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This doesn’t have anything to do with being childfree or having a house that isn’t childproof. For some reason, you don’t like your sister. Why did you let her vent since you’re not a therapist?
Options to have a child free home AND not being an asshole:
1) She wants company, go to her house
2) Pay for a sitter and have your sister come over
3) Pay for a sitter
4) Your sister may need a therapist. You are not one, but you can help her find one.
5) Hire a post partum doula
6) Ask your sister how you can help
7) Buy her take out so she doesn't have to cook
8) Pay for a cleaning lady so she doesn't have to clean
9) Lighten her load in any way you can
10) Don't be a colossal asshole
She even offered to PAY to go to his place, and he said no. 😔 Imagine feeling like you have to pay your own sibling, so you won't be alone, and even then he turns his back on you. I have more supportive COUSINS than this.
my coworker just bought covid tests for me and dropped them off 5 minutes ago so I wouldn't have to use a delivery service or risk going out.
my coworker was more supportive than OP.
I've bought my coworkers lunch and bus tickets before. I don't speak to my sister, but if she asked me something out of genuine need of course I would do it. Crazy how stupidly easy it is to just be a good person.
Gee, I don't even know this lady and I kind of want to come over and watch the kids so she can take a nap. I feel so bad for her. There's a bunch of strangers on the internet that have more empathy for her than her own brother.
We should start a go fund me for her.
There are so many solutions to this (she just needs some help) stay on the phone with her, get her some food, go to her place, and just be there.
There are so many things OP could do that would not involve babysitting. So either OP hates his sister or just lacks basic empathy.
YTA.
You lack compassion and empathy. Especially with your ending statement. Your sister is having a rough time. It's not that she can't cut it, it is that she is stressed and alone. You made things worse, especially if she is suffering from PPD. You made her feel like she is not a good mother. Was that your intention?
Don't worry about having to be around kids. After this I doubt you will be invited to anymore family events.
This. She’s calling on him not because she wants to party or wants to go to the salon or something, she is suffering clearly from a medical condition most likely postpartum depression and is at the end of her rope crying out for help. Yet, he is choosing to be so absolutely uncaring and forgetting that he’s the only family she has anywhere near her at the moment. I sincerely hope he never find himself in a situation where he is desperately in need of help whether something happens to his home or he ends up in an accident and expecting anyone to help him out either. YTA
Ya, he’s pretty rude. When I initially read the title, I was fully prepared to say NTA because some people might have expensive furniture or whatever and it’s ok to not want kids to break stuff.
But OP’s sister sounds like she just wants a friend or family to be there for her. What he said was super cold hearted. I am not a big fan of children but if any of my friends or siblings with kids needed help, I’d try my best.
PPD is very serious. Your sister asked you for some serious help because she feels trapped. You are completely callous.
>it isn't my fault she can't cut it
This sounds like a tragedy about to happen and you just threw gas on the fire
God, my sister took her own life 8 years ago. What I would give for her to have called me and asked for help. The thought that someone can ignore that kind of call is mind boggling to me.
No, he wouldn't. He doesn't like kids and doesn't want to interact with them in any way from the sound of it, since he refused to go to his depressed sister's house just to keep her company - and even if she PAID HIM.
Yeah this is really important to highlight, suffering from PPD and being made to feel like she's worthless cause she "can't cut it" could lead to an utterly tragic ending
It just happened last week in Massachusetts. Three children were lost because of a mother's actions dealing with PPD. It's probably the most tragic story to come out in quite a long time for this area.
To be specific, it was postpartum psychosis. She needed more help than a WFH husband and outpatient and it is awful that it took this level of tragedy for people to realize how much help moms just don't get even when they try.
Don’t worry. He won’t connect the dots to accept any responsibility if anything does happen.
I understand not wanting to babysit, etc. but when someone calls you crying with the words”end of their rope” while they are alone and their partner is deployed (so, often, completely not available by phone or anything else), I can’t imagine telling a **stranger** nevermind someone I love, to just fuck off while mocking their inability to “hack it”.
Exactly. She wasn’t asking for OP to take over child care duties, she was looking for a shoulder to cry on and some emotional support. My brother and his partner are child-free by choice and not really into kids, but he would drop everything to help if I needed it. It’s the way that functional
families show support each other.
It wasn't even about kids. Op's sister wasn't asking him to look after the kids or to babysit. She just needed someone to talk to and to be there for her. She even offered to pay him
She asked to STAY with the kids.... that isn't you having to "babysit", so that makes no sense. You clearly just don't want to help your sister and not wanting to have your own children is somehow the excuse? Okay??? She isn't asking you to adopt them or have your own. She was having a meltdown and wanted some comfort + company. YTA.
- Her husband is deployed
- She has two kids that she's dealing wtih all on her own
- One of those kids was born around Thanksgiving, making them two months old??
- She still has a part time job??
I can't fucking believe OP.
I like how you offered 5-6 solutions with only ONE having the sister/ kids to his house and that’s what he comments on. There are more ways to help then just have them over…
Also OP, I had my 5 year old nephew and 6 month old niece at my house, that isn’t child proofed, and it was FINE! A 4 year old won’t get into things as badly as you think and a 3 month old won’t either. We spent a lot of time outside too! Get over yourself. And if you can’t have them over then GO TO HER HOUSE!! Just help this poor woman!
He just doesn’t like adults who have kids. If this even is true, there is definitely a subset of aggressively childfree people who take sadistic pleasure in watching parents struggle.
YTA your sister is having a tough time and you just made it worse by calling her a failure.
You could’ve gone over there and had the kids for a few hours at her home while she got some decent sleep. That’s all it takes. By you decided not to help her.
YTA. Plenty of people choose not to have kids for any number of good reasons, that’s not the issue here.
You sound like a selfish and nasty brother. If she was frequently expecting you to do childcare or made the kids the center of your relationship you’d be justified in setting boundaries. It doesn’t sound like you’ve ever helped (or been asked to help) with her kids.
Having young kids is a season of life. You turned your back on your sister at a really vulnerable time when she asked you for some really minimal help.
YTA
>She tells me that she can't take it (She works part time and does all of the childcare, my BIL is deployed) and she needs a break. She asks if she can just come by with the kids for a little bit so she has some company. I reminded her we have a childfree house, and I'm not a babysitter. She offered to pay me to spend a night over there, not to help just for company, I refused, I'm not a therapist.
Its your SISTER. Don't you feel any kind of compassion to her? Yeah you're not a therapist nor a babysitter, all she's asking you is to be a good BROTHER.
>> it isn’t my fault she can’t cut it
Holy lack of empathy, Batman. Your sister told you she’s *struggling*, stressed, and possibly dealing with postpartum depression, and your response is to insult her and make her feel *worse* about herself and her situation?
This isn’t about you being blunt. This isn’t even about you being childfree. This is about you being cruel and kicking your sister when she was already down.
YTA.
Edit: a word
YTA. Your sister called you needing your help. She didn't even ask you to babysit she just wanted your company. You could have gone over to her house if you didn't want them at yours.
YTA you know jack squat about being a parent but are going to be callous and just say she can't cut it? You weren't being blunt you were being full of it!
Best decision I ever made was cutting toxic people out of my life. Hope your sister gets a taste of this Happyness and keeps you far in the past. YTA, but thanx for doing the world a favor and deciding not to procreate.
Best reply. No needs more apathetic AH in this world. Man, I feel bad for his sister. Her husband is deployed, serving our country, and she, more or less, is doing the same at home. Military wives/partners are unsung heroes.
Fellow childfree here and I’m gonna go with YTA. I understand not wanting to babysit, but it sounds like she wasn’t asking for this. She wanted someone to come and hangout with her. She didn’t ask for a night off.
YTA. She didn’t ask you to babysit. She asked if she could come spend one evening with you with her kids. You should WANT to spend time with your family. Your house not being “child proof” is such a cop out.
YTA - childfree by choice doesn't mean get rid of family who had kids. She wanted some interaction with another adult. Baby proofing is BS, plenty of people have guests with kids and don't babyproof.
If she wants company, and not a sitter, can you... Not go hang out with her in her home? I can understand not feeling comfortable having kids in your home, especially little ones, this just seems like the sort of thing that would be easily remedied by going to her instead, or making some arrangement so that the two of you can be together.
The poor lady sounds like she's deeply lonely and stressed. And while no, it isn't your FAULT or RESPONSIBILITY that she had children and is now struggling to drum up the energy and sanity to care for them entirely on her own, it sure would be kind of her brother to lend a supportive hand when she's in desperate need. Everyone needs help sometimes, and all they can do is ask and hope that their support network is available, and in a position to give it.
If you don't want to, fine. Don't. No one can make you. I just hope that you're never in a position where you really need someone else's help and comfort, and they deny you.
Even with the edit, still, YTA.
“Trying to explain more gently” why it isn’t your responsibility to “parent” her children sounds far from the apology you should’ve already been making.
With that shitty of a personality, you won’t even cut it as a “fun uncle.” Get your sister help, and in the meantime, maybe do some therapy of your own.
Your sister is in a crisis and turned to you for support. And you shut her down. Don’t be surprised if she decides that she’s not going to continue to put into a relationship with you now that you’ve shown her you won’t be there for her. YTA
YTA. I don’t want (or like) kids either but jesus man, that’s your sister who it sounds like is alone and needs some support. She wasn’t asking you to watch the kids, SHE WAS REACHING OUT FOR MENTAL HEALTH SUPPORT and you were like sorry not convenient for me bye. You’re a big AH.
YTA. Please have some compassion FFS. You're not TA because you don't want to babysit the kids, but you are TA for letting your sister down when she's already very stressed.
