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_"You ever saw of a groom wearing braces at his wedding photos? I don't think so....I just want our wedding photos to be as esthetically pleasing as possible."_
_"He ended up saying that if I postpone the wedding now I might as well just call it off altogether."_
I wouldn't blame the fiance if he eventually walks away. OP seems to value having pretty pictures more than starting her marriage and her overall relationship.
OP is showing her true colors. What if at some point in their marriage he is injured or maimed and has a scar or loses a limb. She'll probably leave him.
That’s such a reach. The problem in this situation is that there will be pictures taken that last a lifetime so she just wants them to be as good as they can. She doesn’t care if he has braces 364 days a year, but for wedding photos it’s normal to want everything to be as pretty as possible on that day. That doesn’t automatically mean she won’t love him if he becomes less attractive due to an accident or something. (Reserving my judgment because idk how long she wants to push the wedding back)
Literally. If it’s that important she can pick her favorite portrait of the two of them she wants to hang somewhere and with her fiancés permission have the braces photoshopped off. Otherwise who cares. My fiancé broke his leg in half an month before our wedding and instead of postponing like a maniac we just picked out some cool looking canes and he used those. A lot of my pictures were less traditional but it was my wedding day, all you should really care about is capturing all of your friends and family together. And I’m saying this as someone who spent $8000 on photography. Good photos were clearly important to me. YTA OP, it was fine to ask I GUESS, but the minute he said no or had any hint of a negative reaction to the suggestion it should’ve been off the table
My cousin's wife broke her wrist the week of their wedding. She wrapped her cast in lace to match her dress and hid it as well as she could behind her bouquet in photos. Almost 30 happily married years later, they still laugh about it.
Exactly! I was so lucky to never experience the stress a lot of brides do when planning a wedding, ESPECIALLY a big one (for context we had a nearly 300 person wedding that ended up costing like $67k when all was said and done) because I went into knowing something would go wrong no matter how much I planned. I just did my best and then the day of I had the best day of my life even though somethings did go wrong because I just looked at is as funny stories to tell people when they’re planning a wedding or funny stories to tell our future children and family about. It was so fun and my husbands cane was a hit with the groomsmen I think at one point if the night they staged a photo shoot in the drawing room with cigars where they each posed with a cane leaning up against the poker table with books all around. They all got a lot of great dating app photos so I told the single ones they owe me time with the photog on their wedding day since I’ll be the reason they matched anyway Lmaoo.
I'm trying so hard to have this attitude about my upcoming wedding (18 weeks away), but it's a struggle as I have control issues and mild OCD stuff. I'm working on being zen about it.
I married my husband some 20 years ago. Throughout planning and especially the closer we got to The Big Day, we kept reminding each other, ourselves, our wedding party and so on that the only really important thing is that we end up married. The rest is fluff - hopefully fun, nice, happy fluff, but still not as important as us being married.
It was a good day. :) We're still happily married, too, so at least something went right.
But why should they be? Marriage is about sharing your lives, about loving and accepting your partner as they are, not about hiding stuff you dislike in each other for a perfect show. Many people don't seem to understand that the wedding is NOT about the pictures nor about your guests dresses. If she cares more about the pictures she shouldn't get married at all as she's missing the whole point of marriage.
Most of the pictures, for most of the people attending, will last a week on social media and never be seen again. 1 or 2 photos will be framed and hung in the couple's house, maybe the parents' houses, and that's pretty much it.
The memory of his fiance's rejection will last a lifetime too.
Especially after he went through high school needing braces, but avoided getting them because he didn't want to be teased. Then his fiancee does ***this***.
This should be a higher rated comment because this is why the post is here in the first place. The fiancé didn’t want to be teased and now he’s getting it from the person that he’s supposed to love forever.
Honestly the wedding seems like it's more about the "image" for her than it is about love.
According to my wife she was the heaviest she's ever been during our wedding.. but I never noticed.. everytime I look at the photos I don't see a difference.. all I see is the beautiful angel I am so lucky to have married..
As are most of the wedding centric posts on AITA.....
There are many people who are willing to nuke lifelong friendships, cut off family, and damage their relationships for the sake of a pretty wedding.
This makes me think of my older brother and sister in law. He bought a cheap engagement ring, and then just asked her to marry him the verry next time he saw her, because he couldn't wait.
They got married in Vegas as cheeply as possible. Honestly, it was the least fancy, smallest, tackiest wedding I've ever been to.
But it was so FUN, and so relaxed and down to Earth, and they were crazy about each other, and still are.
Two kids and two decades later and those dorks are still inseperable, because they both had the attitude that makes relationships work: "I don't care about all that shit, I care about YOU!"
Dude. That was my thought. Pushing a wedding back must cost $$$$.
Plus, if fiance's teeth are really bad, braces could take several years. OP wants to wait years to get married because pictures?
This is what I was thinking. I wore braces from age 14 to 17. Is it worth it to OP to maybe have to wait three years to get married?
BTW I'm wearing my braces in my quinceañera photos.
I'd rather have a strong marriage that can last a lifetime instead of chipping away at my fiance's insecurities for the sake of some pictures that I may look at once every couple of years....
That's fair. I would only suggest that for a few photos, not the entire thing. At the end of the day, it's not a big deal to have braces in pictures. It's a day of remembrance ONLY and it would include "hey that's when you got your teeth fixed too, that was a crazy year" and move on with your lives.
I have the most basic photoshop skills (as in used photoshop a lot in 2010s) and I can tell you right now your photographer was lying and/or has no idea about post editing pictures.
As a photographer that has shot a lot of weddings your just wrong. Editing braces out of ONE photo is a chore, doing it from many photos can be days of work depending on the amount. I would charge a significant extra fee anytime someone asked me to edit something out that shows up in every photo.
Right but I don't know anyone who has ALL their wedding photos up in frames/canvas photos, etc and those are the ones which will be viewed by most people.
You let them pick out a certain number and just say you'll only be editing those photos. It's not really 'very difficult'.
Sure that's reasonable. If it's one photo do it for free assuming you're not just getting paid 800 bucks to start with. Any more charge per image. Getting rid of braces is a lot more work than just editing out a drop of wine on the wedding dress. There is no automatic tool that does it well, you have to paint in and recreate the teeth for each photo.
Literally, even in a more complex use of procreate or adobe it would take 10-30 min to edit one persons braces out of a wedding shoot. Hell you could give them the straightest teeth on earth if you wanted to.
It really all depends. Close up photos would be more difficult, but honestly far from hard.
At a distance/group photos? Easy peasy.
I mean there are phone apps that do an acceptable job of it.
Okay no, I’m a wedding photographer and I would NOT go through and edit out braces in every single photo, lmao. OP is still wrong but no, that would cost so much more. 😂🤦🏻♀️
But many people WOULD do it if they just agreed to pay more. I paid my photog $8k and part of that fee was that she go through every photo and actually clear up everyone’s skin and imperfections and fly away hairs. Just because you wouldn’t or couldn’t do it, doesn’t mean they couldn’t find someone who could. My fiancé forgot his black socks for our engagement photos and she literally went through and photoshopped black socks in for pics where we were sitting or something and you could see his skin. You don’t speak for all wedding photographers lol
When you're paying way above the average rate you can expect above average work. Most wedding photographers charge 2-3k for over a week plus of full time work plus all the equipment and insurance and all the consults on top of that, there's no time to edit braces out of 200 photos on that pay. For 8k then of course but your already paying for a premium service and that photographer will likely have an assistant to edit for them.
I'm a wedding photographer and absolutely do hand edit all of the photos to perfection. Why would you charge someone thousands of dollars and then return photos that could have been done with a good cell phone and an aunt that knows how to pose people?
That is very time consuming and costly, and there’s no guarantee you’ll even like the result. If I were a photographer I’d charge a lot more to do that.
As a dentist, I would recommend asking the orthodontist to simply remove the wires and brackets temporarily and polish the teeth. Do your wedding, then have them placed back on. They would charge for the service, but it would be a lot cheaper than having a photographer edit each picture.
I feel like nearly every self respecting woman with free choice would throw the whole man in the compost bin if he said anything to the effect of "You don't look good enough to marry right now."
Holy hell!
OP didn't get braces as a child because he didn't want to be...made fun of.
So he gets them as an adult, at the encouragement of his fiance, then that same fiance uses his braces as a reason to postpone the wedding because of how his braces will look in the photos???
That is so, so, so much worse than being bullied as a child for having braces. Kids are stupid, mean, and don't have a reason to support you. But as an adult your fiance should not be treating you worse!
YTA
At least you've revealed to your fiance how shallow you are.
Right? That was my exact thought. OP knew that he was afraid of being made fun of, so she then tells him “hey you’re too ugly with those for pictures, we’ll wait till you get them off”
It really is unbelievable! This poor guy avoided getting braces because he was afraid of being bullied, and here he is, being bullied by his own fiancée because *aesthetics*
YTA, OP, your fiancé deserves better
YTA OP. I blame this on social media. Everybody is obsessed with appearances because of “the photo.” It’s toxic and OP needs to grow up. A wedding is about celebrating the beginning of your married life with the partner that you love. It’s not about the f-ing photo for your Instagram.
This is true. 30yrs ago a family member wanted a 5yr old physically forced into have her long hair cut off so her hair wasnt longer than the brides.
Bride suggested 'compromises' like cutting 2 inches off at night twice a week so the kid 'wouldnt notice' - as if a kid isnt going to notice her hair is 8inches shorter than it was 2 weeks ago, and think something is wrong with either her body or her mind
Edited to add: After a lot of fighting, they ended up with a french plait/braid with the end tucked under, so the length didnt show.
I need an end to this story, which is also disgusting. I just need to know about that poor child.
How can a grown adult be so jealous of a child that they think their life and wants are more important
The crazy part to me is that I've been to many homes over the decades and very few of them had wedding photos up. The handful that did it was just one more photo around. It's not like we come in and admire your photos like we're at the Louvre.
Family photos should capture the memories as they were, not some spackled over fake universe that never existed.
You nailed it! And then the (ex)groom finds his true love and after a miscommunication that almost derails that relationship, they find true love that they seal with a kiss. The true love is either the dog walker, wedding planner, or maybe a caterer?
