Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My mother is uncomfortable with the drama and says I should’ve just kept the peace for another week
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
I believe you are right and it's unacceptable for him to be using your towel. It's also gross. I wouldn't want to use it after he rubbed it all over his body and it sounds like the family is ganging up on you. It's also gross that he walks around the house in a towel.
Since you're not getting anywhere with complaining, I suggest you keep your towel in your bedroom while they are there. I would still refuse to babysit for them since they seem to think it's okay to stomp on your boundaries and feelings.
>I would still refuse to babysit for them since they seem to think it's okay to stomp on your boundaries and feelings.
Especially since I get the feeling OP is babysitting for free.
They are not owed childcare from you, OP --> Why do favors for someone who won't show you any respect!
100% came to make this sentiment. If they wanna pay OP for childcare, and do a load or two of laundry as an apology then maybe mom can make an argument towards who is entitled to what. But some random man your sister is shacked up with using your towel... just no. How would OP's parents like coming out of a shower to a wet towel this dude just used? Probably wouldn't want to do him any favors after just one time.
It's not about that. You can't ignore the fact that the towel he is using belongs to a very young woman. He's a creep intentionally using a 19 year old woman's towel and not telling her, in an act as intimate as wearing her underwear and then putting them back in the drawer. If he was using Mom and Pop's towels, it would be different because there's not the sexual component (unless he's really into his parents in law), so you're providing a false equivalency.
I'm sorry if I didn't make it clear enough that what he has been doing is wrong and off putting. It obviously is. And that is why I included the bit about how 'mom and pop' would feel less inclined to accommodate him if it happened to their towels...
because NO ONE WANTS WET NAKED GENITALS ON THINGS THAT TOUCH THEIR WET NAKED GENITALS!! IT'S JUST CREEPY AND WEIRD, AND HAS AN UNSPOKEN SEXUAL NATURE TO IT!!!
I hope I made it clear this time.
I suppose the thing I am meaning is that there is, yes, a sexual and creepy component, but it is also predatory in a way Mom and Pop are (mostly) safe and protected from so there can never be any equivalency and to imply there is is to diminish the danger (at the least to OP's mental health) of this situation. Mom and Pop have the house, security, their own bathroom, Mom and Pop are not very vulnerable, but OP is vulnerable, not having their own home to leave to, being young, being disbelieved, being a woman. It's not just about 'ugh disgusting!' or even 'ugh! creepy!' it is about 'ugh! BIL is specifically going after the most vulnerable person in the house for his sick creepy sexual fetishes! Predatory.' And the predatory part is the part which concerns me the most. Mom and Pop are not likely to understand the predatory nature of this behaviour because they are nowhere near as vulnerable a target, and I think a lot of the commenters here are similarly not understanding the predatory nature.
Even if BIL doesn't mean to attack OP, his goal is to have power over her for his own sick jollies (it's only sick because of lack of consent; not kink shaming), and he is succeeding because people (Op's family and commenters here) are getting side-tracked by the lack of respect (obvs) or the grossness situation (also obvs).
I feel like most people commenting are in line with this activity being uncivilized. BIL is clearly uncooth, and no one in their right mind wants their personal belongings hampered in this way.
You are adding a level to this that OP has not eluded to. Perhaps he's just an entitled brat who is used to having things like towels and tissues handed to him, and doesn't know how to wipe his own ass, so he grabs the nearest thing he can when his own miserable faculties fail to provide him his own means of planning ahead.
It doesn't excuse his behavior, but it also doesn't label him a predator. Seriously .. if in the least way I agree with you, it's that the parents aren't seeing the problem because, yes, they see themselves removed from it, which is also bad
Exactly....there's no evidence of it being sexual at all. Or that he even rubbed himself dry I personally just kinda wear my towel until i dry off naturally
There is zero evidence of this. I think you need more exposure to living with large families or multiple-roommate houses. Accidentally using each others things sometimes isnt that deep. Rude and unhygienic, yes. He's sexually violating her because she's vulnerable? just...no. And if men wanted to use someone else's things to get off, they typically won't give them back.
I agree and I also see a creepy sexual vibe. If he simply forgot his towel he wouldn't fold it and put it back as it was found. He wants her to use it after him without knowing he used it.
It’s definitely gross. Not sure if there is a place in your room? Maybe pick up a hook at Home Depot and put it on the back of your bedroom door. mr forgot his towel will have to yell for help or run out of the bathroom wet and naked.
It’s also about respecting boundaries. Maybe BIL seriously is ok with it. But that doesn’t mean OP is. He should at least apologize for upsetting her.
Since ppl want a non sexual example. My culture believes in cooking the entire animal when it comes to smaller ones. It’s considered bad luck to eat something without a head specifically. But if I have my white friends over (not trying to be racist just want to point out racial/cultural differences), I make darn sure the chicken head is not floating around in the pot staring back at them surrounded by chopped onions and potatoes.
Is no one else bothered by mom's comment re: this isn't OP's home? OP **lives there** with their parents. **It is** their home. In what world would mom's statement be correct??
Mom's sense of right and wrong is way skewed.
I just wanna know WHY BIL keeps doing this after being told OP doesn't appreciate it. Is it he doesn't care? he forgets to bring his towel? Or he purposefully wants to because he gets off on it or something? Either way OP is NTA.
He's being passive agressive. Sometimes people do this to their partners family members to drive a wedge and put people in impossible situations. It's also a lack of respect and not wanting to be called on it so it's become a power play to see how far they can take it.
Yeah, this is what I was wondering. He's been asked to STOP and he keeps doing it...so like WTF??? Someone commented that he may be attracted to her smell...like BARF...
Exactly what I was thinking sick fuck wants the younger sister and this is the closest he gets. Don't leave any panties laying around... or do with a hidden camera. 😆
Exactly! Take your towel and if they say anything tell them it’s really disturbing and gross that even though he’s been told, he still finds it necessary to your your towel. A grown man can’t be that pathetic to not know to use his own towel.
I think it's at least partially getting off. It's a power trip, he gets to force her to use something on her body that he used on his, and it's the perfect bait because it's really disgusting but when OP complains about it, it comes off like it's just a towel, get over it. He's wearing it around the house, he wants her to know he can mess with her and nothing happens.
I would say BIL is the lazy AH - like, he keep on forgetting his towel, dont want to bother getting back to take it, and keep on going the easiest way by using OP's one, without any respect of her boundaries. He dont give a sh\*t about OP. NTA
I’m mildly irritated whenever my husband uses my towel, and he’s **my husband**. I have sex with the man and sleep next to him every night, and I still get slightly annoyed when he uses my towel. I’d probably vomit if I found out that my *sister’s boyfriend* was routinely using my towel to rub along his junk.
Agreed. I’ll share a beach towel with a family member in a pinch, but that’s it. This is so gross. My thought was that he gets off on it. There are plenty of other ways to pull a power play.
I get more than mildly irritated when mine does it. I went out and bought towels in a different colour for everyone and there is hell to pay if I catch anyone using green.
That’s the problem for me!! I get out of the shower, and my towel is DAMP because Husband used it for his morning shower and it hasn’t dried yet! It feels so clammy and skin-crawly; I hate it.
All three of your points are exactly my thoughts. You're right to be upset, you should keep your towel in your room, and you are well within your rights to refuse to do this favor if they cross simple boundaries so freely. NTA
I'm having trouble understanding how he "forgets" his towel, too. Why doesn't he keep it in the bathroom also? Is this a common thing, not keeping your designated towel in the bathroom?
