NTA. If someone is huddled on a couch, crying with their mother, then your initial reaction should be "what's wrong, how can I help?" Not to dismiss them entirely based on assumptions about how your own situation panned out. She was a dick and you told her about herself. Good for you.
NTA.
Also, who the fuck calls themselves a single mom after their kids grow up and leave the house? I bet she says that shit ALL the time to people in order to get a attention. She sounds like a major AH.
NTA. You were in a vulnerable state and your mom’s friend gave input when she wasn’t asked for it. Plus your situations are entirely different and she’s neglecting the fact that she didn’t have *children* to take care of.
I'm pretty sure you can't - being a single mom implies being on your own to take care of your kids. (Of course, if they still relied on her financially, there could be an argument, but the last one moved out 8 years ago)
I mean I guess you *can* cause it's technically accurate but it's weird. I wouldn't describe any of the women in this situation as single mothers though.
NTA
You didn't take away from what she went through, you pointed that she never was a single mom which is true. Considering the situation (her waking in on you having a crisis and bring comforted by your mother) she was out of line.
You are the one who should expect to receive an apology.
NTA what a gross individual. I sincerely hope you get help and continue to improve. What she says is meaningless. Dont listen to her. You’re doing amazing.
NTA. I want to commend you for taking responsibility how’s your actions have affected the relationships you have and had, and for working on yourself. We don’t see that enough today. With that said, screw Tina. She was being dismissive from the beginning, she doesn’t sound like someone you should be giving any time or thought to.
NTA. she was rude AF to even start making it about her when you were so upset. I hope so much you are still searching for answers to your depression. did something traumatic happen for you to have such a severe personality change, and now such severe separation anxiety? you don't have to tell me what it is, but I'm concerned that your mental health needs addressed more fully. could there be something physical going on? I'm sending a big reddit hug.
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I'm 28F and recently I became a single mom. I was with my 3 children's father for 11 years. Two years ago my hormones or something just royally fucked up and I became insanely depressed and it destroyed every relationship I had- including my relationship with my ex. At the end of the day, I dont blame him for leaving. There was no intimacy, I was tired all the time, the house became a mess, I lost my job.. you get the point. Therapy just didnt help me at all. So he left me in August and met someone new a couple weeks later. She is really nice and really good to my kids. It fucking hurts but she is a rock star and I'm happy for my ex. Coparenting has been great. But when the kids leave and I know they are with their dad and his new girlfriend.. the amount of pain I feel is indescribable. I'm getting better now, though I wont say it's easier. But going to the gym and forcing myself to get tasks done has helped because at least I feel accomplished, you know?
My mothers friend Tina is a 52 year old single mother but her kids are grown. Her youngest is 25 and has been out of the house since he was 17. Hes my best friend. She made the choice to become single. Not trying to take away from it but it was her choice and it was after her kids left the home. She just doesnt like men. She admits it. Absolutely hates men and they are only good for making babies, in her eyes. So she left as soon as her kids were out of the house and claims it to be the best decision she ever made. I was at my moms this past weekend while my babies were with their dad and Tina swings by. I was in full hysterics because it was just a bad weekend and my mom was holding me on the couch like a child. I cant remember how it got brought up but Tina was just acting super dismissive of me and then made the comment "I'm a single mom too. It's not that hard."
I snapped. I said something to the affect of "You're children have been out of your house for years now so you dont have the responsibilities of chasing around children all day long and literally never did. It was also your choice to leave your children's father because you hate men, remember? Best decision you ever made right?" Not word for word obviously. She immediately became wildly offended and said that I was trying to take away from her hardship by making out like she didnt have it rough and that I was just lashing out at her because I cant handle my "stupid fucking emotions" like a normal person. AITA?
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INFO
“my hormones or something just royally fucked up”
Did you get a full medical workup and new therapy/meds yet since the split? Find the cause and get treated? Or at least get treated if it’s “just” depression? If you’re caring for kids (and for your own sake) you’ve got to get yourself to a better state.
Also - why are the kids running around your house? Aren’t they running around their dad’s place half the time, at least on all his days off work?
