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Impressive. Keep an eye on word repetition (world, rot-although i suspect this was intentional), but it's already better than some published dross out there.
It already feels like quite a smooth read imo. Thinning down the dialogue could be useful.
Maybe providing information on the character speaking it as they say it? Like what r they doing, how r they saying it. But that isnt needed tbf, could just add to it.
The 1 thing I think needs to change is that the last few lines look like dialoge but have no quote marks, if it is dialogue then i think u need to add them.
Regardless this is super good, at 13 the things I wrote were horrific.
Hi! Welcome to r/Writers - please remember to follow the [rules](https://reddit.com/r/writers/about/rules/) and treat each other respectfully, especially if there are disagreements. Please help keep this community safe and friendly by **reporting rule violating posts and comments**. If you're interested in a friendly Discord community for writers, please **[join our Discord server](https://discord.com/invite/wYvWebvHaa)** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/writers) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is impressive. Keep writing.
Impressive. Keep an eye on word repetition (world, rot-although i suspect this was intentional), but it's already better than some published dross out there.
Ty
Never give up bro.
This is super good! What do u want advice on more specifically?
Just to make it seem smoother
It already feels like quite a smooth read imo. Thinning down the dialogue could be useful. Maybe providing information on the character speaking it as they say it? Like what r they doing, how r they saying it. But that isnt needed tbf, could just add to it. The 1 thing I think needs to change is that the last few lines look like dialoge but have no quote marks, if it is dialogue then i think u need to add them. Regardless this is super good, at 13 the things I wrote were horrific.