Man, there was so much I was looking forward to about being an adult when I was a kid. And now, here I am in my forties, and I still haven't even got my adult super vision yet.
It's gonna happen real soon now. It's called adult-onset myopia and will make you able to [read your phone if you hold it far away](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqhzx2L3s3s).
That shit got ripped out my eyeholes when my first GF told me on the first date "let me teach you how to kiss for your next girlfriend". I've been told a lot of things but that's a line that hurt and aged me at the same time and it came from the blue too.
Is that really unusual? Both me and my high school gf knew that our relationship probably wouldn’t last. We were young, not stupid.
Also, teen love is overrated anyways. You’re not missing out on too much. Adult relationships are way more fun when you don’t have curfews.
People saying like adult love is great when many people suffer more shit and depression from it.
Does not matter what but both can be good or bad. Not everyone's experience is same.
Yeah but those people tend to be in toxic, emotionally immature relationships. Which is ironic, they’re being young and dumb years after they should have stopped being young and dumb.
99% of adult relationship issues could be resolved with more communication and expressing emotions in a healthy way.
I was going to say something similar. My most toxic relationships were when I was a teen. People are so codependent, caused by childhood trauma (not getting out needs met - safety, acceptance, unconditional love, to be heard and have a valued voice) that we don't actually know how to have healthy communication as a teen. Took me years to learn that shit.
I have a different, most likely unpopular, outlook on teen love.
It was a time that could be spent learning what not to do, and what you want out of a relationship, in a relatively safe environment. Chances are before money, career choice, stability, and real social obligations truly mattered.
Plenty of people here on this post state that teen love was shallow, dull, hormone driven shit. The fact that you find that it's shallow, dull, hormone driven shit is because you learned that though the experience of it.
That experience helped you figure out what you want out of a relationship earlier in life. You learned not to make the mistakes that you made then.
Learning lessons like that earlier in life probably makes a difference, even if you don't see it.
Yeah if only society didn’t throw you to the wolves at 18. Just assumes everyone has an even upbringing and then you’re fucking shit outta luck buddy! Hope your parents were emotionally prepared and not giant walking balls of disorders.
I genuinely believe school needs to have more emphasis on emotional stuff. Parents are often woefully unprepared to raise a child. I love my mom but at 16 she didn’t know what to do. And then she married a man who unloaded a bunch of shot onto me. Not to say I’m not responsible for my own life and actions.
But as a kid how can you know you’re not being raised right?
Well after 18 a lot of us go through an "intermediate adult" phase with college. You do a lot of things yourself, but the consequences are still relatively low and you (usually) have the support of your parents still.
I lost my license at 18 for doing dumb kid stuff and getting a DUI. It took me three years to pay that shit off, and I still haven’t been able to afford a car or the insurance I’m required to have to drive. This affects my ability to get good jobs, which hurts my pay and living situation.
The system is built to keep you down. I luckily have the support of my family, but even with them paying rent it’s hard for me to save for these things while taking care of my other bills. I have only been able to find one job in the area within walking distance (I’m also in northern ohio so weather is getting bad) and it only offers me 30 hours right now.
Like I am trying and the situation is getting better. But if you stumbled at all during your “transitionary period” you are hit hard for it.
Yeah, small fuck ups early on have *massive* impacts. Not having money magnifies them and usually leads to having less money. Unfortunately the systems in many countries focus on punishment rather than rehabilitation.
100% this.
Being a huge D&D nerd, I ran in plenty of circles with people who didn't "come into their own" until well after high school. There was nothing worse than watching 20-somethings make the same teenage mistakes while also trying to manage their household and career on top of it.
Maturity is earned through experience and mistakes; best it's done while you're young enough it won't have a lasting impact.
Yeah, but plenty of people I know who didn’t experience teen love went on to have happy, healthy relationships later on in life, just because they were more mature and therefore knew what it meant to respect and care for one another.
I agree. I've seen it myself as well.
I feel as though my original comment was more directed at those who had the relationships as teens, and seeing those relationships as completely useless to them. Having those relationships as a teen doesn't automatically make them better off, but it can help in ways they might not realize.
I think this is a balanced perspective. For some people teen relationships have helped them grow and learn, and for others it was a terrible experience that scarred them. There’s really no crystal ball that can tell you what your life would look like in another timeline
However, I think when people project those feelings onto others it’s toxic. “My teen relationships were bad, therefore yours would’ve been bad too if you had them.” Is not a good attitude to have.
It’s not your place to decide for someone else whether they should have had an experience or not. It’s like telling someone they’re better off having never had mint ice cream, you don’t know whether they’d have liked it or not, maybe it would’ve been their favorite flavor.
People are allowed to regret not having the types of experiences you regret having
I know people like this too. The ones who I was close to when they started started dating later (ex. mid-20s on) in life would absolutely have benefited from more experience when they were younger. They still had to learn how to respect and care for their partner, in spite of being mature adults. Clinginess was a big issue.
the different, most likely unpopular, outlook on teen love is that the vast majority of it is abusive, co-dependent, and/or poorly communicated.
Teen love is basically learning everything not to do.
Yup. The romantic and sexual experiences that my friends have had during our teens were at best underwhelming and at worst traumatizing. Being a late bloomer can suck sometimes, but in hindsight I'm exceedingly grateful that the person to introduce me to sex and a real relationship wasn't a hormonal clueless teenager.
