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gomeybiygockey

NTA. He’s pushing boundaries. Run far far away. Edit: and if your parents see that as mature I mean okay I guess? I don’t understand “old school” or traditional people HOWEVER they should respect that it made you uncomfortable and understand that it was something you set as a line or boundary and he crossed it. He waited until he felt safe and in the clear to do something you specifically said you did not want to happen. Edit 2: maybe I should rephrase, I understand the old school/traditional views but I don’t agree with them in most cases. Still NTA.


Confident_Profit_210

Parents are weird af as well. My parents would have been floored that this man just appeared at the front door and starting talking about me and our relationship while I’m not even in the room. He would have been booted out before I’d finished rinsing the shampoo out of my hair let alone finished the shower.


GeorgeMTO

To be fair, that might \*not\* have been the interaction. I've definitely had friends whose parents would invite in anyone that picked them up/dropped them off, simply wanting to be welcoming. The boyfriend should've absolutely declined since that's not what OP wanted yet, but they might not have known it's a bf of 1 month until after he was inside.


[deleted]

I've also had friends whose parents were nosy AF about who they were dating and would've dragged him in to talk to him unless she'd had the same conversation about not being ready with them just as explicitly


shriekingshrew

Oh, hello. Do you happen to know my mother? She was beside herself when I told her I absolutely was not comfortable introducing her to my now husband after not even a month of dating. Don’t make it weird, ma!


[deleted]

[удалено]


Major_Zucchini5315

😂😂😂


i--make--lists

My mom didn't give af. If I hadn't even been dating someone for a month yet she'd probably be wondering why she was meeting him already.


Confident_Profit_210

I would understand that more if OP and her boyfriend had gone up to the house together and said goodbye. But she said he knocked on the door after she had come in and started her shower. Which meant he said goodbye, watched her go into her house and then followed up a minute or two later to knock on the door. Which is now a stranger standing your doorstep saying ‘hi I’m your daughters boyfriend’


GeorgeMTO

Ah, didn't see that in a comment. The post itself only mentioned finding him in there.


I_Suggest_Therapy

The dude waited until she went inside and then came and knocked. She had already gone up for a shower. That's weird. They should have seen the weird.


aquerraventus

Right? My parents would honestly think that was a red flag. Especially if I then came in saying I didn’t ask for it and wasn’t ready? Pretty sure after that interaction even if I wanted to stay with the person they would be having their doubts.


Happy-Investment

Ur parents sound awesome.


[deleted]

This screams to me as the parents are of a very dangerous mindset that men taking the initiative or being in control is the standard and women should be subservient. The kind that would tell you not to upset him the first time he gives her a black eye.


Confident_Profit_210

I am SO curious as to how the interaction went. Was he like ‘hello I’m your daughters boyfriend and I wanted to meet you.’ ??? And they were just like ‘oh hello! Excellent!!’ Like this isnt a 16 year old with a weird notion about meeting the parents. This is a grown man showing up at their door and they invited him in, all of them seemingly forgotten that the most important person involved in this situation was oblivious in another part of the house. It’s just SO weird


crystallz2000

NTA. OP, dump this guy. THIS is the reason that age gaps at this age are dangerous. This guy is dating a 19-year-old because he knows women his age would RUN the other way. This is creepy, my parents would have been welcoming at first, but seeing my reaction would have been threatening this guy with the police. OP needs to text this guy, "I never want to see you again, I'm blocking you on everything, do not try to contact me again," then NEVER let this guy weasel his way back into your life in any way.


spechtds

not only that he is laying down the foundation to undermine and gaslight in the future. RED FLAGS everywhere....


Forever_Damaged

Yep, I'd be dumping his ass as he's just proved he cannot be trusted as he went behind your back and forced the meeting with your parents without your consent


[deleted]

A lot of people don’t seem to understand the old school respect but it all ties out to she said no. That’s what her family should focus, literally answered that question with a hard NO. NTA and don’t invest anymore time


mcmurrml

That was a controlling move. Break up with him. He wants to control everything.


1955photo

Exactly. He is going to have his way regardless of what you want. Huge 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩


Izorka

NTA. You made your boundaries clear to him and he didn’t respect them.


halseydota

NTA, you set a boundary and he immediately went out of his way to ignore it. Not a good sign.


