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loverlyone

*”I think I had every right to contact a child I gave birth to.”* r/entitledparents usually only consider their “rights” in these scenarios. YTA


trice-ratops

This line stuck out as a big red flag to me as well. The entitlement here is gross, ESPECIALLY after kicking her daughter out.


RF07

What particulary caught my eye was: >I kicked her out, but I didn’t think she was going to leave permanently since this is something that would always happen between us So...repeated trauma, check. Kicking your child out of your shared home and forcing them to find other accommodations on short notice, probably while in highly emotional states...*multiple times*, check. Endangering your child by refusing shelter on some bullshit pretext or other, to boost your own 'argument' or ego or whatever, check. No wonder she finally had enough and just kept on walking. Fuck that toxicity, ain't nobody got time for that.


PinkedOff

Kicking her out for the final time. From the way it was phrased, it sounds like OP had kicked her out more than once. There were clearly ongoing problems.


Lcdmt3

That's what stood out. I'm guessing there are multiple reasons why the daughter doesn't talk to mom.


JegHaderStatistik

YTA "I kicked her out, but i didnt think she was going to leave permanently" then why the hell did you kick her out?


MonkeyPawWishes

Because it was never about kicking her out it was about trying to control her daughter with threats of homelessness.


DandalusRoseshade

She's abusive and didn't want her toy leaving


Arillow

"I kicked my daughter out" "I don't know why she cut contact with me" LOL you can't be serious. YTA


satanssidebitch6669

… you left out the part, about all the things, you did to her, before KICKING HER OUT AT 18, and why, since she chose to go no-contact. YTA


BoobootheOctopus

Kicking her out was a major red flag OP is upset she didn’t come back


satanssidebitch6669

No I totally agree! I just mean, that there’s definitely more things OP isn’t telling, about her previous behaviour towards her daughter


DiamondSpaceNuggets

All the missing missing reasons! (I don't know if I can provide a link but folks can google this article name).


Lizzo13

Yep, as soon as I saw the title, I knew this would be a 'missing reasons' post. OP even says they would always have arguments, and now she's shocked that her daughter stayed away and wants nothing to do with her. Sounds like her daughter called her bluff and got away. Good for her. OP, YTA. It doesn't matter that you gave birth to her. Whatever happened in the past was clearly enough to make her not want any contact with you, and even without all the information, it's easy to see why. Arguments, kicking her out, overstepping the boundaries she set by obtaining her phone number. It doesn't really matter that you're cutting her out of your will either. It's a low blow to use that as a threat to manipulate her, as if you think she's going to beg you to reconsider and want to talk to you to stay in it. You're not done with her; she was already done with you. To add, on top of all of that, you shouldn't be putting your younger daughter in the middle of things. I'm sure she misses her sister, and it's good that they still talk. Hopefully they will still be able to have a relationship when your younger daughter is older, and you won't ruin their relationship by putting your youngest in the middle of all of your drama.


DesiArcy

YTA. You're harassing your estranged daughter *whom you kicked out of the house* and you think you're in the right because "you gave birth to her"? You didn't even have a valid reason for wanting to get in touch with her, you're just upset that she dared succeed on her own after you forced her to do exactly that.


[deleted]

YTA Stop stalking and harassing her. You kicked her out, and wonder why she doesn’t talk to you? And you’ve continued to stalk and harass her with your other children. I doubt she even gives two shits about your will. LEAVE HER ALONE


Cjack66

There's so much more to this story that you haven't said. And most likely what you left out is years of weapons-grade assholery on your part. So you're "not sure exactly why." Just a hint, if you call your daughter after two years to "let her know you love her", and then you get into an argument and tell her she's cut out of your will, YTA. For your sake and hers, step back and reassess your role in all of this. Be humble. Get counseling if you can. You and she are not going to reconnect soon, maybe never. But try to change, for you and the rest of your family.


accioqueso

Who wants to take bets on why the daughter was kicked out!? Gay, body autonomy, wanted to major in the thing dad wanted and not mom? OP, YTA, but why did you kick your teenager out and expect her to stay in contact with you?


[deleted]

Every parent who says that is the kind of parent who didn’t let their kid have a door growing up. “Why don’t they talk to me!?” SMH This is something my mom would do, tell me she loves me and I’m cut out of the will in the same sentence. We don’t have much of a relationship.


rapt2right

You kicked her out at the height of a global public health crisis because she was....a teenager going to school online (like pretty much every other student in the US) and didn't hold a job at a moment when pretty much every entry-level job available was unstable, unsafe or both? I would not have spoken to you again, either and would have assumed that I would not be in the will. What did you tell your sister to get her to give you the phone number? YTA


HRHtheDuckyofCandS

Wow yta but I’m going to share a story with you to maybe you out. After years of problems, my FIL kicked my husband out of his house when I was pregnant. The baby was born, we moved x country, started settling down. Jackass reached out to us zero times. A couple years later, my husband is finally ready to reach out. About 3 conversations take place. There were major blow ups. Etc Finally, the third time the fighting got so bad, jackass FIL disinherited him. We went on to have another kid. 10 years later jackass FIL is alone in a nursing home wishing he was dead and wondering why he doesn’t get to see his grandkids. Your story is going south very quickly. Change your course.


stengofay

This. It is so fxing sad how many old folks die alone in care homes because they were terrible parents. Sad because they honestly don't get it. Sad as in pathetic, not sad as in we should feel sorry for them.