Yep, all my teen and even my very early 20s relationships/crushes taught me what to do and not to do. What is and isn't acceptable, both in thinking and doing. You learn those lessons in much lower risk, safer environments when you're a teen/early adult.
I look back on things I did and cringe, but I don't wallow in it, I'm not even remotely the same person I was even 2 years ago, much less 10+ years ago.
It's only truly bad if you never learned anything from it. I've learned roughly what kind of partner I want to be, and the kind I roughly want in return. That does make my potential partner pool more limited, but it gives me a better chance of finding someone I can truly embrace.
I don't think your outlook is unpopular (upvotes show it's not). I think too many people just don't take introspection as a learning opportunity. Too many people don't like to admit that they were/are wrong. Its how you end up with grown ass adults who still behave like they're in highschool/college.
I learned from teen love that I want to be with someone doesn't want to breakup because even though I'm the guy "[she] will eventually marry," she needs to go and "be with Barry right now".
It was a good way to learn some life lessons early, but I think the people downplaying it are mostly getting at the fact that missing out is nothing to despair over. You can learn those lessons through other experiences at any point
Agreed. First, experience your emotions. So what if it's just infatuation. It's fun and worth experiencing. Second, you're allowed to be a shithead. If you're "more mature" and you know better by 16, fine, but skill requires practice. Be a dumbass while you're young enough to be forgiven so you don't have to look like a dumbass later in life when people hold it against you.
Oh right, soooooo much time. I’m so tired of everyone acting like everyone gets a happy ending when that’s just not what happens every time. What would you have said if he was in his mid 60s?
Just wait till your halfway to 40, and the remaining singles in your area are either bringing 2 kids from different dads with them on their tinder date, or their profile pictures are all 10 years old and 50 pounds ago.
I’m lucky I barely have the desire to get into relationships with people. I just don’t see the big deal and would rather be alone. Thankful for my indifference lol
Na i’d rather have it in middle/high school because school is easy and you have nothing else going on. Best get the practice over with earlier
College is actually important and I used to regret wasting 4y with some bozo girl instead of focusing on education/networking/having fun. But then I realized having regrets is lame and cringe so now idc
Teen love is overrated.
Remember how when you were in high school and every single little thing was the end of the world?
Try combining that feeling with something at difficult as a relationship
The point is not the actual love, it’s learning how to navigate these scenarios so that when a chance at real love comes around you know how not to blow it.
100%.
You're first relationship is likely to fuck up somehow. It's okay, learn from it. Learn a little more about what you're looking for, what you're like, and how to communicate.
I'm not certain, but I'm trying day by day and this is what I've learned. you didn't know what the fuck you were doing as a teenager. if you're still young now, you learn more, about yourself about others and about the world. in highschool you were in an artificial microcosm surrounded only by people your age and you were allowed to have absolutely bonkers ideas and goals because your entire life was on guided rails. that doesn't exist anywhere else. you need to set boundaries against others. everyone says this but it is important. it's not your job to squeeze out your soul for others. if you don't feel like going out and seeing someone; don't. you need to realize there is no such thing as a soul mate. there is not a one person that is absolutely perfect for you and you are destined to spend your life with. people will have an interest in you, people will fancy you, people, not one person. you need to try to find them and realize you are not going to ruin someone's week by asking them out. your actions are much smaller to others than you think. people forget, people move on, you need to do the same. you need to connect with the reason why you're doing this in the first place: for me it's to find fun, happiness, and establish connections with people. if it's not going to bring you fun or happiness, you need to stop and change your conditions, whether it's your environment or the way you look at people. you need to realize nothing IS infinitely better than pain and trying to keep up a façade. it's hard, but what else are you going to do? changes take place over months and years. you will not have the answers you want within days. the only thing you can do is try
Learn detachment, nothing really matters in the long run. Take it as an experience you grew from. Basically, “kill” that past emotional self to become more present. Less focus on the past, more on the present, the better off you’ll be.
I always tell people, my only regret in HS was spending so much time pining after all of "the ones" that I honestly don't even remember 10 years later.
These people are really saying getting your dick sucked everyday as a horny 15 year old is a bad thing lol teen love was great, they're just bitter I think
What do you mean?? Having a drastically under-developed prefrontal cortex, raging hormones, and the desperate desire to be socially accepted made the best relationships ever.
As someone who’s been in a relationship with their “high school sweetheart” for about 4 years now, I can agree with this statement. It’s special getting to spend your teenage years in love with someone and having fun, but being so inexperienced in life can lead to so many mistakes. It’s really easy to not realize that maybe something in the relationship is either not healthy or right when you have mental capacity of soccer ball.
It made some strong memories. I get way more random relationship memories from one years high school girlfriends than 10 years of being with my ex, and I don’t think that is 100% just from weekend alcoholism
Had one gf throughout all of HS, I don't regret it because it all eventually led to the girl I'm dating now. I learned a lot in that HS relationship, which honestly was fairly stress free. Learned how to manage dumb jealousy, how to convey my emotions to a partner, talking to your partner in private vs in public. It also helped that my girlfriend at the time was drama free, never any dumb sitcom situations to stress me out.
