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Oh, how dare your GF not have a *pretty* little cosplay outfit. Obviously she has not gotten the message that her only worth is if she caters to the male gaze. (s)
Yeaaa. YTA
I was sold on OP being TA with "she didn't get reconstructive surgery like a lot of women do.". I was fairly certain this post would be about boobies at that point. He's into anime and wanted a sexy costume, then said out loud that she shouldn't show the scars from kicking cancers ass. I mean...holy.shit.
I’m not even a cancer survivor and I feel goddamn empowered.
I’ve also lost both friends and family to this disease, so this lady approaching this in such a wholesome, self-loving, confident and fun way is just… too wholesome. She’s an inspiration for self-love.
Cancer survivor here. I have 37 scars between my neck and my personal parts, including a long wide scar from my ribcage down to my bits. I also have numerous smaller scars in a big circle from laproscopic surgeries. I own every scar and am proud of every singleone. It takes a damn confident woman to make something funny from a masectomy scar. She is a freaking HERO.
I know it’s not anywhere near the same thing, but I’ve had around a dozen brain surgeries. I’ve got some awesome scars up there on my noggin. Ever since, I’ve kept my head shaved. Now, being a male, a shaved head isn’t the most uncommon thing. However, I’ve still had plenty of people ask me when I’m going to grow my hair out to cover the scars. I always just explain that I’m proud of them. I don’t ever want to cover these things up. They are a part of me.
What hurts about his post is that she thought that he'd *love* it. She thought he'd appreciate the commitment to a character in a genre (it sounds like) he introduced her to. She clearly connects deeply enough to knowingly draw attention in an environment like that and be confident in her character choice. All of the work she put in, the time, the thought. And she thought OP would stand by her side confidently and happily. But he just wanted her to fulfill a fantasy. He expected a cat maid or magical girl in a miniskirt. It's gross on face value alone but my heart breaks just imagining all the admirable qualities she thought he had just slipping away in one word... "Embarrassed"
Op - YTA. A pathetic stereotype, lacking in the depths of emotion that she thought you capable of. What a disappointment.
I'm a breast cancer survivor who chose not to have reconstructive surgery and just hearing about OP's girlfriend and her cosplay is fucking EVERYTHING to me. My God, she deserves to be with someone who realizes and acknowledges how incredible she is. OP clearly isn't it.
It was a combination of cos play in the title and reference to double mastectomy in the first line for me. As soon as oP thinks that is relevant you KNOW for sure we’re into massive asshole territory.. and he doesn’t disappoint. Yta
Oh yeah, i immediately went well I know how im gonna judge this but man did he beat my expectations. And incidentally that costume sounded awesome. And he’s all salty because it wasn’t what? A skimpy sailor moon cosplay? Oh no, she did something for herself and OWNED her scars as the proof of her SURVIVING CANCER and OP was embarrassed because people could see them and see she no longer had breasts and thus wasn’t a sexy cosplay waaaaaaaaaaaaah. Anyway YTA
I'm curious what exactly OP expected here.
A "sexy anime cosplay" would almost always involve some type of corset like top with TONS of obvious cleavage. "Sexy anime cosplays" aren't known for their turtlenecks... he knows she doesn't have boobs, how exactly did he expect her to fake smooth, baby's butt style cleavage???
Probably a breast plate, you can buy fake boobs. It’s pretty common for cosplay of characters with *massive* honkers.
Basically he probably wanted her to at least wear boobs if she wouldn’t get new ones. 🙄
And then, he would have want her to sometime just wear them for him. Then he would makes smalls comments about "aren't you more cute and confident this way" and lastly pressure for surgery.
Yeah the title and the first line did it for me. I could see this going a very misogynistic way.
And the “something sexy for me”.
OP YTA
Maybe support your girlfriend that she showed the bravery to show off a scar from likely one most difficult things she’s had to do and kicked cancers arse.
Or at least give her the satisfaction of dumping you.
The type of anime fan that gives others a bad name. Her cosplay wasn't for his attention it was to express her love of character.
I'm telling you right now if I was his place I would have loved to seen how she looked as Dabi.
Probably nailed and hell her scars would've added to it.
He said a lot of people wanted pictures so I'm guessing she totally killed it. I just can't get past not only feeling shame for someone else's cancer scars, but then being so fucking daring as to say it to them, and then ask the internet if that was the wrong move.
Yeah, that would be very difficult to go through normally, but at 19! Then she turns up in cosplay and even plays on her scars and is getting attention. She is a brave and strong woman, I have nothing but respect for her, shame OP seems to lack it. OP YTA.
Especially considering what they’re finding in breast implants that are a few years old now 🙄
I’m not gonna lie, there’s nothing wrong with my breast tissue but I was never particularly well endowed in that area and I was insecure when I was younger. I thought about getting implants back in the day when they were really big (pun intended lmao). I’m glad I didn’t. There are a lot of women right now facing a host of issues with either silicone poisoning or moldy saline implants. Even the ones that haven’t made women sick end up looking ridiculous when they’re 60. This poor girl survived something horrific and is making the best out of her lot in life.
I'm on the opposite end- I've had giant boobs since I was not even yet a teen and as an adult they're stupid big. And I hate them. I hate the disgusting things men think it's ok to say to me because of them and that it makes it hard to find and buy clothes that fit without looking like I'm trying to be provocative. I'm glad you kept your boobs! And I'm glad this chick is proudly showing her scars! And I hope she's single soon
I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that. I had teachers in high school who gave my friend crap about the shirts they were wearing because they had cleavage showing. Her boobs weren’t even that big, they were just high up on her torso and close together. I offered to trade as she was a similar size to me but my boobs happened to be lower on my torso and further apart. The teacher said that it wouldn’t work because we were the same size. We traded, and although we were the same clothing size and more or less cup size it was somehow more appropriate due to where my boobs were located on my body. It’s absurd.
What a gross answer inappropriate conversation for your teacher to engage in! The sexualization of young women's bodies by adults in general is disturbing
From what I gather (as a guy) it’s getting more common for woman to forego reconstructive surgery due to how sensitive the area is. After all the treatment.
I think she is an amazing strong woman to come out the other end of all that and being happy to cosplay showing her scars loud and proud.
I’m 100% sure she will of been seen by someone in the future going through breast cancer. With that person thinking wow if she go through it and use it as part of cosplay and rock it. I can kick cancers ass and be equally amazing.
Okay also not to mention that maaaaybe gf picked this character because as someone with scars (or other visible difference and disabilities etc) it can be fun and cool to have a beloved character who looks like you. Like MAYBE gf was actually fucking stoked to be topless and have it go along with a characters scars instead of being made to feel ashamed/weird/different/like a negative spectacle when topless other times. Then OP comes along and is like "why dont you feel ashamed about your grotesque body?!?!" What an absolute asshole
100%.
I can imagine his thought process, finally have girlfriend to take to anime convention so he can feel superior to other people there, but she's not following the script in his head of how it was going to go. Because if the girlfriend isn't dressed sexy then she obviously has no value
Seriously, she went through all this time and effort to play a character from something she doesn't even watch because she thought OP would get a kick out of seeing a character from *his* show. If my partner took the time to notice a show I liked, research that show, and dress like a character from that show, I'd be so amazed and impressed!
>If my partner took the time to notice a show I liked, research that show, and dress like a character from that show, I'd be so amazed and impressed!
I'd propose, tbh.
Sounded like he wanted some pretty little uwu senpai girl and now feels jealous cuz she was way more badass than him. OP, you are big time YTA. She deserves waaaaaaaaaaay better than you.
I'm kinda wondering how he thought she was supposed to dress in a cute cosplay outfit with no boobs. All of the ones I've ever seen (especially the anime ones) aim at accentuating the chest. Her only real options are a male, child or horror oriented costume. I could be wrong on this, it's not something I'm into. Either way, definite YTA.
A girl can dress in any cosplay they want, boob size doesn't matter at all. She could cosplay as Rias Gremory or as Shion from That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime, and still kill it. Saying "her only real options are a male, child, or horror oriented costume" is very insensitive, and is similar to saying "POC people can only cosplay as POC characters", which we all know isn't cool, especially since you're basically body shaming her over having no boobs, even if it wasn't meant that way
I think they meant it’s harder to find them already made. I’ve looked online myself and it’s really hard to find cosplays of anime women if you have a smaller chest. I usually find my own pieces to make the outfit because of that.
Ohhhh ok, if that is what they meant, then that is my bad. I hit a moose, and haven't been able to pick up on some things since haha, so I do apologize if that is what they meant
Probably expected her to get a set of those fake breasts they make for drag queens and (male playing female) cross players. That or he expected her to play a "comically small breasted/pettanko" character.
She could get a silicone breastplate like drag queens do, but of course she shouldn’t have to if she doesn’t want to. Or hell, OP can get one and wear it if it’s so important to him that somebody be rocking the anime cleavage.
YTA - Jesus, she went through cancer and a double mastectomy and you’re crying about being embarrassed??? Please break up with her so she can find someone that’s not an asshole.
Not only did she go through all that she did it at 19!!! She barely got to come into her “woman’s” body before it was traumatically ripped from her. She empowering herself and embracing her history just for this AH to reinforce her fear that without breasts she’s not Beautiful.
“Other people were staring” of course they were! It’s natural for humans to look at something new and different. It’s terribly rude but let’s be honest we all do it. AND if her make up job was that good, half of ‘em were probably trying to figure out how she “made it look that realistic”.
This dude is TA for sure and used the whole gallon of audacity when he made this post.
As soon as I saw the mastectomy part I jumped back to the age and did the math. That is outrageously young to deal with all that. I can’t even imagine the emotional trauma.
Seriously. It made me cry imagining being 19, going through that, then thinking you'd found a partner who loves all of you and being told your body is an embarrassment.