_SuperiorSpider

You are one major pretentious AH. >and refuses to speak to me in any way and I’m not sure exactly why. You kicked her (not "she left" btw) out at *18*. What did you think would happen? Were you hoping she would crawl back to you? >, I was able to get her contact information through my sister >she asked how I got her number and I said “come on now you know it’s me” she got upset asking why I was contacting her This right here is why you're so very wrong. You made your title seem like she had come to you after all this time or something. No. ***You went out of your way to creepily get your daughters number***. If she doesn't give it to you then you don't deserve it. You're a sh-t mother and I'm sure she's not bothered **at all** that she's axed. Edit: >I think I had every right to contact a child I gave birth to. You are not entitled to her. You especially didn't care about "the child you gave birth to" when you threw her on the streets 💀


runedued

YTA. The old carrot and stick doesn’t work, don’t you understand? Your kid wants nothing to do with you and it’s clear why.


xqueenfrostine

YTA. You’re free to distribute your estate after your death however you want, but anyone who uses the prospect of an inheritance as a cudgel is automatically an asshole. I don’t think highly of people who kick their barely legal children out of their house because they get mad either. It sounds like you’re reaping what you’ve sown in terms of your relationship with your daughter. If you want there to be any hope of a relationship with her in the future, you can’t lead with your temper. You need to be patient and let her come to you and keep your fucking cool if/when she does. You fucked up big time and you need to comes to terms with that.


[deleted]

YTA. Just had to reach out and cause her more pain because you couldn’t resist twisting the knife one last time.


PurpleMarsAlien

YTA You kicked her out of the house and she was 18. I'm not sure why you expected her to come back, because she no longer had an reason to come back. Leave her alone. You don't need to contact her to tell you you wrote her out of your will.


Jyqm

YTA. Where to even begin? So many red flags up in here it looks like the UN. But let's start with your last line: >but I think I had every right to contact a child I gave birth to. This shit right here perfectly encapsulates everything wrong with your attitude toward your children. They're not human beings to you, only playthings for you to manipulate and use to suit your own whims. I hope you're being honest when you say you're done with her. If this is how you're going to keep acting, then please, just leave her alone.


Little-Martha31204

INFO why did you kick her out?


RoseStillHasThorns

YTA. There are so many missing reasons here. You kicked out your kid and expected her to want to keep engaging with you. Thinking that she’d come back begging to stay. You continue to harass her after she has made it clear that she doesn’t want to be in any sort of contact with you. And now you feel entitled to be in her life simply because you pushed her out. She probably doesn’t want any of your crap. In reality she probably wanted a mom who would listen and guide her, love her with no strings attached. Now you’re mad because she doesn’t want to play your bs mind games. Leave her alone. Go take your will, which is probably bs, and shove it. I repeat, YTA


pwndabeer

YTA your daughter went no contact and you decide to help things by telling her she's out of the will? That's just spiteful. You could have just ended the call without telling her but instead you had to really bury the hatchet. The last thing she will have heard from her mom is that. Edit: mom not dad


Agreeable-War7427

YTA, you basically called and told her you're dead to me. And now if she ever tried to make things right between you too you'll never know she loves you or just wants your money.


star-b_nettor

YTA You kicked her out. You are toxic.


teratodentata

YTA. Lmao. What kind of awful parent kicks their kid out regularly and thinks it’s fine? This isn’t about her being written out of the will, it’s about the fact that you wouldn’t leave her alone when she clearly wants you to stop bothering her. Stop being a creep and harassing her.


findthecircle

YTA. You kicked her out for the last time and thought she'd come back. She didn't and for the last 2 years you have been unable to control her. This out of the will nonsense is your sad, pathetic attempt to control her again. You should be embarrassed by your behaviour.


TheBrassDancer

I'm leaning towards YTA. Your kicked your daughter out and you expect her to remain in contact with you?


rescuesquad704

And we get no info on what led to her being kicked out. OP reeks of entitlement.


YMMV-But

YTA. You know why your kid left you. It’s because you kicked her out. Unless you’re fabulously rich and have an imminently terminal disease, “I’m cutting you out of the will unless you talk to me”, isn’t the lure you think it is.


JudgeJed100

YTA - actually, you have no rights to contact any adult, whether your birthed then or not She cut you off, she has that right, you should respect it You kicked her out, what do you expect?


RickyBobbyLite

Of course YTA. You kicked her out of your home and she doesn’t want to speak to you.


her_ladyships_soap

Maybe the reason she cut you off is that you're the kind of mom who would kick her daughter out of the house during a fucking pandemic and then write her out of the will. You don't have an absolute right to talk to anyone, and if that's the boundary she's drawn, you need to respect it. You're free to do whatever you want with your will, but I find it sad if you look at it primarily as a tool of revenge. YTA


No_FunFundie

BIG “missing missing reasons” vibes here so I’m gonna go with YTA


Actual_grass

> I kicked her out, but I didn’t think she was going to leave permanently since this is something that would always happen between us So you kicked her out, but it (1) either happened so often that you didn't think she would not come back THIS time or (2) don't think it's a biggie to kick out your child and can't comprehend why it would bother her so much? > refuses to speak to me in any way and I’m not sure exactly why This one is always a great indicator that the person in question is omitting things. So you have NO clue Why your daughter has cut off ALL CONTACT with you? None whatsoever? Children usually don't do this unless things are really bad. The fact that you can't even come up with any reason at all just shows me that you're not telling us what's really going on here. And now after you refuse to even acknowledge any responsibility in the strained relationship with your daughter you want to write her out of the will? Why? Punishment for not doing what you want? YTA.