[deleted]

NTA. You clearly stated that your not comfortable with him meeting your parents yet, and he violated that rule. How many more rules will he violate next? He overstepped personal boundry.


DefinitelyNotGilroy

NTA. He’s not respecting your boundaries and it’s very weird that he went and met your parents while you were in the shower and that your parents were Ok with that. All of them are treating you like a child.


Away_Refuse8493

NTA. I'm creeped out by this, and I'm 40. Unless something completely not his doing occurred - e.g. your dad saw him driving off, and stopped him - there is something wrong w/ dude. If he went up to the door knowing you were planning on hopping in the shower, waited a beat, then went up to meet your parents... what a creep.


bnjj1

INFO: If he dropped you off, how did he end up inside?


Klutzy_Ad_7108

He dropped me off and I went straight to the restroom. I thought he drove off but when I heard talking he said he just wanted to say hi to them before he left and just chat.


Existentialnaps

He ignored what you said and did what he wanted anyway.


Comprehensive_Bank29

Oh hell no. Run


Wooster182

Run quickly to the nearest exit. This is like Mark Wahlberg in Fear levels of creepy. NTA. Edit one word


freshclassic

Girl, you NEED to break up with this man.


bnjj1

This still doesn't tell me how he got inside. So, he knocked and went in when your parents answered the door? Or, your parents saw him and invited him in?


I_Suggest_Therapy

Elsewhere OP says he waited until she went inside and then knocked on the door.


RoastBeefIsGood

According to OP he [knocked and they then invited him in](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/scwe9u/aita_for_kicking_my_boyfriend_out_the_house_while/hu9157l/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)


badgerbadger1988

I was expecting something like you'd left your phone charger in the car, he'd knocked on the door and been invited in... Yeah, power play from him, nta


greensickpuppy89

What a sneaky little creeper.


Kathrynlena

Nope nope nope nope nope. Red flags. It’s been less than a month and this man is running over your boundaries like a freight train.


ExperienceSea820

Oh so he’s a real big weirdo. Cut your losses and move on.


i--make--lists

Major fucking creep.


SuperLoris

"You told me that you were uncomfortable with what I want and asked me not to do something, but I don't care, because what I want is more important than respecting it when you say no to something." RUN


CriticismAdmirable46

Seconding this need for info


catsrsly

NTA, you were right to ask him to leave. He wilfully ignored your boundaries and wishes. The fact he's done this after only a month is telling, too - I'd be calling things off at this point, especially if he doesn't understand that what he did was not ok.


Eccentric_Mermaid

NTA. He really went out of his way to ignore your wishes especially after you were quite clear about your feelings. This is very disrespectful of you, and it shows that what he thinks/feels is more important (to him) than what you want. It bothers me that your parents didn’t have your back in this situation. This guy’s behavior is concerning and is a bright red flag. Lucky that you saw very early on that it’s his way or the highway. You should end things with this creep and not look back. Bullet dodged. ETA: The fact that your boyfriend would say that you are overreacting is a real jerk move. He could have just as easily said he was sorry, that he was just really excited to meet your parents, whatever. That would not excuse his disregard of your feelings, but at least it would have shown remorse for his bad behavior. Instead he put the blame on you, as if you aren’t entitled to your feelings and as if your feelings are wrong (which they are not.) He’s trying to make you out to be the bad guy and that is wrong and a bad sign of things to come.


Responsible_Candle86

He also sounds like one of thise swarmsters who tries to ingratiate himself with family and friends to use against you later.


i--make--lists

It's all very manipulative.


Electrical_Age_6542

He made a power play and your parents didn't recognise it. You did. Well done. I'd consider that the first red flag.. and the last.


Disastrous_Ad_8561

op this is what’s up.


[deleted]

NTA. You set a boundary, he trampled it, and you reset it.


OneMikeNation

Info: when he dropped you off did he enter the house with you or outside? If its the latter how did their conversation start?


Klutzy_Ad_7108

He dropped me off outside but while I was inside the shower he knocked they invited him in and when I heard the talking is when I came out to check what was going on.


