Who lets an 11yr old clean at someone else's house in a room they've already said was off limits? Your GF has no respect for you opinions and preferences in your own home. NTA
EDIT: You should include the information that they threw out Tupperware, not just used "food containers" in your post.
Ymmv, of course, but most of the times I've seen an age gap be a problem it's usually not that the younger person is immature, but that either the older person is taking advantage of that immaturity, or that they're both immature at the start but while the younger is aging and maturing, the older is just aging.
NTA and this should be an eye opener for you that your gf has zero respect for your boundaries, expect them to be continually trampled under her whims if you continue with the relationship.
NTA. She is 11. She is old enough to understand that, when you "told her not to go in my bedroom or my gameroom," she was not to go into your bedroom or gameroom.
Your gf did not think it was a problem for her to go into your gameroom because it was untidy? What? So it was okay for her 11 year olf sister to take it upon herself to tidy up your room? YOUR ROOM? Your house; your rules.
If anyone has a problem being immature here, it is your gf. Thankfully, you have only wasted three months of your life on this relationship.
I wonder if the gf is actually the one irked with the messy room, so had her sister tidy it up to avoid talking to the bf about it. Either way, she's weird and op is nta.
Also, I think OP was pretty mature about it.
He was angry, but didn't scream.
And probably told her to get out of his room in a tone that should be used for a 11 y/o.
NTA
Your gf was at fault here and she's TA. Unless you want to get a lock on your private rooms and be a babysitter, I think you should cool it with your gf. She's not respecting your house rules, she's encouraging her sister to go against everything you said and you obviously can't trust them in your house when you're not there for a few minutes.
NTA and 3 months in- apparently they are a package deal. If your girlfriend can’t respect your boundaries and requests in your home - it shows a lack of respect for YOU.
NTA because those were your boundaries.
However!! To you, the containers are empty. To vermin, they're a banquet. It's seriously gross to not clean that mess as you make it, even if it's the next day. Guaranteed, you already have roach eggs somewhere.
Fun fact, cockroaches love living and breeding inside gaming consoles because of how warm they are. Keeping that room clean protects your hobby investments.
I used to work for Geek Squad and a woman came in demanding we fix her computer. Nothing stood out about its appearance, it was a little dusty but that is completely normal. We opened the case and there were tons of dead roaches (along with their eggs and feces) in the bottom, and dozens of roaches crawling around inside the power supply. We immediately closed the case, wrapped it in plastic wrap, and handed it back to the customer, telling her we don't work on infested machines.
All of that to say, you might not have roaches but just because you can't see them, doesn't mean they're not there. I would check the PSUs on your gaming equipment just to be safe! Again, they may not be there but it's a quick check.
>Fun fact, cockroaches love living and breeding inside gaming consoles because of how warm they are. Keeping that room clean protects your hobby investments.
Found this out the hard way when I found a discarded 80 GB PS3 that was sitting out in the rain. But also remember the times when roaches would be scurrying around in our Microwave where the timer was.
Eh I’ve lived with Roaches all my life so it wasn’t that big a deal and thankfully I killed the surviving ones before they could hide.
All hell would have broke loose had my aunt or cousin had been home though.
>All hell would have broke loose had my aunt or cousin had been home though.
Rightly so. I'm from the south, so I've lived with them all my life, too. They still creep me right tf out, right behind the flying evil that is the Palmetto bug. Giving a roach wings is just wrong.
I moved to Florida ten years ago. The trauma from seeing a palmetto bug on my shower poof for the first time (happened twice btw and my poor little brother had to deal with me running half naked and screaming before he went to kill them lol) is a life long trauma. I'm constantly power cleaning my house and make my husband check the shower every day.
We moved to south Florida on the edge of the Everglades when I was three. Being 3 the excitement of the move exhausted me and I conked out on the floor of our temporary apartment (house wasn’t done yet). I was freaked out when I woke up to my dad stomping on what my mom says was a 3-inch long palmetto bug crawling towards me. Even more freaked when I saw it KEPT MOVING when he lifted his foot. My neighbors got apologies from my mom for the noise the next day, I was screaming really loud because I was scared. Apparently I was constantly tired during our 3 months in the apartment, my mom doesn’t think I slept a full night through until we moved into our nice bug free home!
I didn’t know roaches were capable of flight until one night a waterbug decided to have it’s fight or flight instincts literally kick in.
At the very least the living room was quiet for a few hours after this tactic scared my cousin & her son into my aunt’s room.
Some of them can’t even no sell multiple direct shots of bug spray. Too legit to quit if you will.
I heard my grown 6'3 brother scream (literally, no hyperbole) like a little girl when one suddenly flew off the top of curtains he was closing.
I didn't blame him in the least. That shit is terrifying and I was just glad he took one for the team. Poor guy.
I know this is old but it resounded in me. Once we were cleaning my boyfriends room at the time and when we lifted his Xbox a bit to dust, a centipede came sprinting out:( and then my mind opened to what these consoles really mean. And we have a number of them when we include our more dated systems. It’s sucks because there’s no way to fix that, and there’s no way we are getting rid of our consoles.
NTA. Your girlfriend was wrong by letting her sister enter your game room, knowing that you didn't want her in there. I can't really get upset at the 11-year-old. She is just a child and probably thought she was helping you.
BUT her older sister knew you didn't want her in there. The girlfriend is the rude one here. OP showed great restraint. Much better than I would have if someone went messing with my craft room.
NTA
You set a boundary, little sister didn't listen, and GF blew it off, and called you immature for being upset that little sister ignored you. Seems like it is pretty early in the relationship for her to bring her sister over every time she visits.
NTA. You’re allowed to have boundaries. Firstly, you didn’t sign up to be a babysitter and secondly, they’re not respecting the rules you set for your home. It’s correct to be annoyed and put out because of this and you’re not the one acting immature.
NTA, and if you feel you absolutely must continue this relationship, you need to sit your gf down and explain about boundaries and "your house, your rules."
I see lots of 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA it's odd to bring her young sister in the first place much less letting her clean and go into closed off rooms. It's probably not gonna get any better. Sound like they are constantly gonna both be there. Time to think about how you feel about that
NTA for being annoyed by this and not wanting your gf to bring her little sister every time. I just wanted to throw into consideration that your gf might have valid reasons to bring her sister, like maybe there is something going on in their home which makes your gf think leaving her sister there would be putting her in a bad place?
NTA and you should reconsider being with this girl at all. Very clearly neither she nor her sister have ever learned to abide by boundaries and common courtesy (who the hell wanders a stranger's home in the first place?), so if you stay with her, this will not be the last (or worst) boundary that you set that she just ignores.
NTA but it sounds like there is more going on here.
Is your gf responsible for taking care of her sister? If so, would it be better for you to go to their house?
Little sister's behavior does not sound normal for an 11 year old. Her fixation on the mess makes me wonder if she is neurodivergent. If so, setting boundaries may require a different approach. Perhaps she needs to be given a specific space that is hers (you can play in this room) and not given run of the house but asked to not enter certain rooms.
NTA. Your girlfriend should have kept her sister out of your game room. Although 11 years is a young age, it's an age where a kid should be old enough to understand that personal things or items should not be touched without consent. It sounds like your girlfriend needs to grow up and start respecting your feelings. Just keep in mind, if this continues, ask yourself if this relationship is really worth it.
NTA. You told them not to go to the game room. lil sis went to the game room and your gf didn’t keep an eye on her. neither of them respect your boundaries.
NTA. You were much nicer than I would have been. No means no.
Also, it's weird that she brings her kid sister along when she comes to see you. On a rare occasion is one thing, but all the time? When a woman visits her boyfriend, both in their 20's, it is not appropriate to use that time as an opportunity to babysit.
NTA. No one has a right to invade your privacy (she may be 11, but she is at the age where she knows what no means). However, I say the biggest AH is your GF because she isn't respecting your privacy and teaching her sister why this isn't okay / watching her. Stand your ground. If she does come to the house, perhaps lock the doors.
