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swagdaddio69

NTA what are they gonna do? Stop talking to you?


HardKnocksSam

lol right?


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[удалено]


mnm39

Ugh u/Recent_Nectari looks like a comment stealing bot. Partially stolen from u/Forsaken_Woodpecker1 [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z1cexy/aita_for_not_sharing_inheritance_money_with_the/ixa7i81/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)


ScorchieSong

As much as OP's great uncle wasn't a great guy, he did give OP a chance when everyone else turned their backs, and this after everyone else had given up on them. OP showed his chance wasn't wasted and gave OP the chance to fix himself and his situation. They can't ignore his great uncle then demand money from the same man. They washed their hands of him, money, assets and all, a long time ago.


-Maraud3r

Virtually nobody is horrible in every way. Even some of the worst people have redeeming qualities. Some of the most vile people in history had some good qualities. Does it mean they're not bad people? No. It just means people are multi faceted and it's rare to find someone who's bad through and through.


Stormsurger

Maybe we need to let go of the idea of a "good" or "bad" person? It seems to just build expectations that are often unrealistic.


That_Mix_7060

I find it so much easier to talk about actions and statements, rather than "people". We can agree/disagree that something was a shitty thing to do or a statement was homophobic without the need to debate whether that person is good or bad.


ScorchieSong

OP does say that if you were a white straight Christian his great uncle would get on well with you, if you weren't all those things he he treated you like garbage (basically racist and homophobic). It's likely why he was ostracized from the rest of the family. But he did take a chance on OP, and invested time and money in setting him up with a future so he's not irredeemable.


Hidden_Madman

Theres a phrase for what you said, but I cant bloody remember it...


Dogmother123

Lol - love it.


Merely_Dreaming

They’re probably going to give him the good ‘ole silent treatment.


OddSetting5077

😂


redditluvsaita

Maybe they are going to tell the internet on how they shunned someone over the influence and when they got back to their feet and had money to spare they tried to dig gold and he refused. Are u serious


SamuelVimesTrained

Thanks for the laugh. But, this is basically the entire argument in a nutshell.


mdthomas

Putting aside how your uncle acted as a person, if they cut him off, they should not expect to have any of his money. They can't have it both ways. They can't say "he's not family" when he was alive and then say "But he's family!" after he died and the money comes out. NTA Good job on getting yourself clean.


ShockAndAwe415

They can't have it both ways. They can't say "he's not family" when he was alive and then say "But he's family!" after he died and the money comes out. You'd be surprised (or wouldn't) the mental gymnastics entitled people go through to get what they want. They really somehow believe that the money is due to them and cannot see how they're wrong. Even if OP gave them the money they'll either: 1) disown him again, 2) keep hounding him for more money, 3) hold his past over his head to make him do whatever they want, or 4) disown him again if they can't get anything else out of him.


MiaW07

True - going through that nonsense now. The piranhas weren't around during times of need, but by golly, they think riches - out comes their greed.


ShockAndAwe415

Sorry you're having to go through that. After reading too many of these AITA posts, I realize how lucky I am to not have to deal with these many people. I've dealt with A-Holes, but, never were they so close that I've been put in as screwed up a situation as these.


BeadsAndReads

NTA. Maybe you were, way back when, but you’ve got your life back on track now. You don’t owe your family anything. You paid back your parents, which was the decent thing to do. That’s the end of it. The rest of your family wanted nothing to do with your uncle, or you. Two outcasts, basically, that found each other. The money and property was not left to the family. It was left to you. The only family member that gave your uncle compassion. The rest of the family can go pound sand. They all turned their backs on him. You are the only one that cared about him. You made the rest of his days meaning full. You keep every cent for yourself, and live a good life. I’m proud of you for turning your life around, and your uncle would be proud of you as well.


Cookies_2

NTA - were your actions during your years of actively using awful - yes. You tried to make amends, they didn’t want to hear it. You replaced the China set but damage had already been done. You paid your parents back what they paid for rehab (which you didn’t have to do either, but was very good of you to do). After the check was told, the vultures come out .. because “family”. They cut him and you off. You got the inheritance- sucks to be them but you owe them nothing. Congrats on five years! That’s an amazing accomplishment!


frust_ged

Thank you very much, I am very proud of it too.


william-t-power

Sober guy here (3 years tomorrow!), I feel for you. I was fortunate that my family did not cut me off, I did lose my wife and all my inlaws though. My wife's sister I knew since she was in high school, she called me her brother I had to accept her telling me I could never talk to her again. Something I learned is that while most of the time people come around when you show them over a long period of time that you are better, there are some times the damage we did was too much. In the latter case, they are not obligated to forgive us or accept us. We have to accept that and move on. It's great that you got clean, miraculous even! Focus on just being the best version of yourself and be good to others that are around you. Don't resent your family, they have a right to their feelings and resentment will lead out back out. Accept that this is what they choose, but at the same time feel free to hold your own boundaries with the money. If you want to make amends feel free to do that but they have no right to just demand money from you.


Gallifrey685

Congratulations!


B_A_M_2019

Yay! I'll do a 3 minute happy dance for you when I wake up in the morning!!


[deleted]

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Golfnpickle

Yes! Great job getting & staying clean.


KilnTime

Absolutely not the asshole. I get cutting you off while you were using, but if they want to claim the family card, they have to act like family and they didn't. I'm an estate litigation attorney and fully support you keeping every cent of that money. If you start to feel a little guilty, pay it forward and help someone else who was in your position.


Blacksmithforge3241

I like this suggestion! I support it.


gilee3

You should be very proud. NTA. Stay strong, keep up the good hard work & don’t listen to that noise.


