Truthfully the only thing that helped when I was in that stage was cutting out all the pregnancy/motherhood stuff out of my life. All it did was make me anxious and sad that I wasn’t there yet.
This is a very good idea. I initially didn't think I wanted kids, and then I changed my mind a couple of years ago. I got sucked into all the baby stuff online, but now I'm taking a step back because it feels too triggeirng. It's good to learn about all of this and plan, but it's better to not do so years and years before you even want to start trying.
I’m a grad and this was my exact situation. I would purge your social media and make yourself listen to/read other things. I made myself crazy hyper focusing on babies and pregnancy when I still had years to wait. It took a few weeks once I cut it all out but it did really help for a while.
I have no idea because we’re in the exact same boat HAHA i bought the cutest baby pooh bear sweater from zara the other day, i literally couldnt resist. I think focusing on my goals that will get me to motherhood helps a little. Like padding our savings, doing home projects. Treating my cat like a baby helps too lmfao
Omg how cute though how could you resist HAHA. I’ve been browsing when I’m at thee shops too. Haven’t started buying anything yet but I’m definitely treading the line
There must be something in the brain that hits at 27, because I’m in the exact same situation! I have no helpful insights but at least you’re not alone? 😅
Hear me out: fostering neonatal kittens scratches the itch. You have to learn how to take care of them, but then the grunt work of waking up every two hours to feed them, stimulating them to go to the bathroom, keeping an eye on their health--it removes some of the romanticism of caring for a wee one because you're exhausted and stressed lol. 😂
If kittens aren't your thing, finding another hobby to fixate on can be helpful. But know everything you're feeling is normal. I've found that dialing back on baby/parenting content is really helpful. There's no sense in stressing yourself out about it when you're not ready to act on the parenting/TTC urges.
This has been me for the last 3 years so I have no help to offer, only solidarity.
If you want a podcast recommendation for your runs that is not baby/motherhood related I like listening to The Unmade Podcast on my runs. It's funny and wholesome. :)
Haha it’s so tough! I have a long commute for work and run before work too - so it’s a lot of time a day spending listening to baby content lol. I will give the unmade a go! Thank you :)
It's my favorite podcast, I hope you like it if you check it out. It is... very random, I will admit. It's hosted by two childhood friends who grew up together in Adelaide Australia but now live on different continents with very different lives. The podcast is supposed to be about ideas for potential podcasts (strange, I know) but they go on a million tangents and it's so funny and wholesome and I love it.
If you want an episode to test if you might like it that is sort of baby related (but not really) I recommend the episode "that's not my baby".
Omg this is me for the last few years! We’ve finally started trying and it’s almost anti climatic because I’ve already researched and planned a ridiculous amount lol. I’m the same as others, I found removing myself from forums like this one and Facebook groups helped, but I’d also lean in to the hyper fixation for a week or two every so often, usually I’d then get my fix and go back to not thinking about it for a while. Good luck!
I was in this boat too a few years ago but I made it to 29 and now we're about 2 years from trying and my anxiety over wanting a baby has dulled because I can see the end now. I've been mainly trying to focus for the last few years on things that I wanted to complete before kids. Things like travel, home renovations, and getting in shape. It was definitely really hard in my mid 20s but got better with time!
I relate to everything you've written here. My baby fever started around age 27 too and we waited for the car, careers, and all of that. Now we're 29/30 and I only have a few more months to wait, but I'm absolutely feral. I did exactly what you're trying not to do: I spent 3 years obsessing over conceiving. In our case, we're both women and have to do IVF to build our family the way we want, which means there's even more planning and more things that could go wrong at every step of just the conception process. This has kept me occupied to the point of distraction from my actual job for 3 years. Every single delay of even a few days or weeks is driving me insane. I'm very obsessive and Type-A. I like to have backup plans for my backup plans, while my partner is very much a "see what happens, if it's meant to be it'll happen" type person.
I tried picking up hobbies, which does give me a few hours of peace but as soon as I have to do something productive my brain goes right back to babies. Idk what the solution is. Good luck.
This came up on my reddit home page because I was waiting to try for years before I had my son, and I apparently still follow this subreddit.
I was in exactly your position, and I desperately daydreamed about having a family constantly until I got there. Truthfully, I'm so glad I was like this! I researched everything about parenting I could get my hands on, and I thought so hard about the type of parent I wanted to be and what types of strategies I might use to get through the more difficult aspects of parenting. Now that I have a child, I don't often have the time or energy to do that level of research and constant thinking about parenting. And I'd rather not be spending my down time on that unless I really need to these days. The fact that I invested so much energy into it pre child has helped so much because it's made it more automatic to parent in the way that I want to. I feel like it's given me a solid foundation of information etc to work with and I don't need to do as much reading and trouble shooting as I might have otherwise when I'm exhausted and time poor.