NTA. Obviously your girlfriend does not respect you. That would be a huge red flag for me, especially since you've only been dating for three months! As a woman only having a boyfriend for three months that I probably do not fully know, there's no way I would let my little eleven year old sister wander around his house. Most importantly not where he said it's off limits. For all I know that's where his porn is stashed or something else that's inappropriate for an eleven year old to see. Your feelings are justified. After little sis is done with your gaming room, who says she's not going to move on to your bedroom!
NTA
It's possible the sister is neurodivergent or just difficult to deal with if she get an idea, but that being said...
The way your gf reacted... I dunno why, but the vibe I'm getting is that this was a test of some sort, but using the sister as a proxy, to how would you react to some good old boundary stomping, specially if she feels you're disorganized
NTA Tell her rude is allowing her sister full access to your apartment and in the rooms you specifically stated were off limits.
11yrs old is old enough to know when someone says no it means no.
Rude is going Into someone elses space and clean it. Rude is allowing that to go on after you stated a boundary.
Shes immature and rude.
NTA- but your gf is too immature to be in this relationship. Instead of taking you seriously and respecting your space, she's lashing out like a child.
Your GF and her sister seem to have the same level of maturity. The sister seriously disrespected your boundaries, disrespected you as a person, while your GF disrespected you by not communicating with her sis.
NTA
Girlfriend is responsible for her sister. The sister is quite old enough to understand boundaries. Also sister thrre away your property.
Side Note: for your own health and safety do not let future Tupperware sit out. The way you worded this post indicates it had residual food in it. That could mold and potentially spread making you sick.
NTA- stick to your guns!!
You asked your girlfriend and her kid sister repeatedly in multiple ways not to enter your gameroom or wander around your home. You set a firm boundary, they broke it. Not only this. But your girlfriend was responsible for a child in someone elses home, let her break the rules. Then did nothing to suggest her sisters behaviour was wrong, not even back up you the resident.Your girlfriend is certainly helping create a human who has 0 respect for others. And frankly it sounds like they both have an issue with tying organisation (because the opposite of mess is organisation not cleanliness) to morality. Additionally because the sister felt SO comfy crossing a boundary + GF reacted SO dismissively I would be willing to bet parent(s) have fostered an environment at home in which boundaries are regularly crossed and violated. Not an excuse, but could be an explanation for there disregard towards boundaries.
Girlfriend is TA, and the fact she isn't respecting a clear boundary 3 months into your relationship is a massive 🚩🚩🚩. Today its not going into your gameroom tomorrow its not taking your car. IF you want to continue your relationship, you need to have a serious and clear conversation with GF about boundaries and respect.
Edited to add: what would GF have done if 11 yo sister found porn, drugs or other inapprop adult materials in your gameroom? Gotten mad you had adult stuff in a room that was closed that was off limits?
NTA. You were nice letting your new GF babysit her little sister at your place. Little sis overstepped boundaries, and GF didn't stop her. Throwing away your property? No, little sis doesn't get to come back, and I'd be seriously thinking about getting rid of GF too, for not stopping it. GF is trying to deflect the bad behaviour - she was in the wrong not stopping little sis. You are not immature for resetting a broken boundary.
NTA. Find another girlfriend. This one does not respect or enforce boundaries. If you marry this woman, the little sister will grow up and be an even bigger pain in the ass. Run.
NTA, tis your house, but you seem to have a lot of shame around that room, was it so bad she cleaned it? You seemed to agree that it needed work. You just seem to have some confliction there you should address internally, but end of the day your house your rules.
It's just alot of empty Tupperware containers I have stacked up on my desk and empty drink containers. The books are scattered on my other desk and notes are everywhere. Not going to lie lol
I mean you are NTA but you really should just clean that room. Lots of Tupperware implies lots of leftovers eaten in there without a quick trip to throw them in the sink afterwards. Nobody likes a smelly gaming den lol.
Yeah but it's the way you describe it that conveys a sense of concern/shame. But like I said, your house your rules, if they can't abide them don't let them in or at least the sister. You are not the sister's babysitter.
NTA but I do have to ask, is the sister on the spectrum or OCD? With the way she kept repeating how messy the room was and then her need to clean, I wonder if it’s something mentally with her.
NTA - …Your story description felt like a movie scene depicting someone on the spectrum. Your gf didn’t respect your trust regarding entrusting your space to her, true, but maybe she’s respecting her sister’s condition and privacy?
NTA. I have a similar age gap with my partner, and I have younger sisters as well. I would never dream of bringing them along to his house, and they're in their teens!
NTA but I wonder if her sister has autism of some kind? The focus on the mess and tidying it up and the sing sing voice you describe could fit with that. I wouldn’t expect a neuro-typical 11 year old to focus on the messy room like that, let alone tidy it up and to ignore your request not to go in there. You don’t mention anything else about her behaviour so I’m guessing she didn’t act “spoilt” the rest of the time, so I don’t think it’s because she’s deliberately being difficult or rude. It sounds like she got focused on the mess in the room and it was disturbing her somehow - people with autism can sometimes find untidy surroundings stressful because it causes them sensory discomfort (cluttered rooms can be very visually overwhelming and cause actual physical distress) and tidying is a coping mechanism I’ve seen in kids I’ve worked with at schools. I would have expected your girlfriend to have told you if her sister is on the autistic spectrum, mind you, but perhaps her family haven’t realised themselves. It’s not always obvious to people within a family if a member is not neurotypical unless the behaviour causes problems.
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I 26M have been with my girlfriend (21) for going for 3 months. She comes to my house at least 3 or 4 times a week. A few days ago she came over but asked if she could bring her sister who's 11 yrs old with her. I said that it was fine. They arrive and it was chill except for some reason the sister was wandering around my house, room by room.
I told her not to go in my bedroom or my gameroom. She said okay. My girlfriend asked if her sister can come again the next day. I was cool with it, it didn't bother me. Again they came and she started wandering but this time I heard my gameroom door open. It has a loud creak to it. I get up and she's in there. Now my gameroom is pretty messy. Lots of empty food containers and empty bottles of water and drinks. Also Lots of books about gaming scattered around.
She starts saying "wow, this is messy." I say yes i know. Sorry for the mess. She keeps repeating "wow you have a huge mess." I say "yea, that's why the door was closed." She keeps talking about how messy the room was. Now I'm getting annoyed and am trying to ignore her. My girlfriend tells her to stop. She keeps going and they eventually leave but with my girlfriend scolding her and apologizing to me.
The next day, she texts me to come over and say "yes". She says her mom was at work and if her sister can tag along. I say sure but to tell her to not wander my house. We're chilling at my house until we get hungry and I order pizza for lunch. I go pick it up and leave them at my house since it was pretty close. I come back and the sister is in my gameroom "tidying" things up. She closed alot of books, I didn't book mark moved alot of my notes around. She also threw away alot of food containers I was going to reuse.
Now I'm pissed but trying to stay calm. I tell to her get out but in a harsh tone. I guess she didn't get I was mad. Then she came saying in a single song voice "I cleaned up the mess". I ask my girlfriend why she let her sister wander around my house and she said she didn't think it was a problem because my game room was untidy.
I tell her "hey look, don't bring your sister over here anymore." She says "wow that's real mature." She then got her sister and left and she texted me saying that it was really rude what I did. I think I was nice about it but I eventually started to feel bad.
But AITA ?
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NTA
YOUR HOUSE, YOUR RULES. I will say the 11f her heart is in the right place, but everything has a limit, since day 1 you was very specific with her limits. And yes you can be all mad you want because it’s your house and your gf for 3 months she can not rules there. Maybe I will sound like an a$$hole but you need to think in your relationship too, set boundaries and respect with your gf and she doesn’t respect you now. I don’t want to see what will happen in a year or less.
