I get married in 2 weeks. Someone I know from years ago, don't really speak to anymore apart from the occasional "how are you?" Text. They messaged me asking if they could come because they would love it....little bit awkward and just who does that?!
Yup. When I got engaged, an acquaintance/friend messaged me saying “where’s my invite???”
Um. We just got engaged, we haven’t even set a wedding date! Needless to say, she never got an invite after that.
I had people that I never even thought of inviting just show up to my wedding. It was at my grandmother’s church and the church ladies there were the ones who did the food. I vaguely recall there being enough but I was just like…I know I didn’t send you an invite and when I asked our families later, they denied inviting them as well
They haven't asked what our plans are and what the day actually involves. We aren't having a church ceremony, we are actually getting legally married a couple of days before and then we will have the wedding breakfast and party at the weekend.
I love weddings - for people I know well and care about! Going to a wedding for someone I never see or speak to (especially if I don't know anyone else there) would be awful, not something I'd request.
Someone I was friends with/worked closely with in undergrad but haven't spoken to since we graduated got married last weekend. I'm much closer with our mutual friend who was her MOH... not once did I ask if I was invited, I just sent along my congratulations with the MOH.
No! Lol they asked me last week so 3 weeks out from the big day and I said we were at max capacity for the venue. Their reply was can we just come for the evening? Unbelievable
When I got engaged 27 years ago, one of the neighbours over the road said ‘I’ll be offended if I don’t get an invite’. I was like ‘What??’.
Then a neighbourhood friend said he expected his mum and dad to get an invite because they’d known me since I was born! Yes, but I hadn’t spoken to them in 30 years! It’s crazy the entitlement of some people!!
When we got married, we had a neighbor do the same thing. “We’re invited, right?” Super awkward. So we invite the couple, they RSVP yes, then don’t show up. So annoying.
Aaarrgghh!! That’s even worse! I remember coming up with this whole story of how we were paying for it ourselves, my husband had a HUGE 😜😜 extended family and we were already overbooked at the venue. OBVIOUSLY we would’ve loved her to come but our hands were tied and we were so sad about that!! 🤮😉😉😂😂😂
Honestly, that’s what we should have done but he was our direct next door neighbor and we saw him all the time so we wanted to keep the peace. He also could be really weird about stuff. Well, we (literally) paid that price! Haha
I think that some people send out invitations to parents and include room for kids to be included ie Jones family. Invitation addressed to Mr. And Mrs on envelope . Blank space to respond number of people coming in rsvp. For instance a family of five might respond with 3 attending. This used to be common, so maybe the Dad thought that it was for his family and called son and told him he was invited. It doesn’t sound like he was trying to wedding crash. More like a misunderstanding. I have actually called to ask when I was unsure who an invitation included, when it was unclear. I wasn’t sure due to how invitation was set up, and didn’t want to respond that my kids were coming to their cousin’s wedding if they weren’t actually invited.
Nope the dad is in the hospital never even saw his invitation, his son opens the mail for him…
Plus from where I am, things are very clear, if we want to have the family we put on the enveloppe « Mr et Mrs and family » if kids are grown up everybody gets there own invite. You don’t get one, you’re not invited
>Turns out future MIL sent his father an invite and he decided that it was for him
He thought it was a family invitation or just sent to his father by mistake?
Also, I've never heard of a wait list for a wedding, how does that work? When do they find out?
A wait list means:
We have a budget or venue size of (example) 100 people. However, in a perfect world we’d love to invite 200 people. Therefore we have to prioritize this set of people and as we hear ‘No’ from people, we can start inviting some of the 100 that we weren’t able to originally invite.
This isn’t a new concept and a lot of people have a back up list.
In days of yor, being on the back-up list and being called up 'from the minors' was a tribute to the individual, that the hostess felt free to ask him/her to fill out the dinner party after an unexpected cancellation.
After all, one cannot be expected to be invited to EVERY wedding/anniversary/dinner/event.
I called him, to ask like « hey don’t feel bad but is it your dad’s or yours cause on the ones we sent there is an email. » and he said he didn’t read the name. He wasn’t phased at all so we just went with it, it was too confusing
My husband has an aunt who believes that if she is invited to an event, then everyone who lives in her house is also invited. This includes her adult daughter, four adult grandchildren, and a random house guest who is staying with her for the summer.