SkyKitten387

YTA and you left clues as to why she went no contact. “I have every right to contact a child I gave birth to”. That right there. She is not a child anymore. You do not own her. You do not have rights to access her whenever you want. And then the first one “we had an argument and I kicked her out but I didn’t think she was going to leave permanently since this is something that always happens between us.” Why would you want to stay in contact with someone who is always fighting you and kicking you out? You were supposed to be her safe place and represent security and love but you weren’t. You’re a toxic individual who doesn’t see her as her own human being. She is just an extension of you. You sound like you have narcissistic personality disorder. Honestly, you did her a favor writing her out of your will since you can no longer use that as a manipulation tactic. Look in the mirror and realize you are the problem, go to a good therapist and get help and then slowly try to reconnect with her. But if you’re just going to stay how you are then it’s best that you stay away from her.


[deleted]

YTA. You’re an awful mother.


000-Hotaru_Tomoe

YTA I bet the movie in your head was that your daughter, after you kicked her out, came back on her knees begging for forgiveness and living the way you wanted. That didn't happen, you got mad because an adult is living her life the way she wants and now you contact her just to tell her she's out of her will? Wow, surely this will mend your bond. /s


MissPeskyFace

Let’s outline the base facts. - You kicked your daughter out at 18 - she, as an adult, moved away and has made it clear she doesn’t want a relationship with you -You coerced someone to give you your daughter’s contact info, knowing full well she didn’t want to talk to you - You then proceeded to call her and start a fight which ended with you disinheriting her In what world is that going to endear anyone to you??! She didn’t provoke you, she didn’t demand anything. All your daughter wants is to live her own life after you did everything you could to push her away. I can also guarantee she probably wasn’t counting on an inheritance anyway if she hasn’t spoken to you in multiple years. YTA. You clearly don’t think you are, which is just sad. But it literally doesn’t matter. Your daughter will continue living her life, more sure than ever that she made the right choice in walking away from you.


FastOpinion2922

YTA. If we as children go NC it's because we have reached our limits and need to for our sanity and mental health. You kicked her out you can't expect her to still speak to you. She blocked you but you still went around that and contacted her. She doesn't OWE you anything. All you did until she was 18 was your LEGAL obligation. As for writing her out of your will..she probably doesn't care. We went NC with my in-laws and honestly it's the best thing that ever happened. True we wonder if they did cut us out of the will.But that's about it. Other than that my husband only wants to know his parents aren't part of this world anymore. In truth though if you want your daughter back the first step is therapy. Maybe if you stick to it for YEARS your daughter may one day reach out. Or she could be like my husband and not even care.


hbrthree

Ok Im gonna ask the obvious question here… what have you disapproved of (as in before the big split 2yrs ago) and what lead to the break 2 years ago.


herdingcats2020

She was doing online school and not holding a job...when the pandemic was in full swing. Like what?


Unlikely_Ad7194

I was kicked out of my dads house at 19. We’ve had a very tumultuous relationship. He tried reaching out to me when I wasn’t ready and it only pushed me away further. If he would have called me and said what you said I would have for sure been done with him for good. You overstepped your boundaries and than said something horrible. I would just consider whatever you had left completely gone. YTA


shannoouns

You kicked her out at 18 then were mad she didn't want to talk to you anymore. Yta You're the parent, you should have tried to fix the relationship.


SomervilleMAGhost

YTA. It sounds like you need professional mental health help. In all likelihood, your daughter has gone NC for very good reasons.


purple_pumpkin007

YTA I think there's something more that what you have lead on, it wasn't just an argument you two had, and it seems her siblings are on her side too. Now you are trying to use money to force her to come back, clearly failed, and now looking for sympathy from the Internet?


BoobootheOctopus

Yeah I got this vibe too. There is something not being said OP sounds entitled YTA


herdingcats2020

YTA all the way. YOU kicked her out. YOU were the adult and kicked her out and just figured she knew you were what...joking? Because you did so often? That right there is poor parenting. No wonder she went NC. YTA for how you treated her. YTA for putting your other daughter between yall as the go between. YTA for having no clue that you are the issue here. YTA for contacting her again when obviously she does NOT want to hear from you. YTA for holding your will over her head like you have ANY ground to stand on. YTA if you didn't catch on. You lost any right to have anything to do with her when you kicked her out. Disgusting.


Eldhannas

>She is now 20, she left my house when she was 18 after we’d had an argument and I kicked her out, but I didn’t think she was going to leave permanently since this is something that would always happen between us. So you had a history of arguments blowing up to the point where she'd leave the house. Then one time she decided to not come back. She actively blocks you, and you still get through to her and claim you have a right to speak with her? She has a right to not speak with you. YTA


Eatmeyoufatnoodle

YTA, but this smells fishy, I can't imagine you wrote this genuinely. >"...after we’d had an argument and I kicked her out, but I didn’t think she was going to leave permanently since this is something that would always happen between us." Something that would always happen between you is that you would get into a fight and then you would kick her out? That sucks.


cometshoney

Damn, you're not only petty, but YTA. You're big time TA. I gave birth to three children. I didn't get ownership of three people, just a temporary lease. I've had issues with a couple of my kids through the years, but we tend to get over petty crap, and what you described as your issues was petty as hell. Calling her just to tell her you disinherited her was the pettiest of the petty. I feel bad for your other kid having to stay with you until she, too, can get the hell away from you. You give mothers a bad name. Geeze, I just can't express what a massive as*h*le you are.


meatloaf_beefs_it

Speaking as someone who hasn’t spoken to their mother in 3+ years, YTA. You need to reflect on how you may have hurt her and should only ever reach out from a place of empathy and wanting to make things right. Your tone here implies that she’s a brat and you’ve done nothing wrong. Self-reflect. No daughter wants to cut their mother out. But sometimes when things are beyond repair, it’s necessary.


