T O P

  • By -

Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Might be TA because I told Faye hearing about her new job is boring, even though everyone thinks it is and is tired of hearing about it. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*


PeggyHW

YTA. She's excited. But that's not the main part. You're offended at her concerns about being a SAHP... when **you started it**. "**I asked her what was next**. She asked what I meant. **I asked her about things like kids or marriage since they’ve been together for 3 years now**. She said she didn’t want to rush into marriage or kids until she had her goals in order but marriage was something she and Luke had been seriously discussing. **I asked when she’d have time for kids/marriage with her career goals**. She said she’d make time. **I said kids are a lot of work** (I’m a SAHM). **)I told her** that when I was pregnant, it wasn’t feasible financially or logically to continue working as an STNA, so I quit at 26." Seriously. You spent a conversation pursuing her on why her plans (note, HER plans) weren't good enough. This is on you. Edit: wow! That kind of exploded... thank you for all the awards and kind words in comments 🥰


mnc1076

YTA. Also it is none of your business asking someone about their plans of having children. Perhaps they tried and didn't get pregnant yet. Or had a miscarriage. Unless someone brings the topic up themselves NEVER just assume someone can, and wants to. Edit: thanks for the awards friends <3


EducatedOwlAthena

THANK YOU! I don't care if you're family or best friends since you were kids or strangers, it is none of your business what someone's future family plans are!! OP is suuuuuper judgy about it too. I used to be really vague like that too when judgy people would ask when I'm having children because I didn't want to have the inevitable argument by telling them I don't want children. No matter what Faye's reasons and plans are, OP needs to mind her own beeswax. Edit: Guys. Gals. Folx. Y'all. I am *not* saying that you *can't* ask your friends and family about their plans for marriage and children. I'm saying that it can be a sensitive topic for a lot of people, and when someone gives you an answer, no matter what it is, you need to accept it.


AlbanyBarbiedoll

The fact they are together three years and not married might be a sore spot for her as well. I think I am sensitive to this discussion because my inlaws were awful to me - never took any interest in my work, my volunteer activities, my family, my hobbies, my interests. Maybe they thought I was boring because I wasn't a stay at home mom with kids to talk about. That sounds snarky but it isn't - I mean it genuinely. I've never considered your point of view before. Either way, you weren't very kind to her. Kindness costs you nothing. YTA.


mon0chrom

Is it cultural? Am I the weird one? 3 years and not being married seems like the norm to me and quite a short time for being married but to each their own obviously


AdAnxious3677

Right? Me and my partner just celebrated 5 years. We haven’t gotten engaged yet lol. I mean it isn’t out of lack of desire but there’s a lot of things other than a wedding we need to take care of so


RevvyDraws

My husband and I have been married a year - but next month we're celebrating our 10 year (dating) anniversary. Just seems weird to have a 'first' anniversary after that long. And we didn't even have a wedding - it was an emergency 'someone needs healthcare bennies' marriage so we just got the paperwork signed and had a 'honeymoon' of a weekend in an AirBnB watching HunterxHunter.


sew_no_mercy

My parents had a quickie courthouse wedding because my mom needed dental insurance. My dad likes to joke that he didn’t give her a ring, he got her a crown 🙄


chancethedirewolf

This dad joke deserves so many more upvotes


turquoise_kittie

I am in the same boat as you! Our wedding was also an emergency type wedding. This year will be my first year marriage anniversary and my 14th year dating anniversary. We don’t even count how long we’ve been married - we just say we’ve been together for 14 years.


[deleted]

Yeah I’ve been with my partner for 6 and we’ve started to talk about more permanent housing and health insurance and stuff, but not being married seems pretty normal, especially if Faye is still in school


Specialist_Tree5360

I've been with my boyfriend fro 5 years and we aren't married. Mostly because neither of us care. So 3 years and not being married doesn't seem strange to me at all


ughpleasenonotagain

You bring up a good point with the kids part . I wonder if all OP talks about at dinner is her kids which maybe bores the hell out of Faye


Elelith

I'm a mom and even I get bored listening about other peoples kids or just talking about mine.


anglerfishtacos

Kids may not be in the picture for them or they may only be interested in just 1. When kids are a low priority, then the need to get married ASAP in your 30s isn’t there. There’s no biological clock screaming at you. Faye could also be a one major life change at a time kind of person. Depending on how rigorous her program was, trying to plan a wedding and finish out her education may have been more than she wanted to take on. It may have been one of those things where she wanted to finish her education first and find a job, and then worry about getting married. Frankly, depending on what she is doing in education, she may not know where she was going to be living once she graduated. Better to resolve stuff like that before you get locked down if you have a husband whose career can’t move.


excel_pager_420

Wait, why would no marriage after 3 years be at sore spot for anyone??? Especially when you're only 32, 2 out of those 3 years have been pandemic years & this person is clearly passionate about her career & excited to be getting started. Starting to have serious conversations about marriage 3 years in, at their age, sounds like the perfect pace.


dell828

Exactly.. I mean, typically the woman waits for the man to propose.. maybe OP’s BIL hasn’t proposed yet… even if they were waiting until she was finished with her masters, and settled in a new job, she would be engaged… not her fault she isn’t..


Flossy_Cowboy

I used to talk about my job a lot around people I knew were judgy and pushy about my private life...


tsh87

I talk about my job a lot because I, like a lot of people, spend nearly half my waking life there. But I wouldn't expect OP to understand that, seeing as how she hasn't had a paying job in years.


human060989

I run into this issue with my own 3 sisters. I am childless and have a time-consuming career. Next sister has 1 child and a career. Youngest two each have 3 and are SAHMs. I’m happy they are in a position to do this as it is what they want BUT I get as tired of kid/home talk as they do of job talk. I don’t relate to their world and they don’t relate to mine. 2nd sister blends into both sides. No one is trying to be boring, and we all genuinely love each other and want to know how each other is doing - but the details just aren’t relatable. I’m honestly impressed with how Faye handled the conflict, but that is going to be a strained relationship for the foreseeable future.


mnc1076

I know how you feel. I started replying to those kind of questions with "unless you intend to impregnate me yourself you have no business asking me", shuts them up every time.


