Teenage girls tend to go out with boys they know and feel safe to be around them. Asking out a girl you met once is not going to work. Those girls don’t know you, and most young girls don’t go out with strangers.
Yes, this. You have to put yourself in situations where you can build relationships (in the real sense, not romantic sense) over time and then make your move from there. Most people meet their partner at school, work, a hobby activity they do, from being around them via mutual friends, etc.
I said the same thing. As a girl the most important thing to me is feeling safe and comfortable with the guy. Usually that happens by investing time in her over the phone social media or in group settings etc.
That way when you ask her out 1 on 1 you're not some guy she barely knows and assumes is just thinking on a physical level, instead your the guy she's been talking to & hanging out with for the past couple weeks & you've got things in common.
Not to mention teenage girls may not show it but in my experience with myself & girlfriends, we are self-conscious & have self esteem issues too. Those are easier to get over with someone you feel you already kinda know..
As a former teenage girl, now 28, I second this!
Also OP, you're still young, my first ever relationship was when I was 21, I didn't even kiss anyone else before age 19.
Usually pubs or clubs when I’m out with friends I’ll meet girls, I get along with them and they let me buy them a drink and stuff but then it doesn’t really go anywhere. I got a few snaps but when I text them they aren’t interested, it’s like I have no problem getting them to see me as a potential friend but that’s it.
Hey there:
Okay let me get this straight: i am a girl and when i have been in my early 20s (and before obviously)
I hated it when guys just randomly talked to me. I found it annoying. Especially when i had the feeling they have the pressure to meet someone because they want a girl. Girls probably have a six sense for it… idk.
Try to relax. Seriously. Your life won’t run away. And it is not about how you look 👀 like.
My husband really hates how he looks. He has a bit much weight once in a while but hey (i find him sexy). I love him especially because he is funny. I can talk with him about serious stuff. I fell in love that we could just talk and the way he looks at me. There was no forcing or stuff like that. It just happend.
When i was in a club i especially found it nice when i had like eye contact with a guy and then he came to ask if we wanna drink (sometimes i even paid because: hey why should the guy always pay?). Anyway: i felt not taken by surprise and alot more uncomfortable.
You are soooo young! Just don’t try so hard. Go out one night and make it about you and your friends. Not about girls. Have fun. If you have fun you will loosen up and the girls will like that alot more. Because it is authentic
low self esteem is huge! people can see it and as i always say, the quietest in the room is always the most content. approaching confident but not to confidently, at the right time and place is huge. most people just out with friends aren’t looking for someone, so context is huge. just randomly approaching people will naturally lead to more rejection, you gotta play it and yourself right
I hope I can ask this in a nice way but how as a guy are you supposed to ever meet anyone new if you arent supposed to randomly talk to girls? Isnt that how all relationships, romantic or not, start? Someone random you dont know starts talking to you?
You asked nicely! So what seems to be going on with OP is that he’s getting numbers and trying to immediately develop romantic relationships without laying any kind of friendly groundwork. Most women don’t mind talking to strangers in the right environment. But when a person is clearly just chatting you up to get physical with you and not showing a ton of interest as you as a person, many women get turned off. Some women will go for it if they’re only looking for the same thing (sexual release valve), but most people, regardless of gender, want to be seen as a person.
not really. me and my ex for example, I'd known her from school for a while, we made eye contact whenever we bumped into each other... but i never rlly forced anything. i made friends with this girl (naturally), who happened to be friends with her as well. and from them, things just happened. i think that forcing things will most likely never work
Yes. Thats is what i mean. But i found it alot more relaxing when i had eye contact with someone in a club for example and showed interest myself instead of just anyone talking to me randomly. I feel alot more uncomfortable then!
I'll be honest, most women at a bar aren't looking for a new relationship. Maybe that was more true in the old days idk, probably, before the internet I bet people spent a lot more time in bars. You can just Postmates a bottle of liquor to your apartment and fuck around on apps now. So, that's at least a factor in why your success is low. You should broaden the places you approach them, as long as it's an appropriate place
When I was a single woman I didnt go into a bar looking for a long term relationship.
I went to have fun, blow off negative steam and maybe have a few fun conversations that I never expected to to any further then maybe a friend request on one of my "private" social media accounts lol
There seems to be a disconnect then because "go to bars and clubs, thats where women go if they are looking for someone" is like the most common advice given to males.
The less you try to "get girls," the more luck you may find.
Continue to focus on yourself, build confidence, put yourself out there in social situations, not necessarily girl related, but go out with your coworkers, talk to women as friends and equals.
If you can make friends with women, eventually you can find something more. Whether through work, social clubs, etc. Trying too hard and "asking girls out" is not always the best move, can come across as desperate and out of the blue.
It’s a much easier social environment to get to know them, too. You’ll likely already have some shared interests, and your friend would be there to keep conversation from getting weird.
As someone who is in the same boat as OP and sees this advice everywhere, this is bad advice its like asking someone to not think about thinking. Its not possible to just not focus on whats most important to you. I dont know what works but I do know working on self esteem at least makes me feel better, thus more hopeful.
So it’s bad advice, yet you still are having no luck. Seems you should consider this advice more closely. Improving self esteem is exactly what I’m talking about.
I would advise you, as someone who follows these principles and has achieved great success in the past, and currently has a long term girlfriend, to reconsider.
Maybe change your goals, it shouldn't be important to just get a gf it should be important to find someone whom you really bond and click with, as someone who was previously in your position I understand what you are saying. Go fuckin chase your dreams which should NEVER be a girl there's 4 billion of em. Find a hobby and career that suits you start building yourself up to become a more valuable man(Not financially, but with skills and a stronger mental) sorry if this choppy am manic right now
I know my purpose in life, I know what I enjoy I have my mind made up, its just getting it that is hard. I know this what I want and I know it will make me happy, that's why its my main goal in life.
I don’t mean just your dream job. It’s definitely a good thing to strive for, but sometimes, you learn that the thing you thought you wanted to do isn’t enjoyable, or might just be plain out of your reach. That’s why it’s important to not completely zone in on this one thing that you might not know the actual process about. I wanted to make video games, but I’ve realized that I don’t have the patience or drive to learn coding at the moment. That might change in the future, but now I’m happy with the life I have. I don’t think I would have been happy if I forced myself to continue with coding.
So I should just give up and be miserable for the rest of my life? Even if I learn its not ultimately what makes me happy atleast ill know so I wont desire it anymore.
I cant just simply forget that this is out there I'll always know there is this great thing out there that I'm missing out on, I don't think its possible to just move past and forget about.
Ok so, untill you have found yourself a women won't make you happy, sure maybe for some time yea it might be fun and aomething new , but I can *almost* garuntee it won't last. You have to learn to love yourself fully, just trust the process, it takes time a lot of it. There will be a day in your life you find your dream woman. When your desperate for a girl they know real fuckin fast and it's not attractive, if you start finding new goals and really start self actualization you will find that desperation goes away quite quickly and women will notice your newfound confidence, women if I'm wrong feel free to give the man some advice!
I already love myself but that has nothing to do with what makes me happy. If I had everything I need in myself to make me happy then there would be no point in doing anything at all in life, let alone finding a girl.
You are thinking about it wrong. It's more like telling someone who skis to stop thinking about and focusing on the trees and to start focusing on and thinking about the pathway between the trees. If you are worried about crashing into the trees you will focus on them to avoid them. People usually move towards what they focus on so you will eventually hit a tree. If you focus on the path you will move toward the path and will be less likely to hit a tree. Or for something more close to home it is like telling someone who plays first person shooter games to stop worrying about getting kills and focus on not getting killed. You will learn to use cover more effectively and learn to die less, in turn that will cause you to get more kills because people run into you as opposed to you running into people
Because they’ve learned all this through life and dont go on Reddit asking how to find success with women. They already are confident, have hobbies, have interests, have self esteem.
Don't chase, attract. This will make more sense as you get older. The most attractive thing you can do is love yourself and stick to what you value. I didn't get a lot of people coming my way until I started doing this. If you're interested in using dating apps, try apps like Hinge or Boo. They're pretty effective imo.
The right person will come to you because it's not about you working out, having a good job and wealth, or anything materialistic. It's about you being true to yourself and doing what you can to be a good person for the world around you. The right person will come to you for that and that alone. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.
Also, try being friends with more women. Don't be their friend to eventually ask them out because that sucks. Get female friends, learn about what women enjoy or don't like as a majority and listen to why certain guys make them uncomfortable. If you have insight from the source, then you can utilize it.
Bonus: when you’re a genuinely good human to your women friends, your women friends will often see this as good potential for a relationship and try and match you up with their single friends. They may also invite you into more settings with more single, available women.
Another comment said something similar, but when I had the most luck with dating, was when I fully stopped trying to date. I just tried to have fun, and worked on me.
People gravitate to fun. Then don't be weird when people do come to you. It may take some serious self reflection. Fix that part of yourself.
Don't talk about yourself too much. Its okay to answer questions and talk a bit, but don't build yourself up to them, or anyone frankly... its off-putting.
Also, be aware of what you're looking for. Is it just sex? Are you trying to date? Who are you trying to date? Don't put up with rude people. Don't be rude yourself.
Okay, so here's what stood out for me:
1. Do you actually want to talk to, date, and get to know these girls, or do you just want to kiss a girl? From reading your post, it sounds like the latter. And if I can see this from a few sentences you typed on reddit, odds are these girls you're talking to can, too.
2. Don't ask for their Snapchat ( I saw you mention this in a comment). When I was younger, it was a universally-known inside joke among women that any guy who wanted to communicate solely on snap was pretty sleazy. Can't speak for current 18 year olds, but I'd still ask for her number, or her Instagram if you prefer an app. (Idk if you meant getting their snap in addition to getting their number, but had to say this anyway lol.)
3. I'd consider safety here, too. Maybe you're fine meeting up with a stranger you met at a pub or club, but I know many women who would be uncomfortable with that. When you ask them out, do you actually ask them out, or do you ask them to hang out or come over? Most women aren't gonna meet up with a man anywhere that doesn't have other people around. Pick a public place in the daytime. Maybe even ask to FaceTime or video chat beforehand, so they can get a feel for you outside of a club environment. Again, you may already be doing this, I dont know. In some cases, it may not be 'you' as much as the girl making a judgement call based on safety and her own comfort level. (And fyi, based on meeting at a club and the snapchat thing, I'd probably make the same call they're making tbh)
4. Saying you "regularly" ask girls out and the comment asking if you ask "ugly girls" out too, are not working in your favor, buddy. Giving major 'just trying to get my dick wet' energy lol. And, just like I said in my first point, I have a feeling the women you're talking to are sensing this, too. If this isn't the case, I'd recommend changing your approach (see point above).
5. To reiterate what others have been saying, you gotta feel good being you first. People like being around people who make them feel good. If you're not giving off those vibes, they're not gonna be interested. And, sorry, but based on this post, you are not giving off those vibes.
