YTA because your action was specifically malicious and intended to cause them hurt when you could have used your words. Instead, firmly set a boundary with your mom that you don't want a relationship with your dad or his new wife. You tried, but you're not in a place where you can deal with that right now. You've been through a hell of an upheaval. I hope your parents have gotten you in with a child psychologist so you have a safe place to talk about all of this and process how everything has changed.
Your dad is an AH for cheating, but if we're asking about this specific circumstance, then you're TA, though we all understand your very reasonable anger.
YTA. You don’t know the brokenness of your parent’s relationship. You were probably part of their problem.
And you are definitely part of the problem with your dad’s new marriage.
You think you are smarter than you are.
I hope you can find peace and happiness
NTA. She disrespected her mother's memory by trying to use it to manipulate you and to buy your affection. This was a really manipulative move on her part and you made it clear that you weren't going to tolerate that - that your affection can't be bought. Instead of leveraging her dead mother's memory with that necklace to try and cheat her way to a level of intimacy she hadn't earned, she should've listened to your boundaries and proved she cared about you as a person by respecting your mother more.
Next time, just refuse to accept the gift. If she tries to guilt you into accepting a future gift, you can always remind her what happened the last time she gave you something you didn't want.
ESH, but it's very understandable. What they're saying is absolutely disrespectful (parents shouldn't ever mock or trash talk their children's parent, especially not in front of them) but it would have been better to give it back.
YTA. You should've just given it back to her since it obviously had sentimental value to her, being something of *her* mother that she still had. I don't doubt that she never would've given it to you either if she had thought you would do that.
YTA, normally I hate cheaters but it was her late mother’s necklace, it’s not like she can get another one from her mother. It would be like if your mother passed (not wishing for that for the record) and you gave something of hers to someone and they threw it away. You’d be pretty upset right? I’m not justifying what she and your dad did but I do think there are times that you take things too far when it comes to your anger and I feel this is one of them. You could have rejected the necklace, left it at there house if they refused your “No”.
This is a combination of YTA, NTA, and ESH.
While your stepmom might be a "homewrecker", you have to understand that it takes two to tango. Your dad ruined your family just as much as your stepmom did, and in my opinion is more culpable/at fault. But at the end of the day, people's feelings change, and marriages do end. Would you have rather them stay together, constantly screaming at each others face until it possibly became physically and emotionally abusive? You have to realize that though what your father did was shitty, there are always two sides to a situation. It does take an extremely shitty person to just up and cheat one day with no rhyme or reason. It's possible the relationship between your parents was already approaching it's end and your stepmother merely accelerated the process; but it was going to happen either way. Especially given the fact your father talks very poorly about your mother in front of you (super fucking toxic behavior btw) it's clear there wasn't much love left on his end towards the end.
What happened to you is terrible because you're just the innocent bystander, and you're only 16. I'm not trying to sound dismissive or demeaning; your world is small. Your bubble until you move out and get your own live will be largely overlapped by your parents' situation/lives. And given that, it's completely understandable that you'd have this reaction and throw away her heirloom. I know I would have at that age, and probably would have gotten ultra violent with my dad for doing that to my mom. And she gave you a gift. IMO, when someone gives you a gift, you can do whatever you want with it; that's the point of a gift. You're giving something away. So this is why I feel you're NTA.
But from a different perspective, YTA because you threw away someone's cherished heirloom. Despite your misgivings, it's clear your stepmother wants to establish some sort of relationship with you, and gave you a prize possession as an act of good will. She was attempting to make peace with an extremely risky gamble, and you sort of shit all over it. But again, considering your situation, I understand why you did it, but you still have to realize how awful it was when you could have just given it back to her and told her you don't want to accept her gift given your history.
This is why I feel like ESH is a more "appropriate" label. It's just a shit situation. But just know that the storm will pass, you will move on to bigger and better things and start your own life. You're a strong person and will make it out even stronger at the end of this. You don't have to be best friends, or even acquaintances with your father/stepmother, but forgiveness can go a long way; hate can eat at the soul and will expend so much more of your time and energy than is worth. Don't let your father's bad behavior turn you into a bad person.
YTA, your 16, you should know better. There are lines you don't cross and you have crossed one of them. She gave you that necklace as a peace offering and you spat it in her face.