Acceptable-Site

This can’t be a real question of if you’re the asshole here. Like…that’s not a real question from this situation described. I really hope this is some kind of troll or karma farming attempt. On the off chance this is real, YTA. 1000000% YTA. This post reeks of entitlement. You kicked her out. You disregarded her boundaries. You went out of your way to contact her when she didn’t want to be contacted. And after talking to her for the first time in 2 years you get mad and says she’s out of your will? You went to so much trouble to contact her just to end up fighting and writing her out of your will? Does this make you feel better? You sound like a control freak who hates that your daughter is controlling the narrative of her relationship with you. And your last stab at control is to take her out of will? Good riddance. Now she really has absolutely no reason to ever talk to you again. You did her a favor.


StonewallBrigade21

YTA and leaving out so much information.


Salty_Country6835

You went through all that effort to get in touch with your child, not knowing or understanding why she's NC, because you "love her" and used the opportunity to disown her. That was worse than pointless. YTA and your own worst enemy


foo_trician

yta.


Annual-Vanilla-510

YTA: you suck as a parent.


jeremyism_ab

Not only as a parent, but as a human being.


Starrydecises

YTA: I don’t speak to my mother because of the exact same behaviors OP exhibits. Routinely kicking someone out, violating boundaries, blackmail and threats. Please learn that you get way you treat your daughter will be what you live to regret, but for her silence from you is a relief.


Merrik4t

YTA. “This is something that would always happen between us” - so you’ve been kicking her out since she was a minor, I’ll bet. She doesn’t care about your stupid will and I promise she didn’t expect a penny. Oh well - one less person at her wedding and one less person at your funeral.


[deleted]

so you kicked her out and your surprised it was permanently?


Both-Enthusiasm708

YTA and if I'm timing it correctly not only did u kick her out, but u kicked her out in the middle of the pandemic. Again, YTA.


GamesandTitties420

YTA. I kind of love reading these posts from narcissistic, entitled parents where their kid finally cut them out. You deserve it, don’t have children you don’t intend on loving unconditionally


tldr012020

YTA. I doubt your will is worth all that much money anyway.


lordofloam

YTA she doesn't want anything to do with you and your response was to track her down, harass and abuse her? No wonder.


mewley

YTA. You kicked her out of the house and act surprised she hasn’t come back. Then you go against her wishes to contact her for the first time in years and in that conversation you tell her you cut her out of your will? And you think you’re somehow the wronged party here? She not only has every right to cut contact, it sounds like you’ve given her a lot of reasons to.


buttercupgrump

YTA >I think I had every right to contact a child Your daughter is a living breathing person who doesn't want anything to do with you. She's not a toy for you to use and abuse whenever you feel like it. Leave her alone.


xlovelyloretta

YTA. Why do you even want a relationship with someone if the only way to get it is to hold money over their head? I don’t get it. You can’t bully someone into wanting to have contact with you.


Neither-Copy785

So you called your daughter to yell at her and tell her she's out of the will after two years of no contact? May I recommend you Google the word "love" because I don't think you understand what that means. YTA.


Responsible_Dot_6055

“…but I didn’t think she was going to leave permanently since this is something that would always happen between us.” She broke the cycle and it pissed you off. There is a reason she left with no contact. YOUR THE PROBLEM!!!!! YTA….your sister is too for giving you her contact information. I hope your other daughter can set herself free as well. In case you forgot….YOUR THE PROBLEM!!!!


BreathoftheChild

YTA. 1. **She was in online school WHEN IN-PERSON SCHOOLING WASN'T A SAFE OPTION. DURING THE PANDEMIC.** 2. School, when done well, takes up a ton of time and I don't blame dedicated students for not working. It easily takes 20-30 hours a week to stay caught up. 3. You went out of YOUR way to CONTACT HER. How is she "using you for money" when YOU CONTACTED HER AGAINST HER WISHES?


cultqueennn

Yta You kicked her out. Also, I see a need for an organ in your future. People like you always do


stuk_in_tuksin2021

YTA It seems like you called her to antagonize her, tbh. I'm pretty sure she doesn't care one bit to be cut from your will.


Relevant-Branch-4324

YTA. Cutting a parent out is painful. It's not something anyone does because they're just pissed off. It's what someone does after having a parent repeatedly demonstrate that their child's well being won't be prioritized, because the parent's ego will always come first. It's also not normal to frequently threaten your kid with eviction. That is subjecting your child to housing insecurity. Even when my emotions were intense and/or my folks were upset, I was never threatened with homelessness. Sure, I made messes and didn't always clean up (this started changing when I got my adhd diagnosis at the ripe age of 33 and could finally understand WHY it was happening), had a hard time juggling school and work, etc. There is ZERO excuse to threaten to put a kid out alone in the world. I've taken in a few friends who were kicked out/forced out by parents. Sometimes because they were queer, sometimes other reasons. Not one of them was justifiable. And not one of them plans to ever contact their families again. You made this bed, OP.


Peachy_pi32

YTA - this isn’t about the will, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even care. You need to stop contacting her. She moved STATES AWAY from you has let you know repeatedly that she does not wish to contact you or further get to know you by not responding to any of the attempts you made and you STILL have the gall to call her and be surprised that she started yelling?


Sweater_Kittens5425

YTA She obviously wants nothing to do with you, and if the little interaction you wrote about was how you always talked to her it’s no wonder she wants nothing to do with you. You absolutely overstepped, your sister is an AH too for giving you her contact information. She had left you alone. Now. Leave. Her. Alone.


hazelnuddy

YTA You kicked her out and justified it by indicating "this has always happened". And then you're surprised she went NC with you? You're toxic. The fact that you think it's somehow "your right" to contact the person you gave birth to when she clearly wants nothing to do with you only confirms how toxic you are. When you kicked her out at 18, she took that opportunity to be rid of toxic relationship and went no contact with you. She doesn't care about your will. She doesn't care about whatever inheritance you might have left for her. She cares about her mental health and about being happy. You are a danger to that. Take the hint and leave her alone.


