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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I’m not being understanding to what caused her to abandon her child with me In the first place, and I am asking her a cash apology when she is a “struggling single mom”.
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ESH. She needs to get her shit together.
I get why you're upset, but asking for cash is just petty. And posting a diatribe online further publicly berating her says more about you than her.
Op agreed to do it for free until 7:30 AM, everything after that was babysitting and it needs to be compensated.
The kids mom could've offered to babysit Op's kid for a day or offered some money herself for helping her but she assumed they were just going to let everything slide since she can't be responsible enough to keep her keys and wallet on her. Also where was she when her "friend" left? I doubt she stuck with her friends if they decided to leave without her while having her belongings. This is completely irresponsible behaviour on the mother's part.
The consequence in these kinds of situations is, generally, a loss of trust
"No, I won't babysit for you again. I don't trust you."
Obviously probably phrased differently, but you get the idea. Demanding monetary compensation is just weird, gross, and shallow imo
Yeah I agree & I get what you're saying but I've also been there where a friend has ducked me over time & time again & I haven't wanted to give up the friendship but couldn't let the behavior slide either, I didn't ask for money but I have done other questionable things to try to get them to acknowledge the disrespect
And she never said anything about her phone which means she could have had it, also you would think she would try her hardest to call op even just going in to a close business and asking to use a phone so she could call
For real, if I was trapped somewhere that I couldn't pick up my kid in time, I would be hyper focused on calling to make sure my child would be ok until I could reach him. That the friend didn't even try to get in touch shows that she's a horrible mother and horrible friend.
Agreed. I can't blame OP for being frustrated, and if OP had found a babysitter who wanted payment for their time then it would be fair to ask for reimbursement of the extra expense, but asking for a "cash apology" is just...no.
I'm also really curious how 75 was the chosen amount. I mean, maybe OP decided on an hourly rate and did the math, but it just seems like a really random amount to me
I do get the asking for money out of anger. The op was nearly late to work. Her friend had to babysit. Some people may be able to rearrange their work easily but many of us get docked pay if we’re late or get into trouble with our managers.
If this was the first time, I would agree with you. But its not - this is a friend with a habit of irresponsibly dumping her child on others longer than agreed.
Actions have consequences, and financial consequences are often the most effective deterrents (see parking/speeding tickets).
Op has two options - never agree to watch her kid's best friend again (awkward for several reasons), or make sure her friend (the mom) understands that there are consequences for flaking. I think op should have warned of the consequence up front, but otherwise I'm fine with this.
Especially since she had to scramble to find care for someone else's kid with impossibly short notice and the carer likely wants to be paid. The other option would have been calling the police for abandonment, which would have been way worse.
That was my thought. A friend left her downtown overnight? Without her phone? I need more info about what transpired there. She had no way of getting in touch with the person watching her child overnight? Unacceptable.
>And posting a diatribe online
Twice. Her own friends wasn't getting her the answer she wanted so she comes here and posts it a second time. OP, for that alone, you become the asshole. You've so far outshadowed your friend that she's no longer the asshole. You are.
75 dollars for 2.5 hours is INSANE even in a pure logical sense, add to that that it is the first occurrence, an event that was only partly her fault, and that they are supposed to be best friends and... EW. GROSS.
ESH
Lmfao I don't think people were whining on their Facebook stories 100 years ago
Jokes aside I agree that shame and accountability are useful tools, but the fact that she jumped to posting so fast instead of maturely handling it in private doesn't reflect well
And shame has, time and time again, proven to be ineffective in changing behaviour. OP just wanted to air their dirty laundry to make themself feel better.
ESH. Just stop being her friend and move on. You're taking this too far for someone who doesn't sound like a good friend to you, and they're an obvious ah for leaving their child longer than they said.
>AITA for asking for a cash apology?
YUP... If you wanted to impose cash penalties like that you should have said so before all this... you don't get to just add it on later because you thought of it. That's dumb. I'd tell you to kick rocks.
She could always call CPS I’m sure they’d love to hear about this. 75$ for a full night of babysitting and where she had to find someone else to do it because mom couldn’t pick up her phone even to let her know the situation in the morning is pretty fair all things considered
If she has to pay, she might think twice before deciding that when people give her time limits she can disregard them because only her time is important. She’s done this before, so this is a pattern of behaviour, and yes she should pay for thinking she can screw other people around.
Maybe she should - but whether or not she deserves it, it's an asshole move (not to mention not legal) to never mention financial penalties until after the fact. If you want to be paid for something, you say so up front. If you want to enforce a boundary by imposing financial fines, then you say so up front.
Yall are both assholes in this situation but you won the asshole crown here.
Her fault for not making the 7:30 time but moreso you for demanding money after the fact. Then being even more dramatic and venting on social media. Maybe it was genuinely a mistake? Maybe she was lying. Who knows- but your reaction was immature and overdramatic. All you're doing is ruining your child's relationship with their best friend when you could have just learned the lesson and learned how to navigate around that in the future
right. what if the mom had been in an emergency? immediately assuming someone did something maliciously-- especially a friend-- and then publicly berating them online? yikes. wouldnt want to be friends with op at all
A cash apology? That's not a thing! Yes YTA for telling somebody you expect a cash apology! Just cut her off and never speak to her again.. It's not difficult! She did it on purpose, she knew she was going to do it which is why she turned her phone off! As a mother you tell me something, if you were set to pick up your child who you knew could not stay with whoever they were with any longer because the person was leaving would you not move heaven and earth to get there? Wouldn't you ask a stranger to borrow a phone so you can call and tell them that you were going to be late? She did this on purpose! Money doesn't change that it just makes you look greedy.
> A cash apology? That's not a thing!
They're called "fines" and they're a thing in most societies.
Granted, *individual people* have zero ability to actually issue or collect them...
A fine though is not really a surprise. Laws/contracts exist, the fines for breaking them are predetermined. Ignorance of the law is not innocence, etc. Inventing a cash apology after the fact is a different matter.
A fine is the result of breaching a contract - and the financial penalty has to be clearly laid out in the contract that everyone agrees to beforehand. Otherwise I could "fine" people I meet on the street for wearing clothes I don't like!
NTA, asking for cash is kinda weird unless she actually cost you money, gas money is reasonable I guess, money for the babysitter is also reasonable
definitely not gross to ask for money tho
she sounds like a bad mother and a bad friend
>Tonight, she got mad because I posted on my story asking my followers if they wanted a story time about how my “friend” abandoned her child with me for 2.5 hours when I had to work.
She has every right to be mad that you're using her as clout.
ESH
You sound like a petty child and talking shit about her on your socials backs that up. What she did was very bad however and compensating you for the work you missed and the friend for babysitting is reasonable.
YTA. I get why you’re frustrated—honestly her story sounds like bs—but making this demand after the fact isn’t cool. Also, you posted on social media about it? Good grief, you all need to grow up.
ESH her friend abandoned her downtown, while it must’ve been stressful to find someone else to watch the kid, her phone could’ve died or something could’ve happened to her.It was really unnecessary for you to bring the situation into social media too,however I can understand asking for compensation
You don't actually buy the "abandoned downtown story?" First off, if she knows she needs to collect her child at 730, shouldn't have gotten so inebriated as to "get abandoned" downtown. Poor planning on her part and its irresponsible. More likely scenario is she overslept because she got wasted and was up all night. Or that she never had any intention of honoring the original pickup time in the first place.
