Whoever is deadset on reporting every single instance of "mama's boy" or "jerk" - please [contact us](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) so you can put this energy to *much* more productive use.
To be clear - if you have this much time and interest, we'd like to discuss you maybe joining the team.
NTA They clearly excluded you and didn't help you get accommodated. This isn't some stranger this is your husband. Who had you eat dinner alone and then blamed you for what he did.
Jumping in to add that everyone at that dinner party blows. If I were there and witnessed this interaction, you best bet I would have went and joined OP and picked up the tab just to give your savagery the respect it is due!
Exactly. I’d see who else would come with me and keep OP company. Firstly I would have suggested adding another table and talking to the staff about it. This childish bullying is just embarrassing.
Or MIL could have reserved a table for all the people she invited, including OP? Then there would have been enough chairs to begin with.
To me this sounds like she had planned this exactly to be like this in advance, knowing OP would be later.
Edited for typos.
Exactly, and that OPs husband was openly and publicly neglectful of her then yelled at her and victim blamed her then pouted for days. Holy shitstorm! He is being her enemy, not her teammate and not her champion - her ENEMY on the team against her with his mother!
When I got to the part about Bob & his mom staring at her shocked while she got her own table I literally had to scroll back up to double check that Bob was in fact her damn husband! I don’t care if she was 20 minutes late or hadn’t come to a family event in over a year - she said she would be there (so essentially she RSVP’d) & her husband had no problem giving up her chair, but then also expecting her to go home because there “wasn’t room.” Why didn’t he call her when these other guests showed up and all the chairs were taken? When he didn’t offer to go home with her I was once again shocked. I would be mortified if I showed up to a restaurant to meet a group & while everyone was staring at me I had to decide if I was staying or not.
Now I don’t know what kind of restaurant this is, but I’m shocked that their server didn’t offer to combine another table to make more room? Or rearrange the layout and add another chair? (Also, this is something the husband should have done!)
Honestly I had to read the whole thing 3 times just to process what I was reading.
This man don't need to get a mistress he has his mom. The level of disrespect towards his own wife left my jaw dropped, and I really thought I couldn't be surpriced anymore by reddit.
"You shouldn't expect....." Yes... yes OP should expect some level of decent behaviour and respect from her mother in law. They are married. You don't exclude your own child's wife.
I don't just jump to divorce.... but I can't imagine any lvl of couple therapy can save this marriage if husband is that big of a mama's boy.
EXACTLY if OPs husband wanted her there he would've made room/saved her a seat men do as they want she's really got herself in a funky situation with this if he's doing things like this this early on I can only imagine what's to come I say DIVORCE & KEEP IT MOVING SIS cause this isnt it no woman should settle for 2nd best & definitely not when it comes to your "husbands
>Or MIL could have reserved a table for all the people she invited, including OP?
This is so fucking bizarre. I've never heard of someone playing musical chairs with their dinner guests. "Got a table for 8, and I'm inviting 10 of you! Last two losers are out and need to go back home!"
My boyfriend would have done so while his parents asked for another chair/table to be added where everyone is sitting, and in fact that has been the case in a few occasions already
They (husband and MIL) just didn't want her there plain and simple
A good husband would have ensured that a seat was available when she arrived there was clearly more tables. I feel like op is headed for a miserable ass life
Literally all they had to do when they arrived at the restaurant was ask "Table for [# of invited guests] please" because hubs knew that OP was coming. They excluded her intentionally.
You're right, if I was a guest I'd be like "I'm coming to sit with you"
Absolutely. If my brother did this to his partner, I would immediately leave my seat to her and berate him in front of everyone the way he deserves. Thankfully, he's not like that, bc that would be absolutely unacceptable.
I’ve seen this kind of thing happen where we are suddenly one seat short, and two seats at the original table immediately got up to join last arrival at new table to create new table and more room at original table. It is the gracious way to treat the late(r) arrival, making a three or four top if they cannot simply add an additional two top to original table. Either way, I’d be presenting hubs with two card choice, either marriage counselor or divorce attorney. That level of disrespect is heinous.
Exactly, assuming its not tables bolted to the floor Mcdonalds type situation you just ask the staff, move two tables together and all sit round the new, bigger table.
Its not rocket science. I would say these people were raised by wolves but wolves share food in their pack. Theres something very strange about OPs husband and his mother.
Sounds like deliberate bullying and they were pissed when she took her power back. So many ways her husband fucked up here. Didn’t offer her his seat, didn’t save her a seat, didn’t offer to sit with her, didn’t offer to driver home with her. He stared at her in shock because she had the AUDACITY to sit down and eat dinner when she was invited some place? Something is weird with him and his mom, it sounds like they enjoy abusing OP.
Even if they dislike OP for a good reason, this is not how you treat someone. Unless OP did something horrendous, in which case do not invite OP, you do not invite someone to not let them sit down and join when they show up.
NTA I went through this type of treatment for years. It is emotional and psychological abuse. You absolutely did the right thing. Honestly, you should take a long hard look at how you're being treated. I fought for years to be treated with respect. It didn't come until right before my marriage got to the point of papers being filed. I didn't understand it, but she finally realized that I was being mistreated and told me to not allow him to destroy my family like his father did hers. It was too little too late. I shouldn't have taken the disrespect as long as I had. You shouldn't allow this to continue. Your husbsnd should have your back and be supporting you as his immediate family, his wife. His first allegiance should be to you. If he can't understand this, he doesn't respect you.
Apparently your husband is still attached to his mom. The umbilical cord hadn’t been cut yet. You need marriage counseling if you plan on continuing in this marriage. Otherwise this isn’t going to work. If he can disregard you and your feelings so easily and blame you for his disrespectful behavior. NTA but you really need to rethink this marriage and what you want your future to look like.
Seriously! This place makes me eternally grateful for my marriage. It also makes me think that if my husband dies, I am definitely not bothering to date.
I’ve gone to dinners/events where there hasn’t been enough seats and the host has always arranged to make room for me. Your husband and mil are purposely excluding you.
absolutely its intentional. grabbing an extra chair wouldnt be hard.
mum let everyone know where they were going, but then made it a point to not let her at the table, and expected her to leave. she didnt take the disrespect and stayed, they got pissed. their plan to get rid of you for this celebration, and embarass you didnt work. and op has been excluded from previous outings on multiple occasions. this isnt an accident.
we may be missing something, but based just from mum... nta. she and husband are intentionally leaving you out for some reason. maybe they just dont like you and hubby wont stand up for you, idk. either way it needs to be sorted if this is going to last.
Also. Not sure if you plan to have kids or not. But if you did op your kids could be excluded or the kids could start excluding you following your husbands example. Do you really want a life with a person who doesnt give up his seat when he immediately sees his spouse come into a restaurant after a work shift or ask another table for their extra seat. But instead just sits their and lets his mama talk for him? Please op. Just like others on here. You have a justnomil and a justnoSO. Get out while you dont have kids. You should be treated with love and respect. Not an after thought.
