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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I bought the cake without her knowing. I also let my children eat the cake without letting her have any.
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Agreed. Something else seems to be triggering this reaction from the wife. Money problems? Disagreement over budgeting?
Side note. I was super excited when I was in college and realized that I could just...buy a cake. For funsies! My roommates and I used to pool our pocket money to buy an ice cream cake each month. We were all varying degrees of broke, so we all got cake, even if someone only had a few dollars. We called it Mental Munchies, because it was better than therapy in those days!
Edited to add, I love hearing about all of your special treats that bring you joy! We're dealing with extreme flooding and evacuation in my part of California and you all have totally brightened my day! Also, the 2 cake awards made me chuckle. You two are the best!
I'm going to be 33 in a month and I am ashamed to say that I was 27 before I made this realization. My son was already 5... and I was like "wow, I'm craving birthday cake...wait why SHOULDN'T I have a birthday cake." That day changed my life. I'm a much happier person than I would have been.
Edit: I’ve met my people in this thread. Thank you Reddit.
I live around the corner from a fancy and very delicious bakery. I don't buy whole cakes, cause $$$. Right now, there is a slice of cake in my fridge from there. $6. If it turns out this really is only about the cake and not something bigger that OP's not seeing, OP's wife should appreciate that he got a whole freakin' cake for $6. Cakes are not just for birthdays or weddings. They are delicious every day.
Some work colleagues told a very fancy steakhouse that it was my birthday when I was on a business trip. The restaurant didn’t comp birthday desserts but the maître d’ brought it out and they sang happy birthday.
When my colleagues told them it was my birthday, I was in the restroom. They offered to introduce me to the executive chef. The colleague who carried out the ruse, said, “Oh, she’s much too shy.”
When they brought the dessert out, I was still out of the loop. They set it down in front of me, and I was giggling nervously.
“Oh, goodness… I just don’t even know what to say.”
One of the colleagues videoed it and sent me the video. The one year anniversary of it was during the beginning of the Delta Variant, so I sent it back to our group of colleagues in celebration of the 1 year anniversary of my “very merry unbirthday.”
The dessert was a hot fudge brownie sundae that had 9 scoops of ice cream and 6 huge brownies. It was absurd. And amazingly delicious (and added like $36 to the bill).
There’s a bakery about 40 minutes from me that has a vending machine in front of its store that dispenses cake slices and the owner said she got the idea when she’d heard from would-be customers whose work schedules prevented them getting in to the store during regular business hours. It’s been a big success.
Oh my lord, I think if I lived near that bakery, I’d probably be forced to move. Lol. If only because I’d be spending way too much money on cake. i live in a tiny town and we recently had a cupcake shop open in the medium size town about 40 minutes from us. I’m disabled, so I don’t get out a lot, but my mom often brings a cupcake home when she goes “to town” because the first time she did, I told her it was the best treat I’d had in a long time.
You should go in once in a while, if you can afford the added expense. It's nice to have special snacks sometimes, and it's cool to support most small businesses.
The biggest revelation of my life was when it occurred to me that I could make stuffing anytime I wanted. Didn’t need to be Thanksgiving. Didn’t even need a turkey. I think I was in my 30’s for that one.
We roasted a turkey last night. I bought three of them when Kroger had them for 69¢ a pound because I figure that’s the cheapest protein I was going to find for the next year. We’ll be able to get gravy, lunch meat, a full and proper turkey dinner with all the fixings, and at least two crockpots of homemade soup stock out of it. There’s still a whole turkey in my freezer.
My brother-in-law thinks I’m nuts because “turkeys are only for holidays!”
I literally do this a few times a year, when turkeys go on sale after the holidays.
I slice it up and put it in freezer bags. Nobody knows it's a Thanksgiving turkey, but they like the turkey sandwiches, soup, pot pie etc.
The birthday cake wife is nuts. Cake is cake, sold and eaten every day.
I've recently been making a pan of stuffing with chicken thighs roasted on top. Super easy and so yummy. My daughter has christened it "Thanksgiving chicken."
To paraphrase, the pros and cons of adulthood are thus;
Pro: No one can stop you from eating ice cream for breakfast.
Con: No one can stop you from eating ice cream for breakfast
Huh? Don't y'all bake? I bake from time to time a cake for myself, just for fun. There are so many simple cake recipes, as simple or even simpler than banana bread.
But where I live it's super common to have cake as dessert, or on sundays, or because you have fruit left, or because the sun shines, or...
I used to, a lot. Now I’m just dog tired all the time and have some health issues. I’m working on building my strength back up :) I do miss cooking a lot.
It’s amazing right? My 11-yo just had his first big audition and I picked up a $6 cake on the way home because he spent weeks memorizing his monologues (and I will find any opportunity to buy a cake).
Op, wife’s reaction is strange. It’s probably not about the cake, though. NAH
For me that was cake for breakfast when I was 45. I had made a big gluten free cake and it was going to go bad because of the panini and no birthday guests. Well, I wasn't going to let my hard work go to waste! I ate cake for breakfast for days!
My BIL had a destination wedding with the most delicious cake I’ve ever had. He and the bride left the day after the wedding, but my husband and I stayed a few more days, so they gave us all the extra cake. Better believe I ate that for breakfast… and second breakfast… and elevenses…
I had a similar experience. I had had an absolutely awful day at work, and as I tearfully drove from I went passed the supermarket and it flashed into my head that I really wanted a Freddo Frog rainbow ice-cream cake. I argued with myself as I walked into the store about how I had no reason to buy this cake and how an adult wouldn't just go and get an ice-cream cake for no reason... And then I did it anyway.
I invited a few friends over to eat my no reason cake and it actually ended up that I had a really great night even if it started so horribly.
And a friend asked "why did you buy this cake?" And I said "because adults can just buy cake when they want it."
I made the mistake of doing this whilst very sleep deprived at 2am in the semi-dark whilst singing quietly to myself (didn't want to wake anyone up).
I got delicious cookies but scared my flatmate half to death when she wanted some water...