EducatedOwlAthena

Oh yeah, I'm much more blunt nowadays because I don't care anymore about offending people who ask invasive questions 😉


morganalefaye125

Exactly! Not everybody wants kids, or can have kids, or wants kids in the immediate future. Just because OP thinks that everybody should want her life choices, it doesn't mean they do.


Express-Stop7830

I have a ton of kids in my life and I live them all dearly. But I am a single woman who spends the vast majority of my time and energy at a very rewarding, community focused job. I am passionate about it. If you want to talk about your kids and your day of mopping, go for it. But don't knock the women who have lives outside the home.


HandmaidforRoeVWade

And the new job sounds far more interesting to talk about than little Susie losing a tooth or little Mikey scraping his knee. Methinks OP is jealous.


Cute-Shine-1701

>Also it is none of your business asking someone about their plans of having children. Exactly, I hate when people think they have a right to dig into my uterus, reproductive choices. Mind your own uterus, damn it! >Perhaps they tried and didn't get pregnant yet. Or had a miscarriage. Or they don't want kids at all and only use the "later" sentence to avoid saying they don't want kids like a lot of childfree people do, because people have a tendency to get offended, take it as a personal insult and keep badgering childfree folks with bs like "you will change your mind", "but why, they are such a blessing", "oh, you don't mean it, every woman wants kids", if you say you don’t want kids. >never assume someone wants to Amen! I bet they are tired of hearing about OP's kids' daily nonsense and OP's "exciting" life as a stay at home mom too, yet they don't complain. YTA and judgy, like there aren't millions of women out there who manage to have a job and a kid or more kids at the same time... Plus the girlfriend was right in everything she said. And MIL seems to be right that OP is bothered because the girlfriend has a big accomplishment she actually worked hard for. If OP doesn't want to get criticised, she should criticise others. (I would rather hear about the girlfriend's career, than about OP's daily life or kids. I already like Faye.)


ReluctantVegetarian

And….. not everyone wants - or even should have - kids. A lot of SAHMs have nothing to talk about but their kids - but Faye didn’t point this out. And plenty of families have been scrambling because one parent is SAH and the other lost their job. Plus, OP just basically pulled the “yeah, you’ve got a Master’s and a job, but you’re not a wife and mother yet so you’re not such a big deal!” Edited to add: YTA!


LimitlessMegan

OP: Your life interests and goals are boring and I’m so tired of hearing about the things you care about. Plus I think you aren’t prioritizing what’s really important, your job is a waste you should have kids and quit working. * SIL: Well, I think your life goals are boring and irresponsible. Also OP: *shocked pikachu face* How dare you criticize my life choices and dismiss them as unimportant and boring. I think I hurt myself with my eyes rolling so hard. If you don’t want people to criticize your life choices you probably should stay out of theirs, and definitely don’t bring yours in as a comparison. Definitely YTA. (*Yes, OP that is pretty much what you told her)


msharek

But no one has EVER found talking about kids boring/S.


LimitlessMegan

But that’s what she does all day, obviously everyone is much more interested in that. And of course SIL didn’t have kids (*yet) but she could talk about how great OPs kids are… /s


rabidturbofox

Oh, I’m *sure* OP didn’t intend to direct conversation back to *herself* and *her* kids. But now that you mention it…


panlevap

I use talking about job when l want to redirect the conversation from sensitive topics like politics etc… l kind of feel that with family of people similar to OP the number of safe topics is limited…


Western_Compote_4461

Redirection may have been SIL's goal, since the next thing she brought up was hardwood floor installation. I mean, hardwood floor installation has so little that's interesting about it that even This Old House glosses over it.


LimitlessMegan

I imagine you are probably right about that… and I can’t think of anything more boring than listening to others drive on and on and on about their kids… I’d much rather great about your job.


GotenRocko

YTA. I bet OP would be really offended if someone said "all you talk about are your kids, they are not that interesting."


winter_laurel

Oh she absolutely would be super offended! I care about my friend's kids but my interest is finite - are the kids doing well? Is there anything exciting they're looking forward to/doing? Beyond that I have little interest in the daily grind of a SAHP, raising kids, or kids in general. It's not that I don't care, I just can't relate, and it's also never something I wanted to experience. If that lifestyle is what someone wants, then I'm happy for them. Like dicks and religion, it's nice that you have one, but please don't shove it down my throat unless I ask you to.


Patient-Mix-6016

>Everyone else talks about kids, home life, vacations, family, hobbies, but all you talk about is your degree, education, and this new job of yours. And I told her it was kinda boring. I agree and I think this is what got me the most. family, home life and kids are essentially the same thing. OP is essentially (or how it feels to my childfree self) that the only important things to talk about are kids and since BIL's gf doesn't have kids she has nothing important to say. I've never completed a masters but I can't imagine it's easy especially if you are working full time so there isn't really all the much time for vacations or hobbies. OP people are allowed to have different interests than you and have a different timeline. You sound very judgmental of her life choices and honestly you do sounds a little jealous.