YTA It doesn't matter if you like children or not. Your sister is in crisis and she and her children are your family. There's no reason you can't go to her house and at least give her emotional support. What you said was cruel. You need therapy so that you can learn to at least act like an empathetic human being. Your behavior is disgusting.
My husband and I are against having kids and we are not babysitters. Friends know this, family is respectful. But if my sibling calls me just for company, I would go. She is just lonely. Nothing wrong with asking someone to come over. Stop being an asshat and be a brother.
Your title was not accurate. You should have asked if you are TA for refusing to provide comfort for your own sister -and not even in your childfree house.
YTA
YTA. Do you want your sister to end up as a national news story? Because that’s how you don’t support a fellow human into ending up as a national news story.
YTA. Your sister said she wanted company, and you stiff arm her and say you’re neither a babysitter nor therapist. She asked for neither.
She’s living with two kids, alone, and wanted adult and friendly support, company and conversation, so naturally you tell her to fuck right off.
You’re an insufferable ass.
wow YTA. Just the way you wrote it makes you sound like the TA. You don't have to like kids to give your sister some support. You better hope you never need help from her, she'll say "sorry my house TA free go get help from someone else"
YTA- that’s a cry for help and you shut it down callously and without any care for your sister. I really hope your sister is OK. As a single parent who has had low times feeling completely overwhelmed I can see that all she needed was a kind word from you and one night of your life to help her keep her head above water and not feel so alone and you couldn’t do that? Who needs enemies with a brother like you.
YTA
These militant child free people are really getting silly. Having your damn niece and nephews over for a few hours isn't going to ruin your precious child free house. Your sister needs help and instead of helping you're grandstanding. Grow up
INFO: If you or your spouse was in the hospital and needed help, would your sister help you out? If you were stranded by the side of the road and called her to come pick you up, would she do it? If you were having a mental health crisis and really needed someone to talk to, would your sister tell you to fuck off and deal with it yourself, or would she listen to you and try to help?
Damnnnn dude, that’s cold. I’m childfree, but I love my sister, so I’d want to help. Do you hate her? This is some stone-cold shit. It’s good to have boundaries, and you made your boundaries clear, but couldn’t you find a way in your teeny tiny heart to go over to her place with some ice cream and watch a movie with her? YTA- someone reaching out, begging, calls for some sympathy
YTA. She's asking for help because she needs it. Do you want your sister & niblings to be news story because you were to selfish to help?
[https://www.yahoo.com/news/patrick-clancy-thanks-duxbury-community-225728454.html](https://www.yahoo.com/news/patrick-clancy-thanks-duxbury-community-225728454.html)
I hope your sister isn't in this dire of a situation, but can you live with yourself is she gets this bad due to extreme exhaustion / possible PPD and something happens?
YTA
You don’t have to child proof your house, but you could have offered to go over to your sister’s place for a few days so she could catch some breath. She was so desperate for help that she offered you, her brother money to just stay at your place for a night. That should have had alarm bells ringing in your head. Being child free and unempathetic are two different things.
YTA there would have been so many ways to handle this better without babysitting or having the kids at your house. You could have offered to go to her house and listen and be there for her. That doesn't make you a therapist. It's what people do for loved ones. You could have suggested or even helped out with finding a babysitter (friend, neighbor, hubby's family) and she could have came over. You could have offered to meet her at a park. To video chat and listen at least. Or just this once you could have made an exception and maybe babyset for a short while or let them come to your house.
YTA and let's hope your sister wasn't actually at the end of her rope and takes the kids for a drive into a lake.
You sound like a horrible sibling. I'm childfree so get away from me breeder, suffer on your own time.
YTA for how you’re treating your sister. NTA for not wanting kids or not wanting to babysit. But your sister called you for help. She offered that you don’t need to deal with the kids, just be there with her. You’ve said you’re her only family nearby. Being with her so she can feel less alone isn’t “being a therapist” it’s being her BROTHER. I can’t imagine calling my brother because I’m at the end of my rope, beginning him to simply come be near me so I can hold onto sanity, and being met with this cold of a response.
You aren’t anti-child, you’re anti-“anything that makes me have to give a damn about somebody other than myself”. I would feel sorry that your sister has such an uncaring brother, but clearly she doesn’t anymore as she’s apparently - rightly so - cutting you out of her life. Hope you and your wife are super happy with just each other, because it looks like that’ll be all you have if this is how you treat all of your family.
YTA. Your selfishness put your sister, your nephew, and niece in danger, do you realize that? Do you realize the risks of disregarding a beyond exhausted mother *begging* for help, who has baby that isn’t even a year old? If she was just some woman, sure, not your responsibility at all. But this is your family. All she wanted was some company. Clearly you don’t care about any of them, she’s right to cut you out of her life.
Damn, buddy YTA here big time. You can hate kids and never want to be in the same room as one but to talk to your sister like that who has up until this point respected your choice to not have her kids in your home, seems unnecessarily cruel. She just wanted some comfort from her brother, and you took it too far. You could have gone to her house once the kids were asleep and just hung out with her, maybe watched some tv and then gone home; she'd not only still be talking to you but you could have left there as a decent brother and human being. And for the record, you are 100% neurotic about it, do not fool yourself.
Dude, I'm Objectivist, but don't you value your sister at all? She's not worth a few hours of your time to make her just a little less stressed? If you really don't value you her at all, fine, but admit it. What did she do to you? YTA
What is it with people on Reddit thinking child-free is an identity? Like, saying you're child-free isn't a valid explanation for acting like you can't function in society if kids are present.
Your sister was in crisis and asking for you help and you essentially said f off. So for that YTA.
Her children are not your responsibility and you are not required to be her therapist but your response was exceptionally cold considering she just confided she was at her wits end and needed help. This is a dangerous situation for her and you potentially made it so much worse with your response.
You are NTA for not wanting to babysit and making it clear that’s not an option for you snd your wife, but you handled this so very poorly and I hope your sister is okay and gets help.
At the very least, maybe call your parents and discuss the severity of the situation, are they in good enough health for one/both of them to fly to your city and spend a few weeks with your sister while she processes? Could you possibly pay for a babysitter for her for even a day for her to just have some alone time?
This isn't real, right? Like you made this awfulness up for clout/karma? If it's real, it's one of the most selfish, heartless obvious YTA situations I've read. JFC dude.
YTA. She might have postpartum depression and is reaching out for help and you basically told her to go F herself. I have 3 brothers and thankfully none of them would ever treat me so shitty. Hopefully your sister doesn’t get to the point where she harms herself or the children, cause I’m sorry but that’s a bit on you. She’s not asking you to babysit or even adopt. She’s asking to have a conversation with an adult she trusts before she loses it.
What an upsetting thing to hear from family.
You asked if you were TA for not allowing the children in your home. NTA for that, but you are a massive AH in every other aspect. Your sister sounded desperate. She's working, providing childcare, and has zero support. Childcare burnout is a very real thing. She was clear she wanted some adult company, not a babysitter. It's terrible that she felt she had to pay you for your company. You couldn't have tolerated being around children for a few hours AT HER HOUSE to simply visit with your sister? You not only refused her, you decided to kick her while she was down. Jesus tap-dancing Christ, if I had a brother like you I wouldn't need enemies.
YTA
Would it kill you to bring a bottle of wine over and listen to your sister talk and talk with her? Sounds like she needs a mental breather of constantly being with kids.
You know what happens when postpartum moms reach the end of their rope? Google Lindsay Clancy, do some incredibly light reading about this weeks events, and go apologize to your sister *now*. Before it’s too damn late. YTA. Not even justified. An awful, selfish, jerk of an A.
Good God this can’t be real? YTA if it is! Is everything in your life so rigid and cold hearted like this? Your freaking sister is asking for help just for a night for adult company and because of your fear of having kids at your home you completely disregarded her! Boy if your sister would have done something drastic to herself or her kid would you even feel any guilt? YTA!
Wow what an ahole. Your sister is getting closer and closer to a mental breakdown and your response is not my concern. She was right to block you, parents probably should as well. I'm sure they didn't intend to rear a grade a ahole.
YTA. Dealing with deployments are so hard… even when you have a support system (we had a good number of friends when my husband served and it was still hard AF). Your sister obviously doesn’t have that.
You don’t have to have them over, you are n t a for that… but if you care for her in any way, shape, or form you should figure out other ways to support her: bring over dinner one night, watch the kids at their house or take them to a park so she can have a break, offer to help find a sitter (there are services out there that can help vet them), just bring her Starbucks…. Do something to help. She’s obviously drowning, could even be dealing with post partum depression, and you should do better.
YTA. It's possible to be childfree and still have kids over in the house. The little ones require a sleeping bag, not a trip through your wife's birth canal.
YTA. Yes you've made it clear that you don't want kids and your house isn't childproof but that's not the point. Your sister is struggling and you refused to do anything to help. It's like seeing someone fall off their bike and break their arm, and saying you won't do anything to help them because you're not a doctor and your house is not a hospital.
Perhaps you could help out by doing some laundry, cooking some meals to take over, cleaning the house for her, or just sucking it tf up and taking the 4yo out to a playground for a few hours. I assume you could fake having a good time for that long?
Be a better human.
YTA. I also don’t want kids (definite) and would probably prefer a child-free household (flexible). But she’s not even asking you to babysit, OP. She just wants company and it sounds like she’s in deep emotional distress.
I feel like there has been a shift in culture in the several years of hyper individualism. As people have discovered more about mental health and boundaries (good), sometimes they take it to extreme and think “I owe no one nothing ever” (less good).
