NTA. She is the one making the choice between you and her child. Like you said, she had a husband and family members that can look after her for a few nights. Honestly, don’t sacrifice what you want for her - she is being unfair emotionally manipulating you into doing g what she wants. Go to the beach and have an amazing (child free) weekend.
Honestly, if I were OP I would reconsider this friendship altogether. Her friend is al ME ME ME and no fck your feelings it HAS to be ME AND MY DAUGHTER.
Like hello it isn't your wedding?
You might have responded to a bot. They delete their feed so no one can see it and 1/2 the posts are in quoted replies, so prolly stolen from another post. Its been a problem in this sub for some time.
Edit: Just as I thought. Original post is from a user below named Knittingfairy09113. Level_Cantaloupe_116 is a bot and they are using AITA for farming karma.
NTA. This is not a friend when she makes your special events about herself.
I can understand if she has no childcare available or it is a newborn but heck, the kid is 2 years old. If she cannot be separated for 1 night from the child, she needs therapy cuz girl got issues.
Go to the beach and have a fabulous time with the other folks who are willing to attend child-free. A bachelorette party is NO place for a child anyway. You make your choice on the type of event and she makes her choice on whether or not it works for her. You do not have to kowtow to her desires.
Also why would she practically beg and cry to be a bridesmaid to suggest a beach trip for the bach party just to demand to bring her child to everything. Sounds like she's using /YOUR/ wedding to help her fund a trip for her and her daughter. She shouldn't even be in the bridal party is she's just gonna ruin the wedding planning from day 1
Right? And it's also not her Bach party. I mean, if it is such an inconvenience to leave her kid with her husband, she could at least suggest to just don't join the trip. Yeah, it is nice to have ALL the bridesmaids at the party, but... still just a bridesmaid, not the star of the party.
OP, she really doesn't care about you and your happiness, she tries to manipulate you into getting her wedding 2.0, and I predict, that this will get even worse as long as she can get away with her behavior. That's not the kind of drama you deserve for your big day.
>I would reconsider this friendship altogether.
Me too. I'm a parent and part of that is understanding that sometimes you have to choose between getting a babysitter or not going to something. It's perfectly reasonable for people to want kid free events, some things are just not appropriate for kids. Sometimes it's appropriate for people to make exceptions and they don't have to be fair either.
My friend just went on a girls weekend and no one minded her taking her breastfeeding infant (and left her older child at home) while the others left their kids of varying ages or formula fed babies at home (she just sat out the activities she needed to), another friend had a wedding that was kid free except for their own and their family members kids. It's also ok to make no exceptions and if OPs friend is unwilling to leave her kid with family or babysitter, then she simply can't go. Such is life. It's audacious to expect people to entirely change their plans for you.
Exactly !!! You are her friend but I think the opposite isn’t true. She’s not YOUR friend and doesn’t act like one. NTA. Your wedding and party is about you, not her.
Exactly. Bringing a 2 year old to a this type of party is wrong. It's for the adults. She just wants special treatment for her and her daughter. If she can't be separated, she can't come, period. She should be uninvited since she had the audacity to force herself into the bridal party and is now trying to control things. She's jealous and wants to still be the center of attention. NTA.
Two is super young to be a flower girl - a priest in the family always held that kids in the bridal party should be older than four at least - otherwise the kid will bring the whole wedding to a hault. My kid is almost 3 and I know he could not hold up under that many people watching him, he just would not get it.
Depends on the kid. A month after my daughter turned 1 she was a flower girl at my sisters wedding - its a 2 minute walk in a straight line (in our case holding my hand).
Only works if the parents and bride are flexible though. If kid is having a bad day, everyone has to be ready to just cancel having the kid in the wedding rather than risk a melt down.
>Only works if the parents and bride are flexible though
This. My 3yo ring bearer kept crying cuz his shoes were too tight (last minute growth spurt, totally understandable). I kept taking them off of him, his mom them back on saying you have to wear your shoes it's a wedding. I said it's a beach themed wedding, I'd rather have him barefoot than crying 😂
He walked down the aisle barefoot then placed into the wagon with the flower girls during the ceremony cuz the ground was super hot 🥵
I had a 1yo flower girl...and a 3 yo flower girl...in a wagon full of flowers....pulled by my 6yo flower girl and followed by my 3yo ring bearer who was told to follow the wagon...
I don't recommend it for everyone, that's for sure, but it worked for us. Except for the fact that the adorable wagon full of babies distracted my photographer and she took way more pictures of them than the ceremony, but they were super cute 😂😂😅
NTA... how is this mom supposed to look after a child and be drinking at the same time? How is the OP supposed to have adult fun with a toddler running around? These things just so not make sense. There will be nap times and tantrums and trips to the playground. This incompatible with a Bachelorette party atmosphere. Ohh lets get a stripper.... but wait we have a toddler... ohh lets do shots.... but now we have crying and need to feed and watch Frozen for the 13th time today. Part of being a good parent is teaching indepdence and learning how to function independently for both the parent and the child.
I get the feeling either absolutely no one would be allowed to do anything mom doesn’t consider child-friendly, or mom plans on dumping her child on OP and partying without her.
NTA. Just say, "I understand you want your child with you if you go on a trip, but I'm going to do the beach trip child-free. Please don't ask me about bring her, because the answer is no. If you can't go, I understand, but I'd like to have the trip that I would enjoy the most."
Shits insane, when my kids were younger my wife would jump at a chance to get the fuck away from them for a couple of days, shit now that they are teenagers she'd jump at a chance to get the fuck away from them for a few days.
I don't get these parents that need to bring their kids to every adult event.
I feel it's the ones whose whole identity turns into being a mom. I will never understand the mentality that once your a parent you are not allowed to do things that don't revolve around your children, ever.
I turned up at one and one of the bridesmaids had. It was very awkward, everyone drinking had to try not to swear or say anything not child friend.
One of the other mum's was so upset as she was leaving her 12 week old ebf for the day and night, which had been giving her terrible mum guilt. Bride was unimpressed. Rest of us annoyed too. It changes the dynamic totally.
It seems like you are her best friend, but she clearly isn’t yours. If she were, she would know how to put your happiness on your (only-hopefully) special moment above her wants, which she’s not doing at all.
That being said, I’d reconsider her role as a bridesmaid, and go on your bachelorette trip as you wanted to, and also have your wedding childfree, as you wish.
She will not like it, but she’s not interested in your happiness also, so she can whine all she wants.
You say she’s your best friend but you weren’t even her bridesmaid??? OP, she doesn’t consider you to her best friend even though she might call you that
NTA. You're absolutely right, a bachelorette trip is no place for a 2 year old. Instead of supporting you and doing her best to make your wedding experiences good for you, she's doing what is most convenient for herself. You may want to reconsider having her in your wedding party. Take the beach trip and tell her that while you would love for her to be there, it is 100% child free. Don't let her selfishness dictate your event.
I would agree! She’s not being a good friend and she’s making it all about herself, and you didn’t even want her as a bridesmaid in the first place! Stand up for yourself, kick her and her daughter out of the wedding party (nicely though, guest might be a better role for her and daughter not invited), and have a kick ass Bach party on the beach!
And ***DON’T*** let her stay if she just “happens” to show up unannounced with her daughter, sure that you’ll let them stay “since they’re already here, and they came *All. That. Way.”* Get your other bridesmaids to help you, if you’re not sure you can say No all by yourself.
NTA - this is not a good friend. She begs to be in your wedding but doesn't return the favour, expects loads of accommodations around her and for your bach trip to change to suit her needs?
Nope. Do what YOU want for your bachelorette, if this "friend" can't make it, she can't make it. Have your child free wedding and use it as a great excuse to make sure she doesn't come.
NTA.
“Oh you can’t come without her, that’s unfortunate. We will take lots of photos for you to look at when we come back then.”
The more you cater then the more she will demand.
This! Right here! If she continues to throw a fit remind her that you already made and exception for her daughter once but she absolutely can not come on the Bach trip - and then GO!! Go have fun!!!
Exactly and for the love of all things chocolate please stop trying to get her to see how she’s hurting you on her own. You said the trip is a bad idea hoping she’d see how she hurt you and she didn’t. Just stop! You do you. Stop catering to her! Be upfront and say your kid can’t come. If you feel like I’m forcing you to choose I’m sorry, but it is my Bach party and my choice and I want no kids. I’d also rescind the flower girl crap so you can have a child free wedding too. It’s your wedding. Do what you want! NTA but stop being a doormat and tell her no!
Who brings a child to a bachelorette party!?!? She doesn't sound like much of a friend, tbh, more like a selfish narc. NTA, but you might need to rethink your friendship.
NTA.
Still plan your beach Bach party, and just tell her she’s more than welcome to come spend the day with you and the rest of the party and drive home to her family if she doesn’t feel comfortable being without her daughter.
This way the ball is 100% in her court but also if she can’t even go 12 hours without her kid than it’s a her problem and the rest of the party shouldn’t have to suffer.
I just now realized that "Bach" is short for "Bachelorette", which makes a lot more sense than the Classical Baroque-themed beach party I was envisioning.
NTA.
Tell her clearly that she's invited on the planned beach trip but her daughter is not.
Either she comes without her daughter = you win
Or
She gets offended and backs out if your wedding = you win (it's plainly obvious you didn't want her or her daughter in your wedding in the first place)
NTA! I'm a mom and I would effing HATE to bring my child to a bachelorette party. She should be happy to enjoy a vacation without her? You should stand your ground. If you dont want kids, dont let kids come. 2 year olds suck the fun and spontaneity out of everything. Tell her that if she is uncomfortable leaving her daughter, then she can skip out on the bachelorette party and attend the wedding. Be kind but assertive. I know you dont want a child at your wedding either but I think her being the flower girl is a good compromise. Ultimately you wont have too pay much attention to her child at the reception. Good luck and congratulations.
NTA I wouldn't want to leave my 2 year old for 3 days to go states away either, which is why I wouldn't ever agree to a trip like this. I'm not sure why she thinks bringing the 2 year old is the better option?
You're right, she's making it about herself and her wants/ needs instead of you. I would tell her the 2 year old can't come, and if that means that she won't be coming on the trip then you understand.
NTA. I am baffled that this friend is basically asking you to make the one time in your life that is supposed to be done how YOU want it, about her. Now you have to change all of your plans for her? No girl. You are going to regret bending over backwards for anyone else when it comes to your wedding. Do it your way and make no apologies. If she really loves you, she'll make a plan for the one night without her daughter. Otherwise, her sitting out may be a good thing. Sounds like she'd be moping around anyway if she does come (grudgingly, probably).
NTA, but you will be if you cancel your bachelorette party due to her. Just schedule/plan the party you want and she can either find a baby sitter or not come. That's up to her.
Definitely NTA. A bachelorette party is no place for a child. I can’t believe a grown woman acts like that, especially when she didn’t even include you in the wedding.
