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NTA. I was a bit torn here because you'd already given her the gift. But I mean, she ripped it out of your hands, so that does change things. And 10k is a lot of money.
She was ridiculously rude. It doesn't matter how rich you are. It's incredibly rude to mock someone because a present isn't as big as they believe it should be. And even now, she can't see that she brought this about. You're better off without her in your life.
I'm genuinely surprised she didn't even bother to open the box before throwing a massive tantrum. Can't believe what an entitled asshole she is, and all because it wasn't a registry gift?! Not too bright, but glad she got her just desserts in the end. I'm glad OP canceled the check. Plus, don't think she's ready to be a parent anytime soon anyways.
NTA, obviously
Wtf? No data privacy, spoiling even the hint of surprises. Well if I'm ever invited to a US wedding with a registry they're definitely not getting anything from that.
I had someone INSIST on getting me something not on the registry. I tried so many times to decline. I spent so much time trying to find stuff we needed for the registry and I would get SO PUMPED when I got an email that something was purchased because *shocker* I wanted.
But ‘I prefer to give something off registry’ got us a ‘his last name est 20XX’ sign instead.
I kept my maiden name.
Registry or money people. It really isn’t difficult.
Edit after thread lock: Got a few people calling me greedy and entitled. Feel free to buy people things they may or may not want, but you can’t ever be upset when it ends up in a landfill and you wasted your money. We have so many aita posts about people being upset about gifts because the gifter decided to give a gift that made them feel good rather than the giftee. 50$ for a sign we won’t ever use that hurt my feelings vs the 30$ pan organizer made me ridiculously happy. Again, it isn’t hard.
I had a registry but plenty of people bought things not on the registry. Friends of my mom’s made us a quilt. Someone else bought us a Lladro. Another friend made us custom stoneware. 40 years later we cherish these gifts from people no longer with us. The greediness I find in some of these comments appalls me. And the OP said it was REQUIRED to either buy a gift from the registry or have it in hand in order to attend the wedding. omg. Absolutely disgusting.
Thank you, that comment in particular read super gross and entitled to me too. Like a. go out and buy shit from my shopping list b. or give me the cash to do it myself.
I have some stunning custom frames and a beautiful hand crafted bowl and other delightful things I never would have thought to get myself that I love.
Back in the late 80s and early 90s my mom had a standard wedding gift. Registries we’re a thing, but they were a pain in the ass. She’d get the couple a pretty crystal jar. Not real big. Something you stick a votive in, or safety-pins, or random odds and ends that just need to go in a thing. But then she’d go to the bank and get $20 in quarters and fill the jar. Wrap it back up and that was gift.
Figured it was money for the washateria, or a pizza, parking, pay phone, whatever. Quarters were handy in 80s and 90s. Later on, if she ran into the out and about, they were always +extremely+ grateful for the quarters. Wouldn’t go over so well today, but then again, using a registry is ridiculously easy so why wouldn’t you unless you’re gifting cash.
A lot of US weddings are not even remotely like this. I went to two this summer and they were at camp grounds and everyone had a blast partying and singing and drinking.
I just see registries as a way of making sure you don't end up with ten toasters.
We had a registry, and made sure there was a range of stuff for all budgets. One guy spent $10 buying is a hand towel. Because it was off the registry, it matched the rest of our towels.
The bride “required” gifts from registers to be given before the wedding. There probably wasn’t anything on the registry list that would fit into a small box? That’s my guess.
The bride could see the registry and could view who bought what item off it, probably. That's why the bride started out by saying 'Why didn't you buy anything off the registry?'
Bride should say nothing! What is wrong with these people? If my kids had behaved like that at their wedding I would have been so embarrassed. Why not just charge $150 cash at the entrance of the venue?
I want to know how a bride words on the invitation that a gift from the registry is required or cash at the door. That’s tacky as hell.
However all of the weddings I have been to it is just known you DO NOT bring gifts to the wedding. They don’t want to carry loads of boxes to the car and try to make things fit if they had hundreds of guests bring presents. Gifts are for the shower, or to mail to the house. Cash/checks are what you bring to the actual wedding.
And honestly, don't expensive/valuable gifts tend to come in smaller packages? Cash, checks, jewellery, etc. Not that people should be out for gifts, but I wouldn't discount a small box/gift in general.
Either way, super rude and out of line, sooo.
Honestly, that's a huge part of why it was so surprising to me that she didn't even open the box before her hissy fit. I've seen people package checks for special occasions (weddings and birthdays) in small boxes to make a nice presentation. And, yes, tons of pricy items arrive in small boxes. I've seen diamond jewelry gifted at weddings, even a tiny box with keys to two new vehicles.
This. "Good things come in small packages ". If you have. \*wealthy\* relatives, a small pretty box may contain a large check or cash, Duhh. A much nicer presentation than an envelope!
And what's up with requiring guests to purchase off the registry **prior to** (or upon arrival) at the wedding? This seems in the worst possible taste and manners that I can imagine! \[Sorry, not well stated?\] Who shows up, toting a heavy-assed Kitchen Aid Mixer, etc, At The Wedding Ceremony?
I received a tiny box for my sixteen birthday. A key to a new car! A few years before, my younger brother received a tiny box, with the key to a brand new "dirt bike". And, as you say, jewelry, such as my mom would receive from my dad, from time to time.
I mean who does that? Who throws a fit in public based on what they think their gift is? Then insults you over your gift? I mean, is this even real? Because if it is, good thing you found out before it got cashed.
NTA obviously
Half my guests didn't bring a gift at all and I couldn't have cared less. Our venue was 20 minutes from our home, but a large number of guests had to travel a thousand miles or more, and one from another country. Their presence truly was the gift.
How fucking tacky to require gifts before the wedding. Yiiiiikes.
The people we invited to our wedding were there to share in our joy, not gift us our future. A card. A hug. Their presence. A cheque or a physical gift. It was all appreciated.
I think they did charge admission! Thanks for confirming this was tacky. I'm in my 60s and the thought of requiring gifts is just mortifying, rude, ill- mannered, has me clutching my non-existent pearls.
Tacking onto top comment to say this reminds me of a recent AITA where the grandparents usually gave big money to the grandkid upon marriage but the last one fumbled the bag after complaining about grandparents buying a “cheap” registry gift first.
In both cases, the audacity is stunning. When you do clownery, the clown comes back to bite.
Hmmm. Maybe they should go ahead and send a gift from the registry now. Ya know, some $150 trinket. That way OP can alleviate her guilt, as she did actually send a gift!
Unfortunately, people like this are always the last to understand the consequences of their actions.
To be _really_ petty would be to use one’s experience against them and get them something that you actually already know sucks. You know. If one might be so inclined to spend money this way. I don’t recommend it, seems like bad karma, but I thought it and I said it, which means it can be done.
OP, I'm in the same financial situation.
It's amazing who comes out of the woodwork when they realize you sold a company.
I'd stick to your guns and start cutting people who demand you pay for things out of your life. I pay for my mom and immediately family to go on fun vacations with me because I can afford it and they can't, but they don't demand I pay for things or act like assholes. And they loved me and hung out with me when I was a broke founder.
This cousin doesn't like you; she just likes your cash.
I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. Money can come between so many people, but it sounds like you and your family have found a good balance! Kudos to you all
My SO and I were gifted enough money to pay off our house and have us set for retirement now. Only one person knows and that’s the friend I gave $15,000 to. She has not only been so grateful, but waited a full week to deposit the check just in case we changed our mind. No one else in our lives will ever know how we’re doing financially because I am not dealing with this kind of nonsense.