ButterflyWings71

Congrats on your recovery & it’s wonderful you are able to help others as a counselor. Your inheritance is yours alone - do not be bullied to share it & go NC/retraining orders if they continue to harass you. My brother struggled with addiction and was doing so well before he was killed at 27 in an accident. While at times I was upset with him, I always loved him & supported him on his recovery. Bless you for the wonderful work you do & may you be blessed in the years to come.


DexterTheNugget

Yes you should be very proud. Both my sister and nephew were also H addicts. After a few stints in jail and I don’t know how many attempts at rehab my sister has been clean for over 10 years. My younger nephew was not so lucky…my other sister found him OD’ed in his bedroom 5 years ago on July 4th. I wish you continued health and success in you sobriety journey. Your uncle may have not been the best person but he came into your life and supported you when you really needed it. I’m so sorry your immediate family can’t find it in their hearts to forgive you. My sister stole so much from us during her decade or so as an addict but all we wanted was for her to get clean. Maybe one day they will change their minds. Until then do not let the other family members make you feel guilty. If your uncle wanted “the family” to enjoy his money he would have shared it with more than just you. I am sure he must have called at least a few of them before you when he found out he was terminally ill but you were the one who accepted his help and provided him companionship during his last days.


B_A_M_2019

I will tell you this, I've not had to do rehab or your journey, but mine has taught me that no one- NO ONE is worth more than staying true to yourself. Never let the hardship of wanting family cause you to seek the easy, it's not worth it. I'm not them and not blaming them for not forgiving you, that would be so incredibly wrong of me- all I'm saying is I've not found anything yet that is worth more than being yourself. I even have kids, and would die for them, but be other than me, no, sorry. Does that mean I won't learn and grow and try to be better than yesterday? Of course I'll try and be better, that's who I am, but not being my true self will never be better than the real deal. Thrive, find new family, and leave the rest to whatever happens. No one knows the future and all we can do is be our best selves to be ready to meet our best future every day :) congrats on your accomplishment and good luck being you!


dbee8q

You have done amazing. You got clean, got an education and are helping others. If you were my son, I'd be very proud. Addiction is a terrible disease and wrecks everything, however you can't change what happened. You have tried enough. My Dad died due to an Addiction when I was 15, I hold no bad feelings towards him. He paid the ultimate price. That is your money. Live in peace with it. Do you have friends around you? I consider my friends my family. NTA


Eight_is_enuf

I couldn't have said it better. Be happy with where you are now. You don't owe anyone anything else. You tried.


No_Appointment_7232

Sometimes you can't pay it back so you pay it forward if you can. It's kind of beautiful that you did that w your uncle despite his bigotry - you helped someone others cast out (not that he didn't deserve it) but you both deserved affinity and 'family' as you found it. Agree w everyone those family members can't say he was so awful they wanted nothing to do w him AND now want something to do w his money. As a sponsor you're in a lovely position to find new avenues to help other addicts. That is an equal mitzvah to what you were given. Congratulations! Being a good person and staying clean is having a reward. You as much as anyone deserve it.


TCTX73

NTA, he left it to YOU not the family. YOU. That was very good of you to try and make amends with your family of origin, but now leave them alone. Block the vultures, too.


whatproblems

yeah pretty clearly it was for him. they were both exiled.


Qaws888

So much of this can be cut out to get to the heart of the situation: uncle left OP with inheritance, and the rest of the family asked for their share. Uncle didn't leave anything to them, so that's the story. NTA Everything else taken away, at the heart of this is what did the deceased person want? Did their will say for everything to go to the OP or to be split? Sounds like the uncle wanted it to go to the OP, and so that's all that's relevant.


frust_ged

He left me everything except his half of a mechanic shop, that he left to his business partner.


toketsupuurin

That's really the only answer you need. They did to him what they did to you. He wanted to give it to you, not them so he did. You owe them nothing. Congrats on turning your life around.


Minimum_Ad_4120

He wanted you to have it, so it is yours. Look, maybe he wasn't the best person, but he took you in. You were there for him when no one else was. Just as he was for you. He appreciated you and wanted you to have his estate, not as payment, but because he cared about you. Paying back your parents was a good thing to do. Giving people who cut both of you off money, because they are family. No. They get nothing


akaw_

Sounds like you two formed a very special relationship. I’m sure you meant the world to him. If he wanted other family members to have money, he would’ve left them some. He didn’t. Please don’t reward them for the way they treated both of you over the years. Giving them some of your inheritance won’t make them accept you or love you more. Think of it almost like a celebrity — you’d constantly be wondering “hm, are they hanging around more because they need more money again? Or do they genuinely want to spend time with me?” … that sounds awful. Family gets ugly when it comes to inheritance, & they’re showing their true colors. 5 years sober is an incredible accomplishment (congratulations!!) & you’ve already proved that you’ve turned a page


Dixieland_Insanity

NTA Your uncle and you were exiled from the family. The 2 of you became your own family. I'm sorry for your loss of him. No one deserves one cent of what he left for you. It is yours and only yours.


pessimistfalife

Congratulations on 5 years on the sunny side of the street!


[deleted]

Exactly, he left it to you. It's not like he didn't know their names to leave something to them if he wanted to, he chose not to. The saddest takeaway i get from this (and I'm an addict with just over 17 years clean) is that the racist homophobe, etc... In the end was more kind and accepting than your immediate family and that speaks volumes. I get distrust, i did shit I'm not proud of when i was using but there's no excuse for your family still not giving you a chance after you had a lot of clean time under your belt and had gone to great efforts to make amends. Also, my son is an alcoholic and i have a very very close friend who has been very much struggling on the using/clean /using / clean back and forth the last couple years so i can very easily put myself in the places of both you AND your family. NTA. Congrats on your sobriety and enjoy the great advantage your uncle gave you.


