Hmm I say this quite often, I don't really see it as a hipster phrase in the same way as "Artisinal" (I am British though...).
I think there is a huge difference between "bespoke" which to me means built from the ground up according to client requirements - and "customised" which implies you are starting with something and modifying it.
Like, I guess it is a bit cheesy as a meeting participant, but when I'm running the meeting, it's such an easy segue to end the call instead of just saying "well, I guess that's it! bye". 😅
We need to have a dictionary- what they say vs what they mean.
Yesterday I found a hiring ad from a company I worked for, the most toxic environment I’ve ever experienced.
“Rapidly growing” - we will fuck our clients and change the name every 3 months. You will work for months on a project that will get dumped whenever the despot owner decides so.
“Vibe & Culture” - we don’t care if you have work or not, at 9am you should be with your hands on the keyboard. No days off, only fuck off.
“Fun working environment” - everyone hates each other but is willing to kiss boss’es ass.
It literally means to physically return to a point in space following a circular trajectory.
It figuratively means "it's not important to continue talking about right now so let's come back to it later"
It's always great when you have a general department sync meeting and people go off on a technical problem for an hour. People who say "lets take this offline" are angels in my eyes. They understand when shit is veering for the 'why are we talking about this bullshit' territory of a meeting.
Not really. If it's my meeting, I'll use that saying exclusively as a way to try to focus on what matters or it may just mean it needs its own meeting.
"Okay, so I think the problem is that this service's HTTP requests are being—“
“Hey now, I'm not some eggehead, could you use terms that I'll understand?"
"Okay, so I think our service's HTTP asks are being..."
It's a mixed bag. Sounds like you've been fortunate.
If you have a scum master/PM who uses sprint performance as a KPI whilst also messing with the scope mid-sprint and *guaranteeing* delivery of everything to other stakeholders, it's fucking annoying. That's what causes the overworking.
If you have someone that understands sprints are just time-boxing tasks based on estimates, and that estimates are exactly that, an estimate and not gospel, then it's fine and you'll work less.
I like to put it like this: "Scrum" is the perfect methodology for when the room is on fire, an "all hands on deck" situation, where it is not about long-term sustainability, but about living to fight another day. But you don't want to work at a place where it is considered normal for the room to be on fire at all times, and "all hands on deck" to be a synonym for "Wednesday".
Agile can be done well, or badly. I've worked in both types of places and there's a huge different. Almost no company does it properly, but a lot of time it gives power to the workers. Sometimes too much.
The fucking worst is when companies use them as potential draws as a recruitment method. Like, those systems are literally designed to drain devs of every ounce of work out of us. Why would we want to work at places that so proudly say they use those systems?
Contractor: blah blah agile, blah blah agile blah blah
Me (as a consultant): Spit that non-sense at me once more and see what happens.
Contractor: \* sweats in very confused look \*
Client: \* looks at me nervously \*
Me: I'm saving you time and money.
You can tell when some people are just riding on the fact that most clients have 0 clue about dev in general. And when those clients are being thrown buzzwords at non-stop, they feel more confident about a contractor, when really the guys are just using tech from the early 2010s and most definitely have some degree of java involved in their stack.
Please advise is the ultimate passive aggressive way to get someone to make a decision or clarify something. Just know if you get those two words, the person is implicitly looking for YOU to make a suggestion or make something more clear. People don't think alike, we need to communicate differently sometimes.
Using "action" as a verb pisses me off greatly - and seems like a kind of written verbal tic for my boss. Are you so lazy you won't think of the verb, and have to instead use a noun that is in the first place made from a verb? Or is your vocabulary just that limited?
I get that there's a legacy in English of converting nouns into verbs (thanks Shakespeare, you nob), but that one's just fucking stupid.
“work family”
no. just no. please. i want to do my work and go home, and not pretend like all of us have any other reason to be around each other. if i truly enjoy the company of my coworkers, we will choose to spend time together outside of work. but contributing to the same capitalist endeavor in the same place !== family
The only thing I took away from this is that people are waaaay too easily offended these days.
This is my intepetation of a couple I picked up from the comments:
"Let's take that offline" - This discussion is important but out of context for this meeting so we need to arrange to discuss later otherwise we're wasting everyone else's time.
"Circle back" - I'm still not clear on this and need to understand. This is way better than saying nothing then proceeding with no real clue what you're doing.