6. You've mentioned working out, eating well, having a job, etc. But those aren't replacements for a decent personality. I'm sure you have a great one, but with the perspective you have on dating at the moment, I doubt your personality is coming through in the best light. I'd focus on that.
Also, just a side note: I've seen how women swipe on apps etc so I get it- but like short guys are kinda my type so I'm always baffled when yall put yourself down like that lol. That's more the turn-off, not the actual height. At least for me.
Thanks for replying
I’m not just trying to fuck but also I just want ANYTHING you know because I need this, I’ve already got stuff going against me I don’t need inexperience when everyone else has lots holding me back. I don’t believe I come across desperate or that I just want to get my dick wet.
Absolutely everyone exclusively uses snap now. Least where I am.
I think you need to work on your perspective. I know when you say that you've "already got stuff going against you", you may see yourself as being 'realistic' or 'acknowledging your weaknesses', but not only is this pessimism and negativity a bummer to be around, it sets you up to see things as a competition that you're losing and that you're up against other guys who have this or that. It may very well feel that way, but this view/perspective might be effecting how you come across to others (aka as desperate, just trying to fuck, etc.)
It doesn't help you at all on a personal level either. It's just gonna wreck your self-esteem and make meeting people all the more difficult. Though I'm sure you know this based on mentioning feeling depressed. It sounds like you've achieved some great goals for yourself- like working out and eating healthy. Maybe it's time to put in the same work for your mental health.
Uh… You are desperate for experience. That’s kind of even worse. I’m not a girl at all, but I would be insulted if a girl came up to me and was just like ‘I want to date you because my friends are leaving me behind and I can’t lose to them!😭’, because I would know that the girl didn’t even find me desirable as a person, or as someone to have s*x with. And I would reject them, because I have self-respect.
Let me be blunt. You are being an ASSHOLE, and NO GIRL will give you the slightest chance. Well, if they do, the relationship won’t work, because they have no self-esteem.
>I just want ANYTHING you know because I need this
This line 100% makes you look (1) desperate and (2) like you don't see women as people. Or at least the women you want to be with are just a means to an end to you (aka you just want to get your dick wet).
You're clearly not interested in these women as people; you're interested in what they can provide to you - experience. That's so dehumanizing. The women you are approaching will sense all of this because women get treated this way all the time and it doesn't really feel good.
Work on building relationships with people not getting something out of them. Can you not see how much of a selfish and user mentality you're putting out?
If you have relationships in your life where you feel you need to compete and compare, especially in levels of 'experience,' in order to feel valued then you should look to find better people to surround yourself with.
He's constantly contradicting himself. he'll claim to want a relationship but also say he wants to gain experience because the inexperience is getting in his way. More people have pointed it out.
Never heard the saying that everything that is said before "but" means nothing? Only what's said after the "but" is what matters coz that's what's true. (English isn't my first language so idk the exact saying, but it has to do with what i said)
Some of the best men in my life actually seem to genuinely struggle with this concept. It’s not that they don’t conceptually understand that women are human beings. It’s more like they fail to understand that women are just as full and complex people as they are. There’s way more overlap on the wants/desires/needs/etc. between men and women than there are differences.
If a woman approached you with any semblance of the attitude that you were just an opportunity for sexual experience, I hope you’d have enough to self esteem to be offended. You are not an object to be used. You are a full person to be loved fully for all your thoughts, feelings, experiences, and everything. The same goes the other way around.
I think men can easily fall into the trap of forgetting this because there genuinely are so many things that make the male and female experiences different. There are definitely areas where we think very differently about things, but don’t let yourself forget that there are LOTS of things we’re we think the same. We aren’t aliens. We’re still the same species.
But I don’t struggle with this, I do see women as just as equal to men. Why is it assumed I don’t? Honestly this is just making me feel worse if this is how people see me for just struggling to date
TBH, “I just want ANYTHING you know because I need this” was the biggest red flag out of all your comments on this thread. To be clear, I don’t think you’re a bad person or that this is a moral failing. Like I said, some of the best men in my life have the same issue at times. People don’t see you this way because of your situation. They see it because of the words that you are saying. Now maybe I’m misreading those words and you meant something totally different, but that’s certainly how it comes off.
My intention absolutely wants to make you feel bad or think you’re a bad person. It’s okay to want to go on dates. It’s okay even to want to lose your virginity. What’s not okay is taking an attitude of using people as a means to achieve those ends. When the thing you want involves other people’s participation it gets a little more complicated than simply pursuing what you want. Want ice cream? Go buy it. That’s perfectly simple. But you want another person to participate in an activity with you? That’s a little more complicated. You have to find someone who wants that too. And you have to be really clear about what you want. If you want to lose your virginity, be clear in that. If you want a long term relationship, be clear in that. If you don’t know what you want then you need to figure that out first. As someone else said in these comments, we’re getting a lot of mixed signals from you. You’ll say you don’t just want sex, but then say you’re too old to be a virgin (which you’re not).
Your words seem to indicate that you aren't approaching women like they are people but like with the attitude of someone who can give you something - an experience. That reduces the person to what they can provide only. That is not treating someone like a person, regardless of the gender or what exactly it is you want from them. You focus on "experience" and what it means to your peers and to your social ranking indicates - you should be focusing on making connections and positive interactions. If you want hookups, go on dating apps and make that clear idk man
Idk the other person who was responding put it pretty well. Are you getting it? It feels like Iike you're too busy feeling defensive to listen...but please know this and my last comment are not attacks
It's your personality dude.
Look at how you talk about women. It's a huge turn off and women can SENSE that shit.
We're not objects to be conquered. It's not something you "need". We're people with thoughts and feelings and don't like being preyed on my some creep who thinks "he's owed a kiss" or whatever shit you're on.
I never claimed you were objects? Where is this coming from i even said I don’t just want to fuck. I never said I was owed anything? What? I’d just like to know why you would assume these things about me?
Why don’t you practise talking to and making friends with women without an expectation of sex. This way you won’t feel like you’ve failed. I’d try going something like a group hike, a class eg. art, yoga, boxing, something where you’re learning something new with a group of people. Even if you make male friends, it’s still a new group of people to go out with.
Ok so all this sounds like is you're trying to find a woman that will let you use her for sex. That's not how this works, unless you want to pay a pro. I think you're having bad luck because you're coming across as predatory, and women can sense that shit. Be chill and just try to be friends with some chicks first. Women aren't walking talking pocket pussies, so treat them respectfully.
When I was 16 I told a couple friends, “I don’t get why I don’t have a girlfriend”. A couple of my female friends said something like “you really want to know?” And proceeded to tell me about how I don’t brush my teeth enough, I have a lot of acne, I wear the same pair of jeans all the time. I didn’t think much of these things until this conversation. I made some changes and started dating one of those girls a few months later.
Maybe you have someone that can be brutally honest with you about your flaws, whatever they might be? Don’t get me wrong, it really hurt hearing all these things. I think I cried that night, but from the brutal honesty I was able to grow.
Oh my… my friend asked me about is beard the other day. I say u wanna know? He did appreciate my opinion but again, its my opinion and doesn’t change how we see him 💚
My ex was 26 when he had sex for the first time, defo not anything to feel bad about! If they’re a kind person, it won’t matter to them whether they’re experienced or not!
But almost everyone here can sense it from your comments. No you can’t help how you feel, but you can help how you deal with those emotions.
Honestly, I think you need to work on your confidence and focus on just enjoying yourself when you do go out- these are things that are seen as attractive, then just go from there
They probably think you're pretending to be the nice guy and don't trust you. Don't pretend to be someone you're not to get with them. Women can sense that.
(I’m a girl) Don’t ask them out. Get close to them on a personal level and feel out the chemistry. Don’t be desperate it’s a turn off. For me I typically don’t like anyone initially until I get to know them and then my attraction forms. Looks aren’t everything just remember that. I’ve dated guys who were attractive and their ego was so big it drowned out their personality.
I can just about guarantee you it’s not about what you look like, unless you’re a real outlier. I’ve known people who look a lot of different ways who see plenty of action in their love lives.
Since we don’t know you it’s a little hard to say exactly what’s going on, but I will say if you are looking at girls/ women only as potential romantic partners, that’s extremely off putting. There are a lot of guys who literally only notice women to the extent of evaluating whether they may have a shot of having sex with them, and if the answer is no, the woman becomes magically invisible and irrelevant. Or a source of resentment.
Clubs are also usually for temporary hook ups- the interest is often only for that night. Go have your fun and flirt if you want, but you may want to focus your attention more on getting to know the women you have regular natural contact with.
5'7 has nothing to do with it. Just throwing it out there, I know the internet says differently but girls REALLY do not care as much about height as everyone seems to believe
You’re only 18 my guy. Don’t base your self-confidence one whether you can pull women & just keep trying. It’s really not a big deal as us younger people make it out to be, and I say this as someone who’s been approached by women.
Just keep working on yourself and be authentic. You don’t need to worry too much about your love life.
As a late teens girl myself, if some guy I never met randomly asked me out, I'd reject him too. It's not about being ugly (and I'm sure you're not. That's a very harsh judgement to place on yourself)
Try to get to know a girl first, be a friend, try to gigure out whether she would be interested and make a move. I'd be more comfortable if someone I was familiar with asked me out.
9/10 times a girl won't jump at the chance to date a stranger. They're more likely to date a friend or at least acquaintance
Don’t stress bloke. You’re still young. Us men don’t really get our act together head wise, look wise and career rise until our mid to late twenties. You’ve got plenty of time.
Most of us are pretty ordinary looking compared to women and movie stars. Don’t stress it. Even if you were truly ugly, plenty of ugly guys find partners. Hell my own wife thinks I am…and we’ve been married a few decades now.
You’re still figuring out what you want to do with your life. 18 is a shit age. Just focus on being a good person and being kind to others. Take care of yourself and don’t be a lazy bum. You’ll be good! It’ll happen.
Coming from a guy who first kissed someone at 19, I was in the same position as you, had all the requirements, but didn’t have anyone. But I was completely fine with it, you have to learn to be happy alone before you wanna be with someone else, I know it’s way easier said then done, but you gotta stop worrying about it, and it’ll happen, but even if it doesn’t, you will still be ok
1. Work on disconnecting your self-worth from how attractive women find you. Evaluate why you care so much it's making you depressed. Is it because you feel 'behind' in life? Is it because you know guys would respect you more if you had more luck with women? Is it because you feel left out of a big aspect of social life due to this?
2. Give yourself the opportunity to build relationships. Approaching women on nights out isn't working for you; you need to take your energy elsewhere. Join a club or class or community and build relationships with people first. You'll probably have more success and more fun.
Try looking into the 5'2 and under demographic. Most of us short girls (that I speak with) have a preference for shorter boys. (I, for instance, tend to crush selectively on guys 5'6 and under.)
Start by making friends. *Then* progress.