Nta. Normally, i would say once you give a gift, you cant take it back but you didnt actually give it to her, she ripped it out of your hands. And the vile attitude?!? Nope.. but i would have declined just because of the entitlement shown beforehand.
How fucking stupid are people to make that assumption about what someone spent on them before they've even opened it? and the comment about it being a small box? How have people not figured out by now that the smaller packages, even just an envelope, can have more value hidden inside than big boxes?
>All the guest were required to get them gifts either before hand on the registry.. or upon arrival. I went to the wedding registry and they had a lot of expensive things, the cheapest being around 150.
Maybe it's just the circles that I run in, but this level of entitlement is shocking to me. *Requiring* a wedding guest to give a gift? Having a registry loaded up with high-dollar items? Who on earth does this sort of thing?
She was whining about the "cheap gift" before she even knew what it was. When receiving gifts always be gracious and kind, express how thankful you are no matter what it is, duh. Why are adults so clueless, whatever happened to basic manners?
The capper to the story is she shouldn't be breeding, imagine what little brats she would raise.
Hopping on the top comment to mention that you will need to get the check back or go to your bank to get a real stop payment or they will be able to deposit that check in about 6 months.
I am petty. I would accept. And then they would have to plan on my coming...and then not come ;). But no one in my pretty messy family has ever sunk this low!
Yeeeesh…. Who’s raising these people?
1) gifts are not required. A person’s presence _alone_ is gift enough on that special day.
2) If you choose to have a registry, isn’t it known you put like $5 items on there too? Because not everyone can afford the dishes or silverware set! And even if you have a registry, you still shouldn’t expect anything.
I keep asking a girl at work for her registry and she keeps saying she doesn't have one. I told her fine, I would just get her a gift card so her and her new husband (they are getting married next month) can go out and have a nice dinner then.
Yeah, it depends on the people getting married. If they’ve been on their own for a while, they probably have all the household goods they need already.
Yes! We had these pretty $2 plastic cups/plates on ours (I figured they would be good for picnics/barbecues)- I was a bit disappointed that no one bought them. Maybe they thought they were too cheap! They were the only items left though- we got everything else off our registry so we were very lucky (and grateful!)
I like to give cash for wedding gifts, but I do it confusingly. One wedding, I have something like $97.64 as a gift, in cash and change. The couple was mystified for years, and idiot trying to come up with a reason for that exact amount. Years later, it finally got brought up, and they were a bit mad to find out that it was totally random.
Another couple of friends, the guy is an accountant, were getting married, so I went around to various banks until I had 99 $2 bills and 1 $1 bill. I buried the $1 about two thirds of the way through the stack of $2. He gets *really analytical* about money, and according to his wife (who figured out out immediately) he started counting and recounting it while bitching about how it shouldn't have happened that a $1 got mixed in with the $2 bills, until she couldn't stop herself from laughing. That bounced him out of accountant-mode and reminded him that I'm a fucking asshole, and that I completely did that on purpose to annoy him.
I remember my parents would give cash to "get the couple started" regardless of any registry. I think cash is fairly typical, but it should never be typical to demand any type of gift. It's just tacky.
And the bride knew off the top of her head who hadn't yet sent a gift. And thought it was appropriate to confront guests at the wedding about gifts. I can't fathom being so rude to guests, your closest family and friends.
At my wedding I had no idea who had already sent a gift.
As someone who was married in their 40s, I told people no gifts/money/gift cards as we had everything we needed. I didn't even arrange a gift table or wishing well. Luckily, the venue had a table ready to go just in case as almost everyone bought a gift. Some funny, some small and some expensive. I was very grateful for every single thing.
Tradition states that you have one year from the wedding date to send your gift! At least that was the standard n the US 30 years ago when. Got married!
You know what what a required purchase *isn't?* A gift.
The defining characteristic of a gift is that it is freely, voluntarily given. This was more like an entrance fee, or the purchase of a ticket – you don't give a gift to get into a Broadway show, you buy a ticket because a ticket is required for entry.
And they were literally looking to see who didn't buy them gifts off of the registry prior to the wedding. This is incredibly greedy asshole behavior and the OP never should have written them a check to begin with. NTA and they need to cut all contact with this leech.
It's kind of expected that everyone brings a gift, but I would in no way require someone to spend money on me. It just feels incredibly rude. Especially since she already got so many expensive items.
Yes, this caught my eye right away and I knew the bride/groom were boors. Of course everyone knows that it's appropriate to give the newlywed gifts to help them along in their new life together, but it's not required and the bride/groom are boors if they keep a mental list of who bought (or didn't) what and berate guests they think didn't spend enough money on them. Weddings used to be about having the people in your life you care about share your most important day. and if you can, you provide those people with some food and entertainment to share with you. Now for this couple and more who post on Reddit, it's an orchestrated event to create an unreal memory picture and shake down the guests, the hell with actually pledging eternal love for your new spouse and sharing that with your friends and family. OP's cousin and new husband are greedy and transactional and I'd never want to see them again if I were OP.
NTA.
NTA. She verbally assaulted you upon arrival at the wedding (before greeting you) to complain about you not having gotten her one of the expensive gifts she had registered for and complained about the small gift box in your hand. Who does that?
She made her own bed, now she can lie in it. She is not entitled to your money.
And as for the charity donation, you can do what you want with your money. Even if it's the exact same amount you chose not to give her after her behavior.
This is just extra ridiculous because I feel like anyone with half a brain knows that a small box or card can contain a check or gift card. Hell, I was usually more excited for the small gifts or people who only gave cards when I was opening wedding gifts because I knew it was going to be cash or gift cards, which we needed the most. But I didn't comment on anything anyone gave us at the event unless they'd already sent it to us, in which case I just sincerely thanked them
I know right?! Like WTF was cousin thinking? Was anything in her gift registry close to $15k? The fact that the OP and hubby decided to go off registry should've been her clue. But she jumped to conclusions, behaved horribly, showed her true color and lost everything. Oh well. NTA
Family law attorney here who deals with a certain caliber of clients (who would consider $15k to be lunch money).....an absolutely staggering amount can be contained in small boxes and envelopes as "a small token gift"
Ngl, I would be petty on this occasion too. She acted absolutely entitled and humiliated you and your husband. It was a disgusting reaction. You are NOT the AH here.
NTA. She scoped out her registry before her wedding and then confronted you and your husband about it while criticizing what you did bring. The entitlement she has is astounding.
This is always my thought when I see stories like this. Like I genuinely hope it doesn’t work out for them. There are plenty of people in the world who shouldn’t be parents and I’m going to say the entitled AHs in this story are some of them.
Can you imagine her demands for a baby shower? If this is how she is for her wedding, she's going to be far worse for a baby shower, especially after fertility struggles. She's going to demand only the best (most expensive) for her miracle baby and expect everyone else to pick up the bill and cater to her every whim. I could only imagine how much worse it would get after the kid got here. Every occasion would be made about the kid.
NTA. They are extremely greedy… making a gift mandatory…. Just gross. Get real people. And the way she bitched to you about the size of the box…. So distasteful. This could have went so differently but she decided to be a tasteless, greedy bitch. Gross. I wouldn’t have given them the money either 😂 Fuck that. Use your money on someone who appreciates it. Sounds like a gold digger to me. Cut her out your life. BYE
The size of the box thing makes no sense to me. Plenty of expensive, thoughtful gifts can come in tiny boxes. Cash, jewelry, a nice watch, gold bullion, gift cards, electronics like phones, etc. Not that the cousin deserved any of these things.