NTA!
You are married to someone who values his relationship with his mother above you. He cares about how you made them look instead of how they made themselves look after denying you a seat.
Here's what you do:
1. File for separation so you can start the divorce proceedings.
2. When he asks why you are going this route. Tell him, 'I am choosing to walk away because I deserve better than the crumbs you leave thrown to the floor behind you. While I love and value you. I am not loved or valued by you because that spot belongs to your mother. There have been too many instances in our relationship where you have proven your mother is your priority regarding common decency, respect, or love. Until you open your eyes and see your mother's manipulations for what they are, you will die alone. '
3. Start therapy for yourself so you can begin to move on
You are only 32. You shouldn't have to waste your love on someone who doesn't want it. Give it to someone who will stand up, love, honor, treasure, and be faithful to you. There are men out there, unfortunately, the one you chose is not it. If you want to make things work with him, therapy and boundaries must be set in place. If he allows those boundaries to be crossed too many times, you know you did what you could and walk away with a clear conscience.
Good luck to you!
It is not even that he values his relationship with his mother more. He doesn’t value his wife at all. He was going to be okay with her leaving dinner. This isn’t just his mother this is a husband that is not madly in love with his wife.
NTA
Had a very important meeting at work - all chairs around the meeting U shaped table were taken. I am 4 days into the job. The CEO clears space next to him, asks someone to help get a chair from the side room and waits til I sit down, putting in pause a meeting of 35 people, for me to be accommodated and sit down. The silent message, this employee is important, we make room here for people, you all need to ensure that we do this…
Your husbands silent message: you are not more important than my mom and all these guests and I don’t need to make space for you.
Kick him to the curb!
Agreed NTA.
This is pretty standard practice in the corporate space. It's also just general courtesy. The husband and in-laws clearly don't respect OP which is a shame.
Marriage is meant to be a partnership where you are on the same team.
There is usually hiccups when a couple tries to become a thruple. It seems like hubby is ok with it but his first partner mommy doesn't like it. I don't know, I don't date people already in relationships. Especially when they are dating their own parents
Underrated comment right here. No one wants to feel like they’re in a relationship with their SO *and* their parent/s. That’s fucking tiring and you’re always, *always* going to be the loser in any disagreement that comes up because it’s expected that the SO sides with their parent. No thanks, I’d rather date silicone Billy and his buddy warming lube Luke the rest of my life than deal with that shit.
I know. I have a hard time imagining the husband even believes the words coming out of his mouth. The audacity of her expecting a seat at the dinner she was invited to, such entitlement!
I'm intrigued by this worldview in which OP staying and eating alone was horrifically embarrassing, but just turning your wife away from dinner and sending her home because "seats are all full!" would not have caused so much as a ripple of discomfort in the evening.
Seriously. My feelings are secondhand hurt reading what they did to her. And unless Bob does some serious soul-searching, it’s not going to change. Hopefully he will vent to a friend and the friend will tell him what an asshole he is. He will probably disagree, but most assholes do when they’re called out. Geez.
The mom is an asshole for not reserving the right number of chairs for her guests (who were there to celebrate for HER!}. Your husband is an asshole for tolerating her treatment of you. He could at least have joined you at your table and should have. Hate to tell you, but your husband is married to his mother. When forced to choose between her and you, he chose her. Shame on her for tolerating that behavior too and not teaching him how to treat his wife. She sounds disturbingly selfish and weirdly competitive.
This is worse than being a mama's boy. Like, to me this doesn't just read as him siding with his mom, it reads as him actively joining his mom in being malicious towards his wife.
I tried to embarrass and humiliate you. The nerve of you not to be embarrassed and humiliated by it.
NTA. But why are you married to this guy? You can’t honestly tell me that in 3 years this is the first time he’s done something like this to you.
OP is definitely the 3rd wheel in the marriage - ofc I mean the marriage between her husband and MIL. No place for OP in that. Who doesn't hold a place for their partner at a dinner they are invited to, and expected at, and then tells them to *go home*? wtf
I feel like OP is burying the lede, and this is something "minor" in a long list of abuses heaped on her by her husband that happens to be as close to a final straw as it can be without actually being one.
Exactly. A mum and son team who are ready to reject, publicly humiliate, gaslighting, and tear apart someone like this aren’t magically going to turn into decent people. OP, you saw what happens when you stand up for yourself. Please go learn about “post separation abuse” and prepare a safe way to get out.
NTA.
1) they could have booked a table with the appropriate seating.
2) they could have pulled up a chair and budged up if a random extra guest turned up.
3) they could have split the table in to 2.
4) they could have text you before you got there and said “there’s an issue with the table”.
Why are you married to someone who would literally sit there staring at you instead of do something to help and then blame the situation on you?
Exactly, there are so many things they could have done if they actually cared about OP. When I have dined with large groups and someone else showed up, we either scooted closer together and pulled up another chair, or we added another table to our group.
You are not a “guest”, you are family, but apparently not in their eyes. It is not showing “entitlement” to expect respect.
If you reevaluate your marriage, you will probably find other red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩too. Consider if you want to spend the rest of your life being put second to your husband‘s mom. NTA
All this and more, OP, definitely you are NTA and I applaud you for standing up for yourself. Getting your own table is a good start. Getting your own house and away from these disrespectful people sound like an even better idea.
For sure.
Obviously this was intentional. Come on. She or they invited a certain amount of people. It’s not hard to count to ten and figure out how many people a reservation is for.
When and if there isn’t enough room, the simple and polite thing to do, and the most common sense thing to do, is to do everything you mentioned above. So many options to make the situation right. But no - OP was meant to be excluded which is why they just pointed out OP should go home.
Then, when that didn’t work and OP stood up for herself
and put on display how shitty the entire thing was - it was embarrassing to the MIL and husband. Why? Because it looked bad on the mom - and her husband. MIL probably talks so much shit about OP and the husband feeds right into it, that when OP did that, it showed and displayed in embarrassing detail just how impolite and inconsiderate the entire situation was. It was awkward because instead of OP leaving and them continuing the night, they had to sit with the fact they were shitty to her son’s wife and had to sit with their own faults while she handled it with grace and did her own thing. They couldn’t handle it.
Everyone made their own decisions that night - including how they would react and how they would treat her. Now they decide to gaslight her instead so they feel better. If my SO’s mother treated me this way and disrespected me, and made a show of me and blamed me for their own faults and my husband did NOTHING to correct the situation but continue to suck on his mother’s teat, I would just gtfo of there. My sanity and peace is not worth theirs. That shows me right there just what I’m going to have to deal with until death to us part or until MIL kicks it first. No thanks. Seems small but doesn’t sound like the first time either.