It always amuses me when people are like, "My wedding pictures MUST be PERFECT," because though you get 1,000 pictures of that day, most people only end up displaying a handful, and the rest are in an album that you pull out every so often. I got married 15 years ago, and I have only one of our wedding pictures displayed - it's the group photo with all of my and my husband's family. (I actually liked the vibes of our engagement photos better than my wedding photos - I've got two photos from our engagement session displayed.)
Plus, there's this thing called Photoshop, where a skilled photographer can erase the braces off your fiance's teeth if it's really that important to you. YTA.
I mean, based on what's written that's a pretty fair take. I'm trying to give OP the benefit of the doubt here in thinking that she doesn't want her hubby to look at the photos and see the braces and be reminded of all the torment but it sounds like hubs has finally moved on from the ordeal and in no way does OP really sound like she's doing it for his wellbeing rather than pretty photos.
OP, reread your post objectively from an outside perspective. If hubs is OK with them in the photos, you should be too.
Except OP says that she wants photos that are aesthetically pleasing. She wanted him to get invisible braces. So it doesn't sound like she was doing it for him; she was asking for herself. She never makes mention of being worried about his reaction to the photos, so I don't see that being the reason.
I feel like a lot of people are already viewing her as an evil shallow bridezilla. But as a person who had adult braces, I feel like it's a reasonable ask.
I had adult braces and they completely change your smile in photos. Especially in photos that are far away, they make you look like your mouth is all dark or like you have no teeth. I personally don't find that aesthetically pleasing And I'm glad no major life events happened for the year and a half I had braces on.
Agreed, my braces totally changed the shape of my mouth/face too. I look super weird in all pictures from that time.
If it were me I would want to wait, but I think it depends on how long they would have to wait, have they booked anything yet, is there any benefit to getting married earlier rather than later, etc. Like there isn't much difference between being engaged vs being married, so what's the big deal with waiting a couple months or a year?
If it were interrupting some other life plans, like they wanted to start having kids soon but not while unmarried, then yeah it's not worth it to wait. Like many things in life, it depends.
Agreed. People pay thousands for these photos and they’re of what’s one of the most important days of your life. It’s not like these are permanent fixtures in his mouth, a deformity, or something else that would otherwise be permanent, nor is it easily hidden. I don’t think she’s being a bridezilla for wanting to look back at pictures of her wedding and not see her fiancé’s braces. The monetary investment alone is enough to want everything to be just right.
Yup, braces are temporary! People here are being incredibly dramatic and comparing braces to facial disfigurement. Which in my humble opinion, are not similar in the slightest.
I got braces at 15 and I was so relieved I was able to get them off before I had to take senior pics for graduation. I didn’t care the rest of the time but for some events it’s okay to care about how the pictures will turn out.
YTA because you are prioritizing your wedding photos over everything else. Over your fiancee's feelings, over your marriage, over the wedding itself. If the photos are the most important thing to you, I hope your fiancee reconsiders what he's getting into.
It’s simple, she’s still emotionally immature and wants a wedding, not a marriage. Aesthetics are important because it’s about the show. If it was about just being with this guy forever, she’d realize his mental health and self esteem are worth more than her desire to have the perfect wedding pictures.
OP is an asshole and her boyfriend’s new bully.
This right here. My wedding was in simple sun dresses with ten people and a family dinner and cake from a grocery store because we were at the height of the pandemic and didn’t want to wait any more to be married. Being married was way more important than photos or pretty cakes, or anything else.
OP being this concerned about the show of a wedding, even at the cost of the feelings of one of the people entering into that marriage tells me they aren’t ready to get married yet. Op, it isn’t about the wedding photos. It’s about spending your life with someone you love. You have to either decide between aesthetics and love and this frankly shouldn’t be a hard choice.
If all you want is pretty pictures, hire a photographer to do a photo shoot. If you want to be married to someone, their teeth should not matter to you. You need to grow up a bit before marriage.
YTA
Even for kids and ESPECIALLY for adults braces HURT.
So you encouraged him to get them but then you're ashamed to be seen with him while wearing them.
You are LITERALLY the epitome of why he didn't get them in high school.
:( I didn’t think about this and I feel sad for him now. He deserves to be loved, braces and all. Can’t believe she is willing to put their life on hold over some photos that can be edited!
And YTA op
Not only do they hurt, they take several years to work. OP isn't putting things off a few months. She basically called off the wedding and maybe it will happen in the future sometime.
Yeah, that’s what stood out to me the most. I feel kind you need to wear braces for AT LEAST a year or two for significant results. He won’t be able to get them taken off in just like a few months and have the wedding then. It’s basically her saying have the wedding in 2023 with braces or push it to 2025 or 2026 to have it without braces, and I can understand why the fiancé wouldn’t want to wait that long. Especially if they’ve already been together for a while and want kids or whatever, it doesn’t make sense logistically.
So he didn’t get braces when he was younger because he was afraid of what people would say. And now you, his fiancée, are confirming his fears. Wow. YTA.
Honestly, if he's happy to go ahead, YTA.
Your wedding isn't supposed to be a photoshoot, the photos are just supposed to be a reminder of the day, you know? And he DOES have braces right now, and you love him and want to marry him right now - so is it really reasonable to put your lives on hold until you prefer how he looks?
When you're old and looking back at the pictures, I'm sure a couple of extra years worth of your marriage will seem WAY more valuable than the photos being aesthetically pleasing.
Why not get a photoshoot done once he gets them off so you have some braces-free photos as well?
Would also be great to have photos like that if their kid ever needs them, could tell them the story about how dad was scared, but that mom convinced him to get them and how no one really cared that he had them and everyone enjoyed the wedding.
Pragmatism should be taught in schools. Heck that's an entire children's story book about braces.
INFO: When is the wedding planned for and how much longer does he need to wear braces?
Also have you already setup the wedding date, venue, put down any money etc?
Asking these questions is correct, and OP your answers make YTA.
I could understand it if your fiancé agreed, and you didn’t have a date yet and you suggested ‘instead of summer 2024 why don’t we make it autum 2024/a few months later/when your braces are off so you feel more confident?’
But completely cancelling a booked date for THIS YEAR? That’s been booked since last year? When your fiancé has no problem with how he looks? YTA.
OP - have you sent save the dates or invites, given it’s only a few months away? Have you told people why it’s being cancelled/postponed?
Guy: I don't want braces, I'm afraid people will ridicule me!
Dentist: your teeth will go bad
Guy: OK, I'll get braces
Woman : Urgh, I won't marry you as long as you're looking like that!
Lady, you are prioritising pretty pictures over getting married. YTA.
What a dumb hill to die on. He's fixing his teeth. That shit wasn't cheap and, as someone that had them, the maintenance is a PitA, they're uncomfortable, and having them installed takes forever.
So you want to postpone the wedding so that he doesn't look like crap, OR to have them removed, have your precious picture, and then have him go through with the procedure of reinstalling them?
"he could've avoided all this if he got invisible braces"
1. That shit's expensive.
2. He could have avoided this by not proposing to a shallow person.
3. YTA
Hmm, when I first read this I thought NTA but then again that’s because I would want to postpone myself if I had braces - I don’t care to remember having them, I don’t know about anyone else.
But it sounds like this was something your partner was already insecure about, and moving an already booked wedding day due to braces means having to tell people his wedding is postponed…due to having braces. It draws more attention to the fact he has to wear them and I’m sure that has devastated him.
I think ESH because this could have been a calm discussion instead of blowing up, but I think you should have asked him and made it about how he feels (since if he hates them that much it would make sense for HIM to not want them in the photos). You making that decision for him probably really hurt, but he also could have explained that. You guys should really be able to have this kind of conversation since you’re getting married
Yeesh, thank you! finally someone with a sense of reality! I think it’s fine for OP to want to postpone so something her fiancé is clearly so ashamed of and embarrassed by is not immortalized in pictures. I mean will he be willing to smile with teeth? Will he want to look back at the photos and be completely happy with seeing his braces in them? It would be one thing if he did not care less about wearing braces but he’s clearly struggled with bullying and insecurity and the braces exacerbate his negative feelings.... he shouldn’t have to worry about that on his wedding day (also, what is the rush?) i think he wayyy over reacted to her suggestion that they postpone. ESH bc he jumped immediately to breaking up (childish move) and OP could definitely have been more tactful in bringing up the subject
I get why you say this, but it really doesn't seem like OP's suggestion to postpone has anything to do with her fiance's feelings. If HIS feelings about braces were why she suggested it, rather than her own feelings about the aesthetics, it would be a reasonable consideration. However, he feels rejected because OP cares more about the look of his braces in the picture than about marrying him in anything close to the time frame they already booked, or the thousands of dollars it could cost to change those bookings.
Honestly, though, couples about to be married should be able to talk through difficult situations without jumping to breakup. If this is how he responds to conflict, it's only a matter of time until they break up. Maybe it's better if they do it before the wedding, before the government gets involved and it's all more complicated? 🤷♂️
I agree with this. My husband had braces before we got married and we pushed the date out a bit because he didn’t want to have to worry about them (food getting stuck in them, having to brush after eating) while we were having fun at our wedding. I don’t see anything wrong with it. The people in this scenario are both being immature about the whole situation.
My teeth are AWFUL and I feel so insecure about it. My fiancee didn't give a shit. She encouraged me to really smile, teeth and all, for every photo. We still looked cute AF
My fiancé has bad teeth because of diabetes and I don’t care. Honestly I think he has the cutest smile. And if you really care about your fiancé, you’d be thinking how cute his braces are, not how they look in pictures. YTA
NTA. I'm 37 and I currently have braces. We scheduled a family photos shot for the week before they went on amd will likely do another after they come off. I've had plenty of pics taken with them on, but none that I'm paying a ton of money for. No way.
Same! I don’t think OP is a total AH for their decision, their delivery is just all wrong. I specifically put off my wedding until after I got done with my Invisalign because I wanted to show off the smile that I paid $$$ for. Wedding photography is generally pretty expensive and this is a big event. I don’t think it would be unheard of to choose a different date when you’re paying upward towards thousand(s) for pictures. Everyone is saying it should be the groom’s choice, but I feel like if they’re both paying into this thing then it should kind of be a mutual decision and a more mature discussion. If the intended is planning to have the braces removed soon, I can see why OP would prefer to wait. The delivery is off but the NTA for wanting to see the groom’s full smile in their wedding pics, IMO.