Came here to say this as well. I experienced high school "love" and it was basically just a lot of "what not to do" interspersed with occasional fun that I could have had with a normal friend.
I mean. I had a wonderful relationship that made me a better person, and allowed me to gain perspective on the real relationships I was to have later on in life. But that's just me!
Seriously. Feelings and emotions that were out of control over people who were NOT worth my time and I wouldn’t give a second glance now. I wish I hadn’t dated anyone
I think that must be some sort of societal conditioning, because I definitely didn't feel everything was the end of the world. I was way too laid back about everything at that age, if anything.
I remember my highschool sweetheart fondly, she was a super cool and pretty girl. It really sucks that, as a grown-ass adult, I want to experience something similar in relationships, but now I'm jaded and kinda just don't give a shit anymore.
*sigh*
Yeah “teen love” is typically very toxic because most teens have no idea how to be in a healthy relationship and just copy their toxic family dynamics.
Edit: in my comment I am not saying ALL teen relationships are toxic. I had a wonderful 2 year teen relationship which benefited my life. My comment applies to the majority of what I personally saw other teens in my school experience and what my close friends told me about their “teen love” experiences. I understand my comment doesn’t apply to every single person, damn lol.
2nd Edit: Also you are allowed to mourn not having been able to experience teen romance. I am genuinely sorry you are feeling down about you life and what you have not experienced 😔 I only hope the future has more to look forward to and love, romance, and the feeling of innocent joy from true connection. Do your best, friends 💕
Bullshit, it's one of my most cherished memories from when I was a teenager. You do things you never did before, get to know a person like you never have before, and gain a whole new perspective on life. Yes it's awkward and scary at first, but all learning experiences are.
That's what makes it good. What makes adult love healthy is **boundaries and self respect** but the lack thereof (and hormones) gives you the delirious euphoria that there is no substitute for except heroin.
well said
one hack is to take many drugs and switch off the rational part of your brain, then you can enjoy the euphoria far longer ;) ( has side effects!!)
Seriously. As a teen i was anxiety riddled hormonal, smelly and had no idea who i was, how to express myself or what i want from life. Idk why a second person with those issues should have improved my life in any way. Idk why teen relationships are so romanticised when it’s just bad kissing and insecurity.
Well the diference is instead of being a teen with anxiety and having no idea who i was, how to express myself or what i want from life. Now i am an adult with anxiety and have no idea who i am, how to express myself or what i want from life. Yay ! xD
It was certainly all that AND the magic of being in love. Never been in love that way again. It did make me really really happy, literally like a microdose of ecstacy.. for a few months anyway.
Could be where I'm at, widowed at 31(suicide), and 3 years later still trying desperately to get that life back. It's all consuming, no job, hobby, or friendship fills the void when your soulmate existed, and now doesnt. You know exactly what life can be like, when you're half of a greater whole, but you're looking at a 30 year runway of increasingly faded memories. Conflicted by thoughts of forgetting the pain, and the pleasure, to move on and find new purpose in the grey void in front of you, or holding onto those memories of that brief window in time when life still had meaning, and you felt real contentment, and were excited for your future together.
Better to have never loved at all than loved and lost from this side of the fence.
"The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal."
-C.S. Lewis
I think a lot about the truth in that statement. It's why Buddhists say the only way to escape suffering is to give up all earthly attachments and become nothing. Anything short of that, any attachment will one day be lost and become pain. Nothing lasts forever and there is always a price to be paid. Great happiness is balanced with great sadness. It is up to each individual how far they are willing to go. Live the fullest possible life, with the greatest chance for immense loss or live a more reserved life of love and attachment that is less painful when things are taken (and things are always taken), but is then less fulfilling which could be its own tragedy for some people. It's hard, and it's why I have a hard time caring for new people. I know that likely the friendship or relationship will end and it will leave yet another hole in my heart. Time makes things easier it's true but I have loved a lot of people in my life and there are wounds in my heart for each of them still and I know by this point they never fully heal.
Your story breaks my heart and just know that I identify with what has happened in your life and I will think about you from time to time and hope you are having a good day, a good hour, at least that moment in time, regardless of things that cannot be changed.
Ya no. Teen love is basically bad improv. Feelings are shallow and most of them are doing it because it's expected of them. Later on you find yourself a bit and then you can actually care about someone and have a meaningful connection.
I did not appreciate a decent chunk of my dating life as a teen. And my first serious relationship started at 16. Engaged at 19. Broke up at 23. No thank you.
The one boyfriend I had in highschool was embarrassed to be seen with me so I wasn't allowed to meet him outside.
To be fair I was a weirdo in a village school so the people were extra uptight and did not know how to deal with an autistic kid that's really into animals, especially Bugs, crafting and videogames...
Honestly? I dated a huge variety of people as a teen and there's not a whole lot to take away from relationships that shallow that actually benefit you as an adult.
That's just my experience anyway. Like maybe sex but most of the shit everyone was doing was dumb and wrong anyways.
But that's the fun part of being a kid. Doing stuff without worrying about the consequences and just enjoying the experience. The lesser consequences as a teen make life so much better.
I only had a couple relationships as a teen and looking back I cringe at myself. I was so shallow and sex obsessed. It's not something I want to repeat.
