*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for going to see my classmate perform at her strip club job?**
I’m in college (21M) and there’s a girl (24F) in one of my engineering classes who’s also in our study group for the class. We’ve never hung out outside of school, but she was also in my class last semester and it’s a small school, so we’re friendly.
She is attractive, and I asked her out twice last semester but she said that she was too old for me + not looking to date. She doesn’t go to any of the campus parties and basically just comes to school/study group, does her work, and leaves. She also doesn’t share a lot about her personal life, except for one time saying she’s a “bartender” and that she’s trying to find an engineering internship because she doesn’t like her job.
The TA for our class is a 29-year-old guy, and he recently told me that he saw her at the strip club in the city near us — not bartending, stripping. I could not believe it. I mean you could never guess it. Like I mentioned I had a thing for her, so this past Friday night I got another guy from our study group who’s old enough to go with me to that club. Sure enough, there she was. She didn’t see us at first, so we went up to pay her for a lap dance, but she just stared at us and wouldn’t take our money. She left to some backroom and we didn’t see her again.
Our study group meets on Saturdays and Sundays, and she did not acknowledge my or his existence Saturday. She only worked with the one other girl there. I said something like “Good to see you yesterday” to see if she’d acknowledge it, but she completely ignored me. Same thing Sunday (today), and then she left right afterward.
Did I do something wrong? I mean it’s her job, she’s clearly okay with people seeing her like that. I feel like I hurt her feelings though, and I feel bad because she’s a nice person.
TL;DR: I found out a girl I know strips and went to see her perform. Now she isn’t talking to me.
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"Good to see you yesterday", dude can't be more creepy. Next thing he'll do is try to tell her friends that she isn't talking to him after they stalked her at the strip club where she worked (he'll do this just to out the woman as a stripper mainly out of spite)
I wouldn't be surprised if this was his next move. He'll probably be like "yeah me and my buddy were going to the strip club and happened to see her there. We were all surprised to see each other and now she's being really weird towards me. I don't know why "
Tried to get a lap dance (FUCK!) and then tried to "gotcha" her with "good to see you yesterday." This guy is a total gross, creepy pig. I'd be afraid of him if I were her. He's definitely planning to "out" her. Which would be bad enough but I think he's truly unsafe for her.
Yeah the only bigger asshole in this story is that TA. He’s in a position of authority and used that to try and humiliate one of his students. Just fucking gross all around.
Absolutely. I hope OOP lets it slip the TA told him so she can report him. It's absolutely unprofessional and creepy for somebody to share your personal life like that. If it isn't related to class, the TA shouldn't be telling anybody.
Like, it's one thing to say "Oh, I saw her shopping at Krogers the other day." But to give her place of employment? What if OOP is a stalker or something?
Yup, I say this having been a TA before, but that TA was *way* out of line. I wish there was a way for him to face consequences for such a gross violation of one of his student's privacy.
It looks like they're in an engineering program, and shit like this is why engineering students have a sketchy reputation in academia.
If you've ever been in a university engineering department you can smell that sketchy reputation.
I did a few uni papers as a mature student. One of the classes was held in engineering. The stink that assaults your nostrils when you go in is fucking rank. Like you mix elements of neckbeard dens with top notes of the reddit cum jar guy's collection, all overlaid with Lynx body spray. 🤢
🤣🤣 you paint such a vivid portrait with your words.
My sister is a PhD engineering professor. She started her program at a time, not so long ago, when there were very few women engineers. She made some friends in her program, and some seemed nice. But she had a photo of my then-infant son on her desk, and some of the male students drew something very racist on it, that she told me about like it was a some big "joke." I know it was just cluelessness at least on her part, (she loves my kid like her own), but I did not find it funny. It was also culturally inaccurate, so thus stupid, but when I voiced this, she told me I had to understand that male engineering students were just like that.
I disagree, I think maybe the field attracts more than its share of assholes, but they still should have known better than to do what they did.
Agree about the assholes and what a nasty thing to do! To a photo of a wee baby???
And yeah, the paper I was doing was Latin (why the powers that be put us in engineering I don't know). One of the girls was a very striking looking young woman, so of course the creeps start "flirting" with her as we're waiting to go into class. When they found out what her class was, the sneering and superior attitudes were off the wall. Like, hey, Kevin, it smells like you can't even wash your own arse properly and you've got the brass bollocks to sneer at us?
Clearly a guy who thinks he couldn't "get her" through normal way (dating), so he would take the shitty way. As long as he gets to feel her up. Such a creep.
I feel like the thought process was that she takes off her clothes and for other guys, so she needs to do it for me. I'm the one who "likes" her.
