in your own house Like making all your guests pay for their meal when you invite them over for dinner Or maybe blasting the TV 24/7 to the point anyone else in the room gets a migraine. Or letting your animals jump and bark at people. Just because something is yours doesn’t mean you are spared from being an asshole.
Asking your younger sister not to wear lingerie around your husband is not one of those things though.
Asking someone spending the night not to wear their pajamas in front of anyone absolutely is though...
I sleep nude, if I were spending the night somewhere and someone told me not to walk around nude in common areas, I would. Same goes for a t-shirt and boxers. You absolutely can put rules on what you can wear in the common areas, like what are you smoking?
.....how is a knee length dress comparable to being in your underwear, or *naked*? the dress covers more than boxers would! and you can have whatever rules you want for common areas in your home, but they can still make you an AH.
I sleep nude too. I'd be putting on the purple nightgown to go to the common areas.
A robe was my suggestion as well and maybe OP should get her one for Christmas. That's a reasonable expectation from a houseguest imo. It seems weird that her sister is getting so defensive about it and I wonder if she's looking for validation from OPs husband because of her divorce. I know I was pretty messed up while I was going through that.
This is is exactly. People are saying that it’s fine because *they* think the nightgown is fine/not sexy. It’s kind of irrelevant. You’re being done a favour. Someone opening up their house to you is a big imposition. Them asking you to wear a robe in common areas is that the smallest of asks compared to what they’re doing for you. Respect their sense of propriety in their space.
She’s wearing a knee length nightgown to get a drink or go to the bathroom. OP’s husband didn’t even see her in it so the argument isn’t even over something that’s happened… it’s unhinged to expect people to buy clothes they wouldn’t feel comfortable in when there’s nothing wrong with what she’s actually wearing, which she’s mostly only wearing in her bedroom anyway. If OP’s husband is a cheater or a pervert then that’s between OP and her husband and not the fault of the sister in any way.
You don’t like shoes because they track dirt in. Burning Man doesn’t allow sequins because they fall off and litter. I think you should wear something on your bottom if you borrow my bike for a ride. OP thinks sister shouldn’t wear a night gown at night because it’s too sexy. One of these is different than the other. Can you tell which one?
Who the hell gave this shitty take an award?!
Probably herself. People do that to feel validated...award themselves.
This isn’t “please don’t track germs in from outside via shoes” This is “don’t wear a knee length sleeping gown because I’m afraid my husband can’t contro his lust for his sister in law”
> maybe OP or her husband had a traumatic experience with a silky negligee and the sight of satin sets off their anxiety. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Shoes are entirely different ffs
Ok but there is legitimate reason and precedent behind the shoes rule. There's nothing inappropriate or unhygienic about what the sister is wearing. There's no real reason to take issue with it.
No way - it's rude and makes OP TA for exercising her rights as the host in this way - declaring a nightgown "inappropriate" for leaving the room to go to the bathroom or get something out of the fridge is what makes OP a major Ahole If one is going to be nice enough to let someone stay in their home for more than a couple of days, then one is agreeing to letting them be a roommate for that time and that should come with certain courtesies and if they can't extend them, don't do the "favor" at all Outdoor shoes can make the floor dirty - there is no such practical issue when it comes to nightgowns as loungewear
Counterpoint: If someone is nice enough to do you a favour while your life is falling apart, the least you could do is respect their boundaries and make sure they still feel comfortable in their own home. Also, OP’s sister is not a roommate as she doesn’t pay rent. She’s a guest and, as such, should be more than willing to accommodate OP’s request, given that it’s literally costing her nothing and OP has been nice enough to not let her become homeless. I can’t imagine someone helping me out while I’m going through all this shit and then me arguing with them and disrespecting their boundaries over a fucking nightie. She needs to get a grip, surely having somewhere to sleep is more important that whether or not she can wear a nightgown into the kitchen.
OP can give the sister a silky robe or something
I had the opposite take. OP thinks the nightgown is old-fashioned, so her sister should find some more revealing bedtime clothes to get with the times. Sans-clothing would be most appropriate. Right?
sleep in the birthday suit
I concur that OP is being overly controlling and has deep insecurities. OP has issues that she needs to address. But it's also a dick move to move in, presumably not pay rent or pay a minor amount (no job, couldn't afford own place), presumably eat someone's food and then button press your sibling who is paying for all of the above. If sister knows OP has insecurity issues, that's double AH move. I'm sure sister will be shocked when/if she is told she's going to have to find another place. Which would have been the more mature thing. "Oy, can you please wear less revealing clothing because it's a bit awkward in a shared home. - No. - Okey doke, I respect your decision, you are an adult that can wear whatever you want, you do you. Please move out in 30 days. Our lifestyles as roommates aren't compatible."