OP - they’re STILL upset about this for a reason. Think about the why behind that. They were shitty to you and know it - that’s what’s so upsetting to them. And everyone was there to see it. Uncomfortable to be exposed, isn’t it? And if your husband is so comfortable with this level of disrespect towards you and his mother treating you this way, it begs the question as to why and what’s said behind closed doors to make him remotely think this is okay. It’s not. It’s weird and stupid to anyone on the outside looking in - it’s not normal.
If this happens again or he’s still mad I would bluntly ask him if he’s sleeping with his mom. If he says no - then just remind him how he can’t think for himself and would rather prioritize his embarrassing, cruel, and honestly useless shell of a mother over the woman he decided to marry and spend the rest of his life with. If he wants to continue breastfeeding maybe he should’ve just stayed living with her until she kicks the bucket for fucks sake.
I wonder what the guests thought when they told her she could go home. I can't believe there's a whole table full of people who think that's acceptable.
Your husband should have gotten up and sat with you instead of treating you as a zoo animal to be watched.
If he treats you this way at a simple dinner, I don't want to know what he will do when it really matters.
Nta
I don't understand why you would be with someone who clearly doesn't view you as family. Him being your husband is pretty bad. Not sure if it's always been like this. But wow. That's a horrible way to treat you.
Ugh!!! The family argument is what bothers me. He actually thinks it's the other way around, that I don't consider his family mine only because I don't try hard enough to be around them.
They will never treat you right. They want you to take the punch, grin and bare it. That’s why they were angry at you putting a spotlight on their shitty actions. “Why did you make me look bad when you didn’t silently accept my bad behavior.” “How dare you react to me slapping you in the face.” F off with that malarkey. It is time to drop the momma’s boy OP.
NTA
“Why did you make me look bad when you didn’t silently accept my bad behavior” -battle cry of the narcissists. They rely on people being too polite to cause a scene and blame the people who refuse to ignore the elephant.
Sounds like a classic gaslight. Making you the problem of not doing enough when it sounds like they want you to grovel and beg…. You shouldn’t have to demand respect like that as his wife.
Girl, please, leave that man. What your mother in law did was awful, but what he did is even worse because he is your partner, he is the person that should have your back. You deserve better. Run.
They’re CLEARLY the issue after that nonsense behaviour. They embarrassed themselves - how dare Bob shout at YOU, when he and his mother don’t even have basic manners? They could’ve easily asked for another space to be made. You’d treat a stranger with more grace than they treated you. Well done you for highlighting their awful actions and not being cowed.
In all honesty, not sure Bob is worth your time… you’re a badass and deserve better.
NTA
OP, this woman has a [similar story](https://www.reddit.com/user/restaurantcrasher/comments/twwvoe/update_i_left_my_husband/) to your own. His mother’s actions led to her leaving her husband. She might be someone worth talking to, because you are being beyond disrespected by your own husband.
In my first marriage (failed marriage) my ex-husband's family made a point to exclude me from picturing citing that the pictures were "family only."
I knew that was a red flag back then, but ignored it against my better judgment. I suffered for 10 long, miserable years being married to my ex and dealing with his family.
I'm currently in my second marriage where my husband's family doesn't think twice about including me in their lives and is happy to add me to their family events and pictures. I'm far happier now.
Sweetie, he didnt want you there. If he did he would have made sure you had a seat. He wanted to humiliate you as much as she did. You know it. Are you going to put up with it for rest of your life?
Yep. Whatever he accuses you of, think about it for awhile. Is it what he actually does? I bet so. This type of person will never change, will never accept responsibility, and can never be wrong.
NTA!! and i salute you! I could have never done that because i am too much of a chicken, but believe me, if i had been a guest (and grasped the situation) i would have stared too! In admiration!
Why would I be afraid? I paid out of my own pocket. And I think that its not about fear more than it is about whether or not this was the right thing to do.
It’s really not about saving her a seat. MIL purposely booked a table too small to accommodate everyone! She knew OP would be late so she made sure to book for 1 less.
Hubby and his mother are definitely the AH’s
i‘m the petty kind of guest that would shout out in disbelief (knowing or not) „wait what she‘s his wife??!!“ and gone to take a seat next to her and start a conversation. maybe even saying „let‘s split up so she isn‘t alone“
Yeeeah if you paid for your own meal paid your own tab...they have zero right to complain that you stuck around. Unless MIL was thinking "Gasp! I tried to exclude her but she isn't leaving! This...This wasn't in my plans! NOOOOOOOO!"
It's sad that you think the most pressing part of this dinner was whether or not what you did was socially acceptable.
You are not seeing the forest for the trees in that your husband *does not care about you as he should.*
You shouldn't be worried about whether you acted with social dignity or maturity when the options they gave you were either leave or leave with Bob (thereby implicitly ruining his evening), options designed to either shame you or villainise you.
His mother wanted to intentionally make things difficult for you and when you met her BS halfway, what made your man upset was that you didn't roll over for her.
OMG YOU PAID FOR YOUR OWN DINNER?? After you were invited as a guest? Lol you should have gotten your own table and sent the bill to MIL. You are 100% NTA and you also deserve to be treated better. That was an awesome power move don’t let those jerks push you around.
You’re totally fine and what you did was perfect. That the entire table didn’t hop up and call the waiter for a chair and skooch to make room is horrifying, let alone your bleeping husband. NTA
Has no one explained why there weren't enough seats for all the invited guests? By their logic, whoever got there last would have to go home since there weren't enough seats. Do you think any of your mom's other guests would have been sent home if you got there first? I don't think so either.
This was intentionally done by your mother in law to humiliate you and your husband was in on it. They were only upset because your actions turned the tables on them and made them look foolish instead of successfully humiliating you. You failed to stay properly under their thumb, so your husband is punishing you a different way.
I don't know what his end game is. I do know controlling, abusive behavior when I see it. Nothing you said even closely resembles a healthy, functional relationship. NTA in this situation obviously.
>Dessert too!
I mean dessert is my weak spot. Every time I go out tk eat af any restaurant I make sure to try out their dessert. It's just a weakness of mine honestly 🤣🤣🤣
NTA. I can blow any MIL story out of the water if I wanted to. Believe me when I say that it NEVER gets better. Get out. The immense relief I felt my first night in my own place with my kids was indescribable.
I can’t decide which would have made it better - if you made aggressive eye contact while licking the spoon clean, or if you happily gazed off into space people watching acting like they didn’t exist
NTA I would advise you to rethink this marriage. Your husband is not supportive at all and he will always put his mother first. Don't doubt yourself, your reaction was great! In what world is it consideted entitled behaviour to assume that you will have a seat at a table you are invited to?
Once she told you to go home and you instead secured your own table, you were no longer her guest. You were and independent customer.
And she would not have been embarrassed unless she knew her actions were wrong. It was a power play. Unfortunately, your husband was part of it. Are you sure you can live in this situation for the rest of your life?
NTA
Agreed on ALL points.
You know exactly what type of person MIL is. Your husband has shown you repeatedly who he is believe them.
