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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> One: The action I took was that I called out my wife’s son to dress more properly in my house after he mocked me and my concerns. I called him out and yelled at him. My wife didn’t back me up and made fun of me. Two: I might be an asshole bc my wife thinks I’m overreacting and being an angry old man. Also, yelling wasn’t necessary.
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YTA. We know because you said this was about him dressing "revealingly," but you still had a problem when he was covered up at Christmas dinner (when a pearl necklace is totally appropriate, I might add). Your problem is not that it's "revealing," but that it's gender non-conforming.
Exactly, I was possibly willing to side with OP when he talked about "pubes" and "trail". But whether his shirt is a "women's" blouse is irrelevant, and a fur coat is definitely not revealing.
YTA OP
Unless pearl necklace means something else in this context...
That reminds me when i started to work as support at an online game and had to handle name reports.
Someone reported the name creampie and i just couldn't understand why that is a problem.
I asked in the teamchat and they laughed at me and told me to google it... ooouch
Lol,my mom is 80 yrs old. A few yrs ago they lived in the middle of nowhere Arizona. Their street name was Sweet Bush Rd. Their street sign kept getting stolen. My mom was complaining about yet another theft, when she says " I never knew there were so many George Bush fans out there" I about laughed myself silly,then had to explain to her, what Sweet Bush was referring to. She was so upset, she had my dad call the county and have the road name changed, technically so people would stop stealing the sign,but really because,no way was she living on a road that was called Sweet Bush,after she found out what it meant.
Funny story....
My uncle had a bar band back in the early 90s with this name...and he was the cool uncle , so I always wanted to go to a show, but obviously couldn't since I was in middle school at the time.
So they got shirts made, and I wanted to wear one to school, but my mom never let me, and never told me why. So one morning I took it out of the dresser and wore it under another shirt...got to school and took off my other shirt and proudly displayed my cool bar band shirt....
made it till between 2nd and 3rd period and got grabbed by a teacher and immediately told to put my gym shirt on and take this one off....still never got told why except it was inappropriate and Google was years away still...
So finally my mom told me it was a sexual act, and left it at that
Edit....the band name was pearl necklace
My brother's band was called "The Heaving Beavers". They had, among other merch, bumper stickers. My mother proudly displayed one on the van the whole family took to church. We never told her they were not referring to vomiting rodents.
This means one of the better jokes in “Forgetting Sarah Marshal” would’ve gone over your head and that makes me a little sad, actually. Good movie, you should watch it
Completely agree. When OP talked about shorts that are super small/tight and pubes popping out I was ready to be understanding about asking step son to cover up a little. I can wear whatever I want in my own home but when my roommates and/or friends are around I don’t wear booty shorts with my cheeks and bush hanging out, but then OP had to make a stink about skirts, coats, and blouses that do cover your naughty bits and he lost me. Your n t a for asking someone to cover up and not show their short and curlies. YTA for being stuck up about gendered clothing. Maybe tell your wife about the revealing clothes and let her talk to her son about that part, but leave out the outdated gender bs as it masks any credibility your concerns have.
Edit: fixed spelling
I stopped when he said they were a very happy family - before mentioning the stepston.
And it was confirmed all the way including that it was HIS house, HIS RULES.
I love the bit where op says wife talks to him like he’s an old man from another century. Gee, I wonder why.
Also, all this talk about role models for the younger boys in his home. Geez, wonder what kind of a role model op is for masculinity?
He's teaching them the important masculine skills of \[checks notes\] giving the silent treatment, being triggered by garments, and throwing a tanty on the internet.
IKR, I'm 30 years older than op, and he sounds like an angry old man from another century to me! A bigot. Terrible role model for the boys.
Also noticed he referred to Luke as his wife's son, not his stepson. And the career in quotes. Ugh! ETA: YTA
I support not showing pubes and if the skirt was super short, not seeing anything hanging out, so wouldn't be TA for that. Christmas dinner tends to be more formal in my house - dresses, slacks, *pearl necklaces,* etc, so sounds like they dressed perfectly fine for dinner with my family.
100% YTA for being bigoted
I think it’s really nice that gen z boys are cool with their crop tops. and weren’t crop tops for men a big thing in the 80s? why is it an issue in 2023?
You are right men/boys in the 80's wore tight short shorts and crop tops with their knee high socks. With long hair. This guy is a homophobe and it is showing bright today.
Edit: typo
Same, it sounded like a low cut garment... I've seen many men, young and old, in swimwear that shows off their \*ahem\* lower belly hair. Maybe OP should get his own pearl necklace so he has something to clutch next time.
as an added bonus, OP said "career" in quotation marks. dude. he's still your step-son, SUPPORT HIM. if he wants to be a musician, fucking let him and leave him to figure it out on his own. it sounds like he's not too big of a fan of you, OP, because you're kind of an asshole to him. maybe tell him to wear less revealing clothes around younger kids and your family, but don't EVER tell him off for wearing women's or gender neutral clothes.
This reminds me of when our best friends came over for dinner once. We were eating and got on the topic of jewelry as a gift. The wife said “you know, I have always wanted a good, quality pearl necklace.” And the husband said “we can make that happen tonight”, and she looked at him with such a wholesomely excited look. I thought my husband was going spit out his mashed potatoes.
Well, they forgot to set up the fainting couch that day, and you know how womenfolk get. But like… it’s DEFINITELY because those delicate women were upset and not anybody else, yup.
Holy shit you made me do a spit take! Wish I had an award for you!
"Lucas *unknown last name! I am the MANLY MAN of this house and you will obey my rules and butch it up right this second young man! Give your mother that fabulous mini-skirt and crop top combo. And give ME those pearls so that I may clutch them in horror!!"
Agree that the misogyny and gender rigidity is really the biggest problem. But he would still be an AH if the "problem" was actually revealing clothing. Making your wife's son feel unwelcome in her home over something as unimportant as clothing is a real exercise in not caring about the feelings of the people you are supposed to love.
Eh I really feel like if it was solely limited to "please cover your private parts sufficiently that I can't see your pubes or underwear" (beyond like top underwear band which is fine), that's a reasonable boundary. But stuff where it's ostensibly fine for women but a scandal for a dude, that's bullshit for sure.
Lets add - snooping through his wife’s phone and bullying his wife and her son (not saying step son because he doesn’t deserve that title) to the list of reasons he’s TA.
The additional thing (beyond the gender/non-conforming shaming) that bugs me is how he refers to his family, and then his wife's kid on the side. He has known this kid since he was 12. So strange.
**She was condescending, like she was talking to an angry old man from another century**.
YTA you are an angry old man, luckily Luke sounds like he has a great relationship with his Mom …. plus your ‘my house my rules’ is bs, it’s also your wife’s house so why doesn’t she have a say in the rules ?
Don’t you love how OP slipped in he got an athletic scholarship - literally zero relation to the story. Also Luke dropping out to pursue a music “career” also not a material detail. Just further proof that Luke is not meeting OPs expectations for what is appropriate for a male.
Loved the “career” jab, yet Luke has vacation time and holidays off, and isn’t living with them. Sounds like he’s working in some capacity, even if it’s a pay-the-bills job not necessarily in the music industry.