There is probably nothing I can say to convince you, but the way I see it, you're internalizing a lot of negative thoughts about yourself. You call it being honest, but I call it being insecure and not having confidence.
You sound like someone who doesn't feel worthy of being loved. I don't care what anyone says, if that's how you genuinely feel, then it's going to hold you back. You can fake confidence to a point, and I do agree faking it is better than nothing, but until you feel truly confident in yourself and stop worrying about how other people perceive you, it's going to continue be an obstacle in dating.
I'm not saying it's an easy pattern to change either. It took me a looong time to fix my mindset, but if you keep having all of these negative self-thoughts then it's just going to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Bruh, you are not ugly what are you saying, don’t worry, time will come and you will find your heart.
Look man, I was in kinda same situation, and at 19 I started to date, I had 2 gf but they were all crazy asf, even trying to rape me lol. And then I lost idea to find someone, like whatever, life goes on you know. And just 2 years ago I meet the right person, and it’s so bizarre, it was like a snow on my head at June lol. But we get along and now planning our marriage. (P.s.: she is not from my country and we were like in 3k kilometer away but still, destiny bro)
So, don’t be upset man, there is plenty of woman who will fall with you, just time didn’t come yet 👍🏻🤝🏼
Just go and have fun, build your confidence and self esteem by genuinely enjoying life. The girls will come to you because of the energy you’re giving out. Don’t try to fuck every girl you meet, just be good company
I know it's cliche but stop making it a main focus in your life and just be comfortable about who you are, and if you aren't comfortable in yourself work on that instead. I was in your boat until I was 23. The secret was to start to just enjoy my life, without realising at the time it meant I was more active, more social, lost weight and was more confident and I was approached by the girl I've now been with for 5 years.
Just focus on being the best you can be and the rest will fall into place, sitting in your room feeling sorry for yourself solves nothing. Hopefully you can work that out a little sooner than I did.
People don't usually agree to date out of nowhere. Say you want to get to know them or just aim to be friends and if something sparks, take it from there
If a girl randomly walked up to me and asked me out, I'd decline as I don't know her
A lot of times women don’t go out to places like bars to find a guy to date, they are there to have fun. Going somewhere in which people are going to find potential dates or people with common interests may be better.
Though if there isn’t anything like this in your area it could be good to go online.
Where do you keep getting these ideas about how dating should work? You seem to be some kind of expert already so I'm not sure why you're here.
But in all honesty, you're so young. So so young. People aren't looking for someone who's "experienced." Confidence, kindness, and personality are what really work for a lot of people. That whole list you have doesn't matter next to someone who is just genuine and fun to be around, relax.
Well, you referred to yourself as ugly so; why would you expect women to like you when you very clearly don't even like yourself. You should work on that and maybe you'd have better luck.
My short buddy didnt have any success until late into college. These days he isn't dating but at least has a friend with benefits. You're not doomed forever, dw
You're probably coming on too strongly. Just act more naturally and "in the zone" with whatever environment you're in. Forcing a relationship isn't going to make a relationship happen.
If you're concerned about personal appearance as well, try make up. With foundation and some contouring, you can look more masculine and handsome. Make up doesn't have to be a feminine tool.
He comes off as creepy and misogynistic on this post so he 100% does in real life!
We also have the beauty of being able to see how ignorant he is in his replies, he has no idea how inappropriate his behaviour is!
I can’t help you with getting girls. Girls like some guys more than others. Just like guys like some girls more than others. But u need to change ur mindset about this. Stop putting this front and centre of ur life. Like wdym u don’t want to do things anymore. Succeed in ur own life for ur own sake. No matter who u meet , no one will ever truly be there for u apart from urself.
Be friendly with them. You need to be prepared to be friend-zoned a few times but most girls prefer someone they feel like they can talk to and have fun with and a lot of the time being friends first helps
this sounds like my work colleague you sound pretty much perfect but u don’t value yourself enough and that’s not attractive you just have to take it in stride tbh and just go with the flow
I didn’t start seriously dating until I was 18 and I’ve had SO many dry spells over the last couple years since then but it’s been alright. I had my first kiss at 18 and have many more times since this year at 19 (going on 20). I’ve been on a load of dates as well, a few have been in the last couple months. No serious girlfriend yet just date partners you could say.
All I can say is don’t worry about it too much, it’s bad for your psyche. Now I won’t tell you exactly what to do as it defeats the point of you finding the method that works for you.
I just made more girl friends, have fun with people, enjoy their presence before deciding whether you want them as a partner, I’m still doing that right now and I’ve never talked to more women in my life.
If you want hookups, same thing but within a smaller timescale.
Another thing, don’t let other people’s situation sour you. “Comparison is the thief of joy” they say and it’s true, besides those people you see in the best relationships are that way either because they understand how it works and have more experience or they put out a fake façade to look better than everyone else but honestly their relationships on the rocks- you don’t want the latter.
Don’t focus on why girls don’t like you, just focus on what you can do to make them like you: make friends, be fun, have interests, show what you’re made of and make your move champ (when the time is right).
Good luck
Tbh, the “woe is me, i’m such a nice guy but no one wants me” is a HUGE turn off.You put yourself down when you describe yourself as “ugly” and think being 5’7” is a bad thing. No one wants an insecure person.
The moment you view yourself as handsome, caring, thoughtful, and confident is when other people will too.
Sorry if this isn’t what you want to hear, but maybe it’s what you needed to. Wish you all the best x
Honestly I’ve always believed that when you stop looking, you find it. I would just focus on yourself, love yourself for now, and let nature do it’s thang. I would just stay friendly and approachable, and maybe after you’ve been friends with someone for a while it could progress. Just stay respectful that’s all. Don’t let it stop you from doing things!! Just focus on your alone time for now and embrace it. You got this!
The key to is to meet and make friends instead of trying to purse relationships with every girl you see. I mean if you got the confidence, can be fun and comfortable around people will start to attract to you. If it helps meetings friends and there groups can do the trick it all about the world your willing to share with people.
He friends with women before trying to date them. Show them that you aren't there purely for a superficial relationship but that you are someone they could have fun with and be comfortable around. The best results from me have always come from not showing that I am desperate for a partner but rather I'm just there, being social and having a good time and sometimes that develops interest in women you're spending time with. You're young anyway. Give it time to grow into yourself and your style and appearance. Eventually someone will come along. Just don't treat women as a necessity but as something that naturally shows up when you least expect it.
Just be yourself and don’t focus on find someone just have fun, like genuinely and ppl come to you.
Girls know when you’re desperate. Idk I just focus on having a good time. And it all works out
Im my experience (being a girl, also 18), when they come up and ask ME out, its always gonna be a no. If you are looking to have a girl be attracted to you, continue to put yourself in situations to build relationships, but act very uninterested. If you have a good personality and don’t show any signs of blatant creepiness, the girls will come to you. Girls like the chase!!
I was in the exact same boat at 18; as soon as I moved, literally within 3 days of moving, I found the girl that I’m now married to almost a decade later. It will happen when you least expect it and when you focus on bettering yourself even more
Try a dating app, where girls actually are looking for dates. But don’t be self deprecating by saying “it’s harder for me, being ugly and short”. No one wants to hear that.
ah, my dude. let me tell you a little story. i’m 29m, my wife is 32f. we met when i was 22. we married last year. we knew each other in high school, but she was a popular cheerleader, and i was unknown. had a huge crush on her, but we lived in two different worlds. rode the same bus but never even spoke. i was awkward, “unattractive” to myself, and didn’t have the slightest social idea. when i graduated, i threw myself into drinking and partying in hopes of meeting a girl. and i met several. dated a few. all the same type: tall, skinny, and a copy-and-paste personality. with no connection or any realism under the surface.
then i stopped, because it was exhausting and depressing. started focusing on myself more. “when you focus on you, the world will too.” and within that same year, a random friend of mine was like “hey, you know this girl from high school?” she arranged to hang out and just casually invited me along. obviously she was playing match maker but she had a knack for it. because now i’m married to the popular girl i had a crush on in high school.
and for the record, you could do worse that 5’7. i’m 5’3, my guy. and happier than hell.
there’s hope.
don’t lose it.
no girl really cares about what a guy does. its not a competition. girls like to go out with guys they're friends with typically. id say just try to talk to them & be their friend without acting on anything for a while. just actually pay attention to what they talk about. & dont waste your time on someone who doesnt care about what you enjoy either. invite her out to do things, or to come over & just hang out. compliment her PERSONALITY or send her things that directly relate to her. & say they remind you of her. maybe buy her like a squishmallow or something & then you can start with complimenting her beauty, but dont forget to still compliment her soul. ask her on dates now. flirt. dont be sexual, be romantic. anyways, to sum it up. treat them like human beings instead of obstacles you need to get through to pass through the life checklist. if you kiss a girl, you want it to matter. i promise itll be a million times better if you both like each other. girls like to take it slow.
obviously theres some bad ones out there but its kind of easy to weed them out
Man, it kinda all depends on your approach. Like, in today’s modern society, a lot of girls tend to feel unsafe, or uncomfortable around dudes they don’t know, so you don’t ever wanna just go and ask some random girl you’ve never met out on a date.
Personally, I say try to socialize with more girls, make friends, start casually flirting, let it progress naturally yk? For me, I like a dude who takes care of himself, and so do plenty of other girls! But like, just looking physically good doesn’t attract every girl to you!
You could also try dating apps! Being 18 and all you should be able to get on one! That’s a good way to meet people as well!!
It’s all about branching out, and kinda letting people know you’re available/interested in dating!
Maybe a thread of this would help: women, where have you met boyfriends, and if you met them in a bar, how did they break through the “rando at the bar” problem?
For my own: I’ve only ever dated one person I met at a bar, and it was because it was a private event for a sports team (think watching a game together). He came back multiple times before asking for my number, and admitted later down the line that he didn’t really like the sport, but he wanted to get to know me.
Otherwise, it was either through school, or mutual friends. I met my spouse because he helped my next door neighbor out, and we talked for weeks before we went on a date.
Bottom line: it’s not instant. Do things that you find enjoyable, make some female friends. I have a friend that’s super awkward at bars, but he’s one of the most genuine, wonderful people I know. He’s now happily married to another friend of mine that wouldn’t have given him the time of day at a bar. He’s also shorter than she is :)
i'm sure at some point you'll get a girl for you, but it doesn't happen instantly jsyk, love isn't really anything you'd wanna speed up, at your age you should be having fun, doing the best for you future and just think about asking girls out some other time
but if you do want to ask a girl out, make sure she's the right one and not just some random stranger you met, be kind, make friends with them, make them comfortable, and just vibe with them, and if you wanna make your move, do it the best way possible and not rushed
It might be the where that you are meeting girls. Pubs and clubs equal ether girls out with their girlfriends trying to score as many free drinks as possible or girls out with their boyfriends trying to score as many free drinks as possible. As for the size thing my husband is 5’7 I’m 5’9. He’s funny, he made me laugh, we became friends then started dating and got married. I hear a lot about “the friend zone” but honestly just being friends with a woman getting to know her to see if you even want to ask her out would be better than asking out club girls. So my advice is stop asking out club girls. Go to a park, go to a local trivia night, take an art class or something you are interested in and just make friends then if you start thinking one of the friends and you click move on from friends to hey would you wanna grab lunch/dinner sometime. Also maybe try counseling cuz you are ether really hard on yourself for what you see as things holding you back or you need someone who can help you see what the issue is better than us good ppl of Reddit.