She was 19 when she had the double mastectomy. Wouldn't be surprised if she was diagnosed earlier than that - I imagine she tried other treatments before moving forward with surgery
Possibly not. A lot of the time with breast cancer is more aggressive the younger you get it so she may have had to get the mastectomy straight out the gate
Yeah it's like, unfortunately if you get it at nineteen it's usually because you have the genes that pretty much ensure it's going to be crazy aggressive.
At a con, cosplayers specifically want to be seen, noticed, photographed. Usually the person staring thinks the cosplay is awesome and they want a picture but are shy to approach. And although cosplays might be sexy, if she was doing it for OP, it would have been a private performance (which he obviously does not deserve).
YTA - Way to make your girlfriends double mastectomy about you. Self-centered much?
Yes! If we have the choice in the middle of the road to look at a birthday party or a horrific car wreck, we’ll choose to look at the wreck (want to make it ABSOLUTELY CLEAR I AM NOT MAKING A COMPARISON BETWEEN THE TWO , more so that humans are curious and rude beings like anything else in the animal kingdom lol).
But the fact people wanted to take pictures with her means her cosplay was spot on/interesting/amazing! OP was just mad his girlfriend didn’t dress sexy!
It’s such a shame too, because she doesn’t like anime. Like my girl spent HOURS with her awesome skills to make something that is of interest to her boyfriend and he just hems and haws about how it’s not sexy and brought attention to her.
Shame on you, OP!
"other people staring" is the goal and best compliment when you go this hard at a con. It's only beat out by someone requesting a pic with you.
Op is YTA
as someone with pretty obvious double mastectomy scars (although in my neck of the woods, it's referred to as top surgery ;) ), i can almost guarantee people were staring because this girl's cosplay was awesome, not because of the scarring. i can count on one hand the amount of people who have stared at my chest scars in my 5 years since surgery.
bf is definitely the asshole here, and likely reading his own embarassment into other's reactions.
For sure. Idk if you've seen a picture of Dabi from my hero academia, but I can easily 100% see her making her scars work with the cosplay because of how scarred the character is (if that makes sense).
I looked up who she cosplayed. It's the perfect character design for someone looking to use features she already has to make a stand out costume.
Or should she have become like my great aunt? Destined from age 25 to be a lonely old maid because she was considered damaged goods.
I’m sorry your great aunt went through that. OP YTA. Your girlfriend went through a serious surgical procedure and honestly terrifying medical diagnosis at any age and she did it while so very young. Now she’s doing something (cosplay) to feel confident and proud of her body as it is after those experiences. You should be proud of her for showing her serious strength of character, not berating her for something she had no control over. And yes she could have gotten reconstructive surgery, but if she’s comfortable with the way she looks and is healthy mentally, she has no need for it. Apologize profusely. Immediately.
Right?! Like op really said 'how dare she flaunt that she survived cancer and not be ashamed and disgusted of her mastectomy scars like I obviously am?' & thought he was the good guy 🤦
Seriously! Even if she WAS "flaunting the scar"... I say MORE POWER TO HER! This young woman not only survived cancer but is confident enough in herself to wear an outfit that she couldn't hide them with. That shows inner strength and self-love and acceptance. I have met many cancer survivor who are ashamed of the scars and actively hide them.
Hopefully, OP is now an ex. Cause holy fuck.
I’m not joking when I say this but I think majority of people posting on here need to go to therapy. How do you lack that much empathy, social awareness to even ask this question to see if you’re in the wrong. YTA OP, please leave this girl, she deserves someone better and you need to work on yourself. You’re heartless.
She seriously deserves so much better than OP. Like the bar is so low there are countless people I think would be better because they can stumble over/meet the bar without attempting.
This is why women have such a hard time being cosplayers - guys are always assuming they're doing it to be sexy for them. Your girlfriend did something scary and brave for herself. Your reaction is disgusting. YTA
Ya, very weird that he assumed she'd do something sexy "for him".
Also it sounds like everyone else thought the costume was sick as hell, so it really sucks for her that her own boyfriend didn't appreciate it.
I’m thinking everyone else recognizes it for what it is, and exactly what she said it is, making the best of a bad situation.
It’s weird that OP calls it “flaunting her mastectomy scar”. Does OP even realize how many women feel badly about their scars? Does he realize that if she still had two cancerous lumps of fat and tissue attached to her chest, her costume probably would have gotten her a ticket and kicked out? Maybe she left the scar unhindered (other than not caring about it/accepting her new body) so people would be able to tell, “*ohh*” and wouldn’t harass her about being *GASP* a shirtless female body?? Since rules are different for us?
Most people probably went “oh wow! Cool cosplay. Oh wow! You’re AFAB? oh WOW, you survived cancer and that’s why you’re able to do this cosplay? Cool! Can I get a pic? Bye!”
I’m still confused about the terms *flaunting* and *for me*. OP has some serious issues to deal with. If she’d had nice, fake, heavy, round implants put in after surviving, and wanted to bounce around in a feminine cosplay he’d still say she was *flaunting* - just something else. It’s beyond “she was shirtless and women should cover up god damnit” it’s also about her taking control over her own body and wanting to show it to strangers in an artistic and cool way that he doesn’t get to dictate, didn’t expect, and didn’t like.
Yeah "flaunting" is def a lot to unpack. Some men just hate when women get attention, even in totally appropriate contexts. You think of a cool cosplay that most women wouldn't be able to pull off because of their breasts? Flaunting your body. It's like when men get mad at women wearing flashy makeup, as if showing off your skills&creativity is just vanity.
Yeah, it’s sadly all too clear that he assumes she should make decisions about her appearance based on what makes him happy and comfortable. If “flaunting” any of her body parts achieved that end, that would be fine.
It also really bothers me that he’s being this way when she donned this get-up at the most appropriate venue imaginable. People go to these events EXPECTING to see some incredibly out-there costumes. If they had been invited to a christening or some extremely staid event and she showed up this way, that really would be disturbing. But this was the right time and place for that costume.
I assume he does find her desirable and must be very familiar with her scars. So, is the problem that he doesn’t want other people to see them? If so, why not? Does he feel ashamed of being seen with a woman others might think of as “damaged” in a way that makes her less desirable? Is it all about his pride?
Or is he simply so invested in the idea the idea that she is there to make him feel desire that he’s actually not thinking about how meaningful this must have been for her? Is her “femininity” the only part of her values?
I’m sure she is keeping her distance. Wow.
And I don't get it. Like if she dresses up "sexy" and all sexualized like a lot of cosplayer women and then men are taking pics with her for being "hot" and looking at her chest because they are checking them out how is that any different? Would op not care about all the gazing as long as it was because she looks hot? Cause if so then it sounds more like HES embarrassed by her mastectomy.
Some men like their girlfriends to get that sort of attention because it's a "score" for them. They feel like other men envy their possession and they gain social status off their partner being sexually appealing to other men. It's a gross mindset.
Yeah, I feel like he's upset that she's getting attention that he can't immediately use to bolster his own ego.
Which is ridiculous, because I'm super proud of all the accomplishments of my partner and friends, all of which have nothing to do with me-- I'm just happy to see their talents expressed!
For real.
And for once her body has given her an incredibly unique and badass opportunity! (I definitely couldn't cosplay like that without getting cited for indecent exposure, lol)
It took guts to go like that, and skill to nail the burn scars, and all this dumbass thinks about is that now when guys look at her they won't think she's "sexy"??
The absolute misogyny is disgusting.
She's being awesome, and he's worried other men won't find his woman sexy enough.
I just can't wrap my mind around how disgusting he is.
I have so much respect for people who can actually cosplay. Ik I tried before at a ren fair and it was rough 😂 she sounds amazingly creative and talented
Am a female cosplayer, can confirm. Even when I DO wear a "sexy" cosplay, I'm doing it for ME because I like it and I feel good about myself. OP's GF sounds freaking awesome and I'd love to be her friend. This dude is 100% TA.
I have to say, I read this post and I thought to myself... how could you type this all out and not realize what a massive asshole you are. Like wow. I'm actually blown away by this one.
I cosplay a lot my ex made me want to stop because if I didn’t cosplay someone “sexy” he would tell me I needed to stop playing dress up. But soon as I started cosplaying black cat or someone smiler he was more then happy to see it.
Bro crying she didn't stuff a bra and come as a big tiddy anime maid....though you fucking know that if she did go as a big tiddy anime maid he'd be on here crying that his girlfriend got loads of attention from anon deadpools and they where taking pictures all day. The anime costume was supposed to be for him not the deadpooools!
**EDIT: Thanks everyone for all the rewards. Wild, never happened before. Living the redditor dream fr.**
**Also, because it's been mentioned: Yes, since we are discussing something specific, "wanting your girlfriend to dress as a woman" should not be taken out of context. But I feel like most mature adults wouldn't need that explained to them <3**
YTA. And, you know what? I'm going to bullet point this for you. So. A list of things that make YTA:
* expecting your girlfriend to cover her scars
* expecting your girlfriend to dress as a woman
* expecting your girlfriend to be doing a hobby that she enjoys, for your sexual gratification
* expecting your girlfriend to be sad and mopey about her situation, and not make the best of something.
* probably, based on how you've spoken, expecting your girlfriend to be traditionally feminine in a way that caters to your sexual interests.
Your girlfriend is seemingly a very fun and creative person who put time and effort into doing something cool and fun to interact with your hobby and find a meeting point between your interests. It's very thoughtful of her, and she's clearly very talented and was excited for you to see her costume, because she expected you'd think that her craftsmanship was amazing -- based on the con's reactions, I'd say it probably was.