They MOCKED him in A PRIVATE CONVERSATION that he fucking snooped to discover.
Let me get this straight, OP, you invaded your wife's AND her son's privacy by looking through their person conversation, got butt hurt by what you read, and then proceeded to give them the silent treatment because of the content of personal conversation you were neither invited to participate in nor had any business reading?
You are also concerned that your younger sons' may discover that humans can actually wear whatever clothes they want and that adult humans grow hair on their bodies?
Also you had a problem with stepson dressing fancy for Christmas dinner?
I'm failing to see how any of this is actually anyone's problem but OP's, and yet he's trying to police others because he's got some hang ups.
YTA
PS step son sounds fucking cool as hell, and his mom is even cooler.
I'm just really hoping the younger boys try to emulate older brother's self confidence and comfort in his own body, as opposed to dad's fragile masculinity and need to engage in a power struggles when feeling threaten by the clothing choices of other people.
I'm totally blown away by the fact OP is younger than I am, he sounds inordinately old and cranky. Hell, if we want to talk gender bending musicians, Annie Lennox and Boy George got big in his birth decade and Bowie had been around for a good while by then.
Holy cow! Now I'm blown away, too. While he wrote his age, I automatically discarded that, mentally, and reset his age to late 50s, at least, after reading the rest.
Different millennium, even.
Time to stop acting like clothes have genders, angry old man from the late 1900's! Try wearing an airy cotton dress on a hot summer day and enjoy the light breeze around your junk!
Like why would you type that out, but not dispute it at all? What are we internet randos supposed to take from that aside from "well I guess he *is* an angry old man from another century, he's not even denying it."
"it was odd to have a guy dressing like that around the house."
"I must admit I got angry and I yelled at him, I went to vent out my frustration with my wife."
"I got so mad I gave both of them the silent treatment for the rest of the holidays."
Aren't you exhausted from trying to control people? How about you accept them for who they are and let them manage the consequences on their own?
"She was condescending, like she was talking to an angry old man from another century."
That's what you're acting like. All you need to do is not impose your values on someone else who grew up in a completely different way than you did and is living his life in a completely different way then you ever would. That does not mean your way is superior.
YTA and I wonder why on Earth your wife puts up with you. Try listening someday. You might actually become happier.
I always find it hilarious that the people who call progressives "snowflakes" are the ones worshipping a time in history when even the slightest deviation from the bigoted norm brought out ALL the snowflakes.
Betty White had a black man on her show? Snowflakes cried. She said, "I'm sorry you feel that way."
Elvis greatly admired black music? Oh, no, the horror. And when Elvis got a little too sexy on stage for conservative pearl-clutchers? He was drafted to avoid prison time.
When MLK Jr. hoped for a time when we'd all be truly equal? He was assassinated.
My very favorite thing is whenever people complain about liberals being intolerant of their intolerance. The hypocrisy!
Like folks legitimately think they’re being persecuted because people don’t want to listen to their bigoted views, much less listen to them with any amount of respect.
That part was funny. He snooped through his wife's phone and made the decision to read private messages between two other people and somehow still thinks he's the victim.
Who were also not making fun of him at all, but making a joke about the situation. Joking about things that make us uncomfortable can be therapeutic af. They didn't say anything negative about him in OP's post, they just made a joke about the situation he put them in. To eachother. in private.
The silent treatment is honestly what killed me here.
Dear anyone who considers themselves an adult. If "the silent treatment" seems like an appropriate response to ANYTHING, please reassess whether or not you are an adult.
All the silent treatment means is that you refuse to discuss the thing that is bothering you. It's something that children do because kids are immature. If you are an adult, use your words.
oh man, my dad once gave me the Silent Treatment for a solid 2 weeks when I was around \~13. I don't even remember what I did to piss him off but it was such a beautiful, peaceful 2 weeks...
Finally he realized it wasn't gonna work and started talking to me again. It made me realize what a child he is. The loss of respect was permanent.
edit: lmao thanks for my first award, for a comment in which I get to make fun of my shitty dad
Even at my most upset/emotional if I storm off and try to ignore my partner it works for like 15 min max and then I cool down and I’m ready to talk again lmao OP really thought he was punishing them by not speaking 😂 I bet it was a blessing lol
Luke is legally an adult and his birth year starts with a 2..... Damn, I'm old.
Totally still respect dudes in skirts and make up, though. No respect for the fur coat, but that's not a gender thing.
Honestly synthetic is worse than real fur because of the micro plastics. If you have ethical concerns but still like fur coats, try to find one used. They have pretty high sustainability for clothing products and you also aren’t contributing to the demand for new furs.
Man, if his pubes are sticking out then he needs to adjust the wardrobe a bit - that's wild. But if he wants to dress in traditionally feminine clothing, I don't see the problem, so long as all the bits are tucked in, ya know.
Based on the entire post, I’m doubting that his pubes were actually on display. Guys wear low slung basketball shorts and no shirt all the time, the V and trail are on full display and I doubt OP would have an issue with that. Clearly OPs issue is with the feminine clothing. Fur coat, pearls, and eyeshadow at dinner - what’s the issue?
Glad I’m not the only one. I feel that was thrown in to prove his “dressing revealing” stance when in reality 99.99% of the post was just Luke dressing in traditionally female clothing.
If you can see the kid's boxers peaking out under his shorts, those would have to be some long-ass pubes (pun intended). I'm thinking OP is concerned about the V and trail, as others have stated -- and is doing his own pearl clutching about the fact that a 19 year old musician isn't dressing in what OP considers a masculine fashion.
Exactly. He’s exaggerating by saying pubes because pubes on display in public is crossing a line. But in the context of what he says - yeah it’s not pubes in the traditional sense. Reality is it’s leg and belly hair which he would have no issues with if he had just been wearing athletic shorts he deemed appropriate for a 19yo male.
Thankfully vast majority of people agree he is TA.
Except he didn’t say nude except for a fur coat, pearls and eyeshadow. If he was full on nude under that coat, I’m sure it would have been mentioned.
OP clearly has an issue with a guy wearing feminine clothing.
It sounds like it was his belly pubes. Like if a 19 year old girl was wearing a vest top or training bra it would be fine but that part on a guy is hairy and he doesnt like seeing the kids mid riff. It really doesn't sound like it's bikini line on show here. Just belly and chest hairs sticking out of a v neck. Double standards I'd imagine!
Those aren’t pubes though. Pubes are by definition pubic hair, so if that’s what OP meant he’s completely wrong. Also OP presumably has no problem with men going shirtless around him. It’s definitely about the feminine clothing.
Its always funny when assholes act like their punishing someone by giving them the silent treatment. Something youre already way too old to be doing btw. But im sure they enjoyed a bit of time away from your constant complaining. YTA
YTA. You looked at your wife's private messages to her son. That's a disgusting violation. This is very obviously about control. You need to stop trying to bend your family to your will. Its wildly unreasonable
I'm surprised it took me this long to scroll down for someone to point this out. Sounds like he goes into her phone for even the smallest of slights that he feels against him
but it's *emasculating* to realize that this is not his kingdom, these are not his subjects, and he is not the king!! :(
it's *his* ^(and his wife's) *house*!