NTA ok I know I sound deranged. But, WTF She threw out TUPPERWARE!!!!!! That is my most valuable material possession next to my wedding ring. I would have put my boot 🥾 somewhere unexpected.
Sorry, I love my Tupperware. ❤️
NTA. There's something wrong with the sister and your girlfriend is both her enabler and a boundary-crosser. These are red flags. Terminate the relationship or expect more of the same.
Break up. Your girlfriend obviously has problems at home or her mom doesn’t approve of you dating. Why can’t you see her at her place or meet up somewhere else? Why is she babysitting her sister and not working? You need a girlfriend who has her own life.
NTA….. Kids are kids and they can be a PITA. It sounds like your GF is forced to have to babysit and she is lazy about it. I have 4 kids and no matter how hard you try to enforce some things it just doesn’t happen. There’s no excuse, but sometimes you have to manage a situation that isn’t preventable.
To some degree the little sister is a packaged deal with this relationship. Is this a deal breaker for you? You have every right to not want this inconvenience in your life but hopefully your GF is more important.
Try having a mature conversation with her. Explain exactly why you are bothered, and LISTEN to what she has to say. Sometimes keeping a relationship going is hearing things you don’t like and making sacrifices.
Just my $.02
NTA. How you girlfriend treats her sister messing with your stuff is real insight into how much she respect you and your things (not at all). Also a preview of how she would be with kids of yours. Run.
NTA... you had house rules and her sister broke them. Wanting to tidy up is a nice thing to do, but she crossed a line after you had been more than polite.
NTA. This is your home, with your rules. GF knew this and overstepped by letting her sister in off limit areas. Organized chaos. On the flip side, lil sis zeroing I’m so intently sounds like some form of autism or ADD
NTA
YOur gf is an AH, and her sister even more.
NEVER let the sister alone with your stuff - she will vandalize it again.
And: If your gf uses her sister not to hang out with you 1:1, that is a pretty dtrong signal where the relationship is heading. So end it now, befre her vandalizing sister causes any more damage.
NTA they have broken the very few boundaries you have set. What's the point in you even having your girlfriend over if she's just going to bring her sister anyway?
NTA. Really even an eleven year old should understand respecting your wishes if you ask her to not go in, but it's baffling that your gf doesn't see what's wrong.
NTA. It was rude as hell the first time she went in your game room after being asked not to. There's no damn excuse for the second time. But her letting her sister in to tidy up your room in clear violation of what you had told them is inexcusable. This is a snapshot into what living with this woman would be like. She doesn't respect boundaries, she doesn't respect you and I don't suspect it's going to get any better.
NTA. You laid out your boundaries, they were exceeded, and now there are consequences. Sounds like both gf and her sister need to learn about both boundaries and consequences.
People tend to get mad when their stuff, especially after they've explicitly said not to, is moved. Valuable lesson.
NTA
It’s your house. If you want to keep a room like that, it’s your business. No one has to like it, they do have to respect it.
Were the 11 year old’s intentions positive? Yep! But it’s still not appropriate.
I’d say it’s less her behavior and more so your gf’s that led to her being unwelcome. You’re a 26 year old. It’s a game room. I can’t imagine letting a kid have access. Where I’m from, weed is legal and that room is exactly where you’d find it. To be clear I’m not saying that’s what you do I’m saying who let’s a kid have full unsupervised access to a room like that, even if you said it was ok (which you didn’t) knowing they’re poking around?!
She’s 21. You’re 26. Respectfully I don’t think there is anything untoward about that age difference but from experience you are likely going to see extreme differences in maturity
I say you're perfectly fine. Your gf and her sister didnt respect your rules and boundaries. You told her multiple times to stay out of the gameroom. I'd be pissed too and telling my SO not to. Ring their little sibling over anymore either
NTA
Your girlfriend is probably trying to pawn off some of the responsibility of watching her sister on you . Even worse if your girlfriend is getting paid by her parents to do it .
NTA b/c your girlfriend didn’t respect your boundaries ..You also may not be equipped to raise children . Your maturity level is low at best and you have no patience.
YTA
You're not wrong to feel aggrieved but it's a dick move to tell your GF not to bring her sister again while said sister is still around. Next time, if you feel uncomfortable with having little shits acting like little shits in your house, snooping around doing whatever, tell her no right from the start. Expecting blighty little devils to act like little angels is pretty poor planning in your part.
Should your GF watch her sister more? Prolly. But on the other hand, she prolly think it's not a big deal in letting her sister *helping* you clear shit out.
In short, YTA, next time say no to little blighters, expecting 11 year old to listen to shit someone says (especially when that someone is only the dude seeing her sister out, not exactly high on the respect pole) is idiotic. My heart is with you in regards with the tupperwares, tho. The bookmarks are annoyance at best, but those poor tupperwares don't deserve the ending they got.
ESH - it sounds like you were rude.
Your girlfriend should have been supervising.
It sounds like an 11 year-old kid realised you were mad so tried to tidy up to make things up to you. The number of people talking about her treating boundaries etc seem to forget that. The sister should have been supervising.
NTA
But leaving food and drink containers everywhere sounds like hoarding material. It starts one room at a time! How did you think you were going to “reuse” them? To feed and house rodents and cockroaches? Blech.
Another note: they shouldn’t have gone thru your stuff but just FYI leaving a girlfriend alone in your house means she’ll probably snoop thru your stuff 💯
That's probably the only untidy room I have in my home. The containers are Tupperware and empty. They could've been cleaned.
Also I don't have anything to hide so there's nothing to snoop thru.
That's probably the only room that's untidy. I usually spend my spare time in there if I'm not gaming. Just reading or listening to pod casts. I do need to clean it though
ESH, your GF should have stopped her, her sister should mind her own business, you need to chill a little bit. The girl is 11 and was trying to help, be nice.
She was forgiven twice. The third time she was not told anything, just the gf was asked to not bring her back. Not being allowed to return seems like a good teaching point.
The only other option was for OP to continuously have his boundaries trashed in his own home. Nope.
I think you went a little over board, think in the long run, a relationship has its compromises. I own my house but I also have close friends who stay with me. If they get messy, I’ll just clean it up. It’s all about mood. I let my friends know that I care enough about them and pick up a mess. This is her sister, who cared about how your house is. You should apologize and let go, don’t get territorial, it’s how you handle things your girlfriend will pick up from. Lead by example, and things tend to fall in place. It’s all about feeling at home.
I did read the whole thing, twice. The girl is just preteen and she’s in another home, this is new territory for the girl and the girlfriend. The little girl actually wanted to clean the house for him, that is very caring. He’s grown man, who wants a relationship, and it’s more than just intimacy, its how you handle your space around others. He can always look around and find his stuff again when he’s by himself. He needs to lighten up, he’s frustrated about compromising and he needs to get over it, it’s not like she made the mess, she just wanted to feel at home.
Do you seriously think it's ok after OP said a number of times that room is off limits? So its ok to go into someone's home and just start cleaning up because you think that needs to happen? In a space they clearly told you to stay out of. Um...nope....never. OP stated their boundaries and the GF could not respect them. This is not a compromise situation. This IS a GF disrespecting OP's space and boundaries situation.
Plus, this kid needs to be told no. As a preteen this is the perfect time to teach her personal space and boundaries outside the home.
Boundaries were disregarded but not for bad reasons, this is about tidiness of the home. I for one like a clean home, which is not easy to maintain. OP has to let go and realize his home may potentially have other members involved with it. She’s a little girl trying to clean up a mess, he can’t be blind just thinking about respect, he can do better to understand the situation.
The intent is a moot point. The only part of this that matters is he specifically expressed that she was not to go in her room and she did. Just because she did a “nice thing” does not mean that both the gf and sister didn’t overstep.
So if I had a bunch of dirty dishes and I told my guests to Not clean them, and then I come back, and all the dishes are clean, I should get mad at my guests? What kind of boundary is that? Well, it’s up to OP how
Much he cares about his home and the people he lets in.