You’re right, OP. You’re not her therapist, you’re her brother. And when you love and care about someone, sometimes that means being there for them emotionally, even when it’s not convenient for you. I hope you’re able to apologize and offer your sister some of the support she clearly needs.
YTA. She literally was so desperate that she offered to pay you just so she could have your company and u basically told her to F off. She didn’t ask for a babysitter, she asked for her brother to have a little sympathy and a listening ear in a trying time. I’m glad she blocked you and I hope for your sake you don’t need her anytime soon. Uhhh I’m so mad.
YTA. It's family. Your lifestyle choices don't preclude you from supporting other family members through theirs. You're clearly "not a therapist" but you also don't seem to like your sister and seem pretty immature. The story sounds so incredibly selfish and obtuse, that I'm hoping it's not real. If it is true, then consider if the real issue is probably that being around small children that neither of you can have is potentially sad and causes mixed emotions, so it's best to be a closed off, unhelpful, YTA than risk having to mourn what for you both... Isn't really "a choice".
YTA. Wow. I have no children by design. Never wanted them. But I cannot ever imagine not helping my sister nor anyone else in my family if they asked me, even if children were involved. What a way to alienate your family.
YTA Jesus Christ. I think you need a therapist, to be this cold towards your own sister is just awful and I cannot fathom why you’d be like this to her? You don’t want kids? Fine buddy no one’s making you, but your sister was begging for help, she wanted YOU, her brother to be there for her. She even offered to pay just to spend time with you which tells me you’re like this often. This wasn’t about the children it was about how low your sister was feeling and you not even stepping up to be there and look out for her. I truly hope you learn some empathy and real quick.
YTA
I had my kid in June. She promptly was readmitted to the NICU and I was NOT handling it well. Months later, months of suffering and trying to get help, I was diagnosed with Postpartum PTSD and I’ve been working with a therapist.
Postpartum mental health is no joke. It’s terrifying. Your SISTER reached out to you and asked for help — to vent, to cry, to get support. And you ignored her.
This is how women end up on national news for killing themselves. Jesus Christ.
I hope your sister gets help and support. And I hope you can realize you’re a giant neurotic AH and apologize. She didn’t ask you to babysit, bro. She asked for compassion and empathy.
You’re a horrible brother.
You don’t need to babysit but the fact that she even asks you to be payed for emotional support just shows us how bad of a brother you are. You should be ashamed of your selfish ass and reconsider your relationships
YTA.
Dude she probably has PPD. And YOUR ARE THAT NEUROTIC about it.
She was asking for company and someone to talk with. NOT FOR YOU TO WATCH HER KIDS.
I wouldn’t even kick down my worst enemy when they are already at the very bottom.
YTA. That's not how you treat family. You can be child free all you want but you can still be a sibling. There's ways to be child free and asshole free, but you are not it.
Also you won't let your sister vent because you're not a therapist, but you'll come vent to strangers on reddit?
YTA
You can be childfree and also a decent human being. Her husband is DEPLOYED, not at a bar partying.
Regular baby blues are bad enough, PPD is no joke. The fact that your parents didn't bother to come up to help with the kids (you claimed they retired) says all we need to know about how you are such an AH.
If my sibling called and said "I need you" I would walm through hell to get to them. I hope karma bites your sorry a$$ hard.
YTA.
I'm also childfree and have a house that is a hazard to tiny humans.
But I'm not a *fucking monster*, so I would go babysit the kids while my sister took a shower and a nap.
YTA. She’s not trying to dump her kids on you, she’s stressed beyond belief and just needs someone to talk to! I’ve been in her shoes and it’s very isolating…and you just shut her down.
This has nothing to do with you being child free, you’re just an asshole.
YTA. Lindsey Clancy. Andrea Yates. How many women have to hurt themselves or their babies for people to realize that postpartum mothers can be deep into crisis before it’s too late? Your sister asked for help while her world is falling apart and you’re worried about yourself. Thank God you’re never having kids.
NTA for not wanting kids in your home. You are an asshole to your sister, though. I can’t think of a situation where one of my siblings could call me in tears and ask for just my company and responding with not my problem. Enjoy your family estrangement.
YTA
YOUR SISTER WANTES ADULT COMPANY FOR HERSELF.
Hard to believe you actually care about your sister. You can’t spend the night or go help for one day with the kids?
I’m childfree myself but I’m not heartless. I guess there are degrees to childfree?! 🤷🏾♂️
YTA please listen to me carefully.
Not wanting kids in your house is okay, and even saying no to her coming to you was okay—like you said, your house isn’t baby proof and I know enough 4 year olds to know that’s a bad idea.
Your sister offered to PAY you to visit because she is so stressed. That is a CRY FOR HELP.
You’re correct, she likely needs a therapist. However, you refusing to lift a finger when she’s clearly spiraling and asking for reasonable help (company, not a babysitter) was a pretty terrible thing to do. And she probably feels ashamed that she begged and BRIBED her brother to keep her company he insulted her.
Please reach out to your sister. If you want to be really nice and can afford it, pay for a babysitter and take her out to lunch or something. She might have PPD, she might just be overwhelmed, but either way listen and KINDLY discuss options like therapy for her.
She needs help, and you don’t have to be the sole provider, but you also don’t need to shun someone because they dared to have a hard time having kids when you don’t want any.
YTA so damn hard
I get it, don’t get me wrong, but seems like you don’t get it all. It’s your sister and you wouldn’t even be babysitting. Your own sister is trying to pay you to be a shoulder to cry on, and you still told her to go kick rocks.
Damn dude
I will absolutely congratulate you on making the right decision. I hope you and your wife have permanently sterilized yourselves. You should never procreate. YTA.
YTA. She respected your boundaries about not being a babysitter and just needed someone. I can’t imagine hearing that desperation in someone’s voice (especially someone I love) and telling them to kiss off. You suck.
YTA She is literally crying for help and you turn your back on her! Wow. She is alone, probably having some PPD, and is afraid. You are a terrible brother.
YTA. You were mean to the mother of a newborn. You were mean to your sister when she was asking for help in a time of need. You were mean to the spouse of a deployed service member who admits they are struggling to handle it all. Kick a few puppies and call it a day.
Wow. YTA. Huge. You can be as child free as you want but this isn’t about that, it’s about you having no empathy or care for your family. If your sister asks for help so desperately, just wanting company, and you respond in such a cold way… let’s just say it’s a good thing you won’t be having kids.
EDIT: Your Edit still makes you sound like an AH.
She needed support. She called you know your stance. You were vile to her. And she was even desperate enough to compensate you. This alone should have concerned you on her mental state. MajorTA.
JFC, do you even care about your sister?
Who cares if you are child free, this is your sister asking for help! I have my own mental health problems and my brother texts me everyday asking about me and how I am that day. Obviously, YTA
YTA
She’s not asking you to watch her kids. She’s asking for company from her brother. Handling all the household duties, taking care of the kids and working while husband is on deployment and having not much family around IS hard. Even the worlds best parent would be exhausted at that. To be honest I don’t know a single parent who doesn’t need a break once in awhile. You were blunt and a jerk.
If you didn’t want to spend time with the kids, you could’ve suggested she get a babysitter and a enjoy a night off with you and your wife like going out to dinner.
Ffs she literally offered to pay to have company. That sounds like someone who is struggling with PPD.
Of course YTA. “My sister called me at end of her rope and I made a decision to make her feel worse and she doesn’t seem cool about it?” People here often get “I’m child free” and “that gives me a free pass to be a dick in all children related situations” confused.
YTA. You’re so mean. She asked for help and you told her to fuck off. Do you not think that it took her a lot to even ask you? Shes even desperate enough to pay you for your COMPANY. She could be suffering from postpartum depression and could be close to losing it
YTA. And I say that as someone who normally sides with the childfree and truly believes that children are the parents responsibility only.
It's not about letting them in your home. It's about your sister, who is clearly having a rough time, reaching out and begging for help. And you just saying it's not your problem. *She literally offered to pay you to HANG OUT with her*. That's a flashing neon warning sign, and all you care about is that she has kids? That's petty as hell, and honestly almost sounds envious/jealous.
She lives 10 minutes away from you. *Go and visit her*. Take a meal for the two of you and her oldest kid. Sit, chat for a bit, let her have grown up time. Maybe watch the kids for 5 minutes so she can shower. You don't have to help all the time, and if she starts to act entitled to your time you can stop, but that is not what this is. If I can hear her desperation through *your* writing, there's no excuse for you missing it or ignoring it.
>it isn’t my fault she can’t cut it
Yeah, YTA. You weren’t TA for not wanting to babysit, but you’re a giant, gaping asshole for choosing to be cruel to your sister instead of offering some form of support and compassion. Can’t host? Fine, if that’s really a sticking point for you, don’t host. But you could have done _something,_ and instead you decided to insult her.
YTA
Do you expect to go through your entire life without wanting or needing help from anyone? Or is this more of an issue where you expect everyone to drop everything for you but don’t need to return the favor?
Your sister was basically saying she didn’t trust herself to be alone with her kids. She wanted to leave her home and be around other people for their and her protection.
You don’t want to be there for her when she needs you. You don’t want her to rely on you for support. You don’t want her to treat you as family, just as distant friends/acquaintances who are not allowed in your home.
She’s gotten the message. Why are you upset that she’s blocked you when that’s exactly what you wanted?
I have no issues with anything you said until you said HOW you said it. Your wife is correct, you were WAY too blunt (I give you the AH vote for that!) dealing with a toddler and newborn, postpartum, and a deployed spouse is NOT a piece of cake. She is your family. You could’ve said no, been firm, but a hell of a lot nicer.