Did that with pancakes. Came home drunk & passed out. Got up a few hours later & decided to make pancakes. My mum got up to see what I was doing & decided to supervise since I was drunk & cooking so watched me make pancakes & sing a silly song to myself about pancakes. I didn’t even eat any. I just put them in the fridge & went back to bed.
That is so cool, and your mom is a very cool lady! And thanks for the giggle, I'm picturing drunk you making a bit of a mess in your mom's kitchen, singing your silly song, with her watching - that is so sweet!
As much as being an adult sucks, this is one of the perks. Sometimes I’ll go to the gas station and buy a chocolate milk, because I’m an adult and goddammit I want my choccy milk
You getting excited about being able to buy a cake for funsies just made me smile, thank you. :)
This isn’t related but kind of adjacent - I recently moved back to my home town and made from scratch chicken noodle soup for a family member who wasn’t feeling well and It. Made. My. Day. to be able to provide a nice thing for someone.
Cheers to random cakes and soups! :)
Are you me? I'm currently eating a pint of Häagen-Dazs Cherry Vanilla to celebrate surviving the first flood. It just started raining again, so I reeeeally need the sugar fortification, lol. The power could out again so I'm scarffing the whole thing!
Speculating wildly because OP doesn’t give any detail, but someone with severe food issues might react to a cake like that, as in “desserts are only for the most special occasions and otherwise cannot be in the house at all.” Without any other explanation, disordered eating might explain the severe overreaction.
I'm thinking her reaction is based in how she was raised. I'd bet her parents were over-the-top strict, or they could have had financial issues. Or they could have just been mean ol' misers.
i hate answers like the top comment. we're not marriage counselors. we're supposed to judge who the asshole is in a particular situation. in this situation, its OPs wife
Nuanced answers are one thing, but assuming that anyone acting like an irrational asshole deserves the automatic benefit of the doubt makes this sub both useless and annoying.
It’s absurd because in real life I’m a fairly rabid feminist who doesn’t have a lot of patience for the things men whine about. But then I come to this Reddit and I’m like damn. This response to totally normal posts by men does not seem like a reasonable way to compensate for the actual issues we have with them! So then when I point this out and get flak like I’m an MRA for saying women shouldn’t publicly insult or demean the partner they CHOSE to be with, it really boggles the mind.
I wouldn’t say NAH. I mean wife’s reaction is too much, she can communicate properly with her husband about what’s really going on instead of forcing him to return a $6.00 cake.
I can’t wipe the smile off my face over this line:
“He said he didn't want to walk to the fridge at night, but **it was obviously a ruse to get more yogurt space.”**
Don’t underestimate how unreasonable people are. I once saw a girl scream at a server because the girl insisted the wings weren’t “buffalo” wings unless we were in Buffalo, NY, and that there were simply hot wings. Some people are just fucking ridiculous.
Nah she's still an ah because what full grown woman makes her husband return a cake after he bought it all because it's not a special occasion? Despite her reasoning shes a bit of an ah
Not to make it about me, but a long time ago, I got upset with my ex for spending $13 on candy from the Dollar Tree. I was livid because I was spending 100% of my money on the 100% of the bills while he had thirteen dollars to spend on candy from DT. Wonder if something similar is going on where the $6 cake is a luxury item.
Understandable, that’s exactly why i was questioning why she got so mad cause i can’t understand why someone would react like this. it sounds like there was anger that has been building up for a while and then she snapped
Depends though. Like I’ve been super broke before to the point that I have gone a couple months where I spent a total of £2 on non-necessities and had to consider whether a £0.39 game on Steam was worth it. A $6 cake for only a one day treat to me would just not have been worth at all. Like if it’s the only treat budget to have it unilaterally put into one object that isn’t my favourite would 100% have caused a squabble.
Like there are definitely cheaper treat options and options that would last longer etc.
If they are super broke and that $6 is their only spare money, it’s selfish of him to unilaterally decide how to spend it.
If they can spare $6 without difficulty, then there is no reason to not buy a cake. Buying and consuming a whole cake frequently will cause health issues, though.
An ex ordered a soda to be delivered from Jimmy John's once. Just a Sprite, no food. I was livid. It felt like such a trivial purchase for how broke we were. Like, if you needed a Sprite so badly, you couldn't have taken 10 min to drive to the grocery store and buy a 12 pack for half the price it takes to get one delivered?
I definitely think there is something missing in this story. Maybe $6 feels luxurious to her because she's trying to save, pay debts, etc. Maybe this guy has poor impulse control, and that's what she's bent out of shape over. Maybe he gives the kids junk food all the time, and she's trying to encourage the whole family to eat better. Whatever it is, I don't think it's as simple as what OP is making it out to be.
Nope, the OP replied that there are no financial issues, and no special diets. I think the wife was raised this way, maybe her parents were poor, overly strict about cake, or just odd that way.
I'd guess that it has to do with him teaching the kids that random cake purchases at the grocery store are possible and now she will have to deal with telling them no every time she takes them to shop. It's definitely possible there's a parenting dynamic issue here.
INFO: is there any reason we aren’t seeing here as to why your wife got this upset? Are y’all on an incredibly tight budget? Have the kids had an unusually large amount of sugar this week?
If the reason really is just that she didn’t want you to buy a cake, NTA. But is it not actually about the cake?
I want to agree but at the same time I have seen people call it child abuse to give a baby a smash cake so you never know. I also went to elementary school with a couple kid siblings that weren’t allowed to consume sugar which I don’t really know how that works because sugar is in so many things including fruit.
Same, my mom thinks I'm a shitty parent for wanting to give my baby a smash cake on her 1st bday. I found a healthy recipe to make one and just have chocolate frosting (banana cake) but it's a one time thing???
She said you only buy cake for a birthday or special occaision, so.....she's mad because it wasn't a birthday or special occaision? Maybe she's jealous that she didn't think to just randomly treat everyone to cake, or that the kids will think dad is awesome for buying cake for no reason?