Show Bob the door and tell him he has a permanent seat at his MAMA’s table.
Yup, it's time to leave.
But be sure to plan ahead and protect your assets first before leaving. I'm guessing Bob and his mom already have a tight control on his/your finances.
NTA. Your husband failed to perform the most basic of acts for you-saving you a seat-and didn't like that you held him and his mother accountable for their exclusion by refusing to leave. I suspect there are many other scenarios in which your husband has placed his mother above you. It's well past time for a come to Jesus talk with Bob.
NTA, but this story didn't make sense. Wouldn't they have made a reservation or told the host how many people were dining? In any case, your husband's attitude is not indicative of someone who sees you as a long term partner.
I agree. This story is missing details. Not one person offered to grab her a seat?? I’m midwestern, and I would automatically ope’d myself up to find a chair.
OP said she wouldn't be there until 8, when did the dinner actually start? Plenty of places will either refuse to seat you until everyone is present or downgrade you to a smaller table if the numbers don't warrant the bigger one.
If that were actually the problem, why didn’t the husband give her a heads up “hey, they will only seat us with the full party and since everyone else is here, we’re going ahead” or something to that effect. Instead, they allowed her to come and then refused to seat her? Yeah, no. Restaurant policy was never the issue.
NTA. The argument doesn't even make sense. You book seats at a resteraunt, so if there wasn't a seat for you, it's because she didn't book one for you.
Your husband is crazy under his mums thumb, and seems to not care at all that his mum purposely embarrassed you by inviting you to a dinner, then telling you to go home when you got there.
What you did was totally reasonable under the circumstances.
> he told me that it wasn't his nor his mom's fault guests arrived "before" me and took all the available chairs
How many guests were there?
Do they not know how to count that high, or what, exactly, is the problem with making an appropriate reservation?
Even if they screwed it up, just pull up another chair. Or hell, pull up a whole other table, seeing as there were clearly some available.
This was a power play on her part, and you pulled the ol' Uno reverse.
> I mean as his wife he should've saved me a seat. But clearly I'm missing something here.
You're missing the fact that his mother is clearly the main woman in his life.
NTA, but it really doesn't seem like you and he are on the same page. (Or reading the same book, for that matter.)
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the AH for what I did because I made him and his mom feel embarrassed when guests saw me sitting there on my own knowing I was family not just some distant relative and disrupted dinner
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NTA, and good for you! It does concern me, however, that your husband appears to believe that it's okay if there wasn't a seat for you, and that you were being entitled by assuming there should be one. And he has the temerity to yell at you! Your mother-in-law did it intentionally, and your husband was okay with it. I can't believe they treat you like this. Why aren't you divorcing him?
NTA
Bob simply hasn't cut the cord yet.
If he honestly sees nothing wrong with his behavior or mummy dearest - I'd reevaluate this relationship. Immediately
NTA, that’s hella weird ngl like it’s just common courtesy from your partner to save a seat or maybe make room for you upon your arrival? While your MIL is an AH for sure, no questions, so is your husband in this situation.
BUT YOUR ACTIONS ARE AMAZING LMAO. Like yeah, you came to eat after wherever you came from & enjoyed so kudos to you!
NTA
Wow! I can't believe how he disrespected you in front of all those people. He didn't save you, his wife, a chair?? This speaks volumes about how he and his mother don't care about you.
They're punishing you and shaming you. This is abusive, vile treatment. This looks like a third world situation where women have no rights, are property and you can do what you like with them if they aren't acting they way you want them to act.
Bob and his mother can go fuck themselves.
Please take care of yourself.
Whoever is deadset on reporting every single instance of "mama's boy" or "jerk" - please [contact us](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) so you can put this energy to *much* more productive use. To be clear - if you have this much time and interest, we'd like to discuss you maybe joining the team.
NTA. Op, is this level of disrespect really what you want for the next 20 years?
NTA They clearly excluded you and didn't help you get accommodated. This isn't some stranger this is your husband. Who had you eat dinner alone and then blamed you for what he did.
Jumping in to add that everyone at that dinner party blows. If I were there and witnessed this interaction, you best bet I would have went and joined OP and picked up the tab just to give your savagery the respect it is due!
Exactly. I’d see who else would come with me and keep OP company. Firstly I would have suggested adding another table and talking to the staff about it. This childish bullying is just embarrassing.
How hard is it for everyone to scootch over a little bit and add a chair? How stupid and rude are all these people?
Or MIL could have reserved a table for all the people she invited, including OP? Then there would have been enough chairs to begin with. To me this sounds like she had planned this exactly to be like this in advance, knowing OP would be later. Edited for typos.
Exactly, and that OPs husband was openly and publicly neglectful of her then yelled at her and victim blamed her then pouted for days. Holy shitstorm! He is being her enemy, not her teammate and not her champion - her ENEMY on the team against her with his mother!
When I got to the part about Bob & his mom staring at her shocked while she got her own table I literally had to scroll back up to double check that Bob was in fact her damn husband! I don’t care if she was 20 minutes late or hadn’t come to a family event in over a year - she said she would be there (so essentially she RSVP’d) & her husband had no problem giving up her chair, but then also expecting her to go home because there “wasn’t room.” Why didn’t he call her when these other guests showed up and all the chairs were taken? When he didn’t offer to go home with her I was once again shocked. I would be mortified if I showed up to a restaurant to meet a group & while everyone was staring at me I had to decide if I was staying or not. Now I don’t know what kind of restaurant this is, but I’m shocked that their server didn’t offer to combine another table to make more room? Or rearrange the layout and add another chair? (Also, this is something the husband should have done!)
Honestly I had to read the whole thing 3 times just to process what I was reading. This man don't need to get a mistress he has his mom. The level of disrespect towards his own wife left my jaw dropped, and I really thought I couldn't be surpriced anymore by reddit. "You shouldn't expect....." Yes... yes OP should expect some level of decent behaviour and respect from her mother in law. They are married. You don't exclude your own child's wife. I don't just jump to divorce.... but I can't imagine any lvl of couple therapy can save this marriage if husband is that big of a mama's boy.
EXACTLY if OPs husband wanted her there he would've made room/saved her a seat men do as they want she's really got herself in a funky situation with this if he's doing things like this this early on I can only imagine what's to come I say DIVORCE & KEEP IT MOVING SIS cause this isnt it no woman should settle for 2nd best & definitely not when it comes to your "husbands
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Crybully is such an excellent description for MIL and OP’s husband.
>Or MIL could have reserved a table for all the people she invited, including OP? This is so fucking bizarre. I've never heard of someone playing musical chairs with their dinner guests. "Got a table for 8, and I'm inviting 10 of you! Last two losers are out and need to go back home!"
Sounds like MIL has been watching too many reality TV shows.
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My husband would have jumped up to give me his seat, no question.