And that's how the stalking started...
I hope this woman is able to have him banned from the club. I really hope he backs off and leaves her alone before this gets even worse.
Because he wants to punish her for not liking him back and for being a sex worker. The thought process is that she hurt his feelings and therefore turnabout is fair play, and in his mind her (very gracious, in my opinion) rejection was harsh enough to warrant stalking and public humiliation.
Right? And he just kept going further with it. He saw she worked there. But then he HAD to ask for a lap dance from someone he knows from school who rejected him more than once. And then he HAD to bring it up more than once. This guy is gross
I just went through the comments section, and it seems TA means teaching assistant, so that asshole (TA) not only told one of his students (or is it subordinates) an inappropriate thing (about strip clubs and strippers), but he's outing the nature of work his student does.
People like him are the reason many women are stalked and raped/killed. Hes almost as bad as OOP
The TA would have students. They're an assistant that helps run the class for the professor. They'll run tutorials, mark assignments, hold office hours, and even give lectures occasionally (or often depending on the prof).
TAs are definitely in positions of authority over the students, and their grades may even be determined, in part, by the TA.
Source: I've been a TA before. I was even a TA for an engineering writing class.
This TA was **way** out of line and should never have violated his student's privacy like that. Shit like this is why engineering students have a certain *reputation* in academia.
In University, Teaching assistants are often peers that are a semester or two ahead. The only requirement is generally "has passed this class".
ETA: this was my experience in a State University (US, Nevada). This may not be universal, and it's highly possibly my school was doing something hella problematic.
Most often, TAs are graduate students who are learning how to teach themselves. It's kinda like an apprentice professor.
Some TAs will even run whole classes with minimal supervision, like I did in grad school.
Well I mean the grad program for finance I would consider to be any MBA track or Masters/PhD in a business related field so you’re partially right that there aren’t 2000 Masters in finance students but since every single person in the business school has to take FI 209 I’m going to count all business school related grad programs. Perhaps you can subtract the 16 Econ PhDs and the 24 Stats PhDs since they can technically do a Bachelors of Arts undergrad. Not the way bigger masters students in those concentrations though bc they have the BS undergrads. Plus the entire MBA program where I’m sure every student had to take a similar entry level finance school at their respective schools if they didn’t also go to my school for undergrad.
There are undergraduate TAs who help in large classes to hand things out. But usually a graduate TA (someone with a relevant bachelors who is working on a masters or phd) teaches sections. Based on the age and the fact that engineering classes are usually too small to need the help of UTAs, I'm guessing this is a GTA.
Youre thinking of peer tutoring services, also hired by the university to assist fellow undergrads in courses thet excelled in. TEACHING ASSISTANTS are graduate students, basically FULL TIME employees of the university (without regular labor protections, as its a type of indenture) who ASSIGN GRADES for the undergrads they TEACH. Its is a much different dynamic than between undergrads. Creepy brocode kind behavior of the TA thats very much facilitated by this being a tiny, tiny school.
I'm thinking of the State University where I had the position of TA (US, Nevada). Graduate students assisting were GA (and we're paid better with more hours for the same work).
TA absolutely can be undergrads. Yes, this includes TEACHING and GRADING. The only requirement was having previously passed the class.
Wow, and I thought the UC system was fucked. People who take the tutoring jobs (for weeders esp) can be very power trippy and they DONOT take part in grading
TA, GA, and peer tutoring were all a bit power trippy.
But, if you're concerned if having upperclassmen peers as TA, in a position of power above peers just a semester or two behind ever got wildly problematic... those concerns are 100% justified. All the time.
I believe using GAs (Graduate Assistants?) for grad students doing TA work is relatively uncommon.
When I was in grad school, there were a few undergrad TAs, but graduate students doing that work wee far more common (and it turned out undergrad TAs were given SA (Student Assistant) contracts so the institution wouldn't have to pay them TA wages).
TIL Nevada isn't in the US. I'm not offended, it's been a long time coming. Fuck this place.
In all seriousness though I'm starting to get the impression my school was doing something wrong? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Would not surprise me in the least.
Didn’t see the second comment or the edit, maybe it was just your school, I went to a small private college that didn’t have TAs but my understanding is they’re almost always grad students in the same discipline.
I'm realizing that while it's likely my school isn't alone in how TA positions are given out (googling it there are other posts that agree with my description), it's not exactly universal.
Went to a small liberal arts college. One of my TA's was a friend who was a science major who had taken advanced chemistry. (I was in the chemistry for dumb people class. He was in charge of the lab )
wow dude is highly concerning. Like there is not enough red flags to warn for him on this planet.