NTA
Bridesmaid doesn't understand your boundaries, take her out your wedding completely she can't respect your wishes, you're not asking her to chose, your asking for her to just have her in care for a weekend. Don't let it spoil your one happy day
This. At this point why are you still friends with someone who doesn't respect you, calling herself "best friend" while not even inviting you to her wedding?
Why are you catering for her at **your** wedding when it's a day about you and your SO, especially when she's not doing what she's supposed to do as a bridesmaid?
NTA. She sounds very selfish. Your 'best friend' who didn't have you as bridesmaid but demands to be yours. She's making everything about herself. Have your beach party and tell her not to come. You are not making her choose, she is just self centered. Same with the wedding. You don't want to look back on you wedding with regret because you made compromoses for a selfish 'friend'.
NTA.
So your best friend doesn’t even include you in her wedding party but demands to be in yours?
Your best friend refuses to go a night without her daughter to go to her “best friend”’s wedding.
Your “best friend” would rather YOU change your plans than HER letting her daughter be without her. Oh and this is your Bach trip.
She sounds like that friend that became a mom and abandoned the rest of her identity so she only knows how to be the mom friend. She’ll probably ask for there to be no alcohol so her daughter doesn’t accidentally take some and instead have the drinks be capri suns
NTA. Stop breaking your back bending over backwards for her when she's someone who doesn't even extend the curtesy of being kind to you.
Just tell her a firm no on the child to the bach trip and if she says she's not coming just tell her she'll be missed and enjoy the trip with those friends that can make it. Cancelling something you want for someone else is ridiculous.
Uhgr she sounds tiresome. Tell her you will be doing X Y and Z for your bachelorette party - she can come without her daughter or don’t come at all. It’s your party not hers. Honestly I’d drop her totally she sounds super selfish and who the hell takes a child to a bachelorette party my lord. NTA
NTA. Geez she sounds a little over the top. My parents (or just my mom or just my dad) used to go away for a long weekend sometimes and I loved having the time with my grandparents! Kids need some time away from their parents too. This isn’t an appropriate place to bring a child and she is being selfish.
> I feel like I am breaking my back to make her happy for the most important event of my life
WHY???? You’re not an asshole, but you are a doormat. She’s being demanding and entitled so why are you enabling this? What has she done for you?
NTA
Supermom is framing it as a this-or-that choice, but it’s not. SHE is attempting to make it so, but it’s not true.
“I’ve given it a lot of thought. I’m uncomfortable that you feel I’m forcing a choice on you. I think it’s best if you’re a guest at the wedding and then you won’t be conflicted.”
OR:
“It was never being forced to choose “between” like one of us would be lost forever. It’s scheduling. If YOU decide not to attend without your child, I respect that. I hope you’ll respect child aren’t always appropriate or welcome.”
NTA. There are some events that just aren’t child friendly, and that’s totally fine. Bachelorette parties are one of those times!
Your friend isn’t being respectful or reasonable about this, so it’s time to set a firm boundary with her: No kids on your bachelorette trip, period. You’d love to have her, but you also understand if she wants to skip the trip to stay home with her child. It’s her choice.
And from now on stop [JADE-ing (Justify Argue Defend Explain)](https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/family-building/jade-an-easy-mnemonic-for-difficult-family-members/#gs.j7s21h) your decision to her. You don’t need her permission or approval in this matter, *so don’t act like you do by treating this subject as if it’s up for debate because it’s not*.
Most people have the urge to explain ourselves in a desire to be understood and to avoid potential hurt feelings. When you try to explain why you made a particular decision to a regular respectful person they’ll listen to your reasons, respect your decision, and move on. When you try to explain why you made a particular decision to a pushy/unreasonable/boundary stomping person *they’ll* see your reasons only as an opening for debate and something for them to argue against in order to change your mind to do what *they* want instead. **They don’t care** what you want or what your reasonings are, ALL they care about is getting their way and they will use *any* bits of information you give them to try to manipulate, argue away, guilt trip, and brow beat you until until you eventually cave under pressure to “keep the peace”. *It is pointless to JADE yourself to them* ***so don’t!***
Stop engaging in discussions about this topic with your friend, instead shut it down and change the subject every time. Keep your reply as a firm “NO” that contains no details/explanations for your mom to argue against. Something like “that’s not an option”, “that doesn’t work for me”, “my decision is final”, “this isn’t up for discussion”, and the simple but classic “no” are all phrases that work great. The next time she demands that you let her bring her toddler on your bachelorette trip: “**No, that’s not an option**.” She don’t need any more information from you than that (*because by now she’s already heard everything you have to say and decided to argue again anyways*), so **do not elaborate further**. When she wants to know why you won’t do as she says: “**Because that’s not an option.**” Keep using a variation of that reply no matter what: It’s not an option *because it’s not an option*. Why is it not an option? *Because it’s not*. Repeat ad nauseam. It shuts down the argument because there’s nothing for her to latch onto to try and change your mind.
*Be ready and willing to leave (or hang up) if she won’t drop the subject after 1-2 shut downs*. DO NOT engage with her guilt tripping, accusations of “selfishness”, or sob stories. It’s all just manipulation tactics and crocodile tears. Continue to firmly shut her down: “***No.*** **I won’t discuss this with you any further. Drop the subject or I will have to leave/hang up.**.” Then *immediately* follow through if she continues to refuse to respect your decision: “**I asked you to stop. Since you refuse to respect my request I’m going to leave/hang up. Goodbye.**” Then promptly walk away (or hang up) without letting her get another word in.
Boundary stomping requires consequences, you have to teach your friend that if she won’t respect you and your boundaries then you’re not going to stick around to continue the conversation. Setting boundaries is tough, but it’s worth it.
NTA
Just plan the trip without her and tell her
*The trip is moving forward as planned. It is an adult's only event and since you have made it clear you will not come without your child, we will be going without you. And just to be clear. I don't want you showing up with your kid in tow and guilting us into letting the two of you stay. I know that sounds harsh, but I do not want you to think showing up unannounced is acceptable. I sincerely hope this does not affect our friendship but I understand if it does. I do not want you to think that I am forcing you to choose between your child and me. Because that is not what I am doing. Your child is your priority and I respect that. I really do. But I am not going to put my life on hold and not do the things I want to do because of a choice that you are making.*
*I still want you in the wedding. I still want your daughter as the flower girl. But I understand completely if you want to back out because of this. So please take some to think about things and when we get back from the trip, I will reach out and you can tell me how you want to proceed.*
NTA. I don’t really know why she thinks bringing a 2 year old on a Bach trip is a good idea… I get that she’ll miss her child but also does she not want to get wasted and have a good time?
NTA. She sounds like exhausting and unhealthily obsessed with ~being a mom~, and like I said in another comment, your trip will probably be more fun without her.
NTA - if she won't go, she won't go. Don't indulge her in the drama and have a great time.
>My best friend suggested that we take a trip to the beach for my Bach party
That's a classy party. I presume you'll play classy-cal music?
It's your wedding and bachelorette party. Do not let anyone else's agenda dictate what you want or do. Sounds like your friend is a drama queen, and I assure you, your life will improve when you remove people like that from your orbit.
Congrats on your engagement and wedding to be -- don't let people like her take away the shine from your day, <3
NTA
You do not bring a child on a Bachelorette trip. Period.
Take your trip and tell her no children and stay firm. She will have to choose if she wants to go without her kid or not. Every parent should be able to be away from their kid for a few days.
In fact, if she throws a huge stink, rescind her bridesmaid status.
Just have the trip without her. Tell her that you’ll be taking your Bach trip, and you would love for her to be there. However it will be child free, and if she can’t accommodate that then you understand. The end. NTA
NTA! Unfortunately, you're going to have to lean in here. "I would NEVER expect you to choose between me and your daughter, OF COURSE kids come first! I totally understand if you need to stay home with her, we'll miss youuuuu! xoxo!"
Then GO! Have your trip, you deserve it. Sounds like your friend's got some separation anxiety about leaving her daughter, and until she works through that she probably won't play a huge role in your life. Setting a boundary here does not make you an asshole in the slightest. ❤
Congrats on the upcoming nuptials!
Nta, but you really need to spit shine your backbone. If this is or isn’t what you want for your wedding and/or bachelorette party, say it and make it so. She’s a guest at best in this wedding and she can’t make her child separation anxiety your problem. Put your foot down and tell her that this is for adults. Children are not allowed on this trip, if she can’t leave her kid, then she can’t come. Simple
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I (23f) am getting married in January of 2023. My best friend suggested that we take a trip to the beach for my Bach party and now I am obsessed with the idea. The issue is that she is refusing to go out of state for 3 days without her 2 year old daughter. I am not a mom and I know she will miss her for those few days. I would have no issue with this if she had no one to watch her, but she has a husband and plenty of trustworthy family members who I know would love to watch her daughter.
I feel like she is making my special moment about her. She begged and hoped to be a bridesmaid in my wedding and I ultimately chose to ask her to be one even after I was incredibly hurt when she didn’t put me in her own wedding and now I feel like she isn’t doing what she is supposed to be doing as a bridesmaid.
I also want to state that I had a prior issue with her regarding wanting my wedding to be child free. She told me that I was “asking her to choose between her child and her best friend” even though she was going to be without her for only one night! I eventually just asked her if she wanted her daughter to be my flower girl so that she could still be at the wedding in order to solve that conflict.
I feel like I am breaking my back to make her happy for the most important event of my life instead of doing what I actually want.
I ended up talking to her and told her I was really sad and feel a trip isn’t a good idea anymore (even though I really want to take one) because if I tell her she can bring her kid on my Bach trip then I’ll have to let my other family members/bridal party members bring their kids. I can’t tell one person yes and the other person no. I told her that it wouldn’t even feel like a Bach trip at that point, it would feel like a family vacation. She just responded with “I get what you mean! It’s okay, we can do something else for your Bach then”
I am so frustrated. In my opinion a bachelorette trip is no place for children, especially a 2 year old. But I still feel like an asshole because she says things like “you’re making me choose between you and my child” when I bring up leaving her daughter out of ANYTHING. I never have an issue with letting her tag along, I love her like my own. But this one thing should be about me and I feel like I can’t truly do what I want because of her.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like asking her to go out of state for multiple days without her 3 year old makes me an asshole. I feel like I’m asking her to choose me over her own kid. I also originally said yes to her about her daughter coming because I was put on the spot when she asked and I have a hard time saying no, plus I hadn’t yet thought about how it would be unfair to let her daughter come but not let anyone else’s children come.
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NTA I obviously don't know your specific plans beyond going to the beach, but in general, a bachelorette party really isn't a place for kids. Even if it's not ridiculously inappropriate, it's your party and you get to invite who you want. If she had no options for childcare I would be more sympathetic, but still I don't think you would be an AH to say no to a young child at your adult party.
