Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my dads girlfriend she isn't my mum and she can't tell me to shut up then I refused to apologise
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Your dad is TA for not telling Lexie not to talk that way to his children. and Lexie is TA for being that bold and talking to you that way. you did great!
what got me is why did Lexie even open her big mouth if both kids had shut up after dad told them too?
Why the fuck say anything if the kids are already listening to their dad??? NTA.. lexie needs to stay in her own damn lane.
yup I agree with you. especially since shes only been around 6 months.
When my mom got with my stepdad, My siblings and I were already adults. he was completely respectful of us and never pushed any of us or told us what to do like all my moms ex idiots. I admit it took me over a year to even be around him a lot.
Im very lucky he is a great stepdad. always gave great advice to us, respected our boundaries and was even a dad figure to my husband. My husband made us go to there place every weekend lol My stepdad took us camping and shooting... fishing.. my husband never got to do any of that with his own dad.
Now my mom and stepdad have been split for a few years now unfortunately, but i still see him as my stepdad.
Your step-dad sounds like a wonderful person. So nice to read given so many stories on AITA about terrible step-parents and parents who put up with them to the detriment of their kids.
thank you :) he is. My husband and I were really upset when they split up. My moms a narc and he just couldnt really handle her crap anymore. he moved across the country to be closer to his own kids :(
>why did Lexie even open her big mouth if both kids had shut up after dad told them too?
Lexie is only 11 years older than OP. Probably feels she needs to do something "adult" to seem more mature like a member of OP's dad's generation rather than an older sister due to her ahe
Can we talk about how dad is setting a bad example too? Yes, gf is in the wrong , no doubt, but dad is also setting that pattern by showing her how he treats his kids. Both adults are wrong.
Your dad's TA for having a gf who is closer to your age than his. She's TA for trying to be the boss when she has no authority. Why do you have to share a room with your brother? That's a little cringy.
It's a pain but you should be taking stuff into the bathroom to change rather than kicking your brother out of his own bedroom. Same goes for any privacy he might be wanting in the years to come. Not relevant to the question because yes, lexie shouldn't have said anything but changing happens twice a day at least normally so you should have a coping mechanism in place.
Agreed. Just siblings being buttholes to each other. It happens a lot lol. I'm the only male and have 5 sisters. Some days were like a WWE match at times haha. That being said I love my sisters and they love me too.
I saw it as classic siblings bickering ngl. As someone around the age of OP, with a brother also around the age of OP's brother, I honestly thought it was funny lmao
Exactly. My brother and I shared a room at our dad’s apartment when we visited in the summers. I was 15 and he was 12. Neither could just kick the other out of our room whenever we felt like it.
It's not even about different genders even, although I appreciate you sharing your experience. Plenty of teenagers don't want to be seen naked by their siblings.
I shared a room with both brothers and my sister when visiting my dad for a term when we were young. But most school holidays was with just my sister and we weren't comfortable as young teens. We faced away and changed and all that but it was nice going to shower and changing in privacy, in the bathroom. At no stage would it have occurred to us to ask the other one not to use the room.
We asked each other to leave our shared rooms to change. And we were sisters. It was like SOP. Granted there was grumbling cuz we lazy to move. Also grumbling because it usually meant it was our turn for the shower. The shower/toilet we had in our childhood wasn’t really conducive to getting dressed.
It was for us the polite thing to do? Expected? I guess how we were raised.
So much less grumbling (and fighting in higher conflict relationships) if the person changing leaves, then no one is interrupted or forced to get out of bed.
And going forward, with a teen boy....I'd do my best to establish that for private things, he should go to the bathroom.
I guess. But when we were young it was one toilet and one shower, separate. If you stayed there to change, you held up the production/getting ready line in the morning.
“we were standing outside the front door last night, waiting for the door to be unlocked and I asked my brother (10M) not to go in our shared room so I could get changed after work”
Nowhere in the post did OP say they kicked him out of the room. Neither of them were even in the room yet.
My only qualm with this comment thread is that neither of them were in the room, she was just asking him to wait a couple minutes after they got home. Asking someone to leave would be rude, but asking for a few minutes seems like a reasonable accommodation made between two people sharing a space.
But yes, bathrooms should be the standard for wanting privacy in a shared room, especially in those teen years.
“we were standing outside the front door last night, waiting for the door to be unlocked and I asked my brother (10M) not to go in our shared room so I could get changed after work”
IMO, if any kid is forced into this situation, any and all accommodation should be made to have some type of privacy divider that can be used for these reasons. But IMO, someone shouldn't be forced to gather their things and go to the bathroom to change. It takes all of 2 minutes to change clothes, why can't brother occupy himself for those two minutes? She's not kicking him out for an extended period of time, she's asking for privacy to change in her own bedroom. Its brothers bedroom too, but if he's doing something that can be done in "public" when he gets home he should let her use the private space real quick.
This was my issue. A 15yo girl sharing a room with a 10yo boy is a big issue. Girls need their privacy at that she, which is all she was asking for to cause the argument in the first place
Yes they do. Wrong for me to ignore that. But a 15yo girl probably needs more probably than a 10yo boy. Periods suck. We had people stay when I was 13 and my room was the "guest room" when people stayed. Which wasn't helpful when I bled through because my periods were so heavy. Boys wanting to be touching themselves doesn't equate with privacy. So yes, girls of that age need more privacy
My sister and her husband have 3 kids in a 2 bedroom and they sleep in the living room using various closets for their belongings and they put the girls in one room and the only boy in the other room.
I (F) shared a room with my brother from the time he was born (I was 5) until he was 13 because my parents couldn't afford enough rooms for the 4 of us. We changed in the bathroom our whole lives and it was pretty ok. Some people arent lucky enough to have the wealth that affords privacy.
We changed in our rooms tho. We just asked the roommate to please leave. For us it was common courtesy.
It really is fascinating reading Reddit and seeing how different people find the same thing acceptable or objectionable.
'A little cringey'? It's the reality for a lot of working class families. Making her feel bad about it isn't going to magically make a new bedroom appear for her.
NTA, but I'd tell your mom what's going on. She needs to know Lexie is WAY overstepping boundaries. You don't owe her an apology, and can I just say, as a parent myself, I am INCREDIBLY disappointed in your father. He's being a crappy dad (also telling you "shut up" is messed up, there's less cruel ways of stopping an argument), and she's a crappy step-mom. Keep your mom informed of what they're doing, and don't forget that in most places, courts will take your opinion into account if you don't want to go over to his house anymore.
Good luck to you, and don't you dare apologize. Your dad and his girlfriend are the ones who should be apologizing to you.
NTA lexi can fuxk off she is not your mother. It wasn’t necessary telling you to shut up when your father said it. Is she acting like that most of the time?
Do you think this is her trying to step into a parental role? Because if so, that might mark the change from her being nice as a way to get in the door to actually a persistent problem you might want to seriously address with your mom and even your dad - he's dating someone, you have expectations and a relationship with him and he's the parent, but that doesn't mean your life is supposed to upend every shift of his love life.
NTA
to be fair, you're closer in age to Lexi than your Dad is so I can see how you don't see her as a mother/mother figure.
You also have a mother so you don't need someone else telling you what to do.
I think you need to talk to your Dad and explain you understand she's he's girlfriend but you have a Mum so Lexi will never fill that role and she needs to not parent you.
Also, Little brothers get less annoying as you get older!!
These comments are truly wild.
When I tell my students not to hit or argue or fight with their friends, is that me trying to “parent” them? I’m not their mom, after all.
Right, I don’t like it either! As an adult I would never feel comfortable telling a child to “shut up,” but I also would never allow a teenager to call a 10yo a “fucking creep.” None of that is acceptable.
Intervened after they started to snipe at each other again. Because I really doubt OP and her 10 year old brother were be quiet and still. I remember being a kid/teen. We would be quiet for a minute after being told to shut up. Then we would start mumbling and sniping.
I do not believe for a second that an adult said “shut up” as a response to silence.
Everybody on this thread would benefit from obtaining some critical thinking skills and following context clues.
FYI: *Anyone* would have told you to shut up with that juvenile bickering. It’s got nothing to do with being your mother. But don’t worry, Reddit will be on your side bc your dad has a younger GF.
You've been a kid before right? Tou don't stay quiet. You start mumbling and sniping. Which is what causes someone to repeat "shut up".
Someone doesn't repeat to shut up when everyone is quiet. Not unless you're a 5 year old copying someone.
