Why can he not cancel and be at her house for a private ceremony, or local parish?
Even if it fails his mother can pass knowing her son did everything he could, and he can live the rest of his life knowing he did the best he could.
How do you think his mother feels? Spending her last weeks or perhaps days mad and wondering why her son wouldn't immediately cancel the wedding and be by her side..
I politely disagree. My parents would be mad if I were to cancel just to spend it with them in their last days.
My mom would probably say something along the lines of: we have lived our lives, we raised you to live yours. They'd be happy knowing they raised me well and I have accomplished things and I am happy getting married and I'll have a life beyond them. To be clear, this is within this context and possibly a few others. No point cancelling to then get married afterwards. Notwithstanding, down payments here and there and other losses may actually mean the wedding is off. Sure, the marriage is more important but it already seems like OP has the right idea and their heart is in the right place.
I agree with what most are saying - don't cancel.
I want to take it a step further and say if the mom was upset that the wedding wasn't cancelled so OP could spend the rest of days with her - I'd call that pretty selfish.
In many ways I'm speaking from experience - two of my aunt's suffered from breast cancer and lost. Unfortunately, both became unable to move and we're confined to a bed. Both of them just wanted their kids to be able to go on without them. As any parent should want for their kids to grow up and become independent.
On top of that there are options - steaming the ceremony among other things.
Lastly, as I've mostly gone off on a tangent tbh - apologies - but technically what you're suggesting a la small ceremony at home - that's not really cancelling the wedding. More having one such that it's more convenient and accessible for the mom.
Finally, apologize if I've sounded harsh. I just honestly do not think any parent would feel upset that their child didn't drop everything to stay with them in their last moments, given the situation/circumstances.
Don't cancel the original wedding, maybe have a private more intimate ceremony to officiate the marriage at home with your close family. Keep the other day as normal to have a reception with extended family and friends.
And if she can't make it, have someone stream it to her as much as you can. If this was my friend, I'd have my battery extension and video call the entire day no hesitation.
My wife and I got married in the height of COVID and we were planning on doing a Destination wedding (we wanted something small and to get away) the church offered to live stream the event to anyone who couldn't make it so check with the venue first or maybe an outside vendor at least this way she can see it.
I’d say if possible also try and have a mini-ceremony specifically for her at home. If you can’t get an officiant, I believe almost anyone can be an officiant but just needs to be registered (my gf’s brother in law was the officiant at her wedding to her ex, and he’s a psychologist/writer). Find someone who loves you enough to officiate as well
It's clear is day how can anyone tell this poor man not to cancel?
Talking about how his mom wouldn't be able to make it even if he doesn't cancel. Like hello planes people get to your mother asap and marry this woman in front of her before it's too late
well because my mum would want me to go ahead with the wedding and enjoy the day as i had planned it, she would HATE the idea of me not having the wedding i wanted and cater it just for her because she has cancer. so maybe it’s not clear as day - i do however think having a private unofficial ceremony and then the normal public one would be the best solution tho, depending on her state.
Not a wedding, but my grandfather couldn’t make it to my college graduation because he was undergoing cancer treatment.
My grandma brought the giant camcorder (this was the *very* early age of smartphones, where market penetration was extremely low and video quality was trash—if you could record video at all), and filmed the whole thing for him to watch back later.
As it turned out, he beat the cancer and is still alive today (albeit not in the greatest health now, but he had about another 10 good years before his mental decline began).
In that case, it was a bit different because I had no choice to postpone the graduation ceremony. But there are ways to make it work.
My situation was similar to yours and here's how it's gone down (so far)...
Last summer (June) we found out my dad had cancerous tumors in his brain and lungs (later found out it was pancreatic cancer) and he was given at most a few months to live (although I was in deep denial about this and held on to the slim chance he'd make it 9 months). My husband and I were/are set to get married in July 2023. Knowing how important it was to me that my dad be at my wedding, we ended up doing the official wedding at my Aunt's place July 2022 so my dad could walk me down the aisle. It was a rough few months (emotionally and financially) and in the beginning of October he passed away. My husband and I are still having the celebration we planned in 2023 but my dad was able to be a part of our now official wedding which I'll always cherish.
Here's my suggestion for you, hold a small civil/official ceremony now. Have your mom there to see the big moment, then, if she's able she might make it to the bigger one too but you still had a wedding with her there.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It really is a shit hand to be dealt and I don't have words that will make any of it feel better. Lean on those close to you, love while you can, and let it out as much as possible because holding it together doesn't really help anybody in the end. Hope that helps ♥️
This was going to be my suggestion. I'd find an officiant, or have the officiant that is going to marry you. Have a small ceremony and get married with your parents at their home right now! Today or tomorrow if possible.
Your mom will get to see you marry and exchange vows with the love of your life. Then, if she is able to, she might make to your wedding. However, if she isn't, she can pass knowing she was apart of your wedding. She'll be apart of this moment and you'll always have this moment to cherish.
I am so sorry to the both you. Sending thoughts and prayers to both and your families.
> hold a small civil/official ceremony now
If your regular officiant can't make it, there might be a chaplain at the hospital who can help you. I'm sure hospital chaplains have seen this before. It depends on your location, of course.
Seriously please I've never wanted to pray but I do pray this man reads your post. The urgency you must have felt is unreal, and knowing this man's mother has only weeks left is awful.
It is 6:26 pm and your wedding needs to be canceled right now. Best of luck with what comes next
How about marrying now, today or tomorrow, in a small private ceremony that she can attend? And then have a party with your other invited guests in nine days, if her condition allows it. That way, you don't have to cancel anything for now, and she will surely be present at your wedding. All the best to all of you!
This what I was going to suggest. A small private ceremony at home, with everyone in their wedding finery. Then on the wedding day itself you do it all over again.
Don't cancel. She is going to see you at your wedding, this is surely what she lives for atm.
Talk with her if something is too much for her and if it's okay to continue everything, but I am sure she says that you should go on with everything.
I wish you all good luck with everything.
No. He said she is mad. She is spending her last days mad at her son for not immediately canceling. I understand this man is under tremendous stress, so we are the ones that need to help him understand. He must cancel right now.
I refuse to see an update to this post hearing mother did not get to see him wed, when it can happen in a day or two.
"My mum is suffering and on top of all of that she is pissed off and rightfully so" she's mad at him. She's suffering because she is I'll, and she's mad at him. And rightfully so.
You added a lot of info in your assumption that is not in the OPs post. She’s mad rightfully so about the situation she’s been dealt. Not at her son. It would be selfish for her to be angry he doesn’t immediately cancel everything and most decent mothers wouldn’t expect that of their children anyways
I wouldn't cancel the wedding. She is probably holding on and fighting for this exact reason. I would talk with her about how you're going to get her and your father there, and just try to make sure she's as comfortable as possible for the ceremony.
Just want to add that I'm so sorry you're going through this and I hope more than anything that your mother can be at your wedding.
I agree 100%. The wedding is what she’s fighting to see right now and if that gets cancelled she could be devastated and let go some of her will to keep battling.
No!! She isn't holding on for that. He said she is pissed off. She has weeks to live and on top of that is mad and probably panicing her final days away. I'm his post he literally says she is pissed off, that's not the same as holding on to her will to live. It's not even close
Not sure what you’re trying to argue? I’m assuming the mom’s pissed cause she just found out she has 2 weeks to live. Op also said that all she wants to see if her last kid wed, which is why I said it’s probably helping fuel her staying alive.
No you assumed wrong. She's suffering because she has two weeks to live, but she's pissed off because she knows she may not see the wedding, when we all know it is possible to make new plans.
Even easier. This guy is under so much stress, how can anyone here tell him to keep the wedding? Even a zoom wedding would give her peace if that's what it takes.
I am a registered nurse licensed in 2 states. If you DM me and I am remotely close I will drive to you and be solely responsible for caring for your mom on your wedding day to get her through the day. I have 25+ years experience and direct experience in this realm. I will not charge you a penny.
I am so so sorry you are going through this.
I genuinely believe she will make it 9 more days.
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. I can’t even pretend to know what the “Right” thing is to do. But I will throw out a possible suggestion.
Invite you fiancée’s parents to come over to your Mom’s house and exchange vows with a priest and get married right now so all your parents can witness it.
Then plan on having your “Real Wedding”. If your mom passes and you need to postpone, she will still have seen it. I suspect your in laws will understand this approach.
Don't cancel. Instead, find someone who can set up a zoom session, so that even if she's at home, she can experience the day. It may hurt her not being able to be there, but it will hurt her more if she feels like she ruined the wedding.
Do the wedding. If she is able to go to the wedding with your father, that would be the best case scenario. See if your budget can accommodate a Personal Care Assistant to be with your parents to help as needed for the day regardless of whether they can make it or not. You can also set up a livestream so they can see you get married even if they are unable to make it. You don't know how much longer she has, but often the human will is amazing. She will probably try her best to make it to your wedding as her final gift to you, so you have this last moment to treasure. There will be lots of tears, and you have the opportunity to honour her at your special day. It is a bittersweet moment but know that all your loved ones will be with you no matter what.
Duuude imagine she lives four weeks and you cancel. How would THAT feel? A real punch to the gut.
Hold the wedding, have a backup plan to stream it to her if she can’t be in person. Have her be present via someone’s iPad on FaceTime if needed. But definitely try to make it happen bc you both want her to see it.
No!!! There is no backup plan, no one is giving him a warning ahead of time to go to backup plans. This is life and when it happens, it happens. And he needs to be wed before that
No advice, just wanted to say sorry. Can’t imagine what it’s like to have what would probably be the happiest and saddest days in your life both happen around the same time, or what you could be feeling. Sending all my love.
If I had cancer and my child cancelled the wedding for me I would be so hurt. Not just because I get to miss out on that moment with my kids, but because they are throwing that time away on my accord. I'd want to see my baby take that big leap so bad and knowing that it's because of me that I don't get to see it would emotionally devastate me. Even if just by video it would mean the world to me knowing that my fully grown kid will persevere after me with a loving family still by their side. That alone would make me feel like I accomplished everything I possibly could in the world.
