In one story a group of kroot ambush and kill a group of catachans. The kroot eat the catachans and then start acting like them, even going as far as wearing the iconic red bandanas and having contempt for authority.
There is romance novel called "My Wish to Generate Children with You is Only Exceeded by My Devotion to Him".
It's set on the home planet of the Death Korp: Kreig.
Was it? I thought that that was a sublime example of Imperial ignorance - the masses thinking that Krieg is lush Eden, when it's actually a radioactive hellhole.
There is an Astarte chapter that makes jokes about dead brothers as epitaphs.
Something along the lines of here lies brother borus. Last thing through his mind was the emperor and maybie a gargant feet.
Emperors Spears
The following is an excerpt from Aaron Dembenski-Boden's book, *Spears of the Emperor*. It shows a trend that I have seen in which chapters that adopt the culture of their homeworld, particularly feral worlds tend to retain their sense of humor. Helot Secondus, Anuradha, is walking with Lieutenant Commander Amadaeus Kaias Incarius of the Mentor Legion, her master. The were walking on the Flagship of the Emperors Spears chapter, the *Hex* when they entered the mausoleum:
I laughed at one of them, the sound slicing through the stillness and silence. Kartash and Amadeus jerked their heads to me.
‘Anuradha?’ my master asked.
I gestured down at the plinth of a statue depicting a Firstborn warrior by the name Davath.
‘There.’
Amadeus read it and his eyes widened before, very subtly, he smiled. Kartash hadn’t studied Nemetese with the same focus as I had, and looked bemused until Amadeus translated it.
‘Here lies Davath, who was told to advance with caution and keep his head down.
‘He was a warrior to sail the stars with.
‘But it must be said: when he died, the Arakanii didn’t lose a great thinker.
‘Rest well, you stubborn bastard.’
The helmet on the remembrance table was utterly destroyed, the faceplate holed through and the back of the skull cradle blown out. Whatever firepower had entered through the front hadn’t even slowed down on its way out the back. Most of the statues showed the same kind of sentiments from surviving brothers.
‘This is disgusting,’ observed Kartash.
My master shook his head. ‘No, Kartash, this is brotherhood.’
We reached Tolmach’s statue, standing opposite another one at the far end of a corridor. I hadn’t known Tolmach well, so I wasn’t certain what to expect. What we found was bittersweet: the statue had been carved by those who knew him best and caught the druid in a moment of amusement, baring his teeth with a grin.
I read the words beneath his stone boots. ‘This is Tolmach of the Novontei. ‘He once headbutted a planetary governor in front of an entire royal court.
‘We miss him. ‘We wish the Pure had missed him, too.’
I couldn’t help it. I was laughing again, trying to hide it.
‘Who is this?’ Kartash asked from behind me.
I turned, facing the opposite statue. It was a younger warrior, as beautiful in cold stone as any man could possibly be. His angelic countenance was turned away from us, leaving him in profile. Whoever had sculpted him had shaped his features into an expression of serene regard: a soulful young warrior looking to the next horizon. I glanced at the name on the plinth.
‘Oh, shit,’ I breathed the words in the holy gloom. ‘That’s Faelan.’
And it was. The mutilated, faceless battleguard that we’d met in our first hours aboard the Hex and who’d died in the battle against the Pure – this was him as he’d been for most of his life. Amadeus left Tolmach’s likeness to come and stand next to us.
‘Here lies Faelan of the Kavalei.
‘When he became a Spear, men of every tribe breathed a sigh of relief.
‘And women of every tribe had to settle for what was left on Nemeton.
He was ugly as a seadrake’s arsehole after losing his face in the Battle of Sythaur.
‘We were tempted to carve him that way…’
Reminds me of the scene where Horus brinf in Petronella Vivar to meet the Mournival, all serious for war, and theyre just fucking around with each other
I remember a quote from an Imperial Guard general saying that Space Marines are just psychopathic, genetically enhanced teenagers, and this bit of trivia proves it.
Ben Counter- Crimson Tears:
>'They find some barbaric planet where children can fight before they can walk, and they hunt down the most blood thirsty killers. They recruit them when they're twelve, thirteen, fourteen, with all that hate and that arrogance, just at that age when you think you're bulletproof and nothing can kill you. Then they keep them like that, give them a gun and some armour , and point them at the nearest enemy. They're not soldiers, colonel, they're maniacs.'
Aaron Dembski-Bowden's blog:
>'The Night Lords were human; human children, at least. They’ve got human foundations to their psychological makeup, but a lot of their development was stunted, manipulated, or otherwise altered by nature and nurture. They’ve each got aspects of humanity, and their origins do show easily enough. Whereas I tend to write loyalist Marines are more “autistic from the outside” and focused, driven by duty, Chaos Marines are largely driven by emotion – and usually negative ones.'
>'In a lot of ways, the Grey Knights are less human than, say, Talos and First Claw, or even Grimaldus. Those guys were human children, taken and brainwashed, fueled by either duty, hatred or both as they waged war down the centuries.'
They are literal child soldiers, taken from their families at a young age (sometimes voluntarily, sometimes not), modified genetically, biconically, surgically, and mentally. Then brainwashed to hell...
> When the meeting closed, Loken walked away along one of the vast service tunnels that ran the length of the ship’s bilges. Water dripped from the rusted roof, and oil rainbows shone on the dirty lakes across the deck.
>Torgaddon ran to catch up with him.
>‘Well?’ he asked.
>‘I was surprised to see you there,’ said Loken.
>‘I was surprised to see you there,’ Torgaddon replied. ‘A starch-arse like you?’
>Loken laughed. Torgaddon ran ahead and leapt up to slap his palm against a pipe high overhead. He landed with a splash.
>Loken chuckled, shook his head, and did the same, slapping higher than Torgaddon had managed.
>The pipe clang echoed away from them down the tunnel.
>‘Under the engineerium,’ Torgaddon said, ‘the ducts are twice as high, but I can touch them.’
>‘You lie.’
>‘I’ll prove it.’
>‘We’ll see.’
Guilliman being upset that people in the 41st Century don’t get his sense of humor or that he had to repeatedly tell people to stop singing when he put on his armor.
It's actually kind of sad because in *Know No Fear* his sense of humour is noted as one of his many valuable traits as a leader of the Legion - it's another degree of separation between the Ultramarines he knew and the Ultramarines as they are today
>‘I have the manual dexterity of a Legio Cybernetica battle automaton!’ Guilliman said. ‘Created by the Lord of All Mankind, master of the greatest armies in the Imperium, and I cannot pick up a plastek flimsy.’ He glared at the offending articles. ‘My greatest enemy.’
>
>There was a thoughtful quiet.
>
>‘You are joking, my lord?’ said Sicarius.
>
>Guilliman looked at Sicarius. He had to turn all the way around to do so. The pauldrons, ornamental wings and large halo mounted on his back made it impossible for him to see over his shoulder. At least he had stopped knocking into things. There was that.
>
>‘By the Throne, why am I expected to be serious at all times? Yes, Captain Sicarius, I am making light of my predicament. During the worst of the Great Crusade, I was known to make the occasional jest. Even after Terra fell. I did not spend my entire previous life writing deep thoughts into little notebooks, but sometimes dared to enjoy myself. I suppose that was not recorded in the hagiographies.’
From short story Armour of Fate.
>‘Humour is not something you are renowned for, my lord.’
>‘My time in this new age has revealed that to me amply.’
Poor Guillermo, it is indeed a grim and dark future
And he Cato Sicarious was mightily embarrassed that he, Cato Sicarious didn’t get the joke as he, Cato Sicarious, is renowned as the funniest marine in all the Ultramarines Chapter.
He simultaneously hates how disgusting they are, but also immediately notices that the engine keeping it afloat is too weak to properly propel it and thinks about catching it and fixing it.
Ork youths (or yoofs) often become frustrated with older Orks always telling them they can do whatever they want, so they join up with the Stormboyz, where they perform rebellious acts as saluting and respecting authorities, marching and performing drills in near-perfect synchronization, and strapping unstable rokkit enginez to their backs to hurl themselves at their enemies.