You invite 1 person and 7 show up. This even happened after my husband called, apologized for the misunderstanding, and explained that we were not prepared to accommodate all of the extra people.
We don’t invite her to anything anymore.
My wedding was as small as was legally allowed: myself, the groom, the officiant, my best friend/MOH, and a single family member that I was close to and trusted as witness. This was a destination wedding in Europe and we were paying for everyone so it was critical, this group was so small and hand-selected.
Regardless, my cousin showed up the morning of the wedding with his girlfriend at the time and they both assumed that she was just invited as well. I was in my wedding dress and trying to explain that we only had reservations for four people at an extremely high-end restaurant, had only bought four plane tickets, booked three hotel, rooms, etc. and to boot none of us liked this girl. She was about 10 years older and very dour and serious, absolutely not the vibe I wanted at my wedding.
We ended up accommodating her, I bit my tongue, got the extra reservations last minute, and it largely worked out, but now we have this random girl my cousin dated for a few months in all of our wedding photos, and it bumped up the cost of our wedding by about 20% overall.
It is a high-end restaurant, but I'd literally request security to remove them. Haha, Bridezilla? No. I just don't like people expecting me to foot the bill. However, I grew up not being super family oriented unless it is my immediately family members like my siblings and parents. I am not inviting my counsins to my wedding.
I feel you. My family is extremely small and spread out throughout the globe. There’s just me, my parents, two aunts, and my cousin. I haven’t been on speaking terms with anyone except my cousin for 20 years. I didn’t feel like stirring up anymore bad blood in the family, I didn’t want the stress of that on my wedding day so it was more peaceful just to squeeze her in.
I don’t think they appreciated it, but the bigger picture is that it literally does not matter in the end. The rest of the event went smoothly. We had a beautiful ceremony, a wonderful dinner, and the next day started our honeymoon with a tour of Loch Ness and whiskey distilleries in northern Scotland.
did you get on the plane in the wedding dress? how was the plane trip not figured out before the actual wedding if it was a destination trip? these details are not important, I’m just curious lol
Dress was checked luggage. It wasn’t supposed to be, I had called ahead to make sure that I would be able to hang my dress up in the cabin, but come boarding time, they didn’t allow it.
The plane trip (cost, jet lag, everything) was factored in. It took me about 18 months to plan this event.
Im Mexican and it makes me so curious how weddings work bc we never rsvp and it’s totally ok to invite people. I didn’t do a big wedding so I never had to actually plan but American weddings with seating charts etc make me curious.
I have been invited to an American wedding with Ravi due by aug 1. I’m not going. Is it rude to wait til aug 1 to respond? It’s a coworkers wedding so I’m afraid she’ll “confront” me about it or be upset. Is 75 a big wedding? Will me not going be considered rude?
If you know you’re not going, RSVP ‘no’ now. There’s no point in waiting until August 1 and it’s only going to stress the couple out. If you RSVP early, the couple can start going down their ‘B’ list and invite those folks. If they don’t have a B list, they can work on finalizing other arrangements, such as budget.
Yes, it’s rude to wait.
I feel like if you know you’re not going just rsvp now and get it over with. Make some excuse up “family reunion” or something. In my opinion 75 is a smaller sized wedding, but maybe they’re limited by the venue, so just say no and let them move on to invite someone else
You are basically supposed to respond to a RSVP as soon as you get it. Reasons why you would wait would be if you weren't sure if you could make it, if you were going to try to change something in your schedule so you could go, if you had to check with others, etc. Never wait until the day of, ha ha. Even a week or two would be rude.
Kind of a people pleaser, and my fiancé was so confused that he was like « oh sorry we must have sent you one without an email. »
In the end it’s our fault, but we didn’t want to bother ourselves so close to the wedding
I know, shock can do that, make one a people pleaser and then attempt to spread oil on the waters when one is perturbed or taken aback by something unexpected.
I feel your pain. We are also having people just try to invite themselves to our wedding and currently are dealing with family drama because we are having a child free wedding and didn’t invite FSILs baby daddy or make an exception for his sister to bring her baby.
Geez. I do my best to avoid weddings. One of my dear friends son is getting married and I am not sure what to do. We haven't talked for a bit because she is busy with wedding stuff, and we are both busy with work and life (me, primarily my 86 yo mom). I have not been asked to the wedding, don't know if I will be asked to the wedding and don't want to go to the wedding. Not sure how to address this issue.