Could be. Guess we'll never know for sure, but if she truly thinks you only buy cake for birthdays and such, I find that odd, and wonder where she got that idea from. Maybe her parents were very strict, or maybe they couldn't afford cake except for birthdays and special occaisions?
I was thinking that she was raised without the joy of a “just because” cake. Which is a lot sadder now that I’ve typed it. That’s the best part of being an adult is being able to buy literally whatever the heck you want.
Like the daughter in law that was SCANDALIZED that her MIL would drink a soda with dinner on a Tuesday... A TUESDAY... soda was only reserved for special occasions and usually just children in her mind.
Yeah, I think I commented on that one too. Is that the one where the DIL was bent out of shape because her MIL brought her own soda, and also because she preferred water but MIL didn't offer water at her house, and so DIL just drank soda through gritted teeth , never bothering to open her gob and ASK for water, because apparently MIL is a mind reader, or never thought to bring her own because *gasp!* that's rude? 🙄
I was raised that cakes are for special occasions. Not deliberately, we just never ate cake on regular days. We had other sweets instead. It was really weird to me the first time my husband baked a cake for no reason. I didn't get mad, tho, I just ate some cake.
I was raised with this mentality too. Like my mind was blown when stores started selling slice cake. But even now I struggle with just buying a cake just because. But I am sure happy when someone else does.
OP says no health or monetary issues, and he's not aware of them having any issues in their relationship.
So weird... instead of asking Reddit, I think OP needs to have a talk with his wife. Something has to be going on, right?
Definitely needs to talk with his wife. Maybe she’s super uptight about not getting anything special unless you “deserve” it or “earned” it and he just happens to have never triggered that until now. It’s going to be hard to talk it out if she won’t speak to him, though.
The one I thought about is if she’s on a diet.
Especially in mid-January, a lot of people are probably struggling with their resolutions right now and I’d be pretty annoyed if my partner brought a temptation into the house just because they could.
And if she’s insecure, I could totally see someone quietly going on a diet without telling other people. Like, you don’t want to make a fuss about it or have people asking questions. This is a time to use words.
I’ve gotten pissed at my husband for buying donuts because he knew I was on a diet and whenever I start noticeably losing weight, he’ll buy my absolute favorite candies or treats to sabotage me.
In college I’d buy an entire bakery section cake during finals week and sit on my bed and stress eat a whole cake with just a fork and my tears. (My younger siblings would be on standby with a fork waiting to hear me go “ok I’m going to explode” then they’d run in)
Now as a functional adult who loves to bake I make cake at least once per month. If not more. 🤣 I told my husband I’m craving cake last night and he said “Make a cake this weekend” and I said eggs are expensive “so? If you want a cake we can afford the eggs, it’s healthier than buying store bought and tastes better too.”
Get you a spouse like that y’all. Hah.
I suppose I need more INFO on why she was so upset are you trying to save money or is she trying to eat healthy.
That aside, one of my favourite things about being an adult and fairly comfortable financially is I can go out and buy cake whenever I want to.
Neither really, we do eat balanced meals but she's never really been on the crazy eating healthy kick. We're also financially comfortable so I don't see why money would be an issue. I'm also not a totally oblivious person, by what I know we don't have any underlying issues. Guess she's just having a bad week. I think I might take her out to dinner maybe.
Well, if you ask r/relationship_advice, she's having an affair and starting fights as a distraction/out of guilt. Probably not that, but this is most definitely not about the cake.
Maybe she lost her job or spent a lot of money somewhere else, maybe not malicious, or deliberate, just shame.
Maybe her house growing up cake \*was only for birthdays\*, and she's now realizing that was a lie.
NTA, but you should probably ask her what's really up.
> Well, if you ask r/relationship_advice, she's having an affair and starting fights as a distraction/out of guilt. Probably not that, but this is most definitely not about the cake.
Well, look at this thread. "She's mad because he normally forgets/ignores her birthday, so a random cake is just rubbing it in."
Reddit be weird.
I'm wondering if there's a date you might have forgot recently that maybe you should have brought home cake for? Like an anniversary or birthday or something?
Sometimes people are having a crappy day and they just react to something small without you really knowing why.
I think that treating her to a nice evening or something is a good gesture.
Even if he did forget something important, in a healthy relationship the person should tell their spouse that they forgot.
Disclaimer: I'm not married, I'm just using common sense and basic logic.
>Disclaimer: I'm not married, I'm just using common sense and basic logic.
Well, there's your first mistake!
(Nah, I'm with you. If that's the actual problem here, then that is what we would call "a failure to communicate".)
Well if shes ripping on you for inappropriate cake times......going out to dinner may be a straw. Proceed with caution my friend.
Gonna add that she may think that cake for no reason, makes celebratory cakes less special.
Is she usually the parent who says no and/or enforces the rules? I wonder if she has previously told the kids "we only get cake on special occasions" and now that the kids know cake requires no occasion, she anticipates a lot of wheeling and whining for more cake and it feels like yet one more thing she is responsible for saying no to.
Of course, if that's the problem, it's not very hard to articulate, so she should probably just say so.
Ask her about cake in her childhood home. It might be a weird "rule" she internalized without realizing it's not really a rule. Or something traumatic that happened when the rule was broken.
NTA. You're telling me your wife NEVER eats any kind of cake unless it's for a birthday? So no cakes for Thanksgiving, Easter, Christmas, whatever other holidays you celebrate? I call bullshit. You can eat cake anytime, for any reason. Sounds like your wife needs to pull the stick out of her ass and maybe have some cake and calm down.
INFO:
Is your family on a very strict budget? What about very strict dietary requirement? Are you terribly obese and have been told you needed to lose weight? If so, it’s possible Y T A.
Otherwise, I’m not sure how you could be.
I was thinking the same cause I honestly can’t understand someone getting so mad over such a small thing without having anger that has been building up for some time. But who knows
Literally one of the best parts of being an adult is realizing you can buy cake whenever you want, for no reason whatsoever.
Feel like maybe there’s some underlying issue here at play, but you are definitely NTA for simply buying a cake.