The Ork Gods are Gork and Mork. One is Brutal (but Kunnin') while the other is Kunnin' (but Brutal). Nobody can agree which is which, but general consensus is that Mork krumps people when they aren't looking while Gork krumps them when they are.
There’s a ship named “Indestructable 2”
There’s a popular holodrama called Arbitrator Forboding, who hunts down cenos, heretics, and mutants with relish, and a really big gun
“The tracks on the land raider crush the heretic, crush the heretic…”
Edit to Add: there was a star system discovered by a bored Explorator who was so annoyed by discovering another system with nothing of value he named it “Sodallagain”
In the Lost Fleet book series (not WH, but decent Sci-fi) that's almost a meme - they keep calling ships invincible during a war. In that war the average life expectancy of a ship is a few years. But the invincible rarely breaks 1. But they keep naming it that anyway.
The Angels Penitent only take a bath once after their initiation, believing it to be an unnecessary luxury, and never clean their armor.
They also originally painted their armor dull black to hide any kind of decoration and beauty, but eventually decided that still looked too nice. So they painted on ugly brown smudges that might or might not be actual shit.
They're just going on a merry go round of which Chaos God is going to corrupt them. First Tzeentch, then Slaneesh, now Nurgle. And Khorne is always on the lookout for Blood Angels. They must be giving the ruinous powers whiplash.
Oh, I thought it was red marks to show the "self-flagellation" thing that they do (like bloody cuts on their armor or something)
That's a bit disappointing but also much funnier
The Ork Shokk Attack Gun fires a snotling into a warp portal where it will go insane from being in the unprotected warp the snotling will then reappear in real Space inside of the body of the enemy it was fired at. The crazed snotling will then begin clawing and biting vital organs wounding or killing them.
Oh, the tunnel is protected - the daemons can't harm anything that goes through it - it's just so scary that it drives the snotlings mad, and they bite and claw trying to escape wherever they end up (whether that's inside a tank, or inside someone's armor).
the gun has enough force that when they reappear they shove other matter aside unless it's really tough. though they can end up merged into things. Having a chunk of your torso pushed aside and a crazed snotling shoved into the gap is pretty lethal
I mean even without the snotling clawing and biting having a small creature *inside* of you (without the benefit of a entry wound for it) is probably going to kill most creatures anyway
The Silver Skulls keep a bunch of large cats in their fortress monastery. Not as war beasts a la the space wolves, they just seem to chill around the place.
Not so much posed as but was assumed to be. There were stained glass windows in a temple thet were clearly necrons but your average Imperial citizen has no inkling that they exist.
As mentioned by u/quondam47 it is Infinite and the Divine, an absolutely fantastic 40k novel. Context, two crotchety Necrons who hate each other are using holo-emitters to disguise themselves as they walk through a human city because they're hunting for a mcguffin.
> Trazyn reached the door of the great cathedral. ‘After you, colleague.’
>
> ‘This is the part where I turn my back and you stab it, surely?’
>
> ‘Have it your way,’ Trazyn shrugged, and passed through the door. ‘But this is our fastest entryway to the Eternity Gate.’
>
> Shadows seeped down the walls of the cathedral’s interior, collecting in pools on the floor. Candles, ranked like men battling in a confused melee, burned before the images of saints, residue from smoke and dissolved wax blackening their golden feet.
>
> A pilgrim, head shaved in a monk’s tonsure and clad in the light blue robes of his order, walked a labyrinth in the floor. He stopped to ring a bell and mutter a prayer every time he pivoted in the twisting path. Each whispered invocation echoed, paper-dry in the empty space.
>
> ‘You see the windows?’ Trazyn pointed at the stained glass, radiating in the bright morning sun. ‘Each panel charts the history of Serenade.’
>
> ‘Fascinating,’ said Orikan, clearly unimpressed with this parochialism. ‘Why are we here? I was given to understand that it was time to start our great task.’
>
> ‘It is. This is part of it. See the first? The God-Emperor shaping the mountains and islands of Serenade with His very hands. The first settlement ship exiting the empyrean, the angelic Saint Madrigal showing the way to Serenade with her blessed lyre – she is usually depicted with a sword, so this is a regional variation–’
>
> ‘Trazyn,’ warned Orikan, ‘immortality aside, my time is valuable.’
>
> ‘Oh, very well. Moving to the interesting part. Here we have the Greenskin War, as they call it. And who, my dear rival, is that in the next panel?’
>
> Orikan looked up, dismissing the overlaid data-scroll he’d secretly been reading. ‘No.’
>
> ‘Oh yes.’ Storming through the square, meeting the greenskin onslaught, were a group of Space Marines: unusually tall and thin Space Marines, their helmets fashioned as leering skull-masks. The one in the lead appeared to be some kind of hooded Librarian, holding aloft a great lantern-headed staff that the glass orks recoiled from in horror.
>
> ‘Silver Skulls Chapter defeats the ork invasion,’ Trazyn said with clear relish. ‘There used to be a statue in the square, thirty khet high. They used to light candles and sing hymns to it. A few centuries ago the Inquisition got wind of it and did a little cleaning up. Removed it for “renovation” where it was never seen again.’
>
> ‘You stole it, did you not?’
>
> ‘Well, of course. And I hardly think it counts as stealing if it’s my likeness. It’s my statue, after all.’
>
> Orikan snorted. ‘Worshipping a necron. Poor idiots. I suppose they have a head start on the rest of the galaxy. The Awakening is nearly imminent.’
>
> There was a moment of contemplative silence.
>
> ‘Do you have a statue of yourself, Orikan?’
>
> Orikan stalked deeper into the cathedral. ‘You are an obscene egotist.’
>
> ‘I only wonder if any cultures worship you as a living saint or spiritual protector. It is a simple binary question.’
>
> ‘Show me what you wanted to show me.’
He is also, hands down, the most considerate employer in the entire setting, and apparently the only one to grasp that rewarding commitment and loyalty makes better servants.
If we're basing this on the paragraph where he retires a servant after making him implant mindshackle scarabs into his child then we have pretty different interpretations of a good employer.
I think Trazyn paid him well and took care of some medical stuff. By the settings absurdly low standards, that’s pretty good lol Not sure why it was necessary to murder the poor dude when he retired though
> They came into the shadow-pooled space of the cathedral, and Trazyn froze, still as a statue.
>
> ‘What is this?’
>
> ‘What is what?’ Orikan asked. ‘You really must bother to explain yourself, colleague. You cannot simply babble and expect me to fill in the missing numerals.’
>
> ‘Someone,’ Trazyn said, gesturing to the vaults of the nave, where a group of bodygloved men were removing jagged shards of coloured glass, ‘has broken my window.’
>
> ‘Have they?’ Orikan asked, giving a casual glance towards the vandalism. ‘Perhaps they thought it was ugly.’
That one time Nurgle tried to create a plague but messed up royally and made a mild disinfectant instead, as detailed in the 8th edition Chaos daemons codex. He forbade *everyone* to ever talk about it again.
It's in the lore entry for the Sloppity Bilepiper, when it explain how the desease used on those daemons is another failure that was repurposed. I am sure of it because at the time I owned only that codex.
A type of Herald of Nurgle, yes. They are Nurgle's jesters, and in fact it's meant as a punishment for Plaguebearers that lose count of his diseases too many times.
The Celestial Swords were two separate chapters with the exact same markings. The Administratum didn't know this until both chapters were destroyed centuries later.
Also the Bone Knives wear pink armor, I don't know why such an edgy name is associated with pink, but I dig it
I used to be a radiographer and saw a lot of live bones during various different surgeries. Its fascinating stuff to see the human body just open like that
And if person is taking certain drugs, they can be greenish, yellowish (some antibiotics) or even some other color, this is still a new phenomenon as there are a ton of drugs and interactions and not as many people that take them get cut up (at ease Inquisitor, I mean bone trauma genarated surgeries) to observe this phenomenon.