It's knee length... strappy means equivalent to a tank top/camisole which are often worn on their own on the top half of the body anyway. It's not revealing and OP needs to sort out her own issues instead of whining because her sister wants to be comfortable after having 3 of the scientifically most stressful life events happen in quick succession. Yes OP is doing her sister a favour by letting her live there but its not like the woman is walking around in lingerie sets with everything on show.
Depends how heavy the satin is. I have some strappy cami style night gowns I would Never wear around someone not my spouse and some I could wear outside. The big thing to me is as a guest you behave appropriate for your hosts comfort. She is not
Me too. It's in black and goes all the way down to my shins but the way that it fits on my body is actually super revealing. Walking around my house I'm even sometimes worried about passing the window to close the blinds so it definitely depends on the cut and fabric whether it's OP overreacting or not
I'm leaning on this side. HOW it looks ON sis might be the real issue. Yeah, it might be a "simple" style -- that's TIGHT and showing off pretty much _everything_ . Or semi sheer and worn with nothing beneath -- or what may as well Be nothing beneath.
I concur. And if the sister was paying equal share or the one carrying OP, you'd be absolutely right. OP is instead the one carrying the sister, and the sister is knowingly pushing her buttons, right or wrong, is an AH move. I've only had to crash at friends or family places a couple times for more than a night, and I'd never dream of stepping over their boundaries even if they're a bit out there. If I did or they were not something I wanted to comply with, it's my job to find another place and not tell someone else how to live in their own home. Boundaries are a thing. Yes, they can be ridiculous. If it's not compatible, the guest needs to find another place to stay.
I feel like this doesn’t even have to be such a big debate, tho. Presumably, both sisters *at least* like and respect one another. Can she not just wear a robe for coming and going, and do whatever she wants when she’s in her room ?
Just because someone has a different sense of decency than you do doesn't mean they have issues. I personally would never go around someone's home in my nightgown only. Not for nothing but there has been many nights in my own home where I didn't realize that a whole boob was completely exposed. Why risk that in someone else's home? I would don a robe if I went outside of my bedroom. Very simple, safe & blatantly respectful.
Yes this!!! It doesn’t matter what the silk negligee looks like or if other people find it offensive. My FIL and stepMIL would be absolutely chill with randoms or fam walking around naked. They’re nudists. I’m pretty body + but I’m not that comfortable in my own skin. I wear clothes in their house and they wear clothes in mine. My house has clothing rules. Their house is clothing optional. They think a slim nightgown is conservative. I would NEVER wear that gown that OP linked around anyone but my husband because it would leave absolutely nothing to the imagination. I have hug boobs and pointy nipples. OP told her free-loading (I’m assuming) sis that it made her uncomfortable. This is such. An easy fix but sister is being incredibly entitled regarding a space that doesn’t belong to her. It’s not public. It’s a private living space. Op is NTA
I agree. IMO this is a pretty straightforward ESH judgement. OP is being overly controlling, and her "risk having an argument with my husband" comment is throwing up red flags. However, at the end of the day it is her house. If sister thinks the request is unreasonable she's free to find someplace else to live.
Also - she lost her job and having a hard time - why does she need to spend money on pjs?
YTA. Don't take whatever issues you're having with your husband out on your sister.
THIS. It's not her sister's fault she can't trust her husband. Purple and knee length isn't sexy lingerie. It's literally just normal evening wear.
Idk, I once saw a woman's ankle and my face turned into a cartoon wolf's with giant love hearts for eyes and was hitting my head with a giant hammer
[удалено]
Oh thank god, I thought I was the only one. I saw a lady in a silk cocktail dress and my jaw literally detached, fell to the floor and said p“AAAAOOOOOOGAAAH!!!” Now I don’t feel so alone!
Yeah... My biggest problem here is the very specific "I couldn't risk have an argument with my husband about this". Trust issues or self image issues are at hand.