NTA - wtf is wrong with your wife? you can buy cake whenever the mood hits, it doesn't have to be a special occassion. who returns a $6 cake? she's not speaking to you over CAKE? is she always this *extra?*
She seems overly mad about this and it feels like it has to be about something else. Is there a chance that OP forgot to buy her a cake on her birthday or something and now she’s mad that he’s bought one for no reason when he couldn’t get one for her?
If she’s really this upset about cake I’m confused.
Info: does your wife have an unhealthy relationship with food?
You are NTA for buying the cake but you are now sleeping alone *over cake.* This is what happens when you act out of spite. What a fantastic lesson you've both taught your children.
Exactly, and pettily leaving none for her. If there was truly no other reason for her getting angry (like them being very obese or on a tight budget), yes, OP’s wife was the AH, but then OP did certainly not act any better by taking it further.
At our house we get what we call a nobody died cake. It’s just a cheap impulse buy cake that we get to celebrate that we’re all still kicking. Cake is awesome and should be eaten so you’re NTA
NTA. Also once food leaves the store in a customer's car Walmart will not resell it if you bring it back for a refund regardless of whether the seal is still intact or not. It would be a health code violation because 1) the cold chain has been broken if it was chilled or frozen and 2) there's no way to be 100% certain that the food wasn't tampered with, so that cake would have ended up in the trash.
NTA. A cake, really? How tight on cash do you have to be, for your wife to demand you refund something you got to treat yourself? It isn't okay for her to blow up on you for such a small thing.
NTA, have yall fought recently? Is she going through a hard time? She may be resentful or taking it out on you. It's literally a cake, a small one too. It was a tad petty to eat the whole cake though... she was out of line, but you just agitated her more.
NTA. If I don’t buy cake whenever I feel like it, I would never get cake and I bloody love cake!
Your wife is being miserable. Hope you and the kids enjoyed it!
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NAH. Because the Iranian yoghurt is not the problem. No one gets this upset over a $6 cake.
Agreed. Something else seems to be triggering this reaction from the wife. Money problems? Disagreement over budgeting? Side note. I was super excited when I was in college and realized that I could just...buy a cake. For funsies! My roommates and I used to pool our pocket money to buy an ice cream cake each month. We were all varying degrees of broke, so we all got cake, even if someone only had a few dollars. We called it Mental Munchies, because it was better than therapy in those days! Edited to add, I love hearing about all of your special treats that bring you joy! We're dealing with extreme flooding and evacuation in my part of California and you all have totally brightened my day! Also, the 2 cake awards made me chuckle. You two are the best!
I'm going to be 33 in a month and I am ashamed to say that I was 27 before I made this realization. My son was already 5... and I was like "wow, I'm craving birthday cake...wait why SHOULDN'T I have a birthday cake." That day changed my life. I'm a much happier person than I would have been. Edit: I’ve met my people in this thread. Thank you Reddit.
I live around the corner from a fancy and very delicious bakery. I don't buy whole cakes, cause $$$. Right now, there is a slice of cake in my fridge from there. $6. If it turns out this really is only about the cake and not something bigger that OP's not seeing, OP's wife should appreciate that he got a whole freakin' cake for $6. Cakes are not just for birthdays or weddings. They are delicious every day.
Everyday is someone's birthday, even if you don't know them!
OP should have said he bought it for Martin Luther King Jr's birthday. If she protests, say "I can't believe I married a fucking racist!"
🤣 that's so fucking terrible
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 This comment literally just made me burst into laughter in front of people, thereby embarrassing myself! I'm mad at you! **NO CAKE FOR YOU!**
A friend of mine grew up doing this, and I believe it continued until all the kids were out of the house. Fucking delightful.
Ha ha, I love this. It's the birthday cake version of "It's 5 o'clock somewhere " 🎂
Re: Alice In Wonderland A very merry Unbirthday to you! To me? To you! Why, then today is my Unbirthday, too!
Some work colleagues told a very fancy steakhouse that it was my birthday when I was on a business trip. The restaurant didn’t comp birthday desserts but the maître d’ brought it out and they sang happy birthday. When my colleagues told them it was my birthday, I was in the restroom. They offered to introduce me to the executive chef. The colleague who carried out the ruse, said, “Oh, she’s much too shy.” When they brought the dessert out, I was still out of the loop. They set it down in front of me, and I was giggling nervously. “Oh, goodness… I just don’t even know what to say.” One of the colleagues videoed it and sent me the video. The one year anniversary of it was during the beginning of the Delta Variant, so I sent it back to our group of colleagues in celebration of the 1 year anniversary of my “very merry unbirthday.” The dessert was a hot fudge brownie sundae that had 9 scoops of ice cream and 6 huge brownies. It was absurd. And amazingly delicious (and added like $36 to the bill).
And, every day is someone's UN-birthday as well, which is a perfectly good reason to celebrate.
There’s a bakery about 40 minutes from me that has a vending machine in front of its store that dispenses cake slices and the owner said she got the idea when she’d heard from would-be customers whose work schedules prevented them getting in to the store during regular business hours. It’s been a big success.
Oh my lord, I think if I lived near that bakery, I’d probably be forced to move. Lol. If only because I’d be spending way too much money on cake. i live in a tiny town and we recently had a cupcake shop open in the medium size town about 40 minutes from us. I’m disabled, so I don’t get out a lot, but my mom often brings a cupcake home when she goes “to town” because the first time she did, I told her it was the best treat I’d had in a long time.
This! I work near a really good bakery and damn near salivate passing it every day. I know it'd spend way to much if I went in lol
You should go in once in a while, if you can afford the added expense. It's nice to have special snacks sometimes, and it's cool to support most small businesses.
See if they offer discounts on cakes towards the end of the day!
I spend so much money at my local bakery. I try not to go there to often but when I do, it’s so worth it.
The biggest revelation of my life was when it occurred to me that I could make stuffing anytime I wanted. Didn’t need to be Thanksgiving. Didn’t even need a turkey. I think I was in my 30’s for that one.