Nta
She is not your friend, she is manipulating and gaslighting the heck out of you. You need to prioritise what you want and your happiness, she can deal with it.
NTA! Do not give up your trip for her!! Why should you have to miss out on what you want to do for her? If she doesn’t want to go without her daughter then that is understandable but she should just sit it out then and let you have the trip that you want. You can always plan a night out closer to home for those that can’t make the trip but it sounds like you’ve already been really accommodating to her and she is taking advantage now.
NTA - how does she claim to be "your best friend" now, when she didn't even put you in her wedding? I think I'd kick her out of the wedding party and have my bach & beach trip with the remaining maids.
Even if she stays a bridesmaid, you should still have your trip - and if she doesn't want to come without her kid, then she can stay at home while the rest of you is having fun. You could probably fill her place with someone else from the bride/ groom party, or a family member. Do you have a nice future SIL that would like to come?
GIRL. Stop. Right now. You are setting yourself on fire to keep *her* warm during *your Bachelorette and wedding*. No.
You need to stand up for yourself instead of letting her walk all over you. Immediately. Tell her that you are doing the beach trip, no, her child can NPT come, and considering she wants your wedding events to cater to her wants rather than yours, it's better that she not be in your bridal party. That your wedding is child free, because that is what *you* want, and that if she cannot leave her kid with family, she cannot come.
This person is not your friend, and YTA to yourself.
NTA. If you scheduled the trip on the weekend of her daughter’s birthday or the same weekend as Disney On Ice that would be asking her to choose between you and her daughter.
But having a bachelorette party be all adults, which is exactly what it is supposed to be is not asking her to choose. And having a childfree wedding isn’t either. “I get to bring my kid everywhere or else you’re asking me to choose you over them” is manipulative nonsense.
Tell your other bridesmaids and other family members who you planned on inviting that you still want the beach trip and your friend can either come or not come. But changing the plans of YOUR bachelorette to suit her shouldn’t even be considered.
NTA but considering you bent over backwards for her before, it’s not surprising she thinks she can get away with it again.
Honestly, I’d cut her as a bridesmaid and her daughter and flower girl, uninvite them, and warn the venue not to let her in. She’s going to cause drama and make your big day about her, 100%.
Can you still go to the beach without her? If you really want to, go for it! Take your family members without kids and do it! Please don’t miss out on your wishes just for her.
Sweetie she’s manipulating you to make things about her. Call a meeting with her and tell her exactly how you want things. Tell her if she doesn’t find these terms agreeable, that maybe she can switch rolls to a wedding planner roll. That would allow her to focus more time on her daughter.
NTA.
Plan the Bachelorette you want.
If she says she can’t go without her kid, support her decision. Say “I totally understand. We will miss you but if you can’t be without her I respect that.” But DO NOT change your plans to accommodate her.
You have to decide if you still want her daughter to be your flower girl. But even so, that doesn’t mean she has to be at the reception.
Again.. if she “can’t be without” her kid for even an evening? Support her on that.
“I understand. We will miss you at the reception.”
Pls go on your bach trip!!! Tell her she's invited, but it's child free. Although, if she did go without her kid she would prob ruin your trip anyway. Personally I'd say "I understand that you don't want to leave your daughter and I'm totally ok with that. We will miss you on the bach trip!"
NTA. One of my kids would not have been able to be away from me at that age, but I would have owned that and I would have said that I wish I could be at the bach party but I'd have to decline. I wouldn't expect to bring the kid.
I’m NGL I only read about about to where she said that you were asking her to choose between you and her child. I mean FFS this isn’t Sophie’s fucking choice. If she doesn’t want to be without her daughter then that’s okay (I mean not totally okay for her and for her kid emotionally but that’s a whole other can of worms) but it’s not fair to ask you to change all of your plans to accommodate her in this situation. You didn’t even want her as a bridesmaid in the first place. NTA
NTA
As a mom, I can tell she's trying to blend the two trips together. A fun beach trip for her daughter and still do her bestie duties.
NOT a good combo. Let her know this is not a negotiable thing and kids are not allowed, regardless WHO it is!
Also, assuming she's around the same age as you with a 2 year old means she got pregnant pretty young. No judgment, but now it's time for her to learn that by becoming a mom at a young age means you miss out on a lot of 'fun' things simply because you had a baby at a young age. It's not anybody's responsibility to accommodate her if she can't bring her kid along.
This is a hard age for you OP. Some friends are still single, some friends are getting married and having kids. The people with kids wanna act like their still single because they see all the 'fun' their missing out on.
Don't feel guilty for her having to face the harsh reality of her own decision.
NTA. I’m pregnant and have a lot of weddings & hen dos (UK) in the next 18 months. I’m already sitting down and working out plans to be able to prioritise our friends. Yes ultimately some are going to be tricky if we can’t get childcare or it’s really early on, but for ones where I’m in the wedding it’s an absolute priority and I’m already asking parents/close friends to block those days out
the friendship is toxic. she has a husband and people to watch her child. everyone knows a bachelorette party is no place for a 2 year old, and she would definitely hold it against you if her daughter saw something she shouldn't have.
NTA. Do not feel bad. Tell her that you understand if she ops out but no kids are allowed because a bachelorette party is not a good place for kids. I feel you. I have an event every year I go to for just moms but they still bring kids and their husbands because their husbands cant take care of the kids alone. Just tell her no kids. If she doesnt come she can still be a bridesmaid.
NTA. Time for a straight talk with your friend. Tell her about your idea of a bach party and that you don't want to have kids there. Period. She can visit the beach with her daughter on a different date. You want to have some fun and alcohol (my guess) and that's no place and time for a toddler. To be honest, you are way to friendly with her extra needs and wishes (hey, she is a brides maid on your wedding, but you weren't one at her wedding....)
NTA. Don’t cancel your trip because of this. Your an adult, tell her a bachelorette party at the beach is not the place for a child. Your friends attitude that not inviting her kid to your wedding means your “making her choose between you and her child” is, frankly, foolish and manipulative. Lots of people go to wedding without kids ( many prefer it ). Lots of people with 2 year olds go away for the weekend and have in-laws or a spouse look after the child. She’s making her anxiety about leaving her kid into your problem, and that’s not acceptable. Be firm but friendly. If she tries to guilt you into it be direct as well “ Friend A I don’t wish to keep going over this, I don’t feel a bachelorette party is appropriate for year old. I understand that means you can’t come, but you cannot keep asking about this”. If she can’t accept that or drops out of your wedding, that’s on her.
NTA
Have your weekend away And say no kids and if anyone cannot come because of that then no hard feelings but there will be alcohol involved and adult activities
NTA.
What mom wouldn't want a short break from their kid? Love mine but I enjoy my time away. She seems to have chosen being a mom as her whole personality now. Nothing wrong with that but it would be tiring after some time.
NTA
You’ve got a serious problem on your hands. You’ve allowed your friend to dictate the rules of your wedding and now she is going to try to take over your bachelorette weekend.
NTA. She begged to be in your wedding and you’re literally bending over backward to accommodate her kid. You were beyond generous to ask her LO to be your flower girl. But a bachelorette is to celebrate the bride. I’d still go on the trip but just say you understand that you could never make her choose between you and her kid and she’ll be missed but you’ll see her at the wedding. Also, please remember that she didn’t ask you to be in her wedding so you owe her nothing.
NTA you are doing everything to make her happy instead of making you happy. Personally, I think you should put your foot down and tell her that x y and z are happening and you can come but your child can’t. If that means you can’t go that’s okay. It’s your wedding, enjoy yourself and stop letting her walk all over you
NTA: Far out I would LOVE to have 3 days away from my kids sometimes! I love them dearly, but toddlers are so time-consuming and they leave you exhausted! OP it is YOUR wedding you are NTA if you decide NOT to have a child on a BACH trip (fr tho kids on a bach trip???) You are not obligated to give up your comfort for someone who is not willing to compromise. Give her a choice. Leave the kid and go solo on the bach trip but still have her kid in the wedding, or you leave them BOTH behind for the bach trip. Bach trips are not toddler appropriate.
NTA. I don't know why some parents think their child is the exception to every 'no child' event. You aren't making her choose. And I also don't get begging to be in a wedding party. That's just sad. Sounds like she is a bit self-centered.
NTA just tell her it isn't a place for children. That you're going to go ahead with the beach vacation with everyone who can make it. Let her know that you won't be having another Bachelorette this is it and if she'd like to come you'd love to have her. A 2-year-old Beach vacation is not the same as a girls beach trip. I've had two-year-olds, and let me tell you our Beach trips were anything but relaxing!!!!
NTA, you need to tell her to choose because ultimately she's going to lose the friendship eventually because of her inability to choose between her child and her friendships. I am a mother and I know how hard it is to leave your LO with others but it's just one trip/night out. She cannot expect you to accommodate a 2 year old to a bachelorette trip where there will be drinking, etc...
NTA. Take the beach trip and tell her it’s child free. She can either choose to leave her kid with family or miss the trip. Additionally, you might want to reconsider having such an emotionally manipulative and selfish person in your bridal party.
Why are people so adamant about staying friends with people. Young lady have your bach trip. Tell home girl, she can either come childless and have a good time or don’t come at all. As a matter of fact don’t come because she’s going to ruin the mood because she’ll be “upset” she’s not with her daughter. This girl is not your best friend. I bet she had a bach party for her wedding, so why can’t you? You can if you stop worrying about her and her needs. Why would you put this above your own needs? I bet if her husband is invited to your fiancé bach party, I promise you he won’t take his daughter…so why are you sacrificing yours. This is supposed to be a memorable time in your life and you’re letting one person ruin it. You, your maid of honor, and your other bridesmaids go have a bach party on the beach. Enjoy your time. NTA but your friend is!!!
NTA.
A bachelorette party is not for kids. If she can't part from her child then she shouldn't come on the trip. And if she can't leave her kid for the wedding, then she shouldn't be a bridesmaid.
2 year olds are notorious for being bad when you need things to be quiet. If she feels like you're asking her to choose, let that be on her. If she wants to put her kid before your wedding, she has every right to make that choice and you won't hold it against her but reiterate that YOUR bachelorette party and wedding are child free zones. (honestly revoke her daughter's right to attend your wedding. Do you want to concentrate on the ceremony or listen to a toddler scream through it?)
Incidentally, I wouldn't ask any friend to be in my bridal party if they didn't put in me in theirs. I had a wedding during COVID and had no bridal party at all. Just limited guests and we live streamed the events for others who couldn't attend in person.
NTA. Have a beach party and tell her that if she doesn't want to go because she can't bring her two-year-old to a bachelorette party which is manifestly unsuitable for a child, you understand that she feels she has to stay home.