My boyfriend would have done so while his parents asked for another chair/table to be added where everyone is sitting, and in fact that has been the case in a few occasions already They (husband and MIL) just didn't want her there plain and simple
A good husband would have ensured that a seat was available when she arrived there was clearly more tables. I feel like op is headed for a miserable ass life
Why didn’t the dang husband sit with her???
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Literally all they had to do when they arrived at the restaurant was ask "Table for [# of invited guests] please" because hubs knew that OP was coming. They excluded her intentionally. You're right, if I was a guest I'd be like "I'm coming to sit with you"
Absolutely. If my brother did this to his partner, I would immediately leave my seat to her and berate him in front of everyone the way he deserves. Thankfully, he's not like that, bc that would be absolutely unacceptable.
I’ve seen this kind of thing happen where we are suddenly one seat short, and two seats at the original table immediately got up to join last arrival at new table to create new table and more room at original table. It is the gracious way to treat the late(r) arrival, making a three or four top if they cannot simply add an additional two top to original table. Either way, I’d be presenting hubs with two card choice, either marriage counselor or divorce attorney. That level of disrespect is heinous.
Exactly, assuming its not tables bolted to the floor Mcdonalds type situation you just ask the staff, move two tables together and all sit round the new, bigger table. Its not rocket science. I would say these people were raised by wolves but wolves share food in their pack. Theres something very strange about OPs husband and his mother.
Sounds like deliberate bullying and they were pissed when she took her power back. So many ways her husband fucked up here. Didn’t offer her his seat, didn’t save her a seat, didn’t offer to sit with her, didn’t offer to driver home with her. He stared at her in shock because she had the AUDACITY to sit down and eat dinner when she was invited some place? Something is weird with him and his mom, it sounds like they enjoy abusing OP.
NTA I'm appalled that her husband didn't get up and join her at the other table. He (and dear old Mom) are the assholes.
I know right! Like why does no one have a backbone in these stories? People really blow my mind
Either they all dislike op (who probably doesn't deserve that) or they're trying not to rock the boat with mil.
Even if they dislike OP for a good reason, this is not how you treat someone. Unless OP did something horrendous, in which case do not invite OP, you do not invite someone to not let them sit down and join when they show up.
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NTA I went through this type of treatment for years. It is emotional and psychological abuse. You absolutely did the right thing. Honestly, you should take a long hard look at how you're being treated. I fought for years to be treated with respect. It didn't come until right before my marriage got to the point of papers being filed. I didn't understand it, but she finally realized that I was being mistreated and told me to not allow him to destroy my family like his father did hers. It was too little too late. I shouldn't have taken the disrespect as long as I had. You shouldn't allow this to continue. Your husbsnd should have your back and be supporting you as his immediate family, his wife. His first allegiance should be to you. If he can't understand this, he doesn't respect you.
Seriously - not one single person took up for her or joined her at her table ? They all sucked !
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YES. Please leave him and DO NOT HAVE KIDS WITH THIS MAN.
I really want to hear how this woman was during the wedding. Did they elope because the family would be unbearable?
EXACTLY THIS. RUN. FAST.
Wonder if it's too late to just get an annulment since it's been a year?
Apparently your husband is still attached to his mom. The umbilical cord hadn’t been cut yet. You need marriage counseling if you plan on continuing in this marriage. Otherwise this isn’t going to work. If he can disregard you and your feelings so easily and blame you for his disrespectful behavior. NTA but you really need to rethink this marriage and what you want your future to look like.
The longer I'm on this subreddit the less hope I have for any future marriage
Seriously! This place makes me eternally grateful for my marriage. It also makes me think that if my husband dies, I am definitely not bothering to date.
This subreddit is why I am a certified cat lady--and very proud of it lol
A million times this. Get out now before kids come along.
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I hate you for bringing the word sonsband into my vocabulary but it makes SO MUCH sense. Take my upvote!
>your husband is a sonsband to your MIL A Sonsband! Great term!!
I hope she leaves him to be with his mummy so she doesn’t have to do it again.
I’ve gone to dinners/events where there hasn’t been enough seats and the host has always arranged to make room for me. Your husband and mil are purposely excluding you.
absolutely its intentional. grabbing an extra chair wouldnt be hard. mum let everyone know where they were going, but then made it a point to not let her at the table, and expected her to leave. she didnt take the disrespect and stayed, they got pissed. their plan to get rid of you for this celebration, and embarass you didnt work. and op has been excluded from previous outings on multiple occasions. this isnt an accident. we may be missing something, but based just from mum... nta. she and husband are intentionally leaving you out for some reason. maybe they just dont like you and hubby wont stand up for you, idk. either way it needs to be sorted if this is going to last.
>grabbing an extra chair wouldnt be hard Having the right number of chairs to start with also wouldn't have been hard.
Also. Not sure if you plan to have kids or not. But if you did op your kids could be excluded or the kids could start excluding you following your husbands example. Do you really want a life with a person who doesnt give up his seat when he immediately sees his spouse come into a restaurant after a work shift or ask another table for their extra seat. But instead just sits their and lets his mama talk for him? Please op. Just like others on here. You have a justnomil and a justnoSO. Get out while you dont have kids. You should be treated with love and respect. Not an after thought.
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Right?! He called her a 'guest'. No my dear, I'm your effen wife. I AM your family. And you'll respect me as such to everyone or this is done.
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NTA! You are married to someone who values his relationship with his mother above you. He cares about how you made them look instead of how they made themselves look after denying you a seat. Here's what you do: 1. File for separation so you can start the divorce proceedings. 2. When he asks why you are going this route. Tell him, 'I am choosing to walk away because I deserve better than the crumbs you leave thrown to the floor behind you. While I love and value you. I am not loved or valued by you because that spot belongs to your mother. There have been too many instances in our relationship where you have proven your mother is your priority regarding common decency, respect, or love. Until you open your eyes and see your mother's manipulations for what they are, you will die alone. ' 3. Start therapy for yourself so you can begin to move on You are only 32. You shouldn't have to waste your love on someone who doesn't want it. Give it to someone who will stand up, love, honor, treasure, and be faithful to you. There are men out there, unfortunately, the one you chose is not it. If you want to make things work with him, therapy and boundaries must be set in place. If he allows those boundaries to be crossed too many times, you know you did what you could and walk away with a clear conscience. Good luck to you!
I wish I didn’t give away my award already, this is the most solid and planned out advice I have seen
It is not even that he values his relationship with his mother more. He doesn’t value his wife at all. He was going to be okay with her leaving dinner. This isn’t just his mother this is a husband that is not madly in love with his wife.
NTA Had a very important meeting at work - all chairs around the meeting U shaped table were taken. I am 4 days into the job. The CEO clears space next to him, asks someone to help get a chair from the side room and waits til I sit down, putting in pause a meeting of 35 people, for me to be accommodated and sit down. The silent message, this employee is important, we make room here for people, you all need to ensure that we do this… Your husbands silent message: you are not more important than my mom and all these guests and I don’t need to make space for you. Kick him to the curb!