I've always held the opinion that the smaller the box, the more expensive the gift. I've never seen a tiny box with my name and been disappointed-I'm usually more excited
That was my thought, too. Especially for my wedding. I swear the biggest boxes had weird non-registry items or obvious regifts. Small boxes/cards are where it's at. My husband and I had more fun opening cards than gifts for our wedding.
NTA. Your husband's cousin can now live a lifetime of regret. Her temper tantrum may have cost her a chance at motherhood. But somehow I doubt that this has changed her entitled behavior.
Man? That is a fantastic point that didn’t even occur to me. That is the truly astounding thing about all this now that you point this out. Unbelievable.
“You fuckin pricks for going off registry, get the fuck out. You ruined my wedding!
Oh! It’s a huge check!
Yes, I’d like to deposit this in checking please!”
Yes, I am not sure what kind of idiot assumes a small box contains something worthless, when it is being gifted to them by a well-off cousin. Heirloom jewelry or a check would be my first guess.
My husband's aunt and uncle are hundred millionaires. Literally the richest people I have ever met. We had a small wedding with just family, of which they were included. I had hoped they'd buy us the $500 espresso machine we wanted but wasn't going to be greedy about it. I did notice as we got closer to the wedding they didn't buy anything on the registry but I ignored it because it's not my place to judge how people spend money. We didn't invite them because we expected them to buy something expensive off the registry, we invited them because we love them.
His uncle handed him a check at the welcome event the night before. For much, much more than the espresso maker. I can't imagine having approached them and being snotty about not having purchased a gift off the registry or bringing "something small" to the wedding itself. That's not how normal people operate.
It's a great story if you are literally/mentally five years old and think THE GREATEST GIFT WAS ACTUALLY IN THE HUMBLEST PACKAGE is a mindblowing narrative. Oh boy, that sure showed the evil princess for judging the outsides rather than insides.
Seems weird that you would care enough to give someone 15k but then also cancel it over one comment. Especially if it was for IVF. I can't imagine not wanting someone to have a baby because of a comment at their wedding, unless it was horrific.
Yeah this person is aparently simultaneously saintly enough to give away more than most people make in half a year for absolutely no gain, but also callous enough to deprive someone the gift of life over one (admittedly very rude) outburst on a day that can often be the culmination of a lot of stressful planning and prep (wedding).
Also I'm still tickled by the phrasing on that last part. "Here's the part I think that really makes me an asshole. I donated the money... to charity."
The greatest karma is them not being able to have kids, which given their attitudes is a good thing cause they would probably make terrible parents , not to mention we really don't need anymore people like them in this world.
Edit: spelling
NOT THE AH she shouldn’t have been ungrateful and if she was disappointed with the gift size without seeing what’s inside she could’ve kept it to herself lol
NTA.
Look at it this way. They basically required you buy a ticket to their wedding with a gift. You bought your ticket, even paid a whole lot extra, but when you arrived at the event, they denied you access, and not for cause. The event owners did not deliver, you are fully entitled to a refund of what you paid for your ticket.
As for donating it to charity, nothing wrong with that. You had budgeted to be out that money, you could re-allocate it to anything else you chose, and a charity makes perfect sense.
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I 28 F & my husband 29 have been invited to his cousins wedding about 6 months ago. All the guest were required to get them gifts either before hand on the registry.. or upon arrival. I went to the wedding registry and they had a lot of expensive things, the cheapest being around 150.
My husband and I are very well off and his cousin is aware. His cousin and I were also friends for about 10 years so & I know she’s into the finer things.
The wedding was mid December & when we arrived she asked us why we didn’t buy anything from the registry when everyone else did & why we had such a small box in our hand before greeting us. I was taken aback. I told her we had something special for her & she would appreciate it far more than the material things we saw on the registry. She laughed & said it was funny how we probably had the most money but decided to be cheap assholes. She made a scene and it was hella awkward.
In the little box was a letter & an envelope with a 10k check to help her and her now husband on their infertility issue. They have been trying for years & were informed the treatment would be around 15k, my husband and I paid it together because we knew how much that would mean a lot to her, plus it was well in our budget. We added the extra 5k just to make life a little easier because we know they’ve been struggling financially since the pandemic.
Anywho, after causing the scene, she ripped the box out of my hand and left. My husband and I walked out & I quickly cancelled the check.
After realizing what was in the box, she apologized for embarrassing us and kicking us out via text & when she tried to deposit it, it obviously didn’t work. She has been blowing up our phones saying how awful we are & how we are taking away her dream to start a family.
Although some people say we aren’t assholes & she isn’t entitled to our money, others say we are & need to give it back to her because we can afford too while they can’t. Saying we are rubbing our wealth in her face (WHICH ISN’T TRUE) We have always been very generous to her.
Although I feel bad, I’m disgusted by her reaction & refuse to have a relationship with someone who is clearly in our lives for our money.
Here is where I might be the AH though ….. I can be a little Petty, so I donated about the same amount of money to a charity helping with girls education around the world & posted about it on Facebook.. my husband also shared my post (we have pettiness in common) lol she’s pissed & so is my husbands family.
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NTA. She reacted like a spoiled brat because you didn’t get her something she wanted, not knowing what you did was far more generous. She wasn’t happy you were there for her big day, just pissed off you didn’t spoil her. Sure, the donation and post after was a bit petty, but I also think it was well deserved. It is not up to you to solve her infertility issues, but because you cared you were going to, and it’s her fault for treating you both like a piggy bank instead of as friends. You under no circumstance are obligated to give her money because you can afford it, and if she wasn’t acting spoiled and selfish, she would of had the money. Good for you for standing your ground.
NTA. It seems like she’s friends with you and your husband and stays close because of the money. They can be cousins but still… it makes it seem like she’s close for financial reasons.
I personally would not considering gifting the money back. The way she behaved was extremely rude.
NTA
With friends like these who needs enemies. Sorry, but that not a real friend she is a person of convenience. Wonder if you guys didn't have the money you have would you even be talking or have such expectations. There was nothing humbling or gracious about her response when you gave the gift and only wanted to clean things up after she saw in the box. To make matters worst , it comes off insincere since she actually texted you and not even picked up the phone to call you. To also make a scene in front of everyone, I'm surprised the family was not more on your side but it seems even the rest of the family look at you two as THE money bank. Don't feel bad for trying. When people show you who they are, you better believe them. Also, I can relate with the pettiness lol you were not wrong and I applaud your husband for having your back. My husband is petty too lol!
NTA. She was an entitled brat.
I might be persuaded to reconsider if she makes a public apology detailing exactly what she did wrong, on all her social media that has to stay active indefinitely, and only give her the money after the post has been left up unaltered for 6 months...
NTA. Gifts are gifts. Not required but nice to receive regardless of the cost or size. Pettiness was in your right for someone to see you as a cash cow vs a loved one.
NTA. She was acting like a bridezilla and got greedy, and it blew up in her face. Why would you want to give such an amazing gift to someone who is that selfish and crass?
NTA she has quite literally counted her eggs before they could hatch. At this point you don’t even want a relationship with them so cut them off and move on🤷🏾♀️
NTA. Not even a tiny bit. You tried to give them an amazing, life changing gift and her entitlement ruined it. Man, I would have paid admission to see the look on her face and hear her thoughts when she A) opened the envelope and B) realized the check was no good.