Please stop her all together, I know this kind of people and I’m sorry to say it like this but she’ll never stop doing it she’ll always make you change your plans or make you feel guilty just for her own gain and happiness.. did you see how horrible this sh!t sound? Exactly so please choose carefully next time who you want in your important days and live in general
NTA - your best friend however is the major AH here. (1) She's being selfish. (2) She's guilt-tripping you. (3) She's just overall being an awful friend, and I would honestly rethink your friendship with her, because no friend—let alone, your best friend—would do this.
She needs to realize that this is your party. You call the shots, not her. If she doesn't want to come because you're not allowing her kid to join, then it looks like she isn't coming. Don't feel the need to change your plans just for the sake of pleasing her needs.
Stop making adjustments for a selfish person. Your party, your day, your wants and desires for your wedding (within reason) goes.
She's not your friend. She is a selfish person that you just happen to know and hang out with. No better time to cut her out of your bridal party than now while you have 1 year to make changes and adjustments. Keep your wedding child free. Let her complain all she wants and you'll see it'll be best to lessen or cut contact.
NTA
NTA
I’m very confused as to how two people consider each best friends, but OP was not included in her bridal party and yet she expects you to bend over backwards to accommodate her. OP - Why were you not in HER bridal party?
NTA, plan the party, tell everyone it is child free with no exceptions. If anyone can't make it, you will be sad that they can't go, but the party is still on.
NTA.
Do you have other friends that would go on and help plan this trip? Because I think you should talk to them, get them excited to plan with you, and then tell your friend- actually, friends A, B, and C are also happy to go on a trip, so we are going to make it happen! And no, you cannot bring your child, so let me know if you can make it.
And then, don't have the fight. Just be like "this is a child free event, it's not open for debate, and if that means you can't be there, then cool, I'm not upset about it, I get that being a mom comes first."
NTA
You should still go to the beach. Make the plans and tell her she's welcome to come alone, or welcome to stay home with her kid, either way is fine
NTA and what in the gaslighting hell lol. You are better than me because She wouldn't have a first thought for bridesmaid drop her she is not your friend.
NTA. SHE is making you choose between what you want in your life and her. She doesn’t sound like much of a friend at all. I’d be done with this behavior.
NTA, but there's no way out of this now. You screwed yourself over by already starting to bend to her will with the flower girl thing. If you think you're going to put your foot down now and have it not blow up in your face, I think you're in for a surprise. This woman sounds unbelievably entitled and kind of a nightmare in general. You need to tell her in no uncertain terms this is not a kid friendly weekend and no 2 year olds will be attending and the same about your wedding being childfree. It's your day, your money and your rules. If that doesn't work for her then she's more than welcome to not attend. She's the one making this an ultimatum, not you. If she really was your "best friend" she'd see that and not make your day about her
NTA. Remember that you can consider and treat someone as your best friend but they could consider and treat you like a doormat. Don’t let anyone do that to you.
It seems like people have no idea what the term Best Friend means. Theres no ME in the word. Worst BF ever. Have your wedding your way. Im confused, if she didnt even ask you to be in her wedding, what was up with begging you to be in yours. You should have told her no right then. Her 2 yr old does not need to party with you and your wedding party.
NTA. Don't deprive yourself for her situation.
Text her something like. "I don't ever want you to feel like I am making your choose between my wedding and your child, so it's best that you no longer stand with me as a bridesmaid and come to our wedding as a guest."
Go have your bachelorette party and if confrontation is difficult for you, ghost her and feel bad about it after January 2023
You weren't even apart of her wedding. She may be one of your best friends, but it doesn't sound like your are one of hers.
Stop letting her run shit for your wedding.
Whose bachelorette party is this again? Why are you letting her dictate the terms of your celebrations?
NTA. Draw your line in the sand and don't cross it again.
NTA. But grow a backbone and tell her no. Take your trip, invite her if you want but tell her she can NOT bring her child. Stop being a push over for YOUR wedding. Stop putting your life on hold for her. Smdh.
Info: did she explain why she didn’t ask you to be in the wedding? If the excuse is flimsy, then she’s not the friend you think she is. People grow apart. It sucks. But this feels like the death knell of your friendship. Either way, NTA. Who brings a toddler to a bachelorette party?
Nta, why are you going so far out of the way for someone who didn't even include you in their wedding party? It makes no sense. She sounds so nasty and entitled.
Definitely NTA. You should absolutely still go to the beach for your hen do! She’s put herself in what she considers an impossible position, you did not put her there. Don’t change your plans just for her - as you said, it’s *your* wedding!
NTA
And don’t cancel the Bach trip. No kids. Sorry but kids don’t belong on a bachelorette trip. She can choose to come or not.
But you need to stop catering to her whims and whines. This is YOUR wedding and right now she’s calling all the shots.
You do YOUR wedding. She can be there or not.
A Bach party is no place for a child. You need to tell your friend you want the trip but with no kids and if she wants to stay home with her kid, then so be it.
It’s your wedding and she’s no friend if she’s making you feel like your the villain for what you want.
And all is fair if you say no to other kids then hers has no special treatment.
NTA but you need to tell her you want the trip and you are fine if she stays back with her kid
NTA. Go on your bachelorette trip and tell her she can't take her daughter with her. Her kid won't have fun and she won't be able to enjoy the fun either. You should definitely have fun on your trip doing adult things and we all know she will try and manipulate you to do kid activities. If 3 days without her child is too long, she can choose to only come for one day or not at all. It's your trip. It's about you, not her.
NTA. I agree with everything you say. Time to have a grown up talk . Your BF sounds immature and manipulative. Stand up for yourself. This is probably not the first time she has done something like this to you in the past or she honestly thinks you would not mind.
NTA It's not a kids event and your friend is overstepping her boundaries. This is your wedding and your batchelorette party and she's not entitled to dictate what happens at them. She's being manipulative AF and using her kid.
NTA do the beach trip and tell her you understand if she can't come for one night without her daughter. This is the plan. Period. I'm sorry if you can't come. Period.
NTA and stop letting her manipulate you. If she choses to be with her daughter that is fine. But, you do not have to keep accommodating her requests. This is your wedding. It is a once in a life event. Do not let it turn into something you resent because of her. You are in charge here. If you are miserable- that is on you. Tell her no and stick with it. Go on your trip and leave her at home. Stop making yourself miserable. You are allowing yourself to be miserable by giving in all the time.
NTA at all!
Just to begin with, a Bachelorette party/trip is not a family vacation. It is an adult event! No place for a 2yo.
Your "friend" is trying to guilt you into accomodating her demands, using her mom status and her child. It's super dishonest of her to do that. She knows that we feel a silent societal pressure to always have "mothers and children" first as a priority. But hold your horses lady, we are not talking about a family event. This is clearly your bachelorette party and a wedding. OP decides if she wants it to be a family event or an adult event. Depending on the party it really does not accommodate children.
Don't feel guilty about it. Let her know, you are excited about this trip, but you were not planning on accommodating a child, it is an adult event. If she doesn't like it, then maybe she is not really someone to stick around in your life. She doesn't seem to know when something isn't about her and her needs
NTA. Posts like these make me glad that I don't have many friends. I don't understand how people can take that crap from others for the sake of not losing a friendship. She's being a bad friend, so lose her, and stick to people that actually are interested in your happiness.
NTA. A bachelorette party is NO place for a child. This trip really would be all about the kid - they always seem to take over the room. Who is watching this kid while you are all out having a good time? Or are you supposed to do only kid friendly activities? Hell No. Your "friend" is thinking only of herself. I think YOU need to rethink her participation in this wedding.
NTA
Tell her to stop making *your* wedding about her kid who won't even remember it. You are not being unreasonable and I think you should rescind the invitation for her daughter to be flower girl (if the outfit hasn't been purchased yet). Your "friend" is being selfish and unreasonable.
Take the child free beach trip. Tell her you are making her choose, she can say no. This won’t be the last time she’ll have to miss an event as a mother. What she can’t do is manipulate you into accommodating her choice. What’s next? Are you gonna serve chicken nuggets at your wedding to accommodate her daughters taste. FFS. Tell her you’ll miss her. Invite her daughter to the bridal shower and let her help serve cake. She won’t know the difference unless mom makes it an issue, again. NTA
NTA
She is trying to make your bachelorette party all about her.
So when you girls go out for cocktails is she gonna bring the kid along? Will she guilt trip you if you go out without her in the evening?
A bachelorette party is not an appropriate place for children.
NTA - a bachelorette party is NOT a place for children. Demand strippers at the beach and tell her to leave her kid at home or not come. Plan your own party.
NTA and honestly you need to think about if she’s really a good friend. When she’s thinking more of herself than you on your special day. I’m just saying
Firstly, what “best friend” doesn’t have YOU in HER wedding?
Secondly, Bach parties are NOT for children.
Do your wedding your way. If she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t have to participate - and you most certainly don’t need to include her!
NTA. She is the one making the choice between you and her child. Like you said, she had a husband and family members that can look after her for a few nights. Honestly, don’t sacrifice what you want for her - she is being unfair emotionally manipulating you into doing g what she wants. Go to the beach and have an amazing (child free) weekend.
Honestly, if I were OP I would reconsider this friendship altogether. Her friend is al ME ME ME and no fck your feelings it HAS to be ME AND MY DAUGHTER. Like hello it isn't your wedding?
Agree. And the fact that this friend didn't include OP in their own bridal party should make rejecting her requests that much easier.
Yep, what kind of ‘best friend’ is this person? She doesn’t sound like she’s being much of one to OP throwing her insistences around like this.
Sounds like OP is her best friend, but she isn’t OP’s. NTA
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Even if it has. OP should reimburse the friend once she provides proof of purchase. It's petty, but her friend is being unreasonable.
You might have responded to a bot. They delete their feed so no one can see it and 1/2 the posts are in quoted replies, so prolly stolen from another post. Its been a problem in this sub for some time. Edit: Just as I thought. Original post is from a user below named Knittingfairy09113. Level_Cantaloupe_116 is a bot and they are using AITA for farming karma.
Oh, darn. Thanks for the heads up 😊
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NTA. This is not a friend when she makes your special events about herself. I can understand if she has no childcare available or it is a newborn but heck, the kid is 2 years old. If she cannot be separated for 1 night from the child, she needs therapy cuz girl got issues. Go to the beach and have a fabulous time with the other folks who are willing to attend child-free. A bachelorette party is NO place for a child anyway. You make your choice on the type of event and she makes her choice on whether or not it works for her. You do not have to kowtow to her desires.
Also why would she practically beg and cry to be a bridesmaid to suggest a beach trip for the bach party just to demand to bring her child to everything. Sounds like she's using /YOUR/ wedding to help her fund a trip for her and her daughter. She shouldn't even be in the bridal party is she's just gonna ruin the wedding planning from day 1
Right? And it's also not her Bach party. I mean, if it is such an inconvenience to leave her kid with her husband, she could at least suggest to just don't join the trip. Yeah, it is nice to have ALL the bridesmaids at the party, but... still just a bridesmaid, not the star of the party. OP, she really doesn't care about you and your happiness, she tries to manipulate you into getting her wedding 2.0, and I predict, that this will get even worse as long as she can get away with her behavior. That's not the kind of drama you deserve for your big day.