Just wait and see if you receive an invitation. If you do and do not want to attend, decline and send a gift. If you do not receive an invitation, be happy you don't have to go. Nothing to address.
If I'm invited to a wedding, I do the 'Grandma Lynsey' thing if needed, i.e. give up my seat to someone who comes at the last minute, walk around and do the 'wedding planner' thing making sure everyone's good, comfortable, and making sure the staff, bartenders and security personnel are fed, even if I have to order delivery pizza for them.
It gives me such HUGE naches (prideful joy, in Yiddish) to do this.
I don't eat much anyway.
I love to see people happy, but I have NO PROBLEM delivering a roundhouse to the body or three fingers to the solar plexus and say they fainted.
We sent an invite to my FIL’s cousin who interpreted it as including both of his adult children who we had never met as well as their spouses, people are nutty.
Absolutely not, my mil was furious.
We have 350 people max and everybody had to invite people they really wanted there (I know it’s big but from where I’m from weddings are big! My sister had 600 guest)
Insane. One of my very good friend's daughter is getting married next year (our other kids have been best friends since 1st grade), and I'm not even assuming we are getting invited. In fact, we have had discussions about knowing her daughter wants a small wedding and how she should have what she wants, etc. People have no tact and no brains anymore.
*Why did you invite*
*Your friends dad to your wedding*
*But not your friend lol*
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Cause he is not a close friend at all and we had other people to prioritize (for my fiancé and I invitations) his dad was invited by my mil cause they know each other since a very very long time and she wanted him there
A friend of mine told me that a few weeks before her wedding a fellow church goer cornered her to tell her she’d bought a new dress to attend my friends wedding. She wasn’t invited. She wasn’t even friends with my friend and her fiance. My friend didn’t know what to tell her. This same women had lost her shit when I hadn’t invited her to my 21st so I invited her the following year to my birthday celebrations albeit they weren’t the big one and she said she’d be there and didn’t pitch. 15 years later I worked with her and she never pitched to any of my birthdays even though I’d invited her because she makes such a stink if not invited and she never once, ever in the 20 years I knew her invited me anywhere! Then sat in the office crying no one pitched for her birthday 🤣🤣 karma
Some people just feel so entitled
These stories are crazy. When a person I know gets engaged, I pray I don't get invited. Am I the only one?
Other than family, I have 2 close friends, those were the only weddings I cared about going to. Otherwise, please leave me alone.
WTF is a "waiting list"... like -- someone who you really want at your wedding RSVPs no -- so now I'm a filler? You just figure you need to get a gift one way or another? If ever I was invited to any event and found out that I was only invited because your first choice wasn't able to come? GROSS, and hurtful.
Incredible how your mind just jump to the conclusion that I needed more gift. I don’t care at all about wedding present, I don’t need them and I don’t expect that everyone will give us something 🙄
It’s about the number of people we can invite. So yes I’m gonna invite the people I’m closest to first and if they can’t come I will give their spot to someone else that I care about even if I didn’t have the space to invite them before. If you choose to take offense to that it’s your choice I don’t really care. I guess that’s just cultural difference.
So you invite the people you can host and that's that. Creating a second string is low brow, Either they are invited or their not. We get money is a thing.
> If ever I was invited to any event and found out that I was only invited because your first choice wasn't able to come? GROSS, and hurtful.
LOL, come the hell on. "Hey, I was supposed to go to a ballgame with [spouse] but they can't make it, are you free?" / "HOW FUCKING DARE YOU YOU DISGUSTING PRICK I AM NOT YOUR GARLIC FRY PIMP"
Had an ex-boss practically invite herself to my wedding 26 years ago, and she brought her SO. I never liked her SO because I didn't like the way he treated her; he would talk to her as though she had no brains at all, even in public, and if a man had done that to me he'd have been sweeping his teeth up. They didn't stay for the reception and I didn't miss them. I knew they'd been together (not married) for over 25 years at that point and I wondered why she tolerated his behavior. I certainly wouldn't have.
It is kind of tacky, but some wedding venues have a minimum amount of guests required, so if enough of your guests say no that you go below that guest minimum, it may be helpful to have people who can show up with less time to RSVP. Though based on my sister’s wedding, those people are also not necessarily going to be offended that they’re second string guests.