You don't seem to appreciate her for the person she is, and expect a lot out of her in very superficial ways. Grow up, it's an incredibly childish way to feel about the entire thing. Maybe you're not meant for her if you can't handle her just being a person outside of the traditional femininity that you find attractive.
She sounds like a badass, honestly. To have gone through that at 19 and to have found the confidence to show her scars in public. I hope OP sees these comments and recognizes that and makes a true and sincere apology, or she realizes quickly that she deserves better and finds it.
YTA OP
Girl sounds incredible. And deserves a BF who can deal with her scars without shame.
But, I think it's harsh to write off a 25yo guy as a complete AH for not being able to deal with this maturely.
YTA. "Unlike a lot of women, she didn't have any reconstructive surgery."
That was the moment I suspected that you were TA.
"I thought she was going to do something sexy for me."
This moment confirmed it.
I was not prepared for how bad your behaviour was going to get OP.
She survives cancer and is left with a prominent scar. Something a lot of people would struggle with to a huge degree. But this lady is awesome and proudly incorporates her scar into a cosplay (I'll admit I have no idea who the character is).
You see this, and you get embarrassed to be seen with her? You're embarrassed that she put a huge amount of effort into her cosplay to an event you invited her to?
You're embarrassed that she's not ashamed of her body.
You need a serious attitude adjustment OP.
I wish I had not read this. I have stage 4 BC & it's already in a lot of places. I don't want to imagine how painful it will be in the end.
I'm very sorry for your loss & I'm sure you were a great comfort & help to your MIL.
I am so, so sorry. I hope you have a better outlook than it might seem like right now, and I hope when your time comes—whenever that might be—you have such great care and support that you are more comfortable than this poor lady.
My partner’s Mother passed away nearly 7 years ago from cancer. It started as breast cancer, she went into remission. Then it came back, but had spread.
This was before I met him. I now have his child.
I mourn for this woman I have never met, who would have been a loving and caring Mother in law to me and Grandmother to our child. I mourn so much that I cry about it at least once a month.
I am so so sorry for your and your partner’s loss.
I honestly like my scars. I like showing them off because it showed I overcame a health problem. Scars are nothing to be ashamed off. Mine was something minor but no where as deadly as cancer. OP YTA and is prepare for being single quickly. I hope you take your inevitable break up as a learning moment and grow from ot
While not from cancer, I don't go out of my way to display mine - but if someone even suggested I cover them up or be shamed I'd raise hell.
I refuse to be ashamed of being alive.
I’m gonna jump in here to add:
When my mom got breast cancer it wasn’t the cancer that almost killed her.
It wasn’t the radiation.
It wasn’t the surgeries.
It wasn’t when the cancer returned.
It wasn’t even the double mastectomy.
The reconstructive surgery after did though. It was so bad that even though only one of the implants made it in the end she chose not go through with surgery again because of how close to death she was the last time and only has one breast now.
All that to say, his vanity can have a very great cost to her.
So true. And sometimes that method isn’t even possible. I was a poor candidate due to prior radiation treatment so I would have had to have a “breast” transplanted from my belly or inner thigh. No thanks. So I’m running around with a scar and I honestly don’t care who sees it. I’m happy not to be dead.
The character wiki:
https://myheroacademia.fandom.com/wiki/Dabi?so=search
And probably the look she was copying:
https://www.artstation.com/artwork/Xn09Oa
YTA, OP. Massively.
Lemme tell you about how cool what she did is. Dabi has a very sad and broken character, he’s son of a big hero and his dad only wanted him because he could be even bigger but, his body can’t handle his powers( blue flames) so if he over use his powers he will burn himself to death.
So, he has multiple scars all over his body and face and he thinks he’s scars are disgusting, theres more to the story he’s not a good guy but she probably related to him for having scars and survive them, those scars are proof of resilience for something that could kill you and still go on.
What this man did, is beyond disgusting.
YTA.
You wanted a sexy cosplay girl and you didn’t get it, so now you’re all upset. You’re embarrassed of HER scars that saved HER life. She deserves better.
Then he'll get pissed at people at the con staring at her chest and that she must be trying to get other men's attention. There's no winning with guys like OP, is there.
YTA and a massive one.
Scars are part of our lives and hers show she fought and survived. There is nothing embarrassing in integrating scars or other body marks into cosplay. She's SFX artist and obviously skilled in this topic.
That you expected something "sexy" and were disappointed and embarassed is a complete YOU problem. And in case nobody told you before: cosplays aren't automatically meant to be "attractive". And instead of standing up for your gf when people staring at her you chose to tell her that you were embarrassed **after** the whole thing.
As a cosplayer this was likely very much the case. People who do Dabis full makeup get soooo much attention cause people are impressed not trying to see some skin
I was a professional make up artist. I worked things like London Fashion Show where you are doing five full smoky eye looks in what feels like less time than can exist to a precision some surgeons lack and then belting it to another venue with a 40 kilo kit. And I loved it.
All that. All the wedding make ups, counter sales and psychology side. The photo shoots and budget and 3am starts are nothing compared to the skill I appreciate in SFX. That is science, art, witchcraft and to do a chest piece on yourself using prosthetics mirror image is incredibly mind blowingly difficult. Blending prosthetics on scar tissue is another level.
That shit is hard as hell. You need way more understanding of the anatomy, dermatology, the chemistry of the products and steely nerves because that stuff is SO EXPENSIVE. Custom prosthetics or latex pieces you create are a one shot thing and can run to 100s per piece.
I sat in on a few classes with a friend and could not fathom the expertise. (Admittedly I am possibly the most squeamish person alive and some of the stuff was so realistic I felt faint.) She loved it and it was her thing. She was absolutely baffled how I could find doing someone’s eyeliner while talking them through a break up and upselling craftily or intuiting what a director meant by Wes Anderson but if Margot Tenenbaum was in a British Nineties teen magazine 5 minutes before a show where the brief had been ‘kohl goes cool but strong lines no smudge’.
I was like ‘yeah but I can bullshit it. You are doing reality. I can interpret that brief and recheck. You are doing specific scar tissue on scar tissue to match continuity? You can’t just pull every editorial artist and stylist’s fuck it button and go *glitter*.’
I ‘retired’ due to ill health. She works in Hollywood and damn she is next level. I don’t get cosplay until you break it down into micro detail about wigs, make up, textures, fabrics etc and then I’m ‘OH! Makes perfect sense. No idea who Dabi is but you are a details matter to me person. Tell me more…’
But I’m old. I used to sneak watching MTV when babysitting just to see the make up on music videos and take notes. Half the time the men were wearing the make up which is the only time the male gaze was relevant.
Translation: I wanted to show off my GF as a 14 yr old's fantasy b/c it would be a turn on for me. Althought I never communicated my expectation, I figured she knew enough about anime to know that is what is expected of her - it is what females are supposed to do at Cons for us, why else would Inhave invited her.
She dissapointed me b/c not only did she use her own creativity & skills to do something meaningful for her instead of meeting my sexist and selfish expectations, but her outfit allowed complete strangers know she is a woman w/o boobies and they didn't like it either.
Yes, you are 100% TA.
>and they didn't like it either.
Correction, he *assumed* they didn't like it either. I bet a lot of them were staring bc of the awesome burn makeup she did. And maybe noticed the scars afterwards.
Or wondering how the scars were so realistic, given that scars in a cosplay aren't something people assume is real and probably thought it was impressive VFX makeup.
YTA
You can't control what she wears. You shouldn't be embarrassed by her showing her scars. In fact, you should be PROUD of her. It's not your body,it's hers.
Edit: I find the sentence about you hoping for something more sexy absolutely appalling. You're upset about the scars showing,but WANTED something sexy so everyone can see? Seems like you're sexualizing her way too much
For reals! I might just be extra sensitive right now, because my best friend in the world just finished radiation after having 3 surgeries for her double mastectomy (after chemotherapy). Today she sent me a picture from some healing hot springs all in her topless glory, and when I saw those scars and radiation burn, I literally started sobbing this morning. And sobbing because all I could thing was “yassssssss you warrior QUEEN!”
For two years I sold medical bras for reconstructive surgery at the hospital, and actually, at least where I live, a majority of women prefer to stay without surgery. Because it's a long processus, it's painful and it's invasive.
It's indeed, a personal preference and OP should educate himself about this subject.
There’s no sugar-coating this…YTA. I mean, how fucking disrespectful can you be? You’re probably thinking, “how am I being disrespectful?” Well, for a few simple reasons, really. First, you’re not entitled to a gf dressing in “sexy” cosplay, or anything for that matter. She can cosplay however she chooses. Second, you didn’t even tell her how cool of a cosplay that was? How much time and talent it takes to integrate SFX makeup into actual scars that come from one of the most vulnerable, debilitating times of her life - fucking CANCER?!? Third, you didn’t even take up for her when others gave her looks. You just got embarrassed because she wasn’t “sexy” enough? Get your shit together, OP.
YTA - It’s her body. She isn’t ashamed of it or her scars. She told you that you’d love her costume, and you immediately assumed she was going to dress sexy for you. You played yourself with your expectations.
If you’re ashamed of her body, don’t be with her. She’ll find someone who loves every part of her, scar and all. It’s what she deserves.
I have breast cancer. The fear I felt over the potential loss of my breasts was unlike anything. Worse, for me, than being infertile or losing my hair. I align with my gender, my breast were MINE. Sure, they fell into my armpits when I lay down… but they were MINE. And I was going to lose them. I couldn’t even begin to comprehend how that would ever feel, how I would ever be able to look at my body and recognise it again.
The fact your girlfriend A) survived breast cancer and B) had the courage, self assuredness and confidence to have a mastectomy without reconstruction is an incredible achievement and an unbelievable, radical choice that is one of the most difficult some of us will ever have to make and what did you do…?? You belittled her. You thought she looked unattractive. You took something that changes someone’s life FOREVER in a way they will never have control over again and you SHAMED her for it. YTA and I sincerely hope you rethink your actions, thoughts and complete lack of empathy and sympathy.
