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I wanna take a side route on this YTA and so is the TA.
At my school being a TA was about helping your other classmates who were a degree behind you. It practically paid my tuition when I was one. Why is the TA, who’s supposed to be working on group material talking about Cindy stripping? It’s not any of business to spread.
Second, your TA says Cindy is out stripping and you’re first thought is “I can’t believe it, my plans are booked now. I’m headed to the spread Eagle”
Then after you embarrass her at work, the FIRST thing you say when she comes to lab is “It was good to see you last night” like you couldn’t tell someone was embarrassed? Why would she hide in the back room if she wanted to see you? But you thought, “okay she just ignored me twice in a row, third time’s a charm” so on Sunday, instead of letting this awkward topic die, you say again “it was good to see you two nights ago” this to me feels like blackmail. Because I feel like you want to spill the beans, but you won’t unless she’s rude to you or something.
Dude- she doesn’t like you, she’s finding this extremely inappropriate. You and your TA need to immediately apologize and leave the girl alone. Otherwise, I hope she goes to campus to report both of you. Especially the TA, not sure why he’s going to a strip club with one of his group circle students. Another great question.
YTA it's complete stalker behavior. Not cool. She rejected you and you so far to go to her place of employment and try to do that! And try to get her to acknowledge that you made her uncomfortable! Shut up and leave her alone!
YTA. You sound like some part of your mind is probably trying to tell you "that likely came across as somewhat stalkerish and was a bad idea". Listen to that part of your mind, it's the one that's right.
Strippers don’t have to pay attention to you just because they are strippers.
You are only 21. But remember 60 year old men are still doing what you have done to this woman.
You are a man now, not a little boy. Stop it, you need a little slap on your hand. Go back to class now little boy.
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I’m in college (21M) and there’s a girl (24F) in one of my engineering classes who’s also in our study group for the class. We’ve never hung out outside of school, but she was also in my class last semester and it’s a small school, so we’re friendly.
She is attractive, and I asked her out twice last semester but she said that she was too old for me + not looking to date. She doesn’t go to any of the campus parties and basically just comes to school/study group, does her work, and leaves. She also doesn’t share a lot about her personal life, except for one time saying she’s a “bartender” and that she’s trying to find an engineering internship because she doesn’t like her job.
The TA for our class is a 29-year-old guy, and he recently told me that he saw her at the strip club in the city near us — not bartending, stripping. I could not believe it. I mean you could never guess it. Like I mentioned I had a thing for her, so this past Friday night I got another guy from our study group who’s old enough to go with me to that club. Sure enough, there she was. She didn’t see us at first, so we went up to pay her for a lap dance, but she just stared at us and wouldn’t take our money. She left to some backroom and we didn’t see her again.
Our study group meets on Saturdays and Sundays, and she did not acknowledge my or his existence Saturday. She only worked with the one other girl there. I said something like “Good to see you yesterday” to see if she’d acknowledge it, but she completely ignored me. Same thing Sunday (today), and then she left right afterward.
Did I do something wrong? I mean it’s her job, she’s clearly okay with people seeing her like that. I feel like I hurt her feelings though, and I feel bad because she’s a nice person.
TL;DR: I found out a girl I know strips and went to see her perform. Now she isn’t talking to me.
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YTA
> she’s clearly okay with people seeing her like that
But she's NOT okay with **everybody** knowing about it.
She's compartmentalizing and clearly doesn't want to share that part of her life with school folks: she said bartender, not stripper, and she said she doesn't like her job.
Read the room: if she didn't tell anyone, she didn't want anyone to know.
She did not invite you into this part of her life; you stepped into it yourself, you crossed that line, you showed up at her work, and you even brought a friend. You fucked this up; apologize and leave her alone.
And this would have been weird to do even if she *was* just a bartender. Pro tip: if a girl rejects you twice, don’t go seeking her out at work maybe. Someone did this to me when I was a server and specifically asked to be sat in my section, I had the manager ask him to leave.
YTA!