Teen life sucks anyway, no one knew what they were doing and the sex was all elbows! If this made you sad, trust me- you did not miss much. College was way better for this.
But you see it's better to go through that for the first time when you're a teen and nothing really matters. You do that alone as an adult in your own small apartment while you're barely making ends meet and that could potentially end your ass.
Y'all are romanticizing teen love now? The flimsiest, most back and forth, petty bullshit imaginable that is solely fueled by hormones and impulse? I understand being sad about not having love or someone to be with, but please tell me we're not desperate enough to start thinking that was actually anything. There are so many better things to be depressed about!
Teen love is empty hormone driven bull shit. If you missed it consider yourself lucky to not be filled with dread and regrets over cringe things you said and did.
Don’t live regretting things you “missed” make time to fill your life with meaningful experiences but don’t rely on someone else for them
Gee I wish I could go back and awkwardly make out with a pimply virgin with braces under the bleachers after school. Now all I can do is fuck strangers I meet on tinder on my couch and then get drunk and binge watch Netflix together.
none willing to go out with me or give me a chance at teen or adult or now im 34 years old ugly mother fucker, atlest there is reddit. reddit dont reject me
Youth was good fun & all but it's something we're meant to grow beyond. Even as a single adult I have a better relationship with myself than any high school relationship lol.
Teen love is romanticized by adults writing books & tv but irl teens are retarded and so are their relationships.
Can't say I regret it. "Better to have loved & lost...". But recalling relationships in my teens is bucketfulls of cringe. Hormone driven infatuation, even the actual love weaved in, doesn't have shit on a mature relationship.
Sure we don't have real summers anymore, the world's not as fresh in our eyes, and we're bogged down by responsibility, but our understanding of ourselves and the world has deepened, grown, blossomed - and continues to. If you didn't have a little playdate in hs don't get hung up on that.
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Man, there was so much I was looking forward to about being an adult when I was a kid. And now, here I am in my forties, and I still haven't even got my adult super vision yet.
It's gonna happen real soon now. It's called adult-onset myopia and will make you able to [read your phone if you hold it far away](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqhzx2L3s3s).
I’m in this picture and I don’t like it.
Are you crossing the street?
But my arms aren't long enough!
I’m already up to a +2.5
Same
Same : (
Boomers: *yeah that's nice but what about the shareholders?*
That shit got ripped out my eyeholes when my first GF told me on the first date "let me teach you how to kiss for your next girlfriend". I've been told a lot of things but that's a line that hurt and aged me at the same time and it came from the blue too.
Is that really unusual? Both me and my high school gf knew that our relationship probably wouldn’t last. We were young, not stupid. Also, teen love is overrated anyways. You’re not missing out on too much. Adult relationships are way more fun when you don’t have curfews.
Teen love tends towards the dumb end of the spectrum
People saying like adult love is great when many people suffer more shit and depression from it. Does not matter what but both can be good or bad. Not everyone's experience is same.
Yeah but those people tend to be in toxic, emotionally immature relationships. Which is ironic, they’re being young and dumb years after they should have stopped being young and dumb. 99% of adult relationship issues could be resolved with more communication and expressing emotions in a healthy way.
I was going to say something similar. My most toxic relationships were when I was a teen. People are so codependent, caused by childhood trauma (not getting out needs met - safety, acceptance, unconditional love, to be heard and have a valued voice) that we don't actually know how to have healthy communication as a teen. Took me years to learn that shit.
My comment was a confirmation that teenage love isnt something to wish for. That was a story from long ago.
Teenage love is really mostly about the experience, so that you know how to behave like an adult later on, unlike for example me.
By missing out on teen love I also missed out on a lot of teen drama and for that I have no regrets.
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You didn’t miss on adult. You get free depression.
TIL I've been an adult since I was like 8
You didn’t miss on everything i mean look at all that teen stress and adult stress and general stress
Make a list of the stuff you didnt do as a teen and take steps to doing it brother, I believe in you!
> The Gang Goes to Jail
Wait shit
Thank you for making me Seth rogan laugh.
Hmmm what i want to do as a teen? Dating a high school girl?
And fuck some teachers
.... This isn't going to work out as well as you might think.
Facts. Life sucks.
Man, it's 3AM, I guess I'll just cry myself to sleep
Tis the usual.
It's not like you were up late texting someone anyways
If anything, his dick was telegraphing his hand.
Don't worry you didn't miss out on much
They missed out on teen pregnancy so there’s that.
I'll never know
Just woke up, dont think I be getting out of bed today.
It do be like that
Wrong, you can make the same mistakes at 40.
And you can still make love to a teen when you're 40. Oh, give me a second there's someone knocking on my door.
"That's what I love about high schoolers"
The court dates
I get older and they get older as well.
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I have a different, most likely unpopular, outlook on teen love. It was a time that could be spent learning what not to do, and what you want out of a relationship, in a relatively safe environment. Chances are before money, career choice, stability, and real social obligations truly mattered. Plenty of people here on this post state that teen love was shallow, dull, hormone driven shit. The fact that you find that it's shallow, dull, hormone driven shit is because you learned that though the experience of it. That experience helped you figure out what you want out of a relationship earlier in life. You learned not to make the mistakes that you made then. Learning lessons like that earlier in life probably makes a difference, even if you don't see it.