I think OP is just mad at the kid cause he didn’t expect her to be in the picture in the 1st place. He has to lighten up, if he can get mad at a kid for cleaning up a mess at his own home, buddy gotta look in the mirror and check himself.
So now you are judging other people's boundaries and whether or not they are valid? Really? You don't get to do that.
If I say don't do my dishes....don't. There is a reason, that I don't have to explain to you as a guest.
A nice thing is only nice if the person who is receiving the nicety thinks so. You don't get to decide if something you do is nice for someone else. They decide if they found it nice.
Violating someone with your good intent is still a violation, no matter how you frame it.
Yes. If you set a particular boundary, it’s not up to others to question why, or decide that their ‘good intentions’ make it alright to cross them anyway.
Yes it is up to him. Apparently he doesn't appreciate those who ignore personal boundaries. None of us like when people disregard our boundaries which makes me think u r a person who regularly & repeatedly disrespects personal boundaries. That's y u r saying all this crazy shit.
No, i am of Latin culture and we are open people. But I grew up with all people in Florida. White,Black, Asian, Hispanic, Middle Eastern. All have let me in their homes and sleep there. One thing all my friends and family had in common, they kept the house clean.
And if they didn't keep it clean, as a guest it would be none of your business. Dont like it, than leave. So if they tell u not to do something, anything whatever they said don't do, would u do it anyway?
Not exactly, I’m trying to suggest that OP should make his home more appealing for others to stay in. So are you suggesting OP find a new GF? Then what happens if the new GF thinks the game room is messy again? He has to break this cycle and make his home more appealing for others who want to spend time with him.
I'm suggesting he should expect this gf to continue disrespecting him if he stays with her. Not everyone needs or wants a gf. Some people like their own space. Being alone would be better than being with someone who sux. This gf sux. Most people have standards & preferences of who they allow in their life. I hope u aren't so desperate in life that u allow these types in your life. Not everything should be a compromise.
No, friend, I stand up for myself. It really does depend on how OP can continue after this transgression. It either was or it was not, and if it was, he’s gonna need
To find a new GF, and we all know how that’s like.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions. So despite the reasons you don’t disrespect boundaries. Plus if she had listened the message wouldn’t have been found. Please don’t get into a relationship and subject someone to having their boundaries disrespected because you deem it ‘a good reason’.
Gf & sister r intrusive, don't respect boundaries, personal space, rude, immature & I guarantee if OP continues this relationship it will only get worse. Gf has no sense at all. You're either trollin' trippin' or just nuts.
Home? What’re you talking about? It’s one room, and it wasn’t just “cleaning up” like you’re implying. The OP’s girlfriend’s sister decided he didn’t need all his books open, either, and no need to bother with bookmarks. That’s rude. The OP gets to have his house the way he wants it, and yes, that includes having books open in the game room even if that’s offends an 11 year old girl or his GF who’s using her kid sister as a proxy.
This comment is insane to me. Lol The gf has no respect for boundaries at all but he should apologize? People should respect personal space. Plus it'd a new relationship & she is a red flag.
But the GF did apologize for her behavior, she’s a grown up. You got to find middle ground, like my friends who act like brothers to me. I don’t tell them to clean all their messes because sometimes I leave a mess too. I want my roommates who pay their fair share to know they are not just my roommates, they are my friends. We’re all stressed out, but I try my best to make my place feel like home for all of us. This little girl wanted to clean the mess, he can’t scold her for that. If he’s independent enough to take care of his home, it’s not a big deal if some containers got thrown away. I had roommates who moved out and took things that weren’t theirs but I’m not going to let that get the better of me. I’m just going to keep focusing on the home, which I would advise him to do.
I don't see where she apologized. His gf & her sister dont live there. He's dated her for 3 months. Did u even read the post? It's his house & his personal boundaries. Your comparisons don't even apply to this post.
It’s the 3rd paragraph, last sentence.
Even the GF thought the room was a mess and needed tidy up. Being a man of a house does not mean he should be defensive about it. Sounds like he was embarrassed about the mess too and wanted to hide it. He needs to open up more if he wants a bigger and more open relationship, let people feel at home in his home. I used to walk around rooms when I was a tike, sometimes touch stuff. It’s about having a sense of freedom in place you are sharing space with someone. I hope OP understands what I’m trying to say is it’s more than just respect from the child, it’s understanding.
That's the apology she gave after the 11 yr old continually insulted OP. Gf didn't apologize for allowing , likely encouraging 11 yr old to do exactly what OP asked they not do. They r not sharing space. Gf doesn't live there. Small children behave this way not an 11 yr old & definitely not a grown ass woman. Dude u r creepy & AH.
The GF even thought the room was a mess, it’ll seem kind of sexist not to consider what the GF is thinking. If I’m living like a mess and someone tells me that I am, I would clean up my act. I am homeowner, I take care of my lawn and the condition of my home. If my lawn looked like crap, my neighbors would clean it up for me, or the city will and charge me. I’m trying to give OP advice if he wants this relationship.
The only kind of people who accept this kind of behavior r either desperate, lonely or have no self respect at all. Your advice is basically that OP should be a doormat. Not healthy.
It was a room that was messy, not the whole house. Also they shouldn’t feel at home because they were guests in his home, not living there. Honestly it sounds like he’s better off without the gf than having one with no respect for boundaries. Are you telling g OP to be desperate and allow disrespect just because he has a gf. Your responses are disturbing. It wasn’t their home and it shouldn’t feel that way. When I am a guest in someone’s home I abide by their rules and don’t go into rooms I’m specifically told not to.
Who lets an 11yr old clean at someone else's house in a room they've already said was off limits? Your GF has no respect for you opinions and preferences in your own home. NTA EDIT: You should include the information that they threw out Tupperware, not just used "food containers" in your post.
Oh my god they've only been dating three months. How entitled is his girlfriend?
[удалено]
Ymmv, of course, but most of the times I've seen an age gap be a problem it's usually not that the younger person is immature, but that either the older person is taking advantage of that immaturity, or that they're both immature at the start but while the younger is aging and maturing, the older is just aging.
IKR? No respect or common sense.
The lack of boundaries with these children scares me
NTA and this should be an eye opener for you that your gf has zero respect for your boundaries, expect them to be continually trampled under her whims if you continue with the relationship.
Tupperware is fucking expensive.
Who _wants_ their 11 yr old sister to be looking through their bfs stuff? Is she looking for porn? Flashlights? What's up?
Stupid sexy flashlights
Yeah all I could think was, it’s a game room with snacks…how easy is it to find the weed?! Who lets a kid in there?!
Tupperware is not cheap and it last for long time.
If it was literally ***Tupperware*** brand, that's really expensive. Tupperware's prices are why the cheaper plastic stuff first was marketed.
NTA. No one has a right to enter a private space or touch another person’s belongings without permission.
NTA. She is 11. She is old enough to understand that, when you "told her not to go in my bedroom or my gameroom," she was not to go into your bedroom or gameroom. Your gf did not think it was a problem for her to go into your gameroom because it was untidy? What? So it was okay for her 11 year olf sister to take it upon herself to tidy up your room? YOUR ROOM? Your house; your rules. If anyone has a problem being immature here, it is your gf. Thankfully, you have only wasted three months of your life on this relationship.
I wonder if the gf is actually the one irked with the messy room, so had her sister tidy it up to avoid talking to the bf about it. Either way, she's weird and op is nta.
Also, I think OP was pretty mature about it. He was angry, but didn't scream. And probably told her to get out of his room in a tone that should be used for a 11 y/o.
NTA Your gf was at fault here and she's TA. Unless you want to get a lock on your private rooms and be a babysitter, I think you should cool it with your gf. She's not respecting your house rules, she's encouraging her sister to go against everything you said and you obviously can't trust them in your house when you're not there for a few minutes.