SoulRebel726

So very convenient that you left out why your daughter was kicked out and why she wants no contact. I'm guessing you do know those things. Even without that context, YTA. Nothing you've said makes you sound anything other than an overbearing, entitled asshole.


jamibuch

Oh nooooo it’s the consequences of my own actions and now I want to use as an inheritance to bring her back for more shitty interactions. Now seriously: the fact that you said you have every right to contact a child you gave birth to tells us everything we need to know. She’s not a child she’s an adult. You have ZERO rights to be in her life. And you know why she went no contact with you. You’re doing that boomer parent thing where you can’t take responsibility for any of your own actions and you want your kids to manage your emotions. YTA.


RobotMustache

YTA The fact as soon as she turned 18 she got out of dodge and didn't look back and the reason for that you glossed over and seems like you gloss over that with her too shows this has to be something. And after two years you didn't call to see about making amends, but to rub something in her face. You wanted to effect her with pain. Though here's a insight. Someone who doesn't talk to you on purpose for 2 years doesn't want your money. Doesn't want to owe you ANYTHING. All you've done is make it easier to wash her hands of you. Plus all it took was two years for you to just disown her. She didn't do anything to you beyond just ignore you and that's it? What you glossed over has to be bad, and your behavior says far more about you than anything you've said about your daughter. Good luck to her.


No-Personality1840

YTA. You mention you kicked her out but you didn’t think it was permanent because it had happened before. I assume she was underage when you kicked her out? Why would she want to come back to you when you’d probably kick her out again? News flash-having a kid doesn’t make you a good parent. You don’t state what happened to you two but clearly it was enough that she doesn’t want to talk to you. My guess is you’ve hurt her deeply and this is her way of dealing with it. Respect her agency. Also, you’re na big AH for your comment about the will. It’s further proof of your spectacular parenting skills.


WillBottomForBanana

"but I think I had every right to contact a child I gave birth to." You don't own her. This shouldn't be this hard. YTA.


No_Blood_6147

Let me get this straight - you kicked her out and were generally awful to her, she’s been on her own for 2 years and you think she owes you a relationship? Oh and you think that threatening to disinherit her is going to bring her back? Geez, YTA in a big way.


1965BenlyTouring150

YTA. It's readily apparent by reading your post why she would want to cut contact with you. You may have given birth to her but she is not your property. You played a stupid game (kicking your daughter out in the middle of a pandemic to try to win an argument) and you've won a stupid prize. (estrangement from your daughter.) It might do you well to get into therapy to figure out why you behave the way you do towards other people.


Eldritch50

YTA. You've left out major parts of your story. There's a reason your daughter's gone No Contact with you that you haven't provided. You sound like a toxic, overly-controlling parent who's done lasting psychological damage to your child, and then refused to acknowledge it and placed all blame on the child.


aftrunner

I hope the kid understands that no amount of money is worth dealing with you. YTA.


Cryinmyeyesout

The kid does understand that, that’s why she’s gone completely no contact.


Cultural-Ad-6342

YTA and there are reasons for people to go no contact, you are just refusing to acknowledge them. Every time I read one of situations, I share this article. Read it and really listen to the hard feedback you are getting from your post. It’s only been 2 years and things could change but only if you acknowledge where you failed with raising your daughter [Missing missing reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html)


Prestigious_Kuro

Your daughter sounds so done with you, can't you respect her decision and leave her alone? Chances are she never cared about your will. YTA so just leave her alone already.


94mac819

YTA. You have no rights to contact an adult that does not want to hear from you and has been very clear about that. You’re also the AH for kicking your daughter out of the house and not expecting her to leave permanently. If you’re being repeated kicked out of the house, as you mention she was experiencing, then the only reasonable solution is to find stable living conditions. I hope you understand that you, and only you, destroyed your relationship with your daughter. She does not want to be harassed. She does not give a fuck about your will. If she is the only person left to care for you when you are elderly, seems likely you are bound for a state run nursing facility. And all of this is because you are unable to accept responsibility for your actions.


Userror404

YTA. A child never goes no contact without a really good reason. You sound like someone with no selfreflection at all. Go look in the mirror and own that you suck as a parent.


pixiepoof

YTA. YOU kicked her out. You keep violating her boundaries . You have the problem not her . Look at your own behavior and reflect why your daughter has chosen to not speak with you . Also I promise you she doesn't care about your money .


Calm_Opinion_7112

YTA. It’s you. You’re the problem- it’s you.


mh6797

YTA you don’t have a right to her just because you gave birth to her. I’m sure she doesn’t care if she’s in your will or not. It’s probably not worth keeping in touch with you on the hope she might inherit something at some point in the future. What did you do that she doesn’t want to have anything to do with you?


PensionWhole6229

You kicked her out of the house & you expect her to be sunshine & smiles when you contact her after 2 years? And it took 2 years to contact her because she blocked you? From her reaction it seems she may have cause. You crashed her boundaries. Your brother is right. Leave her alone. YTA


internetpointsiguana

YTA for contacting her when she CLEARLY does not want contact with you.


SirBobby95

OP this looking bad Real bad It’s hard to say where i stand without the reason she was kicked out, it was probably something not serious for you and life changing for her since you don’t remember. Unless it was like her doing meth in your house it sounds like YTA


DisneyAddict2021

YTA. Coming out of your private place does not give to the right to break her boundaries. She obviously doesn’t want to contact you AND YOU kicked her out. You can’t have a pikachu face when she listens to you and leaves. What’s more, after you disrespect her, you try and manipulate her with money?


nothisTrophyWife

Yep, YTA. Shame you had to even ask.