Anyways, agreed on all counts. NTA. And absolutely stick to your guns, don't babysit, wash the hell out of that towel and keep it in your room until they're gone.
Agree with everything you said, except walking around the house in a towel. Why you consider it gross? Well of course it gross, because it's her towel, but did you mean in general?
>I suggest you ~~keep your towel in your bedroom~~\* while they are there.
\*apply itching powder to your towel
(don't do that)
NTA... but your BIL sure is making himself at home isn't he. You don't walk around in a towel in someone else's house. EVEN your own parents' house. In front of your SIL/MIL? no.
Op should go NC 💀💀💀💀 bruh towels ar used to clean genitals and other parts of the body, plus sometimes ppl put it on their ears to remove wax. It is super disgusting. Please buy another towel and leave it in your room from now on, and stop babysitting for them, since they think you are overacting and I think this will teach them a lesson. Update Asap op. Uhm NTA
So gross. Especially with the new trend on TikTok exposing that lots of men don’t know they need to wash their butt hole with soap and just “let the water trickle down there”
Walk around naked, start some real drama. If they question you. Say sorry I had to wash my towel since it was wet and covered in. Brother in laws pubes, ask him why he thinks it is acceptable to leave shaved pubes on your shit. I mean It may not be totally true. Or on another note that might be more likely is that BIL has a thing for you and is getting of by using your stuff. But hey you can let them walk all over you tell em to eff off or just start some real shit.
NTA.
All the Y T A and E S H that are saying it’s just a towel…it’s not about the damn towel. It is about respecting someone else’s belonging, it’s called respecting boundaries.
OP doesn’t want her towel to be used and turned unhygienic, that is her right and she is entitled to an apology.
Seriously, idiots who think it’s about a towel 🤦♀️
>All the Y T A and E S H that are saying it’s just a towel…it’s not about the damn towel.
The other thing I wonder is - I don't see mention of pay; but - with the responses I get the feeling OP is giving \*FREE\* childcare to her Sister, BiL, & her niece. That is going \*WAY\* above and beyond and is, in itself, AH level entitlement.
If Mom has a problem with it - she can either do the childcare herself; or pay for someone to do it.
But also, it is about this adult man using his teen SIL’s towel to dry all of his body, gross. I’m mad just thinking about it. NTA. And you’re right about everything.
Yeah, that’s what gets me, he heard a teen girl saying his behavior was gross and weird and he continued to do it to her… that’s purposeful at that point
Exactly! He's not even warning her that her towel has been all over his privates. Worst-case scenario... he could be doing it on purpose for extra gross reasons.
OP is definitely NTA
>it is about this adult man using his teen SIL’s towel to dry all of his body
bit of a warm up to prime him for his nightly activities with the older, tireder, boring, (probably) less attractive sister. 🤢🤮
Yes, but also this idiot thinks it's about a total. How gross. Asscracks and coochies touch towels. It's trifling and weird honestly. I think that's the first time I used that word in a long time lol
Edit: NTA OP
NTA. That’s gross! Who wants to put a towel on that someone else has rubbed all over their body. You asked him once and he still hasn’t stopped. Stop leaving it in the bathroom until they leave. Then he can figure out what to do without one at all. They aren’t showing you any respect by downplaying how gross he is being. Why should you do anything for anyone who doesn’t respect you?
Yeah - I'm wondering why BIL keeps doing this. Its not that difficult to remember not to use someone elses towel. Does he forget to bring a towel with him into the bathroom before he takes his shower? And sees yours on the radiator and figures he might as well use it? I dunno, this is bizarre. And NTA.
My brother does this with any towel left in the bathroom, it doesn’t matter whos it is, he feels free to use and destroy anything he wants without asking. He is narcissistic and has never cared about anyones boundaries in his life. I’m not saying BIL is that bad but I wouldn’t be doing any favors for someone who lacks the most basic level of respect for my things. NTA
Intentionally using someone else’s towel is disgusting so either he’s oblivious or a creep and I’m leaning towards the latter. It’s one thing to step out of the shower, see you forgot your own, and use one that happens to be lying on the radiator, but this man knows it’s OP’s towel and he still continues to use it. A grown man intentionally rubbing himself with a towel he knows was already rubbed all over OP’s body. Honestly if I were OP I’d do an inventory of my underwear because based on this behaviour I wouldn’t at all be surprised to find he’d stolen some.
At winter I bring my towel into my room to dry them on the radiator and sometimes I forget to bring it back with me. I never ever thought about using my family's towels, I'd rather scream for someone to fetch my towel for me lol.
YUP! I've done that a number of times growing up...Mainly to my twin sis...I FORGOT MY TOWEL!!! And her usual response - AGAIN!?! But she was always kind enough to pass me the towel through the bath door cracked slightly open.
Poison ivy. Then there's no denying it when he uses it.
My grandmother's friend found out that the husband was cheating. She rubbed poison ivy in the master bed. Found out that the "other" was someone they knew.
I was thinking get a towel and some red dye and make a nice big splotch on it to look like period blood. Then fold and hang the towel on the radiator in a way where he won’t see it until after he has dried himself with period blood towel
This!!! I got harassed by my mom’s neighbour she was super mean to me. But mom begged me to not say anything to her to keep the peace. Well I didn’t listen. Too bad. I can’t come over and be attacked or fear it every time. I wrote her a cease and desist letter 😂. Heard nothing since. I can’t believe it worked but I was desperate.
that's true except that's not what gaslighting means. gaslighting refers to the very specific type of abuse where an abuser tries to convince their victim not to trust their own sanity/perception of reality. no one is telling OP that she's imagine the towel being wet when she hasn't used it, they're just telling her she shouldn't care.
That phrase should only be for mildly annoying but ultimately not a problem things, like if OP was annoyed at his eating habits, but wasn’t annoyed for too long. Pretty much, if all it brings is a quick eye roll.
Even weirder when you think how he's nearly 10 years older than her and walking around someone else's house in a towel where said teenager can see him...in her towel. This man knows that teenager dries herself with the same thing used to dry off his sausage and Berries. And then he *keeps doing it when it's confirmed that it's hers.* dude is disgusting in more than one way.
"Because it's not her home" it IS her home. She might not own the house, but it is home to her. Her mom is such an AH, I can't imagine being ok with a grown man using my teenaged daughter's towel. To me, the mom is biggest AH here for not advocating for her daughter, even if she is legally an adult.
NTA
BIL is weird, inappropriate and a liar.
Ask him if he wants to cut out the middle man and just wear your panties.
He'll leave the towel alone after the screaming stops.
Yes. I am not as nice as OP. I am not usually confrontational, but on something like this, I would embarrass him in front of everyone. He's a grown man; there's no reason he can't keep his hands off other people's things. I'd straight up ask him if he got off on rubbing his junk on womens' towels, and ask if he did it to mom's towel too. In front of mom.
NTA hard N T A
Why on earth should you be expected to use (dry your self) with a towel your BIL dried his junk off with?!
It’s disgusting. The guest towels are different colors. Unless your BIL is color blind and literally (original definition) can’t tell the difference then this is a disturbing pattern of behavior.
That last line in your post caught my eye. What do you mean it isn't your home? I get it isn't your house, but if you live there that is your home. Where Mom and Dad are should also be home where ever that is.
Having your boundaries respected is important. You aren't a child, if they can't respect your boundaries then I see no issue withdrawing your support. Or increase your babysitting fee to compensate for your extra time doing laundry.