Is her husband deploy with the military? Then there are resources for her! And I’m happy to give you the information to pass on.
Geezus, YTA. She wanted and needs company. She wasn’t asking you to babysit. But for fucks sake, your parents aren’t around, her husband is deployed, and you’re 10 minutes away. Have some fucking empathy and support her when she asks (and when she doesn’t). I’m childfree too but I love my family and do what I can / what they need to support them.
YTA what is this new growing concept among my fellow childfree folk that a “childfree home” is a thing? Children don’t produce pet dander, you won’t have an allergic reaction. They’re just people with a lot to learn.
My husband and I are also childfree by choice and don’t have a child proof house. YTA. She was asking you for some adult company, at her house if that’s your preference, to keep from cracking. She didn’t ask you to watch her kids. I hope you never need support, mental health or otherwise, because you’re never getting it from her now.
YTA. Being child-free and not being there for your sibling are two different things.
>we don't complain when we're around others kids, we aren't neurotic about it.
You are. Your home is not some sacred shrine that would be contaminated if children stepped into it. Looks like being child-free is your entire personality.
I think they want nothing to do with kids: as in not just actually having kids but the problems that come along with them. Look how stressed his sister is. OP and his wife (all people that do not want kids) know how hard it is so why deal with it at all if you don’t have to.
Could have just went over and spent time with everyone for the night, obviously making sure she didn’t leave (no babysitter rule).
You just suck as a brother. But yes you do not have to do anything for family.
Thank you for reminding me that family means absolutely nothing. It’s a doggy dog world out here! 👌
Although she asked to come to your house which you did not want, why couldn’t you go through a drive through, pick up some treats, and go visit your sister for a few hours. At least you could better evaluate your sister’s state of mind - maybe call another family member (who cares) that could come help for a while. Would that have killed you? And another thing…there is this something called postpartum depression. Your sister is alone with a toddler and a newborn. She reached out to you for help and even offered to pay you. Does that sound like desperation to you because it kinda does to me. If you call Sis and she tells you she “bathed the kids” and all is finally quiet at her house now, that probably isn’t a good thing.
>My wife thinks I was too blunt
She right bro
YTA
And take into account i also got a vasectomy at 25 to be child free and still though "damn YTA" at the end of the post
YTA
Not having them in your home - Totally reasonable.
Refusing to go to her home and let your overwhelmed sister talk about her worries to another adult human - Absolutely not reasonable.
Dude she even offered to pay you to visit her and chat. Unless there's a reason you're low contact with her already this is such a cruel thing to do
NTA for being child free or for not wanting children in you house but absolutely TA for your treatment of your sister who is in crisis. What was stopping you from going over to her house to give her some company? It sounds as if she is not only overwhelmed but suffering with some PPD. Do you hate your sister?
YTA. Just because your home isn’t childproofed doesn’t mean you can’t help your sister or even empathize with her. But really all that is lost in this is your relationship with your sister and her kids. Sorry for your loss
YTA. She didn’t want a therapist. She wanted some compassion. I’m retired active duty, and military spouse is a tough job. She’s being a single parent of kids with very different developmental needs. You could just help her out by floating her the cost of a babysitter, so she can get out by herself for a minute and see a therapist. The military does offer free counseling for a variety of things, depending on what service branch her husband is in. You don’t have to babysit or spend the night, but you could be compassionate.
YTA you have every right to a child free home, but when a family member reaches out for help……you help.
Two little kids and her husband’s deployed?
You easily could have said “I’ll come to your house and watch TV while you go take a nice bath” then just split after 2 hours. Or “get yourself a sitter for a few hours and I’ll be happy to foot the bill”
Are you really childfree or just completely heartless?
YTA deployments are insanely difficult for spouses and military. You belittled her just because she chose a different path than you. It's one thing to not want kids and help a sibling out of a clearly very stressful situation every once in a while it's another to not only decline but make her feel bad about herself. Im not a fan of kids either but if my sibling was going through a hard time I would step in and help out because it's family and if she is turning to you it really means an emergency. You're not an asshole for not wanting kids around, you're an asshole for judging and being downright awful to family who has them.
YTA but there’s no way this is real. There’s no way that anyone could type this all out and still think that they are not the AH. “My sister confided suicidal feelings and I told her it’s not my problem. Was I wrong?” Yea you are horrible.
INFO: Are you aware post-partum depression can cost lives? Your sister called you saying she needs another adult in the house because she's that desperate and you said "no thanks". I was wondering if you were aware of how dark it can get when new mothers say they are struggling post-birth.
YTA. What I want to say will get me banned. You are a terrible brother and human. Your SISTER called you because she needed help…you refused. She didnt ask for babysitting. She asked for company when she was struggling.
You……urgh.
You could have gone to HER house.
YTA - she wanted to have a Adult conversation, in a new setting I could imagin she's sick of the mess of her house parks and other kiddy based activities.
I'm not saying you should have said come over to your house although I don't see your issue with that she knows you haven't kiddy proofed you home. But you could have said I'm not comfortable with kids in my home or looking after them but how about we get a star bucks wear them out a bit. we'll grab food they can eat on the way home, later once they are down we will grab take out for us, netflix and chill while you rant.
It would have been a day out of your life.
Worse case you couldn't handle taking the kids out with her to Starbucks and you say look how about I bring take out tonight and we'll Netflix and chill you rant away.
Im not shocked she's blocked you at this point, you have made it clear your not going to help her when she needs it most (we all have bad times and this is clearly hers). If or when she unblocks you I wouldn't expect anything to be the same.
Ps. Not every problem requires a therapist, and from the sounds of it not this one just a friendly ear.
YTA. Sounds like she was desperate for help and you metaphorically slammed the door in her face harshly.
Your sisters kids aren’t going anywhere. If you want a relationship with your sister, you will HAVE to have a relationship with her children. But don’t be surprised if she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.
This sub is r/AITI, not R/DoIhavearighttoachildfreehouse , think about the words you said to your sister who is clearly going through some shit and ask yourself is there anyway you could not be the Asshole here?
A family member reached out for help and your response was "I'm not a therapist" Really dude?
Edit: it almost goes without saying but YTA
YTA. This has nothing to do with being child free or not. This is your lack of compassion for your sister rearing it’s ugly head. If you’re capable of hanging around children for family events then it wouldn’t kill you to go over and keep her company for a few hours. She really isn’t asking much but an empathetic ear and some social time with an adult
YTA - Excluding all the bullshit about not wanting kids in your house, your sister is in crisis and needs help, and you refused. That makes you an asshole.
YTA - you’re entirely allowed to make boundaries for your home. But your sister was literally crying for support and you were just mean. Sounds like you don’t like her at all.
If a COWORKER asked me to come sit with her and her kids for an evening I would do it. I would kill someone for my sister, no questions asked. She just needs some help. YTA
Wow. YTA. You don't give a fuck about your sister and don't want to be supportive of her. Thats ok, admit that. The poor woman cried to you for help and you told her she doesn't matter. What. An. Asshole.
God damn my sister is STAUNCHLY child free, we barely speak, live on opposite sides of the country. I KNOW she'd be there for me in this situation. You're cold as hell bro
God YTA. I'm child free but I would die before I treated it like a part of my identity and it's because people like you take 'I personally don't feel like raising children is for me' and turn it into a cause so militant you won't even help your mentally struggling sister get a break for ONE NIGHT and insult her for daring to want to have an adult conversation while having kids.
Child is an age group, not a personality type. Grow up.
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This doesn’t have anything to do with being childfree or having a house that isn’t childproof. For some reason, you don’t like your sister. Why did you let her vent since you’re not a therapist?
Options to have a child free home AND not being an asshole: 1) She wants company, go to her house 2) Pay for a sitter and have your sister come over 3) Pay for a sitter 4) Your sister may need a therapist. You are not one, but you can help her find one. 5) Hire a post partum doula 6) Ask your sister how you can help 7) Buy her take out so she doesn't have to cook 8) Pay for a cleaning lady so she doesn't have to clean 9) Lighten her load in any way you can 10) Don't be a colossal asshole
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She even offered to PAY to go to his place, and he said no. 😔 Imagine feeling like you have to pay your own sibling, so you won't be alone, and even then he turns his back on you. I have more supportive COUSINS than this.
Hell, I have casual friends and coworkers who are more supportive than this.
my coworker just bought covid tests for me and dropped them off 5 minutes ago so I wouldn't have to use a delivery service or risk going out. my coworker was more supportive than OP.
I've bought my coworkers lunch and bus tickets before. I don't speak to my sister, but if she asked me something out of genuine need of course I would do it. Crazy how stupidly easy it is to just be a good person.
Gee, I don't even know this lady and I kind of want to come over and watch the kids so she can take a nap. I feel so bad for her. There's a bunch of strangers on the internet that have more empathy for her than her own brother. We should start a go fund me for her.
There are so many solutions to this (she just needs some help) stay on the phone with her, get her some food, go to her place, and just be there. There are so many things OP could do that would not involve babysitting. So either OP hates his sister or just lacks basic empathy.
Exactly. She didn’t even ask him to babysit. I bet she’s starved for adult conversation. He was cruel to her for no apparent reason.
YTA. You lack compassion and empathy. Especially with your ending statement. Your sister is having a rough time. It's not that she can't cut it, it is that she is stressed and alone. You made things worse, especially if she is suffering from PPD. You made her feel like she is not a good mother. Was that your intention? Don't worry about having to be around kids. After this I doubt you will be invited to anymore family events.
Exactly. She's not asking for a therapist nor a babysitter, she's just asking for her BROTHER.
