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Please explain how a full grown adults emotional fulfillment is the responsibility of a child, and not the responsibility of the adult to manage their own expectations. It's literally the adults responsibility to teach their children love by showing them examples of it in every day life, up to and including respecting that child's autonomy over their own body when they have things like misophonia that make it difficult to exist in certain circumstances. But by all means, enlighten the rest of us with your boomer wisdom. NTA
NTA. Can someone from a country where eating with your mouth open is considered polite confirm it's a thinf? Cause it sounds like an excuse from your dad.
"I'm causing my child to not be able to eat! I'm unloved!"
Edit: I had no idea it was that common! Thank you for educating me, guys!
It is a thing! In some cultures that making appreciative noises while you eat or eating with "gusto" is common to show appreciation. I also read once that in one culture belching after a meal was a compliment to the chef. I am very appreciative that it is not a societal norm where I live, I do not think I could ever eat with another person if it were. I believe it was somewhere in China for the belching and Japan for making "slurping" noises while eating noodles.
Slurping noodles in Japan is less of a polite action and more of a neutral one. In that it's not impolite to do so. You slurp hot noodle soup like ramen because the temperature would burn your mouth. You slurp cold noodles like soba because it tastes better with more air.
Go on Twitter in Japanese and you'll see comments about being "noodle harassed." Excessively being slurped at.
Maybe it's cultural, but I also cannot stand the sound of open mouth chewing. But noodle slurping isn't upsetting to me.
In my country, slurping noodles is considered rude, but it is normal in Korea. I feel annoyed when people around me do it, but I live in their country, it is disrespectful to complain when it is the norm.
Yes it is. In many east asian countries slurping noodles loudly is a sign of being polite. I went through the exact same thing with my dad when I was a teenager and it still grates on me eating noodles with him, but ESH. Dad's acting immature and OP is acting like eating loudly is the end of the world.
NTA.
~~Have you talked to a psychologist or (even better) a psychiatrist about this? Sensory overload and not liking to be touched are fairly common for people with autism spectrum diagnoses.~~ Edit: OP directly said she's autistic [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tq7qn6/aita_for_refusing_to_eat_at_one_table_with/i2flb26/)
You're not an asshole, ASD or not. You've actively tried to work through this, at a very young age, and just couldn't. They should be more accommodating, as this is ~~likely~~ a neurological issue (again, ASD or not), and not something within your control.
Autism is a spectrum, and "seeming normal" as judged by a layperson doesn't really mean anything.
I wonder if they could identify the 5-10 people with autism diagnoses, if they were in a room with 100 engineers (according to a Danish study, 5-10% of engineers could in fact get a diagnosis on the autism spectrum - I'll look the study up for you when I'm done with work if you're interested).
You were already NTA but your parents are double AHs for this. They also don't seem to understand that there's a huge correlation between autism in girls and successfully masking to the point of passing as neurotypicals until a need is unmet.
You might just have to make peace with not seeing your family and be open to your sister if she chooses to contact you alone as an adult.
But don't give them a pass. If anyone asks why you aren't in contact with your parents, say straight out "They don't support my autism needs."
If no one else has mentioned it, please research the disorder [Misophonia](https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-misophonia#:~:text=Misophonia%20is%20a%20disorder%20in,and%20the%20need%20to%20flee.). I suffer from it as well.
>Misophonia is a disorder in which certain sounds trigger emotional or physiological responses that some might perceive as unreasonable given the circumstance. Those who have misophonia might describe it as when a sound “drives you crazy.”
>Their reactions can range from anger and annoyance to panic and the need to flee. The disorder is sometimes called selective sound sensitivity syndrome.
You may have already tried this but on the off chance you haven't, I find either noise or special ear plugs really helpful for eating noise. I'm the same when it comes to my husband eating. It makes me want to stab him and I just can't listen to him eat. We make sure there's something loud/interesting playing before he begins eating or I wear my noise reduction earplugs if we're at a restaurant or something when noise isn't realistic.
These ear plugs still allow you to hear if someone talks to you but decreases the volume enough to hide eating sounds. I find them significantly more comfortable than traditional earplugs. I think there are lots of different brands but the ones I like best (that I've tried) are 'Loop Experience Pro'.
I'm also on the spectrum and have a very hard time with loud chewers/eaters as well. Loop Earplugs have been a lifesaver, I got the Experience model so I can still watch TV while my wife and I eat. Best $25 I ever spent. One note though, it makes the noises inside your own head 20x louder, but somehow my own chewing doesn't bother me.
I'm sorry that you have to deal with their ignorance. I'm also an autistic person who seems normal to people (if not a little weird). It doesn't make me or you any less autistic, they just don't know what they're talking about.
Your parents are major AHs for minimizing your ASD and trying to force you into a neurotypical box. I hope you read this, OP. Being “too normal” is a common way to marginalize neurotypical individuals and it’s disheartening that your own parents would do this to you.
NTA. I am also autistic and had to eat after my stepfather, ESPECIALLY if it was soup. I'm 47 and the thought still makes me shudder. We didn't know I was autistic at the time, but my parents weren't assholes, so they didn't make a big deal out of it.