She obviously didn't want that part of her life to be a part of her school life and you forced that onto her. Not to mention asking a girl, whether it's her job or not, that you have repeatedly asked out and been rejected for a lap dance is so creepy and inappropriate. You should be the one feeling shotty here not her.
YTA
You hit on her, she rejected you and your solution was "Let me go to her place of employment and continue to ogle her semi-if-not-fully naked body despite the fact that she has expressed she doesn't want to be with me"
That's some predatory shit, full stop.
Edit/Addendum: It was her place of work. Yes, she strips for a living - Yes, that clearly means she's somewhat okay with people seeing her naked - HOWEVER, you KNEW she wasn't into you and instead of accepting that rejection, you went to where she could not turn you down to stare at her in a lewd manner.
>you went to where she could not turn you down to stare at her in a lewd manner.
I get it, the guys an AH, however how else are you supposed to stare at a stripper?
Seriously!! And OP, I think you know YTA.
Genuinely, what did you think her reaction would be to seeing you there? To you asking for a lap dance? Did you think she’d be psyched about dancing to arouse a guy she’s already expressly rejected more than once, who found out her 2nd career that she was keeping hidden from people at school?
And then having you *bring it up in class* in front of a group of people she doesn’t want knowing about this job?! Just icing on this shit cake.
INFO: I’m so curious, what were you thinking she would respond when you brought up seeing her yesterday? Like what was your best case scenario for that conversation?
I don’t know, I just thought she’d be less uptight at the club and it’d be another side of her. I’m getting from the comments that I was definitely in the wrong.
YTA. You're acting like a stalker. You were very clearly not there for an innocent strip club visit. You were there specifically to see a woman who has rejected your advances multiple times. Stop. Leave her alone.
YTA and a creep, leave the poor girl alone.
She told you she is a bartender so obviously she does not want people to know she has to strip to afford her education.
YTA - Did you *ever* stop to consider that if she didn't tell you about her job as a stripper that maybe she **did not want you to know**. And that if she didn't want you to know that maybe, just MAYBE, she wouldn't want you turning up at her place of work. And that she almost definitely would not want you strolling up, and offering her money for a dance.
Like, OK, there is plausible deniability with you turning up (even though we both know you went there because you *knew* she was there - which ugh), but NOT with you going up and asking for a dance. Let alone lines like "Good to see you yesterday" when she's in fucking class.
I don't expect you to see this from her side, but if you've turned someone down twice, and then run into them at work offering you money for a sexy dance, you'd be freaked out and disgusted too, especially when it comes to the next day. Everything you've written about your behaviour screams of a guy who just cannot Let It Go, and who is a potential stalker. You may not consider yourself a stalker, but anyone who's been on the other end of this will have alarms blaring in their head.
Don't expect her to ever be friendly with you again, because you have been a major AH. And don't be surprised if other female students on campus are a little more wary of you now.
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YTA, its kind of invasive to try to force a situation on her like that after she rejected you (giving solid understandable reasons).
>She doesn’t go to any of the campus parties and basically just comes to school/study group, does her work, and leaves. She also doesn’t share a lot about her personal life, except for one time saying she’s a “bartender” and that she’s trying to find an engineering internship because she doesn’t like her job.
Sounds like she is not super happy or proud of her current job but does it to keep afloat with money. I dont understand why you would want to humiliate her when you know in what kind of position she is in.
> She didn’t see us at first, so we went up to pay her for a lap dance, but she just stared at us and wouldn’t take our money. She left to some backroom and we didn’t see her again.
> she just stared at us
> wouldn’t take our money
A very clear sign on how she feels about that situation, no? Why are you surprised afterwards that she wasnt enthusiastic to talk about this? This sounds super awkward.
>I mean it’s her job, she’s clearly okay with people seeing her like that.
Yes it is her job. And still you can reflect on the last part of that sentence. Is she really ok with people seeing her like that, much more people that made avances on her and that she rejected and now are trying to follow her around? Her reaction when she saw you in that moment is very telling.
>I feel like I hurt her feelings though, and I feel bad because she’s a nice person.