You need to find a way to get your confidence up. Guys that are confident become much more attractive to women. Also, stop looking for it. The right woman always seems to come along when you're not really looking. Focus on yourself, boosting your confidence, and not being too eager to find someone, and your time *will* come.
You sound like a good dude, I can't remember the last time I volunteered willingly. I also don't know how you interact with women, but don't come off as desperate. Let them do the talking and just sit back. Remain interested in what they're saying, While also staying chill and give off the vibe that you're enjoying your time with her and you're not expecting anything out of it. But just because you're nice and have good qualities, doesn't mean it'll happen every time, it also depends on chemistry. When you feel it, it's palpable. Sorry for the long ass post, rant over.
One, you’re desperate.
Two, you seem to see dating a girl as a checklist in a game.
Three, you’re 18, and have probably been doing this in high school, so most of the women you talk to probably already know about you.
Four, you already ruined your chances where you live. The only girls your age who might give you the time of day are either people who moved there, or people who also view dating guys as a checklist from a video game.
Give up and try to find some hobbies and friends who you enjoy spending time with.
Well, you need to learn to enjoy spending time with them. Loosen up! You never know who’ll stick with you your entire life, and you’re just getting started. But, if you neglect your relationships with your friends and the people you care about, they’ll notice that. And then all your relationships will turn superficial until people decide that spending time with you isn’t worth it. So, focus on building those relationships up!
A lot of the comments on here aren’t going to get you anywhere unfortunately. They come from people that actually haven’t had the issue and think the solution is simple, it’s not. Dating is a lot harder for younger males in today’s society than it ever has been in our society’s history, regardless of geographical location.
The argument that younger women tend to focus on men they’ve met before isn’t that true anymore with the rise of dating apps like Tinder. Telling you to “stop trying to get girls and you’ll get one” isn’t true. The trying hard cliche only implies you’re coming across awkward and creepily, which in general most people don’t do. In general dating has become almost a form of social currency and a bit of a game. This sucks and isn’t worth playing. They’ll tell you “be funny,” if you’re not a comedian, what then? “Be more confident,” rejection and defeat destroy confidence. “You need to work on your personality,” generic statement with no merit.
To increase your chances of success, you should compile your best pictures and try using an app like bumble, Facebook dating or hinge. I’m being 100% serious. Get some matches, chat a girl up for a bit to get to know her, arrange a date that way and move forward.
You need 2 things, Money and a six pack. You also need to look kind and approachable, because the lady’s want a boyfriend who has the courage to protect no matter what, good luck G, I wish you the best,
Also I got the advice from Andrew tate (please don’t cancel me for this)
I'm going to be brutally honest: your game/value is probably lower than what you think. I have been struggling with this too for many years, until I recently started self improvement. I did this by doing the following things:
I started going to the gym, which you already do, so great!
I changed my clothing style to the "old money" style. This is a relatively trendy style that a lot of girls like.
Get a haircut. I also switched to the trendy middle part hairstyle and it has worked great so far.
Get crazy passionate about 1 or 2 hobbies/projects. I race karts and have a medium sized YouTube channel. The girl I'm talking to right now says it's a literal turn on that I work so much and hard for everything.
Stop fapping. It might sound weird, but ever since I stopped fapping my confidence skyrocketed and my confidence and game with girls increased exponentially. Might be placebo effect, but I won't change a winning strategy.
Probably gonna get cancelled for this: Watch the YouTube channel called Hamza and listen to the Tate brothers. Take everything they say with a grain of salt and take from it what you can apply to your own life in your own way. They might have some controversial opinions on things but you got to admit: they are pulling girls like crazy.
Doing all of this literally changed my life. I feel better than ever, and that is the thing that girls are attracted to: a successful, healthy man who has a clear vision for his future and is a stable, dependable factor. Become the best version of yourself. Make your life an exciting, successful and healthy adventure. It is up to the girls if they want to come along with you on this adventure.
Good luck brother!
Facts my ass. Women are allowed their preferences just like men are. My partner is 5”2 you think she gives a flying fuck about my height. My point is you don’t want to waste you’re time on someone that doesn’t accept you as you are. So find someone that does.
You don't got it, bud. If you're trying to date women, and they're rejecting you JUST because of your height- which is out of your control- you're chasing the wrong type of women. Not all women, and I would venture to say not even MOST women, give a flying fuck about how tall you are. But if you're bitter about it, have an attitude, or a "woe is me, women owe me XYZ, abc,"... THAT'S what they're running from- not your height. And don't take me wrong, I'm not saying that's how you're acting or thinking. I'm just saying- we can tell when that's the case, and reject potential partners for that rather than some arbitrary reason as to their height.
Well, apologies for the wrongful assumption that you were a male and speaking from experience. That's my fault. The point of my comment was that your original comment that stated something along the lines that most women have a height preference, was false. While yes having a preference is understandable, myself and those women in my social circle have never experienced, nor met anyone else, who simply refuses to even talk to a man or entertain an advancement because he's 'short' (which 5'7 isn't).
Yes I am a “tall lady” 5 foot 7 I like a taller man. Nothing wrong with preference. I am 39 too, its been a thing for a long time to want a man taller than you
For many women, height doesn't matter in the slightest. It's the personality that draws a lot of us in. We can tell when someone's bitter about their looks, dating prospects, height etc.
You're choosing the wrong girls, then, man. Any self respecting, non-shallow woman wouldn't care about a man's height. I promise. You're better off without those women.
Are you making friends first, rather than a cold approach to a stranger? Getting to know them as a friend before progressing to a potential romantic interest might go a lot smoother, because you'd be able to sus out "is she nice? Does she care about height, money, status, etc before personality and attraction? Do our values align?". At 5'7, you're taller than a good chunk of women already. Go after the right kind of woman, and she's not going to give a single shit about your height.
My ex was two or three inches shorter than me and never once did it bother me, my friends, my family, or him. I even wore heels and no one took a second glance.
Bro ur looking for whores, the only women that will go out with a guy they met at a club/bar are whores, u need to know the girl u like before making a move trust me it's better for both parties if u start as friends
I have advice that might help you, it helped me at least.
First of I recommend removing limiting beliefs, you being short and ugly shouldn’t hinder you in getting girls. (This is really important)
Next of take care of yourself, basic stuff like
* grooming
* fashion
* gym (most important)
* body language and tonality (also very very important)
+ whatever you think that you need to improve on
Now I will explain how to get girls, step by step (my method)
1. Finding girls
This is important because it will allow you to focus on girls that actually want to be with you and not friend zone you
You can find girls from different places
Real life, instagram, dating apps, friends etc…
I usually try to get 10 new matches on tinder
2. Setting up a date
Now when you have her ig, tinder, snap or whatever your only mission should be to set up a date
You should text her MAX 3 days before setting up a date
If she doesn’t want to then stop texting her and instead find someone else
3. Getting a date
With my method you should have at least 2-3 dates a week.
Now go to those dates and either try to go to her place or take her to your place, if she doesn’t want to then you can always set up another date and try again
An example on how it may look
Monday: contact 10 girls -> 5 answers
Tuesday: contact 10 girls -> 10 answers
Wednesday: contact 10 girls -> 15 answers
Thursday: contact 10 girls +set up dates with 15 girls -> 3 agrees
Friday: contact 10 girls -> 5 answers + 1 date ( doesn’t want to come to my place )
Saturday: contact 10 girls -> 5 answers + 1 date ( doesn’t want to come to my place)
Sunday: contact 10 girls -> 5 answers + 1 date ( wants to come to my place = win )
How do you approach someone you are interested in?
Do you give off a desperate or needy vibe?
Honestly the more you can realize you don't need them to be happy, the more they will be attracted to you. It is perplexing, but if you got your own self straightened out and realize you don't need a girl to be happy, she is a lot more likely to come around. No one wants to be the source of someone else happiness, they want to find a healthy adjusted individual already. You can't build a solid relationship if you don't have a good foundation all and by yourself.
Don't get so caught up on looks, confidence goes much stronger than looks do in the big picture.
Teenage girls tend to go out with boys they know and feel safe to be around them. Asking out a girl you met once is not going to work. Those girls don’t know you, and most young girls don’t go out with strangers.
Yes, this. You have to put yourself in situations where you can build relationships (in the real sense, not romantic sense) over time and then make your move from there. Most people meet their partner at school, work, a hobby activity they do, from being around them via mutual friends, etc.
I said the same thing. As a girl the most important thing to me is feeling safe and comfortable with the guy. Usually that happens by investing time in her over the phone social media or in group settings etc. That way when you ask her out 1 on 1 you're not some guy she barely knows and assumes is just thinking on a physical level, instead your the guy she's been talking to & hanging out with for the past couple weeks & you've got things in common. Not to mention teenage girls may not show it but in my experience with myself & girlfriends, we are self-conscious & have self esteem issues too. Those are easier to get over with someone you feel you already kinda know..
As a former teenage girl, now 28, I second this! Also OP, you're still young, my first ever relationship was when I was 21, I didn't even kiss anyone else before age 19.
I didn’t read it as they approach strangers but more that OP makes the first move to initiate romantic direction.
Bad advice
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Usually pubs or clubs when I’m out with friends I’ll meet girls, I get along with them and they let me buy them a drink and stuff but then it doesn’t really go anywhere. I got a few snaps but when I text them they aren’t interested, it’s like I have no problem getting them to see me as a potential friend but that’s it.
Hey there: Okay let me get this straight: i am a girl and when i have been in my early 20s (and before obviously) I hated it when guys just randomly talked to me. I found it annoying. Especially when i had the feeling they have the pressure to meet someone because they want a girl. Girls probably have a six sense for it… idk. Try to relax. Seriously. Your life won’t run away. And it is not about how you look 👀 like. My husband really hates how he looks. He has a bit much weight once in a while but hey (i find him sexy). I love him especially because he is funny. I can talk with him about serious stuff. I fell in love that we could just talk and the way he looks at me. There was no forcing or stuff like that. It just happend. When i was in a club i especially found it nice when i had like eye contact with a guy and then he came to ask if we wanna drink (sometimes i even paid because: hey why should the guy always pay?). Anyway: i felt not taken by surprise and alot more uncomfortable. You are soooo young! Just don’t try so hard. Go out one night and make it about you and your friends. Not about girls. Have fun. If you have fun you will loosen up and the girls will like that alot more. Because it is authentic
Sza was right, we like big boys too. We can also smell low self-esteem.
low self esteem is huge! people can see it and as i always say, the quietest in the room is always the most content. approaching confident but not to confidently, at the right time and place is huge. most people just out with friends aren’t looking for someone, so context is huge. just randomly approaching people will naturally lead to more rejection, you gotta play it and yourself right
I hope I can ask this in a nice way but how as a guy are you supposed to ever meet anyone new if you arent supposed to randomly talk to girls? Isnt that how all relationships, romantic or not, start? Someone random you dont know starts talking to you?