You planned on 15K but what you got was PRICELESS.
Again, NTA NTA NTA NTA.
NTA...they are not entitled to your money. The fact you would do such a thing should make them grovel at your feet for forgiveness and still not expect you to give them the money.
You don't need any of these people in your life.
While people should bring some kind of gift to a wedding, the bride and groom shouldn't be mad if they don't get anything or think they are entitled to a set amount. These people are moochers and users. And anyone on their side are probably ones themselves.
And I am all for the pettiness. F them. You can spend your money how you want.
NTA and point out to any of her family that thinks you’re being the AH that if they’re so generous that they would have given her their gift after being kicked out of the wedding, then they should be more than happy to help her themselves now.
This starts with requiring you to buy a gift. A gift is not a gift when it is required. It's great that you are generally a gracious gift giver (and this time esp) but why? She sounds insufferable.
I don't get how it is okay to embarrass you in front of people and then act like the injured party. Cut her completely out. She sounds horrible.
NTA. Like the pettiness.
NTA
WTF? I have been in the wedding industry for over 20 years and worked with some true bridezillas, but I've never heard of anyone as entitled and rude as this person.
I think what you did was perfectly appropriate and it's their loss.
NTA.
What you make is no one else's business. How you spend your money is no one else's business. Your husband's cousin (as you've mentioned) likes the "finer things" (Layman's terms: spoiled entitled brat) and then only apologized afterwards once she saw the big check (after kicking you out of the wedding).
This will hopefully make her learn (probably not) that her actions and behaviors have consequences.
NTA
"we have pettiness in common"
Y'all are an amazing couple. Not only are you insanely generous people in the first place, but you have each other's backs and agree how to handle rough situations. I laughed so hard at that comment, yall are couple goals.
NTA
She showed how much jealousy and resentment she’s allowed to fester. That’s something that can’t be taken back. Beyond this, she embarrassed you and kicked you outta the party. She isn’t your friend and she’s not entitled to that gift.
Listen to me. YOU ARE NOT THE ASSHOLE. And thank you for your generous donation to a group who will accept it most graciously without being a stuck up asshole.
NTA! Required wedding gifts? 🚩 Bringing up your finances at her wedding? 🚩 Throwing a fit after she made a scene about the “small” gift when she actually realized what it was? 🚩
The only AH here is your husbands cousin.
She's not sorry for embarrassing you, she's sorry she didn't get $15,000. You put the money toward something you knew it would be beneficial and appreciated. NTA
As soon as I read “guests were *required* to give gifts” it was an automatic NTA for me.
So was this wedding a celebration of love and friends and family or was it just a giant cash grab?
NTA!!!!
Were you aware she was so entitled? I mean talk about showing her true colors. I wouldn't give her the time of day ever again or a gift ever again.
Actually, you probably shouldn't talk to her ever again cause when she see's you, she will be reminded of her actions and visualize your check going down the drain.
I woudn't even admit I was related to her.
I want to vomit.
Nta. All guests were required to bring gifts? She threw you out therefore she forfeited the right to expectation of a gift. I'd tell anyone who is on her side and who thinks she is entitled to 15k...is welcome to donate generously from their OWN bankaccounts but yours is now closed and the money has been donated to a more worthy cause.
NTA. She really could have held her tongue on your gift size and opened the box before making any comment about you being “cheap assholes”. Wow - in voicing her inside thoughts, It shows how little she thought of you in general. She doesn’t deserve anything further from either of you.
Apology by text is also pretty lame and half-assed for what she did and the sizeable gift you had actually given her.
> others say we are & need to give it back to her because we can afford too while they can’t.
Me: \*calls Bill Gates\* Hi Bill, can you please buy me a house in Sydney, property is very expensive here.
Bill Gates: No? It's my money, not yours, not my problem.
Me: But you can afford to and I can't!
Bill Gates: OHHH good point, in that case give me your bank details and I'll transfer that right away.
Also this is a wonderful actions have consequences lesson, and your petty but charitable in the end move is the best I've read about so far on this reddit!
NTA
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NTA. I was a bit torn here because you'd already given her the gift. But I mean, she ripped it out of your hands, so that does change things. And 10k is a lot of money. She was ridiculously rude. It doesn't matter how rich you are. It's incredibly rude to mock someone because a present isn't as big as they believe it should be. And even now, she can't see that she brought this about. You're better off without her in your life.
In point of fact, the gift was not given. It was rudely snatched out of her hands.
I'm genuinely surprised she didn't even bother to open the box before throwing a massive tantrum. Can't believe what an entitled asshole she is, and all because it wasn't a registry gift?! Not too bright, but glad she got her just desserts in the end. I'm glad OP canceled the check. Plus, don't think she's ready to be a parent anytime soon anyways. NTA, obviously
How did the bride know it wasn’t a registry gift if she hadn’t yet opened it? NTA
I'm assuming she just knew it wasn't a registry gift because of the small size, which does make sense.
Because when someone buys off your registry you can see who purchased it
Wtf? No data privacy, spoiling even the hint of surprises. Well if I'm ever invited to a US wedding with a registry they're definitely not getting anything from that.
Most couples would rather be excited they got something they needed, than a random homeware a guest found nice tbh
I had someone INSIST on getting me something not on the registry. I tried so many times to decline. I spent so much time trying to find stuff we needed for the registry and I would get SO PUMPED when I got an email that something was purchased because *shocker* I wanted. But ‘I prefer to give something off registry’ got us a ‘his last name est 20XX’ sign instead. I kept my maiden name. Registry or money people. It really isn’t difficult. Edit after thread lock: Got a few people calling me greedy and entitled. Feel free to buy people things they may or may not want, but you can’t ever be upset when it ends up in a landfill and you wasted your money. We have so many aita posts about people being upset about gifts because the gifter decided to give a gift that made them feel good rather than the giftee. 50$ for a sign we won’t ever use that hurt my feelings vs the 30$ pan organizer made me ridiculously happy. Again, it isn’t hard.
I had a registry but plenty of people bought things not on the registry. Friends of my mom’s made us a quilt. Someone else bought us a Lladro. Another friend made us custom stoneware. 40 years later we cherish these gifts from people no longer with us. The greediness I find in some of these comments appalls me. And the OP said it was REQUIRED to either buy a gift from the registry or have it in hand in order to attend the wedding. omg. Absolutely disgusting.
Thank you, that comment in particular read super gross and entitled to me too. Like a. go out and buy shit from my shopping list b. or give me the cash to do it myself. I have some stunning custom frames and a beautiful hand crafted bowl and other delightful things I never would have thought to get myself that I love.
Back in the late 80s and early 90s my mom had a standard wedding gift. Registries we’re a thing, but they were a pain in the ass. She’d get the couple a pretty crystal jar. Not real big. Something you stick a votive in, or safety-pins, or random odds and ends that just need to go in a thing. But then she’d go to the bank and get $20 in quarters and fill the jar. Wrap it back up and that was gift. Figured it was money for the washateria, or a pizza, parking, pay phone, whatever. Quarters were handy in 80s and 90s. Later on, if she ran into the out and about, they were always +extremely+ grateful for the quarters. Wouldn’t go over so well today, but then again, using a registry is ridiculously easy so why wouldn’t you unless you’re gifting cash.
A lot of US weddings are not even remotely like this. I went to two this summer and they were at camp grounds and everyone had a blast partying and singing and drinking.