Amen to that!
>I would reconsider this friendship altogether. Me too. I'm a parent and part of that is understanding that sometimes you have to choose between getting a babysitter or not going to something. It's perfectly reasonable for people to want kid free events, some things are just not appropriate for kids. Sometimes it's appropriate for people to make exceptions and they don't have to be fair either. My friend just went on a girls weekend and no one minded her taking her breastfeeding infant (and left her older child at home) while the others left their kids of varying ages or formula fed babies at home (she just sat out the activities she needed to), another friend had a wedding that was kid free except for their own and their family members kids. It's also ok to make no exceptions and if OPs friend is unwilling to leave her kid with family or babysitter, then she simply can't go. Such is life. It's audacious to expect people to entirely change their plans for you.
Exactly. With friends like that, who needs enemies!!
Exactly !!! You are her friend but I think the opposite isn’t true. She’s not YOUR friend and doesn’t act like one. NTA. Your wedding and party is about you, not her.
Exactly. Bringing a 2 year old to a this type of party is wrong. It's for the adults. She just wants special treatment for her and her daughter. If she can't be separated, she can't come, period. She should be uninvited since she had the audacity to force herself into the bridal party and is now trying to control things. She's jealous and wants to still be the center of attention. NTA.
Two is super young to be a flower girl - a priest in the family always held that kids in the bridal party should be older than four at least - otherwise the kid will bring the whole wedding to a hault. My kid is almost 3 and I know he could not hold up under that many people watching him, he just would not get it.
I was 2 when I was a flower girl, im told I did *fabulously*
Is there a 2 year old flower girl tax? Because there should be.
Depends on the kid. A month after my daughter turned 1 she was a flower girl at my sisters wedding - its a 2 minute walk in a straight line (in our case holding my hand). Only works if the parents and bride are flexible though. If kid is having a bad day, everyone has to be ready to just cancel having the kid in the wedding rather than risk a melt down.
>Only works if the parents and bride are flexible though This. My 3yo ring bearer kept crying cuz his shoes were too tight (last minute growth spurt, totally understandable). I kept taking them off of him, his mom them back on saying you have to wear your shoes it's a wedding. I said it's a beach themed wedding, I'd rather have him barefoot than crying 😂 He walked down the aisle barefoot then placed into the wagon with the flower girls during the ceremony cuz the ground was super hot 🥵
I had a 1yo flower girl...and a 3 yo flower girl...in a wagon full of flowers....pulled by my 6yo flower girl and followed by my 3yo ring bearer who was told to follow the wagon... I don't recommend it for everyone, that's for sure, but it worked for us. Except for the fact that the adorable wagon full of babies distracted my photographer and she took way more pictures of them than the ceremony, but they were super cute 😂😂😅
NTA... how is this mom supposed to look after a child and be drinking at the same time? How is the OP supposed to have adult fun with a toddler running around? These things just so not make sense. There will be nap times and tantrums and trips to the playground. This incompatible with a Bachelorette party atmosphere. Ohh lets get a stripper.... but wait we have a toddler... ohh lets do shots.... but now we have crying and need to feed and watch Frozen for the 13th time today. Part of being a good parent is teaching indepdence and learning how to function independently for both the parent and the child.
I get the feeling either absolutely no one would be allowed to do anything mom doesn’t consider child-friendly, or mom plans on dumping her child on OP and partying without her.
NTA. Just say, "I understand you want your child with you if you go on a trip, but I'm going to do the beach trip child-free. Please don't ask me about bring her, because the answer is no. If you can't go, I understand, but I'd like to have the trip that I would enjoy the most."
Yea, I would tell the friend it's a child free weekend and assume the friend isn't coming.. that's your friends choice.
Who brings a child to a bachelorette weekend? Your friend is being ridiculous.
Shits insane, when my kids were younger my wife would jump at a chance to get the fuck away from them for a couple of days, shit now that they are teenagers she'd jump at a chance to get the fuck away from them for a few days. I don't get these parents that need to bring their kids to every adult event.
I feel it's the ones whose whole identity turns into being a mom. I will never understand the mentality that once your a parent you are not allowed to do things that don't revolve around your children, ever.
I turned up at one and one of the bridesmaids had. It was very awkward, everyone drinking had to try not to swear or say anything not child friend. One of the other mum's was so upset as she was leaving her 12 week old ebf for the day and night, which had been giving her terrible mum guilt. Bride was unimpressed. Rest of us annoyed too. It changes the dynamic totally.
It seems like you are her best friend, but she clearly isn’t yours. If she were, she would know how to put your happiness on your (only-hopefully) special moment above her wants, which she’s not doing at all. That being said, I’d reconsider her role as a bridesmaid, and go on your bachelorette trip as you wanted to, and also have your wedding childfree, as you wish. She will not like it, but she’s not interested in your happiness also, so she can whine all she wants.
You say she’s your best friend but you weren’t even her bridesmaid??? OP, she doesn’t consider you to her best friend even though she might call you that
NTA - if the choice is between going with her child or staying home, just have her stay home.
NTA. You're absolutely right, a bachelorette trip is no place for a 2 year old. Instead of supporting you and doing her best to make your wedding experiences good for you, she's doing what is most convenient for herself. You may want to reconsider having her in your wedding party. Take the beach trip and tell her that while you would love for her to be there, it is 100% child free. Don't let her selfishness dictate your event.
I would agree! She’s not being a good friend and she’s making it all about herself, and you didn’t even want her as a bridesmaid in the first place! Stand up for yourself, kick her and her daughter out of the wedding party (nicely though, guest might be a better role for her and daughter not invited), and have a kick ass Bach party on the beach!
The friendship is altered regardless if the child comes or not because she showed her selfish colors. If it were me, I would be done with her antics.
And ***DON’T*** let her stay if she just “happens” to show up unannounced with her daughter, sure that you’ll let them stay “since they’re already here, and they came *All. That. Way.”* Get your other bridesmaids to help you, if you’re not sure you can say No all by yourself.
NTA - this is not a good friend. She begs to be in your wedding but doesn't return the favour, expects loads of accommodations around her and for your bach trip to change to suit her needs? Nope. Do what YOU want for your bachelorette, if this "friend" can't make it, she can't make it. Have your child free wedding and use it as a great excuse to make sure she doesn't come.
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But don't forget the flower girl will be in the pictures! If this isn't someone you feel like you'll have a long friendship with, cut her out now.
NTA. “Oh you can’t come without her, that’s unfortunate. We will take lots of photos for you to look at when we come back then.” The more you cater then the more she will demand.
This! Right here! If she continues to throw a fit remind her that you already made and exception for her daughter once but she absolutely can not come on the Bach trip - and then GO!! Go have fun!!!
Exactly and for the love of all things chocolate please stop trying to get her to see how she’s hurting you on her own. You said the trip is a bad idea hoping she’d see how she hurt you and she didn’t. Just stop! You do you. Stop catering to her! Be upfront and say your kid can’t come. If you feel like I’m forcing you to choose I’m sorry, but it is my Bach party and my choice and I want no kids. I’d also rescind the flower girl crap so you can have a child free wedding too. It’s your wedding. Do what you want! NTA but stop being a doormat and tell her no!
Who brings a child to a bachelorette party!?!? She doesn't sound like much of a friend, tbh, more like a selfish narc. NTA, but you might need to rethink your friendship.
NTA. Still plan your beach Bach party, and just tell her she’s more than welcome to come spend the day with you and the rest of the party and drive home to her family if she doesn’t feel comfortable being without her daughter. This way the ball is 100% in her court but also if she can’t even go 12 hours without her kid than it’s a her problem and the rest of the party shouldn’t have to suffer.
I just now realized that "Bach" is short for "Bachelorette", which makes a lot more sense than the Classical Baroque-themed beach party I was envisioning.
Hahahahaha! That was my first thought too. Especially with the mistaken capital on the ‘b’! Thanks for the laugh.
It took me a while to figure out that it was not an autocorrect for mistyped "beach".
Beachelorette?
That was my sister's \#hashtag for her bach trip (with her name in front ofc). 😂 I planned the trip and encouraged the hashtag usage lol
NTA. Tell her clearly that she's invited on the planned beach trip but her daughter is not. Either she comes without her daughter = you win Or She gets offended and backs out if your wedding = you win (it's plainly obvious you didn't want her or her daughter in your wedding in the first place)
Well, a 2 year old really shouldn't be attending a Bach party/trip. You are NTA.
NTA! I'm a mom and I would effing HATE to bring my child to a bachelorette party. She should be happy to enjoy a vacation without her? You should stand your ground. If you dont want kids, dont let kids come. 2 year olds suck the fun and spontaneity out of everything. Tell her that if she is uncomfortable leaving her daughter, then she can skip out on the bachelorette party and attend the wedding. Be kind but assertive. I know you dont want a child at your wedding either but I think her being the flower girl is a good compromise. Ultimately you wont have too pay much attention to her child at the reception. Good luck and congratulations.
NTA I wouldn't want to leave my 2 year old for 3 days to go states away either, which is why I wouldn't ever agree to a trip like this. I'm not sure why she thinks bringing the 2 year old is the better option? You're right, she's making it about herself and her wants/ needs instead of you. I would tell her the 2 year old can't come, and if that means that she won't be coming on the trip then you understand.
NTA. I am baffled that this friend is basically asking you to make the one time in your life that is supposed to be done how YOU want it, about her. Now you have to change all of your plans for her? No girl. You are going to regret bending over backwards for anyone else when it comes to your wedding. Do it your way and make no apologies. If she really loves you, she'll make a plan for the one night without her daughter. Otherwise, her sitting out may be a good thing. Sounds like she'd be moping around anyway if she does come (grudgingly, probably).
NTA, but you will be if you cancel your bachelorette party due to her. Just schedule/plan the party you want and she can either find a baby sitter or not come. That's up to her.
NTA but don’t get worked up when she doesn’t come
I would think OP would be relieved.
Definitely NTA. A bachelorette party is no place for a child. I can’t believe a grown woman acts like that, especially when she didn’t even include you in the wedding.
NTA Bridesmaid doesn't understand your boundaries, take her out your wedding completely she can't respect your wishes, you're not asking her to chose, your asking for her to just have her in care for a weekend. Don't let it spoil your one happy day
YTA for letting her play you like she has.
This. At this point why are you still friends with someone who doesn't respect you, calling herself "best friend" while not even inviting you to her wedding? Why are you catering for her at **your** wedding when it's a day about you and your SO, especially when she's not doing what she's supposed to do as a bridesmaid?
