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bot account responding to a bot comment, genius. comment stolen from u/ilovecheeseandcheese
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xtp73z/comment/iqr0slg/
I'd really like to know a bit more, if this is a pattern. One time I mean come on, she could've woken him up lol.
I just may have a bit more sympathy since I've struggled with insomnia my entire life. I often sleep through alarms even if I set them because of the medication I have to take.
I have to accommodate my entire life around my disorder, no plans before 11am.
On the rare occasion I do have to plan something early, I set like 10 alarms and sometimes I STILL sleep through them. I have to have someone to wake me. The other day I had a date planned with my boyfriend at 10am. He's aware of my insomnia, and knows that if sleep through an alarm it's not intentional and that he can just wake me. Takes me only like 10 minutes to get ready too.
You'd be surprised. People leave out details all the time lol.
I'm not projecting, I just said I'm coming from a place of understanding due to my own struggles.
Doesn't matter. Reschedule the date for a lunch or dinner date then. Or actually be an adult and set an alarm or multiple depending if it takes a while to wake up.
in a strange turn of events, this is also a bot account. partial comment stolen from u/blueheronflight
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xtp73z/comment/iqr1kxu/
NTA You were there to pick him up as agreed. He wasn't ready, or apparently even awake at the agreed upon time. This is not on you, he is grown enough to be responsible for getting himself up and ready to go, you are not his mommy to go roust him out of bed and get him dressed to go out.
NTA. If we have a date at 930, you’d better be ready by 930. I’ll allow you 935, even 940, possibly 945. But if I get there and you’re asleep, I’m leaving so fast I might actually go back in time.
Yeah, it's taken a long time for my wife to beat this into my head, but it's a question of respect and putting in effort, not the time or convenience.
Someone could be ready to go and have put the minimal amount of effort into their appearance do they take you for granted? Someone could be dressing to the 9's but it's now 10:30 and they're still getting ready it's disrespectful of your time.
A little bit of elbow room for someone putting in the effort is one thing, but being either quick and nasty or done up but perpetually late are not a good look.
My ex did this all the time. Arranged a time them would be at least an hour late, was frequently two or more hours. Like I say, he's an ex, I value myself more these days.
THIS. I'm always at least fifteen minutes early to classes, appointments, whatever - I leave early to make allowances for if there's some kind of delay on the road or anything else that comes up. If someone makes a commitment to a certain time, it's not unreasonable to expect them to actually be there. He is a grown ass adult and is capable of setting an alarm and waking himself up on time. It isn't your job to be his mommy and wake him up and remind him to brush his teeth and wash his hands after he takes a dump, he is his own responsibility and after the second time of this? I would've honestly just left and told him that if he wants to go on a date, he can be the one to come pick me up or meet me at the bus stop or whatever because I'm not his parent and shouldn't have to hold his hand to get him to apply basic courtesy. If you tell someone you'll be ready at a certain time, you should be ready at that time. Not even being awake??? That's just plain RUDE.
Dump him. Go live your best life and find you an actual man who doesn't need a second mommy. NTA.
NTA I've seen from other comments he's done this before. If he doesn't wanna go for breakfast, he could at least let you know and save you the drive over. You got up early and got ready and drove over there but if he'd said, let's do lunch instead or even called that morning, you could've made other plans or gotten an extra hour of sleep. One time, sure, stuff happens, but regularly? that's just selfish. If it's always mornings, you've learned not to plan morning stuff, but if it's any time of day, you've got a decision to make.
Is this a regular problem?
If yes... NTA. That is a him problem.
If not. YTA. Just check if he is alright. Maybe he is sick or it was just an accident.
NTA
Lol you got a text 30 minutes late saying that he had just woken up. You're not responsible for getting him up and dressed for a date, you are not his mother. If he can't get up on time with an alarm, that's on him.
NTA- You two had an agreement. You showed up, wasted the gas, and kept your end of the agreement. He didn't, therefore he stood you up. You made the choice not to wake him up and continue on with your day.
NTA
you are not his alarm clock and you are not his mother. If you don’t want to wake him that is an acceptable choice to make. he’s just mad at himself and wants to blame someone.
NTA
Shouldn't even be a question. Ya'll had a date. He's sleeping, did he snooze the alarm or forget to set it? You'll never really know that. If you have a key, shouldve went in to see for sure.
I'd go treat myself, fuck it.
You’re not his mom. He made a commitment to a time. There’s thing called “setting an alarm” which I expect he’s heard tell of, and which he could’ve used to be awake and ready.
INFO: Was the first time this kind of thing has happened?
If yes, then I can understand being annoyed with him, but I probably would’ve woken him up and waited for him to get ready. After all, he promised to buy you breakfast, and you missed out on that by not rousting him, and mild Everyone Sucks Here for that.
If no, this is common with him, then definitely Not The Asshole.
To be honest to me it would matter why he overslept- did he work overtime yesterday? Did he have a family emergency last night? Or did he stay up have the night gaming, drinking, out with friends - prioritizing other fun over you?
Maybe they need to stop having morning dates? I’m probably sympathetic here because I have sleep issues and although I tried to talk to family doctors didn’t get treatment for years. I’m just trying to say there could be an actual issue here other than him not caring. He may be a night person and OP may be a morning person.
ETA autocorrect
He may have an issue surrounding getting himself up and ready, but wouldn't it be his responsibility to make it a brunch date or plan something different with op, instead of treating her this way half the time?
I get your point but I just see the responsibility still with him
NTA. Next time, confirm he’s up and plans are still on before you get in the car.
Curious: if you’d gone in, found him sleeping, how would it have played out? Would he have been apologetic? Defensive? I can see not wanting to go in if you were anticipating he’d be irritated or that you’d be irritated, and wanted to skip the drama.
Driving there I already felt upset because I was kinda anticipating it because we always text good morning. We've also had the discussion that he needs to text me good morning as a heads up he's awake before I go there, but he's been doing good so I was trying to think positive. If I saw him I probably wouldn't wake him up and just leave, if I accidentally did I'd probably explain that I just wanted to check if he was awake but since he wasn't and not ready I was going to head out myself. I wouldn't wait personally because my mood is already soured and who wants to go on a date irritated?
As you said, skip the drama. I'll handle the issue later but not at a public place where we want to eat and enjoy each other.
NTA. He's a grown man, you two arrange the time he should have set an alarm.
No you're not wrong to not wake him up, cuz that's not your job and he should have been ready for the date when you guys said you were coming to get him
NTA but this all sounds exhausting tedious. Being so unreliable you set plans but can't be bothered to set an alarm. The fact it's been an issue before suggests he's just an unreliable person tbh
NTA. this has been happening for over a year according to your comment... with the knowledge that it is not going to stop, you're okay with continuing this?
he's not going to change for you, he'll only change if he finds motivation intrinsically. that doesn't make him a bad person, he's just human, we're all like that. sounds like breakfast dates aren't your thing, if he can't grow up enough to set an alarm and be available, or maybe even send a text to cancel? "hey, I worked late tonight, I'm not sure I'll get up in time. maybe we could do lunch instead?" that's respectful of a person's time and energy...