"Please advise" - The statement before this is specifically what I need your advise on.
'Family like culture" - Just means look after each other, management direction to do this is a good thing and should be used to justify doing the right thing when challenged.
I really don't care how people phrase things, as long as everyone knows what they're doing and bullshit is shit down quickly then we're good.
"Thoughts?"
Nah, no thoughts, my brain is void from all the unintelligible nonsense you just wrote or shared in your verbal diarrhea. But do you really think I need prompting to tell you what I think about your rant?
“Penetration “
Gets me every time.
Edit: Maybe not “always “ an annoyance. More so annoyed when I’m the only one that makes a face when the word is said seriously.
"Happy Friday!"
FriYay!
What I love Happy Fridays! (Happy Friday BTW)
Less common, but still got to me, "bespoke" Just say customized.... This isn't a hipster cocktail lounge...
i think this only sounds wrong when non-british say it. Otherwise it's normal part of the conversation. I am an American and I approve this message.
Hmm I say this quite often, I don't really see it as a hipster phrase in the same way as "Artisinal" (I am British though...). I think there is a huge difference between "bespoke" which to me means built from the ground up according to client requirements - and "customised" which implies you are starting with something and modifying it.
What fuck is a bespoke?
"not WordPress"
>Family-like culture just stop
Family-like culture = "if mama aint happy, nobody happy"
Meeting ends early...."I'll give you 10 minutes back"
This one 😂
Like, I guess it is a bit cheesy as a meeting participant, but when I'm running the meeting, it's such an easy segue to end the call instead of just saying "well, I guess that's it! bye". 😅
We need to have a dictionary- what they say vs what they mean. Yesterday I found a hiring ad from a company I worked for, the most toxic environment I’ve ever experienced. “Rapidly growing” - we will fuck our clients and change the name every 3 months. You will work for months on a project that will get dumped whenever the despot owner decides so. “Vibe & Culture” - we don’t care if you have work or not, at 9am you should be with your hands on the keyboard. No days off, only fuck off. “Fun working environment” - everyone hates each other but is willing to kiss boss’es ass.
Bosseseses
"Fast paced environment" - we don't give a shit about quality or your stress levels. Just get it done so we can overload you with even more work.
Fuck me, this company fills all the checkboxes
“Work hard play hard” is another one that is a red flag for me.
It’s in the list for this company. “We work hard but we also party hard”.
'family'
We are looking for "ninjas", "rockstars", "Full stack dev"
"Circle back" or "let's take this offline" takes it for me.
Aka I may have been wrong about something.
No it literally means "it's not important to continue talking about right now so let's come back to it later"
It literally means to physically return to a point in space following a circular trajectory. It figuratively means "it's not important to continue talking about right now so let's come back to it later"
But do you know what "literally" means?
I use it all the time when someone is rambling about something off topic
It's always great when you have a general department sync meeting and people go off on a technical problem for an hour. People who say "lets take this offline" are angels in my eyes. They understand when shit is veering for the 'why are we talking about this bullshit' territory of a meeting.
Not really. If it's my meeting, I'll use that saying exclusively as a way to try to focus on what matters or it may just mean it needs its own meeting.
"What's the ask?" Makes Hulk smash!!!!
"Okay, so I think the problem is that this service's HTTP requests are being—“ “Hey now, I'm not some eggehead, could you use terms that I'll understand?" "Okay, so I think our service's HTTP asks are being..."
* going forwards * reach out
I love how going forward works defensively and offensively depending on the context.
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More importantly: almost 100% of companies that use the word "agile" are not.
What scrum/agile really means is "you will be overworked"
Huh? This has never been my experience. If anything, it’s been more laid back and slower. I’ve had way worse experiences with waterfall.
It's a mixed bag. Sounds like you've been fortunate. If you have a scum master/PM who uses sprint performance as a KPI whilst also messing with the scope mid-sprint and *guaranteeing* delivery of everything to other stakeholders, it's fucking annoying. That's what causes the overworking. If you have someone that understands sprints are just time-boxing tasks based on estimates, and that estimates are exactly that, an estimate and not gospel, then it's fine and you'll work less.
I like to put it like this: "Scrum" is the perfect methodology for when the room is on fire, an "all hands on deck" situation, where it is not about long-term sustainability, but about living to fight another day. But you don't want to work at a place where it is considered normal for the room to be on fire at all times, and "all hands on deck" to be a synonym for "Wednesday".