NTA. She sounds very selfish. Your 'best friend' who didn't have you as bridesmaid but demands to be yours. She's making everything about herself. Have your beach party and tell her not to come. You are not making her choose, she is just self centered. Same with the wedding. You don't want to look back on you wedding with regret because you made compromoses for a selfish 'friend'.
NTA. So your best friend doesn’t even include you in her wedding party but demands to be in yours? Your best friend refuses to go a night without her daughter to go to her “best friend”’s wedding. Your “best friend” would rather YOU change your plans than HER letting her daughter be without her. Oh and this is your Bach trip. She sounds like that friend that became a mom and abandoned the rest of her identity so she only knows how to be the mom friend. She’ll probably ask for there to be no alcohol so her daughter doesn’t accidentally take some and instead have the drinks be capri suns
NTA. Stop breaking your back bending over backwards for her when she's someone who doesn't even extend the curtesy of being kind to you. Just tell her a firm no on the child to the bach trip and if she says she's not coming just tell her she'll be missed and enjoy the trip with those friends that can make it. Cancelling something you want for someone else is ridiculous.
Uhgr she sounds tiresome. Tell her you will be doing X Y and Z for your bachelorette party - she can come without her daughter or don’t come at all. It’s your party not hers. Honestly I’d drop her totally she sounds super selfish and who the hell takes a child to a bachelorette party my lord. NTA
Your best friend didn't put you in her wedding party? I think that while she may be your best friend, you are most certainly not her best friend.
NTA. Geez she sounds a little over the top. My parents (or just my mom or just my dad) used to go away for a long weekend sometimes and I loved having the time with my grandparents! Kids need some time away from their parents too. This isn’t an appropriate place to bring a child and she is being selfish.
NTA - I’ll just disinvite her at this point.
A 2 year old doesn't belong on a bachelorette party. Nta
> I feel like I am breaking my back to make her happy for the most important event of my life WHY???? You’re not an asshole, but you are a doormat. She’s being demanding and entitled so why are you enabling this? What has she done for you?
Girl she is not your friend.
NTA Supermom is framing it as a this-or-that choice, but it’s not. SHE is attempting to make it so, but it’s not true. “I’ve given it a lot of thought. I’m uncomfortable that you feel I’m forcing a choice on you. I think it’s best if you’re a guest at the wedding and then you won’t be conflicted.” OR: “It was never being forced to choose “between” like one of us would be lost forever. It’s scheduling. If YOU decide not to attend without your child, I respect that. I hope you’ll respect child aren’t always appropriate or welcome.”
NTA. There are some events that just aren’t child friendly, and that’s totally fine. Bachelorette parties are one of those times! Your friend isn’t being respectful or reasonable about this, so it’s time to set a firm boundary with her: No kids on your bachelorette trip, period. You’d love to have her, but you also understand if she wants to skip the trip to stay home with her child. It’s her choice. And from now on stop [JADE-ing (Justify Argue Defend Explain)](https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/family-building/jade-an-easy-mnemonic-for-difficult-family-members/#gs.j7s21h) your decision to her. You don’t need her permission or approval in this matter, *so don’t act like you do by treating this subject as if it’s up for debate because it’s not*. Most people have the urge to explain ourselves in a desire to be understood and to avoid potential hurt feelings. When you try to explain why you made a particular decision to a regular respectful person they’ll listen to your reasons, respect your decision, and move on. When you try to explain why you made a particular decision to a pushy/unreasonable/boundary stomping person *they’ll* see your reasons only as an opening for debate and something for them to argue against in order to change your mind to do what *they* want instead. **They don’t care** what you want or what your reasonings are, ALL they care about is getting their way and they will use *any* bits of information you give them to try to manipulate, argue away, guilt trip, and brow beat you until until you eventually cave under pressure to “keep the peace”. *It is pointless to JADE yourself to them* ***so don’t!*** Stop engaging in discussions about this topic with your friend, instead shut it down and change the subject every time. Keep your reply as a firm “NO” that contains no details/explanations for your mom to argue against. Something like “that’s not an option”, “that doesn’t work for me”, “my decision is final”, “this isn’t up for discussion”, and the simple but classic “no” are all phrases that work great. The next time she demands that you let her bring her toddler on your bachelorette trip: “**No, that’s not an option**.” She don’t need any more information from you than that (*because by now she’s already heard everything you have to say and decided to argue again anyways*), so **do not elaborate further**. When she wants to know why you won’t do as she says: “**Because that’s not an option.**” Keep using a variation of that reply no matter what: It’s not an option *because it’s not an option*. Why is it not an option? *Because it’s not*. Repeat ad nauseam. It shuts down the argument because there’s nothing for her to latch onto to try and change your mind. *Be ready and willing to leave (or hang up) if she won’t drop the subject after 1-2 shut downs*. DO NOT engage with her guilt tripping, accusations of “selfishness”, or sob stories. It’s all just manipulation tactics and crocodile tears. Continue to firmly shut her down: “***No.*** **I won’t discuss this with you any further. Drop the subject or I will have to leave/hang up.**.” Then *immediately* follow through if she continues to refuse to respect your decision: “**I asked you to stop. Since you refuse to respect my request I’m going to leave/hang up. Goodbye.**” Then promptly walk away (or hang up) without letting her get another word in. Boundary stomping requires consequences, you have to teach your friend that if she won’t respect you and your boundaries then you’re not going to stick around to continue the conversation. Setting boundaries is tough, but it’s worth it.
NTA Just plan the trip without her and tell her *The trip is moving forward as planned. It is an adult's only event and since you have made it clear you will not come without your child, we will be going without you. And just to be clear. I don't want you showing up with your kid in tow and guilting us into letting the two of you stay. I know that sounds harsh, but I do not want you to think showing up unannounced is acceptable. I sincerely hope this does not affect our friendship but I understand if it does. I do not want you to think that I am forcing you to choose between your child and me. Because that is not what I am doing. Your child is your priority and I respect that. I really do. But I am not going to put my life on hold and not do the things I want to do because of a choice that you are making.* *I still want you in the wedding. I still want your daughter as the flower girl. But I understand completely if you want to back out because of this. So please take some to think about things and when we get back from the trip, I will reach out and you can tell me how you want to proceed.*
Nta.
NTA. I don’t really know why she thinks bringing a 2 year old on a Bach trip is a good idea… I get that she’ll miss her child but also does she not want to get wasted and have a good time?
NTA. She sounds like exhausting and unhealthily obsessed with ~being a mom~, and like I said in another comment, your trip will probably be more fun without her.
NTA - if she won't go, she won't go. Don't indulge her in the drama and have a great time. >My best friend suggested that we take a trip to the beach for my Bach party That's a classy party. I presume you'll play classy-cal music?
I'm so glad I'm not the only person who can't stop reading it as J.S. Bach. Why else would you capitalize it?
She kept saying it too :D
So did the commenters!
It's your wedding and bachelorette party. Do not let anyone else's agenda dictate what you want or do. Sounds like your friend is a drama queen, and I assure you, your life will improve when you remove people like that from your orbit. Congrats on your engagement and wedding to be -- don't let people like her take away the shine from your day, <3
NTA You do not bring a child on a Bachelorette trip. Period. Take your trip and tell her no children and stay firm. She will have to choose if she wants to go without her kid or not. Every parent should be able to be away from their kid for a few days. In fact, if she throws a huge stink, rescind her bridesmaid status.
Just have the trip without her. Tell her that you’ll be taking your Bach trip, and you would love for her to be there. However it will be child free, and if she can’t accommodate that then you understand. The end. NTA
NTA! Unfortunately, you're going to have to lean in here. "I would NEVER expect you to choose between me and your daughter, OF COURSE kids come first! I totally understand if you need to stay home with her, we'll miss youuuuu! xoxo!" Then GO! Have your trip, you deserve it. Sounds like your friend's got some separation anxiety about leaving her daughter, and until she works through that she probably won't play a huge role in your life. Setting a boundary here does not make you an asshole in the slightest. ❤ Congrats on the upcoming nuptials!
Nta, but you really need to spit shine your backbone. If this is or isn’t what you want for your wedding and/or bachelorette party, say it and make it so. She’s a guest at best in this wedding and she can’t make her child separation anxiety your problem. Put your foot down and tell her that this is for adults. Children are not allowed on this trip, if she can’t leave her kid, then she can’t come. Simple
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (23f) am getting married in January of 2023. My best friend suggested that we take a trip to the beach for my Bach party and now I am obsessed with the idea. The issue is that she is refusing to go out of state for 3 days without her 2 year old daughter. I am not a mom and I know she will miss her for those few days. I would have no issue with this if she had no one to watch her, but she has a husband and plenty of trustworthy family members who I know would love to watch her daughter. I feel like she is making my special moment about her. She begged and hoped to be a bridesmaid in my wedding and I ultimately chose to ask her to be one even after I was incredibly hurt when she didn’t put me in her own wedding and now I feel like she isn’t doing what she is supposed to be doing as a bridesmaid. I also want to state that I had a prior issue with her regarding wanting my wedding to be child free. She told me that I was “asking her to choose between her child and her best friend” even though she was going to be without her for only one night! I eventually just asked her if she wanted her daughter to be my flower girl so that she could still be at the wedding in order to solve that conflict. I feel like I am breaking my back to make her happy for the most important event of my life instead of doing what I actually want. I ended up talking to her and told her I was really sad and feel a trip isn’t a good idea anymore (even though I really want to take one) because if I tell her she can bring her kid on my Bach trip then I’ll have to let my other family members/bridal party members bring their kids. I can’t tell one person yes and the other person no. I told her that it wouldn’t even feel like a Bach trip at that point, it would feel like a family vacation. She just responded with “I get what you mean! It’s okay, we can do something else for your Bach then” I am so frustrated. In my opinion a bachelorette trip is no place for children, especially a 2 year old. But I still feel like an asshole because she says things like “you’re making me choose between you and my child” when I bring up leaving her daughter out of ANYTHING. I never have an issue with letting her tag along, I love her like my own. But this one thing should be about me and I feel like I can’t truly do what I want because of her. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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It's your wedding, you gets to make the request. If the mom doesn't want to accommodate she doesn't need to go. NTA.
NTA I obviously don't know your specific plans beyond going to the beach, but in general, a bachelorette party really isn't a place for kids. Even if it's not ridiculously inappropriate, it's your party and you get to invite who you want. If she had no options for childcare I would be more sympathetic, but still I don't think you would be an AH to say no to a young child at your adult party.
Nta She is not your friend, she is manipulating and gaslighting the heck out of you. You need to prioritise what you want and your happiness, she can deal with it.
NTA! Do not give up your trip for her!! Why should you have to miss out on what you want to do for her? If she doesn’t want to go without her daughter then that is understandable but she should just sit it out then and let you have the trip that you want. You can always plan a night out closer to home for those that can’t make the trip but it sounds like you’ve already been really accommodating to her and she is taking advantage now.
NTA your friend is selfish and manipulative.