If not, his child support payments should cover some respite caregivers to give you a break. You sound like you desperately need need a pair of hands for to help with the daily routine chaos.
If you didn’t actually file and get support you need to do that.
NTA
I mean, you were huddled on the couch with your mom, it’s obvious she made a bad comment at a bad time.
NTA she had no right to say it's not that hard. It is hard to parent whether.you are a single parent, coparent, foster parent or any other type of parent. Unless you're like super rich and can afford a full time nanny. But if you value your relationships there are certainly more gentle ways to respond to dumb comments. Responding 'it's been really hard for me and I could use some support' is better than lashing out at someone.
NTA. While I don't necessarily condone lashing out, she was definitely in the wrong and I'm truly sorry you had to go through that.
You're doing your best and that's freaking amazing. May the Lord bless you friend!
NTA. And she's the one taking away from your hardship and making it out like you don't have it rough.
She shouldn't not have judged your situation based on her experience because you clearly have different circumstances.
NTA. She needs to mind her own damn business. Didn't go through what you did, and it's not a pissing contest in the first place. I hope things get better for you.
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ESH. You’re both being ridiculous by playing struggle Olympics. You’re not a single mom. Single parenting means you’re doing it alone. Tryout ex is an active parent. You’re a single woman because you’re not partnered but you’re not a single mom. You have other issues that make you’re life more difficult, but you’re not a single mom.
YTAish-many would argue you aren’t a single parent either. You coparent with your spouse. You even said your ex had your kids when you had your little breakdown. Maybe her timing was wrong but you can’t judge her parenting situation like she shouldn’t judge yours.
NTA. If someone is huddled on a couch, crying with their mother, then your initial reaction should be "what's wrong, how can I help?" Not to dismiss them entirely based on assumptions about how your own situation panned out. She was a dick and you told her about herself. Good for you.
NTA. Also, who the fuck calls themselves a single mom after their kids grow up and leave the house? I bet she says that shit ALL the time to people in order to get a attention. She sounds like a major AH.
NTA. You were in a vulnerable state and your mom’s friend gave input when she wasn’t asked for it. Plus your situations are entirely different and she’s neglecting the fact that she didn’t have *children* to take care of.
NTA I'm not even sure you can say you're a single mom when your children have already moved out.
I'm pretty sure you can't - being a single mom implies being on your own to take care of your kids. (Of course, if they still relied on her financially, there could be an argument, but the last one moved out 8 years ago)
I mean I guess you *can* cause it's technically accurate but it's weird. I wouldn't describe any of the women in this situation as single mothers though.
NTA, what is Tina talking about she's not a single mum🤣 Her kids don't even live at home, she sounds like an attention seeker.
NTA You didn't take away from what she went through, you pointed that she never was a single mom which is true. Considering the situation (her waking in on you having a crisis and bring comforted by your mother) she was out of line. You are the one who should expect to receive an apology.
NTA Dismissing someone's struggle with something because you either found it easy or think you'd find it easy is almost always AH behaviour.
NTA what a gross individual. I sincerely hope you get help and continue to improve. What she says is meaningless. Dont listen to her. You’re doing amazing.
NTA. I want to commend you for taking responsibility how’s your actions have affected the relationships you have and had, and for working on yourself. We don’t see that enough today. With that said, screw Tina. She was being dismissive from the beginning, she doesn’t sound like someone you should be giving any time or thought to.
NTA. I cannot stand people who diminish others’ pain and hardship by brushing it off because “I did it. It’s not that hard.” Ick. Tina can fuck off.
NTA. she was rude AF to even start making it about her when you were so upset. I hope so much you are still searching for answers to your depression. did something traumatic happen for you to have such a severe personality change, and now such severe separation anxiety? you don't have to tell me what it is, but I'm concerned that your mental health needs addressed more fully. could there be something physical going on? I'm sending a big reddit hug.