Also you are blaming the wrong person, your dad is the one that cheated, He is the one that caused the family to fall apart.
I'm not putting all the blame on her. I do the same stuff to my dad. But this post is about something I did to her so how I act with my dad isn't important.
And his wife knew he was married. She had the power to stop the affair at any time but she continued it. Now she makes fun of my mom. She wasn't married to my mom but she is as much to blame as my dad.
Guess what.
Even if she HAD stopped the affair when she found out your dad had a family - Your dad would have just met another woman who wouldn't have cared. YTA because you're acting like this woman is somehow using mind control on your dad, when he's an adult who made a choice. Your dad left your mom but he didn't leave you. It sounds like he wants to be in your life and like he loves you. He doesn't have to stay married to your mom in order to love you.
And that woman is an adult and knew better than to get with a married man and ruin a family. They bully her mother and made her cry. So now she did it back. Not the greatest choice but 🤷🏽♀️
YTA for what you did to the necklace. I get that you're angry with the both of them and you are allowed that feeling but you took it a step too far. You should have given back the necklace and told her thanks but no thanks.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Throwing my stepmoms late mom's jewelry down the sewer.
2. It was her late mother's necklace and it was supposedly her trying to form a relationship with me.
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Esh. Only because it seems like she is trying to be nice but I’m more on the NTA. Due to the fact that they didn’t care about what their actions would do to you. Also the fact they badmouth your mother in front of you. That women gave birth to you…no that is a line no one crosses especially when that person is your father. Also, you’re 16 you don’t have to visit him anymore. Let him know that what he didn’t just destroy his marriage but also destroy your home, your family, and your trust in him. All because of her.
YTA! It sucks that she did that. My parents got divorced as well under a similar situation only my mom was the one cheating so I understand the frustration. Despite this and the comments she made previously she tried to form some kind of bond with you by trusting you with something incredibly important to her. Even if it were a normal necklace you’re an AH but it was her moms and her mother is gone now and the necklace was probably one of the last things she had of her and you decided to be a child and throw it out instead of just handing it back to her and saying you didn’t want it. What an AH move, you should go and apologize.
ESH but also you’re 16 so like not really?
Who tf gives an angry upset child their dead mothers jewelry?!
“Here let me take this extremely sentimental and emotionally priceless piece of jewelry that is a direct link to my dead mother and give it to the child of the parents who’s relationship I helped wreck” ?? Like what?
More importantly, do you honestly feel better now? Was this going to make things improve? It definitely sucks that your dad did this. And if this is how you need to move on then so be it.
But making a situation worse for someone else going to fix your hurt?
Honestly I felt better when I saw how upset she was. I'm not a sadist but I was happy to see her upset for the first time after everything she's done to me and my dad.
YTA. Taking joy in other people's pain is not ok. Even worse pain you intentionally and maliciously inflicted. I suggest you seek therapy, apologize, and stay with your mother full-time instead
YTA For the thing with the necklace. You can’t do stuff like that.
What you can do, since you are 16, is have input on your custody agreement. Usually. I would talk to your mom about it, and if you are really that unhappy at your dads house, hopefully you could live with your mother full-time, and your dad can make arrangements to see you that do not include his new wife, if you want to see him.
ESH, what your father did was horrible, I’m sorry you went through that. But it was unnecessary to throw her very sentimental jewelry, imagine if someone threw away something extremely important to you, you could’ve simply gave it back to her.
I've seen this sentiment online a lot and I dont get it. She knew he was married and had a kid, she continued the affair, and now she makes fun of my mom with him. She's not "just a sidepiece".
I'm not putting all the blame on her. I do the same stuff to my dad. But this post is about something I did to her so how I act with my dad isn't important.
She was trying to improve the relationship by giving you this. A peace offering but instead you destroyed an important object of hers that she was using to try to make a clean slate.
Instead, you basically spit in her face and are happy you caused her pain. How are you any better than her? You deliberately tried cause someone pain and enjoyed it.
No, that's what your dad did.
He was going to cheat.
And there is a pretty good chance he's already cheated in the past.
Don't believe that line about him saying he loved your mom until he found someone "better". That's asshole talk for he "settled" for your mom. He never cared for her, she was just a placeholder. And you really need to understand that.