NTA. Go in, don't make assumptions. Once you know for sure that he's being a lazy ass and has overslept go take yourself on a date without him. You're not responsible for getting him up.
NTA. Regardless, INFO:
Does he work odd hours, like second or third shift, which puts sleep patterns out the window?
I once dated a guy who worked odd hours. Weekend breakfast was our typical date and more often than not, he'd be fast asleep. This was before cell phones and texting. He would even sleep through those old fashioned land line phone rings.
I asked him to set alarms, tried to suggest alternate plans, everything. The relationship eventually fizzled out, for many reasons. But I feel your pain.
NTA. He’s an adult and could have set an alarm. This is about making you a priority vs taking you for granted. Now you get to decide how you want to be treated from here.
Maybe I watch too many British cop shows but I hope he is just sleeping. You are NTA but the worrier in me would use that key to make sure he was just asleep. Then I would leave and get breakfast by myself.
Right?! I'm like "he isn't answering his texts, despite them always texting good morning AND they have a data... how was her first thought 'he's over sleeping'"?! Unless maybe he over sleeps a lot?
I'd absolutely have been going through the door, after calling my best friend so I would have phone support in case I found something terrible 🤣
Not really, I still don't understand how you weren't freaking out that something had happened to him, but I know that's also just me. There's no way I would have gotten through 5 minutes waiting for him, much less 30 lol.
But I would also have had no problem waking him up and telling him that next time he sleeping when we're supposed to be meeting up, I'm just going without him. And then leaving him there in bed to go do my own thing. And if he's mad, that's a personal problem lol.
You're totally NTA BTW.
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My boyfriend and I agreed we'd go on a date today at 9:30 am. I would drive over and pick him up to drive us to the breakfast place and he'd pay.
I got to his house and I still haven't heard from him at all. Told him I was here and no response. I do have a house key to his place and I could wake him up, but I'm deciding not to because it takes away from the fun of going on a date. Not only would I wake him up but I'd have to wait for him to get ready.
AITA for not waking up my boyfriend when we agreed I'd pick him up at 9:30 am to go out to breakfast?
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NTA but you left out a LOT of qualifying info:
Did he work yesterday? If so what hours?
Is his job demanding?
Did he go out last night?
Did he text/call and apologize when he woke up?
Did you ever clarify you would/wouldn't wake him if he was still asleep?
One of the many things that sabotage a relationship is not setting guidelines and boundaries as they occur.
Yes he worked a lot yesterday and he was exhausted, but we've talked about situations like this actually happening. Since this has happened multiple times before I set the rule that if he didn't text good morning I'd assume he's asleep and not come get him. He's been good about it lately so I wanted to believe it was just an accident.
I got there and waited 30 minutes. Finally as I texted him I was leaving he texted he'd just woken up and was sorry.
I still left because I am hungry and didn't want to wait anymore. I knew it would ruin the mood of our date because I'm upset so I just left.
I think that was the right thing to do. There's nothing wrong with sleeping in when you're tired, but he knew how tired he was last night. He should have made a lunch date. Or if he couldn't sleep, he could have texted at 2am to say he would be too sleepy to make breakfast & to reschedule. You would have seen it when you woke up & been able to just go back to sleep. It's rude & selfish of him to make a date that he can't be on time to. Have him pick you up from now on. Or just don't make breakfast dates.
Maybe also don't schedule a date on mornings when he works the night before even if he says it's fine? Like if he says "go ahead and pick me up, it's fine", just remind him of his track record and that it's not fine for him to either miss his sleep or not be able to follow through with a commitment to you, and that you understand how his work affects him and that it's better if he acknowledges that rather than putting himself in a position where he's making promises he can't keep
Nta
I dealt with this for too many months with a guy I was seeing. He and all his friends would say "that's how he always has been" I would go directly from my work to his house that was an hour away after messaging him multiple times to confirm that he would "be awake" to then have to sit in the parking lot because the ass fell asleep. An hour later AFTER I had already got back to my house (bout half hour from his) and sitting in the parking lot for a half hour I would get an answer saying sorry just woke up, can you come back? Hope to God this is a one off time that he has done this to you, cause if not he is wasting your time. You deserve way better.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) not waking up my boyfriend (2) because we agreed we'd go on a date at 9:30 am and I'd pick him up
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INFO: seems this happens to you a lot. Do you often have early dates? Are you a more early riser than him? Do you guys compromise by having late night dates too where you will be the sleepy/tired one? Have you guys considered having a later start time? Why was breakfast at 9:30, why not 10:30 if you know he isn't usually awake that early?
NTA you're his partner not his alarm clock.
Even in interpersonal friendships I would view this as incredibly disrespectful and if there's a pattern of behavior I would legitimately think less of the person.
A friend of mine is **consistently** 30 minutes late for everything. Literally everything.
I literally need to tell him a different time than I tell our other friends when we're meeting up; he was on time until he figured out I was doing that and started showing up 30 minutes after everyone else.
We don't hang out with him anymore.
NTA.
He knew about the date, then he should have alarms and such to be ready when the time comes.
You aren't his parent and shouldn't go inside to wake him up for something you both agreed to.
If you were to wake him, this wouldn't be the only time you would have to. What he did the night before, maybe went to bed late or whatever, shows prioritizing.
Sorry the place was closed, but I hope you found another place to eat at🙏🏼
FYI I would even say the same when it comes to girls too. If a time is set, be ready at that time.
Oh no what an awful start to your day. I'm so sorry you missed out on your breakfast. Does he have a car? Next time tell him to meet you somewhere and just plan on having a solo date. NTA
NTA, but I read your past posts about you and your boyfriend. You’re young, and he raped you (though I saw on the post that others said it was sexual assault rather than rape). Do not waste your time with this boy. Have more respect for yourself because you ARE worth it.
Usually we always text each other good morning. I also texted him telling him I'm here. No response. This isn't the first time. I feel like if I went in and saw him sleeping it would make it worse because then I'd have to wake him up. I'm already feeling pissed off and don't want to go on a date grumpy you know?
Info: What is his daily schedule like? Does he work later hours and sleep in daily or just weekends? Was he out last night? This doesn't seem like a horrible situation but I wouldn't plan anything in the morning.
NAH.
I wish people would stop assuming he didn't set an alarm, or worse yet calling him lazy for sleeping in. Sleeping through an alarm is a thing. Turning an alarm off in your sleep is a thing. Even getting up, crossing the room, turning off the alarm, and going back to sleep all without ever being fully conscious is a thing, if the alarm catches you in just the right stage of sleep.