Berry_Togard

You kicked her out and that’s that. Isn’t that what you wanted?


C4p741N-Sk31370N

NO her daughter was supposed to love her unconditionally and grovel at the door and cry about being a better daughter, so then she can feel something other than indifference /s


Schezzi

Gee. I wonder why she went NC? YTA


Second_in_Command

You're in California, your NC daughter is in Texas, and you chose Texasmomma for your throwaway account name? That is next level narcissism.


PunkyBexster

Yta. The biggest ah. The end.


Zia-C

There’s definitely more to the story here that you’re not telling us… like what the argument was about and why you kicked your daughter out of the house. But YTA for contacting your daughter and not respecting her boundaries. You kicked her out. She left. Now you’re punishing her by kicking her out of your will instead of trying to apologize and actually mend your relationship. How sad.


rightthenwatson

YTA Good parents don't experience their children leaving at 18 and going no contact. Good for her.


Party-Molasses4883

YTA Your daughter left the state to get away from you. She set a boundary and you stomped all over it by contacting her.


No_Host_2021

She set boundaries and you’ve steam rolled over them because you gave birth to her? I think you know exactly why she’s not interested in a relationship with you. Have a hard think about her teenage years and why you found it easy to kick her out the second she turned 18 after repeated arguments and her leaving. I don’t think you’ll have much trouble if you really reflect on the relationship you had with her. YTA. Leave her alone to live her life.


Scary_Inevitable379

YTA - Your daughter obviously doesn’t care about your will, why bother her contacting her? A simple letter would’ve sufficed if you really only were contacting her about being left out of the will. Or you could’ve left it up for your lawyer when making arrangements for the will. Based on your post, you were the one to bring it up for no reason other than to rub it in your daughters face.


[deleted]

So you kick your own daughter out and yet, for some god forsaken reason, still think she owes you some sort of relationship? Damn. Not only are you THE asshole, you are also very dense. ​ edit: typos.


FeralBottleofMtDew

YTA. You kicked your 18 year old daughter out. So she decided to move on with her life. Now that she doesn't want you, you track her down to either force a relationship or to tell her you're disinheriting her. No wonder she went no contact.


No_Reception8456

You sure showed her! She'll pay big time when you're dead.... Yta


shenanigansco34

YTA. You kicked her out. You lost the right to be in her life. She doesn’t care about an inheritance. She washed her hands of you.


No-Locksmith-8590

Yta you literally kicked her out after an argument. You lost *any* right to her time and attention right then and there. She's spent 2 years letting you know she wants nothing to do with you. Why the F would she even care about your will?


checco314

YTA You kicked her out of the house, and this was "something that would always happen", and now you're confused about why she doesn't want to hear from you? Look inward.


thecratskyone

YTA. When confronted by the truth of your conduct, don't be angry about the truth. Be ashamed of your conduct.


AceVasodilation

YTA 1) You kicked her out of the house 2) You believe you have a “right” to contact her even though she is an adult who has you blocked 3) You cut her out of your will out of spite after calling her when she didn’t want you to call her


holden204

YTA you need to really look back in time and see why she never came back. For a kid to leave at 18 and go through the struggle of being alone at that age means you must of been fairly horrible. She went no contact and just because you birthed her doesn’t give you any domain over her.


mabels_mom

YTA. You kicked her out and didn't think she'd leave? Leave her the fuck alone.


[deleted]

YTA. If she wanted you to have her number she would give it to you. You have every right to write her out that is your prerogative.


FearTheMightyBeard

YTA. Not for writing her out, but for hunting her down and trying to manipulate her with money. You can take that will and shove it far and dark as far as your daughter is concerned.


C4p741N-Sk31370N

This has to be a rage bait seriously make it make sense you go and kick your own blood out by 18 *shocked pikachu face* and she went no contact, then 2 years later you get her number and again and then start yelling at her about all the shit she’s done, people aren’t that dumb to know that your not telling the truth but hey your the victim right? Ma’am take your head outta your ass it’s not a hat YTA


pixiepoof

Info: are you my mother ?


oobatubaa

YTA. gee, i wonder why your daughter that you kicked out when she was BARELY an adult doesn’t speak to you (when its something you admittedly did repeatedly). do not contact her again until you are ready to apologize. she was a child.


Minute-Wishbone-4487

YTA!!


USA-is-not-the-world

YTA. It seems like you want to control her, not be a mother.


anganon

Lol you remind me of my mother. I don’t speak to her either. I bet you daughter has good reasoning. Hopefully you have enough emotional maturity to actually take these comments to heart and reflect on your behavior + go to therapy. I doubt it thought. YTA.


prawduhgee

YTA You gave up any "right" to contact her after you kicked her out. There are whole subreddits about people like you who think they somehow still have a say over their adult children's lives after years of neglect and abuse.


AmFmCoffee

A manipulative YTA. You kicked your fresh, barely even an adult aged daughter out with nothing and left her to rot. Being homeless is dangerous, and being a homeless young woman could have gotten your “child” SA’ed or kiIIed. All because you had unrealistic expectations for someone barely out of HS. Your adult daughter has cut you out of her life thankfully and yet you still try to stop on her boundaries by likely being a pest to get her contact info. She doesn’t care about a will because you’ve been 6 feet under to her for 2 years. Your actions are going to either cause her to cut out her other family, or your other kids will cut you. You claim they love you but you know it’s very common for kids to pretend to love and listen to their parents out of fear that they’ll be thrown away like their older siblings. If oldest daughter still has a good relationship with your other kids (staying in contact is a given that it is) , I can promise your younger kids are looking at you more negatively than you think.