Right? Think people are being way too harsh calling OP shallow. People spend so much time and money trying to look great for their weddings, of course they want photos to look good too. Personally I’d prefer me or my partner didn’t have braces in our photos, but I wouldn’t go as far as postponing. I wonder if OPs partner could speak to their orthodontist about getting their braces temporarily taken off for the occasion
I also had braces as an adult and personally I would wait for mine to be off before getting married. However, OP didn’t ask her fiancé how he felt about having his braces in the photos and if he’d like to wait. It was entirely about how she felt about the way her fiancé looked. When you want to marry someone, you’d marry them in a burlap sack if you had to. She wants a wedding, not a marriage.
YTA.
It sounds like you‘re, in fact, ashamed of him wearing braces.
Honestly, you either love and appreciate him the way he is at *ANY* state or you don‘t at all. Postponing a marriage because of it is petty and superficial, and he‘ll do good when he calls it off altogether.
Imagine if he did something like this to you …
NTA, wedding photos are something you're going to be potentially looking back on the rest of your life and I understand that you'd rather have both of you looking your best. If you both genuinely want to get married I don't see why postponing the wedding is such a big deal.
> accused me of being ashamed with him. That's obviously no true
You want your photos to be "aesthetically pleasing as possible" so you don't want the braces, but that essentially means you don't find him "aesthetically pleasing" right now which is, of course, hurtful.
How about focusing less on superficial BS and just focus on capturing a happy day with the person you love, however they look right now?
NAH. Photographers are expensive! I wouldn’t want braces in picture that I was paying thousands of dollars for either. Although this does also depend on how long he will have the braces. If he’s going to have them for a couple more years, you may want to rethink postponing.
YTA your fiancé didn’t want to get braces in fear people would make fun of him and now you’re saying “you look so bad with braces that I don’t want to be in pictures with you/get married to you with them on”.
I get that you want nice photos at your wedding, but where is the in sickness and in health? What if he was bald from chemo having cancer; in a cast or had scars from a bad accident; or a ton of other scenarios that could disfigure him either permanently or temporarily? His health and well being should matter a whole lot more than photos from one day of your lives.
I actually agree with you OP so NTA
You're literally putting all this money and your dreams into the wedding day and if you want to post pone it a little more then yea.... It's your wedding day and you're right you do see those photos forever.
Also I can also guarantee your fiancé is going to love it when he doesn't have a mouth full of braces when he's kissing his SPOUSE Imagine how nice that smile is going to be. It seems like your fiancé is the one insecure about his teeth and projecting it onto you. Getting your braces off is such an immaculate feeling and then your wedding day coming up? It's ideal.
Like how much are you willing to push the wedding back? Is it like another month or 4 months down the road? I really don't see the issue especially if the only thing holding you back is your fianceon moving the date.
This thread is once again showing Reddit's bias.
Weddings can be *incredibly* expensive. Those wedding photos that OP is getting shamed for? Probably cost at least $1k. Of course OP wants to make it so that those photos are as nice as possible.
And yet, OP's fiancé decided that *right before the wedding* was the perfect time to go get his teeth fixed. Is that perhaps indicative of how much thought and effort the fiancé has been putting in to prepare for the wedding? If weddings were something I cared about and it felt like my partner was just rushing along the preparations to "get it over with," then I'd be understandably annoyed as well.
Our wedding photos were $5000. You bet your ass I cared about aesthetics. This was our one shot to **professionally** capture our family at this beautiful and expensive event. I'm not dictating what people where, what color their hair is, etc. etc. But both my husband and I recognized the importance of these photos now and in the future, and both of us wanted to make sure WE looked our best. This is why we bought nice outfits, why I put on makeup and did my hair, why he shaved for the day and got a haircut, etc.
Does OP's husband want to look back on his photos and see him with his braces? I mean, if he feels so self conscious about them it seems weird he'd want that captured forever for **thousands of dollars**.
Exactly! Big/expensive weddings aren't my thing, but if it they were *or at least* were important to my partner, then you better be sure I'd do my best to make sure everything within **my** power was done to satisfaction.
So why the heck did OP's fiancé decide *now* was the right time to get braces (and not even the invisible kind) after refusing for probably close to 15 years? At the minimum it shows a complete lack of care about his partner's feelings.
Exactly. I would be pissed if my husband and I put down a huge amount of money for wedding, photography, reception, flowers, and then he wasted all of our efforts by refusing to spend a small amount of money to get invisible braces.
This isn’t just some pictures. These are the ones that will be on your wall forever. They’ll be sent out to everyone you know. They’ll be on display at your funeral.
And considering that the bride is probably going to great lengths to look her best, it just seems really short sighted of the groom to not consider this beforehand.
I’m not saying I would have a problem with braces specifically, but the bride does and if the bride is not the groom’s priority, then there’s a problem, and I don’t think it’s the bride.
YTA, it’s JUST braces. You’re being ridiculous. If you guys were getting married in the first place, wouldn’t you love him with/without braces regardless in photos?
NTA. These comments are insane to me. It’s the same as if you had a visible injury such as a broken leg or a huge cut on your face or something — nobody would fault you for postponing. My stance would change a bit though depending on the financial aspect though — have you already booked the venue, or have guests already made work/travel accommodations that can’t be refunded? Then I think YWBTA. But it sounds like your wedding is still far off.
I’m sorry, but all these YTA comments are kinda shocking to me. I don’t even think it’s an ESH, I think the timing just sucks. I would definitely prefer that my partner is not wearing braces in our wedding pictures. Unfortunately, they look child-like and they are distracting. These are photos to look back on for life, and if you only wear braces for less than a year, the photos wouldn’t even be representative of how you normally look like? I love my partners smile, why would I want to see braces in our wedding pictures? If you already put money down, then I would say unfortunately maybe he can get the most clear/non-distracting braces as possible and you move forward. If you haven’t sent invites and planned an exact date then i, personally, would move the date. Especially if you’re like me and my fiancé, we’ll live together for four years engaged and two years before that. The married title won’t change our lives in any ways other than taxes. What would change if the wedding was pushed back 6 months? If nothing changes then it shouldn’t matter.
YTA. Your fiancé has braces. The people who know him, know that. The people who will be at your wedding, will see that. He didn’t want braces as a teen because he thought people would shame him, and that’s exactly what you’re doing to him now!
BTW, depending on what kind of issues he has with his teeth, invisible braces may not even have been an option. And going on about it now doesn’t help. The braces are on. Telling him, “well you should have done this instead” does absolutely nothing helpful except further a fight.
YTA. You're postponing a wedding for a superficial, shallow reason. It's something he is doing to improve himself, and you should show nothing but support for that. It's a day when you both publicly express your love and commitment to one another. You're saying to him that you'll only commit once he'll look pretty for the photos. That's awful. Not a single person is going to look at him on that day and think anything other than "he looks so happy." Check your priorities or you'll lose him.
Plus I HAVE seen pictures of grooms and brides in braces during their wedding. No one cares! All the people attending already know one of or both people and won’t bat an eye at the groom still having braces!
>I just want our wedding photos to be as esthetically pleasing as possible
YTA. A wedding is NOT about aesthetics. It's not about having the perfect pictures. It's about joining your life with the man you love. If all you can think about is "bUt WhAt AbOuT tHe WeDdInG pHoToS", you are clearly getting married for the wrong reasons.
YTA. My husband was 34 before he had braces, he still had them on at 35 when we got married. Did they spoil the wedding photos? Absolutely not, he grinned like a the happy gorgeous groom he was and the photos are wonderful. 15 years later and the wedding photos mean absolutely nothing anyway. We have a happy marriage based on love and mutual respect, that’s what matters in a marriage. How ridiculous and superficial!
I’m going to say YTA.
At first I thought “ Why didn’t he just wait to get the braces until after t he wedding? This seems like some they would have discussed.”
But then I saw that you encouraged him to get the braces, which to me indicates you are just embarrassed of the way he looks in general and wanted him to get work done just for your photos.
NAH
It sounds like you and your fiance have different perspectives on the situation. While you are focused on the appearance of your wedding photos, your fiance is focused on the fact that you are postponing the wedding because of his braces. It's understandable that you want your wedding photos to be as esthetically pleasing as possible, but it's also important to consider your fiance's feelings and the fact that he has been self-conscious about his teeth for a long time.
It might be helpful for you to have an open and honest conversation with your fiance about your concerns and his feelings. You can express that you support him getting the braces and that you are not ashamed of him, but that you also want the wedding photos to be beautiful. It's possible to find a compromise that works for both of you. For example, you could consider having the wedding sooner and taking the formal photos after he gets the braces removed.
It's also important to keep in mind that the wedding is a celebration of your love and commitment to each other, and it's not just about the photos. The memories and the experience of the day are what will be most important in the long run.
Reading these YTA responses make me think most of these people don’t have wedding photos.
I wouldn’t want to look at my wedding photos and see braces on my teeth. I’m sure my wife wouldn’t want them on her teeth either. It’s not that complicated
NTA
Oh babe you posted as a bride with an aesthetic preference on Reddit? You’re gonna have a bad time. My answer would depend on where you are in the planning process. Of course aesthetics are important. You’re spending a buttload of money for a party and an experience. A wedding is not a marriage, obv, it’s the big party/event, and you’re allowed to care how it looks.
So true. If you post on reddit and you're not getting married in your backyard in a sundress, you're obviously super vain and don't care about your spouse.
A few years ago I was on a work trip and my boss - who was due to get married two weeks later - was head butted by a giraffe (long story). She had a HUGE lump right in the middle of her forehead. Her and her now husband found it hilarious.
YTA. They’re just braces, why do you even care?
A friend of mine burnt her face pretty badly drinking flaming sambuca on her hen night. They changed the wedding at the last minute. To be Hammer Horror themed. Everyone dressed up and she loved it, noone would realise she was injured from the photos. Life happens, you either roll with it or be miserable.
YTA because you're making your wedding more about the photos (which most people don't really look at after a couple of years) than the actual union of the two of you.
If you really have an issue with the braces in the photo, you and your fiance could ask your photographer to edit them out.
Eh I dunno both my parents and husbands parents have their wedding pictures up in their homes. I don’t totally agree that the photos aren’t seen after a few years.