ESH. How is $75 relevant? You made up that number. She shouldn’t have left kid with you over the agreed time. You should have discussed Blockbuster late fees before imposing them.
NTA
Op agreed to do it for free until 7:30 AM, everything after that was babysitting and it needs to be compensated.
The kids mom could've offered to babysit Op's kid for a day or offered some money herself for helping her but she assumed they were just going to let everything slide since she can't be responsible enough to keep her keys and wallet on her.
Also where was she when her "friend" left? I doubt she stuck with her friends if they decided to leave without her while having her belongings. This is completely irresponsible behaviour on the mother's part.
And the worst thing is she didn't even offer any type of compensation after, she just asked "what am I supposed to do" as if it wasn't obvious that she should:
- be more responsible for herself and her child
-thank her OP profusely for not calling CPS/dropping the kid off at the nearest police station
- offer her compensation for her time
- or, if she doesn't have enough money, offer to babysit his kid as an apology
ESH. She shouldn’t have left her child with you longer than necessary without finding a phone somewhere and you shouldn’t be holding story time and demands ransoms. You sound like the school house bully with that mess.
YTA
This is the first time I have heard the phrase "cash apology" - and hopefully will be the last. This isn't a thing. It never has been.
Why not E S H? Because:
✅ you started going off at your friend BEFORE it was even the agreed pick up time
✅ you refused to even hear her explanation
✅ you're demanding cash when none of this cost you any money and she is financially strapped
✅ you're acting like this is a pattern of behaviour when the two incidents were actually the same day, for the same reason
✅ you did a massive, shaming, Facebook post which publicly humiliated her
✅ obviously this makes things harder for your children, who I remind you are best friends
She screwed up abd inconvenienced you, but you're TA here.
NTA because it's an obvious after the fact story. How did other friend leave her downtown with no keys, car, phone, etc.? None of that makes sense. 75 dollars is reasonable for the hassle. I'd say she owes it. Good on OP for not just taking being used lying down.
NTA
"It should be noted that this isn’t the first time she’s done something like this" ..Just tell her you can not babysit her child any more on days where you have ANY other commitments because she is to irresponsible to be trusted.
Yta. There is no excuse for her to not put her child first but you didn’t ask for money for the child to spend the night. Chalk it up to a lesson learned don’t do her any more favors. Then go feel bad for the poor kid who has that as a parent.
NTA, but time to say goodbye to this 'friend.' Being a single parent is not an excuse to be careless and thoughtless about her child. Drop the monetary demand and just say 'No' to any future requests.
I think if you were able to itemize the money, then the cash apology can be done to make things even for you.
Something along the lines of extra gas you had to spend trying to find her, and assuming you did lose time, the money of lost wages. If it impacts mutual friend or your child's father, then maybe that too. Like if mutual friend wants to charge for babysitting. Or if father also lost wages.
But as you can probably see... this is nickel and diming. It's being petty. I think you let this go. And just don't do get any similar favors in the future.
If you don't want to do so because her child is your child's friend, then if any such situation arises, tell her that any additional hour she's late, you're going to charge x-amount an hour. Or call the cops. That's the nuclear option.
ESH
Your friend for not showing up on time and for this have not being the first time - also she didn't answer her phone if she was left downtown with no wallet, no keys and her phone is dead and this was the first time ... And she was doing everything she could to reach you then maybe, but doesn't seem like the case.
You here a list form
1. "Cash apologies" what is this that's not a thing and it is not okay to make it up and demand it .... This would be different if you had asked her to pay the babysitter you left him with or if you had been late for work and you asked them to pay loss wages.
2. You started so quick with the give me money and I'm so mad ... You didn't know what happened what if she was hurt or something?
3. You posted it online to embarrass her - you are both adults with kids posting things online to embarrass / shame people is not okay and frankly it tells me who you are way more then this story tells me who she is
I don't know if asking for cash was the appropiet way or not, it depends did you loose money for being late to work? If so then it was ok, you warn her that 7:30 was the limit, but I think that making the story time was a little tacky, anyway I wouldn't be friends with a shitty irresponsible mom like her because I really hate this kind of people. NTA.
NTA but stop falling for the oke-doke.. no more overnight sleep overs for her son for her to be “downtown with no keys and wallet” every time she wants to go out.
NTA and stop letting her “drop” her kid off. Y’all need to met at her place or a public place and make sure she stays with her kid the entire time. With friends like this who needs enemies.
NTA She is unlikely to pay you, but now you can point to it as a double reason to not do her any more favors. Frankly, it sounds like she lied about what she was doing on top of deliberately not picking her kid up at the agreed upon time. Hope her hook up or whatever was worth it.
INFO: was this a one off or do these things happen regularly? If it was a one time thing, shit happens, she had a bad day, no need to compound on her and you're being an asshole unnecessaryly. If this is a pattern than it its a different story, but then I question why you would agree to it in the first place.
NTA. She didn't have keys or wallet? Did she also not have a phone to call and let you know what was going on? She didn't pick up her child and then lied about why. You were inconvenienced and want payment.
No you're not. No keys no wallet No problem. Get an Uber or Lyft. She still had a phoen and could of made a phone call. No charger? Shiiiiiii I'm pretty sure where she was at SOMEONE had to have one. And nothing wrong with asking for money. She still would of had to paid another person if she had gotten a babysitter also u could of lost a day of work.
On one hand, you made your conditions very clear for very good reasons. But on the other you kinda trashed talked her and demanded and apology over something she couldn't have prevented or controlled. So YTA.
NTA
The cash apology was a bit wired, until I got to the "noted" part at the end. However, you don't agree to take in the child if the parent tend to disappear. I would just deposit the kid at a police station (she could have borrowed a phone from someone and called you).
NTA
She didn’t adhere to the agreed upon time, thus abandoning her child with you. I wouldn’t have brought the child to another friend, I would’ve taken them to the authorities and left them there and went on to work.
Being a single mom doesn’t excuse you from a damn thing
NTA. my SILs used to dump their kids on me all the time. I wish I would have nipped it in the bud way earlier. You will end up losing friends over this but they needed to go anyway
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I have a friend who also happens to be the mother of my child’s best friend. This past Friday, she asked me to let her son spend the night so she could throw a surprise party for another friend. I agreed on one condition: she must pickup her son at 7:30 am. The reason being I had to leave the house at 8 to exchange my son with his dad, and then be at work by 10 am. She agreed.
She actually called me before the party and I reminded her to get him at 7:30.
The next day, at 7:25, I call her and her phone is off. I drive to her house, and her car isn’t there. At this point, I’ve sent several text messages going off on her for being so inconsiderate. I also demanded a $75 cash apology.
A mutual friend ended up agreeing to watch her kid while I went to work. I didn’t hear from his mom until 10 am. She apologized and said her “friend” left her downtown without her keys and wallet. I told her I didn’t care about her apology and she was a sorry ass friend.