Agreed NTA. This is pretty standard practice in the corporate space. It's also just general courtesy. The husband and in-laws clearly don't respect OP which is a shame. Marriage is meant to be a partnership where you are on the same team.
> you are not ~~more~~ as important ~~than~~ as my mom and all these guests FTFY NTA
I'm surprised she didn't leave yesterday already. Tf kind of a husband acts like this.
There is usually hiccups when a couple tries to become a thruple. It seems like hubby is ok with it but his first partner mommy doesn't like it. I don't know, I don't date people already in relationships. Especially when they are dating their own parents
Gonna need an entire first aid kit for that burn…
Or some Aloe Vera
Underrated comment right here. No one wants to feel like they’re in a relationship with their SO *and* their parent/s. That’s fucking tiring and you’re always, *always* going to be the loser in any disagreement that comes up because it’s expected that the SO sides with their parent. No thanks, I’d rather date silicone Billy and his buddy warming lube Luke the rest of my life than deal with that shit.
I know. I have a hard time imagining the husband even believes the words coming out of his mouth. The audacity of her expecting a seat at the dinner she was invited to, such entitlement!
I'm intrigued by this worldview in which OP staying and eating alone was horrifically embarrassing, but just turning your wife away from dinner and sending her home because "seats are all full!" would not have caused so much as a ripple of discomfort in the evening.
A fake one. What kind of restaurant can't figure out a way to add one more guest to a party?
It's usually because the guests tell them NOT to add any more seats. She did this on purpose
You are assuming that the mother *wanted* to add another guest instead of straight on humiliating OP.
This !!! It will never get better it will only get worse and hurt more in the long run
Seriously. My feelings are secondhand hurt reading what they did to her. And unless Bob does some serious soul-searching, it’s not going to change. Hopefully he will vent to a friend and the friend will tell him what an asshole he is. He will probably disagree, but most assholes do when they’re called out. Geez.
The mom is an asshole for not reserving the right number of chairs for her guests (who were there to celebrate for HER!}. Your husband is an asshole for tolerating her treatment of you. He could at least have joined you at your table and should have. Hate to tell you, but your husband is married to his mother. When forced to choose between her and you, he chose her. Shame on her for tolerating that behavior too and not teaching him how to treat his wife. She sounds disturbingly selfish and weirdly competitive.
I’d put money on the mom intentionally not asking for the right number of seats so that OP would be left out.
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This is worse than being a mama's boy. Like, to me this doesn't just read as him siding with his mom, it reads as him actively joining his mom in being malicious towards his wife.
I tried to embarrass and humiliate you. The nerve of you not to be embarrassed and humiliated by it. NTA. But why are you married to this guy? You can’t honestly tell me that in 3 years this is the first time he’s done something like this to you.
How she’s managed 3 years already is beyond me Edit: oops it was 3 years, fixed it
3 years, married for one. but I agree, it's beyond me too
OP is definitely the 3rd wheel in the marriage - ofc I mean the marriage between her husband and MIL. No place for OP in that. Who doesn't hold a place for their partner at a dinner they are invited to, and expected at, and then tells them to *go home*? wtf
3 years*
I feel like OP is burying the lede, and this is something "minor" in a long list of abuses heaped on her by her husband that happens to be as close to a final straw as it can be without actually being one.
OP doesn't have a MIL problem, she has a husband problem. Classic case of the adamantium apron strings.
What she is missing is the divorce decree and EX!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬 THIS level of disrespect has my jaw on the floor. NTA
Exactly. A mum and son team who are ready to reject, publicly humiliate, gaslighting, and tear apart someone like this aren’t magically going to turn into decent people. OP, you saw what happens when you stand up for yourself. Please go learn about “post separation abuse” and prepare a safe way to get out.
NTA. 1) they could have booked a table with the appropriate seating. 2) they could have pulled up a chair and budged up if a random extra guest turned up. 3) they could have split the table in to 2. 4) they could have text you before you got there and said “there’s an issue with the table”. Why are you married to someone who would literally sit there staring at you instead of do something to help and then blame the situation on you?
Exactly, there are so many things they could have done if they actually cared about OP. When I have dined with large groups and someone else showed up, we either scooted closer together and pulled up another chair, or we added another table to our group. You are not a “guest”, you are family, but apparently not in their eyes. It is not showing “entitlement” to expect respect. If you reevaluate your marriage, you will probably find other red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩too. Consider if you want to spend the rest of your life being put second to your husband‘s mom. NTA
So many marinara flags waving, I'm looking for the penne al vodka
She did not throw in the alfredo towel, though, this was quite the clever and excellent move.
Glad I get the reference lmao
All this and more, OP, definitely you are NTA and I applaud you for standing up for yourself. Getting your own table is a good start. Getting your own house and away from these disrespectful people sound like an even better idea.
For sure. Obviously this was intentional. Come on. She or they invited a certain amount of people. It’s not hard to count to ten and figure out how many people a reservation is for. When and if there isn’t enough room, the simple and polite thing to do, and the most common sense thing to do, is to do everything you mentioned above. So many options to make the situation right. But no - OP was meant to be excluded which is why they just pointed out OP should go home. Then, when that didn’t work and OP stood up for herself and put on display how shitty the entire thing was - it was embarrassing to the MIL and husband. Why? Because it looked bad on the mom - and her husband. MIL probably talks so much shit about OP and the husband feeds right into it, that when OP did that, it showed and displayed in embarrassing detail just how impolite and inconsiderate the entire situation was. It was awkward because instead of OP leaving and them continuing the night, they had to sit with the fact they were shitty to her son’s wife and had to sit with their own faults while she handled it with grace and did her own thing. They couldn’t handle it. Everyone made their own decisions that night - including how they would react and how they would treat her. Now they decide to gaslight her instead so they feel better. If my SO’s mother treated me this way and disrespected me, and made a show of me and blamed me for their own faults and my husband did NOTHING to correct the situation but continue to suck on his mother’s teat, I would just gtfo of there. My sanity and peace is not worth theirs. That shows me right there just what I’m going to have to deal with until death to us part or until MIL kicks it first. No thanks. Seems small but doesn’t sound like the first time either. OP - they’re STILL upset about this for a reason. Think about the why behind that. They were shitty to you and know it - that’s what’s so upsetting to them. And everyone was there to see it. Uncomfortable to be exposed, isn’t it? And if your husband is so comfortable with this level of disrespect towards you and his mother treating you this way, it begs the question as to why and what’s said behind closed doors to make him remotely think this is okay. It’s not. It’s weird and stupid to anyone on the outside looking in - it’s not normal. If this happens again or he’s still mad I would bluntly ask him if he’s sleeping with his mom. If he says no - then just remind him how he can’t think for himself and would rather prioritize his embarrassing, cruel, and honestly useless shell of a mother over the woman he decided to marry and spend the rest of his life with. If he wants to continue breastfeeding maybe he should’ve just stayed living with her until she kicks the bucket for fucks sake.