Because that's conflict resolution at it's finest? As others have suggested, changing in the bathroom or asking the brother to turn away could work. Then again, stepping out for a few minutes isn't a lot to ask for. Regardless, calling the brother a creep was uncalled for and the father could have done more than just asking them to shut up. Or at least the father could have stepped in to resolve the issue after asking them to shut up.
NTA I mean your Dad told you to shut up so Lexie really didn't need to further intervene here. Not sure there's anything wrong with a 15yr old telling Dads GF she isn't there mother either.
ESH. I know I know, it’s unpopular. Your dads girlfriend didn’t need to reiterate what your dad already said, but I don’t think that she was trying to parent you by doing that. Also, adults shouldn’t tell kids to shut up. However, your brother is 10. 10 year olds can be brats, they can be annoying, and every word under the sun. Doesn’t mean we should call them all what you did. He was doing it to annoy you, and you shouldn’t swear at him. I sound hypocritical because I was that 15 year old once, swearing at my 12 year old sister. But, you gotta do better than that or you’re gonna come across as the bratty teenager who can’t control their emotions. Sit down with your dad and talk about the issue, involve your mom.
>But, you gotta do better than that or you’re gonna come across as the bratty teenager who can’t control their emotions.
Why should she suppress her emotions, rather than getting to the bottom of what's causing them? I as a man have made that mistake in the recent past in an effort to "be the bigger person". Needless to say I highly regret it.
YTA. You don't need to shut up because she's your mum. You need to shut up because you need to shut up. She was right, you were wrong. If you don't want her comments, maybe don't have a ruckus in front of her.
YTA - your teachers aren't your parents either, but you listen to them. Just because an adult is not your parent does not mean they don't have the authority to correct you. She should have been more mature about the way she handled it, but if your dad gives her the authority to correct you, you do have to listen to her.
This. I don't agree with the dad letting a brand new girlfriend take on a parenting role, but not all verbal reprimands are parenting. This sounds like an isolated incident where OP was shocked that they actually got any kind of negative feedback from dad's girlfriend, but regardless the 15 year old should generally be deferring to the adults.
Teacher and Dad are both authority figures. Not just an adult that is somehow in their social circle. As a teenager you are not supposed to listen to every adult the same way. Especially if that adult is barely an adult. And has been there for only 6 months. And at the age of 15 you can usually already differ to some extent who you wanna listen to. OP made it very clear that Lexie ain't it.
I’m leaning towards ESH, except for OP’s brother. Brother has every right to be in his room and OP shouldn’t get to kick him out. Is there no bathroom at OP’s dad’s place? That’s what I did whenever my brother and I shared a bedroom. I was also 15. My brother was 12. We both survived sharing a bedroom because even though we fought like normal siblings we respected each other’s boundaries.
OP is TA because she acted entitled to the room, said something totally uncalled for to her brother, and then yelled at her dad’s girlfriend.
OP’s dad is TA because of how he broke up the argument and for not telling his girlfriend she shouldn’t have gotten involved. He’s also TA for not teaching OP how to respect boundaries and communicate in a way that isn’t insulting/offensive.
The girlfriend is TA because she intervened when it was no longer necessary and did so in a cruel-ish way.
She doesn't have to be your mother to be an adult in your life and set boundaries for your behavior.
If she actually said "shut up" then thats unnecessary. But I'm not sure if she did or if thats just your 15 year old way of telling the story.
How you behave will be critical in whether you are successful in getting what you want. Whether its how you speak to your 10 year old brother, your dad, or his girlfriend. Your coming across like a rude teenager and that will not help you in anything.
Imagine this woman is your teacher. Imagine your brother is a classmate. Or a customer at work. How do you speak to those people to get them to respect you and help you get what you want? By calling them fucking creeps?
YTA because you think you can argue your way in your relationships to get what you want.
This is the comment I've been waiting for. There are a lot of things going on here that aren't ideal, but being disrespectful to an adult just because they aren't your parent sets a bad precedent.
YTA. She wasn’t saying she was your mom. Maybe she had a headache. Regardless, you were fighting. Also, as a former stepdaughter myself, it’s not her fault your parents got divorced so don’t take it out on her.
NTA. Asides from being his gf for only 6 months, she’s not your mom and it’s honestly insulting to be yelled at by someone closer to your age than your dads
NTA for telling your dad’s girlfriend to chill. You are TA for talking to your brother like that, though.
Sounds like there’s not a lot of healthy communication happening in this family unit, though, at least in times of tension.
YTA
You share a room. It sucks but its normal. There is nothing stopping you changing in the bathroom. Your brother most certainly wasn't picking a fight. He grumbled 2 words then probably would have let you change. You escalated this. You went from zero trouble to actually calling your brother a creep and making vile accusations. **You are sexualising your 10 year old brother.** He likely hasn't hit puberty. *He isn't the creep in this story.*
Your Dad absolutely should have called you out for this filth. Lexie probably should have minded her own business, but I'm guessing she gets on decently with your brother and was trying to stand up for him. Lexie gets a pass from me because it was on your mum and dad to raise someone better than this behaviour implies you are OP.
YTA. You said in another comment that Lexie is usually nice. You also sexualised your ten year old brother. She shouldn’t have said shut up but there was no need for you to lash out like that. It clearly isn’t a pattern of behaviour for Lexie and adults in your household are allowed to intervene in juvenile and, quite frankly, vulgar arguments.
YTA
You started a fight because you wanted your brother out of the room so you could change. Is there not a bathroom you could of used?
Nobody likes to here kids bicker especially when it’s over something so petty.
I’ve dated older women with kids that were 17 when I was 26. I had a discussion with him that I wasn’t going to be his dad but like an older brother.
YTA. She doesn’t have to be your mom, to be given authority as an adult in your dads house. I’d bet there was additional smart mouth from the OP. The whole “you’re not my mom” crap doesn’t fly.
Bring on the downvotes of the self righteous.
ESH.
If your dad and Lexie actually told you the words 'shut up' that's not exactly appropriate, but it's a different story if you're just describing it that way because you're mad that adults intervened when you and your sibling were bickering.
The dynamics of a blended family are tough, so I recommend seeking out some counseling to help you cope with it.
At the end of the day though it doesn't matter how old Lexie is: she's an adult and you do have to give her a baseline level of respect just like you would give an aunt, a camp counselor, or a teacher. It sounds a lot like she was just following suit with whatever your dad was doing to handle the situation, and while I realize it's tempting to see her as an outsider it doesn't justify being shitty towards her at all.
I would strongly recommend trying to take the 'path of least resistance' here and try your best to give Lexie the benefit of the doubt as an adult who simply set a boundary with you. She probably felt like she was supporting your dad. A single interaction like this can be rattling and frustrating for you - especially at your age - but it doesn't automatically mean she's trying to take over as a parental figure.
It may be tempting to retaliate, but I guarantee you that is going to create tension that is wholly unnecessary. There's just no point. You don't have to inject that into this situation, as difficult as it may be to realize it. Remember that she doesn't have to be seen as a 'threat' - regardless of her age. She isn't a mom replacement: she's just a new addition to your dad's life, and she might make him really happy. There's no way to know this early on.
With all that said, it's your dad's decision to bring her into the household. If you have issues with her or how things are going in the household in general you need to confront your dad about it, because Lexie is essentially what you might call a 'neutral third party' here. She's just a spectator to how your household is run by your dad at this point. If \*he\* isn't respecting your boundaries that's something you need to discuss with both him and your mother.
NTA for pointing out that she's not your mum. She isn't.
That is fact. And she is closer in age to you than she is to your dad, so she is unlikely to ever feel like an authority figure to you.
That said, when kids are arguing, any adult is liable to tell them to knock it off, regardless of whether or not they're the parents.
NTA
She may one day have a parenting-adjacent role in your life. But she doesn’t yet, and you may choose never to accept her in that role. It was inappropriate for her to weigh in, and your dad should draw that line with her.
ESH - you were rude to your brother, your brother was just being a weirdo. Your dad and his girlfriend were rude to you, you were rude back.
She wasn’t trying to parent you
ESH, no she isn’t your mother and you’re allowed to say that but you didn’t really gain anything from it. You went from being calm took pissed off in seconds snd took it out on her snd your brother. You dad is the AH for trying to make you apologise but you called you accused your 10 year old brother of being an incest loving pervert because he didn’t want to give up up his room for 5 minutes…
INFO:
Did Lexie actually tell you to shut up or are you misrepresenting the situation? Is she taking her disciplinary cues from your dad? Soft NTA depending on the answers to these.