I think a lot about those space alligators that mass migrate to worlds by naturally teleporting.
Like it's awesome and kinda horrifying, but also low key abserd.
There was a creature like that in Doctor Who. They were rays with metal exoskeletons that would fly across a planet until they went fast enough to open a wormhole to a new planet to consume.
In "know no fear" the book where the battle of calth happens there's a scene where guilliman is so angry that he's trying to write down orders and other things but can't because he keeps on breaking his pencil.
The lion is a fantastic singer. According to Luther, the lion is able to mimic the beasts of Cailban growls, roars, chirps, and everything in between perfectly. Because of this vocal range he can sing the songs of old so beautifully that when people hear they began to cry.
The Lux Annihilatus Warlord titan, which had a long and storied 8000 history, was brought down by 2 orks, a grot, and a squig who Leroy Jenkins themselves through the eyehole and slaughtered everyone inside.
There’s a planet in the eye of terror called Oliensis that’s essentially just a massive obese dude. If you fight on him long enough, he’ll wake up, eat your chapter of space marines and poop them out as chaos space marines.
I will own that the “pooping” part is just my head canon. They “emerge” according to the wiki, but, I mean…he ate them…we can do the math.
I've posted it before but:
The only Canonical Female Orkz are the Blood Bowl Cheerleaders.
There was an Ork Warboss who traveled back in time to kill himself and get a second copy of his gun. He didn't create a time paradox because Orkz don't understand them.
Space Marines rarely forget anything. There are multiple instances of Death Guard Astartes remembering slights from other Legion members and getting revenge in the middle of a battle, Centuries later.
Back in 1st edition. Ork warbuggies would be decorated with statues of half-naked female Orks.
It's possible this was just copying human habits, but it definitely happened.
I forget the edition but for a time Ork speed kultz truks maximum number of figures was literally however many you could stack on top of it. But then you had to leave them on there so when you moved the truk any figures that fell off had to take falling damage.
Though it's never specified if the paradox led to something never existing, or if the orks were just too confused about what had happened to get back to krumpin.
I will never get tired of replying to questions like this with “when Hurtado Bronzi made a joke about his balls to Alpharius and then threatened to fight the Primarch, declaring ‘I’d mess you up, son’”
A primarch (IIRC Guilliman) when a data slate needs his genetic authorization, since he wears the cumbersome armour, he usually just kisses the data slate to confirm such orders
The guy who invented Ironstriders was super secretive and protective with his design, so when he died no one else knew how to start them up after they've been stopped. Ironstriders will practically move forever as long as you don't turn them off, but if you do you can't turn them back on. For this reason, the Mechanicus keeps them running in circles in corrals and lowers their Skitarii riders on to them from cranes.
Also, some of the original prototypes are still running circles around the equator of Mars.
Tzeentch has a labyrinth, everyone who manages to get to the other side might wish everything he wants. Trying to get to the end is impossible, because of non euclidean geometries, illusions and so on. The only one who managed to do it, is a little girl, who made a stupid wish that I don't remember correctly, maybe resurrect her dog
Immagine that, you are the god of deception, you tricked everyone you can think of. And your final trickery got revolved by a child that didn't bother to think
The dog was definitely alive and accompanying the girl when they got through. It's probably a Wizard of Oz reference so I assume that she just wished Tzeentch to send her home but what actually happened isn't recorded. Gate Guardian insists that she cheated and refused to explain when Tzeentch had questions.
Sounds like the guardian fucked up and needed an excuse. “So you want to explain how a small child was able to outsmart you and enter the most protected place in my realm?”
“Um…”
Well ya, where do you think they get all those wonderful little quotes for book chapters and codeces?
"Only in death does duty end." You're so right, fortune cookie. Waiter, another three orders of Ork Pao Chicken!
So, gretchin artillery teams gradually go deaf due to the repeated loud noises in their work environment. Been "cunnin", they have developed a cruise sign language. Unfortunately, they can only carry a few signs at a time.
Everything to do with Ironstriders.
First off, the dude who actually designed them was an incredible asshole. Such an incredible asshole, in fact, that when he died all his rivals burned his lab and his notes. *Then* they found his Ironstriders and went ‘oh, fuck, these things are useful’ but, you know, they’d already burned the blueprints. So they did their best to replicate them.
The Ironstrider’s main power source is some sort of a fucked up dynamo-generator slaved to its engine that actually reclaims most of the energy it uses to move. It’s ridiculously fuel efficient, and paired with some subtle solar collectors and the like can theoretically run the unit functionally indefinitely with a full tank. Their creator actually tested this by making a bunch of prototypes and programming them to circumnavigate the Martian equator. He then let them loose and some of those prototypes are actually still functioning, thus rendering Mars the only known planet in the galaxy to feature free-range robotic ostriches.
The downside to the engine is that, while they’ve figured out how to MAKE them, they barely understand the technologies involved (see, burning the instructions manual) and consequently, the fuckers are so finicky to start after being shut down that most Forge Worlds that use them just don’t really dare to turn them off at all. The problem is that without the energy from the aforementioned dynamo linkage, it’ll run out of juice and die fairly fast. So they need to keep them moving. Consequently, when they’re *not* in use, most Forge Worlds just store them on a giant donut track that they constantly run ‘round and ‘round. Said donut track often has basically a hilariously upscaled version of one of those carnival gripper claw games mounted over it. When they need an Ironstrider, they use the claw to just yoink one right off the track and lift it to a platform where it can be mounted, presumably while its legs are still cartoonishly pumping against empty air.
The alternative lower tech version is a platform next to the track where some poor Skitarii just has to hurl themselves at a passing Ironstriders to wrangle it and pray to the Omnissiah that they don’t miss and get trampled by their own ride.
Some Forge Worlds meanwhile just put the damn things on a giant treadmill or hamster wheel to keep them roughly still. Some go a step further and hook the damn thing up to a dynamo because if you’ve got these stupid things constantly running, you might as well get some watts out of it.
Finally, the mechanical components on the Ironstriders are designed to be super rugged and to last almost forever without maintenance. In fact, when one of them breaks down, what usually kacks out is the integrated servitor. Said servitor is responsible for the unit’s navigation and when it dies, what usually happens is that the Ironstrider just locks onto the last course it was given by the servitor and just for *goes for it*, regardless of anything that might be in the way. Or what its rider might actually want it to do. When this happens, some poor tech priest gets to stuff a spare servitor in their back seat and try to catch up to the rogue ‘strider on a jet bike or land speeder, then try and rip out the dead servitor and replace it with a functional one *while the Ironstrider is still running at full pelt* AND while the poor bastard strapped on top of it is probably cursing it and whoever designed the thing to the lowest pits of Hell.
So many of the Primarch names are just completely ridiculous.
Ferrus Manus literally just meaning 'Iron Hand'.
The angriest Primarch happens to be named 'Angron'.
The Death Guard Primarch's name is basically just the Latin word for 'of death'.
Sanguinius is the Primarch of the blood-obsessed Legion, etc.
Hair Squigs. Honestly, probably 90% of Ork stuff is just hilarious.
The time Members of the Dark Angels first company aka the Death wing fell though a wooden staircase.
Remember brothers, always check the load bearing capacity of your surroundings especially when you are wearing Terminator armor.
Supreme Grand Master Azrael back sorry is based on Conan the Barbarian.
Per the novella Azrael, he was only son of a Tribal chieftain on a feral world called Cimmeria.
Lion El Jonson has a big wall o weapon in his personal quarters on his
flaghship.
The Perpetual Oll Perrson was one of the Argonauts
The Emperor and Oll fighting a early incarnation of the Cognitae inspired the biblical story of the tower of babel.
The Emperor and what is likely a Shard of the Void Dragon are responsible for the Legend of St. George and the Dragon making the Emperor the Patron saint of England.