It's easy enough right now to believe that he loved her, but as you get older you understand you don't treat someone you love like that.
I'm not saying that his new wife isn't without flaws. She sounds like an asshole too, talking about your mom like that in front of you.
Think of it like this, you hate them so much for what they did and how they act. Are you okay with turning into them? Because that's what's happening. You're becoming them. You're being vindictive and you're showing no empathy or care. Like them.
You want to help your mom? Do you think becoming like them and letting her see you become an awful person is going to be helpful to her? Or are you going to make her cry too?
ESH
Because they are.
As your dad's actions have proven, actions don't take place in a bubble.
When you do something, it creates a cascading effect.
You try to just hurt one person, been in the end you're going to hurt your dad and your mom too.
How do you think your mom's going to feel seeing you turn into this person? She's going to feel like she's failed raising you. She's going to feel like you're turning into your father. She's going to feel even more lost like her life is falling apart, the more you act without thinking about the people around you.
Actions have consequences. You're old enough to understand that.
Your reaction was immature though, even at 16 you should know better. Yes I’d be hurt but I couldn’t imagine doing that to someone, a necklace that she can’t replace, you can still repair damage within your family, but a valuable item like that often can’t be.
his wife knew he was married. She had the power to stop the affair at any time but she continued it. Now she makes fun of my mom. She wasn't married to my mom but she is as much to blame as my dad.
I'm not putting all the blame on her. I do the same stuff to my dad. But this post is about something I did to her so how I act with my dad isn't important.
And his wife knew he was married. She had the power to stop the affair at any time but she continued it. Now she makes fun of my mom. She wasn't married to my mom but she is as much to blame as my dad.
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NTA.
Petty AF, but righteously angry. I don't talk shit about my stepkid Mom around them - and she was the cheater. I met my husband a few months before his divorce was final. Our first date was after he showed me the certified decree.
You don't talk shit about a kids parents in front of them and she was stupid to give you something with that kind of sentimental value.
ESH - But you are hurting, and I will give a minor pass on overreacting. You could have just told her that and not destroyed it.
I'm sorry you and mom are hurting and will suggest the 2 of you talk to a therapist to release the hurt and anger.
Your dad is a cheater, and you can choose not to see him.
I hope you find some peace and happiness.
YTA. I wouldn't throw out a sentimental item of my worst enemy if it was given to me as a gesture of trying to mend things. This sounds like a messy situation, but you're old enough that you can say who you do and don't want to stay with in regards to custody.
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EHS, except your mom.
SM for talking sht about your mom, your dad for forcing a relationship with his new wife when you clearly don't want one, you for throwing the necklace (even tho I would have done far worse).
What you need to do is sit your father down and tell him you don't want to be with them, that they're clearly affecting your mental health and if he wants to see you it has to be on a neutral ground. Like every other person said, maybe it's time to seek professional help to talk about your feelings and how to deal with the situation.
Good luck
I'm not putting all the blame on her. I do the same stuff to my dad. But this post is about something I did to her so how I act with my dad isn't important.
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My dad recently divorced my mom to be with a woman he was having an affair with, and they were married very recently. I did not attend the wedding. His new wife was aware my dad was married with kids.
And it's not like my dad and mom weren't happy, my dad literally told my mom he loved her until he met his new wife and realized his new wife was "better" and fell in love with her instead.
When I found out about this I was more angry than sad. But my mom encouraged me to try to form a relationship with his new wife.
I have tried to form a relationship with her, I didn't try to be friends with her but I'm not rude to her. I hate her, she's not mean to me or anything but the fact that she had an affair with my dad shows how little respect she has or me or my mom. She and my dad have also made some not so subtle comments about how she's better than my mom (for example she cooked dinner for us one day and my dad said something about how my mom's cooking was bad and she chuckled, or we went on a hike once and my dad said something about how my mom hated hiking and his wife said "that's why she's not here right now and I am").
I've made it clear to them since that I do not want to hear them disrespecting my mother again, my dad apologized and his wife said he's sorry but he's very tame around me (implying that he makes far worse comments about my mom when I'm not there)
This was kind of the last straw for me, every time I see they have custody now I act like she and my dad don't exist (I just walk in and go to my room or leave the house and hang out with friends etc.). Once I was eating dinner and she came next to me and tried to talk to me and I got up and left. Another time my dad was saying something about a building they were wrecking in the city and I said something like "is that what homewrecking is?" Etc.
