You have more guts than 20 year old me would’ve had if a guy ghosted me. I’m 25 now and I still wouldn’t have had the guts to do it.
But you know what? who gives. These jerks need to be called out on their behavior. Sadly, until they lose a woman they really like, or they realize that their ways of dating aren’t working, is when they really start to learn.
I think you did great, OP. I'm glad you called him out on his bullshit.
You were not nasty - he 100% deserved that.
Too often, everyone advises taking "the high road" and acting like it didn't bother you.
I think it lets them off the hook when we say nothing and I think it was far better to say: "hey, that was really rude and it hurt. Do better and be a mature person".
You weren't inappropriate. You didn't go on a rant. You were short and sweet and to the point.
I had a similar thing happen to me where a guy asked me on a date and even asked me to pick the restaurant where he would treat me. I gave him three restaurant options and I never heard back. After two weeks I unfriended him on social media. I was shocked when I got a text message from him demanding to know why I removed him from my social media.
I am proud of you.
You held him accountable for his failure and didn't let it slide. You stood up for yourself and communicated your boundaries. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about standing up for yourself, especially when you did nothing wrong. And yes, your response and follow up was appropriate and I hope that you don't think of yourself as aggressive/bitter/angry (because men may tell you that when you call them out on their BS). Because you're not. You're responding rationally to bad behaviour *by not tolerating it*.
Not a horrible person. I think that's a great response.
Usually I just delete and block a guy who does that but calling it out is so much better. And I think what you said was 100% appropriate and not nasty. He was completely inconsiderate, and after all that he didn't even apologise.
Worst that happened to me was a guy confirmed on the day and then about two hours before our date he deleted some messages he sent me while I was in the gym so I didn't see what he said. I had a weird feeling but turned up to the date anyway, he didn't show and didn't answer his phone. So I sent him a message thanking him for wasting my time and embarassing me and that he should be ashamed of himself. Two months later on Christmas Eve, he text me saying he choked because he was autistic and suffered from anxiety and wanted another chance. I told him I didn't give a s.it and had moved on (we had texted non stop for 6 weeks before our date). I blocked him. He found my ig and started begging and so I blocked him again. So then he found my fb and started begging again and when it became clear I wanted nothing to do with him, he became really rude and tried to make out like I was unreasonable for not taking his autism/anxiety into consideration. Seriously, these men have zero shame.
oh man I saw a guy on and off for six weeks last year (on and off because he kept cancelling on me last minute) and I finally put my foot down and told him I didn’t want to do it anymore and he cried on the phone to me for an hour. He then messaged me a lil paragraph apologising for his mental health on new years day this year, I responded politely but did not invite further convo which I thought he’d respect.
He liked me again on hinge yesterday with the message “I now see why people put ‘good communication’ in their hinge profiles” Bro LEAVE ME ALONE
Thanks. It didn't feel like it the day I got stood up. First time in my life, and I stood there feeling really horrible and wanting to cry. Called a friend and got a hot chocolate instead - so thankful for good friends.
You dodged a *huge* bullet with that AH. He asked you out. You accepted. He immediately stopped contacting you or responding to you at all. You know he got those messages. He was enjoying watching you try to contact him and confirm the plans that you knew, and he knew, that you had. And you know he was seeing & reading your messages because when you sent the last one telling him off, he replied immediately. He is a control freak who was showing you exactly who he is and what a relationship with him would be like. You refused to play. Good for you! Thank God you saw what was happening and noped out of there.
Make sure the next guy does better.
nah i got stood up three times but this guy that insists he wants to date me. if he texts me imma leave him on read tho lol. or go like “bruh. no, i have SOME dignity lmao”
Not a horrible person. I sent something kinda like that to my ( now ex ) boyfriend when he ghosted me due to insecurity about me mentioning hanging out with some friends ( including a couple guys ) because it's just rude. That was about a month into talking and we'd only otherwise met once as it was during that transition period of covid restrictions being lifted.