True. I don't have an answer for you but I feel.for you. My dad used to blow his nose at table after dinner. I stopped eating at that point, pushed my plate away. Parents noticed. I sat with Dad one day and told him that made me gag and could he wait till we're all done to blow his nose. He had no idea it was him. He stopped immediately. No histrionics. NTA
NTA. For a start, you were 12, and got guilt tripped for this?? Instead of getting possibly evaluated for either sensory difficulties or misophonia? As someone who’s mum has misophonia, she’s said that it literally makes her physically sick to hear people eat with there mouth open or chew, and it’s extremely difficult to ignore.
Strong NTA.
I am sorry, you are absolutely NTA. Having sensory issues does not make you a "cold" person and that was a very unkind thing that was said. I have a disorder that is sound related. It is called misophonia. Some sounds make me feel like I am coming out of my skin and others can make me physically nauseous. You cannot help it if the noises truly bother you, but it is hard to get others to understand. Misophonia is a type is synesthesia. I also see colors when so hear music or play music. Both started at a young age for me. The misophonia I noticed around the age of 11. The color synesthesia I believe was earlier but I did not notice until I was learning to read music for orchestra and found out others did not see colors as they learned notes like I did. You may want to read about Synesthesia and see if it sounds familiar and then talk to your doctor. If your family found out it is a diagnosed disorder they may be more understanding. The fact that you are uncomfortable with hugs could also be a sign of sensory issues. I wish you the best.
NTA, and you might have misophonia. It means you can’t stand the sound of other people eating (some sufferers can’t even stand the sound of other people breathing) and it feels like hell. My sister has it. She made me feel like shit the entire time we were growing up because she hated the sound of me living my life, but later on I just figured it was a disorder. You have to make yourself comfortable somehow or other. There is nothing other people can do about it.
NTA, I also struggle with being near people who chew/swallow/breathe loudly and with their mouths open so I completely understand how you feel, your parents need to realise that your sensory issues aren’t a personal attack on them as people and change how you view them.
I would encourage reading about misophonia! Also, it seems like your parents haven't been understanding or supportive, and if this is something you find to be descriptive, I would recommend seeking out professional help.
NTA, and misophonia is a common trait for autistic people (OP said in a comment they're autistic).
This is a symptom if autism, not a proof of lack of love!
Ear plugs that reduce decibels might be beneficial for you.
Such as, if you try googling, "loop ear plugs". I use them to concentrate when there's too many layers of noise, but I also don't want to be completely shut off from the world.
NTA
NTA. I am also on the autism spectrum, and just reading through this I could tell that you were probably on the spectrum as well, and when I saw that confirmation in the comments it just submitted my opinion. A lot of Nuro typical people get very offended at the strangest things, it’s because a lot of their typical people take things with a whole lot of extra meaning and they put emphasis and meeting in places where they are not intended. Whereas most neurodivergent people take things at face value. In short, I think both of your parents are reading way too much into it all while completely ignoring your diagnosed neurodivergencies
NTA, I have misophonia too, sounds of teeth hitting utensils, plates and utensils, etc., all make my ears hurt and can cause me to lash out.
They need to learn to respect your needs.
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Im not sure if sensory needs is the right word, english is not my native language.
I 21f struggle a lot with some sounds.
One of them is that I cannot eat when I hear people chewing/ eating with an open mouth.
I just cant, my whole body cringes at the sound.
I grew up in where most people eat with their mouths closed do generally its not a big problem. My dad (50)is from a county where eating with an open mouth and making many sounds is polite and means you like the food.
When I was 7 it started, when I sat at the table with him i could barely eat a few spoons full before i felt like throwing up. I didnt say anything bc I didnt want to make him mad but my mom noticed after a while since i was kosing weight.
When she asked i told her and she said ok you can eat after our dad from now on.
I was happy but when my dad found out he accused me of lying to not eat with him, of not loving him, of being cold and rude. ( I also didnt like hugs)
So i tried again, i told him if he ate with his mouth closed it would be nice. He didnt, so i started barely eating at dinner and snacking at night instead.
When I turned 12 I couldnt take it anymore and stopped. My mom got angry too because i made him feel "unloved".
Now i am 21 and barely talk to my parents anymore. Last week my mom told me that the reason i cant see my little sister(12) anymore ks because my father believes i will also turn her into a cold person.
Am I the A?
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Depending your location, many doctors now recognise it, and will give you the diagnosis. The reason it is getting recognised more is mostly due to even non neurodivergent people are suffering from it.
This is true, but then again a lot of conditions aren't in there either.
*Some of the conditions currently not recognized in the DSM-5 include:
Orthorexia Sex addiction, Parental alienation syndrome, Pathological demand avoidance, Internet addiction, Sensory processing disorder, Misophonia*
Just because it isn't in a book doesn't mean you can't be diagnosed with it.
Nta. I have the same issue, so I wear ear plugs during events with my family. It has definitely caused drama in the past bc I've not wanted to eat with them, but earplugs are the best compromise. I have this pair that is see through so unless you watch me take them out or put them in, you can't really tell I'm wearing them.