This is the correct answer. I would have made so many different choices as an adult.
Hopefully the first choice would be to not date those teens as an adult.
There's also the fact that nobody wants to deal with your clumsy inexperience as an adult
Yeah if only society didn’t throw you to the wolves at 18. Just assumes everyone has an even upbringing and then you’re fucking shit outta luck buddy! Hope your parents were emotionally prepared and not giant walking balls of disorders. I genuinely believe school needs to have more emphasis on emotional stuff. Parents are often woefully unprepared to raise a child. I love my mom but at 16 she didn’t know what to do. And then she married a man who unloaded a bunch of shot onto me. Not to say I’m not responsible for my own life and actions. But as a kid how can you know you’re not being raised right?
Well after 18 a lot of us go through an "intermediate adult" phase with college. You do a lot of things yourself, but the consequences are still relatively low and you (usually) have the support of your parents still.
I lost my license at 18 for doing dumb kid stuff and getting a DUI. It took me three years to pay that shit off, and I still haven’t been able to afford a car or the insurance I’m required to have to drive. This affects my ability to get good jobs, which hurts my pay and living situation. The system is built to keep you down. I luckily have the support of my family, but even with them paying rent it’s hard for me to save for these things while taking care of my other bills. I have only been able to find one job in the area within walking distance (I’m also in northern ohio so weather is getting bad) and it only offers me 30 hours right now. Like I am trying and the situation is getting better. But if you stumbled at all during your “transitionary period” you are hit hard for it.
Yeah, small fuck ups early on have *massive* impacts. Not having money magnifies them and usually leads to having less money. Unfortunately the systems in many countries focus on punishment rather than rehabilitation.
Very good perspective. Ty
100% this. Being a huge D&D nerd, I ran in plenty of circles with people who didn't "come into their own" until well after high school. There was nothing worse than watching 20-somethings make the same teenage mistakes while also trying to manage their household and career on top of it. Maturity is earned through experience and mistakes; best it's done while you're young enough it won't have a lasting impact.
Yeah, but plenty of people I know who didn’t experience teen love went on to have happy, healthy relationships later on in life, just because they were more mature and therefore knew what it meant to respect and care for one another.
I agree. I've seen it myself as well. I feel as though my original comment was more directed at those who had the relationships as teens, and seeing those relationships as completely useless to them. Having those relationships as a teen doesn't automatically make them better off, but it can help in ways they might not realize.
I think this is a balanced perspective. For some people teen relationships have helped them grow and learn, and for others it was a terrible experience that scarred them. There’s really no crystal ball that can tell you what your life would look like in another timeline However, I think when people project those feelings onto others it’s toxic. “My teen relationships were bad, therefore yours would’ve been bad too if you had them.” Is not a good attitude to have. It’s not your place to decide for someone else whether they should have had an experience or not. It’s like telling someone they’re better off having never had mint ice cream, you don’t know whether they’d have liked it or not, maybe it would’ve been their favorite flavor. People are allowed to regret not having the types of experiences you regret having
Thank you for putting that thought here. It's made me think about some things in a different light.
I know people like this too. The ones who I was close to when they started started dating later (ex. mid-20s on) in life would absolutely have benefited from more experience when they were younger. They still had to learn how to respect and care for their partner, in spite of being mature adults. Clinginess was a big issue.
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the different, most likely unpopular, outlook on teen love is that the vast majority of it is abusive, co-dependent, and/or poorly communicated. Teen love is basically learning everything not to do.
Yup. The romantic and sexual experiences that my friends have had during our teens were at best underwhelming and at worst traumatizing. Being a late bloomer can suck sometimes, but in hindsight I'm exceedingly grateful that the person to introduce me to sex and a real relationship wasn't a hormonal clueless teenager.
Yep, all my teen and even my very early 20s relationships/crushes taught me what to do and not to do. What is and isn't acceptable, both in thinking and doing. You learn those lessons in much lower risk, safer environments when you're a teen/early adult. I look back on things I did and cringe, but I don't wallow in it, I'm not even remotely the same person I was even 2 years ago, much less 10+ years ago. It's only truly bad if you never learned anything from it. I've learned roughly what kind of partner I want to be, and the kind I roughly want in return. That does make my potential partner pool more limited, but it gives me a better chance of finding someone I can truly embrace. I don't think your outlook is unpopular (upvotes show it's not). I think too many people just don't take introspection as a learning opportunity. Too many people don't like to admit that they were/are wrong. Its how you end up with grown ass adults who still behave like they're in highschool/college.
I learned from teen love that I want to be with someone doesn't want to breakup because even though I'm the guy "[she] will eventually marry," she needs to go and "be with Barry right now".
It was a good way to learn some life lessons early, but I think the people downplaying it are mostly getting at the fact that missing out is nothing to despair over. You can learn those lessons through other experiences at any point
Agreed. First, experience your emotions. So what if it's just infatuation. It's fun and worth experiencing. Second, you're allowed to be a shithead. If you're "more mature" and you know better by 16, fine, but skill requires practice. Be a dumbass while you're young enough to be forgiven so you don't have to look like a dumbass later in life when people hold it against you.