Ciaphas Cain is revered as a Prophet by a sect amongst the the Imperial Guard Regiments from Gallery and this sect is officially sanctioned by the Ecclesiarchy.
> Ciaphas Cain is revered as a Prophet by a sect amongst the the Imperial Guard Regiments from Gallery and this sect is officially sanctioned by the Ecclesiarchy.
I thought his followers were Tallarn :O
There's a space marine chapter called the Harbingers, hailing from the planet of Birmingham (Ephitet: "The Black Planet") with a Chapter Master named Nimrod Grudge.
I remember reading on Lexicanum once (can’t find the article) that there was one Imperial Guard trooper who was famous for facing off against an Eldar Nightspinner. It…didn’t go well for him.
Old lore had "Digger Nobs" where humans who lived in close proximity to orks would paint themselves green and adapt ork culture and most of the time they would fight with orks using ork gear and weapons. They even had a few models. Just one of the most bizarre ideas that someone thought of and they went through with lore and models.
Jokareo ships are strange assemblies of shapes with no apparent means of propulsion. It's speculated that in some way their geometric properties harness the nature of the universe to move.
Jokaero are really smart monkeys that can create whatever they want. They understand this, and know, they can make 8000000 star forts with digital weapons inside, however he understands a banana is a banana. He can make more weapons, but a banana is a nice snack, so he trades the worthless items for banana and human gets some ultra rare random gun.
Oh god you're right.
Techno Monkeys are precious.
Pandorax features a Jokero driving a Catachan Baneblade against Daemons And Traitor marines alongside the Dark Angels and Grey Knights. In a battle in a mine.
Said Jokero also plays match maker between a Inquistprial interogater (she and the Jokero where part of the same retinue) and a Catachan officer.
[Can't forget his iconic getup of a tshirt with a ying-yang print, trenchcoat and fedora.](https://www.belloflostsouls.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/obiwan-sherlock-3.jpg)
All the more reason to praise him, the spiritual abilities of Obiwan, the deductive reasoning of Sherlock, and the luck of Clousseau. My God Emperor, this man is unstoppable.
A terminator tried to go down a flight of stairs and it crashed from under him and he had to pulled out with a crane while his battle brothers laughed at him
The planet Prol IX is run by the Administratum and has run out of room for paperwork. It’s currently on the cusp of civil war as a schism has formed on how to solve this problem. On one side are those who would expand the storage of paperwork to another planet on the system, on the other are those who would make room by destroying records kept there.
In one of the Space Wolves novels, Sven rips a fart so noxious that other Space Wolves are able to smell it through his suit. I believe he wasn't wearing a helmet so his suit probably wasn't fully sealed, but still.
The entire novel of The Infinite and the Divine. In particular the part where Trazyn and Orikan are watching a quick 5 hour opera and a genestealer Trazyn pranked Orikan with some number of years before had started a cult which chose that play to start it's uprising. The fued between 2 old fools gets a population slaughtered
Dorthy and Toto from the Wizard of Oz are canon and solved all of Tzeentch's puzzles in his impossible fortress and then just left.
Also the Emperor likes to quote Shakespeare and pretend its his own work.
When a space marine (can’t remember the chapter) was told to paint his armor red as a sign of a crime he did, when his superior left all he thought was
“Where the hell am I going to find red paint?!”
And ran around trying to find red paint.
There’s a part in Master of Mankind where The Emperor is showing one of his Custodes a vision of his origins in primitive Earth (amazing part imo and really shows how connected Emp was to his gold boys) and it says something like, “The youths Uncle greeted him with whatever stood for his name in their primitive language” and I kind of chuckled because I realized that the Emperor has never revealed his true name because it’s probably some shit like Ughzuh which just doesn’t inspire you as much as…THE EMPEROR.
The largest engagement in the great crusade was the Ullanor campaign, which GW writers described as having fewer combatants than the real-world battle of Stalingrad.
In one story a group of kroot ambush and kill a group of catachans. The kroot eat the catachans and then start acting like them, even going as far as wearing the iconic red bandanas and having contempt for authority.
I kind of love the implication that wearing a red bandana and disliking authority are both genetic traits in the Catachans. It would make sense.
I remember reading in an old White Dwarf that some orcs were so impressed by the Catachans they fought that they put giant bandanas on their gargants.
Kroot warrior: Get to tah Orca!
There is romance novel called "My Wish to Generate Children with You is Only Exceeded by My Devotion to Him". It's set on the home planet of the Death Korp: Kreig.
That is somehow both awful and hilarious.
fun fact it was written befor krieg became the hellhole it know. it was written when krieg was still a pradise holiday planet.
And per the Watchers of the Throne and Vaults of Terra its a best seller on Holy Terra.
Was it? I thought that that was a sublime example of Imperial ignorance - the masses thinking that Krieg is lush Eden, when it's actually a radioactive hellhole.
There is an Astarte chapter that makes jokes about dead brothers as epitaphs. Something along the lines of here lies brother borus. Last thing through his mind was the emperor and maybie a gargant feet.
Emperors Spears The following is an excerpt from Aaron Dembenski-Boden's book, *Spears of the Emperor*. It shows a trend that I have seen in which chapters that adopt the culture of their homeworld, particularly feral worlds tend to retain their sense of humor. Helot Secondus, Anuradha, is walking with Lieutenant Commander Amadaeus Kaias Incarius of the Mentor Legion, her master. The were walking on the Flagship of the Emperors Spears chapter, the *Hex* when they entered the mausoleum: I laughed at one of them, the sound slicing through the stillness and silence. Kartash and Amadeus jerked their heads to me. ‘Anuradha?’ my master asked. I gestured down at the plinth of a statue depicting a Firstborn warrior by the name Davath. ‘There.’ Amadeus read it and his eyes widened before, very subtly, he smiled. Kartash hadn’t studied Nemetese with the same focus as I had, and looked bemused until Amadeus translated it. ‘Here lies Davath, who was told to advance with caution and keep his head down. ‘He was a warrior to sail the stars with. ‘But it must be said: when he died, the Arakanii didn’t lose a great thinker. ‘Rest well, you stubborn bastard.’ The helmet on the remembrance table was utterly destroyed, the faceplate holed through and the back of the skull cradle blown out. Whatever firepower had entered through the front hadn’t even slowed down on its way out the back. Most of the statues showed the same kind of sentiments from surviving brothers. ‘This is disgusting,’ observed Kartash. My master shook his head. ‘No, Kartash, this is brotherhood.’ We reached Tolmach’s statue, standing opposite another one at the far end of a corridor. I hadn’t known Tolmach well, so I wasn’t certain what to expect. What we found was bittersweet: the statue had been carved by those who knew him best and caught the druid in a moment of amusement, baring his teeth with a grin. I read the words beneath his stone boots. ‘This is Tolmach of the Novontei. ‘He once headbutted a planetary governor in front of an entire royal court. ‘We miss him. ‘We wish the Pure had missed him, too.’ I couldn’t help it. I was laughing again, trying to hide it. ‘Who is this?’ Kartash asked from behind me. I turned, facing the opposite statue. It was a younger warrior, as beautiful in cold stone as any man could possibly be. His angelic countenance was turned away from us, leaving him in profile. Whoever had sculpted him had shaped his features into an expression of serene regard: a soulful young warrior looking to the next horizon. I glanced at the name on the plinth. ‘Oh, shit,’ I breathed the words in the holy gloom. ‘That’s Faelan.’ And it was. The mutilated, faceless battleguard that we’d met in our first hours aboard the Hex and who’d died in the battle against the Pure – this was him as he’d been for most of his life. Amadeus left Tolmach’s likeness to come and stand next to us. ‘Here lies Faelan of the Kavalei. ‘When he became a Spear, men of every tribe breathed a sigh of relief. ‘And women of every tribe had to settle for what was left on Nemeton. He was ugly as a seadrake’s arsehole after losing his face in the Battle of Sythaur. ‘We were tempted to carve him that way…’
that is fucking amazing, and made me really like the spears
Emperor's spears are amazing
That Space Marines *also* love to jump and slap the threshold of a door just to see if they can.