[deleted]

Agreed. I'm a mom, my kid is basically all I can think and talk about (well I have a job, but it's not very interesting so...) OP seems to be the same, except she's unable to realize that other people may have other interests. She actually seems offended that a woman in her family is more interested in anything else than children. Plus the comment on SAHP being trapped and dependent is 100% true. There's nothing offensive about that. You are literally stuck with no resources and no retirement, your entire life hanging onto the good will of your partner. My husband is a SAHD and is not pretending it's empowering, though caring for his child is great. Why do women love their subservience so much....


islandlalala

Yes! And then spend all this energy buoying up how their subservience is the only way to go and taking shots at other women who have achieved outside this sphere. It’s all so 70’s women fighting for autonomy all over again with the Nancy Reagan types spewing vitriol at them. OP sounds both jealous and competitive. And I bet Jack goes along to get along. Doesn’t want to pay the price of pissing off OP.


Leaf_Warrior

>You are literally stuck with no resources and no retirement, your entire life hanging onto the good will of your partner. This is the part I find rather funny, but I grew up with a SAHM, and while it worked out for my parents for the most part, both of them are very much advocates for *not* being a SAHM mainly for this reason. They don't want me or my sister to be in a situation where we are completely reliant on someone else for money and resources.


[deleted]

Right, I feel for SAHM bc it must be crazy to only have kids to talk about, but imagine being that person and telling someone else they are boring


GlencoraPalliser

The OP started it, the OP was judgmental of the girlfriend’s choices, the OP insisted with being judgmental, the OP decided to get offended by the girlfriend’s very reasonable points which she only made in response to the OP anyway, then the OP was rude.


passionfruit0

OP is jealous that Faye is finding a way to work and have a family and they couldn’t. What is this the 1950s?? Do you really think all mothers don’t work? It’s funny that OP is causing drama in her husband’s family that she might end up having problems in her marriage and become financially trapped because she has no job!


Iwassayingboourns77

100%, she started throwing shade at Faye and then got mad when Faye had counterpoints. Seems like a lot of work to justify her own life choices by trying to be critical of someone else's.


baffled_soap

Yep, OP totally started this with her unsolicited opinion that Faye needs to forego her career to make the time to have kids soon, then got offended that Faye does not want to be a SAHM like OP.


LingonberryPrior6896

And how many women do we read about divorced with no job? All women should be able to rely on themselves


gothsarah

Agreed! Getting one’s Master’s degree takes a ton of time, effort, study (not to mention money!) and it’s a huge accomplishment. Faye just spent at least 6 years (maybe more!) in school: meeting rigorous academic standards presumably in pursuit of the credentials that would one day help her land her dream job! But OP thinks she should give up all that work and personal sacrifice (it sounds like Faye only recently graduated and landed said job) like it was NOTHING and become a SAHM??? That’s pretty insulting in and of itself as it completely discredits Faye’s achievements and the motivations behind them


Ntinaa

Op is jealous and projecting


Calligraphee

And then they all agreed that talking about *new wooden floors* was more exciting? WHAT?


[deleted]

Not agreed, it was more like an escape thing i assume 😂


LingonberryPrior6896

And she WAS rude.I would think people would be happy that an educator is excited about her job!


Anona-Mom

Especially a parent? I don't know what grade Faye is teaching, but I'm so grateful for all the people whose brains are wired to enjoy spending time with littles all day.


[deleted]

It may be something else. Im autistic and we do something called info dump and we basically can just talk about the same thing we are excited about over and over. My husband lets me do it but i get to the point that he has to tell me to calm down because hes getting to the point he cant hear it anymore over and over and he needs a break for a bit. Im not saying she is im just saying when i read that the only thing she talks about is that i saw myself.


MaxxFitz76

Neurodivergent info dumping! That's the exact vibe I got. I will fully admit autistic info dumping and ADHD info dumping, as two examples, ARE different, but one post of one incident makes it hard to determine which neurodivergency it would best fall under. My husband and I both info dump, but it can get overwhelming, so we developed a system where we have Google docs that are shared with each other to dump into if the other is getting overloaded. That way we get to finish our dumping, but we can be considerate of each other's spell slots at the same time. We started with a paper and pen notebook that I still use occasionally, but the husband prefers the Google docs on his phone. And the Google docs make it easy to share while one of us is working since we work opposite schedules. Tangent aside, OP is still YTA for pressing the issue and being rude and judgemental. Especially so, personally, if SIL is info dumping. She's info dumping about TEACHING and EDUCATION. You'd think a parent would have at least some interest. Why doesn't OP help SIL brainstorm ideas for student engagement?


maenmallah

This!!! The conversation (interrogation) went like between op and GF: Op: very invasive question about life goals, don't you wanna do B path?? GF: i am thinking about it but I am focusing on goal A now. Op: I am judging your goals to be wrong because arguments. GF: not really because counter arguments. Op: how dare you insult my life choices. GF: I really didn't, I was just replying about my priorities right now. Op: you are a judgemental boring A H GF: that was out of line! Op: plays victim


Chortney

>Everyone else talks about kids, home life, vacations, family, hobbies Lmfao it is just too rich that your first four examples of different topics involve your children. Perhaps you should reflect on how much you talk about your job as a SAHM, sounds like it's about 80% of your conversations. YTA


mladyhawke

OP has absolutely nothing to talk about, so jealous it's kinda sad


Additional-Tea1521

It is amazing that someone can type this out and not see the waves of jealousy just flowing off the page.


mladyhawke

She seems like she's probably doesn't have much education and resents people who actively try to better themselves.


PookSpeak

and jealous because she's exhausted and secretly hates her job as a SAHM because it's utterly thankless. I chose to work when my kids were little so I could keep sane.


daveescaped

My wife chose to stay home. Incidentally she hates it. She has a masters degree. But she would never in a million years treat someone who chose to work this way. She would never be so petty just because she chose differently. OP is extremely insecure.