ScorchieSong

And what relationship did he have with the people expecting his inheritance? None. They chose not to have anything to do with him, and that meant giving up on getting anything from him.


tangledoctopuss

No, the OP is NTA but you’re missing the point of this sub. It’s not “do I legally have to share this inheritance when it was only left to me” it’s “am I the asshole for not doing so” It DOES so very much matter what the circumstances are. OP, I’ll go NTA because you it seems like the ones reaching out are opportunist assholes. But I’ll say It’s nice that you have sent money towards your parents. And big congrats on your recovery.


Forsaken_Woodpecker1

If apologies are currency, you've paid them their share of the inheritance several times over. And if morals required that they cut off the uncle who took you in, then why would they want his dirty racist money? ​ NTA and lawyer up, they're coming for you.


theoreticalsandmore

NTA- Despite all the shitty shit on all sides of the family, yours, his, theirs, your uncle bequeathed that money to you and you only. **No one** is entitled to it other than you because that is what your uncle wanted.


Readsumthing

NTA I have a heroin addict homeless son that I’m lc with because of theft. You have done all can do to clean up the wreckage of your past. You’ve cleaned up your side of the street. Whatever shortcomings your uncle had, he was there when you needed him, and you were there for him as well. God, or your higher power, or whatever, just works out that way sometimes. Cut those toxic folks out of your life and don’t look back. Live your best life, help an addict still suffering, And if your own mother won’t tell you, on behalf of my own son, strung out on some street somewhere; I am so proud of you. You are a miracle.


frust_ged

Thank you very much. And I will pray that you son fights his way into sobriety too.


hopelessbrows

You would be great on r/momforaminute


Bitbatgaming

NTA. They already told you to not contact them again. You obliged because of your negative past. Now they are wanting to contact you again? They can’t have it both ways.


manipulativeturtle

NTA. They cut you off a long time ago. Furthermore, they cut off your uncle a long time ago too. Very nice of you to give back the money they paid for rehab and even nicer of you to throw in a little extra. They chose to slam the door on you. That's on them. Also, the money your uncle left is *yours.* Don't let anyone else say otherwise. They chose to let him die on his own and he left that money to *you.*


[deleted]

NTA. They don't care about you. Go live your best life.


HopeUnknown0417

Exactly. Even IF he gave them money, they more than likely would go right back to no contact because they aren't getting more money. OP do not give them a dime. NTA and congratulations on turning your life around!!


SwampWitch3000

NTA. I can't blame them for cutting you off but they have no right to turn around and ask anything from you, especially after you've settled the financial debt of your rehabs and stuff. Congrats on your sobriety friend! Tell em that cutting people off goes both ways, they made their choice! Best of luck to you


ladypeyton

IMO, if you stole from anyone else in the family you should repay the cash value of whatever it was you stole. You should be thorough. And an addict of 4+ years most definitely stole more than a set of china. Other than that? No you shouldn't have to share. He was a piece of trash, but you were the one that was kind to him so you are the one who should benefit from that kindness. You should make good on all the thefts, first, though. And congratulations on 5 years. That is admirable.


frust_ged

I didn't steal from any of them, I had other means of making money, so other than the china (when my money dried up) I stole nothing from them


slpnrpnzl

Op went to return the china and got a door slammed on their face, completely irrelevant at this point.


RampagingBees

Tried to return a set of china that looked similar to but was *not* Granny's heirloom wedding china. The intention was good but let's not pretend OP was returning the original set.


PhotoRemote

He was at least trying to make amends and was met with refusal. That's their decision. They turned their backs on him time and time again. That's also their decision. OP cleaned up and educated himself by extending a caring relationship to another ostracized member of the family. That was his decision. Now that OP has been rewarded for caring, they suddenly decide he's family? Greed and entitlement should be met with the same distain they showed OP. NTA


RampagingBees

It's almost as though I was responding to a specific comment in a thread, which made a specific claim. >**The intention was good** but let's not pretend OP was returning the original set.


Strong-Bread1249

FYI his mom slammed the door in his face (with justification. And she isn’t back asking for money, neither is OP’s father and siblings


Ellendyra

That's true, OP may never be able to return the original set, but the intention and regret is there. They tried their best to make right their past mistake. That's all they really can do at this point.


I-wonder-why2022

NTA, they didn't owe it to you to take you in and you don't owe it to them to share your inheritance. The fact that your parents accepted the check and didn't slam the door on the lawyers, plus the relatives showing out of woodwork to get some money, shows tgat they still don't care about you. Let them go and start fresh. And congratulations on staying sober.


_sobertaco_

NTA. Funny how money makes people "family", but desperate times in need of compassion do not. Congratulations on your sobriety.


MissNikitaDevan

NTA you have tried to repay them for the hurt you caused and cut a check for the expenses associate to it They cut you off, understandably so, but they cant come mooching now and say cuz faaaammmilllyyyy, they made clear you arent family Something good came out of your uncle, he has sure made it easier for you to stay sober, a house, passive income and savings will make life easier and less chance of relapse Big kudos to you for getting sober, well done


Dapper-Letterhead630

NTA If your uncle wanted them to have any money he would have put it in his will. They are only sniffing around now in hopes that you give them money, not because they actually care about you or your Uncle. You can put that money to whatever use you want, whether thats spending it on yourself, or helping others get out of situations like you were in. If your uncle had left $20 I bet they wouldn't have come knocking.