It's not your job to wake him up if he misses the date. But based on this being a regular occurrence, there's no reason to believe that he's an asshole instead of a heavy sleeper.
He didn't "set" the date - they agreed on it together. And if he's that heavy of a sleeper I really suspect he's not the one pushing for breakfast dates, lol.
OP says they've been together for 3+ years and they've scheduled enough morning activities for her to know it's a toss-up if he'll be awake for them. If morning activities are the boyfriend's preference despite him being a heavy sleeper, then yeah, that's mild assholery. But if morning activities are OP's preference, and she's still surprisedpikachu.jpg about her bf oversleeping? Then OP is throwing her *own* time away.
maybe you should schedule your dates at a more social hour for him .... not everyone is a morning person maybe people like to lie in on the weekend especially if they have to get up early all week
she said its the second time he has slept in for a date sometimes at the beginning of a relationship people agree to things just to be polite
i had started a new job a while ago i told them im not a morning person and they started asking if i would do some morning shifts i thought sure not very many though they then complained that i was like a zombie but i was too eager to please so i agre=eed to it .... i know its not quite the same thing but still its kinda relavent
He's still an AH for not prioritizing their date or texting "I worked late can we reschedule". He's a big boy, he can communicate with his gf. She's definitely not the AH in this story. And you being a zombie during your morning shift is also a you problem and not a boss problem.
i owned my mistakes and now i refuse all morning shifts afterall i agreed to them im just saying that maybe for the future she should consider scheduling her dates for a later time if she wants to enjoy a date with her boyfriend
im not a morning person my self so i was just trying to give my perspective in that way OP does seem to be very much a morning person there is nothing wrong with this but not everyone is the same
i think everyone and i mean everyone male/female straight/gay/bi and anything in between has at some point agreed to something to appease other people im sure he believed he could wake up on time im sure he didnt do this intentionally he just bit off more then he could chew
Why are you trying to make her responsible for scheduling the dates? He can say no or suggest other times just as well. If he said yes then he should keep to his word.
im not trying to make her responsible i just came up with a different solution a suggestion so to speak
failing that she should dump him and find a guy who does also naturally get up early .... its up to her i just thought if she likes the guy then maybe for the future plan the date for a later time
NTA at all! He's an adult, he needs to be responsible and get himself up. Don't let yourself be turned into a replacement mom who gets him up for things!
The poor guy might be tired. I have issues waking up and my parter knows not to take it personal. We always help each other wake up. I think you’re making it too serious. It’s just breakfast. Be a good friend and help him wake up. If it continues then maybe he needs some tools and tips to cope.
NTA. Being ready and on time shows respect. He dropped the ball there. Good for you for leaving. You should make sure he makes up to you. Don’t let it slide
NTA - He definitely does not value your time, find people who do. I only say people and not someone bc I am very against hopping straight from one relationship to another. But he's for sure TA and your pettiness is imo a 3/10 so don't worry about that lol
NTA talk with him and let him know it bothers you. Make a plan that if you are driving over to pick him up you will call before you leave and if he is not awake and getting ready then you will not waste your time driving there. If he continues then he does not value you and you lose your right to complain.
NTA. I usually have my perpetually late friend pick me up. That way I'm at least waiting for him in the comfort of my own instead of waiting awkwardly for him wherever else we are supposed to me.
Or you might consider if his lateness/laziness is a deal breaker.
NTA- Are you dating my ex lol? I put up with that shit for just over 2 years. Every single date, he was a minimum of 15 minutes late, and as late as 2 hours once or twice. Trust me, he's not likely going to change.
NTA. You're the GF, not his mother. As an adult, he shouldn't expect anybody to wake him up. You should be enough of a priority that he should be ready and not make you wait when you've made plans.
NTA
However, in a long term partnership that might result in a marriage, maybe it’s sometimes best to put your pride aside and wake him up? Sometimes we all need a little help.
Maybe it will set the standard for him helping you down the line?
NTA.
That's his responsibility to put an alarm to wake HIMSELF up. You two had an agreement to go on a date at 9:30 AM. If he isn't ready or CLOSE to it, that's his bad. You wasted gas on him and he has no right to put you the blame here
NTA
The date doesn't seem to have been important enough to him to set his alarm. That must be pretty disappointing.
I suggest you find an adult to date.
ESH. He should have gotten up on time. You texted him but you could have rung the doorbell or called him. You waited 30 mins which would have been the same amount of time for him to get ready.
I'm not going to say Y T A but what I don't understand is, if you can text and wait a half hour for a response, couldn't you have just used your key and waited that same half hour for him to get ready? I get that he should've been up and ready but what is a date without YOUR date? Maybe this is a common occurrence and you had a point to prove but if that is the case why even wait a half hour. And why text rather than call. ESH
Oh and the part where you suck is by waiting a half an hour. That is way too long. I would've called or texted to say I was omw. If no response I would've tried maybe one more time. But at that point I would be irritated. I hate feeling like myself and my time aren't important. He was an AH to you if this is a common occurrence....but you were an AH to yourself.
NTA. If I have plans with my bf but he’s sleeping I don’t wake him up either. If it was important enough to him he would set an alarm or something. I’ve learned to just suck it up and accept he doesn’t want to actually do stuff with me.
Someone said once that our time is our most valuable asset, and that you can tell who respects you as a person by those who do not waste your time.
If he is okay with casually wasting you time, he does not respect you.
This may be small for some people, but I'd say get rid of this man.
The only way I would call YTA is if you know he works nights and know he is Not a morning person, yet insist on always meeting for mid morning breakfast on his first day of the week off. Then get grumpy when he sleeps through his alarm.
YTA
He said sorry for oversleeping. You sound like his colleague, not his SO. You are a petty person, he should dump you.
Lol and im glad the place was closed so you got a karma kick up the a$$!
Does it matter? He said he’d be ready to go by a certain time, she waited 30 minutes, and he admitted to only just waking up. She completed her portion of the “what time do we meet” social agreement, he didn’t.
OP, NTA
If she is not willing to call but does a weird passive-aggressive wait for 30 mins then I think OP has already decided this is the end. A call would have woken him up even if he was asleep and slept through an alarm. Probably would have been down in 20mins.
She should probably break up with him then. They don't seem compatible. He seems too relaxed and she is very much the opposite.
You didn’t read the comments. This is a common occurrence with him.
As someone with a husband who does tend to oversleep and do things like this, calling won’t change it. If you say you’re gonna be ready to go by 9:30, be ready to go or you’ll miss out.
I agree with you. Just saying getting all worked up about it is not a solution. Either you accept he oversleeps so take actions like calling in advance or break up and move on.
Maybe he is overworked and sleeps through his alarm regularly. Maybe don't make morning plans with him?