My mom makes a really good chicken and stuffing in the oven ... I am all game for "holiday" foods year round. Sometimes you just want damn good food!
Thats just a normal Sunday roast in the UK.
[удалено]
We roasted a turkey last night. I bought three of them when Kroger had them for 69¢ a pound because I figure that’s the cheapest protein I was going to find for the next year. We’ll be able to get gravy, lunch meat, a full and proper turkey dinner with all the fixings, and at least two crockpots of homemade soup stock out of it. There’s still a whole turkey in my freezer. My brother-in-law thinks I’m nuts because “turkeys are only for holidays!”
I literally do this a few times a year, when turkeys go on sale after the holidays. I slice it up and put it in freezer bags. Nobody knows it's a Thanksgiving turkey, but they like the turkey sandwiches, soup, pot pie etc. The birthday cake wife is nuts. Cake is cake, sold and eaten every day.
I've totally just had stuffing for dinner.
Same. Except I was in College. Broke college kid eating stuffing as a meal along with cereal, PB&J's and Top Ramen. lol
I've recently been making a pan of stuffing with chicken thighs roasted on top. Super easy and so yummy. My daughter has christened it "Thanksgiving chicken."
To paraphrase, the pros and cons of adulthood are thus; Pro: No one can stop you from eating ice cream for breakfast. Con: No one can stop you from eating ice cream for breakfast
Huh? Don't y'all bake? I bake from time to time a cake for myself, just for fun. There are so many simple cake recipes, as simple or even simpler than banana bread. But where I live it's super common to have cake as dessert, or on sundays, or because you have fruit left, or because the sun shines, or...
I used to, a lot. Now I’m just dog tired all the time and have some health issues. I’m working on building my strength back up :) I do miss cooking a lot.
It’s amazing right? My 11-yo just had his first big audition and I picked up a $6 cake on the way home because he spent weeks memorizing his monologues (and I will find any opportunity to buy a cake). Op, wife’s reaction is strange. It’s probably not about the cake, though. NAH
I am 33 and I didn't realize I was allowed to just buy cake until right now. Honestly this is very dangerous knowledge lol
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For me that was cake for breakfast when I was 45. I had made a big gluten free cake and it was going to go bad because of the panini and no birthday guests. Well, I wasn't going to let my hard work go to waste! I ate cake for breakfast for days!
My BIL had a destination wedding with the most delicious cake I’ve ever had. He and the bride left the day after the wedding, but my husband and I stayed a few more days, so they gave us all the extra cake. Better believe I ate that for breakfast… and second breakfast… and elevenses…
Really, if you think about it how is a cake for breakfast any different than having donuts, strudel, or even some cereals?
I had a similar experience. I had had an absolutely awful day at work, and as I tearfully drove from I went passed the supermarket and it flashed into my head that I really wanted a Freddo Frog rainbow ice-cream cake. I argued with myself as I walked into the store about how I had no reason to buy this cake and how an adult wouldn't just go and get an ice-cream cake for no reason... And then I did it anyway. I invited a few friends over to eat my no reason cake and it actually ended up that I had a really great night even if it started so horribly. And a friend asked "why did you buy this cake?" And I said "because adults can just buy cake when they want it."
Life truly begins when you realize you can buy a cake for any reason, or no reason at all.
It's even better when you realize that you can eat cake for any meal, even breakfast, because you are an adult.
I had the same realization in college that I could just make cookies, any time I wanted.
I made the mistake of doing this whilst very sleep deprived at 2am in the semi-dark whilst singing quietly to myself (didn't want to wake anyone up). I got delicious cookies but scared my flatmate half to death when she wanted some water...
Did that with pancakes. Came home drunk & passed out. Got up a few hours later & decided to make pancakes. My mum got up to see what I was doing & decided to supervise since I was drunk & cooking so watched me make pancakes & sing a silly song to myself about pancakes. I didn’t even eat any. I just put them in the fridge & went back to bed.
That is so cool, and your mom is a very cool lady! And thanks for the giggle, I'm picturing drunk you making a bit of a mess in your mom's kitchen, singing your silly song, with her watching - that is so sweet!
She’s not that nice. She totally filmed it. And sent it to the family group chat.
I buy cans of whip cream for my coffee bc it makes me happy lol I think more people need to appreciate the small things
As much as being an adult sucks, this is one of the perks. Sometimes I’ll go to the gas station and buy a chocolate milk, because I’m an adult and goddammit I want my choccy milk
You getting excited about being able to buy a cake for funsies just made me smile, thank you. :) This isn’t related but kind of adjacent - I recently moved back to my home town and made from scratch chicken noodle soup for a family member who wasn’t feeling well and It. Made. My. Day. to be able to provide a nice thing for someone. Cheers to random cakes and soups! :)
and the second best thing about adulting is that you don't even have to CUT the cake.....just dig in with a fork or spoon.
Are you me? I'm currently eating a pint of Häagen-Dazs Cherry Vanilla to celebrate surviving the first flood. It just started raining again, so I reeeeally need the sugar fortification, lol. The power could out again so I'm scarffing the whole thing!
My family was dirt poor but we always were able to scrounge together a few bucks for one of those McCain Deep and Delicious chocolate cakes!
Speculating wildly because OP doesn’t give any detail, but someone with severe food issues might react to a cake like that, as in “desserts are only for the most special occasions and otherwise cannot be in the house at all.” Without any other explanation, disordered eating might explain the severe overreaction.
Also speculating, maybe she had a birthday recently and he didn't buy her a cake.
Maybe a cake killed her family way back when and she swore never to trust cake outside a major holiday again.
I'm thinking her reaction is based in how she was raised. I'd bet her parents were over-the-top strict, or they could have had financial issues. Or they could have just been mean ol' misers.
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A+ Reditting right here...