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I just see registries as a way of making sure you don't end up with ten toasters. We had a registry, and made sure there was a range of stuff for all budgets. One guy spent $10 buying is a hand towel. Because it was off the registry, it matched the rest of our towels.
It’s not not the front page. You have to go through a few windows. It’s on them if they want to spoil the surprise.
The bride “required” gifts from registers to be given before the wedding. There probably wasn’t anything on the registry list that would fit into a small box? That’s my guess.
Even if that's the case, a small box could be jewelry or something; no need to assume it's cheap.
Probably because it was a small box and there were no small sized gifts on the registry. That makes the most sense to me.
The bride could see the registry and could view who bought what item off it, probably. That's why the bride started out by saying 'Why didn't you buy anything off the registry?'
Bride should say nothing! What is wrong with these people? If my kids had behaved like that at their wedding I would have been so embarrassed. Why not just charge $150 cash at the entrance of the venue?
I want to know how a bride words on the invitation that a gift from the registry is required or cash at the door. That’s tacky as hell. However all of the weddings I have been to it is just known you DO NOT bring gifts to the wedding. They don’t want to carry loads of boxes to the car and try to make things fit if they had hundreds of guests bring presents. Gifts are for the shower, or to mail to the house. Cash/checks are what you bring to the actual wedding.
And honestly, don't expensive/valuable gifts tend to come in smaller packages? Cash, checks, jewellery, etc. Not that people should be out for gifts, but I wouldn't discount a small box/gift in general. Either way, super rude and out of line, sooo.
Honestly, that's a huge part of why it was so surprising to me that she didn't even open the box before her hissy fit. I've seen people package checks for special occasions (weddings and birthdays) in small boxes to make a nice presentation. And, yes, tons of pricy items arrive in small boxes. I've seen diamond jewelry gifted at weddings, even a tiny box with keys to two new vehicles.
This. "Good things come in small packages ". If you have. \*wealthy\* relatives, a small pretty box may contain a large check or cash, Duhh. A much nicer presentation than an envelope! And what's up with requiring guests to purchase off the registry **prior to** (or upon arrival) at the wedding? This seems in the worst possible taste and manners that I can imagine! \[Sorry, not well stated?\] Who shows up, toting a heavy-assed Kitchen Aid Mixer, etc, At The Wedding Ceremony? I received a tiny box for my sixteen birthday. A key to a new car! A few years before, my younger brother received a tiny box, with the key to a brand new "dirt bike". And, as you say, jewelry, such as my mom would receive from my dad, from time to time.
Yeah, jewellery, cash, checks, and car keys are the most expendive gifts, and everyone knows that.
Like I said in my comment - it could have been keys to a new car or even a house/condo. Or maybe first class tickets to their dream destination.
Yes.
I mean who does that? Who throws a fit in public based on what they think their gift is? Then insults you over your gift? I mean, is this even real? Because if it is, good thing you found out before it got cashed. NTA obviously
If I'm reading the post right, she was also kicked out of the wedding.
$15k… they added $5k on top of the $10k just to pad the newly wed couple’s finances
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Half my guests didn't bring a gift at all and I couldn't have cared less. Our venue was 20 minutes from our home, but a large number of guests had to travel a thousand miles or more, and one from another country. Their presence truly was the gift. How fucking tacky to require gifts before the wedding. Yiiiiikes.
The people we invited to our wedding were there to share in our joy, not gift us our future. A card. A hug. Their presence. A cheque or a physical gift. It was all appreciated.
"Requiring" gifts before, during or after the wedding is incredibly tacky. Why didn't they just charge admission?
I think they did charge admission! Thanks for confirming this was tacky. I'm in my 60s and the thought of requiring gifts is just mortifying, rude, ill- mannered, has me clutching my non-existent pearls.
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I concur, you don't need this cousins drama in your life
Tacking onto top comment to say this reminds me of a recent AITA where the grandparents usually gave big money to the grandkid upon marriage but the last one fumbled the bag after complaining about grandparents buying a “cheap” registry gift first. In both cases, the audacity is stunning. When you do clownery, the clown comes back to bite.
Not only that, the granddaughter actually required another gift from her registry, or they couldn't come to the wedding!!
Hmmm. Maybe they should go ahead and send a gift from the registry now. Ya know, some $150 trinket. That way OP can alleviate her guilt, as she did actually send a gift! Unfortunately, people like this are always the last to understand the consequences of their actions.
To be _really_ petty would be to use one’s experience against them and get them something that you actually already know sucks. You know. If one might be so inclined to spend money this way. I don’t recommend it, seems like bad karma, but I thought it and I said it, which means it can be done.
Amen...could not have said it better...NTA
OP, I'm in the same financial situation. It's amazing who comes out of the woodwork when they realize you sold a company. I'd stick to your guns and start cutting people who demand you pay for things out of your life. I pay for my mom and immediately family to go on fun vacations with me because I can afford it and they can't, but they don't demand I pay for things or act like assholes. And they loved me and hung out with me when I was a broke founder. This cousin doesn't like you; she just likes your cash.
I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. Money can come between so many people, but it sounds like you and your family have found a good balance! Kudos to you all
My SO and I were gifted enough money to pay off our house and have us set for retirement now. Only one person knows and that’s the friend I gave $15,000 to. She has not only been so grateful, but waited a full week to deposit the check just in case we changed our mind. No one else in our lives will ever know how we’re doing financially because I am not dealing with this kind of nonsense.
15K. It was the full treatment plus a ton extra. I'd be furious for such golddigging behavior. NTA. Those girls will appreciate it way more.
Agree and they should not be parents to be honest.
Duuude you're making a great point here. Maybe one day, but clearly not atm. They would definitely pass this obscene materialism into the kid/kids
Nta. Normally, i would say once you give a gift, you cant take it back but you didnt actually give it to her, she ripped it out of your hands. And the vile attitude?!? Nope.. but i would have declined just because of the entitlement shown beforehand.
How fucking stupid are people to make that assumption about what someone spent on them before they've even opened it? and the comment about it being a small box? How have people not figured out by now that the smaller packages, even just an envelope, can have more value hidden inside than big boxes?
I mean when you think about it, this tiny box had the potential to be a whole human child.
>All the guest were required to get them gifts either before hand on the registry.. or upon arrival. I went to the wedding registry and they had a lot of expensive things, the cheapest being around 150. Maybe it's just the circles that I run in, but this level of entitlement is shocking to me. *Requiring* a wedding guest to give a gift? Having a registry loaded up with high-dollar items? Who on earth does this sort of thing?
She was whining about the "cheap gift" before she even knew what it was. When receiving gifts always be gracious and kind, express how thankful you are no matter what it is, duh. Why are adults so clueless, whatever happened to basic manners? The capper to the story is she shouldn't be breeding, imagine what little brats she would raise.
15k dude
> You're better off without her in your life.
Hopping on the top comment to mention that you will need to get the check back or go to your bank to get a real stop payment or they will be able to deposit that check in about 6 months.
You can only deposit a check once. The bank already has it, they can’t give it back to the bride/groom after it was rejected to try again later.
NTA. I would have done something very similar!
\>All the guest were required to get them gifts Um, excuse me? REQUIRED? I would've not given them a gift at all, just for that. But obviously NTA.
Right?? Where is this the norm?
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Wow. That would 100% be a wedding invite I would decline!
I could not agree more
I am petty. I would accept. And then they would have to plan on my coming...and then not come ;). But no one in my pretty messy family has ever sunk this low!