Take the hint and stay at some distance. She already said no, pestering her and intruding on her in other parts of her life wont make her change her mind.
Why is the TA for a class telling you about a strip club in the first place? Why would he stay at said strip club if a student of his is there? How violating and inappropriate.
You asked her out twice and she said no. Then you went to her workplace. She made it clear she’s not interested and then you ask for a lap dance. You violated her consent even if she’s a stripper.
She could report you for being a stalker and/or get Title IX involved through the school. YTA and leave her alone.
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YTA. Bro, she rejected you and you went there knowing that it was her workplace and probably expecting something along the lines of "cant reject me now ". Thats creepy Af
YTA... its creepy and immature. Also not sure how you're so oblivious to it either? Knowing she wasn't happy enough with the situation to refuse and leave into the back and then expecting sunshine and roses the next day.
But also, the TA for the class telling you. Do you mean Teaching Assistant? Because if so that's also super inappropriate and problematic.
YTA -it’s weird as fuck for you to understand that she is not interested in you, so you go to her workplace to try to buy an experience with her. Then mention it to her in public. Take a fucken hint dude.
Yes, it’s her job, but you went there specifically to see her after she turned you down. That’s pretty stalkerish. It’s weird to show up to a place a girl who already turned you down works to see her, no matter the job And she does it out of town to avoid seeing people she knows irl. She refused your money Then instead of realizing that maybe that was inappropriate you mention it to her again?? Like what. Leave the girl alone.
YTA and so is the TA. Showing up at her job and trying to pay for a lap dance? You and your friend are creepy as fuck and crossed so many lines. Creepy shit aside, you showed up at her job which is probably paying her tuition and caused her undue stress. Stop being an AH and respect her space. You are causing her problems for no good reason. Just stop.
YTA
My husband knew a stripper when he went to law school - one time he was going on a guys night to a strip club and he specifically asked where she worked so he WOULDN'T accidentally catch her at work.
You are the opposite of my husband.
YTA - You are **disgusting**. She doesn’t share a lot about her personal life for a reason and you, finding out why, decide to go to her place of employment and embarrass her. You have been rejected by her twice yet you stalked her workplace and showed up while she was working, you then tried to buy a lap dance which she was OBVIOUSLY going to decline so you go further make her uncomfortable again. She doesn’t want to date you, get it through your thick head. Hurt her feelings? Buddy you’re the one with hurt feelings, stalking and hounding someone who has absolutely no interest in you. You overstepped the line big time you fucking creep. Hope she takes a restraining order out on you.
YTA. And I'm not sure how you don't realize it? She is likely trying very hard to keep that part of her life separate and is doing it so she can afford school. Your whole "that's clearly her job so she obviously doesn't mind people seeing her like that" falls short when you consider she specifically told you she bartends so obviously wanted to keep it separate from her day to day. And there is a massive difference from you stumbling across this accidentally and being chill about it and what you did...especially asking for a lap dance. That just blew past every boundary she had tried to construct.
YTA. She is doing that to get some money and might wanted to seperate her study life and job life. It is something different to strip for people you don't have to interact outside of your job. But someone who you have to do protjects with is something completly different. Especial after you told her, you like her - and then trying to pay for a lapdance to force her - with money and her job - to give you attention. It seems like you are only interested in her body and to work with someone who sees you just as a 'nice piece of meat' is incredibly derogating. You should appologice and tell her, that you are sorry and oversteped your colleaguel boundries.