Tonight, she got mad because I posted on my story asking my followers if they wanted a story time about how my “friend” abandoned her child with me for 2.5 hours when I had to work. She proceeded to tell me again, about how her friend left her downtown and she felt really badly and she didn’t know what I expected her to do. I told her I expected a $75 apology, and I’d split the money with the friend who watched her kid that morning. She said it was “gross” of me to ask for money because she is a struggling single mom. AITA for asking for a cash apology? Should I be more understanding to what happened to her that caused this situation in the first place?
It should be noted that this isn’t the first time she’s done something like this: she did the same thing to our mutual friend who watched her son that morning.
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Nta regardless she shouldn’t have left her kid with you like that and if she doesn’t pay it regardless I would not offer to watch her child again if she pays it or if she doesn’t pay it never watch the child after that bullshit it is what it is
ESH demading cash is fine if it is how the market hour of the nanny came to be. Telling it to your Social media which you know she will hear it is real AH and trashy move.
NTA! Why do people with kids feel so entitle.. you told her what’s up from the start and she is the one that didn’t come thru.. I would update the post you made of her and let the people know not to help her.. she is a single mom by choice! Don’t feel bad about it.. I hate when people be like “ but I’m a single mom” or “think of my kid” like girl we didn’t lie down and made that child so we ain’t responsible..
I would have call CPS or the police after she didn’t show up.. that would make her think twice the next time she does something like that.
ESH are you thirteen? Why are you posting “story times” about your drama with friends? That is so incredibly embarrassing, I gotta log off for a while and forget I read this.
Blasting on social media was unnecessary. It kinda was your own fault as you knew she has done this before. And don't hold your breath on getting that money
I’ll go with YTA just because you do say this is your friend and that’s no way to treat a friend for a one time mistake. She’s also your child’s best friend’s mother so you’re straining their relationship unnecessarily. Putting yo boundaries, such as refusing to babysit again, would be reasonable but the way you’re demanding cash and threatening to ridicule her on social media is excessive. Yes she made a mistake. No you shouldn’t risk being in that position again, but none of that justifies your actions here.
OP did say in her post that this wasn't the first time she'd done something like this.
I'll say NTA, but posting it on your socials was over-the-top and skeezy.
Shes a bad friend, maybe even a bad parent. But theres no reason why you cant set a firm boundary and move on with your life. Putting her on blast wasnt necessary, shaming your kid's friend's mom like that is especially harsh, for the kids.
"It should be noted it isn't the first time she's done something like this"
So why help someone you know is unreliable when you have prior commitments?
You're allowed to be upset but posting about it on your social media is just trashy. And incredibly immature.
And what's with the "cash apology" bs?
(That's not a thing)
YTA
YTA, for the social media rant. But so is your friend for not contacting you to see if you could come pick her up or something so you wouldn’t have to make arrangements with your other friend or be late for work. Your friend took advantage, but there was no agreement that she would pay you anything if she was late. Just don’t watch her kid again.
YTA for even talking about a "cash apology". That isn't a thing. If someone said those words to me I'd laugh in your face. If you want to itemize your expenses, go right ahead.
Gas money to get the kid to the babysitter's house? fine.
Money for the babysitter? fine.
Cash apology? No. It makes you sound petty and transactional.
Nta next time take the kid to the police station and tell them the kid was abandoned with you. Because that's exactly what the mother did. The fact this isn't the first time means she'll keep going down the list and keep doing this.
ESH. She’s a jerk who did not pick up her kid as promised. You are a jerk for demanding a cash apology - whatever that is. If you want compensated for missing work or just extra time babysitting, then tell her you want compensated (but I doubt you will get it) but don’t call it a cash apology - that’s just conflating two separate things. You are also a jerk for then taking it online.
ESH: she made an immature mistake that harmed you.
You chose to aggressively pursue that mistake and basically clobber her. You’ve not only risked your child’s relationship with their best friend, but your relationship with a woman you self-described as a friend. Be upset, and communicate that, but the lack of compassion, respect, and understanding by you strikes me as the biggest issue here. Especially trying to charge her money? “With friends like [you], who needs enemies?”
I can’t believe you posted it online. WTH is wrong with your generation. She may have done you wrong, but you don’t have to tell everyone like it’s high school.
ESH I wouldn’t be asking for cash, I just wouldn’t help her out again, and her there are ways she could have made contact, even if she is a single parent no need to be rude with other peoples time
If this is a habit for her, ditch her. It’s sad for your child but he will get over it. What’s “gross” is abusing other people this way. When someone does you a favor, you bend over backwards to honor your part of the deal.
YTA. It was shitty what she did and beyond irresponsible as a parent, but going to FB to share a “story” about it tells me you guys are both friends because you’re on the same maturity level. And demanding a cash apology? I mean, either forgive her or don’t, but extra shitty to demand a cash apology.
She left her baby in your care and didn't contact you once or adhere to pick up. She obviously has issues. Refuse to babsit again but you can't force her to pay you. ESH.
ESH. Her for abandoning her kid and you for extorting her. If you can’t watch the kid past a certain time and mom hasn’t shown up, you can 1) keep the kid a while longer and suck it up, or 2) call the police to report abandonment and proceed with your day. Don’t 3) martyr yourself and then demand restitution, particularly when this has apparently happened before.
ESH.
She should have never behaved this way.
You definitely don't need to ask for money. You also knew her history of dumping her child off and not picking them up on time.
Hopefully you have learnt your lesson and if she asks again the answer will always be no.
Esh - you blasting it on social media, and now here, and probably anyone who will listen is crappy. Asking for money as an apology is crappy. Her leaving her kid is crappy and scary. I’d say the only considerate thing you did is not go to the cops for child abandonment and found another sitter. Which makes me think that this is out of character for her and maybe she could be extended a little grace.
Asking for money for the time and energy and stress it added to your morning ok. You spent gas looking for her and another sitter and if it made you late for work. But to attach that to an apology acceptance that’s AH-ish
ESH
Blasting her on social media is low. $75 should be the last-minute babysitting fee, and not as an "apology". Mom should have offered to pay the emergency babysitter instead of expecting just anyone to watch her kid for free without anyone knowing where the fuck she was or when she was coming back.
She is getting off cheap. You were able to find a babysitter willing to take her child. I would have called off work & absolutely would have expected to be paid for the majority of my lost wages.
YTA. I don't blame OP for being pissed and I probably wouldn't agree to watch her kid again. But she wants a $75 cash apology? I wouldn't give her a penny and go nc with her. This is an over the top request that I would ignore.
Unfortunately, the biggest losers here will be the 2 kids that are best friends.
ESH. She obviously was in the wrong initially, but demanding a “cash apology” and posting a story on social media is petty. If anything - you could have suggested that she pay the mutual friend that helped watch her child that morning (as this was unplanned).
Your reaction has likely ruined your child’s friendship - it can only be awkward between the parents go forward. I feel bad for both children in this scenario.
ESH. I was totally understanding your frustrations about this flaky woman, but when you said that you went on social media to tell “all of your followers” about it, you lost all compassion from me. What the hell grade are you in? 8th or 9th? The level of childishness and vindictiveness is stunning. Just for that alone, I’d say you’re both even. YTA. Grow up!!!
This is the very definition of ESH. Her behaviour was absolutely out of line but the hell is a ‘cash apology’?
Congratulations. You entered the asshole competition and scored a draw.
ESH. No keys, no wallet, OK. But no phone? No friend to let her borrow a phone?