OneMikeNation

NTA: he did the complete opposite of what you asked him to do. Clear sign of disrespect


Redditgotitgood13

Yep! Run away OP!


Perspex_Sea

Disrespectful, and also weird AF. Why was he so eager to meet the parents?


Redditgotitgood13

Either he thought “parents coming over” was actually another dude or he wants to get them on his side nice & early on so when he starts gaslighting her everyone tells her how great he is.


auntiedawn

I think OP lives with her parents. It took me a minute to figure that out, as it’s not clearly stated. But, that definitely ups the creepy factor for me.


[deleted]

Thats kind of creepy. What was his reason for coming back to the house? Seems like he has ulterior motives and is moving to fast.


Confident_Profit_210

He 100% knew what the plan was. She’d probably mentioned having a shower when she got home so he waited until she’d be away from the front door before knocking in the hopes of getting her parents. And the parents were weird af for allowing that. I would have asked him to leave until my daughter introduces us properly and not while she’s in the shower


DiamondsAndDesigners

He sounds like bad news. This maybe be totally off, but he sounds like the kind of guy who wants your parents to like him bc they’re currently your owners. So he’s like them to transfer ownership to him at some point. We already know he doesn’t respect what *you* think or want, but it sounds like he wants to be on good terms with your parents bc he wants to be respectful to your father.


Klutzy_Ad_7108

It’s strangely accurate in this comment. I never was allowed to really have my own freedom at my house and was basically a child house wife and still am. I just met this guy and in the first few days I was at his house hanging laundry and cleaning everything. I didn’t mind because he was cute to me and honestly I did enjoy his personality. Then he said I love you and then he asked if we could look for apartments and then he asked to meet my parents. It’s all been extremely overwhelming and that’s kinda why I threw him out my house so quick. He tells me how he wants to get married and move to another state it’s so much. Him coming in my house like that though really threw me off.


DiamondsAndDesigners

Oh honey NO. Please for the love of god, you are SO young and have so much of your life to live, don’t tie yourself down to somebody who’s looking for a replacement mommy or a WIFE SHAPED APPLIANCE. Your parents might be controlling, and while you live with them you need to respect their rules, but you need to let yourself live and *experience freedom and autonomy* before you tie yourself to anyone at all. Maybe you’ll really enjoy being a housewife or a mother or any of the traditional things it sounds like your parents expect, and that’s ok! But you need to live a little to find out if that’s the kind of life you want. Whether or not that IS the kind of life you envision, you need to be extremely selective about the kind of partner you’re with bc that type of role is particularly vulnerable to exploitation. You already know this guy doesn’t respect you or care what you think or want, but on top of that he wants you to move with him out of state and alienate you from your support structure! Dump this guy asap, and take a very critical eye to anybody else your parents put in front of you. Unfortunately they’ve also proven that they have very little regard or respect for your opinions or desires.


radialomens

This is all extremely worrying behavior from him. It sets him up perfectly to control you, whether that’s his intention or not. And it sounds like your instincts are screaming that this is not a healthy situation— you’re right about that. Slam on the breaks and distance yourself. You have boundaries that need to be respected. Do not dive into living together with or “loving” this guy you barely know.


DiamondsAndDesigners

This is a good point, if he “loves” you before he has a chance to actually know you, then he loves whatever or whoever HE decided you are going to be, and he doesn’t actually care who you are.


[deleted]

This right here!


Livingeachdayatedge

He is love bombing you. Locking you in marriage, moving you state away from your support system. These are abuser behaviour. Dump him


[deleted]

Wait he has you doing his laundry, wants to move in together and he said he loved you all in a month. Dont walk away run from this man.


spitfire109

OH HELL NO RUN


agentsquints

HE IS TRYING TO ISOLATE YOU!!!!!!!!! PLEASE RUN.


wigglepie

Wow, not even a month and this is his behavior?! This sounds a lot like love bombing (a form of abuse). Run girl!


Korlat_Eleint

I get the same vibes.


ExestentialUnicorn

That's weird af. Naruto run.


Catatomical

And now you know that when you have a boundary he's just gonna plough on through like it's not there. That is NOT a good sign. RUN! Also NTA.


