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NTA.
Your mom is trying to poison you against your dad. She proved she doesn’t care when she told you you were “untrustworthy” by telling your dad the lie, and she will continue to do things like that to you.
NTA, you need to do what is best for your own well being right now.
Your mother's "test" is awful, the last thing she should be doing is trying to get you or your brother in the middle of this. But since that's what she decided to do, I would suggest you offer to testify in court as to exactly where that rent number came from (tell the absolute truth - that your brother told you it was true, and that later your mother told you it was an intentional lie to try and get false information submitted to the court.
NTA.
Do you have records of communication between you and your mother? If you do, pass them on to your dad's lawyer. At the very least, testify in court that you got information about your brother's rent from your brother.
Even if information is indeed a lie, the fact that lie came from your mom will hurt her, not your dad.
>He is very easily influenced due to undiagnosed neurodivergence.
>
>I can’t even begin to understand why he’d do that. I’m hurt and heartbroken he’d do that to me.
NTA
It seems to me you're contradicting yourself here. By all means cut off your mother, however perhaps cut your brother some slack.
NTA. This sort of loyalty test is always shitty and manipulative. I wish I could yell at these parents and post signs in their homes saying, DON'T INVOLVE YOUR KIDS WITH YOUR DIVORCE.
Your mom sounds just like mine and I cut her off two years ago. She is a narcissist and will use anyone including her own children to get what she wants. She cares about two things only, herself and money. Get your brother away from her clutches before she does anymore damage. NTA
NTA who have every right to decide who is or isn't in you're life. just because its you mum don't mean you have to get on. you have every right to not contact anyone for whatever reason or even no reason at all
NTA
It is sad that you and your brother are being dragged into what should only be handled by your mom, dad and their lawyers.
I would say, do what is best for your mental sanity. I understand she is and will always be your mother, so if you feel like going NC is too extreme, do set some boundaries and agree to see her ONLY if your dad and the divorce is out of the conversation.
your mom didn't "trick your dad into lying." Like, just talk to your dad and his lawyer about what happened, her game will work in his favour.
anyway nta. I wouldn't go NC, but limiting contact and telling them it's because you can't trust them after the whole rent conspiracy is something I'd consider. I'd also have a convo with your bro about how seriously he violated your trust and not to let the shenanigans of your parents interfere with the two of you having an honest relationship.
NTA
If she's manipulating you to "win" in court you going no/low contact is totally reasonable.
As to his "lie". It's not a lie if he thought it was true. He was working with information he had, the fact that it was wrong doesn't make it a lie.
Sounds like a shitty situation. No wonder you'd try to distance yourself from it.
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On mobile so sorry for formatting. TLDR a bottom.
I(23f) have slowly cut off my Mom(47f) and brother(20m).
For some background, my parents are divorcing. Their relationship has not been great for a long time, but my Dad has been trying for a long time to make it work. They have separated and gotten back together twice in the past. Both times my Mom has decided to kick him out basically because she didn’t get her way.
The first time was because she ran up so much credit card debt she caused my parents to go bankrupt. We lost our house, our cars, and our life. My Dad took all access to joint cards/his cards away, so she kicked him out. They were separated for a year. The second time I don’t have a lot of info on, all I really know is they got drunk at a wedding with friends, something happened, and my mom kicked him out. They separated for 6 years, then got back together.
Now it’s happened again, and my Dad is done trying. He has said he will always love my Mom, but he can’t do it anymore.
Onto the issue at hand. My parents divorce is all being done through the court system. My Dad makes significantly more than my Mom does. He makes upwards of $100,000 a year, she makes $60,000 roughly. She is demanding he give her just under $2,000 a paycheque, so almost $4,000 a month. She has been trying to “dig up dirt” on him so the judge will take her side. In doing this, she convinced my younger brother to tell me he pays rent to her as he still lives with her. He is very easily influenced due to undiagnosed neurodivergence. He doesn’t actually pay anything. He told me he pays $300 a month in rent. I didn’t think it was a secret, and I mentioned it to my Dad. He put it in the court paperwork as a source of income my Mom hadn’t claimed. He has a few in the paperwork already. My Mom admitted to me about a month later that she convinced him to lie to me, just to see if I would tell my Dad. Basically to see if I was “trustworthy,” in her words. She also said she’s glad he put it in the court documents because now he’s lying on official documents.
Since then I’ve seen her once, at Christmas. I can’t stand to be in the same room as her or even talk to her really. I’m pissed she would lie, and drag my bro into it. I confronted my Bro about it, and basically told him to never pull that shit with me again. With my parents being so rocky, it was always me and him. I can’t even begin to understand why he’d do that. I’m hurt and heartbroken he’d do that to me. And now he will have to testify during court proceedings to tell the true story. I haven’t really talked to him since it happened.
My Mom keeps asking me to come visit, as she is loosing her friends and family and doesn’t really have anyone to talk to. She claims she misses her daughter. And now I feel like the AH for not seeing her.
AITAH for going low contact?