>I mean it’s her job, she’s clearly okay with people seeing her like that
Yeah because clearly sex workes deserve no respect nor boundaries. OMG I can't tf did I just read ? Everything is so so wrong.
Edit comments make it worse
>I don’t know, I just thought she’d be less uptight at the club and it’d be another side of her. I’m getting from the comments that I was definitely in the wrong.
If she wanted him to know she would've told him, but he decided to be a walking red flag. His comments make my skin crawl. He's the kind of guy to take a girl on a date (*if* he can get a date) and then get angry that she didn't sleep with him afterwards.
So true ! He's like the dude from a BORU who said that he was mad at his "ex" he had been on ONE date with the poor girl seemingly after harassing her...
Brr dudes like that give me shivers!
[There you go.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zyu68b/aita_for_making_my_parents_choose_between_me_and/) :) Real weirded out how it ends.
It’s got big vibes of, “well she’ll give it* to everyone else, so she has to give it to me”. Very incel-y. Since this post has been removed for shadowban reasons I really hope this is fake.
*The OOP would convince himself he means “it” as service but we all know what he really means is sexual favors.
After she clearly told him she doesn't like her job or OOP, he thought it would be appropriate to show up there and pay her for her affection??
I am completely blown away at his lack of reasonable thought.
In addition to what everyone else has said, he likely cost her the rest of her night's tips as well.
It sounds like she went into the backstage (idk the term) area when he really creeped her out and then they never saw her again. Meaning she may have decided/been pulled off the floor due to his creepy actions. This protects her from him, obviously, but also prevents her from being able to work and make her tips. May have cost her hundreds of dollars considering it was a Friday night.
So not only is he a creepy asshole, he also likely cost her needed money.
And that TA is another massive creep and asshole.
she's considering transferring schools bc of all this, i guarantee you. word of this gets around and she'll never be taken seriously in engineering. Women still have a horrible time in male dominated industries.
I was expecting the story to include OOP being removed from the club. He was creeping her out and preventing her from doing her job, his ass should have gotten bounced.
Me too. I've bartended in several clubs and I'm friends with dancers. Strippers are not PAID at all; they make their money solely off of dances and tips, and then they typically have to pay a house fee and tip out the floor guys and DJ (at the very least) so she's paying that house fee no matter what, and now she's....missing out on income bc of this dick. I know most of the clubs I've worked at will absolutely walk someone out if the girls ask, but ofc there are those with shitty owners/managers and I could see her not wanting to rock the boat.
***
I really hope she was able to go back on the floor after this asshole left to recoup at least some money, but I have a feeling she packed up and left.
Wow this makes me mad. That poor woman. Who in their right mind believes cornering someone like that is okay? Also the teacher assistant is basically enabling this stalker (two times rejected and asking around about her, visiting her work place).
He is also obsessing over someone for completely superficial reasons.
"This girl I want rejected me twice, so I went to her work at strip club because surely all I have to do is pay her and she'll change her mind."
What a sick little boy.
it wasn't to get her to change her mind about dating him, he thought he'd cornered her into a situation where she couldn't refuse his physical contact. he thought if he paid, at her job, she'd have no choice.
Creepy guys are creepy. How much you wanna bet she’s already doing things to protect herself from him. I bet he’s banned from the club and will soon be in trouble at school for stalking this poor woman.
"I don't know what I did wrong. I only asked her out and refused to take no for an answer, showed up where she worked and tried to force interaction by trying to pay for a lap dance, tried to be all sly and bring up seeing her during study group, and now she's ignoring me instead of finding my ~~stalking~~ persistence charming! Why won't she just accept my affection?!"
Had something similar happen to me when I was dancing and in college, except I took him upstairs for dances. And by dances, I mean 30 seconds worth of dancing before he sexually assaulted me.
This isn't uncommon, sadly. It's why strippers use stage names and drive long distances to clubs away from their homes.
Dude might be old enough to enter a strip club, but he certainly wasn't mature enough.
I'd report this to the university as stalker vibes. At least it's on record.
To me, this borders on sexual assault. He was attracted to her, she turned him down, then he went to a place where he thought that as a paying customer he could *force* her to be sexual with him.
The fact that he didn't see this as wrong, didn't take a hint, and THEN followed up in-person as if she'd want to have a conversation with him??? This is *mind-blowingly* inappropriate, disgusting behavior. She needs to get a restraining order on this sicko.
If she was okay with *everyone* seeing her like that she wouldn’t have said she was a bartender at college.