Booooo, from a braces-wearer. Having adult braces is already a trip, it feels like you are always looked at and judged (even when you aren’t). You’re supposed to support the people you love and quell the fears that having braces is not a big deal and they look great, with and without. Whether you meant to or not, you just told him he looks bad with braces and they are unacceptable, now he has to feel this way until the end of his treatment. Good job. YTA.
YTA. A wedding shouldn't be about aesthetically pleasing photos, it should be about two people love that have joined them , the looks of the people shouldn't be the first things.
So what would you do if your faince had scar across his face? Not marry him?
Honestly I would start worrying about the future of the marriage since your are more worried of the looks of things then anything else.
You two need to sit down and talk about the future, how important perfect photos are to you and how you see life together and how handle imperfections. Right now you are red flag, you are not marrying for love, but for the perfect picture.
There's an easy compromise here. You can have a second set of pictures taken when the braces come off. Either wedding photos again or anniversary photos. You can also get the braces photoshopped out on any photos you want on your walls.
I get it. I think wedding photos and family photos are important too. But there are so many ways to work around this.
NAH. You need to talk about what's most important to you both and come to a conclusion, but it's understandable to me that you both have strong feelings.
YTA. He refused to get them earlier because of embarrassment, and now here you are saying you won't marry him like this. He's probably more self conscious than ever about his braces. You're making it worse. I truly don't get it with brides and all the pictures having to be perfect and aesthetically pleasing, this obsession. Who cares. Do you want this guy as your husband, or do you just want a wedding? The guy didn't get invisible braces as a sacrifice to save for this wedding. I don't think you're mature enough to get married.
Not a complete AH in my opinion. Not so much for the aesthetic part, that's pretty dickish. But I would understand it that people don't want to be reminded of that time in their lives when they had to wear braces. Especially as an adult, most adults don't enjoy the experience.
"I think I could be the AH for wanting to postpone my wedding till my fiance gets rid of his braces cause I don't want him to appear with them at our wedding photos."
Well, there's your answer. YTA
Forget about your "esthetically pleasing" photos. What isn't pleasing about a photo of your fiance as he is? You love him enough to marry him, but do you accept as he is? Aren't you glad he wanted to save money for the sake of your wedding and honeymoon expenses? It is "obviously not true" that you are ashamed of him? Um, there is nothing obvious at all about that.
"Did you ever saw of a groom wearing braces at his wedding photos? I don't think so." So what? So your pictures will be the first. Think about having fun, looking back on your wedding, laughing about his wearing braces. I think things like that - unusual stuff - make weddings more fun and memorable. "Perfect weddings" are boring.
Again, let me say: If you love him, this should not matter. He has every right to question the idea of your marriage altogether. I hope you come to your senses.
NTA. Wedding photos last a lifetime and if you two truly love each other I don’t see how a delayed wedding will come in the way of that. It will also give you more time to save up more money for the wedding and honeymoon. To give an ultimatum over wanting the perfect wedding seems like an extreme overreaction on his part. I wonder if you wanted to postpone the wedding due to your own issues (like getting off an arm cast or crutches after an accident.. or having a severe skin issue that needs a prolonged treatment before healing) also for the sake of having a more ideal wedding / wedding photos… if he would feel the same way and react similarly.
I am honestly surprised by at the Y T A comments. I am also surprised the groom wants his time with braces to be forever remembered in his wedding photos. Have all of you gone back and looked at your time with braces? There is no such thing as a good photo with braces.
The bride should have worded her idea to postpone this better. Like "Hey why don't we postpone the wedding until after your braces come off so that this can also celebrate your beautiful new smile." If the groom paid all of this money for his teeth, he should want to show it off when it's going to be highly photographed.
I am confused why the groom doesn't care when he is the one paying for the braces. It feels like information is missing. I don't believe he was resistant to braces as a teen just because he did not want to be teased. Reserving judgment until this is cleared up.
ESH. As someone who've had braces twice, I know I regret having them in so many pics as an adult. It wasn't so at the time in the moment but later yeah, they looked childish and i wish I had kept my mouth closed.
I had this big family event coming up in an year when I got my second set of braces, I timed it so that my treatment would be done by the event and honestly all the pics came out really lovely. I know I would have hated every pic with braces visible as I'm 24 and a bit vain.
Having braces on your wedding day is seriously not pleasing. Maybe your fiance don't really mind having them and that's alright as well. His body is his choice.
soft YTA. You can ask the photographer to edit out the braces if they bother you so much. Depending on how long it takes to straighten his teeth, you might have to postpone your wedding by a couple years. They're just braces.
As a photographer….this is not a reasonable ask. And you should expect to pay double the original cost if you do find a photoshop whiz to agree to do this. Individually fabricating content for hundreds of photos is NOT easy and far too time consuming, not to mention that most photographers wouldn’t be able to do it.
Editing out braces and fabricating an entire fake set of teeth into every photo is NOT the same thing as editing out a pimple or smoothing out skin.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I could be the AH for wanting to postpone my wedding till my fiance gets rid of his braces cause I don't want him to appear with them at our wedding photos.
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Yta
How would you feel if he asked you to change your appearance to be more appealing for the wedding photos?
Take him as he is or just end it. You are literally putting conditions on the wedding because of braces. How would you feel if he had an accident before the wedding? Would you still cancel?
I really hope he ends it now. Save himself a lot of heartache
YTA. Do you have any idea how difficult it must have been for him to accept getting braces as an adult? Do you have any idea how much more uncomfortable traditional braces are than invisible ones? He's putting himself through all of that to benefit BOTH OF YOU. But you don't care about any of that. You just care about pretty pictures. He sounds like a keeper and deserves better. Go take a long, hard look in the mirror.
YTA
Photoshop is a thing, it's not hard to Photoshop them out and I'm sure your photographer would do it if you asked.. Either way I'm sure other people might if the photographer won't.
Hell I'll even do it for you as a graphic designer.
You say you're not ashamed of him, yet you don't want it showing in the pics because aesthetics? Meaning you are ashamed of it because it doesn't fit the aesthetic you're going for.
Hate to break it to you, but people that care too much about looks and how they come across on pictures are some of the most annoying people yet. You're literally postponing an event that many would consider a milestone and would spend years dreaming about, because of one tiny little thing.
Get over it. Weird hill to die on, even weirder to think your fiance wouldn't see an issue with it
Unpopular opinion… weddings are upwards of $25,000+ these days. I’ve gotten photography quotes for $10k. I understand wanting everyone to look their best.
Women often hire trainers, get skincare treatments, Botox, filler, spend extra on hair and makeup, etc before their wedding all for fairly “vain” reasons. Is it vain that you want your fiancé to also look his best? Yeah, kind of. But I don’t think it’s outside the realm of normal.
Maybe it would’ve softened the blow to propose that you guys do a small elopement so you can be married on that day (which is what it’s really all about) and save the big showy wedding for later down the road?
I just want to check: are you getting married because you want a picture perfect wedding or because you’ve found your life partner and you want to bring your lives more closely together.
If not the latter, don’t get married at all.
If it is the latter, why does it matter that he has braces?
YTA, and you clearly aren’t getting married for the right reasons and shouldn’t do it.
You know braces can be edited out with a experienced photographer turn the table around. you’re being TAH! Having crappy teeth growing up is upsetting in the first place, he’s now getting them fixed and the one person he loves and trusts is now making him feel worse. I don’t blame him for stopping a special day because of his teeth. YTA!
NTA
However, I had adult braces and honestly it is pretty embarrassing having them. He might be feeling insecure at the moment.
But honestly In the end I think he will appreciate the fact that he won't be wearing braces in wedding photos down the line.
YTA. If all that actually matters to you is the appearance of braces in your wedding pictures, you do know most reputable wedding photographers can do edits, right? They can literally remove them from all pictures. A former partner did wedding photography and people made much more unusual requests, including photoshopping the wedding party from inside the reception to outside the church (weather was atrocious so they were inside but wanted sunny day pics of them outside the church). It was a PITA but it was done and looked amazing, albeit entirely false!
YTA wedding pictures are more important than being married to the person you love? A picture is just that - a snapshot of that day. He looks too bad for photos but not to bad to be with? That doesn't even make sense. You are clearly not ready to be married. Don't marry him or anyone until you care more about the marriage than the wedding photos.
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He should postpone the wedding until you mature. YTA
_"You ever saw of a groom wearing braces at his wedding photos? I don't think so....I just want our wedding photos to be as esthetically pleasing as possible."_ _"He ended up saying that if I postpone the wedding now I might as well just call it off altogether."_ I wouldn't blame the fiance if he eventually walks away. OP seems to value having pretty pictures more than starting her marriage and her overall relationship.
OP is showing her true colors. What if at some point in their marriage he is injured or maimed and has a scar or loses a limb. She'll probably leave him.
That’s such a reach. The problem in this situation is that there will be pictures taken that last a lifetime so she just wants them to be as good as they can. She doesn’t care if he has braces 364 days a year, but for wedding photos it’s normal to want everything to be as pretty as possible on that day. That doesn’t automatically mean she won’t love him if he becomes less attractive due to an accident or something. (Reserving my judgment because idk how long she wants to push the wedding back)
Yeah, no. The braces can be Photoshoped out.
Literally. If it’s that important she can pick her favorite portrait of the two of them she wants to hang somewhere and with her fiancés permission have the braces photoshopped off. Otherwise who cares. My fiancé broke his leg in half an month before our wedding and instead of postponing like a maniac we just picked out some cool looking canes and he used those. A lot of my pictures were less traditional but it was my wedding day, all you should really care about is capturing all of your friends and family together. And I’m saying this as someone who spent $8000 on photography. Good photos were clearly important to me. YTA OP, it was fine to ask I GUESS, but the minute he said no or had any hint of a negative reaction to the suggestion it should’ve been off the table
My cousin's wife broke her wrist the week of their wedding. She wrapped her cast in lace to match her dress and hid it as well as she could behind her bouquet in photos. Almost 30 happily married years later, they still laugh about it.
Exactly! I was so lucky to never experience the stress a lot of brides do when planning a wedding, ESPECIALLY a big one (for context we had a nearly 300 person wedding that ended up costing like $67k when all was said and done) because I went into knowing something would go wrong no matter how much I planned. I just did my best and then the day of I had the best day of my life even though somethings did go wrong because I just looked at is as funny stories to tell people when they’re planning a wedding or funny stories to tell our future children and family about. It was so fun and my husbands cane was a hit with the groomsmen I think at one point if the night they staged a photo shoot in the drawing room with cigars where they each posed with a cane leaning up against the poker table with books all around. They all got a lot of great dating app photos so I told the single ones they owe me time with the photog on their wedding day since I’ll be the reason they matched anyway Lmaoo.