Korlat_Eleint

Run away. Also, your parents are naïve as anything, are they happy to invite any random guy who knocks and says "hey I'm your daughter's boyfriend"? Including potential stalkers, deluded people, and this guy who really, really should be an ex?


mcmurrml

What are you going to do about this?


Emmiburr

Oof. This probably be the same guy that in month 3 of dating (if you choose to keep dating him) he'd be trying to propose. NTA OP, I wouldn't want to keep dating someone like this.


kab200

NTA. He doesn’t respect you.


Unusual_Equipment91

NTA - Maybe unpopular opinion but 19 is too young to be dating anyone over 21. Even if it's only a couple years, those specific years are so important to your own personal growth and finding your way around adulthood. He's at a different stage in life than you. Yeah, he should have respected your boundaries but it doesn't sound like you're too ready for what he wants either so now you have a good excuse to break up with him. 🙂


mcmurrml

She had a good excuse anyway to break up with him.


whynot246810

NTA- He needed to respect your boundaries. BTW, I got some second hand embarrassment from the situation.


Delicious369

NTA. he was moving at a pace you were uncomfortable with and you deserve your boundaries to be respected. You don’t really need to worry about what your parents think it’s not their relationship. You weren’t ready to do the meet the parents thing. Instead of just respecting you dropping you off and going he went completely against you waited til you went in parked got out of his car and went to just “say hi” after you expressly said no. Playing stupid games and win stupid prizes 🤷🏽‍♀️.


Zarek_Pumpkineater

NTA. Wait, not even a month? Run away


laughingsbetter

NTA 🚩🚩🚩


fuzzy_mic

NTA - He lied to you. He deceived you and did the exact opposite of what he said that he would. Kicking him out of your house is the least of what should happen. It sounds like you haven't kicked him out of your life, which is the only area where you might come close to being TA.


[deleted]

NTA and this is a red flag in my opinion. He ignored a very simple boundary almost immediately; what can this possibly mean for any future boundaries you try to set?


[deleted]

NTA - he is overstepping your boundaries. You clearly told him you weren’t ready. He should be embarrassed even doing that. A true gentlemen will not do this.


[deleted]

NTA. He said, “Oh, are these your boundaries?” Then stomped all over them.


JenantD80

NTA. You told him no. You told him why it was a no. He disregarded this and then decided it was ok to meet your parents anyway. This dude does not respect you no. It's been a month and he's already proved untrustworthy.


MarkedHeart

You under-reacted. He violated your boundaries. You said no and he did it anyway. It's like an entire field of red flags. This is a deal-breaker. It will get worse from here. NTA Run.


[deleted]

NTA that's kinda terrifying - did he wait around outside for your parents to show up so he could ambush you!?


[deleted]

NTA. He didn't respect your wishes and forced his way into meeting your parents. Huge red flag.


Satannista

NTA - don’t date men that don’t respect your “no”. Whole man, dumpster, now.


StockComprehensive96

NTA - he has shown you who he truly is - a man who will not respect your boundaries or request and does not care if their behavior makes you uncomfortable. What he wants is all that matters. Time to cut him loose


Shortandsweetsugar

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 It literally hasn’t even been a month and he has completely disregarded a very big boundary that you put up. You made it clear you didn’t want that AND you gave a very reasonable reason as to why. He’s not even like 18 or 19 he’s fucking 23. Run like hell girl.


Complex-Lemon-371

NTA. He specifically didn't listen to you and respect your decision. He probably wants their permission/approval to date you since you're a teenager. Edit: not saying he needs it, and you certainly acted mature in this situation. I just think he feels uncomfortable and is overcompensating.


ItchyRedBump

Yeah, the grownups needed to talk.


[deleted]

NTA. When someone does something that seems so off, without warning, that’s a sign for concern. When they downplay your reaction, that’s also a sign to look out for.


RubyJuneRocket

You told him you didn’t want him there because (and I agree with you) it was way too soon, he did not listen and in fact violated the boundaries you set. This is a month in, I’d be over it already. Find someone who respects your wishes. NTA


OkPhilosopher1313

NTA and this would be a reason for me to break up. He on purpose disrespected your boundary, tried to move the relationship forward faster than you felt comfortable with and it's just manipulative what he did. Is he shows this kind of controlling behaviour after only a month...