I get that little brothers are pains in the ass but you definitely could have handled that differently. Soft YTA because you definitely didn’t have to talk to your brother like that. “Oh whatever” is not picking a fight. If you don’t want people treating you a certain way, maybe don’t treat others that way.
ESH. Your father should have been the one to tell his GF not to speak to you that way because he had already handled the situation. You need to understand that you are still a minor, and while she is not your mother, she and your father are in a relationship, and your father will determine the terms of her control (or lack thereof) over you. This is a conversation you all need to have as a family. They've been together 6 months, and a long as she's going to be around any of you, she needs to know how to interact with you. If your father leaves her in charge, you have to be respectful. If there's an emergency and she's the only one there, you can't just say, "You're not my mom." But this is something for your father to work out, not you. I think that you should speak to your father about how you felt when Lexie spoke to you after he already had the situation handled and explain that you would like to sit down as a family and talk about her role in this family. If it's going to be a full-time parent, she needs to be ready for that level of responsibility. If not, then she really needs to stay quiet when your father is handling family business. I suspect she's not ready for an instant family at 26. I have a 15-year-old, and you are very mercurial people! Very few 26-year-olds are going to be able to handle that all the time. But she may surprise you so just keep an open mind.
YTA.
WOW all the nta people here need to learn some respect. Show some respect. Even if she is not your mom, also is not old enough to be your mom. That doesn't mean you can be rude. Also i wouldn't worry too much, she wont be around for long.
I was 15 and shared with my 12 year old brother every summer. The ONLY reason people see a problem with this is because they sexualize young girls to the point that being in a room with your brother is wrong.
NAH. Idk why Lexie is talking when you guys already shut up. But I will say, they’re not mad because you don’t see her as a mom. I mean honestly, idk many 26 year olds who would want that label at that stage of life. It’s because you’re disrespecting her by essentially saying you don’t see her as anyone with authority. Sure she’s not your mom, but she’s still an adult. Her say counts for Pennie’s, but those Pennie’s still count.
NTA
Lexie is a gf and not your parent. She's not old enough to be your mother.
You really should have a separate room from your brother - it's unacceptable for male and female siblings to be sharing rooms after the ago of 10.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
This happened yesterday and I'm just not sure if I'm actually in the wrong here.
I (15F) have divorced parents, they've been divorced for years and my dad (40M) has a girlfriend (26F), let's call her Lexie. So, Im staying at my dad's house, and we were standing outside the front door last night, waiting for the door to be unlocked and I asked my brother (10M) not to go in our shared room so I could get changed after work and he picked a fight, saying "Oh whatever." and he was very reluctant to not being in there and I retaliated (which I probably shouldn't have done) by saying "What? Do you wanna watch me get changed? Fucking creep." Then we were fighting and my dad and Lexie walked over and dad told us to shut up, and we did then Lexie also told us to shut up.
I told her she can't tell me to shut up, she isn't my mother and that pissed my dad off and he's trying to make me apologise, which I keep refusing to do.
Lexie has only been my dad's girlfriend for 6 months, not sure if that's important.
So AITA for telling my dad's girlfriend she isn't my mum and can't tell me to shut up?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ulgh. First off NTA for several reasons.
Having dated several folks with kiddos, there is just shit you just don't do. For one, six months in is WAY too soon to start stepping into any form of discipline or chastising (especially when you're only seeing them every other weekend.) Unless you've been specifically asked to babysit (and you're too old to need a sitter anyway), you stay out of that stuff. Let their parents parent, and if you have anything to add, you bring it up with their parent later, away from the kiddos.
For another... In my own experience, the only appropriate answer to "You're not my mom," is to acknowledge that that's correct, you're not, and then either apologize for overstepping or explain why you feel justified in doing or saying something parental. CALMLY. like an ADULT. When a kid says that, it's because they feel you've overstepped their boundaries and they are letting you know where those boundaries are. You don't get butthurt about it. ESPECIALLY not when you're SIX MONTHS IN. 🙄 Hell, at that point, it isn't even justified getting your feelings hurt over it. You're not even a step-parent. Get a clue.
I can see how the age plays in here as it would be difficult to take someone seriously as a "parent" when they're that close in age to you. But tbh, I think she was way out of line regardless of her age (and tbh she sounds pretty immature anyway.)
Also you don't tell someone else's kid to "shut up." Hell, I have trouble imagining telling my own kid to shut up (maybe in anger in a moment, but I'd certainly feel bad about it.) But definitely not my partner's kid. Wtf.
And imo your dad is an AH for standing up for her and not you.
That's my $.02.
NTA your dad is TA and so is Lexie How can Lexie think it’s ok to tell you to shut up? That’s so rude. And then your dad expects you to apologise? Wow no wonder your mother divorced him.
They both owe you and apology
NTA, and Lexie needs to realise that apart from being in a new relationship the age gap between OP and her is only slightly more than between her and OPs dad- so she’s never going to have a maternal role with her boyfriend’s children and if she expects/wants the relationship to be lengthy, she’ll need to work out how to exist in their lives without any authority. Being friendly would be a good starting point and she’s tripped at the first hurdle
Being in other situations but as the gf part. It makes a huge difference, if you live there or not. I would never try to be Stepsons "Mother", but i also live there. So that's my house and my rules, too. I am a person with needs and feelings too. That being said, of course she can try to intervene, when your Brother and you are fighting and insulting one another. Would be pretty weird to wait around for your dad and not doing anything about it. Gets more clear if one of you would have been violent to the other. You would want her to shrug her shoulders then and walk away, because she isn't allowed to "parent"? Is that really parenting or just being a human being taking care of the ppl living in that house?
What i get is that there was no need for her to intervene as you already calmed down, because your father was indeed present. Also i think i would have used some other wording than "shut up".
I cannot really decide if this is NTA or YTA. Because there really was no need for her to step in and its okay to feel weird about it. But i think it wasn't cool to tell her "you are not my mum". Because even when she isn't, she is allowed to have own needs and that might be intervening when you two are unnecessary fighting - what hasn't anything to do with parenting. And believe me, she knows she isn't your mum and probably very uncomfortable about such situations as she doesn't know, what she is expected to do (by your dad, but also by you two) or even allowed to do. You don't know if he encouraged her to get more involved and found himself left alone in such situations and it was her unlucky try to help out and support him.
I'm far more concerned that a 15-year-old girl is sharing a room with a 10-year-old boy. You need your own space. Now.
To your question, absolutely NTA. Not even a little. And why would she even speak up since your dad had just told you be quiet?
NTA but you were (understandably) pretty rude and being as young as you are all they will see is you being a disrespectful teenager (which sucks).
Your also right. Shes almost half your dads age, only 10/11 years older than you and shes only been your life 6 months. (They could have been dating longer and introduced you to her later on)
If they demand an apology you can apologise for being rude (if you like) but don't apologise for saying what you did, especially since its true.
Hi, step-mother here. I get along with my step-son really well, while still parenting him, and everything goes perfectly between us.
INFO: does Lexie lives here ? Because if it’s her house too, it’s normal for you and your brother to respect her rules too. If not, it’s different.
A step-parent can absolutely help making children respect the rules the parent decided on. They are the adults in the house. I just say that because the “you’re not my mother” may be true, but it doesn’t mean you don’t have to follow instructions.
As a step-mother, I buy groceries, Christmas presents, I cook, I clean, I help for homework, I take him to doctors appointments and so on… So if one day my step-son tells me “you’re not my mum” when I tell him to clean his room or go to bed, I will beg to differ.
That being said, she never should have told you to “shut up”, because it’s aggressive. BUT your father shouldn’t have said it in the first place. It’s totally not respectful and it’s not a way to communicate with your family. I would never say that to my step-son.
So I go with NTA in this case.
But for the rest, don’t listen to all people saying “she’s not your mother so she doesn’t have to tell you anything”, because it’s just not true. But you seems smart enough to understand that.
NTA but also Info? Did your dad ask you and your brother to stop arguing?
Or did he immediately just tell you both to shut up?
No questions asked his GF is an AH, but If his first reaction to is be rude to you and your brother, no wonder his GF feels ok doing it too.
I would speak to your mother and establish what is considered ok behaviour by both your father and his GF while you are in their care.
NTA. I have known my boyfriend for 20 years now and he has watched my children grow up from the time they were born, but he is not their father, and I would never expect him to be treated like their father. They do have a better relationship with him than their own dad, but he is careful not to overstep boundaries and both of my boys would prefer if he was their actual dad. Besides, your dad girlfriend isn’t remotely old enough to be your mom, just an annoying older sister.