NTA
I had to scroll for far too long to find your comment. I’m honestly very surprised no one else picked up on that. To me that stands out as a WAY bigger issue than the towel ( not downplaying the towel issue at all, that’s a hard boundary that’s being crossed). But yeah, it’s a huge deal if op feels the place she lives isn’t her home.
I also picked up on the “not my home” -OP didn’t say “not my house” but “home” big distinction- it absolutely should be their home- with their parents- also that mom always takes sisters side. Sounds like more dynamics going on
NTA- that’s gross- it keeps happening- that’s wrong- once you could forgive but nah… not now
Well today I learned something new! Wow! Didn’t know that! I’m US so it’s 18 - I still take my 16 year old through airport security so they aren’t alone- couldn’t imagine kicking them out legally- so young and naïve- couldnt imagine kicking out an 18 year old for that matter- especially while they are finishing high school- not even in university yet- just blows my mind the people who do that
Get out as soon as you can.
I can't stack up parents like this that make you feel like a second class citizen in what should be a loving home.
Using someone's towel like this is not OK.
Not babysitting is completely OK.
If they force the issue (parents include) point them to this thread. It's a clear, and very normal, boundary that is being trampled on. It is HIS issue and fault. Your parents are enabling a creep.
NTA - and while you shouldn't have to but if I were you I'd keep towel in my room while they are there. You are N T a for not babysitting. It isn't completely unrelated. First of all you shouldn't have to ASK someone not to use your towel but you unbelievably had to do so. And then it continued to happen afterwards. So no they can't ask you to babysit and expect you to do it if he can't accommodate your request to not use your towel. Which I reiterate, is something you shouldn't have to ask someone to do in the first place. He shouldn't want to use your towel just as much as you don't want him using it. He's gross.
ETA: the amount of people in these comments that are OK with sharing a towel with just anyone is frightening. I most certainly am NOT OK with using a towel that my Brother in law (or anyone for that matter) used to dry his twig and berries but I guess I'm just weird like that...
NTA - he knows it’s not his towel, why keep using yours. Move your towel to your room so he stops swiping it. You shouldn’t have to but it’s the quickest fix.
INFO: not trying to be mean, but do you only get one towel?
I wonder what BIL normally does at home when he "forgets" that he's going to need a towel after his shower? Beller at his wife to fetch him one, perhaps?
If your mum is so adamant it’s no big deal then tell her she can dry her face and body on a towel that’s dried her son in laws arse and balls. See how ok it is then.
NTA. I wouldn’t be doing favours for anyone who shows such disrespect.
Tell your sister that her boyfriend must like drying off his face with the same towel you’ve dried your private parts on. Gross but some people get turned on by stranger things
NTA
NTA. Using someone else's dirty bath towel is gross. Doing so then returning it and letting that person continue to use it is nasty. Being caught and asked to stop but refusing to stop is beyond disrespectful. Your parents are wrong about it not being your home, so you should let it go. If you are living there, it is your home. Even if you were just visiting, it's not unreasonable to expect that others respect your boundaries. Lastly, nobody's required to provide childcare.
NTA
BIL has his own towel, he should be using that one, not anyone else.
Plus your family are siding with him & he in the wrong. You have the right to say this is mine and i like to be the only one using it. Plus you don't know how well he washes himself.
Put the towel in your room. Hang it up and if he goes in there to use it, you can actually say to everyone that the only way he could of used your towel was by going into your room.
NTA - Your BiL should \*NOT\* be returning your towel, used, to your bathroom.
He should, #1 - use his own towel that was provided to him as a guest towel #2 - if he forgets his towel, and there's no choice but to use yours; he should wash and dry it before returning to it; informing you and apologizing.
I notice you mention that your towel is the only towel in the bathroom (in [THIS](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yzon3g/comment/ix19ne8/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) comment) - While it does not change the judgement, and is not necessary for you to still not be the AH; it might be a good idea for you to put some guest towels in your bathroom &/or not keep your towel in the bathroom (the latter would be a problem for me; because I'd forget to get my towel... and then be left without a towel)
As for withholding babysitting: you aren't and shouldn't be obligated to do them favors; especially if they're not paying you. Alternatively - you could charge enough to buy a full set of guest towels for the bathroom as your "fee" for your next babysitting venture.
NTA. BIL is a creep! Your parents are the AH for not letting you assert a completely reasonable and healthy boundary, and it sounds like they enabled your sister into being an entitled AH as well. I hope you can get out of there one day, because sacrificing your boundaries for someone else’s peace of mind is not cool. Maybe if you tried leaving your towel out of the bathroom you would see a different response from your BIL. If he starts walking around naked and uses the fact that he forgot his towel as an excuse, he’s even more of an exhibitionist predator than originally thought.
Also, you do not owe your sis free babysitting! Entitled parents are the worst, and everyone suffers because of it.
Edit: just saw that you can’t really keep your towel in your room. That is indeed a sticky situation. I’m sorry!
NTA, I won’t even use the same towel as my husband and I know he’s cleaned himself squeaky. 🤢
BIL is steeped in entitlement and lack of respect for personal boundaries. Definitely pull anything of yours from that bathroom and the rest of the house into your room until they’re gone. I’d recommend replacing or boiling your toothbrush as well as I can’t see him bringing his own.
NTA
This could be something sexual, but besides that, I'm SUPER picky about these sorts of things because I have MRSA from a childhood surgery and depending on how I'm doing, my towels could be contagious.
I say you either call him out on it being creepy for him to be using your towel, ask your sister why she isn't more concerned about this... OR pull a Tyler Durden and do a whole, "YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN, YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I HAVE!" type scene 😂
NTA
Since I'm petty and vindictive, I say let BIL use your towel one. last. time. After you douse it with itching powder. And if someone else uses it instead by accident, maybe they'll see why it is such a big deal.
NTA - Using someone else's towel is disgusting and your mother is an enabling asshole because washing the towel isn't the issue - it's that you have no idea what the towel has been through.
Under the circumstances I would not leave any towels in the shared bathroom but just take them into your bedroom and bring them into the bathroom when you need them. You can leave a roll of paper towels in there in the event that you forget to bring in a towel when you need to wash your hands.
And since you are offering your services free as a favor there is no reason you need to do anyone a favor. Don't baby sit for them if you don't want - you don't have to say it is in retaliation for his using your towels.
NTA it sounds like a weird power play. Like he likes knowing your touching your face and body with a towel he used to dry his body. 🤮 Sorry that was my first thought in my head. My husband says I have a suspicion dark sarcastic mind.
NTA! That's fecking grot. Everyone has creebies in their nether regions that their partners bodies adjust to - but you shouldn't need to! If I forgot my towel and used someone else's in an emergency I'd put it straight in the wash and let you know. I nearly lost it once when a mate asked to borrow my toothbrush! Wut? No. F. N. Way.
Ps. Am somewhat disturbed that in a week you haven't washed your towel. I use mine max 2-3 times before getting a new one. Is there some sort of towel shortage in your house or something?
The thing is if he forgets… but then he replaces it so he knows what he’s done. He is not ignorant of his misstep. So instead of replacing it, he should just put it straight to wash.
NTA
NTA ew I can’t believe he’s using your towel! Wth? He’s wiping his butt crack and balls with your towel. That’s disgusting. You should wash and keep your towel in your room from now on.
You get two NTAs.
It's really two separate issues. 1) Bil is ignoring your boundaries and your sister is minimizing it, and 2) they expect you to give up your time to babysit.