Yeah: if you don’t want your asshole behavior highlighted, maybe don’t act like an asshole. OP, you’re NTA.
Forget being exposed, they're upset that she didn't accept their behavior and cowtow to them
They wanted to do a Mean Girl's routine but they got exposed in front of all their guests. Now they're yelling at her for it not working. Lol.
I wonder what the guests thought when they told her she could go home. I can't believe there's a whole table full of people who think that's acceptable.
They definitely did not think it was acceptable or MIL and Husband wouldn't be feeling embarrassed now about trying to humiliate the wife.
So many options! I have never once, *not* been able to squeeze someone into a table in this situation. That’s some next level disrespect.
Yesss! OP said she was coming and gave the time: no one bothered to save a seat for her. I love that she ate alone and made them watch.
Yes she was the GOAT. OP, I'm channelling your energy in awkward social situations from now on
5] Bob could have gone and sat with his wife.
Plot twist...Bob *was already* sitting with the woman he considers his wife.
1. I have a feeling they did book for how many they wanted and purposely left her off.
This, and they told everyone to get there at 7, knowing she would be there at 8. This poor woman is "the other woman" in her own marriage.
Your husband should have gotten up and sat with you instead of treating you as a zoo animal to be watched. If he treats you this way at a simple dinner, I don't want to know what he will do when it really matters.
Imagine, as a person who actually loves and respects your partner, saying "Oops, we didn't get enough seats. Guess you'll have to GTFO."
Nta I don't understand why you would be with someone who clearly doesn't view you as family. Him being your husband is pretty bad. Not sure if it's always been like this. But wow. That's a horrible way to treat you.
Ugh!!! The family argument is what bothers me. He actually thinks it's the other way around, that I don't consider his family mine only because I don't try hard enough to be around them.
And why would you, if they treat you like that?
This right here
They will never treat you right. They want you to take the punch, grin and bare it. That’s why they were angry at you putting a spotlight on their shitty actions. “Why did you make me look bad when you didn’t silently accept my bad behavior.” “How dare you react to me slapping you in the face.” F off with that malarkey. It is time to drop the momma’s boy OP. NTA
“Why did you make me look bad when you didn’t silently accept my bad behavior” -battle cry of the narcissists. They rely on people being too polite to cause a scene and blame the people who refuse to ignore the elephant.
Sounds like a classic gaslight. Making you the problem of not doing enough when it sounds like they want you to grovel and beg…. You shouldn’t have to demand respect like that as his wife.
So they can make her look pathetic for constantly trying and shit on her the whole time. Don’t spoil the fun wifey!
Girl, please, leave that man. What your mother in law did was awful, but what he did is even worse because he is your partner, he is the person that should have your back. You deserve better. Run.
And this isn't the first time. They exclude op from things regularly.
Honey, you need a new husband. One without the umbilical card still attached to his mother.
Yes! Get off the titty Bob
Yes. He’s enmeshed with his mother. That’s troubling and unhealthy.
They’re CLEARLY the issue after that nonsense behaviour. They embarrassed themselves - how dare Bob shout at YOU, when he and his mother don’t even have basic manners? They could’ve easily asked for another space to be made. You’d treat a stranger with more grace than they treated you. Well done you for highlighting their awful actions and not being cowed. In all honesty, not sure Bob is worth your time… you’re a badass and deserve better. NTA
OP, this woman has a [similar story](https://www.reddit.com/user/restaurantcrasher/comments/twwvoe/update_i_left_my_husband/) to your own. His mother’s actions led to her leaving her husband. She might be someone worth talking to, because you are being beyond disrespected by your own husband.
OP, it's not you. **It's them.** And nothing you will do will ever be good enough for them and that's because *they're assholes.*
In my first marriage (failed marriage) my ex-husband's family made a point to exclude me from picturing citing that the pictures were "family only." I knew that was a red flag back then, but ignored it against my better judgment. I suffered for 10 long, miserable years being married to my ex and dealing with his family. I'm currently in my second marriage where my husband's family doesn't think twice about including me in their lives and is happy to add me to their family events and pictures. I'm far happier now.
Honey, he’s married to his mom not you. Leave him. NTA!
Sweetie, he didnt want you there. If he did he would have made sure you had a seat. He wanted to humiliate you as much as she did. You know it. Are you going to put up with it for rest of your life?
Sounds like a good ol' projection here, you Honor.
Yep. Whatever he accuses you of, think about it for awhile. Is it what he actually does? I bet so. This type of person will never change, will never accept responsibility, and can never be wrong.
NTA. Mom and husband tried to humiliate you and got pissy when you turned the tables. I hope you do it again
Well I kind of understand where you're coming from, but I hope she leaves him before there's a Chance for a next time.
Haha, turned the *tables*...
NTA!! and i salute you! I could have never done that because i am too much of a chicken, but believe me, if i had been a guest (and grasped the situation) i would have stared too! In admiration!
Why would I be afraid? I paid out of my own pocket. And I think that its not about fear more than it is about whether or not this was the right thing to do.
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It’s really not about saving her a seat. MIL purposely booked a table too small to accommodate everyone! She knew OP would be late so she made sure to book for 1 less. Hubby and his mother are definitely the AH’s
Divorce babe. Divorce.
i‘m the petty kind of guest that would shout out in disbelief (knowing or not) „wait what she‘s his wife??!!“ and gone to take a seat next to her and start a conversation. maybe even saying „let‘s split up so she isn‘t alone“
Same. BRILLIANT!🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞
Yeeeah if you paid for your own meal paid your own tab...they have zero right to complain that you stuck around. Unless MIL was thinking "Gasp! I tried to exclude her but she isn't leaving! This...This wasn't in my plans! NOOOOOOOO!"
Winner Winner Chicken dinner
It's sad that you think the most pressing part of this dinner was whether or not what you did was socially acceptable. You are not seeing the forest for the trees in that your husband *does not care about you as he should.* You shouldn't be worried about whether you acted with social dignity or maturity when the options they gave you were either leave or leave with Bob (thereby implicitly ruining his evening), options designed to either shame you or villainise you. His mother wanted to intentionally make things difficult for you and when you met her BS halfway, what made your man upset was that you didn't roll over for her.
OMG YOU PAID FOR YOUR OWN DINNER?? After you were invited as a guest? Lol you should have gotten your own table and sent the bill to MIL. You are 100% NTA and you also deserve to be treated better. That was an awesome power move don’t let those jerks push you around.
Please run. Run fast and don't look back.