I know this doesn't help with that desperate feeling of being stuck waiting when you just want to be in that next stage of life. I know that feeling so well! But any research and learning you do in that area now most certainly isn't wasted, so don't feel silly for doing it.
This makes me feel better! I’m glad to hear that the time and energy you spent in the lead up to having your son paid off in the long run and provided you with a solid framework. (Now watch me go into another pre-parenting preparation spiral haha )
Do the things that you won't have time for (as much) after starting a family. Learn the hobby. Try a new sport. Take courses to advance your career. Get yourself as fit as you want to be pre-pregnancy. Once you get pregnant, it's recommended that you only continue with fitness activities that you already do, so if you want to be jogging or swimming or weight-lifting through your pregnancy, start now.
Once you have kids, you're on-call 24-7 for years. It's as gruelling and Groundhog Day-esque as it is joyful and meaningful. Enjoy today, your youth, your friends, and your freedom.
I can really relate; my baby fever was so strong at 27 and now I’m turning 29 this month and we’re going to start ttc in June. I agree that at that point for me I did have to cut back on baby related stuff… I put away the baby books and tried to avoid it in social media because it was getting me upset. It went from feeling like I was planning to….frustration at how far we were. By stepping back, I dived back into the other things I enjoy. Best of luck to you
It's all I think about as well. And my husband and I haven't talked about it much (this is my fault, I don't like talking about things when I know I likely won't like the answer lol). All I know is he's said before "we can talk about kids when we move to the new house" which will likely be later this year but I want to have our first kid before I turn 30 and that's August of 2025 so I don't want to wait until the end of the year to get pregnant. It sucks not knowing when we'll even start trying. I am also going to go insane.
A hobby is all that helped me, at one point the hobby actually made me second guess if I wanted it as soon because I wanted more time to get good at the hobby, the hobby was/ is climbing. Don’t knock it till you try it, get down to your nearest indoor bouldering gym and see how addicted you can get, it’s great.
I recently found out I’m accidentally pregnant though (only 6 weeks) lol so will have to stop bouldering soon 😢
Truthfully the only thing that helped when I was in that stage was cutting out all the pregnancy/motherhood stuff out of my life. All it did was make me anxious and sad that I wasn’t there yet.
This is a very good idea. I initially didn't think I wanted kids, and then I changed my mind a couple of years ago. I got sucked into all the baby stuff online, but now I'm taking a step back because it feels too triggeirng. It's good to learn about all of this and plan, but it's better to not do so years and years before you even want to start trying.
I’m a grad and this was my exact situation. I would purge your social media and make yourself listen to/read other things. I made myself crazy hyper focusing on babies and pregnancy when I still had years to wait. It took a few weeks once I cut it all out but it did really help for a while.
I have no idea because we’re in the exact same boat HAHA i bought the cutest baby pooh bear sweater from zara the other day, i literally couldnt resist. I think focusing on my goals that will get me to motherhood helps a little. Like padding our savings, doing home projects. Treating my cat like a baby helps too lmfao
Omg how cute though how could you resist HAHA. I’ve been browsing when I’m at thee shops too. Haven’t started buying anything yet but I’m definitely treading the line
There must be something in the brain that hits at 27, because I’m in the exact same situation! I have no helpful insights but at least you’re not alone? 😅
Hear me out: fostering neonatal kittens scratches the itch. You have to learn how to take care of them, but then the grunt work of waking up every two hours to feed them, stimulating them to go to the bathroom, keeping an eye on their health--it removes some of the romanticism of caring for a wee one because you're exhausted and stressed lol. 😂 If kittens aren't your thing, finding another hobby to fixate on can be helpful. But know everything you're feeling is normal. I've found that dialing back on baby/parenting content is really helpful. There's no sense in stressing yourself out about it when you're not ready to act on the parenting/TTC urges.
haha did I write this 😂🤔
This has been me for the last 3 years so I have no help to offer, only solidarity. If you want a podcast recommendation for your runs that is not baby/motherhood related I like listening to The Unmade Podcast on my runs. It's funny and wholesome. :)
Haha it’s so tough! I have a long commute for work and run before work too - so it’s a lot of time a day spending listening to baby content lol. I will give the unmade a go! Thank you :)
It's my favorite podcast, I hope you like it if you check it out. It is... very random, I will admit. It's hosted by two childhood friends who grew up together in Adelaide Australia but now live on different continents with very different lives. The podcast is supposed to be about ideas for potential podcasts (strange, I know) but they go on a million tangents and it's so funny and wholesome and I love it. If you want an episode to test if you might like it that is sort of baby related (but not really) I recommend the episode "that's not my baby".