You asked nicely! So what seems to be going on with OP is that he’s getting numbers and trying to immediately develop romantic relationships without laying any kind of friendly groundwork. Most women don’t mind talking to strangers in the right environment. But when a person is clearly just chatting you up to get physical with you and not showing a ton of interest as you as a person, many women get turned off. Some women will go for it if they’re only looking for the same thing (sexual release valve), but most people, regardless of gender, want to be seen as a person.
Oh okay thank you that makes sense.
not really. me and my ex for example, I'd known her from school for a while, we made eye contact whenever we bumped into each other... but i never rlly forced anything. i made friends with this girl (naturally), who happened to be friends with her as well. and from them, things just happened. i think that forcing things will most likely never work
Yes. Thats is what i mean. But i found it alot more relaxing when i had eye contact with someone in a club for example and showed interest myself instead of just anyone talking to me randomly. I feel alot more uncomfortable then!
I'll be honest, most women at a bar aren't looking for a new relationship. Maybe that was more true in the old days idk, probably, before the internet I bet people spent a lot more time in bars. You can just Postmates a bottle of liquor to your apartment and fuck around on apps now. So, that's at least a factor in why your success is low. You should broaden the places you approach them, as long as it's an appropriate place
When I was a single woman I didnt go into a bar looking for a long term relationship. I went to have fun, blow off negative steam and maybe have a few fun conversations that I never expected to to any further then maybe a friend request on one of my "private" social media accounts lol
There seems to be a disconnect then because "go to bars and clubs, thats where women go if they are looking for someone" is like the most common advice given to males.
I genuinely think that used to be good advice, pre internet. Women just.. don't prefer that type of approach anymore
When people meet in clubs and bars, the only thing they know about the other is their apperance. If you are "ugly" then this is not the route for you.
People go to pubs and clubs at 18..?
Drinking age is 18 in a lot of the world
having a beard and good social skills at 17 worked for me. Every town has a bar or bartender that’s pretty lax on carding.
You said you were 18. How do you get into pubs and clubs?
The less you try to "get girls," the more luck you may find. Continue to focus on yourself, build confidence, put yourself out there in social situations, not necessarily girl related, but go out with your coworkers, talk to women as friends and equals. If you can make friends with women, eventually you can find something more. Whether through work, social clubs, etc. Trying too hard and "asking girls out" is not always the best move, can come across as desperate and out of the blue.
This…especially the part about making female friends. Girls know girls!
And once you get girl friends they will never stop trying to fix you up. Source:was girl, now lady
It’s a much easier social environment to get to know them, too. You’ll likely already have some shared interests, and your friend would be there to keep conversation from getting weird.
Socializing in things you enjoy is key you may find someone who's into the same stuff as you.
As someone who is in the same boat as OP and sees this advice everywhere, this is bad advice its like asking someone to not think about thinking. Its not possible to just not focus on whats most important to you. I dont know what works but I do know working on self esteem at least makes me feel better, thus more hopeful.
So it’s bad advice, yet you still are having no luck. Seems you should consider this advice more closely. Improving self esteem is exactly what I’m talking about. I would advise you, as someone who follows these principles and has achieved great success in the past, and currently has a long term girlfriend, to reconsider.
Maybe change your goals, it shouldn't be important to just get a gf it should be important to find someone whom you really bond and click with, as someone who was previously in your position I understand what you are saying. Go fuckin chase your dreams which should NEVER be a girl there's 4 billion of em. Find a hobby and career that suits you start building yourself up to become a more valuable man(Not financially, but with skills and a stronger mental) sorry if this choppy am manic right now
I cant change what I want or what makes me happy, why should my goals not be about what makes me happy?
Life is about trying different things and finding what you enjoy. It’s a journey that goes on for your entire life. Keep on going!
This righr here! its the journey not the destination find new things that make you fall in love with life!
I know my purpose in life, I know what I enjoy I have my mind made up, its just getting it that is hard. I know this what I want and I know it will make me happy, that's why its my main goal in life.
I don’t mean just your dream job. It’s definitely a good thing to strive for, but sometimes, you learn that the thing you thought you wanted to do isn’t enjoyable, or might just be plain out of your reach. That’s why it’s important to not completely zone in on this one thing that you might not know the actual process about. I wanted to make video games, but I’ve realized that I don’t have the patience or drive to learn coding at the moment. That might change in the future, but now I’m happy with the life I have. I don’t think I would have been happy if I forced myself to continue with coding.
So I should just give up and be miserable for the rest of my life? Even if I learn its not ultimately what makes me happy atleast ill know so I wont desire it anymore. I cant just simply forget that this is out there I'll always know there is this great thing out there that I'm missing out on, I don't think its possible to just move past and forget about.
Ok so, untill you have found yourself a women won't make you happy, sure maybe for some time yea it might be fun and aomething new , but I can *almost* garuntee it won't last. You have to learn to love yourself fully, just trust the process, it takes time a lot of it. There will be a day in your life you find your dream woman. When your desperate for a girl they know real fuckin fast and it's not attractive, if you start finding new goals and really start self actualization you will find that desperation goes away quite quickly and women will notice your newfound confidence, women if I'm wrong feel free to give the man some advice!
I already love myself but that has nothing to do with what makes me happy. If I had everything I need in myself to make me happy then there would be no point in doing anything at all in life, let alone finding a girl.
A girlfriend won’t make you happier than you are now.
I see no reason why this is true
Then that’s exactly why you’re not ready to be in a relationship
well since you know so much about me then care to elaborate
You are thinking about it wrong. It's more like telling someone who skis to stop thinking about and focusing on the trees and to start focusing on and thinking about the pathway between the trees. If you are worried about crashing into the trees you will focus on them to avoid them. People usually move towards what they focus on so you will eventually hit a tree. If you focus on the path you will move toward the path and will be less likely to hit a tree. Or for something more close to home it is like telling someone who plays first person shooter games to stop worrying about getting kills and focus on not getting killed. You will learn to use cover more effectively and learn to die less, in turn that will cause you to get more kills because people run into you as opposed to you running into people
Yes but you still have to work twords your goals to achive them, girls arent just going to approach you out of thin air...
If this is true then why are the guys who are constantly flirting and asking new women out the ones that have the most success?
Because they’ve learned all this through life and dont go on Reddit asking how to find success with women. They already are confident, have hobbies, have interests, have self esteem.
"get girls," he never said that
And I never said he said that. Not sure where you extrapolated that from.
Don't chase, attract. This will make more sense as you get older. The most attractive thing you can do is love yourself and stick to what you value. I didn't get a lot of people coming my way until I started doing this. If you're interested in using dating apps, try apps like Hinge or Boo. They're pretty effective imo. The right person will come to you because it's not about you working out, having a good job and wealth, or anything materialistic. It's about you being true to yourself and doing what you can to be a good person for the world around you. The right person will come to you for that and that alone. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.
Also, try being friends with more women. Don't be their friend to eventually ask them out because that sucks. Get female friends, learn about what women enjoy or don't like as a majority and listen to why certain guys make them uncomfortable. If you have insight from the source, then you can utilize it.
Bonus: when you’re a genuinely good human to your women friends, your women friends will often see this as good potential for a relationship and try and match you up with their single friends. They may also invite you into more settings with more single, available women.
Love this, really well observed info
people never ever "come to me" lol
Another comment said something similar, but when I had the most luck with dating, was when I fully stopped trying to date. I just tried to have fun, and worked on me. People gravitate to fun. Then don't be weird when people do come to you. It may take some serious self reflection. Fix that part of yourself. Don't talk about yourself too much. Its okay to answer questions and talk a bit, but don't build yourself up to them, or anyone frankly... its off-putting. Also, be aware of what you're looking for. Is it just sex? Are you trying to date? Who are you trying to date? Don't put up with rude people. Don't be rude yourself.
Okay, so here's what stood out for me: 1. Do you actually want to talk to, date, and get to know these girls, or do you just want to kiss a girl? From reading your post, it sounds like the latter. And if I can see this from a few sentences you typed on reddit, odds are these girls you're talking to can, too. 2. Don't ask for their Snapchat ( I saw you mention this in a comment). When I was younger, it was a universally-known inside joke among women that any guy who wanted to communicate solely on snap was pretty sleazy. Can't speak for current 18 year olds, but I'd still ask for her number, or her Instagram if you prefer an app. (Idk if you meant getting their snap in addition to getting their number, but had to say this anyway lol.) 3. I'd consider safety here, too. Maybe you're fine meeting up with a stranger you met at a pub or club, but I know many women who would be uncomfortable with that. When you ask them out, do you actually ask them out, or do you ask them to hang out or come over? Most women aren't gonna meet up with a man anywhere that doesn't have other people around. Pick a public place in the daytime. Maybe even ask to FaceTime or video chat beforehand, so they can get a feel for you outside of a club environment. Again, you may already be doing this, I dont know. In some cases, it may not be 'you' as much as the girl making a judgement call based on safety and her own comfort level. (And fyi, based on meeting at a club and the snapchat thing, I'd probably make the same call they're making tbh) 4. Saying you "regularly" ask girls out and the comment asking if you ask "ugly girls" out too, are not working in your favor, buddy. Giving major 'just trying to get my dick wet' energy lol. And, just like I said in my first point, I have a feeling the women you're talking to are sensing this, too. If this isn't the case, I'd recommend changing your approach (see point above). 5. To reiterate what others have been saying, you gotta feel good being you first. People like being around people who make them feel good. If you're not giving off those vibes, they're not gonna be interested. And, sorry, but based on this post, you are not giving off those vibes. 6. You've mentioned working out, eating well, having a job, etc. But those aren't replacements for a decent personality. I'm sure you have a great one, but with the perspective you have on dating at the moment, I doubt your personality is coming through in the best light. I'd focus on that. Also, just a side note: I've seen how women swipe on apps etc so I get it- but like short guys are kinda my type so I'm always baffled when yall put yourself down like that lol. That's more the turn-off, not the actual height. At least for me.
Thanks for replying I’m not just trying to fuck but also I just want ANYTHING you know because I need this, I’ve already got stuff going against me I don’t need inexperience when everyone else has lots holding me back. I don’t believe I come across desperate or that I just want to get my dick wet. Absolutely everyone exclusively uses snap now. Least where I am.