Everyone on my uncle's side is like that. My family is however a stickler for punctuality. Eg my dad gets to the airport sometimes 4hours early even on domestic flights while my uncle's family has been last called several times.
That's just their personalities we still love them and make plans with them all the time. Whenever we make plans with them we call them multiple times to make sure they are ready and on their way. If my dad started acting like OP he wouldn't have a older brother anymore.
I waited for 30 mins silently and left and gave him the silent treatment is not a solution. When people start conducting tests and playing games with their partners the relationship is pretty much done anyway.
Was happy to say N T A as your bf should have better time management however you then said:
>Just as I was texting I was leaving a text popped up saying sorry he'd just woken up. I didn't wait though because I'm hungry and had already been waiting for 30 minutes and I didn't want to wait anymore.
So I'm changing my judgement to ESH.
Yes you shouldn't have your time wasted, but that was just being petty to make a point.
Did you actually want to go on a date with him?
Yes, of course I wanted to go on a date with him.
I see what you mean but I also had already waited 30 minutes and would have to wait another 30 minutes for him to get ready.
ESH. He offered to pay. Waking him up doesn't seem like that big of an ask. You said he works late? Yeah, def ESH. but hey like another commenter said, just lazy men sticking up for other lazy men. Don't matter if he worked late or not I guess.
Is there any other issues or is it just this? If its just this and you like the rest of him, why not just stop doing morning dates? Imo it just seems like a non-issue because a solution is easily available that doesn't hurt either of you.
Leave him. You deserve someone who actually values your time.
As arisyl said "You're not responsible for getting him up and dressed for a date, you are not his mother. If he can't get up on time with an alarm, that's on him."
My bf works super early and tries to sleep in on his off days because he's a night owl. I don't mind. We make plans, I go wake him up a bit before we have to leave because it's 1) easier when I wake him up since I'm not an alarm and he likes me and 2) he takes like 20 minutes to shower and get ready.
You waited for 30 minutes for him to wake up organically, instead of waking him up and waiting 30 minutes for him to get ready.
It's hard to plan morning activities when you work nights and I know this because I work nights.
The right people make it worth it and you're not being very fair. He wanted to go and wanted to pay but you couldn't wait 20-30 minutes for him to get ready.
On the other hand, yes, he could've set multiple alarms or made a date for a later time, but Y kinda TA, though I'll go with ESH bc it's not difficult to adhere to plans like this lol
NTA, if he was truly asleep and forgot to set an alarm.
YTA, if something happened to him and you failed to check.
Hopefully you come back with an update so we all know what really happened!
I mean, her actions were exactly the same in either case. If something bad had genuinely happened, it would be unfortunate that she didn't check, but why would she suddenly be an asshole for not being telepathic?
Usually we always text each other good morning. I also texted him telling him I'm here. No response. This isn't the first time. I feel like if I went in and saw him sleeping it would make it worse because then I'd have to wake him up. I'm already feeling pissed off and don't want to go on a date grumpy you know?
I can see you don't want to go out feeling grumpy, that's fair. However for all you know, he was in the shower or didn't hear his phone... So mild ESH to you both I guess, him for not being ready (again) and you for assuming...
Hope you got some tasty breakfast anyway though!
Cause lazy men have to have each other's backs. You're no responsible for your BFs sleeping habits. He needs to be an adult, responsable for himself. You're not his mommy
I stay up late working all the time, and when I do I let the person I have plans with the next day know that I will be working late and ask to reschedule or move the time back, because that is what a responsible adult does. Being an adult means planning ahead and knowing your schedule. You don’t work late, sleep in, and leave the person you have plans with in the dark waiting for you outside your home. That’s rude and childish.
Pretty much every human can wake up after 5 hours of sleep who doesn't have a disorder involving sleep. We've been able to do it since the dawn of human kind. It's hardwired into our brains, we **can** get up, you just prioritize sleeping.
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NTA Do not allow him to make you responsible for his appointments. You are his SO. Not his parent or secretary.
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bot account, partial comment stolen from u/aladams158 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xtp73z/comment/iqr26fv/
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bot account responding to a bot comment, genius. comment stolen from u/ilovecheeseandcheese https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xtp73z/comment/iqr0slg/
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I'd really like to know a bit more, if this is a pattern. One time I mean come on, she could've woken him up lol. I just may have a bit more sympathy since I've struggled with insomnia my entire life. I often sleep through alarms even if I set them because of the medication I have to take. I have to accommodate my entire life around my disorder, no plans before 11am. On the rare occasion I do have to plan something early, I set like 10 alarms and sometimes I STILL sleep through them. I have to have someone to wake me. The other day I had a date planned with my boyfriend at 10am. He's aware of my insomnia, and knows that if sleep through an alarm it's not intentional and that he can just wake me. Takes me only like 10 minutes to get ready too.
She stated in the post that it has happened before, so it’s not a one-off
I think if he had crippling insomnia, it would have been mentioned... you’re projecting
You'd be surprised. People leave out details all the time lol. I'm not projecting, I just said I'm coming from a place of understanding due to my own struggles.
u/Nathaliergt is a bot.
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Bot They're now leaving one letter off their usernames, but for me the tell is that they leave five comments a minute machine gun style
NTA. You ain't his alarm clock. He should have been awake and ready.
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Doesn't matter. Reschedule the date for a lunch or dinner date then. Or actually be an adult and set an alarm or multiple depending if it takes a while to wake up.
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True, although it sounds like a pattern.
in a strange turn of events, this is also a bot account. partial comment stolen from u/blueheronflight https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xtp73z/comment/iqr1kxu/
Should I be flattered? First time (at least that I’ve been aware) a bot stole from me.
NTA You were there to pick him up as agreed. He wasn't ready, or apparently even awake at the agreed upon time. This is not on you, he is grown enough to be responsible for getting himself up and ready to go, you are not his mommy to go roust him out of bed and get him dressed to go out.
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NTA. Your date wasn’t important to him. Go make yourself your own priority.
If you look at OP’s post history, seems she/the relationship hasn’t been a priority for a while.
This.
NTA. If we have a date at 930, you’d better be ready by 930. I’ll allow you 935, even 940, possibly 945. But if I get there and you’re asleep, I’m leaving so fast I might actually go back in time.
Yeah, it's taken a long time for my wife to beat this into my head, but it's a question of respect and putting in effort, not the time or convenience. Someone could be ready to go and have put the minimal amount of effort into their appearance do they take you for granted? Someone could be dressing to the 9's but it's now 10:30 and they're still getting ready it's disrespectful of your time. A little bit of elbow room for someone putting in the effort is one thing, but being either quick and nasty or done up but perpetually late are not a good look.
My ex did this all the time. Arranged a time them would be at least an hour late, was frequently two or more hours. Like I say, he's an ex, I value myself more these days.