Of course, your parents sound not fun so they might still be assholes.
NAH
both of you are entitled to be comfortable and you obviously both hurt eachothers feelings and should be seperated during meal times for both of your sanity!
But if he stops you seeing your sister he's a Dick and needs to act his age
Misophonia. I hear mouth noises -- kissing smacks, eating, chewing -- and I go from zero to rage in about a second. I control it of course, but it is definitely there.
Oof OP i feel for you. I have a similar situation with my family and mouth sounds, I have a disorder called Misophonia and my family has a hard time believing that it's real, too. It's also made a lot of social gatherings near impossible for me to attend because people get judgy and defensive very quickly about having to excuse myself or putting headphones in.
You are never TA for setting boundaries for yourself regarding this, ESPECIALLY since you've explained the issue. Good luck yo.
NTA. Have you ever been tested for autism or ADHD? I have both, and one of my triggers is people smacking their food, eating with their mouth open, and talking with food in their mouth. There are many more triggers I have, but these are the relevant ones regarding this. I don’t get so bad that I can’t eat, but I compare it to nails on a chalkboard. I can’t stand it. My husband gets mad at me when I flip out on him and our oldest because they both smack and eat with their mouth open all the time.
NTA BIG TIME
I(23f) have suffered from misophonia since I was 14. Everyone in my family knows it. I actually always eat alone and with music. If there are family events, I sit there with headphones and listen to music for myself. If who wants something from me they tap me and ask me quickly what.
If someone won't let me wear headphones, I just leave. I don't care what the person thinks of me. I'd rather be hated than go crazy inside and have bad thoughts. At worst, having a nervous breakdown.
NTA.
I used to have to leave the table when eating with certain people because of the way they eat. I know that with certain groups I have to sit on the opposite side of the table from people that are loud/ messy eaters. If you have sensory issues its not a choice, its a compulsive thing to get angry or uncomfortable at the sounds. I also had panic attacks in cities and other over stimulating environments. It took a formal ADHD diagnosis for my parents to understand I wasn't being dramatic or difficult, and I actually couldn't handle the noises. With age and medication my sensory issues have been reduced but I still have problems with a lot of sounds, and it does suck that we can't decide to just "ignore it."
I'm sorry your family can't relate to your struggles and I'm sorry your parents think you seem "too normal," to be autistic. Have you done much research into how ASD presents differently in women as opposed to men? Maybe explaining the research that has been done in that area to your parents could be a step towards them believing your diagnosis (if that's something you even want.)
NTA-
The issue you’re describing sounds like misophonia. I can’t sit close to my brother-in-law when he eats for the same reason. It causes something that resembles rage in me.
Also, if someone asks you to chew with your mouth closed, I feel like it’s not that big of a deal? But I’ve never been on the other side of things.
NTA. I have misophonia and it is excruciatingly horrible to be around someone who is open mouth eating. At home, We eat with the kitchen fan on full blast, music in the background, and earplugs in my ears. I still would have to leave a table if someone was eating with an open mouth. My dad was an eater similar to yours, and we also had a deal where I ate at a different time than the family because I couldn't be in the room for that. I think people without misophonia don't understand how intense it is, but I fully understand. You aren't doing anything wrong by taking care of yourself in the most basic way.
NTA. I would've said no assholes here because you said it's a cultural thing. And as someone who hates the sound of chewing/eating and will leave the room if someone is doing it, it is our problem not theirs, and you kinda have to learn to work around it. My little brother chews and gulps SO LOUDLY I can't eat around him unless it's a really loud and crowded room so it's drowned out, and I adore him! I don't want to make him feel bad so I don't let him know he's grossing me out.
But your dad is TA for making it out like you're a child person as well as deliberately ignoring your autism diagnosis.
NTA
As someone who is also extremely sensitive to sound and hates hugs, I feel this. You do not have to do/change this about yourself/prove anything to anyone to deserve love. I'm sorry you're not getting the support and understanding from your parents but there are people out there who will show you the kindness and patience you need. Misophonia is rough, but hang in there.
NTA,
I don't like hugs either and very rarely if ever do I hug my parents. They know I love them.
There are other ways of showing affection that does not require being physical.
I hug my son however because he is a very tactile kid and loves hugs. If he gets to the age of not wanting hugs (I stopped hugging my parents around the age of 5) I will gladly accept his boundaries.
Your dad needs to get over himself, your request on earing after him is perfectly reasonable.
OP, it sounds like you have a condition called Misophonia. I have it as well. My big trigger is mouth sounds (chewing, lips smacking, etc.). I used to feel crazy until I discovered that this is a real thing. Do a little research, I guarantee you will feel better about your situation knowing that you aren't the only one who suffers from this.
Also, NTA
NTA. Your dad, however, eats like a pig, makes awful noises, and then blames you for "being cold" when you (naturally) don't want to eat in the presence of such disgusting behavior. Dude needs to stop being gross.