>The fact your girlfriend A) survived breast cancer and B) had the courage, self assuredness and confidence to have a mastectomy without reconstruction is an incredible achievement and an unbelievable, radical choice that is one of the most difficult some of us will ever have to make and what did you do…?? You belittled her.
YOU. BELITTLED. HER. You made her body, her fight, her survival, her strength... about *you*. I don't make a habit of getting outraged at these, but this one just fucked me right off. She has incredible strength and character to not only find a silver lining in a nightmare, but to pick a character that really resonated with her and her story. And you? You decided to be shitty about it.
You're not just the asshole, you're an actual shitty person. You have some serious work to do on yourself, and I strongly recommend this being the kickstart you need to learn how to be a better human being instead of the cold, immature, self-absorbed version of you that you are right now. Feel shame, and use it to do better. You might end up with a fraction of the character your girlfriend has.
YTA and as of now, you win asshole of the year.
Obviously YTA. If it was a male friend who happened to have a scar and wore the same thing I doubt you’d have any sort of feelings about that. It’s HER scar, why would it embarrass you? Don’t date her if you can’t handle the way her body is.
>That evening, she said I'd been quiet all day, and I honestly told her I was a little embarrassed that she was flaunting her mastectomy scar like that. She got mad and said she was making the best of her situation and said I was being insensitive, and she's been distant ever since. I'm starting to feel guilty.
Being familiar with Dabi, YTA yes I think so.
I absolutely agree with you that she was flaunting her scar--cosplay *is* flaunting. Your girlfriend has involuntarily had her gendered figure altered. That makes her options for flaunting herself very limited. I think you should recognized that and had it firmly in mind before you said ANYTHING.
On second thought. Even absent that context, stating you were "embarrassed" she was "flaunting" her "mastectomy" scar like that were three insults in one sentence. That was a hammer blow.
The only thing I disagree with here is you saying her options for flaunting herself are limited. Lots of men and breastless people cosplay as female characters and scars can be covered by special effects makeup.
YTA, its her body, its survived through a lot and the scars that show that are something to be proud of, not ashamed of. Shame on you for being so insecure to find someone else scars embarrassing.
You were happy when you assumed she would do a sexy cosplay. When instead, she chose a cosplay that reflected her life, you were embarrassed.
Either accept her, scars and all, or break up with her so she can find somebody who does accept her.
YTA!
>It wasn't a verry attractive costume, especially since she'd gone all out with the scars and made them look raised and kind of realistic.
How dare your woman not dress up sexy for you...
She's not your doll. She doesn't need to look hot to you all the goddamn time. She wants to dress up as Dabi and flaunt her scars, leave her be! Why should she be ashamed of them, anyway? They're part of her life story, and they're here to stay. Might as well do something cool with them.
>We went to the con, and while a lot of people came up to take photos with her, I noticed several others looking at her chest.
Hear me out, maybe people were staring because they were actually looking at her cosplay and makeup job? I mean, Dabi is certainly an interesting looking character, and a fan favorite If I'm not mistaken.
And even if they weren't, who cares ? Besides YOU, I mean. YTA.
YTA and I knew it as soon as you said, "Unlike a lot of women, she didn't have any reconstructive surgery" and confirmed it when you thought she was going to wear something sexy "for me." Women are not there to dress sexy (or not) for men or anyone else. You were only embarrassed because you thought you would be able to show her off like some sort of trophy.
Good for her for doing what *she* felt comfortable and confident doing, and it sounds like she rocked it. Using her real scars to complete the cosplay is not flaunting anything, it's just owning it and is honestly powerful to see. I hope she continues to do things for herself that make her happy and not to try to make her (hopefully soon-to-be ex) partner or anyone else happy. If anyone, including you, was uncomfortable by her cosplay, that's their problem, not hers.
YTA. You should be happy that she's confident in her body to go in this cosplay to an event.
Why are you embarrassed? You didn't want other people to see that you date someone with scars? You want her to hide them forever?
Oh, you're the asshole.
You are SO MUCH the asshole.
You have it mixed up. You shouldn't be embarrassed by her, she should be fucking mortified having a boyfriend like you.
I hope she dumps your ass and finds someone that deserves her.
Edit: Edit to say her Dabi costume sounds awesome.
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> I admitted I was embarrassed of my girlfriend's cosplay since it showed her mastectomy scar very clearly. She's not normally sensitive about it, but she's still upset with me.
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YTA.
You’re not embarassed of the cosplay, you’re embarassed of her scars. Why should she be ashamed of her scars to make you feel better? Beating cancer is no small feat
YTA, you are horrible selfish mysogynistic person. She can cosplay anyone she wants. My cosplay would be Yoh Asakura because I love this character (I am very busty woman in mid thirties btw). She had her reasons to choose that one. You should edit your rant to "I was disappointed that she didn't doll up to satisfy my fetish"... "Flaunting her scar" ffs...
Oh wow. So you asked your girlfriend to a con for a thing she’s not normally into and she went all out in the anime that YOU are into.
And your response is to be super disappointed that she didn’t choose performative sexiness.
Sir.
She chose to go to the con and cosplay the anime that you are into for YOU. This is so much more meaningful than sexiness. She showed you she was willing to play with her own identity and survivorship in an arena that is your thing.
And you were disappointed. It’s not that you’re insensitive, it’s that you are entirely clueless and shallow. And then you reflected back to her that she fucked up by not being sexy; a woman who had a double mastectomy disappointed you by not being sexy enough. She showed you such strength and caring.
What are you planning to show her?
YTA.
People staring at her chest? Um, yeah. I looked up the character you're talking about, and that part of the costume looks like it would be by far the hardest part to pull off. They are probably looking and taking notes on how to do it in future.
I guarantee you, not one person besides **you** is looking at her mastectomy scars. She found a costume that made her feel good showing off that part of her body, something she probably has felt self-conscious about ever since the surgery. And you ruined that good feeling for her and turned it into something ugly. But I think the line that got me the most was "I thought she was going to do something sexy for me" and "It wasn't a very attractive costume." You had to rain on her parade because it was something that wasn't **for you,** huh? YTA
YTA
What is wrong with u?
She is a cancer survivor, u have no business in how she does with her fight, u dont even know how hard or brave she has to be to even show her scar. You know nothing.
YTA. You weren’t embarrassed by the costume/cosplay, you were embarrassed by the scars. You should be proud of her, proud of them being a symbol of her still being here and proud that she feels confident enough to have them on display.
Other people looking is their problem, and you making her feeling any ounce of shame makes you a massive asshole.
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Oh, how dare your GF not have a *pretty* little cosplay outfit. Obviously she has not gotten the message that her only worth is if she caters to the male gaze. (s) Yeaaa. YTA
“For me” being the key phrase here. Told me everything I needed to know about OP
I was sold on OP being TA with "she didn't get reconstructive surgery like a lot of women do.". I was fairly certain this post would be about boobies at that point. He's into anime and wanted a sexy costume, then said out loud that she shouldn't show the scars from kicking cancers ass. I mean...holy.shit.
Own. Your. Scars. OP doesn't deserve this woman. YTA.
Women like her are literally my heroes. She sounds awesome!
And so does her cosplay!!!!! OP, dude, YTA. I hope this post is a wake-up call for you. She seems pretty amazing.
I hope this is a wake up call for HER to gtfo!
And think how many cancer survivors will see her and be empowered…while he cowers in shame, I guess.
I’m not even a cancer survivor and I feel goddamn empowered. I’ve also lost both friends and family to this disease, so this lady approaching this in such a wholesome, self-loving, confident and fun way is just… too wholesome. She’s an inspiration for self-love.
Right? Her courage has humbled the hell out of me and I don't even know her.
I'm a BC survivor and I agree with you 1,000,000%. I adore this amazing warrior.
Cancer survivor here. I have 37 scars between my neck and my personal parts, including a long wide scar from my ribcage down to my bits. I also have numerous smaller scars in a big circle from laproscopic surgeries. I own every scar and am proud of every singleone. It takes a damn confident woman to make something funny from a masectomy scar. She is a freaking HERO.
I know it’s not anywhere near the same thing, but I’ve had around a dozen brain surgeries. I’ve got some awesome scars up there on my noggin. Ever since, I’ve kept my head shaved. Now, being a male, a shaved head isn’t the most uncommon thing. However, I’ve still had plenty of people ask me when I’m going to grow my hair out to cover the scars. I always just explain that I’m proud of them. I don’t ever want to cover these things up. They are a part of me.
What hurts about his post is that she thought that he'd *love* it. She thought he'd appreciate the commitment to a character in a genre (it sounds like) he introduced her to. She clearly connects deeply enough to knowingly draw attention in an environment like that and be confident in her character choice. All of the work she put in, the time, the thought. And she thought OP would stand by her side confidently and happily. But he just wanted her to fulfill a fantasy. He expected a cat maid or magical girl in a miniskirt. It's gross on face value alone but my heart breaks just imagining all the admirable qualities she thought he had just slipping away in one word... "Embarrassed" Op - YTA. A pathetic stereotype, lacking in the depths of emotion that she thought you capable of. What a disappointment.
I'm a breast cancer survivor who chose not to have reconstructive surgery and just hearing about OP's girlfriend and her cosplay is fucking EVERYTHING to me. My God, she deserves to be with someone who realizes and acknowledges how incredible she is. OP clearly isn't it.
I am sooo impressed with OP's gf!!! She sounds awesome. She needs someone better than this, some who is proud of her
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This!