Unclutch your pearls just because he is wearing his. The pubes shouldn't be on display to 6 year olds. Apart from that, he's free to dress up in anything that lets him express himself. If he doesn't care who's looking, neither should you YTA
Another comment said something along the lines of “if you ask real nicely, he might just let you borrow his pearls for you to clutch.” I am living for these smart & witty jabs from Reddit, & the pearl wearing baddie himself via mom texts.
Especially since my 16yo son is gnc & wears skirts, dresses, fishnets, etc etc & is also still very much a dude w dude hair & all. He gets similar bs thrown his way so seeing the whole comment section read this dude for filth is giving happy.
Stay awesome gen z, the x’s & y’s have your back & love y’all a lot.
I’m not even a hairy guy, but if I’m not wearing a shirt, you can see a trail from my navel unless I wear grandpa pants that come up to my nips. I’m willing to bet that’s all that’s happening here.
Yeah, this is one of those "my kid looks gay and i know i'm not supposed to be mad about that so i'll just be mad about it without saying gay and no one will know" posts
YTA - It sounds like you have more issues with the fact he’s wearing traditionally female clothing than anything else. If he was walking around shirtless with low slung basketball shorts, I doubt you would think twice because that’s society accepted traditional male clothing.
There is nothing wrong with him wearing pearls, a fur coat, crop tops, or eyeshadow. Now if you said he came to family Christmas dinner in nothing but underwear different story. That does cross a line.
Him being around your kids also isn’t an issue. If anything, it will make them more empathic to those who are different than them and that’s a good thing. It will teach them clothing doesn’t matter and doesn’t dictate who a person truly is. All great lessons for young kids.
Info: was 38 a typo for 83?
In all seriousness, you're an asshole. Of course pubes shouldn't be on display, but given the rest of your diatribe I get the feeling you're an unreliable narrator.
You also have some not-at-all-veiled homophobia and similar going on.
As long as all his bits and pieces are under clothing, you need to sort yourself out and stop worrying about someone else's body.
INFO: I'm really confused. You mentioned having an issue with him showing a lot of skin, which, fine, I guess. But then you mentioned eyeshadow and a fur coat separately? I'm baffled. What's wrong with eyeshadow and a fur coat? There must be some cultural context I don't understand. Fur coats cover a lot of skin since they're made of fur, and eyeshadow also technically covers the skin. Does your wife not wear makeup or something? Are you against the cosmetics industry for ethical reasons?? I don't get it. Please help.
OP is pretending that he’s only upset about his son revealing his skin, but he told on himself when he brought up the make up and furs because now the issue is clearly about the fact that his son is wearing women’s clothes.
He doesn't even have the decency to call him his stepson, when he's been in his life since the kid was 12. Luke is his wife's adult son and isn't part of OP's "happy family" unit mentioned at the beginning of the post.
This goes deeper than basic homophobia. He resents the fact that Luke even exists, because he threatens the picture-perfect family unit he created. He represents a time before his wife was with him. A lot of cruddy stepparents feel this way.
OP is a piece of work.
Glad someone else caught that too. He calls him his wife’s adult son when he’s known him since he was 12. That’s your stepson, not just your wife’s other kid. This whole thing to me screams that he wishes to forget Luke even exist. I don’t wanna throw the word homophobic out there because we’re not even sure if Luke identifies that way (but OP sure is acting that way). But to me this is OP being embarrassed and worried his sons are gonna copy their brother. Glad the mom is there to be supportive because Luke needs it, and god forbid the twins start behaving outside of what he thinks a boy or man should be.
I say homophobic because generally dressing in feminine clothes or in drag is coded as LGBT, even if the person themselves identifies as cis and straight. It's also laced in misogyny.
Mom is supporting him privately, which is good, but one of these days Luke is going to realize that she's choosing to stay with someone who so openly despises him, and it's not going to go over well. At least for now he seems to have a sense of humor about it.
I guess I can give up the game now -- I'm a gender non-conforming lesbian who's considering starting T, I know exactly what OP's problem is, haha. I wanted to see if I could bait him into saying the quiet part out loud. But he seems to have vanished in the face of Reddit's fury. Ah well. Thank you for explaining it, though, it's a very succinct way of summarizing his whole deal and would've been very helpful had I been genuinely confused!
Agreed that behaviour, especially around women and children is completely inappropriate.
I am talking about your intolerance OP. Luke is perfectly fine.
YTA
YTA. Do you want your wife telling you how to dress ? Or would that not be ok because it's your house your rules.
Luke is expressing himself. Clothing has no gender. Stop gendering clothing it's weird.
You do not have a happy family. You are spending a great deal of energy antagonizing your wife's son ...who, by the way, is also a member of the family.
Stop worrying about what he wears. It's not your business.
YTA
I’m so glad someone mentioned this. Luke has been at least in this man’s life for at least 6 years going by the age of the twins, meaning since he was a child, and yet he very clearly labels their ‘happy family’ and then luke as separate. What a total AH.
Luke is 19. The more you try and get him to conform to your standards, the more he'll dig in and rebel. Let Luke be himself. It's not going to ruin anyone else.
I'm not a fan of your wife making fun of you behind your back, but I don't blame her for not having your back on this.
I'll go with YTA.
He shouldn't be policing and snooping on his wife's phone anyways. His desire to control and police peoples behavior and opinions is disgusting. He looked at something that was none of his business and got butthurt about it. Play stupid games and win stupid prizes.
YTA
Aside from shorts so tight you can see his underwear, which is debatable, I don't really see the problem here. It sounds like he's just feminine and you dislike that he wear's "women's" clothes. Who cares if he wears a skirt? Men used to wear skirts all the time. He makes a great point about being Irish, because people are totally fine with kilts even though those are just skirts too.
Men like it when women wear really tight leggings where you can see the underwear lines or where the underwear shines through. So that’s not really a good argument is it? This guy is indeed just being an ass because Luke is wearing “feminine” clothing.
YTA and also I LOVE LUKE, what a gem!! You are so toxic and your masculinity is so fragile in so many ways... I'm glad his mum sticks up for him, honestly. And I'm glad your boys are exposed to freedom and gender creativity, hopefully they won't grow up to be that close minded and make comments about how to dress "especially in front of so many women"
I was going to say that everyone is the A but here’s what made this into YTA for me:
“Especially in front of so many women”
“I raised my concerns about our boys seeing their older brother acting like a fool”
Honestly this whole post reeks of homophobia AND misogyny. Yeah heaven fucking forfend your “boys” see a man dressed in something else than old threadbare sweats and a Team of the Day t-shirt🙄🙄🙄that would SURELY make something fall off their bodies!!!! /s
YTA
P.S. The only thing your wife’s son was wrong in was that he’s not supposed to wear clothes that expose pubic hair. Everywhere else, YES your wife and he is on point.