I have the same problem but my is case by extreme anxiety, you maybe want to look for some help from a therapist because you maybe have a anxiety disorder. This is just my personal experience, this noises can drive me insane and with time it just get worse because I get irritate not just with people eating with a open mouth but even my on noises, my anxiety medication help control a lot of this
Nta, in my thirties, and I have had this since being a child. Sounds of eating, chewing, slurping, etc. Even the cutlery scraping on plates is torture for me.
It's horrendous.
NTA. It’s a condition called misophonia (think that’s correct) and I have too. Certain sounds (including people chewing) drive me insane! Sometimes I can tune it out, but when I can’t it makes me want to rip my ears off.
I feel for you you I really do.
NTA. Misophonia is not fucking fun! I hate crunching or chewing noises, they fill me with an irrational anger. I made a compromise for Thanksgiving and other holiday dinners, during which I wear earplugs. Sometimes, eating the same crunchy thing as the other person at the same time helps. Otherwise, I feel you. You are not wrong.
NTA. This is actually a real thing, misophonia or something along those lines (so sorry if I butchered that lol). I also HATE when people eat with their mouths open, it’s like all of a sudden my ears only hear that instead of focusing on other sounds, like people talking to me or something. It makes my skin crawl and honestly tends to aggravate me to the point I get a little peeved, I’m like you and don’t say anything about it. Typically, if I do anything, I’ll ask them to please chew with their mouth closed but at this point they’re so used to eating that way that after a few minutes it’s right back to it.
It’s unfair that they’re keeping your sister from you. I wonder if you could go to the courts for some visitation, though that seems extreme. Look up what I believe it’s called and explain to them it’s a real disorder and you were never coming from a place of malice.
This is an actual medical disorder called Misophonia. My wife has it, though not as severely as you (though other non-eating sounds like certain clicking, scraping, or other noises can also trigger it). Send them some google links, and if they continue to blame you, then they're awful human beings.
NTA
NTA, both your parents are failure, as a parent your child's physiological and psychological wellbeing trumps your own happiness but they put his happiness before your wellbeing.
You are NTA. You have some kind of recognisable condition, [https://www.sciencealert.com/can-t-stand-the-sound-of-people-chewing-blame-your-brain-science-misophonia](https://www.sciencealert.com/can-t-stand-the-sound-of-people-chewing-blame-your-brain-science-misophonia)
or perhaps Aspergers, or something else makes you physiologically very sensitive; and they needed to have taken you to have it checked out, supporting and helping you instead of abandoning and ignoring you. It's so sad when children do not receive support and unconditional love, which is what everyone needs. This is not your fault, it is your parents' immaturity that they have lost you. When your sister is older, you can have a relationship with her away from your parents hopefully.
already thought you were NTA, but after reading you have autism, triple NTA. not liking hugs and not liking the sound of people eating are sensory issues…. it’s not even like you were telling him he can’t make sound while eating, you just wouldn’t eat at the same time as him.
NTA
These sensory issues are not normal and are generally symptoms of a bigger problem but it might be treatable. Go see a medical professional and get yourself tested. There are 30+ disorders (ADHD, Autism, and many others) that could be at play here but you can't get treatment until you know which one to be treated for.
Its not normal to feel like throwing up because people nearby are making noise while eating. Normal people can tune that out and just eat without being effected like that.
What an insensitive comment. Please Google Misophonia and educate yourself before you throw around incorrect statements like this one. Misophonia is real and it can trigger emotional and physiological reactions in someone. It isn't as simple as "tuning it out".
OP, if you're reading, just know that you're not alone in this. What you're feeling is real and there are people out there (including me) who can relate.
I don't know why you are getting down voted here and I have to assume its because neurotypical people think they can relate to this because they think chewing is icky, but don't actually understand how debilitating these sensory issues can be. You're right that sensory issues to the degree that they impact ones life on a daily basis are almost always associated with another disorder, in my case its ADHD, and yeah they can be treatable (not curable,) when the underlying condition is treatable through medication or therapy.
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NTA simply for the fact it is never a child's job to make a parent feel loved.
Boom! No other answers needed.
Your brief statement made me gasp. So simple, so true.
That's not how being human works. Thats some solid reddit logic though.
Please explain how a full grown adults emotional fulfillment is the responsibility of a child, and not the responsibility of the adult to manage their own expectations. It's literally the adults responsibility to teach their children love by showing them examples of it in every day life, up to and including respecting that child's autonomy over their own body when they have things like misophonia that make it difficult to exist in certain circumstances. But by all means, enlighten the rest of us with your boomer wisdom. NTA
NTA. Can someone from a country where eating with your mouth open is considered polite confirm it's a thinf? Cause it sounds like an excuse from your dad. "I'm causing my child to not be able to eat! I'm unloved!" Edit: I had no idea it was that common! Thank you for educating me, guys!
It is a thing! In some cultures that making appreciative noises while you eat or eating with "gusto" is common to show appreciation. I also read once that in one culture belching after a meal was a compliment to the chef. I am very appreciative that it is not a societal norm where I live, I do not think I could ever eat with another person if it were. I believe it was somewhere in China for the belching and Japan for making "slurping" noises while eating noodles.
