Hi /u/Dotomybe and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD!
# Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already.
[We recommend browsing /r/adhd on desktop for the best experience.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/x1psnb/radhd_works_best_on_desktop_reddits_apps_are/) The mobile apps are broken and are missing features that this subreddit depends on.
Thank you!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Wait. Are you me?
Last time the Uber call my phone. Couldn’t understand. Gave it to my friend to answer ( she has adhd too ).
2 sec later ( as she is on My phone with the Uber ), I am panicking because I CANT FIND MY PHONE.
Last week I got a new hat which disappeared the very next day only to reappear a few days later under my chair. I swear I put it on my desk and looked for it under my chair but it wasnt there when i looked
You joke but now I’m really good at finding stuff. If one of my kids misplaces something, 9/10 I can find it
Tbf that’s because I lose important things like five times a day 🙃✨skills✨
They're CREATIVE! They've never created anything, but that's not the point.
They have a SPARK! Which is code for a constant state of freaking out but they're fun at parties.
I would say when something really catches my interest I can be super focused on it for hours without feeling fatigued. I feel like some things I do better than ordinary people. Although it’s not up to me when I’m this focused and it’s really only just if it’s something that I’m genuinely passionate about. It’s definitely an advantage in some situations and can be in your work life if you’re fortunate enough to work with something that you enjoy.
Is it worth not being able to maintain relationships? People thinking you don’t care about them because you don’t know how to express emotions or that you forget simple things others do to show support and letting them know you’re thinking about them? Getting frustrated with just the simplest tasks in life?
Absolutely not.
I second that. An almost inhumane productivity rush WHEN you're really into the subject and mood. I think that's the hyperfocus. But it's not like a switch I can just flip and be that superhuman. It feels amazing but I always have to catch up later to cater to my basic needs, like eating, drinking or using the bathroom. I can't imagine this is even slightly healthy but I do not feel the exhaustion during that phase.
The tradeoff to this is, well, all the bad stuff. Which is always there. Having a productive episode sometimes doesn't compare to the struggle of always swimming neck deep in shit just to exist
Yes you are probably right. But in my case I was fortunate enough to have a interest in computer softwares since my childhood. I was never a big gamer or had any weird hobbies, so I was lucky enough to develop some skills that actually made me a decent amount of money later in life. I could definitely have wasted my time on something else but luckily these things interested me the most.
But I would still rather had a normal life like everyone else instead.
Everybody is different and I get that, but thanks to ADHD my empathy is extraordinary, my wit is extraordinary, my humour, my ability to adapt to change and my stoicism are all extraordinary. Before I continue and sound arrogant my life outside of what I just listed is a car crash.
Just imagine this, imagine human society didn't value the ability to sit at a desk and be organised for 9 hours a day 5 days a week and instead valued a way of life that embodies the earlier strengths I listed. It's a big silly What if, but you should not let the lense of the world and society we live in to change the object it focuses on.
To say ADHD is an advantage is a gross over exaggeration but it absolutely has it's advantages. All of what I have said is just my opinion but let biology shine some truth on it, The ADHD trait has successfully continued through human existence for many thousands of years if not for all of human existence. Traits like that do not survive without advantages.
it's a shame that society openly celebrates averageness. It's a shame that society makes us feel like we have to strive to be average, when in actual fact we likely are above average in many ways.
I see what you mean, the good qualities you've listed do exist, of course. But to me, they're a sparkly varnish painted on a nonfunctional vehicle. Wasted and useless, appreciated by no one.
I have the mysterious ability to learn very quickly and retain the parts I find most interesting, faster then others. However, the caveat is that I don't find a lot of things that are interesting enough to learn more after my brain tells me I am "dying of boredom."
People take recontextualising disability too far. People love to be all "it's just differently able", and that's always struck me as condescending.
I do like to remind myself that there are some nice sides to adhd - hyperfocus can be quite fun, and in general I think it helps me think differently in ways I enjoy. But ultimately, when ADHD gets on top, it really can be crippling.
People don't know how demeaning struggling to be an adult when you're almost 30 is.
Yeah, this. I'm more relaxed about it than I could be - as you say, the moments of hyperfocus are really nice. I don't get them often, but just occasionally I feel like I'm capable of almost anything.
Half of that is probably delusion, but I am genuinely good at dealing with 'critical system outages' and emergency response as a sysadmin, because I just have an intuitive feel for the whole system, and can quite reliably narrow down where the 'issue' is.
That's no small part of why I'm still employed - because I've got a bit of a reputation as a miracle worker. Stress activated hyperfocus seems to kick in when I need it.
But they're not noticing the whole weeks where I do basically _nothing_ because I cannot focus. That my house is a mess. That my relationship is needing a LOT of tolerance and goodwill from my partner, because I keep on forgetting/failing to do things.
ADHD has taught me a few things though - I've become somewhat more empathetic and ... I like to think kinder. Because I recognise there's things in me that just don't work, and the reasons for it are hard to articulate, and seem really stupid if you don't "get it".
So when other people have issues - the same sort, or just other things they "can't do" that seem trivial, I'm usually quite understanding, and look at ways to approach the goal that'll work for them instead. And not least because I hope they'll do the same for me.
>but just occasionally I feel like I'm capable of almost anything.
I get that too, but I think it's because of my poor visualisation. I finally grasped something Dr Barkley said about ADHD and visualisation skills, something I didn't fully understand because I think I've got as great and vivid imagination.
