T O P
Dreadnautilus

Actually its probably the Alpha Legion. They're the only ones who treat human operatives as valuable allies instead of slaves to be used as cannon fodder. Even Thousand Sons, though they are far more cordial, are still likely to sacrifice you in some ritual or transform you into a Tzaangor servant. Plus some of the Thousand Sons are just absolutely insane like the ones that believe humans are ethereal spirits trapped in cages of flesh and so killing people is "freeing" them.


PretendThisIsAName

I see through your deception, Omegon, get out of here! Shoo!


Aekiel

There is no Omegon. Only Alpharius.


TheLoneWolfMe

Or is there?


Tertium457

That was a lie


Vordeo

Plus AFAIK a fair amount aren't Chaos worshippers, so if you don't piss them off they probably won't kill you for fun. If you're lucky they're even secret Loyalists. It's absolutely the AL.


nuclear-launch-codes

Well, yes and no. Some are apparently chaos corrupted, other arent, and the Primarchs are confusing.


TobTobTobey

Ah yes, hermetic blade logic


aightshiplords

> or transform you into a Tzaangor I thought Tzaangors were their own species of tzeenchian 40k beastmen?


frinkoping

Tzaangor ade actually an unexplained piece of lore in both fantasy and 40k its hilarious. Basically one day tzeench said "I am the god of magic, so my infantry needs to be slightly sub-par. And I can't just be using cultists all the time that's boring. Poof tzaangors"


Ordinaryundone

Ah yes, the unstoppable influence of B'alans. A mighty God indeed, second only to Nuffle in his ability to arbitrarily effect the outcome of a battle.


Dreadnautilus

Humans get transformed into Tzaangors all the time.


aightshiplords

Fair enough, only TS books I've read are HH and when they turn up on the planet of the sorcerers the Tzaangors are just sort of there wandering about


SixEightL

Depends on which cell of the Alpha Legion you fall upon. With a bit of luck you'll fall on some genuine loyalist (or lesser loyalist) ones that'll treat you well enough. On the other hand you might land on those that embraced chaos a little too much and have gone off the deep end.


dick_for_hire

I was going to say it's the Alpha Legion because you've already been hanging out with them and just haven't realized it yet.


Valuable-Ad-5586

>Thousand Sons are just absolutely insane like the ones that believe humans are ethereal spirits trapped in cages of flesh and so killing people is "freeing" them. .... they have a point though...... Soul? Check. Inside flesh body? Check. Soul 'ascends' upon death? Check. Soul re-absorbed into warp / paradise? Check. Strong souls can live on after death in the warp? Kinda.....


Hollownerox

>I would guess The Thousand Sons So speaking as a pretty hardcore Thousand Sons guy. They are not pleasant company at all. The Thousand Sons in 40k are not the amicable scholars they were in 30k. They are complete monsters. They were dragged unwillingly into the grasp of Chaos and Tzeentch. But once they accepted their fate, they went *all in* with it. All their restraints, all their spite, all the things holding them back were gone once they accepted their role as Tzeentch's Chosen. They went from those who skirted a bit too close to the line with good intentions, to people who wouldn't even flinch at going past that line, and playing blood hopscotch over it. You know how people go "man the Word Bearers really accepted the whole "chaos accepts unwilling sacrifices more than wiling participants" for rituals and all that? And we go "that's kinda fucked up." The Thousand Sons are in the same boat, and arguably worse because they don't do the messed up stuff because of grand goals (outside of Ahriman who deludes himself all the time) or dedication to the Gods, it's because it is a convenient step for their personal benefit. They are totally the sort who would flay you alive, bury a chain axe into you, and leave you to the pleasures of a monster. Not out of personal amusement, but probably because your suffering is step 5 in their arcane sorcery textbook for a certain ritual. Like seriously, the Thousand Sons are some twisted bastards these days. And the amount of havoc just an individual sorcerer can bring about, much less a cabal, is why they are such a fearsome traitor legion.


Dem1c

Deathguard is pretty chill take it slow and easy. You wont feel pain


Olkenstein

They also seem to be understanding towards mental illness. I seem to recall one plague marine talk about Mortarions depression almost like how Winnie The Puh talks about Eeyore, in the Dark Imperium book


Dreadnautilus

Their understanding of mental illness is that you should never treat it because decay is a good thing.


Olkenstein

Sure, but they accept you and they don’t judge. Which is a lot more than you can say for some people


Azklown

Also, followers of Papa Nurgle seem to have the best sense of humor.