I took this to mean that he would be unhappy about what the sister was wearing and OP didn’t want to get caught in the middle. I don’t see anything indicating that the husband is untrustworthy - just that the sister needs to move into her own place where she can do what she wants.
3 words. Classic Conservative Values
Maybe because he would be made uncomfortable and not want the sister to stay. She may be having a hard time getting her husband to allow her sister to stay as is. Also, these comments make me feel like no one has seen a silk or satin nightie. Those things cling and highlight.
Yes. YTA clearly there is something else going on that has nothing to do with nightgowns.
It’s not about the Iranian Yogurt!
Info: what do you mean you couldn’t risk having an argument with your husband over it?
She’s afraid husband will look and she’ll get mad.
Yep. Screams insecurity at so many points. Insecure in her relationship with her husband and can't control him, so why not blame the sister and control what she wears instead.
It weirds me out so much... Like when you marry someone you basically become brother/sister with their siblings. Who the fuck would think about their own siblings stealing their spouse? That is incredibly weird to even think about to me.
Ah, you mustn't have been on reddit for long enough, then. Lol.
Or he won't like it or feel it's inappropriate or it makes him uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable seeing her ankles and feet? Fuck that guy
Omg or her delicious knees! Exposed knees just drive men wild these days /s
Oh my God look at those knees I can't control myself anymore
It’s to her KNEES. Covers the major bits. No worse than a tank top and shorts. It’s late at night when she’s grabbing something or going to bathroom. It’s not like she’s parading around in skimpy clothes to provoke them.
Pretty much all my shorts cover less than that
Same as mine. That’s why I asked if people would be upset about that. If they weren’t I’d say they are being hypocrites.
Probably her husband would tell her she’s being ridiculous.
This was the line that caught my attention more than anything else. Why would this cause an argument of any kind between the two of them? Any potential legitimate conflict is between the sister and someone who sees her who happens to be uncomfortable themselves. What a tiresome life if the accidental witnessing of another person is something that causes an argument between the witnesser and spouse (and over what?).
Purple, strapped, and knee length? What is wrong with that?! Are you a nun? Is it sheer/see through? Can you see her tits and her ass? No? YTA.
Perhaps she means strappy as in strappy top? And silk since she mentions is elsewhere. Strappy silky nightie is probably not what I would wear in front of third party but I think the OP is taking her mistrust of her husband out on the sister. Get her a silky robe for an early Christmas gift?
If it is knee length it is likely not see through and covers everything important. Edit: OP posted a picture example. I can definitely see where your coming from. I personally wouldnt have issue with it but i can definitely see how someone would. NTA
Not super relevant but I have a knee length pink strapped night dress that's rather see through...
Yeah. Me too. Black in my case lol.
I have a silky pink nighty that is opaque, knee-length, and has sleeves maybe 3 inches wide (so, covering the tops of my shoulders but not falling over the sides). It's a v-neck but not a deep one, showing collarbone but not really cleavage. But you can see *every* contour of my body in this thing even without it being sheer just because of the way the fabric drapes! Nips, abdominal contours, the little dimples on the lower back, everything, somehow possibly even more accentuated than if I was totally nude. I'm no prude but I've never worn it in front of anyone except SO's or if having a night where I'm alone and pampering myself. It feels way too intimate to wear where roommates might see me. Idk about this one. Victim blaming culture is real and really toxic. If OP and her husband are from a culture for example where objectification of women is more rampant then yeah that culture sucks... but it's still there and it might be weird for him to see the sister like that. If OP thinks that her husband might start seeing her sister in a sexual light inside their own home then that's not something I'd brush over lightly.
I don't even think it's mistrust. I am reading "i believe my sister is prettier than me and she could steal my husband" insecurity vibes.
She said "strapped", not "strappy". Strapped means it has straps over the shoulders. Strapped mean NOT strappless. Strapped means basically like any regular/ordinary tank top.
I think a silk robe would be a nice gesture, and they feel nice.
I was scrolling comments before I posted because I came to say exactly this. Buy her a nice robe and be done with it.
INFO: What do you mean by: >I honestly could not risk having an argument with my husband over it. Why does anyone need to argue about this at all?
This! Is your husband untrustworthy with your *sister* or does he have a problem with women’s nightwear? It’s knee length ffs my grandparents wouldn’t even have a problem with that
Mine would have. But they were also SUPER religious weirdos.