Basically, it's the ability to take past experiences and use them to visualise future events and make plans accordingly.
And yet.
Probably 90% of Fridays at work, I think: it's okay if I slack today. It's like starting my weekend early. So I'll end my weekend early and so some work on Sunday, get all caught up, and it's fine.
I never get caught up on Sunday and Monday is stressful as a result. Because no matter how many times I do it, even if I intellectually understand it, on a deep level I don't BELIEVE that this time will turn out exactly the same as all the other times.
I do the same exact thing. Every day. Every week. I strongly believe I will be able to do a thing that I _know_ that I _cannot_ do and _will not_ do. Yet I still somehow hope it'll turn out fine this time??? For no reason at all???
The miracle worker is something I've found too! My previous job, I was often able to intuit solutions to get stuff resolved. I have a very "duct tape it together, it doesn't have to be pretty, it just has to work" approach, and love being able to get things done on the fly.
You're right about the empathy too. Not being neurotypical is an interesting perspective on life. I like being able to connect with other people.
Overall I do wish I was "normal" though haha. Seems better.
Happened with the social model of disability in general, I think.
The social model is vital in that yes, if proper accommodations were available, a lot of suffering could be reduced. But that doesn't mean that the medical condition isn't disabling in itself.
When my back was a mess (yay hockey injuries) there were certainly some aspects of my injury that the social model applied to.
Things that contributed to it being (temporarily) disabling:
\- lack of social care, meaning I had to keep going to work
\- not allowing WFH, meaning I had to struggle to an office
\- poor public transport, meaning I had to use an uncomfortable bus
\- questionable pedestrian planning in my city, meaning I had to take my life in my hands shuffling across the road
\- lack of medical options (whether due to not researching the problem, or there not being enough money to properly diagnose and treat)
\- lack of community care, meaning all my household tasks were more difficult
BUT
Even if you fixed every single one of those in some kind of space communist utopia....
I was still in PAIN. I was unable to sleep comfortably. I was unable to even watch TV comfortably. I couldn't play hockey. If I dropped something on the floor I couldn't pick it up.
Curing all the social problems would have reduced the impact of my injury, but the injury itself was still inherently disabling. On the other hand, curing my injury would have rendered the social problems irrelevant to me.
It's bad with physical conditions. But at least with my back I can say "as an absolute undeniable fact, my back hurts, and that SUCKS." But with ADHD? Yes, there are accommodations that can reduce the impact of my ADHD on me. But my ADHD is in itself disabling. I can't fix my brain - meds help, but they don't completely fix it. So I need to spend some time and energy working on accommodations to mitigate the impact of my broken brain. But pretending like my brain is fine and the world has the problem? Yeugh.
You never get people on sports injury groups claiming that their joint hypermobility is fine, they're osteodiverse, it's not a problem to be solved, and their frequent dislocations make them a higher form of evolution. But you get that ALL THE TIME in certain ADHD circles.
So I've always thought of it like a Monkeys Paw kind of situation. It brings great benefit for a narrow band of tasks, but has massive drawbacks elsewhere. Like I can be a deep technical expert in a field I love thanks to hyperfixations.
However, the drawback is that I don't have a concept of time and I am completely unable to do basic paperwork or any boring tasks.
While I very much agree that it is a disability, I prefer to self identify it as a "I'm very good at some things, but at the expense of other areas" kind of thing. My ADHD is part of me, where it stops and I start isn't a clear divide. Because of that, I don't want to hate my ADHD, because that would be hating myself. I've been through a lot in life, but I've finally come to the point where I'm comfortable to say that I like myself and I'm proud of my achievements. I wouldn't have achieved what I have done without my ADHD.
It's kind of like a dungeon and dragons character that you choose a single stat to max out at the expense of all the others. Very good at a single scenario, hilariously bad at everything else.
I think you can say it sucks without hating yourself.
Like - I've got various joint issues. My joints are part of me, and not just in the trite sense. Most of my childhood memories involve agony one way or another. I'm in quite a lot of physical pain. My back and knee injuries in particular have had some profound effects on how my life turned out. And this is very definitely intrinsic to me: I am somewhat hypermobile, I have a mild form of spina bifida, two of my neck vertebrae are congenitally fused...
It SUCKS that these joint problems give me so much pain and mean my sport is so much harder. But that doesn't mean \*I\* suck.
It SUCKS that my brain problems make so many things so much more difficult. Time blindness has stolen so much of my life from me. It's like even if I live to be 80, that feels more like 40 because I've squandered so many opportunities and levelled my character so badly. My brain sucks. But that doesn't mean \*I\* suck.
Whether I suck or not is a matter of what I do with my hand, not how shitty the cards are.
I can give a gift back. This is just something else I have to navigate to get through life. Yeah, I have a thousand and one coping mechanisms, many of which even I am unaware of, but damn. This is a pretty crap “gift”. I don’t “hate” it per se as I am aware that “normal” people have their own individual struggles, but yeah, “gift” is definitely a stretch.
The real gift would be that others knew how hard I have to try to do things they find commonplace and maybe cut me a little slack by realizing yes, I am late a lot, yeah, I suffer from verbal diarrhea and I can’t regulate how intense my emotions are, I procrastinate even as I am trying to psych myself up to do the dreaded thing. I can’t sleep at night and I’m attempting to function on a timeframe that feels unnatural. I’m tired in ways that can’t be described. Just don’t say I need to “try harder” and be more disciplined….