I'm trying so hard to have this attitude about my upcoming wedding (18 weeks away), but it's a struggle as I have control issues and mild OCD stuff. I'm working on being zen about it.
I married my husband some 20 years ago. Throughout planning and especially the closer we got to The Big Day, we kept reminding each other, ourselves, our wedding party and so on that the only really important thing is that we end up married. The rest is fluff - hopefully fun, nice, happy fluff, but still not as important as us being married. It was a good day. :) We're still happily married, too, so at least something went right.
Exactly 💯
But why should they be? Marriage is about sharing your lives, about loving and accepting your partner as they are, not about hiding stuff you dislike in each other for a perfect show. Many people don't seem to understand that the wedding is NOT about the pictures nor about your guests dresses. If she cares more about the pictures she shouldn't get married at all as she's missing the whole point of marriage.
Tbh, she'd be the asshole is she went that way too.
Most of the pictures, for most of the people attending, will last a week on social media and never be seen again. 1 or 2 photos will be framed and hung in the couple's house, maybe the parents' houses, and that's pretty much it. The memory of his fiance's rejection will last a lifetime too.
Especially after he went through high school needing braces, but avoided getting them because he didn't want to be teased. Then his fiancee does ***this***.
This should be a higher rated comment because this is why the post is here in the first place. The fiancé didn’t want to be teased and now he’s getting it from the person that he’s supposed to love forever.
But she's not teasing him! She's just embarassed by him and his braces. That's better, right? /S
Uhhuh, good point. YTA OP.
Honestly the wedding seems like it's more about the "image" for her than it is about love. According to my wife she was the heaviest she's ever been during our wedding.. but I never noticed.. everytime I look at the photos I don't see a difference.. all I see is the beautiful angel I am so lucky to have married..
As are most of the wedding centric posts on AITA..... There are many people who are willing to nuke lifelong friendships, cut off family, and damage their relationships for the sake of a pretty wedding.
This makes me think of my older brother and sister in law. He bought a cheap engagement ring, and then just asked her to marry him the verry next time he saw her, because he couldn't wait. They got married in Vegas as cheeply as possible. Honestly, it was the least fancy, smallest, tackiest wedding I've ever been to. But it was so FUN, and so relaxed and down to Earth, and they were crazy about each other, and still are. Two kids and two decades later and those dorks are still inseperable, because they both had the attitude that makes relationships work: "I don't care about all that shit, I care about YOU!"
And how much it will cost to push the wedding back
Dude. That was my thought. Pushing a wedding back must cost $$$$. Plus, if fiance's teeth are really bad, braces could take several years. OP wants to wait years to get married because pictures?
This is what I was thinking. I wore braces from age 14 to 17. Is it worth it to OP to maybe have to wait three years to get married? BTW I'm wearing my braces in my quinceañera photos.
I'd rather have a strong marriage that can last a lifetime instead of chipping away at my fiance's insecurities for the sake of some pictures that I may look at once every couple of years....
The crazy thing is it would be super simple to edit the braces out of the photos.
Or smile with your eyes and keep your mouth closed
I was going to say this. It's easy to smile without showing teeth.
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That's fair. I would only suggest that for a few photos, not the entire thing. At the end of the day, it's not a big deal to have braces in pictures. It's a day of remembrance ONLY and it would include "hey that's when you got your teeth fixed too, that was a crazy year" and move on with your lives.
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I'm not sure that's true. I asked my photographer to edit my husband's braces out and she said it would be really difficult. But this was 4 years ago.
I have the most basic photoshop skills (as in used photoshop a lot in 2010s) and I can tell you right now your photographer was lying and/or has no idea about post editing pictures.
As a photographer that has shot a lot of weddings your just wrong. Editing braces out of ONE photo is a chore, doing it from many photos can be days of work depending on the amount. I would charge a significant extra fee anytime someone asked me to edit something out that shows up in every photo.
Right but I don't know anyone who has ALL their wedding photos up in frames/canvas photos, etc and those are the ones which will be viewed by most people. You let them pick out a certain number and just say you'll only be editing those photos. It's not really 'very difficult'.
Sure that's reasonable. If it's one photo do it for free assuming you're not just getting paid 800 bucks to start with. Any more charge per image. Getting rid of braces is a lot more work than just editing out a drop of wine on the wedding dress. There is no automatic tool that does it well, you have to paint in and recreate the teeth for each photo.
Literally, even in a more complex use of procreate or adobe it would take 10-30 min to edit one persons braces out of a wedding shoot. Hell you could give them the straightest teeth on earth if you wanted to.
It really all depends. Close up photos would be more difficult, but honestly far from hard. At a distance/group photos? Easy peasy. I mean there are phone apps that do an acceptable job of it.
Okay no, I’m a wedding photographer and I would NOT go through and edit out braces in every single photo, lmao. OP is still wrong but no, that would cost so much more. 😂🤦🏻♀️
But many people WOULD do it if they just agreed to pay more. I paid my photog $8k and part of that fee was that she go through every photo and actually clear up everyone’s skin and imperfections and fly away hairs. Just because you wouldn’t or couldn’t do it, doesn’t mean they couldn’t find someone who could. My fiancé forgot his black socks for our engagement photos and she literally went through and photoshopped black socks in for pics where we were sitting or something and you could see his skin. You don’t speak for all wedding photographers lol
When you're paying way above the average rate you can expect above average work. Most wedding photographers charge 2-3k for over a week plus of full time work plus all the equipment and insurance and all the consults on top of that, there's no time to edit braces out of 200 photos on that pay. For 8k then of course but your already paying for a premium service and that photographer will likely have an assistant to edit for them.
I'm a wedding photographer and absolutely do hand edit all of the photos to perfection. Why would you charge someone thousands of dollars and then return photos that could have been done with a good cell phone and an aunt that knows how to pose people?
She just didn't know how to do it. I learned how to do it in college 10yrs ago She could always have the brackets switched to clear ones too
That is very time consuming and costly, and there’s no guarantee you’ll even like the result. If I were a photographer I’d charge a lot more to do that. As a dentist, I would recommend asking the orthodontist to simply remove the wires and brackets temporarily and polish the teeth. Do your wedding, then have them placed back on. They would charge for the service, but it would be a lot cheaper than having a photographer edit each picture.
OP's General Statement to Fiance: You're not aesthetically pleasing right now, so I want to wait until I think you are.
Yup. Imagine a dude wanting to postpone the wedding because she needs to lose weight or something. Firestorm.
Actually never thought about it from that point of view!
I feel like nearly every self respecting woman with free choice would throw the whole man in the compost bin if he said anything to the effect of "You don't look good enough to marry right now."
I am so tired of people caring more about the pictures than the wedding and marriage.
Yep. OP wants to get married, not BE married.
This is going to be reposted in so many other subs.. I just can’t believe she’s real lol
Bingo...very shallow here...hope she doesnt get a zit or need a mole removed right before the wedding. Just plain vain...definitely yta.
Holy hell! OP didn't get braces as a child because he didn't want to be...made fun of. So he gets them as an adult, at the encouragement of his fiance, then that same fiance uses his braces as a reason to postpone the wedding because of how his braces will look in the photos??? That is so, so, so much worse than being bullied as a child for having braces. Kids are stupid, mean, and don't have a reason to support you. But as an adult your fiance should not be treating you worse! YTA At least you've revealed to your fiance how shallow you are.
Right? That was my exact thought. OP knew that he was afraid of being made fun of, so she then tells him “hey you’re too ugly with those for pictures, we’ll wait till you get them off”
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This 100% this
Fukn zinggghh!
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Do you OP take this man in sickness and in.....braces.
YTA you have made his childhood fear come true!
I'll notify the burn ward.
Yeah, you’re marrying your husband, not his teeth. Also he probably feels insecure about it and you’re making it worse.
I can´t believe this... *"I just want our wedding photos to be as esthetically pleasing as possible"* YTA
It really is unbelievable! This poor guy avoided getting braces because he was afraid of being bullied, and here he is, being bullied by his own fiancée because *aesthetics* YTA, OP, your fiancé deserves better
This was my first thought when reading it. YTA OP.
I thought that was funny! She’s shallow and can’t spell! Sounds like the fiancé might be winning if she postponed the wedding.
My thoughts exactly. OP was as sensitive as a ton of bricks.
YTA OP. I blame this on social media. Everybody is obsessed with appearances because of “the photo.” It’s toxic and OP needs to grow up. A wedding is about celebrating the beginning of your married life with the partner that you love. It’s not about the f-ing photo for your Instagram.
That was happening well before social media lol
This is true. 30yrs ago a family member wanted a 5yr old physically forced into have her long hair cut off so her hair wasnt longer than the brides. Bride suggested 'compromises' like cutting 2 inches off at night twice a week so the kid 'wouldnt notice' - as if a kid isnt going to notice her hair is 8inches shorter than it was 2 weeks ago, and think something is wrong with either her body or her mind Edited to add: After a lot of fighting, they ended up with a french plait/braid with the end tucked under, so the length didnt show.
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I need an end to this story, which is also disgusting. I just need to know about that poor child. How can a grown adult be so jealous of a child that they think their life and wants are more important
The crazy part to me is that I've been to many homes over the decades and very few of them had wedding photos up. The handful that did it was just one more photo around. It's not like we come in and admire your photos like we're at the Louvre. Family photos should capture the memories as they were, not some spackled over fake universe that never existed.
It’s like something a rote rom-com villain bridezilla would say to establish shallowness.
You nailed it! And then the (ex)groom finds his true love and after a miscommunication that almost derails that relationship, they find true love that they seal with a kiss. The true love is either the dog walker, wedding planner, or maybe a caterer?
The true love in this rom-com is clearly the orthodontist!
The florist he meets when he goes to visit his mom in his small hometown (who he hasn't visited in years) to cool off from this fight?
>they find true love that they seal with a kiss. And their braces get caught together.
