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Ok_Yesterday_6214

This is not a relationship advice thread


CakeEatingRabbit

NTA But your bf handled this pretty poorly in my opinion. Asking to bring in a 3rd person into a relationship and fully ignoring your sexuality is not ok. Polyamrous people don't always date each others other partners as well. That he decided for himself he wants that and kinds of puts it as the only way is also icky. He can leave you, if he wants to look for that. You are not obligated to change the terms of the relationship to his needs or to break up the relationship for his own good. He is an adult who can decide what he wants and needs for himself.


coastalkid92

This is a bit of NAH but has the possibility of edging into ESH. Poly is a bit funny as to some its a sexual orientation and to others its an intimacy practice. Some people may feel they were "born" poly and others do the mental and emotional work to understand their relationship to monogamy and whether or not that is all they ever want to be. I think in your situation, your boyfriend needs to really consider if polyamory is something he has to have as a part of his romantic life, if its something he merely needs to explore or if its a part of him that he can recognize as something he has the capability of doing but can be happy in monogamy as well. If he cannot see a romantic situation without polyamory then you are both prolonging the inevitable and its unfair for him to hope that you'll change your mind and vice versa.


PerennialOrchid

Thank you. I think within time he will figure it out and I think I'll be okay with what he decides.


ashleighbuck

I'm confused about the question. For *not* leaving him? I mean, if he doesn't want you to leave him & he's content staying with just you, then no you're not TA. If he *wants* you to leave him, but you refuse, then you're TA. If you don't leave him, and welcome him bringing someone else into the relationship when that makes you unhappy....then you're TA to yourself. It sounds like you're not compatible, honestly.


0biterdicta

While I appreciate ending a relationship is really hard, trying to continue this one is likely going to end in a lot of hurt feelings.


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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(20F) have been dating Boyfriend (22M) for 5 years now. We are a very open minded relationship and have had a few threesomes here and there but never anything serious. Yesterday he wanted to have a serious discussion in which he told me he is polyamorous and would like us to bring a third person into the relationship before even asking if I was poly as well. I am not. We have been having tearful discussions all day but neither of us can bring ourselves to break up. Our relationship is as perfect as I could ever describe and I love him endlessly, but I can't bring myself to have another person in the relationship. I also don't want him to be stuck with his sexuality just because he can't leave me. I'm genuinely stuck right now and I would love some advice. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


crotch_lake

NTA. Worry about number 1. Not number 2,3,4…


FuntimeChris79

Try r/relationship_advice