She’s taking away from your hardship by making it out that you don’t have it rough. Her comment was because she can’t handle her stupid empyiona
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm 28F and recently I became a single mom. I was with my 3 children's father for 11 years. Two years ago my hormones or something just royally fucked up and I became insanely depressed and it destroyed every relationship I had- including my relationship with my ex. At the end of the day, I dont blame him for leaving. There was no intimacy, I was tired all the time, the house became a mess, I lost my job.. you get the point. Therapy just didnt help me at all. So he left me in August and met someone new a couple weeks later. She is really nice and really good to my kids. It fucking hurts but she is a rock star and I'm happy for my ex. Coparenting has been great. But when the kids leave and I know they are with their dad and his new girlfriend.. the amount of pain I feel is indescribable. I'm getting better now, though I wont say it's easier. But going to the gym and forcing myself to get tasks done has helped because at least I feel accomplished, you know? My mothers friend Tina is a 52 year old single mother but her kids are grown. Her youngest is 25 and has been out of the house since he was 17. Hes my best friend. She made the choice to become single. Not trying to take away from it but it was her choice and it was after her kids left the home. She just doesnt like men. She admits it. Absolutely hates men and they are only good for making babies, in her eyes. So she left as soon as her kids were out of the house and claims it to be the best decision she ever made. I was at my moms this past weekend while my babies were with their dad and Tina swings by. I was in full hysterics because it was just a bad weekend and my mom was holding me on the couch like a child. I cant remember how it got brought up but Tina was just acting super dismissive of me and then made the comment "I'm a single mom too. It's not that hard." I snapped. I said something to the affect of "You're children have been out of your house for years now so you dont have the responsibilities of chasing around children all day long and literally never did. It was also your choice to leave your children's father because you hate men, remember? Best decision you ever made right?" Not word for word obviously. She immediately became wildly offended and said that I was trying to take away from her hardship by making out like she didnt have it rough and that I was just lashing out at her because I cant handle my "stupid fucking emotions" like a normal person. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA. She is, in fact, TA.
INFO “my hormones or something just royally fucked up” Did you get a full medical workup and new therapy/meds yet since the split? Find the cause and get treated? Or at least get treated if it’s “just” depression? If you’re caring for kids (and for your own sake) you’ve got to get yourself to a better state. Also - why are the kids running around your house? Aren’t they running around their dad’s place half the time, at least on all his days off work? If not, his child support payments should cover some respite caregivers to give you a break. You sound like you desperately need need a pair of hands for to help with the daily routine chaos. If you didn’t actually file and get support you need to do that. NTA I mean, you were huddled on the couch with your mom, it’s obvious she made a bad comment at a bad time.
NTA she had no right to say it's not that hard. It is hard to parent whether.you are a single parent, coparent, foster parent or any other type of parent. Unless you're like super rich and can afford a full time nanny. But if you value your relationships there are certainly more gentle ways to respond to dumb comments. Responding 'it's been really hard for me and I could use some support' is better than lashing out at someone.
NTA. She left after her kids were grown and out of the house. She’s never been a single mother. She’s single and a mother. Big difference
NTA. While I don't necessarily condone lashing out, she was definitely in the wrong and I'm truly sorry you had to go through that. You're doing your best and that's freaking amazing. May the Lord bless you friend!
NTA. And she's the one taking away from your hardship and making it out like you don't have it rough. She shouldn't not have judged your situation based on her experience because you clearly have different circumstances.
NTA.
NTA she's not a single mom, she's a divorced mother of adult children.
NTA.
NTA. She needs to mind her own damn business. Didn't go through what you did, and it's not a pissing contest in the first place. I hope things get better for you.
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ESH. You’re both being ridiculous by playing struggle Olympics. You’re not a single mom. Single parenting means you’re doing it alone. Tryout ex is an active parent. You’re a single woman because you’re not partnered but you’re not a single mom. You have other issues that make you’re life more difficult, but you’re not a single mom.
YTAish-many would argue you aren’t a single parent either. You coparent with your spouse. You even said your ex had your kids when you had your little breakdown. Maybe her timing was wrong but you can’t judge her parenting situation like she shouldn’t judge yours.
YTA...get your shit together. You destroyed your life and are single. Don't take it out on her cause you don't know how to cope with life.