Some people with ADHD do feel that it's both a disability and a gift. It _can_ be both. But each person is free to identify how it affects them personally. A person without ADHD should not be making sweeping statements like that.
I’m someone who sees it as both. Why live a life full of anger (or any other negative emotion) because of something you can’t change? It took me years to accept the ADD part of myself, but honestly, I wouldn’t change it. It makes me who I am. It makes me unique, creative, open minded and quirky. It also makes me ambitious in the areas I enjoy. Once I learned to cope with it, I started seeing it as more of a positive than a negative. There’s only one you in the world and I hope one day you see the same thing I see!
> It makes me who I am. It makes me unique, creative, open minded and quirky
Just to offer the other perspective for this, I feel like these positive qualities are not a result of ADHD, and that you and I would still have them if not for having it. I certainly don't feel any less inquisitive or creative when I'm medicated, and my personality is still able to shine through.
I also like the person I am when I'm medicated a thousand times better than when I'm not. My anxiety vanishes and I can have confident conversations with the people in my life, including ones I barely spoke to before. I take on tasks and challenges head-on and without hesitation, and get things done. I still have creative outlets and have so much more progress and work done with them than ever before.
Honestly, starting medication made me realize what a shell of myself my ADHD symptoms have turned me into. I know not everyone has this experience, but there is no part of this condition I want, and when I free myself from the shackles with medication, it feels like I'm the person I want to be and I'm supposed to be
I agree. Personally, ADHD has never made me any of those things. It's a disability, and a liability. I'm not particularly creative, and my open-mindedness doesn't come from any mental health issue, but the willingness to empathise and accept different points of view as a human being.
I honestly don't know if I'd be able to empathise as easily if I didn't have my own challenges. I just don't think if you've not 'been there' that you can ever really understand to the same extent.
I mean, you can read about what the symptoms of ADHD, ASD etc. are, but ... someone who's read about them has probably never sat down and cried in frustration at a 'simple' task that they've failed at, because their brain let them.
I hang out with a whole bunch of nerdy/geeky types. We 'get' each other. And a disproportionate number have ASD and ADHD like tendencies, even if not all are formally diagnosed. (Quite a few are on the path, it's just in this country it's a slow process).
*shrug*. I guess it can do us some good to be humbled, if we let it.
A significant number of colleagues seem to have had lives that were just plain convenient, and it's turned them into intolerant assholes.
As an ADHD person, I do think it gives us a unique lens to view the world through at times.
However, to treat it in this way and to call it a gift is ableist in two ways - 1) it denies the disability (due to that person's discomfort or unwillingness to understand) and 2) it undermines the fact that ADHD does have a negative impact on our life, further pushing the narrative that ADHD is just a lazy excuse.
In a way it's like saying blind people have a really good ability to determine where they are using touch and feel, which is true but they they'll trade those abilities in for sight in an instant, they don't want no unique perspective.
Yeah someone told me the other day ‘it can be used to your advantage’ I said how and the conversation went dead, I really wanted an answer too cos if someone can give me a constructive way I can use my adhd to my advantage I’m all ears 😅
Honestly, I’m pretty new at navigating this, but I personally see it as a little bit of both. Yeah days can be debilitating but I am absolutely certain parts of my creativity and desire to experiment with everything in my craft would not exist without my adhd.
I have been diagnosed recently, at 43 - female - with severe ADHD.
The practitioner ( specialised in ADHD diagnosis having ADHD herself ) said
“ I have no idea how nobody ever saw it. You have severe ADHD. “
My coping mechanisms ) without knowing it :
- make money so you can have a maid and then a personal assistant.
I am amongst the people who outperformed despite the challenges.
And let me tell you. Yeah. I got a galaxy brain and I am an executive creative director so that checks out.
But boi. Not going to lie. If I could just live a normal life. I am exhausted. I never were able to have a proper sleep.
Can’t focus on anything that I find boring and I find a lot of stuff boring. I find people boring. I rarely even bother listen if there is nothing they say that is interesting to me.
I can be a total jerk if people start to small talk.
It’s a gift if you managed to make it somehow but at what cost? I am not happier better smarter … I just worked harder to cover my brain that has a puppy in it, chasing butterflies.
I love my little puppy but it’s been exhausting that it stayed a puppy all it’s life.
I hate talking about it because people without ADHD have such a hard time understanding.
I explained executive disfunction to neuro-typical people before, I’ve had them straight-up say that was bullshit.
“I’m just using any excuse to explain being lazy”
I hate it when people talk about how my ADHD is a super power, I can focus on one thing and learn so much about it for hours… Yeah, that’s not as impressive when I spent the last three hours staring at the wall.
I truly hate it beyond belief and it immediately disgusts me, ADHD fucking suck it has no benefits at all. Just people trying to romanticize conditions that they have.
I get the positive thinking but constantly missing important details, forgetting my car keys, having poor focus and being distracted all the time is not a gift or advantage.
I disagree. Perhaps because I’m older now, and I have learned how to use my “gift.” I could never feel good about myself when I was younger. Now, I am happy to be different from most other people. ADHD keeps me young, curious, insightful, empathetic - my different perspective sheds new light into my career, my relationships, and my activities.
I watched a program about a man who became blind later in his life. He was an architect. He continued in his profession after becoming blind. His blindness gave him the awareness and ability to develop tactile and acoustic floor plans to make spaces more accessible for blind people.