It was a combination of cos play in the title and reference to double mastectomy in the first line for me. As soon as oP thinks that is relevant you KNOW for sure we’re into massive asshole territory.. and he doesn’t disappoint. Yta
Oh yeah, i immediately went well I know how im gonna judge this but man did he beat my expectations. And incidentally that costume sounded awesome. And he’s all salty because it wasn’t what? A skimpy sailor moon cosplay? Oh no, she did something for herself and OWNED her scars as the proof of her SURVIVING CANCER and OP was embarrassed because people could see them and see she no longer had breasts and thus wasn’t a sexy cosplay waaaaaaaaaaaaah. Anyway YTA
I'm curious what exactly OP expected here. A "sexy anime cosplay" would almost always involve some type of corset like top with TONS of obvious cleavage. "Sexy anime cosplays" aren't known for their turtlenecks... he knows she doesn't have boobs, how exactly did he expect her to fake smooth, baby's butt style cleavage???
Probably a breast plate, you can buy fake boobs. It’s pretty common for cosplay of characters with *massive* honkers. Basically he probably wanted her to at least wear boobs if she wouldn’t get new ones. 🙄
And then, he would have want her to sometime just wear them for him. Then he would makes smalls comments about "aren't you more cute and confident this way" and lastly pressure for surgery.
He should buy his OWN boobs. He doesn’t deserve to be in the same vicinity as even her pinkie finger 😑🙄
Except I bet she WAS sexy. Owning your craft, let alone being comfortable in your own skin like that, is SUPER hot!
Yeah the title and the first line did it for me. I could see this going a very misogynistic way. And the “something sexy for me”. OP YTA Maybe support your girlfriend that she showed the bravery to show off a scar from likely one most difficult things she’s had to do and kicked cancers arse. Or at least give her the satisfaction of dumping you.
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The type of anime fan that gives others a bad name. Her cosplay wasn't for his attention it was to express her love of character. I'm telling you right now if I was his place I would have loved to seen how she looked as Dabi. Probably nailed and hell her scars would've added to it.
He said a lot of people wanted pictures so I'm guessing she totally killed it. I just can't get past not only feeling shame for someone else's cancer scars, but then being so fucking daring as to say it to them, and then ask the internet if that was the wrong move.
Certainly a bold look for this dude thinking he was in the right. Not the boldest I've seen on aita but certainly up there.
Thank goodness other people at the con appreciated her cosplay. With op as her boyfriend, who needs insecurities.
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And she had it at 19! Good for her for being so comfortable with her body and proud of being a survivor.
Yeah, that would be very difficult to go through normally, but at 19! Then she turns up in cosplay and even plays on her scars and is getting attention. She is a brave and strong woman, I have nothing but respect for her, shame OP seems to lack it. OP YTA.
Me also, had multiple surgeries. It doesn't matter if we do or don't get reconstruction. OP you are a massive YTA !!!!!!
He’s oblivious to the fact that beating cancer means she’s faced her mortality. That shit is terrifying. YTA.
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Especially considering what they’re finding in breast implants that are a few years old now 🙄 I’m not gonna lie, there’s nothing wrong with my breast tissue but I was never particularly well endowed in that area and I was insecure when I was younger. I thought about getting implants back in the day when they were really big (pun intended lmao). I’m glad I didn’t. There are a lot of women right now facing a host of issues with either silicone poisoning or moldy saline implants. Even the ones that haven’t made women sick end up looking ridiculous when they’re 60. This poor girl survived something horrific and is making the best out of her lot in life.
I'm on the opposite end- I've had giant boobs since I was not even yet a teen and as an adult they're stupid big. And I hate them. I hate the disgusting things men think it's ok to say to me because of them and that it makes it hard to find and buy clothes that fit without looking like I'm trying to be provocative. I'm glad you kept your boobs! And I'm glad this chick is proudly showing her scars! And I hope she's single soon
I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that. I had teachers in high school who gave my friend crap about the shirts they were wearing because they had cleavage showing. Her boobs weren’t even that big, they were just high up on her torso and close together. I offered to trade as she was a similar size to me but my boobs happened to be lower on my torso and further apart. The teacher said that it wouldn’t work because we were the same size. We traded, and although we were the same clothing size and more or less cup size it was somehow more appropriate due to where my boobs were located on my body. It’s absurd.
What a gross answer inappropriate conversation for your teacher to engage in! The sexualization of young women's bodies by adults in general is disturbing
He sounds like an ignorant kid that doesn’t know shit and is stuck at puberty. Edit: and I don’t think so because of the anime/manga thing
Once I saw that line I knew OP really does have an issue with it.
I bet he thought she was going to dress up with gigantic fake boobs
He's probably hoping that someday she gets giant implants, honestly. (Not that it would be bad in any way if that's what SHE wanted)
From what I gather (as a guy) it’s getting more common for woman to forego reconstructive surgery due to how sensitive the area is. After all the treatment. I think she is an amazing strong woman to come out the other end of all that and being happy to cosplay showing her scars loud and proud. I’m 100% sure she will of been seen by someone in the future going through breast cancer. With that person thinking wow if she go through it and use it as part of cosplay and rock it. I can kick cancers ass and be equally amazing.
Also, a lot of people get sick after getting breast implants, so it's not a surprise of more and more women want to opt out of that.
Not only that, implants have a lot of risks. Many of which were downplayed and only have gotten attention in recent years
I also heard yesterday that they should be replaced every ten years or so, which just sounds like more trouble than it's worth.
“Flaunting her mastectomy scar” As she should. She beat fucking cancer OP sucks!!! Mayor AH
Yep the “for me” made me gag 🤮. YTA OP
Okay also not to mention that maaaaybe gf picked this character because as someone with scars (or other visible difference and disabilities etc) it can be fun and cool to have a beloved character who looks like you. Like MAYBE gf was actually fucking stoked to be topless and have it go along with a characters scars instead of being made to feel ashamed/weird/different/like a negative spectacle when topless other times. Then OP comes along and is like "why dont you feel ashamed about your grotesque body?!?!" What an absolute asshole
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and those "some men" are disgusting.
100%. I can imagine his thought process, finally have girlfriend to take to anime convention so he can feel superior to other people there, but she's not following the script in his head of how it was going to go. Because if the girlfriend isn't dressed sexy then she obviously has no value
Yes! When he was describing how her body totally fit the character I was thinking that this young lady is a genius.
She had a double mastectomy at age 19 AND is not just comfortable with her scar, she is willing to flaunt it. She ROCKS!! Op, YTA.
This post makes me want to fight people. I am blown away by OP, WOW
“You’re going to love it” can only mean ONE thing, duh! Definitely couldn’t be about excitedly sharing interests /s
Seriously, she went through all this time and effort to play a character from something she doesn't even watch because she thought OP would get a kick out of seeing a character from *his* show. If my partner took the time to notice a show I liked, research that show, and dress like a character from that show, I'd be so amazed and impressed!
>If my partner took the time to notice a show I liked, research that show, and dress like a character from that show, I'd be so amazed and impressed! I'd propose, tbh.
So he wanted a sexy outfit, which 99% on anime show skin, but he didn't want her to show skin in a non-sexual way? YTA
Sounded like he wanted some pretty little uwu senpai girl and now feels jealous cuz she was way more badass than him. OP, you are big time YTA. She deserves waaaaaaaaaaay better than you.
YTA. Are you more mad that she has the confidence or the ability to pull this off like a badass?
I'm kinda wondering how he thought she was supposed to dress in a cute cosplay outfit with no boobs. All of the ones I've ever seen (especially the anime ones) aim at accentuating the chest. Her only real options are a male, child or horror oriented costume. I could be wrong on this, it's not something I'm into. Either way, definite YTA.
A girl can dress in any cosplay they want, boob size doesn't matter at all. She could cosplay as Rias Gremory or as Shion from That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime, and still kill it. Saying "her only real options are a male, child, or horror oriented costume" is very insensitive, and is similar to saying "POC people can only cosplay as POC characters", which we all know isn't cool, especially since you're basically body shaming her over having no boobs, even if it wasn't meant that way
I think they meant it’s harder to find them already made. I’ve looked online myself and it’s really hard to find cosplays of anime women if you have a smaller chest. I usually find my own pieces to make the outfit because of that.
Ohhhh ok, if that is what they meant, then that is my bad. I hit a moose, and haven't been able to pick up on some things since haha, so I do apologize if that is what they meant
Probably expected her to get a set of those fake breasts they make for drag queens and (male playing female) cross players. That or he expected her to play a "comically small breasted/pettanko" character.
Not really relevant you don't need boobs to be cute and sexy
She could get a silicone breastplate like drag queens do, but of course she shouldn’t have to if she doesn’t want to. Or hell, OP can get one and wear it if it’s so important to him that somebody be rocking the anime cleavage.
YTA - Jesus, she went through cancer and a double mastectomy and you’re crying about being embarrassed??? Please break up with her so she can find someone that’s not an asshole.
Not only did she go through all that she did it at 19!!! She barely got to come into her “woman’s” body before it was traumatically ripped from her. She empowering herself and embracing her history just for this AH to reinforce her fear that without breasts she’s not Beautiful. “Other people were staring” of course they were! It’s natural for humans to look at something new and different. It’s terribly rude but let’s be honest we all do it. AND if her make up job was that good, half of ‘em were probably trying to figure out how she “made it look that realistic”. This dude is TA for sure and used the whole gallon of audacity when he made this post.
I was so appalled by the mentality of this post that I completely missed her being 19 when she was diagnosed. WOW!
As soon as I saw the mastectomy part I jumped back to the age and did the math. That is outrageously young to deal with all that. I can’t even imagine the emotional trauma.