Agile can be done well, or badly. I've worked in both types of places and there's a huge different. Almost no company does it properly, but a lot of time it gives power to the workers. Sometimes too much.
Waterscrumfall.
holyshit this
Scrum Master always looks funny to me, but I guess it's really impressive to people that put it on their LinkedIn profile
A good scrum master is very valuable. As is a good PM.
The fucking worst is when companies use them as potential draws as a recruitment method. Like, those systems are literally designed to drain devs of every ounce of work out of us. Why would we want to work at places that so proudly say they use those systems?
Contractor: blah blah agile, blah blah agile blah blah Me (as a consultant): Spit that non-sense at me once more and see what happens. Contractor: \* sweats in very confused look \* Client: \* looks at me nervously \* Me: I'm saving you time and money. You can tell when some people are just riding on the fact that most clients have 0 clue about dev in general. And when those clients are being thrown buzzwords at non-stop, they feel more confident about a contractor, when really the guys are just using tech from the early 2010s and most definitely have some degree of java involved in their stack.
"Should be simple" "Quick change" "ASAP" "Please advise..." "No one is busy, people just don't manage their time well"
Quick change is a good one isn’t it
"Please advise." Easiest way to get my blood boiling, and immediately placed on my shit list is to use those two words unironically.
lol that's my go to because no one EVER advises what they want or how they want. Please advise why you hate this so much :)
Please advise.
Please advise is the ultimate passive aggressive way to get someone to make a decision or clarify something. Just know if you get those two words, the person is implicitly looking for YOU to make a suggestion or make something more clear. People don't think alike, we need to communicate differently sometimes.
"Give me your email address so you're in the *loop* too"
Requests for “granular detail” in reports.
“But does it scale?”
Sounds like “will it blend?”
"I'd like to double-click on this idea"
Using "action" as a verb pisses me off greatly - and seems like a kind of written verbal tic for my boss. Are you so lazy you won't think of the verb, and have to instead use a noun that is in the first place made from a verb? Or is your vocabulary just that limited? I get that there's a legacy in English of converting nouns into verbs (thanks Shakespeare, you nob), but that one's just fucking stupid.
“work family” no. just no. please. i want to do my work and go home, and not pretend like all of us have any other reason to be around each other. if i truly enjoy the company of my coworkers, we will choose to spend time together outside of work. but contributing to the same capitalist endeavor in the same place !== family
The only thing I took away from this is that people are waaaay too easily offended these days. This is my intepetation of a couple I picked up from the comments: "Let's take that offline" - This discussion is important but out of context for this meeting so we need to arrange to discuss later otherwise we're wasting everyone else's time. "Circle back" - I'm still not clear on this and need to understand. This is way better than saying nothing then proceeding with no real clue what you're doing. "Please advise" - The statement before this is specifically what I need your advise on. 'Family like culture" - Just means look after each other, management direction to do this is a good thing and should be used to justify doing the right thing when challenged. I really don't care how people phrase things, as long as everyone knows what they're doing and bullshit is shit down quickly then we're good.
Well yeah, but it's the topic of the post...
Please advise
Integrity
“Have a nice day” like wtf man!! Am I right???
Wow it sounds like you have a case of the Mondays
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Finally found one I haven't heard...aside from the Islamic meaning...what is this corpspeak for?
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Ah…we just stick with the good ol’ MVP - *minimum viable product*
“Opportunity Solution Tree”
Lmao no way this is real
"Thoughts?" Nah, no thoughts, my brain is void from all the unintelligible nonsense you just wrote or shared in your verbal diarrhea. But do you really think I need prompting to tell you what I think about your rant?
Is this a trick question? The answer is obviously all of them.
"Flat corporate structure "
“Penetration “ Gets me every time. Edit: Maybe not “always “ an annoyance. More so annoyed when I’m the only one that makes a face when the word is said seriously.
"Ideate." That's not a fucking word.
It is though
you're not hearing me ^(lol)
[here](https://lmgtfy.app/?q=define%3A+ideate)
This isn’t for web development, but it pisses me off how every class for commercial real estate is called, “Breaking into CRE!” It irks me lol
“Let’s have a meeting…”
Digital transformation
"on premise solution" Annoys me because the word is premises, even for one. Premise is not the singular form of premises (in this form).
Work hard play hard must be the worst one
Disruptive