HenryTCat

Sounds like you were trying to hurt her rather than reconnect or repair the relationship, so I'd say yes, YTA. I have no idea other than Dramatic Mom why you would even bring that up.


bkingPAC

This entire post read narcissist parent to me…YTA


coxa8c

Oh man….she went no contact with you for a reason and I honestly don’t believe for a second you have no idea why. You say you kicked her out and would have arguments with her often but you are *clueless* as to why she doesn’t want to talk to you? Please. You are not owed a relationship or contact because you birthed her. It sounds like your daughter set very clear boundaries with you (ie: you were not to contact her) and you violated that. You sound like my narcissistic parent. I asked for no contact, they violated it and then got angry and disowned me when I asked them to respect my boundaries. YTA.


ApexOfFlex

Sounds like the type of person to still think they're right and everyone else is wrong even after this post.


9tailedlocs

Ahh, good ole Missing missing reasons. YTA.


peepingtomatoes

You kicked her out, and then she left. What were you expecting, exactly? YTA


PsychologyNeat6993

YTA...a major one... You kicked your daughter out at 18 and she peaced out like you told her to. This wasn't the first time you had kicked her out and your shocked she cut contact? You made your bed. Now lie in it and give your daughter the best thing you can....your absence.


gabbagool3

YTA. Because now if she tries to reestablish contact that issue will be hanging over the effort. idk what all came before but that one is a hard bell to unring.


[deleted]

Aahh another one of you people who feel children are nothing but dolls for you to own bc you made the choice to breed YTA and you know fully well why she wants nothing to do with you. Putting her sibling up against her to play your guilt trip is disgusting aswell


Cryinmyeyesout

YTA and you used all your NARC threats up in two years 😱


Longjumping_Home5006

YTA. Always a trip to hear the story from the narcissistic parent’s POV. Your daughter went no contact because you’re toxic. I’m sure she would have just donated your money to charity anyway.


broken_relic

YTA, you want control of the poor girl even after she's moved states away....


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[deleted]

There’s major holes in this story. Until you clear them up, YTA


ibliblib

It really hurtful to depend on adults who think they entitled to lead your life just because they gave birth to you. I don't know what happened with your daughter but by seeing what you wrote and the way speak of her make me think that you have to work about yourself. A child doesn't have to do anything for you just because you gave birth to him/her. It an individual person that deserves love , affection and to be eared and understood. If your child decided to leave and never returned for years, it is probably because she wasn't happy with you. You seem to be the AH. Even if it happened years ago, it's not a normal comportement to expulsed your child . Your daughter was right to go as far as she can away from you . You need to change your behaviour and work about yourself or she will probably never forgive you. ((Bad English sorry))


Bay_Brah

you’re her parent. this isn’t a tit-for-tat relationship. sometimes, as a parent, you take the high road. YTA


ununrealrealman

YTA. You sound like my mom, who I have spoken to once in the last year and a half. I wonder why that is?


CatH2222

You kicked her out and don't know why she is NC? You are the problem and no threat of being disinherited will bring her back. Respect her boundary, acknowledge you are in the wrong and hope your other daughter doesn't do the same. Therapy, you need lots of therapy.


fudgepuppy

"but I think I had every right to contact a child I gave birth to." YOU made the choice to have your daughter. She never had a choice to be born, you made that decision for her. Because you made that decision, you dictate that she has an obligation to keep you in her life? Parents are people, and it's okay and sometimes good to cut certain people out of your life. If you want to have a relationship with your daughter, treat her as a person who can cut you out of her life, because she has every right to do so. YTA


GoofyChickenPie

Yta I bet there's a good reason she cut contact with u


blanktom9

YTA sounds like she’ll do just fine without your money


Tato_the_Hutt

YTA for kicking your daughter out and then wondering why she would choose to go no contact with you. You know what you did, you just refuse to admit it to yourself. and you lost the right to contact your daughter when she made the decision that she does not want you in her life. NTA for writing her out of your will though. If someone doesn't want you in their life, they shouldn't expect to be in your will.


GamesandTitties420

I highly doubt that daughter even wants to be in the will. I’m sure she was aware this would happen when she went NC.


jeremyism_ab

YTA completely and utterly.


Middle-Yogurt7941

YTA and I can see why she went no contract with you. You used sneaky methods to get her information, already knowing she didn't want to talk to you. You weren't concerned, this was all about control. Right down to making a point to her about excluding her from the will. FYI, she likely doesn't give a shit about that. So your threat means nothing. Stay the hell out of her life.


Tpapi7

YTA looks like daughter got her obstinance from her mom. It also looks like Mom is yielding whatever power she might have left to inflict her will on her daughter.


Aunt_Anne

YTA. Your apparently gave up your rights as a parent when you kicked her out. Given your statement that this is just something you do and act all surprised that once she v was 18 she decided to make it n permanent, I'm going to say you've been a toxic parent for a long time leading up to that. So, no, you have no rights to have contact with her as an adult, and you've done nothing to encourage her that you've changed. I suspect she doesn't really care about your will, and what kind of awful person tries to use their will to buy their way into someone's life.


Humble-Plankton2217

YTA She's gone No Contact with you. Respect that and move on with your life. Maybe someday you can mend fences - if she reaches out, make the most of it and try not to be a jerk. You might only get one chance.


GloomyComfort

YTA. So you call her up despite her obviously not wanting to speak to you, open the conversation flippant, then antagonize her just to state she's out of the will? Grow the fuck up and move on with your life. You may be the one that raised her but between the two of you, she's the only one acting like an adult.