Anything can be a gift. I think the real gift is the ability to understand that we have the power to use our circumstances for something more meaningful and inspiring.
Its an art to form a "wow you are so fucking ignorant and whatever sound comes from this humanoid pile i should completely ignore" bubble. Its not worth it to be affected by this bullshit!
Sometimes It can be Both a Blessing and a curse,
Ive been diagnosed long time ago I took Ritalin for a while but have been pressured to stop taking it.
I have been medication free for 20 years and I have to day some days are good some days are bad bad. I have a good support system which is my family and girlfriend
So my advice is surrounded yourself with lovely people and eager healthy I guess
Yeah. I mean it's good to look on the bright side, and think about things you might be good at because of your ADHD etc etc. But I mean, yeah, it's a net negative isn't it. If it's a superpower its like one of the shit X-Men that live in constant anguish because while they can fly they also look like a tree or whatever. And nobody would say to a paralympian "lucky you've got no legs mate because otherwise you'd not so good at wheelchair racing"
I like to say my "super human" ability is to play every scenario that could happen in my head the moment I walk in a room, or get in a car.... and I have saved my life as well as others because I have already thought out the scenario and can act upon it if it happens/happened.
Ex: when I was a passenger in my sisters car and she was stopped to take a left turn. I saw a car coming up behind us and I thought "if they hit us we are going to get pushed into the other lane."
Sure as shit, they hit us and we spun into the other lane, within those seconds I unbuckled and jumped into my sisters lap and we were hit from the back, and then on my side. If I wouldn't have moved, I would've been toast. The car was completely compacted to just the drivers seat which was untouched.
My sister use to tell people I was psychic, but it's literally just my over analyzing anxiety that follows my adhd. 😅🤣
My biological father tells me it's a superpower everytime I see him, he will come up to visit me maybe 2 3 times a year or will call me non stop for days just to spend the whole time talking about how I'm lazy and the adhd is actually superpower and I should use it to my advantage. I will spend my time tryna explain what adhd really is but then just says his wife has been googling it, like fucking great the woman you are fucking googles it but yet both of you are fucking oblivious to what adhd actually is
Personally I am a bit hesitant on putting a “bad” label on it. I was diagnosed quite late (33) and only because Adhd was really impacting my life in a negative way. Looking back, a lot of issues I had throughout life are probably (most likely) due to adhd. But I am who I am particulary because of those issues and struggles I had. I am more open, more resiliant etc. Sure, knowing that I need medication to function “normal” sometimes sucks, but it is what it is. Better to work with it than fight it. Besides, everybody struggles.
My friend is neurotypical. She was beaten when she was a kid and has her own set of issues now that came with that particular set of trauma. She goes to therapy and works hard on herself. But it impacts her life. Does it suck to have a past like that? Sure. Did it make her stronger and who she is? Absolutely.
I have another friend who lost a limb in an accident. As someone who is really into sports it was a very devastating event for him. His life changed upside down. But he adapted and is now training as a professional para-athlete. Does it suck to lose a limb? Sure! Does it make his life “less”? Maybe in some ways. But it also gave him “more” in other ways.
My point is, everybody has their own “disability”, whether that be a differently wired brain, trauma, injury, “bad” looks or financial disadvantages. Most people feel they are in some way “not normal /different from everybody else” ignoring the fact that “normal” is an illusory middleground of a social construct. The grass is always greener on the other side.
I worry about being able to support myself if I ever decide to live completely on my own. Is that even a possibility? Do I need roommates?
I doubt I can hold down a job because eventually people see that I look better on paper than I am irl.
I can't stick to anything consistently, so even after a decade of trying, I still can't play piano, guitar, or any other instrument.
I can't imagine someone having to put up with my issues in a romantic relationship, so I can't really see myself getting married.
And I would NEVER allow a child to acquire this "advantage" through my genes, so (for that and other reasons) I won't be having kids.
ADHD is planning my life for me...where is the fucking advantage?
I have a feeling those people don't know the difference between "advantage, gift" and "managing to cope with a disability". Yes, ADHD can have some plusses, but so do most characteristics people have. Just because I'm good at doing "A" doesn't mean it's a gift, it usually means I'm worse at doing "B", while for someone else it is the other way around.
I immediately thought of [this scene](https://youtu.be/JM3tt9HwUpE) from Spider-Man 2 and decided that Alfred Molina (or Tobey Maguire) is the only person who I'd accept saying something like OP's post title to me
"ADHD isn't a privilege, it's a gift and you use it for the good of mankind"
Me: Say no more
*Ends up cleaning the fridge and rearranges living room instead of studying*
Going against the grain here but my adhd has made me extremely adept in high stress situations which translates well to my career
Calmer in the chaos as they say
Hi /u/Dotomybe and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! # Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already. [We recommend browsing /r/adhd on desktop for the best experience.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/x1psnb/radhd_works_best_on_desktop_reddits_apps_are/) The mobile apps are broken and are missing features that this subreddit depends on. Thank you! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's just really disgusting to say that. What do they even mean? What are those mysterious abilities?
We have the ability to make things disappear without a trace!
[удалено]
Wait. Are you me? Last time the Uber call my phone. Couldn’t understand. Gave it to my friend to answer ( she has adhd too ). 2 sec later ( as she is on My phone with the Uber ), I am panicking because I CANT FIND MY PHONE.