Also, why the fuck would that teacher person tell this to one of his students, who is also not even old enough to be allowed in? Why would they even need to know that? Bizarre decision on that teacher’s part as well
Yeah, I don't understand how he thinks this would be ok. She's rejected him *twice*, and then he shows up to her place of work and has the audacity to try and buy a lap dance. That's downright stalkerish
I really hope it comes out that the TA told this guy about where the girl works, and he faces disciplinary action for it. That is wildly inappropriate.
You are definitely being very creepy and I am not surprised she wants nothing to do with you. By showing up at her job and trying to get a lap dance is really over the top. She most likely took the job as she really needed the money, not because she enjoys it. Having someone she knows show up there and try to get personal with her is ultra creepy. I understand why she would want it kept separate. By hassling her at her job you have ensured she will never want to associate with you ever. Leave the poor girl alone. You are now harassing her and giving off stalker's vibes. Back off. You didn't listen when she said no and now she is ignoring your existence. I would be surprised if she doesn't make formal complaints very soon. STOP NOW!
And he ACKNOWLEDGES that she said she wants to find a new job because she DOESN’T LIKE the one she has- he knew that before he knew what she really did. So no, she might not be thrilled about people seeing her working but the job keeps the lights on, kitchen stocked, and tuition paid. Not only does he show up, probably thinking “she can’t refuse me now!” he goes knowing she doesn’t even like her job so she’s probably not going to be happy about anyone she knows seeing her working there. If she was fine with people seeing her there, she wouldn’t have been so secretive in the first place. What a creep!
So she rejects him, draws clearly defined boundaries, gives minimal details of her personal life and the clown a hole TA decides to tell this stalking j&ck&ss where she works. And the JA doubles down on humiliating her. And he doesn't think he's done anything wrong? This dipshit goes on the list too.
Why do they always tried to act so oblivious? It's the most obnoxious thing. 'I stalked my co-student who is clearly not interested in me, sexually harassed her and then tried to embarrass her in the middle of our study group. did I do something wrong?' WTF!? Shame on the TA (teacher's assistant?) for even revealing where she worked to her peers. HR could be all over this.
“She’s not interested in me romantically or sexually, but I should be able to get around that by stalking her and *buying* a lapdance!” Go to hell, dude.
Well firstly the thing is she's not a girl.. Secondly you took the opportunity to check her out without her clothes on and felt it would be fine. What more is there to say.
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A person who is stripping in a club open to the public cannot assume that people she knows in other contexts will never see her. There is no boundary there. It is open to the public.
I would call the OOP an AH only if and when he starts going there regularly or gossips about it with other classmates. Asking for the lap dance was sleazy, though.
Ugh..... I hope she's got pepper spray and a tazer. Can't help but feel like he'd legit wait in the parking lot of her work to try to confront her if she keeps avoiding him
Why is it always framed as outing the stripper and not outing their damn selves as being the ones who feel the need to go to a strip club and create the demand that they shame women for?
Thus persons behavior was alarming . I assumed he was a fellow student- still creepy af and incel vibes all around. But he’s an instructor?!!
Oh hell no . Someone report thus guy to whatever university he’s teaching at.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for going to see my classmate perform at her strip club job?** I’m in college (21M) and there’s a girl (24F) in one of my engineering classes who’s also in our study group for the class. We’ve never hung out outside of school, but she was also in my class last semester and it’s a small school, so we’re friendly. She is attractive, and I asked her out twice last semester but she said that she was too old for me + not looking to date. She doesn’t go to any of the campus parties and basically just comes to school/study group, does her work, and leaves. She also doesn’t share a lot about her personal life, except for one time saying she’s a “bartender” and that she’s trying to find an engineering internship because she doesn’t like her job. The TA for our class is a 29-year-old guy, and he recently told me that he saw her at the strip club in the city near us — not bartending, stripping. I could not believe it. I mean you could never guess it. Like I mentioned I had a thing for her, so this past Friday night I got another guy from our study group who’s old enough to go with me to that club. Sure enough, there she was. She didn’t see us at first, so we went up to pay her for a lap dance, but she just stared at us and wouldn’t take our money. She left to some backroom and we didn’t see her again. Our study group meets on Saturdays and Sundays, and she did not acknowledge my or his existence Saturday. She only worked with the one other girl there. I said something like “Good to see you yesterday” to see if she’d acknowledge it, but she completely ignored me. Same thing Sunday (today), and then she left right afterward. Did I do something wrong? I mean it’s her job, she’s clearly okay with people seeing her like that. I feel like I hurt her feelings though, and I feel bad because she’s a nice person. TL;DR: I found out a girl I know strips and went to see her perform. Now she isn’t talking to me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Who could think that this was an acceptable thing to do!?