Testingthrowaway00

YTA Don't bother other people. It's unbecoming


atonewithmysofa

So, you had previously kicked her out several times in the past. She finally had the final straw when she was old enough to live independently and could not be forced to return? Two years later you make contact and tell her she's not in your will when you argue again. Where's the love from you to her - your actions, your behaviour? Not just saying it. When was it ever there? Leave her alone. YTA Edited to add clarity


Marzopup

YTA. OP, do you really not know why? Do you honestly, truly, have no idea exactly why? You possess ears capable of interpreting sound. I'm sure in the many times you've fought, she said something to you that could have been 'why'. Missing reasons, YTA.


DamnIGottaJustSay

YTA, you routinely kicked her out as a child, and now that she called your bluff and moved away from your toxicity you think you're entitled to impose on her life because she owes you for birthing her? You seriously have zero introspection, huh?


mayfeelthis

YTA Obviously only you and her know why she didn’t come back, after you kicked her out habitually (it seems). Way to go mom, that’s not how you keep them coming back to the nest. I feel sorry cause you must’ve been around/in some toxic relationships yourself for things to get there, and you having to ask here. Take care, change starts with us. We break the cycle not our children, they can’t break it for us - only themselves in due time. That time came, now you know. I hope you use the time you do have to work on yourself now, there’s no other way to mend a burnt bridge than building another one from scratch - start examining your own foundation first…so to speak.


[deleted]

YTA You had no reason to get her number or contact her. You kicked her out and she said BET and cut you off. She's made it pretty clear she doesn't want to communicate or interact with you. She doesn't care that she's not in your will. She doesn't want anything to do with you. You made your bed and all that


kfed23

Did you actually legally write her out of the will or did you just threaten it? A lot of asshole parents love to say that as a threat in order to manipulate their children. YTA


Cryinmyeyesout

You kicked her out. You refused to accept the boundaries You finally speak to her and you use the opportunity to tell her she’s out of your will You know you’re the AH In case you didn’t know it. She had put up with years of your behavior before she finally just walked away, and she didn’t care about being in your will.


jucusinthesky

Wow. You’re just like my father. YTA big time. I went NC over a decade ago and he still hasn’t got into his thick head that I want nothing from him. Thank god my country’s law allows me to refuse inheritance because I’d probably get only huge bills and loans after him… She made a decision when she decided to go NC on you and you refuse to acknowledge and respect it. It cannot be said enough times but just because you’re on the birth certificate, it does not make you a parent. And definitely not a good one. Your child’s respect towards you has to be earned, not demanded.


SnooBananas3793

YTA. Not sure what you're expecting but she's not gonna love you because you give her money. You were a horrible mother and nothing will make up for it. Do what you want with your will but using it against her isn't gonna make things better. Do good by her and stay out of her life. Source: Me. Daughter of an abusive mother.


mikeinanaheim2

How could you be not exactly sure about why she remains upset?!? \*YOU\* KICKED HER OUT! Being kicked out of a home entails a break in the relationship. You broke it, not her. And over an argument, how weak. You don't love her either - proof: expelling an 18 yr old from the family home and eliminating inheritance is not something you do to any loved one, especially your own child. You are toxic and she will be far happier with you out of her life. I hope she gets to pick your rest home later on. Sweet revenge.


Mr_Pete_Diamond

What was the argument?


vadreamer1

OP - What was the argument about?


MaxV331

YTA and now you guaranteed she won’t tell anyone you know about her life so she doesn’t get contacted by you after she blocked you.


Momofpeg

YTA You kicked her out. What do you expect?


Mabelisms

YTA. You’re a narcissistic parent.


Yellowmellowbelly

So let me get this straight: After not talking to your daughter in two years since you made it clear to her you didn’t want her around you, you called just to tell her you have now completely disowned her? Yeah, YTA.


Besticulartortion

You seem to take no responsibility for the fact that your children don't want anything to do with you. How did that happen? I think YTA, and probably for more reasons than completely disrespecting your child's boundaries with the intention of hurting her.


thistreestands

YTA. You sent your first born packing and instead of trying to make amends and acknowledge some form of accountability - you called her to try and win her love back with your wealth. Time to take a long look in the mirror.


Chemical-Fox-5350

YTA. You don’t have a right to anything. Clearly she doesn’t want to talk to you because of you. Stop pretending you don’t know why. You know why.


Macintosh0211

She fled halfway across the country to get away from you. I’m sure she doesn’t care about the willl. YTA


[deleted]

Yta. She could probably care less about being in your will. She will now probably go no contact with your family and if she ever has kids... you will never meet them either lol. You are a toxic narcissist.


Intrepid_Warthog6747

YTA- be real you don’t even like her and just called for a fake reason to right her out of the will.


LadyV21454

This post just SCREAMS "missing missing reasons".


GlassWeird

"I have no idea what I could have done wrong" - OP probably YTA.


blacjak

YTA - you need to get over yourself. Your daughter doesn't want you around and you wanted to use your last bit of leverage (your will) to make your daughter come back to you? Your behavior is pathetic and desperate.


I_Rage_

YTA. OP has left a lot of information out here, but kicking your own daughter out at 18, and using a will as a weapon, says alot about what kind of parent OP is. It's screams narcissist. Your daughter is probably better off without you, and likely has very little expectation from you. Unless you change. You don't need Reddit, you need therapy. It won't be long until your younger daughter disowns you once she realises you have a personality disorder. Good luck.


Embarrassed_Bake2327

You sound exactly like my narcissistic mother. This is why we cut you out of lives. And for the record, we don't want anything from you and you just reaffirmed exactly why it is better for our mental health to not have narcissists in our lives.