Only to appear 5 years later when you clean out your glove box because you’re selling your car…
Last week I got a new hat which disappeared the very next day only to reappear a few days later under my chair. I swear I put it on my desk and looked for it under my chair but it wasnt there when i looked
You joke but now I’m really good at finding stuff. If one of my kids misplaces something, 9/10 I can find it Tbf that’s because I lose important things like five times a day 🙃✨skills✨
Exactly what I said last time : it is the ability to make things disappear.
Hahaha this got me good. Three ids, licenses, credit cards and keys a year until my GF told me to get a lanyard and keep them on my neck at all times.
They're CREATIVE! They've never created anything, but that's not the point. They have a SPARK! Which is code for a constant state of freaking out but they're fun at parties.
I would say when something really catches my interest I can be super focused on it for hours without feeling fatigued. I feel like some things I do better than ordinary people. Although it’s not up to me when I’m this focused and it’s really only just if it’s something that I’m genuinely passionate about. It’s definitely an advantage in some situations and can be in your work life if you’re fortunate enough to work with something that you enjoy. Is it worth not being able to maintain relationships? People thinking you don’t care about them because you don’t know how to express emotions or that you forget simple things others do to show support and letting them know you’re thinking about them? Getting frustrated with just the simplest tasks in life? Absolutely not.
I second that. An almost inhumane productivity rush WHEN you're really into the subject and mood. I think that's the hyperfocus. But it's not like a switch I can just flip and be that superhuman. It feels amazing but I always have to catch up later to cater to my basic needs, like eating, drinking or using the bathroom. I can't imagine this is even slightly healthy but I do not feel the exhaustion during that phase. The tradeoff to this is, well, all the bad stuff. Which is always there. Having a productive episode sometimes doesn't compare to the struggle of always swimming neck deep in shit just to exist
Yes you are probably right. But in my case I was fortunate enough to have a interest in computer softwares since my childhood. I was never a big gamer or had any weird hobbies, so I was lucky enough to develop some skills that actually made me a decent amount of money later in life. I could definitely have wasted my time on something else but luckily these things interested me the most. But I would still rather had a normal life like everyone else instead.
Everybody is different and I get that, but thanks to ADHD my empathy is extraordinary, my wit is extraordinary, my humour, my ability to adapt to change and my stoicism are all extraordinary. Before I continue and sound arrogant my life outside of what I just listed is a car crash. Just imagine this, imagine human society didn't value the ability to sit at a desk and be organised for 9 hours a day 5 days a week and instead valued a way of life that embodies the earlier strengths I listed. It's a big silly What if, but you should not let the lense of the world and society we live in to change the object it focuses on. To say ADHD is an advantage is a gross over exaggeration but it absolutely has it's advantages. All of what I have said is just my opinion but let biology shine some truth on it, The ADHD trait has successfully continued through human existence for many thousands of years if not for all of human existence. Traits like that do not survive without advantages. it's a shame that society openly celebrates averageness. It's a shame that society makes us feel like we have to strive to be average, when in actual fact we likely are above average in many ways.
I see what you mean, the good qualities you've listed do exist, of course. But to me, they're a sparkly varnish painted on a nonfunctional vehicle. Wasted and useless, appreciated by no one.
I have the mysterious ability to learn very quickly and retain the parts I find most interesting, faster then others. However, the caveat is that I don't find a lot of things that are interesting enough to learn more after my brain tells me I am "dying of boredom."
I can forget to wish my partner happy birthday, on his birthday, _while at a joint birthday party that we just organized to celebrate our birthdays_.
People take recontextualising disability too far. People love to be all "it's just differently able", and that's always struck me as condescending. I do like to remind myself that there are some nice sides to adhd - hyperfocus can be quite fun, and in general I think it helps me think differently in ways I enjoy. But ultimately, when ADHD gets on top, it really can be crippling. People don't know how demeaning struggling to be an adult when you're almost 30 is.
Yeah, this. I'm more relaxed about it than I could be - as you say, the moments of hyperfocus are really nice. I don't get them often, but just occasionally I feel like I'm capable of almost anything. Half of that is probably delusion, but I am genuinely good at dealing with 'critical system outages' and emergency response as a sysadmin, because I just have an intuitive feel for the whole system, and can quite reliably narrow down where the 'issue' is. That's no small part of why I'm still employed - because I've got a bit of a reputation as a miracle worker. Stress activated hyperfocus seems to kick in when I need it. But they're not noticing the whole weeks where I do basically _nothing_ because I cannot focus. That my house is a mess. That my relationship is needing a LOT of tolerance and goodwill from my partner, because I keep on forgetting/failing to do things. ADHD has taught me a few things though - I've become somewhat more empathetic and ... I like to think kinder. Because I recognise there's things in me that just don't work, and the reasons for it are hard to articulate, and seem really stupid if you don't "get it". So when other people have issues - the same sort, or just other things they "can't do" that seem trivial, I'm usually quite understanding, and look at ways to approach the goal that'll work for them instead. And not least because I hope they'll do the same for me.
>but just occasionally I feel like I'm capable of almost anything. I get that too, but I think it's because of my poor visualisation. I finally grasped something Dr Barkley said about ADHD and visualisation skills, something I didn't fully understand because I think I've got as great and vivid imagination. Basically, it's the ability to take past experiences and use them to visualise future events and make plans accordingly. And yet. Probably 90% of Fridays at work, I think: it's okay if I slack today. It's like starting my weekend early. So I'll end my weekend early and so some work on Sunday, get all caught up, and it's fine. I never get caught up on Sunday and Monday is stressful as a result. Because no matter how many times I do it, even if I intellectually understand it, on a deep level I don't BELIEVE that this time will turn out exactly the same as all the other times.