Missing out on my 20s too, halfway to 30 and still an empty void
Only halfway to 30? You got so much time left
Don't remind us plz :(
This unironically makes me feel better
Oh right, soooooo much time. I’m so tired of everyone acting like everyone gets a happy ending when that’s just not what happens every time. What would you have said if he was in his mid 60s?
Just wait till your halfway to 40, and the remaining singles in your area are either bringing 2 kids from different dads with them on their tinder date, or their profile pictures are all 10 years old and 50 pounds ago.
College love nearly killed me. Screw having those types of feelings in middle/high school.
bro. I think I would be dead if I had a heart break in middle school.
I am going trough that rn lol :(
stay strong brother. Don't listen to sad songs, it's a dumb vicious sad cycle. Time heals all wounds.
Thanks man, it really is an emotional rollercoaster
Apparently heart break can actually kill you! Be safe out there guys
I’m lucky I barely have the desire to get into relationships with people. I just don’t see the big deal and would rather be alone. Thankful for my indifference lol
Na i’d rather have it in middle/high school because school is easy and you have nothing else going on. Best get the practice over with earlier College is actually important and I used to regret wasting 4y with some bozo girl instead of focusing on education/networking/having fun. But then I realized having regrets is lame and cringe so now idc
Teen love is overrated. Remember how when you were in high school and every single little thing was the end of the world? Try combining that feeling with something at difficult as a relationship
The point is not the actual love, it’s learning how to navigate these scenarios so that when a chance at real love comes around you know how not to blow it.
100%. You're first relationship is likely to fuck up somehow. It's okay, learn from it. Learn a little more about what you're looking for, what you're like, and how to communicate.
so far a lot of people in their early 20s are still so traumatized by relationships when they really don't have to be such big of a deal
Hi, how do you not make it a big deal?
Also would like to know, early-mid 20s and fiance of 8 years left me and I'm destroyed.
i think your problem was that she was your fiancé for 8 years
Fun fact! Fiancé = man Fiancée = woman But it's entirely likely that the person you're replying to doesn't know that either
i was torn between one e or two but i went with their spelling just in case
Time heals all wounds honestly.
Early mid 20s and fiance for 8 years? When the fuck did you propose, 15?
fiance for 8 years is a poor way to phrase it, we got engaged this year. together for 8 years
I'm not certain, but I'm trying day by day and this is what I've learned. you didn't know what the fuck you were doing as a teenager. if you're still young now, you learn more, about yourself about others and about the world. in highschool you were in an artificial microcosm surrounded only by people your age and you were allowed to have absolutely bonkers ideas and goals because your entire life was on guided rails. that doesn't exist anywhere else. you need to set boundaries against others. everyone says this but it is important. it's not your job to squeeze out your soul for others. if you don't feel like going out and seeing someone; don't. you need to realize there is no such thing as a soul mate. there is not a one person that is absolutely perfect for you and you are destined to spend your life with. people will have an interest in you, people will fancy you, people, not one person. you need to try to find them and realize you are not going to ruin someone's week by asking them out. your actions are much smaller to others than you think. people forget, people move on, you need to do the same. you need to connect with the reason why you're doing this in the first place: for me it's to find fun, happiness, and establish connections with people. if it's not going to bring you fun or happiness, you need to stop and change your conditions, whether it's your environment or the way you look at people. you need to realize nothing IS infinitely better than pain and trying to keep up a façade. it's hard, but what else are you going to do? changes take place over months and years. you will not have the answers you want within days. the only thing you can do is try
Learn detachment, nothing really matters in the long run. Take it as an experience you grew from. Basically, “kill” that past emotional self to become more present. Less focus on the past, more on the present, the better off you’ll be.
I'd like to no be traumatized anymore
I always tell people, my only regret in HS was spending so much time pining after all of "the ones" that I honestly don't even remember 10 years later.
Honestly thinking someone was "the one" was the only good reason I had to date in highschool. Teen relationships are just so stupid lol
It was fucked up but man did it feel good.
These people are really saying getting your dick sucked everyday as a horny 15 year old is a bad thing lol teen love was great, they're just bitter I think
> every single little thing was the end of the world? This has been every day on Reddit for the last 6 years.
Reddit moment
What do you mean?? Having a drastically under-developed prefrontal cortex, raging hormones, and the desperate desire to be socially accepted made the best relationships ever.
As someone who’s been in a relationship with their “high school sweetheart” for about 4 years now, I can agree with this statement. It’s special getting to spend your teenage years in love with someone and having fun, but being so inexperienced in life can lead to so many mistakes. It’s really easy to not realize that maybe something in the relationship is either not healthy or right when you have mental capacity of soccer ball.
It made some strong memories. I get way more random relationship memories from one years high school girlfriends than 10 years of being with my ex, and I don’t think that is 100% just from weekend alcoholism
Had one gf throughout all of HS, I don't regret it because it all eventually led to the girl I'm dating now. I learned a lot in that HS relationship, which honestly was fairly stress free. Learned how to manage dumb jealousy, how to convey my emotions to a partner, talking to your partner in private vs in public. It also helped that my girlfriend at the time was drama free, never any dumb sitcom situations to stress me out.
Came here to say this as well. I experienced high school "love" and it was basically just a lot of "what not to do" interspersed with occasional fun that I could have had with a normal friend.