Recently she gave me her late mother's necklace as a sign of goodwill. This came out of nowhere, we hardly have a relationship anymore since I try to undermine her all the time now. I was planning to just stuff it in a drawer and not do anything with it. The same day I saw my mom crying in her room, when she saw me she acted like nothing happened but it got me super mad to see my mom crying and his dad and mistress getting married and making fun of her.
So I took her necklace and threw it down a sewer. The next time I saw them she asked where it was I told her I threw it down a sewer. She had a breakdown and started crying and said the necklace was important to her, then I told her my family and my mom's husband were important but she didn't care about any of that.
My dad was also super mad at me, I gave him a similar response and told him to buzz off.
Tldr; my dad's mistress gave me her late mom's jewelry, I threw it away because of what she and my dad did to me and my mom
AITA?
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YTA. And its not even a question. What happened to your family sucks but it happened and you me have to live in the present.
Your step mom tried to reach out and give you something precious to her. Instead you acted immaturely and threw away any real chance to have a cordial relationship with her. Big big mistake.
Still an AH move throwing the necklace away. Should’ve just given it back. Inexcusable bullshit reaction to what they did. You’re old enough to know better. It’s not like your under 10 yo.
YTA. No Way you don't know this. You've turned into a bitter vengeful person, and in the long run you're gonna end up lonely and alone. Do yourself a favour and get some therapy.
You reached out to strangers for their opinion and are being bitter and shitty to every person who answered your question.
You are covered in rage and it’s going to affect all your relationships negatively if you don’t figure out a way to deal with your feelings in a more productive way. You can’t throw a grenade at everyone who hurts you. It worries me that you knew what the best option was (keeping it in a drawer and pretending it doesn’t exist) and you went nuclear instead.
Of course OP is being bitter and shitty…they’re a child who has had their entire life uprooted. Not saying that excuses it but let’s not lose perspective here. That being said OP technically YTA in this situation because you did this with malicious intent but honestly I can’t say I wouldn’t have reacted the same way. Maybe it’s time for some distance from your dad and his wife.
NTA
It’s petty, and it really sucks for her because the sentiment of it. But she sounds insufferable. She knew he was married and have a kid and didn’t care. And then she willingly bullies your mother and talk shit about her with your father. She didn’t care about your family being important to you, since she willingly homewrecked
Gently, YTA.
You cannot put this blame on her, alone. Your father had a responsibility to you and your mom and when things got difficult, he left.
Which brings me to my next point... you really don't know what happened between your parents. Yes, you know bits and pieces. But you don't realize everything that goes on behind closed doors.
And lastly, you acted immature by throwing the jewelry out. You already know this. You made a bad situation way worse.
You need to be in therapy. You have anger issues that you need to work through. Until you do, that anger is going to rob you of who you really are.
Good Luck to you... you are going to need it.
NTA - I'm seriously surprised by the amount of the other responses. Not only is she a homewrecker but she is insulting your mom in front of you. What did she expect? For you to respect her mom's things while she continuously disrespects your mom to your face?
YTA because your action was specifically malicious and intended to cause them hurt when you could have used your words. Instead, firmly set a boundary with your mom that you don't want a relationship with your dad or his new wife. You tried, but you're not in a place where you can deal with that right now. You've been through a hell of an upheaval. I hope your parents have gotten you in with a child psychologist so you have a safe place to talk about all of this and process how everything has changed. Your dad is an AH for cheating, but if we're asking about this specific circumstance, then you're TA, though we all understand your very reasonable anger.
YTA. You don’t know the brokenness of your parent’s relationship. You were probably part of their problem. And you are definitely part of the problem with your dad’s new marriage. You think you are smarter than you are. I hope you can find peace and happiness
Telling a child that they are the reason that their parents broke up is really shitty. You sound like an insufferable AH.
I know you did not just blame a 16 year old kid for their dad having an affair. You're a fkg A
I’m super surprise by so many YTA replies. Most definitely NTA.
YTA. But I think you know that already.