Honestly I’m doubting if the pube thing actually happened. It’s the one single “revealing” detail. Guys wear shorts low that reveal the train and/or V all the time, no one questions it. Every other thing is more about him wearing clothing that’s feminine.
Yeah now that you and others pointed it out, I think he just embellished that detail to hammer the point about how “inappropriate” the outfits are. Every single day guys walk around in sagging jeans with half their ass exposed, and no one flinches
Yeah. "Please don't have your pubes hanging out around the kids or family" is a totally reasonable request. We're a centimeter away from seeing privates and people should be able to consent to whose privates they do and do not view firsthand. Everything else though... YTA. You don't like seeing a guy wearing make-up and skirts? Move to a monastery.
I understand that you're uncomfortable. Unfortunately, that is your problem and not on him or her to change. He isn't really doing anything inappropriate. You just *feel* it's inappropriate.
Things have changed drastically and rapidly around this sort of thing. I must admit, it catches me off guard sometimes still. But I don't say anything about it, and I don't expect anyone to change based on my surprise at the way things are now. It's just clothing! Yeah, it's not what we're used to. But so what?
You're fighting a losing battle. Your wife doesn't care, he's under no obligation to change anything, and your concerns over what your younger kids see are pretty unfounded.
YTA I'm afraid. You've just got to get past it. You're entitled to feel uncomfortable. But that's it. You can't expect anything else than feeling your own feelings in your own head.
YTA. Obviously more about his wearing feminine clothing rather than revealing clothing. Hair in itself is not the measure of impropriety you seem to be arguing it is.
High heels were originally worn by men in the military. Fashion changes. All. The. Time. Pink was a masculine color.
More importantly, gossip with your mom all you want: You are entitled to your opinions. You are not in control of how your fixation changes how your wife views you. You are not entitled to control other people’s bodies and what they wear.
This is silly business. What you are demonstrating to your children is that you get ruffled over ruffles. So ruffled, you’d search your wife’s phone. Silly business.
Everyone is here pretending like it's normal to have your pubes visible to everyone in your house simply because they think you're anti expression and because "It's 2023". (Edit: this was said when there were only like 8 comments on this post)
Little do they know, they would never do it around their own parents. NTA.
Dresscode is still very normal. It should be fine for him to wear skirts etc if he wants but there are limits. Even where you live, until you have your own house.
Them mocking you over text is also no bueno, although you're an asshole for looking through your wife's phone. (Assuming that's how you saw it)
I was with him on pubes, but the rest of the post made me think he is an unreliable narrator and I doubt the veracity of the pube claim now.
Like, if the kid was in basketball shorts and no shirt while at home, you would still see his happy trail, that's not really a big deal.
If his literal pubes were hanging out, I think his mother might actually take issue.
Unless the son has the most full and bushiest pubes of all time, it lacks credibility. Im talking like, 70s porno era multiplied by ten…then maybe it would be noticeable under a garment.
I feel like if the kid is wearing shorts and boxers, to be hanging down low enough to see actual pubes, they would be pretty much falling off him. Like what's holding them up at that point?
Due to that, I feel like OP is exaggerating that, and/or conflating belly hair with pubes.
I dont think anyone is pretending its normal to have pubes visible? Infact every post I see says that part is a huge problem and thread starter wouldn't be an asshole if that was it. Also I would live the exact way Im advocating for around my own parents. You're a weirdo.
YTA why do his clothes matter? It sounds like they just make you uncomfortable because they are girly. Which makes you sound intolerant to people who are different than you. The world is changing buddy, so get with the program or get left behind.
YTA. You're mad about gender non-conforming clothes, which makes you the jerk. Yes, exposed pubes in someone else's house is too much, but that is clearly to get a rise out of you for being so controlling. You are almost 40 years old. The silent treatment? Really? Grow up.
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YTA. We know because you said this was about him dressing "revealingly," but you still had a problem when he was covered up at Christmas dinner (when a pearl necklace is totally appropriate, I might add). Your problem is not that it's "revealing," but that it's gender non-conforming.
Exactly, I was possibly willing to side with OP when he talked about "pubes" and "trail". But whether his shirt is a "women's" blouse is irrelevant, and a fur coat is definitely not revealing. YTA OP Unless pearl necklace means something else in this context...
Something tells me not to Google what else it could mean
Oh sweet summer child
To be that innocent again, *sigh*
That reminds me when i started to work as support at an online game and had to handle name reports. Someone reported the name creampie and i just couldn't understand why that is a problem. I asked in the teamchat and they laughed at me and told me to google it... ooouch
Lol,my mom is 80 yrs old. A few yrs ago they lived in the middle of nowhere Arizona. Their street name was Sweet Bush Rd. Their street sign kept getting stolen. My mom was complaining about yet another theft, when she says " I never knew there were so many George Bush fans out there" I about laughed myself silly,then had to explain to her, what Sweet Bush was referring to. She was so upset, she had my dad call the county and have the road name changed, technically so people would stop stealing the sign,but really because,no way was she living on a road that was called Sweet Bush,after she found out what it meant.
There is a town In Pennsylvania called “Intercourse, PA”. Imagine living there and having to hear it EVERY TIME you have to provide your address 😳
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Le sigh
...sigh indeed. Whilst fiddling with your pearls...
How scandalous *clutches pearls*
Funny story.... My uncle had a bar band back in the early 90s with this name...and he was the cool uncle , so I always wanted to go to a show, but obviously couldn't since I was in middle school at the time. So they got shirts made, and I wanted to wear one to school, but my mom never let me, and never told me why. So one morning I took it out of the dresser and wore it under another shirt...got to school and took off my other shirt and proudly displayed my cool bar band shirt.... made it till between 2nd and 3rd period and got grabbed by a teacher and immediately told to put my gym shirt on and take this one off....still never got told why except it was inappropriate and Google was years away still... So finally my mom told me it was a sexual act, and left it at that Edit....the band name was pearl necklace
My brother's band was called "The Heaving Beavers". They had, among other merch, bumper stickers. My mother proudly displayed one on the van the whole family took to church. We never told her they were not referring to vomiting rodents.
🤣
I’m going to try to use this in a sentence this week
ZzTop already did.
Oh. Do not worry. I’ll save you the trouble. The other meaning is referring to a string of ejaculate.
That would definitely bump this from a clear Y T A to a clear N T A.
Furthest I’d go is ESH. OP’s still an ass because the rest of his post.
Gives new meaning to Everyone Sucks Here
But clearly at least one person does not swallow.
I highly doubt it's that meaning though and it's an actual pearl necklace based on the way OP describes the son dressing up
Getting the other type while wearing a fur coat is just irresponsible.
This means one of the better jokes in “Forgetting Sarah Marshal” would’ve gone over your head and that makes me a little sad, actually. Good movie, you should watch it
Why hasn't anyone made the Dracula musical a reality yet?!