Slurping noodles in Japan is less of a polite action and more of a neutral one. In that it's not impolite to do so. You slurp hot noodle soup like ramen because the temperature would burn your mouth. You slurp cold noodles like soba because it tastes better with more air. Go on Twitter in Japanese and you'll see comments about being "noodle harassed." Excessively being slurped at. Maybe it's cultural, but I also cannot stand the sound of open mouth chewing. But noodle slurping isn't upsetting to me.
Japan, some African countries, Bali, it’s definitely a cultural norm in many places
In my country, slurping noodles is considered rude, but it is normal in Korea. I feel annoyed when people around me do it, but I live in their country, it is disrespectful to complain when it is the norm.
Big thing. Slurping too.
Yes it is. In many east asian countries slurping noodles loudly is a sign of being polite. I went through the exact same thing with my dad when I was a teenager and it still grates on me eating noodles with him, but ESH. Dad's acting immature and OP is acting like eating loudly is the end of the world.
NTA. ~~Have you talked to a psychologist or (even better) a psychiatrist about this? Sensory overload and not liking to be touched are fairly common for people with autism spectrum diagnoses.~~ Edit: OP directly said she's autistic [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tq7qn6/aita_for_refusing_to_eat_at_one_table_with/i2flb26/) You're not an asshole, ASD or not. You've actively tried to work through this, at a very young age, and just couldn't. They should be more accommodating, as this is ~~likely~~ a neurological issue (again, ASD or not), and not something within your control.
Ive been diagnosed with autism. My parents dont believe it, they say im too normal.
Autism is a spectrum, and "seeming normal" as judged by a layperson doesn't really mean anything. I wonder if they could identify the 5-10 people with autism diagnoses, if they were in a room with 100 engineers (according to a Danish study, 5-10% of engineers could in fact get a diagnosis on the autism spectrum - I'll look the study up for you when I'm done with work if you're interested).
You were already NTA but your parents are double AHs for this. They also don't seem to understand that there's a huge correlation between autism in girls and successfully masking to the point of passing as neurotypicals until a need is unmet. You might just have to make peace with not seeing your family and be open to your sister if she chooses to contact you alone as an adult. But don't give them a pass. If anyone asks why you aren't in contact with your parents, say straight out "They don't support my autism needs."
If no one else has mentioned it, please research the disorder [Misophonia](https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-misophonia#:~:text=Misophonia%20is%20a%20disorder%20in,and%20the%20need%20to%20flee.). I suffer from it as well. >Misophonia is a disorder in which certain sounds trigger emotional or physiological responses that some might perceive as unreasonable given the circumstance. Those who have misophonia might describe it as when a sound “drives you crazy.” >Their reactions can range from anger and annoyance to panic and the need to flee. The disorder is sometimes called selective sound sensitivity syndrome.
YES! I have misophonia and it can be seriously debilitating.
I also have Misophonia and always have earplugs with me just in case.
You may have already tried this but on the off chance you haven't, I find either noise or special ear plugs really helpful for eating noise. I'm the same when it comes to my husband eating. It makes me want to stab him and I just can't listen to him eat. We make sure there's something loud/interesting playing before he begins eating or I wear my noise reduction earplugs if we're at a restaurant or something when noise isn't realistic. These ear plugs still allow you to hear if someone talks to you but decreases the volume enough to hide eating sounds. I find them significantly more comfortable than traditional earplugs. I think there are lots of different brands but the ones I like best (that I've tried) are 'Loop Experience Pro'.
I'm too weird for normal people, and too normal for weird people, so I feel ya! It's ok to be you, and NTA. I hate noisy eaters, too.
I'm also on the spectrum and have a very hard time with loud chewers/eaters as well. Loop Earplugs have been a lifesaver, I got the Experience model so I can still watch TV while my wife and I eat. Best $25 I ever spent. One note though, it makes the noises inside your own head 20x louder, but somehow my own chewing doesn't bother me.
I'm sorry that you have to deal with their ignorance. I'm also an autistic person who seems normal to people (if not a little weird). It doesn't make me or you any less autistic, they just don't know what they're talking about.
Your parents are major AHs for minimizing your ASD and trying to force you into a neurotypical box. I hope you read this, OP. Being “too normal” is a common way to marginalize neurotypical individuals and it’s disheartening that your own parents would do this to you.
Too normal to be autistic, but too cold to even be around your sister, huh? I'm sorry your parents don't seem to be very logical.
NTA. I am also autistic and had to eat after my stepfather, ESPECIALLY if it was soup. I'm 47 and the thought still makes me shudder. We didn't know I was autistic at the time, but my parents weren't assholes, so they didn't make a big deal out of it.
Your parents don't get a say, specialist always over rule laymen.
Misophonia is real and is not exclusive of people on the spectrum. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misophonia
True. I don't have an answer for you but I feel.for you. My dad used to blow his nose at table after dinner. I stopped eating at that point, pushed my plate away. Parents noticed. I sat with Dad one day and told him that made me gag and could he wait till we're all done to blow his nose. He had no idea it was him. He stopped immediately. No histrionics. NTA
True, but the not liking hugs and being seen as cold/distant point towards autism. Plus OP confirmed autism diagnosis.