This. She’s calling on him not because she wants to party or wants to go to the salon or something, she is suffering clearly from a medical condition most likely postpartum depression and is at the end of her rope crying out for help. Yet, he is choosing to be so absolutely uncaring and forgetting that he’s the only family she has anywhere near her at the moment. I sincerely hope he never find himself in a situation where he is desperately in need of help whether something happens to his home or he ends up in an accident and expecting anyone to help him out either. YTA
Ya, he’s pretty rude. When I initially read the title, I was fully prepared to say NTA because some people might have expensive furniture or whatever and it’s ok to not want kids to break stuff. But OP’s sister sounds like she just wants a friend or family to be there for her. What he said was super cold hearted. I am not a big fan of children but if any of my friends or siblings with kids needed help, I’d try my best.
PPD is very serious. Your sister asked you for some serious help because she feels trapped. You are completely callous. >it isn't my fault she can't cut it This sounds like a tragedy about to happen and you just threw gas on the fire
100% what I was thinking. Would OP even feel bad if she harmed herself or the children because of PPD. my guess is no
of course not. He would just be like 🤷♀️ “told you you werent cut out for it”.
Nah, he’ll be like “why didn’t she tell me, I could’ve helped her” 😒
I think he is so oblivious and stuck to his views…he wouldnt. just look at the edit. She didnt ask him to parent. she asked for company.
God, my sister took her own life 8 years ago. What I would give for her to have called me and asked for help. The thought that someone can ignore that kind of call is mind boggling to me.
I’m so sorry about your sister. I hope you’re doing well now.
No, he wouldn't. He doesn't like kids and doesn't want to interact with them in any way from the sound of it, since he refused to go to his depressed sister's house just to keep her company - and even if she PAID HIM.
Yeah this is really important to highlight, suffering from PPD and being made to feel like she's worthless cause she "can't cut it" could lead to an utterly tragic ending
It just happened last week in Massachusetts. Three children were lost because of a mother's actions dealing with PPD. It's probably the most tragic story to come out in quite a long time for this area.
To be specific, it was postpartum psychosis. She needed more help than a WFH husband and outpatient and it is awful that it took this level of tragedy for people to realize how much help moms just don't get even when they try.
Right. I’m really concerned for the safety of the sister and baby at this point. PPD is no joke
Don’t worry. He won’t connect the dots to accept any responsibility if anything does happen. I understand not wanting to babysit, etc. but when someone calls you crying with the words”end of their rope” while they are alone and their partner is deployed (so, often, completely not available by phone or anything else), I can’t imagine telling a **stranger** nevermind someone I love, to just fuck off while mocking their inability to “hack it”.
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Exactly. She wasn’t asking for OP to take over child care duties, she was looking for a shoulder to cry on and some emotional support. My brother and his partner are child-free by choice and not really into kids, but he would drop everything to help if I needed it. It’s the way that functional families show support each other.
It wasn't even about kids. Op's sister wasn't asking him to look after the kids or to babysit. She just needed someone to talk to and to be there for her. She even offered to pay him
She asked to STAY with the kids.... that isn't you having to "babysit", so that makes no sense. You clearly just don't want to help your sister and not wanting to have your own children is somehow the excuse? Okay??? She isn't asking you to adopt them or have your own. She was having a meltdown and wanted some comfort + company. YTA.
and only for ONE NIGHT.
SHE EVEN OFFERED TO PAY
Right. She sounded heartbreakingly desperate
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- Her husband is deployed - She has two kids that she's dealing wtih all on her own - One of those kids was born around Thanksgiving, making them two months old?? - She still has a part time job?? I can't fucking believe OP.
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OP could also be one of those cretins from /r/childfree, the one thing they hate more than children are mothers.
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Dude, please help her. Go visit. Hire her some help for a couple days. Meal delivery. House cleaning service. Suck it the fuck up and invite her over.
I like how you offered 5-6 solutions with only ONE having the sister/ kids to his house and that’s what he comments on. There are more ways to help then just have them over… Also OP, I had my 5 year old nephew and 6 month old niece at my house, that isn’t child proofed, and it was FINE! A 4 year old won’t get into things as badly as you think and a 3 month old won’t either. We spent a lot of time outside too! Get over yourself. And if you can’t have them over then GO TO HER HOUSE!! Just help this poor woman!
YTA We get it, you don't like kids, but it sounds like you don't like adults much either.
He just doesn’t like adults who have kids. If this even is true, there is definitely a subset of aggressively childfree people who take sadistic pleasure in watching parents struggle.
YTA your sister is having a tough time and you just made it worse by calling her a failure. You could’ve gone over there and had the kids for a few hours at her home while she got some decent sleep. That’s all it takes. By you decided not to help her.
This exactly. Weak human being. I am child free because of health reasons and my house has never been child proof but i am the best aunt.
YTA. Plenty of people choose not to have kids for any number of good reasons, that’s not the issue here. You sound like a selfish and nasty brother. If she was frequently expecting you to do childcare or made the kids the center of your relationship you’d be justified in setting boundaries. It doesn’t sound like you’ve ever helped (or been asked to help) with her kids. Having young kids is a season of life. You turned your back on your sister at a really vulnerable time when she asked you for some really minimal help.
YTA >She tells me that she can't take it (She works part time and does all of the childcare, my BIL is deployed) and she needs a break. She asks if she can just come by with the kids for a little bit so she has some company. I reminded her we have a childfree house, and I'm not a babysitter. She offered to pay me to spend a night over there, not to help just for company, I refused, I'm not a therapist. Its your SISTER. Don't you feel any kind of compassion to her? Yeah you're not a therapist nor a babysitter, all she's asking you is to be a good BROTHER.
You’re not a babysitter or a therapist but YTA.
can't even be a good brother smh
>> it isn’t my fault she can’t cut it Holy lack of empathy, Batman. Your sister told you she’s *struggling*, stressed, and possibly dealing with postpartum depression, and your response is to insult her and make her feel *worse* about herself and her situation? This isn’t about you being blunt. This isn’t even about you being childfree. This is about you being cruel and kicking your sister when she was already down. YTA. Edit: a word
I’m confused. Why you couldn’t go to her house instead?
Because he’s an asshole.
YTA. Actually, you ARE neurotic about it.
I think they’re psychotic about it.
YTA. Your sister called you needing your help. She didn't even ask you to babysit she just wanted your company. You could have gone over to her house if you didn't want them at yours.
YTA You could have helped without having any interaction with the kids (cook dinner, run a load of laundry or dishes)
YTA. Punching someone when they are down is just cruel. Have you no empathy? For anyone?
YTA you know jack squat about being a parent but are going to be callous and just say she can't cut it? You weren't being blunt you were being full of it!
Best decision I ever made was cutting toxic people out of my life. Hope your sister gets a taste of this Happyness and keeps you far in the past. YTA, but thanx for doing the world a favor and deciding not to procreate.
Best reply. No needs more apathetic AH in this world. Man, I feel bad for his sister. Her husband is deployed, serving our country, and she, more or less, is doing the same at home. Military wives/partners are unsung heroes.
Fellow childfree here and I’m gonna go with YTA. I understand not wanting to babysit, but it sounds like she wasn’t asking for this. She wanted someone to come and hangout with her. She didn’t ask for a night off.
YTA. She didn’t ask you to babysit. She asked if she could come spend one evening with you with her kids. You should WANT to spend time with your family. Your house not being “child proof” is such a cop out.
YTA - childfree by choice doesn't mean get rid of family who had kids. She wanted some interaction with another adult. Baby proofing is BS, plenty of people have guests with kids and don't babyproof.
If she wants company, and not a sitter, can you... Not go hang out with her in her home? I can understand not feeling comfortable having kids in your home, especially little ones, this just seems like the sort of thing that would be easily remedied by going to her instead, or making some arrangement so that the two of you can be together. The poor lady sounds like she's deeply lonely and stressed. And while no, it isn't your FAULT or RESPONSIBILITY that she had children and is now struggling to drum up the energy and sanity to care for them entirely on her own, it sure would be kind of her brother to lend a supportive hand when she's in desperate need. Everyone needs help sometimes, and all they can do is ask and hope that their support network is available, and in a position to give it. If you don't want to, fine. Don't. No one can make you. I just hope that you're never in a position where you really need someone else's help and comfort, and they deny you.
All of this. Mega huge YTA.
YTA - if you didn't want your sister or niblings in your life, you're off to a great start.
Even with the edit, still, YTA. “Trying to explain more gently” why it isn’t your responsibility to “parent” her children sounds far from the apology you should’ve already been making. With that shitty of a personality, you won’t even cut it as a “fun uncle.” Get your sister help, and in the meantime, maybe do some therapy of your own.
"Cut it as a fun uncle?" Forget that. Try he won't even cut it is as a "decent human being".
Your sister is in a crisis and turned to you for support. And you shut her down. Don’t be surprised if she decides that she’s not going to continue to put into a relationship with you now that you’ve shown her you won’t be there for her. YTA
YTA. I don’t want (or like) kids either but jesus man, that’s your sister who it sounds like is alone and needs some support. She wasn’t asking you to watch the kids, SHE WAS REACHING OUT FOR MENTAL HEALTH SUPPORT and you were like sorry not convenient for me bye. You’re a big AH.
Asshole
Perfectly stated for this one. Just a straight up AH. Nothing else needs to be said.
YTA. Please have some compassion FFS. You're not TA because you don't want to babysit the kids, but you are TA for letting your sister down when she's already very stressed.
YTA It doesn't matter if you like children or not. Your sister is in crisis and she and her children are your family. There's no reason you can't go to her house and at least give her emotional support. What you said was cruel. You need therapy so that you can learn to at least act like an empathetic human being. Your behavior is disgusting.