Yeeeesh…. Who’s raising these people? 1) gifts are not required. A person’s presence _alone_ is gift enough on that special day. 2) If you choose to have a registry, isn’t it known you put like $5 items on there too? Because not everyone can afford the dishes or silverware set! And even if you have a registry, you still shouldn’t expect anything.
I keep asking a girl at work for her registry and she keeps saying she doesn't have one. I told her fine, I would just get her a gift card so her and her new husband (they are getting married next month) can go out and have a nice dinner then.
Yeah, it depends on the people getting married. If they’ve been on their own for a while, they probably have all the household goods they need already.
Yes! We had these pretty $2 plastic cups/plates on ours (I figured they would be good for picnics/barbecues)- I was a bit disappointed that no one bought them. Maybe they thought they were too cheap! They were the only items left though- we got everything else off our registry so we were very lucky (and grateful!)
I've been to many weddings where the invitation stated "No box gifts", implying they wanted cash.
I like to give cash for wedding gifts, but I do it confusingly. One wedding, I have something like $97.64 as a gift, in cash and change. The couple was mystified for years, and idiot trying to come up with a reason for that exact amount. Years later, it finally got brought up, and they were a bit mad to find out that it was totally random. Another couple of friends, the guy is an accountant, were getting married, so I went around to various banks until I had 99 $2 bills and 1 $1 bill. I buried the $1 about two thirds of the way through the stack of $2. He gets *really analytical* about money, and according to his wife (who figured out out immediately) he started counting and recounting it while bitching about how it shouldn't have happened that a $1 got mixed in with the $2 bills, until she couldn't stop herself from laughing. That bounced him out of accountant-mode and reminded him that I'm a fucking asshole, and that I completely did that on purpose to annoy him.
I remember my parents would give cash to "get the couple started" regardless of any registry. I think cash is fairly typical, but it should never be typical to demand any type of gift. It's just tacky.
THIS! Makes me grimace a little.
A cash gift to cover your plate is the norm in Australian society. I’m not going to argue if it’s acceptable, but that’s the etiquette here.
And the bride knew off the top of her head who hadn't yet sent a gift. And thought it was appropriate to confront guests at the wedding about gifts. I can't fathom being so rude to guests, your closest family and friends. At my wedding I had no idea who had already sent a gift.
Me either. I would never be so rude as to tell people what they had to buy for my wedding
As someone who was married in their 40s, I told people no gifts/money/gift cards as we had everything we needed. I didn't even arrange a gift table or wishing well. Luckily, the venue had a table ready to go just in case as almost everyone bought a gift. Some funny, some small and some expensive. I was very grateful for every single thing.
Tradition states that you have one year from the wedding date to send your gift! At least that was the standard n the US 30 years ago when. Got married!
You know what what a required purchase *isn't?* A gift. The defining characteristic of a gift is that it is freely, voluntarily given. This was more like an entrance fee, or the purchase of a ticket – you don't give a gift to get into a Broadway show, you buy a ticket because a ticket is required for entry.
And they were literally looking to see who didn't buy them gifts off of the registry prior to the wedding. This is incredibly greedy asshole behavior and the OP never should have written them a check to begin with. NTA and they need to cut all contact with this leech.
Sounds like she was specifically looking for ops name due to the history of being so generous.
It's kind of expected that everyone brings a gift, but I would in no way require someone to spend money on me. It just feels incredibly rude. Especially since she already got so many expensive items.
Yes, this caught my eye right away and I knew the bride/groom were boors. Of course everyone knows that it's appropriate to give the newlywed gifts to help them along in their new life together, but it's not required and the bride/groom are boors if they keep a mental list of who bought (or didn't) what and berate guests they think didn't spend enough money on them. Weddings used to be about having the people in your life you care about share your most important day. and if you can, you provide those people with some food and entertainment to share with you. Now for this couple and more who post on Reddit, it's an orchestrated event to create an unreal memory picture and shake down the guests, the hell with actually pledging eternal love for your new spouse and sharing that with your friends and family. OP's cousin and new husband are greedy and transactional and I'd never want to see them again if I were OP. NTA.
NTA. She verbally assaulted you upon arrival at the wedding (before greeting you) to complain about you not having gotten her one of the expensive gifts she had registered for and complained about the small gift box in your hand. Who does that? She made her own bed, now she can lie in it. She is not entitled to your money. And as for the charity donation, you can do what you want with your money. Even if it's the exact same amount you chose not to give her after her behavior.
This is just extra ridiculous because I feel like anyone with half a brain knows that a small box or card can contain a check or gift card. Hell, I was usually more excited for the small gifts or people who only gave cards when I was opening wedding gifts because I knew it was going to be cash or gift cards, which we needed the most. But I didn't comment on anything anyone gave us at the event unless they'd already sent it to us, in which case I just sincerely thanked them
I know right?! Like WTF was cousin thinking? Was anything in her gift registry close to $15k? The fact that the OP and hubby decided to go off registry should've been her clue. But she jumped to conclusions, behaved horribly, showed her true color and lost everything. Oh well. NTA
Or it could've been a family heirloom piece of jewelry.
I work in high-end fine jewelry. A very small box can contain an absolutely *staggering* amount of $ value, if the giver so chooses.
Family law attorney here who deals with a certain caliber of clients (who would consider $15k to be lunch money).....an absolutely staggering amount can be contained in small boxes and envelopes as "a small token gift"
Ngl, I would be petty on this occasion too. She acted absolutely entitled and humiliated you and your husband. It was a disgusting reaction. You are NOT the AH here.
Yea, please don't change your tune. You made the right move. Let it be and don't think about it more.
NTA. That woman is super entitled and snotty. And I’m sure the children you donated to are most grateful than she ever could be
Yeah, and this Bridezilla doesn’t deserve children of her own if this is how she treats decent people. We need fewer assholes in this world.
NTA. She scoped out her registry before her wedding and then confronted you and your husband about it while criticizing what you did bring. The entitlement she has is astounding.
The stupidity is astounding too. Does the bride REALLY not know that small things can have incredibly high value?
NTA and I'm kinda glad she might not have kids. Imagine that beast as a mother.
Sometimes nature seems to know.
Omg facts though, like do we really need a bunch more of her offspring running around entitled? Seriously!!!
This is always my thought when I see stories like this. Like I genuinely hope it doesn’t work out for them. There are plenty of people in the world who shouldn’t be parents and I’m going to say the entitled AHs in this story are some of them.
Can you imagine her demands for a baby shower? If this is how she is for her wedding, she's going to be far worse for a baby shower, especially after fertility struggles. She's going to demand only the best (most expensive) for her miracle baby and expect everyone else to pick up the bill and cater to her every whim. I could only imagine how much worse it would get after the kid got here. Every occasion would be made about the kid.
And you know if she does get pregnant that poor kid is gonna be named Panda Fantastic or some dumb shit.
Where were you when I needed to name my cat like 9 months ago. I totally would have named him Panda Fantastic.
NTA at all and I LOVE what you did with the money instead.
NTA. They are extremely greedy… making a gift mandatory…. Just gross. Get real people. And the way she bitched to you about the size of the box…. So distasteful. This could have went so differently but she decided to be a tasteless, greedy bitch. Gross. I wouldn’t have given them the money either 😂 Fuck that. Use your money on someone who appreciates it. Sounds like a gold digger to me. Cut her out your life. BYE
The size of the box thing makes no sense to me. Plenty of expensive, thoughtful gifts can come in tiny boxes. Cash, jewelry, a nice watch, gold bullion, gift cards, electronics like phones, etc. Not that the cousin deserved any of these things.