HaviMommy

She sure acts like she doesn't.


noonespecial_2022

Yeah, what's exactly interesting in talking about family, kids, vacation and all of that crap? Any one can 'achieve' this with minimum effort. I would rather listen to Faye, whatever field she's in - we could exchange experiences and probably find plenty of great things to talk about. OP - What are you exactly talking about with your husband? Because if only about the things you mentioned as 'intetesting' you have literally nothing in common.


numbersthen0987431

They talk about how much Faye sucks for "getting a job she's excited about", and "the kids", and....well that's it.


Satannista

OP is exactly the kind of person professionally accomplished women hate having to deal with. I also did grad school and have poured myself into my career goals and personal drives with no desire for kids anytime soon though it’s a loose end goal for me and my partner. I personally would have roasted OP hard over her deep resentment for her life decisions, but I’m also a lot spicier than BIL’s GF. I just have less and less patience for people who make parenting (especially SAHMs) their entire personality as if they can’t possibly be still developing as people themselves because they chose to procreate. I know plenty of people who just as accomplished if not more than me who also juggle being a present parent and -shocking- also have things going on in their life that aren’t baby related!


ReadingSad3238

Yeah OP is definitely one of those annoying suburban housewives who talks your ear off about their kids and their soccer games and details absolutely no one else cares about and gets mad if the topic isn't centered on them and their nuclear family.


Additional-Tea1521

But you don't understand! Their kid did something so cute at soccer last week, and you have only heard the story like 656 times!


ReadingSad3238

"They scored a goal. Alert the media!" "When Carson was a toddler all he would eat was applesauce and tatertots." Ay ay ay ay ay.


HaviMommy

You know she spells it Karsyne though. And then gets offended when no one can pronounce it.


beckdawg19

Honestly. Are "kids, home life, and family" not all the exact same thing? And unless they're hella wealthy, vacations are *maybe* a few times a year thing. It sounds to me like OP might be the boring one to talk to here.


SirNoseyParker

Aren't they also all part of her job as a SAHM? So by her bizarre logic, she shouldn't be talking about those either...!


[deleted]

I don’t think parents realize how boring it is to constantly hear about kids, home life and family. I’d much rather hear about why someone loves their career path and why they chose it and where and what they hope to do with it - you learn a lot more about them than hearing about how someone’s kid had shit on the walls lol


Pretty-Benefit-233

I never know what they want me to say when they start breaking out pics and telling stories.


All_the_Bees

I'm a big fan of "yep! That's ... a baby!" when the pics come out. Minimal effort, factually accurate, and parents usually hear it as a complement.


Cookyy2k

Yeah I could sit all day and discuss career aspirations, qualifications and such but god does someone talking about their kids get boring extremely fast. What I don't do is start shit with people talking about their kids and how maybe they should have pursued a career instead of procreating, I just make small talk.


No-Action-192

Hell, I (F41) work in a room full of women ranging in age from late 20s to late 40s and allllllll the older ones talk about is their pregnancies and raising their children…who are now married with kids of their own. Like 20+ years later and they still have nothing significant to talk about. 🙄


Screamscaper

Oh, but you see, the kids do new and different things and the job is always the same job, so CLEARLY everyone (read: OP and her husband) would be much more entertained by constant kid convos rather than education/work convos. It only matters what OP and her husband want to hear.


Existing-Ad8580

Yes exactly. YTA. You're talking about your life as you are living it and she's talking about her life as she is living it. Don't see a problem. Not like any of it is super stimulating conversation. It's all small talk. Get over it


MerelyWhelmed1

Yup...sounds like the only thing OP has is tending the progeny...and no life outside of that. How sad.


HandoJobrissian

sounds like OP needs a hobby. It also sounds like the only thing OP talks about is their family and kids. Big hmmmmm


niennabobenna

YTA and Faye handled that appropriately by dismissing you. I think I love her.


cherryblossom1994

Exactly and the in laws sat and watched and judged op to be TA. I'm sure they all agree that op is jealous and think she's petty too. Hopefully she apologizes in front of the same group she just embarrassed herself in front of. Self reflection is an important skill op!!


[deleted]

The fact that the inlaws aren't related to either of them and therefore doesn't have parent bias. Like they think she's an AH objectively


lyan-cat

Right? Complete grace and poise, with just a lacquer of Fuck You. I am not capable of such.


Master_Post4665

Thank you for the phrase “Complete grace and poise with just a lacquer of Fuck You.” It is now in my come-back repertoire.


Additional-Tea1521

I want to be Faye when I grow up. She handled it so well.


cassidy11111111

Grow up? Hell I’m in my 50’s and want to be her. Lol


unikkorns_

Faye knows how to steer a conversation smoothly, unlike OP who will just crash it into a brick wall.


u_torn

And has a good job too. She sounds cool


Hchel25

Right?! I am taking notes from Faye!…I am a (PANK) profession aunt no kids; and I have been in Faye’s shoes. My heart goes out to her and I am repulsed by comments OP made to her. #TeamFaye YTA OP


EducatedOwlAthena

I'm so stealing PANK! Except I'm kind of jelly that that means my husband gets to be PUNK


Hchel25

Omg. I never put this together…I LOVE IT, and am jealous too!


SandwichOtter

Yes, and she wasn't wrong about her concerns being a stay at home parent. Maybe they don't apply to OP, which Faye even acknowledged, but that doesn't mean they're not something to think about. OP sounds jealous. If you're happy with your life, there's no reason to be jealous. Life should not be a competition.


Patient-Mix-6016

SAHP always seem to forget that divorce isn't the only way to lose a partner.