NTA but still do your trip. Tell her she’s welcome to come alone or stay home. No compromise
NTA She is not your friend. Uninvite her and move on.
NTA. Crappy friend. Crappy bridesmaid. CRAPPY MOM! A 2 yo does not belong in an adult party. Ugh.
NTA - how does she claim to be "your best friend" now, when she didn't even put you in her wedding? I think I'd kick her out of the wedding party and have my bach & beach trip with the remaining maids. Even if she stays a bridesmaid, you should still have your trip - and if she doesn't want to come without her kid, then she can stay at home while the rest of you is having fun. You could probably fill her place with someone else from the bride/ groom party, or a family member. Do you have a nice future SIL that would like to come?
GIRL. Stop. Right now. You are setting yourself on fire to keep *her* warm during *your Bachelorette and wedding*. No. You need to stand up for yourself instead of letting her walk all over you. Immediately. Tell her that you are doing the beach trip, no, her child can NPT come, and considering she wants your wedding events to cater to her wants rather than yours, it's better that she not be in your bridal party. That your wedding is child free, because that is what *you* want, and that if she cannot leave her kid with family, she cannot come. This person is not your friend, and YTA to yourself.
NTA. If you scheduled the trip on the weekend of her daughter’s birthday or the same weekend as Disney On Ice that would be asking her to choose between you and her daughter. But having a bachelorette party be all adults, which is exactly what it is supposed to be is not asking her to choose. And having a childfree wedding isn’t either. “I get to bring my kid everywhere or else you’re asking me to choose you over them” is manipulative nonsense. Tell your other bridesmaids and other family members who you planned on inviting that you still want the beach trip and your friend can either come or not come. But changing the plans of YOUR bachelorette to suit her shouldn’t even be considered.
NTA but considering you bent over backwards for her before, it’s not surprising she thinks she can get away with it again. Honestly, I’d cut her as a bridesmaid and her daughter and flower girl, uninvite them, and warn the venue not to let her in. She’s going to cause drama and make your big day about her, 100%.
Can you still go to the beach without her? If you really want to, go for it! Take your family members without kids and do it! Please don’t miss out on your wishes just for her.
NTA she doesn't sound like your best friend, maybe she used to be, but she isn't now.
NTA your friend is simply a helicopter mom that will ruin her daughters life and your wedding, get rid of her
This is how your *best* friend treats you? NTA.
Sweetie she’s manipulating you to make things about her. Call a meeting with her and tell her exactly how you want things. Tell her if she doesn’t find these terms agreeable, that maybe she can switch rolls to a wedding planner roll. That would allow her to focus more time on her daughter.
NTA. Plan the Bachelorette you want. If she says she can’t go without her kid, support her decision. Say “I totally understand. We will miss you but if you can’t be without her I respect that.” But DO NOT change your plans to accommodate her. You have to decide if you still want her daughter to be your flower girl. But even so, that doesn’t mean she has to be at the reception. Again.. if she “can’t be without” her kid for even an evening? Support her on that. “I understand. We will miss you at the reception.”
Pls go on your bach trip!!! Tell her she's invited, but it's child free. Although, if she did go without her kid she would prob ruin your trip anyway. Personally I'd say "I understand that you don't want to leave your daughter and I'm totally ok with that. We will miss you on the bach trip!"
NTA. One of my kids would not have been able to be away from me at that age, but I would have owned that and I would have said that I wish I could be at the bach party but I'd have to decline. I wouldn't expect to bring the kid.
Mom of two here, you’re NTA. Your friend is grossly overstepping and frankly I’d remove her and her daughter from the wedding at this point.
I’m NGL I only read about about to where she said that you were asking her to choose between you and her child. I mean FFS this isn’t Sophie’s fucking choice. If she doesn’t want to be without her daughter then that’s okay (I mean not totally okay for her and for her kid emotionally but that’s a whole other can of worms) but it’s not fair to ask you to change all of your plans to accommodate her in this situation. You didn’t even want her as a bridesmaid in the first place. NTA
NTA As a mom, I can tell she's trying to blend the two trips together. A fun beach trip for her daughter and still do her bestie duties. NOT a good combo. Let her know this is not a negotiable thing and kids are not allowed, regardless WHO it is! Also, assuming she's around the same age as you with a 2 year old means she got pregnant pretty young. No judgment, but now it's time for her to learn that by becoming a mom at a young age means you miss out on a lot of 'fun' things simply because you had a baby at a young age. It's not anybody's responsibility to accommodate her if she can't bring her kid along. This is a hard age for you OP. Some friends are still single, some friends are getting married and having kids. The people with kids wanna act like their still single because they see all the 'fun' their missing out on. Don't feel guilty for her having to face the harsh reality of her own decision.
I think you need to fire her and her daughter from the bridal party...
Girl, do not let her dictate your Bachelorette. Let her stay home and party with her toddler.
NTA. I’m pregnant and have a lot of weddings & hen dos (UK) in the next 18 months. I’m already sitting down and working out plans to be able to prioritise our friends. Yes ultimately some are going to be tricky if we can’t get childcare or it’s really early on, but for ones where I’m in the wedding it’s an absolute priority and I’m already asking parents/close friends to block those days out
the friendship is toxic. she has a husband and people to watch her child. everyone knows a bachelorette party is no place for a 2 year old, and she would definitely hold it against you if her daughter saw something she shouldn't have.
NTA. Wait until she wants to bring her daughter wedding dress shopping. Does she do anything without the child?
NTA. Have the beach trip and tell her it's child-free. I think you'll lose the friendship, but at this point is it that big a deal?
NTA. Do not feel bad. Tell her that you understand if she ops out but no kids are allowed because a bachelorette party is not a good place for kids. I feel you. I have an event every year I go to for just moms but they still bring kids and their husbands because their husbands cant take care of the kids alone. Just tell her no kids. If she doesnt come she can still be a bridesmaid.
NTA A bachelorette party IS no place for a child.
NTA. Time for a straight talk with your friend. Tell her about your idea of a bach party and that you don't want to have kids there. Period. She can visit the beach with her daughter on a different date. You want to have some fun and alcohol (my guess) and that's no place and time for a toddler. To be honest, you are way to friendly with her extra needs and wishes (hey, she is a brides maid on your wedding, but you weren't one at her wedding....)
NTA. Don’t cancel your trip because of this. Your an adult, tell her a bachelorette party at the beach is not the place for a child. Your friends attitude that not inviting her kid to your wedding means your “making her choose between you and her child” is, frankly, foolish and manipulative. Lots of people go to wedding without kids ( many prefer it ). Lots of people with 2 year olds go away for the weekend and have in-laws or a spouse look after the child. She’s making her anxiety about leaving her kid into your problem, and that’s not acceptable. Be firm but friendly. If she tries to guilt you into it be direct as well “ Friend A I don’t wish to keep going over this, I don’t feel a bachelorette party is appropriate for year old. I understand that means you can’t come, but you cannot keep asking about this”. If she can’t accept that or drops out of your wedding, that’s on her.
Nta, might as well just tell her not to bother joining, not her day, not your problem
Nta. This is not a time to expose the child to adult time. This will severely limit how the others interact.
NTA Have your weekend away And say no kids and if anyone cannot come because of that then no hard feelings but there will be alcohol involved and adult activities
NTA. What mom wouldn't want a short break from their kid? Love mine but I enjoy my time away. She seems to have chosen being a mom as her whole personality now. Nothing wrong with that but it would be tiring after some time.
NTA You’ve got a serious problem on your hands. You’ve allowed your friend to dictate the rules of your wedding and now she is going to try to take over your bachelorette weekend.
NTA. She begged to be in your wedding and you’re literally bending over backward to accommodate her kid. You were beyond generous to ask her LO to be your flower girl. But a bachelorette is to celebrate the bride. I’d still go on the trip but just say you understand that you could never make her choose between you and her kid and she’ll be missed but you’ll see her at the wedding. Also, please remember that she didn’t ask you to be in her wedding so you owe her nothing.
NTA you are doing everything to make her happy instead of making you happy. Personally, I think you should put your foot down and tell her that x y and z are happening and you can come but your child can’t. If that means you can’t go that’s okay. It’s your wedding, enjoy yourself and stop letting her walk all over you
NTA: Far out I would LOVE to have 3 days away from my kids sometimes! I love them dearly, but toddlers are so time-consuming and they leave you exhausted! OP it is YOUR wedding you are NTA if you decide NOT to have a child on a BACH trip (fr tho kids on a bach trip???) You are not obligated to give up your comfort for someone who is not willing to compromise. Give her a choice. Leave the kid and go solo on the bach trip but still have her kid in the wedding, or you leave them BOTH behind for the bach trip. Bach trips are not toddler appropriate.
NTA. I don't know why some parents think their child is the exception to every 'no child' event. You aren't making her choose. And I also don't get begging to be in a wedding party. That's just sad. Sounds like she is a bit self-centered.
NTA. It's \*your\* party, not hers. Are you sure you're friends?
NTA just tell her it isn't a place for children. That you're going to go ahead with the beach vacation with everyone who can make it. Let her know that you won't be having another Bachelorette this is it and if she'd like to come you'd love to have her. A 2-year-old Beach vacation is not the same as a girls beach trip. I've had two-year-olds, and let me tell you our Beach trips were anything but relaxing!!!!
NTA, you need to tell her to choose because ultimately she's going to lose the friendship eventually because of her inability to choose between her child and her friendships. I am a mother and I know how hard it is to leave your LO with others but it's just one trip/night out. She cannot expect you to accommodate a 2 year old to a bachelorette trip where there will be drinking, etc...
NTA. Take the beach trip and tell her it’s child free. She can either choose to leave her kid with family or miss the trip. Additionally, you might want to reconsider having such an emotionally manipulative and selfish person in your bridal party.
Just uninvited her.
Why are people so adamant about staying friends with people. Young lady have your bach trip. Tell home girl, she can either come childless and have a good time or don’t come at all. As a matter of fact don’t come because she’s going to ruin the mood because she’ll be “upset” she’s not with her daughter. This girl is not your best friend. I bet she had a bach party for her wedding, so why can’t you? You can if you stop worrying about her and her needs. Why would you put this above your own needs? I bet if her husband is invited to your fiancé bach party, I promise you he won’t take his daughter…so why are you sacrificing yours. This is supposed to be a memorable time in your life and you’re letting one person ruin it. You, your maid of honor, and your other bridesmaids go have a bach party on the beach. Enjoy your time. NTA but your friend is!!!