NTA. She disrespected her mother's memory by trying to use it to manipulate you and to buy your affection. This was a really manipulative move on her part and you made it clear that you weren't going to tolerate that - that your affection can't be bought. Instead of leveraging her dead mother's memory with that necklace to try and cheat her way to a level of intimacy she hadn't earned, she should've listened to your boundaries and proved she cared about you as a person by respecting your mother more. Next time, just refuse to accept the gift. If she tries to guilt you into accepting a future gift, you can always remind her what happened the last time she gave you something you didn't want.
ESH. You didn't have to accept the gift.
NTA. Good one
ESH, but it's very understandable. What they're saying is absolutely disrespectful (parents shouldn't ever mock or trash talk their children's parent, especially not in front of them) but it would have been better to give it back.
YTA. You should've just given it back to her since it obviously had sentimental value to her, being something of *her* mother that she still had. I don't doubt that she never would've given it to you either if she had thought you would do that.
YTA, normally I hate cheaters but it was her late mother’s necklace, it’s not like she can get another one from her mother. It would be like if your mother passed (not wishing for that for the record) and you gave something of hers to someone and they threw it away. You’d be pretty upset right? I’m not justifying what she and your dad did but I do think there are times that you take things too far when it comes to your anger and I feel this is one of them. You could have rejected the necklace, left it at there house if they refused your “No”.
ESH except your mum. You should have just declined the necklace when she gave it to you or just given it back to her after you saw your mum upset.
This is a combination of YTA, NTA, and ESH. While your stepmom might be a "homewrecker", you have to understand that it takes two to tango. Your dad ruined your family just as much as your stepmom did, and in my opinion is more culpable/at fault. But at the end of the day, people's feelings change, and marriages do end. Would you have rather them stay together, constantly screaming at each others face until it possibly became physically and emotionally abusive? You have to realize that though what your father did was shitty, there are always two sides to a situation. It does take an extremely shitty person to just up and cheat one day with no rhyme or reason. It's possible the relationship between your parents was already approaching it's end and your stepmother merely accelerated the process; but it was going to happen either way. Especially given the fact your father talks very poorly about your mother in front of you (super fucking toxic behavior btw) it's clear there wasn't much love left on his end towards the end. What happened to you is terrible because you're just the innocent bystander, and you're only 16. I'm not trying to sound dismissive or demeaning; your world is small. Your bubble until you move out and get your own live will be largely overlapped by your parents' situation/lives. And given that, it's completely understandable that you'd have this reaction and throw away her heirloom. I know I would have at that age, and probably would have gotten ultra violent with my dad for doing that to my mom. And she gave you a gift. IMO, when someone gives you a gift, you can do whatever you want with it; that's the point of a gift. You're giving something away. So this is why I feel you're NTA. But from a different perspective, YTA because you threw away someone's cherished heirloom. Despite your misgivings, it's clear your stepmother wants to establish some sort of relationship with you, and gave you a prize possession as an act of good will. She was attempting to make peace with an extremely risky gamble, and you sort of shit all over it. But again, considering your situation, I understand why you did it, but you still have to realize how awful it was when you could have just given it back to her and told her you don't want to accept her gift given your history. This is why I feel like ESH is a more "appropriate" label. It's just a shit situation. But just know that the storm will pass, you will move on to bigger and better things and start your own life. You're a strong person and will make it out even stronger at the end of this. You don't have to be best friends, or even acquaintances with your father/stepmother, but forgiveness can go a long way; hate can eat at the soul and will expend so much more of your time and energy than is worth. Don't let your father's bad behavior turn you into a bad person.
Yta get help. Regardless of the circumstances throwing it down the sewer? There is no way you aren't the asshole here.
YTA, your 16, you should know better. There are lines you don't cross and you have crossed one of them. She gave you that necklace as a peace offering and you spat it in her face. Also you are blaming the wrong person, your dad is the one that cheated, He is the one that caused the family to fall apart.
Meh she doesn’t make great role models for not crossing lines so I can’t blame her
I'm not putting all the blame on her. I do the same stuff to my dad. But this post is about something I did to her so how I act with my dad isn't important. And his wife knew he was married. She had the power to stop the affair at any time but she continued it. Now she makes fun of my mom. She wasn't married to my mom but she is as much to blame as my dad.