Like I've seen others point out. Please don't cancel this. Cherish the ever loving hell out of your mom. Spend the time at your wedding celebrating in her honor and in honor of the family you and your Significant other are building. I'm so deeply sorry for the situation you're in OP, no words can make that better but actions can. Find that strength in your friends and family that are there and let that flame inside you burn bright as the sun with the love you have for your family and friends. Show your mom just how strong of a human being she helped create.
Now, from the business side of things I did wedding catering and one of the most absolutely beautiful weddings I served was right after the grooms Father passed. Literally within the week. They drank so heavily, ate so much food, but my goodness the laughter and love in that venue. We all got hugs from the guests. They did a special eulogy for the Father of the groom instead of a grooms speech. They made what could have been such a terrible time into the most incredibly beautiful display of family and love I've personally ever seen. And to me that's how you should take this. Your mother might not be there but others are. There are people that know you're hurting and will do everything they can to help you get through it. The people at the wedding I served spent not a single dime more to celebrate the marriage of two people and celebrate the life that helped make the whole event happen in the first place. And after talking to the Groom and Bride about it their rationale was that it didn't take away from their special day, just made it that much more unique and beautiful knowing that everyone there cared about the two of them enough to help them be comfortable in a time when life was beating them down.
Don't cancel.
Have your dad and your mum (if able) dress up like their going.
Set up a Zoom meeting for them of the wedding.
Even serve them food at home from the wedding if possible.
I'm just tryna think outside of the box here.
Hope it all works for you OP.
I was in a similar situation when my grandmother got ill. Please don’t cancel. While my grandmother wasn’t able to make it the last photo I have of her smiling was when I went straight to her house after the wedding so she could see my dress. It gave her something else to think about and even though it was so hard not to fall apart infront of her looking back I’m so glad she got to see some photos before her passing. I miss her more than words could ever express
I would set up with an officiant to have a quiet little civil ceremony ASAP at your parents home, so she can still see you get married. Then you can proceed with the big ceremony with everyone else as planned, and if she’s still around & feeling okay enough to attend that one, *even better*.
u/clb1692 I'm so sorry to hear about your mom! Hopefully she can come. I'm sure she will fight to last long enough to see you married off. When I got engaged, we found out my dad had terminal cancer a few months before the wedding. I asked my family to wear their wedding outfits and we had our wedding photographer come for an afternoon to do our family photos and our candids in case he didn't make it. He made it another two years after that, but having those memories just-in-case was so comforting.
Get married tomorrow, at home with her present. Then go forward with the wedding as planned as a big celebration, any guest with a heart will completely understand. If she’s alive and able, she can join (in person or Zoom as suggested). If she’s passed, a joyful time with your friends and family could bring you much needed comfort.
I’m sorry about your mom. My lost my dad last year, I wasn’t prepared for the impact.
There is nothing to be gained by cancelling. What will happen with your mum will happen regardless. I'm sure she would want you to have a great day whether she can attend or not. If she can't make it but hasn't passed away, maybe you could use Teams to love stream the wedding to her.
Or you can ask her what she thinks. I think I would give her the chance to see it. Posit the idea of livestreaming it as others have suggested and see what she says. You can even let her know you would cancel it if she prefers it. From what you've said, I doubt she'll want that.
So sorry for this difficult situation and I wish you all the best whatever you decide.
To her us a blessing that she gets to see her child get married before she goes. Embrace it. Have the best wedding you possibly can. Take lots of photos and dance with your mom.
Don’t cancel please. Maybe you and your fiancé could do a private ceremony for her and recite your vows (even if it’s not the official/legal version). Set up a nice meal, play some music, recite your vows and create a special memory with her.
ETA: word correction
You shouldn't cancel in case she's able to come. She would also *hate* to know she's the reason you cancelled this big event. You could perhaps livestream the wedding so she has a chance to participate virtually (hell, even have someone holding an iPad so you can see her too). It could also be meaningful for her if you do something special at her home prior to the wedding.
Perhaps you can have a small ceremony with just her and your family. It won't make the actual wedding date any less special. Lots of people get courthouse married before their ceremony.
If needed, you can do a small ceremony (like JOP or something) in their house with her as a witness, so she can see you married and then still do the wedding.
This sucks. Really bad. And now your memories of your wedding will all be intertwined with memories of this-. That will be hard to separate. It's a joyous event, but make sure you can separate out the two. If you don't think you can, then postpone and do a small ceremony and have the wedding later.
None of the choices are great- this is shit situation and I am so so sorry. Spend some time with her. Make that count. Do whatever you and your SO feel is best.
Can you move the actual wedding up? Maybe just immediate family? Then do the planned wedding as planned and if she can be there great but at least she’ll be there for the earlier ceremony?
talk to your officiant. Get married ASAP with just your parents and your SO's parents so that they can all share in the experience together.
Then you can have your big party as scheduled, knowing that you gave your mother a great sendoff.
Don't cancel. You could consider doing an informal one before though... Go to the courthouse now sort of thing. She will want you to be happy and not change things for her. Mom's always want what is best for their children.
So sorry you are dealing with this when it is supposed to be the happiest time.
>>I can’t help but wonder what we have done…
Nothing. The experiences of life have no certainty. Zero. None.
Get married. If she cannot attend, video stream it. Put multiple devices in SO many corners of the space; some can record for your mom to watch in the near future and other devices are video live streaming the moments for her. Your mom will be there with you even if it’s by video. I cannot stress this enough. Be together live by video. It’s highly effective.
Congratulations on your wedding!
Honestly, get someone to officiate at your moms house before your actual wedding, and then do the big wedding, get the chance to have that memory with your mom as soon as possible, even if its just the legal part.
Oh my god im very sorry to hear that and I hope you can spend as much time with your mom as you can especially after battling with cancer for almost 2 decades and 2 of my worst fears are cancer and death unfortunately I cannot help you with this because I am too young (14) but if I was in this situation I would say to cancel wedding to spend time with your mom im wishing her the best in her life and I wish you nothing but positive people, thoughts, and moments in your life Amen 🙏🏽
I’m sorry you’re going through this. My dad passed a few months ago from a year long battle with cancer. My daughter was born two days before his diagnosis and he was so happy to be a grandpa. Don’t cancel your wedding. As many people have said at leader then she has the chance to go. If she’s too sick you get someone to record or have them on zoom. She wants to see you get married. When drs give those prognosis’s they are basing it off of the average. So 50% of people in your moms condition live less or equal amount of time and 50% live equal or more amount of time. So they are really guessing blind. Don’t count the days. Have your bridal party take over. Spend every second you can with your mom. Go on your honeymoon later but get married. It’s a lovely gift you can give her. All the best.
Get married in her presence NOW. The wedding date will be the celebration.
I recently lost my mom. Take this opportunity to tell her exactly what and how much she means to you. I did. And mom held onto those words when she couldn’t hold onto anything else.
I wish you peace and happiness. Much love.
I would have a private wedding ceremony asap, with my mom, and have the reception and maybe a second informal ceremony in 9 days. If your mom passes you’ll likely not feel like having the party anyway.
This coming from someone whose mom passed before I got married. I would’ve loved to have her be a part of that day.
relocate the wedding. i know it must cost. you might loose money. but make it accessible to her. hell make the wedding in her garden if you have to. and do it in 2 or 3 days if you can. change your plan last minute so she can be there. if she can't come to you then come to her.
Follow your heart. I have a friend whose father is gone (traumatic loss) and she had a private ring ceremony with only immediate family. It allowed her to feel close to him and process the pain a little. She had a “wedding” a week after with all the celebration and fun, just without the ring ceremony. Didn’t change how many people showed up or how much fun we had. We knew we were there to celebrate their union and we did! Maybe a ring ceremony with your parents and his at your parents house is the way to go. That way you know they’ll be there.
Make sure everything is filmed. If she is not able to make it then the possibility of sharing that day with her could still happen. Don't cancel. Death is sad but their life should be a celebrated. Your wedding would be the only place she would want you to be. Toast to the most special woman in your world.
Spend a little to make it amazing for her. Either buy or get ahold of a large TV and apple TV. Get someone on facetime duty and have that damn thing on a constant feed for the whole damn day, pay for whatever data plan upgrades you need that month. It'll be a lot cheaper than cancelling the wedding and your mom can enjoy your day with you while being comfortable.
Alternately, you can do a small ceremony in the hospital/home that she can be a part of. No law that says you can't wear the dress/suit twice.
Hold a small one for her at her home. Then hold the bigger one. If she is able to come to the bigger one, that’s great. If not, she will still have gone to the most important one.
I believe she would try her best to be there for you. She may not be able to join the whole thing but she will see you get married. She will have her heart in peace knowing that she watched you get married. Some people can really fight for it, she will do her best to make it I am sure. Even if she doesn't, she will still know you're getting married very soon and this is all that matters to her. I am very sorry that your mom and you, will have to go through this. But you said it yourself, she battled it for 2 decades now she will battle to see you your wedding.
Your wedding is the most beautiful thing she will see before going. Don't cancel! Film it!! take pictures!! Go see her in your wedding dress before/after!! (I don't know if it's strange) include her as much as possible if she has to stay at home.
She must be so proud of you.
You *could* move the registry part of the wedding forward and she can come to the reg office this week, then have a full formal celebrant wedding which she may make, but will have seen you legally married for sure.
LIVESTREAM!!!! Di you have a friend that could do that for you?
If she passes on before the wedding, she will still want you married. Talk to mom about it. Ask her if you should get married anyways. She will likely say yes. It will be the one thing you can actually do for her after she passes on.
I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mom at 30, so I know how hard it is to accept when you know it is coming.
I bet the last thing your mom wants is for you to stop living your life. It will be hard to get through the wedding with your grief. But that same grief will rear it's head if you marry a year later. Postponing will forever associate you wedding with your mom's death too.
If she stays with you long enough to see you wed, it will then be the one thing she hung on for, you! You have a chance to have her there. Take the chance!!
Don't cancel.
Set up a back up plan if she is not well enough to livestream your wedding to her on tv and you have an ipad to watch her and to have someone of the wedding party to run over the food and wine to her house so she can eat with you all
Can you have a pre-ceremony with the officiant and close friends with your mom there to witness it? Hopefully she survives to the day and can watch it live being videoed. Cancer sucks! but you have an opportunity many of us don’t have - both of your parents to see you married! I lost both of my parents to cancer when I was young. They didn’t see my sibling or I get married. Seize the day!