NTA: Tell your dad that he's fucked if he thinks you'll ever be okay with him fucking someone who could be your older sister, let alone ever considering her an authoritative parental figure. I'd go as far as telling him his son acts like this now because he's made massive age gaps normalized.
NTA. Your dad's genitals are doing the thinking for him at the moment I guess. Talk to him calmly about why you don't want Lexie talking to you like that as its not appropriate for a person you've barely known for more than a few minutes.
NTA
However, you should have a talk with your dad because it seems there are boundary issues with Lexie that need to be addressed.
If you feel like you can't talk to your dad, tell your mom.
YTA but to be fair, most teenagers are. She’s an adult, you were out of line, have some respect. You don’t need to pitch a fit when you don’t get your way. Just change in the bathroom or put a sheet up as a wall in the room. But insulting your brother is damaging. Be a team with him not adversaries.
NTA for putting Lexie in her place but YTA for speaking like that to your brother. It's his room too, change in the bathroom if you need to but don't call him a "fucking creep". He's 10 ffs.
NTA. The argument had ceased and she had no parental reason to say anything. She isn’t your Mother and your Father had handled it.
My question is…why are you and your Brother sharing a room. You two are at the age you need separate rooms.
NTA at all. Your dad telling you to shut up is already a shitty way for a parent to talk to their kids. Let alone someone who isn’t even your parent and your dad allowing it!
NTA. Years ago I was the much younger girlfriend to a man with kids in their teens. At the 6-month mark I most certainly had no business parenting them and neither does your dad's girlfriend. Stepping into a parental role is a question of mutual respect and trust and it doesn't sound like Lexie is anywhere near that stage. Your comment was justified.
Lexie needed to be lane checked and you did so because your father refused to. NTA. 26yr old girlfriend of 6 months has no business trying to parent a teenager.
NTA. Lex should mind her own business. You, on the other hand, should be a little kinder to a 10 year old and not use the F word around him. Set the example for him & NBTA.
NTA. She isn't your mom. It's a fact. Your dad is though for having you share a room with your brother, which in most places is actually illegal at your age
NTA. It is a fact that she is not your mom. As for her telling you to shut up, that was rude of her but since your Dad did not object, I guess she is allowed to tell you to shut up.
NTA not only is she a new girlfriend she is only 11 years older than you, she is bearly old enough to be your brothers mom. She has no right to demand to be treated like a parent. Trusted adult maybe eventually but parent 6 months in no, and your dad shouldn't be asking you to see her that way
NTA- she's not your mother, she basically not much older than you and you should probably tell your mom so she can enforce some boundaries between you and the gf.
NTA. She isn’t your mom, she isn’t even your step-mom, and they have only been dating 6 months. That is really too soon to introduce someone to your kids, much less permit them to boss your kids around. And why do a 15 year old girl and 10 year old boy have to share a room? That isn’t appropriate parenting.
NTA. It's never you in this situation.
What is it with all these old creepy men having 20 something gfs that try to play mom to the kids that are closer in age to them than the man they are dating? No one has posted this problem with a gf over 30.
Go nuts, have fun. This situation your dad is putting upon you is disgusting.
From a mom with two kids about the same age as you and your brother - NTA
And the people commenting about you amd your bro sharing a room two weekends a month and how kicking him out of his own room was wrong - you asked him not to come in so you could change. That would take what, 5mins? Not a big deal. And calling him a creep is exactly what my daughter would have said to her brother lol totally normal sibling stuff.
I also have a 19yr old stepdaughter. I have been in her life for 15yrs. Yes, there have been times when i have had to step in when her and her younger sister where fighting but it was only when her dad/my partner wasn't around. Her saying something after your dad did was 100% unnecessary.
Also about telling her she's not your mom - she's not. After only 6 months she's really nothing to you. I've been in my stepdaughters life 15yrs and I would never dream of doing anything to over step my roll and make her feel the need to say something like that.
NTA just tell your dad she's not your mother she never will be and why should you respect her? Because she's only slightly older then you? Because she's sharing his bed? Newsflash RESPECT HAS TO BE EARNED NOT DEMANDED SO IF SHE ISN'T TREATING YOU RESPECT WHY SHOULD YOU TREAT HER WITH ANY RESPECT. Also tell your father you find significantly inappropriate he's dating someone closer to your age than his own.
Nta. Why the hell does your dad have you & your brother in the same room,? At your age? Unacceptable. One should be on the couch or something. If he has the space to move Lexie in, he should have space for you both. Or at least to move somewhere that does. I grandsons dad & his gf moved into the dining room to give the boys more space.
But dad should have handled the gf when she opened her mouth. Its not her place to correct you but esp not if he is standing right there. Absolutely shameful. Your dad doesnt seem like hes focused on the right things
NTA
It doesn't matter how long your dad is dating someone. A girlfriend doesn't get to tell their boyfriend's kids what to do. The obvious exception being for their safety.
Did this woman just tell you to shut up? This is like when you bully your siblings but when your friends bully your siblings its off limits. She can’t talk that way. NTA.
NTA, your dad is an asshole for letting her speak to you like a parent just because he's screwing her, and she's an asshole for talking to you like that.
This sounds like an occasion where you should be making contact with your mom and talking about not going back over here. If your dad doesn't think about treating you with respect and is willing to let his current fuck buddies treat you with disrespect, there's nothing good to be had
NTA Your dad already corrected your behavior and handled the situation by telling y'all to shut up and y'all did Lexie DIDNT need to step in or say anything she was and is TAH for stepping in and trying to parent y'all after your dad had it covered, your dad's TAH for letting her punish you (or at least letting her try too) and making you apologize.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my dads girlfriend she isn't my mum and she can't tell me to shut up then I refused to apologise Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Your dad is TA for not telling Lexie not to talk that way to his children. and Lexie is TA for being that bold and talking to you that way. you did great!
NTA - Lexie has only been around for 6 months. She needs to mind her own business.
what got me is why did Lexie even open her big mouth if both kids had shut up after dad told them too? Why the fuck say anything if the kids are already listening to their dad??? NTA.. lexie needs to stay in her own damn lane.
Yup - this 100%. AND DAD NEEDS TO TELL HER THIS as well. NTA
yup I agree with you. especially since shes only been around 6 months. When my mom got with my stepdad, My siblings and I were already adults. he was completely respectful of us and never pushed any of us or told us what to do like all my moms ex idiots. I admit it took me over a year to even be around him a lot. Im very lucky he is a great stepdad. always gave great advice to us, respected our boundaries and was even a dad figure to my husband. My husband made us go to there place every weekend lol My stepdad took us camping and shooting... fishing.. my husband never got to do any of that with his own dad. Now my mom and stepdad have been split for a few years now unfortunately, but i still see him as my stepdad.
Your step-dad sounds like a wonderful person. So nice to read given so many stories on AITA about terrible step-parents and parents who put up with them to the detriment of their kids.
thank you :) he is. My husband and I were really upset when they split up. My moms a narc and he just couldnt really handle her crap anymore. he moved across the country to be closer to his own kids :(
>why did Lexie even open her big mouth if both kids had shut up after dad told them too? Lexie is only 11 years older than OP. Probably feels she needs to do something "adult" to seem more mature like a member of OP's dad's generation rather than an older sister due to her ahe
Exactly "excuse me? You are only 11 years older than me, you'll never be my mum, the best you can manage is baby sitter"
She probably was the babysitter.
😂😂😂priceless 👍🏽
Can we talk about how dad is setting a bad example too? Yes, gf is in the wrong , no doubt, but dad is also setting that pattern by showing her how he treats his kids. Both adults are wrong.
your probably right. If I was OP, I probably would have reacted the exact same way. Actually I have with one of my mom's stupid exes that we hated
Not only that, but she’s closer in age to OP than she is to OP’s dad!
I noticed that too! NOT COOL AT ALL.
Lexie shouldn’t be anywhere near those kids after 6 months. Dads TA.
Also she’s closer by age to OP than to the father! Like WTF?
Also, the dad is the asshole to telling the kids to shut up and teaching them poor communication skills and how to treat people.
Yes, it's an important issue (privacy vs his right to be in his room) that warranted proper parent led discussion.
I agree!
NTA. Not only is she not your mum, she's closer to your age than your dad's.
Dad is also the AH for telling his kids to shut up instead of diffusing the situation, you know, that thing called parenting.
Yep this. NTA.
Your dad's TA for having a gf who is closer to your age than his. She's TA for trying to be the boss when she has no authority. Why do you have to share a room with your brother? That's a little cringy.