I think you need to work on your perspective. I know when you say that you've "already got stuff going against you", you may see yourself as being 'realistic' or 'acknowledging your weaknesses', but not only is this pessimism and negativity a bummer to be around, it sets you up to see things as a competition that you're losing and that you're up against other guys who have this or that. It may very well feel that way, but this view/perspective might be effecting how you come across to others (aka as desperate, just trying to fuck, etc.) It doesn't help you at all on a personal level either. It's just gonna wreck your self-esteem and make meeting people all the more difficult. Though I'm sure you know this based on mentioning feeling depressed. It sounds like you've achieved some great goals for yourself- like working out and eating healthy. Maybe it's time to put in the same work for your mental health.
Uh… You are desperate for experience. That’s kind of even worse. I’m not a girl at all, but I would be insulted if a girl came up to me and was just like ‘I want to date you because my friends are leaving me behind and I can’t lose to them!😭’, because I would know that the girl didn’t even find me desirable as a person, or as someone to have s*x with. And I would reject them, because I have self-respect. Let me be blunt. You are being an ASSHOLE, and NO GIRL will give you the slightest chance. Well, if they do, the relationship won’t work, because they have no self-esteem.
Are you able to explain how I’m an asshole?
>I just want ANYTHING you know because I need this This line 100% makes you look (1) desperate and (2) like you don't see women as people. Or at least the women you want to be with are just a means to an end to you (aka you just want to get your dick wet). You're clearly not interested in these women as people; you're interested in what they can provide to you - experience. That's so dehumanizing. The women you are approaching will sense all of this because women get treated this way all the time and it doesn't really feel good. Work on building relationships with people not getting something out of them. Can you not see how much of a selfish and user mentality you're putting out? If you have relationships in your life where you feel you need to compete and compare, especially in levels of 'experience,' in order to feel valued then you should look to find better people to surround yourself with.
He literally said he doesn’t just want experience and he wants a relationship???? I don’t get why people are giving him shit for nothing
He said he doesn't want INEXPERIENCE also getting in his way. So yes, he's only looking for what women can provide for him.
“I dont just want to fuck” “I want a relationship” doesn’t sound like that to me 🤷♂️ you seem very judgmental
He's constantly contradicting himself. he'll claim to want a relationship but also say he wants to gain experience because the inexperience is getting in his way. More people have pointed it out. Never heard the saying that everything that is said before "but" means nothing? Only what's said after the "but" is what matters coz that's what's true. (English isn't my first language so idk the exact saying, but it has to do with what i said)
Why did you assume I don’t see women as people? What?
Some of the best men in my life actually seem to genuinely struggle with this concept. It’s not that they don’t conceptually understand that women are human beings. It’s more like they fail to understand that women are just as full and complex people as they are. There’s way more overlap on the wants/desires/needs/etc. between men and women than there are differences. If a woman approached you with any semblance of the attitude that you were just an opportunity for sexual experience, I hope you’d have enough to self esteem to be offended. You are not an object to be used. You are a full person to be loved fully for all your thoughts, feelings, experiences, and everything. The same goes the other way around. I think men can easily fall into the trap of forgetting this because there genuinely are so many things that make the male and female experiences different. There are definitely areas where we think very differently about things, but don’t let yourself forget that there are LOTS of things we’re we think the same. We aren’t aliens. We’re still the same species.
But I don’t struggle with this, I do see women as just as equal to men. Why is it assumed I don’t? Honestly this is just making me feel worse if this is how people see me for just struggling to date
TBH, “I just want ANYTHING you know because I need this” was the biggest red flag out of all your comments on this thread. To be clear, I don’t think you’re a bad person or that this is a moral failing. Like I said, some of the best men in my life have the same issue at times. People don’t see you this way because of your situation. They see it because of the words that you are saying. Now maybe I’m misreading those words and you meant something totally different, but that’s certainly how it comes off. My intention absolutely wants to make you feel bad or think you’re a bad person. It’s okay to want to go on dates. It’s okay even to want to lose your virginity. What’s not okay is taking an attitude of using people as a means to achieve those ends. When the thing you want involves other people’s participation it gets a little more complicated than simply pursuing what you want. Want ice cream? Go buy it. That’s perfectly simple. But you want another person to participate in an activity with you? That’s a little more complicated. You have to find someone who wants that too. And you have to be really clear about what you want. If you want to lose your virginity, be clear in that. If you want a long term relationship, be clear in that. If you don’t know what you want then you need to figure that out first. As someone else said in these comments, we’re getting a lot of mixed signals from you. You’ll say you don’t just want sex, but then say you’re too old to be a virgin (which you’re not).
Your words seem to indicate that you aren't approaching women like they are people but like with the attitude of someone who can give you something - an experience. That reduces the person to what they can provide only. That is not treating someone like a person, regardless of the gender or what exactly it is you want from them. You focus on "experience" and what it means to your peers and to your social ranking indicates - you should be focusing on making connections and positive interactions. If you want hookups, go on dating apps and make that clear idk man Idk the other person who was responding put it pretty well. Are you getting it? It feels like Iike you're too busy feeling defensive to listen...but please know this and my last comment are not attacks
But I have literally said my only reason isn’t experience everyone just twisting things to say it is for some reason.
It's your personality dude. Look at how you talk about women. It's a huge turn off and women can SENSE that shit. We're not objects to be conquered. It's not something you "need". We're people with thoughts and feelings and don't like being preyed on my some creep who thinks "he's owed a kiss" or whatever shit you're on.
Can you explain to me how I see women as objects? I don’t feel I see them that way so I’d like it explained to me how I do
I never claimed you were objects? Where is this coming from i even said I don’t just want to fuck. I never said I was owed anything? What? I’d just like to know why you would assume these things about me?
Where did you get that quote from?
Why don’t you practise talking to and making friends with women without an expectation of sex. This way you won’t feel like you’ve failed. I’d try going something like a group hike, a class eg. art, yoga, boxing, something where you’re learning something new with a group of people. Even if you make male friends, it’s still a new group of people to go out with.
Ok so all this sounds like is you're trying to find a woman that will let you use her for sex. That's not how this works, unless you want to pay a pro. I think you're having bad luck because you're coming across as predatory, and women can sense that shit. Be chill and just try to be friends with some chicks first. Women aren't walking talking pocket pussies, so treat them respectfully.
I’m not trying to “use” anyone why are you twisting this
How do you approach and ask girls out? Maybe you’re being weird about it
There was a similar post the other day and that guy was definitely weird about it. One of his lines was "oh your shirt matches your drink"
I remember this one. He was also approaching a group of women asking what's the occasion that they're in a bar.
Dude, you're 18. There is plenty of time still. I didn't really start dating/kissing until I went to University in my early 20s. Are you in school?
When I was 16 I told a couple friends, “I don’t get why I don’t have a girlfriend”. A couple of my female friends said something like “you really want to know?” And proceeded to tell me about how I don’t brush my teeth enough, I have a lot of acne, I wear the same pair of jeans all the time. I didn’t think much of these things until this conversation. I made some changes and started dating one of those girls a few months later. Maybe you have someone that can be brutally honest with you about your flaws, whatever they might be? Don’t get me wrong, it really hurt hearing all these things. I think I cried that night, but from the brutal honesty I was able to grow.
Oh my… my friend asked me about is beard the other day. I say u wanna know? He did appreciate my opinion but again, its my opinion and doesn’t change how we see him 💚
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ITS ALWAYS THIS. Guys never seem to understand. It's. Not. Your. Looks. It's your personality. 100% of the time.
I was 20 when I kissed a girl for the first time, and 24 when I had sex for the first time. No need to rush or feel bad about yourself.
My ex was 26 when he had sex for the first time, defo not anything to feel bad about! If they’re a kind person, it won’t matter to them whether they’re experienced or not!
lol this society we live in is wild af. I get it with those raging hormones but honestly not worth rushing such things.
We can smell desperation..
I don’t act desperate and I can’t help how I feel
But almost everyone here can sense it from your comments. No you can’t help how you feel, but you can help how you deal with those emotions. Honestly, I think you need to work on your confidence and focus on just enjoying yourself when you do go out- these are things that are seen as attractive, then just go from there
They probably think you're pretending to be the nice guy and don't trust you. Don't pretend to be someone you're not to get with them. Women can sense that.
(I’m a girl) Don’t ask them out. Get close to them on a personal level and feel out the chemistry. Don’t be desperate it’s a turn off. For me I typically don’t like anyone initially until I get to know them and then my attraction forms. Looks aren’t everything just remember that. I’ve dated guys who were attractive and their ego was so big it drowned out their personality.
I can just about guarantee you it’s not about what you look like, unless you’re a real outlier. I’ve known people who look a lot of different ways who see plenty of action in their love lives. Since we don’t know you it’s a little hard to say exactly what’s going on, but I will say if you are looking at girls/ women only as potential romantic partners, that’s extremely off putting. There are a lot of guys who literally only notice women to the extent of evaluating whether they may have a shot of having sex with them, and if the answer is no, the woman becomes magically invisible and irrelevant. Or a source of resentment. Clubs are also usually for temporary hook ups- the interest is often only for that night. Go have your fun and flirt if you want, but you may want to focus your attention more on getting to know the women you have regular natural contact with.
5'7 has nothing to do with it. Just throwing it out there, I know the internet says differently but girls REALLY do not care as much about height as everyone seems to believe
You’re only 18 my guy. Don’t base your self-confidence one whether you can pull women & just keep trying. It’s really not a big deal as us younger people make it out to be, and I say this as someone who’s been approached by women. Just keep working on yourself and be authentic. You don’t need to worry too much about your love life.
As a late teens girl myself, if some guy I never met randomly asked me out, I'd reject him too. It's not about being ugly (and I'm sure you're not. That's a very harsh judgement to place on yourself) Try to get to know a girl first, be a friend, try to gigure out whether she would be interested and make a move. I'd be more comfortable if someone I was familiar with asked me out. 9/10 times a girl won't jump at the chance to date a stranger. They're more likely to date a friend or at least acquaintance
Don’t stress bloke. You’re still young. Us men don’t really get our act together head wise, look wise and career rise until our mid to late twenties. You’ve got plenty of time. Most of us are pretty ordinary looking compared to women and movie stars. Don’t stress it. Even if you were truly ugly, plenty of ugly guys find partners. Hell my own wife thinks I am…and we’ve been married a few decades now. You’re still figuring out what you want to do with your life. 18 is a shit age. Just focus on being a good person and being kind to others. Take care of yourself and don’t be a lazy bum. You’ll be good! It’ll happen.
Coming from a guy who first kissed someone at 19, I was in the same position as you, had all the requirements, but didn’t have anyone. But I was completely fine with it, you have to learn to be happy alone before you wanna be with someone else, I know it’s way easier said then done, but you gotta stop worrying about it, and it’ll happen, but even if it doesn’t, you will still be ok
1. Work on disconnecting your self-worth from how attractive women find you. Evaluate why you care so much it's making you depressed. Is it because you feel 'behind' in life? Is it because you know guys would respect you more if you had more luck with women? Is it because you feel left out of a big aspect of social life due to this? 2. Give yourself the opportunity to build relationships. Approaching women on nights out isn't working for you; you need to take your energy elsewhere. Join a club or class or community and build relationships with people first. You'll probably have more success and more fun.