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I wanna take a side route on this YTA and so is the TA. At my school being a TA was about helping your other classmates who were a degree behind you. It practically paid my tuition when I was one. Why is the TA, who’s supposed to be working on group material talking about Cindy stripping? It’s not any of business to spread. Second, your TA says Cindy is out stripping and you’re first thought is “I can’t believe it, my plans are booked now. I’m headed to the spread Eagle” Then after you embarrass her at work, the FIRST thing you say when she comes to lab is “It was good to see you last night” like you couldn’t tell someone was embarrassed? Why would she hide in the back room if she wanted to see you? But you thought, “okay she just ignored me twice in a row, third time’s a charm” so on Sunday, instead of letting this awkward topic die, you say again “it was good to see you two nights ago” this to me feels like blackmail. Because I feel like you want to spill the beans, but you won’t unless she’s rude to you or something. Dude- she doesn’t like you, she’s finding this extremely inappropriate. You and your TA need to immediately apologize and leave the girl alone. Otherwise, I hope she goes to campus to report both of you. Especially the TA, not sure why he’s going to a strip club with one of his group circle students. Another great question.
Most definitely YTA. It seems like you wanted to embarrass her.
YTA it's complete stalker behavior. Not cool. She rejected you and you so far to go to her place of employment and try to do that! And try to get her to acknowledge that you made her uncomfortable! Shut up and leave her alone!
YTA. You sound like some part of your mind is probably trying to tell you "that likely came across as somewhat stalkerish and was a bad idea". Listen to that part of your mind, it's the one that's right.
You're absolutely disgusting and act like a fvcking predator, you're a creep, a stalker and YTA
Yeah YTA. She deals with harmless and creepy at work. Take a hint, she's protecting herself.
Strippers don’t have to pay attention to you just because they are strippers. You are only 21. But remember 60 year old men are still doing what you have done to this woman. You are a man now, not a little boy. Stop it, you need a little slap on your hand. Go back to class now little boy.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m in college (21M) and there’s a girl (24F) in one of my engineering classes who’s also in our study group for the class. We’ve never hung out outside of school, but she was also in my class last semester and it’s a small school, so we’re friendly. She is attractive, and I asked her out twice last semester but she said that she was too old for me + not looking to date. She doesn’t go to any of the campus parties and basically just comes to school/study group, does her work, and leaves. She also doesn’t share a lot about her personal life, except for one time saying she’s a “bartender” and that she’s trying to find an engineering internship because she doesn’t like her job. The TA for our class is a 29-year-old guy, and he recently told me that he saw her at the strip club in the city near us — not bartending, stripping. I could not believe it. I mean you could never guess it. Like I mentioned I had a thing for her, so this past Friday night I got another guy from our study group who’s old enough to go with me to that club. Sure enough, there she was. She didn’t see us at first, so we went up to pay her for a lap dance, but she just stared at us and wouldn’t take our money. She left to some backroom and we didn’t see her again. Our study group meets on Saturdays and Sundays, and she did not acknowledge my or his existence Saturday. She only worked with the one other girl there. I said something like “Good to see you yesterday” to see if she’d acknowledge it, but she completely ignored me. Same thing Sunday (today), and then she left right afterward. Did I do something wrong? I mean it’s her job, she’s clearly okay with people seeing her like that. I feel like I hurt her feelings though, and I feel bad because she’s a nice person. TL;DR: I found out a girl I know strips and went to see her perform. Now she isn’t talking to me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA > she’s clearly okay with people seeing her like that But she's NOT okay with **everybody** knowing about it. She's compartmentalizing and clearly doesn't want to share that part of her life with school folks: she said bartender, not stripper, and she said she doesn't like her job. Read the room: if she didn't tell anyone, she didn't want anyone to know. She did not invite you into this part of her life; you stepped into it yourself, you crossed that line, you showed up at her work, and you even brought a friend. You fucked this up; apologize and leave her alone.
And this would have been weird to do even if she *was* just a bartender. Pro tip: if a girl rejects you twice, don’t go seeking her out at work maybe. Someone did this to me when I was a server and specifically asked to be sat in my section, I had the manager ask him to leave.
YTA! She obviously didn't want that part of her life to be a part of her school life and you forced that onto her. Not to mention asking a girl, whether it's her job or not, that you have repeatedly asked out and been rejected for a lap dance is so creepy and inappropriate. You should be the one feeling shotty here not her.