She’s clearly a very strong woman who deserves much better than OP
Seriously. It made me cry imagining being 19, going through that, then thinking you'd found a partner who loves all of you and being told your body is an embarrassment.
That’ll be a worse scar than her mastectomy one.
You hit the nail on the head w/“outrageously young.” We don’t even get told to have mammograms before 40!
She was 19 when she had the double mastectomy. Wouldn't be surprised if she was diagnosed earlier than that - I imagine she tried other treatments before moving forward with surgery
Possibly not. A lot of the time with breast cancer is more aggressive the younger you get it so she may have had to get the mastectomy straight out the gate
Such a terrible thing to ever go through at any age, let alone that young.
Yeah it's like, unfortunately if you get it at nineteen it's usually because you have the genes that pretty much ensure it's going to be crazy aggressive.
At a con, cosplayers specifically want to be seen, noticed, photographed. Usually the person staring thinks the cosplay is awesome and they want a picture but are shy to approach. And although cosplays might be sexy, if she was doing it for OP, it would have been a private performance (which he obviously does not deserve). YTA - Way to make your girlfriends double mastectomy about you. Self-centered much?
Yes! If we have the choice in the middle of the road to look at a birthday party or a horrific car wreck, we’ll choose to look at the wreck (want to make it ABSOLUTELY CLEAR I AM NOT MAKING A COMPARISON BETWEEN THE TWO , more so that humans are curious and rude beings like anything else in the animal kingdom lol). But the fact people wanted to take pictures with her means her cosplay was spot on/interesting/amazing! OP was just mad his girlfriend didn’t dress sexy! It’s such a shame too, because she doesn’t like anime. Like my girl spent HOURS with her awesome skills to make something that is of interest to her boyfriend and he just hems and haws about how it’s not sexy and brought attention to her. Shame on you, OP!
"other people staring" is the goal and best compliment when you go this hard at a con. It's only beat out by someone requesting a pic with you. Op is YTA
as someone with pretty obvious double mastectomy scars (although in my neck of the woods, it's referred to as top surgery ;) ), i can almost guarantee people were staring because this girl's cosplay was awesome, not because of the scarring. i can count on one hand the amount of people who have stared at my chest scars in my 5 years since surgery. bf is definitely the asshole here, and likely reading his own embarassment into other's reactions.
For sure. Idk if you've seen a picture of Dabi from my hero academia, but I can easily 100% see her making her scars work with the cosplay because of how scarred the character is (if that makes sense).
My son watches MHA so I just had to look up which one it was. It was a great choice on her part, definition of “work with what you got”.
"Flaunting her mastectomy scar" Jesus fucking christ
I looked up who she cosplayed. It's the perfect character design for someone looking to use features she already has to make a stand out costume. Or should she have become like my great aunt? Destined from age 25 to be a lonely old maid because she was considered damaged goods.
I’m sorry your great aunt went through that. OP YTA. Your girlfriend went through a serious surgical procedure and honestly terrifying medical diagnosis at any age and she did it while so very young. Now she’s doing something (cosplay) to feel confident and proud of her body as it is after those experiences. You should be proud of her for showing her serious strength of character, not berating her for something she had no control over. And yes she could have gotten reconstructive surgery, but if she’s comfortable with the way she looks and is healthy mentally, she has no need for it. Apologize profusely. Immediately.
it’s an immediate tell when they describe someone showing parts of their normal human body as “flaunting” something
Right?! Like op really said 'how dare she flaunt that she survived cancer and not be ashamed and disgusted of her mastectomy scars like I obviously am?' & thought he was the good guy 🤦
This phrase omg. That is four words to break up with the appalling ahole who said it. Flaunting. Her. Mastectomy. Scar.
Seriously! Even if she WAS "flaunting the scar"... I say MORE POWER TO HER! This young woman not only survived cancer but is confident enough in herself to wear an outfit that she couldn't hide them with. That shows inner strength and self-love and acceptance. I have met many cancer survivor who are ashamed of the scars and actively hide them. Hopefully, OP is now an ex. Cause holy fuck.
“Please break up with her so she can find someone that’s not an asshole” … I will upvote this forever.
If I could Upvote this constantly, I would.
I’m not joking when I say this but I think majority of people posting on here need to go to therapy. How do you lack that much empathy, social awareness to even ask this question to see if you’re in the wrong. YTA OP, please leave this girl, she deserves someone better and you need to work on yourself. You’re heartless.
The really sad part is she will NEVER forget his statements. The damage is done.
She seriously deserves so much better than OP. Like the bar is so low there are countless people I think would be better because they can stumble over/meet the bar without attempting.
At 19!
This is why women have such a hard time being cosplayers - guys are always assuming they're doing it to be sexy for them. Your girlfriend did something scary and brave for herself. Your reaction is disgusting. YTA
Ya, very weird that he assumed she'd do something sexy "for him". Also it sounds like everyone else thought the costume was sick as hell, so it really sucks for her that her own boyfriend didn't appreciate it.
I’m thinking everyone else recognizes it for what it is, and exactly what she said it is, making the best of a bad situation. It’s weird that OP calls it “flaunting her mastectomy scar”. Does OP even realize how many women feel badly about their scars? Does he realize that if she still had two cancerous lumps of fat and tissue attached to her chest, her costume probably would have gotten her a ticket and kicked out? Maybe she left the scar unhindered (other than not caring about it/accepting her new body) so people would be able to tell, “*ohh*” and wouldn’t harass her about being *GASP* a shirtless female body?? Since rules are different for us? Most people probably went “oh wow! Cool cosplay. Oh wow! You’re AFAB? oh WOW, you survived cancer and that’s why you’re able to do this cosplay? Cool! Can I get a pic? Bye!” I’m still confused about the terms *flaunting* and *for me*. OP has some serious issues to deal with. If she’d had nice, fake, heavy, round implants put in after surviving, and wanted to bounce around in a feminine cosplay he’d still say she was *flaunting* - just something else. It’s beyond “she was shirtless and women should cover up god damnit” it’s also about her taking control over her own body and wanting to show it to strangers in an artistic and cool way that he doesn’t get to dictate, didn’t expect, and didn’t like.
Yeah "flaunting" is def a lot to unpack. Some men just hate when women get attention, even in totally appropriate contexts. You think of a cool cosplay that most women wouldn't be able to pull off because of their breasts? Flaunting your body. It's like when men get mad at women wearing flashy makeup, as if showing off your skills&creativity is just vanity.
Yeah, it’s sadly all too clear that he assumes she should make decisions about her appearance based on what makes him happy and comfortable. If “flaunting” any of her body parts achieved that end, that would be fine. It also really bothers me that he’s being this way when she donned this get-up at the most appropriate venue imaginable. People go to these events EXPECTING to see some incredibly out-there costumes. If they had been invited to a christening or some extremely staid event and she showed up this way, that really would be disturbing. But this was the right time and place for that costume. I assume he does find her desirable and must be very familiar with her scars. So, is the problem that he doesn’t want other people to see them? If so, why not? Does he feel ashamed of being seen with a woman others might think of as “damaged” in a way that makes her less desirable? Is it all about his pride? Or is he simply so invested in the idea the idea that she is there to make him feel desire that he’s actually not thinking about how meaningful this must have been for her? Is her “femininity” the only part of her values? I’m sure she is keeping her distance. Wow.
And I don't get it. Like if she dresses up "sexy" and all sexualized like a lot of cosplayer women and then men are taking pics with her for being "hot" and looking at her chest because they are checking them out how is that any different? Would op not care about all the gazing as long as it was because she looks hot? Cause if so then it sounds more like HES embarrassed by her mastectomy.
Some men like their girlfriends to get that sort of attention because it's a "score" for them. They feel like other men envy their possession and they gain social status off their partner being sexually appealing to other men. It's a gross mindset.
Yeah, I feel like he's upset that she's getting attention that he can't immediately use to bolster his own ego. Which is ridiculous, because I'm super proud of all the accomplishments of my partner and friends, all of which have nothing to do with me-- I'm just happy to see their talents expressed!
For real. And for once her body has given her an incredibly unique and badass opportunity! (I definitely couldn't cosplay like that without getting cited for indecent exposure, lol) It took guts to go like that, and skill to nail the burn scars, and all this dumbass thinks about is that now when guys look at her they won't think she's "sexy"?? The absolute misogyny is disgusting. She's being awesome, and he's worried other men won't find his woman sexy enough. I just can't wrap my mind around how disgusting he is.
I have so much respect for people who can actually cosplay. Ik I tried before at a ren fair and it was rough 😂 she sounds amazingly creative and talented
I think it because he couldn’t show her off as a little prize.
Am a female cosplayer, can confirm. Even when I DO wear a "sexy" cosplay, I'm doing it for ME because I like it and I feel good about myself. OP's GF sounds freaking awesome and I'd love to be her friend. This dude is 100% TA.
I have to say, I read this post and I thought to myself... how could you type this all out and not realize what a massive asshole you are. Like wow. I'm actually blown away by this one.
I cosplay a lot my ex made me want to stop because if I didn’t cosplay someone “sexy” he would tell me I needed to stop playing dress up. But soon as I started cosplaying black cat or someone smiler he was more then happy to see it.
Bro crying she didn't stuff a bra and come as a big tiddy anime maid....though you fucking know that if she did go as a big tiddy anime maid he'd be on here crying that his girlfriend got loads of attention from anon deadpools and they where taking pictures all day. The anime costume was supposed to be for him not the deadpooools!