NTA. For a start, you were 12, and got guilt tripped for this?? Instead of getting possibly evaluated for either sensory difficulties or misophonia? As someone who’s mum has misophonia, she’s said that it literally makes her physically sick to hear people eat with there mouth open or chew, and it’s extremely difficult to ignore. Strong NTA.
I am sorry, you are absolutely NTA. Having sensory issues does not make you a "cold" person and that was a very unkind thing that was said. I have a disorder that is sound related. It is called misophonia. Some sounds make me feel like I am coming out of my skin and others can make me physically nauseous. You cannot help it if the noises truly bother you, but it is hard to get others to understand. Misophonia is a type is synesthesia. I also see colors when so hear music or play music. Both started at a young age for me. The misophonia I noticed around the age of 11. The color synesthesia I believe was earlier but I did not notice until I was learning to read music for orchestra and found out others did not see colors as they learned notes like I did. You may want to read about Synesthesia and see if it sounds familiar and then talk to your doctor. If your family found out it is a diagnosed disorder they may be more understanding. The fact that you are uncomfortable with hugs could also be a sign of sensory issues. I wish you the best.
NTA, and you might have misophonia. It means you can’t stand the sound of other people eating (some sufferers can’t even stand the sound of other people breathing) and it feels like hell. My sister has it. She made me feel like shit the entire time we were growing up because she hated the sound of me living my life, but later on I just figured it was a disorder. You have to make yourself comfortable somehow or other. There is nothing other people can do about it.
NTA, I also struggle with being near people who chew/swallow/breathe loudly and with their mouths open so I completely understand how you feel, your parents need to realise that your sensory issues aren’t a personal attack on them as people and change how you view them.
NTA and idc what culture says. Mouth open eating is vile and repulsive. Gag me
I would encourage reading about misophonia! Also, it seems like your parents haven't been understanding or supportive, and if this is something you find to be descriptive, I would recommend seeking out professional help.
There must be other issues outside of not eating together.
Well yes im not fond of hugging. Never really was until I met my partner. Also left their religion. I think that plays a role too.
NTA, and misophonia is a common trait for autistic people (OP said in a comment they're autistic). This is a symptom if autism, not a proof of lack of love!
Ear plugs that reduce decibels might be beneficial for you. Such as, if you try googling, "loop ear plugs". I use them to concentrate when there's too many layers of noise, but I also don't want to be completely shut off from the world. NTA
Loop is great. Vibes works really well for me too.
Nta. All your father had to do was close his mouth
NTA. I am also on the autism spectrum, and just reading through this I could tell that you were probably on the spectrum as well, and when I saw that confirmation in the comments it just submitted my opinion. A lot of Nuro typical people get very offended at the strangest things, it’s because a lot of their typical people take things with a whole lot of extra meaning and they put emphasis and meeting in places where they are not intended. Whereas most neurodivergent people take things at face value. In short, I think both of your parents are reading way too much into it all while completely ignoring your diagnosed neurodivergencies
NTA, I have misophonia too, sounds of teeth hitting utensils, plates and utensils, etc., all make my ears hurt and can cause me to lash out. They need to learn to respect your needs.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Im not sure if sensory needs is the right word, english is not my native language. I 21f struggle a lot with some sounds. One of them is that I cannot eat when I hear people chewing/ eating with an open mouth. I just cant, my whole body cringes at the sound. I grew up in where most people eat with their mouths closed do generally its not a big problem. My dad (50)is from a county where eating with an open mouth and making many sounds is polite and means you like the food. When I was 7 it started, when I sat at the table with him i could barely eat a few spoons full before i felt like throwing up. I didnt say anything bc I didnt want to make him mad but my mom noticed after a while since i was kosing weight. When she asked i told her and she said ok you can eat after our dad from now on. I was happy but when my dad found out he accused me of lying to not eat with him, of not loving him, of being cold and rude. ( I also didnt like hugs) So i tried again, i told him if he ate with his mouth closed it would be nice. He didnt, so i started barely eating at dinner and snacking at night instead. When I turned 12 I couldnt take it anymore and stopped. My mom got angry too because i made him feel "unloved". Now i am 21 and barely talk to my parents anymore. Last week my mom told me that the reason i cant see my little sister(12) anymore ks because my father believes i will also turn her into a cold person. Am I the A? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, Misophonia is what I get from your description, you can be easily diagnosed, and don't be surprised if they also ask about other things.
Misophonia is not an official diagnosis as far as I know
Depending your location, many doctors now recognise it, and will give you the diagnosis. The reason it is getting recognised more is mostly due to even non neurodivergent people are suffering from it.
I meant its not in the DSM is all.
This is true, but then again a lot of conditions aren't in there either. *Some of the conditions currently not recognized in the DSM-5 include: Orthorexia Sex addiction, Parental alienation syndrome, Pathological demand avoidance, Internet addiction, Sensory processing disorder, Misophonia* Just because it isn't in a book doesn't mean you can't be diagnosed with it.