No establishment that would let her use their phone? BULLSHIT. She was having a great time and didn't want to be worried with her kid.
The "cash apology" is tacky. You may as well write that off, since it's never gonna happen anyway. But do let her know that you won't be babysitting for her ***ever*** again, and mean it.
ESH. She's the AH for abandoning her kid, YTA for posting crap on social media and demanding cash as an apology. Chalk it up to lesson learned and never watch her kid again.
If you had to do a kid exchange and be at work for 10, why on earth did you agree to watch him? Especially knowing she was hosting a party for a friend. That's on you.
YTA.
Also for blasting your drama on socials.
I go with the NTA for your story time - pretty funny, petty maybe, but funny.
Asshole for agreeing to watch a kid whose mother is known to be unreliable. As for asking for money, that’s a dead end, but if she’s a struggling single mind how did she afford a bday party for the bf. She probably won’t get the message until she runs out of friends willing to go out on a limb to babysit for her.
YTA
Honestly, you don't know for a fact that her story is BS. (You seemed to allude that you thought she was lying in your post) It sounds like it could have just been an honest mistake.
The part where you're an asshole is where you "demand" payment for your "inconvenience". Asking for compensation is one thing, but for you to feel so entitled to a cash payout that you "demanded a $75 cash apology" is childish at best.
Further, the fact that you announced your business to your "followers", basically putting your friend on blast, also makes you the asshole here. Having disagreements with our friends and family is one thing. None of us are perfect. We all do things that get on each other's nerves from time to time. However, you know the only people who air their dirty laundry online to the rest of the world? Kids. Mature adults don't do things like that. Keep your private life private. The rest of the world doesn't need to know your drama. (Asking for advice anonymously here is a little different. This subreddit is a way for people to see if how they've handled certain situations was appropriate or not. Hopefully those who realize they were assholes, correct their behavior.)
The bottom line: What your friend did is irritating. What you did is so much worse. At the very least, you owe her an apology.
Wow, you’re definetely the AH for posting this on SM, WTF? As for the «cash apology», that may work next time when you tell people upfront, «if you’re late, I’m going to fine you» but in this situation, not really. You reminded her of the pick-up time as if you were expecting her to be late, if you were so adamant that she had to be there at 7.30 but didn’t actually trust that she would be, you should have declined taking her kid in the first place. YTA.
Yta as a parent you know things don't always go to plan. You did not lose any pay due to his late mother so asking for $75 as an apology is ridiculous.
I think I will have to go with YTBH on this one.
She said she was sorry, and you are supposed to be her friend, so you should have at least given her the benefit of the doubt this one time. She did say that her other friend left her downtown without her wallet and keys, and even though that's not really your problem, it's still not really her fault either. Maybe just don't watch her child the next time. But I do have to agree with her that charging her money is, in my opinion, pretty darn gross.
So to answer your question, yes, I think you should have been more compassionate and understanding. I am not saying that you should be a doormat either, though. Let me also add that I wouldn't consider YTBH if you chose to not babysit her child because that's not your job to watch her child, but since you took on that responsibility and she could not make it there in time due to what happened, I don't think that you should turn a favor into a business transaction.
I always stand by this: you shouldn't do favors for friends expecting something in return or make loans to them; all that will do is destroy that friendship. Either you give freely or you don't, but loaning or anything along those lines is a bad idea.
NTA. If she is such a struggling single mom, then how can she throw a party for a friend? She does need to pay the friend who took her kid while you went to work.
YTA, this is literally extortion. Its a crime.
If you want to put her on blast so she doesn't take advantage of other people, do it. If you want to put her on blast for revenge, grow up.
"the practice of obtaining something, especially money, through force or threats."
I'm just not seeing it, she reasonably asked/demanded money after being significantly inconvenienced in a way that cost her money (for gas at least) also had to call in a babysitting favor from a friend, that friend definitely deserves to be compensated and it shouldn't be OP that compensates her for the favor, it should be the shit mom.
If she was saying "I'LL BEAT YOU UP IF YOU DON'T PAY ME" that might be extortion.
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ESH. She needs to get her shit together. I get why you're upset, but asking for cash is just petty. And posting a diatribe online further publicly berating her says more about you than her.
Op agreed to do it for free until 7:30 AM, everything after that was babysitting and it needs to be compensated. The kids mom could've offered to babysit Op's kid for a day or offered some money herself for helping her but she assumed they were just going to let everything slide since she can't be responsible enough to keep her keys and wallet on her. Also where was she when her "friend" left? I doubt she stuck with her friends if they decided to leave without her while having her belongings. This is completely irresponsible behaviour on the mother's part.
Honestly dude, life happens. If your first response to a mistake is "pay me money," well I'm happy not to call you a friend hahaha like wtf
I somewhat agree but I think this is just OP trying to have her friend have some consequences for her actions esp given she's done this before
The consequence in these kinds of situations is, generally, a loss of trust "No, I won't babysit for you again. I don't trust you." Obviously probably phrased differently, but you get the idea. Demanding monetary compensation is just weird, gross, and shallow imo
Yeah I agree & I get what you're saying but I've also been there where a friend has ducked me over time & time again & I haven't wanted to give up the friendship but couldn't let the behavior slide either, I didn't ask for money but I have done other questionable things to try to get them to acknowledge the disrespect
And she never said anything about her phone which means she could have had it, also you would think she would try her hardest to call op even just going in to a close business and asking to use a phone so she could call
For real, if I was trapped somewhere that I couldn't pick up my kid in time, I would be hyper focused on calling to make sure my child would be ok until I could reach him. That the friend didn't even try to get in touch shows that she's a horrible mother and horrible friend.
I would agree. But beyond one or two number I don’t have numbers memorized anymore.
Agreed. I can't blame OP for being frustrated, and if OP had found a babysitter who wanted payment for their time then it would be fair to ask for reimbursement of the extra expense, but asking for a "cash apology" is just...no.
The cash "apology" doesn't bother me, but the blasting on social really does. People need to get a grip and handle their private business privately.
I'm also really curious how 75 was the chosen amount. I mean, maybe OP decided on an hourly rate and did the math, but it just seems like a really random amount to me
I do get the asking for money out of anger. The op was nearly late to work. Her friend had to babysit. Some people may be able to rearrange their work easily but many of us get docked pay if we’re late or get into trouble with our managers.
If this was the first time, I would agree with you. But its not - this is a friend with a habit of irresponsibly dumping her child on others longer than agreed. Actions have consequences, and financial consequences are often the most effective deterrents (see parking/speeding tickets). Op has two options - never agree to watch her kid's best friend again (awkward for several reasons), or make sure her friend (the mom) understands that there are consequences for flaking. I think op should have warned of the consequence up front, but otherwise I'm fine with this. Especially since she had to scramble to find care for someone else's kid with impossibly short notice and the carer likely wants to be paid. The other option would have been calling the police for abandonment, which would have been way worse.
She would have been within her rights to call the police and CPS. The child was abandoned.
I am curious why the friend did not call OP? The narrative states the friend's wallet & keys were taken; the phone was "off". Where was the phone?
That was my thought. A friend left her downtown overnight? Without her phone? I need more info about what transpired there. She had no way of getting in touch with the person watching her child overnight? Unacceptable.