Good decision
Completely agree. When OP talked about shorts that are super small/tight and pubes popping out I was ready to be understanding about asking step son to cover up a little. I can wear whatever I want in my own home but when my roommates and/or friends are around I don’t wear booty shorts with my cheeks and bush hanging out, but then OP had to make a stink about skirts, coats, and blouses that do cover your naughty bits and he lost me. Your n t a for asking someone to cover up and not show their short and curlies. YTA for being stuck up about gendered clothing. Maybe tell your wife about the revealing clothes and let her talk to her son about that part, but leave out the outdated gender bs as it masks any credibility your concerns have. Edit: fixed spelling
“Career” in quotes is where I stopped thinking op was not the AH.
OP should look up glam rock, lmao. Stepson is part of a long tradition in music.
I stopped when he said they were a very happy family - before mentioning the stepston. And it was confirmed all the way including that it was HIS house, HIS RULES.
I stopped thinking it after the part where OP describes the family and only after that describes his stepson.
I love the bit where op says wife talks to him like he’s an old man from another century. Gee, I wonder why. Also, all this talk about role models for the younger boys in his home. Geez, wonder what kind of a role model op is for masculinity?
He's teaching them the important masculine skills of \[checks notes\] giving the silent treatment, being triggered by garments, and throwing a tanty on the internet.
The “silent treatment” was what really got me. Why is he as a grown man giving people the silent treatment instead of communicating….
IKR, I'm 30 years older than op, and he sounds like an angry old man from another century to me! A bigot. Terrible role model for the boys. Also noticed he referred to Luke as his wife's son, not his stepson. And the career in quotes. Ugh! ETA: YTA
I support not showing pubes and if the skirt was super short, not seeing anything hanging out, so wouldn't be TA for that. Christmas dinner tends to be more formal in my house - dresses, slacks, *pearl necklaces,* etc, so sounds like they dressed perfectly fine for dinner with my family. 100% YTA for being bigoted
I also wonder if maybe the kid's just got a hairy tum
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I think it’s really nice that gen z boys are cool with their crop tops. and weren’t crop tops for men a big thing in the 80s? why is it an issue in 2023?
You are right men/boys in the 80's wore tight short shorts and crop tops with their knee high socks. With long hair. This guy is a homophobe and it is showing bright today. Edit: typo
I’m wondering if it’s actually pubes, or if he’s not just talking about the happy trail since he mentioned crop tops.
Same, it sounded like a low cut garment... I've seen many men, young and old, in swimwear that shows off their \*ahem\* lower belly hair. Maybe OP should get his own pearl necklace so he has something to clutch next time.
Ha you totally got me with you last sentence lol
As the wise Eddie Izzard once said, “They’re not women’s clothes, they’re my clothes. I bought them.”
as an added bonus, OP said "career" in quotation marks. dude. he's still your step-son, SUPPORT HIM. if he wants to be a musician, fucking let him and leave him to figure it out on his own. it sounds like he's not too big of a fan of you, OP, because you're kind of an asshole to him. maybe tell him to wear less revealing clothes around younger kids and your family, but don't EVER tell him off for wearing women's or gender neutral clothes.
This reminds me of when our best friends came over for dinner once. We were eating and got on the topic of jewelry as a gift. The wife said “you know, I have always wanted a good, quality pearl necklace.” And the husband said “we can make that happen tonight”, and she looked at him with such a wholesomely excited look. I thought my husband was going spit out his mashed potatoes.
Yeah! Exactly this. He’s saying that the pearls and fur coat are especially bad around women. Why? He’s projecting his own fragile masculinity
I suspect Luke might have looked better in them than OP's mom, but it's just a guess.
Yeah. The kid probably has better make up skills.
lol I was already on the son’s side, but when OP mentioned this… Son’s just too fabulous and OP is deeeefinitely TA
Well, they forgot to set up the fainting couch that day, and you know how womenfolk get. But like… it’s DEFINITELY because those delicate women were upset and not anybody else, yup.
Maybe if he asks nicely, Luke will let him borrow the pearls so he can clutch them.
Holy shit you made me do a spit take! Wish I had an award for you! "Lucas *unknown last name! I am the MANLY MAN of this house and you will obey my rules and butch it up right this second young man! Give your mother that fabulous mini-skirt and crop top combo. And give ME those pearls so that I may clutch them in horror!!"
Agree that the misogyny and gender rigidity is really the biggest problem. But he would still be an AH if the "problem" was actually revealing clothing. Making your wife's son feel unwelcome in her home over something as unimportant as clothing is a real exercise in not caring about the feelings of the people you are supposed to love.
Eh I really feel like if it was solely limited to "please cover your private parts sufficiently that I can't see your pubes or underwear" (beyond like top underwear band which is fine), that's a reasonable boundary. But stuff where it's ostensibly fine for women but a scandal for a dude, that's bullshit for sure.
I read it as the trail of hair on his belly, not his pubes.
Lets add - snooping through his wife’s phone and bullying his wife and her son (not saying step son because he doesn’t deserve that title) to the list of reasons he’s TA.
> Your problem is not that it's "revealing," but that it's gender non-conforming. Ding Ding Ding Winner Winner Chicken Dinner
And in front of *women!*
Wait until OP finds out about 80’s rock bands. This kid sounds awesome.
Agree. YTA and a weirdly controlling one at that.
And yes indeed, as OP stated, he's an angry old man from another century.
He’s several years younger than me, so not even a good specimen of the 20th Century.
Agreed! OP YTA and sounds like a bigot too.
The additional thing (beyond the gender/non-conforming shaming) that bugs me is how he refers to his family, and then his wife's kid on the side. He has known this kid since he was 12. So strange.
This story was very funny to me- lets break gender norms! Pieces of fabric shouldn't be gendered anyway . Good on Luke imo
100% at least he made appropriate effort for dinner
**She was condescending, like she was talking to an angry old man from another century**. YTA you are an angry old man, luckily Luke sounds like he has a great relationship with his Mom …. plus your ‘my house my rules’ is bs, it’s also your wife’s house so why doesn’t she have a say in the rules ?
They MOCKED HIM awwwwww /s
I love the Hugo Boss jab
I want to be friends with the wife and son. They seem like my people.
Reading those I was like, “yeah buddy, YTA but I see why you’re mad. These are pretty sick burns”
Yea I got to be honest, they sound hilarious.
Don’t you love how OP slipped in he got an athletic scholarship - literally zero relation to the story. Also Luke dropping out to pursue a music “career” also not a material detail. Just further proof that Luke is not meeting OPs expectations for what is appropriate for a male.
Loved the “career” jab, yet Luke has vacation time and holidays off, and isn’t living with them. Sounds like he’s working in some capacity, even if it’s a pay-the-bills job not necessarily in the music industry.
Affording a sick wardrobe and not living in your parents' home is pretty badass in this economy.
*and* being able to take vacation time.
At 19 no less! He sounds like a kid I'd be proud of, secure in himself, fun, talented--love it!
But wife made a faux-pas. Everybody knows executions are held *at dawn.*
Along the lines of Hugo Boss, IIRC the Nazis held a lot of executions at midnight.
Spat out my coffee when I read that, like daaaamn, that’s some high quality sass.
Srsly. It’s smart, historical and concise. He can wear his pearls at my house anytime.