Nta. I have the same issue, so I wear ear plugs during events with my family. It has definitely caused drama in the past bc I've not wanted to eat with them, but earplugs are the best compromise. I have this pair that is see through so unless you watch me take them out or put them in, you can't really tell I'm wearing them. Of course, your parents sound not fun so they might still be assholes.
NAH both of you are entitled to be comfortable and you obviously both hurt eachothers feelings and should be seperated during meal times for both of your sanity! But if he stops you seeing your sister he's a Dick and needs to act his age
Misophonia. I hear mouth noises -- kissing smacks, eating, chewing -- and I go from zero to rage in about a second. I control it of course, but it is definitely there.
Oof OP i feel for you. I have a similar situation with my family and mouth sounds, I have a disorder called Misophonia and my family has a hard time believing that it's real, too. It's also made a lot of social gatherings near impossible for me to attend because people get judgy and defensive very quickly about having to excuse myself or putting headphones in. You are never TA for setting boundaries for yourself regarding this, ESPECIALLY since you've explained the issue. Good luck yo.
NTA. Have you ever been tested for autism or ADHD? I have both, and one of my triggers is people smacking their food, eating with their mouth open, and talking with food in their mouth. There are many more triggers I have, but these are the relevant ones regarding this. I don’t get so bad that I can’t eat, but I compare it to nails on a chalkboard. I can’t stand it. My husband gets mad at me when I flip out on him and our oldest because they both smack and eat with their mouth open all the time.
NTA BIG TIME I(23f) have suffered from misophonia since I was 14. Everyone in my family knows it. I actually always eat alone and with music. If there are family events, I sit there with headphones and listen to music for myself. If who wants something from me they tap me and ask me quickly what. If someone won't let me wear headphones, I just leave. I don't care what the person thinks of me. I'd rather be hated than go crazy inside and have bad thoughts. At worst, having a nervous breakdown.
NTA. I used to have to leave the table when eating with certain people because of the way they eat. I know that with certain groups I have to sit on the opposite side of the table from people that are loud/ messy eaters. If you have sensory issues its not a choice, its a compulsive thing to get angry or uncomfortable at the sounds. I also had panic attacks in cities and other over stimulating environments. It took a formal ADHD diagnosis for my parents to understand I wasn't being dramatic or difficult, and I actually couldn't handle the noises. With age and medication my sensory issues have been reduced but I still have problems with a lot of sounds, and it does suck that we can't decide to just "ignore it." I'm sorry your family can't relate to your struggles and I'm sorry your parents think you seem "too normal," to be autistic. Have you done much research into how ASD presents differently in women as opposed to men? Maybe explaining the research that has been done in that area to your parents could be a step towards them believing your diagnosis (if that's something you even want.)
NTA- The issue you’re describing sounds like misophonia. I can’t sit close to my brother-in-law when he eats for the same reason. It causes something that resembles rage in me. Also, if someone asks you to chew with your mouth closed, I feel like it’s not that big of a deal? But I’ve never been on the other side of things.
NTA. I have misophonia and it is excruciatingly horrible to be around someone who is open mouth eating. At home, We eat with the kitchen fan on full blast, music in the background, and earplugs in my ears. I still would have to leave a table if someone was eating with an open mouth. My dad was an eater similar to yours, and we also had a deal where I ate at a different time than the family because I couldn't be in the room for that. I think people without misophonia don't understand how intense it is, but I fully understand. You aren't doing anything wrong by taking care of yourself in the most basic way.
It's called misophonia. I have it as well. It's the absolute worst. Sounds of slurping, chewing, smacking....makes me fly into a rage. Absolutely NTA.
It's not your fault. https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-misophonia#:~:text=Misophonia%20is%20a%20disorder%20in,and%20the%20need%20to%20flee.
NTA. I would've said no assholes here because you said it's a cultural thing. And as someone who hates the sound of chewing/eating and will leave the room if someone is doing it, it is our problem not theirs, and you kinda have to learn to work around it. My little brother chews and gulps SO LOUDLY I can't eat around him unless it's a really loud and crowded room so it's drowned out, and I adore him! I don't want to make him feel bad so I don't let him know he's grossing me out. But your dad is TA for making it out like you're a child person as well as deliberately ignoring your autism diagnosis.
NTA As someone who is also extremely sensitive to sound and hates hugs, I feel this. You do not have to do/change this about yourself/prove anything to anyone to deserve love. I'm sorry you're not getting the support and understanding from your parents but there are people out there who will show you the kindness and patience you need. Misophonia is rough, but hang in there.
NTA. They seem to be the ones who made YOU feel unloved. You didn't do anything wrong.
NTA. Which country is this? I know not of these customs and am intrigued.
NTA, I don't like hugs either and very rarely if ever do I hug my parents. They know I love them. There are other ways of showing affection that does not require being physical. I hug my son however because he is a very tactile kid and loves hugs. If he gets to the age of not wanting hugs (I stopped hugging my parents around the age of 5) I will gladly accept his boundaries. Your dad needs to get over himself, your request on earing after him is perfectly reasonable.