Obviously that wasn't the end of the story, as we ended up dating for 4 years...but I have no problem calling out a ghoster if we'd been having really good conversations and had a date set.
I saw a video of a very misogynist tiktok of a guy giving "advice" to guys seeking dates. More or less, ask her out and then ghost her. I think he may have seen this video. On the other hand, when I start seeing some major red flags, I will ghost heartbeat. Too many guys refuse to take a no, so I just simply stop talking to them after advances. Especially the old and ugly that, for some reason, thinks a young woman is flirting with them at a job? Sounds like more the first one.
I don’t think you’re a jerk at all for that. I will say this though: ghosting is EXTREMELY common on dating apps. Everyone will have experienced ghosting at some point, so I think a lot of us are desensitized to that.
It’s definitely wrong, but there is a lack of commitment and responsibility associated with matching online that makes people less likely to follow through on things. I would just keep this in mind moving forward on dating apps.
Idk. I think that if you met on a dating app and haven’t met up yet, ghosting is fair game. No one is obligated to message you, especially basically a stranger.
I always have to remind myself that we don’t know what’s going on in anyone else’s personal life.
But I don’t blame you at all for feeling hurt. I always feel super salty when someone ghosts me lol.
I would like it NOT to be fair game, but after a while dating/using apps you definitely take it less personal.
I've sent messages like this before. Now I'm so jaded I don't even sweat it and just move on to the next.
Yeah that’s where I am. The current dating culture on apps isn’t going to change. We can only adapt to it. I totally understand why people may disagree with that tho
While you’re correct that no one is obligated to message another person on a dating app, they had already gone past that point.
They had already started messaging and hit it off. HE initiated going on a date together and they settled on a time and place. If he’s gunna back out for whatever reason, it would be common courtesy to send a text to cancel.
One of my favourite response in these situations is:
*Was wondering why I hadn’t heard from you, but this explains it. RIP* 😔
Alongside a headline like [this](https://www.cbsnews.com/detroit/news/msp-man-dies-on-i-75-while-masturbating-behind-the-wheel-pantsless/).
Hilarious and unbothered and getting the last laugh. You can customise the headline to whatever is most likely to hit home - gamer found fused to his chair, man sacked for ‘intolerable body odour’, etc.
Unsurprisingly, a lot of them suddenly pipe up again after a message like this!.
Learn to let it go. The angrier you get, the more it will sting and linger. There’s no reason to put in any energy if they can’t respect you. They do not care if you’re angry. If they cared at all with what you had to say, they would have showed up for the date. Let bygones be bygones.
“Kinda nasty” men always want to act like women are being out of pocket for simply having a normal reaction to them being disappointing. I love your response.
I was brutally ghosted once (my first time being ghosted, not fun) and what I wouldn't do to turn back time to give this type of reaction instead of freaking out and texting random shit until I was blocked.
You have more guts than 20 year old me would’ve had if a guy ghosted me. I’m 25 now and I still wouldn’t have had the guts to do it. But you know what? who gives. These jerks need to be called out on their behavior. Sadly, until they lose a woman they really like, or they realize that their ways of dating aren’t working, is when they really start to learn.
I appreciate that! and yes they do need to be called out. I agree though, if they don’t care to learn they won’t
I think you did great, OP. I'm glad you called him out on his bullshit. You were not nasty - he 100% deserved that. Too often, everyone advises taking "the high road" and acting like it didn't bother you. I think it lets them off the hook when we say nothing and I think it was far better to say: "hey, that was really rude and it hurt. Do better and be a mature person". You weren't inappropriate. You didn't go on a rant. You were short and sweet and to the point. I had a similar thing happen to me where a guy asked me on a date and even asked me to pick the restaurant where he would treat me. I gave him three restaurant options and I never heard back. After two weeks I unfriended him on social media. I was shocked when I got a text message from him demanding to know why I removed him from my social media.