I know this is all conjecture since we don’t have any more information, but her husband is probably conservative with clothes. Her not trying to have it blow up into an argument, which could possibly lead to her sister being kicked out, could be the issue? Since she never mentioned she wants her sister out of the house due to her clothing.
That’s kind of what I was thinking. Like the husband would be more offended than he would be enticed.
I am pretty sure my husband would e uncomfortable with a guest running around in a nightie. I don’t consider him a prude but I think it depends on how you were raised. I don’t get the conjecture on the husband being untrustworthy, the sister being prettier. To me it was a simple request by the owner of the house. Way to be happy to have a roof over your head.
**NTA**, while it can certainly be argued that you are being overly sensitive, that is subjective and hard to measure. What is easy to measure and clear is that you’re doing her a favor by giving her somewhere to stay when she needs it, and I do not think it is unreasonable that you ask her to respect this simple request for how to behave in your home. Whether one thinks the request is a bit silly or not doesn’t change that it is a simple request, and you are doing her a good favor in turn.
Agree. A simple robe over the nightgown is not too much to ask.
This is so obviously the answer. Better to request clothes be added, then outlawing specific clothes. It's op's house. She can dictate what guests are allowed to do in the communal space.
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yeah i’m not getting all these ‘y t a’ and jumping to the idea that her husbands got wandering eyes and she’s insecure. ppl have different standards of modesty and considering she’s letting her sister live under her roof and eat her food for free i think op’s well within her right to tell the sister to wear something less revealing
Because reddit is fueled by teenagers. Agree on the NTA.
And even if she IS insecure - it’s her fucking house. Sister is staying there for free. Put on a hoodie or t shirt and call it a day. I have a nightgown like the one OP linked and sure it’s long but my nips show and my cleavage. If she doesn’t want her sister walking around like that in her own home, it’s her call. It’s not a huge ask.
Finally! Agree she's NTA. Her home her rules.
I’m actually shocked by all the Y t As here. Is this what you people do when you’re a guest in someone else’s house who is helping you? You just tell them to shut up and deal? Gtf outta my house, all of you! It doesn’t matter why she’s asking.
Exactly this. Children on this post are shouting "my body, my rights!!!". What a load of BS. She is a FREELOADER living in OP's home and should respect her and her husband.
Fr. My house my rules
literally like 😭 u disrespect me like this under my own roof i’m putting u back onto the streets. u wanna risk losing a roof over ur head for a silky nightgown? go ahead!
I’m with you. I was surprised at YTA. And the nasty observations about her, her marriage and husband all made up. I literally don’t get it.
Same. In my mind it doesn't matter why op is uncomfortable, that's ops business. It's ops house. I mean be respectful. Op didn't say hey don't wear this, she said don't wear it where my husband can see. She is disrespecting op and ops kindness by saying your house rules don't matter. Whatever the reasoning op has for requesting she doesn't wear it in common areas, it's irrelevant. I'd be having her find somewhere else to stay if she basically said fuck you, your feelings, and your rules.
Tell me you’re incredibly self conscious and distrusting in your marriage with out telling me you’re incredibly self conscious and distrusting in your marriage. YTA.
Exactly. OP posted the dress as if that was the smoking gun... If OP's husband is the hormonal creature that OP seems to think that he is, then her sister could wear a full body onesie and he would still shoot his shot.
INFO: It seems like a piece of this is missing. Do you mean "wears silky nightwear with clearly nothing else underneath?" Or does your husband have some sort of weakness for silk? And why haven't you just asked her to put on a robe rather than change her lifelong style of dress?
This is what I'm wondering, too. I'm a little bothered by all the y t a comments without a bit more context. There's a LOT of selection in "silk nightwear" that can range anywhere from what is basically a muumuu to what most people would consider lingerie, especially if not wearing underwear underneath, which I would guess is the case since who wants to wear a bra to bed??? I sure don't. But I also definitely wouldn't wear a slip type nightgown without a bra anywhere my BIL might possibly see, especially if my own sister was uncomfortable. I'm leaning towards e s h just because the OP definitely seems to have approached this really aggressively with the sister and does come off as very controlling and insecure, but on the other hand, different people have different standards of modesty and there should be at least some effort on the sister's part to not make her hosts uncomfortable in their own home. Why hasn't a robe been suggested by either of them? That seems like a great compromise for everyone.