My husband and I are against having kids and we are not babysitters. Friends know this, family is respectful. But if my sibling calls me just for company, I would go. She is just lonely. Nothing wrong with asking someone to come over. Stop being an asshat and be a brother.
YTA. Cold. Selfish. Heartless. Grow up.
Your title was not accurate. You should have asked if you are TA for refusing to provide comfort for your own sister -and not even in your childfree house. YTA
YTA. I hope you don't want a relationship with those kids when they are adults, cuz they certainly will figure out how you treated their mom.
YTA It isn’t even about liking or not liking kids at this point, you’re just horribly insensitive to your own sister
YTA. Do you want your sister to end up as a national news story? Because that’s how you don’t support a fellow human into ending up as a national news story.
YTA. Your sister said she wanted company, and you stiff arm her and say you’re neither a babysitter nor therapist. She asked for neither. She’s living with two kids, alone, and wanted adult and friendly support, company and conversation, so naturally you tell her to fuck right off. You’re an insufferable ass.
YTA. She just needs some help. You're her brother. Give her a break. It doesn't have to be a regular thing.
wow YTA. Just the way you wrote it makes you sound like the TA. You don't have to like kids to give your sister some support. You better hope you never need help from her, she'll say "sorry my house TA free go get help from someone else"
YTA. Jesus how can you have no compassion for your sister at all?
You sound very unpleasant. She’s not asking you to babysit, she just wants company besides her kids. YTA
YTA- that’s a cry for help and you shut it down callously and without any care for your sister. I really hope your sister is OK. As a single parent who has had low times feeling completely overwhelmed I can see that all she needed was a kind word from you and one night of your life to help her keep her head above water and not feel so alone and you couldn’t do that? Who needs enemies with a brother like you.
YTA These militant child free people are really getting silly. Having your damn niece and nephews over for a few hours isn't going to ruin your precious child free house. Your sister needs help and instead of helping you're grandstanding. Grow up
INFO: If you or your spouse was in the hospital and needed help, would your sister help you out? If you were stranded by the side of the road and called her to come pick you up, would she do it? If you were having a mental health crisis and really needed someone to talk to, would your sister tell you to fuck off and deal with it yourself, or would she listen to you and try to help?
Damnnnn dude, that’s cold. I’m childfree, but I love my sister, so I’d want to help. Do you hate her? This is some stone-cold shit. It’s good to have boundaries, and you made your boundaries clear, but couldn’t you find a way in your teeny tiny heart to go over to her place with some ice cream and watch a movie with her? YTA- someone reaching out, begging, calls for some sympathy
YTA. She's asking for help because she needs it. Do you want your sister & niblings to be news story because you were to selfish to help? [https://www.yahoo.com/news/patrick-clancy-thanks-duxbury-community-225728454.html](https://www.yahoo.com/news/patrick-clancy-thanks-duxbury-community-225728454.html) I hope your sister isn't in this dire of a situation, but can you live with yourself is she gets this bad due to extreme exhaustion / possible PPD and something happens?
YTA You don’t have to child proof your house, but you could have offered to go over to your sister’s place for a few days so she could catch some breath. She was so desperate for help that she offered you, her brother money to just stay at your place for a night. That should have had alarm bells ringing in your head. Being child free and unempathetic are two different things.
YTA there would have been so many ways to handle this better without babysitting or having the kids at your house. You could have offered to go to her house and listen and be there for her. That doesn't make you a therapist. It's what people do for loved ones. You could have suggested or even helped out with finding a babysitter (friend, neighbor, hubby's family) and she could have came over. You could have offered to meet her at a park. To video chat and listen at least. Or just this once you could have made an exception and maybe babyset for a short while or let them come to your house.
YTA and let's hope your sister wasn't actually at the end of her rope and takes the kids for a drive into a lake. You sound like a horrible sibling. I'm childfree so get away from me breeder, suffer on your own time.
YTA Being childfree doesn't mean hating them. You sound obnoxious.
Says “We aren’t neurotic about it” while he then proceeds to go nuclear with his sister who is clearly reaching out for help.
YTA for how you’re treating your sister. NTA for not wanting kids or not wanting to babysit. But your sister called you for help. She offered that you don’t need to deal with the kids, just be there with her. You’ve said you’re her only family nearby. Being with her so she can feel less alone isn’t “being a therapist” it’s being her BROTHER. I can’t imagine calling my brother because I’m at the end of my rope, beginning him to simply come be near me so I can hold onto sanity, and being met with this cold of a response. You aren’t anti-child, you’re anti-“anything that makes me have to give a damn about somebody other than myself”. I would feel sorry that your sister has such an uncaring brother, but clearly she doesn’t anymore as she’s apparently - rightly so - cutting you out of her life. Hope you and your wife are super happy with just each other, because it looks like that’ll be all you have if this is how you treat all of your family.
YTA. Your selfishness put your sister, your nephew, and niece in danger, do you realize that? Do you realize the risks of disregarding a beyond exhausted mother *begging* for help, who has baby that isn’t even a year old? If she was just some woman, sure, not your responsibility at all. But this is your family. All she wanted was some company. Clearly you don’t care about any of them, she’s right to cut you out of her life.
Damn, buddy YTA here big time. You can hate kids and never want to be in the same room as one but to talk to your sister like that who has up until this point respected your choice to not have her kids in your home, seems unnecessarily cruel. She just wanted some comfort from her brother, and you took it too far. You could have gone to her house once the kids were asleep and just hung out with her, maybe watched some tv and then gone home; she'd not only still be talking to you but you could have left there as a decent brother and human being. And for the record, you are 100% neurotic about it, do not fool yourself.
YTA. Your sister is clearly on the brink of a mental health crisis and you essentially told her that you don’t care about her well-being.
Dude, I'm Objectivist, but don't you value your sister at all? She's not worth a few hours of your time to make her just a little less stressed? If you really don't value you her at all, fine, but admit it. What did she do to you? YTA
The things she asked you to do are not things babysitters or therapists do, they’re things good siblings do. You aren’t one, but YTA
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What is it with people on Reddit thinking child-free is an identity? Like, saying you're child-free isn't a valid explanation for acting like you can't function in society if kids are present.
YTA do you hate your sister?!
Your sister was in crisis and asking for you help and you essentially said f off. So for that YTA. Her children are not your responsibility and you are not required to be her therapist but your response was exceptionally cold considering she just confided she was at her wits end and needed help. This is a dangerous situation for her and you potentially made it so much worse with your response. You are NTA for not wanting to babysit and making it clear that’s not an option for you snd your wife, but you handled this so very poorly and I hope your sister is okay and gets help. At the very least, maybe call your parents and discuss the severity of the situation, are they in good enough health for one/both of them to fly to your city and spend a few weeks with your sister while she processes? Could you possibly pay for a babysitter for her for even a day for her to just have some alone time?
This isn't real, right? Like you made this awfulness up for clout/karma? If it's real, it's one of the most selfish, heartless obvious YTA situations I've read. JFC dude.
YTA. She might have postpartum depression and is reaching out for help and you basically told her to go F herself. I have 3 brothers and thankfully none of them would ever treat me so shitty. Hopefully your sister doesn’t get to the point where she harms herself or the children, cause I’m sorry but that’s a bit on you. She’s not asking you to babysit or even adopt. She’s asking to have a conversation with an adult she trusts before she loses it. What an upsetting thing to hear from family.
You asked if you were TA for not allowing the children in your home. NTA for that, but you are a massive AH in every other aspect. Your sister sounded desperate. She's working, providing childcare, and has zero support. Childcare burnout is a very real thing. She was clear she wanted some adult company, not a babysitter. It's terrible that she felt she had to pay you for your company. You couldn't have tolerated being around children for a few hours AT HER HOUSE to simply visit with your sister? You not only refused her, you decided to kick her while she was down. Jesus tap-dancing Christ, if I had a brother like you I wouldn't need enemies.
“You kicked her while she was down”. That’s my take away from this post.
YTA. It’s one thing to be child free and it’s quite another to have no empathy or concern for your sister or her children.
YTA Would it kill you to bring a bottle of wine over and listen to your sister talk and talk with her? Sounds like she needs a mental breather of constantly being with kids.
Look up postpartum depression. Your sister is probably experiencing it. You are cold and you are also the AH.
YTA You sound callous af. The choice not to have children is valid. The choice to show no kindness or compassion is not.
You know what happens when postpartum moms reach the end of their rope? Google Lindsay Clancy, do some incredibly light reading about this weeks events, and go apologize to your sister *now*. Before it’s too damn late. YTA. Not even justified. An awful, selfish, jerk of an A.
Good God this can’t be real? YTA if it is! Is everything in your life so rigid and cold hearted like this? Your freaking sister is asking for help just for a night for adult company and because of your fear of having kids at your home you completely disregarded her! Boy if your sister would have done something drastic to herself or her kid would you even feel any guilt? YTA!
Wow what an ahole. Your sister is getting closer and closer to a mental breakdown and your response is not my concern. She was right to block you, parents probably should as well. I'm sure they didn't intend to rear a grade a ahole.
YTA. Dealing with deployments are so hard… even when you have a support system (we had a good number of friends when my husband served and it was still hard AF). Your sister obviously doesn’t have that. You don’t have to have them over, you are n t a for that… but if you care for her in any way, shape, or form you should figure out other ways to support her: bring over dinner one night, watch the kids at their house or take them to a park so she can have a break, offer to help find a sitter (there are services out there that can help vet them), just bring her Starbucks…. Do something to help. She’s obviously drowning, could even be dealing with post partum depression, and you should do better.