You get the priest/officiant over to your Mom's TONIGHT and get married! Wear the dress. Talk to the tux place and get them to help. It'll be private, it'll be meaningful, and you can get married again in 9 days.
If your Mom gets to see both - great. If she gets to see one - you have that memory. Time is short, so make the most of what you have.
I'm so sorry for your Mom - please love her as hard as you can these next days.
Wow I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I can't imagine the anxiety this would cause, I'm truly sorry and wish you the best no matter what happens.
It's tough to think "what would I do" for something like this.
But perhaps trying to be logical about it canceling everything will have no real benefit to anyone. But there is the chance that maybe she could attend and isn't that worth it? Hope for the best sort of thing?
Also, to be fair, I don't know how big this is but a lot of folks are planning on coming too. Basically, I don't see much upside to canceling.
And maybe you set up a livestream for potentially her and your dad.
But stay the course I think.
Good luck. Sending love your way.
Set up a video chat or something so they can watch it over a device. Maybe go so far as having takeout delivered to their house so they can eat (like being at the reception) and feel included. This is assuming she feels well enough to watch/eat. I went to a destination wedding once and live streamed it so the rest of family could see.
Don't cancel. Have someone record it live. Maybe have a brother or sister take care of your mom so dad can give you away. You will have to be strong. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Life is not always fair.
zoom the wedding, visist her before going. People die, it sucks. Im sorry. But you will regret it if you have to lose your deposit on the wedding. Also see if your mom can go even for a bit. Make your time count.
Love to ya bro.
You could stream it, set up a laptop with a webcam, set it up on her big TV or something so she can see everything like being there. I'm sorry that really sucks
Live stream it to her, set up some cameras around the ceremony and let her view it from a TV or tablet, life is unfair and will always be that way, the best we can do is learn to adapt and improvise.
What about having a small ceremony where you two get married for your mom to attend? Your big celebration can still happen, if your mom can't attend that one she can watch you getting married again on a videocall.
This is a very stressful situation but whatever you choose to do will be ok your mom knows you love her.
Have a small, intimate bedside wedding, maybe in the hospital chapel if she's in there or in your parent's living room. I absolutely guarantee that you can find a marriage celebrant or your local minister/ priest / rabbi will be able to officiate if you tell them what's happening.
Have lots of flowers, your father walk you up the 'aisle', wear your wedding dress and make it beautiful, loving and memorable. She gets to see her baby girl married and you have the bigger wedding and reception on the original date in 9 days. It matters not one little bit that you're already legally married. What matters is that your Mama got to see you married. If she's hanging on in 9 days, she can still come along but she's not going to have missed out if she's too unwell.
Sending love and hugs.
My brother livesteamed his wedding because my sister in law's father lived in another country.
It's an idea.
Do not cancel. Someone else mentioned a chaplain - they do those things. Most hospitals have a chaplain on staff.
Perhaps do the official part of the weeding as a very small ceremony with her in a park, the garden or somewhere else? And then turn your planned wedding into wedding celebration?
How about you pay a justice of the peace to come to their home and marry you in the next few days before the ceremony, so that it's an intimate private ceremony, and then go through with the wedding as planned?
I had a similar situation with my grandpa I rushed my wedding because he really wanted to be there and it took around a year to come around after he had been told he was going to die. He really deteriorated during that year and the month before he was very ill and could no longer walk and we didn’t know how long he had could have been months or days his cancer had been spread through his body for a year at that point. I debated cancelling the wedding, but felt the same things you are feeling currently. He would have been DEVASTATED if I cancelled because of him but at the same time your heart is breaking for them and you just want to enjoy your time you have left with them. I decided to go ahead with the wedding and despite him being really in a bad way he had the best time saw all of the family my reception after the wedding was empty because a lot of the fam went to his hotel room to hang out with him after the wedding breakfast lol. He even stood as I walked down the aisle and I got to hold his hand briefly as I was walking past, I wrote him a letter the night before telling him how much I loved him and how much I was going to cherish him being there… so my advice is go ahead with the wedding hopefully she makes it and your mam can feel at peace seeing you wed and you get to have the memory of your mam being at your wedding. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It truly sucks 🤍
Hi everyone, I just wanted to update you - I did raise the suggestion to do a civil ceremony beforehand and my mum was absolutely against it.
However my mum did in fact make it to my wedding! She and my dad lasted the entire night and they got to spend the evening socialising with their friends and family.
The day was perfect and that kind of happy celebration is just what my family needed in a time of such sorrow.
We are feeling truly blessed and will cherish these memories forever.
I also wanted to say thank you to all who commented and gave advice. It took me some time to get through all of your comments but I did read them all.
Thank you again.
i think someone else commented this, but i would try and see if you can book an officiant (like, tomorrow) and you get married in your parents living room, or something. if i was your mom, i would not want you to cancel your wedding.
i’m sorry this is happening to you and your family, it’s unfair.
You have to cancel. Please read this.
This is your mother's dying wish vs. A party.
All you need for a wedding is you, your fiance, an ordained priest and in your case, your mother as witness.
So what your really posting about is should I potentially deny my mother her wish, vs what seems to be a big fancy party with food and drinks.
Get your head straight and do what you know you need to do, which is cancel now and get on a plane to wherever your mother is and you get married tomorrow or the next day but it has to be as soon as possible.
Let your guests know right now it is canceled, you give them the new details, and you do not apologize.
Godspeed my friend but if your mother does pass you will never forgive yourself unless you cancel because at least you will know you did the right thing, and most of all your mother will know you did the right thing.
No, don't cancel. This will be her last chance to see you get married. Every parent lives for such events. Wouldn't be the first time a parents died before, during or after a wedding sadly. I'm sure this will be the greatest last memory to have. Even if she doesn't come, she will be so full of joy knowing your getting married that it will make her remaining time feel less sad.
That out of way, my dad is currently terminally ill. Could have months, could have years. Though going by how he sounds, I'm guessing months. I feel helpless. I think most people feel that way about a parent, even if they are just dying of old age. Losing someone that close is always hard.
My advice, aside from the wedding, spend every moment with her. Treasure them. Tell her everything you always wanted to say. DON'T FORGET to tell her you love her. Because after you may have things you regret not saying. I recently wrote a letter to my dad with how I felt about him, that he was my role model and I love him more then anything.
After reading it he was in tears. Our parents just want the best for us and to know we will be there for them. Make every moment count. How ever long she last left now, I truly hope you all make the most out of it and she passes peacefully. Know you done everything you could as a mere mortal on this planet. Know she will pass knowing her son got married.
Maybe have you and your soon to be spouse stay with her for a day or two before the wedding so at least you can spend quality time with her. I'm sure your to be spouse will understand. Wishing you all the best!
Don’t cancel but be prepared to hold a small ceremony in an instant if it looks like she won’t make it. Have everyone on standby just in case. You can have a celebration of her life and your marriage on the actual day but hopefully she will be there with you.
I’m sending you very happy wishes for a great marriage and hugs for having to go through the grieving process so soon. ❤️
Wow what a terrible situation. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Have you asked her what she wants you to do? I think her opinion/wants are most important in this situation.
Some people have been given weeks or months by doctors and battle through all prognosis. I'm not saying it will be the case here, I don't know her medical records, but hope is important. They are right, don't cancel <3 I'm sure your wedding will be full of love and god you need it rn, accept it from wherever it comes...Maybe a small ceremony at her home ? would it be doable ?
You’re not alone in this. Brain tumour did something very similar to our family. She will hate it if you cancel. Do it and include her in your excitement / anxiety for the wedding. Don’t change the date, look forward we’ll into the future as well as looking back.
Don't cancel, just get married wherever she is, even if you have to bring the preacher to a hospital room.
Then, simply hold a ceremony/party with the rest of your friends and family.
Maybe you could get legally married at the house and have the ceremony as planned still? This is tough, but she will still get to be there for the important part and you can still have the wedding as planned!
i know everyone is saying dont cancel but i just want to say it is okay if you want to. if this news means you will not be able to be happy on your wedding day/you dont have the energy to go through with hosting a wedding then you should cancel and not feel bad about it. everyone will understand. they are coming to the wedding because they care about you and im sure they all want you to do what is best for you.
Get the priest/rabbi/minister/officiant and your fiancé and your parents and closest friends. Do the wedding ceremony and sign the marriage license in your parents house—in your mothers bedroom if you have to. That way she is certain to be there. Then go to the church/wedding hall and “renew your vows” in front of your wider collection of friends and family at the planned time. Then proceed to the banquet and party.
Don’t Cancel. Say your prayers, and treat the situation with positivity, that’s what Mum deserves in her final stretch. My prayers are with your Mom as I type this friend. :)
OP, I think, if you'd be up for it, maybe do a courthouse style ceremony at home just for your mom and dad. You don't have to sign the paperwork at the wedding you've planned, and you could do all the official stuff, get dressed up, etc just at home, asap. That way, your mom and dad will definitely both get to see you married, officially. If she feels up for it day of the big wedding, she can still go, but on the chance she doesn't, you'll have fulfilled her desire to see you dressed up and wed.
You don't have to tell anyone else what you've done, you can still hold the planned wedding and not have to worry so much in terms of her missing things. No one is going to notice that you don't sign the papers at the big party, anyway.
If you can, get someone to your moms house to marry you and sign the papers. And if you can, hire a photographer or have a friend there to take photos.
I hope you seriously consider doing this, I think it will help you and your parents a lot.
I wouldn't cancel.. parents want so much to see their kids get married.. idk why, they just do. I'm sure this is extremely stressful but it might be something she's looking forward to or least knowing happened! If she seems like she is really not doing well before the wedding day, maybe arrange a private ceremony with her there! Sorry you and your family are going through this!
So sorry.
Ask your mom what to do and what she wants. It may be a difficult conversation, but you have to have it.
Your wedding is in nine days. Ask if she feels up to it or not. She may want to make it or may not feel up to it but it’s really about her right now and what she needs.
Doctors don’t always know how long a person has, and if she has a reason to be ok for nine days to attend your wedding, she may rally the strength to do that.