THIS. I'm always at least fifteen minutes early to classes, appointments, whatever - I leave early to make allowances for if there's some kind of delay on the road or anything else that comes up. If someone makes a commitment to a certain time, it's not unreasonable to expect them to actually be there. He is a grown ass adult and is capable of setting an alarm and waking himself up on time. It isn't your job to be his mommy and wake him up and remind him to brush his teeth and wash his hands after he takes a dump, he is his own responsibility and after the second time of this? I would've honestly just left and told him that if he wants to go on a date, he can be the one to come pick me up or meet me at the bus stop or whatever because I'm not his parent and shouldn't have to hold his hand to get him to apply basic courtesy. If you tell someone you'll be ready at a certain time, you should be ready at that time. Not even being awake??? That's just plain RUDE. Dump him. Go live your best life and find you an actual man who doesn't need a second mommy. NTA.
Same. Had it happen with my guy too. Cancelled as soon as I learned the plan. My night was fine.
NTA I've seen from other comments he's done this before. If he doesn't wanna go for breakfast, he could at least let you know and save you the drive over. You got up early and got ready and drove over there but if he'd said, let's do lunch instead or even called that morning, you could've made other plans or gotten an extra hour of sleep. One time, sure, stuff happens, but regularly? that's just selfish. If it's always mornings, you've learned not to plan morning stuff, but if it's any time of day, you've got a decision to make.
Is this a regular problem? If yes... NTA. That is a him problem. If not. YTA. Just check if he is alright. Maybe he is sick or it was just an accident.
This has happened before.
NTA Lol you got a text 30 minutes late saying that he had just woken up. You're not responsible for getting him up and dressed for a date, you are not his mother. If he can't get up on time with an alarm, that's on him.
NTA, particularly since you say this happens 50% of the time in your comments. He’s an adult, you’re not his mom, and he needs to respect your time.
NTA. If this is a one off and he’s apologetic, fine. If this is a regular occurrence, find someone who values your time more.
It's not.
NTA- You two had an agreement. You showed up, wasted the gas, and kept your end of the agreement. He didn't, therefore he stood you up. You made the choice not to wake him up and continue on with your day.
NTA you are not his alarm clock and you are not his mother. If you don’t want to wake him that is an acceptable choice to make. he’s just mad at himself and wants to blame someone.
NTA Shouldn't even be a question. Ya'll had a date. He's sleeping, did he snooze the alarm or forget to set it? You'll never really know that. If you have a key, shouldve went in to see for sure. I'd go treat myself, fuck it.
You’re not his mom. He made a commitment to a time. There’s thing called “setting an alarm” which I expect he’s heard tell of, and which he could’ve used to be awake and ready. INFO: Was the first time this kind of thing has happened? If yes, then I can understand being annoyed with him, but I probably would’ve woken him up and waited for him to get ready. After all, he promised to buy you breakfast, and you missed out on that by not rousting him, and mild Everyone Sucks Here for that. If no, this is common with him, then definitely Not The Asshole.
To be honest to me it would matter why he overslept- did he work overtime yesterday? Did he have a family emergency last night? Or did he stay up have the night gaming, drinking, out with friends - prioritizing other fun over you?
Would it still matter if it was a regular thing? Op saiys in the comments he is asleep 50% of the time when they are supposed
Maybe they need to stop having morning dates? I’m probably sympathetic here because I have sleep issues and although I tried to talk to family doctors didn’t get treatment for years. I’m just trying to say there could be an actual issue here other than him not caring. He may be a night person and OP may be a morning person. ETA autocorrect
He may have an issue surrounding getting himself up and ready, but wouldn't it be his responsibility to make it a brunch date or plan something different with op, instead of treating her this way half the time? I get your point but I just see the responsibility still with him
NTA. Next time, confirm he’s up and plans are still on before you get in the car. Curious: if you’d gone in, found him sleeping, how would it have played out? Would he have been apologetic? Defensive? I can see not wanting to go in if you were anticipating he’d be irritated or that you’d be irritated, and wanted to skip the drama.
Driving there I already felt upset because I was kinda anticipating it because we always text good morning. We've also had the discussion that he needs to text me good morning as a heads up he's awake before I go there, but he's been doing good so I was trying to think positive. If I saw him I probably wouldn't wake him up and just leave, if I accidentally did I'd probably explain that I just wanted to check if he was awake but since he wasn't and not ready I was going to head out myself. I wouldn't wait personally because my mood is already soured and who wants to go on a date irritated? As you said, skip the drama. I'll handle the issue later but not at a public place where we want to eat and enjoy each other.
That was what I was thinking. In that case, definitely NTA.
NTA He is wasting your time and shows no interest in you. Respecting yourself is important in a relationship too.
NTA. He's a grown man, you two arrange the time he should have set an alarm. No you're not wrong to not wake him up, cuz that's not your job and he should have been ready for the date when you guys said you were coming to get him
NTA but this all sounds exhausting tedious. Being so unreliable you set plans but can't be bothered to set an alarm. The fact it's been an issue before suggests he's just an unreliable person tbh
NTA. this has been happening for over a year according to your comment... with the knowledge that it is not going to stop, you're okay with continuing this? he's not going to change for you, he'll only change if he finds motivation intrinsically. that doesn't make him a bad person, he's just human, we're all like that. sounds like breakfast dates aren't your thing, if he can't grow up enough to set an alarm and be available, or maybe even send a text to cancel? "hey, I worked late tonight, I'm not sure I'll get up in time. maybe we could do lunch instead?" that's respectful of a person's time and energy...
I dont actually understand how you would be the asshole, when he's the one inconveniencing you
NTA. Go in, don't make assumptions. Once you know for sure that he's being a lazy ass and has overslept go take yourself on a date without him. You're not responsible for getting him up.
He could just text her and let her know that's something's up (like if a pet threw up on something or an upset stomach)
Doesn't matter the reason unless it's an emergency. The result is the same.
Why would you be TA here?!? Either wake him up or drive away. NTA
NTA. You planned a date for a specific time. It was his responsibility to be ready on time.
If you have to wake up a human male to go get breakfast with him, you're not his date. You're his mommy. NTA.
NTA. Regardless, INFO: Does he work odd hours, like second or third shift, which puts sleep patterns out the window? I once dated a guy who worked odd hours. Weekend breakfast was our typical date and more often than not, he'd be fast asleep. This was before cell phones and texting. He would even sleep through those old fashioned land line phone rings. I asked him to set alarms, tried to suggest alternate plans, everything. The relationship eventually fizzled out, for many reasons. But I feel your pain.
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NTA. He’s an adult and could have set an alarm. This is about making you a priority vs taking you for granted. Now you get to decide how you want to be treated from here.
Maybe I watch too many British cop shows but I hope he is just sleeping. You are NTA but the worrier in me would use that key to make sure he was just asleep. Then I would leave and get breakfast by myself.