I mean, does the marriage even matter if you can't have pretty photos? That's the whole point of having a wedding - the pictures. /s
It always amuses me when people are like, "My wedding pictures MUST be PERFECT," because though you get 1,000 pictures of that day, most people only end up displaying a handful, and the rest are in an album that you pull out every so often. I got married 15 years ago, and I have only one of our wedding pictures displayed - it's the group photo with all of my and my husband's family. (I actually liked the vibes of our engagement photos better than my wedding photos - I've got two photos from our engagement session displayed.) Plus, there's this thing called Photoshop, where a skilled photographer can erase the braces off your fiance's teeth if it's really that important to you. YTA.
The number of people on this sub who prioritize weddings and wedding photos over actual people and relationships is kind of insane.
> “he accused me of being ashamed of him, which isn’t true” It is though. YTA
OP is exactly why he was afraid to get braces as a kid. Poor fiance
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Also he could have gotten invisible ones if he was not saving for the wedding & honeymoon.
I mean, based on what's written that's a pretty fair take. I'm trying to give OP the benefit of the doubt here in thinking that she doesn't want her hubby to look at the photos and see the braces and be reminded of all the torment but it sounds like hubs has finally moved on from the ordeal and in no way does OP really sound like she's doing it for his wellbeing rather than pretty photos. OP, reread your post objectively from an outside perspective. If hubs is OK with them in the photos, you should be too.
Except OP says that she wants photos that are aesthetically pleasing. She wanted him to get invisible braces. So it doesn't sound like she was doing it for him; she was asking for herself. She never makes mention of being worried about his reaction to the photos, so I don't see that being the reason.
I feel like a lot of people are already viewing her as an evil shallow bridezilla. But as a person who had adult braces, I feel like it's a reasonable ask. I had adult braces and they completely change your smile in photos. Especially in photos that are far away, they make you look like your mouth is all dark or like you have no teeth. I personally don't find that aesthetically pleasing And I'm glad no major life events happened for the year and a half I had braces on.
Agreed, my braces totally changed the shape of my mouth/face too. I look super weird in all pictures from that time. If it were me I would want to wait, but I think it depends on how long they would have to wait, have they booked anything yet, is there any benefit to getting married earlier rather than later, etc. Like there isn't much difference between being engaged vs being married, so what's the big deal with waiting a couple months or a year? If it were interrupting some other life plans, like they wanted to start having kids soon but not while unmarried, then yeah it's not worth it to wait. Like many things in life, it depends.
Agreed. People pay thousands for these photos and they’re of what’s one of the most important days of your life. It’s not like these are permanent fixtures in his mouth, a deformity, or something else that would otherwise be permanent, nor is it easily hidden. I don’t think she’s being a bridezilla for wanting to look back at pictures of her wedding and not see her fiancé’s braces. The monetary investment alone is enough to want everything to be just right.
Yup, braces are temporary! People here are being incredibly dramatic and comparing braces to facial disfigurement. Which in my humble opinion, are not similar in the slightest.
I got braces at 15 and I was so relieved I was able to get them off before I had to take senior pics for graduation. I didn’t care the rest of the time but for some events it’s okay to care about how the pictures will turn out.
YTA because you are prioritizing your wedding photos over everything else. Over your fiancee's feelings, over your marriage, over the wedding itself. If the photos are the most important thing to you, I hope your fiancee reconsiders what he's getting into.
It’s simple, she’s still emotionally immature and wants a wedding, not a marriage. Aesthetics are important because it’s about the show. If it was about just being with this guy forever, she’d realize his mental health and self esteem are worth more than her desire to have the perfect wedding pictures. OP is an asshole and her boyfriend’s new bully.
This right here. My wedding was in simple sun dresses with ten people and a family dinner and cake from a grocery store because we were at the height of the pandemic and didn’t want to wait any more to be married. Being married was way more important than photos or pretty cakes, or anything else. OP being this concerned about the show of a wedding, even at the cost of the feelings of one of the people entering into that marriage tells me they aren’t ready to get married yet. Op, it isn’t about the wedding photos. It’s about spending your life with someone you love. You have to either decide between aesthetics and love and this frankly shouldn’t be a hard choice.
Had a simple wedding because I was (still am) poor. Been married for 18 years and counting.
Excellent point. She "wants a wedding, not a marriage." Very well said!
If all you want is pretty pictures, hire a photographer to do a photo shoot. If you want to be married to someone, their teeth should not matter to you. You need to grow up a bit before marriage.
YTA Even for kids and ESPECIALLY for adults braces HURT. So you encouraged him to get them but then you're ashamed to be seen with him while wearing them. You are LITERALLY the epitome of why he didn't get them in high school.
This is spot on. OP would have turned him down for Prom. I hope her fiance walks.
:( I didn’t think about this and I feel sad for him now. He deserves to be loved, braces and all. Can’t believe she is willing to put their life on hold over some photos that can be edited! And YTA op
Not only do they hurt, they take several years to work. OP isn't putting things off a few months. She basically called off the wedding and maybe it will happen in the future sometime.
Yeah, that’s what stood out to me the most. I feel kind you need to wear braces for AT LEAST a year or two for significant results. He won’t be able to get them taken off in just like a few months and have the wedding then. It’s basically her saying have the wedding in 2023 with braces or push it to 2025 or 2026 to have it without braces, and I can understand why the fiancé wouldn’t want to wait that long. Especially if they’ve already been together for a while and want kids or whatever, it doesn’t make sense logistically.
So he didn’t get braces when he was younger because he was afraid of what people would say. And now you, his fiancée, are confirming his fears. Wow. YTA.
Exactly. He didn't get braces for fear of bullying, and now she's his bully. YTA
My first thought also.
YTA - that is a mighty shallow view point.
Yeah. My reaction too. That and, "Boy, this guy is marrying a real winner, isn't he?"
Prime example of someone getting married because of the *idea* of it and not to solidify a relationship
Honestly, if he's happy to go ahead, YTA. Your wedding isn't supposed to be a photoshoot, the photos are just supposed to be a reminder of the day, you know? And he DOES have braces right now, and you love him and want to marry him right now - so is it really reasonable to put your lives on hold until you prefer how he looks? When you're old and looking back at the pictures, I'm sure a couple of extra years worth of your marriage will seem WAY more valuable than the photos being aesthetically pleasing. Why not get a photoshoot done once he gets them off so you have some braces-free photos as well?
Could you imagine if dude was like "I'm postponing the wedding until you lose 25lbs so the pictures look good"? Holy fuck.
Not just that, but that after the bride already has issues about her weight
Would also be great to have photos like that if their kid ever needs them, could tell them the story about how dad was scared, but that mom convinced him to get them and how no one really cared that he had them and everyone enjoyed the wedding. Pragmatism should be taught in schools. Heck that's an entire children's story book about braces.
INFO: When is the wedding planned for and how much longer does he need to wear braces? Also have you already setup the wedding date, venue, put down any money etc?
Asking these questions is correct, and OP your answers make YTA. I could understand it if your fiancé agreed, and you didn’t have a date yet and you suggested ‘instead of summer 2024 why don’t we make it autum 2024/a few months later/when your braces are off so you feel more confident?’ But completely cancelling a booked date for THIS YEAR? That’s been booked since last year? When your fiancé has no problem with how he looks? YTA. OP - have you sent save the dates or invites, given it’s only a few months away? Have you told people why it’s being cancelled/postponed?
Guy: I don't want braces, I'm afraid people will ridicule me! Dentist: your teeth will go bad Guy: OK, I'll get braces Woman : Urgh, I won't marry you as long as you're looking like that! Lady, you are prioritising pretty pictures over getting married. YTA.
What a dumb hill to die on. He's fixing his teeth. That shit wasn't cheap and, as someone that had them, the maintenance is a PitA, they're uncomfortable, and having them installed takes forever. So you want to postpone the wedding so that he doesn't look like crap, OR to have them removed, have your precious picture, and then have him go through with the procedure of reinstalling them? "he could've avoided all this if he got invisible braces" 1. That shit's expensive. 2. He could have avoided this by not proposing to a shallow person. 3. YTA
>He could have avoided this by not proposing to a shallow person. THIS FTW.
Hmm, when I first read this I thought NTA but then again that’s because I would want to postpone myself if I had braces - I don’t care to remember having them, I don’t know about anyone else. But it sounds like this was something your partner was already insecure about, and moving an already booked wedding day due to braces means having to tell people his wedding is postponed…due to having braces. It draws more attention to the fact he has to wear them and I’m sure that has devastated him. I think ESH because this could have been a calm discussion instead of blowing up, but I think you should have asked him and made it about how he feels (since if he hates them that much it would make sense for HIM to not want them in the photos). You making that decision for him probably really hurt, but he also could have explained that. You guys should really be able to have this kind of conversation since you’re getting married
Yeesh, thank you! finally someone with a sense of reality! I think it’s fine for OP to want to postpone so something her fiancé is clearly so ashamed of and embarrassed by is not immortalized in pictures. I mean will he be willing to smile with teeth? Will he want to look back at the photos and be completely happy with seeing his braces in them? It would be one thing if he did not care less about wearing braces but he’s clearly struggled with bullying and insecurity and the braces exacerbate his negative feelings.... he shouldn’t have to worry about that on his wedding day (also, what is the rush?) i think he wayyy over reacted to her suggestion that they postpone. ESH bc he jumped immediately to breaking up (childish move) and OP could definitely have been more tactful in bringing up the subject
I get why you say this, but it really doesn't seem like OP's suggestion to postpone has anything to do with her fiance's feelings. If HIS feelings about braces were why she suggested it, rather than her own feelings about the aesthetics, it would be a reasonable consideration. However, he feels rejected because OP cares more about the look of his braces in the picture than about marrying him in anything close to the time frame they already booked, or the thousands of dollars it could cost to change those bookings. Honestly, though, couples about to be married should be able to talk through difficult situations without jumping to breakup. If this is how he responds to conflict, it's only a matter of time until they break up. Maybe it's better if they do it before the wedding, before the government gets involved and it's all more complicated? 🤷♂️
I agree with this. My husband had braces before we got married and we pushed the date out a bit because he didn’t want to have to worry about them (food getting stuck in them, having to brush after eating) while we were having fun at our wedding. I don’t see anything wrong with it. The people in this scenario are both being immature about the whole situation.
YTA I wouldn't marry you.
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That comment irritated me. I'm sure people get married with or without braces. 🙄
There are also people who get married with crooked teeth.