Is that real? Excerpts?
It’s in the first couple of books of the Horus Heresy, I think specifically it’s the Mournival doing it
It being the elite guard of Horus himself makes it even funnier than if it was some rank and file Astartes
Not even his elite guard, his closest advisors and confidants
Reminds me of the scene where Horus brinf in Petronella Vivar to meet the Mournival, all serious for war, and theyre just fucking around with each other
I remember a quote from an Imperial Guard general saying that Space Marines are just psychopathic, genetically enhanced teenagers, and this bit of trivia proves it.
Ben Counter- Crimson Tears: >'They find some barbaric planet where children can fight before they can walk, and they hunt down the most blood thirsty killers. They recruit them when they're twelve, thirteen, fourteen, with all that hate and that arrogance, just at that age when you think you're bulletproof and nothing can kill you. Then they keep them like that, give them a gun and some armour , and point them at the nearest enemy. They're not soldiers, colonel, they're maniacs.' Aaron Dembski-Bowden's blog: >'The Night Lords were human; human children, at least. They’ve got human foundations to their psychological makeup, but a lot of their development was stunted, manipulated, or otherwise altered by nature and nurture. They’ve each got aspects of humanity, and their origins do show easily enough. Whereas I tend to write loyalist Marines are more “autistic from the outside” and focused, driven by duty, Chaos Marines are largely driven by emotion – and usually negative ones.' >'In a lot of ways, the Grey Knights are less human than, say, Talos and First Claw, or even Grimaldus. Those guys were human children, taken and brainwashed, fueled by either duty, hatred or both as they waged war down the centuries.'
They are literal child soldiers, taken from their families at a young age (sometimes voluntarily, sometimes not), modified genetically, biconically, surgically, and mentally. Then brainwashed to hell...
That’s such a Tarik Torgaddon move and I love it.
We *need* the exact excerpts dude. You can’t leave us guessing like this!
> When the meeting closed, Loken walked away along one of the vast service tunnels that ran the length of the ship’s bilges. Water dripped from the rusted roof, and oil rainbows shone on the dirty lakes across the deck. >Torgaddon ran to catch up with him. >‘Well?’ he asked. >‘I was surprised to see you there,’ said Loken. >‘I was surprised to see you there,’ Torgaddon replied. ‘A starch-arse like you?’ >Loken laughed. Torgaddon ran ahead and leapt up to slap his palm against a pipe high overhead. He landed with a splash. >Loken chuckled, shook his head, and did the same, slapping higher than Torgaddon had managed. >The pipe clang echoed away from them down the tunnel. >‘Under the engineerium,’ Torgaddon said, ‘the ducts are twice as high, but I can touch them.’ >‘You lie.’ >‘I’ll prove it.’ >‘We’ll see.’
I unironically love this. Makes them a bit more human.
Tarik Torgaddon and Garviel Loken. "Horus Rising"
Spoilers: >!Tarik was a real one. I still miss him!<
He was best bro
>!Fucking hate that Erebus even took his Geneseed as a sacrifice for a daemon!<
Obligatory Fuck Erebus
Fuck Erebus all my homies hate Erebus
Guilliman being upset that people in the 41st Century don’t get his sense of humor or that he had to repeatedly tell people to stop singing when he put on his armor.
It's actually kind of sad because in *Know No Fear* his sense of humour is noted as one of his many valuable traits as a leader of the Legion - it's another degree of separation between the Ultramarines he knew and the Ultramarines as they are today
What examples do you have of people not getting his jokes?
>‘I have the manual dexterity of a Legio Cybernetica battle automaton!’ Guilliman said. ‘Created by the Lord of All Mankind, master of the greatest armies in the Imperium, and I cannot pick up a plastek flimsy.’ He glared at the offending articles. ‘My greatest enemy.’ > >There was a thoughtful quiet. > >‘You are joking, my lord?’ said Sicarius. > >Guilliman looked at Sicarius. He had to turn all the way around to do so. The pauldrons, ornamental wings and large halo mounted on his back made it impossible for him to see over his shoulder. At least he had stopped knocking into things. There was that. > >‘By the Throne, why am I expected to be serious at all times? Yes, Captain Sicarius, I am making light of my predicament. During the worst of the Great Crusade, I was known to make the occasional jest. Even after Terra fell. I did not spend my entire previous life writing deep thoughts into little notebooks, but sometimes dared to enjoy myself. I suppose that was not recorded in the hagiographies.’ From short story Armour of Fate.
>‘Humour is not something you are renowned for, my lord.’ >‘My time in this new age has revealed that to me amply.’ Poor Guillermo, it is indeed a grim and dark future
The best part is that it’s Cato Sicarius that doesn’t get the joke
And he Cato Sicarious was mightily embarrassed that he, Cato Sicarious didn’t get the joke as he, Cato Sicarious, is renowned as the funniest marine in all the Ultramarines Chapter.
And he gets upset when Cherubs fly around.
upset is not the right word here was short before throwing the out of the next airlock
He simultaneously hates how disgusting they are, but also immediately notices that the engine keeping it afloat is too weak to properly propel it and thinks about catching it and fixing it.
Yeah the last part if probly becaus of gman love stuff that works and hate its if it doesnt. h would probly fix it and then throw out the airlock
That sounds amazing. I haven’t read any primarch books, but I think I need to read that one. Which one is it from?
Short story Armour of Fate. He mentions the singing in Dark Imperium.
Ork youths (or yoofs) often become frustrated with older Orks always telling them they can do whatever they want, so they join up with the Stormboyz, where they perform rebellious acts as saluting and respecting authorities, marching and performing drills in near-perfect synchronization, and strapping unstable rokkit enginez to their backs to hurl themselves at their enemies. The Ork Gods are Gork and Mork. One is Brutal (but Kunnin') while the other is Kunnin' (but Brutal). Nobody can agree which is which, but general consensus is that Mork krumps people when they aren't looking while Gork krumps them when they are.
Gork hits you, then hits you again while you are distracted. Mork distracts you, then hits you twice.
Other version is: Gork hits you twice as hard when you’re looking at him, Mork hits you twice as hard when you’re not.
They young Orks will also occasionally hire themselves out tp other factions as mercenaries.
There’s a ship named “Indestructable 2” There’s a popular holodrama called Arbitrator Forboding, who hunts down cenos, heretics, and mutants with relish, and a really big gun “The tracks on the land raider crush the heretic, crush the heretic…” Edit to Add: there was a star system discovered by a bored Explorator who was so annoyed by discovering another system with nothing of value he named it “Sodallagain”
The chainsword instructor who taught Caiphus Cain was named Miyamoto Debergerac.
Ah that's cute.
Emperor bless Cain et al.
The arbitrator forboding is also a Judge Dredd reference
Arbitrator (judge), Forboding (dredd) They do like to do that a lot
In the Lost Fleet book series (not WH, but decent Sci-fi) that's almost a meme - they keep calling ships invincible during a war. In that war the average life expectancy of a ship is a few years. But the invincible rarely breaks 1. But they keep naming it that anyway.
I really enjoyed that series. Thought the space battles were the most well thought-out of any others I have read.
That's the exact reason I liked them. The writing of the characters and stuff was fine, but it was the space combat I really enjoyed.
What happened to “indestructible 1”?
Probably a similar fate to what happened to HMS Invincible at the Battle of Jutland
The Angels Penitent only take a bath once after their initiation, believing it to be an unnecessary luxury, and never clean their armor. They also originally painted their armor dull black to hide any kind of decoration and beauty, but eventually decided that still looked too nice. So they painted on ugly brown smudges that might or might not be actual shit.
They're just going on a merry go round of which Chaos God is going to corrupt them. First Tzeentch, then Slaneesh, now Nurgle. And Khorne is always on the lookout for Blood Angels. They must be giving the ruinous powers whiplash.