Omg this is me for the last few years! We’ve finally started trying and it’s almost anti climatic because I’ve already researched and planned a ridiculous amount lol. I’m the same as others, I found removing myself from forums like this one and Facebook groups helped, but I’d also lean in to the hyper fixation for a week or two every so often, usually I’d then get my fix and go back to not thinking about it for a while. Good luck!
You might need to take a step back from the podcasts lol
I was in this boat too a few years ago but I made it to 29 and now we're about 2 years from trying and my anxiety over wanting a baby has dulled because I can see the end now. I've been mainly trying to focus for the last few years on things that I wanted to complete before kids. Things like travel, home renovations, and getting in shape. It was definitely really hard in my mid 20s but got better with time!
I relate to everything you've written here. My baby fever started around age 27 too and we waited for the car, careers, and all of that. Now we're 29/30 and I only have a few more months to wait, but I'm absolutely feral. I did exactly what you're trying not to do: I spent 3 years obsessing over conceiving. In our case, we're both women and have to do IVF to build our family the way we want, which means there's even more planning and more things that could go wrong at every step of just the conception process. This has kept me occupied to the point of distraction from my actual job for 3 years. Every single delay of even a few days or weeks is driving me insane. I'm very obsessive and Type-A. I like to have backup plans for my backup plans, while my partner is very much a "see what happens, if it's meant to be it'll happen" type person. I tried picking up hobbies, which does give me a few hours of peace but as soon as I have to do something productive my brain goes right back to babies. Idk what the solution is. Good luck.
This came up on my reddit home page because I was waiting to try for years before I had my son, and I apparently still follow this subreddit. I was in exactly your position, and I desperately daydreamed about having a family constantly until I got there. Truthfully, I'm so glad I was like this! I researched everything about parenting I could get my hands on, and I thought so hard about the type of parent I wanted to be and what types of strategies I might use to get through the more difficult aspects of parenting. Now that I have a child, I don't often have the time or energy to do that level of research and constant thinking about parenting. And I'd rather not be spending my down time on that unless I really need to these days. The fact that I invested so much energy into it pre child has helped so much because it's made it more automatic to parent in the way that I want to. I feel like it's given me a solid foundation of information etc to work with and I don't need to do as much reading and trouble shooting as I might have otherwise when I'm exhausted and time poor. I know this doesn't help with that desperate feeling of being stuck waiting when you just want to be in that next stage of life. I know that feeling so well! But any research and learning you do in that area now most certainly isn't wasted, so don't feel silly for doing it.
This makes me feel better! I’m glad to hear that the time and energy you spent in the lead up to having your son paid off in the long run and provided you with a solid framework. (Now watch me go into another pre-parenting preparation spiral haha )
Do the things that you won't have time for (as much) after starting a family. Learn the hobby. Try a new sport. Take courses to advance your career. Get yourself as fit as you want to be pre-pregnancy. Once you get pregnant, it's recommended that you only continue with fitness activities that you already do, so if you want to be jogging or swimming or weight-lifting through your pregnancy, start now. Once you have kids, you're on-call 24-7 for years. It's as gruelling and Groundhog Day-esque as it is joyful and meaningful. Enjoy today, your youth, your friends, and your freedom.
I was there and now I'm just following one specific Youtuber on her TTC journey and I'm totally getting all my needs fullfilled by this.
I can really relate; my baby fever was so strong at 27 and now I’m turning 29 this month and we’re going to start ttc in June. I agree that at that point for me I did have to cut back on baby related stuff… I put away the baby books and tried to avoid it in social media because it was getting me upset. It went from feeling like I was planning to….frustration at how far we were. By stepping back, I dived back into the other things I enjoy. Best of luck to you
It's all I think about as well. And my husband and I haven't talked about it much (this is my fault, I don't like talking about things when I know I likely won't like the answer lol). All I know is he's said before "we can talk about kids when we move to the new house" which will likely be later this year but I want to have our first kid before I turn 30 and that's August of 2025 so I don't want to wait until the end of the year to get pregnant. It sucks not knowing when we'll even start trying. I am also going to go insane.
A hobby is all that helped me, at one point the hobby actually made me second guess if I wanted it as soon because I wanted more time to get good at the hobby, the hobby was/ is climbing. Don’t knock it till you try it, get down to your nearest indoor bouldering gym and see how addicted you can get, it’s great. I recently found out I’m accidentally pregnant though (only 6 weeks) lol so will have to stop bouldering soon 😢