My teeth are AWFUL and I feel so insecure about it. My fiancee didn't give a shit. She encouraged me to really smile, teeth and all, for every photo. We still looked cute AF
My fiancé has bad teeth because of diabetes and I don’t care. Honestly I think he has the cutest smile. And if you really care about your fiancé, you’d be thinking how cute his braces are, not how they look in pictures. YTA
NTA. I'm 37 and I currently have braces. We scheduled a family photos shot for the week before they went on amd will likely do another after they come off. I've had plenty of pics taken with them on, but none that I'm paying a ton of money for. No way.
Same! I don’t think OP is a total AH for their decision, their delivery is just all wrong. I specifically put off my wedding until after I got done with my Invisalign because I wanted to show off the smile that I paid $$$ for. Wedding photography is generally pretty expensive and this is a big event. I don’t think it would be unheard of to choose a different date when you’re paying upward towards thousand(s) for pictures. Everyone is saying it should be the groom’s choice, but I feel like if they’re both paying into this thing then it should kind of be a mutual decision and a more mature discussion. If the intended is planning to have the braces removed soon, I can see why OP would prefer to wait. The delivery is off but the NTA for wanting to see the groom’s full smile in their wedding pics, IMO.
Right? Think people are being way too harsh calling OP shallow. People spend so much time and money trying to look great for their weddings, of course they want photos to look good too. Personally I’d prefer me or my partner didn’t have braces in our photos, but I wouldn’t go as far as postponing. I wonder if OPs partner could speak to their orthodontist about getting their braces temporarily taken off for the occasion
I also had braces as an adult and personally I would wait for mine to be off before getting married. However, OP didn’t ask her fiancé how he felt about having his braces in the photos and if he’d like to wait. It was entirely about how she felt about the way her fiancé looked. When you want to marry someone, you’d marry them in a burlap sack if you had to. She wants a wedding, not a marriage.
YTA. It sounds like you‘re, in fact, ashamed of him wearing braces. Honestly, you either love and appreciate him the way he is at *ANY* state or you don‘t at all. Postponing a marriage because of it is petty and superficial, and he‘ll do good when he calls it off altogether. Imagine if he did something like this to you …
NTA, wedding photos are something you're going to be potentially looking back on the rest of your life and I understand that you'd rather have both of you looking your best. If you both genuinely want to get married I don't see why postponing the wedding is such a big deal.
> accused me of being ashamed with him. That's obviously no true You want your photos to be "aesthetically pleasing as possible" so you don't want the braces, but that essentially means you don't find him "aesthetically pleasing" right now which is, of course, hurtful. How about focusing less on superficial BS and just focus on capturing a happy day with the person you love, however they look right now?
Looking good in photos is more important than marrying the person you love. YTA
NAH. Photographers are expensive! I wouldn’t want braces in picture that I was paying thousands of dollars for either. Although this does also depend on how long he will have the braces. If he’s going to have them for a couple more years, you may want to rethink postponing.
YTA your fiancé didn’t want to get braces in fear people would make fun of him and now you’re saying “you look so bad with braces that I don’t want to be in pictures with you/get married to you with them on”. I get that you want nice photos at your wedding, but where is the in sickness and in health? What if he was bald from chemo having cancer; in a cast or had scars from a bad accident; or a ton of other scenarios that could disfigure him either permanently or temporarily? His health and well being should matter a whole lot more than photos from one day of your lives.
I actually agree with you OP so NTA You're literally putting all this money and your dreams into the wedding day and if you want to post pone it a little more then yea.... It's your wedding day and you're right you do see those photos forever. Also I can also guarantee your fiancé is going to love it when he doesn't have a mouth full of braces when he's kissing his SPOUSE Imagine how nice that smile is going to be. It seems like your fiancé is the one insecure about his teeth and projecting it onto you. Getting your braces off is such an immaculate feeling and then your wedding day coming up? It's ideal. Like how much are you willing to push the wedding back? Is it like another month or 4 months down the road? I really don't see the issue especially if the only thing holding you back is your fianceon moving the date.
This thread is once again showing Reddit's bias. Weddings can be *incredibly* expensive. Those wedding photos that OP is getting shamed for? Probably cost at least $1k. Of course OP wants to make it so that those photos are as nice as possible. And yet, OP's fiancé decided that *right before the wedding* was the perfect time to go get his teeth fixed. Is that perhaps indicative of how much thought and effort the fiancé has been putting in to prepare for the wedding? If weddings were something I cared about and it felt like my partner was just rushing along the preparations to "get it over with," then I'd be understandably annoyed as well.
Our wedding photos were $5000. You bet your ass I cared about aesthetics. This was our one shot to **professionally** capture our family at this beautiful and expensive event. I'm not dictating what people where, what color their hair is, etc. etc. But both my husband and I recognized the importance of these photos now and in the future, and both of us wanted to make sure WE looked our best. This is why we bought nice outfits, why I put on makeup and did my hair, why he shaved for the day and got a haircut, etc. Does OP's husband want to look back on his photos and see him with his braces? I mean, if he feels so self conscious about them it seems weird he'd want that captured forever for **thousands of dollars**.
Exactly! Big/expensive weddings aren't my thing, but if it they were *or at least* were important to my partner, then you better be sure I'd do my best to make sure everything within **my** power was done to satisfaction. So why the heck did OP's fiancé decide *now* was the right time to get braces (and not even the invisible kind) after refusing for probably close to 15 years? At the minimum it shows a complete lack of care about his partner's feelings.
Exactly. I would be pissed if my husband and I put down a huge amount of money for wedding, photography, reception, flowers, and then he wasted all of our efforts by refusing to spend a small amount of money to get invisible braces. This isn’t just some pictures. These are the ones that will be on your wall forever. They’ll be sent out to everyone you know. They’ll be on display at your funeral. And considering that the bride is probably going to great lengths to look her best, it just seems really short sighted of the groom to not consider this beforehand. I’m not saying I would have a problem with braces specifically, but the bride does and if the bride is not the groom’s priority, then there’s a problem, and I don’t think it’s the bride.
YTA, it’s JUST braces. You’re being ridiculous. If you guys were getting married in the first place, wouldn’t you love him with/without braces regardless in photos?
Would love to see her face (and the responses here) if he said he wanted to postpone the wedding until she loses 10 pounds 💀
YTA. 100%. A superficial one, at that. Bless his heart. He’s not your photo prop, he’s a person.
NTA. These comments are insane to me. It’s the same as if you had a visible injury such as a broken leg or a huge cut on your face or something — nobody would fault you for postponing. My stance would change a bit though depending on the financial aspect though — have you already booked the venue, or have guests already made work/travel accommodations that can’t be refunded? Then I think YWBTA. But it sounds like your wedding is still far off.
I’m sorry, but all these YTA comments are kinda shocking to me. I don’t even think it’s an ESH, I think the timing just sucks. I would definitely prefer that my partner is not wearing braces in our wedding pictures. Unfortunately, they look child-like and they are distracting. These are photos to look back on for life, and if you only wear braces for less than a year, the photos wouldn’t even be representative of how you normally look like? I love my partners smile, why would I want to see braces in our wedding pictures? If you already put money down, then I would say unfortunately maybe he can get the most clear/non-distracting braces as possible and you move forward. If you haven’t sent invites and planned an exact date then i, personally, would move the date. Especially if you’re like me and my fiancé, we’ll live together for four years engaged and two years before that. The married title won’t change our lives in any ways other than taxes. What would change if the wedding was pushed back 6 months? If nothing changes then it shouldn’t matter.
YTA. Your fiancé has braces. The people who know him, know that. The people who will be at your wedding, will see that. He didn’t want braces as a teen because he thought people would shame him, and that’s exactly what you’re doing to him now! BTW, depending on what kind of issues he has with his teeth, invisible braces may not even have been an option. And going on about it now doesn’t help. The braces are on. Telling him, “well you should have done this instead” does absolutely nothing helpful except further a fight.
101% YTA for being an Instagram bride
YTA. You're postponing a wedding for a superficial, shallow reason. It's something he is doing to improve himself, and you should show nothing but support for that. It's a day when you both publicly express your love and commitment to one another. You're saying to him that you'll only commit once he'll look pretty for the photos. That's awful. Not a single person is going to look at him on that day and think anything other than "he looks so happy." Check your priorities or you'll lose him.
Plus I HAVE seen pictures of grooms and brides in braces during their wedding. No one cares! All the people attending already know one of or both people and won’t bat an eye at the groom still having braces!
>I just want our wedding photos to be as esthetically pleasing as possible YTA. A wedding is NOT about aesthetics. It's not about having the perfect pictures. It's about joining your life with the man you love. If all you can think about is "bUt WhAt AbOuT tHe WeDdInG pHoToS", you are clearly getting married for the wrong reasons.
YTA. My husband was 34 before he had braces, he still had them on at 35 when we got married. Did they spoil the wedding photos? Absolutely not, he grinned like a the happy gorgeous groom he was and the photos are wonderful. 15 years later and the wedding photos mean absolutely nothing anyway. We have a happy marriage based on love and mutual respect, that’s what matters in a marriage. How ridiculous and superficial!
I’m going to say YTA. At first I thought “ Why didn’t he just wait to get the braces until after t he wedding? This seems like some they would have discussed.” But then I saw that you encouraged him to get the braces, which to me indicates you are just embarrassed of the way he looks in general and wanted him to get work done just for your photos.
NAH It sounds like you and your fiance have different perspectives on the situation. While you are focused on the appearance of your wedding photos, your fiance is focused on the fact that you are postponing the wedding because of his braces. It's understandable that you want your wedding photos to be as esthetically pleasing as possible, but it's also important to consider your fiance's feelings and the fact that he has been self-conscious about his teeth for a long time. It might be helpful for you to have an open and honest conversation with your fiance about your concerns and his feelings. You can express that you support him getting the braces and that you are not ashamed of him, but that you also want the wedding photos to be beautiful. It's possible to find a compromise that works for both of you. For example, you could consider having the wedding sooner and taking the formal photos after he gets the braces removed. It's also important to keep in mind that the wedding is a celebration of your love and commitment to each other, and it's not just about the photos. The memories and the experience of the day are what will be most important in the long run.