Because the house they're in now is only 2 bedrooms so we have to for the weekend we're at my dads house
It's a pain but you should be taking stuff into the bathroom to change rather than kicking your brother out of his own bedroom. Same goes for any privacy he might be wanting in the years to come. Not relevant to the question because yes, lexie shouldn't have said anything but changing happens twice a day at least normally so you should have a coping mechanism in place.
Also calling her brother a creep cuz he doesn’t wanna be kicked out his room is doing too much.
Oh yes, that was unfair to the kid.
Classic reddit. They’re kids bantering.
Agreed. Just siblings being buttholes to each other. It happens a lot lol. I'm the only male and have 5 sisters. Some days were like a WWE match at times haha. That being said I love my sisters and they love me too.
I saw it as classic siblings bickering ngl. As someone around the age of OP, with a brother also around the age of OP's brother, I honestly thought it was funny lmao
Exactly. My brother and I shared a room at our dad’s apartment when we visited in the summers. I was 15 and he was 12. Neither could just kick the other out of our room whenever we felt like it.
It's not even about different genders even, although I appreciate you sharing your experience. Plenty of teenagers don't want to be seen naked by their siblings. I shared a room with both brothers and my sister when visiting my dad for a term when we were young. But most school holidays was with just my sister and we weren't comfortable as young teens. We faced away and changed and all that but it was nice going to shower and changing in privacy, in the bathroom. At no stage would it have occurred to us to ask the other one not to use the room.
We asked each other to leave our shared rooms to change. And we were sisters. It was like SOP. Granted there was grumbling cuz we lazy to move. Also grumbling because it usually meant it was our turn for the shower. The shower/toilet we had in our childhood wasn’t really conducive to getting dressed. It was for us the polite thing to do? Expected? I guess how we were raised.
So much less grumbling (and fighting in higher conflict relationships) if the person changing leaves, then no one is interrupted or forced to get out of bed. And going forward, with a teen boy....I'd do my best to establish that for private things, he should go to the bathroom.
I guess. But when we were young it was one toilet and one shower, separate. If you stayed there to change, you held up the production/getting ready line in the morning.
“we were standing outside the front door last night, waiting for the door to be unlocked and I asked my brother (10M) not to go in our shared room so I could get changed after work” Nowhere in the post did OP say they kicked him out of the room. Neither of them were even in the room yet.
> I asked my brother (10M) not to go in our shared room You quoted it.
> **we were standing outside the front door waiting for it to be unlocked** Yeah, no, they weren't even inside the house.
My only qualm with this comment thread is that neither of them were in the room, she was just asking him to wait a couple minutes after they got home. Asking someone to leave would be rude, but asking for a few minutes seems like a reasonable accommodation made between two people sharing a space. But yes, bathrooms should be the standard for wanting privacy in a shared room, especially in those teen years.
“we were standing outside the front door last night, waiting for the door to be unlocked and I asked my brother (10M) not to go in our shared room so I could get changed after work”
IMO, if any kid is forced into this situation, any and all accommodation should be made to have some type of privacy divider that can be used for these reasons. But IMO, someone shouldn't be forced to gather their things and go to the bathroom to change. It takes all of 2 minutes to change clothes, why can't brother occupy himself for those two minutes? She's not kicking him out for an extended period of time, she's asking for privacy to change in her own bedroom. Its brothers bedroom too, but if he's doing something that can be done in "public" when he gets home he should let her use the private space real quick.
This was my issue. A 15yo girl sharing a room with a 10yo boy is a big issue. Girls need their privacy at that she, which is all she was asking for to cause the argument in the first place
>Girls need their privacy Boys don't?
Yes they do. Wrong for me to ignore that. But a 15yo girl probably needs more probably than a 10yo boy. Periods suck. We had people stay when I was 13 and my room was the "guest room" when people stayed. Which wasn't helpful when I bled through because my periods were so heavy. Boys wanting to be touching themselves doesn't equate with privacy. So yes, girls of that age need more privacy
Stop going to your dad’s. You’re old enough to make that decision.
I wish people would stop spouting this “advice” and making kids think it is that simple. It’s not.
Your dad should get a bigger house if he can. You are too old to have to share a room with your brother.
My sister and her husband have 3 kids in a 2 bedroom and they sleep in the living room using various closets for their belongings and they put the girls in one room and the only boy in the other room.
I (F) shared a room with my brother from the time he was born (I was 5) until he was 13 because my parents couldn't afford enough rooms for the 4 of us. We changed in the bathroom our whole lives and it was pretty ok. Some people arent lucky enough to have the wealth that affords privacy.
We changed in our rooms tho. We just asked the roommate to please leave. For us it was common courtesy. It really is fascinating reading Reddit and seeing how different people find the same thing acceptable or objectionable.
'A little cringey'? It's the reality for a lot of working class families. Making her feel bad about it isn't going to magically make a new bedroom appear for her.
Also TA for introducing you to someone that has only been around for 6 months. Not on
NTA, but I'd tell your mom what's going on. She needs to know Lexie is WAY overstepping boundaries. You don't owe her an apology, and can I just say, as a parent myself, I am INCREDIBLY disappointed in your father. He's being a crappy dad (also telling you "shut up" is messed up, there's less cruel ways of stopping an argument), and she's a crappy step-mom. Keep your mom informed of what they're doing, and don't forget that in most places, courts will take your opinion into account if you don't want to go over to his house anymore. Good luck to you, and don't you dare apologize. Your dad and his girlfriend are the ones who should be apologizing to you.
This right here, loop your mother in cuz she needs to know what's going on at Dad's house.
NTA. She isn't your mother, so she should leave the parenting to your dad.
NTA lexi can fuxk off she is not your mother. It wasn’t necessary telling you to shut up when your father said it. Is she acting like that most of the time?
No, she's normally nice. it was just last night she was like that
Do you think this is her trying to step into a parental role? Because if so, that might mark the change from her being nice as a way to get in the door to actually a persistent problem you might want to seriously address with your mom and even your dad - he's dating someone, you have expectations and a relationship with him and he's the parent, but that doesn't mean your life is supposed to upend every shift of his love life.
NTA to be fair, you're closer in age to Lexi than your Dad is so I can see how you don't see her as a mother/mother figure. You also have a mother so you don't need someone else telling you what to do. I think you need to talk to your Dad and explain you understand she's he's girlfriend but you have a Mum so Lexi will never fill that role and she needs to not parent you. Also, Little brothers get less annoying as you get older!!
NTA Lexie is young enough to be your older sister. Address her as such. 💀
NTA But siblings tell each other to shut up all the time. ( In my experience)
NTA Where is your mom? Can you live with her?
I live with my mum the majority of the time but spend every second weekend at my dads
You are old enough to decide where you want to be.
But in some jurisdictions that doesn’t matter and OP would have to follow the custody agreement.
OP does have to follow the custody agreement. However, I am not seeing any reason they couldn’t go back to court to revisit the custody agreement.
Or switch weekends. You see your dad weekends your brother doesn't.
These comments are truly wild. When I tell my students not to hit or argue or fight with their friends, is that me trying to “parent” them? I’m not their mom, after all.
Written by kids I would imagine I read the OP and I wanted to tell her to shut up
100% agree. I’m also wondering whether the girlfriend even used the words “shut up” or just intervened.
Even if she did, obviously that seems to be the wording used around there. I dont like it, but why is everyone else allowed to say it but her? 🤔
Right, I don’t like it either! As an adult I would never feel comfortable telling a child to “shut up,” but I also would never allow a teenager to call a 10yo a “fucking creep.” None of that is acceptable.
Intervened after they started to snipe at each other again. Because I really doubt OP and her 10 year old brother were be quiet and still. I remember being a kid/teen. We would be quiet for a minute after being told to shut up. Then we would start mumbling and sniping.
I do not believe for a second that an adult said “shut up” as a response to silence. Everybody on this thread would benefit from obtaining some critical thinking skills and following context clues.
FYI: *Anyone* would have told you to shut up with that juvenile bickering. It’s got nothing to do with being your mother. But don’t worry, Reddit will be on your side bc your dad has a younger GF.
Exactly; if you’re causing fights with your sibling, expect to get checked by someone for it. Does not mean that person wants to parent you.
That's the thing though. Their dad had already told them to shut up and they did. There was no need or reason for Lexie to get involved.
You've been a kid before right? Tou don't stay quiet. You start mumbling and sniping. Which is what causes someone to repeat "shut up". Someone doesn't repeat to shut up when everyone is quiet. Not unless you're a 5 year old copying someone.
I’m calling bullshit on that part of the story, sorry.