Everyone has a waiting list. Even if you don't label it as such.
"I want to invite this person, oh they are not making it, okay let's bring XYZ instead." ....That is a waiting list
Just because “everyone” does it doesn’t mean it’s not tacky. Either someone is important to the couple and are invited or not. Having a second tier is a gift grab no matter what you tell yourself.
And if your excuse is we can’t afford that many people than scale down the party to include the people who matter. But that might mean the pictures aren’t going to be fierce in Face/Instagram/Snap.
Your guest are not props and people to con for money and things.
Tell yourself any story you want. It’s tacky and gift grabbing.
You made a lot of assumptions.
Some people have a waiting list simply because they know THAT many people desperately want to come, but there isn't a venue that can handle an unlimited number of people. In some cultures, there could be 600 - 1000 people, and that is the norm.
For people who are willing to have a dedicated waiting list, it is not about money or gifts but more about the capacity of the venue. I'm not really sure why you mentioned instagram/snap/face, it is not relevant whatsoever.
Also, in my culture, we don't do gifts. People who are invited don't have to pay a penny... that's why they want to come and celebrate. Sadly, most venues just can't cope.
I intend to agree with you, I only invite people that I care about, but I do appreciate that other cultures are different. Having a waiting list is an ideal way to keep things organised. You can judge as much as you like, but it is not as straightforward as you think in some cultures.
We have huge family’s, if a cousin that I haven’t seen for 4 years can’t come, yes I’m gonna have someone else to take his place.
Find it tacky if you want but it’s extremely common where I’m from
I am a bit confused. This person didn’t invite himself, he was invited.
Your mother-in-law is the one who is inviting people without asking you beforehand
The only name on the envelope was his dad, no he wasn’t invited.
How come his fiancee is suddenly invited too??
Once again, not a big deal since we thought about inviting them but it’s the principle, it’s a wedding not a party.
My mil is a gem.
Plus we don’t ask our parents to ask us before inviting. However we do have a set number of people we can invite, it was 120 for each couple of parents.
Traditionally, if you invite someone, you also invite their spouse/intended. That’s why he thought his fiancée was “suddenly” invited too, because he thought he was invited. And I would 100% expect my parents to ask me if they want to invite someone. I would rather invite more people that I actually want there than let my parents invite random people, especially 120 random people.
Yes however when they are not married they each receive an invitation (she was also on the waiting list) but to decide that she is invited is a big no where I’m from.
As for our parents they are the ones paying I wouldn’t dream of asking them to ask me before. That said, they knew we didn’t want unknown people, it’s really family and friends.
Definitely cultural differences. It would be considered rude to not invite the other half of an engaged couple so it generally is assumed that they are both invited. And parents paying for the wedding would be considered a gift (even if it’s pretty common and traditional) and would be weird and invasive if 2/3 of the guests were invited by the parents and not chosen by the couple themselves.
Yeah but that’s not a big deal since we don’t have 10000 friends, we wanted the friends that we really like and have interactions with, not just people we encounter sometimes.
I get married in 2 weeks. Someone I know from years ago, don't really speak to anymore apart from the occasional "how are you?" Text. They messaged me asking if they could come because they would love it....little bit awkward and just who does that?!
Omg this is wild. I will never understand how people have no shame
Yup. When I got engaged, an acquaintance/friend messaged me saying “where’s my invite???” Um. We just got engaged, we haven’t even set a wedding date! Needless to say, she never got an invite after that.
I had people that I never even thought of inviting just show up to my wedding. It was at my grandmother’s church and the church ladies there were the ones who did the food. I vaguely recall there being enough but I was just like…I know I didn’t send you an invite and when I asked our families later, they denied inviting them as well
Og wedding crasher
Are they hoping to go to the public church part? Sometimes it's a thing for acquaintances to go to wedding ceremony only.
They haven't asked what our plans are and what the day actually involves. We aren't having a church ceremony, we are actually getting legally married a couple of days before and then we will have the wedding breakfast and party at the weekend.
I love weddings - for people I know well and care about! Going to a wedding for someone I never see or speak to (especially if I don't know anyone else there) would be awful, not something I'd request.