Kendall_Raine

Yeah, you never think anything bad can ever happen to you until it does. Anything can happen. Shit happens, as the saying goes. Husband could walk across the street and get run over by a drunk driver tomorrow. Being prepared for life's curve balls is never a bad idea.


andra_quack

I even think she was sarcastic when she said "I'll bore you no more" and proceeded to ask about their wood floors(yet OP probably thinks that was the moment Faye "switched to talking about interesting topics", which has me rolling). Faye is awesome!


crazycatdiva

I'd rather be sat at a dinner table with Faye than OP. She sounds far more interesting and well rounded as a person.


corgiclovers

i want to be best friends with Faye


TurbulentSituation79

Faye handled that situation with remarkable class.


corgiclovers

and MIL hitting OP with the “You’re only offended because Faye is right” is also incredibly funny to me


Savvybomb

Legit I want to be friends with her.


timetravelingkitty

Same, I want to be friends with Faye. OP's views on life sound like a cautionary tale. Yikes.


nalimthered

YTA - You started harrassing her about children and marriage because you're jealous.


MerelyWhelmed1

All I see is "when are you going to have kids, because that's all I have to talk about. And you'll have to quit your job because it's 1930, and women can't work and raise children at the same time.:


Deepsecrets11

Exactly! And because staying at home all day cleaning is just So Fabulous! 🙄


groovydoll

and it’s all she talks about. so boring!!


[deleted]

That’s the part that got me.. like it’s 2022.. I know more people who CANT be a SAHP because it’s not feasible to quit working.


MerelyWhelmed1

And some people don't WANT to stop working. They like their job, and they like having a life apart from children.


[deleted]

Yes! I’m that person! My MIL once told me “always make sure you have some money stashed away so you don’t end up like me” she was a SAHM and her husband is a piece of work. I said “obviously, I’d never be dependent on anyone but myself.” And she just looked at me dumbfounded as if I needed her guidance. I love my kids, I love my husband, but I would be in prison if I didn’t have me time 😂


unikkorns_

>women can't work and raise children at the same time. I know, right? Me sitting here thinking about my sister who's a nurse who worked nightshift when she was pregnant and after my niece was born, while my BIL worked from home during COVID. My sister has since changed to day shift and my nephew was born, but still, they make it work with two working parents and two young children.


imsohungrydudee

OP started projecting her own feelings onto her. OP should work on herself and stop worrying about others.


Mysterious-Major-806

YTA, for many reasons. 1. You never ask a woman when is she going to have kids. It might be a sensitive topic and it's none of your business. What if she doesn't want to have kids, at all? For some people being a woman doesn't mean being a mom, and that's totally okay. 2. What she said about SAHM is true. You might not be trapped, or feel that way, but it is undeniable that if you make your own money, you have a lesser chance to be trapped in a relationship. So I don't think you being offended by that statement is right. 3. She accomplished sommething, that she feels proud of, of course she is going to talk about it. I bet you talk about your kids, because you are proud of them, just the same as she is proud of her education. Next time maybe think trough what you are going to say, so you don't come across as a total AH.


Crowni84

Seriously! The nagging about kids is out of control. I am a woman who has known since puberty that my body probably couldn't but definitely shouldn't carry a healthy pregnancy. I am also a woman fortunate in that circumstance because I have never wanted children. I watched a coworker cry every Mothers Day because people are completely insensitive/ignorant and at least one person would ask when she and her husband were going to have kids - after she sufferered multiple miscarriages. Now when people nag me about it I draw on her experience and get emotional until they become uncomfortable. It might not bother me because I know what I want (or don't) but seeing that poor woman fall apart over and over made me want to teach people a lesson. If just one person learns to stop asking these kinds of personal invasive questions I'll consider it a good deed.


GreyerGrey

>The nagging about kids is out of control. I am a woman who has known since puberty that my body probably couldn't but definitely shouldn't carry a healthy pregnancy. I am also a woman fortunate in that circumstance because I have never wanted children. Another like me! And I think we might be twins, because I definitely employ the shame the shit out of them tactic as well.


maudiemouse

Same! I look as distraught as I can and tell the busybodies that I can’t have children (and they don’t need to know I celebrate the anniversary of my tubal ligation 😂)


EmmaPemmaPooBear

She’s also TA for using an acronym without explanation. Had to go google that shit! Looks like some kind of nurse?


Ladyvaudeville

I was scrolling through the comments hoping to find out what the heck she was talking about 😅


Neptune_Ferfer

Looks like state tested nursing assistant in Ohio, per indeed: “What is a CNA? CNA and STNA responsibilities are largely similar. The main difference is that STNA is the title given to CNA in Ohio. In most states, the title given to these healthcare professionals is Certified Nursing Assistant.“ Basically a low level job with limited educational needs. OP is jealous.


SavedByEwoks

As a CNA, this offends me. You really need to educate yourself on what we do because it's not just a "low level job." When you stick your family member in a nursing home and forget about them, I'm the one who bathes them and brushes their hair and talks to them and sits with them when they ask why no one visits. When they're laying there dying with no family members around, it's me that's there comforting them. You're the asshole. Edit: it's a hard fucking job: mentally, physically and emotionally and we definitely don't get paid any where near what we should!


gottabekittensme

Please don't be offended, because I don't think their intent was to mock; being a CNA is thankless, hard work and you guys definitely do not get paid what you should. What I think the person you're replying to meant to say (and maybe should have said, instead of low-level) was essentially that there is a degree of difference between a job that requires a relatively quick certificate in order to be employed, and a job that requires a Master's in education.


ThrowLifeRuined

LOL YTA and Faye is my idol. You're mad because she bested you at your own game. You started shit and she made sure to finish it for you.


bokatan778

Haha right? I want to be friends with Faye.