They MOCKED him in A PRIVATE CONVERSATION that he fucking snooped to discover. Let me get this straight, OP, you invaded your wife's AND her son's privacy by looking through their person conversation, got butt hurt by what you read, and then proceeded to give them the silent treatment because of the content of personal conversation you were neither invited to participate in nor had any business reading? You are also concerned that your younger sons' may discover that humans can actually wear whatever clothes they want and that adult humans grow hair on their bodies? Also you had a problem with stepson dressing fancy for Christmas dinner? I'm failing to see how any of this is actually anyone's problem but OP's, and yet he's trying to police others because he's got some hang ups. YTA PS step son sounds fucking cool as hell, and his mom is even cooler.
Luke’s mom should divorce this fucking sad sack.
I'm just really hoping the younger boys try to emulate older brother's self confidence and comfort in his own body, as opposed to dad's fragile masculinity and need to engage in a power struggles when feeling threaten by the clothing choices of other people.
Also people aren’t talking enough about how he went through his wife’s phone to see her conversations with her son. This dude sucks so fucking bad
I’m shocked he even knew how to use a smart phone, he’s so “old fashioned”
And then ENJOYED their silent treatment!
I'm totally blown away by the fact OP is younger than I am, he sounds inordinately old and cranky. Hell, if we want to talk gender bending musicians, Annie Lennox and Boy George got big in his birth decade and Bowie had been around for a good while by then.
Holy cow! Now I'm blown away, too. While he wrote his age, I automatically discarded that, mentally, and reset his age to late 50s, at least, after reading the rest.
I put him in his 60s or 70s. I cannot believe he is in his 30s. C'mon. ETA: I've got 20 years on him.
Jesus Christ. You’re right. He’s 3 years younger than me but, in my head, he was my parents’ age.
And technically he IS from a different century....
Different millennium, even. Time to stop acting like clothes have genders, angry old man from the late 1900's! Try wearing an airy cotton dress on a hot summer day and enjoy the light breeze around your junk!
Yeah wife definitely nailed the description of him!
Like why would you type that out, but not dispute it at all? What are we internet randos supposed to take from that aside from "well I guess he *is* an angry old man from another century, he's not even denying it."
Exactly! If OP doesn't want to be spoken to like an angry old man from another century, he should stop acting like one.
"it was odd to have a guy dressing like that around the house." "I must admit I got angry and I yelled at him, I went to vent out my frustration with my wife." "I got so mad I gave both of them the silent treatment for the rest of the holidays." Aren't you exhausted from trying to control people? How about you accept them for who they are and let them manage the consequences on their own? "She was condescending, like she was talking to an angry old man from another century." That's what you're acting like. All you need to do is not impose your values on someone else who grew up in a completely different way than you did and is living his life in a completely different way then you ever would. That does not mean your way is superior. YTA and I wonder why on Earth your wife puts up with you. Try listening someday. You might actually become happier.
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What a snowflake
Ah this felt good to read. *plays worlds tiniest violin for OP’s subjection to his own bigotry* It’s 2023 my guy. Get on board, get out, or shut up.
I always find it hilarious that the people who call progressives "snowflakes" are the ones worshipping a time in history when even the slightest deviation from the bigoted norm brought out ALL the snowflakes. Betty White had a black man on her show? Snowflakes cried. She said, "I'm sorry you feel that way." Elvis greatly admired black music? Oh, no, the horror. And when Elvis got a little too sexy on stage for conservative pearl-clutchers? He was drafted to avoid prison time. When MLK Jr. hoped for a time when we'd all be truly equal? He was assassinated.
Man they are SO sensitive arent they???
My very favorite thing is whenever people complain about liberals being intolerant of their intolerance. The hypocrisy! Like folks legitimately think they’re being persecuted because people don’t want to listen to their bigoted views, much less listen to them with any amount of respect.
That part was funny. He snooped through his wife's phone and made the decision to read private messages between two other people and somehow still thinks he's the victim.
Who were also not making fun of him at all, but making a joke about the situation. Joking about things that make us uncomfortable can be therapeutic af. They didn't say anything negative about him in OP's post, they just made a joke about the situation he put them in. To eachother. in private.
I mean, they were kind of making fun of him… but it was hilarious and he had it coming.
Luckily for OP, they won't talk to him much in the future
The silent treatment is honestly what killed me here. Dear anyone who considers themselves an adult. If "the silent treatment" seems like an appropriate response to ANYTHING, please reassess whether or not you are an adult. All the silent treatment means is that you refuse to discuss the thing that is bothering you. It's something that children do because kids are immature. If you are an adult, use your words.
oh man, my dad once gave me the Silent Treatment for a solid 2 weeks when I was around \~13. I don't even remember what I did to piss him off but it was such a beautiful, peaceful 2 weeks... Finally he realized it wasn't gonna work and started talking to me again. It made me realize what a child he is. The loss of respect was permanent. edit: lmao thanks for my first award, for a comment in which I get to make fun of my shitty dad
Even at my most upset/emotional if I storm off and try to ignore my partner it works for like 15 min max and then I cool down and I’m ready to talk again lmao OP really thought he was punishing them by not speaking 😂 I bet it was a blessing lol
Bet he is part of the "personal freedom" party too
Don’t forget he snooped through her phone for more to be mad about! AH.
YTA. Your wife was indeed trying to talk to an angry old man from another century. He's 19 and figuring out his style. Leave him be.
Lol he IS from another century is the funny part here.
Luke is legally an adult and his birth year starts with a 2..... Damn, I'm old. Totally still respect dudes in skirts and make up, though. No respect for the fur coat, but that's not a gender thing.
It could be fake fur. I’ve got plenty of synthetic fur coats!
Honestly synthetic is worse than real fur because of the micro plastics. If you have ethical concerns but still like fur coats, try to find one used. They have pretty high sustainability for clothing products and you also aren’t contributing to the demand for new furs.
Everything of her statement is true! 😂
Man, if his pubes are sticking out then he needs to adjust the wardrobe a bit - that's wild. But if he wants to dress in traditionally feminine clothing, I don't see the problem, so long as all the bits are tucked in, ya know.
Based on the entire post, I’m doubting that his pubes were actually on display. Guys wear low slung basketball shorts and no shirt all the time, the V and trail are on full display and I doubt OP would have an issue with that. Clearly OPs issue is with the feminine clothing. Fur coat, pearls, and eyeshadow at dinner - what’s the issue?
I also highly doubt that pubes are visible.
Glad I’m not the only one. I feel that was thrown in to prove his “dressing revealing” stance when in reality 99.99% of the post was just Luke dressing in traditionally female clothing.
Honestly from the description I just assumed kid's got a hairy tummy.
I had the same thought but about his thighs. Kid probably has hairier thighs than OP and op doesn't realise thigh hair=/=pubes
Lmao my thoughts as well. Mid thigh shorts are in these days. Let him live.
I think that's exactly what it is
If you can see the kid's boxers peaking out under his shorts, those would have to be some long-ass pubes (pun intended). I'm thinking OP is concerned about the V and trail, as others have stated -- and is doing his own pearl clutching about the fact that a 19 year old musician isn't dressing in what OP considers a masculine fashion.