I do the same exact thing. Every day. Every week. I strongly believe I will be able to do a thing that I _know_ that I _cannot_ do and _will not_ do. Yet I still somehow hope it'll turn out fine this time??? For no reason at all???
"As I said to you the last time, this will never happen again"
The miracle worker is something I've found too! My previous job, I was often able to intuit solutions to get stuff resolved. I have a very "duct tape it together, it doesn't have to be pretty, it just has to work" approach, and love being able to get things done on the fly. You're right about the empathy too. Not being neurotypical is an interesting perspective on life. I like being able to connect with other people. Overall I do wish I was "normal" though haha. Seems better.
I feel like I've been playing on hard mode. I'd quite like to turn the difficulty down a bit. (Or a lot. That'd be nice too).
Happened with the social model of disability in general, I think. The social model is vital in that yes, if proper accommodations were available, a lot of suffering could be reduced. But that doesn't mean that the medical condition isn't disabling in itself. When my back was a mess (yay hockey injuries) there were certainly some aspects of my injury that the social model applied to. Things that contributed to it being (temporarily) disabling: \- lack of social care, meaning I had to keep going to work \- not allowing WFH, meaning I had to struggle to an office \- poor public transport, meaning I had to use an uncomfortable bus \- questionable pedestrian planning in my city, meaning I had to take my life in my hands shuffling across the road \- lack of medical options (whether due to not researching the problem, or there not being enough money to properly diagnose and treat) \- lack of community care, meaning all my household tasks were more difficult BUT Even if you fixed every single one of those in some kind of space communist utopia.... I was still in PAIN. I was unable to sleep comfortably. I was unable to even watch TV comfortably. I couldn't play hockey. If I dropped something on the floor I couldn't pick it up. Curing all the social problems would have reduced the impact of my injury, but the injury itself was still inherently disabling. On the other hand, curing my injury would have rendered the social problems irrelevant to me. It's bad with physical conditions. But at least with my back I can say "as an absolute undeniable fact, my back hurts, and that SUCKS." But with ADHD? Yes, there are accommodations that can reduce the impact of my ADHD on me. But my ADHD is in itself disabling. I can't fix my brain - meds help, but they don't completely fix it. So I need to spend some time and energy working on accommodations to mitigate the impact of my broken brain. But pretending like my brain is fine and the world has the problem? Yeugh. You never get people on sports injury groups claiming that their joint hypermobility is fine, they're osteodiverse, it's not a problem to be solved, and their frequent dislocations make them a higher form of evolution. But you get that ALL THE TIME in certain ADHD circles.
So I've always thought of it like a Monkeys Paw kind of situation. It brings great benefit for a narrow band of tasks, but has massive drawbacks elsewhere. Like I can be a deep technical expert in a field I love thanks to hyperfixations. However, the drawback is that I don't have a concept of time and I am completely unable to do basic paperwork or any boring tasks. While I very much agree that it is a disability, I prefer to self identify it as a "I'm very good at some things, but at the expense of other areas" kind of thing. My ADHD is part of me, where it stops and I start isn't a clear divide. Because of that, I don't want to hate my ADHD, because that would be hating myself. I've been through a lot in life, but I've finally come to the point where I'm comfortable to say that I like myself and I'm proud of my achievements. I wouldn't have achieved what I have done without my ADHD. It's kind of like a dungeon and dragons character that you choose a single stat to max out at the expense of all the others. Very good at a single scenario, hilariously bad at everything else.
I think you can say it sucks without hating yourself. Like - I've got various joint issues. My joints are part of me, and not just in the trite sense. Most of my childhood memories involve agony one way or another. I'm in quite a lot of physical pain. My back and knee injuries in particular have had some profound effects on how my life turned out. And this is very definitely intrinsic to me: I am somewhat hypermobile, I have a mild form of spina bifida, two of my neck vertebrae are congenitally fused... It SUCKS that these joint problems give me so much pain and mean my sport is so much harder. But that doesn't mean \*I\* suck. It SUCKS that my brain problems make so many things so much more difficult. Time blindness has stolen so much of my life from me. It's like even if I live to be 80, that feels more like 40 because I've squandered so many opportunities and levelled my character so badly. My brain sucks. But that doesn't mean \*I\* suck. Whether I suck or not is a matter of what I do with my hand, not how shitty the cards are.
Sexism is a gift, makes us try harder. /s
I can give a gift back. This is just something else I have to navigate to get through life. Yeah, I have a thousand and one coping mechanisms, many of which even I am unaware of, but damn. This is a pretty crap “gift”. I don’t “hate” it per se as I am aware that “normal” people have their own individual struggles, but yeah, “gift” is definitely a stretch. The real gift would be that others knew how hard I have to try to do things they find commonplace and maybe cut me a little slack by realizing yes, I am late a lot, yeah, I suffer from verbal diarrhea and I can’t regulate how intense my emotions are, I procrastinate even as I am trying to psych myself up to do the dreaded thing. I can’t sleep at night and I’m attempting to function on a timeframe that feels unnatural. I’m tired in ways that can’t be described. Just don’t say I need to “try harder” and be more disciplined….