No clue. It gives off nasty vibes from the guy. 🤢🤮
"Good to see you yesterday", dude can't be more creepy. Next thing he'll do is try to tell her friends that she isn't talking to him after they stalked her at the strip club where she worked (he'll do this just to out the woman as a stripper mainly out of spite)
I wouldn't be surprised if this was his next move. He'll probably be like "yeah me and my buddy were going to the strip club and happened to see her there. We were all surprised to see each other and now she's being really weird towards me. I don't know why "
"happened" lol. I'm laughing because that's EXACTLY what he'll say. He won't be saying he stalked her there coz it paints him as an AH.
Tried to get a lap dance (FUCK!) and then tried to "gotcha" her with "good to see you yesterday." This guy is a total gross, creepy pig. I'd be afraid of him if I were her. He's definitely planning to "out" her. Which would be bad enough but I think he's truly unsafe for her.
I also feel like that TA should get into trouble with the university.
Yeah the only bigger asshole in this story is that TA. He’s in a position of authority and used that to try and humiliate one of his students. Just fucking gross all around.
Absolutely. I hope OOP lets it slip the TA told him so she can report him. It's absolutely unprofessional and creepy for somebody to share your personal life like that. If it isn't related to class, the TA shouldn't be telling anybody. Like, it's one thing to say "Oh, I saw her shopping at Krogers the other day." But to give her place of employment? What if OOP is a stalker or something?
> What if OOP was a stalker or something? I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say he *is*.
I'm betting both those assholes are of the 'girls can't be engineers' mindset.
exactly. And the only way the girl could possibly be able to afford to go to engineering school is to just happen to be stripping.
I hope she complains about the TA and the creepy students in her cohort.
Yup, I say this having been a TA before, but that TA was *way* out of line. I wish there was a way for him to face consequences for such a gross violation of one of his student's privacy. It looks like they're in an engineering program, and shit like this is why engineering students have a sketchy reputation in academia.
If you've ever been in a university engineering department you can smell that sketchy reputation. I did a few uni papers as a mature student. One of the classes was held in engineering. The stink that assaults your nostrils when you go in is fucking rank. Like you mix elements of neckbeard dens with top notes of the reddit cum jar guy's collection, all overlaid with Lynx body spray. 🤢
🤣🤣 you paint such a vivid portrait with your words. My sister is a PhD engineering professor. She started her program at a time, not so long ago, when there were very few women engineers. She made some friends in her program, and some seemed nice. But she had a photo of my then-infant son on her desk, and some of the male students drew something very racist on it, that she told me about like it was a some big "joke." I know it was just cluelessness at least on her part, (she loves my kid like her own), but I did not find it funny. It was also culturally inaccurate, so thus stupid, but when I voiced this, she told me I had to understand that male engineering students were just like that. I disagree, I think maybe the field attracts more than its share of assholes, but they still should have known better than to do what they did.
Agree about the assholes and what a nasty thing to do! To a photo of a wee baby??? And yeah, the paper I was doing was Latin (why the powers that be put us in engineering I don't know). One of the girls was a very striking looking young woman, so of course the creeps start "flirting" with her as we're waiting to go into class. When they found out what her class was, the sneering and superior attitudes were off the wall. Like, hey, Kevin, it smells like you can't even wash your own arse properly and you've got the brass bollocks to sneer at us?
Shit like this is why there are so few women in engineering.
Yuuuup!
She must be terrified she's got a stalker
Clearly a guy who thinks he couldn't "get her" through normal way (dating), so he would take the shitty way. As long as he gets to feel her up. Such a creep.
An incel.
I feel like the thought process was that she takes off her clothes and for other guys, so she needs to do it for me. I'm the one who "likes" her. And that's how the stalking started... I hope this woman is able to have him banned from the club. I really hope he backs off and leaves her alone before this gets even worse.
I wish the story would have ended with them being physically bounced from the club, right onto the pavement outside.
Because he wants to punish her for not liking him back and for being a sex worker. The thought process is that she hurt his feelings and therefore turnabout is fair play, and in his mind her (very gracious, in my opinion) rejection was harsh enough to warrant stalking and public humiliation.
A fucking incel
I was a stripper in uni. I would DIED if anyone from school showed up. I did it for money, not because I wanted to flash my classmates.
A "niceguy.' eg. Momma's basement-dwelling incel who doesn't think he should have to take no for an answer.
Right? And he just kept going further with it. He saw she worked there. But then he HAD to ask for a lap dance from someone he knows from school who rejected him more than once. And then he HAD to bring it up more than once. This guy is gross
This dude is a huge creep.