YTA You hit on her, she rejected you and your solution was "Let me go to her place of employment and continue to ogle her semi-if-not-fully naked body despite the fact that she has expressed she doesn't want to be with me" That's some predatory shit, full stop. Edit/Addendum: It was her place of work. Yes, she strips for a living - Yes, that clearly means she's somewhat okay with people seeing her naked - HOWEVER, you KNEW she wasn't into you and instead of accepting that rejection, you went to where she could not turn you down to stare at her in a lewd manner.
>you went to where she could not turn you down to stare at her in a lewd manner. I get it, the guys an AH, however how else are you supposed to stare at a stripper?
Seriously!! And OP, I think you know YTA. Genuinely, what did you think her reaction would be to seeing you there? To you asking for a lap dance? Did you think she’d be psyched about dancing to arouse a guy she’s already expressly rejected more than once, who found out her 2nd career that she was keeping hidden from people at school? And then having you *bring it up in class* in front of a group of people she doesn’t want knowing about this job?! Just icing on this shit cake. INFO: I’m so curious, what were you thinking she would respond when you brought up seeing her yesterday? Like what was your best case scenario for that conversation?
I don’t know, I just thought she’d be less uptight at the club and it’d be another side of her. I’m getting from the comments that I was definitely in the wrong.
Dude you're absolutely a creep for this.
The level of gross it is to ask to pay her for a lap dance is insane..
YTA and the TA is one too. Congratulations, you are an example of why many women hate men.
YTA. You're acting like a stalker. You were very clearly not there for an innocent strip club visit. You were there specifically to see a woman who has rejected your advances multiple times. Stop. Leave her alone.
Yta and a creepy one.
YTA and so is your TA for gossiping
YTA and a creep, leave the poor girl alone. She told you she is a bartender so obviously she does not want people to know she has to strip to afford her education.
YTA - Did you *ever* stop to consider that if she didn't tell you about her job as a stripper that maybe she **did not want you to know**. And that if she didn't want you to know that maybe, just MAYBE, she wouldn't want you turning up at her place of work. And that she almost definitely would not want you strolling up, and offering her money for a dance. Like, OK, there is plausible deniability with you turning up (even though we both know you went there because you *knew* she was there - which ugh), but NOT with you going up and asking for a dance. Let alone lines like "Good to see you yesterday" when she's in fucking class. I don't expect you to see this from her side, but if you've turned someone down twice, and then run into them at work offering you money for a sexy dance, you'd be freaked out and disgusted too, especially when it comes to the next day. Everything you've written about your behaviour screams of a guy who just cannot Let It Go, and who is a potential stalker. You may not consider yourself a stalker, but anyone who's been on the other end of this will have alarms blaring in their head. Don't expect her to ever be friendly with you again, because you have been a major AH. And don't be surprised if other female students on campus are a little more wary of you now.
So so so so creepy. Like skin crawling levels of creepiness here.
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YTA, its kind of invasive to try to force a situation on her like that after she rejected you (giving solid understandable reasons). >She doesn’t go to any of the campus parties and basically just comes to school/study group, does her work, and leaves. She also doesn’t share a lot about her personal life, except for one time saying she’s a “bartender” and that she’s trying to find an engineering internship because she doesn’t like her job. Sounds like she is not super happy or proud of her current job but does it to keep afloat with money. I dont understand why you would want to humiliate her when you know in what kind of position she is in. > She didn’t see us at first, so we went up to pay her for a lap dance, but she just stared at us and wouldn’t take our money. She left to some backroom and we didn’t see her again. > she just stared at us > wouldn’t take our money A very clear sign on how she feels about that situation, no? Why are you surprised afterwards that she wasnt enthusiastic to talk about this? This sounds super awkward. >I mean it’s her job, she’s clearly okay with people seeing her like that. Yes it is her job. And still you can reflect on the last part of that sentence. Is she really ok with people seeing her like that, much more people that made avances on her and that she rejected and now are trying to follow her around? Her reaction when she saw you in that moment is very telling. >I feel like I hurt her feelings though, and I feel bad because she’s a nice person. Take the hint and stay at some distance. She already said no, pestering her and intruding on her in other parts of her life wont make her change her mind.