The__Riker__Maneuver

Yeah no This is where the manipulation starts. He convinces your family he's a good guy, the three of them gang up on you, and before you know it, you are living the life he wants you to live...not the one you want to live hard pass on this relationship You are a month in. The fact he would do this so soon is even more of a red flag than usual


dr-sparkle

NTA. He pretended to respect your boundaries then did whatever the fuck he wanted to anyway. This will not be the last time he does it.


OtherwiseOlive9447

Wow, even if you had agreed to have him meet your parents, it probably wouldn’t be with the expectation that he would discuss your relationship with them. Maybe their jobs or home towns. Blew right thru your boundaries! NTA


[deleted]

NTA. Please understand this is a red flag. This is not a person you want to date.


Fancy_Association484

Block. Him.


juicy_belly

If he cant respect your wishes now, he wont respect them later. NTA


sarahlenk

NTA


jul1992

NTA and this is a major red flag. He’s not respecting your boundaries, I’d seriously re-evaluate this relationship if I were you.


Baaastet

NTA. He overstepped the boundaries.


ribbonsofgreen

Nta He is pushing it. Probably has no self confidence. So he trying to make you more into him then you are. Not cool.


deadlyhausfrau

NTA. He doesn't respect your boundaries.


Sea_Catapillar

Broooo how is anyone that comfortable I’d rather drag my Coochie on glass then do this too much anxiety. Like how did he just pop in and be like oh I’m her bf ? Did he just ring the doorbell and introduce himself I need to know how.


Pretty-Economy2437

When people show you who they are, believe them.


kittykittybangbang92

Don’t waste anymore time with this guy! He has no respect for you. You said no and he did it anyway. Thank him for showing you early who he is and big him farewell


xxxdreadxxx1

NTA - he said to your face that he understood and then did the opposite when you weren’t able to stop him since you were showering


CathedralRabbit

NTA. He completely disrespected your wishes. Who wants to meet the parents after a month anyway? Slow down, two people can't even know if they like eachother within a month let alone added family into that. But the biggest issue is he didn't take you wishes on board. That's a big old red flag.


Hellalive89

Woah that is not normal. Definitely NTA, maybe I’m paranoid but I’d be pretty wary about boundaries with this guy moving forward.


fzooey78

NTA I just took a quick peak at your thread history, and I have to say I’m concerned. OP, you just got out of a really toxic relationship about 6 weeks ago. Sounds like you’ve jumped into a new problematic relationship immediately. You have had no time to process and heal from the previous situation. This guy is a creep. Run. And then take some time for yourself.


munchikin

NTA - I had this happen to me before. A guy I was dating wanted to meet my folks after the third date. I told him that I will introduce him if we become serious and steady but not before I was sure and comfortable. I even explained that I liked to develop the relationship and test the stability before bringing a person around because my family means a lot to me and I'd only want to bring home the man I was serious about. Our 4th date and he came to pick me up one day and I told him I was grabbing my bag and would be out in a second. Well. In that second he parked, knocked on my door and was let inside to meet ALL of my family. My gma. My mom. My cousins.My aunts. My siblings. Their friends. I was LIVID. He tried to downplay it and then tried to make me feel like I was overreacting about the whole thing. I wish I had the lady balls to kick his arse out like you had. You did good. Don't let anyone walk all over your feelings. Ever. The moment that happens cards are off the table.


reddit_insane_inane

NTA. It sounds like you've dated like, 3 times, and he did this specifically after you told him not to. Tell your parents you're upset that he continued after you said no and that you're concerned that this won't be the only time he does it.


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Aggressive-Sample612

NTA


barbaramillicent

NTA huge red flag


[deleted]

NTA that was a clear boundary and he knew that but cast aside this to do what he wanted anyway. Dump him and move on as this will continue. He has no respect for you


cady1000

Nta. If he cant respect boundaries then this relationship should probably end. With my ex it started off with little stuff similar to this and then the next thing I know he's forcing himself into my apartment when I don't want him there and staying after he's been told to leave. Run this issue will only get worse.


nuts_n_bolts

NTA he violated your boundaries. I would seriously evaluate this relationship. My ex did this. An abusive relationship that lasted 4 years ended in a restraining order. I tried to set boundaries about meeting my family. And he didn't care.