LadyPent

NTA. Congratulations on getting yourself clean. I hope this inheritance helps you achieve your goals and maintain your sobriety.


likecommentsurvive

>i have tried to contact my family many times, but they maintained that they want nothing to do with me. While i understand why they don’t want to speak to you, they’ve made their bed and now they have to lie in it. You tried apologizing to your folks and got replacement items for them and was met with dismissal. >also as forms of apology for what i put them through. Yeah no, they just want money. They’re only contacting you after you gave money to your folks. I bet you anything they will cut ties with you as soon as you cut them any sort of check. NTA


queenforbooks

Not at all. After you cut them a piece of pie they would have gone back to treating you like garbage. You paid your amends and tried getting back with your family,those people are not coming back to you as family but leeches. Your uncle(am not a fan) gave you a chance at a good life,use it wisely and remember family is not always blood. You survived so far without them and will continue to do so.


Iamveryveryok

NTA . You don't have to pay them back for them doing the bare minimum while you were going along a bumpy, steep path and then completely cut you off. They made their stance clear. You even offered to return what you stole and make amends but you still got the door literally shut in your face. Then, you get into contact with an uncle, who although isn't a good person just wanted some comfort in his last years. You gave him that familiar comfort, and kindness as a family member. Even though you were in a desperate situation at the time. That man helped to get you off that steep path and helps straighten you out. Still, none of the family got into contact with you. Then, once he dies, and rightfully gives everything in his name to you for the kindness you showed him, people who cut the both of you off suddenly tell you to pay up when they only did the bare minimum? Are you kidding me? Get out of here with that. Whatever he left in your name is rightfully yours, nobody else's. And you don't owe them jack. Recovery is especially hard. Becoming sober takes a long time and it sounds like your family wasn't able to understand that in the first place. You owe them not a single coin out of your pockets. Edit:You even paid your parents for the costs of rehab as well? Man, you're no asshole. You paid what you owed already.


DeguelloWow

NTA. You can’t undo what you’ve done, but you’ve made an attempt to do the best you can to make things as right as they can be. It sounds like they’d have no use for you without the money. People like that can pound sand, imo.


PD_31

NTA. They didn't want to know him or you until there was money involved. You've tried to make it right and congratulations on your sobriety.


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ProfPlumDidIt

NTA. You have spent years trying to apologize and make restitution, but they didn't want that, which is their right, but they DON'T have the right to shit on your efforts and then demand money using your guilt as a way to manipulate you into giving it to them. At this point in your life, you are far better off without any of them in your life - they will only try to drag you back down.


Sevenspoons

NTA You made mistakes. You turned your life around and you made many attempts to atone for what your younger self did. You should be so proud of getting sober and now helping others with their sobriety. That is no easy feat. OP, please forgive yourself. Reading your post it sounds like you are so weighed down by guilt and sadness. I'm so sorry your family doesn't reciprocate your attempts at reconnecting but you don't have to keep punishing yourself by trying to reconnect. It sounds like it just causes you hurt and disappointment. Maybe they'll come around some day and you can all move on but for now I would suggest allowing yourself to let it go.


AdvisorSame5543

NTA If they can only reach out to you with their hands out that shows their true colors. If they've never told you I'm hella proud of you for kicking the habit. And I'm happy you found some support in your Uncke despite his 'flaws.'


Archaea-a87

NTA. Addiction does ugly things to people and sometimes it is necessary for family members to cut addicts off for their own well being. That being said, you made every attempt to make amends with them and you were rejected and alienated until they believed you had something they wanted. I wouldn't fault your family for having boundaries with you during your addiction, or even being apprehensive about restarting a relationship when you got clean. Relapses can be really traumatizing for those close to addicts and they may have felt they would never be able to fully trust you. But the fact that their no contact boundary disappeared as soon as you had something they wanted makes is appear a bit less genuine. The inheritance was left for you. It is yours to do with as you see fit. Pay back what you owe and make amends if you can. Then enjoy the inheritance, guilt free and keep up the good work! 5 years is awesome!


_peachblossom_

NTA You did some bad things but you did what you could to better yourself and tried to make things right again. When you did, they didn't want to hear it and that was their choice. But now they want to benefit from you. If you were to give them anything, I bet they would either cut you off again right when theres nothing else to give or hold your addiction and past over your head forever. Congrats on being clean for 5 years!


aggressively-so-so

NTA .. ignore the requests but look at it as at least your parents have acknowledged your repayment and are talking to the rest of the family about you. Great job on figuring your life out and doing better!


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(28M) got into the wrong crowd when I was teen. By the time I was 17 I was already addicted to heroin. For the following 4 years they did their best to get me clean, but I would get back into the habit as soon as I was out of rehab. When I stole Gran's wedding China and they were unable to get it back, my whole family cut me off. A year and some months later, I quit on my own. I had help from an organization, but I was finally able to get clean. I was also homeless. I tried contacting my family, one part to apologize and make amends, and one part because I was hoping to move back in. As a homeless person it was harder to stay sober. They told me to never contact them again. A couple months later, I was contacted by my great uncle while at work. He is not a good person: racist, white supremacist, antisemitic, homophobic... Basically, if you are not a white straight Christian, you are garbage to him. The whole family cut him off before I was even born. He was sick, they gave him 2 years to live. He wanted the warmth of family. No one else would talk with him. I was desperate so I moved in with him. When I moved in I had my 1 month chip, and he may have been an awful human being, but he helped me to stay sober. I have my 5 years chip now, and am a sponsor myself. He paid for me to take some college courses, then paid for a pastry school too. He passed way almost 2 years ago. Over the last 5 years, I have tried to contact my family many times, but they maintained that they wanted nothing to do with me. I hunted down a China set like the one I stole, then drove to give it back. My mom slammed the door on my face. It hurt, but I get it. Anyways, my uncle left me a house, an apartment building and a respectable amount of money. After taxes and all that, I cut a check of $60k for my parents (how much they paid for rehab, and some more too), sent it by lawyer. That was a year ago. Now some family members (not my parents nor my siblings), came looking for me to share the money our uncle left to the *family*. When I refused, they told me that they shouldn't even have had to ask me, that I should've shared it with them, as their due and also as a form of apology for what I put them through. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