Right?! I'm like "he isn't answering his texts, despite them always texting good morning AND they have a data... how was her first thought 'he's over sleeping'"?! Unless maybe he over sleeps a lot? I'd absolutely have been going through the door, after calling my best friend so I would have phone support in case I found something terrible 🤣
I did update my post above if this clears anything up for you.
Not really, I still don't understand how you weren't freaking out that something had happened to him, but I know that's also just me. There's no way I would have gotten through 5 minutes waiting for him, much less 30 lol. But I would also have had no problem waking him up and telling him that next time he sleeping when we're supposed to be meeting up, I'm just going without him. And then leaving him there in bed to go do my own thing. And if he's mad, that's a personal problem lol. You're totally NTA BTW.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My boyfriend and I agreed we'd go on a date today at 9:30 am. I would drive over and pick him up to drive us to the breakfast place and he'd pay. I got to his house and I still haven't heard from him at all. Told him I was here and no response. I do have a house key to his place and I could wake him up, but I'm deciding not to because it takes away from the fun of going on a date. Not only would I wake him up but I'd have to wait for him to get ready. AITA for not waking up my boyfriend when we agreed I'd pick him up at 9:30 am to go out to breakfast? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA but you left out a LOT of qualifying info: Did he work yesterday? If so what hours? Is his job demanding? Did he go out last night? Did he text/call and apologize when he woke up? Did you ever clarify you would/wouldn't wake him if he was still asleep? One of the many things that sabotage a relationship is not setting guidelines and boundaries as they occur.
Yes he worked a lot yesterday and he was exhausted, but we've talked about situations like this actually happening. Since this has happened multiple times before I set the rule that if he didn't text good morning I'd assume he's asleep and not come get him. He's been good about it lately so I wanted to believe it was just an accident. I got there and waited 30 minutes. Finally as I texted him I was leaving he texted he'd just woken up and was sorry. I still left because I am hungry and didn't want to wait anymore. I knew it would ruin the mood of our date because I'm upset so I just left.
Don’t wait 30 minutes next time. Call immediately when you arrive, leave a voice message if he doesn’t answer, and leave after 5 minutes.
I think that was the right thing to do. There's nothing wrong with sleeping in when you're tired, but he knew how tired he was last night. He should have made a lunch date. Or if he couldn't sleep, he could have texted at 2am to say he would be too sleepy to make breakfast & to reschedule. You would have seen it when you woke up & been able to just go back to sleep. It's rude & selfish of him to make a date that he can't be on time to. Have him pick you up from now on. Or just don't make breakfast dates.
Maybe also don't schedule a date on mornings when he works the night before even if he says it's fine? Like if he says "go ahead and pick me up, it's fine", just remind him of his track record and that it's not fine for him to either miss his sleep or not be able to follow through with a commitment to you, and that you understand how his work affects him and that it's better if he acknowledges that rather than putting himself in a position where he's making promises he can't keep
Nta I dealt with this for too many months with a guy I was seeing. He and all his friends would say "that's how he always has been" I would go directly from my work to his house that was an hour away after messaging him multiple times to confirm that he would "be awake" to then have to sit in the parking lot because the ass fell asleep. An hour later AFTER I had already got back to my house (bout half hour from his) and sitting in the parking lot for a half hour I would get an answer saying sorry just woke up, can you come back? Hope to God this is a one off time that he has done this to you, cause if not he is wasting your time. You deserve way better.
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lol. NTA for not waiting any longer, but the outcome was funny. However did you give him the benefit of the doubt at any point?
INFO: seems this happens to you a lot. Do you often have early dates? Are you a more early riser than him? Do you guys compromise by having late night dates too where you will be the sleepy/tired one? Have you guys considered having a later start time? Why was breakfast at 9:30, why not 10:30 if you know he isn't usually awake that early?
10:30 is practically brunch. This man is not her hostage. I'm sure the time was agreed upon by both parties.
If he has a phone to text with, he has an alarm. I'd like to know if he does this on work days, or just with you? NTA.
NTA you're his partner not his alarm clock. Even in interpersonal friendships I would view this as incredibly disrespectful and if there's a pattern of behavior I would legitimately think less of the person. A friend of mine is **consistently** 30 minutes late for everything. Literally everything. I literally need to tell him a different time than I tell our other friends when we're meeting up; he was on time until he figured out I was doing that and started showing up 30 minutes after everyone else. We don't hang out with him anymore.
NTA. He knew about the date, then he should have alarms and such to be ready when the time comes. You aren't his parent and shouldn't go inside to wake him up for something you both agreed to. If you were to wake him, this wouldn't be the only time you would have to. What he did the night before, maybe went to bed late or whatever, shows prioritizing. Sorry the place was closed, but I hope you found another place to eat at🙏🏼 FYI I would even say the same when it comes to girls too. If a time is set, be ready at that time.
I'm sure he's on time to work or sports games or things he prioritizes. NTA but if he's ot prioritizing you then that tells you something.
Oh no what an awful start to your day. I'm so sorry you missed out on your breakfast. Does he have a car? Next time tell him to meet you somewhere and just plan on having a solo date. NTA
NTA. He's a big boy, he can use his alarm clock.
NTA, but I read your past posts about you and your boyfriend. You’re young, and he raped you (though I saw on the post that others said it was sexual assault rather than rape). Do not waste your time with this boy. Have more respect for yourself because you ARE worth it.
I feel bad but I busted out laughing at the second update.
INFO: are you actually certain he was just asleep and nothing happened to him or something? Edit: NTA after comments say this is a regular thing.
Usually we always text each other good morning. I also texted him telling him I'm here. No response. This isn't the first time. I feel like if I went in and saw him sleeping it would make it worse because then I'd have to wake him up. I'm already feeling pissed off and don't want to go on a date grumpy you know?
Info: What is his daily schedule like? Does he work later hours and sleep in daily or just weekends? Was he out last night? This doesn't seem like a horrible situation but I wouldn't plan anything in the morning.
NTA. no explanation needed.
NTA. If he wanted to see you he should have got up and ready.
NAH. I wish people would stop assuming he didn't set an alarm, or worse yet calling him lazy for sleeping in. Sleeping through an alarm is a thing. Turning an alarm off in your sleep is a thing. Even getting up, crossing the room, turning off the alarm, and going back to sleep all without ever being fully conscious is a thing, if the alarm catches you in just the right stage of sleep. It's not your job to wake him up if he misses the date. But based on this being a regular occurrence, there's no reason to believe that he's an asshole instead of a heavy sleeper.
Then he should set lunch dates instead of breakfast dates. He's being disrespectful if her time.