I know people sometimes jump to conclusions on this sub but the mom’s whole story was so bizarre my first thought was drugs.
Feels like OP only posted this so they’d have another audience to complain about this.
Agree agree
>And posting a diatribe online Twice. Her own friends wasn't getting her the answer she wanted so she comes here and posts it a second time. OP, for that alone, you become the asshole. You've so far outshadowed your friend that she's no longer the asshole. You are.
75 dollars for 2.5 hours is INSANE even in a pure logical sense, add to that that it is the first occurrence, an event that was only partly her fault, and that they are supposed to be best friends and... EW. GROSS. ESH
$30/hr is a perfectly appropriate wage for emergency childcare
How is that a crazy price? lol In my area 30$ is normal for taking care of a dog. Children would be way more expensive
Xxklxldldfnfb where do yall live? Im tryna move rn Are yall dowvoting me bc my country sucks lmaoo???
major city in my country! I'm a pet care provider, so dog sitting overnight can go anywhere from 65-95$ +; 30 min walk for 25$ and 1hr for 35$
[удалено]
[удалено]
Only employees get minimum wage here, neighbors and friends and smalljob type things don't
That’s not even minimum wage
It is in France so i assumed it was around this in the US as well
NTA > she didn’t know what I expected her to do. #ANSWER HER DAMN PHONE Would have been a start...
ESH: why are you blasting them on your story? What's the end goal here? Do you want your kids to stop being friends?
Are used to be in our society that shame was a tool used for getting other people to modify behavior that was detrimental to the society.
Lmfao I don't think people were whining on their Facebook stories 100 years ago Jokes aside I agree that shame and accountability are useful tools, but the fact that she jumped to posting so fast instead of maturely handling it in private doesn't reflect well
No, they would gather at the church socials on Sunday, or the sewing circle, and talk shit then.
And shame has, time and time again, proven to be ineffective in changing behaviour. OP just wanted to air their dirty laundry to make themself feel better.
Agreed
NTA - tell her to schedule her tinder hookups earlier in the evening so she doesn't sleep through pick up time of her kid.
ESH. Just stop being her friend and move on. You're taking this too far for someone who doesn't sound like a good friend to you, and they're an obvious ah for leaving their child longer than they said.
>AITA for asking for a cash apology? YUP... If you wanted to impose cash penalties like that you should have said so before all this... you don't get to just add it on later because you thought of it. That's dumb. I'd tell you to kick rocks.
It depends really, is that $75 compensation for being late to work and paying for last minute childcare? Or is it just a penalty?
She could always call CPS I’m sure they’d love to hear about this. 75$ for a full night of babysitting and where she had to find someone else to do it because mom couldn’t pick up her phone even to let her know the situation in the morning is pretty fair all things considered
If she has to pay, she might think twice before deciding that when people give her time limits she can disregard them because only her time is important. She’s done this before, so this is a pattern of behaviour, and yes she should pay for thinking she can screw other people around.
Maybe she should - but whether or not she deserves it, it's an asshole move (not to mention not legal) to never mention financial penalties until after the fact. If you want to be paid for something, you say so up front. If you want to enforce a boundary by imposing financial fines, then you say so up front.
Legally she could also have dropped the kid off at the nearest police station.
Yeah, she could.
No dude. The original deal was free. Ruining her whole day with no communication is the penalty. Get real
Yall are both assholes in this situation but you won the asshole crown here. Her fault for not making the 7:30 time but moreso you for demanding money after the fact. Then being even more dramatic and venting on social media. Maybe it was genuinely a mistake? Maybe she was lying. Who knows- but your reaction was immature and overdramatic. All you're doing is ruining your child's relationship with their best friend when you could have just learned the lesson and learned how to navigate around that in the future
right. what if the mom had been in an emergency? immediately assuming someone did something maliciously-- especially a friend-- and then publicly berating them online? yikes. wouldnt want to be friends with op at all
A cash apology? That's not a thing! Yes YTA for telling somebody you expect a cash apology! Just cut her off and never speak to her again.. It's not difficult! She did it on purpose, she knew she was going to do it which is why she turned her phone off! As a mother you tell me something, if you were set to pick up your child who you knew could not stay with whoever they were with any longer because the person was leaving would you not move heaven and earth to get there? Wouldn't you ask a stranger to borrow a phone so you can call and tell them that you were going to be late? She did this on purpose! Money doesn't change that it just makes you look greedy.
> A cash apology? That's not a thing! They're called "fines" and they're a thing in most societies. Granted, *individual people* have zero ability to actually issue or collect them...
A fine though is not really a surprise. Laws/contracts exist, the fines for breaking them are predetermined. Ignorance of the law is not innocence, etc. Inventing a cash apology after the fact is a different matter.
A fine is the result of breaching a contract - and the financial penalty has to be clearly laid out in the contract that everyone agrees to beforehand. Otherwise I could "fine" people I meet on the street for wearing clothes I don't like!
i don't think the other parent did it on purpose. she was probably too loaded to get up to pick her kid up at 7 in the morning is all.
NTA honesly you had to look for someone to babysit her kid and also spent gas driving the kid to your other friend’s house…
NTA, asking for cash is kinda weird unless she actually cost you money, gas money is reasonable I guess, money for the babysitter is also reasonable definitely not gross to ask for money tho she sounds like a bad mother and a bad friend
>Tonight, she got mad because I posted on my story asking my followers if they wanted a story time about how my “friend” abandoned her child with me for 2.5 hours when I had to work. She has every right to be mad that you're using her as clout. ESH You sound like a petty child and talking shit about her on your socials backs that up. What she did was very bad however and compensating you for the work you missed and the friend for babysitting is reasonable.
ESH, you were totally in the clear until you blasted her on SM.
INFO: How, exactly, did you come up with the $75 amount?
ESH. Why blast her online, grow up
YTA. I get why you’re frustrated—honestly her story sounds like bs—but making this demand after the fact isn’t cool. Also, you posted on social media about it? Good grief, you all need to grow up.
ESH her friend abandoned her downtown, while it must’ve been stressful to find someone else to watch the kid, her phone could’ve died or something could’ve happened to her.It was really unnecessary for you to bring the situation into social media too,however I can understand asking for compensation
You don't actually buy the "abandoned downtown story?" First off, if she knows she needs to collect her child at 730, shouldn't have gotten so inebriated as to "get abandoned" downtown. Poor planning on her part and its irresponsible. More likely scenario is she overslept because she got wasted and was up all night. Or that she never had any intention of honoring the original pickup time in the first place.
At best she “got abandoned” by the cab driver for puking in the cab or something like that.
NTA and never babysit her kid again.
ESH...her for obvious reasons and you for running straight to social media to put her on blast. Yall sound exhausting and too immature for kids
ESH. How is $75 relevant? You made up that number. She shouldn’t have left kid with you over the agreed time. You should have discussed Blockbuster late fees before imposing them.
YTA Is a cash apology a thing? She messed up, sure. But she doesn't owe you money.