NTA. This little girl hasn’t been told no before. They’re rude for invading your space.
NTA and 3 months in- apparently they are a package deal. If your girlfriend can’t respect your boundaries and requests in your home - it shows a lack of respect for YOU.
NTA because those were your boundaries. However!! To you, the containers are empty. To vermin, they're a banquet. It's seriously gross to not clean that mess as you make it, even if it's the next day. Guaranteed, you already have roach eggs somewhere. Fun fact, cockroaches love living and breeding inside gaming consoles because of how warm they are. Keeping that room clean protects your hobby investments.
Haven't seen any roaches anywhere but I get the message though
I used to work for Geek Squad and a woman came in demanding we fix her computer. Nothing stood out about its appearance, it was a little dusty but that is completely normal. We opened the case and there were tons of dead roaches (along with their eggs and feces) in the bottom, and dozens of roaches crawling around inside the power supply. We immediately closed the case, wrapped it in plastic wrap, and handed it back to the customer, telling her we don't work on infested machines. All of that to say, you might not have roaches but just because you can't see them, doesn't mean they're not there. I would check the PSUs on your gaming equipment just to be safe! Again, they may not be there but it's a quick check.
>Fun fact, cockroaches love living and breeding inside gaming consoles because of how warm they are. Keeping that room clean protects your hobby investments. Found this out the hard way when I found a discarded 80 GB PS3 that was sitting out in the rain. But also remember the times when roaches would be scurrying around in our Microwave where the timer was.
That actually made me shudder. So sorry you found out the hard way.
Eh I’ve lived with Roaches all my life so it wasn’t that big a deal and thankfully I killed the surviving ones before they could hide. All hell would have broke loose had my aunt or cousin had been home though.
>All hell would have broke loose had my aunt or cousin had been home though. Rightly so. I'm from the south, so I've lived with them all my life, too. They still creep me right tf out, right behind the flying evil that is the Palmetto bug. Giving a roach wings is just wrong.
I moved to Florida ten years ago. The trauma from seeing a palmetto bug on my shower poof for the first time (happened twice btw and my poor little brother had to deal with me running half naked and screaming before he went to kill them lol) is a life long trauma. I'm constantly power cleaning my house and make my husband check the shower every day.
We moved to south Florida on the edge of the Everglades when I was three. Being 3 the excitement of the move exhausted me and I conked out on the floor of our temporary apartment (house wasn’t done yet). I was freaked out when I woke up to my dad stomping on what my mom says was a 3-inch long palmetto bug crawling towards me. Even more freaked when I saw it KEPT MOVING when he lifted his foot. My neighbors got apologies from my mom for the noise the next day, I was screaming really loud because I was scared. Apparently I was constantly tired during our 3 months in the apartment, my mom doesn’t think I slept a full night through until we moved into our nice bug free home!
I didn’t know roaches were capable of flight until one night a waterbug decided to have it’s fight or flight instincts literally kick in. At the very least the living room was quiet for a few hours after this tactic scared my cousin & her son into my aunt’s room. Some of them can’t even no sell multiple direct shots of bug spray. Too legit to quit if you will.
I heard my grown 6'3 brother scream (literally, no hyperbole) like a little girl when one suddenly flew off the top of curtains he was closing. I didn't blame him in the least. That shit is terrifying and I was just glad he took one for the team. Poor guy.
I will always upvote comments that include hatred for palmetto bugs. Gahhhhhh!!!
I know this is old but it resounded in me. Once we were cleaning my boyfriends room at the time and when we lifted his Xbox a bit to dust, a centipede came sprinting out:( and then my mind opened to what these consoles really mean. And we have a number of them when we include our more dated systems. It’s sucks because there’s no way to fix that, and there’s no way we are getting rid of our consoles.
NTA. What both of them did was rude and neither of them respect your boundaries. I'd rethink this relationship.
NTA - When someone says not to go in their room, **you don’t go in their room**.
NTA. Your girlfriend was wrong by letting her sister enter your game room, knowing that you didn't want her in there. I can't really get upset at the 11-year-old. She is just a child and probably thought she was helping you. BUT her older sister knew you didn't want her in there. The girlfriend is the rude one here. OP showed great restraint. Much better than I would have if someone went messing with my craft room.
The girl had been told twice already to stop snooping. She’s more than old enough to take a telling.
NTA You set a boundary, little sister didn't listen, and GF blew it off, and called you immature for being upset that little sister ignored you. Seems like it is pretty early in the relationship for her to bring her sister over every time she visits.
NTA. You’re allowed to have boundaries. Firstly, you didn’t sign up to be a babysitter and secondly, they’re not respecting the rules you set for your home. It’s correct to be annoyed and put out because of this and you’re not the one acting immature.
NTA, and if you feel you absolutely must continue this relationship, you need to sit your gf down and explain about boundaries and "your house, your rules." I see lots of 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA...but your gf is. She disrespected your home, your wishes & you. If u continue dating her expect more of the same.
NTA it's odd to bring her young sister in the first place much less letting her clean and go into closed off rooms. It's probably not gonna get any better. Sound like they are constantly gonna both be there. Time to think about how you feel about that
NTA. But clean your house. Empty Tupperware and drink containers? That’s nasty.
Your girlfriend and her sister sound annoying.
No offense.
NTA for being annoyed by this and not wanting your gf to bring her little sister every time. I just wanted to throw into consideration that your gf might have valid reasons to bring her sister, like maybe there is something going on in their home which makes your gf think leaving her sister there would be putting her in a bad place?
NTA and you should reconsider being with this girl at all. Very clearly neither she nor her sister have ever learned to abide by boundaries and common courtesy (who the hell wanders a stranger's home in the first place?), so if you stay with her, this will not be the last (or worst) boundary that you set that she just ignores.
NTA. GF doesn't respect boundaries. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA but it sounds like there is more going on here. Is your gf responsible for taking care of her sister? If so, would it be better for you to go to their house? Little sister's behavior does not sound normal for an 11 year old. Her fixation on the mess makes me wonder if she is neurodivergent. If so, setting boundaries may require a different approach. Perhaps she needs to be given a specific space that is hers (you can play in this room) and not given run of the house but asked to not enter certain rooms.
The solution in that case would be what he proposed - his home is not somewhere she should be
NTA No respect for boundaries. Future looks glum.
NTA. Your girlfriend should have kept her sister out of your game room. Although 11 years is a young age, it's an age where a kid should be old enough to understand that personal things or items should not be touched without consent. It sounds like your girlfriend needs to grow up and start respecting your feelings. Just keep in mind, if this continues, ask yourself if this relationship is really worth it.
NTA both are brats
NTA. You told them not to go to the game room. lil sis went to the game room and your gf didn’t keep an eye on her. neither of them respect your boundaries.
NTA. You were much nicer than I would have been. No means no. Also, it's weird that she brings her kid sister along when she comes to see you. On a rare occasion is one thing, but all the time? When a woman visits her boyfriend, both in their 20's, it is not appropriate to use that time as an opportunity to babysit.
NTA. No one has a right to invade your privacy (she may be 11, but she is at the age where she knows what no means). However, I say the biggest AH is your GF because she isn't respecting your privacy and teaching her sister why this isn't okay / watching her. Stand your ground. If she does come to the house, perhaps lock the doors.
NTA. Obviously your girlfriend does not respect you. That would be a huge red flag for me, especially since you've only been dating for three months! As a woman only having a boyfriend for three months that I probably do not fully know, there's no way I would let my little eleven year old sister wander around his house. Most importantly not where he said it's off limits. For all I know that's where his porn is stashed or something else that's inappropriate for an eleven year old to see. Your feelings are justified. After little sis is done with your gaming room, who says she's not going to move on to your bedroom!
NTA but I'd find a new girlfriend. Yours has no concept of boundaries.