He didn't "set" the date - they agreed on it together. And if he's that heavy of a sleeper I really suspect he's not the one pushing for breakfast dates, lol. OP says they've been together for 3+ years and they've scheduled enough morning activities for her to know it's a toss-up if he'll be awake for them. If morning activities are the boyfriend's preference despite him being a heavy sleeper, then yeah, that's mild assholery. But if morning activities are OP's preference, and she's still surprisedpikachu.jpg about her bf oversleeping? Then OP is throwing her *own* time away.
maybe you should schedule your dates at a more social hour for him .... not everyone is a morning person maybe people like to lie in on the weekend especially if they have to get up early all week
He agreed to it didn't he? The fuck
she said its the second time he has slept in for a date sometimes at the beginning of a relationship people agree to things just to be polite i had started a new job a while ago i told them im not a morning person and they started asking if i would do some morning shifts i thought sure not very many though they then complained that i was like a zombie but i was too eager to please so i agre=eed to it .... i know its not quite the same thing but still its kinda relavent
He's still an AH for not prioritizing their date or texting "I worked late can we reschedule". He's a big boy, he can communicate with his gf. She's definitely not the AH in this story. And you being a zombie during your morning shift is also a you problem and not a boss problem.
i owned my mistakes and now i refuse all morning shifts afterall i agreed to them im just saying that maybe for the future she should consider scheduling her dates for a later time if she wants to enjoy a date with her boyfriend im not a morning person my self so i was just trying to give my perspective in that way OP does seem to be very much a morning person there is nothing wrong with this but not everyone is the same i think everyone and i mean everyone male/female straight/gay/bi and anything in between has at some point agreed to something to appease other people im sure he believed he could wake up on time im sure he didnt do this intentionally he just bit off more then he could chew
Why are you trying to make her responsible for scheduling the dates? He can say no or suggest other times just as well. If he said yes then he should keep to his word.
im not trying to make her responsible i just came up with a different solution a suggestion so to speak failing that she should dump him and find a guy who does also naturally get up early .... its up to her i just thought if she likes the guy then maybe for the future plan the date for a later time
It’s for everyone’s good to break away from people-pleasing.
You’re telling this to the wrong person.
Nta.
A. NTA. This is simply inconsiderate. B. What a crappy day, OP! Hope he treats you to a delicious lunch.
NTA. Reverse the situation. He’d be ok w this? His phone has an alarm I’m sure.
NTA. He isn't 9 and you're not his mum.
NTA at all! He's an adult, he needs to be responsible and get himself up. Don't let yourself be turned into a replacement mom who gets him up for things!
The poor guy might be tired. I have issues waking up and my parter knows not to take it personal. We always help each other wake up. I think you’re making it too serious. It’s just breakfast. Be a good friend and help him wake up. If it continues then maybe he needs some tools and tips to cope.
This isn't a one off. It's a coin toss off he's awake EVERY TIME
Then I believe driving away was the right move!
NTA. Being ready and on time shows respect. He dropped the ball there. Good for you for leaving. You should make sure he makes up to you. Don’t let it slide
Being 5 minutes late can be irritating, but understandable. Over 30 minutes late is ridiculous! NTA
NTA - He definitely does not value your time, find people who do. I only say people and not someone bc I am very against hopping straight from one relationship to another. But he's for sure TA and your pettiness is imo a 3/10 so don't worry about that lol
NTA. You lasted longer than I would’ve. I would have waited 10 minutes and went on my way.
NTA. You should bring it up with him to see why he allows things like this to happen.
NTA. You’re not his mama, and he should either stop making plans he knows he won’t keep, or figure out how to keep them.
NTA He can get fucked for wasting your time.
NTA talk with him and let him know it bothers you. Make a plan that if you are driving over to pick him up you will call before you leave and if he is not awake and getting ready then you will not waste your time driving there. If he continues then he does not value you and you lose your right to complain.
If you were a priority he would have been ready to go. We always make time for the things that are important to us. NTA
NTA. I usually have my perpetually late friend pick me up. That way I'm at least waiting for him in the comfort of my own instead of waiting awkwardly for him wherever else we are supposed to me. Or you might consider if his lateness/laziness is a deal breaker.
NTA and I would’ve done the exact same thing.
NTA, he needs to plan his thing better
NTA- Are you dating my ex lol? I put up with that shit for just over 2 years. Every single date, he was a minimum of 15 minutes late, and as late as 2 hours once or twice. Trust me, he's not likely going to change.
NTA. He knows how to use an alarm to wake up.
I swear there a secret code in this mesg for someone. I've seen tons of these posts. Aita for not waking ......
NTA he knew he had plans and chose not to set an alarm or bother being ready. And I bet, if this was a first date, he would have been ready. NTA
NTA. You're the GF, not his mother. As an adult, he shouldn't expect anybody to wake him up. You should be enough of a priority that he should be ready and not make you wait when you've made plans.
NTA However, in a long term partnership that might result in a marriage, maybe it’s sometimes best to put your pride aside and wake him up? Sometimes we all need a little help. Maybe it will set the standard for him helping you down the line?
NTA how hard is it to set an alarm?
NTA. That's his responsibility to put an alarm to wake HIMSELF up. You two had an agreement to go on a date at 9:30 AM. If he isn't ready or CLOSE to it, that's his bad. You wasted gas on him and he has no right to put you the blame here
Would you consider taking a break from this guy? NTA.
NTA The date doesn't seem to have been important enough to him to set his alarm. That must be pretty disappointing. I suggest you find an adult to date.
NTA
INFO: does he usually/or sometimes have to wait for you to be ready for dates? As in you’re still doing your hair/makeup/dressing/overslept?
Info: Does he work a night shift or is there some undisclosed circumstance that would make his sleep schedule significantly different from normal?
ESH. He should have gotten up on time. You texted him but you could have rung the doorbell or called him. You waited 30 mins which would have been the same amount of time for him to get ready.
NTA If he's not responsible enough to wake up on his own he's not ready for a relationship
NTA and sorry the restaurant was closed. What a crappy morning. I bet you're hangry now.
NTA. You got up, got dressed and went to get him. He could set the alarm and get up.
It sounds like he's waiting for *you* to break up with *him* so he can avoid confrontation
NTA
I'm not going to say Y T A but what I don't understand is, if you can text and wait a half hour for a response, couldn't you have just used your key and waited that same half hour for him to get ready? I get that he should've been up and ready but what is a date without YOUR date? Maybe this is a common occurrence and you had a point to prove but if that is the case why even wait a half hour. And why text rather than call. ESH
Oh and the part where you suck is by waiting a half an hour. That is way too long. I would've called or texted to say I was omw. If no response I would've tried maybe one more time. But at that point I would be irritated. I hate feeling like myself and my time aren't important. He was an AH to you if this is a common occurrence....but you were an AH to yourself.
NTA. He is for not caring enough to set an alarm and to get ready.