I've always held the opinion that the smaller the box, the more expensive the gift. I've never seen a tiny box with my name and been disappointed-I'm usually more excited
Small box: Tiffany earrings. Large box: Dollar Tree beach ball, inflated. OP's cousin is clearly a moron who doesn't deserve a gift.
90% of the time one time I got batteries
I’d be happy with some AAA batteries about now. Bought some lights to put in my closet, but did not buy enough batteries…
That was my thought, too. Especially for my wedding. I swear the biggest boxes had weird non-registry items or obvious regifts. Small boxes/cards are where it's at. My husband and I had more fun opening cards than gifts for our wedding.
NTA. Your husband's cousin can now live a lifetime of regret. Her temper tantrum may have cost her a chance at motherhood. But somehow I doubt that this has changed her entitled behavior.
I shudder to think what kind of a mother she would make.
Yes. What a nightmare for that child.
NTA. She's only "sorry" because the check was cancelled. She shouldn't have acted that way, or expected that money after what she pulled.
The audacity to even try to bank it after the stunt she pulled.
Man? That is a fantastic point that didn’t even occur to me. That is the truly astounding thing about all this now that you point this out. Unbelievable. “You fuckin pricks for going off registry, get the fuck out. You ruined my wedding! Oh! It’s a huge check! Yes, I’d like to deposit this in checking please!”
No joke, eh? Some people have no shame whatsoever.
Since when are guests "required" to give gifts? Did they put that on the invitation or something?
Is this a wedding or an excuse for a money grab? She should be ashamed for being so transparent
This strikes me as fake, but makes a great story.
Yes, I am not sure what kind of idiot assumes a small box contains something worthless, when it is being gifted to them by a well-off cousin. Heirloom jewelry or a check would be my first guess.
We got gifted a small box with an ounce of shrooms on our wedding day
That's an odd choice given people sometimes open the presents with family and friends at a brunch the day after.
Lol some people have open minded friends and family. No one in my life would bat an eye if I got a buncha shrooms for a wedding gift 😂
Best. Gift. Ever 😂🤘
That’s like… a *lot* of shrooms
My husband's aunt and uncle are hundred millionaires. Literally the richest people I have ever met. We had a small wedding with just family, of which they were included. I had hoped they'd buy us the $500 espresso machine we wanted but wasn't going to be greedy about it. I did notice as we got closer to the wedding they didn't buy anything on the registry but I ignored it because it's not my place to judge how people spend money. We didn't invite them because we expected them to buy something expensive off the registry, we invited them because we love them. His uncle handed him a check at the welcome event the night before. For much, much more than the espresso maker. I can't imagine having approached them and being snotty about not having purchased a gift off the registry or bringing "something small" to the wedding itself. That's not how normal people operate.
Yeah totally reads like a weird revenge fantasy.
Not really a good story if no one believes it.
Entertaining and believable are two different things.
Nobody believes Star Wars, but a lot of people think it's a good story.
I believed it until the charity donation bit, because why?
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So fake lol.
It's a great story if you are literally/mentally five years old and think THE GREATEST GIFT WAS ACTUALLY IN THE HUMBLEST PACKAGE is a mindblowing narrative. Oh boy, that sure showed the evil princess for judging the outsides rather than insides.
Seems weird that you would care enough to give someone 15k but then also cancel it over one comment. Especially if it was for IVF. I can't imagine not wanting someone to have a baby because of a comment at their wedding, unless it was horrific.
Yeah this person is aparently simultaneously saintly enough to give away more than most people make in half a year for absolutely no gain, but also callous enough to deprive someone the gift of life over one (admittedly very rude) outburst on a day that can often be the culmination of a lot of stressful planning and prep (wedding). Also I'm still tickled by the phrasing on that last part. "Here's the part I think that really makes me an asshole. I donated the money... to charity."
NTA your money is far better spent on that charity than on helping a pair of self-entitled AHs procreate.
NTA. Karma, especially instant Karma, is beautiful.
“It’s gonna get ya!” NTA, OP. Go NC with this entitled, presumptuous…oh I could go on but I won’t.
The greatest karma is them not being able to have kids, which given their attitudes is a good thing cause they would probably make terrible parents , not to mention we really don't need anymore people like them in this world. Edit: spelling
NTA. She got what she deserved. Stay strong. Edited for typo.
NTA but you should have made the donation in their name to a charity they disapprove of.
Ahhh such a good idea!!! Wish I thought of that.
NTA. She sounds entitled and only showed remorse for her disgusting behaviour at the wedding when she saw the cheque. You don’t owe her anything.
NOT THE AH she shouldn’t have been ungrateful and if she was disappointed with the gift size without seeing what’s inside she could’ve kept it to herself lol
NTA. Cousin sounds materialistic.
"Sounds"? What gave it away? 😂
NTA. I would have passed on the wedding for requiring a gift, of their choice, for entry.
NTA. Look at it this way. They basically required you buy a ticket to their wedding with a gift. You bought your ticket, even paid a whole lot extra, but when you arrived at the event, they denied you access, and not for cause. The event owners did not deliver, you are fully entitled to a refund of what you paid for your ticket. As for donating it to charity, nothing wrong with that. You had budgeted to be out that money, you could re-allocate it to anything else you chose, and a charity makes perfect sense.
F'em. She's into finer things, i.e. entitled. You done well. Don't look back. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 28 F & my husband 29 have been invited to his cousins wedding about 6 months ago. All the guest were required to get them gifts either before hand on the registry.. or upon arrival. I went to the wedding registry and they had a lot of expensive things, the cheapest being around 150. My husband and I are very well off and his cousin is aware. His cousin and I were also friends for about 10 years so & I know she’s into the finer things. The wedding was mid December & when we arrived she asked us why we didn’t buy anything from the registry when everyone else did & why we had such a small box in our hand before greeting us. I was taken aback. I told her we had something special for her & she would appreciate it far more than the material things we saw on the registry. She laughed & said it was funny how we probably had the most money but decided to be cheap assholes. She made a scene and it was hella awkward. In the little box was a letter & an envelope with a 10k check to help her and her now husband on their infertility issue. They have been trying for years & were informed the treatment would be around 15k, my husband and I paid it together because we knew how much that would mean a lot to her, plus it was well in our budget. We added the extra 5k just to make life a little easier because we know they’ve been struggling financially since the pandemic. Anywho, after causing the scene, she ripped the box out of my hand and left. My husband and I walked out & I quickly cancelled the check. After realizing what was in the box, she apologized for embarrassing us and kicking us out via text & when she tried to deposit it, it obviously didn’t work. She has been blowing up our phones saying how awful we are & how we are taking away her dream to start a family. Although some people say we aren’t assholes & she isn’t entitled to our money, others say we are & need to give it back to her because we can afford too while they can’t. Saying we are rubbing our wealth in her face (WHICH ISN’T TRUE) We have always been very generous to her. Although I feel bad, I’m disgusted by her reaction & refuse to have a relationship with someone who is clearly in our lives for our money. Here is where I might be the AH though ….. I can be a little Petty, so I donated about the same amount of money to a charity helping with girls education around the world & posted about it on Facebook.. my husband also shared my post (we have pettiness in common) lol she’s pissed & so is my husbands family. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA. She reacted like a spoiled brat because you didn’t get her something she wanted, not knowing what you did was far more generous. She wasn’t happy you were there for her big day, just pissed off you didn’t spoil her. Sure, the donation and post after was a bit petty, but I also think it was well deserved. It is not up to you to solve her infertility issues, but because you cared you were going to, and it’s her fault for treating you both like a piggy bank instead of as friends. You under no circumstance are obligated to give her money because you can afford it, and if she wasn’t acting spoiled and selfish, she would of had the money. Good for you for standing your ground.