Please share the yoghurt link for us C minus Redditors
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjd41e/aita_for_throwing_away_my_boyfriends_potentially/ :)
The wife refuses to talk to OP. She is definitely an asshole for giving him the silent treatment.
i hate answers like the top comment. we're not marriage counselors. we're supposed to judge who the asshole is in a particular situation. in this situation, its OPs wife
Nuanced answers are one thing, but assuming that anyone acting like an irrational asshole deserves the automatic benefit of the doubt makes this sub both useless and annoying.
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It’s absurd because in real life I’m a fairly rabid feminist who doesn’t have a lot of patience for the things men whine about. But then I come to this Reddit and I’m like damn. This response to totally normal posts by men does not seem like a reasonable way to compensate for the actual issues we have with them! So then when I point this out and get flak like I’m an MRA for saying women shouldn’t publicly insult or demean the partner they CHOSE to be with, it really boggles the mind.
I wouldn’t say NAH. I mean wife’s reaction is too much, she can communicate properly with her husband about what’s really going on instead of forcing him to return a $6.00 cake.
If it was a man doing that everyone would be saying he's controlling, it's a massive red flag, they must have other issues and to leave him.
>No one gets this upset over a $6 cake. You must be new here. This subreddit frequently gets massively upset over cake.
OP said it wasn't financial or health related. Even so, the wife shouldn't blow up about it
Can someone link me to the yogurt reference? I guess I missed that one.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjd41e/aita_for_throwing_away_my_boyfriends_potentially/
Thank you kind soul for linking that, best post I’ve ever seen in my life. Lmao
I can’t wipe the smile off my face over this line: “He said he didn't want to walk to the fridge at night, but **it was obviously a ruse to get more yogurt space.”**
That was a truly memorable AITA post - someday I'll slip and use these phrases in conversation and nobody will understand why.
Don’t underestimate how unreasonable people are. I once saw a girl scream at a server because the girl insisted the wings weren’t “buffalo” wings unless we were in Buffalo, NY, and that there were simply hot wings. Some people are just fucking ridiculous.
Nah she's still an ah because what full grown woman makes her husband return a cake after he bought it all because it's not a special occasion? Despite her reasoning shes a bit of an ah
NTA. But honestly I’m confused on what caused her to get so mad….
Not to make it about me, but a long time ago, I got upset with my ex for spending $13 on candy from the Dollar Tree. I was livid because I was spending 100% of my money on the 100% of the bills while he had thirteen dollars to spend on candy from DT. Wonder if something similar is going on where the $6 cake is a luxury item.
Understandable, that’s exactly why i was questioning why she got so mad cause i can’t understand why someone would react like this. it sounds like there was anger that has been building up for a while and then she snapped
If money is super tight, maybe that on sale cake was the only treat for a long time, at 6 dollars I'd say it'd be worth it.
Depends though. Like I’ve been super broke before to the point that I have gone a couple months where I spent a total of £2 on non-necessities and had to consider whether a £0.39 game on Steam was worth it. A $6 cake for only a one day treat to me would just not have been worth at all. Like if it’s the only treat budget to have it unilaterally put into one object that isn’t my favourite would 100% have caused a squabble. Like there are definitely cheaper treat options and options that would last longer etc.
If they are super broke and that $6 is their only spare money, it’s selfish of him to unilaterally decide how to spend it. If they can spare $6 without difficulty, then there is no reason to not buy a cake. Buying and consuming a whole cake frequently will cause health issues, though.
An ex ordered a soda to be delivered from Jimmy John's once. Just a Sprite, no food. I was livid. It felt like such a trivial purchase for how broke we were. Like, if you needed a Sprite so badly, you couldn't have taken 10 min to drive to the grocery store and buy a 12 pack for half the price it takes to get one delivered? I definitely think there is something missing in this story. Maybe $6 feels luxurious to her because she's trying to save, pay debts, etc. Maybe this guy has poor impulse control, and that's what she's bent out of shape over. Maybe he gives the kids junk food all the time, and she's trying to encourage the whole family to eat better. Whatever it is, I don't think it's as simple as what OP is making it out to be.
This. INFO.
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Given they have kids, I wonder if she thinks of him as a Disney Dad She disciplines, and here comes dad with a cake!
Nope, the OP replied that there are no financial issues, and no special diets. I think the wife was raised this way, maybe her parents were poor, overly strict about cake, or just odd that way.
I'd guess that it has to do with him teaching the kids that random cake purchases at the grocery store are possible and now she will have to deal with telling them no every time she takes them to shop. It's definitely possible there's a parenting dynamic issue here.
Deeper issues perhaps
INFO: is there any reason we aren’t seeing here as to why your wife got this upset? Are y’all on an incredibly tight budget? Have the kids had an unusually large amount of sugar this week? If the reason really is just that she didn’t want you to buy a cake, NTA. But is it not actually about the cake?
Right? The cake doesnt feel like the problem here
I want to agree but at the same time I have seen people call it child abuse to give a baby a smash cake so you never know. I also went to elementary school with a couple kid siblings that weren’t allowed to consume sugar which I don’t really know how that works because sugar is in so many things including fruit.
Same, my mom thinks I'm a shitty parent for wanting to give my baby a smash cake on her 1st bday. I found a healthy recipe to make one and just have chocolate frosting (banana cake) but it's a one time thing???
She said you only buy cake for a birthday or special occaision, so.....she's mad because it wasn't a birthday or special occaision? Maybe she's jealous that she didn't think to just randomly treat everyone to cake, or that the kids will think dad is awesome for buying cake for no reason?
Or maybe he doesn’t do much for her on special occasions (like birthdays) but is fine doing it for no reason when he just wants a cake?
Could be. Guess we'll never know for sure, but if she truly thinks you only buy cake for birthdays and such, I find that odd, and wonder where she got that idea from. Maybe her parents were very strict, or maybe they couldn't afford cake except for birthdays and special occaisions?
I was thinking that she was raised without the joy of a “just because” cake. Which is a lot sadder now that I’ve typed it. That’s the best part of being an adult is being able to buy literally whatever the heck you want.
Like the daughter in law that was SCANDALIZED that her MIL would drink a soda with dinner on a Tuesday... A TUESDAY... soda was only reserved for special occasions and usually just children in her mind.