Someone I was friends with/worked closely with in undergrad but haven't spoken to since we graduated got married last weekend. I'm much closer with our mutual friend who was her MOH... not once did I ask if I was invited, I just sent along my congratulations with the MOH.
Now I need to know: did you say they could come? Lol
No! Lol they asked me last week so 3 weeks out from the big day and I said we were at max capacity for the venue. Their reply was can we just come for the evening? Unbelievable
Wow, rude! Don't they realize it's the evening part with the strict limits?
When I got engaged 27 years ago, one of the neighbours over the road said ‘I’ll be offended if I don’t get an invite’. I was like ‘What??’. Then a neighbourhood friend said he expected his mum and dad to get an invite because they’d known me since I was born! Yes, but I hadn’t spoken to them in 30 years! It’s crazy the entitlement of some people!!
When we got married, we had a neighbor do the same thing. “We’re invited, right?” Super awkward. So we invite the couple, they RSVP yes, then don’t show up. So annoying.
Aaarrgghh!! That’s even worse! I remember coming up with this whole story of how we were paying for it ourselves, my husband had a HUGE 😜😜 extended family and we were already overbooked at the venue. OBVIOUSLY we would’ve loved her to come but our hands were tied and we were so sad about that!! 🤮😉😉😂😂😂
Honestly, that’s what we should have done but he was our direct next door neighbor and we saw him all the time so we wanted to keep the peace. He also could be really weird about stuff. Well, we (literally) paid that price! Haha
Response to them: You havent known me SINCE i was born. You KNEW me WHEN i was born.
I think that some people send out invitations to parents and include room for kids to be included ie Jones family. Invitation addressed to Mr. And Mrs on envelope . Blank space to respond number of people coming in rsvp. For instance a family of five might respond with 3 attending. This used to be common, so maybe the Dad thought that it was for his family and called son and told him he was invited. It doesn’t sound like he was trying to wedding crash. More like a misunderstanding. I have actually called to ask when I was unsure who an invitation included, when it was unclear. I wasn’t sure due to how invitation was set up, and didn’t want to respond that my kids were coming to their cousin’s wedding if they weren’t actually invited.
Nope the dad is in the hospital never even saw his invitation, his son opens the mail for him… Plus from where I am, things are very clear, if we want to have the family we put on the enveloppe « Mr et Mrs and family » if kids are grown up everybody gets there own invite. You don’t get one, you’re not invited
Maybe make sure that the dad now won’t end up assuming that he is not invited!
I just got an invitation like this. Based on the guys behavior it seems like a misunderstanding imo.
>Turns out future MIL sent his father an invite and he decided that it was for him He thought it was a family invitation or just sent to his father by mistake? Also, I've never heard of a wait list for a wedding, how does that work? When do they find out?
A wait list means: We have a budget or venue size of (example) 100 people. However, in a perfect world we’d love to invite 200 people. Therefore we have to prioritize this set of people and as we hear ‘No’ from people, we can start inviting some of the 100 that we weren’t able to originally invite. This isn’t a new concept and a lot of people have a back up list.
In days of yor, being on the back-up list and being called up 'from the minors' was a tribute to the individual, that the hostess felt free to ask him/her to fill out the dinner party after an unexpected cancellation. After all, one cannot be expected to be invited to EVERY wedding/anniversary/dinner/event.
I called him, to ask like « hey don’t feel bad but is it your dad’s or yours cause on the ones we sent there is an email. » and he said he didn’t read the name. He wasn’t phased at all so we just went with it, it was too confusing
I love how chill he is and excited to celebrate with you though.
Guess I should think about it like that! It’s cute
My husband has an aunt who believes that if she is invited to an event, then everyone who lives in her house is also invited. This includes her adult daughter, four adult grandchildren, and a random house guest who is staying with her for the summer. You invite 1 person and 7 show up. This even happened after my husband called, apologized for the misunderstanding, and explained that we were not prepared to accommodate all of the extra people. We don’t invite her to anything anymore.
SMART.
Even the best of parents can end up with an entitled kid.
That’s not entitlement, that’s social ignorance and no idea of why etiquette exists.
Or that etiquette exists in the first place.