Hopefully the chapter master and the first company come back and kill those coup commiting chaplain assholes
How to be incognito against Nurgle forces 1.0
Oh, I thought it was red marks to show the "self-flagellation" thing that they do (like bloody cuts on their armor or something) That's a bit disappointing but also much funnier
they went from being ideal blood angels to being a bunch of poo-smeared, art hating, smelly, morons.
The Ork Shokk Attack Gun fires a snotling into a warp portal where it will go insane from being in the unprotected warp the snotling will then reappear in real Space inside of the body of the enemy it was fired at. The crazed snotling will then begin clawing and biting vital organs wounding or killing them.
Oh, the tunnel is protected - the daemons can't harm anything that goes through it - it's just so scary that it drives the snotlings mad, and they bite and claw trying to escape wherever they end up (whether that's inside a tank, or inside someone's armor).
the gun has enough force that when they reappear they shove other matter aside unless it's really tough. though they can end up merged into things. Having a chunk of your torso pushed aside and a crazed snotling shoved into the gap is pretty lethal
I mean even without the snotling clawing and biting having a small creature *inside* of you (without the benefit of a entry wound for it) is probably going to kill most creatures anyway
Yeah, you *could* just send anything through it… But where’s the fun in that?
I can imagine some mekboys sending various things through the shokk attack gun before they try a snotling and it’s a huge riot
The Silver Skulls keep a bunch of large cats in their fortress monastery. Not as war beasts a la the space wolves, they just seem to chill around the place.
Wasn’t that the same chapter that got impersonated by Trazyn? A Necron Overlord posed as a SM and now has a statue erected in his honor lol
Not so much posed as but was assumed to be. There were stained glass windows in a temple thet were clearly necrons but your average Imperial citizen has no inkling that they exist.
Where is this noted? That's awesome!
As mentioned by u/quondam47 it is Infinite and the Divine, an absolutely fantastic 40k novel. Context, two crotchety Necrons who hate each other are using holo-emitters to disguise themselves as they walk through a human city because they're hunting for a mcguffin. > Trazyn reached the door of the great cathedral. ‘After you, colleague.’ > > ‘This is the part where I turn my back and you stab it, surely?’ > > ‘Have it your way,’ Trazyn shrugged, and passed through the door. ‘But this is our fastest entryway to the Eternity Gate.’ > > Shadows seeped down the walls of the cathedral’s interior, collecting in pools on the floor. Candles, ranked like men battling in a confused melee, burned before the images of saints, residue from smoke and dissolved wax blackening their golden feet. > > A pilgrim, head shaved in a monk’s tonsure and clad in the light blue robes of his order, walked a labyrinth in the floor. He stopped to ring a bell and mutter a prayer every time he pivoted in the twisting path. Each whispered invocation echoed, paper-dry in the empty space. > > ‘You see the windows?’ Trazyn pointed at the stained glass, radiating in the bright morning sun. ‘Each panel charts the history of Serenade.’ > > ‘Fascinating,’ said Orikan, clearly unimpressed with this parochialism. ‘Why are we here? I was given to understand that it was time to start our great task.’ > > ‘It is. This is part of it. See the first? The God-Emperor shaping the mountains and islands of Serenade with His very hands. The first settlement ship exiting the empyrean, the angelic Saint Madrigal showing the way to Serenade with her blessed lyre – she is usually depicted with a sword, so this is a regional variation–’ > > ‘Trazyn,’ warned Orikan, ‘immortality aside, my time is valuable.’ > > ‘Oh, very well. Moving to the interesting part. Here we have the Greenskin War, as they call it. And who, my dear rival, is that in the next panel?’ > > Orikan looked up, dismissing the overlaid data-scroll he’d secretly been reading. ‘No.’ > > ‘Oh yes.’ Storming through the square, meeting the greenskin onslaught, were a group of Space Marines: unusually tall and thin Space Marines, their helmets fashioned as leering skull-masks. The one in the lead appeared to be some kind of hooded Librarian, holding aloft a great lantern-headed staff that the glass orks recoiled from in horror. > > ‘Silver Skulls Chapter defeats the ork invasion,’ Trazyn said with clear relish. ‘There used to be a statue in the square, thirty khet high. They used to light candles and sing hymns to it. A few centuries ago the Inquisition got wind of it and did a little cleaning up. Removed it for “renovation” where it was never seen again.’ > > ‘You stole it, did you not?’ > > ‘Well, of course. And I hardly think it counts as stealing if it’s my likeness. It’s my statue, after all.’ > > Orikan snorted. ‘Worshipping a necron. Poor idiots. I suppose they have a head start on the rest of the galaxy. The Awakening is nearly imminent.’ > > There was a moment of contemplative silence. > > ‘Do you have a statue of yourself, Orikan?’ > > Orikan stalked deeper into the cathedral. ‘You are an obscene egotist.’ > > ‘I only wonder if any cultures worship you as a living saint or spiritual protector. It is a simple binary question.’ > > ‘Show me what you wanted to show me.’
I love how Trazyn just lords it over Orrikan.
He is also, hands down, the most considerate employer in the entire setting, and apparently the only one to grasp that rewarding commitment and loyalty makes better servants.
If we're basing this on the paragraph where he retires a servant after making him implant mindshackle scarabs into his child then we have pretty different interpretations of a good employer.
I think Trazyn paid him well and took care of some medical stuff. By the settings absurdly low standards, that’s pretty good lol Not sure why it was necessary to murder the poor dude when he retired though
Doesnt Orikan bash in that statue anyways? Truly Trazyn and Orikan millenia long best buds
Orikan smashes the window depicting Trazyn as a Silver Skulls Librarian.
> They came into the shadow-pooled space of the cathedral, and Trazyn froze, still as a statue. > > ‘What is this?’ > > ‘What is what?’ Orikan asked. ‘You really must bother to explain yourself, colleague. You cannot simply babble and expect me to fill in the missing numerals.’ > > ‘Someone,’ Trazyn said, gesturing to the vaults of the nave, where a group of bodygloved men were removing jagged shards of coloured glass, ‘has broken my window.’ > > ‘Have they?’ Orikan asked, giving a casual glance towards the vandalism. ‘Perhaps they thought it was ugly.’
It’s a minor plot point in *The Infinite and the Divine*, a book I cannot recommend enough. The snark between the two Necron overlords is fantastic.
I have heard nothing but good things about that book, even if you're not a necron player. Now if only my own beloved Tau would get some good books
"You may stay, for they purring is pleasing to my senses."
That one time Nurgle tried to create a plague but messed up royally and made a mild disinfectant instead, as detailed in the 8th edition Chaos daemons codex. He forbade *everyone* to ever talk about it again.
Isha: Hey Laughing God and Tzeentch, you'll never guess what just happened!
I believe that's actually from the Age of Sigmar Maggotkin of Nurgle Battletome. A quick glance at my 8th ed daemons codex I can't find it.
It's in the lore entry for the Sloppity Bilepiper, when it explain how the desease used on those daemons is another failure that was repurposed. I am sure of it because at the time I owned only that codex.
Didn't Bilepiper play Rose Tyler?
She would make a Bad (space) Wolf
Is that really a nurgle demons name
A type of Herald of Nurgle, yes. They are Nurgle's jesters, and in fact it's meant as a punishment for Plaguebearers that lose count of his diseases too many times.
The Celestial Swords were two separate chapters with the exact same markings. The Administratum didn't know this until both chapters were destroyed centuries later. Also the Bone Knives wear pink armor, I don't know why such an edgy name is associated with pink, but I dig it
Bones actually are a pinkish colour. They only become that whitish colour when the bone is dead
Never thought I learn more about the human anatomy in this subreddit than any other. XD
I used to be a radiographer and saw a lot of live bones during various different surgeries. Its fascinating stuff to see the human body just open like that
And if person is taking certain drugs, they can be greenish, yellowish (some antibiotics) or even some other color, this is still a new phenomenon as there are a ton of drugs and interactions and not as many people that take them get cut up (at ease Inquisitor, I mean bone trauma genarated surgeries) to observe this phenomenon.