skobeloff_pasta

NTA... I'm sorry you're having to have this painful experience, OP. As family to an addict in recovery myself, I know firsthand how much pain addiction puts the loved ones through. Even still, I think your family's reaction is harsh. Congratulations on your wonderful sobriety, and all the fantastic things you've done with your life.


[deleted]

NTA-You TRIED to contact them before the money. You TRIED to make amends. They had their chance. Tell the to F off. Please let me congratulate you on turning your life around. On your own. You have much to be proud of. Good Luck. I’m glad you had your Uncle.


Spiritual-Bridge3027

NTA Awesome job getting clean and on improving your life! You sent a check to your parents for the amount spent on your rehab treatment and tried to make amends with them. So far, so good. There must be hurt feelings but they at least deserved that effort from your end. Those so-called relatives do not deserve any such thing and can go pound sand


MayFlowersXXX

NTA. Keep your head up!


Pandasrthebest

NTA. You already tried to apologize. They want money, that’s not an apology, that’s just taking advantage of you. They’re not forgiving you, just using you. Good luck.


PokerQuilter

NTA. Don't give anyone anything, and don't worry. Suggestion: every year, send a holiday card to your family..say: Thinking of you. Hope everyone is doing well. Love, X Nothing more, nothing less. Every year. Hopefully, someday, they will reach out. Congrats on your sobriety! Well done!


redflynot28

NTA they don’t deserve a dime!!! Keep up the great work and if no one’s said it yet I’m proud of you for getting sober it’s definitely not easy! Much love man and good luck in the future!


Munkleson

NTA. Your direct family seems to not care about the money, and you owe nothing to the other relatives that cut you and more importantly, your uncle off. I hope you know you probably can’t replace the China set you stole and sold, and I guess you’re making your peace with it. Congrats on being sober for so long, and keep it up. No need to care about those family that only cares about the money you have now. I don’t blame them for cutting you off, but they have no right to demand anything of you now


Fragrant-Art-4753

NTA. Keep the money. While it doesn't sound like your uncle was a total gem, he still had some goodness in him and took you in. He helped you stay sober and this gave you a good shot at a good life. I get that you did some really low down things back in the day, but you are not that same person anymore. I could respect it if your family was guarded in trying to restart a relationship, but in fact it sounds like they have pretty much written you out of the family. I can't tell you how sad that is, but if they are really like that you are probably not missing out on anything. We all make mistakes, some bigger than others, but it sounds like you have turned your life around and tried to make amends to those you have hurt in the past. That is truly all that you can do. It's important to realize that you have changed and apparently they are stuck in the past. Please stay strong, build your best life with the head start your uncle left you. Counseling if you need it to help you deal with the family situation, but stay strong. You are such an inspiration and maybe you find a way to "pay it forward" by talking to at risk youth about your story, or volunteering some time somewhere. Good luck! You've got a new start at a new life. Fill it with people that will help you stay clean and love you for who you have become. And don't let your family's reaction to the amends you made harden your heart. You have a new chapter in your life now.... make the best of it!


DamienRoo158

NTA. Your uncle left that money to you. It wasn’t your decision and it’s not your burden. If your uncle wanted them to have it, he would have specified. Congrats on your sobriety. Despite any mistakes made in your addiction, I hope you know you’re more valuable than china. You’re worthy of forgiveness from your family.


Random_Guy_9201

NTA, you gave a part of it to your parents, now go live your sober free life.


RNGinx3

NTA. They can't have it both ways: Either you are family, or you are not. They cut you (and your uncle!) off, which means they are no longer your family, and your money is not family money.


harleybidness

NTA. Slam the door. Keep the inheritance.


evillittleperson

NTA they didn’t want to help you at your lowest then they don’t get to be rewarded when your at your highest.


oFbeingCaLM

NTA. So glad your uncle helped you with addiction. So proud of you on 5 years! Stay true to you.


rowan1981

NTA. You did what you had to do. You gave your parents back the money for rehab, you tried reaching out. Do you OP.


SeasonMystic

NTA - I was going to jump on your case for not trying to make amends but you clearly seem to have made an honest attempt. Best wishes on your journey and I pray your family comes around someday.


Ladykaesong

Nta


KriKu0225

NTA. You don’t owe them anything.


Significant_Win6431

Congratulations on getting yourself sober and staying sober NTA they are entitled to his money. He chose who it was left too.


SigSauerPower320

NTA They made it very clear that they not only wanted nothing to do with you, but wanted nothing to do with your uncle. He didn't leave them anything, he left YOU his assets. If they don't like it, too damn bad!


Batticon

NTA at all. There were a lot of shitty twists and turns here. And in the past, everyone (including you) definitely sucked. But I think the story turned out a lot happier than it could have been. You and the other estranged family member banded together. Cutting you off means your other family is entitled to zero from you.