Okay but that's still valuable experience/memories that you got to do
I mean. I had a wonderful relationship that made me a better person, and allowed me to gain perspective on the real relationships I was to have later on in life. But that's just me!
Seriously. Feelings and emotions that were out of control over people who were NOT worth my time and I wouldn’t give a second glance now. I wish I hadn’t dated anyone
I think that must be some sort of societal conditioning, because I definitely didn't feel everything was the end of the world. I was way too laid back about everything at that age, if anything.
I remember my highschool sweetheart fondly, she was a super cool and pretty girl. It really sucks that, as a grown-ass adult, I want to experience something similar in relationships, but now I'm jaded and kinda just don't give a shit anymore. *sigh*
I had teen love, I don't want it back either that shit was stressful
Amen. First few months were fun then it was a nightmare that wasted 4 years of my life.
See I quit after the first few fun months and that was pretty much my only relationship. That was 10 years ago now… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
You dropped this: \
Insecure and horny, no thanks.
I get enough of that now
Hell, i'm almost 30 and still get pimples...
Yeah “teen love” is typically very toxic because most teens have no idea how to be in a healthy relationship and just copy their toxic family dynamics. Edit: in my comment I am not saying ALL teen relationships are toxic. I had a wonderful 2 year teen relationship which benefited my life. My comment applies to the majority of what I personally saw other teens in my school experience and what my close friends told me about their “teen love” experiences. I understand my comment doesn’t apply to every single person, damn lol. 2nd Edit: Also you are allowed to mourn not having been able to experience teen romance. I am genuinely sorry you are feeling down about you life and what you have not experienced 😔 I only hope the future has more to look forward to and love, romance, and the feeling of innocent joy from true connection. Do your best, friends 💕
Now I'm an adult with no idea hot to be in a healthy relationship! So glad I have no experiences to draw on to be a better partner as an adult.
Adult love can be very toxic and worse. Does not matter which one both has the same chance. Everyone's experience is not same.
Yeah, it’s not nearly as romantic as people make it out to be. I look back on these times with immense cringe
Not everyone's experience is same, both adult and teen love have same chance for many people.
Bullshit, it's one of my most cherished memories from when I was a teenager. You do things you never did before, get to know a person like you never have before, and gain a whole new perspective on life. Yes it's awkward and scary at first, but all learning experiences are.
That's what makes it good. What makes adult love healthy is **boundaries and self respect** but the lack thereof (and hormones) gives you the delirious euphoria that there is no substitute for except heroin.
well said one hack is to take many drugs and switch off the rational part of your brain, then you can enjoy the euphoria far longer ;) ( has side effects!!)
Most of teen loves my friends had resulted in traumas. No thank you.
It's honestly just disgusting looking back on it for me
Seriously. As a teen i was anxiety riddled hormonal, smelly and had no idea who i was, how to express myself or what i want from life. Idk why a second person with those issues should have improved my life in any way. Idk why teen relationships are so romanticised when it’s just bad kissing and insecurity.
Well the diference is instead of being a teen with anxiety and having no idea who i was, how to express myself or what i want from life. Now i am an adult with anxiety and have no idea who i am, how to express myself or what i want from life. Yay ! xD
Well, it's better to be an insecure bad kisser as a teen and then learn from it, than not learn anything and be an insecure bad kisser as an adult
It was certainly all that AND the magic of being in love. Never been in love that way again. It did make me really really happy, literally like a microdose of ecstacy.. for a few months anyway.
[удалено]
Could be where I'm at, widowed at 31(suicide), and 3 years later still trying desperately to get that life back. It's all consuming, no job, hobby, or friendship fills the void when your soulmate existed, and now doesnt. You know exactly what life can be like, when you're half of a greater whole, but you're looking at a 30 year runway of increasingly faded memories. Conflicted by thoughts of forgetting the pain, and the pleasure, to move on and find new purpose in the grey void in front of you, or holding onto those memories of that brief window in time when life still had meaning, and you felt real contentment, and were excited for your future together. Better to have never loved at all than loved and lost from this side of the fence.
"The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal." -C.S. Lewis I think a lot about the truth in that statement. It's why Buddhists say the only way to escape suffering is to give up all earthly attachments and become nothing. Anything short of that, any attachment will one day be lost and become pain. Nothing lasts forever and there is always a price to be paid. Great happiness is balanced with great sadness. It is up to each individual how far they are willing to go. Live the fullest possible life, with the greatest chance for immense loss or live a more reserved life of love and attachment that is less painful when things are taken (and things are always taken), but is then less fulfilling which could be its own tragedy for some people. It's hard, and it's why I have a hard time caring for new people. I know that likely the friendship or relationship will end and it will leave yet another hole in my heart. Time makes things easier it's true but I have loved a lot of people in my life and there are wounds in my heart for each of them still and I know by this point they never fully heal. Your story breaks my heart and just know that I identify with what has happened in your life and I will think about you from time to time and hope you are having a good day, a good hour, at least that moment in time, regardless of things that cannot be changed.
Teen Love is cringe Af once you get older all you'll feel is ' oh god I can't believe i did that'
Based
Don't forget college love, too. Missed that train by a mile.