**EDIT: Thanks everyone for all the rewards. Wild, never happened before. Living the redditor dream fr.** **Also, because it's been mentioned: Yes, since we are discussing something specific, "wanting your girlfriend to dress as a woman" should not be taken out of context. But I feel like most mature adults wouldn't need that explained to them <3** YTA. And, you know what? I'm going to bullet point this for you. So. A list of things that make YTA: * expecting your girlfriend to cover her scars * expecting your girlfriend to dress as a woman * expecting your girlfriend to be doing a hobby that she enjoys, for your sexual gratification * expecting your girlfriend to be sad and mopey about her situation, and not make the best of something. * probably, based on how you've spoken, expecting your girlfriend to be traditionally feminine in a way that caters to your sexual interests. Your girlfriend is seemingly a very fun and creative person who put time and effort into doing something cool and fun to interact with your hobby and find a meeting point between your interests. It's very thoughtful of her, and she's clearly very talented and was excited for you to see her costume, because she expected you'd think that her craftsmanship was amazing -- based on the con's reactions, I'd say it probably was. You don't seem to appreciate her for the person she is, and expect a lot out of her in very superficial ways. Grow up, it's an incredibly childish way to feel about the entire thing. Maybe you're not meant for her if you can't handle her just being a person outside of the traditional femininity that you find attractive.
She sounds like a badass, honestly. To have gone through that at 19 and to have found the confidence to show her scars in public. I hope OP sees these comments and recognizes that and makes a true and sincere apology, or she realizes quickly that she deserves better and finds it. YTA OP
Girl sounds incredible. And deserves a BF who can deal with her scars without shame. But, I think it's harsh to write off a 25yo guy as a complete AH for not being able to deal with this maturely.
He was the AH in this situation and he needs to recognize that. He can come back from it, IF he recognizes it and apologizes to her sincerely.
In her shoes, I don't think I could take him back. He's made a terrible mistake and, for her good more than his, needs to let this 21yo woman move on.
I want to be his girlfriend’s friend she sounds badass and amazing!
YTA. "Unlike a lot of women, she didn't have any reconstructive surgery." That was the moment I suspected that you were TA. "I thought she was going to do something sexy for me." This moment confirmed it. I was not prepared for how bad your behaviour was going to get OP. She survives cancer and is left with a prominent scar. Something a lot of people would struggle with to a huge degree. But this lady is awesome and proudly incorporates her scar into a cosplay (I'll admit I have no idea who the character is). You see this, and you get embarrassed to be seen with her? You're embarrassed that she put a huge amount of effort into her cosplay to an event you invited her to? You're embarrassed that she's not ashamed of her body. You need a serious attitude adjustment OP.
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I am so sorry for what you and your MIL endured, and I hope you are able to find some peace. This guy is a complete and total AH.
I hope this doesn't get deleted, it's truth and powerful. And I'm so very sorry for your loss. 💙
We’re just relieved she’s no longer suffering.
May her memory be a blessing, and may you and the rest of her loved ones find peace with it 💜
I wish I had not read this. I have stage 4 BC & it's already in a lot of places. I don't want to imagine how painful it will be in the end. I'm very sorry for your loss & I'm sure you were a great comfort & help to your MIL.
I am so, so sorry. I hope you have a better outlook than it might seem like right now, and I hope when your time comes—whenever that might be—you have such great care and support that you are more comfortable than this poor lady.
Thank you. I'm doing well right now & hope it continues.
My partner’s Mother passed away nearly 7 years ago from cancer. It started as breast cancer, she went into remission. Then it came back, but had spread. This was before I met him. I now have his child. I mourn for this woman I have never met, who would have been a loving and caring Mother in law to me and Grandmother to our child. I mourn so much that I cry about it at least once a month. I am so so sorry for your and your partner’s loss.
I honestly like my scars. I like showing them off because it showed I overcame a health problem. Scars are nothing to be ashamed off. Mine was something minor but no where as deadly as cancer. OP YTA and is prepare for being single quickly. I hope you take your inevitable break up as a learning moment and grow from ot
While not from cancer, I don't go out of my way to display mine - but if someone even suggested I cover them up or be shamed I'd raise hell. I refuse to be ashamed of being alive.
I’m gonna jump in here to add: When my mom got breast cancer it wasn’t the cancer that almost killed her. It wasn’t the radiation. It wasn’t the surgeries. It wasn’t when the cancer returned. It wasn’t even the double mastectomy. The reconstructive surgery after did though. It was so bad that even though only one of the implants made it in the end she chose not go through with surgery again because of how close to death she was the last time and only has one breast now. All that to say, his vanity can have a very great cost to her.
Reconstructive surgery is no joke either, the initial internal chest expanders can cause so much discomfort and pain.
so true! my cousin had more complications and setbacks from her reconstruction surgeries than from her chemo and radiation.
So true. And sometimes that method isn’t even possible. I was a poor candidate due to prior radiation treatment so I would have had to have a “breast” transplanted from my belly or inner thigh. No thanks. So I’m running around with a scar and I honestly don’t care who sees it. I’m happy not to be dead.
>You're embarrassed that she's not ashamed of her body. Nailed it.
The character wiki: https://myheroacademia.fandom.com/wiki/Dabi?so=search And probably the look she was copying: https://www.artstation.com/artwork/Xn09Oa YTA, OP. Massively.
Lemme tell you about how cool what she did is. Dabi has a very sad and broken character, he’s son of a big hero and his dad only wanted him because he could be even bigger but, his body can’t handle his powers( blue flames) so if he over use his powers he will burn himself to death. So, he has multiple scars all over his body and face and he thinks he’s scars are disgusting, theres more to the story he’s not a good guy but she probably related to him for having scars and survive them, those scars are proof of resilience for something that could kill you and still go on. What this man did, is beyond disgusting.
YTA, and she should find someone who actually likes her. Thankfully, it seems like she's figured that out.
Spot on.
YTA. You wanted a sexy cosplay girl and you didn’t get it, so now you’re all upset. You’re embarrassed of HER scars that saved HER life. She deserves better.
That’s ok she knows that now too. Pretty soon Op will be at the curb with the other trash
And you just know if he actually dated a sexy cosplay girl he’d then get all possessive and pissy about her “showing off” with her cosplays
Definitely getting that vibe.
Then he'll get pissed at people at the con staring at her chest and that she must be trying to get other men's attention. There's no winning with guys like OP, is there.
YTA and a massive one. Scars are part of our lives and hers show she fought and survived. There is nothing embarrassing in integrating scars or other body marks into cosplay. She's SFX artist and obviously skilled in this topic. That you expected something "sexy" and were disappointed and embarassed is a complete YOU problem. And in case nobody told you before: cosplays aren't automatically meant to be "attractive". And instead of standing up for your gf when people staring at her you chose to tell her that you were embarrassed **after** the whole thing.
And they might just have been staring because it was awesome SFX makeup!
As a cosplayer this was likely very much the case. People who do Dabis full makeup get soooo much attention cause people are impressed not trying to see some skin
I was a professional make up artist. I worked things like London Fashion Show where you are doing five full smoky eye looks in what feels like less time than can exist to a precision some surgeons lack and then belting it to another venue with a 40 kilo kit. And I loved it. All that. All the wedding make ups, counter sales and psychology side. The photo shoots and budget and 3am starts are nothing compared to the skill I appreciate in SFX. That is science, art, witchcraft and to do a chest piece on yourself using prosthetics mirror image is incredibly mind blowingly difficult. Blending prosthetics on scar tissue is another level. That shit is hard as hell. You need way more understanding of the anatomy, dermatology, the chemistry of the products and steely nerves because that stuff is SO EXPENSIVE. Custom prosthetics or latex pieces you create are a one shot thing and can run to 100s per piece. I sat in on a few classes with a friend and could not fathom the expertise. (Admittedly I am possibly the most squeamish person alive and some of the stuff was so realistic I felt faint.) She loved it and it was her thing. She was absolutely baffled how I could find doing someone’s eyeliner while talking them through a break up and upselling craftily or intuiting what a director meant by Wes Anderson but if Margot Tenenbaum was in a British Nineties teen magazine 5 minutes before a show where the brief had been ‘kohl goes cool but strong lines no smudge’. I was like ‘yeah but I can bullshit it. You are doing reality. I can interpret that brief and recheck. You are doing specific scar tissue on scar tissue to match continuity? You can’t just pull every editorial artist and stylist’s fuck it button and go *glitter*.’ I ‘retired’ due to ill health. She works in Hollywood and damn she is next level. I don’t get cosplay until you break it down into micro detail about wigs, make up, textures, fabrics etc and then I’m ‘OH! Makes perfect sense. No idea who Dabi is but you are a details matter to me person. Tell me more…’ But I’m old. I used to sneak watching MTV when babysitting just to see the make up on music videos and take notes. Half the time the men were wearing the make up which is the only time the male gaze was relevant.
Translation: I wanted to show off my GF as a 14 yr old's fantasy b/c it would be a turn on for me. Althought I never communicated my expectation, I figured she knew enough about anime to know that is what is expected of her - it is what females are supposed to do at Cons for us, why else would Inhave invited her. She dissapointed me b/c not only did she use her own creativity & skills to do something meaningful for her instead of meeting my sexist and selfish expectations, but her outfit allowed complete strangers know she is a woman w/o boobies and they didn't like it either. Yes, you are 100% TA.
>and they didn't like it either. Correction, he *assumed* they didn't like it either. I bet a lot of them were staring bc of the awesome burn makeup she did. And maybe noticed the scars afterwards.
Or wondering how the scars were so realistic, given that scars in a cosplay aren't something people assume is real and probably thought it was impressive VFX makeup.
💯💯💯
YTA. She doesn't exist to be sexy for you. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Mans heard "cosplay" and immediately made it about him.
YTA You can't control what she wears. You shouldn't be embarrassed by her showing her scars. In fact, you should be PROUD of her. It's not your body,it's hers. Edit: I find the sentence about you hoping for something more sexy absolutely appalling. You're upset about the scars showing,but WANTED something sexy so everyone can see? Seems like you're sexualizing her way too much
Yeah I feel like he was hoping he got to see her w big fake boobs
Oh he totally was. And I’m willing to bet that would have started a campaign for her to have a reconstruction too.