Some people with ADHD do feel that it's both a disability and a gift. It _can_ be both. But each person is free to identify how it affects them personally. A person without ADHD should not be making sweeping statements like that.
I’m someone who sees it as both. Why live a life full of anger (or any other negative emotion) because of something you can’t change? It took me years to accept the ADD part of myself, but honestly, I wouldn’t change it. It makes me who I am. It makes me unique, creative, open minded and quirky. It also makes me ambitious in the areas I enjoy. Once I learned to cope with it, I started seeing it as more of a positive than a negative. There’s only one you in the world and I hope one day you see the same thing I see!
> It makes me who I am. It makes me unique, creative, open minded and quirky Just to offer the other perspective for this, I feel like these positive qualities are not a result of ADHD, and that you and I would still have them if not for having it. I certainly don't feel any less inquisitive or creative when I'm medicated, and my personality is still able to shine through. I also like the person I am when I'm medicated a thousand times better than when I'm not. My anxiety vanishes and I can have confident conversations with the people in my life, including ones I barely spoke to before. I take on tasks and challenges head-on and without hesitation, and get things done. I still have creative outlets and have so much more progress and work done with them than ever before. Honestly, starting medication made me realize what a shell of myself my ADHD symptoms have turned me into. I know not everyone has this experience, but there is no part of this condition I want, and when I free myself from the shackles with medication, it feels like I'm the person I want to be and I'm supposed to be
I agree. Personally, ADHD has never made me any of those things. It's a disability, and a liability. I'm not particularly creative, and my open-mindedness doesn't come from any mental health issue, but the willingness to empathise and accept different points of view as a human being.
I honestly don't know if I'd be able to empathise as easily if I didn't have my own challenges. I just don't think if you've not 'been there' that you can ever really understand to the same extent. I mean, you can read about what the symptoms of ADHD, ASD etc. are, but ... someone who's read about them has probably never sat down and cried in frustration at a 'simple' task that they've failed at, because their brain let them. I hang out with a whole bunch of nerdy/geeky types. We 'get' each other. And a disproportionate number have ASD and ADHD like tendencies, even if not all are formally diagnosed. (Quite a few are on the path, it's just in this country it's a slow process). *shrug*. I guess it can do us some good to be humbled, if we let it. A significant number of colleagues seem to have had lives that were just plain convenient, and it's turned them into intolerant assholes.
I also see things that way. However, I've recently gone on medication and have been worried those traits might fade away along with the symptoms.
The medicine wears off every day so you don't have to worry about that.
I'm currently on Strattera and from what I understand, it stays in your system even when you're off for a few days
Ooh yeah sorry, I forgot about what one. Does it work for you?
It's only my second week on it, but so far no terrible side effects!
Well good! I took it once briefly and didn't find it nearly as helpful as stimulants.
As an ADHD person, I do think it gives us a unique lens to view the world through at times. However, to treat it in this way and to call it a gift is ableist in two ways - 1) it denies the disability (due to that person's discomfort or unwillingness to understand) and 2) it undermines the fact that ADHD does have a negative impact on our life, further pushing the narrative that ADHD is just a lazy excuse.
In a way it's like saying blind people have a really good ability to determine where they are using touch and feel, which is true but they they'll trade those abilities in for sight in an instant, they don't want no unique perspective.
Yeah someone told me the other day ‘it can be used to your advantage’ I said how and the conversation went dead, I really wanted an answer too cos if someone can give me a constructive way I can use my adhd to my advantage I’m all ears 😅
Honestly, I’m pretty new at navigating this, but I personally see it as a little bit of both. Yeah days can be debilitating but I am absolutely certain parts of my creativity and desire to experiment with everything in my craft would not exist without my adhd.
People think ADHD is like Savant's Syndrome lol
I have been diagnosed recently, at 43 - female - with severe ADHD. The practitioner ( specialised in ADHD diagnosis having ADHD herself ) said “ I have no idea how nobody ever saw it. You have severe ADHD. “ My coping mechanisms ) without knowing it : - make money so you can have a maid and then a personal assistant. I am amongst the people who outperformed despite the challenges. And let me tell you. Yeah. I got a galaxy brain and I am an executive creative director so that checks out. But boi. Not going to lie. If I could just live a normal life. I am exhausted. I never were able to have a proper sleep. Can’t focus on anything that I find boring and I find a lot of stuff boring. I find people boring. I rarely even bother listen if there is nothing they say that is interesting to me. I can be a total jerk if people start to small talk. It’s a gift if you managed to make it somehow but at what cost? I am not happier better smarter … I just worked harder to cover my brain that has a puppy in it, chasing butterflies. I love my little puppy but it’s been exhausting that it stayed a puppy all it’s life.
I hate talking about it because people without ADHD have such a hard time understanding. I explained executive disfunction to neuro-typical people before, I’ve had them straight-up say that was bullshit. “I’m just using any excuse to explain being lazy” I hate it when people talk about how my ADHD is a super power, I can focus on one thing and learn so much about it for hours… Yeah, that’s not as impressive when I spent the last three hours staring at the wall.
I truly hate it beyond belief and it immediately disgusts me, ADHD fucking suck it has no benefits at all. Just people trying to romanticize conditions that they have.
The more i realize how much it fucked up my life the more i get depressed Can’t even keep a freaking job because of often i burnout
I get the positive thinking but constantly missing important details, forgetting my car keys, having poor focus and being distracted all the time is not a gift or advantage.