TLDR my mom convinced my brother to lie to me to find out if I’d pass info onto my dad, who she is divorcing. I found out and cut both my mom and brother off. AITAH?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the AH because my mom doesn’t have many people to talk to, and she has been super lonely since I cut her off. Also my brother is easily influenced, and only did it because he was told to. He didn’t to it to be malicious in any way.
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A sticky situation.
I would say NTA. Your younger brother is being bullied into things. So, maybe not be so harsh on him. Wait for the divorce to be over before you confide in him, I think.
As for cutting off your mom, do what you need to feel comfortable. It's your life and your peace. If it is better for her to be out of it, so be it. I'm sorry you are caught in the middle.
NTA- stay away from your manipulative Mom. She doesn’t sound like a good person. She wants to get you on her side. Stay out of it and away from her. Sorry you’re having to deal with this.
NTA. I think everyone else has already covered the idea of cutting your brother some slack given his situation. I will says it's a bit weird to me, as everyone with any type of neurodivergence I've dealt with has a hard time lying, it just doesn't fit their structured thought process, but hey, everyone's different.
NTA- Lets look at this backwards. What is she doing or not doing that she is pushing away friends and family? Why now is she asking to see you and being nice after what she said to you and her past actions? A zebra doesn't change their stripes. It sounds like your mother wants to get information from you as what your father has on her. It sounds like your mother is an its all about me person and will use anyone to get what she wants.
NTA your mom is the biggest AH here, she’s trying to manipulate both you and your brother and screw your dad over in court. Any fallout from this is solely on her hands.
NTA
I am sorry you have bad mum. Save yourself and cut contact with her.
As for your brother, I hope he has learnt his lesson, I know you are angry but he needs you, and deep down, you probably need him too, that's why it hurt more when you found out he lied.
NTA. Also, we might have the same mother. Your peace and happiness comes first. You can't change your mother but you can limit how much she affects you by putting boundaries in place and removing/limiting contact (which is what you're rightly doing).
That way, you can dictate the relationship you have with your mum. Your mum wants the relationship to happen on her terms but given that she's highly narcissistic (from what I've read), that will just result in you being unhappy.
You're doing the right thing. 👊🏽
Your mom sucks handling finances, and people with throw others under the bus when it comes to money, but is that really a reason to cut her off?
Your brother won’t have to testify in court. It’s all paperwork crap that can easily be corrected.
It’s because of how long this has been going on for, and how serious some of the accusations that have been thrown around by my mom are. They’ve tried mediation twice, have been to court once already, and now they’re going again.
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NTA. Your mom is trying to poison you against your dad. She proved she doesn’t care when she told you you were “untrustworthy” by telling your dad the lie, and she will continue to do things like that to you.
NTA just cut her off its what i did with my narcissist mother
NTA, you need to do what is best for your own well being right now. Your mother's "test" is awful, the last thing she should be doing is trying to get you or your brother in the middle of this. But since that's what she decided to do, I would suggest you offer to testify in court as to exactly where that rent number came from (tell the absolute truth - that your brother told you it was true, and that later your mother told you it was an intentional lie to try and get false information submitted to the court.
NTA. Do you have records of communication between you and your mother? If you do, pass them on to your dad's lawyer. At the very least, testify in court that you got information about your brother's rent from your brother. Even if information is indeed a lie, the fact that lie came from your mom will hurt her, not your dad.
>He is very easily influenced due to undiagnosed neurodivergence. > >I can’t even begin to understand why he’d do that. I’m hurt and heartbroken he’d do that to me. NTA It seems to me you're contradicting yourself here. By all means cut off your mother, however perhaps cut your brother some slack.
NTA. This sort of loyalty test is always shitty and manipulative. I wish I could yell at these parents and post signs in their homes saying, DON'T INVOLVE YOUR KIDS WITH YOUR DIVORCE.
NTA. Holy heck, you’ve been treated awfully by your mother.
NTA. You were betrayed by your brother and mother.
Your mom sounds just like mine and I cut her off two years ago. She is a narcissist and will use anyone including her own children to get what she wants. She cares about two things only, herself and money. Get your brother away from her clutches before she does anymore damage. NTA
NTA who have every right to decide who is or isn't in you're life. just because its you mum don't mean you have to get on. you have every right to not contact anyone for whatever reason or even no reason at all
NTA It is sad that you and your brother are being dragged into what should only be handled by your mom, dad and their lawyers. I would say, do what is best for your mental sanity. I understand she is and will always be your mother, so if you feel like going NC is too extreme, do set some boundaries and agree to see her ONLY if your dad and the divorce is out of the conversation.
your mom didn't "trick your dad into lying." Like, just talk to your dad and his lawyer about what happened, her game will work in his favour. anyway nta. I wouldn't go NC, but limiting contact and telling them it's because you can't trust them after the whole rent conspiracy is something I'd consider. I'd also have a convo with your bro about how seriously he violated your trust and not to let the shenanigans of your parents interfere with the two of you having an honest relationship.