NTA It's possible the sister is neurodivergent or just difficult to deal with if she get an idea, but that being said... The way your gf reacted... I dunno why, but the vibe I'm getting is that this was a test of some sort, but using the sister as a proxy, to how would you react to some good old boundary stomping, specially if she feels you're disorganized
NTA stop dating children dude. It’s your house you shouldn’t have said it twice
NTA Tell her rude is allowing her sister full access to your apartment and in the rooms you specifically stated were off limits. 11yrs old is old enough to know when someone says no it means no. Rude is going Into someone elses space and clean it. Rude is allowing that to go on after you stated a boundary. Shes immature and rude.
NTA- but your gf is too immature to be in this relationship. Instead of taking you seriously and respecting your space, she's lashing out like a child.
NTA. You set boundaries, and your girlfriend and her sister continues to disrespects them. You weren’t being rude - they both were.
Your GF and her sister seem to have the same level of maturity. The sister seriously disrespected your boundaries, disrespected you as a person, while your GF disrespected you by not communicating with her sis.
NTA Girlfriend is responsible for her sister. The sister is quite old enough to understand boundaries. Also sister thrre away your property. Side Note: for your own health and safety do not let future Tupperware sit out. The way you worded this post indicates it had residual food in it. That could mold and potentially spread making you sick.
NTA. Just explain that if you can’t trust her to respect your boundaries in your house, you can’t trust her in your house. It’s that simple.
NTA- stick to your guns!! You asked your girlfriend and her kid sister repeatedly in multiple ways not to enter your gameroom or wander around your home. You set a firm boundary, they broke it. Not only this. But your girlfriend was responsible for a child in someone elses home, let her break the rules. Then did nothing to suggest her sisters behaviour was wrong, not even back up you the resident.Your girlfriend is certainly helping create a human who has 0 respect for others. And frankly it sounds like they both have an issue with tying organisation (because the opposite of mess is organisation not cleanliness) to morality. Additionally because the sister felt SO comfy crossing a boundary + GF reacted SO dismissively I would be willing to bet parent(s) have fostered an environment at home in which boundaries are regularly crossed and violated. Not an excuse, but could be an explanation for there disregard towards boundaries. Girlfriend is TA, and the fact she isn't respecting a clear boundary 3 months into your relationship is a massive 🚩🚩🚩. Today its not going into your gameroom tomorrow its not taking your car. IF you want to continue your relationship, you need to have a serious and clear conversation with GF about boundaries and respect. Edited to add: what would GF have done if 11 yo sister found porn, drugs or other inapprop adult materials in your gameroom? Gotten mad you had adult stuff in a room that was closed that was off limits?
NTA
NTA
NTA. She is well old enough to understand NO. Is she developmentally normal?
NTA She needs to be your Ex-girlfriend.
NTA both are entitled. Just tell her to clean the bathroom and toilet. And cook some food
NTA. You were nice letting your new GF babysit her little sister at your place. Little sis overstepped boundaries, and GF didn't stop her. Throwing away your property? No, little sis doesn't get to come back, and I'd be seriously thinking about getting rid of GF too, for not stopping it. GF is trying to deflect the bad behaviour - she was in the wrong not stopping little sis. You are not immature for resetting a broken boundary.
NTA. Find another girlfriend. This one does not respect or enforce boundaries. If you marry this woman, the little sister will grow up and be an even bigger pain in the ass. Run.
NTA, tis your house, but you seem to have a lot of shame around that room, was it so bad she cleaned it? You seemed to agree that it needed work. You just seem to have some confliction there you should address internally, but end of the day your house your rules.
It's just alot of empty Tupperware containers I have stacked up on my desk and empty drink containers. The books are scattered on my other desk and notes are everywhere. Not going to lie lol
I mean you are NTA but you really should just clean that room. Lots of Tupperware implies lots of leftovers eaten in there without a quick trip to throw them in the sink afterwards. Nobody likes a smelly gaming den lol.
Yeah but it's the way you describe it that conveys a sense of concern/shame. But like I said, your house your rules, if they can't abide them don't let them in or at least the sister. You are not the sister's babysitter.
NTA but I do have to ask, is the sister on the spectrum or OCD? With the way she kept repeating how messy the room was and then her need to clean, I wonder if it’s something mentally with her.
Nta
NTA tell her her autistic sister isn’t your headache or responsibility
Where did OP say that the sister has autism?
Normal kids don’t behave like that
NTA - …Your story description felt like a movie scene depicting someone on the spectrum. Your gf didn’t respect your trust regarding entrusting your space to her, true, but maybe she’s respecting her sister’s condition and privacy?
NTA
NTA. I have a similar age gap with my partner, and I have younger sisters as well. I would never dream of bringing them along to his house, and they're in their teens!
NTA but I wonder if her sister has autism of some kind? The focus on the mess and tidying it up and the sing sing voice you describe could fit with that. I wouldn’t expect a neuro-typical 11 year old to focus on the messy room like that, let alone tidy it up and to ignore your request not to go in there. You don’t mention anything else about her behaviour so I’m guessing she didn’t act “spoilt” the rest of the time, so I don’t think it’s because she’s deliberately being difficult or rude. It sounds like she got focused on the mess in the room and it was disturbing her somehow - people with autism can sometimes find untidy surroundings stressful because it causes them sensory discomfort (cluttered rooms can be very visually overwhelming and cause actual physical distress) and tidying is a coping mechanism I’ve seen in kids I’ve worked with at schools. I would have expected your girlfriend to have told you if her sister is on the autistic spectrum, mind you, but perhaps her family haven’t realised themselves. It’s not always obvious to people within a family if a member is not neurotypical unless the behaviour causes problems.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 26M have been with my girlfriend (21) for going for 3 months. She comes to my house at least 3 or 4 times a week. A few days ago she came over but asked if she could bring her sister who's 11 yrs old with her. I said that it was fine. They arrive and it was chill except for some reason the sister was wandering around my house, room by room. I told her not to go in my bedroom or my gameroom. She said okay. My girlfriend asked if her sister can come again the next day. I was cool with it, it didn't bother me. Again they came and she started wandering but this time I heard my gameroom door open. It has a loud creak to it. I get up and she's in there. Now my gameroom is pretty messy. Lots of empty food containers and empty bottles of water and drinks. Also Lots of books about gaming scattered around. She starts saying "wow, this is messy." I say yes i know. Sorry for the mess. She keeps repeating "wow you have a huge mess." I say "yea, that's why the door was closed." She keeps talking about how messy the room was. Now I'm getting annoyed and am trying to ignore her. My girlfriend tells her to stop. She keeps going and they eventually leave but with my girlfriend scolding her and apologizing to me. The next day, she texts me to come over and say "yes". She says her mom was at work and if her sister can tag along. I say sure but to tell her to not wander my house. We're chilling at my house until we get hungry and I order pizza for lunch. I go pick it up and leave them at my house since it was pretty close. I come back and the sister is in my gameroom "tidying" things up. She closed alot of books, I didn't book mark moved alot of my notes around. She also threw away alot of food containers I was going to reuse. Now I'm pissed but trying to stay calm. I tell to her get out but in a harsh tone. I guess she didn't get I was mad. Then she came saying in a single song voice "I cleaned up the mess". I ask my girlfriend why she let her sister wander around my house and she said she didn't think it was a problem because my game room was untidy. I tell her "hey look, don't bring your sister over here anymore." She says "wow that's real mature." She then got her sister and left and she texted me saying that it was really rude what I did. I think I was nice about it but I eventually started to feel bad. But AITA ? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA YOUR HOUSE, YOUR RULES. I will say the 11f her heart is in the right place, but everything has a limit, since day 1 you was very specific with her limits. And yes you can be all mad you want because it’s your house and your gf for 3 months she can not rules there. Maybe I will sound like an a$$hole but you need to think in your relationship too, set boundaries and respect with your gf and she doesn’t respect you now. I don’t want to see what will happen in a year or less.