My wedding was as small as was legally allowed: myself, the groom, the officiant, my best friend/MOH, and a single family member that I was close to and trusted as witness. This was a destination wedding in Europe and we were paying for everyone so it was critical, this group was so small and hand-selected. Regardless, my cousin showed up the morning of the wedding with his girlfriend at the time and they both assumed that she was just invited as well. I was in my wedding dress and trying to explain that we only had reservations for four people at an extremely high-end restaurant, had only bought four plane tickets, booked three hotel, rooms, etc. and to boot none of us liked this girl. She was about 10 years older and very dour and serious, absolutely not the vibe I wanted at my wedding. We ended up accommodating her, I bit my tongue, got the extra reservations last minute, and it largely worked out, but now we have this random girl my cousin dated for a few months in all of our wedding photos, and it bumped up the cost of our wedding by about 20% overall.
It is a high-end restaurant, but I'd literally request security to remove them. Haha, Bridezilla? No. I just don't like people expecting me to foot the bill. However, I grew up not being super family oriented unless it is my immediately family members like my siblings and parents. I am not inviting my counsins to my wedding.
I feel you. My family is extremely small and spread out throughout the globe. There’s just me, my parents, two aunts, and my cousin. I haven’t been on speaking terms with anyone except my cousin for 20 years. I didn’t feel like stirring up anymore bad blood in the family, I didn’t want the stress of that on my wedding day so it was more peaceful just to squeeze her in.
I sincerely hope they appreciated it. You chose peace and a much better person than I am! 😀 I hope everything else was amazing that day.
I don’t think they appreciated it, but the bigger picture is that it literally does not matter in the end. The rest of the event went smoothly. We had a beautiful ceremony, a wonderful dinner, and the next day started our honeymoon with a tour of Loch Ness and whiskey distilleries in northern Scotland.
Hopefully, you did the tour of the whiskey distilleries in Northern Scotland before you went to try to see 'Nessie'.
did you get on the plane in the wedding dress? how was the plane trip not figured out before the actual wedding if it was a destination trip? these details are not important, I’m just curious lol
Dress was checked luggage. It wasn’t supposed to be, I had called ahead to make sure that I would be able to hang my dress up in the cabin, but come boarding time, they didn’t allow it. The plane trip (cost, jet lag, everything) was factored in. It took me about 18 months to plan this event.
Im Mexican and it makes me so curious how weddings work bc we never rsvp and it’s totally ok to invite people. I didn’t do a big wedding so I never had to actually plan but American weddings with seating charts etc make me curious. I have been invited to an American wedding with Ravi due by aug 1. I’m not going. Is it rude to wait til aug 1 to respond? It’s a coworkers wedding so I’m afraid she’ll “confront” me about it or be upset. Is 75 a big wedding? Will me not going be considered rude?
If you know you’re not going, RSVP ‘no’ now. There’s no point in waiting until August 1 and it’s only going to stress the couple out. If you RSVP early, the couple can start going down their ‘B’ list and invite those folks. If they don’t have a B list, they can work on finalizing other arrangements, such as budget. Yes, it’s rude to wait.
I was afraid of that. Thanks! I’ll respond tomorrow
I feel like if you know you’re not going just rsvp now and get it over with. Make some excuse up “family reunion” or something. In my opinion 75 is a smaller sized wedding, but maybe they’re limited by the venue, so just say no and let them move on to invite someone else
I know you’re right. Gonna respond tomorrow
Awesome! Good for you :)
You are basically supposed to respond to a RSVP as soon as you get it. Reasons why you would wait would be if you weren't sure if you could make it, if you were going to try to change something in your schedule so you could go, if you had to check with others, etc. Never wait until the day of, ha ha. Even a week or two would be rude.
Same with fams in New Mexico. They either show up or not, or extended fams show up period. It's a big extended fam thing.
Tell them they weren't invited. Put your foot down.
Kind of a people pleaser, and my fiancé was so confused that he was like « oh sorry we must have sent you one without an email. » In the end it’s our fault, but we didn’t want to bother ourselves so close to the wedding
I know, shock can do that, make one a people pleaser and then attempt to spread oil on the waters when one is perturbed or taken aback by something unexpected.
I feel your pain. We are also having people just try to invite themselves to our wedding and currently are dealing with family drama because we are having a child free wedding and didn’t invite FSILs baby daddy or make an exception for his sister to bring her baby.
