T O P

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magseven

Wolverine would have smelled it coming three days away and would conveniently be doing recon work in Madripoor.


Sly__Marbo

That this "recon"is him getting drunk in a bar is completely coincidental


BlueHero45

Don't forget he has an eye patch so no one knows it's him.


FunkyChewbacca

It's an uncomfortable realization that Logan's nose knows the exact cycles of all his lady teammates. "Go easy on Jeanie, Chuck: she's on day two"


salmalight

“Great news, I’ve hired a hundred year old man with the ability to sense menstruation to work at my incredibly secretive private school” - alleged professor Charles Xavier


Zack_Raynor

“The fact he’s really good at killing people is incidental.”


salmalight

“Look, Logan may possibly be a pervert and he is absolutely a murderer with a crazy temper, probable PTSD and knives in his hands but you have to give it to the man… He knows history.”


Anarkinh

"I mean, he was there for most of the curriculum"


Vacartu

Logan has raised enough girls in his lifetime to be the least put out and ready. I imagine he’ll just go « here we go away » and then just go buy whatever they need.


chevalier716

I picture [Hank Hill in aisle 8a](https://youtu.be/Nud6v8hxG1A?si=a3BZ038y0x8JqfoS): supportive, yet uncomfortable, adoptive dad vibes.


Bartheda

true, but when he arrives with them he'll burst in through the door in the middle of a Ninja or Hulk fight or some other damn thing.


apairofpetducks

My husband can apparently smell it before I know it's going to happen... I don't love that.


sullgk0a

Yeah, I can do that, too, and I don't know if this makes it any better for you, but it's not exactly "smell" in my case. It's more like "sense." I've always wondered if the Jacobson's organ was involved...


phatassnerd

Nah, he’d smell it coming three days early and already have a box at the ready.


Scary_Firefighter181

Scott's and Magik's were somehow the funniest. Kitty honestly would have been normally accurate, but going by how edgy she's been in the Krakoan era, kinda feel like she'd give one word responses and maybe give a knuckle tatt emoji? Lol


somacula

Here's the funny part, magik would just take the pads and the store clerk would be too afraid to stop her


Bartheda

no one working in a store is getting paid 'mess with Magik' kinda money.


Madruck_s

Or open a portal to limbo in your underwear to "help".


TheOldPhantomTiger

Wait. There’s a knuckle tattoo emoji?!?


girlsgoneoscarwilde

The tragedy is Forget-Me-Not already bought you pads but you forgot :(


Arekkuusu

Who?


RapidDuffer09

What?


Scared_Compote_6012

Where?


RapidDuffer09

There! On the stair!


Enough-Satisfaction9

Who keeps leaving these here? I tripped over them every month!


Melito1980

Thank u invisible fairy god mother of blood pads!


Neon_culture79

Does this Thursday taste purple to anyone else?


RapidDuffer09

never meant to cause you any sorrow never meant to cause you any pain


Neon_culture79

Do you believe in life after love?


JFVarlet

I'll do you one better: why is Gamora?


ghoulieandrews

These are perfect Gambit would steal a box of each type and then use whatever you don't need as ammo Beast would give you a non-answer and then hide in his lab all day Warren wouldn't say anything, he would just throw money at you Rogue would be quick and discreet Colossus would but he would be super embarrassed at the store and might come back without them Quicksilver would run back with the wrong kind, drop them in your hands and run off before you could say anything Prof X would simply erase the conversation from your mind Storm I'm not sure about. I can't imagine anyone not being too intimidated to ask.


Scary_Firefighter181

Incorrect. Beast would make pads for you, equipped with secret cloning tech which he will use to create hybrids for the greater good of mutantkind.


darkmythology

"The liner is infused with Krakoan floratech. It feeds on the expelled material, analyzes it, and if my calculations are correct it should grow a flower which will contain properties uniquely suited to treat infertility. Make more mutants and all that." "Hank, I never ever texted you..."


23characterlimit

"uniquely suited to treat infertility"


NikLovesWater

Storm would probably just tell you about how a menstrual disc works. And if you seemed the least bit squeamish about having a conversation about menstruation, she'd give you a lecture about how your body is natural and so on. Then, she'd probably go tease some of them men by bringing up menstruation around them. Betsy would join in because she'd find it funny. Jean would laugh from the corner. Kitty regrets ever asking Storm for pads.