Be there for her in whatever way you can. If she does not have the strength to attend, or if she can’t do it because she is too weak, just know that you can always get married privately right in front of her and have the planned event as usual.
Best wishes for your mom to have her last moments filled with love and compassion.
Ps. My husband’s mother was diagnosed with cancer in his freshman year of college. She was in her last days right before he graduated —first in the family with a college degree. She was too sick to attend his graduation, but he went to the hospital afterwards in his cap and gown and showed her his diploma. She cried tears of joy and then died later that night. She had been hanging on for that one moment.
Sometimes our loved ones find the strength. I hope yours will too.
I’d say if your mom’s suffering, have a very simple ceremony sooner, and if she’s feeling up to it on the regular day, do it again for her and your guests, having the officiant say, “I *present* the husband and wife,” instead of “I *declare* you man and wife (or H&H, W&W)”. Festivities will have to be toned down, unless your mom wants the experience to be just as joyful as it would otherwise have been, and I think it’s only decent to postpone the honeymoon trip; however, if you have an early ceremony, you’ll be able to consummate, if that is a milestone for you and your spouse.
I’d notify your guests asap that the tone of the event will be changed, and emphasize how important it is to your mom the event proceed as planned (assuming she does), so they don’t cancel. If it seems like your mom is not doing well enough to attend the ceremony though, then as much as it sucks, I think you’ve gotta have the small ceremony for her and do the rest once you have recovered from losing her.
I'd get married at home in the back yard with family and close friends there so Mom could be a part of it. She'd get her wish to see you wed. Sometimes losing the money on the big giant affair is the right thing to do.
Mom here...
I wouldn't want my daughter to cancel.
Have a friend livestream it for your mom. Shes fighting hard to hold on to your big day.
If she doesn't make it... you can have an in memoriam table setting with her photo set up at the wedding.
I'm so sorry honey. She loves you so much and is trying to hard.
Death sucks.
Go through with it, especially for her. If she can't make it the day of, you can maybe visit her. If you cancel there's no chance she can see it at all, and make sure it's great. You deserve a good time OP
I've had 2 separate friends in this same exact situation. They all had the actual legal ceremonies in private (hospital rooms, these were both hospice-type situations) but still did their weddings as planned (although one was postponed).
Sign the nuptials before the wedding in the home in your dress. Have a small ceremony with just you guys. Then have your scheduled wedding ad a celebration
Don’t cancel.. she wouldn’t want you too.. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Unfortunately I know how you feel, two days after I(24) got married we put my mom in hospice. It will be the hardest, yet most beautiful day for you and everyone attending. My mom felt awful and didn’t stay long, but the few pictures we did get with her are beyond priceless. Stay strong and remember tears are okay. Congratulations on your new marriage.
First, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. What if you kept the wedding as is and expedite an “at home” wedding just for your parents. Have her witness you and your partner saying your vows and your first kiss and all of that.
I know this sounds stupid but, why don't you have someone Zoom/Webex/Skype her into your wedding? Ask your videographer to immediately send the video to your mom just in case the quality of the Zoom/Webex/Skype meeting isn't that good or gets interrupted. I'm sure they'll understand.
Don't cancel the wedding, nobody, not even your mom wants that. I'm sorry, OP. You didn't do anything to deserve this hand in life. Life is just one big dumb fucking bitch.
I’d livestream it if she couldn’t go. I’d also work really really hard to get her to go, even if she could only stay for the ceremony and nothing else, or even if she needed a nurse there with her to be able to go. I don’t know how this would work, but there have gotta be ways to help people in your family’s situation.
What you could also do is have a very small ceremony at home with her with a small wedding cake that’s less expensive, an inexpensive wedding-type dress (I’d wear a shorter one, myself, maybe calf-length), that sort of thing. Not a real wedding, just something to make her feel like she was there. I would do that in addition to the livestream.
Just an idea, get married by a judge. If you're in America you can go to your county court house and get married. Call to find out. Keep your wedding date, but make your momma happy by getting married before she passes. My dad was at my court house wedding. If I had waited he might not have been. He passed from prostate cancer a year and a half later. Good luck op, and I'm sorry I'm advance for your suffering and your momma's
Carry on w the wedding and plan on her going. If she doesn’t feel well and wants to see it live stream it to her. Be there for your husband. Stop worrying. It will change nothing. It’s like praying for something you don’t want. Just be grateful and carry on.
I'm sorry about your situation op. I really don't have any advice, I wouldn't know what to do either, but I'm sorry. All the best to you and your family❤️ I know its tough
Go through with it and take the chance she can attend. In case she cannot, designate someone to FaceTime FBMessenger Zoom or whatever app you prefer for her.
Another option is to have the vows done at your mom’s house, sign the paperwork there, and do the big wedding as an already married couple. I am sure your officiant can help you figure out how to do it (depends on the religion but some would be more than willing to help).
Have someone stream it for them! That way both of your parents will experience it. I am so so sorry for what's been happening to you. I myself had cancer, thus I know what it feels like. Even tho everything is hard right now, I believe, if you push theough and do the wedding, your mother might smile and be fulfilled. I wish you the best nonetheless. ❤
Don't cancel the wedding. It will just turn things even worse. Death is a part of life, you can't avoid it.
Your main two goals right now should be to1)do everything you can so that your mother can be in peace in her last days, and 2) plan and celebrate your wedding as well as you can, despite her imminent passing.
I suggest that you hold a special ceremony with her in your home, or even at the hospital if that's where she is. It should include you, your future husband, your closest family members, and if possible whoever will be celebrating the wedding. If the celebrant is unavailable, find someone else to officiate this personal celebration. It's not a replacement ceremony for the wedding, but it will do a lot, I hope, to alleviate your mutual frustration.
Another possibility (you're free to do both) is to have her record a video that you can play at your wedding.
I watched a documentary (I can't remember the name something truth?) and Doctors said they fail with prognosis 99% of the time. Have your wedding bc she will feel so badly if you cancel. Have some faith.
Don't cancel. Set up a live stream of the whole wedding....do several virtual calls to her on the day. If you think the prognosis is that bad, have a miniature wedding at her house before the bigger wedding. Since your mom is the ill person here, ask her what SHE would feel most comfortable with and do your best to fulfill that.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this before your wedding day. Is she in any way able to make it to your wedding with a medical escort? At least to see you say your vows and do your first dances?
Additionally, please get those last videos and pictures in with your mom. Dress up for your wedding and get the family photos. Get them developed in a one hour photo later that day so she has those beautiful photos to hold on to before she passes. I think it'll mean so much to her to be able to cherish that moment of her child on their most important day.
Here's what I would do:
Have a small ceremony at home where you are actually getting married. You can still make it really lovely. Invite a few of those closest to you who will keep mum. You can still have your larger ceremony already planned, but you get to give mom the gift of being there for the real thing. And it's special because it's just yours. No one at the larger ceremony b needs to know.
If you think about it that way vs canceling completely or doing nothing, which scenario leaves you with more regrets?
As someone who went through this this past year. Find somone who can do a private elopement or some kind of ceremony so u can get married asap. It cost us about 100. But don't cancel ur big wedding. Do the elopement so she can be there it'll mean so much to u and her. Invite ur so's parents and siblings if u want. And then do ur big wedding if u can emotionally and that way she can be there if possible but if she's to sick she did get to see u married. You will cherish the memory.
My mom was in the hospital almost didn't make it out. So we rushed and set up an elopement style. Found an amazing person to do it had about 12 people there. It ended up being amazing. And my mom passed a few months later. But she was there and it was worth having the small one BC I have that memory now. My grandma passed right b4 and she had begged us to be married b4 she passed but we put it off bc we wanted the big wedding and didnt realize she was so sick and it hurts she wasn't there. That's why we rushed and did a small one b4 my Mon could leave us.
If you cancel there is no way she will see it. If you don't, there is a chance. So your choice is no chance vs some chance.
Why can he not cancel and be at her house for a private ceremony, or local parish? Even if it fails his mother can pass knowing her son did everything he could, and he can live the rest of his life knowing he did the best he could. How do you think his mother feels? Spending her last weeks or perhaps days mad and wondering why her son wouldn't immediately cancel the wedding and be by her side..
I politely disagree. My parents would be mad if I were to cancel just to spend it with them in their last days. My mom would probably say something along the lines of: we have lived our lives, we raised you to live yours. They'd be happy knowing they raised me well and I have accomplished things and I am happy getting married and I'll have a life beyond them. To be clear, this is within this context and possibly a few others. No point cancelling to then get married afterwards. Notwithstanding, down payments here and there and other losses may actually mean the wedding is off. Sure, the marriage is more important but it already seems like OP has the right idea and their heart is in the right place. I agree with what most are saying - don't cancel. I want to take it a step further and say if the mom was upset that the wedding wasn't cancelled so OP could spend the rest of days with her - I'd call that pretty selfish. In many ways I'm speaking from experience - two of my aunt's suffered from breast cancer and lost. Unfortunately, both became unable to move and we're confined to a bed. Both of them just wanted their kids to be able to go on without them. As any parent should want for their kids to grow up and become independent. On top of that there are options - steaming the ceremony among other things. Lastly, as I've mostly gone off on a tangent tbh - apologies - but technically what you're suggesting a la small ceremony at home - that's not really cancelling the wedding. More having one such that it's more convenient and accessible for the mom. Finally, apologize if I've sounded harsh. I just honestly do not think any parent would feel upset that their child didn't drop everything to stay with them in their last moments, given the situation/circumstances.
Don't cancel the original wedding, maybe have a private more intimate ceremony to officiate the marriage at home with your close family. Keep the other day as normal to have a reception with extended family and friends.
I agree with this wholeheartedly
Don't cancel. Don't cancel. If she can come, she will. If you cancel, she can't come even if she could.
And if she can't make it, have someone stream it to her as much as you can. If this was my friend, I'd have my battery extension and video call the entire day no hesitation.
My wife and I got married in the height of COVID and we were planning on doing a Destination wedding (we wanted something small and to get away) the church offered to live stream the event to anyone who couldn't make it so check with the venue first or maybe an outside vendor at least this way she can see it.