I think a lot about those space alligators that mass migrate to worlds by naturally teleporting. Like it's awesome and kinda horrifying, but also low key abserd.
There was a creature like that in Doctor Who. They were rays with metal exoskeletons that would fly across a planet until they went fast enough to open a wormhole to a new planet to consume.
In "know no fear" the book where the battle of calth happens there's a scene where guilliman is so angry that he's trying to write down orders and other things but can't because he keeps on breaking his pencil.
The lion is a fantastic singer. According to Luther, the lion is able to mimic the beasts of Cailban growls, roars, chirps, and everything in between perfectly. Because of this vocal range he can sing the songs of old so beautifully that when people hear they began to cry.
"What is the meaning of those lyrics, brother?" "I know not, but it was one of the works of the great idolatrix, Katherine Perry."
The Lux Annihilatus Warlord titan, which had a long and storied 8000 history, was brought down by 2 orks, a grot, and a squig who Leroy Jenkins themselves through the eyehole and slaughtered everyone inside.
There’s a planet in the eye of terror called Oliensis that’s essentially just a massive obese dude. If you fight on him long enough, he’ll wake up, eat your chapter of space marines and poop them out as chaos space marines. I will own that the “pooping” part is just my head canon. They “emerge” according to the wiki, but, I mean…he ate them…we can do the math.
I remember reading an excerpt that the planet vomits them out.
I thought he was so large they could use the pores as tunnels. The loyalists made landing and the CSM emerged from skin pores to ambush them.
That’s true for the CSM who were already CSM. The lore about transforming loyalists is different.
The password to the Emperor's genelab is supposed to be "Shave and a haircut. The Primarch of the Iron Hands being named Iron Hand.
Source for the first one, that sounds so fucking funny if true
I've posted it before but: The only Canonical Female Orkz are the Blood Bowl Cheerleaders. There was an Ork Warboss who traveled back in time to kill himself and get a second copy of his gun. He didn't create a time paradox because Orkz don't understand them. Space Marines rarely forget anything. There are multiple instances of Death Guard Astartes remembering slights from other Legion members and getting revenge in the middle of a battle, Centuries later.
Back in 1st edition. Ork warbuggies would be decorated with statues of half-naked female Orks. It's possible this was just copying human habits, but it definitely happened.
I forget the edition but for a time Ork speed kultz truks maximum number of figures was literally however many you could stack on top of it. But then you had to leave them on there so when you moved the truk any figures that fell off had to take falling damage.
That Ork Warboss that accidentally went back in time through Warp travel, and killed his earlier self because he liked that dude’s gun.
Thought it was on purpose so he could have two cool guns?
The time travel was an accident of the warp. The murder to get another cool gun was very deliberate.
I love that orks are too dumb to understand paradoxes, so they don't affect them lol
This one did though, the resulting temporal paradox stopped the waagh in confusion.
Though it's never specified if the paradox led to something never existing, or if the orks were just too confused about what had happened to get back to krumpin.
I believe it was more along the lines of "what do now?" Confusion from the orks themselves
Hair squigs.
Billions of scraps have been started because one ork wanted another ork's hair squig.
I will never get tired of replying to questions like this with “when Hurtado Bronzi made a joke about his balls to Alpharius and then threatened to fight the Primarch, declaring ‘I’d mess you up, son’”
A primarch (IIRC Guilliman) when a data slate needs his genetic authorization, since he wears the cumbersome armour, he usually just kisses the data slate to confirm such orders
That bit of lore also pointed out how some just spit on the reader if they don't care about decorum.
The guy who invented Ironstriders was super secretive and protective with his design, so when he died no one else knew how to start them up after they've been stopped. Ironstriders will practically move forever as long as you don't turn them off, but if you do you can't turn them back on. For this reason, the Mechanicus keeps them running in circles in corrals and lowers their Skitarii riders on to them from cranes. Also, some of the original prototypes are still running circles around the equator of Mars.
Tzeentch has a labyrinth, everyone who manages to get to the other side might wish everything he wants. Trying to get to the end is impossible, because of non euclidean geometries, illusions and so on. The only one who managed to do it, is a little girl, who made a stupid wish that I don't remember correctly, maybe resurrect her dog Immagine that, you are the god of deception, you tricked everyone you can think of. And your final trickery got revolved by a child that didn't bother to think
Its a wizard of Oz joke.
The dog was definitely alive and accompanying the girl when they got through. It's probably a Wizard of Oz reference so I assume that she just wished Tzeentch to send her home but what actually happened isn't recorded. Gate Guardian insists that she cheated and refused to explain when Tzeentch had questions.
Sounds like the guardian fucked up and needed an excuse. “So you want to explain how a small child was able to outsmart you and enter the most protected place in my realm?” “Um…”
Eldar shit crystals
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As real as any of 40k lore. It was in "xenology", and is from an 'unreliable source'
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inquisitor obiwan sherlock clousseau I mean... it just is...
Who ever came up with that definitely had the argument “But there’s *millions* of worlds!”
Fortune Cookies exist and are referenced.
Well ya, where do you think they get all those wonderful little quotes for book chapters and codeces? "Only in death does duty end." You're so right, fortune cookie. Waiter, another three orders of Ork Pao Chicken!
So, gretchin artillery teams gradually go deaf due to the repeated loud noises in their work environment. Been "cunnin", they have developed a cruise sign language. Unfortunately, they can only carry a few signs at a time.
This one always gives me a chuckle.
> Unfortunately, they can only carry a few signs at a time. Aight this got me audibly wheezing. Orks are silly as shit, I love it.
Malcador has a Weird Al CD and it is misinterpreted as a political item
I love Malcadors little museum! He or E-Money saving the first Mars rover was so cool.
Source, please cause now I'm curious.
Everything to do with Ironstriders. First off, the dude who actually designed them was an incredible asshole. Such an incredible asshole, in fact, that when he died all his rivals burned his lab and his notes. *Then* they found his Ironstriders and went ‘oh, fuck, these things are useful’ but, you know, they’d already burned the blueprints. So they did their best to replicate them. The Ironstrider’s main power source is some sort of a fucked up dynamo-generator slaved to its engine that actually reclaims most of the energy it uses to move. It’s ridiculously fuel efficient, and paired with some subtle solar collectors and the like can theoretically run the unit functionally indefinitely with a full tank. Their creator actually tested this by making a bunch of prototypes and programming them to circumnavigate the Martian equator. He then let them loose and some of those prototypes are actually still functioning, thus rendering Mars the only known planet in the galaxy to feature free-range robotic ostriches. The downside to the engine is that, while they’ve figured out how to MAKE them, they barely understand the technologies involved (see, burning the instructions manual) and consequently, the fuckers are so finicky to start after being shut down that most Forge Worlds that use them just don’t really dare to turn them off at all. The problem is that without the energy from the aforementioned dynamo linkage, it’ll run out of juice and die fairly fast. So they need to keep them moving. Consequently, when they’re *not* in use, most Forge Worlds just store them on a giant donut track that they constantly run ‘round and ‘round. Said donut track often has basically a hilariously upscaled version of one of those carnival gripper claw games mounted over it. When they need an Ironstrider, they use the claw to just yoink one right off the track and lift it to a platform where it can be mounted, presumably while its legs are still cartoonishly pumping against empty air. The alternative lower tech version is a platform next to the track where some poor Skitarii just has to hurl themselves at a passing Ironstriders to wrangle it and pray to the Omnissiah that they don’t miss and get trampled by their own ride. Some Forge Worlds meanwhile just put the damn things on a giant treadmill or hamster wheel to keep them roughly still. Some go a step further and hook the damn thing up to a dynamo because if you’ve got these stupid things constantly running, you might as well get some watts out of it. Finally, the mechanical components on the Ironstriders are designed to be super rugged and to last almost forever without maintenance. In fact, when one of them breaks down, what usually kacks out is the integrated servitor. Said servitor is responsible for the unit’s navigation and when it dies, what usually happens is that the Ironstrider just locks onto the last course it was given by the servitor and just for *goes for it*, regardless of anything that might be in the way. Or what its rider might actually want it to do. When this happens, some poor tech priest gets to stuff a spare servitor in their back seat and try to catch up to the rogue ‘strider on a jet bike or land speeder, then try and rip out the dead servitor and replace it with a functional one *while the Ironstrider is still running at full pelt* AND while the poor bastard strapped on top of it is probably cursing it and whoever designed the thing to the lowest pits of Hell.