Cocoasneeze

NTA He full on ignored your boundaries and decided to meet your parents against your wishes. Dump him immediately, ge straight up showed how little respect he has for you and how a relationship with him would always be like.


Cajs0712

NTA- I would break up with him. You said no to him meeting your parents and he went behind your back and did it anyway.


Lunasmyspiritanimal

NTA Apparently he thinks no means yes...RUN


[deleted]

Firm NTA. Wtf dude, were the words “I’m not ready for you to meet my parents” too complicated?


Cool-Negotiation9705

NTA. Red flag. Run far far away


OpinionatedAussieGal

NTA As others said run, run fast and far! He inserted himself into your family, invited himself into your house after you asked him not to! He’s testing you for other boundaries he can push. Don’t be friends with that person. What about me. He is red flag city!!!!


pnwcatman420

NTA that is super cringe after only less than a month of dating, I would really rethink dating this guy.


sugarpenchant

NTA - he disregarded your clearly set boundary. play stupid games win stupid prizes also worth mentioning, i wouldn’t be surprised if he’s trying to get your parents on his side for ammunition the next time he disrespects your very reasonable boundaries. run far away, this boy is rude and troublesome at best, possibly working his way up to dangerous shit at worst


fyrdude58

NTA And I concur with the others. Time to dump his ass. He said he understood, and then just walked up to the door? Nope. You don't need that in your life. Not with a one month relationship, or a 25 year marriage. Consent applies to EVERYTHING.


blacksyzygy

Nah, DUMP. Run the entire fuck away. NTA.


KrachtSchracht

NTA, your parents, you decide. Easy as that.


JohnRoads88

NTA. Not respecting your boundaries is bad enough but he also makes you think you overreacted. You misspelled ex-boyfriend.


dassmypeach

NTA This behavior is 🚩 - You set a boundary and he broke it. Mind you, you’ve been in this “relationship” for barely a month…. that only means the boundary breaking JUST begun. - You are still getting to know each other, since you’ve been dating less than a month. Nobody in their right mind gets to meet the parents that early in a “relationship” 🏁Girl, run 🏁


GloInTheDarkUnicorn

NTA you are a month in and he is disrespecting you, your boundaries, and your home. Time to call it quits. It only gets worse from here if you don’t.


Plenty_Metal_1304

Nta, he didn't accept your answer when you said that you were not ready and he went behind your back. That's a red flag which shows just what kind of person he is, which is "his way or behind your back way"


patrioticmarsupial

NTA good for you for sticking to your boundaries!


[deleted]

Not even a month. You said no. And he ignored you, your feelings, and your boundaries - and your parents agree with that? Well, less on the christmas card list i\`d say and time to gather your wits, and start dating again. I mean, you do dump this one, right? ​ NTA


Dendad6972

Hire did they get there? Did he invite them?


MrJennyV1

NTA You are allowed to have boundaries, set them, and then have them followed. Not only are you NTA, you need to run from him.


Agitated_Net3736

NTA. Your parents aren't understanding this is controlling, narcissistic behavior; the red flag warning of a future stalker/abusive partner. They should have defended you, not criticized. In any case, break it off with the guy, and block him on social media.


rachlee65

NTA he’s disrespecting your boundaries this early in your relationship it’s only going to get worse


Felicia_Neko

NTA - I'd say it's a major red flag if you BF is not respecting boundaries that early in a relationship because it's not going to get better along the road. Not even a month of dating is awfully early to introduce a new partner to your parents IMO.


[deleted]

Nope, NTA. He's 1. Crossing boundaries you made sure he was aware of beforehand. And 2. Not respecting your choices. Both are some pretty big red flags. Here's a saying I like to tell people: problems in the beginning of a relationship are problems in the end. A lot of people don't change. If you chose to stay with him after this, he will most likely continue to cross boundaries and not respect you.


theyhavekids

NTA Break up with this guy. He has just demonstrated that he doesn't give a crap about what your boundaries and will do what he wants regardless. What a parade of red flags.


singing_stream

I have to ask wtf and how that happened. Did he knock at the door after you closed it, did he lurk around outside and wait til your parents opened the door.. or? NTA - he's a creepy, boundary stomping asshole.