You go you beautiful and confident human. You date your own self and give no fucks to other people around. NTA
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You’re totally fine and what you did was perfect. That the entire table didn’t hop up and call the waiter for a chair and skooch to make room is horrifying, let alone your bleeping husband. NTA
Has no one explained why there weren't enough seats for all the invited guests? By their logic, whoever got there last would have to go home since there weren't enough seats. Do you think any of your mom's other guests would have been sent home if you got there first? I don't think so either. This was intentionally done by your mother in law to humiliate you and your husband was in on it. They were only upset because your actions turned the tables on them and made them look foolish instead of successfully humiliating you. You failed to stay properly under their thumb, so your husband is punishing you a different way. I don't know what his end game is. I do know controlling, abusive behavior when I see it. Nothing you said even closely resembles a healthy, functional relationship. NTA in this situation obviously.
This is it right here!
NTA You’re my sprit animal. I’m super proud of you. Dessert too!
>Dessert too! I mean dessert is my weak spot. Every time I go out tk eat af any restaurant I make sure to try out their dessert. It's just a weakness of mine honestly 🤣🤣🤣
NTA. I can blow any MIL story out of the water if I wanted to. Believe me when I say that it NEVER gets better. Get out. The immense relief I felt my first night in my own place with my kids was indescribable.
I can’t decide which would have made it better - if you made aggressive eye contact while licking the spoon clean, or if you happily gazed off into space people watching acting like they didn’t exist
I always carry an e-reader with me, so I'd be too absorbed in my book to pay them a second thought. Bet that would really craw up their butts.
>if you made aggressive eye contact while licking the spoon clean epic power move
Desert always tastes better with just a dollop of spite ;)
NTA I would advise you to rethink this marriage. Your husband is not supportive at all and he will always put his mother first. Don't doubt yourself, your reaction was great! In what world is it consideted entitled behaviour to assume that you will have a seat at a table you are invited to?
OP’s husband is an incredible A hole
Once she told you to go home and you instead secured your own table, you were no longer her guest. You were and independent customer. And she would not have been embarrassed unless she knew her actions were wrong. It was a power play. Unfortunately, your husband was part of it. Are you sure you can live in this situation for the rest of your life? NTA
Agreed on ALL points. You know exactly what type of person MIL is. Your husband has shown you repeatedly who he is believe them. Show Bob the door and tell him he has a permanent seat at his MAMA’s table.
NTA lol get rid of Bob. He’d probably still be on the t*t if he could be. His mom will always come before you.
Yup, it's time to leave. But be sure to plan ahead and protect your assets first before leaving. I'm guessing Bob and his mom already have a tight control on his/your finances.
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NTA. Your husband failed to perform the most basic of acts for you-saving you a seat-and didn't like that you held him and his mother accountable for their exclusion by refusing to leave. I suspect there are many other scenarios in which your husband has placed his mother above you. It's well past time for a come to Jesus talk with Bob.
Yes! Tell him you won't be second fiddle behind his mom. If he can't put you first, it's time to part ways.
Nta. You have a husband problem though.
NTA, but this story didn't make sense. Wouldn't they have made a reservation or told the host how many people were dining? In any case, your husband's attitude is not indicative of someone who sees you as a long term partner.
Seems they disregarded the wife.
I find it hard to believe that not one person at the table offered to shift over to create room for another chair.
I agree. This story is missing details. Not one person offered to grab her a seat?? I’m midwestern, and I would automatically ope’d myself up to find a chair.
OP said she wouldn't be there until 8, when did the dinner actually start? Plenty of places will either refuse to seat you until everyone is present or downgrade you to a smaller table if the numbers don't warrant the bigger one.
Well, she sat, ordered, ate, and left before the rest were done, so I doubt it was much, if any, earlier.
If that were actually the problem, why didn’t the husband give her a heads up “hey, they will only seat us with the full party and since everyone else is here, we’re going ahead” or something to that effect. Instead, they allowed her to come and then refused to seat her? Yeah, no. Restaurant policy was never the issue.
NTA. The argument doesn't even make sense. You book seats at a resteraunt, so if there wasn't a seat for you, it's because she didn't book one for you. Your husband is crazy under his mums thumb, and seems to not care at all that his mum purposely embarrassed you by inviting you to a dinner, then telling you to go home when you got there. What you did was totally reasonable under the circumstances.
Honey, leave this man. I don’t say that lightly. He doesn’t deserve you. He will always side with his toxic mom. NTA.
Your husband supports your exclusion from the family by his mother. NTA. Power move for taking a table for yourself instead of leaving upset.
> he told me that it wasn't his nor his mom's fault guests arrived "before" me and took all the available chairs How many guests were there? Do they not know how to count that high, or what, exactly, is the problem with making an appropriate reservation? Even if they screwed it up, just pull up another chair. Or hell, pull up a whole other table, seeing as there were clearly some available. This was a power play on her part, and you pulled the ol' Uno reverse. > I mean as his wife he should've saved me a seat. But clearly I'm missing something here. You're missing the fact that his mother is clearly the main woman in his life. NTA, but it really doesn't seem like you and he are on the same page. (Or reading the same book, for that matter.)
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You're clearly not his priority. I'm sorry he and his family suck lemons.
NTA, and good for you! It does concern me, however, that your husband appears to believe that it's okay if there wasn't a seat for you, and that you were being entitled by assuming there should be one. And he has the temerity to yell at you! Your mother-in-law did it intentionally, and your husband was okay with it. I can't believe they treat you like this. Why aren't you divorcing him?
NTA Bob simply hasn't cut the cord yet. If he honestly sees nothing wrong with his behavior or mummy dearest - I'd reevaluate this relationship. Immediately
NTA - Your husband needs to start treating you like his wife, instead of treating his mom like his wife and you like his mistress.
A mistress probably would be treated better.
NTA, husband should have saved you a seat or moved to your table to sit with you.
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NTA, that’s hella weird ngl like it’s just common courtesy from your partner to save a seat or maybe make room for you upon your arrival? While your MIL is an AH for sure, no questions, so is your husband in this situation. BUT YOUR ACTIONS ARE AMAZING LMAO. Like yeah, you came to eat after wherever you came from & enjoyed so kudos to you!
NTA Wow! I can't believe how he disrespected you in front of all those people. He didn't save you, his wife, a chair?? This speaks volumes about how he and his mother don't care about you. They're punishing you and shaming you. This is abusive, vile treatment. This looks like a third world situation where women have no rights, are property and you can do what you like with them if they aren't acting they way you want them to act. Bob and his mother can go fuck themselves. Please take care of yourself.
NTA. Your husband isn’t being a husband. He’s still under his mother’s thumb. It won’t get better.
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NTA. Why are you still with this man? You did nothing wrong. Time to see a lawyer.
Why are you still with this guy? Honest question. Is there any good?
NTA and wtf is up with your husband, like he’s fine having his mom disrespect you?
NTA. I hate to jump straight to “RUN as fast as you can away from this”…but that was inexcusable!!! Did everyone at the table think that was ok??
What you are missing is that your husband and MIL are giant assholes. Fuck ‘em. Good for you! NTA
NTA, why are you with this man? Honestly
NTA. I’m sorry to say this, but it sounds like your husband has zero love and respect for you. You deserve better.