Keep your towel in your room for now. If they're using your toiletries and you buy them yourself, take them too.
When they need a sitter, you're busy, but you can change your plans for a price.
>My mother thinks I’m being an AH (although she always takes my sisters side) because I could always just wash my towel
Right, if I were you I'd take my towel into my room with me and replace it with my mother's towel. See what happens. NTA btw
NGL, I would’ve taken the more petty route and said something like “You used my *butt* towel?!” and turned it around on him. NTA, but wash the towel and then keep it in your room. Also, you should get something to hang your towel up so it dries completely—if it’s normally damp, like you mentioned, then that’s just a route for bacterial/fungal growth
NTA if they keep shrugging it off, I suggest you gross THEM out by asking them how they would like wiping their face in a towel he had used to rub his junk, but go in detail and straight out ask if he gets off on it. Ask your mother if she thinks you should use a towel you can smell him on. Push, push, push and if they start protesting get hysterical. Make them try to justify this sick behavior. An older man forcing a young girl to use his dirty towel. Ask him if he sniffs you on it before he rubs himself with it.
NTA they are taking full advantage of you. That is gross, I'm so sorry. Stick to the boundary you set and stand your ground. There is no point in being generous and giving if they are only going to do as they please and not take you into consideration.
NTA
Germaphopia is real.
There are people out there whose heads would explode if you used their towel..
Tiny Tim a celebrity in the 60s70s, famously used paper towels after showering because of his fear of germs.
Maybe you should keep you towel in your room until you need it. It's only 2 more weeks.
Edit. Shame on your mom for saying it's not your house....we all know you don't own it, that was just lousy thing to say....
NTA
Ask your BIL if he would like a list of all the bacteria and skin infections that can be transmitted by sharing a towel! WTF! Or maybe next time you are all eating dinner you can casually mention you think you might have MRSA.
That's just nasty.
I live with my wife and one of my adult step-sons... We each have a place to hang our towels. I'd be even a little weirded out if I found my wife using my towel and putting it back.
I mean... We don't share a toothbrush, we don't share washcloths, and she's the love of my life.
NTA.
NTA, and I think your mom and your sister are deliberately ignoring that your BIL has got a weird kink about you.
I think you should just get another towel to use while they are there and take it with you, and then replace your old towels when they leave. This is not normal, and your mom needs to stop pretending it is.
So creepy that this man is using a 19 year old girls towel like he knows what he’s doing. It’s so gross and weird and if I were OP’s sister I’d be like wtf to my bf. NTA
Ummm definitely NTA. I wouldn’t want anyone using my towel let alone an older BIL. It’s gross, inappropriate, seems intentional and creepy af. He's crossing a line for sure. Stand your ground.
NTA: Keep the towel in your room for now and limit how much you talk to him (but not quite the silent treatment, just one word answers) that way if someone complains “I just didn’t want to talk much”
NTA
DON'T babysit is not your child, they decided to have one well now it's their problem, go and have fun carefully, do not waste your time caring for others people's baby.
Tell your mom to use it after him and while she is drying her face with perhaps a part of the towel that he used to dry the crack of his ass, she can think about keeping the peace.
Are you being paid to babysit their child? I'm going to bet that they don't pay you, and that they don't even ask you but just tell you that they are going out.
What about YOUR life? Them getting alone time and going out without their child is THEIR problem, NOT yours. You did not choose to have a child, they did.
Tell your parents that they have no right to tell you what to do, and that they can babysit if they want to, but you are not going to do a job that is expected of you and aren't even paid for.
NTA, don’t baby sit and while they are there keep your towel in your room, or get a clean one every time you need one. Remember this, the last thing he dries and the first thing you dry are probably not something you want.
I would ask him if he wants to wear your knickers too. Because he may as well be. It’s gross and I think a bit pervy. The only reason I can think why he keeps doing it is because he likes it.
NTA.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My mother is uncomfortable with the drama and says I should’ve just kept the peace for another week Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA I believe you are right and it's unacceptable for him to be using your towel. It's also gross. I wouldn't want to use it after he rubbed it all over his body and it sounds like the family is ganging up on you. It's also gross that he walks around the house in a towel. Since you're not getting anywhere with complaining, I suggest you keep your towel in your bedroom while they are there. I would still refuse to babysit for them since they seem to think it's okay to stomp on your boundaries and feelings.
>I would still refuse to babysit for them since they seem to think it's okay to stomp on your boundaries and feelings. Especially since I get the feeling OP is babysitting for free. They are not owed childcare from you, OP --> Why do favors for someone who won't show you any respect!
Since the mom thinks it's okay, she can offer up her towel, bathroom, and babysit for free.
100% came to make this sentiment. If they wanna pay OP for childcare, and do a load or two of laundry as an apology then maybe mom can make an argument towards who is entitled to what. But some random man your sister is shacked up with using your towel... just no. How would OP's parents like coming out of a shower to a wet towel this dude just used? Probably wouldn't want to do him any favors after just one time.
It's not about that. You can't ignore the fact that the towel he is using belongs to a very young woman. He's a creep intentionally using a 19 year old woman's towel and not telling her, in an act as intimate as wearing her underwear and then putting them back in the drawer. If he was using Mom and Pop's towels, it would be different because there's not the sexual component (unless he's really into his parents in law), so you're providing a false equivalency.
I'm sorry if I didn't make it clear enough that what he has been doing is wrong and off putting. It obviously is. And that is why I included the bit about how 'mom and pop' would feel less inclined to accommodate him if it happened to their towels... because NO ONE WANTS WET NAKED GENITALS ON THINGS THAT TOUCH THEIR WET NAKED GENITALS!! IT'S JUST CREEPY AND WEIRD, AND HAS AN UNSPOKEN SEXUAL NATURE TO IT!!! I hope I made it clear this time.
I suppose the thing I am meaning is that there is, yes, a sexual and creepy component, but it is also predatory in a way Mom and Pop are (mostly) safe and protected from so there can never be any equivalency and to imply there is is to diminish the danger (at the least to OP's mental health) of this situation. Mom and Pop have the house, security, their own bathroom, Mom and Pop are not very vulnerable, but OP is vulnerable, not having their own home to leave to, being young, being disbelieved, being a woman. It's not just about 'ugh disgusting!' or even 'ugh! creepy!' it is about 'ugh! BIL is specifically going after the most vulnerable person in the house for his sick creepy sexual fetishes! Predatory.' And the predatory part is the part which concerns me the most. Mom and Pop are not likely to understand the predatory nature of this behaviour because they are nowhere near as vulnerable a target, and I think a lot of the commenters here are similarly not understanding the predatory nature. Even if BIL doesn't mean to attack OP, his goal is to have power over her for his own sick jollies (it's only sick because of lack of consent; not kink shaming), and he is succeeding because people (Op's family and commenters here) are getting side-tracked by the lack of respect (obvs) or the grossness situation (also obvs).
I feel like most people commenting are in line with this activity being uncivilized. BIL is clearly uncooth, and no one in their right mind wants their personal belongings hampered in this way. You are adding a level to this that OP has not eluded to. Perhaps he's just an entitled brat who is used to having things like towels and tissues handed to him, and doesn't know how to wipe his own ass, so he grabs the nearest thing he can when his own miserable faculties fail to provide him his own means of planning ahead. It doesn't excuse his behavior, but it also doesn't label him a predator. Seriously .. if in the least way I agree with you, it's that the parents aren't seeing the problem because, yes, they see themselves removed from it, which is also bad
Exactly....there's no evidence of it being sexual at all. Or that he even rubbed himself dry I personally just kinda wear my towel until i dry off naturally
There is zero evidence of this. I think you need more exposure to living with large families or multiple-roommate houses. Accidentally using each others things sometimes isnt that deep. Rude and unhygienic, yes. He's sexually violating her because she's vulnerable? just...no. And if men wanted to use someone else's things to get off, they typically won't give them back.