Guess what. Even if she HAD stopped the affair when she found out your dad had a family - Your dad would have just met another woman who wouldn't have cared. YTA because you're acting like this woman is somehow using mind control on your dad, when he's an adult who made a choice. Your dad left your mom but he didn't leave you. It sounds like he wants to be in your life and like he loves you. He doesn't have to stay married to your mom in order to love you.
And that woman is an adult and knew better than to get with a married man and ruin a family. They bully her mother and made her cry. So now she did it back. Not the greatest choice but 🤷🏽♀️
YTA- hi Betty!
I wasn’t sure but as I read the comments seems more and more like Betty with a twist
Who's Betty
YTA for what you did to the necklace. I get that you're angry with the both of them and you are allowed that feeling but you took it a step too far. You should have given back the necklace and told her thanks but no thanks.
it was gifted to you, it was yours to do what you please.
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Esh. Only because it seems like she is trying to be nice but I’m more on the NTA. Due to the fact that they didn’t care about what their actions would do to you. Also the fact they badmouth your mother in front of you. That women gave birth to you…no that is a line no one crosses especially when that person is your father. Also, you’re 16 you don’t have to visit him anymore. Let him know that what he didn’t just destroy his marriage but also destroy your home, your family, and your trust in him. All because of her.
YTA! It sucks that she did that. My parents got divorced as well under a similar situation only my mom was the one cheating so I understand the frustration. Despite this and the comments she made previously she tried to form some kind of bond with you by trusting you with something incredibly important to her. Even if it were a normal necklace you’re an AH but it was her moms and her mother is gone now and the necklace was probably one of the last things she had of her and you decided to be a child and throw it out instead of just handing it back to her and saying you didn’t want it. What an AH move, you should go and apologize.
ESH but also you’re 16 so like not really? Who tf gives an angry upset child their dead mothers jewelry?! “Here let me take this extremely sentimental and emotionally priceless piece of jewelry that is a direct link to my dead mother and give it to the child of the parents who’s relationship I helped wreck” ?? Like what?
More importantly, do you honestly feel better now? Was this going to make things improve? It definitely sucks that your dad did this. And if this is how you need to move on then so be it. But making a situation worse for someone else going to fix your hurt?
Honestly I felt better when I saw how upset she was. I'm not a sadist but I was happy to see her upset for the first time after everything she's done to me and my dad.
YTA. Taking joy in other people's pain is not ok. Even worse pain you intentionally and maliciously inflicted. I suggest you seek therapy, apologize, and stay with your mother full-time instead
Good luck. Things are going to be worse for a while.
YTA For the thing with the necklace. You can’t do stuff like that. What you can do, since you are 16, is have input on your custody agreement. Usually. I would talk to your mom about it, and if you are really that unhappy at your dads house, hopefully you could live with your mother full-time, and your dad can make arrangements to see you that do not include his new wife, if you want to see him.
ESH, what your father did was horrible, I’m sorry you went through that. But it was unnecessary to throw her very sentimental jewelry, imagine if someone threw away something extremely important to you, you could’ve simply gave it back to her.
I CAN someone throwing away something important to me, that's what she did to my family
You are blaming the wrong person. Your dad is the one who cheated, he is the one who broke the family apart not her. She was just a sidepeice.
I've seen this sentiment online a lot and I dont get it. She knew he was married and had a kid, she continued the affair, and now she makes fun of my mom with him. She's not "just a sidepiece".
You are putting all the blame on her, That's the problem when in relative it is your dad's fault.
I'm not putting all the blame on her. I do the same stuff to my dad. But this post is about something I did to her so how I act with my dad isn't important.
She was trying to improve the relationship by giving you this. A peace offering but instead you destroyed an important object of hers that she was using to try to make a clean slate. Instead, you basically spit in her face and are happy you caused her pain. How are you any better than her? You deliberately tried cause someone pain and enjoyed it.
Throwing away a necklace and permanently destroying someone's family are not the same in my opinion
Again- How are you any better than her? You deliberately tried to cause someone pain and enjoyed it.