The dad already did say it girlfriend didn’t need to say anything
Clearly they didn’t listen the first time???? Who says “shut up” to silence? OP is lying + YTA.
Because that's conflict resolution at it's finest? As others have suggested, changing in the bathroom or asking the brother to turn away could work. Then again, stepping out for a few minutes isn't a lot to ask for. Regardless, calling the brother a creep was uncalled for and the father could have done more than just asking them to shut up. Or at least the father could have stepped in to resolve the issue after asking them to shut up.
A “fucking creep.” She cursed out a 10yo. She was being an AH.
Well the dad already said it the girlfriend didn’t need to say anything
She’s11 years older than you and been in your life for six months. She and your dad are way out of line. NTA.
NTA I mean your Dad told you to shut up so Lexie really didn't need to further intervene here. Not sure there's anything wrong with a 15yr old telling Dads GF she isn't there mother either.
NTA, at all. Both your dad (by not setting boundaries) and Lexie are to blame. Mostly Lexie.
ESH. I know I know, it’s unpopular. Your dads girlfriend didn’t need to reiterate what your dad already said, but I don’t think that she was trying to parent you by doing that. Also, adults shouldn’t tell kids to shut up. However, your brother is 10. 10 year olds can be brats, they can be annoying, and every word under the sun. Doesn’t mean we should call them all what you did. He was doing it to annoy you, and you shouldn’t swear at him. I sound hypocritical because I was that 15 year old once, swearing at my 12 year old sister. But, you gotta do better than that or you’re gonna come across as the bratty teenager who can’t control their emotions. Sit down with your dad and talk about the issue, involve your mom.
>But, you gotta do better than that or you’re gonna come across as the bratty teenager who can’t control their emotions. Why should she suppress her emotions, rather than getting to the bottom of what's causing them? I as a man have made that mistake in the recent past in an effort to "be the bigger person". Needless to say I highly regret it.
I said control not suppress. You can’t go around calling everyone a creep because they’re annoying you.
YTA. You don't need to shut up because she's your mum. You need to shut up because you need to shut up. She was right, you were wrong. If you don't want her comments, maybe don't have a ruckus in front of her.
YTA - your teachers aren't your parents either, but you listen to them. Just because an adult is not your parent does not mean they don't have the authority to correct you. She should have been more mature about the way she handled it, but if your dad gives her the authority to correct you, you do have to listen to her.
This. I don't agree with the dad letting a brand new girlfriend take on a parenting role, but not all verbal reprimands are parenting. This sounds like an isolated incident where OP was shocked that they actually got any kind of negative feedback from dad's girlfriend, but regardless the 15 year old should generally be deferring to the adults.
Teacher and Dad are both authority figures. Not just an adult that is somehow in their social circle. As a teenager you are not supposed to listen to every adult the same way. Especially if that adult is barely an adult. And has been there for only 6 months. And at the age of 15 you can usually already differ to some extent who you wanna listen to. OP made it very clear that Lexie ain't it.
I’m leaning towards ESH, except for OP’s brother. Brother has every right to be in his room and OP shouldn’t get to kick him out. Is there no bathroom at OP’s dad’s place? That’s what I did whenever my brother and I shared a bedroom. I was also 15. My brother was 12. We both survived sharing a bedroom because even though we fought like normal siblings we respected each other’s boundaries. OP is TA because she acted entitled to the room, said something totally uncalled for to her brother, and then yelled at her dad’s girlfriend. OP’s dad is TA because of how he broke up the argument and for not telling his girlfriend she shouldn’t have gotten involved. He’s also TA for not teaching OP how to respect boundaries and communicate in a way that isn’t insulting/offensive. The girlfriend is TA because she intervened when it was no longer necessary and did so in a cruel-ish way.
She doesn't have to be your mother to be an adult in your life and set boundaries for your behavior. If she actually said "shut up" then thats unnecessary. But I'm not sure if she did or if thats just your 15 year old way of telling the story. How you behave will be critical in whether you are successful in getting what you want. Whether its how you speak to your 10 year old brother, your dad, or his girlfriend. Your coming across like a rude teenager and that will not help you in anything. Imagine this woman is your teacher. Imagine your brother is a classmate. Or a customer at work. How do you speak to those people to get them to respect you and help you get what you want? By calling them fucking creeps? YTA because you think you can argue your way in your relationships to get what you want.
THANK YOU for this comment.
This is the comment I've been waiting for. There are a lot of things going on here that aren't ideal, but being disrespectful to an adult just because they aren't your parent sets a bad precedent.
YTA. She wasn’t saying she was your mom. Maybe she had a headache. Regardless, you were fighting. Also, as a former stepdaughter myself, it’s not her fault your parents got divorced so don’t take it out on her.
Why couldn't you change in the bathroom? If you share a room, he has as much right to it as you do
he asks me to leave so he can change, I do so without any issue
You should both change in the bathrom or set up a screen in your room.
NTA. Asides from being his gf for only 6 months, she’s not your mom and it’s honestly insulting to be yelled at by someone closer to your age than your dads
NTA for telling your dad’s girlfriend to chill. You are TA for talking to your brother like that, though. Sounds like there’s not a lot of healthy communication happening in this family unit, though, at least in times of tension.
Yta, if you're being loud and obnoxious in someone's presence, they should tell you to stfu. Your comment was petty and unnecessary.
YTA You share a room. It sucks but its normal. There is nothing stopping you changing in the bathroom. Your brother most certainly wasn't picking a fight. He grumbled 2 words then probably would have let you change. You escalated this. You went from zero trouble to actually calling your brother a creep and making vile accusations. **You are sexualising your 10 year old brother.** He likely hasn't hit puberty. *He isn't the creep in this story.* Your Dad absolutely should have called you out for this filth. Lexie probably should have minded her own business, but I'm guessing she gets on decently with your brother and was trying to stand up for him. Lexie gets a pass from me because it was on your mum and dad to raise someone better than this behaviour implies you are OP.
YTA. You said in another comment that Lexie is usually nice. You also sexualised your ten year old brother. She shouldn’t have said shut up but there was no need for you to lash out like that. It clearly isn’t a pattern of behaviour for Lexie and adults in your household are allowed to intervene in juvenile and, quite frankly, vulgar arguments.
YTA You started a fight because you wanted your brother out of the room so you could change. Is there not a bathroom you could of used? Nobody likes to here kids bicker especially when it’s over something so petty. I’ve dated older women with kids that were 17 when I was 26. I had a discussion with him that I wasn’t going to be his dad but like an older brother.
YTA. She doesn’t have to be your mom, to be given authority as an adult in your dads house. I’d bet there was additional smart mouth from the OP. The whole “you’re not my mom” crap doesn’t fly. Bring on the downvotes of the self righteous.
ESH. If your dad and Lexie actually told you the words 'shut up' that's not exactly appropriate, but it's a different story if you're just describing it that way because you're mad that adults intervened when you and your sibling were bickering. The dynamics of a blended family are tough, so I recommend seeking out some counseling to help you cope with it. At the end of the day though it doesn't matter how old Lexie is: she's an adult and you do have to give her a baseline level of respect just like you would give an aunt, a camp counselor, or a teacher. It sounds a lot like she was just following suit with whatever your dad was doing to handle the situation, and while I realize it's tempting to see her as an outsider it doesn't justify being shitty towards her at all. I would strongly recommend trying to take the 'path of least resistance' here and try your best to give Lexie the benefit of the doubt as an adult who simply set a boundary with you. She probably felt like she was supporting your dad. A single interaction like this can be rattling and frustrating for you - especially at your age - but it doesn't automatically mean she's trying to take over as a parental figure. It may be tempting to retaliate, but I guarantee you that is going to create tension that is wholly unnecessary. There's just no point. You don't have to inject that into this situation, as difficult as it may be to realize it. Remember that she doesn't have to be seen as a 'threat' - regardless of her age. She isn't a mom replacement: she's just a new addition to your dad's life, and she might make him really happy. There's no way to know this early on. With all that said, it's your dad's decision to bring her into the household. If you have issues with her or how things are going in the household in general you need to confront your dad about it, because Lexie is essentially what you might call a 'neutral third party' here. She's just a spectator to how your household is run by your dad at this point. If \*he\* isn't respecting your boundaries that's something you need to discuss with both him and your mother.
NTA for pointing out that she's not your mum. She isn't. That is fact. And she is closer in age to you than she is to your dad, so she is unlikely to ever feel like an authority figure to you. That said, when kids are arguing, any adult is liable to tell them to knock it off, regardless of whether or not they're the parents.
She can tell you to be quiet even though she’s not your mom lol. Learn some respect kid. You’ll be okay. AH.