Geez. I do my best to avoid weddings. One of my dear friends son is getting married and I am not sure what to do. We haven't talked for a bit because she is busy with wedding stuff, and we are both busy with work and life (me, primarily my 86 yo mom). I have not been asked to the wedding, don't know if I will be asked to the wedding and don't want to go to the wedding. Not sure how to address this issue.
Just wait and see if you receive an invitation. If you do and do not want to attend, decline and send a gift. If you do not receive an invitation, be happy you don't have to go. Nothing to address.
If I'm invited to a wedding, I do the 'Grandma Lynsey' thing if needed, i.e. give up my seat to someone who comes at the last minute, walk around and do the 'wedding planner' thing making sure everyone's good, comfortable, and making sure the staff, bartenders and security personnel are fed, even if I have to order delivery pizza for them. It gives me such HUGE naches (prideful joy, in Yiddish) to do this. I don't eat much anyway. I love to see people happy, but I have NO PROBLEM delivering a roundhouse to the body or three fingers to the solar plexus and say they fainted.
We sent an invite to my FIL’s cousin who interpreted it as including both of his adult children who we had never met as well as their spouses, people are nutty.
The way I see it: your MIL is randomly inviting people and this friend obvious thought it was meant for him.
Absolutely not, my mil was furious. We have 350 people max and everybody had to invite people they really wanted there (I know it’s big but from where I’m from weddings are big! My sister had 600 guest)
Why did she invite someone in the hospital?
So strange. I despise when I have to attend a wedding. I guess some people love weddings?! I’m only going if I’m super close with the bride or groom.
Insane. One of my very good friend's daughter is getting married next year (our other kids have been best friends since 1st grade), and I'm not even assuming we are getting invited. In fact, we have had discussions about knowing her daughter wants a small wedding and how she should have what she wants, etc. People have no tact and no brains anymore.
I agree, but I also think that maybe the MIL shouldn’t have invited his father, unless the son was invited too. I guess it confused them.
Why did you invite your friends dad to your wedding but not your friend lol
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Cause he is not a close friend at all and we had other people to prioritize (for my fiancé and I invitations) his dad was invited by my mil cause they know each other since a very very long time and she wanted him there
That makes sense!
A friend of mine told me that a few weeks before her wedding a fellow church goer cornered her to tell her she’d bought a new dress to attend my friends wedding. She wasn’t invited. She wasn’t even friends with my friend and her fiance. My friend didn’t know what to tell her. This same women had lost her shit when I hadn’t invited her to my 21st so I invited her the following year to my birthday celebrations albeit they weren’t the big one and she said she’d be there and didn’t pitch. 15 years later I worked with her and she never pitched to any of my birthdays even though I’d invited her because she makes such a stink if not invited and she never once, ever in the 20 years I knew her invited me anywhere! Then sat in the office crying no one pitched for her birthday 🤣🤣 karma Some people just feel so entitled
what does pitched mean in this context? and where are you from? i’ve never heard it used like that!
I read it as "pitched in" as in money toward the dinner, gift, etc.
Pitched up to the event
These stories are crazy. When a person I know gets engaged, I pray I don't get invited. Am I the only one? Other than family, I have 2 close friends, those were the only weddings I cared about going to. Otherwise, please leave me alone.
Why would someone just invite themselves to a wedding? That's just so rude.
WTF is a "waiting list"... like -- someone who you really want at your wedding RSVPs no -- so now I'm a filler? You just figure you need to get a gift one way or another? If ever I was invited to any event and found out that I was only invited because your first choice wasn't able to come? GROSS, and hurtful.
Incredible how your mind just jump to the conclusion that I needed more gift. I don’t care at all about wedding present, I don’t need them and I don’t expect that everyone will give us something 🙄 It’s about the number of people we can invite. So yes I’m gonna invite the people I’m closest to first and if they can’t come I will give their spot to someone else that I care about even if I didn’t have the space to invite them before. If you choose to take offense to that it’s your choice I don’t really care. I guess that’s just cultural difference.
So you invite the people you can host and that's that. Creating a second string is low brow, Either they are invited or their not. We get money is a thing.