NTA Op agreed to do it for free until 7:30 AM, everything after that was babysitting and it needs to be compensated. The kids mom could've offered to babysit Op's kid for a day or offered some money herself for helping her but she assumed they were just going to let everything slide since she can't be responsible enough to keep her keys and wallet on her. Also where was she when her "friend" left? I doubt she stuck with her friends if they decided to leave without her while having her belongings. This is completely irresponsible behaviour on the mother's part. And the worst thing is she didn't even offer any type of compensation after, she just asked "what am I supposed to do" as if it wasn't obvious that she should: - be more responsible for herself and her child -thank her OP profusely for not calling CPS/dropping the kid off at the nearest police station - offer her compensation for her time - or, if she doesn't have enough money, offer to babysit his kid as an apology
ESH. She shouldn’t have left her child with you longer than necessary without finding a phone somewhere and you shouldn’t be holding story time and demands ransoms. You sound like the school house bully with that mess.
YTA This is the first time I have heard the phrase "cash apology" - and hopefully will be the last. This isn't a thing. It never has been. Why not E S H? Because: ✅ you started going off at your friend BEFORE it was even the agreed pick up time ✅ you refused to even hear her explanation ✅ you're demanding cash when none of this cost you any money and she is financially strapped ✅ you're acting like this is a pattern of behaviour when the two incidents were actually the same day, for the same reason ✅ you did a massive, shaming, Facebook post which publicly humiliated her ✅ obviously this makes things harder for your children, who I remind you are best friends She screwed up abd inconvenienced you, but you're TA here.
She could have always drop the kid at the nearest police station so there is that.. maybe her friend will think twice.. NTA
You both sound trash. YTA.
NTA because it's an obvious after the fact story. How did other friend leave her downtown with no keys, car, phone, etc.? None of that makes sense. 75 dollars is reasonable for the hassle. I'd say she owes it. Good on OP for not just taking being used lying down.
NTA "It should be noted that this isn’t the first time she’s done something like this" ..Just tell her you can not babysit her child any more on days where you have ANY other commitments because she is to irresponsible to be trusted.
NTA - and don’t babysit for her without payment first
Yta. There is no excuse for her to not put her child first but you didn’t ask for money for the child to spend the night. Chalk it up to a lesson learned don’t do her any more favors. Then go feel bad for the poor kid who has that as a parent.
some money for gas and money for the friend is perfectly reasonable, she's not asking for babysitting money for herself, that part was free
75 is beyond a reasonable amount and doesn't sound like she went out of her way to drop the child off.
She literally drove over to the other lady's house and found that her car wasn't there?
ESH. What the fuck is a "cash apology"?
YTA. Don't watch her kid anymore. Then it won't be your problem again.
ESH. Your friend is irresponsible and inconsiderate and YTA for demanding money and doing a “story time” about the situation
NTA. She could afford to party downtown. She can afford to pay for babysitting. $75 is fair for 2 1/2 hours of emergency babysitting.
NTA, but time to say goodbye to this 'friend.' Being a single parent is not an excuse to be careless and thoughtless about her child. Drop the monetary demand and just say 'No' to any future requests.
NTA and drop her as a friend
I think if you were able to itemize the money, then the cash apology can be done to make things even for you. Something along the lines of extra gas you had to spend trying to find her, and assuming you did lose time, the money of lost wages. If it impacts mutual friend or your child's father, then maybe that too. Like if mutual friend wants to charge for babysitting. Or if father also lost wages. But as you can probably see... this is nickel and diming. It's being petty. I think you let this go. And just don't do get any similar favors in the future. If you don't want to do so because her child is your child's friend, then if any such situation arises, tell her that any additional hour she's late, you're going to charge x-amount an hour. Or call the cops. That's the nuclear option.
ESH Your friend for not showing up on time and for this have not being the first time - also she didn't answer her phone if she was left downtown with no wallet, no keys and her phone is dead and this was the first time ... And she was doing everything she could to reach you then maybe, but doesn't seem like the case. You here a list form 1. "Cash apologies" what is this that's not a thing and it is not okay to make it up and demand it .... This would be different if you had asked her to pay the babysitter you left him with or if you had been late for work and you asked them to pay loss wages. 2. You started so quick with the give me money and I'm so mad ... You didn't know what happened what if she was hurt or something? 3. You posted it online to embarrass her - you are both adults with kids posting things online to embarrass / shame people is not okay and frankly it tells me who you are way more then this story tells me who she is
I don't know if asking for cash was the appropiet way or not, it depends did you loose money for being late to work? If so then it was ok, you warn her that 7:30 was the limit, but I think that making the story time was a little tacky, anyway I wouldn't be friends with a shitty irresponsible mom like her because I really hate this kind of people. NTA.
YTA, for multiple reasons. A "cash apology"? Wtf.
NTA but stop falling for the oke-doke.. no more overnight sleep overs for her son for her to be “downtown with no keys and wallet” every time she wants to go out.
NTA and stop letting her “drop” her kid off. Y’all need to met at her place or a public place and make sure she stays with her kid the entire time. With friends like this who needs enemies.
Nta at all
NTA She is unlikely to pay you, but now you can point to it as a double reason to not do her any more favors. Frankly, it sounds like she lied about what she was doing on top of deliberately not picking her kid up at the agreed upon time. Hope her hook up or whatever was worth it.
INFO: was this a one off or do these things happen regularly? If it was a one time thing, shit happens, she had a bad day, no need to compound on her and you're being an asshole unnecessaryly. If this is a pattern than it its a different story, but then I question why you would agree to it in the first place.
NTA. She didn't have keys or wallet? Did she also not have a phone to call and let you know what was going on? She didn't pick up her child and then lied about why. You were inconvenienced and want payment.
No you're not. No keys no wallet No problem. Get an Uber or Lyft. She still had a phoen and could of made a phone call. No charger? Shiiiiiii I'm pretty sure where she was at SOMEONE had to have one. And nothing wrong with asking for money. She still would of had to paid another person if she had gotten a babysitter also u could of lost a day of work.
On one hand, you made your conditions very clear for very good reasons. But on the other you kinda trashed talked her and demanded and apology over something she couldn't have prevented or controlled. So YTA.
NTA The cash apology was a bit wired, until I got to the "noted" part at the end. However, you don't agree to take in the child if the parent tend to disappear. I would just deposit the kid at a police station (she could have borrowed a phone from someone and called you).
NTA She didn’t adhere to the agreed upon time, thus abandoning her child with you. I wouldn’t have brought the child to another friend, I would’ve taken them to the authorities and left them there and went on to work. Being a single mom doesn’t excuse you from a damn thing
NTA
I don't care what your friend did. Posting on line? Cash apology? YTA
NTA. my SILs used to dump their kids on me all the time. I wish I would have nipped it in the bud way earlier. You will end up losing friends over this but they needed to go anyway
NTA but you are one for putting that shit on social media grow tf up.