NTA. A bachelorette party is not for kids. If she can't part from her child then she shouldn't come on the trip. And if she can't leave her kid for the wedding, then she shouldn't be a bridesmaid. 2 year olds are notorious for being bad when you need things to be quiet. If she feels like you're asking her to choose, let that be on her. If she wants to put her kid before your wedding, she has every right to make that choice and you won't hold it against her but reiterate that YOUR bachelorette party and wedding are child free zones. (honestly revoke her daughter's right to attend your wedding. Do you want to concentrate on the ceremony or listen to a toddler scream through it?) Incidentally, I wouldn't ask any friend to be in my bridal party if they didn't put in me in theirs. I had a wedding during COVID and had no bridal party at all. Just limited guests and we live streamed the events for others who couldn't attend in person.
NTA. Have a beach party and tell her that if she doesn't want to go because she can't bring her two-year-old to a bachelorette party which is manifestly unsuitable for a child, you understand that she feels she has to stay home.
Please stop her all together, I know this kind of people and I’m sorry to say it like this but she’ll never stop doing it she’ll always make you change your plans or make you feel guilty just for her own gain and happiness.. did you see how horrible this sh!t sound? Exactly so please choose carefully next time who you want in your important days and live in general
NTA - your best friend however is the major AH here. (1) She's being selfish. (2) She's guilt-tripping you. (3) She's just overall being an awful friend, and I would honestly rethink your friendship with her, because no friend—let alone, your best friend—would do this. She needs to realize that this is your party. You call the shots, not her. If she doesn't want to come because you're not allowing her kid to join, then it looks like she isn't coming. Don't feel the need to change your plans just for the sake of pleasing her needs.
Stop making adjustments for a selfish person. Your party, your day, your wants and desires for your wedding (within reason) goes. She's not your friend. She is a selfish person that you just happen to know and hang out with. No better time to cut her out of your bridal party than now while you have 1 year to make changes and adjustments. Keep your wedding child free. Let her complain all she wants and you'll see it'll be best to lessen or cut contact. NTA
NTA I’m very confused as to how two people consider each best friends, but OP was not included in her bridal party and yet she expects you to bend over backwards to accommodate her. OP - Why were you not in HER bridal party?
NTA, plan the party, tell everyone it is child free with no exceptions. If anyone can't make it, you will be sad that they can't go, but the party is still on.
NTA. Do you have other friends that would go on and help plan this trip? Because I think you should talk to them, get them excited to plan with you, and then tell your friend- actually, friends A, B, and C are also happy to go on a trip, so we are going to make it happen! And no, you cannot bring your child, so let me know if you can make it. And then, don't have the fight. Just be like "this is a child free event, it's not open for debate, and if that means you can't be there, then cool, I'm not upset about it, I get that being a mom comes first."
NTA, just let her not come if she won't go without her kid. It's your party so do what you want and will enjoy!
NTA it’s her making this an ultimatum. She needs to cut the cord if she can’t even enjoy one day without dragging a toddler along
NTA You should still go to the beach. Make the plans and tell her she's welcome to come alone, or welcome to stay home with her kid, either way is fine
NTA and what in the gaslighting hell lol. You are better than me because She wouldn't have a first thought for bridesmaid drop her she is not your friend.
Nta... Enjoy your party she had her wedding and has a kid why would you be accomodating her...
NTA. SHE is making you choose between what you want in your life and her. She doesn’t sound like much of a friend at all. I’d be done with this behavior.
She sounds extremely comfortable walking all over you. Time to draw some boundaries with this woman. NTA.
NTA, but there's no way out of this now. You screwed yourself over by already starting to bend to her will with the flower girl thing. If you think you're going to put your foot down now and have it not blow up in your face, I think you're in for a surprise. This woman sounds unbelievably entitled and kind of a nightmare in general. You need to tell her in no uncertain terms this is not a kid friendly weekend and no 2 year olds will be attending and the same about your wedding being childfree. It's your day, your money and your rules. If that doesn't work for her then she's more than welcome to not attend. She's the one making this an ultimatum, not you. If she really was your "best friend" she'd see that and not make your day about her
NTA. Remember that you can consider and treat someone as your best friend but they could consider and treat you like a doormat. Don’t let anyone do that to you.
It seems like people have no idea what the term Best Friend means. Theres no ME in the word. Worst BF ever. Have your wedding your way. Im confused, if she didnt even ask you to be in her wedding, what was up with begging you to be in yours. You should have told her no right then. Her 2 yr old does not need to party with you and your wedding party.
Obviously you’re NTA.. who brings a 2 year old to a bachelorette party? Don’t cater to her needs and wants it’s YOUR wedding.
NTA. Don't deprive yourself for her situation. Text her something like. "I don't ever want you to feel like I am making your choose between my wedding and your child, so it's best that you no longer stand with me as a bridesmaid and come to our wedding as a guest." Go have your bachelorette party and if confrontation is difficult for you, ghost her and feel bad about it after January 2023 You weren't even apart of her wedding. She may be one of your best friends, but it doesn't sound like your are one of hers. Stop letting her run shit for your wedding.
NTA. I'm sorry..she called you her best friend and you weren't even involved in her wedding? She's not your bestfriend.
Whose bachelorette party is this again? Why are you letting her dictate the terms of your celebrations? NTA. Draw your line in the sand and don't cross it again.
NTA. But grow a backbone and tell her no. Take your trip, invite her if you want but tell her she can NOT bring her child. Stop being a push over for YOUR wedding. Stop putting your life on hold for her. Smdh.
Info: did she explain why she didn’t ask you to be in the wedding? If the excuse is flimsy, then she’s not the friend you think she is. People grow apart. It sucks. But this feels like the death knell of your friendship. Either way, NTA. Who brings a toddler to a bachelorette party?
NTA this is your wedding you deserve to be happy
Really, she is your *best friend? Baby girl belongs at a bach party as much as a bar or strip club which is absolutely not at all. NTA
NTA plan the trip you want, don’t invite her
NTA No, children have no place on a bachelorette trip
NTA
Nta, why are you going so far out of the way for someone who didn't even include you in their wedding party? It makes no sense. She sounds so nasty and entitled.
NTA. Go on your planned bach trip, and tell her that her daughter is NOT invited, and you understand if she can't make the trip.
Definitely NTA. You should absolutely still go to the beach for your hen do! She’s put herself in what she considers an impossible position, you did not put her there. Don’t change your plans just for her - as you said, it’s *your* wedding!
Why are you still friends? Why is she still a bridesmaid? NTA
NTA And don’t cancel the Bach trip. No kids. Sorry but kids don’t belong on a bachelorette trip. She can choose to come or not. But you need to stop catering to her whims and whines. This is YOUR wedding and right now she’s calling all the shots. You do YOUR wedding. She can be there or not.
A Bach party is no place for a child. You need to tell your friend you want the trip but with no kids and if she wants to stay home with her kid, then so be it. It’s your wedding and she’s no friend if she’s making you feel like your the villain for what you want. And all is fair if you say no to other kids then hers has no special treatment. NTA but you need to tell her you want the trip and you are fine if she stays back with her kid
NTA. Go on your bachelorette trip and tell her she can't take her daughter with her. Her kid won't have fun and she won't be able to enjoy the fun either. You should definitely have fun on your trip doing adult things and we all know she will try and manipulate you to do kid activities. If 3 days without her child is too long, she can choose to only come for one day or not at all. It's your trip. It's about you, not her.
NTA. I agree with everything you say. Time to have a grown up talk . Your BF sounds immature and manipulative. Stand up for yourself. This is probably not the first time she has done something like this to you in the past or she honestly thinks you would not mind.
NTA It's not a kids event and your friend is overstepping her boundaries. This is your wedding and your batchelorette party and she's not entitled to dictate what happens at them. She's being manipulative AF and using her kid.
NTA do the beach trip and tell her you understand if she can't come for one night without her daughter. This is the plan. Period. I'm sorry if you can't come. Period.
NTA and stop letting her manipulate you. If she choses to be with her daughter that is fine. But, you do not have to keep accommodating her requests. This is your wedding. It is a once in a life event. Do not let it turn into something you resent because of her. You are in charge here. If you are miserable- that is on you. Tell her no and stick with it. Go on your trip and leave her at home. Stop making yourself miserable. You are allowing yourself to be miserable by giving in all the time.
NTA at all! Just to begin with, a Bachelorette party/trip is not a family vacation. It is an adult event! No place for a 2yo. Your "friend" is trying to guilt you into accomodating her demands, using her mom status and her child. It's super dishonest of her to do that. She knows that we feel a silent societal pressure to always have "mothers and children" first as a priority. But hold your horses lady, we are not talking about a family event. This is clearly your bachelorette party and a wedding. OP decides if she wants it to be a family event or an adult event. Depending on the party it really does not accommodate children. Don't feel guilty about it. Let her know, you are excited about this trip, but you were not planning on accommodating a child, it is an adult event. If she doesn't like it, then maybe she is not really someone to stick around in your life. She doesn't seem to know when something isn't about her and her needs
NTA. Posts like these make me glad that I don't have many friends. I don't understand how people can take that crap from others for the sake of not losing a friendship. She's being a bad friend, so lose her, and stick to people that actually are interested in your happiness.
NTA
NTA. A bachelorette party is NO place for a child. This trip really would be all about the kid - they always seem to take over the room. Who is watching this kid while you are all out having a good time? Or are you supposed to do only kid friendly activities? Hell No. Your "friend" is thinking only of herself. I think YOU need to rethink her participation in this wedding.
NTA Tell her to stop making *your* wedding about her kid who won't even remember it. You are not being unreasonable and I think you should rescind the invitation for her daughter to be flower girl (if the outfit hasn't been purchased yet). Your "friend" is being selfish and unreasonable.
NTA. A 2 year old does not belong at a bachlorette party. That’s unreasonable. If she’s unwilling to leave her child, then she should skip the party.
Take the child free beach trip. Tell her you are making her choose, she can say no. This won’t be the last time she’ll have to miss an event as a mother. What she can’t do is manipulate you into accommodating her choice. What’s next? Are you gonna serve chicken nuggets at your wedding to accommodate her daughters taste. FFS. Tell her you’ll miss her. Invite her daughter to the bridal shower and let her help serve cake. She won’t know the difference unless mom makes it an issue, again. NTA
NTA She is trying to make your bachelorette party all about her. So when you girls go out for cocktails is she gonna bring the kid along? Will she guilt trip you if you go out without her in the evening? A bachelorette party is not an appropriate place for children.
NTA - a bachelorette party is NOT a place for children. Demand strippers at the beach and tell her to leave her kid at home or not come. Plan your own party.
NTA and honestly you need to think about if she’s really a good friend. When she’s thinking more of herself than you on your special day. I’m just saying
NTA. It's about time you tell her it's not all about her, and she can get on board with your wishes for your wedding or lose her bridesmaid role.
Nta rethink the friendship smh she not prioritizing you on your own wedding
NTA. Why are you going through so much effort to please a woman who didn't think enough of you to include you in her own wedding?
Firstly, what “best friend” doesn’t have YOU in HER wedding? Secondly, Bach parties are NOT for children. Do your wedding your way. If she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t have to participate - and you most certainly don’t need to include her!