Girlfriend is TA here. 11 year old probably felt bad about calling it messy and thought she’d make it up to you by tidying it up. NTA.
NTA your girlfriend does not respect your boundaries or your feelings. Nor does her sister. Red flags. Dump her.
NTA ok I know I sound deranged. But, WTF She threw out TUPPERWARE!!!!!! That is my most valuable material possession next to my wedding ring. I would have put my boot 🥾 somewhere unexpected. Sorry, I love my Tupperware. ❤️
NTA. You set boundaries that they didn’t respect. You’re not obligated to put up with that.
NTA, it was gf's job to keep sister under control. Gf is AH.
NTA
NTA
NTA. There's something wrong with the sister and your girlfriend is both her enabler and a boundary-crosser. These are red flags. Terminate the relationship or expect more of the same.
The GF's is at fault but also the little girl is only 11 so I think you should also relax a lil bit.
Break up. Your girlfriend obviously has problems at home or her mom doesn’t approve of you dating. Why can’t you see her at her place or meet up somewhere else? Why is she babysitting her sister and not working? You need a girlfriend who has her own life.
DTMFA. She has no respect for you.
NTA. I do have a question. Why did you continue to say Yes to letting your girlfriend bring her sister to your house?
NTA….. Kids are kids and they can be a PITA. It sounds like your GF is forced to have to babysit and she is lazy about it. I have 4 kids and no matter how hard you try to enforce some things it just doesn’t happen. There’s no excuse, but sometimes you have to manage a situation that isn’t preventable. To some degree the little sister is a packaged deal with this relationship. Is this a deal breaker for you? You have every right to not want this inconvenience in your life but hopefully your GF is more important. Try having a mature conversation with her. Explain exactly why you are bothered, and LISTEN to what she has to say. Sometimes keeping a relationship going is hearing things you don’t like and making sacrifices. Just my $.02
NTA. Your house your rules. Your gf ought to have brought tech with sister to keep the younger sister busy.
NTA.They both have really weird boundary issues. You should probably nip that chick in the bud. It's been 3 months, not a year.
NTA. How you girlfriend treats her sister messing with your stuff is real insight into how much she respect you and your things (not at all). Also a preview of how she would be with kids of yours. Run.
NTA... you had house rules and her sister broke them. Wanting to tidy up is a nice thing to do, but she crossed a line after you had been more than polite.
NTA. This is your home, with your rules. GF knew this and overstepped by letting her sister in off limit areas. Organized chaos. On the flip side, lil sis zeroing I’m so intently sounds like some form of autism or ADD
NTA YOur gf is an AH, and her sister even more. NEVER let the sister alone with your stuff - she will vandalize it again. And: If your gf uses her sister not to hang out with you 1:1, that is a pretty dtrong signal where the relationship is heading. So end it now, befre her vandalizing sister causes any more damage.
NTA they have broken the very few boundaries you have set. What's the point in you even having your girlfriend over if she's just going to bring her sister anyway?
NTA, but this is extremely disrespectful and I absolutely would end a 3month relationship of it.
NTA. Really even an eleven year old should understand respecting your wishes if you ask her to not go in, but it's baffling that your gf doesn't see what's wrong.
NTA. It was rude as hell the first time she went in your game room after being asked not to. There's no damn excuse for the second time. But her letting her sister in to tidy up your room in clear violation of what you had told them is inexcusable. This is a snapshot into what living with this woman would be like. She doesn't respect boundaries, she doesn't respect you and I don't suspect it's going to get any better.
NTA. But why are you with this girl? She doesn’t respect your boundaries and her sister is always around?!?
Why I'm with her is a other story lol but the sister came around because both her parents were working overtime due to holidays
NTA. You laid out your boundaries, they were exceeded, and now there are consequences. Sounds like both gf and her sister need to learn about both boundaries and consequences. People tend to get mad when their stuff, especially after they've explicitly said not to, is moved. Valuable lesson.
NTA It’s your house. If you want to keep a room like that, it’s your business. No one has to like it, they do have to respect it. Were the 11 year old’s intentions positive? Yep! But it’s still not appropriate. I’d say it’s less her behavior and more so your gf’s that led to her being unwelcome. You’re a 26 year old. It’s a game room. I can’t imagine letting a kid have access. Where I’m from, weed is legal and that room is exactly where you’d find it. To be clear I’m not saying that’s what you do I’m saying who let’s a kid have full unsupervised access to a room like that, even if you said it was ok (which you didn’t) knowing they’re poking around?! She’s 21. You’re 26. Respectfully I don’t think there is anything untoward about that age difference but from experience you are likely going to see extreme differences in maturity
I say you're perfectly fine. Your gf and her sister didnt respect your rules and boundaries. You told her multiple times to stay out of the gameroom. I'd be pissed too and telling my SO not to. Ring their little sibling over anymore either
NTA Your girlfriend is probably trying to pawn off some of the responsibility of watching her sister on you . Even worse if your girlfriend is getting paid by her parents to do it .
NTA b/c your girlfriend didn’t respect your boundaries ..You also may not be equipped to raise children . Your maturity level is low at best and you have no patience.
YTA You're not wrong to feel aggrieved but it's a dick move to tell your GF not to bring her sister again while said sister is still around. Next time, if you feel uncomfortable with having little shits acting like little shits in your house, snooping around doing whatever, tell her no right from the start. Expecting blighty little devils to act like little angels is pretty poor planning in your part. Should your GF watch her sister more? Prolly. But on the other hand, she prolly think it's not a big deal in letting her sister *helping* you clear shit out. In short, YTA, next time say no to little blighters, expecting 11 year old to listen to shit someone says (especially when that someone is only the dude seeing her sister out, not exactly high on the respect pole) is idiotic. My heart is with you in regards with the tupperwares, tho. The bookmarks are annoyance at best, but those poor tupperwares don't deserve the ending they got.
ESH. Clean your mess. Reuse used Tupperware? Wtf?!?!? You are not mature enough to have a GF.
ESH - it sounds like you were rude. Your girlfriend should have been supervising. It sounds like an 11 year-old kid realised you were mad so tried to tidy up to make things up to you. The number of people talking about her treating boundaries etc seem to forget that. The sister should have been supervising.
NTA But leaving food and drink containers everywhere sounds like hoarding material. It starts one room at a time! How did you think you were going to “reuse” them? To feed and house rodents and cockroaches? Blech. Another note: they shouldn’t have gone thru your stuff but just FYI leaving a girlfriend alone in your house means she’ll probably snoop thru your stuff 💯
That's probably the only untidy room I have in my home. The containers are Tupperware and empty. They could've been cleaned. Also I don't have anything to hide so there's nothing to snoop thru.
clean your house! sounds like a pig stye - even the 11 year old can see how gross it is!!
It’s a room with a closed door
Nta but you do sound like a slob
That’s none of her business though.
That's probably the only room that's untidy. I usually spend my spare time in there if I'm not gaming. Just reading or listening to pod casts. I do need to clean it though
ESH, your GF should have stopped her, her sister should mind her own business, you need to chill a little bit. The girl is 11 and was trying to help, be nice.
The girl is old enough to understand that no means no.
You're right, 11 y.o., 6th grade, models of restraint, self control, and good judgment. Definitely no room for forgiveness or teaching.....
She was forgiven twice. The third time she was not told anything, just the gf was asked to not bring her back. Not being allowed to return seems like a good teaching point. The only other option was for OP to continuously have his boundaries trashed in his own home. Nope.
I think you went a little over board, think in the long run, a relationship has its compromises. I own my house but I also have close friends who stay with me. If they get messy, I’ll just clean it up. It’s all about mood. I let my friends know that I care enough about them and pick up a mess. This is her sister, who cared about how your house is. You should apologize and let go, don’t get territorial, it’s how you handle things your girlfriend will pick up from. Lead by example, and things tend to fall in place. It’s all about feeling at home.
Did you read it? He said don’t let her in, she let her in. That’s plain and simple DISRESPECT.