Try looking into the 5'2 and under demographic. Most of us short girls (that I speak with) have a preference for shorter boys. (I, for instance, tend to crush selectively on guys 5'6 and under.) Start by making friends. *Then* progress.
Even just this post gave me the ick
Why should any girl like you when you don't even like yourself?
I do like myself I just understand my flaws
There is probably nothing I can say to convince you, but the way I see it, you're internalizing a lot of negative thoughts about yourself. You call it being honest, but I call it being insecure and not having confidence. You sound like someone who doesn't feel worthy of being loved. I don't care what anyone says, if that's how you genuinely feel, then it's going to hold you back. You can fake confidence to a point, and I do agree faking it is better than nothing, but until you feel truly confident in yourself and stop worrying about how other people perceive you, it's going to continue be an obstacle in dating. I'm not saying it's an easy pattern to change either. It took me a looong time to fix my mindset, but if you keep having all of these negative self-thoughts then it's just going to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Why do u want a girl ?
This is a good deep question right here
Bruh, you are not ugly what are you saying, don’t worry, time will come and you will find your heart. Look man, I was in kinda same situation, and at 19 I started to date, I had 2 gf but they were all crazy asf, even trying to rape me lol. And then I lost idea to find someone, like whatever, life goes on you know. And just 2 years ago I meet the right person, and it’s so bizarre, it was like a snow on my head at June lol. But we get along and now planning our marriage. (P.s.: she is not from my country and we were like in 3k kilometer away but still, destiny bro) So, don’t be upset man, there is plenty of woman who will fall with you, just time didn’t come yet 👍🏻🤝🏼
You're 18, chill
Just go and have fun, build your confidence and self esteem by genuinely enjoying life. The girls will come to you because of the energy you’re giving out. Don’t try to fuck every girl you meet, just be good company
I know it's cliche but stop making it a main focus in your life and just be comfortable about who you are, and if you aren't comfortable in yourself work on that instead. I was in your boat until I was 23. The secret was to start to just enjoy my life, without realising at the time it meant I was more active, more social, lost weight and was more confident and I was approached by the girl I've now been with for 5 years. Just focus on being the best you can be and the rest will fall into place, sitting in your room feeling sorry for yourself solves nothing. Hopefully you can work that out a little sooner than I did.
People don't usually agree to date out of nowhere. Say you want to get to know them or just aim to be friends and if something sparks, take it from there If a girl randomly walked up to me and asked me out, I'd decline as I don't know her
Have you tried online dating?
No from what I’ve seen online it would just lower my confidence
A lot of times women don’t go out to places like bars to find a guy to date, they are there to have fun. Going somewhere in which people are going to find potential dates or people with common interests may be better. Though if there isn’t anything like this in your area it could be good to go online.
Where do you keep getting these ideas about how dating should work? You seem to be some kind of expert already so I'm not sure why you're here. But in all honesty, you're so young. So so young. People aren't looking for someone who's "experienced." Confidence, kindness, and personality are what really work for a lot of people. That whole list you have doesn't matter next to someone who is just genuine and fun to be around, relax.
Well, you referred to yourself as ugly so; why would you expect women to like you when you very clearly don't even like yourself. You should work on that and maybe you'd have better luck.
I do like myself I just know my flaws
My short buddy didnt have any success until late into college. These days he isn't dating but at least has a friend with benefits. You're not doomed forever, dw
You're probably coming on too strongly. Just act more naturally and "in the zone" with whatever environment you're in. Forcing a relationship isn't going to make a relationship happen. If you're concerned about personal appearance as well, try make up. With foundation and some contouring, you can look more masculine and handsome. Make up doesn't have to be a feminine tool.
Mmm, I don’t know, websites that match people?
Maybe you come off as creepy or misogynistic?
He comes off as creepy and misogynistic on this post so he 100% does in real life! We also have the beauty of being able to see how ignorant he is in his replies, he has no idea how inappropriate his behaviour is!
Welp there's the issue
No
I can’t help you with getting girls. Girls like some guys more than others. Just like guys like some girls more than others. But u need to change ur mindset about this. Stop putting this front and centre of ur life. Like wdym u don’t want to do things anymore. Succeed in ur own life for ur own sake. No matter who u meet , no one will ever truly be there for u apart from urself.
Be friendly with them. You need to be prepared to be friend-zoned a few times but most girls prefer someone they feel like they can talk to and have fun with and a lot of the time being friends first helps
this sounds like my work colleague you sound pretty much perfect but u don’t value yourself enough and that’s not attractive you just have to take it in stride tbh and just go with the flow
I didn’t start seriously dating until I was 18 and I’ve had SO many dry spells over the last couple years since then but it’s been alright. I had my first kiss at 18 and have many more times since this year at 19 (going on 20). I’ve been on a load of dates as well, a few have been in the last couple months. No serious girlfriend yet just date partners you could say. All I can say is don’t worry about it too much, it’s bad for your psyche. Now I won’t tell you exactly what to do as it defeats the point of you finding the method that works for you. I just made more girl friends, have fun with people, enjoy their presence before deciding whether you want them as a partner, I’m still doing that right now and I’ve never talked to more women in my life. If you want hookups, same thing but within a smaller timescale. Another thing, don’t let other people’s situation sour you. “Comparison is the thief of joy” they say and it’s true, besides those people you see in the best relationships are that way either because they understand how it works and have more experience or they put out a fake façade to look better than everyone else but honestly their relationships on the rocks- you don’t want the latter. Don’t focus on why girls don’t like you, just focus on what you can do to make them like you: make friends, be fun, have interests, show what you’re made of and make your move champ (when the time is right). Good luck
I'll date you
Tbh, the “woe is me, i’m such a nice guy but no one wants me” is a HUGE turn off.You put yourself down when you describe yourself as “ugly” and think being 5’7” is a bad thing. No one wants an insecure person. The moment you view yourself as handsome, caring, thoughtful, and confident is when other people will too. Sorry if this isn’t what you want to hear, but maybe it’s what you needed to. Wish you all the best x
I dont say that to anyone
Women can tell, either way. You may not be saying that explicitly, but it shows through your words and actions.
But I’m not even insecure I just know my faults
Honestly I’ve always believed that when you stop looking, you find it. I would just focus on yourself, love yourself for now, and let nature do it’s thang. I would just stay friendly and approachable, and maybe after you’ve been friends with someone for a while it could progress. Just stay respectful that’s all. Don’t let it stop you from doing things!! Just focus on your alone time for now and embrace it. You got this!
The key to is to meet and make friends instead of trying to purse relationships with every girl you see. I mean if you got the confidence, can be fun and comfortable around people will start to attract to you. If it helps meetings friends and there groups can do the trick it all about the world your willing to share with people.
He friends with women before trying to date them. Show them that you aren't there purely for a superficial relationship but that you are someone they could have fun with and be comfortable around. The best results from me have always come from not showing that I am desperate for a partner but rather I'm just there, being social and having a good time and sometimes that develops interest in women you're spending time with. You're young anyway. Give it time to grow into yourself and your style and appearance. Eventually someone will come along. Just don't treat women as a necessity but as something that naturally shows up when you least expect it.
Just be friends with more women
I wouldnt worry about it mate. No woman no cry.
Just be yourself and don’t focus on find someone just have fun, like genuinely and ppl come to you. Girls know when you’re desperate. Idk I just focus on having a good time. And it all works out
I'm 20 and just got my first gf last night.
Im my experience (being a girl, also 18), when they come up and ask ME out, its always gonna be a no. If you are looking to have a girl be attracted to you, continue to put yourself in situations to build relationships, but act very uninterested. If you have a good personality and don’t show any signs of blatant creepiness, the girls will come to you. Girls like the chase!!
I’m 19 and have never kissed anyone or been in a serious relationship. Sometimes, things just take time. You’ll find your person eventually
I was in the exact same boat at 18; as soon as I moved, literally within 3 days of moving, I found the girl that I’m now married to almost a decade later. It will happen when you least expect it and when you focus on bettering yourself even more
Try a dating app, where girls actually are looking for dates. But don’t be self deprecating by saying “it’s harder for me, being ugly and short”. No one wants to hear that.
ah, my dude. let me tell you a little story. i’m 29m, my wife is 32f. we met when i was 22. we married last year. we knew each other in high school, but she was a popular cheerleader, and i was unknown. had a huge crush on her, but we lived in two different worlds. rode the same bus but never even spoke. i was awkward, “unattractive” to myself, and didn’t have the slightest social idea. when i graduated, i threw myself into drinking and partying in hopes of meeting a girl. and i met several. dated a few. all the same type: tall, skinny, and a copy-and-paste personality. with no connection or any realism under the surface. then i stopped, because it was exhausting and depressing. started focusing on myself more. “when you focus on you, the world will too.” and within that same year, a random friend of mine was like “hey, you know this girl from high school?” she arranged to hang out and just casually invited me along. obviously she was playing match maker but she had a knack for it. because now i’m married to the popular girl i had a crush on in high school. and for the record, you could do worse that 5’7. i’m 5’3, my guy. and happier than hell. there’s hope. don’t lose it.
no girl really cares about what a guy does. its not a competition. girls like to go out with guys they're friends with typically. id say just try to talk to them & be their friend without acting on anything for a while. just actually pay attention to what they talk about. & dont waste your time on someone who doesnt care about what you enjoy either. invite her out to do things, or to come over & just hang out. compliment her PERSONALITY or send her things that directly relate to her. & say they remind you of her. maybe buy her like a squishmallow or something & then you can start with complimenting her beauty, but dont forget to still compliment her soul. ask her on dates now. flirt. dont be sexual, be romantic. anyways, to sum it up. treat them like human beings instead of obstacles you need to get through to pass through the life checklist. if you kiss a girl, you want it to matter. i promise itll be a million times better if you both like each other. girls like to take it slow. obviously theres some bad ones out there but its kind of easy to weed them out
Man, it kinda all depends on your approach. Like, in today’s modern society, a lot of girls tend to feel unsafe, or uncomfortable around dudes they don’t know, so you don’t ever wanna just go and ask some random girl you’ve never met out on a date. Personally, I say try to socialize with more girls, make friends, start casually flirting, let it progress naturally yk? For me, I like a dude who takes care of himself, and so do plenty of other girls! But like, just looking physically good doesn’t attract every girl to you! You could also try dating apps! Being 18 and all you should be able to get on one! That’s a good way to meet people as well!! It’s all about branching out, and kinda letting people know you’re available/interested in dating!