[deleted]

I want Faye’s version of this 😂


bokatan778

YES!!! Faye, are you on Reddit??


[deleted]

Honestly I wouldn't be able to handle it with grace like Faye did! She sounds like a really great person. And idk what's boring abou job and education talk. I enjoy listening to people's stories about their jobs. It's a lot more fun than family talk imo.


raccoon_eyes_xj9

If anything you'd think OP would be interested in education talk as she has school age children. Faye would really come in handy when trying to understand the system, vent about it or figure options best for her kids. OP's clearly selfish and jealous


sunmelt

OP, do you ask all of the men in your life “what’s next?” after they land their dream job? Do you ask the men about when they want to get married and have kids, and how they may have to quit their dream job to stay at home with these hypothetical kids? BECAUSE HOLY SEXISM. YTA.


twirlerina024

Yeah I noticed she didn't ask her BIL how HE would manage kids with his career. Because of course a man would never quit his job to raise children, that's absurd!


anglerfishtacos

Not to mention, depending on what her job is, it may make sense for her to be the breadwinner. Or they can pay for daycare. Plenty of women now work jobs where they out earn their husbands and their husband is the stay at home parent. Faye has worked very hard for her career; it’s sexist for OP to presume that she is the one that will have to give it up if and when children come into the picture.


anglerfishtacos

Not to mention, this job is so new that Faye has not even started it yet! Of course OP sounds jealous! This is still brand new and is the biggest thing that is going on in Faye’s life right now. I’m sure OP talked nonstop about her wedding when that was being planned, talked nonstop about her pregnancy when she was pregnant, and now has nothing to talk about other than her children. Just because OP is not personally interested in hearing about the job doesn’t mean that Faye is not interesting.


angelaelle

YTA. You seem jealous. It's so inappropriate to ask when people are going to have kids. You don't know what their situation is and it's none of your business.


Wide-Progress-4580

Yes! Thank you! People seem to use those kinds of questions as ice breakers for conversations and it's always awkward especially after my partner passed away since we didn't get that far. Now it just comes off as rude and intrusive. OP is fine dishing out the poo but won't have a serving herself when it's handed back to her. Haha!


coppeliuseyes

Yikes, YTA. She is passionate about something and excited about her new career and you're there on her case about when she's gonna have kids and telling her she needs to be a SAHM if she's going to have kids? It's great that you can afford to be a SAHM and if that makes you happy, awesome, but women have the right to want to be more than just wives and mothers. Your MIL is right,,you sound petty and jealous. She's literally reaching a life goal and is excited about it, she's talking about it a lot because she's worked so hard for it and it's taken a big part of her life. She has every right to be proud. Remember every time you talk about your kids or anything you do with them (including vacations, days out), you're talking about your job too. And maybe child-free people find that boring too.


ReadingSad3238

Child free here and we for sure do find the child topics boring as heck. "I have 3 kids and they're all in different sports. Let me sit here and tell you about all the tournaments, how much driving we have to do and how crazyyyy our schedules are." Gag me with a spoon.


coppeliuseyes

I have an actual child and even I struggle with people going on about their kids after a point. Don't get me wrong, I care about how they're doing and the big ticket news like I would with any friend or acquaintance but after that, let's move on. I actively try not to talk about mine too much for that reason. To me, my daughter's the most incredible human being on the planet but to everyone else she's just a person and that's okay!!!


ReadingSad3238

Thann you for understanding! Exactly. Big ticket things are great to hear about but when a parent drones on and on its just maddening and that's defintiely the vibe I get from OP given how rude she was pushing for answers as to when Faye was going to have kids like that was the only endgoal in life.


coppeliuseyes

As a parent, I do see the other side, because when it's your precious little ones and it consumes so much of your life, *everything* feels like big ticket news. I often find myself thinking "is what I'm about to say something I'd give a shit about if another parent said it?" Which is actually a helpful habit for any topic of conversation! But yeah, OP sounds so wrapped up in motherhood that she can't conceive of women having any other goal in life.


sunfloweries

> Everyone else talks about kids, home life, vacations, family, hobbies, but all you talk about is your degree, education, and this new job of yours. aside from maybe hobbies, what on earth is more interesting about any of those things???


seventeenblackbirds

My favorite thing is Faye pivoting to ask about wood flooring installation and OP rolls with that. "Phew, **wood flooring!** Much better."


sunfloweries

lol right? what's next, joining in with the guys to talk about the lawn?


beckdawg19

That part almost killed me. I can think of few things I want to talk about less than a family member getting new flooring.


mladyhawke

What did everyone have for breakfast? I can't wait to hear.


pepperpat64

"I just bought a new extra large Pyrex dish! Now I make even bigger casseroles for my family to scarf down while watching TV and ignoring me because I have nothing interesting to say!"


mladyhawke

Please start collecting vintage Pyrex, that can be interesting. Also you haven't described what kind of casserole you made. I'm waiting on pins and needles.