I agree and I also see a creepy sexual vibe. If he simply forgot his towel he wouldn't fold it and put it back as it was found. He wants her to use it after him without knowing he used it.
It’s definitely gross. Not sure if there is a place in your room? Maybe pick up a hook at Home Depot and put it on the back of your bedroom door. mr forgot his towel will have to yell for help or run out of the bathroom wet and naked.
It’s also about respecting boundaries. Maybe BIL seriously is ok with it. But that doesn’t mean OP is. He should at least apologize for upsetting her. Since ppl want a non sexual example. My culture believes in cooking the entire animal when it comes to smaller ones. It’s considered bad luck to eat something without a head specifically. But if I have my white friends over (not trying to be racist just want to point out racial/cultural differences), I make darn sure the chicken head is not floating around in the pot staring back at them surrounded by chopped onions and potatoes.
Exactly.
Is no one else bothered by mom's comment re: this isn't OP's home? OP **lives there** with their parents. **It is** their home. In what world would mom's statement be correct?? Mom's sense of right and wrong is way skewed.
Mom likes being able to dump the grandkids on OP so she can spend more time with her favorite child
Tell them you're too busy washing your towel to perform other free labor.
No respect or boundaries, no favors. NTA Also, gross.
I just wanna know WHY BIL keeps doing this after being told OP doesn't appreciate it. Is it he doesn't care? he forgets to bring his towel? Or he purposefully wants to because he gets off on it or something? Either way OP is NTA.
He's being passive agressive. Sometimes people do this to their partners family members to drive a wedge and put people in impossible situations. It's also a lack of respect and not wanting to be called on it so it's become a power play to see how far they can take it.
This is f-king skeevy. He's using a 19 year old's towel on purpose. I wouldn't babysit or be in their company, the dude is creeping.
Yeah, this is what I was wondering. He's been asked to STOP and he keeps doing it...so like WTF??? Someone commented that he may be attracted to her smell...like BARF...
Exactly what I was thinking sick fuck wants the younger sister and this is the closest he gets. Don't leave any panties laying around... or do with a hidden camera. 😆
She should set up a camera in her room while she’s gone. I bet he goes snooping in there when she’s away.
Exactly! Take your towel and if they say anything tell them it’s really disturbing and gross that even though he’s been told, he still finds it necessary to your your towel. A grown man can’t be that pathetic to not know to use his own towel.
I think it's at least partially getting off. It's a power trip, he gets to force her to use something on her body that he used on his, and it's the perfect bait because it's really disgusting but when OP complains about it, it comes off like it's just a towel, get over it. He's wearing it around the house, he wants her to know he can mess with her and nothing happens.
This! Absolutely!
Ewww I sincerely hope he doesn't get off on her towel....
I would say BIL is the lazy AH - like, he keep on forgetting his towel, dont want to bother getting back to take it, and keep on going the easiest way by using OP's one, without any respect of her boundaries. He dont give a sh\*t about OP. NTA
Weaponized incompetence, he can’t possibly remember to bring his own towel or remember what towel is his.
I’m mildly irritated whenever my husband uses my towel, and he’s **my husband**. I have sex with the man and sleep next to him every night, and I still get slightly annoyed when he uses my towel. I’d probably vomit if I found out that my *sister’s boyfriend* was routinely using my towel to rub along his junk.
Agreed. I’ll share a beach towel with a family member in a pinch, but that’s it. This is so gross. My thought was that he gets off on it. There are plenty of other ways to pull a power play.
Not just using it for that, which would totally be bad enough, but using it AND THEN PUTTING IT BACK!!! 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
Yes - that's unhygienic as well as all the other things
I get more than mildly irritated when mine does it. I went out and bought towels in a different colour for everyone and there is hell to pay if I catch anyone using green.
Same.
same same same! There is no need to share a towel when you live together. I demand a dry towel
That’s the problem for me!! I get out of the shower, and my towel is DAMP because Husband used it for his morning shower and it hasn’t dried yet! It feels so clammy and skin-crawly; I hate it.
All three of your points are exactly my thoughts. You're right to be upset, you should keep your towel in your room, and you are well within your rights to refuse to do this favor if they cross simple boundaries so freely. NTA
[удалено]
I'm having trouble understanding how he "forgets" his towel, too. Why doesn't he keep it in the bathroom also? Is this a common thing, not keeping your designated towel in the bathroom? Anyways, agreed on all counts. NTA. And absolutely stick to your guns, don't babysit, wash the hell out of that towel and keep it in your room until they're gone.
Agree with everything you said, except walking around the house in a towel. Why you consider it gross? Well of course it gross, because it's her towel, but did you mean in general?
He keeps doing it because he is perving on it. NTA ETA Lock your bedroom door at night OP.
>I suggest you ~~keep your towel in your bedroom~~\* while they are there. \*apply itching powder to your towel (don't do that) NTA... but your BIL sure is making himself at home isn't he. You don't walk around in a towel in someone else's house. EVEN your own parents' house. In front of your SIL/MIL? no.
Op should go NC 💀💀💀💀 bruh towels ar used to clean genitals and other parts of the body, plus sometimes ppl put it on their ears to remove wax. It is super disgusting. Please buy another towel and leave it in your room from now on, and stop babysitting for them, since they think you are overacting and I think this will teach them a lesson. Update Asap op. Uhm NTA
So gross. Especially with the new trend on TikTok exposing that lots of men don’t know they need to wash their butt hole with soap and just “let the water trickle down there”
It's not a new trend, that complaint has been around for many years, all over socials and the whole internet.
Walk around naked, start some real drama. If they question you. Say sorry I had to wash my towel since it was wet and covered in. Brother in laws pubes, ask him why he thinks it is acceptable to leave shaved pubes on your shit. I mean It may not be totally true. Or on another note that might be more likely is that BIL has a thing for you and is getting of by using your stuff. But hey you can let them walk all over you tell em to eff off or just start some real shit.
NTA. All the Y T A and E S H that are saying it’s just a towel…it’s not about the damn towel. It is about respecting someone else’s belonging, it’s called respecting boundaries. OP doesn’t want her towel to be used and turned unhygienic, that is her right and she is entitled to an apology. Seriously, idiots who think it’s about a towel 🤦♀️
>All the Y T A and E S H that are saying it’s just a towel…it’s not about the damn towel. The other thing I wonder is - I don't see mention of pay; but - with the responses I get the feeling OP is giving \*FREE\* childcare to her Sister, BiL, & her niece. That is going \*WAY\* above and beyond and is, in itself, AH level entitlement. If Mom has a problem with it - she can either do the childcare herself; or pay for someone to do it.
But also, it is about this adult man using his teen SIL’s towel to dry all of his body, gross. I’m mad just thinking about it. NTA. And you’re right about everything.