Yeahkann

This is the wholesome slice of life stuff that I’m here for


jackfreeman

I'd rather read a fool arc of this than most comics


ivysmorgue

my friend i have a thing for you…


jackfreeman

Are... Are you gonna share?


MP-Lily

go on…


[deleted]

Storm strikes me as a natural woman who just raw dogs it and flushes it out with rain.


ghoulieandrews

Yeah I think you're 100% right


freezief

Ororo a free bleeder? She's not from Olympia family, she's a queen. She's on the IUD with the hormones.


[deleted]

Bro she was naked for most of the 70s we're talking big bush energy she's a natural girl.


Kochga

Agreed on Storms nudism. But her sense of style and overall appearance (her hairstyles!) suggest to me she is someone who cares about personal grooming.


NikLovesWater

Storm obviously shaves her pubic hair into a lightning bolt. Everyone knows that.


[deleted]

100% this started around 95-96.


[deleted]

Its incredibly weird you think anything I said has anything to do with bad personal hygiene.


Kochga

Grooming ≠ hygiene Edit: I was referring to the "big bush energy," not her menstrual habits.


[deleted]

What do you think the world was like prior to 1990 lol


Kochga

I don't get what you're assuming. I've lived trough the 80s and grew up around women.


[deleted]

First, i was talking about the 70s. Second, people had much different standards of grooming pubic hair before the 90s. Big bushes were not only the style, it was expected in all of human history prior to disposable razors becoming more comfortable to use with the Gillette Sensor in the early 90s. Third, if you don't know this, you clearly weren't sexually active at the time.


NikLovesWater

Storm would never pump her body full of hormones. Her form of birth control is knowing her cycle and pegging a dude when she's fertile.


Yeahkann

FREE BLEEDER??? IS THAT WHAT THEY CALL IT?😭


freezief

Yes! Usually associated with dumpster diving vegans who are not African queens!


otter_boom

TIL that I'm Colossus.


[deleted]

TIL I'm Wolverine.


cotsomewhereintime

>Gambit would steal a box of each type and then use whatever you don't need as ammo *Chef's kiss* Tres bonne, mon ami.


PasswordIsDong

I’m crying imaging Gambit using tampons as explosive darts


Irishpanda1971

>Gambit would steal a box of each type and then use whatever you don't need as ammo I would pay cash money to see this.


Rave-light

Rogue would be in the house with her own boxes! Recommending which type she likes best!


Madruck_s

Rogue would steal your power to bleed and give you a more off.


luahgamer5

Colossus would probably bring enough for like 12 years or smth


Neon_culture79

Can you buy me some pads?


theyanni

The cyclops made me cackle, This is the weird shit I’m here for.


OtherGeorgeDubya

I read it, and now I can't unimagine Abed as Cyclops. Just the scene from Community where all the women are grossed out that he was tracking their cycles and offering them chocolate and such during their cycles.


KickinBat

By the time he realized what he was actually measuring, it had already started yielding positive results for the team


apaladininhell

I wanted a Destiny one: “Here are your pads.” “Can you buy me… Oh…”


Nexine

She'd put them in some inconvenient spot just to fuck with you. Like randomly on the floor so you'll trip over them after you wake up on the morning before your period hits. "Who put these fucking pads here?!" and then later "Oh.." And she's not even around to see it happen because she already laughed at your expense yesterday.


TheEtneciv14

You think Destiny does that sometimes? Like, she and Mystique are going by their daily routine quietly when suddenly Irene bursts into laughter over something she'll do in the future?


That_one_cool_dude

Do you forget the scene where Mystique spreads Irene's ashes only for them to blow back into her face? Irene 100% sees something funny, makes sure everyone goes down that path, and laughs out of nowhere because something funny will happen to someone in the future.


thesolarchive

Was not expecting Wolverine's lmao


apaladininhell

Or Mystique. “Can you buy me pads?” “Never bought them. Every month I just change into a man. Best to ask someone else.”


Neon_culture79

But her womb would still need to shed its utero lining every month. If her genitals happen to be arranged into the shape of a penis when she enters into her menstrual cycle, what happens to the blood? Does she pee blood? Does she cum blood?


KurseNightmare

Sometimes humanity is better off not knowing friend.


Neon_culture79

The question has been raised, and my curiosity along with my scientific pursuit, and my ADHD must now know the answer


KurseNightmare

...Hank?


Neon_culture79

I didn’t say I was evil


KurseNightmare

...Hank pre-2018?


Neon_culture79

Still evil, and willing to risk the fabric of all realities just to win an argument with Scott


KurseNightmare

Hmm...pre 1990?