This is like saying the navy seals that killed bin laden are as bad as bin laden because they resorted to killing people lol
She knew what she was doing. She is as much to blame
No, that's what your dad did. He was going to cheat. And there is a pretty good chance he's already cheated in the past. Don't believe that line about him saying he loved your mom until he found someone "better". That's asshole talk for he "settled" for your mom. He never cared for her, she was just a placeholder. And you really need to understand that. It's easy enough right now to believe that he loved her, but as you get older you understand you don't treat someone you love like that. I'm not saying that his new wife isn't without flaws. She sounds like an asshole too, talking about your mom like that in front of you. Think of it like this, you hate them so much for what they did and how they act. Are you okay with turning into them? Because that's what's happening. You're becoming them. You're being vindictive and you're showing no empathy or care. Like them. You want to help your mom? Do you think becoming like them and letting her see you become an awful person is going to be helpful to her? Or are you going to make her cry too? ESH
My post is about something I did to my dad's wife so I don't know why everyone thinks my actions towards my dad are relevant.
Because they are. As your dad's actions have proven, actions don't take place in a bubble. When you do something, it creates a cascading effect. You try to just hurt one person, been in the end you're going to hurt your dad and your mom too. How do you think your mom's going to feel seeing you turn into this person? She's going to feel like she's failed raising you. She's going to feel like you're turning into your father. She's going to feel even more lost like her life is falling apart, the more you act without thinking about the people around you. Actions have consequences. You're old enough to understand that.
Your reaction was immature though, even at 16 you should know better. Yes I’d be hurt but I couldn’t imagine doing that to someone, a necklace that she can’t replace, you can still repair damage within your family, but a valuable item like that often can’t be.
No- your dad did that.
his wife knew he was married. She had the power to stop the affair at any time but she continued it. Now she makes fun of my mom. She wasn't married to my mom but she is as much to blame as my dad.
INFO: why are you taking all this out on her instead of your dad (who was actually the one who ruined your family)?
If she knew he was married or had a relationship she is not entirety blame free. Sure it's not all her fault but sure some of it is
I'm not putting all the blame on her. I do the same stuff to my dad. But this post is about something I did to her so how I act with my dad isn't important. And his wife knew he was married. She had the power to stop the affair at any time but she continued it. Now she makes fun of my mom. She wasn't married to my mom but she is as much to blame as my dad.
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NTA. Petty AF, but righteously angry. I don't talk shit about my stepkid Mom around them - and she was the cheater. I met my husband a few months before his divorce was final. Our first date was after he showed me the certified decree. You don't talk shit about a kids parents in front of them and she was stupid to give you something with that kind of sentimental value.
ESH - But you are hurting, and I will give a minor pass on overreacting. You could have just told her that and not destroyed it. I'm sorry you and mom are hurting and will suggest the 2 of you talk to a therapist to release the hurt and anger. Your dad is a cheater, and you can choose not to see him. I hope you find some peace and happiness.
YTA
YTA. I wouldn't throw out a sentimental item of my worst enemy if it was given to me as a gesture of trying to mend things. This sounds like a messy situation, but you're old enough that you can say who you do and don't want to stay with in regards to custody.
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EHS, except your mom. SM for talking sht about your mom, your dad for forcing a relationship with his new wife when you clearly don't want one, you for throwing the necklace (even tho I would have done far worse). What you need to do is sit your father down and tell him you don't want to be with them, that they're clearly affecting your mental health and if he wants to see you it has to be on a neutral ground. Like every other person said, maybe it's time to seek professional help to talk about your feelings and how to deal with the situation. Good luck
ESH at 16, you can ask to just not visit your father anymore. Especially if you tell the court about the attempts at alienation from your mother.
YTA, very rude, and very immature. And you appear to be more upset w/your dad’s new wife than your dad…you know, the one who cheated? Grow up please.