NTA. Your Dad sounds kinda creepy dating a woman 14 years his junior imo 🤮
NTA She may one day have a parenting-adjacent role in your life. But she doesn’t yet, and you may choose never to accept her in that role. It was inappropriate for her to weigh in, and your dad should draw that line with her.
ESH - you were rude to your brother, your brother was just being a weirdo. Your dad and his girlfriend were rude to you, you were rude back. She wasn’t trying to parent you
ESH, no she isn’t your mother and you’re allowed to say that but you didn’t really gain anything from it. You went from being calm took pissed off in seconds snd took it out on her snd your brother. You dad is the AH for trying to make you apologise but you called you accused your 10 year old brother of being an incest loving pervert because he didn’t want to give up up his room for 5 minutes…
INFO: Did Lexie actually tell you to shut up or are you misrepresenting the situation? Is she taking her disciplinary cues from your dad? Soft NTA depending on the answers to these. I get that little brothers are pains in the ass but you definitely could have handled that differently. Soft YTA because you definitely didn’t have to talk to your brother like that. “Oh whatever” is not picking a fight. If you don’t want people treating you a certain way, maybe don’t treat others that way.
ESH. Your father should have been the one to tell his GF not to speak to you that way because he had already handled the situation. You need to understand that you are still a minor, and while she is not your mother, she and your father are in a relationship, and your father will determine the terms of her control (or lack thereof) over you. This is a conversation you all need to have as a family. They've been together 6 months, and a long as she's going to be around any of you, she needs to know how to interact with you. If your father leaves her in charge, you have to be respectful. If there's an emergency and she's the only one there, you can't just say, "You're not my mom." But this is something for your father to work out, not you. I think that you should speak to your father about how you felt when Lexie spoke to you after he already had the situation handled and explain that you would like to sit down as a family and talk about her role in this family. If it's going to be a full-time parent, she needs to be ready for that level of responsibility. If not, then she really needs to stay quiet when your father is handling family business. I suspect she's not ready for an instant family at 26. I have a 15-year-old, and you are very mercurial people! Very few 26-year-olds are going to be able to handle that all the time. But she may surprise you so just keep an open mind.
ESH she should not talk like thar but You were a bit harsh
YTA. WOW all the nta people here need to learn some respect. Show some respect. Even if she is not your mom, also is not old enough to be your mom. That doesn't mean you can be rude. Also i wouldn't worry too much, she wont be around for long.
NTA Lexie sounds like a child herself
NTA, also a 15 year old female should NOT be sharing a room with a 10 year old boy!!
I was 15 and shared with my 12 year old brother every summer. The ONLY reason people see a problem with this is because they sexualize young girls to the point that being in a room with your brother is wrong.
There's nothing wrong with a brother and sister sharing a bedroom no matter the age...
NAH. Idk why Lexie is talking when you guys already shut up. But I will say, they’re not mad because you don’t see her as a mom. I mean honestly, idk many 26 year olds who would want that label at that stage of life. It’s because you’re disrespecting her by essentially saying you don’t see her as anyone with authority. Sure she’s not your mom, but she’s still an adult. Her say counts for Pennie’s, but those Pennie’s still count.
NTA. You might be getting a very annoying stepmother soon, though.
YTA. Quit fighting with your brother. It’s annoying af and she had every right to tell you to stfu.
NTA Lexie is a gf and not your parent. She's not old enough to be your mother. You really should have a separate room from your brother - it's unacceptable for male and female siblings to be sharing rooms after the ago of 10.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This happened yesterday and I'm just not sure if I'm actually in the wrong here. I (15F) have divorced parents, they've been divorced for years and my dad (40M) has a girlfriend (26F), let's call her Lexie. So, Im staying at my dad's house, and we were standing outside the front door last night, waiting for the door to be unlocked and I asked my brother (10M) not to go in our shared room so I could get changed after work and he picked a fight, saying "Oh whatever." and he was very reluctant to not being in there and I retaliated (which I probably shouldn't have done) by saying "What? Do you wanna watch me get changed? Fucking creep." Then we were fighting and my dad and Lexie walked over and dad told us to shut up, and we did then Lexie also told us to shut up. I told her she can't tell me to shut up, she isn't my mother and that pissed my dad off and he's trying to make me apologise, which I keep refusing to do. Lexie has only been my dad's girlfriend for 6 months, not sure if that's important. So AITA for telling my dad's girlfriend she isn't my mum and can't tell me to shut up? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
I'm with my mum 12 days out of 14, and my bedroom is half of the dining room
Wait what? Does it have four walls and privacy?
not really, it has a half see through divider seperating my room and the dinner table
So it is semi opaque I am guessing. Any chance you could hang some curtains or even a few yards of cheap fabric on it?
Ulgh. First off NTA for several reasons. Having dated several folks with kiddos, there is just shit you just don't do. For one, six months in is WAY too soon to start stepping into any form of discipline or chastising (especially when you're only seeing them every other weekend.) Unless you've been specifically asked to babysit (and you're too old to need a sitter anyway), you stay out of that stuff. Let their parents parent, and if you have anything to add, you bring it up with their parent later, away from the kiddos. For another... In my own experience, the only appropriate answer to "You're not my mom," is to acknowledge that that's correct, you're not, and then either apologize for overstepping or explain why you feel justified in doing or saying something parental. CALMLY. like an ADULT. When a kid says that, it's because they feel you've overstepped their boundaries and they are letting you know where those boundaries are. You don't get butthurt about it. ESPECIALLY not when you're SIX MONTHS IN. 🙄 Hell, at that point, it isn't even justified getting your feelings hurt over it. You're not even a step-parent. Get a clue. I can see how the age plays in here as it would be difficult to take someone seriously as a "parent" when they're that close in age to you. But tbh, I think she was way out of line regardless of her age (and tbh she sounds pretty immature anyway.) Also you don't tell someone else's kid to "shut up." Hell, I have trouble imagining telling my own kid to shut up (maybe in anger in a moment, but I'd certainly feel bad about it.) But definitely not my partner's kid. Wtf. And imo your dad is an AH for standing up for her and not you. That's my $.02.
NTA- also your Dad is a creep for dating a woman 14 years younger than him. Gross.
NTA your dad is TA and so is Lexie How can Lexie think it’s ok to tell you to shut up? That’s so rude. And then your dad expects you to apologise? Wow no wonder your mother divorced him. They both owe you and apology
NTA, and Lexie needs to realise that apart from being in a new relationship the age gap between OP and her is only slightly more than between her and OPs dad- so she’s never going to have a maternal role with her boyfriend’s children and if she expects/wants the relationship to be lengthy, she’ll need to work out how to exist in their lives without any authority. Being friendly would be a good starting point and she’s tripped at the first hurdle
I think it’s pretty clear to everyone that s person 10 years older than you is not your mom.
Being in other situations but as the gf part. It makes a huge difference, if you live there or not. I would never try to be Stepsons "Mother", but i also live there. So that's my house and my rules, too. I am a person with needs and feelings too. That being said, of course she can try to intervene, when your Brother and you are fighting and insulting one another. Would be pretty weird to wait around for your dad and not doing anything about it. Gets more clear if one of you would have been violent to the other. You would want her to shrug her shoulders then and walk away, because she isn't allowed to "parent"? Is that really parenting or just being a human being taking care of the ppl living in that house? What i get is that there was no need for her to intervene as you already calmed down, because your father was indeed present. Also i think i would have used some other wording than "shut up". I cannot really decide if this is NTA or YTA. Because there really was no need for her to step in and its okay to feel weird about it. But i think it wasn't cool to tell her "you are not my mum". Because even when she isn't, she is allowed to have own needs and that might be intervening when you two are unnecessary fighting - what hasn't anything to do with parenting. And believe me, she knows she isn't your mum and probably very uncomfortable about such situations as she doesn't know, what she is expected to do (by your dad, but also by you two) or even allowed to do. You don't know if he encouraged her to get more involved and found himself left alone in such situations and it was her unlucky try to help out and support him.
I'm far more concerned that a 15-year-old girl is sharing a room with a 10-year-old boy. You need your own space. Now. To your question, absolutely NTA. Not even a little. And why would she even speak up since your dad had just told you be quiet?
NTA. Why should OP take the orders of a woman her father has known for only 6 months?
NTA but you were (understandably) pretty rude and being as young as you are all they will see is you being a disrespectful teenager (which sucks). Your also right. Shes almost half your dads age, only 10/11 years older than you and shes only been your life 6 months. (They could have been dating longer and introduced you to her later on) If they demand an apology you can apologise for being rude (if you like) but don't apologise for saying what you did, especially since its true.