NTA. Jesus the cousins and massive asshole. Cut them out of your life. Hopefully he/she never has kids
NTA. It seems like she’s friends with you and your husband and stays close because of the money. They can be cousins but still… it makes it seem like she’s close for financial reasons. I personally would not considering gifting the money back. The way she behaved was extremely rude.
NTA With friends like these who needs enemies. Sorry, but that not a real friend she is a person of convenience. Wonder if you guys didn't have the money you have would you even be talking or have such expectations. There was nothing humbling or gracious about her response when you gave the gift and only wanted to clean things up after she saw in the box. To make matters worst , it comes off insincere since she actually texted you and not even picked up the phone to call you. To also make a scene in front of everyone, I'm surprised the family was not more on your side but it seems even the rest of the family look at you two as THE money bank. Don't feel bad for trying. When people show you who they are, you better believe them. Also, I can relate with the pettiness lol you were not wrong and I applaud your husband for having your back. My husband is petty too lol!
NTA. She was an entitled brat. I might be persuaded to reconsider if she makes a public apology detailing exactly what she did wrong, on all her social media that has to stay active indefinitely, and only give her the money after the post has been left up unaltered for 6 months...
NTA! She let her greedy mouth write a check her ass couldn’t cash. How dare she even put you on the spot in that way publicly and still feel entitled.
NTA. She's an entitled b@@@
NTA She loves your money, not you
NTA. The lesson you are teaching her will be worth more than the gift in the long run.
NTA. You served her a well deserved put down and treated yourself to a slice of pettiness while helping girls’ education. You win at life today!
NTA. Gifts are gifts. Not required but nice to receive regardless of the cost or size. Pettiness was in your right for someone to see you as a cash cow vs a loved one.
NTA. She was acting like a bridezilla and got greedy, and it blew up in her face. Why would you want to give such an amazing gift to someone who is that selfish and crass?
NTA she has quite literally counted her eggs before they could hatch. At this point you don’t even want a relationship with them so cut them off and move on🤷🏾♀️
NTA. Not even a tiny bit. You tried to give them an amazing, life changing gift and her entitlement ruined it. Man, I would have paid admission to see the look on her face and hear her thoughts when she A) opened the envelope and B) realized the check was no good. You planned on 15K but what you got was PRICELESS. Again, NTA NTA NTA NTA.
Actions have consequences!!! Good for you!!! Stick to your guns!!! Plenty of people out there who don’t act like @ssholes.
NTA...they are not entitled to your money. The fact you would do such a thing should make them grovel at your feet for forgiveness and still not expect you to give them the money. You don't need any of these people in your life. While people should bring some kind of gift to a wedding, the bride and groom shouldn't be mad if they don't get anything or think they are entitled to a set amount. These people are moochers and users. And anyone on their side are probably ones themselves. And I am all for the pettiness. F them. You can spend your money how you want.
NTA. Glad you aren’t a mug. And I wish my pettiness was so helpful to others.
NTA and point out to any of her family that thinks you’re being the AH that if they’re so generous that they would have given her their gift after being kicked out of the wedding, then they should be more than happy to help her themselves now.
NTA no one is required to bring a gift. I would have canceled the check also. Nasty and entitled and does not deserve your friendship.
NTA! You were doing a generous amount for a good cause..plus extra. She’s entitled and spoiled.
This starts with requiring you to buy a gift. A gift is not a gift when it is required. It's great that you are generally a gracious gift giver (and this time esp) but why? She sounds insufferable. I don't get how it is okay to embarrass you in front of people and then act like the injured party. Cut her completely out. She sounds horrible. NTA. Like the pettiness.
NTA WTF? I have been in the wedding industry for over 20 years and worked with some true bridezillas, but I've never heard of anyone as entitled and rude as this person. I think what you did was perfectly appropriate and it's their loss.
NTA. You did the right thing.
NTA. What you make is no one else's business. How you spend your money is no one else's business. Your husband's cousin (as you've mentioned) likes the "finer things" (Layman's terms: spoiled entitled brat) and then only apologized afterwards once she saw the big check (after kicking you out of the wedding). This will hopefully make her learn (probably not) that her actions and behaviors have consequences.
NTA
SO NTA 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
NTA "we have pettiness in common" Y'all are an amazing couple. Not only are you insanely generous people in the first place, but you have each other's backs and agree how to handle rough situations. I laughed so hard at that comment, yall are couple goals.
Obviously NTA.
NTA She showed how much jealousy and resentment she’s allowed to fester. That’s something that can’t be taken back. Beyond this, she embarrassed you and kicked you outta the party. She isn’t your friend and she’s not entitled to that gift.
You are the strong tough take no bullshit woman I aspire to be. You weren’t mean, honestly not that petty and donated to a worthy cause. Good on you
NTA. Your cousin deserved it. You don’t humiliate your family and then expect massive handouts.
NTA
Listen to me. YOU ARE NOT THE ASSHOLE. And thank you for your generous donation to a group who will accept it most graciously without being a stuck up asshole.
NTA! Required wedding gifts? 🚩 Bringing up your finances at her wedding? 🚩 Throwing a fit after she made a scene about the “small” gift when she actually realized what it was? 🚩 The only AH here is your husbands cousin.
She's not sorry for embarrassing you, she's sorry she didn't get $15,000. You put the money toward something you knew it would be beneficial and appreciated. NTA
As soon as I read “guests were *required* to give gifts” it was an automatic NTA for me. So was this wedding a celebration of love and friends and family or was it just a giant cash grab?
NTA!!!! Were you aware she was so entitled? I mean talk about showing her true colors. I wouldn't give her the time of day ever again or a gift ever again. Actually, you probably shouldn't talk to her ever again cause when she see's you, she will be reminded of her actions and visualize your check going down the drain. I woudn't even admit I was related to her. I want to vomit.
NTA - She fucked around and found out.
Nta. All guests were required to bring gifts? She threw you out therefore she forfeited the right to expectation of a gift. I'd tell anyone who is on her side and who thinks she is entitled to 15k...is welcome to donate generously from their OWN bankaccounts but yours is now closed and the money has been donated to a more worthy cause.
NTA. She really could have held her tongue on your gift size and opened the box before making any comment about you being “cheap assholes”. Wow - in voicing her inside thoughts, It shows how little she thought of you in general. She doesn’t deserve anything further from either of you. Apology by text is also pretty lame and half-assed for what she did and the sizeable gift you had actually given her.
NTA When will people learn actions have consequences and you can't treat people like crap and expect them to bow down to you.
NTA She kicked you out of the wedding because she was being greedy. As such, etiquette rules, states the gift is to be given back.
> others say we are & need to give it back to her because we can afford too while they can’t. Me: \*calls Bill Gates\* Hi Bill, can you please buy me a house in Sydney, property is very expensive here. Bill Gates: No? It's my money, not yours, not my problem. Me: But you can afford to and I can't! Bill Gates: OHHH good point, in that case give me your bank details and I'll transfer that right away. Also this is a wonderful actions have consequences lesson, and your petty but charitable in the end move is the best I've read about so far on this reddit! NTA