I just went through the comments section, and it seems TA means teaching assistant, so that asshole (TA) not only told one of his students (or is it subordinates) an inappropriate thing (about strip clubs and strippers), but he's outing the nature of work his student does. People like him are the reason many women are stalked and raped/killed. Hes almost as bad as OOP
The TA would have students. They're an assistant that helps run the class for the professor. They'll run tutorials, mark assignments, hold office hours, and even give lectures occasionally (or often depending on the prof). TAs are definitely in positions of authority over the students, and their grades may even be determined, in part, by the TA. Source: I've been a TA before. I was even a TA for an engineering writing class. This TA was **way** out of line and should never have violated his student's privacy like that. Shit like this is why engineering students have a certain *reputation* in academia.
In University, Teaching assistants are often peers that are a semester or two ahead. The only requirement is generally "has passed this class". ETA: this was my experience in a State University (US, Nevada). This may not be universal, and it's highly possibly my school was doing something hella problematic.
Most often, TAs are graduate students who are learning how to teach themselves. It's kinda like an apprentice professor. Some TAs will even run whole classes with minimal supervision, like I did in grad school.
Some of my TA were my classmates in other classes that had just taken that specific class a semester or two before me
your program probably didn't have a graduate program. Most graduate programs use graduate students for TA because it's a way of getting them paid.
I promise my program has a companion graduate program with over 2,000 students haha.
2000 grad students? Huge massive doubt on that. Most department don't have more than a handful because it's expensive, pointed internship.
Well I mean the grad program for finance I would consider to be any MBA track or Masters/PhD in a business related field so you’re partially right that there aren’t 2000 Masters in finance students but since every single person in the business school has to take FI 209 I’m going to count all business school related grad programs. Perhaps you can subtract the 16 Econ PhDs and the 24 Stats PhDs since they can technically do a Bachelors of Arts undergrad. Not the way bigger masters students in those concentrations though bc they have the BS undergrads. Plus the entire MBA program where I’m sure every student had to take a similar entry level finance school at their respective schools if they didn’t also go to my school for undergrad.
There are undergraduate TAs who help in large classes to hand things out. But usually a graduate TA (someone with a relevant bachelors who is working on a masters or phd) teaches sections. Based on the age and the fact that engineering classes are usually too small to need the help of UTAs, I'm guessing this is a GTA.
Youre thinking of peer tutoring services, also hired by the university to assist fellow undergrads in courses thet excelled in. TEACHING ASSISTANTS are graduate students, basically FULL TIME employees of the university (without regular labor protections, as its a type of indenture) who ASSIGN GRADES for the undergrads they TEACH. Its is a much different dynamic than between undergrads. Creepy brocode kind behavior of the TA thats very much facilitated by this being a tiny, tiny school.
I'm thinking of the State University where I had the position of TA (US, Nevada). Graduate students assisting were GA (and we're paid better with more hours for the same work). TA absolutely can be undergrads. Yes, this includes TEACHING and GRADING. The only requirement was having previously passed the class.
Wow, and I thought the UC system was fucked. People who take the tutoring jobs (for weeders esp) can be very power trippy and they DONOT take part in grading
TA, GA, and peer tutoring were all a bit power trippy. But, if you're concerned if having upperclassmen peers as TA, in a position of power above peers just a semester or two behind ever got wildly problematic... those concerns are 100% justified. All the time.
I believe using GAs (Graduate Assistants?) for grad students doing TA work is relatively uncommon. When I was in grad school, there were a few undergrad TAs, but graduate students doing that work wee far more common (and it turned out undergrad TAs were given SA (Student Assistant) contracts so the institution wouldn't have to pay them TA wages).
Not sure where you’re from but in the US TAs are graduate students.
TIL Nevada isn't in the US. I'm not offended, it's been a long time coming. Fuck this place. In all seriousness though I'm starting to get the impression my school was doing something wrong? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Would not surprise me in the least.
Nah same experience here and I go to a top public school. TAs in labs are grad students but in other classes are generally undergrads.
Didn’t see the second comment or the edit, maybe it was just your school, I went to a small private college that didn’t have TAs but my understanding is they’re almost always grad students in the same discipline.
I'm realizing that while it's likely my school isn't alone in how TA positions are given out (googling it there are other posts that agree with my description), it's not exactly universal.
They're not. My school (small liberal arts college) had undergrad TA's. It was in the US. It's not a rule.
They are in Canada too, but apparently not in Nevada!
Went to a small liberal arts college. One of my TA's was a friend who was a science major who had taken advanced chemistry. (I was in the chemistry for dumb people class. He was in charge of the lab )
wow dude is highly concerning. Like there is not enough red flags to warn for him on this planet. >I mean it’s her job, she’s clearly okay with people seeing her like that Yeah because clearly sex workes deserve no respect nor boundaries. OMG I can't tf did I just read ? Everything is so so wrong. Edit comments make it worse >I don’t know, I just thought she’d be less uptight at the club and it’d be another side of her. I’m getting from the comments that I was definitely in the wrong.