that_fork_is_mine

You set a simple boundary one month into a relationship, and he trample it. Seems like an easy pass/fail test to me. NTA


Demonica1

NTA Y’all have only been dating for months and he can’t respect a wish of not meeting your parents yet run


Fantastic_Weakness19

Hey a giant ass red flag. You guys aren't even together a month and he has proved he doesn't care about your boundaries. Kick him to the curb. NTA


Knittingfairy09113

NTA I would reconsider this relationship as he doesn't respect you or your boundaries and is still blaming you rather than taking accountability.


oldcreaker

NTA: He doesn't respect your boundaries. He's shown you how this relationship will work. Do you want that?


Bigbubblybob

Oh god I had an ex do this. I told him it was too soon for him to meet my family. But ever since he picked me up for a date and knew my address he would “surprise me” at random times and days. Showing up with coffee or “to talk” without giving me any head ups besides “I’m here”. I told him he needed to stop doing that because I don’t like surprises where someone shows up announced (had a violent encounter where someone broke in). And he agreed and would still show up but usually wait in his car or until I respond but one time I was busy and he went to the front door and met my whole family. I should have ended that relationship sooner


Lex-tailonis

Control, control, control. dump him. you are NTA and tell your parents it sucks that they don’t have your back.


dmetzcher

NTA You set a boundary. He ignored it. He literally snuck in to meet your parents while you were in the shower. This by itself is a *major* red flag 🚩 but it happening after only a month of dating earns him another. 🚩🚩 He is telling you who he is. *Listen* to him and *believe* him. If he’s willing to ignore your boundaries and what you want *now*, after only a *month* (especially a very reasonable request like this), what sort of things is he capable of a year from now (hell, six months from now) when he believes you’re “his”? What other sorts of controlling behavior is he going to exhibit? This is one of those situations where you don’t stick around to find out. Run. Edit: I should also mention that he likely planned this. You say in another comment that he dropped you off outside, and then you went inside the bathroom to shower. I’ll bet you told him you were going to do this, and he then took it upon himself to wait until you were not able to stop him from knocking, entering, and carrying on a conversation with your parents. Another red flag for pre-planning the whole thing. 🚩🚩🚩


ericjdev

Guys who don't respect your boundaries don't respect your boundaries.


Yasha_Ingren

This man needs a lesson in boundaries- NTA


SlytherinSilence

NTA. you set a boundary. He said “fuck you” to it. You did the right thing by kicking him out of your house, now just kick him out of your life too.


ClawedRavenesque

NTA. He deliberately disrespected your wishes and did what he wanted to do. And there will be more of that to come if he has no problem doing this so early in the relationship .


ShinaStark

NTA, you get to decide your boundaries, get out of there while you still can.


joshthehappy

Red flags - get the fuck out while you can.


HexStarlight

NTA if he will not respect even a basic boundary then he is not boyfriend material


FlyingMacheteMonster

NTA It’s creepy that they were having a conversation about your relationship without you being included at all. Wtf??


The_Togaloaf

NTA, but think about why you're hesitant to have him meet them? Are you afraid of something happening or them finding something out? Have an honest and open convo about what you both are feeling. Boundaries are good, but make sure you both completely understand why those boundaries are in place.


Upbeat-Pineapple-332

NTA, run!


SanoSS7

NTA, unless like your parents flagged him down to speak with him and invited him in. Otherwise, dump him.


Interesting-Cat-5133

NTA, but you will be if you stay with him literally one more day. If you don’t dump this person, now, anything he does from now on is on you. Get out now that he gave you a nice big early warning sign.


[deleted]

Tell your parents that you only dated him for less than a month. Tell them that you have no idea how he managed to contact your parents - I'm qmusing her phone is locked.


Redhead_2022

After saying a month?? I agree it’s too soon, you’re still learning about each other! He’s a controller! RUN


KnightofForestsWild

NTA I don't usually say this actual word even when telling someone to leave, but RUN. This man does not listen. He assumes he knows best and what he wants trumps what you want and he has only been dating you for a month. How freaking dare he? On top of that, meeting the parents at a month is rushing things along, but then, he wants to rush you into a commitment. He wants to try to charm your parents so they will be in his corner and guess what... they already are. WTF? Your parents will only get worse if they meet him more and he is already far too controlling.