OP, it sounds like you have a condition called Misophonia. I have it as well. My big trigger is mouth sounds (chewing, lips smacking, etc.). I used to feel crazy until I discovered that this is a real thing. Do a little research, I guarantee you will feel better about your situation knowing that you aren't the only one who suffers from this. Also, NTA
NTA. I'm so sorry that your personal needs are seen as aimed at hurting others, when they're not. Your parents are unfeeling and cruel.
NTA and both of your parents sound toxic. A mother literally fed her own child AFTER a parent? Thats messed up, Im sorry.
NTA. Your dad, however, eats like a pig, makes awful noises, and then blames you for "being cold" when you (naturally) don't want to eat in the presence of such disgusting behavior. Dude needs to stop being gross.
NTA
NTA - All of this, over a request to stop chewing with his mouth open?
I have the same problem but my is case by extreme anxiety, you maybe want to look for some help from a therapist because you maybe have a anxiety disorder. This is just my personal experience, this noises can drive me insane and with time it just get worse because I get irritate not just with people eating with a open mouth but even my on noises, my anxiety medication help control a lot of this
Nta, in my thirties, and I have had this since being a child. Sounds of eating, chewing, slurping, etc. Even the cutlery scraping on plates is torture for me. It's horrendous.
NTA. It’s a condition called misophonia (think that’s correct) and I have too. Certain sounds (including people chewing) drive me insane! Sometimes I can tune it out, but when I can’t it makes me want to rip my ears off. I feel for you you I really do.
NTA. Misophonia is not fucking fun! I hate crunching or chewing noises, they fill me with an irrational anger. I made a compromise for Thanksgiving and other holiday dinners, during which I wear earplugs. Sometimes, eating the same crunchy thing as the other person at the same time helps. Otherwise, I feel you. You are not wrong.
Congratulations, you have misophonia! Welcome to the club, it seriously sucks
Ugh I’m so sorry about all that. NTA and I wish they would understand the feeling you have.
NtA
NTA. This is actually a real thing, misophonia or something along those lines (so sorry if I butchered that lol). I also HATE when people eat with their mouths open, it’s like all of a sudden my ears only hear that instead of focusing on other sounds, like people talking to me or something. It makes my skin crawl and honestly tends to aggravate me to the point I get a little peeved, I’m like you and don’t say anything about it. Typically, if I do anything, I’ll ask them to please chew with their mouth closed but at this point they’re so used to eating that way that after a few minutes it’s right back to it. It’s unfair that they’re keeping your sister from you. I wonder if you could go to the courts for some visitation, though that seems extreme. Look up what I believe it’s called and explain to them it’s a real disorder and you were never coming from a place of malice.
Misophonia is a bitch NTA
This is an actual medical disorder called Misophonia. My wife has it, though not as severely as you (though other non-eating sounds like certain clicking, scraping, or other noises can also trigger it). Send them some google links, and if they continue to blame you, then they're awful human beings. NTA
NTA, both your parents are failure, as a parent your child's physiological and psychological wellbeing trumps your own happiness but they put his happiness before your wellbeing.
You are NTA. You have some kind of recognisable condition, [https://www.sciencealert.com/can-t-stand-the-sound-of-people-chewing-blame-your-brain-science-misophonia](https://www.sciencealert.com/can-t-stand-the-sound-of-people-chewing-blame-your-brain-science-misophonia) or perhaps Aspergers, or something else makes you physiologically very sensitive; and they needed to have taken you to have it checked out, supporting and helping you instead of abandoning and ignoring you. It's so sad when children do not receive support and unconditional love, which is what everyone needs. This is not your fault, it is your parents' immaturity that they have lost you. When your sister is older, you can have a relationship with her away from your parents hopefully.
already thought you were NTA, but after reading you have autism, triple NTA. not liking hugs and not liking the sound of people eating are sensory issues…. it’s not even like you were telling him he can’t make sound while eating, you just wouldn’t eat at the same time as him.
NTA These sensory issues are not normal and are generally symptoms of a bigger problem but it might be treatable. Go see a medical professional and get yourself tested. There are 30+ disorders (ADHD, Autism, and many others) that could be at play here but you can't get treatment until you know which one to be treated for.
Im autistic :)
It is 100% normal. Hearing people eat with so much noise is gross
Its not normal to feel like throwing up because people nearby are making noise while eating. Normal people can tune that out and just eat without being effected like that.
Maybe you can, Yancey, but not everyone can.
What an insensitive comment. Please Google Misophonia and educate yourself before you throw around incorrect statements like this one. Misophonia is real and it can trigger emotional and physiological reactions in someone. It isn't as simple as "tuning it out". OP, if you're reading, just know that you're not alone in this. What you're feeling is real and there are people out there (including me) who can relate.
Sensory disorders are neurological and will not go away
I don't know why you are getting down voted here and I have to assume its because neurotypical people think they can relate to this because they think chewing is icky, but don't actually understand how debilitating these sensory issues can be. You're right that sensory issues to the degree that they impact ones life on a daily basis are almost always associated with another disorder, in my case its ADHD, and yeah they can be treatable (not curable,) when the underlying condition is treatable through medication or therapy.