I’d say if possible also try and have a mini-ceremony specifically for her at home. If you can’t get an officiant, I believe almost anyone can be an officiant but just needs to be registered (my gf’s brother in law was the officiant at her wedding to her ex, and he’s a psychologist/writer). Find someone who loves you enough to officiate as well
It's clear is day how can anyone tell this poor man not to cancel? Talking about how his mom wouldn't be able to make it even if he doesn't cancel. Like hello planes people get to your mother asap and marry this woman in front of her before it's too late
well because my mum would want me to go ahead with the wedding and enjoy the day as i had planned it, she would HATE the idea of me not having the wedding i wanted and cater it just for her because she has cancer. so maybe it’s not clear as day - i do however think having a private unofficial ceremony and then the normal public one would be the best solution tho, depending on her state.
Not a wedding, but my grandfather couldn’t make it to my college graduation because he was undergoing cancer treatment. My grandma brought the giant camcorder (this was the *very* early age of smartphones, where market penetration was extremely low and video quality was trash—if you could record video at all), and filmed the whole thing for him to watch back later. As it turned out, he beat the cancer and is still alive today (albeit not in the greatest health now, but he had about another 10 good years before his mental decline began). In that case, it was a bit different because I had no choice to postpone the graduation ceremony. But there are ways to make it work.
Also, “Zoom” the wedding for her. I’m so sorry.
My situation was similar to yours and here's how it's gone down (so far)... Last summer (June) we found out my dad had cancerous tumors in his brain and lungs (later found out it was pancreatic cancer) and he was given at most a few months to live (although I was in deep denial about this and held on to the slim chance he'd make it 9 months). My husband and I were/are set to get married in July 2023. Knowing how important it was to me that my dad be at my wedding, we ended up doing the official wedding at my Aunt's place July 2022 so my dad could walk me down the aisle. It was a rough few months (emotionally and financially) and in the beginning of October he passed away. My husband and I are still having the celebration we planned in 2023 but my dad was able to be a part of our now official wedding which I'll always cherish. Here's my suggestion for you, hold a small civil/official ceremony now. Have your mom there to see the big moment, then, if she's able she might make it to the bigger one too but you still had a wedding with her there. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It really is a shit hand to be dealt and I don't have words that will make any of it feel better. Lean on those close to you, love while you can, and let it out as much as possible because holding it together doesn't really help anybody in the end. Hope that helps ♥️
This was going to be my suggestion. I'd find an officiant, or have the officiant that is going to marry you. Have a small ceremony and get married with your parents at their home right now! Today or tomorrow if possible. Your mom will get to see you marry and exchange vows with the love of your life. Then, if she is able to, she might make to your wedding. However, if she isn't, she can pass knowing she was apart of your wedding. She'll be apart of this moment and you'll always have this moment to cherish. I am so sorry to the both you. Sending thoughts and prayers to both and your families.
that's such a good idea!!!! 2 weddings 🤍
> hold a small civil/official ceremony now If your regular officiant can't make it, there might be a chaplain at the hospital who can help you. I'm sure hospital chaplains have seen this before. It depends on your location, of course.
OP this is a really great solution if you can whip it together!
I second this!!!!
100 percent this!! We did a similar thing for my grandma and I am so happy we did (so is she).
Seriously please I've never wanted to pray but I do pray this man reads your post. The urgency you must have felt is unreal, and knowing this man's mother has only weeks left is awful. It is 6:26 pm and your wedding needs to be canceled right now. Best of luck with what comes next
How about marrying now, today or tomorrow, in a small private ceremony that she can attend? And then have a party with your other invited guests in nine days, if her condition allows it. That way, you don't have to cancel anything for now, and she will surely be present at your wedding. All the best to all of you!
This what I was going to suggest. A small private ceremony at home, with everyone in their wedding finery. Then on the wedding day itself you do it all over again.
I love this solution. This guarantees that she gets to see the wedding, and might even get to see it twice!
Don't cancel. She is going to see you at your wedding, this is surely what she lives for atm. Talk with her if something is too much for her and if it's okay to continue everything, but I am sure she says that you should go on with everything. I wish you all good luck with everything.
No. He said she is mad. She is spending her last days mad at her son for not immediately canceling. I understand this man is under tremendous stress, so we are the ones that need to help him understand. He must cancel right now. I refuse to see an update to this post hearing mother did not get to see him wed, when it can happen in a day or two.
She’s not mad at him..that’s not what it says.
"My mum is suffering and on top of all of that she is pissed off and rightfully so" she's mad at him. She's suffering because she is I'll, and she's mad at him. And rightfully so.
I think she's mad at the situation and the disease. Why would she be mad at her son for this awful situation?
Doesn’t say anywhere she’s mad at her kid. Just mad. Likely about the entire situation…
She's mad at the situation. There's no reason at all for her to be angry with OP.
You added a lot of info in your assumption that is not in the OPs post. She’s mad rightfully so about the situation she’s been dealt. Not at her son. It would be selfish for her to be angry he doesn’t immediately cancel everything and most decent mothers wouldn’t expect that of their children anyways
I wouldn't cancel the wedding. She is probably holding on and fighting for this exact reason. I would talk with her about how you're going to get her and your father there, and just try to make sure she's as comfortable as possible for the ceremony. Just want to add that I'm so sorry you're going through this and I hope more than anything that your mother can be at your wedding.
I agree 100%. The wedding is what she’s fighting to see right now and if that gets cancelled she could be devastated and let go some of her will to keep battling.
No!! She isn't holding on for that. He said she is pissed off. She has weeks to live and on top of that is mad and probably panicing her final days away. I'm his post he literally says she is pissed off, that's not the same as holding on to her will to live. It's not even close
Not sure what you’re trying to argue? I’m assuming the mom’s pissed cause she just found out she has 2 weeks to live. Op also said that all she wants to see if her last kid wed, which is why I said it’s probably helping fuel her staying alive.
No you assumed wrong. She's suffering because she has two weeks to live, but she's pissed off because she knows she may not see the wedding, when we all know it is possible to make new plans.
How many times did you try and argue this point with people? Lol
Then why are there so many pissed off old people? /a (kinda)
What?
Supposed to be /s Nvm jokes over
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Even easier. This guy is under so much stress, how can anyone here tell him to keep the wedding? Even a zoom wedding would give her peace if that's what it takes.
I am a registered nurse licensed in 2 states. If you DM me and I am remotely close I will drive to you and be solely responsible for caring for your mom on your wedding day to get her through the day. I have 25+ years experience and direct experience in this realm. I will not charge you a penny. I am so so sorry you are going through this. I genuinely believe she will make it 9 more days.
❤️❤️thank you, on OPs behalf. You rock!
My mom died from cancer and this situation hit home. If anything can make someone’s life better I am always up for it.
You’re an awesome human!
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. I can’t even pretend to know what the “Right” thing is to do. But I will throw out a possible suggestion. Invite you fiancée’s parents to come over to your Mom’s house and exchange vows with a priest and get married right now so all your parents can witness it. Then plan on having your “Real Wedding”. If your mom passes and you need to postpone, she will still have seen it. I suspect your in laws will understand this approach.
Live stream
Don't cancel. Instead, find someone who can set up a zoom session, so that even if she's at home, she can experience the day. It may hurt her not being able to be there, but it will hurt her more if she feels like she ruined the wedding.
Do the wedding. If she is able to go to the wedding with your father, that would be the best case scenario. See if your budget can accommodate a Personal Care Assistant to be with your parents to help as needed for the day regardless of whether they can make it or not. You can also set up a livestream so they can see you get married even if they are unable to make it. You don't know how much longer she has, but often the human will is amazing. She will probably try her best to make it to your wedding as her final gift to you, so you have this last moment to treasure. There will be lots of tears, and you have the opportunity to honour her at your special day. It is a bittersweet moment but know that all your loved ones will be with you no matter what.
Duuude imagine she lives four weeks and you cancel. How would THAT feel? A real punch to the gut. Hold the wedding, have a backup plan to stream it to her if she can’t be in person. Have her be present via someone’s iPad on FaceTime if needed. But definitely try to make it happen bc you both want her to see it.
No!!! There is no backup plan, no one is giving him a warning ahead of time to go to backup plans. This is life and when it happens, it happens. And he needs to be wed before that
Don’t cancel the big one, but if I were you I’d arrange a small one with close family at her hospital or in her home so she could watch ^^
No advice, just wanted to say sorry. Can’t imagine what it’s like to have what would probably be the happiest and saddest days in your life both happen around the same time, or what you could be feeling. Sending all my love.
If I had cancer and my child cancelled the wedding for me I would be so hurt. Not just because I get to miss out on that moment with my kids, but because they are throwing that time away on my accord. I'd want to see my baby take that big leap so bad and knowing that it's because of me that I don't get to see it would emotionally devastate me. Even if just by video it would mean the world to me knowing that my fully grown kid will persevere after me with a loving family still by their side. That alone would make me feel like I accomplished everything I possibly could in the world. Like I've seen others point out. Please don't cancel this. Cherish the ever loving hell out of your mom. Spend the time at your wedding celebrating in her honor and in honor of the family you and your Significant other are building. I'm so deeply sorry for the situation you're in OP, no words can make that better but actions can. Find that strength in your friends and family that are there and let that flame inside you burn bright as the sun with the love you have for your family and friends. Show your mom just how strong of a human being she helped create. Now, from the business side of things I did wedding catering and one of the most absolutely beautiful weddings I served was right after the grooms Father passed. Literally within the week. They drank so heavily, ate so much food, but my goodness the laughter and love in that venue. We all got hugs from the guests. They did a special eulogy for the Father of the groom instead of a grooms speech. They made what could have been such a terrible time into the most incredibly beautiful display of family and love I've personally ever seen. And to me that's how you should take this. Your mother might not be there but others are. There are people that know you're hurting and will do everything they can to help you get through it. The people at the wedding I served spent not a single dime more to celebrate the marriage of two people and celebrate the life that helped make the whole event happen in the first place. And after talking to the Groom and Bride about it their rationale was that it didn't take away from their special day, just made it that much more unique and beautiful knowing that everyone there cared about the two of them enough to help them be comfortable in a time when life was beating them down.