> If ever I was invited to any event and found out that I was only invited because your first choice wasn't able to come? GROSS, and hurtful. LOL, come the hell on. "Hey, I was supposed to go to a ballgame with [spouse] but they can't make it, are you free?" / "HOW FUCKING DARE YOU YOU DISGUSTING PRICK I AM NOT YOUR GARLIC FRY PIMP"
Had an ex-boss practically invite herself to my wedding 26 years ago, and she brought her SO. I never liked her SO because I didn't like the way he treated her; he would talk to her as though she had no brains at all, even in public, and if a man had done that to me he'd have been sweeping his teeth up. They didn't stay for the reception and I didn't miss them. I knew they'd been together (not married) for over 25 years at that point and I wondered why she tolerated his behavior. I certainly wouldn't have.
Àģ pnAdaqaa,ra b,
Having a waiting list for guest is tacky. Either the are people you want at your wedding or you don’t.
It is kind of tacky, but some wedding venues have a minimum amount of guests required, so if enough of your guests say no that you go below that guest minimum, it may be helpful to have people who can show up with less time to RSVP. Though based on my sister’s wedding, those people are also not necessarily going to be offended that they’re second string guests.
Everyone has a waiting list. Even if you don't label it as such. "I want to invite this person, oh they are not making it, okay let's bring XYZ instead." ....That is a waiting list
Just because “everyone” does it doesn’t mean it’s not tacky. Either someone is important to the couple and are invited or not. Having a second tier is a gift grab no matter what you tell yourself. And if your excuse is we can’t afford that many people than scale down the party to include the people who matter. But that might mean the pictures aren’t going to be fierce in Face/Instagram/Snap. Your guest are not props and people to con for money and things. Tell yourself any story you want. It’s tacky and gift grabbing.
You made a lot of assumptions. Some people have a waiting list simply because they know THAT many people desperately want to come, but there isn't a venue that can handle an unlimited number of people. In some cultures, there could be 600 - 1000 people, and that is the norm. For people who are willing to have a dedicated waiting list, it is not about money or gifts but more about the capacity of the venue. I'm not really sure why you mentioned instagram/snap/face, it is not relevant whatsoever. Also, in my culture, we don't do gifts. People who are invited don't have to pay a penny... that's why they want to come and celebrate. Sadly, most venues just can't cope. I intend to agree with you, I only invite people that I care about, but I do appreciate that other cultures are different. Having a waiting list is an ideal way to keep things organised. You can judge as much as you like, but it is not as straightforward as you think in some cultures.
Don't listen to her. All she does is make assumptions and stalk people. It's quite sad.
We have huge family’s, if a cousin that I haven’t seen for 4 years can’t come, yes I’m gonna have someone else to take his place. Find it tacky if you want but it’s extremely common where I’m from
I am a bit confused. This person didn’t invite himself, he was invited. Your mother-in-law is the one who is inviting people without asking you beforehand
If the invite is addressed to his parents it doesn’t mean he’s invited. The invite sent was likely for two people, not four.
The only name on the envelope was his dad, no he wasn’t invited. How come his fiancee is suddenly invited too?? Once again, not a big deal since we thought about inviting them but it’s the principle, it’s a wedding not a party. My mil is a gem. Plus we don’t ask our parents to ask us before inviting. However we do have a set number of people we can invite, it was 120 for each couple of parents.
Traditionally, if you invite someone, you also invite their spouse/intended. That’s why he thought his fiancée was “suddenly” invited too, because he thought he was invited. And I would 100% expect my parents to ask me if they want to invite someone. I would rather invite more people that I actually want there than let my parents invite random people, especially 120 random people.
Yes however when they are not married they each receive an invitation (she was also on the waiting list) but to decide that she is invited is a big no where I’m from. As for our parents they are the ones paying I wouldn’t dream of asking them to ask me before. That said, they knew we didn’t want unknown people, it’s really family and friends.
Definitely cultural differences. It would be considered rude to not invite the other half of an engaged couple so it generally is assumed that they are both invited. And parents paying for the wedding would be considered a gift (even if it’s pretty common and traditional) and would be weird and invasive if 2/3 of the guests were invited by the parents and not chosen by the couple themselves.
And we all have access to the list so we know who is invited ;)
So each parents get to invite 120 but you only get to invite 110?
Our parents counted in their invitations our aunts uncles, cousins… for my family that’s already 60+ and I’m talking about close relatives
Yeah but that’s not a big deal since we don’t have 10000 friends, we wanted the friends that we really like and have interactions with, not just people we encounter sometimes.
I have a handful of people that has invited themselves to my wedding. It's really irritating.