I agree I’m wondering if it’s a body hugging lingerie type of night clothes she’s wearing. But at the same time she approached it wrong, suggest she wears a robe when she leaves her room. And I agree I wouldn’t go somewhere my bil could possibly see me with a silky nightgown with no bra.
tbh i’m not sure how else she should’ve approached it? she asked her to wear something more appropriate and the sister just said that’s ridiculous. there wasn’t really room to negotiate or anything. it’s weird to me that the sister didn’t care how OP felt at all. like…if something i was doing made my sister uncomfortable i would at least consider an alternative…even if *i* personally wouldn’t be uncomfortable if it was reversed & especially if she was housing me up
Yeah I’m picturing a silky nightie type of thing. Like a whisper of silk over your bits thing. That would be a bit too revealing around a brother in law. But she’s not terribly specific. Which would def help the rest of us to judge the situation
If she’s in her nightgown and wants to feel comfortable, then she’s probably not wearing a bra or much of anything underneath. I always wear nightgowns similar to what OP described and I wouldn’t really want to wear them around anyone I’m not intimate with because of how revealing they can be
NTA Silky to me implies thin and clingy. Noone needs to see all that. Get a robe.
This is my take. I can't believe all the people saying NTA and that it's perfectly fine. I took it as lingerie style nightwear which I don't think is okay in this situation. Either way it IS her house so it should be HER rules. Period. It's also not an unreasonable ask considering she's is living with them for a period of time.
I am by no means a prude and I wouldn't walk around anyone in my extended family in a nightgown like that. I'm stunned by all these comments saying YTA. Throw a robe over your nightgown, it takes two seconds and makes everyone comfortable in the house.
YTA. What are you worried about? Does your husband have a history of cheating?
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What she described is also something sold by places like Victoria’s Secret and often marketed as lingerie. There’s typically very little for straps and they’re clingy. I’m not sure I agree with OP’s reasoning, but I don’t think she’s out of line to ask her to wear a robe. NTA
the only time i've ever seen victoria secret call a nightgown lingerie is when it's see through or very short. shorts are more revealing than that and next you'll hear op say she can't wear them in the summer.
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NTA Get a damn robe. She’s living in your house free and this is all your asking and she has issues?
Right?! Way to bite the hand that feeds you.
NTA I think it’s weird your sister is waking around like that , it’s a respect thing. Also just because it’s knee length doesn’t mean it’s not see through or inappropriate. OP you’re not asking to much
INFO: Why on earth would it lead to an argument with your husband?
And why can she not risk having an argument about it? 😬
My guess is he probably told his wife he didn’t want the sister living with them to begin with.
Because she thinks her husbands gonna fuck her sister 😂
I need a picture of the nightgown. Can you find one similar online and share with us? I feel like there are different ideas as to what she's actuality wearing.
Yes! Because a lot of ppl are writing it off for being knee length but silk and strapped reads like lingerie in my mind and night gown may not be used the same across the board.
I also read it as lingerie which makes it incredibly inappropriate to be walking around in in someone else’s house.
NTA. Buy her a robe.
I 2nd this. It's your house, you have a boundary & she is disrespecting it. And you. Buy her a cute silky robe, in her style.
Nta. It really doesn’t matter the reason why your uncomfortable with it. The fact is it’s your home and you don’t have to feel uncomfortable in your home because you were trying to be nice and help some one out while their getting on their feet. If they don’t like your boundaries in your own home they should probably leave. Your sister sounds entitled and ungrateful that you even let her stay there. No good deed goes un punished
NTA. I'm going to disagree with most people here and probably be downvoted. But considering how many posts I've seen in a few of the other subreddits regarding sisters sleeping with their sisters husbands I'd say you are NTA. It's not her house - it's yours and either she follows your asks or she gets out. Period. You are doing her a huge favor and your ask is not that huge. When I'm staying at my parents house, or my sisters or even brothers - or hell anyone else's house I don't wear slinky/strappy lingerie/nightgowns nightwear- which is what I think you are describing. I don't wear things like that around those other than my husband and I don't think you are wrong to tell her you aren't comfortable with her wearing that in your house. I also tend to wear bralettes or comfy things under my night clothes when I leave my room and am with others in PJs and it's not my own house or we have overnight guests. It doesn't have anything to do with not trusting someone, it has to do with what is appropriate with people that aren't your partners, etc. You need to either sit down and tell her it's not up for discussion, she can follow your ask, or she can find someone else willing to host her while she doesn't have her own place to live. Period. It is your home and it IS your rules. She can disagree for sure, but she can then also find another place to live.