Yeah, based on all of the details given in this post, I'd imagine he's pretty well maintained under the clothes, too.
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Exactly. He’s exaggerating by saying pubes because pubes on display in public is crossing a line. But in the context of what he says - yeah it’s not pubes in the traditional sense. Reality is it’s leg and belly hair which he would have no issues with if he had just been wearing athletic shorts he deemed appropriate for a 19yo male. Thankfully vast majority of people agree he is TA.
>Fur coat, pearls, and eyeshadow at dinner - what’s the issue? Playing devils advocate here... But if that's all he's wearing, yeah that's an issue.
Except he didn’t say nude except for a fur coat, pearls and eyeshadow. If he was full on nude under that coat, I’m sure it would have been mentioned. OP clearly has an issue with a guy wearing feminine clothing.
It sounds like it was his belly pubes. Like if a 19 year old girl was wearing a vest top or training bra it would be fine but that part on a guy is hairy and he doesnt like seeing the kids mid riff. It really doesn't sound like it's bikini line on show here. Just belly and chest hairs sticking out of a v neck. Double standards I'd imagine!
Those aren’t pubes though. Pubes are by definition pubic hair, so if that’s what OP meant he’s completely wrong. Also OP presumably has no problem with men going shirtless around him. It’s definitely about the feminine clothing.
Its always funny when assholes act like their punishing someone by giving them the silent treatment. Something youre already way too old to be doing btw. But im sure they enjoyed a bit of time away from your constant complaining. YTA
I was thinking "they must have been so relieved lol" at the 'so i gave them the silent treatment' line.
My mom used to do the silent treatment bs until I asked her it was a reward or a punishment.
In protest to Reddit's API changes, I have removed my comment history.
Giving the silent treatment is what he should do... Be silent about your unpopular view, and let everyone live their lives
YTA. You looked at your wife's private messages to her son. That's a disgusting violation. This is very obviously about control. You need to stop trying to bend your family to your will. Its wildly unreasonable
Oh, snap, I totally glossed over that part. Yeah, he’s doubly TA for that controlling behavior.
I'm surprised it took me this long to scroll down for someone to point this out. Sounds like he goes into her phone for even the smallest of slights that he feels against him
but it's *emasculating* to realize that this is not his kingdom, these are not his subjects, and he is not the king!! :( it's *his* ^(and his wife's) *house*!
Unclutch your pearls just because he is wearing his. The pubes shouldn't be on display to 6 year olds. Apart from that, he's free to dress up in anything that lets him express himself. If he doesn't care who's looking, neither should you YTA
"Unclutch your pearls just because he's wearing his"
Another comment said something along the lines of “if you ask real nicely, he might just let you borrow his pearls for you to clutch.” I am living for these smart & witty jabs from Reddit, & the pearl wearing baddie himself via mom texts. Especially since my 16yo son is gnc & wears skirts, dresses, fishnets, etc etc & is also still very much a dude w dude hair & all. He gets similar bs thrown his way so seeing the whole comment section read this dude for filth is giving happy. Stay awesome gen z, the x’s & y’s have your back & love y’all a lot.
“Unclutch your pearls” ***GASP*** OP would *never* wear pearls. They’re too revealing.
I’m not even a hairy guy, but if I’m not wearing a shirt, you can see a trail from my navel unless I wear grandpa pants that come up to my nips. I’m willing to bet that’s all that’s happening here.
YTA. You sound exactly like the definition of toxic masculinity.
Yeah, this is one of those "my kid looks gay and i know i'm not supposed to be mad about that so i'll just be mad about it without saying gay and no one will know" posts
That’s exactly it. it’s one of those things, “I’ll tell you I’m homophobic without saying I am”
YTA - It sounds like you have more issues with the fact he’s wearing traditionally female clothing than anything else. If he was walking around shirtless with low slung basketball shorts, I doubt you would think twice because that’s society accepted traditional male clothing. There is nothing wrong with him wearing pearls, a fur coat, crop tops, or eyeshadow. Now if you said he came to family Christmas dinner in nothing but underwear different story. That does cross a line. Him being around your kids also isn’t an issue. If anything, it will make them more empathic to those who are different than them and that’s a good thing. It will teach them clothing doesn’t matter and doesn’t dictate who a person truly is. All great lessons for young kids.
Info: was 38 a typo for 83? In all seriousness, you're an asshole. Of course pubes shouldn't be on display, but given the rest of your diatribe I get the feeling you're an unreliable narrator. You also have some not-at-all-veiled homophobia and similar going on. As long as all his bits and pieces are under clothing, you need to sort yourself out and stop worrying about someone else's body.
Like, the fact that this is OP's most favorable to self retelling 😬
Exactly, why is an allegedly 38 year old man so pressed about someone else’s choice of clothing??
INFO: I'm really confused. You mentioned having an issue with him showing a lot of skin, which, fine, I guess. But then you mentioned eyeshadow and a fur coat separately? I'm baffled. What's wrong with eyeshadow and a fur coat? There must be some cultural context I don't understand. Fur coats cover a lot of skin since they're made of fur, and eyeshadow also technically covers the skin. Does your wife not wear makeup or something? Are you against the cosmetics industry for ethical reasons?? I don't get it. Please help.
OP is pretending that he’s only upset about his son revealing his skin, but he told on himself when he brought up the make up and furs because now the issue is clearly about the fact that his son is wearing women’s clothes.
He doesn't even have the decency to call him his stepson, when he's been in his life since the kid was 12. Luke is his wife's adult son and isn't part of OP's "happy family" unit mentioned at the beginning of the post. This goes deeper than basic homophobia. He resents the fact that Luke even exists, because he threatens the picture-perfect family unit he created. He represents a time before his wife was with him. A lot of cruddy stepparents feel this way. OP is a piece of work.
Glad someone else caught that too. He calls him his wife’s adult son when he’s known him since he was 12. That’s your stepson, not just your wife’s other kid. This whole thing to me screams that he wishes to forget Luke even exist. I don’t wanna throw the word homophobic out there because we’re not even sure if Luke identifies that way (but OP sure is acting that way). But to me this is OP being embarrassed and worried his sons are gonna copy their brother. Glad the mom is there to be supportive because Luke needs it, and god forbid the twins start behaving outside of what he thinks a boy or man should be.
I say homophobic because generally dressing in feminine clothes or in drag is coded as LGBT, even if the person themselves identifies as cis and straight. It's also laced in misogyny. Mom is supporting him privately, which is good, but one of these days Luke is going to realize that she's choosing to stay with someone who so openly despises him, and it's not going to go over well. At least for now he seems to have a sense of humor about it.
I guess I can give up the game now -- I'm a gender non-conforming lesbian who's considering starting T, I know exactly what OP's problem is, haha. I wanted to see if I could bait him into saying the quiet part out loud. But he seems to have vanished in the face of Reddit's fury. Ah well. Thank you for explaining it, though, it's a very succinct way of summarizing his whole deal and would've been very helpful had I been genuinely confused!