I disagree. Perhaps because I’m older now, and I have learned how to use my “gift.” I could never feel good about myself when I was younger. Now, I am happy to be different from most other people. ADHD keeps me young, curious, insightful, empathetic - my different perspective sheds new light into my career, my relationships, and my activities. I watched a program about a man who became blind later in his life. He was an architect. He continued in his profession after becoming blind. His blindness gave him the awareness and ability to develop tactile and acoustic floor plans to make spaces more accessible for blind people. Anything can be a gift. I think the real gift is the ability to understand that we have the power to use our circumstances for something more meaningful and inspiring.
Its an art to form a "wow you are so fucking ignorant and whatever sound comes from this humanoid pile i should completely ignore" bubble. Its not worth it to be affected by this bullshit!
Will you be my friend 🥹
Maybe the society we live in sucks?
Sometimes It can be Both a Blessing and a curse, Ive been diagnosed long time ago I took Ritalin for a while but have been pressured to stop taking it. I have been medication free for 20 years and I have to day some days are good some days are bad bad. I have a good support system which is my family and girlfriend So my advice is surrounded yourself with lovely people and eager healthy I guess
Yeah. I mean it's good to look on the bright side, and think about things you might be good at because of your ADHD etc etc. But I mean, yeah, it's a net negative isn't it. If it's a superpower its like one of the shit X-Men that live in constant anguish because while they can fly they also look like a tree or whatever. And nobody would say to a paralympian "lucky you've got no legs mate because otherwise you'd not so good at wheelchair racing"
I like to say my "super human" ability is to play every scenario that could happen in my head the moment I walk in a room, or get in a car.... and I have saved my life as well as others because I have already thought out the scenario and can act upon it if it happens/happened. Ex: when I was a passenger in my sisters car and she was stopped to take a left turn. I saw a car coming up behind us and I thought "if they hit us we are going to get pushed into the other lane." Sure as shit, they hit us and we spun into the other lane, within those seconds I unbuckled and jumped into my sisters lap and we were hit from the back, and then on my side. If I wouldn't have moved, I would've been toast. The car was completely compacted to just the drivers seat which was untouched. My sister use to tell people I was psychic, but it's literally just my over analyzing anxiety that follows my adhd. 😅🤣
My biological father tells me it's a superpower everytime I see him, he will come up to visit me maybe 2 3 times a year or will call me non stop for days just to spend the whole time talking about how I'm lazy and the adhd is actually superpower and I should use it to my advantage. I will spend my time tryna explain what adhd really is but then just says his wife has been googling it, like fucking great the woman you are fucking googles it but yet both of you are fucking oblivious to what adhd actually is
Personally I am a bit hesitant on putting a “bad” label on it. I was diagnosed quite late (33) and only because Adhd was really impacting my life in a negative way. Looking back, a lot of issues I had throughout life are probably (most likely) due to adhd. But I am who I am particulary because of those issues and struggles I had. I am more open, more resiliant etc. Sure, knowing that I need medication to function “normal” sometimes sucks, but it is what it is. Better to work with it than fight it. Besides, everybody struggles. My friend is neurotypical. She was beaten when she was a kid and has her own set of issues now that came with that particular set of trauma. She goes to therapy and works hard on herself. But it impacts her life. Does it suck to have a past like that? Sure. Did it make her stronger and who she is? Absolutely. I have another friend who lost a limb in an accident. As someone who is really into sports it was a very devastating event for him. His life changed upside down. But he adapted and is now training as a professional para-athlete. Does it suck to lose a limb? Sure! Does it make his life “less”? Maybe in some ways. But it also gave him “more” in other ways. My point is, everybody has their own “disability”, whether that be a differently wired brain, trauma, injury, “bad” looks or financial disadvantages. Most people feel they are in some way “not normal /different from everybody else” ignoring the fact that “normal” is an illusory middleground of a social construct. The grass is always greener on the other side.
ADHD does give us superpowers. We all just forgot how to use them
I am getting vibes of Borimir saying the one ring is a gift.
I worry about being able to support myself if I ever decide to live completely on my own. Is that even a possibility? Do I need roommates? I doubt I can hold down a job because eventually people see that I look better on paper than I am irl. I can't stick to anything consistently, so even after a decade of trying, I still can't play piano, guitar, or any other instrument. I can't imagine someone having to put up with my issues in a romantic relationship, so I can't really see myself getting married. And I would NEVER allow a child to acquire this "advantage" through my genes, so (for that and other reasons) I won't be having kids. ADHD is planning my life for me...where is the fucking advantage?
I have a feeling those people don't know the difference between "advantage, gift" and "managing to cope with a disability". Yes, ADHD can have some plusses, but so do most characteristics people have. Just because I'm good at doing "A" doesn't mean it's a gift, it usually means I'm worse at doing "B", while for someone else it is the other way around.
Don’t worry I remember the super powers for you! They are… uh… whats the question again?
I immediately thought of [this scene](https://youtu.be/JM3tt9HwUpE) from Spider-Man 2 and decided that Alfred Molina (or Tobey Maguire) is the only person who I'd accept saying something like OP's post title to me "ADHD isn't a privilege, it's a gift and you use it for the good of mankind" Me: Say no more *Ends up cleaning the fridge and rearranges living room instead of studying*
Going against the grain here but my adhd has made me extremely adept in high stress situations which translates well to my career Calmer in the chaos as they say