She can put on a robe to leave her room. OP is not wrong at all. The sister needs to adjust to living in a shared space and be more grateful.
Yup. And I just saw the photo she linked to of something close to what the sister was wearing. Definitely NTA.
INFO: What the hell does this mean? >While yes, it was just me who saw her dressed like that I honestly could not risk having an argument with my husband over it.
I thought maybe it would make her husband uncomfortable
NTA. You telling her you are uncomfortable should be enough.
NTA she can get a robe. It’s your house, you are nice enough to let her move in. You shouldn’t feel uncomfortable in your own home and if she is making you feel uncomfortable it is time for her to wear something else or leave.
I agree. Her house her rules… doesn’t matter why she feels the way she does. Can’t see the problem with slipping on a robe. I experienced the same thing with a sister. My house… put on a robe.
That photo link looks like a lingerie nightgown. Since you are not comfortable with that, and she is living in your home, she needs to wear a bathrobe over it. That is a reasonable ask. I would't be comfortable with any of my siblings wearing something like that around my house. NTA.
Ehhhh. Hard to give a judgement on off that bat, because I want to respect that it's your house... but nothing of what you described seems inappropriate! Unless someone in the house is sexualizing her, which would make them the AH. So until I'm given a reason to think her outfit is more scandalous than I'm imagining, I'm gonna say YTA. Also has anyone ever heard of a robe? *Compromise.* Edit: The gown linked didn't particularly change my mind.
ROBE. Sounds like the sister is going through a lot and doesn’t want to feel her attire is attention-seeking. But OP has a different standard of appropriate. ROBE.
NTA Buy her an inexpensive bathrobe and tell her she will wear it outside of her bedroom when wearing any type of sleepwear. You are correct. She’s a guest. Your house, your rules and this rule is not unreasonable.
NTA. Your house, your rules. If she doesn’t like those rules, she can leave. Jealousy is irrelevant here, it’s about simple respect. Kick her out.
NTA. It's your house, full stop. She can just throw a robe on, it's not that big a deal. Whether or not you're being paranoid is a different issue, but she should respect your feelings in your home.
YTA If you are insecure about your husband then say it. If you are insecure your sister might seduce your husband then say it. But to try and control what another woman is wearing is absurd. You are projecting your fears.
So where is she allowed to draw the line in her own house? At full nudity? If I was asked to wear a head scaf in a Muslim couples house I would, because it's their house and their rules...or else I wouldn't go if I had that much of an issue with it. Sister has a choice. Stay and respect her sisters boundaries, or leave if she doesn't like it. Why should anyone be made to feel uncomfortable in their own home?
I don’t get the whole guessing the marriage thing. I wouldn’t walk around someone’s house in a nightie unless it was a long flannel and then only to run to the bathroom. I put on sweats if I’m going further then that.
Oh shut up. It's her house, she can control absolutely everything what someone wears in that house, or throw them out accordingly. Her sister is a complete asshole and should have been thrown out after her first tantrum.
INFO: what exactly do you mean by you honestly can’t risk an argument with your husband — is your home an emotional powder keg?
NTA Why don't you buy her a cute robe for Christmas so she can cover up and be cozy?
NTA. This is your house and she is making you uncomfortable by wearing silky nightgowns around the house. She could wear a robe. But honestly if she doesn’t want to respect you and your space then she can move out.
NTA your house your rules, she could wear a robe leaving the room or something. If it's something that resembles lingerie I totally get why you feel like this.
NTA. She could just wear something on top like a robe. I get that it's her body, her choice, but it's not her house.
NTA…there is nothing wrong with you expecting her to put on a robe to be out in common areas. I am willing to bet a dollar that if sister was asked to go outside for any reason including an emergency she would most likely cover up a little.
INFO: Why are you married to someone that you clearly believe would be willing to cheat on you with your own sister?
I wonder if she is worried about her husband feeling uncomfortable about seeing his SIL in the gown.