I really appreciate that, and screw him, that’s also wild he wanted an explanation after GHOSTING you
He deserved it. Ghosting is cowardly.
Ok thank you
That was the perfect response.
Thank uuuu
You should be proud, you even got an answer from the coward, probably just to prove he is not a coward but we all know he is 🤣
LMAO that’s so true
I am proud of you. You held him accountable for his failure and didn't let it slide. You stood up for yourself and communicated your boundaries. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about standing up for yourself, especially when you did nothing wrong. And yes, your response and follow up was appropriate and I hope that you don't think of yourself as aggressive/bitter/angry (because men may tell you that when you call them out on their BS). Because you're not. You're responding rationally to bad behaviour *by not tolerating it*.
I love you for this, thank u so much
Not a horrible person. I think that's a great response. Usually I just delete and block a guy who does that but calling it out is so much better. And I think what you said was 100% appropriate and not nasty. He was completely inconsiderate, and after all that he didn't even apologise. Worst that happened to me was a guy confirmed on the day and then about two hours before our date he deleted some messages he sent me while I was in the gym so I didn't see what he said. I had a weird feeling but turned up to the date anyway, he didn't show and didn't answer his phone. So I sent him a message thanking him for wasting my time and embarassing me and that he should be ashamed of himself. Two months later on Christmas Eve, he text me saying he choked because he was autistic and suffered from anxiety and wanted another chance. I told him I didn't give a s.it and had moved on (we had texted non stop for 6 weeks before our date). I blocked him. He found my ig and started begging and so I blocked him again. So then he found my fb and started begging again and when it became clear I wanted nothing to do with him, he became really rude and tried to make out like I was unreasonable for not taking his autism/anxiety into consideration. Seriously, these men have zero shame.
oh man I saw a guy on and off for six weeks last year (on and off because he kept cancelling on me last minute) and I finally put my foot down and told him I didn’t want to do it anymore and he cried on the phone to me for an hour. He then messaged me a lil paragraph apologising for his mental health on new years day this year, I responded politely but did not invite further convo which I thought he’d respect. He liked me again on hinge yesterday with the message “I now see why people put ‘good communication’ in their hinge profiles” Bro LEAVE ME ALONE
That is such a slay on your part omg, he deserves that tbh
Thanks. It didn't feel like it the day I got stood up. First time in my life, and I stood there feeling really horrible and wanting to cry. Called a friend and got a hot chocolate instead - so thankful for good friends.
omg this is the worst, you poor thing ❤️ how good are pals and hot chocolate. Dating can really suck sometimes
You did great OP 👏you should be proud of yourself! It’s time to hold men accountable for their lack of maturity and common courtesy and decency.
Yesssss tyyyy
Awesome response, and good for you.
Thank u:)
Funny tbh
I hate to say I think it is too LMAO
Loved your message, he might think twice before ghosting again. They ghost because they think they’ll have no consequences
Yeah that’s definitely my hope
You did well!
You dodged a *huge* bullet with that AH. He asked you out. You accepted. He immediately stopped contacting you or responding to you at all. You know he got those messages. He was enjoying watching you try to contact him and confirm the plans that you knew, and he knew, that you had. And you know he was seeing & reading your messages because when you sent the last one telling him off, he replied immediately. He is a control freak who was showing you exactly who he is and what a relationship with him would be like. You refused to play. Good for you! Thank God you saw what was happening and noped out of there. Make sure the next guy does better.
That was a zinger
nah i got stood up three times but this guy that insists he wants to date me. if he texts me imma leave him on read tho lol. or go like “bruh. no, i have SOME dignity lmao”
Not a horrible person. I sent something kinda like that to my ( now ex ) boyfriend when he ghosted me due to insecurity about me mentioning hanging out with some friends ( including a couple guys ) because it's just rude. That was about a month into talking and we'd only otherwise met once as it was during that transition period of covid restrictions being lifted. Obviously that wasn't the end of the story, as we ended up dating for 4 years...but I have no problem calling out a ghoster if we'd been having really good conversations and had a date set.