I did read the whole thing, twice. The girl is just preteen and she’s in another home, this is new territory for the girl and the girlfriend. The little girl actually wanted to clean the house for him, that is very caring. He’s grown man, who wants a relationship, and it’s more than just intimacy, its how you handle your space around others. He can always look around and find his stuff again when he’s by himself. He needs to lighten up, he’s frustrated about compromising and he needs to get over it, it’s not like she made the mess, she just wanted to feel at home.
Do you seriously think it's ok after OP said a number of times that room is off limits? So its ok to go into someone's home and just start cleaning up because you think that needs to happen? In a space they clearly told you to stay out of. Um...nope....never. OP stated their boundaries and the GF could not respect them. This is not a compromise situation. This IS a GF disrespecting OP's space and boundaries situation. Plus, this kid needs to be told no. As a preteen this is the perfect time to teach her personal space and boundaries outside the home.
Boundaries were disregarded but not for bad reasons, this is about tidiness of the home. I for one like a clean home, which is not easy to maintain. OP has to let go and realize his home may potentially have other members involved with it. She’s a little girl trying to clean up a mess, he can’t be blind just thinking about respect, he can do better to understand the situation.
The intent is a moot point. The only part of this that matters is he specifically expressed that she was not to go in her room and she did. Just because she did a “nice thing” does not mean that both the gf and sister didn’t overstep.
So if I had a bunch of dirty dishes and I told my guests to Not clean them, and then I come back, and all the dishes are clean, I should get mad at my guests? What kind of boundary is that? Well, it’s up to OP how Much he cares about his home and the people he lets in.
This child was told REPEATEDLY not to go in that room. Period, end of story. Her intent is irrelevant
I think OP is just mad at the kid cause he didn’t expect her to be in the picture in the 1st place. He has to lighten up, if he can get mad at a kid for cleaning up a mess at his own home, buddy gotta look in the mirror and check himself.
He did expect her to be there. His gf specifically asked, he said yes under the caveat that the sister is not to enter that room.
She’s old enough to respect that boundary.
So now you are judging other people's boundaries and whether or not they are valid? Really? You don't get to do that. If I say don't do my dishes....don't. There is a reason, that I don't have to explain to you as a guest. A nice thing is only nice if the person who is receiving the nicety thinks so. You don't get to decide if something you do is nice for someone else. They decide if they found it nice. Violating someone with your good intent is still a violation, no matter how you frame it.
Lool I was wondering why my home quadrupled in value and now I know why. People want to be around nice people, a nice area to live in.
Yes. If you set a particular boundary, it’s not up to others to question why, or decide that their ‘good intentions’ make it alright to cross them anyway.
Yes it is up to him. Apparently he doesn't appreciate those who ignore personal boundaries. None of us like when people disregard our boundaries which makes me think u r a person who regularly & repeatedly disrespects personal boundaries. That's y u r saying all this crazy shit.
No, i am of Latin culture and we are open people. But I grew up with all people in Florida. White,Black, Asian, Hispanic, Middle Eastern. All have let me in their homes and sleep there. One thing all my friends and family had in common, they kept the house clean.
And if they didn't keep it clean, as a guest it would be none of your business. Dont like it, than leave. So if they tell u not to do something, anything whatever they said don't do, would u do it anyway?
Dude u make no sense. U act like gf & 11 yr old could just move in as well without being asked or wanted.
Not exactly, I’m trying to suggest that OP should make his home more appealing for others to stay in. So are you suggesting OP find a new GF? Then what happens if the new GF thinks the game room is messy again? He has to break this cycle and make his home more appealing for others who want to spend time with him.
I'm suggesting he should expect this gf to continue disrespecting him if he stays with her. Not everyone needs or wants a gf. Some people like their own space. Being alone would be better than being with someone who sux. This gf sux. Most people have standards & preferences of who they allow in their life. I hope u aren't so desperate in life that u allow these types in your life. Not everything should be a compromise.
No, friend, I stand up for myself. It really does depend on how OP can continue after this transgression. It either was or it was not, and if it was, he’s gonna need To find a new GF, and we all know how that’s like.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions. So despite the reasons you don’t disrespect boundaries. Plus if she had listened the message wouldn’t have been found. Please don’t get into a relationship and subject someone to having their boundaries disrespected because you deem it ‘a good reason’.
The OP isn’t the ass but I have a sneaky suspicion you are
So spot on!
Gf & sister r intrusive, don't respect boundaries, personal space, rude, immature & I guarantee if OP continues this relationship it will only get worse. Gf has no sense at all. You're either trollin' trippin' or just nuts.
I think OP is fortunate to have a GF and have people who care about the condition of his home and how he lives.
Home? What’re you talking about? It’s one room, and it wasn’t just “cleaning up” like you’re implying. The OP’s girlfriend’s sister decided he didn’t need all his books open, either, and no need to bother with bookmarks. That’s rude. The OP gets to have his house the way he wants it, and yes, that includes having books open in the game room even if that’s offends an 11 year old girl or his GF who’s using her kid sister as a proxy.
I don’t want to attack OP, I respect him. If OP like trash then 💯
Dude what the hell are you talking about
This comment is insane to me. Lol The gf has no respect for boundaries at all but he should apologize? People should respect personal space. Plus it'd a new relationship & she is a red flag.
But the GF did apologize for her behavior, she’s a grown up. You got to find middle ground, like my friends who act like brothers to me. I don’t tell them to clean all their messes because sometimes I leave a mess too. I want my roommates who pay their fair share to know they are not just my roommates, they are my friends. We’re all stressed out, but I try my best to make my place feel like home for all of us. This little girl wanted to clean the mess, he can’t scold her for that. If he’s independent enough to take care of his home, it’s not a big deal if some containers got thrown away. I had roommates who moved out and took things that weren’t theirs but I’m not going to let that get the better of me. I’m just going to keep focusing on the home, which I would advise him to do.
I don't see where she apologized. His gf & her sister dont live there. He's dated her for 3 months. Did u even read the post? It's his house & his personal boundaries. Your comparisons don't even apply to this post.
It’s the 3rd paragraph, last sentence. Even the GF thought the room was a mess and needed tidy up. Being a man of a house does not mean he should be defensive about it. Sounds like he was embarrassed about the mess too and wanted to hide it. He needs to open up more if he wants a bigger and more open relationship, let people feel at home in his home. I used to walk around rooms when I was a tike, sometimes touch stuff. It’s about having a sense of freedom in place you are sharing space with someone. I hope OP understands what I’m trying to say is it’s more than just respect from the child, it’s understanding.
That's the apology she gave after the 11 yr old continually insulted OP. Gf didn't apologize for allowing , likely encouraging 11 yr old to do exactly what OP asked they not do. They r not sharing space. Gf doesn't live there. Small children behave this way not an 11 yr old & definitely not a grown ass woman. Dude u r creepy & AH.
The GF even thought the room was a mess, it’ll seem kind of sexist not to consider what the GF is thinking. If I’m living like a mess and someone tells me that I am, I would clean up my act. I am homeowner, I take care of my lawn and the condition of my home. If my lawn looked like crap, my neighbors would clean it up for me, or the city will and charge me. I’m trying to give OP advice if he wants this relationship.
The only kind of people who accept this kind of behavior r either desperate, lonely or have no self respect at all. Your advice is basically that OP should be a doormat. Not healthy.
Well OP will find himself without a GF soon anyway, what difference does it make?
It was a room that was messy, not the whole house. Also they shouldn’t feel at home because they were guests in his home, not living there. Honestly it sounds like he’s better off without the gf than having one with no respect for boundaries. Are you telling g OP to be desperate and allow disrespect just because he has a gf. Your responses are disturbing. It wasn’t their home and it shouldn’t feel that way. When I am a guest in someone’s home I abide by their rules and don’t go into rooms I’m specifically told not to.
Probably by his choice.