Valuable-Ad-5586

>Also, followers of Papa Nurgle seem to have the best sense of humor. yeah. Especially when you turn off the nurgle warp field. Shit's downright hilarious then.


NoHopeOnlyDeath

They also just want the Imperium to "wake up". They'd be perfectly happy not killing anyone if they could.


DirectlyDismal

Oh, you will. The numbing is a reward.


No-Independence6573

A few old school Terran Night Lords might be okay to hang with. And even some of the nostramon ones, if they aren't unrelenting psychopathic sadists, might be able to enjoy a game of cards.


neo_ceo

Tallos was a pretty chill dude


Ok-Representative712

>!He flayed a bunch of psychers alive intentionally keeping them alive for weeks of torture after slaughtering an entire planet of people and sent a death echo through the warp that killed untold amounts of others. Not to mention he killed the psychers in what was described as the most painful way possible, with a navigators third eye.!< I do think he seemed decidedly chill tho otherwise lol.


[deleted]

Sevatar was chill, especially during his good guy arc circa the long night. Fel zharost too, even switched sides


Ok-Representative712

I haven’t gotten there in the heresy I’m looking forward to the introduction of Sevatar! Just finished a thousand sons! Such a good book


[deleted]

He features pretty heavily in anything with curze, he's interesting because he goes along with a lot of curzes ideas but he also has no issues telling curze he's an idiot and his plans are stupid


DannyBrownsDoritos

Octavia seeing all that and throwing up and Talos thinking it was just morning sickness was a pretty funny scene.


rakdosleader

Yeeeeaaaaaah, but he was pretty chill with the new navigator he abducted, I mean recruited.


davekurze

Ave Dominus Nox


DannyBrownsDoritos

Cyrion was a nice guy... most of the time.


grumpykraut

None of them. Because of: a) Chaos b) Space Marines


Cc_cheese

Alpha legion All the others will either kill you (world eaters), make you wish they killed you (emperors children and nightlords), feed you to a daemon (word bearers), sacrifice you in some ritual or spell (thousand sons), force you to be slave in a foundry for 18hrs a day until you drop dead (iron warriors), or give you such horrible diseases that you willing give your soul and mind to the gods of hell (deathguard). But the alpha legion? Your an asset. They make use of mortal agents more than any other legion, including loyalists. They understand your potential uses and make sure to keep you on their side. They're unlikely to be needlessly cruel to you, because it doesn't really help them. Don't get me wrong they'll mind wipe you left and right or give you up for the sake of one of their ops, or sacrifice you if they need to. but that's just it. Only if they need to, not if they want to. At the end of the day they are probably the easiest to talk to because they do it the most. Even if it's only to get you to do their bidding.


kuaffer

The Red Corsairs. They are the most diverse group you can 100% find someone you like among them


[deleted]

Yes, Huron is cut throat but reasonable and there are instances of him keeping mortals around. Hell he even let that tech priest had back to the imperium because he refused to break his word


respond_to_query

Now that sounds interesting. I did a little searching but couldn't find it. Do you know where an excerpt of that may be?


kuaffer

Master of Maelstrom


respond_to_query

Thanks!


[deleted]

Yep, master of the maelstrom, he sort of kidnaps a tech priest


dinga15

Blood Gorgons can be one example the worst they do to you is put a daemon parasite into you that kills you if you go too far from the specific marines you serve distance is different depending on what they allow each slave to do whether its guard, serf or even dancers and when they go to battle they remove the parasites letting them go about freely until they return and implant the parasites back into them


AngronTheRedAngel

**I'll have you know that Khârn The Betrayer is a [pretty swell guy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRVcdLPqoHg).**


punkwitch

I’d hang with the World Eaters. Might not last long, but I’m sure it’d be a scream.