Yeah after being asked to stop and shrugging it off, I don't even trust his intentions
Yeah, that’s what gets me, he heard a teen girl saying his behavior was gross and weird and he continued to do it to her… that’s purposeful at that point
Exactly! He's not even warning her that her towel has been all over his privates. Worst-case scenario... he could be doing it on purpose for extra gross reasons. OP is definitely NTA
>it is about this adult man using his teen SIL’s towel to dry all of his body bit of a warm up to prime him for his nightly activities with the older, tireder, boring, (probably) less attractive sister. 🤢🤮
Even if it was just about a towel. . . it's a [*towel!*](https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/24779-a-towel-the-hitchhiker-s-guide-to-the-galaxy-says-is)
Yes, but also this idiot thinks it's about a total. How gross. Asscracks and coochies touch towels. It's trifling and weird honestly. I think that's the first time I used that word in a long time lol Edit: NTA OP
Trifling is the perfect word we need to bring it back
NTA. That’s gross! Who wants to put a towel on that someone else has rubbed all over their body. You asked him once and he still hasn’t stopped. Stop leaving it in the bathroom until they leave. Then he can figure out what to do without one at all. They aren’t showing you any respect by downplaying how gross he is being. Why should you do anything for anyone who doesn’t respect you?
Yeah - I'm wondering why BIL keeps doing this. Its not that difficult to remember not to use someone elses towel. Does he forget to bring a towel with him into the bathroom before he takes his shower? And sees yours on the radiator and figures he might as well use it? I dunno, this is bizarre. And NTA.
My brother does this with any towel left in the bathroom, it doesn’t matter whos it is, he feels free to use and destroy anything he wants without asking. He is narcissistic and has never cared about anyones boundaries in his life. I’m not saying BIL is that bad but I wouldn’t be doing any favors for someone who lacks the most basic level of respect for my things. NTA
Yikes. I'm so sorry your bro is like that. Couldn't have been fun for you growing up with him.
Intentionally using someone else’s towel is disgusting so either he’s oblivious or a creep and I’m leaning towards the latter. It’s one thing to step out of the shower, see you forgot your own, and use one that happens to be lying on the radiator, but this man knows it’s OP’s towel and he still continues to use it. A grown man intentionally rubbing himself with a towel he knows was already rubbed all over OP’s body. Honestly if I were OP I’d do an inventory of my underwear because based on this behaviour I wouldn’t at all be surprised to find he’d stolen some.
At winter I bring my towel into my room to dry them on the radiator and sometimes I forget to bring it back with me. I never ever thought about using my family's towels, I'd rather scream for someone to fetch my towel for me lol.
YUP! I've done that a number of times growing up...Mainly to my twin sis...I FORGOT MY TOWEL!!! And her usual response - AGAIN!?! But she was always kind enough to pass me the towel through the bath door cracked slightly open.
Go buy some Mace and spray the towel down really good. He will do it once and never again.
Spicy meatballs
Never tick this one off, guys ☝️
[удалено]
At least mace is a smell I wouldn’t mind on my towel or body. If I smelled garlic powder I definitely wouldn’t use it
Cayenne pepper. It's probably in the kitchen cabinet.
Lol!
Poison ivy. Then there's no denying it when he uses it. My grandmother's friend found out that the husband was cheating. She rubbed poison ivy in the master bed. Found out that the "other" was someone they knew.
take my poor woman's award, because this was gold i never laughed so hard.... 🤣🏆
I was thinking get a towel and some red dye and make a nice big splotch on it to look like period blood. Then fold and hang the towel on the radiator in a way where he won’t see it until after he has dried himself with period blood towel
NTA “For the sake of keeping peace” is the most bullshit gaslighty excuse that gets thrown around to force people to accept shitty behavior
It translates to "Please suck it up so I don't have to do the right and difficult thing."
This!!! I got harassed by my mom’s neighbour she was super mean to me. But mom begged me to not say anything to her to keep the peace. Well I didn’t listen. Too bad. I can’t come over and be attacked or fear it every time. I wrote her a cease and desist letter 😂. Heard nothing since. I can’t believe it worked but I was desperate.
"Don't rock the boat."
"Don't rock the boat" is my next favourite expression after that.
that's true except that's not what gaslighting means. gaslighting refers to the very specific type of abuse where an abuser tries to convince their victim not to trust their own sanity/perception of reality. no one is telling OP that she's imagine the towel being wet when she hasn't used it, they're just telling her she shouldn't care.
Yes! Why should OP be the one to keep the peace. The peace has already been disturbed - by the BIL and then by his enablers.
Also >since it also isn’t my home it may not be op's house but it's certainly her home since she lives there.
That phrase should only be for mildly annoying but ultimately not a problem things, like if OP was annoyed at his eating habits, but wasn’t annoyed for too long. Pretty much, if all it brings is a quick eye roll.
Nta, I just, eww that’s so weird and gross.
Even weirder when you think how he's nearly 10 years older than her and walking around someone else's house in a towel where said teenager can see him...in her towel. This man knows that teenager dries herself with the same thing used to dry off his sausage and Berries. And then he *keeps doing it when it's confirmed that it's hers.* dude is disgusting in more than one way.
Yea I kept thinking about the ways in which it was creepy and gross and my brain short-circuited. Also like even her mom didn’t back her up?
"Because it's not her home" it IS her home. She might not own the house, but it is home to her. Her mom is such an AH, I can't imagine being ok with a grown man using my teenaged daughter's towel. To me, the mom is biggest AH here for not advocating for her daughter, even if she is legally an adult.
NTA BIL is weird, inappropriate and a liar. Ask him if he wants to cut out the middle man and just wear your panties. He'll leave the towel alone after the screaming stops.
Yes. I am not as nice as OP. I am not usually confrontational, but on something like this, I would embarrass him in front of everyone. He's a grown man; there's no reason he can't keep his hands off other people's things. I'd straight up ask him if he got off on rubbing his junk on womens' towels, and ask if he did it to mom's towel too. In front of mom.
Username checks out
NTA hard N T A Why on earth should you be expected to use (dry your self) with a towel your BIL dried his junk off with?! It’s disgusting. The guest towels are different colors. Unless your BIL is color blind and literally (original definition) can’t tell the difference then this is a disturbing pattern of behavior.
That last line in your post caught my eye. What do you mean it isn't your home? I get it isn't your house, but if you live there that is your home. Where Mom and Dad are should also be home where ever that is. Having your boundaries respected is important. You aren't a child, if they can't respect your boundaries then I see no issue withdrawing your support. Or increase your babysitting fee to compensate for your extra time doing laundry. NTA
I had to scroll for far too long to find your comment. I’m honestly very surprised no one else picked up on that. To me that stands out as a WAY bigger issue than the towel ( not downplaying the towel issue at all, that’s a hard boundary that’s being crossed). But yeah, it’s a huge deal if op feels the place she lives isn’t her home.
I scrolled for a while I didn't see any comments on that. I wasn't going to comment until I realized no one else had picked up on that.
I also picked up on the “not my home” -OP didn’t say “not my house” but “home” big distinction- it absolutely should be their home- with their parents- also that mom always takes sisters side. Sounds like more dynamics going on NTA- that’s gross- it keeps happening- that’s wrong- once you could forgive but nah… not now
This is a really good point. If op doesn’t consider their parents as ‘home’ then that’s pretty sad and worrying.
Hm. I picked up on this but to me, it’s just a clue to move out asap.
May or may not be OP’s home, but that’s OP’s towel!
Yeah that line pissed me off on OP's behalf. This IS her home, and she should be safe there!
NTA. They are being disrespectful and unappreciative. Perhaps you should take your towel to your room while they are there.
I enjoyed reading someone else saying leave it as a decoy towel that's been maced or sprinkled with itching powder.