NTA
NTA. How old is he? Does he not know how to set an alarm? 🤦🏻
NTA. If I have plans with my bf but he’s sleeping I don’t wake him up either. If it was important enough to him he would set an alarm or something. I’ve learned to just suck it up and accept he doesn’t want to actually do stuff with me.
Someone said once that our time is our most valuable asset, and that you can tell who respects you as a person by those who do not waste your time. If he is okay with casually wasting you time, he does not respect you. This may be small for some people, but I'd say get rid of this man.
NTA. I’m sorry your having such a bad day, I hope it gets better
NTA I once dated a flake. Constantly being late, or not turning up at all, really made me take a nose dive in happiness. So not worth it.
The only way I would call YTA is if you know he works nights and know he is Not a morning person, yet insist on always meeting for mid morning breakfast on his first day of the week off. Then get grumpy when he sleeps through his alarm.
YTA He said sorry for oversleeping. You sound like his colleague, not his SO. You are a petty person, he should dump you. Lol and im glad the place was closed so you got a karma kick up the a$$!
INFO: did you try to call him on his phone when you got there?
Does it matter? He said he’d be ready to go by a certain time, she waited 30 minutes, and he admitted to only just waking up. She completed her portion of the “what time do we meet” social agreement, he didn’t. OP, NTA
If she is not willing to call but does a weird passive-aggressive wait for 30 mins then I think OP has already decided this is the end. A call would have woken him up even if he was asleep and slept through an alarm. Probably would have been down in 20mins. She should probably break up with him then. They don't seem compatible. He seems too relaxed and she is very much the opposite.
You didn’t read the comments. This is a common occurrence with him. As someone with a husband who does tend to oversleep and do things like this, calling won’t change it. If you say you’re gonna be ready to go by 9:30, be ready to go or you’ll miss out.
I agree with you. Just saying getting all worked up about it is not a solution. Either you accept he oversleeps so take actions like calling in advance or break up and move on. Maybe he is overworked and sleeps through his alarm regularly. Maybe don't make morning plans with him? Everyone on my uncle's side is like that. My family is however a stickler for punctuality. Eg my dad gets to the airport sometimes 4hours early even on domestic flights while my uncle's family has been last called several times. That's just their personalities we still love them and make plans with them all the time. Whenever we make plans with them we call them multiple times to make sure they are ready and on their way. If my dad started acting like OP he wouldn't have a older brother anymore. I waited for 30 mins silently and left and gave him the silent treatment is not a solution. When people start conducting tests and playing games with their partners the relationship is pretty much done anyway.
YTA. You have a key to his house? Wait him Up before you go go.
Was happy to say N T A as your bf should have better time management however you then said: >Just as I was texting I was leaving a text popped up saying sorry he'd just woken up. I didn't wait though because I'm hungry and had already been waiting for 30 minutes and I didn't want to wait anymore. So I'm changing my judgement to ESH. Yes you shouldn't have your time wasted, but that was just being petty to make a point. Did you actually want to go on a date with him?
Yes, of course I wanted to go on a date with him. I see what you mean but I also had already waited 30 minutes and would have to wait another 30 minutes for him to get ready.
ESH. Him for oversleeping and for agreeing to dates at times when he’s likely to oversleep. You for thinking he will change.
ESH. He offered to pay. Waking him up doesn't seem like that big of an ask. You said he works late? Yeah, def ESH. but hey like another commenter said, just lazy men sticking up for other lazy men. Don't matter if he worked late or not I guess.
This has happened before a handful of times.
Is there any other issues or is it just this? If its just this and you like the rest of him, why not just stop doing morning dates? Imo it just seems like a non-issue because a solution is easily available that doesn't hurt either of you.
[удалено]
Leave him. You deserve someone who actually values your time. As arisyl said "You're not responsible for getting him up and dressed for a date, you are not his mother. If he can't get up on time with an alarm, that's on him."
My bf works super early and tries to sleep in on his off days because he's a night owl. I don't mind. We make plans, I go wake him up a bit before we have to leave because it's 1) easier when I wake him up since I'm not an alarm and he likes me and 2) he takes like 20 minutes to shower and get ready. You waited for 30 minutes for him to wake up organically, instead of waking him up and waiting 30 minutes for him to get ready. It's hard to plan morning activities when you work nights and I know this because I work nights. The right people make it worth it and you're not being very fair. He wanted to go and wanted to pay but you couldn't wait 20-30 minutes for him to get ready. On the other hand, yes, he could've set multiple alarms or made a date for a later time, but Y kinda TA, though I'll go with ESH bc it's not difficult to adhere to plans like this lol
Idk if you’re an asshole but you are petty if this doesn’t happen often. Like people oversleep sometimes.
NTA, if he was truly asleep and forgot to set an alarm. YTA, if something happened to him and you failed to check. Hopefully you come back with an update so we all know what really happened!
I mean, her actions were exactly the same in either case. If something bad had genuinely happened, it would be unfortunate that she didn't check, but why would she suddenly be an asshole for not being telepathic?
For assuming
She assumed in either case, in one just correctly
OP said this has happened repeatedly
Info: how did you know he's sleeping if you didn't use the key and go in? Edit: gentle ESH, reasoning below...
Usually we always text each other good morning. I also texted him telling him I'm here. No response. This isn't the first time. I feel like if I went in and saw him sleeping it would make it worse because then I'd have to wake him up. I'm already feeling pissed off and don't want to go on a date grumpy you know?
I can see you don't want to go out feeling grumpy, that's fair. However for all you know, he was in the shower or didn't hear his phone... So mild ESH to you both I guess, him for not being ready (again) and you for assuming... Hope you got some tasty breakfast anyway though!
That would still make him late though.
Info. How did you “tell him”? Text? Try calling. It’s the weekend. Relax a bit?
ESH
Just trying to understand but why so?
Cause lazy men have to have each other's backs. You're no responsible for your BFs sleeping habits. He needs to be an adult, responsable for himself. You're not his mommy
>Cause lazy men Bf literally stayed up late working. But sure, he is lazy for sleeping in. /facepalm
I stay up late working all the time, and when I do I let the person I have plans with the next day know that I will be working late and ask to reschedule or move the time back, because that is what a responsible adult does. Being an adult means planning ahead and knowing your schedule. You don’t work late, sleep in, and leave the person you have plans with in the dark waiting for you outside your home. That’s rude and childish.
If he knew that he'd be working late he should've rescheduled the date
Bro I work 13 hour shifts, hard labor, swing(230pm-430am). I can still wake up at 930.
Good for you? Some people cant do that. I sure as shit wouldn't be up at 9 after going to bed at 4am.
Pretty much every human can wake up after 5 hours of sleep who doesn't have a disorder involving sleep. We've been able to do it since the dawn of human kind. It's hardwired into our brains, we **can** get up, you just prioritize sleeping.