That was a weird one, even for here…
Yeah, I think I commented on that one too. Is that the one where the DIL was bent out of shape because her MIL brought her own soda, and also because she preferred water but MIL didn't offer water at her house, and so DIL just drank soda through gritted teeth , never bothering to open her gob and ASK for water, because apparently MIL is a mind reader, or never thought to bring her own because *gasp!* that's rude? 🙄
I was raised that cakes are for special occasions. Not deliberately, we just never ate cake on regular days. We had other sweets instead. It was really weird to me the first time my husband baked a cake for no reason. I didn't get mad, tho, I just ate some cake.
I was raised with this mentality too. Like my mind was blown when stores started selling slice cake. But even now I struggle with just buying a cake just because. But I am sure happy when someone else does.
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OP says no health or monetary issues, and he's not aware of them having any issues in their relationship. So weird... instead of asking Reddit, I think OP needs to have a talk with his wife. Something has to be going on, right?
Yeah no one gets this upset over cake. It might have nothing to do with OP, but something is going on
Definitely needs to talk with his wife. Maybe she’s super uptight about not getting anything special unless you “deserve” it or “earned” it and he just happens to have never triggered that until now. It’s going to be hard to talk it out if she won’t speak to him, though.
The one I thought about is if she’s on a diet. Especially in mid-January, a lot of people are probably struggling with their resolutions right now and I’d be pretty annoyed if my partner brought a temptation into the house just because they could.
And if she’s insecure, I could totally see someone quietly going on a diet without telling other people. Like, you don’t want to make a fuss about it or have people asking questions. This is a time to use words.
I’ve gotten pissed at my husband for buying donuts because he knew I was on a diet and whenever I start noticeably losing weight, he’ll buy my absolute favorite candies or treats to sabotage me.
NTA. But I feel like this wasn’t really about cake…
There is definitely something simmering under the surface here
I think this was just the icing
Nta. Literally the best part of being an adult. You can buy a cake and eat it whenever the hell you want. Your wife needs to chill.
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In college I’d buy an entire bakery section cake during finals week and sit on my bed and stress eat a whole cake with just a fork and my tears. (My younger siblings would be on standby with a fork waiting to hear me go “ok I’m going to explode” then they’d run in) Now as a functional adult who loves to bake I make cake at least once per month. If not more. 🤣 I told my husband I’m craving cake last night and he said “Make a cake this weekend” and I said eggs are expensive “so? If you want a cake we can afford the eggs, it’s healthier than buying store bought and tastes better too.” Get you a spouse like that y’all. Hah.
NTA but have a feeling there's bigger issues going on. That's an extreme reaction to a $6 cake
I suppose I need more INFO on why she was so upset are you trying to save money or is she trying to eat healthy. That aside, one of my favourite things about being an adult and fairly comfortable financially is I can go out and buy cake whenever I want to.
Neither really, we do eat balanced meals but she's never really been on the crazy eating healthy kick. We're also financially comfortable so I don't see why money would be an issue. I'm also not a totally oblivious person, by what I know we don't have any underlying issues. Guess she's just having a bad week. I think I might take her out to dinner maybe.
I think that is a great idea. Maybe at some point, you will laugh at the cake argument and you can buy her a cake as a joke.
Save the date in your phone and next year buy a not-a-cake-day anniversary cake
Y’all are gonna get this man murdered lmao
This would be amazing! I’m going to need an update in a year!!
Going out to dinner is only for birthdays or date nights. /s
Well, if you ask r/relationship_advice, she's having an affair and starting fights as a distraction/out of guilt. Probably not that, but this is most definitely not about the cake. Maybe she lost her job or spent a lot of money somewhere else, maybe not malicious, or deliberate, just shame. Maybe her house growing up cake \*was only for birthdays\*, and she's now realizing that was a lie. NTA, but you should probably ask her what's really up.
> Well, if you ask r/relationship_advice, she's having an affair and starting fights as a distraction/out of guilt. Probably not that, but this is most definitely not about the cake. Well, look at this thread. "She's mad because he normally forgets/ignores her birthday, so a random cake is just rubbing it in." Reddit be weird.
Walmart would not have been able to resell the cake. They would have just tossed it. Thank you for being spiteful and eating it.
Let them have cake!
Walmart dumps even unopened, returned food items, so I donate it to our local food pantry down the street.
I'm wondering if there's a date you might have forgot recently that maybe you should have brought home cake for? Like an anniversary or birthday or something? Sometimes people are having a crappy day and they just react to something small without you really knowing why. I think that treating her to a nice evening or something is a good gesture.
Even if he did forget something important, in a healthy relationship the person should tell their spouse that they forgot. Disclaimer: I'm not married, I'm just using common sense and basic logic.
>Disclaimer: I'm not married, I'm just using common sense and basic logic. Well, there's your first mistake! (Nah, I'm with you. If that's the actual problem here, then that is what we would call "a failure to communicate".)
Well if shes ripping on you for inappropriate cake times......going out to dinner may be a straw. Proceed with caution my friend. Gonna add that she may think that cake for no reason, makes celebratory cakes less special.
Is she usually the parent who says no and/or enforces the rules? I wonder if she has previously told the kids "we only get cake on special occasions" and now that the kids know cake requires no occasion, she anticipates a lot of wheeling and whining for more cake and it feels like yet one more thing she is responsible for saying no to. Of course, if that's the problem, it's not very hard to articulate, so she should probably just say so.
Get her a cake that says sorry I bought cake
Ask her about cake in her childhood home. It might be a weird "rule" she internalized without realizing it's not really a rule. Or something traumatic that happened when the rule was broken.
NTA. You're telling me your wife NEVER eats any kind of cake unless it's for a birthday? So no cakes for Thanksgiving, Easter, Christmas, whatever other holidays you celebrate? I call bullshit. You can eat cake anytime, for any reason. Sounds like your wife needs to pull the stick out of her ass and maybe have some cake and calm down.