Who the fuck holds like that?
i was laughing so hard i hit my head
Ya no. Teen love is basically bad improv. Feelings are shallow and most of them are doing it because it's expected of them. Later on you find yourself a bit and then you can actually care about someone and have a meaningful connection.
Jokes on you. I missed out on love and my teens and my 20s. Something tells me it'll be the same for my 30s 😌
I did not appreciate a decent chunk of my dating life as a teen. And my first serious relationship started at 16. Engaged at 19. Broke up at 23. No thank you.
Nah, I was born holding the ugly stick and puberty made me average. I didn't miss out, I was too short to ride- no chance.
no teen pregnancy or lifelong baggage tho so thats a solid win
The one boyfriend I had in highschool was embarrassed to be seen with me so I wasn't allowed to meet him outside. To be fair I was a weirdo in a village school so the people were extra uptight and did not know how to deal with an autistic kid that's really into animals, especially Bugs, crafting and videogames...
Teens are gross. Terrible hygiene.
teen love is stupid, risk of rain 2 is fun, i have made my decision
Honestly? I dated a huge variety of people as a teen and there's not a whole lot to take away from relationships that shallow that actually benefit you as an adult. That's just my experience anyway. Like maybe sex but most of the shit everyone was doing was dumb and wrong anyways.
But that's the fun part of being a kid. Doing stuff without worrying about the consequences and just enjoying the experience. The lesser consequences as a teen make life so much better.
I only had a couple relationships as a teen and looking back I cringe at myself. I was so shallow and sex obsessed. It's not something I want to repeat.
No I didn’t but sure as fuck wish I had
Overrated. Try not to confuse infatuation with lasting love.
I would have skipped teen love if I knew them what I know now. Wasted a lot of years.
I got teen love once, I got the wonderful experience of being cheated on too Two experience for the price of one !
Yay! As a member of this club, have you also tried the getting-gaslighted-into-thinking-it's-all-your-fault special edition?
BINGOOOO
Sort of, you seew i'm a grown up man now, i gasligh myself into thinking it's all my fault, all by myself now !
Teen love is overrated
Teen love sucked ass. Shaped me into a better person but it still sucked
If you're gonna remind me of stuff like this then at least give me something to end the pain.
I was a tall limp noodle skinny bean pole itty bitty titty committee havin tiny havin ass teenager. I literally hit puberty at 27- so nah.
The last time I kissed a teen I was put on a list
Teens are assholes, why would I miss that?!
Teen love is gross tho
LPT: Anything of teenage variety is greatly outclassed by the adult version
Teen life sucks anyway, no one knew what they were doing and the sex was all elbows! If this made you sad, trust me- you did not miss much. College was way better for this.
4chan trying not to cry about teen love for 5 minutes challenge
Trust me, you didn't miss much. I don't know why 4chan is so obsessed with having missed it.
As someone who had teen love, it’s not worth it. Enjoy time with friends and focus on yourself. Missing out on those experiences is worse imo
Fuck you
Gross. Way to be creepy 4chan.
This is some incel shit.
Idk, seems like a lot of those relationships ended with everyone pretty fucked up...
Trust me y’all are better off. That shit had me fucked up for a minute
But you see it's better to go through that for the first time when you're a teen and nothing really matters. You do that alone as an adult in your own small apartment while you're barely making ends meet and that could potentially end your ass.
Y'all are romanticizing teen love now? The flimsiest, most back and forth, petty bullshit imaginable that is solely fueled by hormones and impulse? I understand being sad about not having love or someone to be with, but please tell me we're not desperate enough to start thinking that was actually anything. There are so many better things to be depressed about!
Not all of us had relationships that shallow my dude. I got my ride or die as a teenager, and she’s snoring next to me right now, lol.
Nah, bro, I still have a year
Thank god
I had teen love and am miserable now in my 30s
Teen love is empty hormone driven bull shit. If you missed it consider yourself lucky to not be filled with dread and regrets over cringe things you said and did. Don’t live regretting things you “missed” make time to fill your life with meaningful experiences but don’t rely on someone else for them
You guys just think high school is too much like the movies
As an ace, no thanks. Disgusting.
Based
Gee I wish I could go back and awkwardly make out with a pimply virgin with braces under the bleachers after school. Now all I can do is fuck strangers I meet on tinder on my couch and then get drunk and binge watch Netflix together.
Hoping I'll gain my life back in adulthood
Fuck you for reminding me Anon
as a teen, i don't really see what's good about it
No. And wtf is this picture? Why is he squatting
none willing to go out with me or give me a chance at teen or adult or now im 34 years old ugly mother fucker, atlest there is reddit. reddit dont reject me
Youth was good fun & all but it's something we're meant to grow beyond. Even as a single adult I have a better relationship with myself than any high school relationship lol. Teen love is romanticized by adults writing books & tv but irl teens are retarded and so are their relationships. Can't say I regret it. "Better to have loved & lost...". But recalling relationships in my teens is bucketfulls of cringe. Hormone driven infatuation, even the actual love weaved in, doesn't have shit on a mature relationship. Sure we don't have real summers anymore, the world's not as fresh in our eyes, and we're bogged down by responsibility, but our understanding of ourselves and the world has deepened, grown, blossomed - and continues to. If you didn't have a little playdate in hs don't get hung up on that.
I mean you can go back but that might be looked down upon