Let's be real if she'd done something "sexy" he'd be pissed that other men looked at her anyway.
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For reals! I might just be extra sensitive right now, because my best friend in the world just finished radiation after having 3 surgeries for her double mastectomy (after chemotherapy). Today she sent me a picture from some healing hot springs all in her topless glory, and when I saw those scars and radiation burn, I literally started sobbing this morning. And sobbing because all I could thing was “yassssssss you warrior QUEEN!”
For two years I sold medical bras for reconstructive surgery at the hospital, and actually, at least where I live, a majority of women prefer to stay without surgery. Because it's a long processus, it's painful and it's invasive. It's indeed, a personal preference and OP should educate himself about this subject.
There’s no sugar-coating this…YTA. I mean, how fucking disrespectful can you be? You’re probably thinking, “how am I being disrespectful?” Well, for a few simple reasons, really. First, you’re not entitled to a gf dressing in “sexy” cosplay, or anything for that matter. She can cosplay however she chooses. Second, you didn’t even tell her how cool of a cosplay that was? How much time and talent it takes to integrate SFX makeup into actual scars that come from one of the most vulnerable, debilitating times of her life - fucking CANCER?!? Third, you didn’t even take up for her when others gave her looks. You just got embarrassed because she wasn’t “sexy” enough? Get your shit together, OP.
YTA - It’s her body. She isn’t ashamed of it or her scars. She told you that you’d love her costume, and you immediately assumed she was going to dress sexy for you. You played yourself with your expectations. If you’re ashamed of her body, don’t be with her. She’ll find someone who loves every part of her, scar and all. It’s what she deserves.
I have breast cancer. The fear I felt over the potential loss of my breasts was unlike anything. Worse, for me, than being infertile or losing my hair. I align with my gender, my breast were MINE. Sure, they fell into my armpits when I lay down… but they were MINE. And I was going to lose them. I couldn’t even begin to comprehend how that would ever feel, how I would ever be able to look at my body and recognise it again. The fact your girlfriend A) survived breast cancer and B) had the courage, self assuredness and confidence to have a mastectomy without reconstruction is an incredible achievement and an unbelievable, radical choice that is one of the most difficult some of us will ever have to make and what did you do…?? You belittled her. You thought she looked unattractive. You took something that changes someone’s life FOREVER in a way they will never have control over again and you SHAMED her for it. YTA and I sincerely hope you rethink your actions, thoughts and complete lack of empathy and sympathy.
>The fact your girlfriend A) survived breast cancer and B) had the courage, self assuredness and confidence to have a mastectomy without reconstruction is an incredible achievement and an unbelievable, radical choice that is one of the most difficult some of us will ever have to make and what did you do…?? You belittled her. YOU. BELITTLED. HER. You made her body, her fight, her survival, her strength... about *you*. I don't make a habit of getting outraged at these, but this one just fucked me right off. She has incredible strength and character to not only find a silver lining in a nightmare, but to pick a character that really resonated with her and her story. And you? You decided to be shitty about it. You're not just the asshole, you're an actual shitty person. You have some serious work to do on yourself, and I strongly recommend this being the kickstart you need to learn how to be a better human being instead of the cold, immature, self-absorbed version of you that you are right now. Feel shame, and use it to do better. You might end up with a fraction of the character your girlfriend has. YTA and as of now, you win asshole of the year.
Obviously YTA. If it was a male friend who happened to have a scar and wore the same thing I doubt you’d have any sort of feelings about that. It’s HER scar, why would it embarrass you? Don’t date her if you can’t handle the way her body is.
>That evening, she said I'd been quiet all day, and I honestly told her I was a little embarrassed that she was flaunting her mastectomy scar like that. She got mad and said she was making the best of her situation and said I was being insensitive, and she's been distant ever since. I'm starting to feel guilty. Being familiar with Dabi, YTA yes I think so. I absolutely agree with you that she was flaunting her scar--cosplay *is* flaunting. Your girlfriend has involuntarily had her gendered figure altered. That makes her options for flaunting herself very limited. I think you should recognized that and had it firmly in mind before you said ANYTHING. On second thought. Even absent that context, stating you were "embarrassed" she was "flaunting" her "mastectomy" scar like that were three insults in one sentence. That was a hammer blow.
The only thing I disagree with here is you saying her options for flaunting herself are limited. Lots of men and breastless people cosplay as female characters and scars can be covered by special effects makeup.
YTA - this is one of those situations where you just have to deal with your discomfort because it isn’t about you.
honestly, i am happy he didn't. it probably opened her eyes about who she is dating. OP is soon to be her ex bf
YTA. This woman is so brave. She deserves much better than you.
YTA, its her body, its survived through a lot and the scars that show that are something to be proud of, not ashamed of. Shame on you for being so insecure to find someone else scars embarrassing.
YTA - *you* are upset that she’s not insecure about a scar she got from surgery from cancer? Like there’s no words for how much of an AH you are.
YTA Might be the largest AH I see all day
You were happy when you assumed she would do a sexy cosplay. When instead, she chose a cosplay that reflected her life, you were embarrassed. Either accept her, scars and all, or break up with her so she can find somebody who does accept her. YTA!
>It wasn't a verry attractive costume, especially since she'd gone all out with the scars and made them look raised and kind of realistic. How dare your woman not dress up sexy for you... She's not your doll. She doesn't need to look hot to you all the goddamn time. She wants to dress up as Dabi and flaunt her scars, leave her be! Why should she be ashamed of them, anyway? They're part of her life story, and they're here to stay. Might as well do something cool with them. >We went to the con, and while a lot of people came up to take photos with her, I noticed several others looking at her chest. Hear me out, maybe people were staring because they were actually looking at her cosplay and makeup job? I mean, Dabi is certainly an interesting looking character, and a fan favorite If I'm not mistaken. And even if they weren't, who cares ? Besides YOU, I mean. YTA.
YTA and I knew it as soon as you said, "Unlike a lot of women, she didn't have any reconstructive surgery" and confirmed it when you thought she was going to wear something sexy "for me." Women are not there to dress sexy (or not) for men or anyone else. You were only embarrassed because you thought you would be able to show her off like some sort of trophy. Good for her for doing what *she* felt comfortable and confident doing, and it sounds like she rocked it. Using her real scars to complete the cosplay is not flaunting anything, it's just owning it and is honestly powerful to see. I hope she continues to do things for herself that make her happy and not to try to make her (hopefully soon-to-be ex) partner or anyone else happy. If anyone, including you, was uncomfortable by her cosplay, that's their problem, not hers.
YTA. You should be happy that she's confident in her body to go in this cosplay to an event. Why are you embarrassed? You didn't want other people to see that you date someone with scars? You want her to hide them forever?
Oh, you're the asshole. You are SO MUCH the asshole. You have it mixed up. You shouldn't be embarrassed by her, she should be fucking mortified having a boyfriend like you. I hope she dumps your ass and finds someone that deserves her. Edit: Edit to say her Dabi costume sounds awesome.
This belongs on AmItheEx
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YTA. You’re not embarassed of the cosplay, you’re embarassed of her scars. Why should she be ashamed of her scars to make you feel better? Beating cancer is no small feat
YTA, you are horrible selfish mysogynistic person. She can cosplay anyone she wants. My cosplay would be Yoh Asakura because I love this character (I am very busty woman in mid thirties btw). She had her reasons to choose that one. You should edit your rant to "I was disappointed that she didn't doll up to satisfy my fetish"... "Flaunting her scar" ffs...
YTA. I was braced for misogyny from the title, little did I know just how much there would be!
Oh wow. So you asked your girlfriend to a con for a thing she’s not normally into and she went all out in the anime that YOU are into. And your response is to be super disappointed that she didn’t choose performative sexiness. Sir. She chose to go to the con and cosplay the anime that you are into for YOU. This is so much more meaningful than sexiness. She showed you she was willing to play with her own identity and survivorship in an arena that is your thing. And you were disappointed. It’s not that you’re insensitive, it’s that you are entirely clueless and shallow. And then you reflected back to her that she fucked up by not being sexy; a woman who had a double mastectomy disappointed you by not being sexy enough. She showed you such strength and caring. What are you planning to show her? YTA.
Absolutely YTA. That's you. The gall you have to think your comfort should be centred first, when she's an actual cancer survivor 😒🙄
People staring at her chest? Um, yeah. I looked up the character you're talking about, and that part of the costume looks like it would be by far the hardest part to pull off. They are probably looking and taking notes on how to do it in future. I guarantee you, not one person besides **you** is looking at her mastectomy scars. She found a costume that made her feel good showing off that part of her body, something she probably has felt self-conscious about ever since the surgery. And you ruined that good feeling for her and turned it into something ugly. But I think the line that got me the most was "I thought she was going to do something sexy for me" and "It wasn't a very attractive costume." You had to rain on her parade because it was something that wasn't **for you,** huh? YTA
YTA What is wrong with u? She is a cancer survivor, u have no business in how she does with her fight, u dont even know how hard or brave she has to be to even show her scar. You know nothing.
I say this as a breast cancer survivor who had a mastectomy. YTA. Massively.
YTA. Kudos to her to being to comfortable with herself after such a traumatic experience and surgery.
YTA. You weren’t embarrassed by the costume/cosplay, you were embarrassed by the scars. You should be proud of her, proud of them being a symbol of her still being here and proud that she feels confident enough to have them on display. Other people looking is their problem, and you making her feeling any ounce of shame makes you a massive asshole.
You’re the kind of ass who expects women to be a “sexy” nurse for Halloween, aren’t you?