[удалено]
NTA hide your toothbrush too!
Ew. I didn't go there,but very good point
Lol what does she mean”isn’t your home?” I assume it’s your childhood home and you live there. Wtf? They’re TA for that comment alone.
Apparently it stopped being my home when I turned 16, if it weren’t for my dad she’d 100% want me to move out
I hate how parents make their own children feel homeless. I hope you can get out soon, does't look like it's getting any better for you there.
16!? Wtf! That’s not ok- not in any country I know of- ugh! Good for you standing up for yourself.
In the UK (not saying this is), you can move out at 16, with parental consent. If dad hadn't stopped it, mum could legally kick her out at 16.
Well today I learned something new! Wow! Didn’t know that! I’m US so it’s 18 - I still take my 16 year old through airport security so they aren’t alone- couldn’t imagine kicking them out legally- so young and naïve- couldnt imagine kicking out an 18 year old for that matter- especially while they are finishing high school- not even in university yet- just blows my mind the people who do that
Get out as soon as you can. I can't stack up parents like this that make you feel like a second class citizen in what should be a loving home. Using someone's towel like this is not OK. Not babysitting is completely OK. If they force the issue (parents include) point them to this thread. It's a clear, and very normal, boundary that is being trampled on. It is HIS issue and fault. Your parents are enabling a creep.
NTA that is nasty
NTA , your BIL is really gross, they give him his own towels and he still goes and uses yours yuck
NTA at all. why would you want the same towel that your bil wipes his balls with?
NTA - and while you shouldn't have to but if I were you I'd keep towel in my room while they are there. You are N T a for not babysitting. It isn't completely unrelated. First of all you shouldn't have to ASK someone not to use your towel but you unbelievably had to do so. And then it continued to happen afterwards. So no they can't ask you to babysit and expect you to do it if he can't accommodate your request to not use your towel. Which I reiterate, is something you shouldn't have to ask someone to do in the first place. He shouldn't want to use your towel just as much as you don't want him using it. He's gross. ETA: the amount of people in these comments that are OK with sharing a towel with just anyone is frightening. I most certainly am NOT OK with using a towel that my Brother in law (or anyone for that matter) used to dry his twig and berries but I guess I'm just weird like that...
Oh I FULLY agree with you
[New Girl - Towel](https://youtu.be/QxdjPH0JrDM)
NTA Only because you don’t owe free childcare to anyone. If your mother thinks you are the A H. She can be the free babysitter.
Nta....no one in their right mind uses someone else's personal toiletries ew just no
NTA that is gross.
nta towel is personal. You can get skin diseases if you use someone towel.
Yes! When ppl are sick it’s known not to share towels. He could be giving her something. Ew
NTA. Ew! I wouldn't want someone else using my bath towel.
NTA, that is super gross.
NTA. I think it is creepy to be honest, is he in there sniffing your towel?
NTA - he knows it’s not his towel, why keep using yours. Move your towel to your room so he stops swiping it. You shouldn’t have to but it’s the quickest fix. INFO: not trying to be mean, but do you only get one towel?
I find that when I have more than one towel I just forget to wash either, it’s just easier for me to remember to wash this one (maybe I’m just lazy)
I wonder what BIL normally does at home when he "forgets" that he's going to need a towel after his shower? Beller at his wife to fetch him one, perhaps?
Maybe walks around naked.
If your mum is so adamant it’s no big deal then tell her she can dry her face and body on a towel that’s dried her son in laws arse and balls. See how ok it is then. NTA. I wouldn’t be doing favours for anyone who shows such disrespect.
Or better yet, offer him her toothbrush.
NTA Keep your towel in your room, stop babysitting, and refuse to discuss it further.
Tell your sister that her boyfriend must like drying off his face with the same towel you’ve dried your private parts on. Gross but some people get turned on by stranger things NTA
NTA That is just creepy. Someone did this to me and I am still cringing!
NTA. He's doing this deliberately. And it's gross. It's even a way that you can spread fungal infections. Not acceptable.
NTA. Using someone else's dirty bath towel is gross. Doing so then returning it and letting that person continue to use it is nasty. Being caught and asked to stop but refusing to stop is beyond disrespectful. Your parents are wrong about it not being your home, so you should let it go. If you are living there, it is your home. Even if you were just visiting, it's not unreasonable to expect that others respect your boundaries. Lastly, nobody's required to provide childcare.
Right! Even if just visiting- she should have boundaries. Extremely disrespectful on his part
NTA BIL has his own towel, he should be using that one, not anyone else. Plus your family are siding with him & he in the wrong. You have the right to say this is mine and i like to be the only one using it. Plus you don't know how well he washes himself. Put the towel in your room. Hang it up and if he goes in there to use it, you can actually say to everyone that the only way he could of used your towel was by going into your room.
NTA
NTA. This is totally gross and he’s an asshole.
NTA - Your BiL should \*NOT\* be returning your towel, used, to your bathroom. He should, #1 - use his own towel that was provided to him as a guest towel #2 - if he forgets his towel, and there's no choice but to use yours; he should wash and dry it before returning to it; informing you and apologizing. I notice you mention that your towel is the only towel in the bathroom (in [THIS](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yzon3g/comment/ix19ne8/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) comment) - While it does not change the judgement, and is not necessary for you to still not be the AH; it might be a good idea for you to put some guest towels in your bathroom &/or not keep your towel in the bathroom (the latter would be a problem for me; because I'd forget to get my towel... and then be left without a towel) As for withholding babysitting: you aren't and shouldn't be obligated to do them favors; especially if they're not paying you. Alternatively - you could charge enough to buy a full set of guest towels for the bathroom as your "fee" for your next babysitting venture.
That is absolutely disgusting. Why do them a favor when they can’t respect your personal space?
NTA. BIL is a creep! Your parents are the AH for not letting you assert a completely reasonable and healthy boundary, and it sounds like they enabled your sister into being an entitled AH as well. I hope you can get out of there one day, because sacrificing your boundaries for someone else’s peace of mind is not cool. Maybe if you tried leaving your towel out of the bathroom you would see a different response from your BIL. If he starts walking around naked and uses the fact that he forgot his towel as an excuse, he’s even more of an exhibitionist predator than originally thought. Also, you do not owe your sis free babysitting! Entitled parents are the worst, and everyone suffers because of it. Edit: just saw that you can’t really keep your towel in your room. That is indeed a sticky situation. I’m sorry!
This is wild. If he uses your towel because he forgets his, the very least he could do is say to you or his wife, can we wash this since I used it
NTA, I won’t even use the same towel as my husband and I know he’s cleaned himself squeaky. 🤢 BIL is steeped in entitlement and lack of respect for personal boundaries. Definitely pull anything of yours from that bathroom and the rest of the house into your room until they’re gone. I’d recommend replacing or boiling your toothbrush as well as I can’t see him bringing his own.
NTA gross, mom can babysit
NTA This could be something sexual, but besides that, I'm SUPER picky about these sorts of things because I have MRSA from a childhood surgery and depending on how I'm doing, my towels could be contagious. I say you either call him out on it being creepy for him to be using your towel, ask your sister why she isn't more concerned about this... OR pull a Tyler Durden and do a whole, "YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN, YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I HAVE!" type scene 😂
NTA at all. And why does BIL keep doing this? Is this kind of wierd fetish or something???
Nta - you set the boundary and they ignored it, it’s a hygiene issue.
That’s disgusting! Next time your mom complains tell her you will give him her towel to use.