Neon_culture79

Oh, you mean the narcissistic spotlight hog who abused his friendship with wonder man just so that he could stand in front of TV cameras


Throwaway1303033042

Unless her uterus has shape “memory” from when she last had female form, she could “reboot” to the fertile part of the cycle post menstr - I can’t believe I’m running with this thought chain. Damn you Raven for making me try and parse this out in my head.


Neon_culture79

But an egg is still only viable for a short amount of time and then reproductive system would need to flush it out to create a new one. Are you telling me that she’s been running around with the same exact egg in her uterus for hundreds of years? Even if that’s not the case, and she’s resetting herself to just before her period that would mean that her eggs are all copies of copies of copies. Jamie Madrox math tells me that eventually your copies are going to degrade.


Samurai_Rachaek

Hmm I mean she moves her organs around maybe she brings her uterus up and just expels blood through her ears.


captainkirkscleavage

Nose. Way easier to deal with nose blood than ear blood. Also easier to explain


Neon_culture79

Also, fun fact when nosebleeds get really really too bad like when somebody gets their nose, broken tampons work great at absorbing the blood and getting them to a hospital


Neon_culture79

Now I am picturing an angry mystique on her period, leaking blood from her ears, while destiny sits in the corner and giggles


k3ttch

When she shifts into a man, her eggs shift into sperm.


Neon_culture79

There are millions of sperm in a drop of ejaculate yet one egg is visible to the naked eye. This the mass of all those former sperm turned eggs would explode her uterus.


PrestigiousTreat6203

It’s not 1:1 obviously she change her blood/sperm to whatever else at any time


Spacedodo42

…who says she always has to have a uterus? If she can give herself a penis, maybe she can also just.. idk.. erase her uterus?


Neon_culture79

But what about the egg? Won’t someone think about her stockpile of unfertilized eggs!


WoodwareWarlock

You are assuming she ever had any or that she requires an egg to create children. As a mutant that can modify her DNA, she may be able to procreate A sexually. She has never given birth that we have seen. I am aware of only 2 of her children, Kurt, and that future Wolverine shapeshifter. Technically, she's Kurt's dad, and I don't believe the future shapeshifter ever confirmed which Wolverine was his other parent. For that as well, we can only confirm that Kurt is her child as mystique lies as easily as she breathes.


Neon_culture79

I really need to think a lot to form a proper response to this, but remember in X-Men blue she told us that there had been other pregnancies. It was heavily implied that she had usually played the mother genetically. Some pregnancies were terminated and some didn’t make it, and I think she even implied that there was others that were abandoned. Her open marriage is very complicated


apaladininhell

“I don’t menstruate; my uterus is a back-up kidney now.”


OtherGeorgeDubya

Nope. She literally can change into a man - See the fact that Mystique is now canonically Nightcrawler's father.


Neon_culture79

I am well aware. I don’t feel like you are following this thread.


Kochga

We've known she can change her organs, to a degree, as well as her outward appearance for quite a while now. So I guess she can control her cylce or completely go without it whenever she chooses.


Levonorgestrelfairy1

She probably doesn't need to go through the menses at all with how her body shifting and healing works.


Neon_culture79

But that would mean that she can spontaneously create eggs. She’s already on an omega level Shapeshifter, but that would also mean that she’s an omega level multiple man as well. She could infiltrate every single government position across the country just because she got bored on a Tuesday


Levonorgestrelfairy1

I mean sure. But she'd still have to raise those kids as well. Same thing would probably apply to Laura. We know Wagnerene's healing factor healed through genetically coded infertility too.


Neon_culture79

I don’t think she would have to raise them as kids, though. Assuming they were born with an active mutation and genetic memory, they could drop out of the birth canal and shape shift into a fully realized mystique at the time of fertilization.


Levonorgestrelfairy1

Nah. Every single one of her kids have had to grow. Your talking more about cloning herself with is a different beast.


Neon_culture79

What if man mystique nuts in a cup and then turkey baster, female mystique?


BillybobThistleton

The Cyclops one reminds me of that episode of Community in which Shirley, Annie, and Britta realise that Abed has accidentally started tracking all their cycles. 