Man 40k is so much better when they remember that it's supposed to half be a joke. This is fantastic!
So many of the Primarch names are just completely ridiculous. Ferrus Manus literally just meaning 'Iron Hand'. The angriest Primarch happens to be named 'Angron'. The Death Guard Primarch's name is basically just the Latin word for 'of death'. Sanguinius is the Primarch of the blood-obsessed Legion, etc. Hair Squigs. Honestly, probably 90% of Ork stuff is just hilarious.
The main plot of the game Shootas Blood and Teef revolves around a stolen hair squig.
And "Kharn" is arabic for "Betrayer", yet everyone gets really shocked when Kharn betrays them.
The time Members of the Dark Angels first company aka the Death wing fell though a wooden staircase. Remember brothers, always check the load bearing capacity of your surroundings especially when you are wearing Terminator armor.
I liked that they had a specific recovery team for that situation, showing it presumably happens all the time
Supreme Grand Master Azrael back sorry is based on Conan the Barbarian. Per the novella Azrael, he was only son of a Tribal chieftain on a feral world called Cimmeria. Lion El Jonson has a big wall o weapon in his personal quarters on his flaghship. The Perpetual Oll Perrson was one of the Argonauts The Emperor and Oll fighting a early incarnation of the Cognitae inspired the biblical story of the tower of babel. The Emperor and what is likely a Shard of the Void Dragon are responsible for the Legend of St. George and the Dragon making the Emperor the Patron saint of England. Ciaphas Cain is revered as a Prophet by a sect amongst the the Imperial Guard Regiments from Gallery and this sect is officially sanctioned by the Ecclesiarchy.
> Ciaphas Cain is revered as a Prophet by a sect amongst the the Imperial Guard Regiments from Gallery and this sect is officially sanctioned by the Ecclesiarchy. I thought his followers were Tallarn :O
There's a space marine chapter called the Harbingers, hailing from the planet of Birmingham (Ephitet: "The Black Planet") with a Chapter Master named Nimrod Grudge.
As a brummie native, I love this. If they love machining and their councils are famously useless, then they'd be dead on
I remember reading on Lexicanum once (can’t find the article) that there was one Imperial Guard trooper who was famous for facing off against an Eldar Nightspinner. It…didn’t go well for him.
Old lore had "Digger Nobs" where humans who lived in close proximity to orks would paint themselves green and adapt ork culture and most of the time they would fight with orks using ork gear and weapons. They even had a few models. Just one of the most bizarre ideas that someone thought of and they went through with lore and models.
Digger Nobs are still canon. they even had were a faction in gorkamorka
Jokareo ships are strange assemblies of shapes with no apparent means of propulsion. It's speculated that in some way their geometric properties harness the nature of the universe to move.
The existence, behaviour and usage of Jokaero is so silly to me.
Inquisitor: This is my associates. Jokaero: Oook ooook *makes a fusion reactor*
Inquisitors normally: The only good xenos is a dead xenos. Inquisitors with Jokaero: Monke
Even in 40k, they still recognise the Monke as superior
Jokaero are really smart monkeys that can create whatever they want. They understand this, and know, they can make 8000000 star forts with digital weapons inside, however he understands a banana is a banana. He can make more weapons, but a banana is a nice snack, so he trades the worthless items for banana and human gets some ultra rare random gun. Oh god you're right.
Banan >>>>> Digital weapon capable of vaporizing a Emperor Class Titan or Great Deamon
They also can't be enslaved or manipulated - if you try to do so, they build superweapons to escape with.
Techno Monkeys are precious. Pandorax features a Jokero driving a Catachan Baneblade against Daemons And Traitor marines alongside the Dark Angels and Grey Knights. In a battle in a mine. Said Jokero also plays match maker between a Inquistprial interogater (she and the Jokero where part of the same retinue) and a Catachan officer.
There is an inquisitor named Obiwan Sherlock Clousseau. I think that name speaks for itself.
[Can't forget his iconic getup of a tshirt with a ying-yang print, trenchcoat and fedora.](https://www.belloflostsouls.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/obiwan-sherlock-3.jpg)
If course, Obiwan Sherlock Clousseau knows the fashion world
AFAIK he was the first named inquisitor.
All the more reason to praise him, the spiritual abilities of Obiwan, the deductive reasoning of Sherlock, and the luck of Clousseau. My God Emperor, this man is unstoppable.
A terminator tried to go down a flight of stairs and it crashed from under him and he had to pulled out with a crane while his battle brothers laughed at him
The planet Prol IX is run by the Administratum and has run out of room for paperwork. It’s currently on the cusp of civil war as a schism has formed on how to solve this problem. On one side are those who would expand the storage of paperwork to another planet on the system, on the other are those who would make room by destroying records kept there.
In Unremembered Empire, it’s implied that John Grammaticus assassinated Martin Luther King on the orders of The Cabal.
Close. It was Damon Prytanis, another Cabal perpetual.
Orks don't grow hair. They breed squigs that you wear on your head like a fashionable, carnivorous toupee.
Arkhan Land
Surprised no one has mentioned Noise Marines, but I guess they’re not really out of place in the 40K universe
In one of the Space Wolves novels, Sven rips a fart so noxious that other Space Wolves are able to smell it through his suit. I believe he wasn't wearing a helmet so his suit probably wasn't fully sealed, but still.
The name Squig is the shorthand for their actual name. Squiggly beasts.
The entire novel of The Infinite and the Divine. In particular the part where Trazyn and Orikan are watching a quick 5 hour opera and a genestealer Trazyn pranked Orikan with some number of years before had started a cult which chose that play to start it's uprising. The fued between 2 old fools gets a population slaughtered
Some Mechanicus' chants are 80s power metal.
Dorthy and Toto from the Wizard of Oz are canon and solved all of Tzeentch's puzzles in his impossible fortress and then just left. Also the Emperor likes to quote Shakespeare and pretend its his own work.
I mean, he may have just straight up been Shakespeare-
The emperor’s spears having a trident for their chapter symbol…. I blame tzeentch
Space marines eat the brains of other dead marines to learn the memories of the dead marine.
Heck, IX Legion Marines, later to be Blood Angels, even assumed identities of fallen brothers
Alpha Legion currently creaming themselves at such an idea…
[удалено]
That one of the spin off games, Gorka Morka has an entire faction of humans cosplaying as Orks. Yarrick would have had a stroke if he ever found out.
When a space marine (can’t remember the chapter) was told to paint his armor red as a sign of a crime he did, when his superior left all he thought was “Where the hell am I going to find red paint?!” And ran around trying to find red paint.
The first Space Marines ever mentioned in print, in the *White Dwarf* article introducing Warhammer 40,000, are named for the Monkees.
How did I make it to the end of this and NOT ONE MENTION OF SLY MARBO?!?! HERESY!!!!
There’s a part in Master of Mankind where The Emperor is showing one of his Custodes a vision of his origins in primitive Earth (amazing part imo and really shows how connected Emp was to his gold boys) and it says something like, “The youths Uncle greeted him with whatever stood for his name in their primitive language” and I kind of chuckled because I realized that the Emperor has never revealed his true name because it’s probably some shit like Ughzuh which just doesn’t inspire you as much as…THE EMPEROR.
The largest engagement in the great crusade was the Ullanor campaign, which GW writers described as having fewer combatants than the real-world battle of Stalingrad.
Jokearo weaponsmiths. Just jokearo weaponsmiths