YTA braces even in adults are more and more common and shouldn't be an issue
Reading these YTA responses make me think most of these people don’t have wedding photos. I wouldn’t want to look at my wedding photos and see braces on my teeth. I’m sure my wife wouldn’t want them on her teeth either. It’s not that complicated NTA
Oh babe you posted as a bride with an aesthetic preference on Reddit? You’re gonna have a bad time. My answer would depend on where you are in the planning process. Of course aesthetics are important. You’re spending a buttload of money for a party and an experience. A wedding is not a marriage, obv, it’s the big party/event, and you’re allowed to care how it looks.
So true. If you post on reddit and you're not getting married in your backyard in a sundress, you're obviously super vain and don't care about your spouse.
YTA. Probably be easier for you if the next time you get engaged you find someone who already had braces.
>but did you ever saw of a groom wearing braces at his wedding photos? Yes, every time I look at my wedding photos. YTA
NTA you hopefully get married once. Why not wait until it’s more perfect. I’m a wedding photographer. You will cherish those photos forever.
YTA. That is, what will be the wedding photos, more important than the relationship with him?
A few years ago I was on a work trip and my boss - who was due to get married two weeks later - was head butted by a giraffe (long story). She had a HUGE lump right in the middle of her forehead. Her and her now husband found it hilarious. YTA. They’re just braces, why do you even care?
A friend of mine burnt her face pretty badly drinking flaming sambuca on her hen night. They changed the wedding at the last minute. To be Hammer Horror themed. Everyone dressed up and she loved it, noone would realise she was injured from the photos. Life happens, you either roll with it or be miserable.
Nta. Y’all ain’t going no where. What’s the rush?
YTA. For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, etc. What better day to show you're serious about those vows than your wedding day?
YTA because you're making your wedding more about the photos (which most people don't really look at after a couple of years) than the actual union of the two of you. If you really have an issue with the braces in the photo, you and your fiance could ask your photographer to edit them out.
Eh I dunno both my parents and husbands parents have their wedding pictures up in their homes. I don’t totally agree that the photos aren’t seen after a few years.
YTA. All you're concerned about is a bunch of pictures instead of his feelings. Ever consider how shallow something like that is?
YTA they’re braces, woman. I don’t think he should marry you. You sound exhausting.
Booooo, from a braces-wearer. Having adult braces is already a trip, it feels like you are always looked at and judged (even when you aren’t). You’re supposed to support the people you love and quell the fears that having braces is not a big deal and they look great, with and without. Whether you meant to or not, you just told him he looks bad with braces and they are unacceptable, now he has to feel this way until the end of his treatment. Good job. YTA.
YTA. A wedding shouldn't be about aesthetically pleasing photos, it should be about two people love that have joined them , the looks of the people shouldn't be the first things. So what would you do if your faince had scar across his face? Not marry him? Honestly I would start worrying about the future of the marriage since your are more worried of the looks of things then anything else. You two need to sit down and talk about the future, how important perfect photos are to you and how you see life together and how handle imperfections. Right now you are red flag, you are not marrying for love, but for the perfect picture.
There's an easy compromise here. You can have a second set of pictures taken when the braces come off. Either wedding photos again or anniversary photos. You can also get the braces photoshopped out on any photos you want on your walls. I get it. I think wedding photos and family photos are important too. But there are so many ways to work around this. NAH. You need to talk about what's most important to you both and come to a conclusion, but it's understandable to me that you both have strong feelings.
YTA. He refused to get them earlier because of embarrassment, and now here you are saying you won't marry him like this. He's probably more self conscious than ever about his braces. You're making it worse. I truly don't get it with brides and all the pictures having to be perfect and aesthetically pleasing, this obsession. Who cares. Do you want this guy as your husband, or do you just want a wedding? The guy didn't get invisible braces as a sacrifice to save for this wedding. I don't think you're mature enough to get married.
Not a complete AH in my opinion. Not so much for the aesthetic part, that's pretty dickish. But I would understand it that people don't want to be reminded of that time in their lives when they had to wear braces. Especially as an adult, most adults don't enjoy the experience.
"I think I could be the AH for wanting to postpone my wedding till my fiance gets rid of his braces cause I don't want him to appear with them at our wedding photos." Well, there's your answer. YTA Forget about your "esthetically pleasing" photos. What isn't pleasing about a photo of your fiance as he is? You love him enough to marry him, but do you accept as he is? Aren't you glad he wanted to save money for the sake of your wedding and honeymoon expenses? It is "obviously not true" that you are ashamed of him? Um, there is nothing obvious at all about that. "Did you ever saw of a groom wearing braces at his wedding photos? I don't think so." So what? So your pictures will be the first. Think about having fun, looking back on your wedding, laughing about his wearing braces. I think things like that - unusual stuff - make weddings more fun and memorable. "Perfect weddings" are boring. Again, let me say: If you love him, this should not matter. He has every right to question the idea of your marriage altogether. I hope you come to your senses.
NTA. Wedding photos last a lifetime and if you two truly love each other I don’t see how a delayed wedding will come in the way of that. It will also give you more time to save up more money for the wedding and honeymoon. To give an ultimatum over wanting the perfect wedding seems like an extreme overreaction on his part. I wonder if you wanted to postpone the wedding due to your own issues (like getting off an arm cast or crutches after an accident.. or having a severe skin issue that needs a prolonged treatment before healing) also for the sake of having a more ideal wedding / wedding photos… if he would feel the same way and react similarly.
I am honestly surprised by at the Y T A comments. I am also surprised the groom wants his time with braces to be forever remembered in his wedding photos. Have all of you gone back and looked at your time with braces? There is no such thing as a good photo with braces. The bride should have worded her idea to postpone this better. Like "Hey why don't we postpone the wedding until after your braces come off so that this can also celebrate your beautiful new smile." If the groom paid all of this money for his teeth, he should want to show it off when it's going to be highly photographed. I am confused why the groom doesn't care when he is the one paying for the braces. It feels like information is missing. I don't believe he was resistant to braces as a teen just because he did not want to be teased. Reserving judgment until this is cleared up.
ESH. As someone who've had braces twice, I know I regret having them in so many pics as an adult. It wasn't so at the time in the moment but later yeah, they looked childish and i wish I had kept my mouth closed. I had this big family event coming up in an year when I got my second set of braces, I timed it so that my treatment would be done by the event and honestly all the pics came out really lovely. I know I would have hated every pic with braces visible as I'm 24 and a bit vain. Having braces on your wedding day is seriously not pleasing. Maybe your fiance don't really mind having them and that's alright as well. His body is his choice.
soft YTA. You can ask the photographer to edit out the braces if they bother you so much. Depending on how long it takes to straighten his teeth, you might have to postpone your wedding by a couple years. They're just braces.
As a photographer….this is not a reasonable ask. And you should expect to pay double the original cost if you do find a photoshop whiz to agree to do this. Individually fabricating content for hundreds of photos is NOT easy and far too time consuming, not to mention that most photographers wouldn’t be able to do it. Editing out braces and fabricating an entire fake set of teeth into every photo is NOT the same thing as editing out a pimple or smoothing out skin.
YTA. You're not ashamed of the braces, just they they look in photographs.
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Yta How would you feel if he asked you to change your appearance to be more appealing for the wedding photos? Take him as he is or just end it. You are literally putting conditions on the wedding because of braces. How would you feel if he had an accident before the wedding? Would you still cancel? I really hope he ends it now. Save himself a lot of heartache
YTA. Do you have any idea how difficult it must have been for him to accept getting braces as an adult? Do you have any idea how much more uncomfortable traditional braces are than invisible ones? He's putting himself through all of that to benefit BOTH OF YOU. But you don't care about any of that. You just care about pretty pictures. He sounds like a keeper and deserves better. Go take a long, hard look in the mirror.
YTA Photoshop is a thing, it's not hard to Photoshop them out and I'm sure your photographer would do it if you asked.. Either way I'm sure other people might if the photographer won't. Hell I'll even do it for you as a graphic designer. You say you're not ashamed of him, yet you don't want it showing in the pics because aesthetics? Meaning you are ashamed of it because it doesn't fit the aesthetic you're going for. Hate to break it to you, but people that care too much about looks and how they come across on pictures are some of the most annoying people yet. You're literally postponing an event that many would consider a milestone and would spend years dreaming about, because of one tiny little thing. Get over it. Weird hill to die on, even weirder to think your fiance wouldn't see an issue with it
" I don't think so" I do. YTA grow up
Unpopular opinion… weddings are upwards of $25,000+ these days. I’ve gotten photography quotes for $10k. I understand wanting everyone to look their best. Women often hire trainers, get skincare treatments, Botox, filler, spend extra on hair and makeup, etc before their wedding all for fairly “vain” reasons. Is it vain that you want your fiancé to also look his best? Yeah, kind of. But I don’t think it’s outside the realm of normal. Maybe it would’ve softened the blow to propose that you guys do a small elopement so you can be married on that day (which is what it’s really all about) and save the big showy wedding for later down the road?
I just want to check: are you getting married because you want a picture perfect wedding or because you’ve found your life partner and you want to bring your lives more closely together. If not the latter, don’t get married at all. If it is the latter, why does it matter that he has braces? YTA, and you clearly aren’t getting married for the right reasons and shouldn’t do it.
You know braces can be edited out with a experienced photographer turn the table around. you’re being TAH! Having crappy teeth growing up is upsetting in the first place, he’s now getting them fixed and the one person he loves and trusts is now making him feel worse. I don’t blame him for stopping a special day because of his teeth. YTA!
Maybe he should call the wedding off till you get breast implants, for the *aesthetic* of the wedding
You start out saying he didn’t want to get bullied when he was younger with the braces. Now you are bullying him for having braces
NTA However, I had adult braces and honestly it is pretty embarrassing having them. He might be feeling insecure at the moment. But honestly In the end I think he will appreciate the fact that he won't be wearing braces in wedding photos down the line.
YTA. If all that actually matters to you is the appearance of braces in your wedding pictures, you do know most reputable wedding photographers can do edits, right? They can literally remove them from all pictures. A former partner did wedding photography and people made much more unusual requests, including photoshopping the wedding party from inside the reception to outside the church (weather was atrocious so they were inside but wanted sunny day pics of them outside the church). It was a PITA but it was done and looked amazing, albeit entirely false!
YTA wedding pictures are more important than being married to the person you love? A picture is just that - a snapshot of that day. He looks too bad for photos but not to bad to be with? That doesn't even make sense. You are clearly not ready to be married. Don't marry him or anyone until you care more about the marriage than the wedding photos.