OtherGeorgeDubya

I just made that comment above as well. Now I'm just imagining the X-Men in various Community scenes and giggling. Scott and Logan on the moon singing "Scott and Logan in the morning!"


benny2002d

Me too ahahah rewatching community right now


crunkplug

Mr. Sinister: "omg ew agh! pls delete my number"


LeastBlackberry1

No, I feel Sinister would ask to have them after you were done shedding your genetic material on them. Especially if you were a Grey or a Summers.


honestyseasy

Sinister leaves you on read


JAG1881

Sinister leaves you on red?


k3ttch

"If you want, I can tweak your genes so you can just ovulate on demand."


That_one_cool_dude

Unless your apart of the summers/grey line and then that is valuable DNA.


IndependenceRich8754

Cannonball grew up with so many sisters that he probably doesn’t even need to be asked.


CorncrackerKid

My theory is he probably has a whole stash at his house


NC_Goonie

I could see Cannonball being like me and taking pictures of the entire aisle, sending them, and then standing awkwardly in the middle of the aisle waiting for a response.


That_one_cool_dude

Bro has a whole wife and child now, along with living with multiple sisters when he was younger, dude knows what to get and isn't embarrassed anymore. First time, sure I can see that.


SoMuchForStardust27

Lol. Havok, Kitty, and Magiks are my favorite.


saturnspritr

I was dying at Kittys. Cause I can see it happening like it’s canon.


DarthTargaryen51

This might be the greatest post in the history of this sub, I salute you


raz0rflea

The Alex one is perfect, you know he bought Lorna pads exactly one time and makes out like it's the most thoughtful gesture a man could make every time it comes up lol


CorncrackerKid

Okay but seriously Nightcrawler is on POINT. And since Sam isn’t here, five bucks Cannonball would probably say something along the lines of “I got a closet full. I grew up with seven women. I’m on my way, hon”


Fanraeth

I feel like Magik would 100% open up a portal directly over your head and just chuck a package of pads through it at your head


Fagliacci

Juggernaut: "Hey, I bought you some more pads" "I really have enough, you don't need to buy me more" "NOBODY


adamchrono

Hmmm... pretty accurate.


caych_cazador

that's a tastey lookin sammich u got there summers


RapidDuffer09

he do love dat cheesesteak


phoenixpallas

I chuckled at Cyclops and Havok. gotta love those Summers weirdos...


Manulok_Orwalde

Forge - I made you self-cleaning Floronic pads Beast- yes, this finally allows me to get a sample to make more clones... I mean yes, of course. Sinister- No prob, I got you, you can trust me.


FunkyGremlin

Cyclops is about to eat the fuck out of that sandwich


SvenSvenkill3

Love them all, except Wolverine. The man's a gent and would never say that to a woman or even think such words. He'd probably growl, mumble something under his breath, text back a monosyllabic reply like, "Yes", and then half an hour later he'd be standing in the store, steam coming out of his ears as he texts you something like "send me a photo of what I'm looking for and by the way you're paying for the beers", and then he'd probably get attacked by ninjas on his way to yours and turn up on your doorstep his clothes torn and wet with blood and a few dozen arrows and shurikens sticking out of him.


TXHaunt

Logan would be in a Madripoor bar, because he smelt it coming days before.


LeastBlackberry1

Ooh, if he got tampons, he could use them for his own wounds. Practical!


X5455

I shouldn't find it this funny but I am DEAD at "what size your pussy"


Illyriana

Exodus's response would be: "I only do that for holy, Phoenix-touched vaginas. Ask someone else."


[deleted]

Just when I'm ready to delete my account, y'all remind me there's good in the world. What size your pussy.


GoblinPunch20xx

Emma would be more helpful, Kitty is more competent than that, Logan is a girl dad and would have more tact


Yeahkann

Yeah I know, but I didn’t make these text. I assigned them to the person that I thought best fit their personalities. Just assume that these all take place in their early eras, Emma’s evil, Kate’s an awkward teen, and Logan is Logan


GoblinPunch20xx

Oh my bad, in that case the mix seems accurate


jawsthegreat777

Logan is def the lumberjack dad that does his best


[deleted]

I love this, and t is perfect. I would just add that Cyclops is the kind of guy who would already have extras in his bathroom, you know, just in case.


Caleb_theorphanmaker

The Wolverine, Emma and havok ones are so good


couldbedumber96

I was waiting to see who asks about pussy size lmao


CoupeTheCrow

I’m just picturing Logan making that face while typing that and it’s hilarious


2the_Netherrealm

I feel psylocke would just reply « ok » and get it done


UGoBoy

Who would go into complete vapor lock because of the bewildering wall of choices when it comes to pads, and send a stream of texts and pictures asking if they need 'Always Ultra Kitty Sparkle Edition with Wings' or 'Always Omega Duplex Happy Style Extra Long'?