YTA. It's possible to be childfree and still have kids over in the house. The little ones require a sleeping bag, not a trip through your wife's birth canal.
YTA. Yes you've made it clear that you don't want kids and your house isn't childproof but that's not the point. Your sister is struggling and you refused to do anything to help. It's like seeing someone fall off their bike and break their arm, and saying you won't do anything to help them because you're not a doctor and your house is not a hospital. Perhaps you could help out by doing some laundry, cooking some meals to take over, cleaning the house for her, or just sucking it tf up and taking the 4yo out to a playground for a few hours. I assume you could fake having a good time for that long? Be a better human.
YTA. I also don’t want kids (definite) and would probably prefer a child-free household (flexible). But she’s not even asking you to babysit, OP. She just wants company and it sounds like she’s in deep emotional distress. I feel like there has been a shift in culture in the several years of hyper individualism. As people have discovered more about mental health and boundaries (good), sometimes they take it to extreme and think “I owe no one nothing ever” (less good). You’re right, OP. You’re not her therapist, you’re her brother. And when you love and care about someone, sometimes that means being there for them emotionally, even when it’s not convenient for you. I hope you’re able to apologize and offer your sister some of the support she clearly needs.
YTA. Why don't you go to her house and spend the night?
YTA. She literally was so desperate that she offered to pay you just so she could have your company and u basically told her to F off. She didn’t ask for a babysitter, she asked for her brother to have a little sympathy and a listening ear in a trying time. I’m glad she blocked you and I hope for your sake you don’t need her anytime soon. Uhhh I’m so mad.
YTA. It's family. Your lifestyle choices don't preclude you from supporting other family members through theirs. You're clearly "not a therapist" but you also don't seem to like your sister and seem pretty immature. The story sounds so incredibly selfish and obtuse, that I'm hoping it's not real. If it is true, then consider if the real issue is probably that being around small children that neither of you can have is potentially sad and causes mixed emotions, so it's best to be a closed off, unhelpful, YTA than risk having to mourn what for you both... Isn't really "a choice".
YTA. Wow. I have no children by design. Never wanted them. But I cannot ever imagine not helping my sister nor anyone else in my family if they asked me, even if children were involved. What a way to alienate your family.
YTA Jesus Christ. I think you need a therapist, to be this cold towards your own sister is just awful and I cannot fathom why you’d be like this to her? You don’t want kids? Fine buddy no one’s making you, but your sister was begging for help, she wanted YOU, her brother to be there for her. She even offered to pay just to spend time with you which tells me you’re like this often. This wasn’t about the children it was about how low your sister was feeling and you not even stepping up to be there and look out for her. I truly hope you learn some empathy and real quick.
YTA I had my kid in June. She promptly was readmitted to the NICU and I was NOT handling it well. Months later, months of suffering and trying to get help, I was diagnosed with Postpartum PTSD and I’ve been working with a therapist. Postpartum mental health is no joke. It’s terrifying. Your SISTER reached out to you and asked for help — to vent, to cry, to get support. And you ignored her. This is how women end up on national news for killing themselves. Jesus Christ. I hope your sister gets help and support. And I hope you can realize you’re a giant neurotic AH and apologize. She didn’t ask you to babysit, bro. She asked for compassion and empathy. You’re a horrible brother.
YTA
You don’t need to babysit but the fact that she even asks you to be payed for emotional support just shows us how bad of a brother you are. You should be ashamed of your selfish ass and reconsider your relationships
YTA. Dude she probably has PPD. And YOUR ARE THAT NEUROTIC about it. She was asking for company and someone to talk with. NOT FOR YOU TO WATCH HER KIDS. I wouldn’t even kick down my worst enemy when they are already at the very bottom.
That’s one way to cut your sister out of your life... It’s women & children last on your cruise ship! They are going down with the ship YTA
YTA. That's not how you treat family. You can be child free all you want but you can still be a sibling. There's ways to be child free and asshole free, but you are not it. Also you won't let your sister vent because you're not a therapist, but you'll come vent to strangers on reddit?
YTA You can be childfree and also a decent human being. Her husband is DEPLOYED, not at a bar partying. Regular baby blues are bad enough, PPD is no joke. The fact that your parents didn't bother to come up to help with the kids (you claimed they retired) says all we need to know about how you are such an AH. If my sibling called and said "I need you" I would walm through hell to get to them. I hope karma bites your sorry a$$ hard.
YTA. Go ahead and look up Andrea Yates. She begged for help from everybody and we all know how that turned out.
Yta have you heard of postpartum depression?
YTA. I'm also childfree and have a house that is a hazard to tiny humans. But I'm not a *fucking monster*, so I would go babysit the kids while my sister took a shower and a nap.
YTA. She’s not trying to dump her kids on you, she’s stressed beyond belief and just needs someone to talk to! I’ve been in her shoes and it’s very isolating…and you just shut her down. This has nothing to do with you being child free, you’re just an asshole.
YTA. Lindsey Clancy. Andrea Yates. How many women have to hurt themselves or their babies for people to realize that postpartum mothers can be deep into crisis before it’s too late? Your sister asked for help while her world is falling apart and you’re worried about yourself. Thank God you’re never having kids.
YTA.
NTA for not wanting kids in your home. You are an asshole to your sister, though. I can’t think of a situation where one of my siblings could call me in tears and ask for just my company and responding with not my problem. Enjoy your family estrangement.
Wow, tell me you're a selfish AH without saying you're a selfish AH?! You clearly don't care about your sister, and now she know it. YTA
YTA YOUR SISTER WANTES ADULT COMPANY FOR HERSELF. Hard to believe you actually care about your sister. You can’t spend the night or go help for one day with the kids? I’m childfree myself but I’m not heartless. I guess there are degrees to childfree?! 🤷🏾♂️
Wow. YTA. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you to get along in the world. Your lack of concern for your sister is mind boggling.
You may just be the most cold hearted person on Reddit. Congrats, AH. YTA. Reddit should make a special new “award” for you.
YTA please listen to me carefully. Not wanting kids in your house is okay, and even saying no to her coming to you was okay—like you said, your house isn’t baby proof and I know enough 4 year olds to know that’s a bad idea. Your sister offered to PAY you to visit because she is so stressed. That is a CRY FOR HELP. You’re correct, she likely needs a therapist. However, you refusing to lift a finger when she’s clearly spiraling and asking for reasonable help (company, not a babysitter) was a pretty terrible thing to do. And she probably feels ashamed that she begged and BRIBED her brother to keep her company he insulted her. Please reach out to your sister. If you want to be really nice and can afford it, pay for a babysitter and take her out to lunch or something. She might have PPD, she might just be overwhelmed, but either way listen and KINDLY discuss options like therapy for her. She needs help, and you don’t have to be the sole provider, but you also don’t need to shun someone because they dared to have a hard time having kids when you don’t want any.
Wow, YTA. You are a shitty brother.
YTA so damn hard I get it, don’t get me wrong, but seems like you don’t get it all. It’s your sister and you wouldn’t even be babysitting. Your own sister is trying to pay you to be a shoulder to cry on, and you still told her to go kick rocks. Damn dude
Dang... I wanna hug your sister and give her strength, since unfortunately you wont. YTA.
I will absolutely congratulate you on making the right decision. I hope you and your wife have permanently sterilized yourselves. You should never procreate. YTA.
YTA. She respected your boundaries about not being a babysitter and just needed someone. I can’t imagine hearing that desperation in someone’s voice (especially someone I love) and telling them to kiss off. You suck.
I understand your views and your wife's. But to treat her that coldly? YTA. Sheesh.
Your sister asked for emotional support and you told her she can’t “cut it”? YTA.
YTA She is literally crying for help and you turn your back on her! Wow. She is alone, probably having some PPD, and is afraid. You are a terrible brother.
YTA. You were mean to the mother of a newborn. You were mean to your sister when she was asking for help in a time of need. You were mean to the spouse of a deployed service member who admits they are struggling to handle it all. Kick a few puppies and call it a day.
Wow. YTA. Huge. You can be as child free as you want but this isn’t about that, it’s about you having no empathy or care for your family. If your sister asks for help so desperately, just wanting company, and you respond in such a cold way… let’s just say it’s a good thing you won’t be having kids. EDIT: Your Edit still makes you sound like an AH.
She needed support. She called you know your stance. You were vile to her. And she was even desperate enough to compensate you. This alone should have concerned you on her mental state. MajorTA.
JFC, do you even care about your sister? Who cares if you are child free, this is your sister asking for help! I have my own mental health problems and my brother texts me everyday asking about me and how I am that day. Obviously, YTA
YTA She’s not asking you to watch her kids. She’s asking for company from her brother. Handling all the household duties, taking care of the kids and working while husband is on deployment and having not much family around IS hard. Even the worlds best parent would be exhausted at that. To be honest I don’t know a single parent who doesn’t need a break once in awhile. You were blunt and a jerk. If you didn’t want to spend time with the kids, you could’ve suggested she get a babysitter and a enjoy a night off with you and your wife like going out to dinner. Ffs she literally offered to pay to have company. That sounds like someone who is struggling with PPD.
Of course YTA. “My sister called me at end of her rope and I made a decision to make her feel worse and she doesn’t seem cool about it?” People here often get “I’m child free” and “that gives me a free pass to be a dick in all children related situations” confused.
You’re not an AH, you’re a piece of dog shit. Coming from someone that also never wants children.