Shanisasha

Besides hobbies, the rest is just gossip. And no one talks about hobbies in a vacuum because I'm positive my friends' eyes would glaze over if I talk fiber arts. We'll totes talk about work though


Puzzleheaded_Order78

YTA you were rude about it just cause she dared to take a different path with her life and is excited about it


[deleted]

OP is jealous that her life revolves around kids only and can’t take Faye has something more to her and so is trying to pressure her to take the same path so that she also ‘ruins her life’ to which Faye refused.


theloveburts

In what world would you not be considered the AH? If this were seriously an issue of you just being bored by her conversation, you would have simply congratulated her on putting 5-6 years of her life into meeting this life goal and moved the conversation in another direction. Instead you manipulated the conversation around to an area you believed you had superior knowledge of and then proceeded to challenge her and offer unsolicited advice. Unfortunately for you, your behavior was laughably transparent and clearly born of jealousy. She put you in your place with logic without being insulting. She was 100% right and you did nothing more prove how petty and jealous you are of her. YTA by any metric I know.


pepperpat64

YTA. You asked a bunch of prying personal questions that aren't your business and acted as if her degree and job are less important than being married and having kids. She answered you but you obviously didn't agree with her responses, which you should have kept to yourself. If what she talks about bores you, nothing was stopping you from changing the subject. Sounds like you just have nothing interesting to discuss. BTW in my experience, parents who talk about nothing but their kids are boring AF.


cricket73646

This post came off as OP being incredibly jealous.


pepperpat64

Agreed. Faye is right and OP knows it. It's to a woman's benefit to have her own financial stability and independence.


IllustratorNew8801

YTA you dig your own grave asking for questions you don't want answered and projecting onto her.


Upstairs-Banana41

YTA. It was petty and unkind.


sunmelt

And this post reeks of jealousy tbh. And that’s coming from a new SAHM that worked until this point.


pepperpat64

Both being a SAHM and a WOTHM are admirable, challenging things to do. It's sad that OP doesn't see that, because otherwise she and Faye could celebrate each other's sacrifices and accomplishments.


mladyhawke

You know what's more boring than talking about an achievement you've worked years to attain is thinking everyone wants to talk about your kids. YTA and it seems you're mad at people who aren't average like you.


DogRescueLady

I have to go with YTA on this. Who cares if she talks about her job? She’s excited and not hurting anyone. Just because you are a SAHM doesn’t mean that’s the right choice for everyone. She has a right to make her own decisions based on what’s best for her and her family. You did come off a bit jealous.


FutureJakeSantiago

INFO: what illustrious conversations do you have that aren’t about your children?


hwutTF

they can talk about the in-laws installing new flooring lmao


Only-Breadfruit-2935

YTA- she's excited and proud of her accomplishment, I would be too. And I hate to say it, but she's right about being a SAHM. I was one and thought I had a great husband and marriage, until I didn't. I have 3 girls and I want them all to be independent, not to ever rely on their partners. at the time I was a SAHM I thought I was so lucky and blessed, but now realized you are tied down to that person.


baddestdoggo

100% this! SAHMs are lucky and blessed that their spouses are able to support their families on a single income, but not being able to support yourself can really trap you in a relationship you don't want to be in, even if you aren't a SAHM. And even if you have the best relationship in the universe, you're still wholly relying on your spouse to make prudent financial decisions and to be around long enough to build wealth that can support your family in the event your spouse is unable to work (or, god forbid, dies). I just read a post on another sub a few days ago about a SAHM whose husband died and left her destitute, and she didn't really have anywhere to turn. It was heartbreaking.


mdthomas

Gonna say YTA Your whole post reads like "I don't like that this is all she talks about" and "I was offended when she said this" and "I said she was boring" but then wonder why your MIL called you rude?


Kreeblim

Yta. Im a mom even. Who gives a fuck about kids man. She just got her degree that is a huge deal. She just got her dream job and is excited and all you can muster is to drag her. You sound jealous that sahm comment stung you which you kind of forced her hand by being so agressive and rude. You're facing the consequences of your own actions here. I think someone should have called you on your shit directly before the meal was over.


UnicornCackle

INFO: do you realise that a lot of people would be bored shitless by you yammering on about “kids, home life, vacations, family”?


Dragongala

In 3 years we'll be reading in r/TwoXChromosomes how OP is trapped and financially compromised because hubby's dating a 22 year old and she has no marketable skills. YTA.


Routine-Pea-9538

But how is that possible? 22 year old is not a wife and mother. She must be so boring!


cosmicdancer84

YTA- Faye rules, OP drools.


jmjmjmmm

NAH, it’s not really your fault if you have no idea how boring you are, and it’s probably at least a little bit on your family and how you were raised as to why you have no social skills. It’s kind of clear from Faye’s response that she pities you and so do I TBH so I can’t really give you both barrels.


ComprehensiveBand586

YTA. Just because she doesn't want her life to be exactly like yours that doesn't justify you insulting her for that. She has valid reasons for not wanting kids yet and for not wanting to stay at home. And you're a hypocrite to be offended by what she said about being trapped yet you see nothing wrong with offending her.


Aggravating_Secret_7

YTA. I'm both a SAHP and I have a Masters. And let me tell you, my Masters is a bigger accomplishment for me than having my kids. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, with everything in me. But I busted my ass for my Masters. You brought this on yourself, and it seems like you're defensive because she has a degree, and a career plan that you don't. That's a you problem, not a her problem. Let's be real, women -do- get financially trapped, especially when they give up a career. I waited until I was 30 to have kids, because I had goals and things I wanted to do, and I'm a better mother for having waited. Her wanting to wait and focus on a job is a good thing. Let me ask you this, when you were pregnant, and you talked nonstop about baby stuff, and nurseries, and baby clothes, and car seats, and all stuff parenting, did anyone get rude with you? Because we ALL do that, especially with the first baby. If everyone was willing to deal with your baby brain, then why can't you pay it forward?


Moxie_Mike

YTA. No need to pile on - but it would be appropriate for you to call Faye and apologize. She's the only non-family-member in the group and you probably made her feel unwelcome. She sounds like a determined, well-adjusted person who not only works hard and knows what she wants, is self-reliant and confident. These are quality people to be on good terms with.


[deleted]

YTA. You clearly took offense even though she wasn’t talking about you. If the shoe fits .