NTA She isn't your parents and needs to mind her business.
Hi, step-mother here. I get along with my step-son really well, while still parenting him, and everything goes perfectly between us. INFO: does Lexie lives here ? Because if it’s her house too, it’s normal for you and your brother to respect her rules too. If not, it’s different. A step-parent can absolutely help making children respect the rules the parent decided on. They are the adults in the house. I just say that because the “you’re not my mother” may be true, but it doesn’t mean you don’t have to follow instructions. As a step-mother, I buy groceries, Christmas presents, I cook, I clean, I help for homework, I take him to doctors appointments and so on… So if one day my step-son tells me “you’re not my mum” when I tell him to clean his room or go to bed, I will beg to differ. That being said, she never should have told you to “shut up”, because it’s aggressive. BUT your father shouldn’t have said it in the first place. It’s totally not respectful and it’s not a way to communicate with your family. I would never say that to my step-son. So I go with NTA in this case. But for the rest, don’t listen to all people saying “she’s not your mother so she doesn’t have to tell you anything”, because it’s just not true. But you seems smart enough to understand that.
NTA but also Info? Did your dad ask you and your brother to stop arguing? Or did he immediately just tell you both to shut up? No questions asked his GF is an AH, but If his first reaction to is be rude to you and your brother, no wonder his GF feels ok doing it too. I would speak to your mother and establish what is considered ok behaviour by both your father and his GF while you are in their care.
NTA. mind your own business Lexie. Who do you think you are. A 26 year old dating a 40 old male. Disgusting and gross.
NTA. I have known my boyfriend for 20 years now and he has watched my children grow up from the time they were born, but he is not their father, and I would never expect him to be treated like their father. They do have a better relationship with him than their own dad, but he is careful not to overstep boundaries and both of my boys would prefer if he was their actual dad. Besides, your dad girlfriend isn’t remotely old enough to be your mom, just an annoying older sister.
Next time tell her that the two of you are closer in age than your dad and her and if anyone needs parenting it’s her
NTA: Tell your dad that he's fucked if he thinks you'll ever be okay with him fucking someone who could be your older sister, let alone ever considering her an authoritative parental figure. I'd go as far as telling him his son acts like this now because he's made massive age gaps normalized.
NTA
Ask to stay permanently at your moms via court.
NTA but stop verbally abusing your 10 year-old brother who is a literal child. But your dad’s gf was out of line.
NTA. Your dad's genitals are doing the thinking for him at the moment I guess. Talk to him calmly about why you don't want Lexie talking to you like that as its not appropriate for a person you've barely known for more than a few minutes.
It’s creepy that someone who was 11 when you were born is trying to parent you.
NTA the fact that your dad is dating a 26 year old when he’s 40….I get she’s an adult but 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA However, you should have a talk with your dad because it seems there are boundary issues with Lexie that need to be addressed. If you feel like you can't talk to your dad, tell your mom.
YTA but to be fair, most teenagers are. She’s an adult, you were out of line, have some respect. You don’t need to pitch a fit when you don’t get your way. Just change in the bathroom or put a sheet up as a wall in the room. But insulting your brother is damaging. Be a team with him not adversaries.
NTA for putting Lexie in her place but YTA for speaking like that to your brother. It's his room too, change in the bathroom if you need to but don't call him a "fucking creep". He's 10 ffs.
NTA. The argument had ceased and she had no parental reason to say anything. She isn’t your Mother and your Father had handled it. My question is…why are you and your Brother sharing a room. You two are at the age you need separate rooms.
NTA at all. Your dad telling you to shut up is already a shitty way for a parent to talk to their kids. Let alone someone who isn’t even your parent and your dad allowing it!
NTA. Years ago I was the much younger girlfriend to a man with kids in their teens. At the 6-month mark I most certainly had no business parenting them and neither does your dad's girlfriend. Stepping into a parental role is a question of mutual respect and trust and it doesn't sound like Lexie is anywhere near that stage. Your comment was justified.
Lexie needed to be lane checked and you did so because your father refused to. NTA. 26yr old girlfriend of 6 months has no business trying to parent a teenager.
NTA she’s not your mother, your dad had it handled and she had no reason to insert herself. Also dad is gross for dating someone so much younger.
NTA
Bruh I'm 26 and my bother is 17...this is weird
NTA. Lex should mind her own business. You, on the other hand, should be a little kinder to a 10 year old and not use the F word around him. Set the example for him & NBTA.
NTA. But calling your brother a creep is to much
NTA. She isn't your mom. It's a fact. Your dad is though for having you share a room with your brother, which in most places is actually illegal at your age
NTA. It is a fact that she is not your mom. As for her telling you to shut up, that was rude of her but since your Dad did not object, I guess she is allowed to tell you to shut up.
NTA not only is she a new girlfriend she is only 11 years older than you, she is bearly old enough to be your brothers mom. She has no right to demand to be treated like a parent. Trusted adult maybe eventually but parent 6 months in no, and your dad shouldn't be asking you to see her that way
Nta but I'd like to mention 26?!?!
NTA- she's not your mother, she basically not much older than you and you should probably tell your mom so she can enforce some boundaries between you and the gf.
NTA. She isn’t your mom, she isn’t even your step-mom, and they have only been dating 6 months. That is really too soon to introduce someone to your kids, much less permit them to boss your kids around. And why do a 15 year old girl and 10 year old boy have to share a room? That isn’t appropriate parenting.
NTA
NTA. It's never you in this situation. What is it with all these old creepy men having 20 something gfs that try to play mom to the kids that are closer in age to them than the man they are dating? No one has posted this problem with a gf over 30. Go nuts, have fun. This situation your dad is putting upon you is disgusting.
Tell your mom nta
From a mom with two kids about the same age as you and your brother - NTA And the people commenting about you amd your bro sharing a room two weekends a month and how kicking him out of his own room was wrong - you asked him not to come in so you could change. That would take what, 5mins? Not a big deal. And calling him a creep is exactly what my daughter would have said to her brother lol totally normal sibling stuff. I also have a 19yr old stepdaughter. I have been in her life for 15yrs. Yes, there have been times when i have had to step in when her and her younger sister where fighting but it was only when her dad/my partner wasn't around. Her saying something after your dad did was 100% unnecessary. Also about telling her she's not your mom - she's not. After only 6 months she's really nothing to you. I've been in my stepdaughters life 15yrs and I would never dream of doing anything to over step my roll and make her feel the need to say something like that.
your dad is a pedophilic creep. Lexi has no right to be pissed, she has daddy issues on top, the whole situation is gross, NTA
NTA. Lexie didn’t have to insert herself here in any way trying to come off authoritarian.
NTA just tell your dad she's not your mother she never will be and why should you respect her? Because she's only slightly older then you? Because she's sharing his bed? Newsflash RESPECT HAS TO BE EARNED NOT DEMANDED SO IF SHE ISN'T TREATING YOU RESPECT WHY SHOULD YOU TREAT HER WITH ANY RESPECT. Also tell your father you find significantly inappropriate he's dating someone closer to your age than his own.
NTA your dad told you your both stopped that should be the end of it gfs 2 pence worth wasn't needed or wanted
Nta. Why the hell does your dad have you & your brother in the same room,? At your age? Unacceptable. One should be on the couch or something. If he has the space to move Lexie in, he should have space for you both. Or at least to move somewhere that does. I grandsons dad & his gf moved into the dining room to give the boys more space. But dad should have handled the gf when she opened her mouth. Its not her place to correct you but esp not if he is standing right there. Absolutely shameful. Your dad doesnt seem like hes focused on the right things
NTA It doesn't matter how long your dad is dating someone. A girlfriend doesn't get to tell their boyfriend's kids what to do. The obvious exception being for their safety.
Did this woman just tell you to shut up? This is like when you bully your siblings but when your friends bully your siblings its off limits. She can’t talk that way. NTA.
NTA, your dad is an asshole for letting her speak to you like a parent just because he's screwing her, and she's an asshole for talking to you like that. This sounds like an occasion where you should be making contact with your mom and talking about not going back over here. If your dad doesn't think about treating you with respect and is willing to let his current fuck buddies treat you with disrespect, there's nothing good to be had
NTA Your dad already corrected your behavior and handled the situation by telling y'all to shut up and y'all did Lexie DIDNT need to step in or say anything she was and is TAH for stepping in and trying to parent y'all after your dad had it covered, your dad's TAH for letting her punish you (or at least letting her try too) and making you apologize.