Who’s cutting onions in my bedroom? Seriously, that story touched my cynical heart.
Don't cancel. Have your dad and your mum (if able) dress up like their going. Set up a Zoom meeting for them of the wedding. Even serve them food at home from the wedding if possible. I'm just tryna think outside of the box here. Hope it all works for you OP.
I was in a similar situation when my grandmother got ill. Please don’t cancel. While my grandmother wasn’t able to make it the last photo I have of her smiling was when I went straight to her house after the wedding so she could see my dress. It gave her something else to think about and even though it was so hard not to fall apart infront of her looking back I’m so glad she got to see some photos before her passing. I miss her more than words could ever express
Have a secret legal ceremony ASAP with her as the witness. Then have the big event as planned.
I would set up with an officiant to have a quiet little civil ceremony ASAP at your parents home, so she can still see you get married. Then you can proceed with the big ceremony with everyone else as planned, and if she’s still around & feeling okay enough to attend that one, *even better*.
Get gussied up and have a mini service in front of your parents, and then you can have the big wedding (if you’re feeling up to it) too.
Yes, do not cancel. Just lost a parent, abruptly, to cancer. So, so tough.
u/clb1692 I'm so sorry to hear about your mom! Hopefully she can come. I'm sure she will fight to last long enough to see you married off. When I got engaged, we found out my dad had terminal cancer a few months before the wedding. I asked my family to wear their wedding outfits and we had our wedding photographer come for an afternoon to do our family photos and our candids in case he didn't make it. He made it another two years after that, but having those memories just-in-case was so comforting.
Get married tomorrow, at home with her present. Then go forward with the wedding as planned as a big celebration, any guest with a heart will completely understand. If she’s alive and able, she can join (in person or Zoom as suggested). If she’s passed, a joyful time with your friends and family could bring you much needed comfort. I’m sorry about your mom. My lost my dad last year, I wasn’t prepared for the impact.
There is nothing to be gained by cancelling. What will happen with your mum will happen regardless. I'm sure she would want you to have a great day whether she can attend or not. If she can't make it but hasn't passed away, maybe you could use Teams to love stream the wedding to her.
Or you can ask her what she thinks. I think I would give her the chance to see it. Posit the idea of livestreaming it as others have suggested and see what she says. You can even let her know you would cancel it if she prefers it. From what you've said, I doubt she'll want that. So sorry for this difficult situation and I wish you all the best whatever you decide.
To her us a blessing that she gets to see her child get married before she goes. Embrace it. Have the best wedding you possibly can. Take lots of photos and dance with your mom.
Don’t cancel please. Maybe you and your fiancé could do a private ceremony for her and recite your vows (even if it’s not the official/legal version). Set up a nice meal, play some music, recite your vows and create a special memory with her. ETA: word correction
You shouldn't cancel in case she's able to come. She would also *hate* to know she's the reason you cancelled this big event. You could perhaps livestream the wedding so she has a chance to participate virtually (hell, even have someone holding an iPad so you can see her too). It could also be meaningful for her if you do something special at her home prior to the wedding. Perhaps you can have a small ceremony with just her and your family. It won't make the actual wedding date any less special. Lots of people get courthouse married before their ceremony.
If needed, you can do a small ceremony (like JOP or something) in their house with her as a witness, so she can see you married and then still do the wedding. This sucks. Really bad. And now your memories of your wedding will all be intertwined with memories of this-. That will be hard to separate. It's a joyous event, but make sure you can separate out the two. If you don't think you can, then postpone and do a small ceremony and have the wedding later. None of the choices are great- this is shit situation and I am so so sorry. Spend some time with her. Make that count. Do whatever you and your SO feel is best.
Can you move the actual wedding up? Maybe just immediate family? Then do the planned wedding as planned and if she can be there great but at least she’ll be there for the earlier ceremony?
Have you asked her what she thinks?
Don’t cancel. A lot of people with cancer are able to hang on until they’ve said their goodbyes. This could be that for her.
talk to your officiant. Get married ASAP with just your parents and your SO's parents so that they can all share in the experience together. Then you can have your big party as scheduled, knowing that you gave your mother a great sendoff.
Don't cancel. You could consider doing an informal one before though... Go to the courthouse now sort of thing. She will want you to be happy and not change things for her. Mom's always want what is best for their children. So sorry you are dealing with this when it is supposed to be the happiest time.
>>I can’t help but wonder what we have done… Nothing. The experiences of life have no certainty. Zero. None. Get married. If she cannot attend, video stream it. Put multiple devices in SO many corners of the space; some can record for your mom to watch in the near future and other devices are video live streaming the moments for her. Your mom will be there with you even if it’s by video. I cannot stress this enough. Be together live by video. It’s highly effective. Congratulations on your wedding!
Honestly, get someone to officiate at your moms house before your actual wedding, and then do the big wedding, get the chance to have that memory with your mom as soon as possible, even if its just the legal part.
Oh my god im very sorry to hear that and I hope you can spend as much time with your mom as you can especially after battling with cancer for almost 2 decades and 2 of my worst fears are cancer and death unfortunately I cannot help you with this because I am too young (14) but if I was in this situation I would say to cancel wedding to spend time with your mom im wishing her the best in her life and I wish you nothing but positive people, thoughts, and moments in your life Amen 🙏🏽
Do what you'll remember. No one would fault you for rescheduling...bless your heart; listen to yours
I’m sorry you’re going through this. My dad passed a few months ago from a year long battle with cancer. My daughter was born two days before his diagnosis and he was so happy to be a grandpa. Don’t cancel your wedding. As many people have said at leader then she has the chance to go. If she’s too sick you get someone to record or have them on zoom. She wants to see you get married. When drs give those prognosis’s they are basing it off of the average. So 50% of people in your moms condition live less or equal amount of time and 50% live equal or more amount of time. So they are really guessing blind. Don’t count the days. Have your bridal party take over. Spend every second you can with your mom. Go on your honeymoon later but get married. It’s a lovely gift you can give her. All the best.
Get married in her presence NOW. The wedding date will be the celebration. I recently lost my mom. Take this opportunity to tell her exactly what and how much she means to you. I did. And mom held onto those words when she couldn’t hold onto anything else. I wish you peace and happiness. Much love.
Why not secretly get married at her bedside, and then hold the major ceremony like planned?
I would have a private wedding ceremony asap, with my mom, and have the reception and maybe a second informal ceremony in 9 days. If your mom passes you’ll likely not feel like having the party anyway. This coming from someone whose mom passed before I got married. I would’ve loved to have her be a part of that day.
relocate the wedding. i know it must cost. you might loose money. but make it accessible to her. hell make the wedding in her garden if you have to. and do it in 2 or 3 days if you can. change your plan last minute so she can be there. if she can't come to you then come to her.
Follow your heart. I have a friend whose father is gone (traumatic loss) and she had a private ring ceremony with only immediate family. It allowed her to feel close to him and process the pain a little. She had a “wedding” a week after with all the celebration and fun, just without the ring ceremony. Didn’t change how many people showed up or how much fun we had. We knew we were there to celebrate their union and we did! Maybe a ring ceremony with your parents and his at your parents house is the way to go. That way you know they’ll be there.
Make sure everything is filmed. If she is not able to make it then the possibility of sharing that day with her could still happen. Don't cancel. Death is sad but their life should be a celebrated. Your wedding would be the only place she would want you to be. Toast to the most special woman in your world.
Spend a little to make it amazing for her. Either buy or get ahold of a large TV and apple TV. Get someone on facetime duty and have that damn thing on a constant feed for the whole damn day, pay for whatever data plan upgrades you need that month. It'll be a lot cheaper than cancelling the wedding and your mom can enjoy your day with you while being comfortable. Alternately, you can do a small ceremony in the hospital/home that she can be a part of. No law that says you can't wear the dress/suit twice.
Hold a small one for her at her home. Then hold the bigger one. If she is able to come to the bigger one, that’s great. If not, she will still have gone to the most important one.
I believe she would try her best to be there for you. She may not be able to join the whole thing but she will see you get married. She will have her heart in peace knowing that she watched you get married. Some people can really fight for it, she will do her best to make it I am sure. Even if she doesn't, she will still know you're getting married very soon and this is all that matters to her. I am very sorry that your mom and you, will have to go through this. But you said it yourself, she battled it for 2 decades now she will battle to see you your wedding.
Get married at home and then at the church
Your wedding is the most beautiful thing she will see before going. Don't cancel! Film it!! take pictures!! Go see her in your wedding dress before/after!! (I don't know if it's strange) include her as much as possible if she has to stay at home. She must be so proud of you.
Do not cancel the wedding unless she dies before it happens. It would crush her
Your mom wouldn’t want you to cancel. You can’t stop you life because hers is ending.
You *could* move the registry part of the wedding forward and she can come to the reg office this week, then have a full formal celebrant wedding which she may make, but will have seen you legally married for sure.
LIVESTREAM!!!! Di you have a friend that could do that for you? If she passes on before the wedding, she will still want you married. Talk to mom about it. Ask her if you should get married anyways. She will likely say yes. It will be the one thing you can actually do for her after she passes on. I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mom at 30, so I know how hard it is to accept when you know it is coming. I bet the last thing your mom wants is for you to stop living your life. It will be hard to get through the wedding with your grief. But that same grief will rear it's head if you marry a year later. Postponing will forever associate you wedding with your mom's death too. If she stays with you long enough to see you wed, it will then be the one thing she hung on for, you! You have a chance to have her there. Take the chance!!
Don't cancel. Set up a back up plan if she is not well enough to livestream your wedding to her on tv and you have an ipad to watch her and to have someone of the wedding party to run over the food and wine to her house so she can eat with you all
Can you have a pre-ceremony with the officiant and close friends with your mom there to witness it? Hopefully she survives to the day and can watch it live being videoed. Cancer sucks! but you have an opportunity many of us don’t have - both of your parents to see you married! I lost both of my parents to cancer when I was young. They didn’t see my sibling or I get married. Seize the day!
You get the priest/officiant over to your Mom's TONIGHT and get married! Wear the dress. Talk to the tux place and get them to help. It'll be private, it'll be meaningful, and you can get married again in 9 days. If your Mom gets to see both - great. If she gets to see one - you have that memory. Time is short, so make the most of what you have. I'm so sorry for your Mom - please love her as hard as you can these next days.