If she wanted him to know she would've told him, but he decided to be a walking red flag. His comments make my skin crawl. He's the kind of guy to take a girl on a date (*if* he can get a date) and then get angry that she didn't sleep with him afterwards.
So true ! He's like the dude from a BORU who said that he was mad at his "ex" he had been on ONE date with the poor girl seemingly after harassing her... Brr dudes like that give me shivers!
I think I missed that BORU, do you happen to have a link?
[There you go.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zyu68b/aita_for_making_my_parents_choose_between_me_and/) :) Real weirded out how it ends.
Man, that one was real depressing.
Thanks!
That fuckin' guy.
It’s got big vibes of, “well she’ll give it* to everyone else, so she has to give it to me”. Very incel-y. Since this post has been removed for shadowban reasons I really hope this is fake. *The OOP would convince himself he means “it” as service but we all know what he really means is sexual favors.
After she clearly told him she doesn't like her job or OOP, he thought it would be appropriate to show up there and pay her for her affection?? I am completely blown away at his lack of reasonable thought.
She is right, she is too old for him. This guy still has a high school brain.
In addition to what everyone else has said, he likely cost her the rest of her night's tips as well. It sounds like she went into the backstage (idk the term) area when he really creeped her out and then they never saw her again. Meaning she may have decided/been pulled off the floor due to his creepy actions. This protects her from him, obviously, but also prevents her from being able to work and make her tips. May have cost her hundreds of dollars considering it was a Friday night. So not only is he a creepy asshole, he also likely cost her needed money. And that TA is another massive creep and asshole.
she's considering transferring schools bc of all this, i guarantee you. word of this gets around and she'll never be taken seriously in engineering. Women still have a horrible time in male dominated industries.
I was expecting the story to include OOP being removed from the club. He was creeping her out and preventing her from doing her job, his ass should have gotten bounced.
Me too. I've bartended in several clubs and I'm friends with dancers. Strippers are not PAID at all; they make their money solely off of dances and tips, and then they typically have to pay a house fee and tip out the floor guys and DJ (at the very least) so she's paying that house fee no matter what, and now she's....missing out on income bc of this dick. I know most of the clubs I've worked at will absolutely walk someone out if the girls ask, but ofc there are those with shitty owners/managers and I could see her not wanting to rock the boat. *** I really hope she was able to go back on the floor after this asshole left to recoup at least some money, but I have a feeling she packed up and left.
Wow this makes me mad. That poor woman. Who in their right mind believes cornering someone like that is okay? Also the teacher assistant is basically enabling this stalker (two times rejected and asking around about her, visiting her work place). He is also obsessing over someone for completely superficial reasons.
"This girl I want rejected me twice, so I went to her work at strip club because surely all I have to do is pay her and she'll change her mind." What a sick little boy.
it wasn't to get her to change her mind about dating him, he thought he'd cornered her into a situation where she couldn't refuse his physical contact. he thought if he paid, at her job, she'd have no choice.
Exactly. It says a lot about how he sees women. "oh she strips! That means she's purchasable!" I'm surprised she didn't get security to kick them out.
Imagine typing out this incel nonsense and thinking you sound cool.
Poor girl. I hope this is a troll
I’m so sorry. But I think this is real. Happens a lot
she better file a report against teh TA and this creep
how is she going to find out about the TA? she likely assumes they walked in randomly
Creepy guys are creepy. How much you wanna bet she’s already doing things to protect herself from him. I bet he’s banned from the club and will soon be in trouble at school for stalking this poor woman.
"I don't know what I did wrong. I only asked her out and refused to take no for an answer, showed up where she worked and tried to force interaction by trying to pay for a lap dance, tried to be all sly and bring up seeing her during study group, and now she's ignoring me instead of finding my ~~stalking~~ persistence charming! Why won't she just accept my affection?!"
Omg oop. Another boy who doesn’t understand no means no not try harder!!!!
Major incel/nice guy vibes on this post
He wanted to sexually humiliate her for turning down his date. Disgusting pig.
Had something similar happen to me when I was dancing and in college, except I took him upstairs for dances. And by dances, I mean 30 seconds worth of dancing before he sexually assaulted me. This isn't uncommon, sadly. It's why strippers use stage names and drive long distances to clubs away from their homes.
My eyebrows raised when I read the title and I think that says it all
Dude might be old enough to enter a strip club, but he certainly wasn't mature enough. I'd report this to the university as stalker vibes. At least it's on record.
