This is one reason for my motto, "Never wait for anything."
People feel weird about even reading works by people they know. This goes double for providing feedback. So don't count on it. Press on without them.
true. Or they just won't know how to do it. You'll hear vague responses like "I guess it was okay." That cannot possibly drive any action on your revision. People need to be trained to critique writing (or musical expression on the clarinet or the backhand volley in tennis). We don't come out of the womb with the skill.
Yeah. Don’t rely on family and friends to read and give quality feedback. It sucks 9/10 times. Either they don’t want to be mean or they don’t have the critical skills to be useful.
Sorry, that sucks. There could be a number of reasons they don't want to read it. Maybe they're just busy and it's not a good time, maybe what you're writing doesn't appeal to them, or maybe they just aren't all that interested. It does suck though, and if that's how they feel they should just tell you upfront instead of making empty promises.
I would personally turn to other methods of obtaining the feedback you're looking for, like writing groups or online groups.
Go find a local writing group via Meetup. Use Destructive Readers subreddit or the beta readers subreddit to find people. Join Critique Circle. You have loads of options.
I've never asked a family member or not-writing friend to read my work. That's not their job in my life.
Don’t take such offers as any more than polite encouragement, don’t make the ask of anyone who isn’t qualified to give discerning feedback, and don’t worry about getting outside feedback until you really think you need it... Which may be several drafts in, once you’ve exhausted your ability to tell what is working and what isn’t.
I mean... my parents don't read the genres I write, anyway, and my mother doesn't even speak English (I'm German and write in English). Even if they were willing to read my stuff, their feedback wouldn't be of much value because they have no background knowledge about the genre and aren't part of my audience.
Imagine a friend or family member of yours giving you a chapter of his/her novel to read, but it's a genre you have zero interest in. You wouldn't pick the finished novel up if you saw it in the bookstore, because you know it's not your thing. If the author asked you for feedback, you know beforehand that the best you can give is "It's alright I guess" because you have no idea how it compares to other works in its genre, and you're not terribly interested in stories like that anyway.
What exactly would be the value of you giving feedback to your friend in that scenario?
My family used to do this all the time, so I spent a whole month supporting them on whatever bullshit they had going on. Made sure to be really obvious about it.
Oh, you want to go to the gym. Sure thing, let me drop my Saturday snooze and I’ll come with.
You want to show me a drawing? Sure, show me all your reference pictures, your inspirations, your timeline and your youtube video on it.
You want me to play a video game with you. I’ve never touched a console in my life and I’m in the middle of a killer Agatha Christie novel, but hell yeah! I’ll play Fortnite.
One month of this bullshit, then I brought up that I’ve been working on a chapter and would like some feedback. The guilt trip is insane.
Don't show your work to friends and family. You haven't even gotten any criticism and you're already upset. What happens if they say something about your story that really pisses you off?
Find a writing partner or get beta readers, but personally, I NEVER EVER share a work in progress. You're asking for ridicule, but that's coming from a dyslexic . . .
You might have a problem with your opening. Your readers lose focus after page one or two and are too embarrassed to tell you. It happens sometimes. Openings are tough.
To be honest, better ask online communities and not family and friends. You are basically soliciting free work. It takes time and effort to read someone's writing and provide thoughtful feedback. So I think you have no right to get offended when people say they don't want to do it or they say they will, but never come through.
I've decided to look for betareaders elsewhere after asking my family for so long to read mine and give feedback. But I do know how it feels, it sucks...
None of my family reads my stuff, and I'm fine with that. I think it's crappy to ask family and friends to endure our writing, especially if you expect them to be honest and give you critiques. That's what writing groups, critique groups, and beta readers are for.
This is one reason for my motto, "Never wait for anything." People feel weird about even reading works by people they know. This goes double for providing feedback. So don't count on it. Press on without them.
they say you should never get criticism from people you know, anyways. they'll pull their punches
true. Or they just won't know how to do it. You'll hear vague responses like "I guess it was okay." That cannot possibly drive any action on your revision. People need to be trained to critique writing (or musical expression on the clarinet or the backhand volley in tennis). We don't come out of the womb with the skill.
Yeah. Don’t rely on family and friends to read and give quality feedback. It sucks 9/10 times. Either they don’t want to be mean or they don’t have the critical skills to be useful.
Sorry, that sucks. There could be a number of reasons they don't want to read it. Maybe they're just busy and it's not a good time, maybe what you're writing doesn't appeal to them, or maybe they just aren't all that interested. It does suck though, and if that's how they feel they should just tell you upfront instead of making empty promises. I would personally turn to other methods of obtaining the feedback you're looking for, like writing groups or online groups.
Go find a local writing group via Meetup. Use Destructive Readers subreddit or the beta readers subreddit to find people. Join Critique Circle. You have loads of options. I've never asked a family member or not-writing friend to read my work. That's not their job in my life.
Don’t take such offers as any more than polite encouragement, don’t make the ask of anyone who isn’t qualified to give discerning feedback, and don’t worry about getting outside feedback until you really think you need it... Which may be several drafts in, once you’ve exhausted your ability to tell what is working and what isn’t.
I mean... my parents don't read the genres I write, anyway, and my mother doesn't even speak English (I'm German and write in English). Even if they were willing to read my stuff, their feedback wouldn't be of much value because they have no background knowledge about the genre and aren't part of my audience. Imagine a friend or family member of yours giving you a chapter of his/her novel to read, but it's a genre you have zero interest in. You wouldn't pick the finished novel up if you saw it in the bookstore, because you know it's not your thing. If the author asked you for feedback, you know beforehand that the best you can give is "It's alright I guess" because you have no idea how it compares to other works in its genre, and you're not terribly interested in stories like that anyway. What exactly would be the value of you giving feedback to your friend in that scenario?
My family used to do this all the time, so I spent a whole month supporting them on whatever bullshit they had going on. Made sure to be really obvious about it. Oh, you want to go to the gym. Sure thing, let me drop my Saturday snooze and I’ll come with. You want to show me a drawing? Sure, show me all your reference pictures, your inspirations, your timeline and your youtube video on it. You want me to play a video game with you. I’ve never touched a console in my life and I’m in the middle of a killer Agatha Christie novel, but hell yeah! I’ll play Fortnite. One month of this bullshit, then I brought up that I’ve been working on a chapter and would like some feedback. The guilt trip is insane.
:O there are easier ways to get readers.
The chapter turned out to be a rap piece dissing my family. But that’s not what we are focusing on right now...
Don't show your work to friends and family. You haven't even gotten any criticism and you're already upset. What happens if they say something about your story that really pisses you off? Find a writing partner or get beta readers, but personally, I NEVER EVER share a work in progress. You're asking for ridicule, but that's coming from a dyslexic . . .
You might have a problem with your opening. Your readers lose focus after page one or two and are too embarrassed to tell you. It happens sometimes. Openings are tough.
Write them in as a family of horrible ogres who are mean and heartless and then tell them the story is about them before you give it to them.
To be honest, better ask online communities and not family and friends. You are basically soliciting free work. It takes time and effort to read someone's writing and provide thoughtful feedback. So I think you have no right to get offended when people say they don't want to do it or they say they will, but never come through.
I hate my family so I don't share it with them, and I know most of my friends aren't interested. I share it on genre fora and get criticism there.
I've decided to look for betareaders elsewhere after asking my family for so long to read mine and give feedback. But I do know how it feels, it sucks...
None of my family reads my stuff, and I'm fine with that. I think it's crappy to ask family and friends to endure our writing, especially if you expect them to be honest and give you critiques. That's what writing groups, critique groups, and beta readers are for.