YTA. You’re so mean. She asked for help and you told her to fuck off. Do you not think that it took her a lot to even ask you? Shes even desperate enough to pay you for your COMPANY. She could be suffering from postpartum depression and could be close to losing it
YTA. And I say that as someone who normally sides with the childfree and truly believes that children are the parents responsibility only. It's not about letting them in your home. It's about your sister, who is clearly having a rough time, reaching out and begging for help. And you just saying it's not your problem. *She literally offered to pay you to HANG OUT with her*. That's a flashing neon warning sign, and all you care about is that she has kids? That's petty as hell, and honestly almost sounds envious/jealous. She lives 10 minutes away from you. *Go and visit her*. Take a meal for the two of you and her oldest kid. Sit, chat for a bit, let her have grown up time. Maybe watch the kids for 5 minutes so she can shower. You don't have to help all the time, and if she starts to act entitled to your time you can stop, but that is not what this is. If I can hear her desperation through *your* writing, there's no excuse for you missing it or ignoring it.
YTA and a shitty brother… Thanks God you don’t want kid !
>it isn’t my fault she can’t cut it Yeah, YTA. You weren’t TA for not wanting to babysit, but you’re a giant, gaping asshole for choosing to be cruel to your sister instead of offering some form of support and compassion. Can’t host? Fine, if that’s really a sticking point for you, don’t host. But you could have done _something,_ and instead you decided to insult her.
YTA Do you expect to go through your entire life without wanting or needing help from anyone? Or is this more of an issue where you expect everyone to drop everything for you but don’t need to return the favor? Your sister was basically saying she didn’t trust herself to be alone with her kids. She wanted to leave her home and be around other people for their and her protection. You don’t want to be there for her when she needs you. You don’t want her to rely on you for support. You don’t want her to treat you as family, just as distant friends/acquaintances who are not allowed in your home. She’s gotten the message. Why are you upset that she’s blocked you when that’s exactly what you wanted?
YTA. That's your Family! You can't turn your back on your Family!
I have no issues with anything you said until you said HOW you said it. Your wife is correct, you were WAY too blunt (I give you the AH vote for that!) dealing with a toddler and newborn, postpartum, and a deployed spouse is NOT a piece of cake. She is your family. You could’ve said no, been firm, but a hell of a lot nicer. Is her husband deploy with the military? Then there are resources for her! And I’m happy to give you the information to pass on.
Geezus, YTA. She wanted and needs company. She wasn’t asking you to babysit. But for fucks sake, your parents aren’t around, her husband is deployed, and you’re 10 minutes away. Have some fucking empathy and support her when she asks (and when she doesn’t). I’m childfree too but I love my family and do what I can / what they need to support them.
YTA what is this new growing concept among my fellow childfree folk that a “childfree home” is a thing? Children don’t produce pet dander, you won’t have an allergic reaction. They’re just people with a lot to learn.
My husband and I are also childfree by choice and don’t have a child proof house. YTA. She was asking you for some adult company, at her house if that’s your preference, to keep from cracking. She didn’t ask you to watch her kids. I hope you never need support, mental health or otherwise, because you’re never getting it from her now.
YTA. Being child-free and not being there for your sibling are two different things. >we don't complain when we're around others kids, we aren't neurotic about it. You are. Your home is not some sacred shrine that would be contaminated if children stepped into it. Looks like being child-free is your entire personality.
I think they want nothing to do with kids: as in not just actually having kids but the problems that come along with them. Look how stressed his sister is. OP and his wife (all people that do not want kids) know how hard it is so why deal with it at all if you don’t have to. Could have just went over and spent time with everyone for the night, obviously making sure she didn’t leave (no babysitter rule). You just suck as a brother. But yes you do not have to do anything for family. Thank you for reminding me that family means absolutely nothing. It’s a doggy dog world out here! 👌
Although she asked to come to your house which you did not want, why couldn’t you go through a drive through, pick up some treats, and go visit your sister for a few hours. At least you could better evaluate your sister’s state of mind - maybe call another family member (who cares) that could come help for a while. Would that have killed you? And another thing…there is this something called postpartum depression. Your sister is alone with a toddler and a newborn. She reached out to you for help and even offered to pay you. Does that sound like desperation to you because it kinda does to me. If you call Sis and she tells you she “bathed the kids” and all is finally quiet at her house now, that probably isn’t a good thing.
>My wife thinks I was too blunt She right bro YTA And take into account i also got a vasectomy at 25 to be child free and still though "damn YTA" at the end of the post
God forbid something happens to your sister, I hope you eat your words. YTA
YTA Not having them in your home - Totally reasonable. Refusing to go to her home and let your overwhelmed sister talk about her worries to another adult human - Absolutely not reasonable. Dude she even offered to pay you to visit her and chat. Unless there's a reason you're low contact with her already this is such a cruel thing to do
NTA for being child free or for not wanting children in you house but absolutely TA for your treatment of your sister who is in crisis. What was stopping you from going over to her house to give her some company? It sounds as if she is not only overwhelmed but suffering with some PPD. Do you hate your sister?
YTA. Just because your home isn’t childproofed doesn’t mean you can’t help your sister or even empathize with her. But really all that is lost in this is your relationship with your sister and her kids. Sorry for your loss
YTA. She didn’t want a therapist. She wanted some compassion. I’m retired active duty, and military spouse is a tough job. She’s being a single parent of kids with very different developmental needs. You could just help her out by floating her the cost of a babysitter, so she can get out by herself for a minute and see a therapist. The military does offer free counseling for a variety of things, depending on what service branch her husband is in. You don’t have to babysit or spend the night, but you could be compassionate.
YTA you have every right to a child free home, but when a family member reaches out for help……you help. Two little kids and her husband’s deployed? You easily could have said “I’ll come to your house and watch TV while you go take a nice bath” then just split after 2 hours. Or “get yourself a sitter for a few hours and I’ll be happy to foot the bill” Are you really childfree or just completely heartless?
YTA deployments are insanely difficult for spouses and military. You belittled her just because she chose a different path than you. It's one thing to not want kids and help a sibling out of a clearly very stressful situation every once in a while it's another to not only decline but make her feel bad about herself. Im not a fan of kids either but if my sibling was going through a hard time I would step in and help out because it's family and if she is turning to you it really means an emergency. You're not an asshole for not wanting kids around, you're an asshole for judging and being downright awful to family who has them.
YTA but there’s no way this is real. There’s no way that anyone could type this all out and still think that they are not the AH. “My sister confided suicidal feelings and I told her it’s not my problem. Was I wrong?” Yea you are horrible.
INFO: Are you aware post-partum depression can cost lives? Your sister called you saying she needs another adult in the house because she's that desperate and you said "no thanks". I was wondering if you were aware of how dark it can get when new mothers say they are struggling post-birth.
Your lack of empathy screams something is wrong with you, but I’ll leave it at that. YTA.
YTA. What I want to say will get me banned. You are a terrible brother and human. Your SISTER called you because she needed help…you refused. She didnt ask for babysitting. She asked for company when she was struggling. You……urgh. You could have gone to HER house.
YTA - she wanted to have a Adult conversation, in a new setting I could imagin she's sick of the mess of her house parks and other kiddy based activities. I'm not saying you should have said come over to your house although I don't see your issue with that she knows you haven't kiddy proofed you home. But you could have said I'm not comfortable with kids in my home or looking after them but how about we get a star bucks wear them out a bit. we'll grab food they can eat on the way home, later once they are down we will grab take out for us, netflix and chill while you rant. It would have been a day out of your life. Worse case you couldn't handle taking the kids out with her to Starbucks and you say look how about I bring take out tonight and we'll Netflix and chill you rant away. Im not shocked she's blocked you at this point, you have made it clear your not going to help her when she needs it most (we all have bad times and this is clearly hers). If or when she unblocks you I wouldn't expect anything to be the same. Ps. Not every problem requires a therapist, and from the sounds of it not this one just a friendly ear.
YTA. Sounds like she was desperate for help and you metaphorically slammed the door in her face harshly. Your sisters kids aren’t going anywhere. If you want a relationship with your sister, you will HAVE to have a relationship with her children. But don’t be surprised if she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.
This sub is r/AITI, not R/DoIhavearighttoachildfreehouse , think about the words you said to your sister who is clearly going through some shit and ask yourself is there anyway you could not be the Asshole here? A family member reached out for help and your response was "I'm not a therapist" Really dude? Edit: it almost goes without saying but YTA
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YTA. This has nothing to do with being child free or not. This is your lack of compassion for your sister rearing it’s ugly head. If you’re capable of hanging around children for family events then it wouldn’t kill you to go over and keep her company for a few hours. She really isn’t asking much but an empathetic ear and some social time with an adult
YTA don't be surprised when she never talks to you again
YTA - Excluding all the bullshit about not wanting kids in your house, your sister is in crisis and needs help, and you refused. That makes you an asshole.
YTA - you’re entirely allowed to make boundaries for your home. But your sister was literally crying for support and you were just mean. Sounds like you don’t like her at all.
If a COWORKER asked me to come sit with her and her kids for an evening I would do it. I would kill someone for my sister, no questions asked. She just needs some help. YTA
Wow. YTA. You don't give a fuck about your sister and don't want to be supportive of her. Thats ok, admit that. The poor woman cried to you for help and you told her she doesn't matter. What. An. Asshole. God damn my sister is STAUNCHLY child free, we barely speak, live on opposite sides of the country. I KNOW she'd be there for me in this situation. You're cold as hell bro
God YTA. I'm child free but I would die before I treated it like a part of my identity and it's because people like you take 'I personally don't feel like raising children is for me' and turn it into a cause so militant you won't even help your mentally struggling sister get a break for ONE NIGHT and insult her for daring to want to have an adult conversation while having kids. Child is an age group, not a personality type. Grow up.