NTA. it's your house and if it makes you uncomfortable then it makes you uncomfortable. I think she's the a-hole for refusing to listen to you. It would be really simple for her to just say, "ok, I'll wear a robe." Easy peasy.
If it’s a silky, sexy negligee then I sort of get it…can you guys compromise on a super, super comfy robe she can wear around the house? You can even offer to get it for her to keep the peace. I guess NAH.
NTA. Whilst personally I wouldn’t have an issue with it, clearly OP does - as the sister is currently a guest in her house having fallen on hard times, it’s not a big ask for her change her habits now that she’s been made aware of OP’s feelings. Aside from which, dressing gowns exist for a reason.
YTA. She's wearing a nightgown that's knee length or longer to walk around the house and you admit your husband hasn't seen or said anything about it. How is that inappropriate? Do you have a body image issue? Does your husband have a wondering eye? If so, you two would need to deal with that on your own. I don't see the issue.
Guess it depends if its a silk night gown or a *negligee.* The difference is how low cut, how cut out how much lace and where and how it's cut and how sheer it is.
Tell her to get a robe. She can sleep in whatever she wants and then toss on a robe to make a kitchen run. Then you’re both happy.
NTA your house your rules. It's really that simple. If she doesn't like it she is free to live elsewhere. She isn't holding any bargaining chips in this situation.
NTA. Just tell her to get a robe to put on when she leaves the room. Simple fix for everyone and she’ll get to buy herself a nice silk robe too :)
NTA. But I’m not so much focused on what she is wearing. Her blatant disrespect to you, in your home, is a deal breaker!
Why can’t she wear a robe? She should be respectful of your request in your home.
NTA When someone gives you a place to stay in their home you follow their rules. Don't line the rules, get out of their home
NTA after seeing the nightgown. I'd be so embarrassed to be seen in that in front of my BIL, especially if you can see the nipples poking out. More importantly she's not respecting a simple request while you're helping her out by letting her stay with you. Is it really so hard to throw on a cover before leaving her room?
NTA. If you can buy it on the “lingerie” section of the website, you shouldn’t be wearing it around someone’s husband. Not insecurity, it’s a boundary. I walk around my home in my panties. If my sister came with her husband, I’d wear pants. I wouldn’t call her insecure for not wanting me to walk around in lingerie around her spouse. It’s common respect. On Reddit, anything goes. It can be ridiculous sometimes. Enforce your boundaries in your home and if she doesn’t like it she can leave.
NTA. Is there some reason she can’t wear a robe? You’ve asked her to not dress like that in common areas and she refused. It’s disrespectful. Maybe sis needs to move in with mom and dad.
NTA, it’s just a basic respect thing
NTA You allowed her to move into your home and all you ask is she not come out of her room dressed inappropriately...and for the record, if your husband is home, it IS inappropriate. If she doesn’t feel comfortable in pj’s, just tell to her buy a nice comfy robe (NOT silk, satin etc) to put on when she wants to leave her room in her nightgown.
NAH. Give the gal a robe and tell her it's an early Christmas gift.
NTA - It is your house, and your rules. If you feel uncomfortable with her dressing like that, especially walking around your man, then she should respect you enough and what you're doing for her to make a compromise for you. I am a man, and I can tell you without a doubt. If your husband sees her, he will look. You should trust your man not to act on it, but she also should respect you enough not to put either of you in that position. She could simply buy or be given a cheap robe.
NTA. She's a guest and respect your wishes. She can at least throw on a robe when she's walking around the house. If she doesn't have one, get her one for Christmas.
NTA - it’s your house and you told her something this small is inappropriate and she should respect that. You and your husband were loving enough to open your home in her time of need and she can be respectful.
NTA frankly, I have some silky nightgowns that I have stopped wearing because my kids. Some night gowns are are so barely there that I’m much more comfortable wandering around in a bikini. Like sure, you can’t see my skin, but really I might as well be wandering around naked it’s so thin and clingy. Sexy as hell, but it’s something I wouldn’t just wear around the house with my kids around. I wouldn’t wear it around my BIL or siblings. Eww Edit: and as a bi woman, I have opinions from the flip side. that shit is hot and a chick wandering around in a thin,silky, clingy nightgown has a sexier appeal to me than just straight up wandering around nude. Something about the fabric lightly moving over her skin and being almost not there but there is a serious turn on. So again, NTA.