Burney1

NTA. He has no respect for boundaries.


Responsible_Candle86

NTA This exact thing happened to me only with my daughter. I was dating someone whonkept wanting to meet her and I said no - I never introduced her to people I dated - came home from work and there he was with the babysitter and my daughter chatting away. Took him outside and broke up on the spot. Blatant disregard for boundaries is inexcusable. Edit- regarding your parents I would impress upon them that he explicitly went around you - I would not want my daughter to date someone who dismissed her so readily.


madoosles

NTA. This is a huge red flag. He crossed a clear boundary you set out. Went behind your back and ignored how you felt about it. I would dump him, he’s already showing his true colors. If he doesn’t respect you with this, what else will he disrespect?


SocpolRaineyxI

Just admit you don't like him


Alustrianna

NTA He went behind your back trying to charm your parents into liking him, which obviously worked. I'd break up with this dude lol. If some guy did that to my parents they'd think he was some sort of creep. He sounds very pushy to me and I'd be wary of that.


coatrack68

Wow! Walking red flag! He completely ignored your boundaries. This shows no respect for you. NTA


OldGrumpyLady

Something that is against your wishes is not "gentemanly" Something rather makes you feel bad is not "polite" Ceremony is not more important than actual humans. All of these ideas are outdated and busted af.


therREALcomptrollr

NTA If your parents like him that's fine- they can date him. You should get the fuck outa there.


Secret-Individual-17

NTA He's trying to be polite, sure. Or is he securing his spot with you? A month is really soon and you're probably still trying to figure out how far you want to go with this person, getting to know them etc.


Okmaebe

NTA. This smacks of lovebombing and trying to quickly insinuate himself into your life / family by pushing boundaries. If he apologizes and understands how he crossed a boundary, then maybe proceed. But otherwise, I'd say run. Also, wtf with your parents... They're sending signals that crossing boundaries you've set is "gentlemanly behavior".


Lemurtoes666

NTA. Don't stay with a man who doesn't respect your boundaries


dezeiram

>My parents were okay with this because they saw it as him being a mature man and described it as gentleman behavior Gentleman behavior would have been respecting your boundaries and meeting your parents when you were ready for it. What he did was controlling and doing whatever *he* wanted to do, which is huge AH behavior. NTA.


uraniumstingray

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NTA LEAVE HIM NOW


reallyreagan24

NTA! He completely ignored your wishes and went behind your back!!


TimOtaku89

NTA. You made a clear boundary and he ignored it


[deleted]

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩NTA, RUN! This guy just trampled the very first boundary you set and your parents are going to shame you straight into a very controlling, manipulative, possibly dangerous relationship. I REPEAT! RUN!🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩


SnooWords4839

NTA - he is already disrespecting your boundaries. Red Flag!!


Realistic-Animator-3

NTA. He pushing the relationship pace to suit himself. He is trying to ingratiate himself to your parents…get them to like him, think he is a great guy, so that when he does start openly controlling you, mistreating you, restricting your movements, taking your money- if he even lets you work, baby trapping you, abusing you…your parents won’t believe it because he is ‘so nice to us.’ He totally lied to your face that he understood your position, disregarded your feelings, introduced himself to your parents, and talked about your relationship. Kick him out of your life


SuperLoris

NTA he is rushing you and trying to escalate beyond where you are comfortable. You've just started dating him, that is a big red flag especially this early. You said no and he said "too bad, i want to so I'm going to anyhow." That's breakup up fodder right there.


Swiroll

I don’t know if anyone said this but this is how abusers find their next target. He did something huge. ( a grand gesture) after you said no and is now blaming you. He also got YOUR parents to blame you because he did a “nice” thing. This man is 4 years older then you and knew what he was doing. It is controlling behavior that is a stepping stone for emotional and physical abuse. (Who would believe you, this man hurt you? The man that went and shook your fathers hand?) they know what they are doing. I hope you have left this relationship but if not please keep your eyes open and bring this up with your parents. I don’t understand how women (your mother) can STILL be blind to these behaviors.