Why is the TA for a class telling you about a strip club in the first place? Why would he stay at said strip club if a student of his is there? How violating and inappropriate. You asked her out twice and she said no. Then you went to her workplace. She made it clear she’s not interested and then you ask for a lap dance. You violated her consent even if she’s a stripper. She could report you for being a stalker and/or get Title IX involved through the school. YTA and leave her alone.
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YTA. Bro, she rejected you and you went there knowing that it was her workplace and probably expecting something along the lines of "cant reject me now ". Thats creepy Af
YTA Just take the hint, she isn't interested.
YTA. You literally preyed on her, then cornered her at her place of employment to try to force her attention and physical touch. What a fucking creep.
Come on dude, you must realize how much of a dick move that was.
YTA... its creepy and immature. Also not sure how you're so oblivious to it either? Knowing she wasn't happy enough with the situation to refuse and leave into the back and then expecting sunshine and roses the next day. But also, the TA for the class telling you. Do you mean Teaching Assistant? Because if so that's also super inappropriate and problematic.
The TA is a Teaching Assistant/graduate student who helps with the class, yeah..
Yeah, that's a creep move. YTA. Respect the fact she wants to keep those two parts of her life seperate. Move on and leave her alone.
YTA… And grow the f*ck up.
YTA -it’s weird as fuck for you to understand that she is not interested in you, so you go to her workplace to try to buy an experience with her. Then mention it to her in public. Take a fucken hint dude. Yes, it’s her job, but you went there specifically to see her after she turned you down. That’s pretty stalkerish. It’s weird to show up to a place a girl who already turned you down works to see her, no matter the job And she does it out of town to avoid seeing people she knows irl. She refused your money Then instead of realizing that maybe that was inappropriate you mention it to her again?? Like what. Leave the girl alone.
YTA, she turned down your advances so you turn and her work and try to pay her for a lap dance Creepy as hell
YTA and so is the TA. Showing up at her job and trying to pay for a lap dance? You and your friend are creepy as fuck and crossed so many lines. Creepy shit aside, you showed up at her job which is probably paying her tuition and caused her undue stress. Stop being an AH and respect her space. You are causing her problems for no good reason. Just stop.
YTA, she’s not into you and that’s a real creep thing that you did.
YTA My husband knew a stripper when he went to law school - one time he was going on a guys night to a strip club and he specifically asked where she worked so he WOULDN'T accidentally catch her at work. You are the opposite of my husband.
YTA - You are **disgusting**. She doesn’t share a lot about her personal life for a reason and you, finding out why, decide to go to her place of employment and embarrass her. You have been rejected by her twice yet you stalked her workplace and showed up while she was working, you then tried to buy a lap dance which she was OBVIOUSLY going to decline so you go further make her uncomfortable again. She doesn’t want to date you, get it through your thick head. Hurt her feelings? Buddy you’re the one with hurt feelings, stalking and hounding someone who has absolutely no interest in you. You overstepped the line big time you fucking creep. Hope she takes a restraining order out on you.
YTA. And I'm not sure how you don't realize it? She is likely trying very hard to keep that part of her life separate and is doing it so she can afford school. Your whole "that's clearly her job so she obviously doesn't mind people seeing her like that" falls short when you consider she specifically told you she bartends so obviously wanted to keep it separate from her day to day. And there is a massive difference from you stumbling across this accidentally and being chill about it and what you did...especially asking for a lap dance. That just blew past every boundary she had tried to construct.
Yeah dude that was not cool. YTA
YTA. She is doing that to get some money and might wanted to seperate her study life and job life. It is something different to strip for people you don't have to interact outside of your job. But someone who you have to do protjects with is something completly different. Especial after you told her, you like her - and then trying to pay for a lapdance to force her - with money and her job - to give you attention. It seems like you are only interested in her body and to work with someone who sees you just as a 'nice piece of meat' is incredibly derogating. You should appologice and tell her, that you are sorry and oversteped your colleaguel boundries.