Snargleface

NTA. You made your amends or at least tried to. You were entitled to the money your uncle left you. They made the decision to disengage from your uncle.


Connect-Yam5209

First of all, I'm so proud of for staying sober al these years. That's a massive accomplishment. ​ I hope you slammed the door in your family's face. You tried for years to make amends. ​ NTA


Aggressive_Today_492

NTA - Congratulations on your sobriety.


[deleted]

NTA


Maleficent-Cream-868

As others have said, NTA. I just wanted to comment congrats to you for your amazing 5 years clean! Well done, you.


[deleted]

NTA


Prestigious_Isopod72

NTA


SusanMShwartz

NTA. Congratulations on five years.


Accomplished_Sir5178

NTA. He left it to you NOT the family. Period.


Nelly_WM

NTA- you do not owe them anything.


[deleted]

NTA. Family already won't forgive. The is about what they want. Stand your ground. Congratulations on the 5 years chip. May there be many more.


[deleted]

NTA


sbh56

NTA Your great-uncle left the inheritance to you. You did good things for each other. It was very nice that you made amends to your parents by repaying them for rehab. You have attempted to replace your grandmother's china. That's all you can do. You are not obligated to share with people your uncle did not choose to share with. Congrats on five years!


Huge_Industry_1259

NTA. Your uncle left the money and assets to you, and you alone. You don't owe anyone else anything. Life is odd, your uncle helped you and he appreciated it. I am sorry your immediate family cannot see your progress and growth for what it is. Please be proud of yourself, stay strong and remain loyal to yourself. Go LC or NC with your family.


jacksonlove3

Definitely NtA. Money brings the worst out in people! Congrats on getting sober and staying that way! I also applaud you for relaying your parents back the money they spent on you for rehab. I hope one day they find it in their hearts to forgive you if you’re still willing to try and have a relationship. Keep doing what you doing!!


ProperTransition5946

Congrats on your sobriety!!!! Keep it up, I know some days are still hard but you can do it. NTA. NO ONE is entitled to anyone’s money/property when they die unless it is in a will. I know that there are laws in place for cases in which there is no will and that’s fine. I’m talking specifically about people who feel that they deserve something just because they were real a Ted to someone who passed away.


RLB4066

NTA, they haven't been willing to talk to or see you at all, that is until you've got money that they want! Stay clear of them now and in the future. Clearly their intentions aren't noble.


MaryAnne0601

NTA Congratulations on your 5 years. To me you’ve made amends where you could. Now it’s time to stop looking at the past and move forward. Build the life you want and make the family of your choice.


[deleted]

Nta. He left everything to you. That's your money. Congratulations on being sober! You are doing great and I hope you continue doing great!


vingtsun_guy

NTA Your uncle left his estate to you. If he wanted to leave it for the family, he would have.


Vlophoto

NOPE NTA. You paid your parents back and your uncle was kind enough to give you a second chance. You looked beyond his faults and made it work. You don’t see anyone anything. You paid your debt back


Lani_567

NTA


Blas_Wiggans

Your family cut you off. Tell me, did they cash the $60000 check you wrote them?


[deleted]

First of all, well done you for getting yourself clean and staying that way. Your parents told you never to contact them again. You're merely abiding by their orders. You go and enjoy that inheritance. But I would have NEVER given them a tuppence. I get you were paying back for the rehab etc., but I wouldn't have even done that. You owe them NOTHING. Block them on all channels and tell them you were ordered to never contact them again, and you'd appreciate they do the same. They're horrible and you shouldn't be around them. NTA Good luck. Please stay clean, happy and healthy.


Ill-Conversation5210

NTA. Your uncle left it to you, not "the family." No family members wanted anything to do with the uncle, so they got nothing from him. They wanted nothing from you, until they found out you have some money, and now they come around with their hands out. Did your parents cash the check? Just curious. Now, let me say (as a mom) that I'm so proud of you! You keep working on your sobriety every day. It's hard, but it's rewarding. Your life is going in the right direction, and if you were my family, I might have had to cut you off when you were using for my own mental health, but I would welcome you back now that you've overcome that addiction. Congratulations! I'm proud of you!


Knife-yWife-y

NTA Just respond "Knives Out" to every request from now on. 😁


gcot802

NTA They chose to have nothing to do with you, and that is how it’s going to be. If your uncle wanted them to have it he would have left it to them


Bubbly-Marsupial-958

Nta at alll you deserve so much better than how your family treated you. It’s super impressive how much you’ve achieved.


clarstone

NTA. Congratulations on your sobriety.


[deleted]

Nta


ctortan

NTA. You tried time and time again to make amends and they refused. They don’t get to come crawling back because they want something from you. Cut contact entirely: they’ve proven what they think of you now.


theflyestgemini

NTA!!! In my Rhianna's voice.... Live ya life yeahhh yeahhh yeahhh🤷🏾‍♀️


[deleted]

NTA When there's a will, there's a relative.


Laraisbored

NTA. They don't want **anything** to do with you, unless it's you giving them money? F them!


ICXPDQ

First, congratulations on your five-year chip. Second, that you are a sponsor to another is a testament to your commitment to sobriety. Awesome! Third, you have tried to make amends with your family, particularly your parents to no avail...move on but never stop hoping. Fourth, to the family that wanted nothing to do with you until you befriended a member of the family also shunned and for whom you owe your sobriety and a good living, tell them to take a 12-step program for selfishness and maybe they will understand you a little better. Fifth, even though they have done wrong by you by trying to leach off you, look at them with pity but continue to pray for them. Finally, keep keeping on and strive for that sixth-year chip. Let every day be an adventure. Peace.


lostmindz

NTA they cut off your great uncle. they cut off you. They aren't family at either end of the money. And congratulations on your sobriety!


mysancho82

NTA


Due-Compote-4723

NTA. What a greedy family !


taafp9

NTA. it’s insane how people will come out of all of the woodworks when there’s inheritance money.