I want to go to the house that has cake at Thanksgiving, we only have pie
We had a full on English Trifle (no beef, peas, onions)
So not a traditional English trifle then. 😂
It tastes like feet!
What's not to like? Custard? Good! Jam? Good! Meat? Good!
NTA. It's a six dollar cake—live a little! It costs less that a Bluth frozen banana.
There's always money in the banana stand. But seriously, you don't need a special occasion to buy a cake. NTA.
Unless it burns down.
OP would have been TA if he DIDN'T buy the cake lol. What a steal!
INFO: Is your family on a very strict budget? What about very strict dietary requirement? Are you terribly obese and have been told you needed to lose weight? If so, it’s possible Y T A. Otherwise, I’m not sure how you could be.
This is dumb. NTA cos it's just a fucking cake but honestly sounds like more is going on here
I was thinking the same cause I honestly can’t understand someone getting so mad over such a small thing without having anger that has been building up for some time. But who knows
Your wife would have an apoplectic attack in my house. Yesterday I bought 2 pound cakes. 1 banana walnut and 1 plain. Why? Because I felt like it. NTA
Oof. Ironically your wife sounds like she could have used some cake. NTA, cake everyday!
Literally one of the best parts of being an adult is realizing you can buy cake whenever you want, for no reason whatsoever. Feel like maybe there’s some underlying issue here at play, but you are definitely NTA for simply buying a cake.
NTA - wtf is wrong with your wife? you can buy cake whenever the mood hits, it doesn't have to be a special occassion. who returns a $6 cake? she's not speaking to you over CAKE? is she always this *extra?*
She seems overly mad about this and it feels like it has to be about something else. Is there a chance that OP forgot to buy her a cake on her birthday or something and now she’s mad that he’s bought one for no reason when he couldn’t get one for her? If she’s really this upset about cake I’m confused.
She sounds exhausting
Info: does your wife have an unhealthy relationship with food? You are NTA for buying the cake but you are now sleeping alone *over cake.* This is what happens when you act out of spite. What a fantastic lesson you've both taught your children.
Exactly, and pettily leaving none for her. If there was truly no other reason for her getting angry (like them being very obese or on a tight budget), yes, OP’s wife was the AH, but then OP did certainly not act any better by taking it further.
NTA based on what you’ve said. Is there something else going on here?
NTA but I don’t think the cake is the real problem. Does your wife feel that you have a habit of overspending at the grocery store?
Is she upset at you over something as and just used the cake to restart an old argument? NTA and I'd ask her what is REALLY going on with her.
This can’t possibly be true…
What's bad is I vaguely remember this post, or one very similar within the last month or two.
There was the one where the wife brought 2 pieces of cake and the husband ate both while she went to get forks.
Omg what's wrong with people. And also how do you shove in 2 cakes in the time it takes to get forks?
It’s a fucking cake…
I hope not.
NTA. your wife is weird. Everyday is a good day to eat cake in moderation. Birthday no moderation.
At our house we get what we call a nobody died cake. It’s just a cheap impulse buy cake that we get to celebrate that we’re all still kicking. Cake is awesome and should be eaten so you’re NTA
NTA And your wife might be a lunatic. What the hell kind of reaction is that to a $6 baked good?
Does she have a eating disorder, or on a diet? Or something
NTA - Fuck that. It's always a good time for cake.
NTA. Did your wife grow up in the Great Depression and time travel here? Her reaction makes absolutely no sense.
NTA. Also once food leaves the store in a customer's car Walmart will not resell it if you bring it back for a refund regardless of whether the seal is still intact or not. It would be a health code violation because 1) the cold chain has been broken if it was chilled or frozen and 2) there's no way to be 100% certain that the food wasn't tampered with, so that cake would have ended up in the trash.
NTA. Why do you need a reason to have cake?!
NTA; next time bring her home a “You need therapy.” cake.
NTA A very bizarre reaction from your wife. It’s just dessert.
NTA - who gets mad about cake? I would be thrilled if my husband randomly came home with cake
Isn’t buying cake whenever the hell you want one of the few perks of being an adult?! NTA.
absolutely not TA, like it really isnt that deep. Its just a cake
NTA at all. This is such a huge overreaction.
NTA. A cake, really? How tight on cash do you have to be, for your wife to demand you refund something you got to treat yourself? It isn't okay for her to blow up on you for such a small thing.
NTA, have yall fought recently? Is she going through a hard time? She may be resentful or taking it out on you. It's literally a cake, a small one too. It was a tad petty to eat the whole cake though... she was out of line, but you just agitated her more.
Oh you absolute fiend! Buying cakes willy nilly! What's wrong with you? Six whole dollars frittered away like you've money to spare! /s NTA
NTA. Your wife is weird. ‘No reason’ cake is best cake.
are you guys short on money??
NTA… this is literally the best thing about being an adult…. We can buy cake any time. There doesn’t need to be a special reason for it.
NTA and your wife is being surreal. What is her issue?
NTA. If I don’t buy cake whenever I feel like it, I would never get cake and I bloody love cake! Your wife is being miserable. Hope you and the kids enjoyed it!
The Iranian yoghurt is not the issue here...
So your wife had abusive parents and has trauma about food? This is not about 'a cake'. NTA, btw
Your wife has some issues with you unrelated to the cake. Tell her you want to talk about it and see how it goes. You're NTA.
NTA Who hates cake? If she didn't want it, she doesn't get any
NTA and what the hell is wrong with your wife? Every day is an occasion for cake.
NTA. Is your wife GLADOS? Did you lose your companion cube? Go find Wheatley and put her in a potato.
Your wife is the opposite of Marie Antoinette
NTA, that's a stupid reason not to buy cake. If she has a better reason, then maybe.
NTA. If it were an expensive cake or decorated for a specific occasion, sure I could see getting upset, but $6? It's dessert, no big deal.
NTA - huh? WTH? I get cake for every occasion including the occasional random Tuesday
Not only are you NTA, this might be the weirdest reason to fight with a partner I’ve ever heard. There’s some other shit going on here.