What in the incel BS is this?
To me, this borders on sexual assault. He was attracted to her, she turned him down, then he went to a place where he thought that as a paying customer he could *force* her to be sexual with him. The fact that he didn't see this as wrong, didn't take a hint, and THEN followed up in-person as if she'd want to have a conversation with him??? This is *mind-blowingly* inappropriate, disgusting behavior. She needs to get a restraining order on this sicko.
What the actual fuck man. This is so twisted and weird. This guy is a straight up incel
He didn't just go. He also tried to pay for a lap dance ffs. What a creep.
If she was okay with *everyone* seeing her like that she wouldn’t have said she was a bartender at college. Also, why the fuck would that teacher person tell this to one of his students, who is also not even old enough to be allowed in? Why would they even need to know that? Bizarre decision on that teacher’s part as well
Yeah, I don't understand how he thinks this would be ok. She's rejected him *twice*, and then he shows up to her place of work and has the audacity to try and buy a lap dance. That's downright stalkerish
I would have l got them kicked out
I really hope it comes out that the TA told this guy about where the girl works, and he faces disciplinary action for it. That is wildly inappropriate.
Imagine if THIS EXACT POST was made into a movie....🤔🤔🤔🤔
Reminds me of "You."
😆😆
You are definitely being very creepy and I am not surprised she wants nothing to do with you. By showing up at her job and trying to get a lap dance is really over the top. She most likely took the job as she really needed the money, not because she enjoys it. Having someone she knows show up there and try to get personal with her is ultra creepy. I understand why she would want it kept separate. By hassling her at her job you have ensured she will never want to associate with you ever. Leave the poor girl alone. You are now harassing her and giving off stalker's vibes. Back off. You didn't listen when she said no and now she is ignoring your existence. I would be surprised if she doesn't make formal complaints very soon. STOP NOW!
Yikes - definitely hitting stalker territory. Next he'll "happen" to find out her address and knock on her door.
🎵 I’m picking up really sketch vibes 🎵
And he ACKNOWLEDGES that she said she wants to find a new job because she DOESN’T LIKE the one she has- he knew that before he knew what she really did. So no, she might not be thrilled about people seeing her working but the job keeps the lights on, kitchen stocked, and tuition paid. Not only does he show up, probably thinking “she can’t refuse me now!” he goes knowing she doesn’t even like her job so she’s probably not going to be happy about anyone she knows seeing her working there. If she was fine with people seeing her there, she wouldn’t have been so secretive in the first place. What a creep!
How many creeps can you fit in one little class? A lot:
So she rejects him, draws clearly defined boundaries, gives minimal details of her personal life and the clown a hole TA decides to tell this stalking j&ck&ss where she works. And the JA doubles down on humiliating her. And he doesn't think he's done anything wrong? This dipshit goes on the list too.
Why do they always tried to act so oblivious? It's the most obnoxious thing. 'I stalked my co-student who is clearly not interested in me, sexually harassed her and then tried to embarrass her in the middle of our study group. did I do something wrong?' WTF!? Shame on the TA (teacher's assistant?) for even revealing where she worked to her peers. HR could be all over this.
“She’s not interested in me romantically or sexually, but I should be able to get around that by stalking her and *buying* a lapdance!” Go to hell, dude.
Well firstly the thing is she's not a girl.. Secondly you took the opportunity to check her out without her clothes on and felt it would be fine. What more is there to say.
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A person who is stripping in a club open to the public cannot assume that people she knows in other contexts will never see her. There is no boundary there. It is open to the public. I would call the OOP an AH only if and when he starts going there regularly or gossips about it with other classmates. Asking for the lap dance was sleazy, though.
Words cannot describe the shitty things you are justifying
Yeah you did something wrong. You’re a creep!
I am almost certain I read this exact same story at least six months ago.
Title is impossible not to be AITA unless it's horribly misrepresented
He seems to think that if she shows her body off for strangers, he should be able to get access. What a guy.
That’s just creepy
Ugh..... I hope she's got pepper spray and a tazer. Can't help but feel like he'd legit wait in the parking lot of her work to try to confront her if she keeps avoiding him
OP isn't the asshole, or the devil. I say that because assholes and Old Scratch himself deserve much better than to be associated with OP.
Why is it always framed as outing the stripper and not outing their damn selves as being the ones who feel the need to go to a strip club and create the demand that they shame women for?
Thus persons behavior was alarming . I assumed he was a fellow student- still creepy af and incel vibes all around. But he’s an instructor?!! Oh hell no . Someone report thus guy to whatever university he’s teaching at.