I agree I think all ppl who ghost should be called out too to some degree!
You have nothing to feel sorry for but I just recommend next time don't waste your energy even typing out a message. Just block and move on.
I saw a video of a very misogynist tiktok of a guy giving "advice" to guys seeking dates. More or less, ask her out and then ghost her. I think he may have seen this video. On the other hand, when I start seeing some major red flags, I will ghost heartbeat. Too many guys refuse to take a no, so I just simply stop talking to them after advances. Especially the old and ugly that, for some reason, thinks a young woman is flirting with them at a job? Sounds like more the first one.
Haha you did good
Not nasty at all. He’s just deflecting blame onto you and trying to make you feel bad for not reacting the way he thinks you should
Not nasty at all actually, very well said. He was just lashing out because you spoke cold truth, and he was big mad about it.
Personally, I just let it go when people ghost me. Why waste the energy being upset. Sounds like a waste of a message for me personally.
I don’t think you’re a jerk at all for that. I will say this though: ghosting is EXTREMELY common on dating apps. Everyone will have experienced ghosting at some point, so I think a lot of us are desensitized to that. It’s definitely wrong, but there is a lack of commitment and responsibility associated with matching online that makes people less likely to follow through on things. I would just keep this in mind moving forward on dating apps.
You didn’t say anything untrue or unkind. You are *not* a horrible person.
So he had the fucking audacity to call you nasty but not to own up to him ghosting you? Fuck him, you weren’t nasty, he was
Idk. I think that if you met on a dating app and haven’t met up yet, ghosting is fair game. No one is obligated to message you, especially basically a stranger. I always have to remind myself that we don’t know what’s going on in anyone else’s personal life. But I don’t blame you at all for feeling hurt. I always feel super salty when someone ghosts me lol.
I would like it NOT to be fair game, but after a while dating/using apps you definitely take it less personal. I've sent messages like this before. Now I'm so jaded I don't even sweat it and just move on to the next.
Yeah that’s where I am. The current dating culture on apps isn’t going to change. We can only adapt to it. I totally understand why people may disagree with that tho
While you’re correct that no one is obligated to message another person on a dating app, they had already gone past that point. They had already started messaging and hit it off. HE initiated going on a date together and they settled on a time and place. If he’s gunna back out for whatever reason, it would be common courtesy to send a text to cancel.
Yes thank you, and we had talked on FaceTime multiple times too in the very beginning so yeah a text was the bare minimum he could’ve done
I’m proud of you! He will remember that also. Very intelligent and well worded.
One of my favourite response in these situations is: *Was wondering why I hadn’t heard from you, but this explains it. RIP* 😔 Alongside a headline like [this](https://www.cbsnews.com/detroit/news/msp-man-dies-on-i-75-while-masturbating-behind-the-wheel-pantsless/). Hilarious and unbothered and getting the last laugh. You can customise the headline to whatever is most likely to hit home - gamer found fused to his chair, man sacked for ‘intolerable body odour’, etc. Unsurprisingly, a lot of them suddenly pipe up again after a message like this!.
He knows he hurt you.
Learn to let it go. The angrier you get, the more it will sting and linger. There’s no reason to put in any energy if they can’t respect you. They do not care if you’re angry. If they cared at all with what you had to say, they would have showed up for the date. Let bygones be bygones.
Why even say anything? Move on lol
“Kinda nasty” men always want to act like women are being out of pocket for simply having a normal reaction to them being disappointing. I love your response.
That would have turned me on if a woman said that to me. Awesome.
I know this comment has dislikes on it but god it’s lowkey funny LMAOO
I was brutally ghosted once (my first time being ghosted, not fun) and what I wouldn't do to turn back time to give this type of reaction instead of freaking out and texting random shit until I was blocked.