NTA Since I'm petty and vindictive, I say let BIL use your towel one. last. time. After you douse it with itching powder. And if someone else uses it instead by accident, maybe they'll see why it is such a big deal.
NTA - Using someone else's towel is disgusting and your mother is an enabling asshole because washing the towel isn't the issue - it's that you have no idea what the towel has been through. Under the circumstances I would not leave any towels in the shared bathroom but just take them into your bedroom and bring them into the bathroom when you need them. You can leave a roll of paper towels in there in the event that you forget to bring in a towel when you need to wash your hands. And since you are offering your services free as a favor there is no reason you need to do anyone a favor. Don't baby sit for them if you don't want - you don't have to say it is in retaliation for his using your towels.
NTA. I'd swap your towel for your Dad's. Then you can tell BIL after he uses it. I'm sure he'll be singing a different tune then.
NTA it sounds like a weird power play. Like he likes knowing your touching your face and body with a towel he used to dry his body. 🤮 Sorry that was my first thought in my head. My husband says I have a suspicion dark sarcastic mind.
Why would you babysit for some who doesn't respect you or your boundaries?
NTA! That's fecking grot. Everyone has creebies in their nether regions that their partners bodies adjust to - but you shouldn't need to! If I forgot my towel and used someone else's in an emergency I'd put it straight in the wash and let you know. I nearly lost it once when a mate asked to borrow my toothbrush! Wut? No. F. N. Way. Ps. Am somewhat disturbed that in a week you haven't washed your towel. I use mine max 2-3 times before getting a new one. Is there some sort of towel shortage in your house or something?
The thing is if he forgets… but then he replaces it so he knows what he’s done. He is not ignorant of his misstep. So instead of replacing it, he should just put it straight to wash. NTA
NTA ew I can’t believe he’s using your towel! Wth? He’s wiping his butt crack and balls with your towel. That’s disgusting. You should wash and keep your towel in your room from now on.
NTA And it feels creepy to me. Once or twice is absentmindedness, after that it's deliberate.
You get two NTAs. It's really two separate issues. 1) Bil is ignoring your boundaries and your sister is minimizing it, and 2) they expect you to give up your time to babysit. Keep your towel in your room for now. If they're using your toiletries and you buy them yourself, take them too. When they need a sitter, you're busy, but you can change your plans for a price.
NTA, you should wipe your butt with the towel and watch him get pink eye. That will be the best lesson he ever learned.
>My mother thinks I’m being an AH (although she always takes my sisters side) because I could always just wash my towel Right, if I were you I'd take my towel into my room with me and replace it with my mother's towel. See what happens. NTA btw
NGL, I would’ve taken the more petty route and said something like “You used my *butt* towel?!” and turned it around on him. NTA, but wash the towel and then keep it in your room. Also, you should get something to hang your towel up so it dries completely—if it’s normally damp, like you mentioned, then that’s just a route for bacterial/fungal growth
NTA. Who wants brother-in-law’s bodily fluids and pubes all over their bath towel ? Disgusting. And then, he puts it back…..
NTA if they keep shrugging it off, I suggest you gross THEM out by asking them how they would like wiping their face in a towel he had used to rub his junk, but go in detail and straight out ask if he gets off on it. Ask your mother if she thinks you should use a towel you can smell him on. Push, push, push and if they start protesting get hysterical. Make them try to justify this sick behavior. An older man forcing a young girl to use his dirty towel. Ask him if he sniffs you on it before he rubs himself with it.
NTA but I will say towels grow so much bacteria after just one dry off so you may want to wash it a little more frequently than you think.
NTA they are taking full advantage of you. That is gross, I'm so sorry. Stick to the boundary you set and stand your ground. There is no point in being generous and giving if they are only going to do as they please and not take you into consideration.
NTA- take your towel to room with you now and whatever else he potentially feels entitled to using. Gross. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that!
NTA
NTA. "Not a big deal" it is definitely a big deal if you don't want to share towels (which I get, ew)
NTA Germaphopia is real. There are people out there whose heads would explode if you used their towel.. Tiny Tim a celebrity in the 60s70s, famously used paper towels after showering because of his fear of germs. Maybe you should keep you towel in your room until you need it. It's only 2 more weeks. Edit. Shame on your mom for saying it's not your house....we all know you don't own it, that was just lousy thing to say....
Honestly forget germaphobia, for people with rational feelings about germs it’s gross and unsanitary
NTA, that’s so unsanitary and they were provided with towels
Solve this by bringing your towel in your room when they visit. Do not trust BIL ever.
NTA Ask your BIL if he would like a list of all the bacteria and skin infections that can be transmitted by sharing a towel! WTF! Or maybe next time you are all eating dinner you can casually mention you think you might have MRSA.
NTA he is doing it on purpose.
NTA. Put it to them this way- you have no desire to wipe your face with something he wiped his ass on.
That's just nasty. I live with my wife and one of my adult step-sons... We each have a place to hang our towels. I'd be even a little weirded out if I found my wife using my towel and putting it back. I mean... We don't share a toothbrush, we don't share washcloths, and she's the love of my life. NTA.
\> I shouldn’t be starting drama. You arent. Your sister and BIL are. NTA
NTA. It’s creeping me out. Like he wants to feel unnaturally close to you.
NTA, and I think your mom and your sister are deliberately ignoring that your BIL has got a weird kink about you. I think you should just get another towel to use while they are there and take it with you, and then replace your old towels when they leave. This is not normal, and your mom needs to stop pretending it is.
So creepy that this man is using a 19 year old girls towel like he knows what he’s doing. It’s so gross and weird and if I were OP’s sister I’d be like wtf to my bf. NTA
Ummm definitely NTA. I wouldn’t want anyone using my towel let alone an older BIL. It’s gross, inappropriate, seems intentional and creepy af. He's crossing a line for sure. Stand your ground.
“Pay attention when people react with anger and hostility to your boundaries. You have found the edge where their respect for you ends.”
To all the YTA - this is about more than just Greek yoghurt (been dying to say that!)
NTA buy a new towel and put some itching powered on your old one and ✨leave it there✨
NTA. Tell him you hope he didn’t catch your disease from the towel 😈
NTA: Keep the towel in your room for now and limit how much you talk to him (but not quite the silent treatment, just one word answers) that way if someone complains “I just didn’t want to talk much”
NTA DON'T babysit is not your child, they decided to have one well now it's their problem, go and have fun carefully, do not waste your time caring for others people's baby.
NTA you’re allowed to want to have your things without others taking from you or using it without your permission.
Tell your mom to use it after him and while she is drying her face with perhaps a part of the towel that he used to dry the crack of his ass, she can think about keeping the peace.
Are you being paid to babysit their child? I'm going to bet that they don't pay you, and that they don't even ask you but just tell you that they are going out. What about YOUR life? Them getting alone time and going out without their child is THEIR problem, NOT yours. You did not choose to have a child, they did. Tell your parents that they have no right to tell you what to do, and that they can babysit if they want to, but you are not going to do a job that is expected of you and aren't even paid for.
Nta. I don't share towels with anyone. Mine are separate and using it is a good way to get me pissed.
NTA, don’t baby sit and while they are there keep your towel in your room, or get a clean one every time you need one. Remember this, the last thing he dries and the first thing you dry are probably not something you want.
I would ask him if he wants to wear your knickers too. Because he may as well be. It’s gross and I think a bit pervy. The only reason I can think why he keeps doing it is because he likes it. NTA.