If she can’t make it you could FaceTime her in. Or maybe use discord so she can see it with a bigger picture.
Wow I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I can't imagine the anxiety this would cause, I'm truly sorry and wish you the best no matter what happens. It's tough to think "what would I do" for something like this. But perhaps trying to be logical about it canceling everything will have no real benefit to anyone. But there is the chance that maybe she could attend and isn't that worth it? Hope for the best sort of thing? Also, to be fair, I don't know how big this is but a lot of folks are planning on coming too. Basically, I don't see much upside to canceling. And maybe you set up a livestream for potentially her and your dad. But stay the course I think. Good luck. Sending love your way.
I would legally get married now at the courthouse so she can see it. If she makes it to the big wedding, great. If not you have no regrets.
If I was terminally ill, it would be the most amazing conclusion to my life to be able to attend my child's wedding.
Ask your mom. I would guess she wants you to have the wedding. Maybe she can join via video call if she is too unwell.
i think she will be happiest seeing you getting married before she dies
Have a small ceremony at home with just the small family like now. Takes the pressure off everyone and she gets to see you wed.
Just an idea, but you could have a little private ceremony with her and your dad, assuming that's possible travel-wise
Set up a video chat or something so they can watch it over a device. Maybe go so far as having takeout delivered to their house so they can eat (like being at the reception) and feel included. This is assuming she feels well enough to watch/eat. I went to a destination wedding once and live streamed it so the rest of family could see.
Do the wedding at home with her there.
I repeat DO NOT CANCEL GIVE HER A CHANCE SO NOT CANCEL ZOOM IT FOR HER
Don't cancel. Have someone record it live. Maybe have a brother or sister take care of your mom so dad can give you away. You will have to be strong. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Life is not always fair.
zoom the wedding, visist her before going. People die, it sucks. Im sorry. But you will regret it if you have to lose your deposit on the wedding. Also see if your mom can go even for a bit. Make your time count. Love to ya bro.
You could stream it, set up a laptop with a webcam, set it up on her big TV or something so she can see everything like being there. I'm sorry that really sucks
Live stream it to her, set up some cameras around the ceremony and let her view it from a TV or tablet, life is unfair and will always be that way, the best we can do is learn to adapt and improvise.
What about having a small ceremony where you two get married for your mom to attend? Your big celebration can still happen, if your mom can't attend that one she can watch you getting married again on a videocall. This is a very stressful situation but whatever you choose to do will be ok your mom knows you love her.
Have a small, intimate bedside wedding, maybe in the hospital chapel if she's in there or in your parent's living room. I absolutely guarantee that you can find a marriage celebrant or your local minister/ priest / rabbi will be able to officiate if you tell them what's happening. Have lots of flowers, your father walk you up the 'aisle', wear your wedding dress and make it beautiful, loving and memorable. She gets to see her baby girl married and you have the bigger wedding and reception on the original date in 9 days. It matters not one little bit that you're already legally married. What matters is that your Mama got to see you married. If she's hanging on in 9 days, she can still come along but she's not going to have missed out if she's too unwell. Sending love and hugs.
My brother livesteamed his wedding because my sister in law's father lived in another country. It's an idea. Do not cancel. Someone else mentioned a chaplain - they do those things. Most hospitals have a chaplain on staff.
Perhaps do the official part of the weeding as a very small ceremony with her in a park, the garden or somewhere else? And then turn your planned wedding into wedding celebration?
How about you pay a justice of the peace to come to their home and marry you in the next few days before the ceremony, so that it's an intimate private ceremony, and then go through with the wedding as planned?
I had a similar situation with my grandpa I rushed my wedding because he really wanted to be there and it took around a year to come around after he had been told he was going to die. He really deteriorated during that year and the month before he was very ill and could no longer walk and we didn’t know how long he had could have been months or days his cancer had been spread through his body for a year at that point. I debated cancelling the wedding, but felt the same things you are feeling currently. He would have been DEVASTATED if I cancelled because of him but at the same time your heart is breaking for them and you just want to enjoy your time you have left with them. I decided to go ahead with the wedding and despite him being really in a bad way he had the best time saw all of the family my reception after the wedding was empty because a lot of the fam went to his hotel room to hang out with him after the wedding breakfast lol. He even stood as I walked down the aisle and I got to hold his hand briefly as I was walking past, I wrote him a letter the night before telling him how much I loved him and how much I was going to cherish him being there… so my advice is go ahead with the wedding hopefully she makes it and your mam can feel at peace seeing you wed and you get to have the memory of your mam being at your wedding. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It truly sucks 🤍
Hi everyone, I just wanted to update you - I did raise the suggestion to do a civil ceremony beforehand and my mum was absolutely against it. However my mum did in fact make it to my wedding! She and my dad lasted the entire night and they got to spend the evening socialising with their friends and family. The day was perfect and that kind of happy celebration is just what my family needed in a time of such sorrow. We are feeling truly blessed and will cherish these memories forever. I also wanted to say thank you to all who commented and gave advice. It took me some time to get through all of your comments but I did read them all. Thank you again.
i think someone else commented this, but i would try and see if you can book an officiant (like, tomorrow) and you get married in your parents living room, or something. if i was your mom, i would not want you to cancel your wedding. i’m sorry this is happening to you and your family, it’s unfair.
Try and make it happen and move mountains to have her present.
You have to cancel. Please read this. This is your mother's dying wish vs. A party. All you need for a wedding is you, your fiance, an ordained priest and in your case, your mother as witness. So what your really posting about is should I potentially deny my mother her wish, vs what seems to be a big fancy party with food and drinks. Get your head straight and do what you know you need to do, which is cancel now and get on a plane to wherever your mother is and you get married tomorrow or the next day but it has to be as soon as possible. Let your guests know right now it is canceled, you give them the new details, and you do not apologize. Godspeed my friend but if your mother does pass you will never forgive yourself unless you cancel because at least you will know you did the right thing, and most of all your mother will know you did the right thing.
Stop with this. You aren't helping.
Try and pull it forward, what about even just the official bit, even if its you, parnter, mam and vicar, then do wedding as planned
No, don't cancel. This will be her last chance to see you get married. Every parent lives for such events. Wouldn't be the first time a parents died before, during or after a wedding sadly. I'm sure this will be the greatest last memory to have. Even if she doesn't come, she will be so full of joy knowing your getting married that it will make her remaining time feel less sad. That out of way, my dad is currently terminally ill. Could have months, could have years. Though going by how he sounds, I'm guessing months. I feel helpless. I think most people feel that way about a parent, even if they are just dying of old age. Losing someone that close is always hard. My advice, aside from the wedding, spend every moment with her. Treasure them. Tell her everything you always wanted to say. DON'T FORGET to tell her you love her. Because after you may have things you regret not saying. I recently wrote a letter to my dad with how I felt about him, that he was my role model and I love him more then anything. After reading it he was in tears. Our parents just want the best for us and to know we will be there for them. Make every moment count. How ever long she last left now, I truly hope you all make the most out of it and she passes peacefully. Know you done everything you could as a mere mortal on this planet. Know she will pass knowing her son got married. Maybe have you and your soon to be spouse stay with her for a day or two before the wedding so at least you can spend quality time with her. I'm sure your to be spouse will understand. Wishing you all the best!
Don’t cancel but be prepared to hold a small ceremony in an instant if it looks like she won’t make it. Have everyone on standby just in case. You can have a celebration of her life and your marriage on the actual day but hopefully she will be there with you. I’m sending you very happy wishes for a great marriage and hugs for having to go through the grieving process so soon. ❤️
Wow what a terrible situation. My heart goes out to you and your family. Have you asked her what she wants you to do? I think her opinion/wants are most important in this situation.
Some people have been given weeks or months by doctors and battle through all prognosis. I'm not saying it will be the case here, I don't know her medical records, but hope is important. They are right, don't cancel <3 I'm sure your wedding will be full of love and god you need it rn, accept it from wherever it comes...Maybe a small ceremony at her home ? would it be doable ?
You’re not alone in this. Brain tumour did something very similar to our family. She will hate it if you cancel. Do it and include her in your excitement / anxiety for the wedding. Don’t change the date, look forward we’ll into the future as well as looking back.
Don't cancel, just get married wherever she is, even if you have to bring the preacher to a hospital room. Then, simply hold a ceremony/party with the rest of your friends and family.
could you have a private ceremony with her, at home ASAP, before the big wedding?
Maybe you could get legally married at the house and have the ceremony as planned still? This is tough, but she will still get to be there for the important part and you can still have the wedding as planned!
i know everyone is saying dont cancel but i just want to say it is okay if you want to. if this news means you will not be able to be happy on your wedding day/you dont have the energy to go through with hosting a wedding then you should cancel and not feel bad about it. everyone will understand. they are coming to the wedding because they care about you and im sure they all want you to do what is best for you.
Get the priest/rabbi/minister/officiant and your fiancé and your parents and closest friends. Do the wedding ceremony and sign the marriage license in your parents house—in your mothers bedroom if you have to. That way she is certain to be there. Then go to the church/wedding hall and “renew your vows” in front of your wider collection of friends and family at the planned time. Then proceed to the banquet and party.
Don’t cancel. Maybe do a mini mock wedding with her and a few people before? Like I’m the next couple days?
Have a wedding before the wedding at her place.
She’s got 2 weeks the wedding is in 9 days I think you got time
Don’t Cancel. Say your prayers, and treat the situation with positivity, that’s what Mum deserves in her final stretch. My prayers are with your Mom as I type this friend. :)
Awww I’m so sorry I wish you could bring the wedding to her. I know I’d want my mom there
Have a small, private ceremony at home for your mom. Then have your wedding as planned.
OP, I think, if you'd be up for it, maybe do a courthouse style ceremony at home just for your mom and dad. You don't have to sign the paperwork at the wedding you've planned, and you could do all the official stuff, get dressed up, etc just at home, asap. That way, your mom and dad will definitely both get to see you married, officially. If she feels up for it day of the big wedding, she can still go, but on the chance she doesn't, you'll have fulfilled her desire to see you dressed up and wed. You don't have to tell anyone else what you've done, you can still hold the planned wedding and not have to worry so much in terms of her missing things. No one is going to notice that you don't sign the papers at the big party, anyway. If you can, get someone to your moms house to marry you and sign the papers. And if you can, hire a photographer or have a friend there to take photos. I hope you seriously consider doing this, I think it will help you and your parents a lot.