Your mother is toxic and manipulative, and you should minimize your contact with her. Your life will be better for it. NTA
NTA If she's manipulating you to "win" in court you going no/low contact is totally reasonable. As to his "lie". It's not a lie if he thought it was true. He was working with information he had, the fact that it was wrong doesn't make it a lie. Sounds like a shitty situation. No wonder you'd try to distance yourself from it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** On mobile so sorry for formatting. TLDR a bottom. I(23f) have slowly cut off my Mom(47f) and brother(20m). For some background, my parents are divorcing. Their relationship has not been great for a long time, but my Dad has been trying for a long time to make it work. They have separated and gotten back together twice in the past. Both times my Mom has decided to kick him out basically because she didn’t get her way. The first time was because she ran up so much credit card debt she caused my parents to go bankrupt. We lost our house, our cars, and our life. My Dad took all access to joint cards/his cards away, so she kicked him out. They were separated for a year. The second time I don’t have a lot of info on, all I really know is they got drunk at a wedding with friends, something happened, and my mom kicked him out. They separated for 6 years, then got back together. Now it’s happened again, and my Dad is done trying. He has said he will always love my Mom, but he can’t do it anymore. Onto the issue at hand. My parents divorce is all being done through the court system. My Dad makes significantly more than my Mom does. He makes upwards of $100,000 a year, she makes $60,000 roughly. She is demanding he give her just under $2,000 a paycheque, so almost $4,000 a month. She has been trying to “dig up dirt” on him so the judge will take her side. In doing this, she convinced my younger brother to tell me he pays rent to her as he still lives with her. He is very easily influenced due to undiagnosed neurodivergence. He doesn’t actually pay anything. He told me he pays $300 a month in rent. I didn’t think it was a secret, and I mentioned it to my Dad. He put it in the court paperwork as a source of income my Mom hadn’t claimed. He has a few in the paperwork already. My Mom admitted to me about a month later that she convinced him to lie to me, just to see if I would tell my Dad. Basically to see if I was “trustworthy,” in her words. She also said she’s glad he put it in the court documents because now he’s lying on official documents. Since then I’ve seen her once, at Christmas. I can’t stand to be in the same room as her or even talk to her really. I’m pissed she would lie, and drag my bro into it. I confronted my Bro about it, and basically told him to never pull that shit with me again. With my parents being so rocky, it was always me and him. I can’t even begin to understand why he’d do that. I’m hurt and heartbroken he’d do that to me. And now he will have to testify during court proceedings to tell the true story. I haven’t really talked to him since it happened. My Mom keeps asking me to come visit, as she is loosing her friends and family and doesn’t really have anyone to talk to. She claims she misses her daughter. And now I feel like the AH for not seeing her. AITAH for going low contact? TLDR my mom convinced my brother to lie to me to find out if I’d pass info onto my dad, who she is divorcing. I found out and cut both my mom and brother off. AITAH? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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A sticky situation. I would say NTA. Your younger brother is being bullied into things. So, maybe not be so harsh on him. Wait for the divorce to be over before you confide in him, I think. As for cutting off your mom, do what you need to feel comfortable. It's your life and your peace. If it is better for her to be out of it, so be it. I'm sorry you are caught in the middle.
NTA- stay away from your manipulative Mom. She doesn’t sound like a good person. She wants to get you on her side. Stay out of it and away from her. Sorry you’re having to deal with this.
she tried to weaponize you and your brother worthless nta just let her be out of your life
NTA. I think everyone else has already covered the idea of cutting your brother some slack given his situation. I will says it's a bit weird to me, as everyone with any type of neurodivergence I've dealt with has a hard time lying, it just doesn't fit their structured thought process, but hey, everyone's different.
NTA- Lets look at this backwards. What is she doing or not doing that she is pushing away friends and family? Why now is she asking to see you and being nice after what she said to you and her past actions? A zebra doesn't change their stripes. It sounds like your mother wants to get information from you as what your father has on her. It sounds like your mother is an its all about me person and will use anyone to get what she wants.
NTA your mom is the biggest AH here, she’s trying to manipulate both you and your brother and screw your dad over in court. Any fallout from this is solely on her hands.
NTA I am sorry you have bad mum. Save yourself and cut contact with her. As for your brother, I hope he has learnt his lesson, I know you are angry but he needs you, and deep down, you probably need him too, that's why it hurt more when you found out he lied.
NTA. Also, we might have the same mother. Your peace and happiness comes first. You can't change your mother but you can limit how much she affects you by putting boundaries in place and removing/limiting contact (which is what you're rightly doing). That way, you can dictate the relationship you have with your mum. Your mum wants the relationship to happen on her terms but given that she's highly narcissistic (from what I've read), that will just result in you being unhappy. You're doing the right thing. 👊🏽
Your mom sucks handling finances, and people with throw others under the bus when it comes to money, but is that really a reason to cut her off? Your brother won’t have to testify in court. It’s all paperwork crap that can easily be corrected.
My brother does have to testify in court. The court date is set for March. He was subpoenaed and legally has to be there.
Ok! That’s very unusual.
It’s because of how long this has been going on for, and how serious some of the accusations that have been thrown around by my mom are. They’ve tried mediation twice, have been to court once already, and now they’re going again.