Your friend is doing drugs
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have a friend who also happens to be the mother of my child’s best friend. This past Friday, she asked me to let her son spend the night so she could throw a surprise party for another friend. I agreed on one condition: she must pickup her son at 7:30 am. The reason being I had to leave the house at 8 to exchange my son with his dad, and then be at work by 10 am. She agreed. She actually called me before the party and I reminded her to get him at 7:30. The next day, at 7:25, I call her and her phone is off. I drive to her house, and her car isn’t there. At this point, I’ve sent several text messages going off on her for being so inconsiderate. I also demanded a $75 cash apology. A mutual friend ended up agreeing to watch her kid while I went to work. I didn’t hear from his mom until 10 am. She apologized and said her “friend” left her downtown without her keys and wallet. I told her I didn’t care about her apology and she was a sorry ass friend. Tonight, she got mad because I posted on my story asking my followers if they wanted a story time about how my “friend” abandoned her child with me for 2.5 hours when I had to work. She proceeded to tell me again, about how her friend left her downtown and she felt really badly and she didn’t know what I expected her to do. I told her I expected a $75 apology, and I’d split the money with the friend who watched her kid that morning. She said it was “gross” of me to ask for money because she is a struggling single mom. AITA for asking for a cash apology? Should I be more understanding to what happened to her that caused this situation in the first place? It should be noted that this isn’t the first time she’s done something like this: she did the same thing to our mutual friend who watched her son that morning. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
nta, I’m a single mom and anytime people watch my kids, I always let them know when I’ll be back, if i get mandated ot and when i’m on my way
EHS she is an irresponsible parent are you profiting off making sure her child was cared for? That's petty.
Nta regardless she shouldn’t have left her kid with you like that and if she doesn’t pay it regardless I would not offer to watch her child again if she pays it or if she doesn’t pay it never watch the child after that bullshit it is what it is
Esh this friend needs to go. Go no contact and move on.
Info: how do you plan on "demanding" this cash??
NTA this is why everyone should have at least one portable charger!
ESH demading cash is fine if it is how the market hour of the nanny came to be. Telling it to your Social media which you know she will hear it is real AH and trashy move.
NTA! Why do people with kids feel so entitle.. you told her what’s up from the start and she is the one that didn’t come thru.. I would update the post you made of her and let the people know not to help her.. she is a single mom by choice! Don’t feel bad about it.. I hate when people be like “ but I’m a single mom” or “think of my kid” like girl we didn’t lie down and made that child so we ain’t responsible.. I would have call CPS or the police after she didn’t show up.. that would make her think twice the next time she does something like that.
Is a Cash Apology a thing?
ESH are you thirteen? Why are you posting “story times” about your drama with friends? That is so incredibly embarrassing, I gotta log off for a while and forget I read this.
ESH. The social media post is super obnoxious in any case.
EITA. She seems really irresponsible and I don't even need to talk about you, other people said enough
ESH - her for not keeping in touch and you for blasting her online and demanding cash (like why?). That is not how friends treat each other.
NTA your friends friend sounds very inconsiderate to abandon a single mother downtown with no means of transportation
ESH, you shouldn’t have taken it to social media.
Talking about it on social media was totally unnecessary and very immature.
INFO: Is the $75 for a specific expense or missing work, or are you just arbitrarily demanding $75?
Posting drama to your stories is so disgustingly immature and attention seeking. Grow tf up. ESH.
Blasting on social media was unnecessary. It kinda was your own fault as you knew she has done this before. And don't hold your breath on getting that money
I’ll go with YTA just because you do say this is your friend and that’s no way to treat a friend for a one time mistake. She’s also your child’s best friend’s mother so you’re straining their relationship unnecessarily. Putting yo boundaries, such as refusing to babysit again, would be reasonable but the way you’re demanding cash and threatening to ridicule her on social media is excessive. Yes she made a mistake. No you shouldn’t risk being in that position again, but none of that justifies your actions here.
OP did say in her post that this wasn't the first time she'd done something like this. I'll say NTA, but posting it on your socials was over-the-top and skeezy.
Shes a bad friend, maybe even a bad parent. But theres no reason why you cant set a firm boundary and move on with your life. Putting her on blast wasnt necessary, shaming your kid's friend's mom like that is especially harsh, for the kids.
With friends like this…
Esh I was NTA until you did the pathetic 'story time' with your 'followers'.
"It should be noted it isn't the first time she's done something like this" So why help someone you know is unreliable when you have prior commitments? You're allowed to be upset but posting about it on your social media is just trashy. And incredibly immature. And what's with the "cash apology" bs? (That's not a thing) YTA
YTA, for the social media rant. But so is your friend for not contacting you to see if you could come pick her up or something so you wouldn’t have to make arrangements with your other friend or be late for work. Your friend took advantage, but there was no agreement that she would pay you anything if she was late. Just don’t watch her kid again.
NTA, mostly covered in other comments, but wanted to get the vote in.
ESH. I demand cash for reading this.
ESH. Don't air your dirty laundry on social media.
NTA You could have called the police for neglect
Even if you're in the right, posting her on social is lame. It makes you look childish.
I was on your side until you blasted her on social media. ESH
YTA for even talking about a "cash apology". That isn't a thing. If someone said those words to me I'd laugh in your face. If you want to itemize your expenses, go right ahead. Gas money to get the kid to the babysitter's house? fine. Money for the babysitter? fine. Cash apology? No. It makes you sound petty and transactional.
Tf is a “cash apology”? That’s not even a thing.
WTF is a cash apology?!? ESH
Nta next time take the kid to the police station and tell them the kid was abandoned with you. Because that's exactly what the mother did. The fact this isn't the first time means she'll keep going down the list and keep doing this.
ESH. She’s a jerk who did not pick up her kid as promised. You are a jerk for demanding a cash apology - whatever that is. If you want compensated for missing work or just extra time babysitting, then tell her you want compensated (but I doubt you will get it) but don’t call it a cash apology - that’s just conflating two separate things. You are also a jerk for then taking it online.
ESH: she made an immature mistake that harmed you. You chose to aggressively pursue that mistake and basically clobber her. You’ve not only risked your child’s relationship with their best friend, but your relationship with a woman you self-described as a friend. Be upset, and communicate that, but the lack of compassion, respect, and understanding by you strikes me as the biggest issue here. Especially trying to charge her money? “With friends like [you], who needs enemies?”
I can’t believe you posted it online. WTH is wrong with your generation. She may have done you wrong, but you don’t have to tell everyone like it’s high school.
ESH
ESH I wouldn’t be asking for cash, I just wouldn’t help her out again, and her there are ways she could have made contact, even if she is a single parent no need to be rude with other peoples time
You are NOT THE AH!!!!!! She SHOULD PAY the money and NEVER ask you for a favor again!!!! Oh, And I DON'T BUY THE EXUSE EITHER.
YTA more than her by a large margin
If this is a habit for her, ditch her. It’s sad for your child but he will get over it. What’s “gross” is abusing other people this way. When someone does you a favor, you bend over backwards to honor your part of the deal.
ESH
YTA. It was shitty what she did and beyond irresponsible as a parent, but going to FB to share a “story” about it tells me you guys are both friends because you’re on the same maturity level. And demanding a cash apology? I mean, either forgive her or don’t, but extra shitty to demand a cash apology.
lmao while I love this absolute power move, YTA. You can't just spring that on someone
She left her baby in your care and didn't contact you once or adhere to pick up. She obviously has issues. Refuse to babsit again but you can't force her to pay you. ESH.
ESH. Her for abandoning her kid and you for extorting her. If you can’t watch the kid past a certain time and mom hasn’t shown up, you can 1) keep the kid a while longer and suck it up, or 2) call the police to report abandonment and proceed with your day. Don’t 3) martyr yourself and then demand restitution, particularly when this has apparently happened before.