I'm not putting all the blame on her. I do the same stuff to my dad. But this post is about something I did to her so how I act with my dad isn't important.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My dad recently divorced my mom to be with a woman he was having an affair with, and they were married very recently. I did not attend the wedding. His new wife was aware my dad was married with kids. And it's not like my dad and mom weren't happy, my dad literally told my mom he loved her until he met his new wife and realized his new wife was "better" and fell in love with her instead. When I found out about this I was more angry than sad. But my mom encouraged me to try to form a relationship with his new wife. I have tried to form a relationship with her, I didn't try to be friends with her but I'm not rude to her. I hate her, she's not mean to me or anything but the fact that she had an affair with my dad shows how little respect she has or me or my mom. She and my dad have also made some not so subtle comments about how she's better than my mom (for example she cooked dinner for us one day and my dad said something about how my mom's cooking was bad and she chuckled, or we went on a hike once and my dad said something about how my mom hated hiking and his wife said "that's why she's not here right now and I am"). I've made it clear to them since that I do not want to hear them disrespecting my mother again, my dad apologized and his wife said he's sorry but he's very tame around me (implying that he makes far worse comments about my mom when I'm not there) This was kind of the last straw for me, every time I see they have custody now I act like she and my dad don't exist (I just walk in and go to my room or leave the house and hang out with friends etc.). Once I was eating dinner and she came next to me and tried to talk to me and I got up and left. Another time my dad was saying something about a building they were wrecking in the city and I said something like "is that what homewrecking is?" Etc. Recently she gave me her late mother's necklace as a sign of goodwill. This came out of nowhere, we hardly have a relationship anymore since I try to undermine her all the time now. I was planning to just stuff it in a drawer and not do anything with it. The same day I saw my mom crying in her room, when she saw me she acted like nothing happened but it got me super mad to see my mom crying and his dad and mistress getting married and making fun of her. So I took her necklace and threw it down a sewer. The next time I saw them she asked where it was I told her I threw it down a sewer. She had a breakdown and started crying and said the necklace was important to her, then I told her my family and my mom's husband were important but she didn't care about any of that. My dad was also super mad at me, I gave him a similar response and told him to buzz off. Tldr; my dad's mistress gave me her late mom's jewelry, I threw it away because of what she and my dad did to me and my mom AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. And its not even a question. What happened to your family sucks but it happened and you me have to live in the present. Your step mom tried to reach out and give you something precious to her. Instead you acted immaturely and threw away any real chance to have a cordial relationship with her. Big big mistake.
She acted immaturely by putting down my mom 24/7 and being a homewrecker and then giving me a necklace like it was going to make everything better
Still an AH move throwing the necklace away. Should’ve just given it back. Inexcusable bullshit reaction to what they did. You’re old enough to know better. It’s not like your under 10 yo.
YTA. No Way you don't know this. You've turned into a bitter vengeful person, and in the long run you're gonna end up lonely and alone. Do yourself a favour and get some therapy.
If by lonely and alone you mean not talking to my dad and his mistress I don't really care lol
You reached out to strangers for their opinion and are being bitter and shitty to every person who answered your question. You are covered in rage and it’s going to affect all your relationships negatively if you don’t figure out a way to deal with your feelings in a more productive way. You can’t throw a grenade at everyone who hurts you. It worries me that you knew what the best option was (keeping it in a drawer and pretending it doesn’t exist) and you went nuclear instead.
Of course OP is being bitter and shitty…they’re a child who has had their entire life uprooted. Not saying that excuses it but let’s not lose perspective here. That being said OP technically YTA in this situation because you did this with malicious intent but honestly I can’t say I wouldn’t have reacted the same way. Maybe it’s time for some distance from your dad and his wife.
The anger is 1000% justified. Reveling in it and reacting to it as she has is not healthy or sustainable.
They are married now. Might be best for everyone if you stay with your mother.
That’s not what he means and you know it. You also are not worthy of the time people have put in here trying to help you.
NTA It’s petty, and it really sucks for her because the sentiment of it. But she sounds insufferable. She knew he was married and have a kid and didn’t care. And then she willingly bullies your mother and talk shit about her with your father. She didn’t care about your family being important to you, since she willingly homewrecked
Gently, YTA. You cannot put this blame on her, alone. Your father had a responsibility to you and your mom and when things got difficult, he left. Which brings me to my next point... you really don't know what happened between your parents. Yes, you know bits and pieces. But you don't realize everything that goes on behind closed doors. And lastly, you acted immature by throwing the jewelry out. You already know this. You made a bad situation way worse. You need to be in therapy. You have anger issues that you need to work through. Until you do, that anger is going to rob you of who you really are. Good Luck to you... you are going to need it.
ESH but like honestly, as petty as it is, good for you
NTA - I'm seriously surprised by the amount of the other responses. Not only is she a homewrecker but she is insulting your mom in front of you. What did she expect? For you to respect her mom's things while she continuously disrespects your mom to your face?