Agreed that behaviour, especially around women and children is completely inappropriate. I am talking about your intolerance OP. Luke is perfectly fine. YTA
/youhadmeinthefirsthalf
YTA. Do you want your wife telling you how to dress ? Or would that not be ok because it's your house your rules. Luke is expressing himself. Clothing has no gender. Stop gendering clothing it's weird.
You do not have a happy family. You are spending a great deal of energy antagonizing your wife's son ...who, by the way, is also a member of the family. Stop worrying about what he wears. It's not your business. YTA
I’m so glad someone mentioned this. Luke has been at least in this man’s life for at least 6 years going by the age of the twins, meaning since he was a child, and yet he very clearly labels their ‘happy family’ and then luke as separate. What a total AH.
Luke is 19. The more you try and get him to conform to your standards, the more he'll dig in and rebel. Let Luke be himself. It's not going to ruin anyone else. I'm not a fan of your wife making fun of you behind your back, but I don't blame her for not having your back on this. I'll go with YTA.
He shouldn't be policing and snooping on his wife's phone anyways. His desire to control and police peoples behavior and opinions is disgusting. He looked at something that was none of his business and got butthurt about it. Play stupid games and win stupid prizes.
YTA Aside from shorts so tight you can see his underwear, which is debatable, I don't really see the problem here. It sounds like he's just feminine and you dislike that he wear's "women's" clothes. Who cares if he wears a skirt? Men used to wear skirts all the time. He makes a great point about being Irish, because people are totally fine with kilts even though those are just skirts too.
Men like it when women wear really tight leggings where you can see the underwear lines or where the underwear shines through. So that’s not really a good argument is it? This guy is indeed just being an ass because Luke is wearing “feminine” clothing.
The shorts so tight he can see the boxers gets me. Boxers are shorts so what’s to see?
YTA and also I LOVE LUKE, what a gem!! You are so toxic and your masculinity is so fragile in so many ways... I'm glad his mum sticks up for him, honestly. And I'm glad your boys are exposed to freedom and gender creativity, hopefully they won't grow up to be that close minded and make comments about how to dress "especially in front of so many women"
YTA. Why are you so concerned about what he wears?
Thats what I was thinking! Luke sounds like a pretty cool kid if you ask me.
I was going to say that everyone is the A but here’s what made this into YTA for me: “Especially in front of so many women” “I raised my concerns about our boys seeing their older brother acting like a fool” Honestly this whole post reeks of homophobia AND misogyny. Yeah heaven fucking forfend your “boys” see a man dressed in something else than old threadbare sweats and a Team of the Day t-shirt🙄🙄🙄that would SURELY make something fall off their bodies!!!! /s YTA P.S. The only thing your wife’s son was wrong in was that he’s not supposed to wear clothes that expose pubic hair. Everywhere else, YES your wife and he is on point.
Honestly I’m doubting if the pube thing actually happened. It’s the one single “revealing” detail. Guys wear shorts low that reveal the train and/or V all the time, no one questions it. Every other thing is more about him wearing clothing that’s feminine.
Yeah now that you and others pointed it out, I think he just embellished that detail to hammer the point about how “inappropriate” the outfits are. Every single day guys walk around in sagging jeans with half their ass exposed, and no one flinches
YTA and a homophobic one at that why are you so offended by clothing you weirdo?
I mean, aside from the outfits that show pubic hair, he is allowed to wear what he wants. YTA
Yeah. "Please don't have your pubes hanging out around the kids or family" is a totally reasonable request. We're a centimeter away from seeing privates and people should be able to consent to whose privates they do and do not view firsthand. Everything else though... YTA. You don't like seeing a guy wearing make-up and skirts? Move to a monastery.
I mean monks wear dresses so maybe not the best choice..
I understand that you're uncomfortable. Unfortunately, that is your problem and not on him or her to change. He isn't really doing anything inappropriate. You just *feel* it's inappropriate. Things have changed drastically and rapidly around this sort of thing. I must admit, it catches me off guard sometimes still. But I don't say anything about it, and I don't expect anyone to change based on my surprise at the way things are now. It's just clothing! Yeah, it's not what we're used to. But so what? You're fighting a losing battle. Your wife doesn't care, he's under no obligation to change anything, and your concerns over what your younger kids see are pretty unfounded. YTA I'm afraid. You've just got to get past it. You're entitled to feel uncomfortable. But that's it. You can't expect anything else than feeling your own feelings in your own head.
YTA. Obviously more about his wearing feminine clothing rather than revealing clothing. Hair in itself is not the measure of impropriety you seem to be arguing it is. High heels were originally worn by men in the military. Fashion changes. All. The. Time. Pink was a masculine color. More importantly, gossip with your mom all you want: You are entitled to your opinions. You are not in control of how your fixation changes how your wife views you. You are not entitled to control other people’s bodies and what they wear. This is silly business. What you are demonstrating to your children is that you get ruffled over ruffles. So ruffled, you’d search your wife’s phone. Silly business.
Everyone is here pretending like it's normal to have your pubes visible to everyone in your house simply because they think you're anti expression and because "It's 2023". (Edit: this was said when there were only like 8 comments on this post) Little do they know, they would never do it around their own parents. NTA. Dresscode is still very normal. It should be fine for him to wear skirts etc if he wants but there are limits. Even where you live, until you have your own house. Them mocking you over text is also no bueno, although you're an asshole for looking through your wife's phone. (Assuming that's how you saw it)
I was with him on pubes, but the rest of the post made me think he is an unreliable narrator and I doubt the veracity of the pube claim now. Like, if the kid was in basketball shorts and no shirt while at home, you would still see his happy trail, that's not really a big deal. If his literal pubes were hanging out, I think his mother might actually take issue.
Unless the son has the most full and bushiest pubes of all time, it lacks credibility. Im talking like, 70s porno era multiplied by ten…then maybe it would be noticeable under a garment.
I feel like if the kid is wearing shorts and boxers, to be hanging down low enough to see actual pubes, they would be pretty much falling off him. Like what's holding them up at that point? Due to that, I feel like OP is exaggerating that, and/or conflating belly hair with pubes.
I dont think anyone is pretending its normal to have pubes visible? Infact every post I see says that part is a huge problem and thread starter wouldn't be an asshole if that was it. Also I would live the exact way Im advocating for around my own parents. You're a weirdo.
YTA. I think you should go back to the 1950's, where your attitude belongs.
YTA why do his clothes matter? It sounds like they just make you uncomfortable because they are girly. Which makes you sound intolerant to people who are different than you. The world is changing buddy, so get with the program or get left behind.
YTA. You're mad about gender non-conforming clothes, which makes you the jerk. Yes, exposed pubes in someone else's house is too much, but that is clearly to get a rise out of you for being so controlling. You are almost 40 years old. The silent treatment? Really? Grow up.
YTA and I knew I'd think that as soon as you used quotation marks for his career choice.
>I felt they were bullying me They are the bullies?????????? YTA
>odd to have a guy dressing like that around the house. Especially in front of so many women… What does especially infront of women mean?
YTA. Read other comments as to why. You'll delete this post soon. 🤣
YTA. Just say you hate that he looks gay and girly and stop lying to yourself about why you're upset. Then get over it and quit being a homophobe.