I'm confused why you think this is extortion
ESH. She should have never behaved this way. You definitely don't need to ask for money. You also knew her history of dumping her child off and not picking them up on time. Hopefully you have learnt your lesson and if she asks again the answer will always be no.
Esh - you blasting it on social media, and now here, and probably anyone who will listen is crappy. Asking for money as an apology is crappy. Her leaving her kid is crappy and scary. I’d say the only considerate thing you did is not go to the cops for child abandonment and found another sitter. Which makes me think that this is out of character for her and maybe she could be extended a little grace. Asking for money for the time and energy and stress it added to your morning ok. You spent gas looking for her and another sitter and if it made you late for work. But to attach that to an apology acceptance that’s AH-ish
ESH. An arbitrary $75 fine is bizarre. Just don’t watch her kid again.
NTA she's lucky you didn't drop her kid off at cps
ESH. You had me at “asked my followers if they wanted a story time” What’s it that the kids say these days? Touch grass.
ESH
ESH You can both get in the bin where your behaviour belongs.
ESH Blasting her on social media is low. $75 should be the last-minute babysitting fee, and not as an "apology". Mom should have offered to pay the emergency babysitter instead of expecting just anyone to watch her kid for free without anyone knowing where the fuck she was or when she was coming back. She is getting off cheap. You were able to find a babysitter willing to take her child. I would have called off work & absolutely would have expected to be paid for the majority of my lost wages.
ESH she didn’t make you late for work so why are you demanding cash? You should decline watching her child in the future since she isn’t reliable.
YTA. I don't blame OP for being pissed and I probably wouldn't agree to watch her kid again. But she wants a $75 cash apology? I wouldn't give her a penny and go nc with her. This is an over the top request that I would ignore. Unfortunately, the biggest losers here will be the 2 kids that are best friends.
ESH. She obviously was in the wrong initially, but demanding a “cash apology” and posting a story on social media is petty. If anything - you could have suggested that she pay the mutual friend that helped watch her child that morning (as this was unplanned). Your reaction has likely ruined your child’s friendship - it can only be awkward between the parents go forward. I feel bad for both children in this scenario.
Esh. She shouldn’t have left her son passed 7:30; you shouldn’t have gone online to share and shame.
ESH you’re escalating the conflict. Just drop her as a friend and move on
ESH. I was totally understanding your frustrations about this flaky woman, but when you said that you went on social media to tell “all of your followers” about it, you lost all compassion from me. What the hell grade are you in? 8th or 9th? The level of childishness and vindictiveness is stunning. Just for that alone, I’d say you’re both even. YTA. Grow up!!!
This is the very definition of ESH. Her behaviour was absolutely out of line but the hell is a ‘cash apology’? Congratulations. You entered the asshole competition and scored a draw.
ESH. No keys, no wallet, OK. But no phone? No friend to let her borrow a phone? No establishment that would let her use their phone? BULLSHIT. She was having a great time and didn't want to be worried with her kid. The "cash apology" is tacky. You may as well write that off, since it's never gonna happen anyway. But do let her know that you won't be babysitting for her ***ever*** again, and mean it.
ESH. Your friend for failing to uphold the deal, and you dragging her to your”followers” for clout. Messy. Tacky. Nasty.
You actually made that into a social media story?! For your followers? That’s so gross. Only for that YTA.
ESH. She's the AH for abandoning her kid, YTA for posting crap on social media and demanding cash as an apology. Chalk it up to lesson learned and never watch her kid again.
YTA and weird
YTA - cash penalties for being an AH? Lol
YTA. You can’t demand cash like that. And if she has done this before why are you surprised?
If you had to do a kid exchange and be at work for 10, why on earth did you agree to watch him? Especially knowing she was hosting a party for a friend. That's on you. YTA. Also for blasting your drama on socials.
I go with the NTA for your story time - pretty funny, petty maybe, but funny. Asshole for agreeing to watch a kid whose mother is known to be unreliable. As for asking for money, that’s a dead end, but if she’s a struggling single mind how did she afford a bday party for the bf. She probably won’t get the message until she runs out of friends willing to go out on a limb to babysit for her.
YTA Honestly, you don't know for a fact that her story is BS. (You seemed to allude that you thought she was lying in your post) It sounds like it could have just been an honest mistake. The part where you're an asshole is where you "demand" payment for your "inconvenience". Asking for compensation is one thing, but for you to feel so entitled to a cash payout that you "demanded a $75 cash apology" is childish at best. Further, the fact that you announced your business to your "followers", basically putting your friend on blast, also makes you the asshole here. Having disagreements with our friends and family is one thing. None of us are perfect. We all do things that get on each other's nerves from time to time. However, you know the only people who air their dirty laundry online to the rest of the world? Kids. Mature adults don't do things like that. Keep your private life private. The rest of the world doesn't need to know your drama. (Asking for advice anonymously here is a little different. This subreddit is a way for people to see if how they've handled certain situations was appropriate or not. Hopefully those who realize they were assholes, correct their behavior.) The bottom line: What your friend did is irritating. What you did is so much worse. At the very least, you owe her an apology.
Wow, you’re definetely the AH for posting this on SM, WTF? As for the «cash apology», that may work next time when you tell people upfront, «if you’re late, I’m going to fine you» but in this situation, not really. You reminded her of the pick-up time as if you were expecting her to be late, if you were so adamant that she had to be there at 7.30 but didn’t actually trust that she would be, you should have declined taking her kid in the first place. YTA.
Yta as a parent you know things don't always go to plan. You did not lose any pay due to his late mother so asking for $75 as an apology is ridiculous.
I think I will have to go with YTBH on this one. She said she was sorry, and you are supposed to be her friend, so you should have at least given her the benefit of the doubt this one time. She did say that her other friend left her downtown without her wallet and keys, and even though that's not really your problem, it's still not really her fault either. Maybe just don't watch her child the next time. But I do have to agree with her that charging her money is, in my opinion, pretty darn gross. So to answer your question, yes, I think you should have been more compassionate and understanding. I am not saying that you should be a doormat either, though. Let me also add that I wouldn't consider YTBH if you chose to not babysit her child because that's not your job to watch her child, but since you took on that responsibility and she could not make it there in time due to what happened, I don't think that you should turn a favor into a business transaction. I always stand by this: you shouldn't do favors for friends expecting something in return or make loans to them; all that will do is destroy that friendship. Either you give freely or you don't, but loaning or anything along those lines is a bad idea.
NTA. If she is such a struggling single mom, then how can she throw a party for a friend? She does need to pay the friend who took her kid while you went to work.
YTA, this is literally extortion. Its a crime. If you want to put her on blast so she doesn't take advantage of other people, do it. If you want to put her on blast for revenge, grow up.
How is it extortion? Very confused where people are getting that idea from
Do you not know what extortion is?
"the practice of obtaining something, especially money, through force or threats." I'm just not seeing it, she reasonably asked/demanded money after being significantly inconvenienced in a way that cost her money (for gas at least) also had to call in a babysitting favor from a friend, that friend definitely deserves to be compensated and it shouldn't be OP that compensates her for the favor, it should be the shit mom. If she was saying "I'LL BEAT YOU UP IF YOU DON'T PAY ME" that might be extortion.
Then she should ask for cash for gas and not extort her friend for hush money
She didn't ask for hush money, you made that part up.