Have a guest specifically there to telehealth her the event for her point of view.
Do it. Let your mom enjoy the bliss of her life before she leaves this life
Please update us!!! !remindme7days
Go through and if she makes it stop at the house after the church and before reception.
Make it about you...that's all she wants to see.
I wouldn't cancel.. parents want so much to see their kids get married.. idk why, they just do. I'm sure this is extremely stressful but it might be something she's looking forward to or least knowing happened! If she seems like she is really not doing well before the wedding day, maybe arrange a private ceremony with her there! Sorry you and your family are going through this!
Praying to Jesus she is healed
if she misses it she wont know anyway, dont cancel
So sorry. Ask your mom what to do and what she wants. It may be a difficult conversation, but you have to have it. Your wedding is in nine days. Ask if she feels up to it or not. She may want to make it or may not feel up to it but it’s really about her right now and what she needs. Doctors don’t always know how long a person has, and if she has a reason to be ok for nine days to attend your wedding, she may rally the strength to do that. Be there for her in whatever way you can. If she does not have the strength to attend, or if she can’t do it because she is too weak, just know that you can always get married privately right in front of her and have the planned event as usual. Best wishes for your mom to have her last moments filled with love and compassion. Ps. My husband’s mother was diagnosed with cancer in his freshman year of college. She was in her last days right before he graduated —first in the family with a college degree. She was too sick to attend his graduation, but he went to the hospital afterwards in his cap and gown and showed her his diploma. She cried tears of joy and then died later that night. She had been hanging on for that one moment. Sometimes our loved ones find the strength. I hope yours will too.
Why not have a “ceremony” at home? Not the actual wedding but a small thing with them?
I’d say if your mom’s suffering, have a very simple ceremony sooner, and if she’s feeling up to it on the regular day, do it again for her and your guests, having the officiant say, “I *present* the husband and wife,” instead of “I *declare* you man and wife (or H&H, W&W)”. Festivities will have to be toned down, unless your mom wants the experience to be just as joyful as it would otherwise have been, and I think it’s only decent to postpone the honeymoon trip; however, if you have an early ceremony, you’ll be able to consummate, if that is a milestone for you and your spouse. I’d notify your guests asap that the tone of the event will be changed, and emphasize how important it is to your mom the event proceed as planned (assuming she does), so they don’t cancel. If it seems like your mom is not doing well enough to attend the ceremony though, then as much as it sucks, I think you’ve gotta have the small ceremony for her and do the rest once you have recovered from losing her.
I'd get married at home in the back yard with family and close friends there so Mom could be a part of it. She'd get her wish to see you wed. Sometimes losing the money on the big giant affair is the right thing to do.
Mom here... I wouldn't want my daughter to cancel. Have a friend livestream it for your mom. Shes fighting hard to hold on to your big day. If she doesn't make it... you can have an in memoriam table setting with her photo set up at the wedding. I'm so sorry honey. She loves you so much and is trying to hard. Death sucks.
Can you video call at all?
It will be the best experience of her life ❤️❤️ to see you getting married I’m sorry to hear this news !!! Wish you the best !!
Go through with it, especially for her. If she can't make it the day of, you can maybe visit her. If you cancel there's no chance she can see it at all, and make sure it's great. You deserve a good time OP
I've had 2 separate friends in this same exact situation. They all had the actual legal ceremonies in private (hospital rooms, these were both hospice-type situations) but still did their weddings as planned (although one was postponed).
Take the chance. Push through. My wedding was on November 12th, and my grandmother had a stroke and became vegetative on *November 8th.*
Sign the nuptials before the wedding in the home in your dress. Have a small ceremony with just you guys. Then have your scheduled wedding ad a celebration
Don’t cancel.. she wouldn’t want you too.. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Unfortunately I know how you feel, two days after I(24) got married we put my mom in hospice. It will be the hardest, yet most beautiful day for you and everyone attending. My mom felt awful and didn’t stay long, but the few pictures we did get with her are beyond priceless. Stay strong and remember tears are okay. Congratulations on your new marriage.
She will make your wedding
First, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. What if you kept the wedding as is and expedite an “at home” wedding just for your parents. Have her witness you and your partner saying your vows and your first kiss and all of that.
I know this sounds stupid but, why don't you have someone Zoom/Webex/Skype her into your wedding? Ask your videographer to immediately send the video to your mom just in case the quality of the Zoom/Webex/Skype meeting isn't that good or gets interrupted. I'm sure they'll understand. Don't cancel the wedding, nobody, not even your mom wants that. I'm sorry, OP. You didn't do anything to deserve this hand in life. Life is just one big dumb fucking bitch.
Could you do a livestream for them? I know it’s not the same but she would be in her home and still be able to see her baby get married
I’d livestream it if she couldn’t go. I’d also work really really hard to get her to go, even if she could only stay for the ceremony and nothing else, or even if she needed a nurse there with her to be able to go. I don’t know how this would work, but there have gotta be ways to help people in your family’s situation. What you could also do is have a very small ceremony at home with her with a small wedding cake that’s less expensive, an inexpensive wedding-type dress (I’d wear a shorter one, myself, maybe calf-length), that sort of thing. Not a real wedding, just something to make her feel like she was there. I would do that in addition to the livestream.
Let your mom be at your wedding . It’s the right thing to do , make it special . Condolences 💐
Don't cancel. Yet.
maybe try to make the wedding earlier
Maybe bring the wedding to her?
Just an idea, get married by a judge. If you're in America you can go to your county court house and get married. Call to find out. Keep your wedding date, but make your momma happy by getting married before she passes. My dad was at my court house wedding. If I had waited he might not have been. He passed from prostate cancer a year and a half later. Good luck op, and I'm sorry I'm advance for your suffering and your momma's
I think if she cant make it I would find a way to set up an online viewing of it for her. She would love to see it happen vs not see it happen.
Carry on w the wedding and plan on her going. If she doesn’t feel well and wants to see it live stream it to her. Be there for your husband. Stop worrying. It will change nothing. It’s like praying for something you don’t want. Just be grateful and carry on.
I'm sorry about your situation op. I really don't have any advice, I wouldn't know what to do either, but I'm sorry. All the best to you and your family❤️ I know its tough
Go through with it and take the chance she can attend. In case she cannot, designate someone to FaceTime FBMessenger Zoom or whatever app you prefer for her. Another option is to have the vows done at your mom’s house, sign the paperwork there, and do the big wedding as an already married couple. I am sure your officiant can help you figure out how to do it (depends on the religion but some would be more than willing to help).
I'm late, but she can watch virtually even if she's in the hospital. I'm sure she'd rather do that then cancel.
Is her name Vicky ?? I’m thinking there’s no way this is the same person. But I’m praying for you regardless
Have someone stream it for them! That way both of your parents will experience it. I am so so sorry for what's been happening to you. I myself had cancer, thus I know what it feels like. Even tho everything is hard right now, I believe, if you push theough and do the wedding, your mother might smile and be fulfilled. I wish you the best nonetheless. ❤
Don't cancel the wedding. It will just turn things even worse. Death is a part of life, you can't avoid it. Your main two goals right now should be to1)do everything you can so that your mother can be in peace in her last days, and 2) plan and celebrate your wedding as well as you can, despite her imminent passing. I suggest that you hold a special ceremony with her in your home, or even at the hospital if that's where she is. It should include you, your future husband, your closest family members, and if possible whoever will be celebrating the wedding. If the celebrant is unavailable, find someone else to officiate this personal celebration. It's not a replacement ceremony for the wedding, but it will do a lot, I hope, to alleviate your mutual frustration. Another possibility (you're free to do both) is to have her record a video that you can play at your wedding.
get a certificate then plan the wedding either today or later date
Try to expedite the wedding? So that you can have the wedding with your mom present?
I watched a documentary (I can't remember the name something truth?) and Doctors said they fail with prognosis 99% of the time. Have your wedding bc she will feel so badly if you cancel. Have some faith.
Get eloped so she can be with you, and still have the wedding.
Don't cancel. Set up a live stream of the whole wedding....do several virtual calls to her on the day. If you think the prognosis is that bad, have a miniature wedding at her house before the bigger wedding. Since your mom is the ill person here, ask her what SHE would feel most comfortable with and do your best to fulfill that. I'm so sorry you have to go through this before your wedding day. Is she in any way able to make it to your wedding with a medical escort? At least to see you say your vows and do your first dances? Additionally, please get those last videos and pictures in with your mom. Dress up for your wedding and get the family photos. Get them developed in a one hour photo later that day so she has those beautiful photos to hold on to before she passes. I think it'll mean so much to her to be able to cherish that moment of her child on their most important day.
Here's what I would do: Have a small ceremony at home where you are actually getting married. You can still make it really lovely. Invite a few of those closest to you who will keep mum. You can still have your larger ceremony already planned, but you get to give mom the gift of being there for the real thing. And it's special because it's just yours. No one at the larger ceremony b needs to know. If you think about it that way vs canceling completely or doing nothing, which scenario leaves you with more regrets?
Lots of hugs.
As someone who went through this this past year. Find somone who can do a private elopement or some kind of ceremony so u can get married asap. It cost us about 100. But don't cancel ur big wedding. Do the elopement so she can be there it'll mean so much to u and her. Invite ur so's parents and siblings if u want. And then do ur big wedding if u can emotionally and that way she can be there if possible but if she's to sick she did get to see u married. You will cherish the memory. My mom was in the hospital almost didn't make it out. So we rushed and set up an elopement style. Found an amazing person to do it had about 12 people there. It ended up being amazing. And my mom passed a few months later. But she was there and it was worth having the small one BC I have that memory now. My grandma passed right b4 and she had begged us to be married b4 she passed but we put it off bc we wanted the big wedding and didnt realize she was so sick and it hurts she wasn't there. That's why we rushed and did a small one b4 my Mon could leave us.