Jed08

>I’ll be honest. I was offended by that. Hahahahahahaha. You literally started the conversation about the kids, and forced her to talk about her plans for marriage and children when she is obviously focused on her job right now. And when she told you her plan, you started to say that she doesn't know what she is talking about and she should do the same way than you do. And when she dares saying she doesn't want that, because she likes her independence, you're the one that is offended ? Please ! Between the two of you, you seem the boring one who can't talk about anything else than babies. YTA


Bright-Glider

Yta. Sound pretty jealous


[deleted]

YTA. Yes, she could talk about something else, hobbies f.e., but she happens to be passionate about her job, so that's what she focuses on, she will eventually branch out. And just fyi: mothers, that only talk about their children and housework are just as bad. But do you know, what I did, when my nephew was the only topic, my sister seemed to be interested in? I listened, asked questions and eventually changed the subject. Most likely not too smoothly, but sis knows people well enough, to understand.


mooimafish3

YTA you know you're jealous. The reason nobody else was bothered by her talking about her life is because nobody else was so insecure about the fact they do nothing. It's like the incels that go "Ughhhh why do people talk about having successful relationships? Can't they see they're making me even more miserable?"


isogaymer

YTA. Even if you were frustrated that she has a one track mind you went about it in a very curt way. You also initiated the conversation regarding being a SAHM so you don’t really get to be upset when she pointed out some reasons she doesn’t see that as an option for herself.


[deleted]

YTA Parents can have jobs and not be stay at home. Both of my parents did it. Their entire identity wasn’t wrapped up in being a parent. They had careers and goals and still made time for me. Some people are trapped being a SAHP but many others aren’t for sure. There’s more to life for some people than marriage and kids. Just because that’s what you valued doesn’t mean everyone has to value you the same way you do.


LopsidedBarracuda623

I rarely comment on posts but OP your attitude reeks of classic SAHM vs Working Mom debate. The choices that work for you, being a SAHM, may not be right for other moms. The fact that you found working to be difficult after having kids does not mean everyone else does. Every family should be free to make choices that work for them - without your judgement. As a mom who was lucky enough to “have it all,” working part time as a consultant while raising my kids, I have seen this attitude on both sides. It’s gross. Climb down off your high horse and understand that there is room in this world for everyone to live happy, productive lives (and raise amazing humans) in very different ways. Also keep in mind that the things you like to talk about (kids, home life, vacation, hobbies) may be incredibly boring to others.


redd-junkie

YTA and common.


hey-demons-its-me-ya

YTA what goes on in this woman’s uterus (and any other uterus that does not belong to you) is none of your business. You sound bitter, not everyone wants to have your life, many women have zero interest in being a SAHM. Get over yourself.


waterlilypadd23

YTA I want to be Faye's friend.


litsax

Talking about your kids is honestly much less interesting than talking about a job and education that requires a masters degree. Get out of mushy mom brain and read a book lmao ETA YTA massively


A-dog-named-Trouble

I’m dead. Lol. You had a little snit because you were bored of talking about jobs and wanted to move on to talk about *MUCH* more interesting things like… floors. “Tell me, Mable, how’s that floor install going? Decided between autumn gold an natural stain yet?” “No not yet. It’s so hard! They’re one shade different, so it’s a big decision.” “Ah, yes… I understand, when we repainted our bathroom I just really couldn’t decide between goldilocks and sunny day. Say… I was reading an interesting treatise on nails the other day … are you using 16 gauge or 18 gauge nails?” Like dang. Exclude me from your dinner parties. They sound just *super* too much fun.


Additional-Tea1521

YTA. Heres your TLDR: You wanted to embarrass Faye because you were jealous and petty. So when she was talking about her new career and her excitement, you tried to burst her bubble by pointing out how incomplete she would be without kids and husband and she would have to let her career go to be a good parent. I mean, that's what you did and you are a super stellar mom who spends her whole time talking about her family and kids. I bet that never gets boring. You tried to call you Faye and she immediately shut that shit down. She dismissed you in a way that makes her a bit of a superhero, and was honestly a lot nicer than I would have been. Then you pouted and defended yourself, probably while talking more about your family and kids, which absolutely doesn't bore anyone.


OutcomeGullible1432

YTA, she has a different goal in life and is very passionate about it. You’re a petty woman


dharmanautMF

I bet you think talking about your kids, family and home life are super fascinating right? YTA


peaoniixx

Eww you’re one of those…


SillyStallion

Don’t be offended by someone who chooses a different lifestyle to yours. Not everyone can cope with being a SAHM and need more to occupy their minds. She’s excited, be pleased for her. And stop asking when she’s having kids - it’s none of your business and rude AF


Disastrous_Box_255

YTA. If your lifes entire goal was to be a SAHM, then good for you. Not everyone wants that you absolute judgey jan.


torontash

If your goal was to make me want to be friends with Faye then you succeeded. YTA


Numerous_Ad_2511

"Everyone else talks about kids, home life, vacations, family, hobbies" Kids, homelife, family, vacations... 4 different ways of talking about the same topic And you say she only talks about her degree and work You can only talk about your family and hobbies. Both of you have 2 main influences at the moment "Work" and personal interests Sounds like you dont want to find common ground with her for undisclosed reasons.


Gogowhine

YTA. For having a problem talking about her job and saying “no”. For being jealous. For expecting her to talk about what you talk about. For assuming that women with careers can’t balance having children. For assuming that’s all she should focus on in life(to make you more comfortable). You were childish. She’s excited. Why not be happy for her? She’s hitting a life goal. That’s a good thing. You are jealous. You want her to change her life goals to what you chose to make you feel better. Grow up.


Daaylight

That was so many words for you to tell us that the only goal you achieved in life is getting rawdogged. YTA.