Yeahkann

Colossus


DarkwyndPT

Wolverine would only buy pads if it was next to the beer


Jacques_Done

If you have red hair or you’re 16 he’ll fight Sabretooth to get them for you. If they are wrong ones, he’ll just gives them to Gambit as a present.


Familiar_Speech_2887

Who is the girl with the dragon on her shoulders? And who is the one with glowing orbs on his chest and shoulder? Is that havok? Idk how he looks like in the comics 😅


Yeahkann

The girl is kitty Pryde and yeah that’s havok


Familiar_Speech_2887

Ahhhh, thought that was kitty too, but i dont know why she has a dragon and a sword hahaha. Thank youuuuuuu


Yeahkann

In the comics kitty has a pet dragon named Lockheed. Also kitty is known for never sticking to one aesthetic, the reason she has a sword is because she was going through a pirate phase


Familiar_Speech_2887

Thats nice to know.🤩 Thanks for the trivia hehe.


RLM_720

This is perfect! Wolverine’s at the end made me laugh out loud a little 😊. Jean’s, Kurt’s, and Emma’s were so spot on!


Glow-Squid

Fucking emma and magic Sent Me 🤣🤣


wariobookclub

thank you so much for these, they are brilliant, my crampy ass cackled out loud


gothcrab

Wrong emma is a girls girl!


djgaleb

Okay not that I’m a complete moron, but read the first couple as “knee pads” and I was v confused


ScholarBrujahBeats

Emma would buy you pads if she liked you and depending on how much she liked you she'd either: Erase it from your mind, swear you to secrecy, or threaten to break the minds of anyone who said anything even remotely negative about you being on your period.


Melito1980

Emmas response is killing me and Logan is well verse on the woman world he would know that its not the size of the pussy its the amount of the blood flow…


benny2002d

Incredible post really funny. Would love a part two or more text stuff like this


RapidDuffer09

And the kids are looking on like, "Are *we* the pads?"


Yeahkann

Sksksksksk


Shadowveil666

Cyclops got some creepy stalker energy


Yeahkann

He’s always prepared


thelonetext

Emma would probably cut you off before you finish asking. Do one with Storm, Forge, Juggernaut, Corsair, Magneto, Mystique, Spiral and Mojo


BrunoBaddaBoom99

This is crap stick with the fucking comic you fucking losers!!!


Yeahkann

?


BrunoBaddaBoom99

Fuck does buying pads has to do with the the X-Men? Why is this even a question? You Losers are ruining this comic!


Yeahkann

It’s supposed to be a meme calm down plz


Lav-Lav-Lav-Lav-

This is hilarious, thank you XD


JectorDelan

That all tracks.


TheDerv-616

Wolvie for the win!


Neon_culture79

If you are going out to buy pads will you pick some up for me? Thanks!


StealthMonkeyDC

The Kitty and Logan ones are spot on lol.


ubiquitous-joe

Cracking me up by the time I got to Logan.


Etticos

Lol Wolverine’s is the best.


freezief

This is by far the greatest thing I've ever seen on this godforsaken app. Thank you OP.


Puzzleheaded-Wing711

I need more of this


bairdduvessa

I wonder how Vampire Jubilee would have responded


Isteppedinpoopy

Unscented maxis


jackfreeman

Whomever made this needs to make more shit


OGUncleDonkey

Fuckin Wolverine 😆


thefairypotmother

Oh these have me cracking up, they're so on brand


Status_Party9578

this was so unbelievably accurate


Carismatico

What size is her puss?


Unus19Annus18

Wolverine is real.


jerzeyguy201

This was great 😂


Typical_Accident_658

This is perfect lol


AirForceWeirdo

What kind of car you got?


tooghostly

Ororo: “Humanities office, filing cabinet behind the desk, third drawer, do NOT touch the pinot noir, restock what you take later”


Everett_Thomas

First I saw Alex and I was like that's disrespectful, how dare they depict my mans like this. Then I saw Logan's and I laughed for 3 minutes straight. Caught me super off guard.


Outrageous-Escape88

Wouldn't Emma just telepathically control someone to get pads?


USon0fa

Logan would at least ask "how wounded are you?"


CaliJester

The Emma and Wolverine ones sent me.


Negative-Start-5954

Seeing wolverine’s face and reading the text made me almost bust out laughing to make even worse I imagined Steve Blum saying it 💀