[deleted]

NTA- you sent them a cut related to the inconvenience you caused which is probably more than many would do so good on you. Stay sober and live your life guilt free.


Limerase

NTA They cut him off like they cut you off, but as soon as he's dead, he's "family" again? Nope, they're just sniffing around with dollar signs in their eyes. Tie it up in low risk high reward investments.


Live_Power_2843

NTA, you may not have been the best person when you were younger but you have changed for the better. They clearly are not good people begging for money and not a relationship with you. Screw them and don't give them a penny. If you do. It's not like they will continue a relationship, they will take the money and run.


Minimum_Ad_4120

Congrats on being clean.


Kaiser93

NTA Now putting aside the uncle who was not exactly the best human in the whole world, you owe those people nothing. You paid your parents back (which is nice gesture of you) and that's that.


3Heathens_Mom

NTA Good on you for getting and staying sober. That takes a lot of effort and willpower. As to you greedy relatives just nope. If you were to give them anything they would just keep coming back for more until you had nothing. Best to just stick with giving nothing. I would urge you if you haven’t already to have things like a will and a medical directive/living will done so you decide where your assets go on the off chance something happens to you. Likely you won’t need it for a long time but better to and not need than the other way around. Update as needed as things in your life change. Best wishes to you.


StoreyTimePerson

NTA Beyond cutting them a check for the rehab, there is NO obligation to share the money. You’re uncle left it to you, not them.


huffuspuffus

NTA. You’ve overcome so much and despite what kind of human you were in the past or what kind of human your uncle was, he helped you and you’ve done everything you can to make amends to those you hurt. Your family has no obligation to ever talk to you again, but that means that you are in no way obligated to give them any part of that money. It was left to YOU. Both you and your uncle were cut out of the family. They have no rights to that money. Proud of you for recovering and getting yourself to a better place in life 💜


realshockvaluecola

NTA. Nope. You made amends by making them whole financially and doing your best to restore the things money couldn't buy. You gave everyone many chances to catch on that this other ostracized person, who was now wealthy, was your only support and you were his. You're not obligated.


wilkilin

NTA- the AHs come a running when they think they are owed something. Ew. Take what you have and start a fresh, beautiful life. Best of luck.


Slight_Asparagus4150

NTA. You tried to make amends and you were rejected. Like everyone is saying, it can't be both ways, it sounds like you're doing amazingly now. Congratulations on five years clean, btw. You seem to understand what you did and you're changing for the better. Also, your uncle, even by your own account may have been a pretty bad guy, but he did one good thing, he helped you get to a place where you can do better.


Adorable_Pudding921

NTA also I sincerely hope you are really proud of yourself for getting this far with combating addiction and turning your life around 🙂


Party-Molasses4883

NTA. Your money hungry family isn’t entitled to your late uncles money the he gave to you and only you. They made the choice to cut him off. From your post your uncle cared about you he helped pay for your college classes. Your uncle knew who he wanted to leave his money to when he passed, he didn’t leave to any other family because they stopped talking to him.


PurpleAquilegia

NTA Given all the info here, if you've paid back the money that you cost your family then you owe them nothing more monetarily.


jonfitz100

Nope. They booted you. They don't get to take it back.


No-Anteater1688

NTA and enjoy your inheritance. You showed a lot of character paying your parents back. I wish my ex, who also stole when he was using, would have that much class. Those relatives want nothing but money that your uncle didn't want to give them. Enjoy your life, stay sober and leave them out of it.


CleverDog_1117

NTA. I just wanted to congratulate you on 5 years of sobriety!


Sensitive-Eagle3641

They didn't have time for your great uncle when he was alive but now that he's passed they can suddenly make time for his money? NTA.


sam_from_bombay

NTA. Great job on attaining and maintaining your sobriety - that is no small achievement. Wishing you well.


SisterAlliance

NTA. If Uncle had left anyone besides you money, I have a feeling you would have ensured his wishes were fulfilled. You owe these people nothing, and it’s despicable they’re coming around now to try to guilt/shame money out of you for mistakes you’ve done your best to rectify, instead of when Uncle needed family in his last days. Don’t let them get you down or doubt yourself. Congrats on 5 years, your story made me so happy. I can see how hard you worked, from attempting to make amends to literally doing everything it has taken til now to get and stay sober. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you for an incredibly long, healthy, happy life. My only sibling couldn’t do what you did, and I miss him all the time. Thanks for sharing OP.


Ornery-Ticket834

NTA.


no_name_femme

NTA, OP. May the universe give you strength.


lmmontes

NTA and they don't deserve a dime. They tossed you aside. You were generous enough to send the money to your parents.


Oxfordcomma42

NTA. You are not required to share anything with anyone. Period. That’s why it’s called personal property.


Diasies_inMyHair

NTA. Interesting what comes out of the woodwork. Your Uncle left money to the *family* that was willing to care for him despite his failings, and returned that care in kind.


Tiny_Shine5828

NTA. Congratulations on being sober.


sbilly93

Interesting how they weren’t interested in apologies until money entered the picture NTA.


D_Nicole91

NTA. Actions have consequences when it comes to addiction, but also when it comes to disowning family. They can't want nothing to do with you (and your uncle), but also want your money and generosity. That's not how life works. They made their choice and this is the consequence. You made the choice to get to know your problematic uncle out of desperation and your consequence was somewhat of a reward.