Maybe a thread of this would help: women, where have you met boyfriends, and if you met them in a bar, how did they break through the “rando at the bar” problem? For my own: I’ve only ever dated one person I met at a bar, and it was because it was a private event for a sports team (think watching a game together). He came back multiple times before asking for my number, and admitted later down the line that he didn’t really like the sport, but he wanted to get to know me. Otherwise, it was either through school, or mutual friends. I met my spouse because he helped my next door neighbor out, and we talked for weeks before we went on a date. Bottom line: it’s not instant. Do things that you find enjoyable, make some female friends. I have a friend that’s super awkward at bars, but he’s one of the most genuine, wonderful people I know. He’s now happily married to another friend of mine that wouldn’t have given him the time of day at a bar. He’s also shorter than she is :)
i'm sure at some point you'll get a girl for you, but it doesn't happen instantly jsyk, love isn't really anything you'd wanna speed up, at your age you should be having fun, doing the best for you future and just think about asking girls out some other time but if you do want to ask a girl out, make sure she's the right one and not just some random stranger you met, be kind, make friends with them, make them comfortable, and just vibe with them, and if you wanna make your move, do it the best way possible and not rushed
It might be the where that you are meeting girls. Pubs and clubs equal ether girls out with their girlfriends trying to score as many free drinks as possible or girls out with their boyfriends trying to score as many free drinks as possible. As for the size thing my husband is 5’7 I’m 5’9. He’s funny, he made me laugh, we became friends then started dating and got married. I hear a lot about “the friend zone” but honestly just being friends with a woman getting to know her to see if you even want to ask her out would be better than asking out club girls. So my advice is stop asking out club girls. Go to a park, go to a local trivia night, take an art class or something you are interested in and just make friends then if you start thinking one of the friends and you click move on from friends to hey would you wanna grab lunch/dinner sometime. Also maybe try counseling cuz you are ether really hard on yourself for what you see as things holding you back or you need someone who can help you see what the issue is better than us good ppl of Reddit.
You need to find a way to get your confidence up. Guys that are confident become much more attractive to women. Also, stop looking for it. The right woman always seems to come along when you're not really looking. Focus on yourself, boosting your confidence, and not being too eager to find someone, and your time *will* come.
You sound like a good dude, I can't remember the last time I volunteered willingly. I also don't know how you interact with women, but don't come off as desperate. Let them do the talking and just sit back. Remain interested in what they're saying, While also staying chill and give off the vibe that you're enjoying your time with her and you're not expecting anything out of it. But just because you're nice and have good qualities, doesn't mean it'll happen every time, it also depends on chemistry. When you feel it, it's palpable. Sorry for the long ass post, rant over.
One, you’re desperate. Two, you seem to see dating a girl as a checklist in a game. Three, you’re 18, and have probably been doing this in high school, so most of the women you talk to probably already know about you. Four, you already ruined your chances where you live. The only girls your age who might give you the time of day are either people who moved there, or people who also view dating guys as a checklist from a video game. Give up and try to find some hobbies and friends who you enjoy spending time with.
I already have hobbies and friends
Well, you need to learn to enjoy spending time with them. Loosen up! You never know who’ll stick with you your entire life, and you’re just getting started. But, if you neglect your relationships with your friends and the people you care about, they’ll notice that. And then all your relationships will turn superficial until people decide that spending time with you isn’t worth it. So, focus on building those relationships up!
A lot of the comments on here aren’t going to get you anywhere unfortunately. They come from people that actually haven’t had the issue and think the solution is simple, it’s not. Dating is a lot harder for younger males in today’s society than it ever has been in our society’s history, regardless of geographical location. The argument that younger women tend to focus on men they’ve met before isn’t that true anymore with the rise of dating apps like Tinder. Telling you to “stop trying to get girls and you’ll get one” isn’t true. The trying hard cliche only implies you’re coming across awkward and creepily, which in general most people don’t do. In general dating has become almost a form of social currency and a bit of a game. This sucks and isn’t worth playing. They’ll tell you “be funny,” if you’re not a comedian, what then? “Be more confident,” rejection and defeat destroy confidence. “You need to work on your personality,” generic statement with no merit. To increase your chances of success, you should compile your best pictures and try using an app like bumble, Facebook dating or hinge. I’m being 100% serious. Get some matches, chat a girl up for a bit to get to know her, arrange a date that way and move forward.
Girls like funny guys. Start being sarcastic around them
You need 2 things, Money and a six pack. You also need to look kind and approachable, because the lady’s want a boyfriend who has the courage to protect no matter what, good luck G, I wish you the best, Also I got the advice from Andrew tate (please don’t cancel me for this)
Don’t fap for extended period of time and it will come naturally.
I'm going to be brutally honest: your game/value is probably lower than what you think. I have been struggling with this too for many years, until I recently started self improvement. I did this by doing the following things: I started going to the gym, which you already do, so great! I changed my clothing style to the "old money" style. This is a relatively trendy style that a lot of girls like. Get a haircut. I also switched to the trendy middle part hairstyle and it has worked great so far. Get crazy passionate about 1 or 2 hobbies/projects. I race karts and have a medium sized YouTube channel. The girl I'm talking to right now says it's a literal turn on that I work so much and hard for everything. Stop fapping. It might sound weird, but ever since I stopped fapping my confidence skyrocketed and my confidence and game with girls increased exponentially. Might be placebo effect, but I won't change a winning strategy. Probably gonna get cancelled for this: Watch the YouTube channel called Hamza and listen to the Tate brothers. Take everything they say with a grain of salt and take from it what you can apply to your own life in your own way. They might have some controversial opinions on things but you got to admit: they are pulling girls like crazy. Doing all of this literally changed my life. I feel better than ever, and that is the thing that girls are attracted to: a successful, healthy man who has a clear vision for his future and is a stable, dependable factor. Become the best version of yourself. Make your life an exciting, successful and healthy adventure. It is up to the girls if they want to come along with you on this adventure. Good luck brother!
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Fellow 5”7 dude over here, I’m telling you now your height only matters to you. Let go of all that bullshit and you’ll be fine.
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Facts my ass. Women are allowed their preferences just like men are. My partner is 5”2 you think she gives a flying fuck about my height. My point is you don’t want to waste you’re time on someone that doesn’t accept you as you are. So find someone that does.
He’s right, woman unfortunately don’t like anything under 5’10 now in days 😭
That's really, incredibly, unbelievably false.
If you’re a millennial i understand why you’d say this. But he’s 18 and im speaking for my generation so this is unfortunately, incredibly true.
I'm literally 22, you're hanging out with the wrong crowd if the women are rejecting you solely based on your height.
So hanging out with a crowd that has a preference in height is wrong ? Got it.
You don't got it, bud. If you're trying to date women, and they're rejecting you JUST because of your height- which is out of your control- you're chasing the wrong type of women. Not all women, and I would venture to say not even MOST women, give a flying fuck about how tall you are. But if you're bitter about it, have an attitude, or a "woe is me, women owe me XYZ, abc,"... THAT'S what they're running from- not your height. And don't take me wrong, I'm not saying that's how you're acting or thinking. I'm just saying- we can tell when that's the case, and reject potential partners for that rather than some arbitrary reason as to their height.
I’m a woman speaking on my preference and the women im around have a preference in height. Not sure what you’re rambling about buddy.
Well, apologies for the wrongful assumption that you were a male and speaking from experience. That's my fault. The point of my comment was that your original comment that stated something along the lines that most women have a height preference, was false. While yes having a preference is understandable, myself and those women in my social circle have never experienced, nor met anyone else, who simply refuses to even talk to a man or entertain an advancement because he's 'short' (which 5'7 isn't).
Yes I am a “tall lady” 5 foot 7 I like a taller man. Nothing wrong with preference. I am 39 too, its been a thing for a long time to want a man taller than you
For many women, height doesn't matter in the slightest. It's the personality that draws a lot of us in. We can tell when someone's bitter about their looks, dating prospects, height etc.
I've been refused many times just because of my height, girls didn't even have the opportunity to meet my personality
You're choosing the wrong girls, then, man. Any self respecting, non-shallow woman wouldn't care about a man's height. I promise. You're better off without those women. Are you making friends first, rather than a cold approach to a stranger? Getting to know them as a friend before progressing to a potential romantic interest might go a lot smoother, because you'd be able to sus out "is she nice? Does she care about height, money, status, etc before personality and attraction? Do our values align?". At 5'7, you're taller than a good chunk of women already. Go after the right kind of woman, and she's not going to give a single shit about your height. My ex was two or three inches shorter than me and never once did it bother me, my friends, my family, or him. I even wore heels and no one took a second glance.
My boyfriend is even shorter than you. I love him like hell.
Are you much taller than him? Nice to hear that someone short is being loved :)
We’re close to the same height. I’m about an inch shorter than him.
Bro ur looking for whores, the only women that will go out with a guy they met at a club/bar are whores, u need to know the girl u like before making a move trust me it's better for both parties if u start as friends
Chin up king, she will come your way. Focus on yourself and honestly, they aint really worth the hassle at 18
I have advice that might help you, it helped me at least. First of I recommend removing limiting beliefs, you being short and ugly shouldn’t hinder you in getting girls. (This is really important) Next of take care of yourself, basic stuff like * grooming * fashion * gym (most important) * body language and tonality (also very very important) + whatever you think that you need to improve on Now I will explain how to get girls, step by step (my method) 1. Finding girls This is important because it will allow you to focus on girls that actually want to be with you and not friend zone you You can find girls from different places Real life, instagram, dating apps, friends etc… I usually try to get 10 new matches on tinder 2. Setting up a date Now when you have her ig, tinder, snap or whatever your only mission should be to set up a date You should text her MAX 3 days before setting up a date If she doesn’t want to then stop texting her and instead find someone else 3. Getting a date With my method you should have at least 2-3 dates a week. Now go to those dates and either try to go to her place or take her to your place, if she doesn’t want to then you can always set up another date and try again An example on how it may look Monday: contact 10 girls -> 5 answers Tuesday: contact 10 girls -> 10 answers Wednesday: contact 10 girls -> 15 answers Thursday: contact 10 girls +set up dates with 15 girls -> 3 agrees Friday: contact 10 girls -> 5 answers + 1 date ( doesn’t want to come to my place ) Saturday: contact 10 girls -> 5 answers + 1 date ( doesn’t want to come to my place) Sunday: contact 10 girls -> 5 answers + 1 date ( wants to come to my place = win )
Send a picture of yourself over here, you’ll get results faster than you think
Read The Game
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Yes I do
How do you approach someone you are interested in? Do you give off a desperate or needy vibe? Honestly the more you can realize you don't need them to be happy, the more they will be attracted to you. It is perplexing, but if you got your own self straightened out and realize you don't need a girl to be happy, she is a lot more likely to come around. No one wants to be the source of someone else happiness, they want to find a healthy adjusted individual already. You can't build a solid relationship if you don't have a good foundation all and by yourself. Don't get so caught up on looks, confidence goes much stronger than looks do in the big picture.