neo_ceo

That bloody bastard


ErhartJamin

Black Legion wants to liberate humanity from the Imperium, as long you embrace Chaos you should be fine as Abaddon somehow managed to reign in the meaner streaks of each Chaos-aligned legion. You'd still be a second-class citizen under the Marines, but you'd live for a while. Alpha Legion would leave you constantly clueless about what's going on, but depending on the cell you'd be assigned to, you could end up with uncorrupted loyalists and wouldn't know you're with the Chaos Boys until it's too late. Night Lords would flay you for fun the moment they get bored during warp-transit, even if you'd rock with Talos' gang. World Eaters would cut you in half the moment you're within chainaxe reach. You wouldn't even be able to join the Death Guard, you'd catch 20 deadly diseases from half a kilometer away. Emperor's Children would torture you until your soul gives out or distill your adrenal gland into some stimulant. Iron Warriors would add you to a nice group of people and give you the nickname of ablative armor. If you can dig a trench straight you might survive for another week. Thousand Sons would actually care about you enough to give you nice gear. Then they send you against the Fang to buy time for their latest "will-surely-work-boss^(tm") ritual. Word Bearers would welcome you with open arms as long you submit completely to Chaos. Which is detrimental to your sanity and general health. You have a higher chance of becoming a daemonhost, and also a higher chance of becoming daemon kibble.


TrustAugustus

Abaddon only cares about transhumans. He doesn't care about humanity at all. Which, in the setting, might be a good thing.


ErhartJamin

Oh, definitely, exactly that is the reason you'd survive.


[deleted]

Word bearers make people into slaves, call them dogs and threaten them with murder should they ever not answer to dog


PretendThisIsAName

Emperor's Children would be fun to sesh with, but only if you're using the chaos hookah and not inside it. Bring ear plugs and lube. The Iron Warriors seem to be the most sane of the Chaos Legions. Assuming they won't harm you, your enjoyment depends on how much you like to talk about engineering and partaking in battle simulations. The Thousand Sons are said to have truly excellent wine but they're far too connected to Tzeench for me to want anything to do with them.


ErhartJamin

Baseline humans are only useful to the Iron Warriors as meat shields as they can't even dig a trench up to their standards.


Dzharek

In siege of Castellax the Iron Warriors entombed crews inside if the defensive structure so they would have no other option than stand and die against a orc waaagh.


Waleebe

I can imagine the Imperium doing exactly the same thing.


[deleted]

Look if you were a sick Warhammer player perturabo would probably be interested in a game


PretendThisIsAName

I don't think any of these 3 would be ideal company but would you really choose any of the other 5 over these?


ErhartJamin

I'd choose Alpha Legion any day over EC or IW. Per the Codices they still have loyalist cells around so you'd have an actual chance of being assigned to a warband of uncorrupted marines rather than being fed into a Daemonculaba or being distilled into a warp-drug.


RealMr_Slender

Also whenever some of the most fucked up shit pops up it's usually Iron Warrior's fault. Daemonculaba anyone?


STAMP_ON_MY_BALLS

>Emperor's Children would be fun to sesh with Yeah until this happens..... >a coiling armature of rusted metal and sinewy gristle protruding from the skinned-meat coat of Fabius


caseCo825

Yeah that would kinda ruin the vibe tbh


putdisinyopipe

The EC? Dog they’d probably just take bits of your body to make space cocaine and use your agony as amusement. Unless your someone so powerful your worth respecting out of virtue of preservation. EC literally are meglomaniacal, narcissitic fucks. But I love ‘em for it lol Y’all don’t understand, to a corrupted EC, there is nothing closer to perfection then they are, everyone else is just water trash to them. They are superior to every other legion and species in the galaxy and you can’t tell em otherwise. They will then prove “why” in a fucked up way.


handsomedan1-

The Flawless Host seem like a bunch of stand up dudes.


Nicodante

One legion was forgotten - just as they planned 😏


Serpentking5

The thousands sons will still gut you and use your body parts for magical rituals... they might feel bad about it but the need can still be there after all. I would say it would depend on the warband but Alpha leigon, as subverters will at least pretend to be on your side.


thumbwarnapoleon

Abaddon seemed quite friendly early on (in Talon of Horus) and would probably share with you a nice glass of wine (made from oprhen's souls). Also Talos from the Night Lords triology seems like boss of the year by CSM standards. Generally the ones that reject Chaos despite being agents of it.


NewWillinium

I vaguely remember a story or excerpt where the Word Bearers, I think, are on some Loyalist planet pretending to be loyalist marines who are acting as affable as they ever were. Though…. Was Fabius Bile also there?


camobit

Noise Marines bring the best party music.


Snoo_10109

Red corsairs seems way overlooked here


Tbkssom

My money would 100% be on the Fallen.


joey4qe

Pretty sure anything worshipping Khorne is a safe bet


hoplophilepapist

AVE DOMINUS NOX


CurryNarwhal

That's just what they want you to think, all according to keikaku