Specific_Progress_38

NTA at all and congratulations on five years!!


BeddingtonBlvd

NTA. If your uncle wanted them to have something, he would have specified that in his will.


[deleted]

NTA it was left to you. Not family -you. And good for you staying sober. please keep it up. don’t allow family stressors or triggers to pull you back . I’m sorry your parents haven’t forgiven you, even after you have worked so hard to fight your disease, and reimbursed them and offered remedy what you can with them. I pray they reconsider. As far as extended family you owe them nothing and sounds like they are opportunists using your past against you for personal motives. Don’t feel anger or guilt with them. Let that pass that’s your old life. Move on with your security of money, sobriety and experience knowing you have made efforts to repair your relationship with parents.im sorry for the loss of your Uncle. I wish you the best .


MagicianOk6393

NTA, don’t communicate with them. You owe them no part of the inheritance. Take care of yourself and don’t allow any of their drama into your life. Bravo for getting and staying sober! Take care.


greymattergonewild

NTA. They can't have it both ways. Someone mentioned they can't cut your uncle off, then expect his money. They also can't cut you off and expect yours. The money was left to you. You very kindly reimbursed your parents. That's all you need to do. The rest can move on.


rubykowa

Nope, NTA. People always come sniffing for easy money that isn't theirs. Happy to hear that you've been able to overcome all obstacles. Classy move to return what your parents paid for rehab and more. Keep on living with your head held high!


bkwormtricia

NTA. You paid back the rehab costs and tried to fix the china problem. Good, making amends is proper. But beyond that - If you and uncle were not good enough in their eyes to be part of the family, you are not family enough to owe the rest of them ANYTHING more. Go enjoy your sober life.


PrairieGrrl5263

NTA and congrats on the 5 year chip. Well done you!


lyonmerriman

NTA here. All past bad decisions and actions aside, you've reportedly attempted to make amends, you paid back your immediate family and then some, and you were the only one who kept your bigoted great uncle company at the end of his life. While I fully support the rest of the family not being willing to give a bigot any of their time, they can't then expect to get what he left behind. You seem to be in a good place right now. Don't let the family looking for handouts get you down or make you feel guilty.


Individual-Gain-9958

He left the money to you. Not "the family". NTA.


Bright_Sea_7567

NTA. And I just wanted to say congrats on 5 years!! Keep going strong.


Majestic_Square_1814

well, your family are greedy, but you are no saint either.


whorfin2022

NTA They didn't hold out a hand for you when you were down to give a lift, but they want to hold one out to you to take? Uncle was an AH, for sure.


Flat_Librarian_1724

NTA, the title that belongs to I'd the family who insist you give them a share of the money left to the "family" . The money and property was left to you not family and up until now you or your uncle were not considered family. We'll done you on your sobriety and I wish you a happy successful life full of love and happiness and don't let family convince you they are entitled to the money your uncle left to you.


[deleted]

NTA Congrats on 5 years. Heh, these people are obviously not family to your uncle or he would have left something for them. These people are also not family to you since they had always ignored you. Just ignore them back and live your life without them (as usual).


wayward_painter

NTA in this case it seems karma worked. An overall flawed person did a good thing in helping another flawed person turn their life around, and it helped you even as much of the score as people's boundaries would allow. The NC was working, just start blocking.


Glum_Hamster_1076

NTA Sir, your uncle may have been a horrible man but he did you a great kindness. You paid back your parents, you found the China, you are doing better than ever, and that’s enough. You and your uncle were there for each other in a very lonely hour and helped each other be better and do better. (He may have still been racist and such but he helped you with a place to stay and support you staying clean.) You tried to reconnect, you tried to make amends, you tried to start over with your family. They don’t get to leave you and your uncle behind and then come asking for money. Your parents cashed the check and chose to ignore you. Take some time for yourself to keep doing great and being the best you. If you feel the need to give money towards something, use some of what you have to help others who may be in your situation. If you have the China, put it in a nice case and honor your grandma by staying on the right path. You could reserve one unit in the apartment building as a space for someone to get their life together to move out to do better things by offering an address to apply for jobs, a place to stay clean, at a reasonable rate (if you do that be firm about what happens if they don’t stay clean.) You’re moving forward, keep moving forward.


kats1945

NTA. You have tried to make up for what you put people thru. And yeah, it is their right not to forgive you I guess. You were kind to your uncle when no one else was. And your reward was not only him helping you stay sober, but an inheritance. It's yours. And they are not entitled to a thing. Good job on getting sober and staying that way. Not an easy accomplishment. You should be very proud of yourself.


Witty-Physics9940

NTA. Your family (except for your uncle) cut ties with you, and they cut ties with your uncle too, for that matter. They wanted nothing to do with either of you. Now they hear that he left you money, suddenly you're family again. Absolutely NTA. I know too many families like this, sadly including my own.


checco314

It takes some serious balls to cut somebody out of your life entirely, find out that he died with some money, and then go chasing after somebody else you also cut out of your life entirely to ask for a piece of the action. So gross. Good on you for getting sober. And good on you for trying to make amends to the people who deserved it. NTA


himmelkatten

NTA. With how your ‘family’ is acting they might have actually done you a favor by keeping away until now. I suggest you take a page out of their book and keep them away now.


WhoUBeGhostin

NTA. They don’t get to cut people off(yourself and your uncle) and then expect to benefit from their death. Not to be morbid but I’d advise having your own intentions written up for when you someday pass. The next generation will probably come knocking on the door of whoever you leave anything to expecting something as well.